All language subtitles for Tales Of The Unexpected s04e13 theres one born every minute

Bask in the sun.

Surf in the Pacific of fabulous
Honolulu.

Combine Hawaii with Hong Kong.

Enjoy the Orient's most spectacular
harbor.

Dazzling skyscrapers, bustling shops,
and duty -free parkings.

Join the folk dancers of Bali.

50 ,000 pounds is neither here nor
there, is it?

Yes. Don't you think so?

Think what?

What? The point in my talking to you if
you never listen to anything I say. I'm

sorry, I was just dropping off.

Well, you'll catch fire if you drop off
like that.

It might not be a bad thing if you do.

What were you trying to tell me?

I was trying to tell you this.

Oh, forget it. It can wait till the
morning.

I'm tired of the whole thing. What whole
thing?

This property deal. Oh.

We haven't stopped quarrelling since you
brought it up.

In fact, we haven't stopped quarrelling
since my aunt left us the money. I'm

beginning to be sorry I ever said I'd
been our friend, Mr Cox.

What he said made sense.

Oh, it made sense, all right, but I
still think we ought to leave that money

the bank on deposit. It's safe.

It's losing value. What do you want us
to do with it? Throw it away?

Have you worked out what he's asking
for?

Every penny we've got, that's what he's
asking for. It's not as though he's

trying to sell us something in the
Bahamas. It's hardly two hours' drive.

We could see it for ourselves.

So who's got the time to do it,
especially at this time of the year?

Actually, you get a better idea of the
whole property from this aerial

photograph. It's a bird's -eye view.

It's an attractive bit of countryside.

A bit in the wild, but very attractive.

Why is he selling so cheaply? Because
it's not going to be in the wilds for

much longer.

If they build the airport, which
everyone's pretty sure they will, all

be built up.

There's planning permission for the
buildings.

No, no, my dear, don't go putting words
into my mouth. I haven't got planning

permission yet.

And if they do, all this will be worth
ten times as much. But everyone's pretty

sure they will.

That's why it's a good buy.

And if they don't?

You've still got the land.

You can't lose.

Seems too good to be true.

Well, as your husband must have told
you, four investors have already put up

,000 each. We're just waiting for the
fifth to close the deal.

Oh, I did say 50 ,000. But it would have
to be cash.

Cash?

Use banknotes.

If you paid by cheque, it would have to
go through his account.

He'd have to pay a fortune in capital
gains tax, whereas this way he can make

seem as if he's selling for much less.

Sounds like a swindle. It is a swindle.

But it's the tax authorities who are
being swindled.

So I shouldn't lose too much sleep over
that.

Or think of the millions they waste.

What's ten thousands of them?

I've never done anything like this
before.

Well, my dear, there's always a first
time.

Now, shall we take a look at the forest?
The timber's an important part of the

deal.

Shall we walk across the field?

Won't I get stuck in the mud?

I'll carry you if you do.

You wouldn't have come here.

It's the chance of a lifetime.

We've put that money by for our old age.
Yes, I know, but by the time we're

ready to use it, it won't be worth
anything. I want to see something for my

money right now.

What would have happened if Aunt Ida
hadn't left us the money in the first

place? We'd be broke.

Which is what we'll be now if we're
going for this harebrained scheme.

She was my aunt, you know. What's that
got to do with it? That doesn't give you

the right to use the money as you want,
if that's what you mean.

That money was left to us jointly. You
can't draw a penny without my signature.

Not a penny.

I don't know how your mind works.

It was you who brought up the idea in
the first place. You even talked me into

it, although I wasn't all that keen at
first.

Well, now that I'm all for it, you're
all against it.

What made you change your mind? He did.

Edward.

On first -name terms already doesn't
lose time, does he? What do you mean by

that? Shh!

What are you so nervous of?

I'm not nervous, Margaret, but these do
happen to be my working hours. And

unlike some firms I could mention, well,
I sometimes work in working hours.

Well, you'd think they'd pay you for it
at least, Arthur.

Why don't you ask for a raise or else...
Or else what? Else you walk out.

Walk out of the office?

Jobs are not all that easy to come by
these days, you know.

No, that's true.

I suppose it just might be a marvellous
investment.

I'll never have to work again.

Mr Pearson, may I have you for a minute?

What's a minute in 32 years, you
doddering old sod?

But not for much longer, I can tell you.
Not if this thing came off.

I can just see his face when I tell him.

Leaving Grimshaw and Herbert, Mr
Pearson, you can't be serious.

Think of your non -contributory pension.

You know what you can do with your non
-contributory pension, Mr Grimshaw?

Stick it right up your penny, pal.

We've realised that our £50 ,000 could
be worth £757 ,309

.36p in three years' time.

You just said you wanted to drop it.

I do.

Right. But in some ways, I don't.

You know, we are going round and round
in circles.

And if this goes on much longer, I'll be
going round the bend.

And now that I'm having second thoughts,
you're all for it again. Oh, I'm all

for it again, but... What?

Well, can't we just sleep on it?

No.

I've had sleepless nights sleeping on
it.

I want to get this matter settled once
and for all. But he wants cash.

He can get cash.

All right.

Go to the bank.

Tomorrow lunchtime, and we'll draw the
money out.

And no going back?

No going back.

Now I'm getting cold feet.

I've never seen so much money in all

my life. Not a one girl.

What means that we've robbed the
bathroom?

God bless you, Aunt Ida. I was always
rather fond of the old bird.

Well, not when she was staying with us.
What would you expect?

She brought her cats with her, all 11 of
them.

You couldn't move without standing on
some vicious tongue.

As it was, she left more to her cats
than she did to us, the silly old cow.

She might have left it all to the cats
if I hadn't nursed her during her last

illness. And if I hadn't fed the cat.

Congratulations. You've just become
landowners.

I feel as if we've just become bankers.

Well, that I can guarantee you won't be.
In fact, if you use your gains wisely,

there's no reason why you shouldn't
become millionaires.

Actually,

there's still one small detail to be
settled.

Oh!

That seems to be about that.

Well, aren't you going to count it?

No.

I've been in this business long enough
to know my clients.

I hope we're doing the right thing.
Doing?

Done.

It's all signed, sealed, and settled,
and I think it calls for a celebration.

Come on.

Let's have a posh lunch.

Don't you have to be back?

Back where?

The office.

Oh, I can be late for once.

What about your sandwiches?

I'm going to feed them to the pigeons.

I don't think pigeons eat them.

Why not?

Do you think they're Jewish?

Oh, there you are. Want to see me, Mr.
Grimshaw? I did.

I suppose you know we're reorganizing
the office.

Come over here.

Now, to my mind, the best place to
store... Something the matter, sir? Have

been drinking?

Yes. Yes, I have, as a matter of fact.

That's not like you.

I was saying to Mr Hibbert only the
other day, there's one thing you can say

about Pearson, I said. He doesn't drink.

You'll never find him spending hours
over lunch. Well, I just happened to

my wife out to lunch, that's all.

Just like that? Oh, that's right.

With wine? Oh, yes.

That must have put you back a bit.
Almost what I earn in a week. As much as

that? As little as that. Do you know
what I take home after you've taken off

little bit for this and a little bit for
that?

Taxes, Pearson.

Everybody pays taxes.

We pay the going wage and a little more.

Not to mention the Christmas bonus and
the non -contributory pension.

I don't have to tell you, Arthur.

Do you mind if I call you Arthur? Well,
you've been calling me Pearson for as

long as I can remember. I think you'd
better stay with Pearson.

Are you all right? Oh, I've never felt
better.

I am a plain man. Very plain.

And I like others to speak their mind,
but there is no call for rudeness. No. I

am your employer.

What? You still be the office boy of
your father, Anton, the bloody firm?

32 years I've been in this boring job.

32 years counting knickers, checking
pants.

separating the Y fronts from the X
fronts, freezing in summer, roasting in

winter, with rarely a word of thank you,
and hardly ever even a raise, not in

real money, where you can keep your
frilly knickers, and your woolly vests,

your naughty nighties, and your fancy
hoes, and you can hang yourself in them.

Am I to understand you're not happy
here, Mr Pearson?

I should never have joined Grimshaw's in
the first place. I was doing all right

in the army.

I know that I was only a last corporal,
but I could have been a sergeant.

No, I tell you, I feel a new man
already.

I don't know if I didn't prefer the old
one.

You see, my good point is people.

People? People. I've always been good at
working with people, but I've never had

the chance to show it. Not since I left
the army.

Are you laughing?

I'm not laughing.

Well, you just wait till the new author
gets going. You'll all be in for a big

surprise. Well, let's drink to him. Oh,
listen, I want to see those papers. What

did I do with them? Don't worry.

I put them in my bag.

Hello?

What's the matter?

I can't find the gold pen. Well,

you had it in Cox's office. You signed
the papers with him.

Well, you'd think Inspector would be
back by now.

You can't imagine the limit Inspector
can take these days.

After four?

He must be having a long lunch.

Looks like it.

May I help you?

Oh, yes, we're looking for Mr Cox. Mr
Cox?

Oh, I don't think he'll be back.

He only rented the office for a month,
you know, and even then he's hardly been

here. I don't think I've seen him more
than three or four times in the few

he's been here.

Do you know him well?

Why do you ask?

Well, I was just thinking, and I
thought, well, no, it can't be. Couldn't

what? Well, I was visiting my sister in
Bury St Edmunds last year.

She doesn't get out much now, you know.

As a matter of fact, she doesn't get out
at all, poor thing.

Arthritis, you see.

But she's very keen on the theatre, my
sister, you know. Or at least she was

then. And so am I. Did you know, when I
was a much younger man, I had ambitions

of treading the boards myself. You were
telling us about Mr Cox. What, then?

You were telling us. about Mr Cox.

Ah, yes. Well, now, I wouldn't swear to
it.

Not on the Bible. I'm a Methodist, you
see.

Strange enough, my sister isn't. She's a
Presbyterian. But what about Cox?

Oh, I've no idea what he is.

But when I was at the theatre, I saw
your Mr Cox playing... Oh, what do you

it now?

Well, one of the smaller parts in Lady
Windermere's fan.

What? Oh, yes. I mean, if it wasn't him,
he was the exact double. Same face,

same bill, same walk, same way he holds
his head.

But he wasn't called Cox then.

Of that, I'm certain.

You mean he's an actor?

Oh, you saw him also, didn't you? No, I
didn't see him. I'm asking you if he was

an actor.

Well, he was then. And if he wasn't,
he's the exact double of the chap who

I'm not surprised either he was an
actor.

All commoner actors and very good ones
at that.

There's no such firm as Cox and
Havering. We've checked on that.

And there's no property company of the
name you mentioned. But he showed it to

me. I've been there. I've looked round
the whole estate.

He could have shown you round High Park.

Wouldn't mean he's got any title to it.
We've got the title deed.

Worthless. So you mean all our money's
gone?

Every penny.

If you'd have signed a cheque, there
would still have been time to stop it.

Didn't you smell a rat when he asked for
cash? Well, I did. We both did. Then

why did you go through with it? Well,
because he said it would be cheaper if

paid cash. You seem so convincing.

Common always are.

Give me a description of the man. He was
about six foot. He couldn't have been

six foot and of medium height. He was
about my height.

Nearly a head.

He was a good six foot with piercing
blue eyes. Piercing blue eyes. They

washed out to me. Are you sure you're
talking about the same man? Look, you'd

better let me do this. Look, he was
about my height, beginning to go a bit

on top. You say the commissioner here
identified him as a well -known actor.

I don't know how well -known he was, but
the commissioner thought he'd seen him

on the stage.

Well, there's not much to go on, is it?
I mean, even if we should find the man,

there's no certainty we'd find the
money.

£50 ,000 a pound.

Bounce!

There's two gone every minute.

Who brought up the idea in the first
place? All right, I did, but I saw

him as soon as I met him, which is more
than you did. Oh, he's nice! That's all

you can say! He's nice!

He knew how to work his charms on you,
all right, but not on me, he didn't.

Well, you still went through with it. Of
course you wore me down. You went on me

day and night. Oh, we'll be rich, we
can't lose.

We've always got the land to fall back
on. Well, we've fallen back, all right.

That man could have sold you London
Bridge.

All right, we've both been bloody fools.
With this difference, you were a bloody

fool to listen to him and I was a bloody
fool to listen to you.

I feel sick.

Joy, it weren't like a dream.

Listen, your brother may be a good
actor, but I'm better.

Why? By the time I finished, she was
pushing me to get on with the deal.

She was?

You won't thank her.

Good.

No, no, no, we've got a few hours in
hand. We don't have to check in till

11 .30.

What about the cat?

I thought you were going to leave it
with your mother.

No, not to Spain.

Joy, it's a cat.

Or me.

I'm looking forward to Spain.

I wish we decided on Greece.

Spain's the sort of place everybody goes
to these days. That's why Spain's such

a good place to start a hotel.

We've been through all this. Spain is
overrun with Englishmen summer and

They'd do anything for a taste of the
home comforts. And with you behind the

and me as mine host, we could have
minty. We'd make a fortune.

I thought we might have a week or two in
Miami.

Now, Miami isn't Spain.

No, it isn't. I'm not that dumb.

I just fancied it, that's all. 50 ,000
won't get as far as we start thinking

about trips here, there and everywhere.
And it isn't even as if we've got 50

,000. Your brother charges five, a
greedy pig. And where is the end? We've

to be off in a couple of hours. He said
he had to clear up one or two things in

town. Clear up? I hope he hasn't cleared
off.

Oh, yeah, I wouldn't put it past him.
You would?

No, he's probably just a bit late. I'll
give Mum a ring.

Oh, timing was never his strong point.

That's why I was never much use with an
actor.

If you go down in the woods today...
Hello, Mum?

What? When?

What's the matter?

Oh, did he leave a message?

What?

Oh!

Wine! What's happened? He's...

Vanished? What do you mean, vanished?
Vanished. He phoned her from the airport

half an hour ago.

The airport?

What was he doing in the airport? What
do most people do at airports? Catching

plane, I suppose.

Has he gone with the money? What do you
think?

Not the 50 ,000.

Yes.

Oh, my God.

It's a joke.

He is a bit of a joker, your brother,
and he's got you in on it, too. He's

funny, and I'm laughing, but where is
he?

I've told you. He left.

Gone. Flown.

Vermouth.

Perhaps he'll come back.

Oh, he might. He probably will, but not
with the money.

£50 ,000.

I mean, you don't know what I had to
take from Untidy to get that money.

My wife and I were...

Slaves do it.

Wash for her, clean for her, run
errands, anything, anything she wanted.

whole mornings chopping steak for her
bloody cats.

There were 11 of them. There were four
Persians, four Siamese, two Tunis, and a

great big ginger Tom the size of a
sheep.

Oh, Ronald, Ronald, darling.

Oh, darling, Ronald, you lay another
finger on that cat and I'll call the

police. 50 ,000 quid? I don't earn that
in ten years.

What are you going to do about your
wife?

Oh, well, no.

No, that's over, my wife and I. There's
no going back there.

Or the office.

We're still leaving.

Leaving? What on?

Well, I've still got the plane tickets
right here.

And the hotel bookings. And when we're
in Spain, I can look around.

I'll get a job and work my way up. I've
always been very good with people, and

it shouldn't take me too long to start
earning, and I'm very good at languages.

You see, I've never made full use of my
potential.

Your what? My potential, and this will
be the chance. Of course, it would have

been easier with the money, but we'll
manage without, and it will be a

for both of us. Now, you used to be a
dancer in Cabaret, didn't you?

Yes, well, perhaps you could get back
into it, these flamingo dances that are

poor.

Flamingo? Yes, you know, like the... Oh,
flamenco!

Now, if you could do the dance of the
seven veils or something like that,

have them standing on the chairs.

It shouldn't take you long to brush up
your routines, and, of course, we'd have

to go easy for a bit until I had worked
my way up, but that shouldn't take too

long. And besides, you've got a bit put
by, haven't you?

I've got a bit put by?

I'd use my hard -earned savings to keep
a broken -down old creep like you.

Or that I'd go back into cabaret. I'd
rather go on the streets.

What do you think I am and who do you
think you are?

Start again.

Work your way up good with people using
your potential.

You want to take a good look at
yourself, love.

You're ready for the breaker's yard.

I deserved it.

That's the long or the short of it.

Pride comes before the fall.

I had a good, kind, loving, faithful
wife and a good cook.

I didn't appreciate her.

I was unfaithful to her.

And I was planning to rob her.

What's the boy got that she hasn't got?

She's not all that young.

Oh, she can think about his money. But
she can't boil an egg.

I was arrested.

What's that?

I suppose I've missed it.

Missed it? At 10 .12.

10 .12?

At the train.

Oh. Must have missed it.

That's what happens when they start
running on time.

Wouldn't be so bad if they were always
on time.

When they start running late, you expect
them to go on running late. I don't

know where you are once they're on time.

And she keeps cats.

One cat now.

She'll probably have 11 before she's
finished.

Another Aunt Ida, only without the
money.

That's what started it all, Ida's
legacy.

We were all right before the money.

I didn't look at another woman.

Well, maybe I looked, but that was all.

There was nothing more.

No joy.

What do you want to bet that the 1037
will be late?

That's the way it works.

The trains you missed are on time. The
trains you're waiting for are late. Now,

before the war, you could time your
watch by the train. That's at the bottom

it. She was a no -witch, Aunt Ida.

She's put a curse on the money.

Nothing's been the same since.

I mean, I was surprised when she left
her the money, because even if she was

fond of Margaret, she hated me.

She put a curse on the money, and now
it's gone.

The curse is gone.

I feel lighter, freer, than you are,
Beth.

We can start again. I'll get a new job.
Men with my experience don't grow on

trees. And I've always been good with
people.

We'll start again as if the money was
never there.

He was a blessing in disguise, Edward.

Scented my helmet, buckled my front
wheel, nearly swallowed my whistle.

They got the line cleared by the morning
in time for the milk track.

My wife always used to say, so long as
the milk gets through, then they'll be

all right.

Margaret!

Margaret! Arthur's back!

Margaret?

You in bed?

I hope Joy is as good a cook as I was.

Love, Margaret.

Shall

we

drink to Arthur?

Why, Arthur.

Well, I more or less talked you into
this.

And me.

You've got to hand it to him.

He has got a way with people.