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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:55,820 --> 00:00:56,940 ... ... 2 00:00:56,940 --> 00:01:10,340 ... 3 00:01:10,340 --> 00:01:11,340 ... 4 00:01:31,650 --> 00:01:33,970 Either you leave or I do. 5 00:01:34,170 --> 00:01:36,750 I've had enough. Now get out of it saying you're going. 6 00:01:37,010 --> 00:01:38,410 While you're here, don't you go. 7 00:01:38,610 --> 00:01:40,930 Go for good and leave me in peace. 8 00:01:41,570 --> 00:01:43,830 Rake, gas, electricity. 9 00:01:44,650 --> 00:01:46,210 All final demands. 10 00:01:47,350 --> 00:01:50,810 One final demand I await with pleasure. 11 00:01:51,430 --> 00:01:52,930 The last judgment. 12 00:01:53,610 --> 00:01:57,030 Then you'll be judged as well as me, you stale fish. 13 00:02:05,470 --> 00:02:06,230 That 14 00:02:06,230 --> 00:02:14,810 was 15 00:02:14,810 --> 00:02:18,770 seven pounds and twelve hours of oblivion. 16 00:02:22,440 --> 00:02:24,320 Perhaps they've come to cut something off. 17 00:02:26,560 --> 00:02:28,120 Your head, I hope. 18 00:02:35,560 --> 00:02:36,760 Oh. Yes? 19 00:02:37,380 --> 00:02:40,460 I was wondering... Yes? 20 00:02:41,240 --> 00:02:43,280 Whether you were having any trouble with your water. 21 00:02:44,300 --> 00:02:47,440 Water is something that has never troubled me. 22 00:02:47,760 --> 00:02:48,760 No. 23 00:02:49,360 --> 00:02:50,360 No. 24 00:02:51,820 --> 00:02:53,480 That was just an excuse, of course. 25 00:02:53,820 --> 00:02:59,840 I have been a marriage guidance counselor and a Samaritan. If I could 26 00:02:59,840 --> 00:03:00,840 all. No! 27 00:03:04,320 --> 00:03:06,880 Just to pay for the one you broke. 28 00:03:07,620 --> 00:03:12,360 Mrs. Locke, I have a friend in Alcoholics Anonymous. Will you get the 29 00:03:12,360 --> 00:03:13,360 of here? 30 00:03:13,980 --> 00:03:18,920 Don't be a Samaritan to the strippers in Soho. I've done my best to be 31 00:03:18,920 --> 00:03:22,420 understanding, Mr. Lockwood. Really, these rows are quite intolerable. I 32 00:03:22,420 --> 00:03:23,440 make a complaint to the landlord. 33 00:03:44,330 --> 00:03:45,330 did I keep them for? 34 00:03:46,830 --> 00:03:48,690 Mementos of mediocrity. 35 00:03:51,770 --> 00:03:54,470 A day's success has to be paid for. 36 00:03:55,550 --> 00:03:57,530 Failure comes a bit more expensive. 37 00:03:57,910 --> 00:04:01,790 And I have to pay for your failure. 38 00:04:03,070 --> 00:04:04,270 Richard Mellor. 39 00:04:05,510 --> 00:04:06,950 Old Dickie. 40 00:04:09,350 --> 00:04:10,630 Damn his guts. 41 00:04:27,810 --> 00:04:32,850 Damn PAs, damn PROs, and damn all the jerks who can't keep a deadline. 42 00:04:37,050 --> 00:04:38,910 You haven't done much today, have you? 43 00:04:39,530 --> 00:04:41,370 Well, moving these stones does my back in. 44 00:04:42,490 --> 00:04:46,330 If you went to the osteopath, whose name, address, and telephone number I 45 00:04:46,330 --> 00:04:48,250 you, you wouldn't have a bad back. I don't want an osteopath. I just want 46 00:04:48,250 --> 00:04:49,290 minutes' peace, please. 47 00:04:51,080 --> 00:04:55,080 You've had a whole day's peace while I've been seeing 20 dumb models. Oh, and 48 00:04:55,080 --> 00:04:56,080 fixing the air tickets. 49 00:04:56,680 --> 00:04:57,680 Hotel. 50 00:04:58,060 --> 00:04:59,060 Italian PR. 51 00:04:59,280 --> 00:05:00,360 An absolute idiot. 52 00:05:00,580 --> 00:05:03,340 Taking to see if I can get 40 dresses through customs in Rome. 53 00:05:05,780 --> 00:05:09,220 Make sure I've got the hairdresser I want to not stand in. 54 00:05:16,160 --> 00:05:18,980 Why the hell do you still read Variety? 55 00:05:20,460 --> 00:05:21,620 Think you're going to make Broadway? 56 00:05:22,980 --> 00:05:23,980 Nostalgia, my love. 57 00:05:24,160 --> 00:05:25,780 I did make Toronto once. 58 00:05:28,940 --> 00:05:30,220 Where did you put my clothes? 59 00:05:31,480 --> 00:05:33,220 Clothes? My dry cleaning. 60 00:05:34,580 --> 00:05:35,580 Oh, God. 61 00:05:35,880 --> 00:05:37,200 Oh, that means you haven't collected it. 62 00:05:37,680 --> 00:05:42,160 It's too late. They're closed now. Look, I'll go first thing tomorrow morning. I 63 00:05:42,160 --> 00:05:46,140 leave the house at eight. That means I've got to go shopping when I get there 64 00:05:46,140 --> 00:05:48,060 boil in wool in Rome. 65 00:05:50,730 --> 00:05:52,490 I'm sorry, my mind was on other things. 66 00:05:53,830 --> 00:05:57,030 Yes, I've got to go to the theatre now, too. Now, what for? It's early. 67 00:05:57,570 --> 00:05:58,930 Well, we have an equity meeting. 68 00:06:00,050 --> 00:06:03,570 I haven't told you the show closes on Saturday. 69 00:06:05,170 --> 00:06:07,270 And it's most unlikely we'll get paid. 70 00:06:07,950 --> 00:06:09,830 When did you last get paid for anything? 71 00:06:11,290 --> 00:06:12,750 It's rough on the others, that's all. 72 00:06:13,650 --> 00:06:17,510 Because they are not subsidised by wives who fly first class. 73 00:06:18,960 --> 00:06:20,120 To boil in wool in Rome. 74 00:06:25,820 --> 00:06:28,100 What time is the night boat to Dublin? 75 00:06:35,560 --> 00:06:36,940 Yes, yes, I said Dublin. 76 00:06:38,300 --> 00:06:41,300 And what train from London would connect with that? 77 00:06:43,300 --> 00:06:44,800 Is that the first train? 78 00:06:47,060 --> 00:06:48,720 And what time does that arrive in Dublin? 79 00:08:53,360 --> 00:08:54,760 Dickie. Good Lord. 80 00:08:56,880 --> 00:08:58,280 Do you still live over there? 81 00:08:58,780 --> 00:08:59,780 Yes, yes. 82 00:09:00,120 --> 00:09:01,160 Still full of actors? 83 00:09:02,020 --> 00:09:03,880 Well, there's one or two of us left. 84 00:09:05,740 --> 00:09:07,280 Are you off somewhere? 85 00:09:07,600 --> 00:09:11,640 Yes. Well, parents, what a dirty weekend. 86 00:09:11,980 --> 00:09:15,540 One of the Puritan English would describe a lover's meeting as a dirty 87 00:09:16,600 --> 00:09:20,080 No, no, those days are over, dear boy. 88 00:09:21,950 --> 00:09:22,950 When do you go? 89 00:09:23,450 --> 00:09:27,430 Well, I've got a couple of hours to kill before I check in at the airport. 90 00:09:27,770 --> 00:09:31,670 Oh, because I was just going down the road for a snifter. Ah, my local pub. 91 00:09:31,730 --> 00:09:33,270 Well, I can do with a drink. 92 00:09:33,990 --> 00:09:34,990 Oh, good. 93 00:09:36,170 --> 00:09:37,170 Good. 94 00:09:37,410 --> 00:09:39,330 Is this your car? 95 00:09:40,150 --> 00:09:44,490 Yes, yes. It was a present from Melissa a few years back. Oh, my God. 96 00:09:45,510 --> 00:09:48,390 Melissa! I think I need that drink. 97 00:09:50,220 --> 00:09:51,500 Oh, it's nice to see you. 98 00:09:53,600 --> 00:09:55,340 Because we never made this, did we, Gus? 99 00:09:55,660 --> 00:09:57,920 I carried a spear here once. Oh, yes. 100 00:09:58,800 --> 00:10:00,900 Because I'm working down the road, actually. 101 00:10:01,100 --> 00:10:02,100 Ah. 102 00:10:02,340 --> 00:10:06,280 But not that play that... Not the worst notices I've read in 30 years, yes. 103 00:10:07,780 --> 00:10:08,780 Yes, 104 00:10:09,280 --> 00:10:10,560 we close on Saturday. 105 00:10:10,820 --> 00:10:13,720 Yeah, well, I didn't see your name outside the theatre. 106 00:10:13,940 --> 00:10:15,880 No, well, I've only got a very, very small part. 107 00:10:17,800 --> 00:10:19,240 I'm understudying as well. 108 00:10:20,720 --> 00:10:24,300 Were we bad, or was he just bad luck that our names aren't up there? 109 00:10:26,020 --> 00:10:28,060 Fergus Locke in King Lear. 110 00:10:29,640 --> 00:10:30,640 Yes. 111 00:10:31,620 --> 00:10:37,500 Richard Miller in Pygmalion. I think I was a rather good Professor Higgins. 112 00:10:38,180 --> 00:10:39,240 In New Zealand. 113 00:10:40,460 --> 00:10:43,440 What the hell do you need to play big boys? 114 00:10:43,700 --> 00:10:48,480 I've heard that Melissa's whatever the female of a tycoon is. 115 00:10:48,880 --> 00:10:50,040 Or tycoonette. 116 00:10:50,760 --> 00:10:53,240 Oh, yes, she's got a chain of boutiques from here to Miami. 117 00:10:53,980 --> 00:10:56,380 So why don't you sit back and pack it in? 118 00:10:57,640 --> 00:11:03,480 Well, because... Because I think she's left me, Gus. 119 00:11:04,500 --> 00:11:06,800 She's gone to do a fashion show in Rome. 120 00:11:07,420 --> 00:11:08,960 She's got a little chap there, I know that. 121 00:11:10,580 --> 00:11:12,320 And I don't expect her back. 122 00:11:13,140 --> 00:11:16,920 She will settle in some tax haven somewhere with her gigolo. 123 00:11:18,760 --> 00:11:20,660 Everything's in her name. All I've got is a car. 124 00:11:22,300 --> 00:11:23,760 So, I'm an understudy. 125 00:11:25,140 --> 00:11:26,280 It's out of work now, too. 126 00:11:27,960 --> 00:11:32,120 Well, if I'd known, I'd have called you. 127 00:11:33,280 --> 00:11:34,960 Even after 25 years. 128 00:11:35,540 --> 00:11:36,620 Sympathy? No, no. 129 00:11:37,540 --> 00:11:38,540 Satisfaction. 130 00:11:38,860 --> 00:11:41,260 Because you, you bastard, you took her from me. 131 00:11:43,080 --> 00:11:45,680 If it hadn't been for that, we might have stayed friends. 132 00:11:46,640 --> 00:11:47,980 I've often misjudged us. 133 00:11:48,840 --> 00:11:53,380 We'd have rambled on like old ham do, but theatrical digs and disastrous 134 00:11:53,460 --> 00:11:58,220 Yes, playing in... Oh, do you remember now? What the hell was the name of the 135 00:11:58,220 --> 00:11:59,920 play? End of the Brighton Pier. 136 00:12:00,580 --> 00:12:03,900 Oh, that's right, that's right. It was the middle of a foresake game. 137 00:12:04,120 --> 00:12:07,260 Waves coming through the waves. And I had to say the line, it's so quiet up 138 00:12:07,260 --> 00:12:08,260 here. 139 00:12:09,060 --> 00:12:11,100 And we both collapsed. 140 00:12:12,640 --> 00:12:14,280 So did the audience. All six. 141 00:12:15,020 --> 00:12:16,020 Two more, Kathleen. 142 00:12:17,390 --> 00:12:18,930 And I'll have a packet of those cigars. 143 00:12:20,690 --> 00:12:21,190 Is 144 00:12:21,190 --> 00:12:31,850 that 145 00:12:31,850 --> 00:12:33,050 pub time or real time? 146 00:12:33,430 --> 00:12:34,550 That's right by the radio. 147 00:12:39,090 --> 00:12:43,150 Only in a Puritan country like England would they set pub talks five minutes 148 00:12:43,150 --> 00:12:45,730 fast. Make you drink up so much. 149 00:12:47,150 --> 00:12:48,150 Oh, sorry. 150 00:12:48,410 --> 00:12:49,410 Water. 151 00:12:55,270 --> 00:12:56,270 I said, 152 00:12:57,510 --> 00:12:58,510 did you want water? 153 00:12:59,250 --> 00:13:00,670 Oh, yes. Yes, please. 154 00:13:02,810 --> 00:13:04,270 Sir, what have you been up to lately? 155 00:13:05,470 --> 00:13:11,450 Oh, uh, walk -ons in TV, you know. I, uh, I model a bit now. 156 00:13:12,830 --> 00:13:14,990 Clothes for the older man, you know, insurance ad. 157 00:13:16,810 --> 00:13:18,490 Plan for a happy retirement. 158 00:13:23,670 --> 00:13:25,670 I should hate your guts. 159 00:13:27,630 --> 00:13:29,290 Well, time cures all things. 160 00:13:30,350 --> 00:13:31,350 So they say. 161 00:13:31,750 --> 00:13:32,890 25 years. 162 00:13:33,730 --> 00:13:35,310 Haven't stopped me loving Melissa. 163 00:13:40,650 --> 00:13:45,330 Ah, well, a woman is only a woman, but a good cigar is a smoke. 164 00:13:46,390 --> 00:13:48,790 Was that from some play we were in? Sounds like Noel Card. 165 00:13:49,550 --> 00:13:50,550 No, no. 166 00:13:50,890 --> 00:13:51,890 It's Rudyard Kipling. 167 00:13:52,870 --> 00:13:56,290 Could I... Help yourself. 168 00:13:56,930 --> 00:13:57,930 Thank you. 169 00:13:58,670 --> 00:14:00,510 Do you remember the old story about the two girls? 170 00:14:00,930 --> 00:14:03,590 One says to the other, Do you like Kipling? 171 00:14:04,190 --> 00:14:06,490 And the other one says, Well, I don't know. I haven't done it yet. 172 00:14:10,110 --> 00:14:14,930 Do you remember the lovely Noel Card story? 173 00:14:15,600 --> 00:14:19,040 He was rehearsing some romantic piece of his. 174 00:14:19,700 --> 00:14:22,200 And the ingenue was a girl called Maureen Clopp. 175 00:14:22,900 --> 00:14:26,900 So when Noel saw the proofs of the bills, he took her aside and he said, 176 00:14:26,940 --> 00:14:31,420 Darling, you're a lovely girl in a lovely play, but I really can't have my 177 00:14:31,420 --> 00:14:33,160 on the bill with someone called Maureen Clopp. 178 00:14:33,420 --> 00:14:38,440 So go away, darling, and come back tomorrow and tell me some nice new 179 00:14:38,440 --> 00:14:43,080 name you've found for yourself. So she went home and came back the following 180 00:14:43,080 --> 00:14:47,330 day. And Noel said, have you found that name, darling? And she said, yes. And 181 00:14:47,330 --> 00:14:48,330 Noel said, tell me. 182 00:14:48,450 --> 00:14:50,450 And so she said, Diana Klopp. 183 00:14:55,070 --> 00:14:56,270 Yes, yes, I remember. 184 00:14:58,050 --> 00:14:59,210 Did you know him, Dickie? 185 00:14:59,590 --> 00:15:00,590 No, no. 186 00:15:01,370 --> 00:15:02,850 Then why do you call him Noel? 187 00:15:05,310 --> 00:15:06,670 Oh, God, Gus. 188 00:15:07,070 --> 00:15:08,770 It's an old actor's habit. We all do it. 189 00:15:10,130 --> 00:15:11,330 How was the marriage? 190 00:15:14,380 --> 00:15:15,380 There was a boy and a girl. 191 00:15:16,700 --> 00:15:18,200 And where are they? 192 00:15:19,340 --> 00:15:21,080 The boy's in New York. 193 00:15:22,980 --> 00:15:26,740 And the girl does some sort of work with children. 194 00:15:27,020 --> 00:15:28,400 I've rather lost touch with her. 195 00:15:29,400 --> 00:15:31,600 Doesn't sound as though the love match worked out. 196 00:15:33,160 --> 00:15:37,460 Well, I never made it as an actor, and Melissa was a great success. 197 00:15:37,940 --> 00:15:41,440 She got in on the 60s boom, then she went in for ethnic stuff, you know, left 198 00:15:41,440 --> 00:15:42,440 hands and all that. 199 00:15:42,940 --> 00:15:45,000 And then she made workmen's overalls a rage. 200 00:15:45,760 --> 00:15:49,540 So now there are girls all over the world walking around with a label 201 00:15:49,540 --> 00:15:50,540 their bottoms. 202 00:15:52,620 --> 00:15:56,580 Whatever happened to that ghastly girl she was at art school with? 203 00:15:58,440 --> 00:16:01,700 Short legs and freckles and screwed back hair. Do you remember? She was a little 204 00:16:01,700 --> 00:16:03,800 dumpy and had to have every joke explained to her twice. 205 00:16:04,560 --> 00:16:05,580 Gosh, she was awful. 206 00:16:06,820 --> 00:16:09,600 Smelt like the inside of a tart handbag. What was her name? 207 00:16:10,940 --> 00:16:11,940 Audrey. 208 00:16:13,329 --> 00:16:16,670 Yes. Whatever happened to her, did she ever get anywhere? No, not far. 209 00:16:17,210 --> 00:16:18,310 She married me. 210 00:16:21,090 --> 00:16:22,090 I'm sorry. 211 00:16:26,710 --> 00:16:31,750 Oh, God! 212 00:16:31,970 --> 00:16:33,290 Oh, God, that was funny! 213 00:16:34,230 --> 00:16:38,990 I wish I'd heard that description all those years ago when I asked her to 214 00:16:38,990 --> 00:16:39,990 me. 215 00:16:41,550 --> 00:16:42,670 On the reaper. 216 00:16:44,630 --> 00:16:47,090 When you stole Melissa. 217 00:16:48,430 --> 00:16:51,290 Gosh. Oh, yes, you did, you devious bloody liar. 218 00:16:52,430 --> 00:16:56,410 And the pair of you like burglars who mess up the carpets. 219 00:16:57,550 --> 00:16:59,230 You messed up my life. 220 00:17:03,910 --> 00:17:05,050 Two more, Kathleen. 221 00:17:05,310 --> 00:17:06,710 No, no, this is my round. 222 00:17:09,550 --> 00:17:10,550 Diet, then. 223 00:17:12,329 --> 00:17:13,329 The same again, please. 224 00:17:17,650 --> 00:17:22,829 How was your marriage? 225 00:17:24,970 --> 00:17:26,550 Bust, like yours. 226 00:17:27,390 --> 00:17:28,750 We couldn't have children. 227 00:17:30,430 --> 00:17:34,070 Then she found out that I was chronically unfaithful. 228 00:17:34,990 --> 00:17:37,930 So she took to religion and illness. 229 00:17:41,550 --> 00:17:43,710 When she wasn't in church, she was in hospital. 230 00:17:45,230 --> 00:17:46,230 Thank you. 231 00:17:46,550 --> 00:17:48,930 Well, Melissa was always doing the place up. 232 00:17:49,630 --> 00:17:51,970 If we weren't converting the attic, we had to have a patio. 233 00:17:52,490 --> 00:17:53,490 It was yesterday. 234 00:17:54,250 --> 00:17:55,750 With unpaid labour, mind. 235 00:17:57,150 --> 00:18:03,950 Melissa... was... And I've... I've known 236 00:18:03,950 --> 00:18:04,950 a few. 237 00:18:06,570 --> 00:18:09,310 The most beautiful woman... 238 00:18:10,480 --> 00:18:14,480 Dressed or undressed, I have ever seen. 239 00:18:16,380 --> 00:18:18,540 You know who she reminds me of? 240 00:18:18,820 --> 00:18:19,820 No? 241 00:18:21,360 --> 00:18:24,740 You know what reminds me of her? 242 00:18:26,400 --> 00:18:31,220 Every time I see a picture of Marilyn Monroe. 243 00:18:32,780 --> 00:18:37,700 The hair that was blonde without being blonded. 244 00:18:39,280 --> 00:18:45,300 The vulnerable, red mouth that was like a kiss without being kissed. 245 00:18:49,120 --> 00:18:50,320 Is she a gentleman? 246 00:18:51,640 --> 00:18:53,580 It was written off, not trash. 247 00:18:54,200 --> 00:18:55,200 Oh. 248 00:18:55,720 --> 00:18:58,780 Bloody hell, with her, my whole life might have been different. 249 00:19:00,140 --> 00:19:02,300 Work, sex, and everything. 250 00:19:02,620 --> 00:19:03,620 Gosh, that's fantastic. 251 00:19:07,470 --> 00:19:10,190 So what are you going to do when your show closes? 252 00:19:12,950 --> 00:19:13,950 Take a break. 253 00:19:14,870 --> 00:19:16,610 On what's left in our joint account. 254 00:19:17,950 --> 00:19:20,890 Go back to where I grew up, south of Norfolk. 255 00:19:21,470 --> 00:19:22,470 Find a pub somewhere. 256 00:19:25,110 --> 00:19:26,110 Yes, 257 00:19:27,230 --> 00:19:30,370 Audrey and I used to go cruising on the Norfolk Roads. 258 00:19:31,850 --> 00:19:33,010 We'd hire a boat, you know. 259 00:19:35,660 --> 00:19:37,000 Boring flat concrete. 260 00:19:38,440 --> 00:19:40,580 Too much water. 261 00:20:00,600 --> 00:20:02,920 Over by the barn. Quick, move. Come on, poke it over there. 262 00:20:03,160 --> 00:20:06,060 You're not the kind of chap who carries a gun. That's not real. It's real, all 263 00:20:06,060 --> 00:20:08,200 right. You know when I got it? When you ran off with Melissa. 264 00:20:08,560 --> 00:20:09,560 Don't move, Kathleen. 265 00:20:09,780 --> 00:20:11,940 I didn't come in here for the sake of your company. 266 00:20:12,180 --> 00:20:14,600 I thought if anything goes wrong, you might tempt me with an alibi. 267 00:20:14,980 --> 00:20:16,180 And now it has gone wrong. 268 00:20:16,620 --> 00:20:17,620 Stay where you are, Kathleen. 269 00:20:18,640 --> 00:20:20,720 I wouldn't want to shoot a girl from Galway. 270 00:20:22,220 --> 00:20:23,220 Mr. Murphy! 271 00:20:23,580 --> 00:20:24,580 Mr. Murphy! 272 00:20:25,040 --> 00:20:26,620 He's that murderer. Give him a chance. 273 00:20:27,140 --> 00:20:29,620 He never had a chance in all his life. Mr. Murphy! 274 00:21:20,560 --> 00:21:22,600 Come on, come on, I never make it. 275 00:21:25,400 --> 00:21:28,080 Come on, I've got to be on that boat. I've got to be on that boat tonight. 276 00:21:28,960 --> 00:21:29,960 Come on! 277 00:22:08,240 --> 00:22:09,420 Hell of a place to end here. 278 00:24:35,500 --> 00:24:36,500 Oh, no. 279 00:24:37,800 --> 00:24:38,800 Oh, no. 19660