All language subtitles for tales_of_the_unexpected_s06e10_the_luncheon

Bill, Bill, Bill.

From your mother.

What a Bill.

Why don't you open the post in the
evening, darling?

After we've had a drink or two.

Louise, can't we make a contribution for
distressed gentlefolk?

They must be joking. That's what we are.

Oh, here's one from my publisher.

Well, don't open it.

Why not?

Perhaps the novel's taken off after all.

Well?

Publishers' figures for the last six
months.

I still haven't done my advance.

Never mind, darling.

I just don't understand it.

Reviews are good here and in America,
and yet we're just about broke.

Well, it's probably way over people's
heads. Oh, I'd aimed it somewhat lower.

Then it's before it's time.

First novels often are.

I should never have left the Foreign
Office.

Security.

Bowler hat.

Umbrella.

Hmm.

Portrait of the unsuccessful author of
The Young Man.

Paint your photographer.

Don't answer that. It's a fact.

I'm at nine o 'clock in the morning.

269. Yes, sir.

Yes, he is. Who is that, please?

Yes, would you hold on a minute?

It's for you, uh...

Susan Mandeville?

Susan Mandeville?

She's married to Mark Mandeville, the
big film producer.

Then you'd better speak to her.

Hey, maybe it's about the book.

Hello? Mr. Medway? Yes?

Hi, this is Susan Mandeville.

I don't suppose you know me from Adam?
As a matter of fact, I do know who you

are. Oh, great.

Then we can take a giant step forward.

I just rang to tell you how much I
enjoyed reading your novel.

Really?

And I was wondering if you'd, well, if
you'd care to take me to lunch one day.

Oh, yes, of course, Mrs. Mandeville. I
would ask you, but I know how gallant

Englishmen are.

You'd insist on paying.

Oh, yes, absolutely.

You see?

How does Monday look?

Oh, yes, Monday's fine.

Do you like Blundell's?

Blundell's? Yes, of course.

115?

Blundell's, 115.

Great. I'll book the table, shall I?
They know me there.

Thank you.

See you then.

Sure. Bye.

Bye -bye.

She likes the book.

Do you think her husband wants to make a
film of it? Well, I've heard he never

makes a film without her approval.

Lunch at Blundell's a bit expensive.

We'll manage.

Hey, it'll be worth it.

Just one moment, Mr Midway.

It's marvelous, all this modern
technology.

Yes, sir.

Saves a great amount of trouble.

Ah, I don't have £40 in my account.

I'm afraid not, Mr Medway.

OK, let's be bold.

Of this total, I shall draw £37.

How is Mrs Medway?

Any minute now.

What are you hoping for, boy or girl?

I don't even mind, really.

I mean, there's not so much difference
to begin with, is there?

She won't be wanting to cash a check
this afternoon, will she?

Wouldn't think so. Why?

Because after I've cashed this one, the
balance of the joint account will be

exactly 63p.

A gentleman always keeps his account in
credit.

I'm sure our manager would appreciate
that, Mr. Midway.

Good morning, sir.

Hello, I'm meeting Mrs. Mansville. I
believe she has held the table. Indeed

has, sir.

Will you therefore drink at the bar,
sir?

Or go straight to the table, perhaps?

To the table, I think.

I never drink at lunchtime. Very well,
sir. May I take your cup?

Thank you.

Would you like this one, sir?

Would you perhaps care for a mineral
water while you're waiting, sir?

Thank you. Would I turn a lemon? Very
refreshing.

Yes, indeed.

An acrominerale con limone e ghiaccio.

That should cut through the menu, sir.
Oh, yes, I will. Thank you. Thank you,

sir. Very good.

Very much.

Grapefruit salad, 170.

Roast beef, £7 .80.

Thank you.

And the captive answer?

A bit later, perhaps.

Very good, sir.

How many times do I have to tell you
about it?

Mr. Medway?

Yes. Hi, I'm Susan Mandeville.

It's so nice to meet you. I'm very
pleased to meet you.

Gosh, am I late?

No, no. I was early.

You English have the loveliest manner.

Ah,

Rinaldo. Thank

you.

Buongiorno, Signora Mandeville.

Buongiorno. Your usual, signora. Si,
Carlo.

Champagne cocktail.

Now, I'm going to call you Tony, okay?

Please do.

And you must call me Susan.

Susan. The menu, signora, madame.

Thank you.

Oh, what's on the trolley, Ronaldo?

Roast beef and Yorkshire pudding.

Oh, no, no, too much. I'll just look at
the menu.

Thank you, signora. Thank you, sir.

I'm on a new diet.

Oh, good.

I mean, uh, good.

As a matter of fact, I'm on a diet
myself.

Oh, come on, you're spitting. You're as
skinny as a beanpole.

Want to keep it that way?

Why don't you try the chef's salad? It's
very good here.

As you recommend it, that's what I'll
have.

I hope you didn't think I'd gone crazy
telephoning you like that.

No, of course not.

I'm very glad that you like the book.

I do, very much indeed.

A classic.

I've always heard that you're an
excellent judge of writing.

Oh, thank you.

Particularly of novels that would make
successful films. Hmm.

I did have quite a reputation for that.

Mind you, some of the novels I like
wouldn't make very successful films.

In which category would you place mine?

Yours?

Hmm.

Well, to be honest, I think you're
not... You ready to order, Signora

Mandeville?

Now, you mustn't laugh, Ronaldo, but
we're both on very strict diet.

That is because it is Monday, Madame.
Most of our guests are on a new diet on

Monday. Mrs. Sotas has just ordered a
slice of cold ham and two burgers.

But on Wednesday, she will be back for
the special Wednesday trolley. What's

that? You know, Signora Mandeville?

Taking kidney pudding.

Oh, yum.

Mmm.

Have you decided?

Yes. I'll have two tiny lamb cutlets
with no fat. Very good, madam.

On the pink side.

Mmm, on the pink side.

And the chai salad?

Yes, a little one.

And to start with, some smoked salmon,
perhaps?

Well, now, you know I shouldn't.

Just a sliver?

Just.

Thank you, madam.

And you, sir?

Just the chef's salad.

Nothing to start with?

Nothing. My diet, you see.

Good.

Signora.

You.

Thank you so much.

Can I say something funny?

Oh, no.

Of course not.

It's just that sitting here in a
restaurant with a clever young writer...

Reminds me of something that happened in
Los Angeles years ago. In Hollywood?

Have you been there? No, no, no. I've
always wanted to go. Aha, another film

bar. Yeah.

Oh, those old movies. I know, aren't
they great? They're so fast, they're

easy to follow. Romantic.

Did you watch The African Queen the
other night?

Yes, yes, marvellous.

Bogart and Bacall.

Bogart and Hepburn.

Lord, yes, that's right.

Don't you think that in my book... Some
wine with your meal, sir.

Susan? I don't think I should, but my
new diet... I think you... That's on

78, perhaps.

Perfect. Well, not for me, but perhaps a
half bottle?

I'm sorry, sir, there are no half
bottles.

Very well, a bottle.

Sir.

Anyway, this young writer... Thank you.

had invited me to lunch.

And I'd ordered plank steak, baked
potato with sour cream and chive.

You see, I wasn't on a diet then.

French beans, cauliflower.

Oh, and I started with a dozen blue
point oysters and had a chocolate

for dessert.

What we used to call in Tudor times a
groaning board.

Then the waiter brought the check and...
Don't tell me he didn't have enough

money to pay the bill with.

I mean, with which to pay the bill.
Exactly.

Here we are. Very embarrassing.

Oh, that looks great.

Some black pepper, madam. Please.

Anti -temperature.

Sorry? Just the thimble for.

Well. We have another glass, Carlo.

It isn't yours.

So, what happened?

Well, when I'd assessed the situation, I
made the excuse of going to the little

girl's room.

I got hold of the manager.

And he solved the problem like that.

How?

He came up to the table and he said to
this fellow with a perfectly straight

face that on Friday lunch was on the
house for everyone whose last name began

with the letter F.

Well, it couldn't have been Frederick
Forsythe.

Oh, good heavens, no.

He never needed a free lunch, has he?

No, no, it was Donald Fairweather. Oh.

F for Friday.

Today's Monday.

I'm Medway.

The point is that from that day on,
Donald Fairweather has never looked

He's had one bestseller after another.

Indeed.

I've seen this done on old British
novels.

Now, you mustn't make me laugh. Why not?

Well, a woman never forgets a man who's
made her laugh. Oh?

Well, that can't be bad.

Your help.

Tante.

Let's talk about your book.

Yes, let's.

Is it really your first novel?

Yes. That's amazing.

Your understanding of women is quite
remarkable.

You're married, of course.

Yes.

Children? Our first is very much on the
way. Oh, how nice.

Did she, uh... Did she mind your having
lunch with me today?

Oh, good heavens, no.

I mean, she understands business
lunches.

Tell me, did you find it visual?

I mean, when you read it, did it, uh,
what's the expression, jump off the

Part of it did, yeah.

Which part in particular?

I thought the confrontations between
Michael and his mistress were excellent.

Those bitter stand -up battles. My God,
how one understands them.

Excuse me.

Thank you.

The thing I really admire about your
writing is your command of... Your

of language.

It's very gripping. Thank you. And what
about characterisation?

Do you think the part of Grey is a good
acting role?

And the minister, for that matter.
Excuse me, madam. What would you like in

salad? Oh, could I have some red
cabbage, some cucumbers, and mushrooms,

Part of the minister might be. Anything
else, madam?

Yes, artichoke hearts and tomatoes.

And grace is certainly not on the side
of the angel.

Surely not the plot.

Any dressing, madam?

Yes, French dressing, please.

My God.

I guess you didn't hear me. Tell me if
you did smile to number five, papered by

the window.

Oh, Rinaldo, you remembered.

Madame.

Howdy.

Susan, honey.

Melanie, hi.

I heard you were back in the old
country. Yes, I finally made it. And

Peter? Oh, he's just fine. Oh, we were
so pleased to hear your news. Thank you.

Well.

Hello there.

Tony, this is Melanie Lipmayer. Melanie
Anthony Medway. How do you do?

Hi, honey.

Hello. Hi.

Tony's a writer. We were just discussing
his new novel.

Why, Susan Mandeville, you're still
collecting clever young authors.

What a charming way of putting it,
Melanie.

What's it called, honey?

The novel, Angels and Ministers of
Grace.

Ministers of Grace?

What on earth does that mean?

Well, you see, the heroine's name is
Grace, and she's married to a minister.

Ah, you mean she's married to a
clergyman. No, no, the other sort,

You really ought to read it, Melanie. I
think you'd both enjoy it.

Now you sit down and get on with your
drink.

Now you tell me all about it.

Is it sexy? Not for you.

Well, not really sexy. No, not in that
sense of the word.

Well, in what sense of the word, then?

Well, I mean to say there's no
gratuitous sex or violence.

It's on a higher level, Melanie. I'm not
sure you'd understand it.

What, no contorted bodies?

No groans?

Hey, doesn't anybody beat up? What's
their name, Grace?

There is a certain amount of that, yes.
How much? What, the violence, the price,

or the sex?

Why, the price, honey.

Eight pounds ninety -five.

Okay, I'll buy it.

My Bruce is away this weekend.

Oh. Oh, Sean.

This is Susan Mandeville. She and I are
very old friends.

Hi, Susan.

Hello. I'm very pleased to meet you.

Well, goodbye, Mr... Mr... Medway. I
really do look forward to reading your

book. Mind you, if Susan likes it, you
will be made.

Susan has such very good taste.

Bye, hon. Bye.

Come on, Sean.

I'm starved. I do hope we meet again.

What a character.

Yes. Is she in the film business?

Oh, good heavens, no.

No, she's married to a cattle ranch in
Texas.

Oh, not him.

Ruth.

That's where all the money is nowadays.

Are you working on anything at the
moment? Your salad, ma 'am. Thank you.

Well, it's a sort of action novel,
really.

Very little dialogue, full of action.

Something, you know, funny, fast, easy
to follow.

I wouldn't have thought that was your
style.

Excuse me, Mrs. Mandel. It still seems a
very popular format.

And a chef's salad.

I know, but that should never be a
writer's main consideration, now, should

The first rule in this business is to do
what you do best.

After all, there's only one Hitchcock.

Oh, true, but with a carefully
constructed plot.

Oh, look, they've given me four
cupboards.

They're very small.

My poor diet.

To get back to my book. Would you like
some red wine with your lamb, senora?

Mmm, lovely.

A small carafe of house red, please.

All right?

Sure. Good.

Tell me, what sort of a deal does one
get from selling a book to a film

That depends.

On what?

And whether it's a bestseller or just a
good book.

If it's a bestseller, say.

About $250 ,000.

As much as that.

And more.

Someone like Harold Robbins gets the
earth before he could spend the paper.

And for one like mine, say, what could I
expect to be of it? Reviews are good.

I think with a good agent, you might...
Hi.

I know it's rude. I'm really not saying
hello. Will you forgive me? Of course.

I'll be right back.

Everything all right, Signore?

Could you save me a poem, please,
Renaud?

Oh, Madame, I'm afraid.

Madame? Alas. Never mind. Better
without.

But I will check for you.

Hello. Hello. How are you?

Thank you.

Good luck, signora. The last one.

Oh, look at that.

Make a note. I have now abandoned my new
diet.

Coffee, madame?

Not for me. This is plenty.

Certainly. No, thank you. Keeps me awake
all afternoon.

Brandy, perhaps?

No, thank you. Figaro.

Just the bill, please.

It's delicious.

Built for table 15.

So gooey.

What, sir?

Oh, no, thank you. I thought you were
staring at your tablecloth.

Sorry, sir.

Wasn't that Stephanie Lang's book, too?

You know her?

No, no, no, no.

Super biographer she wrote of Neil
Gwynne. Thank you, sir.

I think they made a film of it.

They did, a very successful one. I
believe a Mark Mandeville production.

That's right.

It's delicious.

I've decided to put myself out of
suspense.

Hmm, sounds serious.

In your honest opinion, do you think Mr.
Mandeville would be interested in

filming my book?

Well, frankly, I don't know, Tony.

Why didn't you ask him?

He's still in that way. Yes?

Telephone. For me? Yes, sir.

Excuse me.

Hello?

Tony, it's me.

Something wrong?

Listen, I hope I'm not too late.

I'm going to the hospital.

Your what?

No, not really.

But if you told her that, then you'd
have to leave without paying the bill.

Ah, um... Why are you mumbling like
that?

Louise, darling, you remember our
honeymoon?

Yes, of course I do.

Remember our lovely little restaurant?

Yes, where they brought the phone at
the... table?

Exactly. Right next to you. Yes.

And you've already paid the bill?

Yes, darling.

Sorry, darling.

Oh, well.

Love to all.

Bye.

That was my wife.

Wrong? No, no, no. You forgot to tell me
we're going to some literary do

tonight.

Well, I, uh... Tony, there's something
I've got to ask you, and I don't know

quite how to begin.

What is it?

Did you base your character of Michael
on my ex -husband?

I beg your pardon?

On Mark.

Oh, come on, you must have.

On Mark Mandeville, your ex -husband?

Haven't you heard?

Oh, Mark and I have been divorced for
over two years.

No, I... I thought somebody ought to
warn you.

What do you mean, warn me? Well, Mark
hates that kind of caricature, and I

he might sue you.

Sue me?

Susan? There you are. Where have you
been?

Monday. Haircut. I forgot.

I want you to meet Tony Medway.

Tony, this is Peter, my fiancé.

Hello, Tony.

Susan's been raving about your book. Oh,
great.

She has the darndest nose for talent. If
she thinks you're good, you've got

nothing to worry about.

You're not by any chance a film
producer?

Not me.

I'm in the restaurant business.

I'm sorry. I should have told you. This
is Peter Blundell. He owns this

business.

That's why she comes here.

She likes to keep it in the family.

Did you enjoy your lunch?

Oh, yes.

Yes, very much. Now I'm about to become
the wife of a boring old restaurateur.

So you've left the film business for
good.

I'm afraid so.

I don't mind one bit.

Congratulations.

Oh. Goodbye, Tony. Goodbye.

And good luck with the book.

Thank you.

Tony, it's been just wonderful meeting
you.

And remember, if you go on writing from
your heart, you'll be a happy man.

Thank you.

Bye.

Oh, thank you for the lunch.

Don't mention it.