All language subtitles for tales_of_the_unexpected_s05e17_whos_got_the_lady

Now, what do you think?

Very impressive.

We've entirely redecorated, as you can
see.

I expected no less. The publicity's
going rather well. Nice piece of art,

You don't think the admission charges
are too high, do you? Oh, I'm sure you

know what's adequate.

Let me introduce you to Chief Inspector
Nelson, charged with security.

Monsieur Arnault from Paris.

Monsieur?

Yes.

Good.

And, of course, we have our own security
arriving tomorrow with the painting.

Hmm. I'm sure you'll get along
perfectly.

Now, the painting will hang here.

And the chief inspector will explain the
security precautions that we take.

Well, we've tried to keep it as simple
and unobtrusive as possible, monsieur.

After all, it is a painting and not the
crown jewels.

It is art, monsieur.

And to a Frenchman, it is worth more
than the crown jewels.

Yes. To a Frenchman, it would be, yes.

Yes, well, carry on, chief inspector.

From tomorrow.

Two of my plain clothes will be on
permanent guard. I decide here during

exhibition hours. And, of course, and in
addition to the private security

guards, I shall have two of my clothes.

And during all times that the exhibition
is closed to the public,

this gate will drop down from the
ceiling like this.

Lock into the floor, thereby securely
shutting the painting off from the rest

the room.

What's all the fuss about?

Do you know, dear?

Do you know? It's the patrician lady,
madam. The patrician lady?

Come here.

Did you hear that?

What's behind there?

It's a storeroom.

Full of inferior paintings.

It is love.

Oh, it's cool.

Now, I shall make a check last thing
tonight, and then from tomorrow, the

inspector and his team will be in charge
of all aspects of security.

Now, if you'll excuse me, Andre, I have
an appointment at half past three. I

wasn't expecting you till tomorrow.

Well, David, you know I must check
everything for myself. Call it my little

weakness. On the contrary, it's just
great.

I'll just have a laugh with Brandon,
then.

And

a

bottle of white spirit and a pellet
knife, please.

There you are.

People usually spend ages choosing a pal
at night.

You can always tell at a glance.

How much does all that come to?

Um, £49 .62, please.

Check, OK?

Yeah, fine.

Toons, Arketis, Zart supplies?

Limited. Limited.

Here. There you are.

You, uh, look as if you mean business.

I'm going to paint a masterpiece.

Well, good luck.

Well, gentlemen, you've each edited the
study for five days. Now I want your

verdict.

Well, naturally, for the first opinion,
I defer to the established Corrie

authority, Mr. Jameson. You mean what he
says would influence you? That's not

what I'm paying you for, Kendall.

Not at all. My mind is utterly made up,
utterly. Then let's hear it. Yes, do

let's.

What does Mr.

Parnell think? He'll get his turn.

Very well.

I regret to have to say this, Mr.
Porter, but there's absolutely no doubt

mind that you've been sold a pup.

A what? Your coro is a forgery.

Jameson. Come on, Jameson. May I ask,
without prejudice, where you purchased

this painting?

At the Collingwood auction. What's that
got to do with it? Well, I didn't know

that. You didn't tell me. So now I can
tell you that in 25 years of the

Collingwood annual auctions, there's
never once been a question mark raised

against one of his sales.

Collingwood's a man of the utmost
integrity.

That's my first point.

My second...

Speaking, as my friend here so kindly
put it, as the foremost expert on Corot

this country, is that we are in the
presence of an original Corot.

Rubbish.

Any half -wit can see that that, Thomas,
is a pathetic attempt to imitate the

Corot style.

What do you know about Corot style,
Kendall?

I've written a book about it. The hell
with the style! Is it authentic?

Parnell!

Well, I can't claim the impressive
credentials of my two colleagues, but...

I know that I like what I see.

That's an authentic coral. And I
congratulate you on your good luck.

cost me 30 ,000 pounds.

And good judgment.

Well, gentlemen, I ask for your vote. I
could only wish it had been unanimous.

Thank you for your valuable time.

I hope you found it was worth it.

Don't try and tell me that that guy
Jameson isn't on Collingwood's payroll.

for that crazy Clough Tyndall, he
couldn't tell a can of level from a can

beans. Then why did you call us in, Mr.
Pullman? I'll tell you why. I'm sitting

in my dentist, aren't I?

I pick up a magazine and there's this
article about art forgeries. How smart

they're getting at aging canvases and
paints. Oh, I get jumpy.

Now that... That means a lot to me.

It means a lot more than... Most people
do.

But it's got to be the real McCoy.

Can you understand what I mean?

Tell me honestly, partner.

Do you experts really know what you're
doing when you look over a painting?

Oh, yes.

Sure?

Quite sure.

Okay.

Okay.

I, uh... I read the patrician lady is
being brought over for exhibition at

gallery. That's quite a coup.

And quite a responsibility.

Does it make you nervous?

No, I have experts who look after the
security side of things.

Why should I be nervous?

Impossible to steal.

Let's say it would take an exceptionally
clever thief.

What wouldn't I give for just 24 hours
alone with that lady?

Yes.

Well, I can offer you an invitation to
our opening tomorrow night, if

that's any consolation.

You're very right where you are, Mr.
Parnell.

What the hell are you doing here?

Your night porter was fast asleep.

I just walked right in. Silly old man.
I'll fire him. Just as well with the

noise you were making.

How's it going?

Yeah, the last one's in place.

You got the stamp?

Yeah. Ah, good girl. Here.

Hold this for me, will you?

What happened to our lunch today? Oh,
Arnold turned up a day early.

I had to introduce him to the policeman.

Sorry about that.

Oh, I saw you, actually, when the
policeman was trying out the gate.

I also had a peep into the storeroom.
Oh, yeah?

Are you sure this is going to work out
all right? Yes, quite sure. I'm nervous.

It all seems much too simple or too
risky, and I'm not sure which. That's

fun of it.

Three little buttons and eight big
bangs, and it's all over.

But why at the opening with so many
people here? Because we want as much

publicity as we can get. Can't you
understand?

Do your homework and I'll see you in an
hour. All right.

Mmm. It's good. It's good.

Oh, it was nothing, really.

I found another customer today.

Amos Pulver. Yeah, rich, worthless and
lonely.

Needs a lady to share his life with.

What did you decide about his coro?

His coro?

It's genuine.

Toth a coin, did you?

Oh, I can't do any more tonight.

I've been living with her for weeks and
she's getting to be a bore.

A bore?

The eternal, mysterious woman with the
enigmatic smile?

Enigmatic my foot. She had bad teeth,
they all did in those days.

Unlike your modern beauties.

Ah, you're a genius.

Then you make me very contented.

Geniuses don't go for contentment.

They go for... That too.

Just think, if I'd have painted that in
those days and been a man, I'd be

immortal. Well, I prefer you mortal.

Is it?

Is it me, Andre, or is it just a tiny
bit crooked?

Yes, yes, I think that's all right.

Would you mind if I... No, no, please,
go ahead. Good idea, yes.

Thank you.

I think just a tiny bit on the corner
here might... There.

Yes?

Ladies and gentlemen, the exhibition
opens officially tomorrow morning, so if

you'll be kind enough to leave the
gallery now.

Thank you.

Andre, would you care for a spot of
lunch? What did you have in mind?

Oh, I thought Langdon's, just around the
corner of Sturton Street.

You were absolutely right.

I was much too hasty.

Can we try again?

Oh, heaven, yes, of course. No problem.
Excuse me.

Ah, well.

Ah,

Parnell.

You know Mr. Collingwood, don't you?

I'm delightful to see you. Glad you
could come. Oh, I wouldn't have missed

for the world, Mr. Parnell. I say,
Parnell, must we have that sheet of

It'll pick up reflections. I can't.

It's the French security, I'm afraid.
There's nothing I can do about it. I

customers rarely complain in the
presence of great workers, so long as

believe that they are getting their
money's worth.

It's a matter of the emperor's clothes.
What?

Oh, by the way, thank you for...

That little service you did me the other
day.

I would have hated to have been forced
to return Pulver's money.

Yes, well, it was a close -run thing,
I'm afraid. Two against one.

my vote carried the day.

What? Oh, waiter.

What was your actual opinion?

Oddly enough, the one I gave.

Good. I thought so, too.

I would have staked my reputation on it.

How fortunate that you...

You didn't have to take that risk.

Excuse me, won't you?

Oh, I'm so sorry. Excuse me. Thank you.

Andre. Andre. Minister, would you step
this way, please? Thank you so much.

Minister,

if you'd stand there.

Ladies and gentlemen.

Minister.

It is with a considerable sense of
humility that I stand before you today.

in the presence of this great lady who
has honored my gallery with her first

appearance on these shores. I'm sure you
all want to step a little closer and

gaze at her unchallenged beauty. But
before you do, I should like to

my friend and colleague from Paris,
Monsieur André Arnault, the curator of

Rosenberg's wonderful collection, but
for whose triumph in persuading the

to share his greatest treasure with
other nations, we should not be gathered

here tonight.

Monsieur André Arnault.

Ladies and gentlemen, I shall speak
briefly before handing you over to the

Minister for the Arts to open this
exhibition.

Please excuse my bad English.

It is a great honor for me to be here
tonight.

My country, as you know, has many, many
art treasures, perhaps the finest in the

world. This point might be disputed, but
I think no one tonight will dispute

that behind my back now hangs one of the
true wonders of the world.

I refer, of course, to La Patricienne.

The Patrician Lady.

An eternal, mysterious female with the
enigmatic smile.

It is with great pride that I share her
with the British public.

And as I am sure you are very impatient
to make her acquaintance, I now invite

the Minister of the Arts to declare this
exhibition open.

I think I've worked it out, Mr. Parno.
The thief somehow got

into that storeroom and he planned to
slip through this hole.

And then, in the confusion, take the
painting and make it get away through

window, which, as you can see, is still
wide open. And what do you suppose went

wrong? Well, it's obvious he either lost
his nerve or he was driven back by the

smoke, which he hadn't expected to be so
powerful, and went off down the alley.

Luckily for us.

Your security men must have been asleep
on the job.

She is intact.

I think she is intact.

What have you seen?

What's that?

What? Turn the picture. Turn the table.

That.

Zarketti's art, replied Limited.

I don't understand.

Are you sure you shipped the original to
this country, Monsieur? Of course we

did, you fool.

Just a minute.

Suppose they switched the painting.

Switched?

In the confusion.

I've heard these hot... Art forgers are
real masters nowadays.

Even art experts can't tell the
difference.

Yes, I suppose they made the switch, but
like all crooks, they slipped up on one

detail.

They missed seeing Zarchetti's stamp
when they put that together.

They bought the canvas of Zarchetti's
and they painted that on it.

It's ridiculous.

This is the original. I'd stake my
reputation on it.

So Andre, he'd be living with the
picture for years.

He'd tell if it was a fake, couldn't
you, Andre?

I don't remember all this dent on the
frame.

Well, that could have been the
explosion, couldn't it?

Lead me to a telephone, David.

In my office.

The X -rays.

My assistant is looking for them and he
will send them directly to London. Good.

A clever forger may possibly nowadays
delude us, but he cannot fool the X

He cannot duplicate every nuance of
paint. It's a thickness and thinness and

strategic spot.

And he cannot possibly duplicate the
microscopic individuality of every

of the original canvas.

You mean we'll x -ray the canvas we've
got here and compare the results with

those in your files?

That's right, sir.

Pas de problème.

Qu 'est -ce que vous me racontez?

Ce n 'est pas possible, imbécile.
Crétin! Vous avez dû me chercher.

Regardez de nouveau.

Je vous donne jusqu 'à demain matin,
compris?

J 'ai perdu la radiographie.

My assistant has misled the x -rays.

But have no fear.

I have given orders.

They will be found.

When did you steal the X -ray?

A couple of months ago, when I was in
Paris negotiating the deal.

I saw them in a drawer in Arnaud's
office.

Actually, that's what gave me the idea.

Oh, bother!

Did I have any trouble?

It's indelible.

I'll soon come up with a dollop of
sunshine.

When are we leaving?

Not for a few weeks yet.

Time for the experts to pass judgment on
the lady.

And for... I may have to go into action.

So what really was...

I know nothing about the theft,
monsieur.

The painting merely fell into my hands.

Just think, minions will file past the
copy and all the time Amos P. Pulver has

the original.

You realize, of course...

Sure that you can never show the
painting to anyone.

If the authorities ever discover that
you have the original, they would surely

take it away from you.

They might even put you in prison.

You must insist that you bought it as a
copy.

And I shall deny ever having met you.

Don't worry, nobody will ever see it
except me.

Not even your wife, monsieur?

Not even your

wives, monsieur?

All the time.

I, Helmut Schumacher.

Have the original.

Oh, I'm indeed watching that.

That's it.

No more.

finished.

I'm all painted out.

I know. It's been terrible. I'm sorry,
but it's

over now. Finished. Finished. It's
finished.

Wouldn't it have been simpler to steal
it?

Have the police of five continents
looking for us? No, no.

It's much safer this way.

To create the illusion.

of theft and cash in on the cupidity of

unscrupulous men.

How do you feel about Gover?