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The possibility that a large woman might
one day swallow a small clergyman is
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one that has always appealed to me.
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00:00:41,290 --> 00:00:45,530
My mind first started wandering in this
direction one day in the zoo, while I
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00:00:45,530 --> 00:00:48,550
stood watching a huge snake swallowing a
live rat.
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00:00:49,250 --> 00:00:52,210
The rat didn't wish to be swallowed, he
was against it.
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00:00:52,730 --> 00:00:56,810
But the snake had hypnotized him, so he
had no chance, and down he went.
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00:00:57,910 --> 00:01:01,770
The keeper told me it would take the
snake five days to digest the rat.
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00:01:02,540 --> 00:01:07,920
And that's when I got to wondering how
long a large woman would take to digest
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00:01:07,920 --> 00:01:10,780
clergyman with all his clothes on if he
were not too big.
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00:01:12,280 --> 00:01:13,960
That, of course, would depend on the
woman.
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00:01:14,300 --> 00:01:17,900
But I know one or two who could have him
for breakfast and still feel hungry at
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00:01:17,900 --> 00:01:18,900
the end of it.
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00:02:14,250 --> 00:02:20,690
Every man that striveth for the mastery
is temperate in all things.
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00:02:21,870 --> 00:02:28,590
I keep under my body, lest that by any
means, when I have
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00:02:28,590 --> 00:02:33,350
preached to others, I myself should be a
castaway.
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00:02:34,070 --> 00:02:40,650
St. Paul's first epistle to the
Corinthians, chapter 9, verses 25 and
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00:02:43,080 --> 00:02:44,600
Dearly beloved...
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00:02:44,600 --> 00:02:54,500
Dearly
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00:02:54,500 --> 00:03:00,220
beloved... In this age of
permissiveness...
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00:03:00,220 --> 00:03:07,220
St. Paul is sadly out
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00:03:07,220 --> 00:03:08,220
of fashion.
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00:03:08,320 --> 00:03:10,840
I could eat him, couldn't you?
23
00:03:11,380 --> 00:03:12,440
Eat him!
24
00:03:20,140 --> 00:03:21,140
Good day.
25
00:03:22,040 --> 00:03:24,460
Ah, Miss Elphinstone.
26
00:03:25,400 --> 00:03:27,620
Glorious flower arrangements, as usual.
27
00:03:28,460 --> 00:03:32,360
The secret is to get a grip on the
talks, Vicar.
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00:03:33,320 --> 00:03:34,320
Quite.
29
00:03:41,440 --> 00:03:43,480
Good morning to you. Good day.
30
00:03:43,820 --> 00:03:47,760
A small token, Vicar.
31
00:03:48,170 --> 00:03:49,550
From the spinster of the parish.
32
00:03:51,070 --> 00:03:53,670
Miss Unwin, how very kind.
33
00:03:55,270 --> 00:03:56,270
Oh.
34
00:03:57,850 --> 00:03:58,910
No harm done.
35
00:03:59,710 --> 00:04:03,470
No, quite. They're meant to go on the
floor, aren't they?
36
00:04:04,570 --> 00:04:05,570
Good day to you now.
37
00:04:05,910 --> 00:04:06,910
Steady, steady, boys.
38
00:04:07,130 --> 00:04:08,130
Steady.
39
00:04:09,770 --> 00:04:13,190
Vicar, may I introduce my niece, Mrs.
Roach? Julia.
40
00:04:14,230 --> 00:04:15,230
How do you do?
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00:04:15,350 --> 00:04:17,170
A challenging servant, Vicar.
42
00:04:17,450 --> 00:04:20,930
Julia's staying with us for a few weeks.
Her husband's in the States on
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00:04:20,930 --> 00:04:23,990
business. Well, that's his story,
anyway.
44
00:04:25,270 --> 00:04:26,270
Oh, quite.
45
00:04:26,370 --> 00:04:28,410
Don't forget my tennis party on
Saturday.
46
00:04:28,770 --> 00:04:30,950
I'm counting on you for the mixed
doubles.
47
00:04:31,330 --> 00:04:35,210
Well, I'm rather a rabbit, I'm afraid,
Lady Birdwell.
48
00:04:35,510 --> 00:04:39,550
Oh, but I adore rabbits. I've bagged you
already. Oh, well, with Julia as your
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00:04:39,550 --> 00:04:42,030
partner, you're bound to win. Come along
now.
50
00:04:48,300 --> 00:04:49,300
Shall I lock up, Vicar?
51
00:04:50,740 --> 00:04:53,440
No, no, I'll lock up. You forgot last
week.
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00:04:54,280 --> 00:04:55,280
Yes.
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00:04:56,320 --> 00:04:58,200
Yes, well, that was because...
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00:04:58,200 --> 00:05:05,480
How's
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00:05:05,480 --> 00:05:06,520
your rash, Vicar?
56
00:05:07,200 --> 00:05:09,460
Oh, it, um, it comes and goes.
57
00:05:09,860 --> 00:05:10,900
Our lad had that.
58
00:05:11,600 --> 00:05:13,420
Giant urticaria, they call it.
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00:05:13,820 --> 00:05:14,820
Nerves.
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00:05:15,120 --> 00:05:17,380
He got over it once he was caught in
regular.
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00:05:24,970 --> 00:05:31,790
Think on me and purge away my sins.
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00:05:32,150 --> 00:05:39,070
From earth -born passions set me free
and make
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00:05:39,070 --> 00:05:41,350
me pure within.
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00:05:42,370 --> 00:05:48,690
Georgie! Oh, Jesus, think on Georgie,
Georgie, pudding and pie.
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00:05:49,210 --> 00:05:51,950
Georgie! Georgie, Georgie!
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00:05:54,640 --> 00:05:56,760
Don't call him Georgie Porgie, dear.
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00:05:57,400 --> 00:05:59,120
You give the boy a complex.
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00:06:00,600 --> 00:06:04,920
Basically, Georgie Porgie, your father
is a timorous man.
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00:06:07,460 --> 00:06:08,980
Like all socialists.
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00:06:10,680 --> 00:06:11,840
Taste my show.
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00:06:12,320 --> 00:06:13,480
It's very dry.
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00:06:13,940 --> 00:06:16,880
Claire. It's called manzanilla.
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00:06:17,500 --> 00:06:18,840
He's too young for alcohol.
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00:06:19,160 --> 00:06:20,720
He doesn't need that kind of stimulus.
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00:06:21,200 --> 00:06:23,540
Don't be frightened, Georgie. Drink it.
76
00:06:25,680 --> 00:06:27,620
must experience everything, Boris.
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00:06:27,840 --> 00:06:29,920
Everything without shame.
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00:06:33,240 --> 00:06:35,280
You ruined my skirt.
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00:06:36,140 --> 00:06:38,360
You stupid child. I'm sorry.
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00:06:39,240 --> 00:06:40,980
You're just like your father.
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00:06:56,270 --> 00:06:59,910
Because it's Sunday, Georgie, I'm going
to tell you about Muhammad.
82
00:07:01,070 --> 00:07:05,230
Claire, we'll be late for the Harbinger
Humanists. Oh, humanism can wait, Boris.
83
00:07:05,770 --> 00:07:10,150
Our pudding and pie needs to know about
every religion so he has a choice when
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00:07:10,150 --> 00:07:11,150
he grows up.
85
00:07:11,650 --> 00:07:15,850
Now, Georgie, if you must have a
religion, and I'm not saying that you
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00:07:16,270 --> 00:07:19,010
then I suppose Muhammadism is as good as
any.
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00:07:20,210 --> 00:07:24,970
It's all based on keeping healthy. You
can have lots of wives, but you mustn't
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00:07:24,970 --> 00:07:25,970
have...
89
00:07:26,890 --> 00:07:28,030
Why not, Marie?
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00:07:29,070 --> 00:07:32,410
Because if you have lots of wives, you
have to be virile, Georgie.
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00:07:36,650 --> 00:07:37,650
What's virile?
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00:07:38,490 --> 00:07:40,450
Being full of bounce in bed.
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00:07:40,690 --> 00:07:41,690
Like this.
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00:07:42,390 --> 00:07:45,610
I do that by myself sometimes. Well,
when you're married, you'll bounce.
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00:07:46,230 --> 00:07:47,650
Bounce, Georgie. Bounce.
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00:07:48,150 --> 00:07:49,150
There.
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00:07:49,430 --> 00:07:50,430
There, please.
98
00:07:50,690 --> 00:07:52,310
Oh, I think your father's jealous.
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00:07:52,910 --> 00:07:54,690
Oh, what a pet you are.
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00:07:55,760 --> 00:07:56,840
Scrumptious. Mummy.
101
00:07:57,760 --> 00:08:01,280
Another thing about Mohammed is that...
We'll do it on the rug.
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00:08:01,880 --> 00:08:02,880
Come on.
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00:08:03,180 --> 00:08:07,980
Come on, pudding, over here.
104
00:08:08,400 --> 00:08:10,240
We're supposed to be facing east.
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00:08:10,720 --> 00:08:12,960
Claire. Don't nag for it.
106
00:08:13,340 --> 00:08:14,960
Mohammed never gets concentrated.
107
00:08:15,440 --> 00:08:16,560
State your defects, Claire.
108
00:08:16,880 --> 00:08:18,600
You ought to be doing this, not us.
109
00:08:18,860 --> 00:08:23,300
If only you bent over and touched the
ground with your forehead.
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00:08:23,720 --> 00:08:29,140
Come on, you... They do it morning,
noon, and night.
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00:08:29,940 --> 00:08:30,960
Facing Mecca.
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00:08:58,920 --> 00:08:59,799
I have a story.
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00:08:59,800 --> 00:09:00,880
Just once.
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00:09:02,060 --> 00:09:03,420
As it's my birthday.
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00:09:03,860 --> 00:09:08,100
Darling, you know perfectly well I don't
tell stories. I don't believe in
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00:09:08,100 --> 00:09:13,040
stories. Just for once. Dearest Pudding,
the world is much too wonderful to
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00:09:13,040 --> 00:09:14,040
bother with stories.
118
00:09:14,840 --> 00:09:17,060
Let's look at your new book together,
shall we?
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00:09:17,560 --> 00:09:20,860
Well... It tells how Daddy and I made
you.
120
00:09:22,640 --> 00:09:23,640
I know.
121
00:09:24,240 --> 00:09:27,200
Sure. You've been whispering at school,
have you?
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00:09:27,660 --> 00:09:29,080
Dirty little sneakers in corner.
123
00:09:29,340 --> 00:09:33,760
No. Well, this book makes it all clear
and above board, Pudding.
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00:09:34,720 --> 00:09:35,720
There.
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00:09:37,560 --> 00:09:38,560
Rats!
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00:09:40,240 --> 00:09:41,340
He's got rats!
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00:09:41,920 --> 00:09:43,260
They're hamsters!
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00:09:45,680 --> 00:09:51,520
He confiscated them from the choir boys.
129
00:09:55,460 --> 00:09:57,930
I... I didn't want... my garden, do I?
130
00:09:59,130 --> 00:10:02,150
God preserve me from the spinsters of
this parish.
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00:10:04,570 --> 00:10:07,030
Vicar, doesn't it look better?
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00:10:07,390 --> 00:10:09,710
So much bigger with the grass cut.
133
00:10:28,200 --> 00:10:29,200
I'm sorry.
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00:10:29,840 --> 00:10:30,840
That's all right.
135
00:10:31,140 --> 00:10:32,920
Quite refreshing. Just what I needed.
136
00:10:36,980 --> 00:10:39,000
Nothing like a cold shower, Vicar.
137
00:11:12,650 --> 00:11:13,650
Where is he?
138
00:11:31,330 --> 00:11:34,910
I hope you don't mind. I borrowed your
pimp.
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00:11:36,350 --> 00:11:37,350
It's tea time.
140
00:11:37,670 --> 00:11:38,710
Won't you join us?
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00:11:41,870 --> 00:11:44,450
I know you bachelors. You never eat a
thing.
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00:11:47,550 --> 00:11:48,550
Georgie, Georgie.
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00:11:49,210 --> 00:11:50,750
Wake up, Georgie, Georgie.
144
00:11:50,950 --> 00:11:51,950
Wake up.
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00:11:52,970 --> 00:11:56,310
Josephine has just started having her
baby. It's a perfect opportunity. You
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00:11:56,310 --> 00:11:57,390
watch the whole process.
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00:11:57,670 --> 00:12:00,550
I don't want to. Don't argue, Pudding.
Come on.
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00:12:02,410 --> 00:12:03,410
Stop it, Napoleon.
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00:12:03,790 --> 00:12:05,670
Josephine's busy. It's all because of
you.
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00:12:26,120 --> 00:12:27,460
See how she's washing the baby?
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00:12:29,140 --> 00:12:35,960
Now just imagine, my pet, that the baby
is you and Josephine is
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00:12:35,960 --> 00:12:36,960
me.
153
00:12:39,140 --> 00:12:43,320
Isn't it funny to think I used to do
almost exactly the same thing to you
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00:12:45,840 --> 00:12:46,840
Oh, look.
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00:12:48,760 --> 00:12:53,220
She's fondling it and kissing it all
over.
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00:12:58,570 --> 00:13:00,490
She's really kissing it now, isn't she?
157
00:13:03,030 --> 00:13:05,170
Exactly like you and me.
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00:13:08,370 --> 00:13:09,430
She's eating it.
159
00:13:10,970 --> 00:13:12,450
Mommy, she's eating it!
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00:13:45,480 --> 00:13:46,480
You have one, George.
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00:13:47,340 --> 00:13:48,820
May I call you George?
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00:13:50,260 --> 00:13:51,260
Mmm.
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00:13:54,360 --> 00:13:55,740
Delicious, Edith.
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00:13:59,460 --> 00:14:01,980
I think not, thank you.
165
00:14:04,260 --> 00:14:06,500
Why do you keep hamsters, George?
166
00:14:07,100 --> 00:14:09,120
They scared poor Miss Bunwinster.
167
00:14:09,540 --> 00:14:11,280
One of the choir boys.
168
00:14:11,680 --> 00:14:13,160
Are they male or female?
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00:14:16,299 --> 00:14:17,720
Predominantly female, I think.
170
00:14:19,980 --> 00:14:21,640
You really should have one, George.
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00:14:22,360 --> 00:14:23,620
You look sort of hungry.
172
00:14:28,380 --> 00:14:29,380
Excuse me.
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00:14:42,140 --> 00:14:43,440
Where have you gone now?
174
00:14:48,300 --> 00:14:49,640
Call of nature, I suppose.
175
00:14:52,740 --> 00:14:54,100
It's not my fault.
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00:14:56,280 --> 00:14:58,420
It's not my fault.
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00:15:02,340 --> 00:15:05,780
You know, someone should really take him
in hand.
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00:15:12,480 --> 00:15:16,700
Your old Meccano, eh? Yes, I had to soak
it in oil to loosen the nuts.
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00:15:17,080 --> 00:15:18,080
These are the ladies?
180
00:15:18,460 --> 00:15:21,100
That's right. This is Miss Elphinstone.
181
00:15:21,360 --> 00:15:26,600
The plump one is Miss Unwin, and the
rather sleek one is Julia Roach. Well,
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00:15:26,600 --> 00:15:27,780
least that's how I like it.
183
00:15:28,120 --> 00:15:30,860
They ain't had no Osher father for a
week, right?
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00:15:31,260 --> 00:15:32,260
No, indeed.
185
00:15:32,840 --> 00:15:34,980
And what do you call that big bloke at
the other end?
186
00:15:35,280 --> 00:15:36,840
George. Male.
187
00:15:37,760 --> 00:15:39,180
That's sort of me.
188
00:15:39,440 --> 00:15:40,440
Oh, is he?
189
00:15:40,680 --> 00:15:44,600
Now, the big question is, will the
females go for the male?
190
00:15:45,480 --> 00:15:46,740
And for the nuts and raisins?
191
00:15:47,000 --> 00:15:49,300
Why do you want to know, vicar?
192
00:15:50,180 --> 00:15:52,440
It's just an experiment, Mr. Pollard.
193
00:15:53,120 --> 00:15:55,140
I'll lay you, they go, for the fool.
194
00:15:55,720 --> 00:15:57,140
Grub first, then nookie, eh?
195
00:15:58,180 --> 00:16:00,820
Well, I can see that you're a sporting
man, Mr. Pollard.
196
00:16:01,680 --> 00:16:02,680
All right.
197
00:16:03,460 --> 00:16:06,480
We'll let them go, shall we? On your
remarks, ladies.
198
00:16:23,820 --> 00:16:25,680
Are you Vicar? You were right.
199
00:16:26,540 --> 00:16:30,680
Dare I suggest that you donate it to the
Fendrick Fund, Mr. Pollard? Right, my
200
00:16:30,680 --> 00:16:32,220
pleasure. I'll do that right away.
201
00:16:38,940 --> 00:16:45,220
Well, Lord, our reward is knowing that
the females really are more lascivious
202
00:16:45,220 --> 00:16:46,220
than the male.
203
00:16:47,180 --> 00:16:49,660
When it was your turn, you went for the
nuts and raisins.
204
00:16:50,680 --> 00:16:52,220
I know where I stand now.
205
00:16:57,640 --> 00:16:58,640
Point proved.
206
00:16:58,720 --> 00:17:01,220
My advantage, I think.
207
00:17:02,560 --> 00:17:08,839
If I had meant well, meant
208
00:17:08,839 --> 00:17:10,819
well, if I...
209
00:18:01,450 --> 00:18:02,590
Julia. Yes?
210
00:18:03,870 --> 00:18:07,190
The biggest decision, if you dare take a
sip of our fruit cup.
211
00:18:08,210 --> 00:18:09,330
It's scrumptious.
212
00:18:10,650 --> 00:18:11,650
No,
213
00:18:12,250 --> 00:18:13,670
lemonade, I think.
214
00:18:14,110 --> 00:18:17,610
George, this is so much better for you
than fizzy lemonade.
215
00:18:18,430 --> 00:18:22,510
Carbon dioxide attacks the lining of the
stomach. Didn't you know?
216
00:18:23,630 --> 00:18:24,630
Really?
217
00:18:25,250 --> 00:18:26,550
Don't be frightened, George.
218
00:18:26,830 --> 00:18:27,830
Drink it.
219
00:18:30,380 --> 00:18:32,060
Don't be frightened, Georgie.
220
00:18:32,280 --> 00:18:33,280
Drink it.
221
00:18:52,480 --> 00:18:54,960
Not too sticky for you, Vicar.
222
00:18:55,340 --> 00:18:57,140
We don't eat the mince.
223
00:18:57,800 --> 00:18:59,160
Or the cucumber.
224
00:19:12,989 --> 00:19:17,890
Then Sala, incorporate Sala.
225
00:19:19,970 --> 00:19:21,970
You're right, George. It's perfect.
226
00:19:22,590 --> 00:19:24,470
I may sing a song.
227
00:19:24,930 --> 00:19:26,250
He's feeling happy.
228
00:19:26,870 --> 00:19:27,870
Tremendous nectar.
229
00:19:28,590 --> 00:19:29,590
George.
230
00:19:30,000 --> 00:19:35,380
Why don't you and I take a little walk
outside and see the lupins clear our
231
00:19:35,380 --> 00:19:36,380
heads?
232
00:19:36,760 --> 00:19:37,760
Fine.
233
00:19:38,120 --> 00:19:39,120
Lovely.
234
00:19:45,800 --> 00:19:49,440
I'm sure Julia can help him, if anyone
can.
235
00:19:53,260 --> 00:19:55,360
We can cool off in the boathouse.
236
00:19:56,380 --> 00:19:59,140
I am cool as a cucumber.
237
00:20:02,600 --> 00:20:05,400
Touch on the pillow, George, just to
keep her tongue cold.
238
00:20:06,320 --> 00:20:08,700
You're a very understanding woman,
Julia.
239
00:20:21,160 --> 00:20:22,160
Relax, George.
240
00:20:24,220 --> 00:20:25,360
It's all right, dear.
241
00:20:35,180 --> 00:20:36,300
It's not a fantasy.
242
00:20:37,560 --> 00:20:41,520
I'd quite like to touch your ear.
243
00:20:43,340 --> 00:20:43,980
Why
244
00:20:43,980 --> 00:20:55,960
don't
245
00:20:55,960 --> 00:20:56,960
you kiss me, George?
246
00:21:10,640 --> 00:21:11,640
She's eating it.
247
00:21:13,040 --> 00:21:14,580
Mommy, she's eating it.
248
00:21:15,260 --> 00:21:16,440
My darling.
249
00:21:18,460 --> 00:21:19,460
No.
250
00:21:21,900 --> 00:21:22,900
No.
251
00:21:25,100 --> 00:21:26,100
No.
252
00:21:26,700 --> 00:21:32,720
No. I know what you're trying to do.
You're trying to eat me, aren't you? Eat
253
00:21:32,720 --> 00:21:35,060
me. Eat me. Eat me.
254
00:21:58,280 --> 00:21:59,280
Go away!
255
00:22:02,860 --> 00:22:05,000
Mummy! Darling!
256
00:22:05,420 --> 00:22:06,640
He's swallowing me!
257
00:22:06,920 --> 00:22:09,600
Mummy, you're swallowing me! Georgie!
258
00:22:14,700 --> 00:22:15,700
Morning, George.
259
00:22:30,440 --> 00:22:31,480
Where are we today?
260
00:22:34,840 --> 00:22:41,700
In the primary section of the duodenal
loop, just above her
261
00:22:41,700 --> 00:22:42,700
right kidney.
262
00:22:43,500 --> 00:22:45,680
I believe we can escape.
263
00:22:47,280 --> 00:22:50,080
But I don't want to escape.
264
00:22:50,640 --> 00:22:55,220
My dear vicar, why ever not?
265
00:23:04,500 --> 00:23:09,660
Nobody's chasing you. Oh, yes, they are,
and I... I bet they're chasing you as
266
00:23:09,660 --> 00:23:10,660
well.
267
00:23:11,440 --> 00:23:14,200
I mean, you're too scared to admit it.
No.
268
00:23:14,620 --> 00:23:17,120
Well, then why do you keep coming down
here, then?
269
00:23:18,160 --> 00:23:24,060
I bet you were with Julia as well and
got yourself swallowed up just like I
270
00:23:24,780 --> 00:23:27,100
And you're ashamed about it, I'm not.
271
00:23:31,880 --> 00:23:37,720
It's nice and comfortable down here.
It's warm and safe and soft.
272
00:23:40,180 --> 00:23:45,420
Listen, you won't tell her where I'm
hiding, will you?
273
00:23:46,520 --> 00:23:47,960
Tell who, George?
274
00:23:50,200 --> 00:23:51,200
Mummy.
275
00:24:11,720 --> 00:24:18,260
the boys came out to play, Georgie
Porgie ran away.
19770
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