All language subtitles for tales_of_the_unexpected_s04e16_the_way_to_do_it

Taking all these factors into
consideration, we would recommend the

offered by the Metropolitan and General
as the one most suitable to your

purpose.

We

will

be glad to arrange the necessary
formalities on your behalf.

Sincerely, he's an old client.

Why don't you write the letters and I'll
do the filing?

Yours sincerely.

Yes, sir?

Thank you, sir.

Mr Figge said you'd take him up the
general fire and accident

We could do with a general fire and
accident around here.

Might brighten the place up a bit.

He won't last here, I can tell you that.

You'd think with all the unemployment
he'd show a little more interest.

And, Meryl... He doesn't have to work,
oh, no.

But probably like a lot of rich
families, they keep him short to make

Not that he's got that family left, poor
thing.

Have a good day, dear.

Not especially.

Oh, well, that's what I always used to
say to your uncle when he got back from

the office.

Perhaps uncle had good news when he got
back.

All that lovely cash he'd made between
nine and five.

Nine and five?

Your uncle was in his office by half
past eight every morning and often not

till the early hours.

Just you remember, Roger.

That's why I'm able to give you...

Seen as our... Seen as it was agreed
that I should pay your regular allowance

until you were self -supporting, there
doesn't seem much chance of that, does

there, Roger?

We put you into insurance, hoping you'd
learn the business and get somewhere.

Yes, well, I'm sorry I haven't inherited
Uncle's pioneer spirit.

No, you take after your father,
unfortunately.

Oh, he enjoyed himself running around in
a gold chain, playing at being mayor,

but there was always a... Well,

I can see it in you, Roger.

Uncle died of a coronary at 62.

I sometimes think his home life had
something to do with it.

You're drinking a lot, Roger.

Your gin is under your chair.

Oh, thank you for reminding me.

Where are you going? You might at least
have the decency to give me five minutes

of your time when you come home.

I am, after all, on my own here all day.

I'm going out this evening.

You're going out rather a lot lately.
Have you got a girl?

No. No?

That's another thing.

Are you all right, Roger?

What do you mean, all right?

Well, any normal young man of your age
would be bringing girls home by now.

Make a nice change for me to have a
pretty face round the house now and

Before we was married, your uncle was a
great one with the girls. Oh, yeah,

Uncle. Great with money. Great with
girls.

Perhaps you started from the right
place. He started at the bottom? Yes,

exactly. And where did you start me? We
gave you everything.

Everything to mess me up.

Snobbed school where they laughed at my
accent.

Jobs where everyone knew I'd been taken
on as a favour.

Now, if I'd started like Uncle, with an
old truck collecting scraps... It was

not scraps.

It was government surplus.

That's how he made his first million.
His first million. Now, don't tell me

again, aren't they? I just want to have
a shower.

Watch that opposite of me change and go
to a film.

Oh, you never think of taking me to the
pictures, do you?

Your uncle and me, we used to go twice a
week to the... What were they called?

The solders, the historians.

Not that I'd go if you offered to take
me. It's all soft porn these days,

whatever that is. I'd seen that.

I was just going to do it.

Oh.

Well, go on, then. Go and see your soft
porn.

Might get you interested in girls.

Oh.

Give me a kiss, darling.

Oh.

Oh, do you remember when you was little
and you used to come into my bed for

cuddles?

Oh.

Another kiss.

Now who?

Broccoli.

You're not playing?

No, I like to watch.

Are the winners or the losers?

Oh, winners, bet.

You like gamblers?

I find them boring.

I like fun people.

You don't want the fun to hurt you.

£850. Here.

Pay the bill, please.

You feel free.

It's about as much fun in my life as
there are winners around the world. All

that. Thank you.

Thank you, Glenn.

Oh, there's certainly one winner.

Where are you going?

I fancy blackjack.

You've got a streak going at roulette.
Why switch?

Roulette's just luck.

I enjoy an element of skill.

Has he been here before?

Once or twice.

Who is he?

No idea.

Philo. Your best, sir.

17. Hit me.

I'm 17, sir.

Hit me.

21. 21.

You hit a 17.

Everybody stands on a 17. Everybody. I
don't.

Oh, having a nice evening?

Afraid I've taken about 3 ,000 off you.

We like people who can enjoy themselves.

What'll you have?

I'll have a light ale.

Oh, come on.

Celebrate. 3 ,000, quite a win in this
place.

How do you know how much I want?

I've had my eye on you.

You coming in tomorrow?

Yes, I think I will.

Good.

I'll be here.

I didn't see you play.

You haven't been to many of these dives,
have you?

No. Only just got hooked.

Well, I'm a hostess.

I see that everybody's having a good
time.

Oh, so now you think that I'm having a
good time.

And aren't you?

Oh, yes, I am, rather.

You're shy.

I like shy men.

Oh,

come on.

You can't still be living at home and
looking after an aunt at your age.

No wonder you look so gloomy.

Why don't you just walk out?

Oh, I did once.

Ran away to sea.

Got a job as a steward on a cruise ship.

Oh, that was a home from home. That
was... Instead of one old lady, I had

look after.

Oh, you'd be surprised how many would
tuck a tip into my trouser pocket and

me their cabin number.

Yuck. Now, then, what did you do?

You're very good at asking questions,
aren't you?

Or is that all part of the job, too?

Can be.

And what about you?

What's your story?

Oh, my dad ran the amusement arcade on
the pier. I used to take the money.

And what'd you take here?

Did you get commission?

Hey, don't bite me head off.

You know, you'd be quite nice if you
weren't afraid to let it flow.

Or do I tip you?

You could tip me.

I'd rather have a curry.

Tell me.

It's you. You gave me a fright. I
thought I... Oh, I must have dropped

I forgot my nightcap.

How was your soft porn?

Oh, a waste of time.

Did they use all the four -letter words?

I forgot to count them.

Potter, it's daylight.

Where have you been?

Look, I'm not a child.

leave me all alone in this house all
night knowing what they said about my

heart. And I'm not a male nurse either.

There's gratitude after all we've done
for you.

Look, Auntie, I've been wanting to talk
to you about this.

Either we should find you a housekeeper
or get you a companion.

Companion?

Do you think I want somebody who'll be
paid to pretend to like me?

No. I won't have anybody else to live in
this house.

Not even servants.

Mrs Webb can leave me my supper tray at
seven, and I've got the place to myself.

Well, myself and you, Roger.

Just me and you.

Now then, I'll hold him.

Have to help me up. The steelhead's
popped it.

Give me a kiss, Georgia.

No problem.

You've nothing to celebrate tonight.

And you hit a 19.

You must be mad.

You shouldn't gamble, you know that?
You're not the type.

Well, looking round here, take that as a
compliment.

I'm wanted. Don't go, OK?

Excuse me.

Any idea what he's worth?

No.

What do I pay you for?

Cheers.

Well, now, what shall we have tonight?

Curry?

French? Italian?

Spanish?

What about the Albany?

Oh, no, actually, two. I think with
auntie's influence, I might be able to

her a discount.

Why, does she own the Albany, then? She
owns the block.

You must be worth quite a bit.

What am I worth to you?

Sorry, no more champagne.

I'm broke.

Have it on the house.

How broke?

My neck.

No, until I get my check at the end of
the month.

Why don't you have a word with Vasco?
Maybe he could tide you over.

That's a good idea.

Come in, Mr. Carlton.

Come in, come in, come in. Take a seat.

How do you know my name?

Oh, Mr. Carlton, I can tell you haven't
been playing the tables for very long.

Even in Las Vegas, inquiries have to be
made.

I'm sure it's the same in your business.

Which is insurance, I believe?

Yes.

But insurance is just a sideline for
you.

Your expectations?

You have been digging around, haven't
you? Yes.

Because I think to myself, one day this
charming young man will be coming to me

for credit. And it's much better if I
make inquiries in advance.

What do you use, private detectives?

Yes. So do you and insurance.

How much you want?

Five thousand pounds.

Look, I could sign a form with any
backstreet dealer and get that much

buy a car.

Sure, but a car can always be recovered.

And my family's reputation couldn't be
if I let you down.

You understand that in this country a
casino is not allowed to give credit, so

this will be a personal loan from me to
you, okay?

Okay.

We also have our forms, Mr. Patsy.

Insurance.

I've told you!

I don't want a companion.

I've only asked this old girl from the
office to look round.

No, you can tell her to stop looking.

You'll have a reason, Auntie May.

Do you think...

Do you remember Philip?

What, that spotty boy you were at school
with?

Yes. Well, you see, he's working in
Spain now, and I've got some holiday

and he's invited me over.

Oh, nice for you.

So I thought if I was to find you a
companion... No, no, don't bother.

I can take care of myself.

Mrs. Webb will leave me my tray and...
Oh, there he is.

Something you can do for me, if you have
the time.

Yes? Well, could you get me one of
those?

Those little machines.

What lets you change the TV programme
without getting up.

It's my hip, you see.

Yes, your hip.

And my heart.

And your heart.

No problem.

And do you know what?

I get another week's holiday at
Christmas.

I thought we could drive down to the
seaside.

Oh!

Didn't you always say that you loved
Torquay?

The old Imperial Hotel.

I wouldn't find it the same.

How much do you want this time?

Home again, 5 ,000.

My luck's changing, I know it is.

Look, that's gold, my family.

My father was mayor of this town.

They won't let me go under.

You'll be all right.

Do you want to get away, then?

Oh, Auntie May, I've got a present for
you.

Games of patience.

Thought you might like a change.

Learn a new one.

Oh, I might.

Where do you get this?

Hmm, sitting down, pen, pen. Have a try.

It'll pass the time.

Goodbye, Auntie May.

And look after yourself.

Well, there'll be nobody else to look
after me.

Will there?

On holiday? Where? Where? Where on
holiday?

What a dress.

Oh, you dumb idiot.

You let him keep the country.

You're sorry? I'm sorry. Damn near £20
,000 sorry.

How are you?

No need to worry, madam.

What do you want?

We're here on legal business.

What? At two o 'clock in the morning?

Urgent legal business.

Well, how did you get in?

Rang the bell. No answer.

The back door was on the light.

All the locks after my housekeeper had
gone.

We'll make mistakes.

Well, is something wrong?

Has something happened to Roger?

You could say that's why we're here.

What has happened?

Did you know, madam, that your nephew
was a gambler?

Roger? Oh, what nonsense.

He ain't got the guts.

He owes 20 ,000 pounds to our client.

20 ,000?

There's no doubt of it, is there, lads?
No doubt at all.

Open and shut case.

Two witnesses besides myself.

I feel so ashamed.

Understandable. Be put right in a
moment.

Where's your checkbook?

Well, how silly do you think I am?

I won't do anything without my lawyers.
You can see them tomorrow.

No lawyers, that's final. Find her
checkbook, Charlie.

But I can't write a check.

Not for that much.

Well, all my money's in trash. Nobody
can touch it. I can't touch it until it

goes to Roger when I...

So it

goes to Roger when you...

Hello?

Hello, who's that?

I think I've got the wrong number.

I'm calling long distance from Spain,
and my name is Roger Carson, and I

to speak to my Auntie May.

What? I think, sir, you should come home
as soon as you can.

We've got some distressing news for you.

I'm afraid...

I'll leave

at once.

First plane.

You'll understand it is a dreadful
shock.

Thank you.

It's worked!

It's worked!

The old bag's as dead as a doornail!

And I'm rich!

The only way to rent a killer...

It's to hire one who doesn't know he's
being hired. Wasn't I brilliant?

And now what do we do? We go back, I
collect my inheritance, pay Bath, go in

full, and happy, happy, happy ever
after.

Oh, poor old Aunt May.