All language subtitles for tales_of_the_unexpected_s01e07_edward_the_conqueror

A long time ago, when I wrote this
story, I never used to start work in the

mornings until I had listened to one or
another of the Beethoven quartets all

the way through.

The idea behind this was that if I
soaked myself in these very great

works, then a little of Beethoven's
inspiration might stick to my own skin

brain or my fingers and come out in what
I wrote.

Of course, that never happened, but one
did sit down to work in a marvellously

uplifted state of mind.

which made it a little more difficult to
write absolute bosh.

What you're going to see now is a
musical story that somehow emerged from

peculiar habit of mine.

Now that she's ready.

All right, I'm coming.

I've decided to clear this corner right
out. I'm sick and tired of all these

brambles and navels.

Take a day or two.

Yes, well, just don't overdo it, that's
all.

Louise, I wish you wouldn't treat me as
if I'm an old man.

Exercise never did anybody any harm.

Look. Look.

What happens if you see a cat?

What do you think you're doing?

You've scorched yourself.

Do you know whose this cat is?

Have you seen her before?

Never.

Well, now you go on home.

There's a good cat. That's it.

Oh, yes.

Sue, go home.

Go home. We don't want you.

It's no use, Edward.

Louisa, I'm not having that cat in the
house. I don't like cats in the house.

No, you don't like anything in the
house. You don't like anything in the

Oh, I think it's a beautiful cat. Oh,
you would.

I hope it stays for a while.

Well, I hope it doesn't.

Anyway, it belongs to someone else. It
can't possibly stay here. It's obviously

lost.

Go home!

Louisa, if that cat is still hanging
around here this afternoon, you'd better

take it to the police.

They'll see that it gets a home.

How did you get in here?

Hmm?

Well, you're an awfully nice cat, and I
do wish I could keep you, but, you know,

I'm not often allowed things that I
like.

Oh, you darling, what a lot of... a lot
of

bumps you've got on your beautiful face.

Bumps, bumps, bumps.

Well, darling, you must be very old.

Well.

Oh, dear. No, no, no.

Well,

after I finish playing the piano, if
I've got to take you to the police

well, your owners must be frantic with
worry.

Now, I hope you like music.

I play every afternoon.

You know, when I was young, people used
to say that I showed promise

when I married.

Well, enough said.

Now, we'll start with a little Schumann.

Not the matter. Did I frighten you?

Oh,

perhaps you've never heard music before.

All right.

I'm going to try you with something
else.

Yes.

Ready?

How am I imagining it?

Did you prefer the list to the showman?

Well, that's slightly vulgar taste, if I
may say so. No, no, no, I... No, I do

admit that lists can be very charming
sometimes.

All right, let's see.

What sort of connoisseur you really are.

I'm going to play you a little bark.

And what wrong?

What's wrong?

What's wrong with Johann Sebastian?

What's so special about Franz Liszt?

I don't believe you know anything about
music at all. I think you're a fraud.

All right, I am going to put you to a
test.

Let's see how this grabs you, pussycat.

I'm up here.

I am coming.

Oh, Edward, something so wonderful has
happened. Now, I will try and tell you

quietly and calmly, but you know I can
hardly breathe. What's happened here?

please don't. Don't touch them. Leave
them exactly as they are. Louisa, what's

the matter with you?

I thought I told you to get rid of that
cat. I thought I told you to take it to

the police. Did it do this damage?

Well, please don't get worked up,
because what you don't understand is

something... wonderfully exciting has
happened here in this house while you

the guard. The cat knocked over the
statuette. That must have been terribly

exciting. Exactly.

Louisa, are you quite well?

I'm in robust health.

My dear, dear Louisa, I realize that we
lead a quiet life. I know that apart

from your music...

And your cranky ideas. You have very
little to occupy you but really a cat, a

stray cat.

Getting up to mischief cannot by the
wildest stretch of the imagination be

called exciting. You're quite right.

Quite right, Edward.

I should have described what happened
here this afternoon as...

Momentous. Oh, Louisa, stop this
nonsense and make us some tea. Not until

told you what's happened. You've told me
the cat has broken some very valuable

ornaments. Be quiet.

Yes.

Now, this is no ordinary cat.

This is a musical cat.

A musical cat? Well, what does it do?
Whistle the anvil chorus?

No.

It would end deadly serious.

Now, I am not a fanciful woman.

I think I can say, not immodestly, that
I'm practical, hardworking, and down to

earth. Down to earth?

What is all that spiritualism, theosophy
of reincarnation? Be your

own guru.

Down to earth. Yes, well, I was coming
to that. I am a realist.

Yes. And that is why I know.

that there are certain mysteries in life
that cannot be denied, or in some

cases explained.

And I believe that the immortality of
the human soul is one such mystery.

What has that got to do with a cat?

Well, now, I will try and tell you what
I think in plain English.

I am listening. I know you think I'm
silly, but I shall bear your call

Don't get heroic. Just please come to
the point.

Edward, I think that we are at this

moment in the presence of a great
immortal

soul. Yes, yes, of course, of course.

I believe that this cat is a
reincarnation of the great Hungarian

Franz Liszt.

Oh. Oh.

All

right.

All right. You say the cat reacted to
the music of Franz Liszt twice. No.

I heard him turn, saw him walk to you
once. Let's see him do it again.

Certainly not.

He's not a circus performer.

He is one of the world's great
composers.

Oh, my dear woman, he is a cat. He is
the reincarnation of Franz Liszt. Prove

it!

I don't need to prove it. I know.

The soul.

He's there, and that's good enough for
me.

Let's see him perform.

Let's see him tell the difference
between his own music and someone

I do believe you're jealous.

Jealous? What a miserable, mangy old
cat.

All right, if you're going to be
insulting, the best thing you can do is

back to your gardening and leave the two
of us here together in peace.

If you want my honest opinion, I think
you're ill. I think you need a doctor.

You pay no attention to him, my darling.

Oh, dear, no. Paying no attention to
him. That's nice, Drew.

Oh, dear, if only you could talk.

Just thank you. You knew Beethoven.

You met Mendelssohn and Schubert.

Good grief.

You were Wagner's father -in -law. I'm
looking at Wagner's father -in -law.

He wants proof.

Wills, Wills.

No, not we're... Oh, excuse me.

Milton... Recurring Earth Lives.

F... F... F Milton. Ah, F Milton Willis.
The Emerson Foundation

Library. We'll be back in half an hour.

Oh, yes, I see you're interested in
reincarnations.

Well, now, the list is endless.

Epictetus came back as Ralph Waldo
Emerson.

Cicero returned as Gladstone.

Alfred the Great came back as Abraham
Lincoln.

And Julius Caesar as Teddy Roosevelt.

Yes, all these are proven facts.

Really? Is there anything known about
the famous composer, Franz Liszt?

Can't recall.

However, a colleague of mine, Professor
Jameson, maintains that Beethoven came

back as Louis Armstrong.

I make no comment, but I'm rather
doubtful. Would you excuse me? Oh, I'm

I beg your pardon.

I'm talking about animals.

I mean, is it possible, would it be
probable for a faint person to come back

the body of an animal?

I'm afraid I'm not very good about
animals. I have an allergy to fur.

But yes, there are known cases.

Napoleon Bonaparte came back as an
Arabian static.

Yes, a gift from Prince Ibn Saud to
Queen Victoria.

Oh, then, of course, there's that most
celebrated of reincarnation, Lord Byron.

Oh, I think everyone knew about that.

Yes, Lord Byron returned as a Bengal
tiger.

Unfortunately, he was shot on an
expedition in 1906, led by the president

Karachi branch of our society.

If one was convinced, Mr. Williams, of
the reincarnation of someone famous as

animal, let's say as a cat, for example,
how would one set about

proving it?

Now, this is very interesting.

Usually one would observe a physical
resemblance, however slight.

Let's take the example of Lord Byron and
the tiger.

It was found that the tiger was lame.

Well, Lord Byron had a clubbed foot.

So, you see.

I can't tell you what the resemblance
was between Bonaparte and the Arabian

Staden. Oh,

I beg your pardon. I do beg your pardon.
I could find out if you wanted me to.

Thank you. Thank you. You have been so
kind.

Anytime, anytime.

Now, perhaps you'd be interested in some
of the work that I've been doing

recently. A very great favorite of mine,
George Washington.

I am.

I can prove three reappearances.

First, as Mrs. Lincoln.

Secondly, as the poet Whitman.

And third, third, and this is going to
really baffle the cynics, as the Dalai

Lama.

That's it. Look carefully at that
photograph. Now, what do you see? Do you

his warts?

Yeah. Well, he was famous for them.

His what? Yes.

Yes. His children used to grow little
tufts of hair.

on their own faces didn't they to look
just like yes five of them yes

now feel the cat's face feel me yes come
on feel

it properly what what you feel what's
that bumps

exactly five of them edward in exactly

the same places

Don't prove anything.

I'm afraid, maestro, I shall have to put
you to a little test.

Now, it is well known that Liszt admired
all of Chopin's

works, except one.

And that was the... the Scatthorn B
-flat minor.

He called that the governor's... the
governor's Scatthorn. He hated it. So

Well, let's just see what happens.

Yes?

And now some of his own music.

And what have you got to say for
yourself now?

I must say, it's quite amusing.

Amusing? Yes, amusing.

We've got friends lives, staying in our
house.

most wonderful thing that's ever
happened.

I shall notify all the eminent musicians
in the world. I think you're mad.

We'll make films.

We'll get television interviews. I'll
have none of this. Louisa, I absolutely

forbid you to stir up a lot of publicity
about such a ridiculous thing.

Keep the damn animal if you must, but
it'll go no further. Do you understand

that, Louisa?

Damn you, Ed.

For the first time in our lives,
something wonderful happens, and then

scared to death that somebody will laugh
at you. I realize that this is an

awkward time in your life.

My God.

You idiot, you pompous idiot. Don't you
see that this is something momentous? I

must have another word on this subject.

I'll tell you what you will do. You will
go to the kitchen and fix me something

to eat. I am hungry and I want my
dinner.

I am sorry.

I didn't realize.

Oh, you must be thankless.

I'm sorry.

I'll make you something very special.

Very special, my darling, just for you.

I won't belong.

Where is he? Who?

You know who?

Oh, a cat? I don't know.

I, uh, built a fire up so it'll burn all
night.

Edward.

I forgot my gloves.

Them brambles will tear you to pieces.

Maestro! There's nothing to get worked
up about, Louisa.

Louisa, put that down.

Put that down, Louisa.

Put that down.

Louisa!