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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:02,024 --> 00:00:04,441 (calm music) 2 00:00:06,083 --> 00:00:08,160 It's been a while since I've done one of these, 3 00:00:08,160 --> 00:00:11,545 so let's get caught up to speed. 4 00:00:11,545 --> 00:00:14,175 Everything can be traced back to Project Freelancer, 5 00:00:14,175 --> 00:00:17,033 a military organization gone horribly wrong. 6 00:00:17,033 --> 00:00:18,639 The men in charge were corrupt, 7 00:00:18,639 --> 00:00:21,165 and the soldiers who followed them were blind. 8 00:00:21,165 --> 00:00:23,768 Guess which side I was on? 9 00:00:23,768 --> 00:00:25,993 Eventually it was the project's own creations 10 00:00:25,993 --> 00:00:27,080 that tore it to pieces, 11 00:00:27,080 --> 00:00:29,740 and I was the one sent out to pick them up. 12 00:00:29,740 --> 00:00:32,620 I recovered weapons, armor, and A.I. fragments 13 00:00:32,620 --> 00:00:34,704 all in an effort to keep the wrong people 14 00:00:34,704 --> 00:00:36,176 from getting them first, 15 00:00:36,176 --> 00:00:37,699 but I was too slow. 16 00:00:37,699 --> 00:00:40,595 Everyone fought over the remnants of Project Freelancer. 17 00:00:40,595 --> 00:00:43,298 I didn't think I could believe in anyone anymore. 18 00:00:43,298 --> 00:00:44,131 But then, 19 00:00:44,998 --> 00:00:46,785 I met the Reds and Blues. 20 00:00:46,785 --> 00:00:47,708 - [Sarge] Hey Caboose! 21 00:00:47,708 --> 00:00:48,541 - [Caboose] Hello. 22 00:00:48,541 --> 00:00:49,960 - [Sarge] We've got a proposition for ya. 23 00:00:49,960 --> 00:00:50,793 - [Caboose] For me? 24 00:00:50,793 --> 00:00:51,933 Oh, well, you shouldn't have. 25 00:00:51,933 --> 00:00:53,427 - [Wash] They had been used by the Freelancers, 26 00:00:53,427 --> 00:00:54,709 just like I had. 27 00:00:54,709 --> 00:00:57,996 They were cannon fodder in a conflict with no purpose. 28 00:00:57,996 --> 00:00:59,001 But more importantly... 29 00:00:59,001 --> 00:01:02,765 - [Caboose] Tucker, the Reds gave us a proposition. 30 00:01:02,765 --> 00:01:05,225 We should really send them some sort of thank you basket, 31 00:01:05,225 --> 00:01:06,485 like fruit. 32 00:01:06,485 --> 00:01:07,800 - [Tucker] Proposition just means a choice you idiot. 33 00:01:07,800 --> 00:01:09,601 - [Caboose] Oh. 34 00:01:09,601 --> 00:01:11,077 We will take the fuzzy one. 35 00:01:11,077 --> 00:01:11,941 - [Sarge] But you don't even know 36 00:01:11,941 --> 00:01:13,216 what the proposition is yet. 37 00:01:13,216 --> 00:01:14,301 - [Caboose] Well then we don't know 38 00:01:14,301 --> 00:01:15,953 that it isn't fuzzy then do we? 39 00:01:15,953 --> 00:01:19,064 - [Wash] They were just stupid enough to trust. 40 00:01:19,064 --> 00:01:21,157 Together, we were able to put an end to everything. 41 00:01:21,157 --> 00:01:23,033 The Freelancers, the A.I., 42 00:01:23,033 --> 00:01:25,597 even The Director of the whole operation. 43 00:01:25,597 --> 00:01:27,276 They're all gone. 44 00:01:27,276 --> 00:01:28,943 And as for us, well, 45 00:01:30,682 --> 00:01:31,926 we're ship wrecked. 46 00:01:31,926 --> 00:01:34,282 Crashed during our ride home, 47 00:01:34,282 --> 00:01:36,569 and if we're not rescued soon, 48 00:01:36,569 --> 00:01:40,466 I have a feeling something else might find us first. 49 00:01:40,466 --> 00:01:42,214 This is Agent Washington signing- 50 00:01:42,214 --> 00:01:43,047 (explosion) 51 00:01:43,047 --> 00:01:44,380 Oohhh, what now? 52 00:01:45,558 --> 00:01:47,696 (explosions) 53 00:01:47,696 --> 00:01:48,767 - [Simmons] You missed, sir. 54 00:01:48,767 --> 00:01:49,669 - [Sarge] Dag nabbit! 55 00:01:49,669 --> 00:01:51,770 Who in Sam Hill set this thing to inverted? 56 00:01:51,770 --> 00:01:53,946 - [Simmons] Well sir, statistically most users enjoy... 57 00:01:53,946 --> 00:01:56,299 (Sarge grumbles) 58 00:01:56,299 --> 00:01:57,930 Well eh err, it was probably Grif sir. 59 00:01:57,930 --> 00:02:00,590 - [Grif] Hey, what the fuck is going on out here? 60 00:02:00,590 --> 00:02:01,889 Who's firing at our base? 61 00:02:01,889 --> 00:02:02,722 - [Sarge] We are! 62 00:02:02,722 --> 00:02:03,555 - [Grif] You are? 63 00:02:03,555 --> 00:02:05,862 - [Sarge] Our base is in desperate need of renovations. 64 00:02:05,862 --> 00:02:07,812 Figured I'd tear down the east wing 65 00:02:07,812 --> 00:02:10,050 and put in something nice and decorative. 66 00:02:10,050 --> 00:02:10,950 Like a mortar cannon. 67 00:02:10,950 --> 00:02:11,955 - [Grif] And it didn't occur to you 68 00:02:11,955 --> 00:02:13,382 to warn me before you started 69 00:02:13,382 --> 00:02:15,841 blowing holes in the side of the wall? 70 00:02:17,746 --> 00:02:18,579 (explosion) 71 00:02:18,579 --> 00:02:19,412 Oh, come on! 72 00:02:19,412 --> 00:02:20,261 - [Simmons] Direct hit, sir. 73 00:02:20,261 --> 00:02:21,388 - [Sarge] No it wasn't. 74 00:02:21,388 --> 00:02:22,645 - [Wash] What are you two doing? 75 00:02:22,645 --> 00:02:25,274 - [Sarge] Well if it isn't our good friend Agent Washington. 76 00:02:25,274 --> 00:02:27,088 - [Wash] Don't try to butter me up. 77 00:02:27,088 --> 00:02:29,386 Also, please refrain from pointing that at me. 78 00:02:29,386 --> 00:02:30,363 - [Sarge] Fine. 79 00:02:30,363 --> 00:02:31,411 - [Simmons] We were just borrowing the tank 80 00:02:31,411 --> 00:02:32,522 for a little construction work. 81 00:02:32,522 --> 00:02:33,526 - [Wash] Really? 82 00:02:33,526 --> 00:02:37,469 And which one of my men authorized this? 83 00:02:37,469 --> 00:02:38,751 It was Caboose wasn't- 84 00:02:38,751 --> 00:02:39,584 - [Caboose] Probably. 85 00:02:39,584 --> 00:02:40,417 (Wash sighs) 86 00:02:40,417 --> 00:02:41,665 - [Wash] Sarge, get out of the tank. 87 00:02:41,665 --> 00:02:42,911 - [Sarge] Not a chance, Blue. 88 00:02:42,911 --> 00:02:44,698 Possession's 9/10 of the law. 89 00:02:44,698 --> 00:02:46,122 And the other tenth is a tank. 90 00:02:46,122 --> 00:02:47,320 I've got both. 91 00:02:47,320 --> 00:02:49,498 Besides, we need it to upgrade our quarters. 92 00:02:49,498 --> 00:02:51,072 - [Wash] Your quarters are fine. 93 00:02:51,072 --> 00:02:53,365 - [Grif] Yeah, now get out of the tank you senile old- 94 00:02:53,365 --> 00:02:54,198 (explosion) 95 00:02:54,198 --> 00:02:55,314 Fucking son of a bitch! 96 00:02:55,314 --> 00:02:56,147 - [Sarge] Finger slipped. 97 00:02:56,147 --> 00:02:57,298 - [Wash] Out, now! 98 00:02:57,298 --> 00:02:58,248 - [Caboose] My turn! 99 00:02:58,248 --> 00:03:00,356 - [Wash] Please, be quiet. 100 00:03:00,356 --> 00:03:01,189 - [Caboose] (whispers) My turn. 101 00:03:01,189 --> 00:03:03,131 - [Sarge] This is an outrage! 102 00:03:03,131 --> 00:03:05,819 Blue base is built directly below the crash site. 103 00:03:05,819 --> 00:03:07,663 You've got an unfair advantage. 104 00:03:07,663 --> 00:03:10,151 - [Wash] Sarge, the Reds and Blues aren't fighting. 105 00:03:10,151 --> 00:03:12,608 We're just camped at opposite ends of the canyon 106 00:03:12,608 --> 00:03:14,525 in color divided teams. 107 00:03:15,779 --> 00:03:16,813 While heavily armed. 108 00:03:16,813 --> 00:03:17,646 - [Sarge] True. 109 00:03:17,646 --> 00:03:19,220 But have you ever considered that fighting 110 00:03:19,220 --> 00:03:20,899 is just in our nature? 111 00:03:20,899 --> 00:03:22,712 It's almost instinctual. 112 00:03:22,712 --> 00:03:24,440 If we're not constantly trying to stab each other 113 00:03:24,440 --> 00:03:26,563 in the back, we'll surely die. 114 00:03:26,563 --> 00:03:27,860 - [Wash] Dear God, I hate you. 115 00:03:27,860 --> 00:03:30,090 - [Sarge] That's the spirit. (chuckles) 116 00:03:30,090 --> 00:03:31,211 - [Grif] We may not be fighting, 117 00:03:31,211 --> 00:03:33,828 but you're still way closer to the food stores than we are, 118 00:03:33,828 --> 00:03:35,941 and that is something I will not stand for. 119 00:03:35,941 --> 00:03:38,552 - [Simmons] You won't stand for anything, fat ass. 120 00:03:38,552 --> 00:03:40,876 - [Grif] If you were a few feet closer, you'd be sorry. 121 00:03:40,876 --> 00:03:43,696 - [Wash] If we don't ration our food we'll all be sorry. 122 00:03:43,696 --> 00:03:45,922 We've yet to get our communications dish online, 123 00:03:45,922 --> 00:03:48,420 and if we run out of food before we can radio for help, 124 00:03:48,420 --> 00:03:49,253 we're screwed. 125 00:03:49,253 --> 00:03:50,086 - [Grif] Buzz kill. 126 00:03:50,086 --> 00:03:51,180 - [Wash] Come on, Caboose. 127 00:03:51,180 --> 00:03:53,423 We need to go have a chat with Private Tucker. 128 00:03:54,665 --> 00:03:57,467 - [Simmons] There goes the revered leader of the Blue Army. 129 00:03:57,467 --> 00:03:59,223 What a dick. 130 00:03:59,223 --> 00:04:01,892 - Fine, we don't need that tank anyway. 131 00:04:01,892 --> 00:04:05,091 As many great 21st century movie trailers once said. 132 00:04:05,091 --> 00:04:07,341 This is only the beginning. 133 00:04:08,239 --> 00:04:10,004 And then text would appear on the screen. 134 00:04:10,004 --> 00:04:12,737 And the music would cut out abruptly. 135 00:04:12,737 --> 00:04:16,352 And they'd say one final line of dialog 136 00:04:16,352 --> 00:04:19,759 to leave the audience with the ultimate sense of excitement! 137 00:04:19,759 --> 00:04:21,527 - [Grif] Like what? 138 00:04:21,527 --> 00:04:22,918 - [Sarge] I dunno. 139 00:04:22,918 --> 00:04:26,027 (guitar strums) 140 00:04:26,027 --> 00:04:27,248 - [Tucker] Oh shit. 141 00:04:27,248 --> 00:04:28,987 (tank engine rumbles) 142 00:04:28,987 --> 00:04:29,848 - [Caboose] We are back. 143 00:04:29,848 --> 00:04:30,681 - [Tucker] Caboose? 144 00:04:30,681 --> 00:04:32,224 Christ, I thought you were in that thing. 145 00:04:32,224 --> 00:04:34,908 Wait, who is in that thing? 146 00:04:34,908 --> 00:04:36,107 - [Wash] Hello, Private. 147 00:04:36,107 --> 00:04:37,954 - [Tucker] Oh, shit. 148 00:04:37,954 --> 00:04:38,948 - [Wash] What is the one thing 149 00:04:38,948 --> 00:04:40,970 I tell you each and every morning? 150 00:04:40,970 --> 00:04:41,803 - [Tucker] Wake up. 151 00:04:41,803 --> 00:04:42,636 - [Wash] The other thing. 152 00:04:42,636 --> 00:04:43,638 - [Tucker] For the love of God, 153 00:04:43,638 --> 00:04:44,706 stop sleeping naked. 154 00:04:44,706 --> 00:04:48,950 - [Wash] Don't let anyone touch the tank. 155 00:04:48,950 --> 00:04:49,783 - [Tucker] (chuckles) Okay. 156 00:04:49,783 --> 00:04:50,953 I can see where you're going with this. 157 00:04:50,953 --> 00:04:52,162 - [Wash] Until we're rescued, 158 00:04:52,162 --> 00:04:54,421 we need to be more mindful of the supplies that we have. 159 00:04:54,421 --> 00:04:56,593 - [Tucker] I know, I know ration the food, 160 00:04:56,593 --> 00:04:57,590 maintain our equipment. 161 00:04:57,590 --> 00:04:58,841 - [Caboose] Brush your teeth, 162 00:04:58,841 --> 00:05:00,480 don't talk to strangers, 163 00:05:00,480 --> 00:05:02,299 try not to shoot anyone 164 00:05:02,299 --> 00:05:04,462 while they're trying to brush their teeth. 165 00:05:04,462 --> 00:05:06,938 - [Wash] And always report in to me. 166 00:05:06,938 --> 00:05:07,815 - [Tucker] Do we have to? 167 00:05:07,815 --> 00:05:10,597 - [Wash] Yes, I even put up that old blue team 168 00:05:10,597 --> 00:05:13,406 organizational chart to help demonstrate the point. 169 00:05:13,406 --> 00:05:15,146 - [Tucker] Yeah, but we never really listened to that. 170 00:05:15,146 --> 00:05:16,489 Church just kinda shouted orders 171 00:05:16,489 --> 00:05:18,892 and we'd get around to them, eventually. 172 00:05:18,892 --> 00:05:20,506 Or we wouldn't, whatever. 173 00:05:20,506 --> 00:05:22,990 - [Caboose] He was an inspiration to us all. 174 00:05:22,990 --> 00:05:24,518 - [Wash] Well Church and Carolina 175 00:05:24,518 --> 00:05:26,934 decided to run off without so much as a goodbye. 176 00:05:26,934 --> 00:05:29,966 So it's up to me to keep us all together. 177 00:05:29,966 --> 00:05:32,154 Maybe if someone hadn't have crashed the ship, 178 00:05:32,154 --> 00:05:33,714 we wouldn't be in this mess. 179 00:05:33,714 --> 00:05:34,810 - [Tucker] Whoa, wait a second. 180 00:05:34,810 --> 00:05:36,548 Why are you looking at me when you say that? 181 00:05:36,548 --> 00:05:37,925 - [Wash] I just have a hard time believing 182 00:05:37,925 --> 00:05:39,949 that thousands of well-trained crew members 183 00:05:39,949 --> 00:05:41,253 were to blame for the incident. 184 00:05:41,253 --> 00:05:42,932 - [Tucker] Well, they definitely didn't survive it. 185 00:05:42,932 --> 00:05:46,663 (Tucker laughs) Um. 186 00:05:46,663 --> 00:05:48,269 - [Wash] Wow. 187 00:05:48,269 --> 00:05:49,986 - [Tucker] Yeah. 188 00:05:49,986 --> 00:05:51,586 - [Wash] You proud of yourself? 189 00:05:51,586 --> 00:05:52,446 - [Tucker] No. 190 00:05:52,446 --> 00:05:56,242 - [Caboose] Yeah that was, that's too soon. 191 00:05:56,242 --> 00:06:00,290 Prob-probably too soon for sound effects too. 192 00:06:00,290 --> 00:06:02,873 "Meeer. Oh god help us, Kapow." 193 00:06:03,711 --> 00:06:04,950 Yeah that's too soon. 194 00:06:04,950 --> 00:06:07,369 (guitar strums) 195 00:06:07,369 --> 00:06:09,094 - [Sarge] Absolutely unacceptable. 196 00:06:09,094 --> 00:06:10,474 - [Simmons] I couldn't agree more, sir. 197 00:06:10,474 --> 00:06:12,080 - [Grif] But you have no idea what he's gonna say. 198 00:06:12,080 --> 00:06:12,913 - [Simmons] Oh, right. 199 00:06:12,913 --> 00:06:14,602 Yeah, just got a little excited. 200 00:06:14,602 --> 00:06:16,070 - [Grif] You are the worst kind of person. 201 00:06:16,070 --> 00:06:18,698 - [Sarge] Quiet morons, we've got a situation on our hands. 202 00:06:18,698 --> 00:06:19,544 - [Grif] Which is? 203 00:06:19,544 --> 00:06:22,146 - [Sarge] The deplorable condition of Red Base. 204 00:06:22,146 --> 00:06:23,555 - [Grif] You're still hung up on that? 205 00:06:23,555 --> 00:06:25,102 We're stranded in the middle of nowhere, 206 00:06:25,102 --> 00:06:28,130 surrounded by a mysterious and seemingly uninhabited jungle, 207 00:06:28,130 --> 00:06:28,963 might I add, 208 00:06:28,963 --> 00:06:30,354 and you're worried about the condition 209 00:06:30,354 --> 00:06:31,502 of our makeshift fort? 210 00:06:31,502 --> 00:06:32,428 - [Simmons] Besides I don't think 211 00:06:32,428 --> 00:06:33,610 our base is even that bad. 212 00:06:33,610 --> 00:06:35,273 - [Grif] Well, I wouldn't say that. 213 00:06:35,273 --> 00:06:36,106 - [Simmons] What? 214 00:06:36,106 --> 00:06:36,939 What's wrong with it? 215 00:06:36,939 --> 00:06:37,772 - [Grif] Seriously? 216 00:06:37,772 --> 00:06:39,271 There's an enormous hole in the roof. 217 00:06:39,271 --> 00:06:41,606 Every night it rains, I get washed into the corner. 218 00:06:41,606 --> 00:06:44,018 - [Simmons] Oh, well, yeah, there's that. 219 00:06:44,018 --> 00:06:45,326 But I mean, overall. 220 00:06:45,326 --> 00:06:46,530 - [Sarge] And the majority of the west wing 221 00:06:46,530 --> 00:06:48,677 is made up of sand bags and rain tarps. 222 00:06:48,677 --> 00:06:49,789 - [Grif] Which reminds me. 223 00:06:49,789 --> 00:06:51,098 If we have rain tarps, 224 00:06:51,098 --> 00:06:53,263 why aren't we using them to cover up the hole in the roof? 225 00:06:53,263 --> 00:06:54,453 - [Simmons] Listen, I think you guys 226 00:06:54,453 --> 00:06:56,527 are blowing this whole thing a little out of proportion. 227 00:06:56,527 --> 00:06:57,470 - [Grif] You're just saying that 228 00:06:57,470 --> 00:06:59,082 because you're the one that designed the base. 229 00:06:59,082 --> 00:06:59,962 - [Simmons] Well, I did a better job 230 00:06:59,962 --> 00:07:00,822 than you would've done. 231 00:07:00,822 --> 00:07:02,005 - [Sarge] That's not sayin' much. 232 00:07:02,005 --> 00:07:04,097 - [Grif] I bet I could at least do it in a better location. 233 00:07:04,097 --> 00:07:05,942 - [Simmons] But this is the best location. 234 00:07:05,942 --> 00:07:08,550 The sunlight is perfect for maintaining my vegetable garden, 235 00:07:08,550 --> 00:07:10,109 and the faulty engine from the ship 236 00:07:10,109 --> 00:07:11,231 should keep us warm all winter. 237 00:07:11,231 --> 00:07:12,730 - [Sarge] But aren't slipspace engines 238 00:07:12,730 --> 00:07:14,563 extremely radioactive? 239 00:07:15,826 --> 00:07:16,841 - [Grif] Well, that would explain 240 00:07:16,841 --> 00:07:18,406 why my hair keeps falling out. 241 00:07:18,406 --> 00:07:20,547 And why all your cabbages have three heads. 242 00:07:20,547 --> 00:07:22,486 - [Simmons] I thought I was just really good at farming. 243 00:07:22,486 --> 00:07:23,370 - [Grif] No Simmons, 244 00:07:23,370 --> 00:07:24,422 you're good at other things. 245 00:07:24,422 --> 00:07:27,122 Like always being on time and maintaining your virginity. 246 00:07:27,122 --> 00:07:28,014 - [Simmons] Oh yeah? 247 00:07:28,014 --> 00:07:30,046 Well we'll see who's laughing when my garden produces 248 00:07:30,046 --> 00:07:31,543 a bountiful crop in the coming harvest! 249 00:07:31,543 --> 00:07:32,376 - [Grif] Glad to hear 250 00:07:32,376 --> 00:07:35,647 you've still got that virginity on lockdown, buddy. 251 00:07:35,647 --> 00:07:38,814 - [Tucker] 63, 64, 65, 66, 67, 68, 69. 252 00:07:48,596 --> 00:07:50,557 - [Wash] Tucker, you can't keep stopping on 69. 253 00:07:50,557 --> 00:07:53,624 - [Tucker] No, this time my legs went out. 254 00:07:53,624 --> 00:07:54,616 - [Wash] Come on. 255 00:07:54,616 --> 00:07:56,188 - [Tucker] Ohhoh, Holy Christ! 256 00:07:56,188 --> 00:07:57,316 I haven't been this sore 257 00:07:57,316 --> 00:07:59,280 since that bachelorette party on Bourbon Street. 258 00:07:59,280 --> 00:08:00,735 - [Wash] You want me to believe you banged 259 00:08:00,735 --> 00:08:01,915 an entire bachelorette party? 260 00:08:01,915 --> 00:08:02,979 - [Tucker] I want you to, 261 00:08:02,979 --> 00:08:04,282 but really the groom just showed up 262 00:08:04,282 --> 00:08:05,335 and cracked three of my ribs. 263 00:08:05,335 --> 00:08:06,355 - [Wash] And that's what I thought. 264 00:08:06,355 --> 00:08:07,932 - [Tucker] Why do we have to train so much? 265 00:08:07,932 --> 00:08:10,362 We never had to do squats when Church was in charge. 266 00:08:10,362 --> 00:08:11,428 - [Wash] Exactly. 267 00:08:11,428 --> 00:08:13,855 I'd say you two have fallen out of shape, 268 00:08:13,855 --> 00:08:16,544 but generally in order to fall out of something, 269 00:08:16,544 --> 00:08:17,952 you have to be in it first. 270 00:08:17,952 --> 00:08:19,001 - [Tucker] Hey, that's funny. 271 00:08:19,001 --> 00:08:20,172 You should try comedy, Wash. 272 00:08:20,172 --> 00:08:21,268 Why make one person miserable, 273 00:08:21,268 --> 00:08:22,795 when you can work over an entire room? 274 00:08:22,795 --> 00:08:24,600 - [Wash] All right, time for sprints. 275 00:08:24,600 --> 00:08:25,433 - [Tucker] Fuck you. 276 00:08:25,433 --> 00:08:27,311 - [Wash] I want five laps around the canyon. 277 00:08:27,311 --> 00:08:29,024 - [Tucker] Die in a fire. 278 00:08:29,024 --> 00:08:30,464 - [Wash] Six laps around the canyon. 279 00:08:30,464 --> 00:08:32,444 - [Tucker] Hey, why isn't Caboose down here? 280 00:08:32,444 --> 00:08:34,408 Shouldn't you be making him do dumbbell hurls 281 00:08:34,408 --> 00:08:36,404 or inverted pushups or something? 282 00:08:36,404 --> 00:08:38,969 - [Wash] I think he's having one of his off days. 283 00:08:38,969 --> 00:08:39,802 - [Tucker] Oh! 284 00:08:39,802 --> 00:08:42,469 (guitar strums) 285 00:08:43,615 --> 00:08:45,088 - [Sarge] Men, it has come to my attention 286 00:08:45,088 --> 00:08:46,990 that we have been approaching this base problem 287 00:08:46,990 --> 00:08:48,034 from the wrong direction. 288 00:08:48,034 --> 00:08:49,032 - [Simmons] What do you mean? 289 00:08:49,032 --> 00:08:51,584 - [Sarge] I mean we've been approaching it from the outside. 290 00:08:51,584 --> 00:08:53,863 What we should have been focusing on is the interior, 291 00:08:53,863 --> 00:08:55,468 the layout is all wrong. 292 00:08:55,468 --> 00:08:57,443 Upon reflection, I realized 293 00:08:57,443 --> 00:08:59,706 that a man of my military expertise 294 00:08:59,706 --> 00:09:01,827 requires more private quarters, 295 00:09:01,827 --> 00:09:04,845 a place where I can reflect on my vast victories. 296 00:09:04,845 --> 00:09:08,580 And contemplate on my non-existent failures. 297 00:09:08,580 --> 00:09:10,185 - [Grif] Is the place called denial? 298 00:09:10,185 --> 00:09:12,100 - [Sarge] Which is why I ordered Private Grif here 299 00:09:12,100 --> 00:09:14,017 to erect this new wall. 300 00:09:16,517 --> 00:09:17,745 - [Simmons] Okay, I give up. 301 00:09:17,745 --> 00:09:20,281 - [Grif] The sandbags. 302 00:09:20,281 --> 00:09:21,209 - [Simmons] What? 303 00:09:21,209 --> 00:09:22,321 That's the wall? 304 00:09:22,321 --> 00:09:24,961 - [Sarge] Grif, I asked you to give me a proper erection, 305 00:09:24,961 --> 00:09:26,189 not to stiff me! 306 00:09:26,189 --> 00:09:27,815 - [Simmons] So glad Donut's not here. 307 00:09:27,815 --> 00:09:28,648 - [Grif] Hey, it's not like 308 00:09:28,648 --> 00:09:30,389 I'm some expert carpenter or something. 309 00:09:30,389 --> 00:09:31,873 - [Simmons] This isn't even carpentry. 310 00:09:31,873 --> 00:09:35,281 This is stacking things in a straight line poorly. 311 00:09:35,281 --> 00:09:36,689 - [Grif] Well, it's all I could find. 312 00:09:36,689 --> 00:09:38,205 So build a bridge and get over it. 313 00:09:38,205 --> 00:09:39,929 - [Simmons] Hey Grif, when I build a bridge, 314 00:09:39,929 --> 00:09:41,173 should I use a few sandbags, 315 00:09:41,173 --> 00:09:43,005 or you know, something fucking useful? 316 00:09:43,005 --> 00:09:44,053 - [Sarge] Useful or not, 317 00:09:44,053 --> 00:09:46,305 I hereby declare that from this point forward, 318 00:09:46,305 --> 00:09:48,251 this side of the wall is to be reserved 319 00:09:48,251 --> 00:09:49,485 for my own personal use. 320 00:09:49,485 --> 00:09:50,318 - [Simmons] Wait wait wait, 321 00:09:50,318 --> 00:09:52,197 you get half of the base all to yourself? 322 00:09:52,197 --> 00:09:53,397 What about me and Grif? 323 00:09:53,397 --> 00:09:56,445 - [Sarge] Sorry Simmons, afraid I can't hear you 324 00:09:56,445 --> 00:09:57,837 from the next room. 325 00:09:57,837 --> 00:10:00,221 These walls are just too thick! 326 00:10:00,221 --> 00:10:01,054 - [Simmons] But I- 327 00:10:01,054 --> 00:10:04,392 - [Sarge] Enjoy your new roommate! (chuckles) 328 00:10:04,392 --> 00:10:06,569 - [Grif] Ground rules: if there's a sock on the door, 329 00:10:06,569 --> 00:10:08,125 do not come in. 330 00:10:08,125 --> 00:10:10,601 - [Simmons] We don't have socks. or a door. 331 00:10:10,601 --> 00:10:12,193 - [Grif] And I don't have an internet connection, 332 00:10:12,193 --> 00:10:13,857 but we've all gotta find some way to masturbate, 333 00:10:13,857 --> 00:10:14,863 now don't we? 334 00:10:14,863 --> 00:10:16,252 (guitar strums) 335 00:10:16,252 --> 00:10:19,502 - [Caboose] Sigh, groan, oh, woe is me. 336 00:10:22,601 --> 00:10:25,917 Oh, I don't know what that even means. 337 00:10:25,917 --> 00:10:29,921 - [Wash] Still standing in the corner, Caboose? 338 00:10:29,921 --> 00:10:32,754 - [Caboose] Oh yeah, Yeah, I just, 339 00:10:33,749 --> 00:10:36,449 yeah, I just miss Church sometimes. 340 00:10:36,449 --> 00:10:37,917 - [Wash] I know you do, buddy. 341 00:10:37,917 --> 00:10:40,691 He was your leader for a really long time. 342 00:10:40,691 --> 00:10:42,641 - [Caboose] Yeah, I am just, 343 00:10:42,641 --> 00:10:44,988 I, I'm just so lost without him! 344 00:10:44,988 --> 00:10:48,238 I, I don't even recognize my own face! 345 00:10:49,650 --> 00:10:52,886 - [Wash] Well, you don't have your old helmet anymore, 346 00:10:52,886 --> 00:10:54,362 Caboose. 347 00:10:54,362 --> 00:10:57,712 Also your helmet and face are not the same thing. 348 00:10:57,712 --> 00:11:02,309 - [Caboose] Oh, god, that explains the blinking contest. 349 00:11:02,309 --> 00:11:04,317 Why'd you have to tell me that? 350 00:11:04,317 --> 00:11:06,877 Aghh, you just made it worse. 351 00:11:06,877 --> 00:11:09,477 - [Wash] Look, Caboose. 352 00:11:09,477 --> 00:11:11,444 I'm sure that somewhere out there, 353 00:11:11,444 --> 00:11:14,996 Church is thinking about how much he misses you, too. 354 00:11:14,996 --> 00:11:17,969 - [Caboose] You really think so? 355 00:11:17,969 --> 00:11:18,802 - [Epsilon] Shut up. - [Caboose] We'll go on 356 00:11:18,802 --> 00:11:19,635 adventures together, 357 00:11:19,635 --> 00:11:21,785 while we ride bikes and solve crimes! 358 00:11:21,785 --> 00:11:22,618 Just shut your mouth. 359 00:11:22,618 --> 00:11:23,451 - [Epsilon] Shut up, shut up. 360 00:11:23,451 --> 00:11:24,995 - [Caboose] And then we're gonna go to the fair. 361 00:11:24,995 --> 00:11:27,916 - [Epsilon] CABOOSE, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, SHUT THE FU- 362 00:11:27,916 --> 00:11:30,345 And then we're gonna finger paint. 363 00:11:30,345 --> 00:11:31,512 - [Wash] Yeah. 364 00:11:33,402 --> 00:11:35,057 Why don't you go for a walk? 365 00:11:35,057 --> 00:11:37,467 Take a little time to clear your head. 366 00:11:37,467 --> 00:11:39,271 - [Caboose] Yeah. 367 00:11:39,271 --> 00:11:44,021 Yeah, I just, yeah, I'll go on a walk by myself, I guess. 368 00:11:45,075 --> 00:11:48,562 That won't be depressing at all. 369 00:11:48,562 --> 00:11:49,562 Ohh, oh god. 370 00:11:51,940 --> 00:11:54,107 I'm walking by myself now. 371 00:11:55,425 --> 00:11:56,258 Ohhhhhh. 372 00:11:58,425 --> 00:11:59,258 Ohhhhhh. 373 00:12:00,727 --> 00:12:03,978 - [Wash] What am I gonna do with him? 374 00:12:03,978 --> 00:12:06,673 I said sprints, Private Tucker! 375 00:12:06,673 --> 00:12:09,221 - [Tucker] I'm going to spit in your next meal! 376 00:12:09,221 --> 00:12:11,199 And it's not going to be spit, 377 00:12:11,199 --> 00:12:12,699 if you know what I'm talking about! 378 00:12:12,699 --> 00:12:14,244 (guitar strums) 379 00:12:14,244 --> 00:12:18,077 - [Caboose] Depression, loneliness, confusion. 380 00:12:20,555 --> 00:12:22,138 Slight indigestion. 381 00:12:25,295 --> 00:12:28,128 Oh Church, ah, I miss you so much! 382 00:12:29,375 --> 00:12:33,351 Who is supposed to be my best friend while you are gone? 383 00:12:33,351 --> 00:12:37,018 Tucker, that guy isn't even a shade of blue! 384 00:12:39,376 --> 00:12:40,876 It's like an aqua. 385 00:12:41,991 --> 00:12:43,095 (metal clatters) 386 00:12:43,095 --> 00:12:43,928 Hello? 387 00:12:45,414 --> 00:12:46,747 Um, who's there? 388 00:12:48,169 --> 00:12:49,721 Tucker is that you? 389 00:12:49,721 --> 00:12:50,962 (eerie music) 390 00:12:50,962 --> 00:12:52,379 Agent Washington? 391 00:12:53,699 --> 00:12:54,911 Hello! 392 00:12:54,911 --> 00:12:56,715 - [Echo] Hello! 393 00:12:56,715 --> 00:13:00,119 - [Caboose] Oh, that was just me, that was stupid. 394 00:13:00,119 --> 00:13:02,076 (yells) Have a nice day! 395 00:13:02,076 --> 00:13:03,840 - [Echo] Thanks, you too! 396 00:13:03,840 --> 00:13:06,495 - [Caboose] Well, I am a very pleasant person. 397 00:13:06,495 --> 00:13:10,023 Okay, me, you can cut it out now. 398 00:13:10,023 --> 00:13:12,467 This is getting a little silly. 399 00:13:12,467 --> 00:13:14,744 (Caboose gasps) 400 00:13:14,744 --> 00:13:15,577 Hello. 401 00:13:17,555 --> 00:13:19,770 (guitar strums) 402 00:13:19,770 --> 00:13:21,799 - [Wash] Tucker, in basic training, 403 00:13:21,799 --> 00:13:23,339 there is a point when the drill sergeant 404 00:13:23,339 --> 00:13:25,863 attempts to "break" his or her soldiers 405 00:13:25,863 --> 00:13:28,355 so that they may overcome their civilian mindset 406 00:13:28,355 --> 00:13:30,891 and focus on the responsibility and selflessness 407 00:13:30,891 --> 00:13:32,391 of becoming a true soldier. 408 00:13:32,391 --> 00:13:35,223 - [Tucker] Uh, bro, I went through basic ages ago! 409 00:13:35,223 --> 00:13:36,711 True soldier, standing right here! 410 00:13:36,711 --> 00:13:38,359 - [Wash] What is the UNSC motto? 411 00:13:38,359 --> 00:13:39,755 - [Tucker] When in doubt, rub one out. 412 00:13:39,755 --> 00:13:42,481 - [Wash] I am going to break you, Private Tucker. 413 00:13:42,481 --> 00:13:44,388 - [Tucker] Ooh, I'm shaking in my armor. 414 00:13:44,388 --> 00:13:46,343 - [Wash] Inside this tunnel is an elaborate 415 00:13:46,343 --> 00:13:49,043 obstacle course designed to test both your reflexes 416 00:13:49,043 --> 00:13:50,271 and your mettle. 417 00:13:50,271 --> 00:13:52,970 - [Tucker] Uh, like copper? 418 00:13:52,970 --> 00:13:54,351 - [Wash] No that's metal. 419 00:13:54,351 --> 00:13:55,431 I said mettle. 420 00:13:55,431 --> 00:13:56,423 - [Tucker] Whatever. 421 00:13:56,423 --> 00:13:59,087 - [Wash] On your mark, get set... 422 00:13:59,087 --> 00:13:59,920 - [Tucker] This is such- 423 00:13:59,920 --> 00:14:00,753 (gun fires) 424 00:14:00,753 --> 00:14:02,095 Shit, ow, okay, I'm going! 425 00:14:02,095 --> 00:14:03,428 (upbeat music) 426 00:14:03,428 --> 00:14:04,261 (gun fires) 427 00:14:04,261 --> 00:14:05,094 Stupid fucking cones! 428 00:14:05,094 --> 00:14:07,223 (barrier cracks) 429 00:14:07,223 --> 00:14:08,091 Jesus Christ! (explosion) 430 00:14:08,091 --> 00:14:09,424 (guns fire) Oh, God! 431 00:14:09,424 --> 00:14:11,454 Where is this coming from? 432 00:14:11,454 --> 00:14:12,695 Who are these people? 433 00:14:12,695 --> 00:14:14,326 What the fuck is going on? 434 00:14:14,326 --> 00:14:17,448 (Tucker pants) (buzzer blares) 435 00:14:17,448 --> 00:14:19,170 - Congratulations, Private. 436 00:14:19,170 --> 00:14:22,337 That time was adequate for a beginner. 437 00:14:23,828 --> 00:14:27,039 - [Tucker] I, what was? (coughs) 438 00:14:27,039 --> 00:14:27,872 I don't... 439 00:14:27,872 --> 00:14:29,146 - [Wash] Just an adrenaline rush Tucker. 440 00:14:29,146 --> 00:14:30,176 It'll wear off. 441 00:14:30,176 --> 00:14:32,103 - [Tucker] I'm, I'm... 442 00:14:32,103 --> 00:14:33,603 - [Wash] Shaking in your armor? 443 00:14:33,603 --> 00:14:36,063 - [Caboose] Oh boy, oh boy, oh boy, hello, hello! 444 00:14:36,063 --> 00:14:38,359 - [Wash] Caboose, glad to see you're feeling better! 445 00:14:38,359 --> 00:14:40,431 I've got a little exercise for you. 446 00:14:40,431 --> 00:14:43,383 Inside this cave is an elaborate obstacle course, 447 00:14:43,383 --> 00:14:44,255 designed to... 448 00:14:44,255 --> 00:14:45,088 (explosion) (buzzer blares) 449 00:14:45,088 --> 00:14:45,921 - [Caboose] Okay, that was fun! 450 00:14:45,921 --> 00:14:47,734 Gotta go do stuff, don't ask questions! 451 00:14:47,734 --> 00:14:49,872 Thank you, goodbye! 452 00:14:49,872 --> 00:14:52,903 - [Wash] I think that's enough training for today. 453 00:14:52,903 --> 00:14:53,759 - [Tucker] Yeah. 454 00:14:53,759 --> 00:14:57,842 - [Wash] Uh, I'm gonna go work on the Comm Tower. 455 00:14:59,279 --> 00:15:00,359 - [Tucker] Yeah. 456 00:15:00,359 --> 00:15:02,683 (guitar strums) 457 00:15:02,683 --> 00:15:05,860 - [Simmons] Hey roomie, uh you got a second for me? 458 00:15:05,860 --> 00:15:06,693 - [Grif] Sup? 459 00:15:06,693 --> 00:15:08,395 - [Simmons] Oh, you know, not much, not much 460 00:15:08,395 --> 00:15:10,123 Uh, oh, so, question for you. 461 00:15:10,123 --> 00:15:10,956 - [Grif] Uh huh? 462 00:15:10,956 --> 00:15:12,834 - By any chance, have you seen my toothbrush? 463 00:15:12,834 --> 00:15:15,463 - [Grif] Uh, I don't think so. 464 00:15:15,463 --> 00:15:16,499 - [Simmons] Okay, okay. 465 00:15:16,499 --> 00:15:17,673 Uh, you sure? 466 00:15:17,673 --> 00:15:18,511 - [Grif] Yeah. 467 00:15:18,511 --> 00:15:20,475 - [Simmons] Cause you know, 468 00:15:20,475 --> 00:15:22,616 I'm pretty sure I saw you with it earlier. 469 00:15:22,616 --> 00:15:24,416 - [Grif] Dude, you're acting weird. 470 00:15:24,416 --> 00:15:25,531 - [Simmons] Hm, what? 471 00:15:25,531 --> 00:15:26,364 What do you mean? 472 00:15:26,364 --> 00:15:28,014 - [Grif] I mean, clearly you're accusing me 473 00:15:28,014 --> 00:15:29,191 of using your toothbrush, 474 00:15:29,191 --> 00:15:30,971 but instead of just coming out and saying it, 475 00:15:30,971 --> 00:15:32,644 you're being really passive aggressive 476 00:15:32,644 --> 00:15:34,305 and tiptoeing around the accusation. 477 00:15:34,305 --> 00:15:35,311 - [Simmons] Huh. 478 00:15:35,311 --> 00:15:36,866 - [Grif] You did the same thing when I left the lights on. 479 00:15:36,866 --> 00:15:38,847 And when I put my boots on your side of the room. 480 00:15:38,847 --> 00:15:40,262 - [Simmons] Mm-hm. 481 00:15:40,262 --> 00:15:41,847 - [Grif] And I feel like there's this constant 482 00:15:41,847 --> 00:15:43,187 tension going between us, 483 00:15:43,187 --> 00:15:44,812 that's inevitably going to erupt, 484 00:15:44,812 --> 00:15:47,726 over what would normally be considered a small issue. 485 00:15:47,726 --> 00:15:50,122 - [Simmons] Yeah, well, you know, 486 00:15:50,122 --> 00:15:51,947 I wouldn't be asking you about my toothbrush 487 00:15:51,947 --> 00:15:53,643 if I hadn't seen you with it earlier. 488 00:15:53,643 --> 00:15:54,751 - [Grif] I used your toothbrush. 489 00:15:54,751 --> 00:15:55,584 - [Simmons] You fuck! 490 00:15:55,584 --> 00:15:56,608 - [Grif] Dude, what's wrong with you? 491 00:15:56,608 --> 00:15:57,483 - [Simmons] What's wrong with me? 492 00:15:57,483 --> 00:15:58,591 What's wrong with you? 493 00:15:58,591 --> 00:16:00,031 You keep stacking dishes in the sink. 494 00:16:00,031 --> 00:16:01,847 I don't even think you've eaten off of some of them. 495 00:16:01,847 --> 00:16:04,394 For all I know you're doing it because you're fucking bored. 496 00:16:04,394 --> 00:16:06,751 - [Grif] Wait, isn't the sink just where dishes go? 497 00:16:06,751 --> 00:16:08,971 - [Simmons] No, they go in the cupboard. 498 00:16:08,971 --> 00:16:09,946 - [Grif] We have a cupboard? 499 00:16:09,946 --> 00:16:11,627 - [Sarge] Hey, keep it down in there! 500 00:16:11,627 --> 00:16:13,575 I'm trying to watch my stories! 501 00:16:13,575 --> 00:16:15,947 - [Simmons] Sarge, please tear down the wall. 502 00:16:15,947 --> 00:16:18,391 I can't take Grif's laziness in small spaces. 503 00:16:18,391 --> 00:16:19,935 - [Sarge] I'm sorry, Simmons. 504 00:16:19,935 --> 00:16:22,263 But we all have to make sacrifices. 505 00:16:22,263 --> 00:16:24,112 Except for me because I'm in charge. 506 00:16:24,112 --> 00:16:26,177 - [Grif] Hey, Simmons, probably isn't the best time 507 00:16:26,177 --> 00:16:28,719 to say this, but, uh, we're out of toilet paper. 508 00:16:28,719 --> 00:16:30,469 - [Simmons] What how? 509 00:16:32,123 --> 00:16:32,956 - [Grif] I dunno. 510 00:16:32,956 --> 00:16:34,779 (Wash clears throat) 511 00:16:34,779 --> 00:16:37,119 - [Wash] I believe you borrowed my toolbox. 512 00:16:37,119 --> 00:16:38,498 - [Simmons] What do you need a toolbox for? 513 00:16:38,498 --> 00:16:39,803 - [Wash] Repairing the comm tower. 514 00:16:39,803 --> 00:16:42,311 I know you three are having fun playing house, 515 00:16:42,311 --> 00:16:44,363 but I'd really rather leave this place. 516 00:16:44,363 --> 00:16:45,503 - [Sarge] Playing house? 517 00:16:45,503 --> 00:16:47,275 Son, this is a highly- 518 00:16:47,275 --> 00:16:50,338 Whoops, forgot to use the door! 519 00:16:50,338 --> 00:16:51,491 - [Wash] The toolbox? 520 00:16:51,491 --> 00:16:52,324 - [Grif] Upstairs. 521 00:16:52,324 --> 00:16:53,157 - [Wash] Show me. 522 00:16:53,157 --> 00:16:54,899 - [Grif] (sighs) Fine. 523 00:16:54,899 --> 00:16:56,863 But don't touch any of my stuff. 524 00:16:56,863 --> 00:16:59,367 - [Wash] Ugh, this place is a pig sty. 525 00:16:59,367 --> 00:17:02,080 - [Grif] It's not a pig sty Wash, it's a way of life. 526 00:17:02,080 --> 00:17:03,520 - [Simmons] Hey Sarge, didn't we recover 527 00:17:03,520 --> 00:17:05,247 an old robot building kit from the crash? 528 00:17:05,247 --> 00:17:07,479 - [Sarge] Sure did, makes a great footrest. 529 00:17:07,479 --> 00:17:09,795 I like to prop my feet up while I'm watching my stories. 530 00:17:09,795 --> 00:17:11,350 - [Simmons] Well, if we were to re purpose 531 00:17:11,350 --> 00:17:13,406 the robot's radio transmitter for the Comm Tower, 532 00:17:13,406 --> 00:17:14,308 we might be able to- 533 00:17:14,308 --> 00:17:16,133 - [Sarge] Simmons, I'm gonna have to stop you 534 00:17:16,133 --> 00:17:18,833 before your terrible plan becomes any more terrible. 535 00:17:18,833 --> 00:17:19,666 - [Simmons] Oh. 536 00:17:19,666 --> 00:17:21,516 - [Sarge] Fortunately, I believe we may be able 537 00:17:21,516 --> 00:17:24,816 to use this robot kit to build some sort of robot! 538 00:17:24,816 --> 00:17:27,366 We could put it to work constructing a radio transmitter 539 00:17:27,366 --> 00:17:29,575 and then the Comm Tower would be fixed in no time! 540 00:17:29,575 --> 00:17:31,259 - [Simmons] Well, don't you think it would be better if- 541 00:17:31,259 --> 00:17:34,015 - [Sarge] Not at all, let's build a robot! 542 00:17:34,015 --> 00:17:34,987 - [Simmons] I hate them. 543 00:17:34,987 --> 00:17:36,354 - [Wash] Are those my socks? 544 00:17:36,354 --> 00:17:39,323 - [Grif] Yeah, but you probably don't want those back. 545 00:17:39,323 --> 00:17:40,981 - [Simmons] I hate all of them. 546 00:17:40,981 --> 00:17:43,128 (guitar strums) (tool clicks) 547 00:17:43,128 --> 00:17:43,961 - [Tucker] I'm just sayin' 548 00:17:43,961 --> 00:17:45,274 I feel like somebody should have found us by now. 549 00:17:45,274 --> 00:17:46,107 - [Wash] Hm. 550 00:17:46,107 --> 00:17:46,952 - [Tucker] You know, it's like, 551 00:17:46,952 --> 00:17:48,409 if a plane crashes and disappears, 552 00:17:48,409 --> 00:17:50,134 that's fine, civilians, whatever. 553 00:17:50,134 --> 00:17:51,934 - [Wash] Not sure if I agree with you on that. 554 00:17:51,934 --> 00:17:53,990 - [Tucker] But this was a fucking spaceship. 555 00:17:53,990 --> 00:17:56,482 That's like national tragedy level important. 556 00:17:56,482 --> 00:17:57,783 - [Wash] It was a big ship. 557 00:17:57,783 --> 00:17:59,083 - [Tucker] And what about GPS? 558 00:17:59,083 --> 00:18:00,920 The galactic positioning system should have been able 559 00:18:00,920 --> 00:18:01,983 to inform command of our location 560 00:18:01,983 --> 00:18:04,654 within seconds of a Mayday. 561 00:18:04,654 --> 00:18:06,648 - [Wash] How do you know that? 562 00:18:06,648 --> 00:18:08,462 - [Tucker] Uh. 563 00:18:08,462 --> 00:18:10,142 - [Spaceship Operator] And the galactic positioning system 564 00:18:10,142 --> 00:18:12,450 would be able to inform command of our location 565 00:18:12,450 --> 00:18:14,314 within seconds of a Mayday. 566 00:18:14,314 --> 00:18:16,490 So even if the ship were to crash, 567 00:18:16,490 --> 00:18:19,022 rescue would be practically immediate. 568 00:18:19,022 --> 00:18:20,298 Isn't that rad? 569 00:18:20,298 --> 00:18:21,188 - [Tucker] Cool, nerd stuff. 570 00:18:21,188 --> 00:18:23,410 Hey, (indistinct) is it just me or is that blonde over there 571 00:18:23,410 --> 00:18:24,265 checking me out? 572 00:18:24,265 --> 00:18:25,632 - [Spaceship Operator] Who, the pilot? 573 00:18:25,632 --> 00:18:27,074 - [Tucker] Yeah, she's definitely checkin' me out. 574 00:18:27,074 --> 00:18:27,907 (rapid footsteps) - [Spaceship Operator] Wait! 575 00:18:27,907 --> 00:18:29,544 You can't go over there. 576 00:18:29,544 --> 00:18:31,332 - [Tucker] Hey baby, I hear you're a pilot. 577 00:18:31,332 --> 00:18:32,950 Think you could pull up on my throttle? 578 00:18:32,950 --> 00:18:33,783 Bow chicka bow wow. 579 00:18:33,783 --> 00:18:35,472 (alarms blare) 580 00:18:35,472 --> 00:18:36,792 I read it in a book. 581 00:18:36,792 --> 00:18:38,216 - [Wash] I don't believe you. 582 00:18:38,216 --> 00:18:39,875 Then again, I don't really care. 583 00:18:39,875 --> 00:18:40,708 - [Tucker] Phew. 584 00:18:40,708 --> 00:18:41,541 - [Wash] Hey. 585 00:18:41,541 --> 00:18:42,374 - [Tucker] Oh-oh what? Nothing. 586 00:18:42,374 --> 00:18:43,367 - [Wash] What happened to my soldering iron? 587 00:18:43,367 --> 00:18:45,232 - [Tucker] Oh, uh, I don't know. 588 00:18:45,232 --> 00:18:47,284 - [Wash] Dammit, this would be going so much faster 589 00:18:47,284 --> 00:18:49,116 if I didn't have to keep tracking down equipment 590 00:18:49,116 --> 00:18:49,967 every five minutes. 591 00:18:49,967 --> 00:18:51,184 - [Tucker] What, you think the Reds took it? 592 00:18:51,184 --> 00:18:54,636 - [Wash] Men, it appears our shitty fortifications 593 00:18:54,636 --> 00:18:56,960 aren't meeting my ridiculous standards! 594 00:18:56,960 --> 00:19:00,004 Let's steal Washington's tank and fire it at our walls! 595 00:19:00,004 --> 00:19:01,254 That'll fix it. 596 00:19:02,404 --> 00:19:04,399 Yes, I think the Reds took it. 597 00:19:04,399 --> 00:19:06,396 - [Tucker] Man, why are you so wound up all the time? 598 00:19:06,396 --> 00:19:07,852 - [Wash] Because every second we're here 599 00:19:07,852 --> 00:19:10,084 is another second closer to death. 600 00:19:10,084 --> 00:19:10,917 Or worse. 601 00:19:10,917 --> 00:19:12,140 - [Tucker] What's worse than death? 602 00:19:12,140 --> 00:19:13,612 - [Wash] I dunno. 603 00:19:13,612 --> 00:19:15,170 I just thought it sounded dramatic. 604 00:19:15,170 --> 00:19:17,044 - [Tucker] Come on, it's not that bad. 605 00:19:17,044 --> 00:19:18,699 I mean if we were back in Blood Gulch, 606 00:19:18,699 --> 00:19:20,592 we'd been doing the exact same shit, you know? 607 00:19:20,592 --> 00:19:22,984 - [Wash] There's just something about this place. 608 00:19:22,984 --> 00:19:24,978 I can't help but feel like we're being watched. 609 00:19:24,978 --> 00:19:25,811 - [Tucker] Oh please. 610 00:19:25,811 --> 00:19:26,942 People get that feeling all the time. 611 00:19:26,942 --> 00:19:28,308 I had it for years. 612 00:19:28,308 --> 00:19:30,464 - [Wash] But that's because you were being watched! 613 00:19:30,464 --> 00:19:32,436 You were monitored by a secret organization 614 00:19:32,436 --> 00:19:34,560 for every second of every day. 615 00:19:34,560 --> 00:19:37,081 - [Tucker] Well, I don't feel like I'm being watched now. 616 00:19:37,081 --> 00:19:39,216 - [Wash] Thank you, I feel much more secure. 617 00:19:39,216 --> 00:19:40,049 - [Tucker] Don't be a dick. 618 00:19:40,049 --> 00:19:40,940 - [Wash] Then don't be an idiot. 619 00:19:40,940 --> 00:19:42,127 - [Tucker] The fuck is your problem? 620 00:19:42,127 --> 00:19:45,712 - [Wash] My problem is that you're absolutely right. 621 00:19:45,712 --> 00:19:48,853 Somebody should have found us by now. 622 00:19:48,853 --> 00:19:51,456 Now where the Hell is that goddamn soldering iron? 623 00:19:51,456 --> 00:19:54,521 (whistled music) 624 00:19:54,521 --> 00:19:57,469 - [Caboose] Boy you're lucky I came by. 625 00:19:57,469 --> 00:20:00,292 What is a little fella like you doin' way out here? 626 00:20:00,292 --> 00:20:01,319 (something cracks) 627 00:20:01,319 --> 00:20:02,569 Hey, no moving. 628 00:20:03,980 --> 00:20:07,312 Have to get you out of here first. 629 00:20:07,312 --> 00:20:10,729 Don't worry, we're gonna be best friends. 630 00:20:14,078 --> 00:20:16,923 (guitar strums) 631 00:20:16,923 --> 00:20:17,915 - [Simmons] You're an idiot. 632 00:20:17,915 --> 00:20:18,802 - [Grif] Am I, Simmons? 633 00:20:18,802 --> 00:20:21,264 Or am I just a man who's willing to ask the hard questions? 634 00:20:21,264 --> 00:20:22,492 - [Simmons] You're definitely an idiot. 635 00:20:22,492 --> 00:20:23,571 - [Sarge] You're both idiots. 636 00:20:23,571 --> 00:20:25,088 Now keep it down, I'm tryin' to focus. 637 00:20:25,088 --> 00:20:28,704 - [Grif] Terminator, The Matrix, Battlestar Galactica, 638 00:20:28,704 --> 00:20:31,688 everything points to robot domination of the human race! 639 00:20:31,688 --> 00:20:33,194 - [Simmons] Well technically some Cylons 640 00:20:33,194 --> 00:20:34,579 relied more on synthetic biology 641 00:20:34,579 --> 00:20:36,084 and not conventional robotics, 642 00:20:36,084 --> 00:20:37,884 but that was only in the series reboot. 643 00:20:37,884 --> 00:20:39,156 And you know those are pretty rare. 644 00:20:39,156 --> 00:20:40,651 - [Grif] Fine, then Wall-E. 645 00:20:40,651 --> 00:20:42,766 It doesn't matter, I just think it's strange 646 00:20:42,766 --> 00:20:45,472 that we're not already bowing down to our robot overlords. 647 00:20:45,472 --> 00:20:47,337 - [Simmons] I'm a cyborg, you wanna bow down to me? 648 00:20:47,337 --> 00:20:48,248 - [Grif] Pass. 649 00:20:48,248 --> 00:20:51,101 - [Simmons] Fuck you meatsack, your logic is flawed. 650 00:20:51,101 --> 00:20:53,304 - [Grif] You are the biggest fucking nerd. 651 00:20:53,304 --> 00:20:55,290 You know that right, I mean you really know that? 652 00:20:55,290 --> 00:20:57,384 - [Simmons] You must construct additional pylons. 653 00:20:57,384 --> 00:20:59,090 Rrr-wrr-rrr. 654 00:20:59,090 --> 00:21:00,576 - [Sarge] Well Optimus Prime's knuckle, 655 00:21:00,576 --> 00:21:02,064 I think we're in business. 656 00:21:02,064 --> 00:21:05,168 (electricity crackles) 657 00:21:05,168 --> 00:21:07,162 Ladies, I would like to introduce you 658 00:21:07,162 --> 00:21:09,928 to the newest addition to Red Team. 659 00:21:09,928 --> 00:21:11,928 - [Simmons] Can it talk? 660 00:21:14,316 --> 00:21:15,149 (Lopez 2.0 speaking Spanish) 661 00:21:15,149 --> 00:21:15,982 - [Simmons] You've got to be kidding! 662 00:21:15,982 --> 00:21:16,960 - [Grif] Oh, come on! 663 00:21:16,960 --> 00:21:19,992 - [Sarge] Huh, that is an unfortunate coincidence. 664 00:21:19,992 --> 00:21:20,825 - [Grif] Spanish. 665 00:21:20,825 --> 00:21:22,616 Why is it fucking Spanish? 666 00:21:22,616 --> 00:21:25,796 Why not French, or German, or Sangheili? 667 00:21:25,796 --> 00:21:29,546 (Lopez 2.0 speaking Spanish) 668 00:21:34,951 --> 00:21:37,348 - [Sarge] (chuckles) You know, it almost feels 669 00:21:37,348 --> 00:21:38,620 like the good ol' days. 670 00:21:38,620 --> 00:21:41,052 Just me, a Spanish-speaking robot, 671 00:21:41,052 --> 00:21:42,508 and a couple of complete idiots. 672 00:21:42,508 --> 00:21:44,795 - [Simmons] You're talking about Grif and Donut, right? 673 00:21:44,795 --> 00:21:45,628 - [Grif] Thanks, dick head. 674 00:21:45,628 --> 00:21:49,157 - [Sarge] Lopez Dos-Point-O, it's good to have you aboard. 675 00:21:49,157 --> 00:21:51,626 (Lopez 2.0 speaking Spanish) 676 00:21:51,626 --> 00:21:52,894 Now get to work, slacker! 677 00:21:52,894 --> 00:21:53,764 (Lopez 2.0 speaking Spanish) 678 00:21:53,764 --> 00:21:57,916 Comm tower, middle of the canyon, Repairo, los rapido. 679 00:21:57,916 --> 00:22:00,196 - [Grif] It's Spanish Sarge, not Harry Potter. 680 00:22:00,196 --> 00:22:03,946 (Lopez 2.0 speaking Spanish) 681 00:22:11,279 --> 00:22:13,589 - [Sarge] Hm, he's not doing anything. 682 00:22:13,589 --> 00:22:15,004 - [Grif] Maybe he's stupid. 683 00:22:15,004 --> 00:22:18,171 - [Sarge] Robot, do you understand us? 684 00:22:19,772 --> 00:22:21,140 Comprehende? 685 00:22:21,140 --> 00:22:22,092 (Lopez 2.0 speaking Spanish) 686 00:22:22,092 --> 00:22:24,304 - [Simmons] Well, he knows what we're saying, 687 00:22:24,304 --> 00:22:26,191 so I guess he's just stupid. 688 00:22:26,191 --> 00:22:30,024 (Lopez 2.0 speaking Spanish) 689 00:22:31,957 --> 00:22:34,724 - [Sarge] Uh, poor stupid Lopez Dos-Point-O. 690 00:22:34,724 --> 00:22:36,631 Well, let's just take him over to the comm tower. 691 00:22:36,631 --> 00:22:38,060 - [Grif] Why, he's a moron? 692 00:22:38,060 --> 00:22:39,828 - [Sarge] Yep, but maybe he'll end up 693 00:22:39,828 --> 00:22:41,776 being like a Rainman-type moron. 694 00:22:41,776 --> 00:22:43,472 We could get him one of those grey suits. 695 00:22:43,472 --> 00:22:47,222 (Lopez 2.0 speaking Spanish) 696 00:22:48,676 --> 00:22:51,888 - [Simmons] (sighs) What a shame. 697 00:22:51,888 --> 00:22:55,221 (crashing and rustling) 698 00:22:56,809 --> 00:22:59,738 - [Caboose] It's alive, it's alive! 699 00:22:59,738 --> 00:23:00,571 He's ali- 700 00:23:00,571 --> 00:23:01,735 Aw, now it's dead. 701 00:23:01,735 --> 00:23:02,966 (rustling continues) 702 00:23:02,966 --> 00:23:04,450 No, it's alive again! 703 00:23:04,450 --> 00:23:06,878 Oh, thank God that was close. 704 00:23:06,878 --> 00:23:08,890 (soft thud) 705 00:23:08,890 --> 00:23:11,640 (guitar strums) 706 00:23:17,906 --> 00:23:19,374 - [Tucker] Ok, how about now? 707 00:23:19,374 --> 00:23:21,221 (device clicks) 708 00:23:21,221 --> 00:23:22,054 - [Wash] Nothing. 709 00:23:22,054 --> 00:23:22,887 - [Tucker] Hold on. 710 00:23:22,887 --> 00:23:24,080 (grass rustles) 711 00:23:24,080 --> 00:23:25,663 Okay, try it again. 712 00:23:26,782 --> 00:23:27,738 (device clicks) 713 00:23:27,738 --> 00:23:28,777 - [Wash] Still nothing. 714 00:23:28,777 --> 00:23:30,296 - [Tucker] Balls. 715 00:23:30,296 --> 00:23:32,694 - [Wash] Hey, what exactly are you doing down there? 716 00:23:32,694 --> 00:23:35,814 - [Tucker] Oh, you know, calibrating. 717 00:23:35,814 --> 00:23:36,862 - [Wash] Calibrating. 718 00:23:36,862 --> 00:23:38,542 - [Tucker] Yeah. 719 00:23:38,542 --> 00:23:39,862 - [Wash] You haven't done anything, have you? 720 00:23:39,862 --> 00:23:41,212 - [Tucker] Dude, I don't know what I'm doing, 721 00:23:41,212 --> 00:23:42,443 or why you sent me down here. 722 00:23:42,443 --> 00:23:43,882 - [Wash] Right. 723 00:23:43,882 --> 00:23:45,518 Guess I should've expected that. 724 00:23:45,518 --> 00:23:47,646 - [Tucker] Hey Wash, I think we've got a situation. 725 00:23:47,646 --> 00:23:49,245 - [Wash] What kind of- 726 00:23:49,245 --> 00:23:50,137 Oh. 727 00:23:50,137 --> 00:23:51,366 - [Grif] Good to see you too. 728 00:23:51,366 --> 00:23:52,199 - [Wash] What do you want? 729 00:23:52,199 --> 00:23:53,333 - [Sarge] Figured it be a good idea 730 00:23:53,333 --> 00:23:54,634 to come over and lend a hand. 731 00:23:54,634 --> 00:23:56,315 - [Wash] No, that's a terrible idea. 732 00:23:56,315 --> 00:23:58,186 Please don't touch anything. 733 00:23:58,186 --> 00:23:59,686 - [Simmons] But we could provide tech support. 734 00:23:59,686 --> 00:24:02,322 - [Sarge] Have you tried using any D batteries? 735 00:24:02,322 --> 00:24:03,882 - [Wash] Power isn't our problem. 736 00:24:03,882 --> 00:24:05,238 These battery arrays are solar. 737 00:24:05,238 --> 00:24:06,873 - [Sarge] Well there's your problem. 738 00:24:06,873 --> 00:24:09,602 This baby needs to be converted to diesel on the pronto! 739 00:24:09,602 --> 00:24:12,258 - [Wash] Solar is field standard for communication systems. 740 00:24:12,258 --> 00:24:14,702 - [Sarge] Well ooh-la-la, Private Hippy! 741 00:24:14,702 --> 00:24:16,246 Hey, I got an idea; 742 00:24:16,246 --> 00:24:18,099 why don't we just plant a garden in? 743 00:24:18,099 --> 00:24:20,374 Grow some organic sun-dried tomatoes, 744 00:24:20,374 --> 00:24:22,183 and open a farmer's market. 745 00:24:22,183 --> 00:24:24,291 Then on the first Saturday of the month, 746 00:24:24,291 --> 00:24:26,244 when the UNSC ships show up to buy 747 00:24:26,244 --> 00:24:27,906 some fresh sustainable produce, 748 00:24:27,906 --> 00:24:31,706 we just hop on board and ride back on the power of love! 749 00:24:31,706 --> 00:24:33,665 - [Wash] Tucker, if they touch anything, 750 00:24:33,665 --> 00:24:36,498 or if he makes any more suggestions, 751 00:24:36,498 --> 00:24:37,654 prod them with your sword. 752 00:24:37,654 --> 00:24:39,798 - [Tucker] Ha ha, now that's something I can get behind! 753 00:24:39,798 --> 00:24:40,805 Bowchickaboww- 754 00:24:40,805 --> 00:24:43,386 Wait, no, no no no no no! 755 00:24:43,386 --> 00:24:45,694 - [Sarge] Fine, well I guess you don't want any help 756 00:24:45,694 --> 00:24:49,878 from our incredibly advanced robotic companion. 757 00:24:49,878 --> 00:24:51,290 (Lopez 2.0 speaking Spanish) 758 00:24:51,290 --> 00:24:52,123 - [Wash] Nope. 759 00:24:52,123 --> 00:24:52,956 - [Grif] Racist. 760 00:24:52,956 --> 00:24:54,666 - [Sarge] Hey tree-hugger, what if I told you 761 00:24:54,666 --> 00:24:56,630 it runs on recycled cooking grease? 762 00:24:56,630 --> 00:24:57,463 It's perfect. 763 00:24:57,463 --> 00:24:58,446 Grif sweats the stuff. 764 00:24:58,446 --> 00:24:59,801 - [Grif] What else was I supposed to drink 765 00:24:59,801 --> 00:25:00,846 when we ran out of soda? 766 00:25:00,846 --> 00:25:02,122 - [Simmons] There's always water. 767 00:25:02,122 --> 00:25:03,922 - [Grif] Please, what are we, cave men? 768 00:25:03,922 --> 00:25:05,274 - [Wash] I said no. 769 00:25:05,274 --> 00:25:09,107 (Lopez 2.0 speaking Spanish) 770 00:25:11,686 --> 00:25:13,139 - [Tucker] Whoa, is that Lopez? 771 00:25:13,139 --> 00:25:14,994 - [Simmons] Not exactly. 772 00:25:14,994 --> 00:25:16,974 (whispers) This one isn't very smart. 773 00:25:16,974 --> 00:25:20,807 (Lopez 2.0 speaking Spanish) 774 00:25:23,593 --> 00:25:24,563 - [Tucker] How can you tell? 775 00:25:24,563 --> 00:25:26,510 - [Sarge] Oh, a mother knows. 776 00:25:26,510 --> 00:25:30,343 (Lopez 2.0 speaking Spanish) 777 00:25:31,634 --> 00:25:34,181 - [Wash] Why don't you three go check on our food supply? 778 00:25:34,181 --> 00:25:36,206 It's been a while since I've done a full inventory. 779 00:25:36,206 --> 00:25:37,772 - [Simmons] You can't just shove your bitch work on us. 780 00:25:37,772 --> 00:25:38,849 What do we look like? 781 00:25:38,849 --> 00:25:40,274 - [Tucker] Uh, bitches. 782 00:25:40,274 --> 00:25:41,986 - [Wash] Tucker, I want 100 squats. 783 00:25:41,986 --> 00:25:44,206 - [Tucker] What, but it was leg day yesterday! 784 00:25:44,206 --> 00:25:45,706 - [Wash] You are a space marine, Private. 785 00:25:45,706 --> 00:25:47,373 Everyday is leg day. 786 00:25:49,274 --> 00:25:50,446 - [Tucker] This is bull shit. 787 00:25:50,446 --> 00:25:52,094 - [Grif] Ha, who's the bitch now? 788 00:25:52,094 --> 00:25:54,242 - [Tucker] Your sister was my bitch if I remember correctly. 789 00:25:54,242 --> 00:25:55,269 - [Grif] What did you say to me, bitch? 790 00:25:55,269 --> 00:25:56,298 - [Wash] No one is a bitch. 791 00:25:56,298 --> 00:25:58,902 Now both of you be quiet. 792 00:25:58,902 --> 00:26:00,046 - [Grif] Simmons is kind of a bitch. 793 00:26:00,046 --> 00:26:01,062 - [Simmons] Hey, what the fuck? 794 00:26:01,062 --> 00:26:02,674 - [Sarge] Ah, can it Private Bitch. 795 00:26:02,674 --> 00:26:03,678 - [Simmons] Yes, sir. 796 00:26:03,678 --> 00:26:04,601 - [Grif And Tucker] Bitch. 797 00:26:04,601 --> 00:26:05,436 - [Wash] I said be quiet. 798 00:26:05,436 --> 00:26:06,269 (smacks device) 799 00:26:06,269 --> 00:26:09,378 (device warbles) 800 00:26:09,378 --> 00:26:11,326 - [Grif] Holy shit. 801 00:26:11,326 --> 00:26:12,159 - [Wash] It's working. 802 00:26:12,159 --> 00:26:14,430 I-I don't know what I did but it's working! 803 00:26:14,430 --> 00:26:18,263 (Lopez 2.0 speaking Spanish) 804 00:26:20,262 --> 00:26:22,203 - [Sarge] Lopez, you're ruining the moment. 805 00:26:22,203 --> 00:26:23,036 - [Wash] Mayday, Mayday. 806 00:26:23,036 --> 00:26:24,178 This is Agent Washington. 807 00:26:24,178 --> 00:26:26,345 Can anybody read me, over? 808 00:26:27,538 --> 00:26:28,934 - [Grif] Maybe they're screening our calls. 809 00:26:28,934 --> 00:26:30,570 - [Simmons] What do you mean they? 810 00:26:30,570 --> 00:26:31,403 Who is they? 811 00:26:31,403 --> 00:26:32,236 - [Grif] I dunno, people who know us. 812 00:26:32,236 --> 00:26:33,069 - [Simmons] What? 813 00:26:33,069 --> 00:26:33,977 - [Grif] Look, I wouldn't pick up the phone 814 00:26:33,977 --> 00:26:35,322 if any of you fuckers called me. 815 00:26:35,322 --> 00:26:36,179 - [Wash] Mayday, mayday, 816 00:26:36,179 --> 00:26:37,264 we are survivors of a shipwreck, 817 00:26:37,264 --> 00:26:40,290 and are in need of immediate rescue, please respond. 818 00:26:40,290 --> 00:26:41,638 - [Tucker] Don't call them back right away. 819 00:26:41,638 --> 00:26:43,246 You gotta wait, or else you'll look desperate, 820 00:26:43,246 --> 00:26:44,893 - [Simmons] But we are desperate. 821 00:26:44,893 --> 00:26:46,514 - [Wash] Everyone shut up. 822 00:26:46,514 --> 00:26:47,347 - [Grif] Whoa. 823 00:26:47,347 --> 00:26:49,299 - [Wash] Mayday, mayday, this is Agent Washington 824 00:26:49,299 --> 00:26:52,125 and the Red and Blue troopers of Project Freelancer! 825 00:26:52,125 --> 00:26:55,595 We are stranded, does anyone copy? 826 00:26:55,595 --> 00:26:59,337 Mayday, this is Agent Washington, I am a soldier. 827 00:26:59,337 --> 00:27:01,906 Is anybody out there? 828 00:27:01,906 --> 00:27:03,573 Can anybody hear me? 829 00:27:04,874 --> 00:27:06,105 (radio static) 830 00:27:06,105 --> 00:27:08,114 - [Voice] Is someone there? 831 00:27:08,114 --> 00:27:10,438 - [Wash] Yes, yes, we're here, do you read us? 832 00:27:10,438 --> 00:27:11,271 (radio static) 833 00:27:11,271 --> 00:27:13,694 - [Voice] Is this a prank call? 834 00:27:13,694 --> 00:27:15,048 - [Wash] No, no, no, this is real. 835 00:27:15,048 --> 00:27:16,394 Please, you have to listen to me. 836 00:27:16,394 --> 00:27:18,118 My men and I are shipwrecked. 837 00:27:18,118 --> 00:27:19,618 - [Simmons] It's an emergency! 838 00:27:19,618 --> 00:27:20,661 - [Grif] Black hawk down! 839 00:27:20,661 --> 00:27:21,734 - [Sarge] Code red! 840 00:27:21,734 --> 00:27:25,557 - [Voice] What, like a lightish red? 841 00:27:25,557 --> 00:27:28,183 - [Tucker] What the fuck did he just say? 842 00:27:28,183 --> 00:27:30,957 - [Voice] Cause I mean, red is a pretty broad spectrum. 843 00:27:30,957 --> 00:27:35,040 There's scarlet, vermilion, like a deep burgundy. 844 00:27:36,030 --> 00:27:37,994 - [Sarge] Donut, is that you? 845 00:27:37,994 --> 00:27:39,150 - [Donut] Sarge? 846 00:27:39,150 --> 00:27:40,233 Oh, hey guys. 847 00:27:41,250 --> 00:27:43,274 What have you been up to? 848 00:27:43,274 --> 00:27:45,046 - [Sarge] We're stranded in the middle of a jungle, 849 00:27:45,046 --> 00:27:47,994 with dwindling food and limited supplies. 850 00:27:47,994 --> 00:27:49,374 - [Donut] That sucks. 851 00:27:49,374 --> 00:27:50,665 - [Grif] No shit, dickhead! 852 00:27:50,665 --> 00:27:52,475 - [Sarge] Donut, I need you to listen to me. 853 00:27:52,475 --> 00:27:53,635 You need to send help. 854 00:27:53,635 --> 00:27:55,182 Call command. 855 00:27:55,182 --> 00:27:56,015 - [Donut] Command? 856 00:27:56,015 --> 00:27:57,778 I think I know a guy if you want to turn this call 857 00:27:57,778 --> 00:27:58,948 into a three way. 858 00:27:58,948 --> 00:28:00,958 - [Sarge] No, don't do that. 859 00:28:00,958 --> 00:28:02,993 I need you to write down these coordinates. 860 00:28:02,993 --> 00:28:05,171 - [Wash] Who is donut again? 861 00:28:05,171 --> 00:28:06,442 - [Simmons] Cheery guy, pink armor. 862 00:28:06,442 --> 00:28:07,306 - [Grif] Kind of stupid. 863 00:28:07,306 --> 00:28:08,566 - [Tucker] And a little... 864 00:28:08,566 --> 00:28:10,050 - [Wash] Wait, did I shoot him once? 865 00:28:10,050 --> 00:28:10,883 - [Grif] Bingo. 866 00:28:10,883 --> 00:28:11,892 - [Wash] Got it. 867 00:28:11,892 --> 00:28:14,370 And he's competent enough to trust with our lives? 868 00:28:14,370 --> 00:28:17,281 - [Donut] Sorry, did you say five or nine? 869 00:28:17,281 --> 00:28:18,275 - [Sarge] I said eight. 870 00:28:18,275 --> 00:28:19,982 - [Donut] Oh. 871 00:28:19,982 --> 00:28:21,672 - [Wash] Right. 872 00:28:21,672 --> 00:28:24,750 Okay, Donut, those are our last known coordinates, 873 00:28:24,750 --> 00:28:26,521 but be sure to let the rescue team know 874 00:28:26,521 --> 00:28:29,099 that we've got no clue where we actually landed. 875 00:28:29,099 --> 00:28:30,242 - [Donut] Don't worry guys. 876 00:28:30,242 --> 00:28:32,410 No matter how deep the bush, Private Donut 877 00:28:32,410 --> 00:28:34,160 always finds his man. 878 00:28:36,182 --> 00:28:37,786 - [Sarge] Roger that, son. 879 00:28:37,786 --> 00:28:38,716 (radio static) - [Donut] What was that? 880 00:28:38,716 --> 00:28:39,722 You're breaking up. 881 00:28:39,722 --> 00:28:42,033 - [Wash] Just send help as fast as you can. 882 00:28:42,033 --> 00:28:43,622 - [Donut] Okey-dokey. 883 00:28:43,622 --> 00:28:46,205 (radio static) 884 00:28:47,118 --> 00:28:48,498 - [Grif] So, what happened? 885 00:28:48,498 --> 00:28:51,422 - [Sarge] Well boys, I don't want to jinx us 886 00:28:51,422 --> 00:28:53,864 or anything like that but, 887 00:28:53,864 --> 00:28:55,534 we're gonna be rescued! 888 00:28:55,534 --> 00:28:57,987 (all cheer) 889 00:28:57,987 --> 00:28:59,470 - [Simmons] I can't wait to eat a hot dog! 890 00:28:59,470 --> 00:29:00,310 - [Wash] Guys. 891 00:29:00,310 --> 00:29:03,031 - [Sarge] There's no possible way anything can go wrong! 892 00:29:03,031 --> 00:29:06,026 Everything is going to be good forever! 893 00:29:06,026 --> 00:29:09,193 (all shout and cheer) 894 00:29:10,908 --> 00:29:13,138 - [Wash] Guys, it could still be a few days before they- 895 00:29:13,138 --> 00:29:14,906 - [Sarge] : Lets eat all the food rations tonight 896 00:29:14,906 --> 00:29:17,158 and then fire all of our excess ammunition 897 00:29:17,158 --> 00:29:19,403 indiscriminately into the air to celebrate! 898 00:29:19,403 --> 00:29:22,150 (all cheer) (guns fire) 899 00:29:22,150 --> 00:29:23,802 - [Simmons] Then lets fix up that old Warthog 900 00:29:23,802 --> 00:29:25,378 that's been hanging near our base! 901 00:29:25,378 --> 00:29:27,227 (all cheer) 902 00:29:27,227 --> 00:29:29,478 So that we can crush it into the other warthog 903 00:29:29,478 --> 00:29:30,311 because fuck it! 904 00:29:30,311 --> 00:29:32,225 (all cheer) 905 00:29:32,225 --> 00:29:35,230 - [Wash] Listen, let's not get our hopes up just yet. 906 00:29:35,230 --> 00:29:37,018 - [Tucker] Aw, come on, Wash, lighten up. 907 00:29:37,018 --> 00:29:39,441 We did it, we made contact. 908 00:29:39,441 --> 00:29:43,198 - [Wash] (sighs) Well, it is the first good news 909 00:29:43,198 --> 00:29:45,281 that we'd had in a while. 910 00:29:46,148 --> 00:29:47,294 - [Caboose] Hey everyone! 911 00:29:47,294 --> 00:29:49,154 - [Wash] Caboose, where have you been? 912 00:29:49,154 --> 00:29:51,912 - [Caboose] Yeah, I went on a walk like you said 913 00:29:51,912 --> 00:29:55,558 and now, everything is gonna be good, forever! 914 00:29:55,558 --> 00:29:56,666 - [Sarge] Told you so! 915 00:29:56,666 --> 00:29:58,434 - [Wash] Wait, Caboose, you were miserable. 916 00:29:58,434 --> 00:29:59,278 What happened? 917 00:29:59,278 --> 00:30:01,378 - [Caboose] Oh, where are my manners? 918 00:30:01,378 --> 00:30:03,446 I haven't even introduced him 919 00:30:03,446 --> 00:30:04,918 - [Wash] Introduced who? 920 00:30:04,918 --> 00:30:05,798 (upbeat music) 921 00:30:05,798 --> 00:30:10,381 - [Caboose] Freckles, come! (whistles) 922 00:30:11,471 --> 00:30:13,971 (heavy thuds) 923 00:30:22,822 --> 00:30:26,261 Everyone, I would like you to meet Freckles. 924 00:30:26,261 --> 00:30:27,928 Freckles, say hello. 925 00:30:29,585 --> 00:30:31,591 - [Freckles] Enemy soldiers detected. 926 00:30:31,591 --> 00:30:33,663 - [Caboose] No, those aren't enemies, Freckles. 927 00:30:33,663 --> 00:30:37,127 Those are Grif and Simmons, our enemy. 928 00:30:37,127 --> 00:30:39,441 - [Freckles] Firing main cannons. 929 00:30:39,441 --> 00:30:42,513 - [Caboose] No, bad Freckles, down! 930 00:30:42,513 --> 00:30:45,077 - [Freckles] Yes, master. 931 00:30:45,077 --> 00:30:47,360 - [Caboose] Bad Freckles. 932 00:30:47,360 --> 00:30:49,693 So, what are you guys up to? 933 00:30:50,886 --> 00:30:53,553 (Grif whimpers) 934 00:30:59,181 --> 00:31:01,026 - [Wash] Mayday, Mayday, this is Agent Washington 935 00:31:01,026 --> 00:31:03,750 and the red and blue troopers of Project Freelancer. 936 00:31:03,750 --> 00:31:06,626 We are stranded, does anyone copy? 937 00:31:06,626 --> 00:31:11,264 Mayday, this is Agent Washington, I am a soldier. 938 00:31:11,264 --> 00:31:13,536 Is anybody out there? 939 00:31:13,536 --> 00:31:15,203 Can anybody hear me? 940 00:31:18,519 --> 00:31:21,019 (birds chirp) 941 00:31:25,727 --> 00:31:26,560 - [Tucker] So... 942 00:31:26,560 --> 00:31:27,411 (gears whir) 943 00:31:27,411 --> 00:31:29,072 Nevermind. 944 00:31:29,072 --> 00:31:29,905 - [Wash] Caboose, 945 00:31:29,905 --> 00:31:31,762 (gears whir) 946 00:31:31,762 --> 00:31:36,335 Tell me again, where did you find this robot? 947 00:31:36,335 --> 00:31:37,507 - [Caboose] His name is Freckles. 948 00:31:37,507 --> 00:31:38,507 - [Tucker] That's a stupid name. 949 00:31:38,507 --> 00:31:39,340 (gears whir) 950 00:31:39,340 --> 00:31:40,577 Stupid cool, I mean, great name. 951 00:31:40,577 --> 00:31:42,111 I mean, I wish that were my name. 952 00:31:42,111 --> 00:31:44,559 Yeah, Freckles is the best name ever that there ever was. 953 00:31:44,559 --> 00:31:46,308 - [Wash] Technically it's a Mantis Class 954 00:31:46,308 --> 00:31:47,707 Military assault droid. 955 00:31:47,707 --> 00:31:48,847 - [Tucker] Wait, why Mantis? 956 00:31:48,847 --> 00:31:50,631 - [Wash] Well, you see those legs? 957 00:31:50,631 --> 00:31:54,229 They kind of resemble the legs of a praying mantis. 958 00:31:54,229 --> 00:31:55,386 - [Tucker] No, they don't. 959 00:31:55,386 --> 00:31:57,366 - [Wash] Then maybe it's the head shape. 960 00:31:57,366 --> 00:31:58,416 - [Caboose] Yeah maybe it's because 961 00:31:58,416 --> 00:31:59,445 during the act of procreation 962 00:31:59,445 --> 00:32:01,883 they rip off the head of their mate's body and devour it. 963 00:32:01,883 --> 00:32:03,651 It's like an act of sexual cannibalism. 964 00:32:03,651 --> 00:32:05,109 - [Wash] Ew, what? 965 00:32:05,109 --> 00:32:06,495 - [Tucker] Eh, I've dated worse. 966 00:32:06,495 --> 00:32:07,911 - [Caboose] Yeah, I call him Freckles 967 00:32:07,911 --> 00:32:10,071 because of the spots on his nose. 968 00:32:10,071 --> 00:32:11,547 - [Tucker] Well shit, I actually have to give it 969 00:32:11,547 --> 00:32:12,395 to Caboose on this one. 970 00:32:12,395 --> 00:32:13,955 Robot definitely looks more like a 'Freckles' 971 00:32:13,955 --> 00:32:14,793 than a 'Mantis'. 972 00:32:14,793 --> 00:32:18,291 - [Wash] Fine, where did you find Freckles? 973 00:32:18,291 --> 00:32:21,958 - [Caboose] Well I was walking and I was sad 974 00:32:23,195 --> 00:32:25,283 and I missed Church... 975 00:32:25,283 --> 00:32:27,247 - [Tucker] This is the greatest story of our generation. 976 00:32:27,247 --> 00:32:28,087 - [Wash] Quiet. 977 00:32:28,087 --> 00:32:31,043 - [Caboose] And then I heard a noise.. 978 00:32:31,043 --> 00:32:32,439 - [Tucker] Seriously, it's like I was there. 979 00:32:32,439 --> 00:32:33,272 - [Wash] Tucker! 980 00:32:33,272 --> 00:32:35,003 - [Caboose] Yeah and then I saw the little guy 981 00:32:35,003 --> 00:32:39,459 under like pieces of rock and space ship and body parts, 982 00:32:39,459 --> 00:32:40,806 but I just moved those out of the way 983 00:32:40,806 --> 00:32:43,703 and then there he was and now we're best friends forever! 984 00:32:43,703 --> 00:32:44,536 Right Freckles? 985 00:32:44,536 --> 00:32:47,091 - [Freckles] Affirmative, Caboose. 986 00:32:47,091 --> 00:32:48,443 - [Tucker] Great, boy meets dog. 987 00:32:48,443 --> 00:32:50,722 Dog turns out to be a military-grade killing machine 988 00:32:50,722 --> 00:32:51,787 from a crashed spaceship. 989 00:32:51,787 --> 00:32:54,287 - [Wash] Caboose, um, you know 990 00:32:55,567 --> 00:32:58,059 a pet is a lot of responsibility. 991 00:32:58,059 --> 00:32:59,679 - [Caboose] That is why I will water him 992 00:32:59,679 --> 00:33:01,070 and I will feed him every day. 993 00:33:01,070 --> 00:33:02,211 - [Tucker] Water and feed? 994 00:33:02,211 --> 00:33:03,558 What the hell does this thing run? 995 00:33:03,558 --> 00:33:05,582 - [Caboose] It runs on the power of the friendship 996 00:33:05,582 --> 00:33:06,727 of our love! 997 00:33:06,727 --> 00:33:08,123 - [Tucker] This is so fucked up. 998 00:33:08,123 --> 00:33:09,163 - [Wash] Didn't you give birth 999 00:33:09,163 --> 00:33:10,969 to a baby alien a few years back? 1000 00:33:10,969 --> 00:33:12,786 - [Tucker] Whoa, let's not bring family into this. 1001 00:33:12,786 --> 00:33:14,695 - [Caboose] So, what fun adventures 1002 00:33:14,695 --> 00:33:16,684 are we going to go on today, Freckles? 1003 00:33:16,684 --> 00:33:18,028 - [Tucker] I'm not doing shit. 1004 00:33:18,028 --> 00:33:19,567 We're getting rescued soon, remember? 1005 00:33:19,567 --> 00:33:21,607 - [Wash] Actually I think it would be smart 1006 00:33:21,607 --> 00:33:23,335 if we continued with our training routine. 1007 00:33:23,335 --> 00:33:24,906 - [Tucker] What, why, there's no point. 1008 00:33:24,906 --> 00:33:27,023 - [Wash] Training is an ongoing process, Tucker. 1009 00:33:27,023 --> 00:33:28,315 And as the leader of this team, 1010 00:33:28,315 --> 00:33:30,542 I want to make sure that we're ready for anything. 1011 00:33:30,542 --> 00:33:32,047 - [Tucker] This is fucking stupid. 1012 00:33:32,047 --> 00:33:33,999 Nothing has happened since we crashed here. 1013 00:33:33,999 --> 00:33:35,739 - [Wash] Well, you never know if someone 1014 00:33:35,739 --> 00:33:39,570 (voice distorts) or some thing will attack. 1015 00:33:39,570 --> 00:33:42,735 So stop complaining and start jogging. 1016 00:33:42,735 --> 00:33:44,323 - [Tucker] And where are you going? 1017 00:33:44,323 --> 00:33:45,844 - [Wash] I'm heading up to the ship. 1018 00:33:45,844 --> 00:33:48,419 Someone needs to do an inventory of our food supplies. 1019 00:33:48,419 --> 00:33:50,758 I prefer it be someone who can count. 1020 00:33:50,758 --> 00:33:52,723 - [Caboose] I only screwed up twice. 1021 00:33:52,723 --> 00:33:53,683 - [Wash] You screwed up once. 1022 00:33:53,683 --> 00:33:55,542 - [Caboose] Yeah, I don't see your point. 1023 00:33:55,542 --> 00:33:57,375 - [Tucker] So you're just gonna leave me with them? 1024 00:33:57,375 --> 00:33:58,723 - [Wash] Five laps gentlemen. 1025 00:33:58,723 --> 00:34:02,383 Tucker, make sure you count for Caboose. 1026 00:34:02,383 --> 00:34:03,675 - [Tucker] Yeah, right. 1027 00:34:03,675 --> 00:34:05,743 - [Freckles] Disregarding a direct order 1028 00:34:05,743 --> 00:34:09,179 from a commanding officer is punishable by death. 1029 00:34:09,179 --> 00:34:10,243 - [Tucker] What, since when? 1030 00:34:10,243 --> 00:34:11,759 - [Freckles] Target locked. 1031 00:34:11,759 --> 00:34:14,575 - [Tucker] Goddammit, okay, I'm going. 1032 00:34:14,575 --> 00:34:16,631 - [Caboose] And who wants to go outside? 1033 00:34:16,631 --> 00:34:17,995 Who wants to go outside? 1034 00:34:17,995 --> 00:34:19,303 Who wants to go outside? 1035 00:34:19,303 --> 00:34:20,515 Freckles, you want to go outside? 1036 00:34:20,515 --> 00:34:21,475 Outside! 1037 00:34:21,475 --> 00:34:22,672 Who wants to go outside? 1038 00:34:22,672 --> 00:34:23,727 Do I want to go outside? 1039 00:34:23,727 --> 00:34:25,195 Why do I want to go outside? 1040 00:34:25,195 --> 00:34:27,246 Lets all go outside! 1041 00:34:27,246 --> 00:34:28,871 Oh my god we're here! 1042 00:34:28,871 --> 00:34:30,395 (soft music) 1043 00:34:30,395 --> 00:34:32,812 I'm really good at this game. 1044 00:34:34,424 --> 00:34:36,341 - [Sarge] Backstabbers. 1045 00:34:39,283 --> 00:34:41,307 - [Simmons] Hey asshole, would it kill you 1046 00:34:41,307 --> 00:34:43,255 to take out the trash for once? 1047 00:34:43,255 --> 00:34:45,384 - [Grif] Simmons, I've been thinking. 1048 00:34:45,384 --> 00:34:47,411 - [Simmons] I don't care, take out the fucking trash. 1049 00:34:47,411 --> 00:34:49,375 - [Grif] Why do we carry our guns? 1050 00:34:49,375 --> 00:34:50,231 - [Simmons] What? 1051 00:34:50,231 --> 00:34:52,074 - [Grif] Our guns, why do we carry them? 1052 00:34:52,074 --> 00:34:53,071 - [Simmons] Because we're soldiers. 1053 00:34:53,071 --> 00:34:54,956 - [Grif] Yeah, but we're not really fighting anybody, 1054 00:34:54,956 --> 00:34:55,789 are we? 1055 00:34:55,789 --> 00:34:58,123 - [Simmons] Well, yeah, but you never know 1056 00:34:58,123 --> 00:34:59,203 when we could be attacked. 1057 00:34:59,203 --> 00:35:00,174 - [Grif] Attacked by who? 1058 00:35:00,174 --> 00:35:01,423 The Blues? 1059 00:35:01,423 --> 00:35:02,383 - [Simmons] Um... 1060 00:35:02,383 --> 00:35:03,966 - [Grif] We haven't fought a single god damn enemy 1061 00:35:03,966 --> 00:35:05,287 since arriving in this canyon, 1062 00:35:05,287 --> 00:35:07,303 and yet here we are walking around in full body armor 1063 00:35:07,303 --> 00:35:08,547 with a rifle in our hands 1064 00:35:08,547 --> 00:35:11,108 like the fucking galaxy is about to attack us any second. 1065 00:35:11,108 --> 00:35:12,130 - [Simmons] What's your point? 1066 00:35:12,130 --> 00:35:14,279 - [Grif] My point is why don't we ever just walk around 1067 00:35:14,279 --> 00:35:15,696 without our guns? 1068 00:35:17,159 --> 00:35:17,992 Do it. 1069 00:35:17,992 --> 00:35:18,825 - [Simmons] What? 1070 00:35:18,825 --> 00:35:19,658 - [Grif] Drop your gun. 1071 00:35:19,658 --> 00:35:20,491 - [Simmons] No! 1072 00:35:20,491 --> 00:35:21,324 - [Grif] Why not? 1073 00:35:21,324 --> 00:35:22,157 - [Simmons] I don't want to. 1074 00:35:22,157 --> 00:35:24,298 - [Grif] You don't want to, or you can't? 1075 00:35:24,298 --> 00:35:25,767 - [Simmons] Um, um. 1076 00:35:25,767 --> 00:35:26,951 I'm going back inside. 1077 00:35:26,951 --> 00:35:29,184 (rapid footsteps) 1078 00:35:29,184 --> 00:35:31,077 - [Grif] And thus Dexter Grif single-handedly 1079 00:35:31,077 --> 00:35:33,959 avoids trash duty for a second day in a row. 1080 00:35:33,959 --> 00:35:34,931 Hoo-rah. 1081 00:35:34,931 --> 00:35:36,959 - [Sarge] Men, fall in, double time! 1082 00:35:36,959 --> 00:35:38,184 This is not a drill! 1083 00:35:38,184 --> 00:35:39,017 - [Grif] What the Hell? 1084 00:35:39,017 --> 00:35:40,547 - [Simmons] I knew there was a reason we were armed. 1085 00:35:40,547 --> 00:35:41,715 (guitar strums) 1086 00:35:41,715 --> 00:35:42,701 Sarge, what's wrong? 1087 00:35:42,701 --> 00:35:44,415 - [Sarge] What's wrong, what's wrong? 1088 00:35:44,415 --> 00:35:46,515 How 'bout scheming, training, conniving, 1089 00:35:46,515 --> 00:35:48,763 commiserating, colluding, take your pick! 1090 00:35:48,763 --> 00:35:50,803 Also, building a giant robot. 1091 00:35:50,803 --> 00:35:52,591 Those Blues are up to no-good! 1092 00:35:52,591 --> 00:35:54,210 - [Grif] And here I was thinking something important 1093 00:35:54,210 --> 00:35:55,375 was about to happen. 1094 00:35:55,375 --> 00:35:57,691 - [Simmons] But sir, didn't we build a robot first? 1095 00:35:57,691 --> 00:35:59,248 (Lopez 2.0 speaking Spanish) 1096 00:35:59,248 --> 00:36:00,936 - [Sarge] Lopez 2.0 doesn't count. 1097 00:36:00,936 --> 00:36:02,919 He's about as useful as a box full of Grifs. 1098 00:36:02,919 --> 00:36:04,451 - [Grif] Hey, I'm offended. 1099 00:36:04,451 --> 00:36:07,315 (Lopez 2.0 speaking Spanish) 1100 00:36:07,315 --> 00:36:09,983 - [Sarge] Men, I know we have considered the Blues 1101 00:36:09,983 --> 00:36:13,839 to be our quote "allies" unquote for some time now, 1102 00:36:13,839 --> 00:36:15,172 but we have to look at the facts. 1103 00:36:15,172 --> 00:36:16,075 - [Simmons] What facts? 1104 00:36:16,075 --> 00:36:18,639 - [Sarge] Number one: they now possess a tank on legs 1105 00:36:18,639 --> 00:36:20,215 that's capable of killing us all. 1106 00:36:20,215 --> 00:36:21,260 - [Simmons] Okay. 1107 00:36:21,260 --> 00:36:22,715 - [Sarge] And number two is that we didn't have 1108 00:36:22,715 --> 00:36:24,503 our own Number one first! 1109 00:36:24,503 --> 00:36:26,409 Clearly this is a conspiracy. 1110 00:36:26,409 --> 00:36:27,955 - [Grif] So what do you expect us to do about it? 1111 00:36:27,955 --> 00:36:30,323 - [Sarge] I need you boys to conduct some reconnaissance. 1112 00:36:30,323 --> 00:36:32,843 Secure intel, get deep in Charlie's bush. 1113 00:36:32,843 --> 00:36:35,275 Initiate Delta force, Tango and Cash! 1114 00:36:35,275 --> 00:36:37,151 - [Grif] Are these orders or 80's action movies? 1115 00:36:37,151 --> 00:36:40,223 - [Sarge] Find out exactly what those pesky Blues are up to. 1116 00:36:40,223 --> 00:36:41,423 - [Simmons] You mean go over there? 1117 00:36:41,423 --> 00:36:42,850 Near that monster? 1118 00:36:42,850 --> 00:36:45,532 - [Grif] See, this is exactly the robot overlord shit 1119 00:36:45,532 --> 00:36:46,495 I was talking about! 1120 00:36:46,495 --> 00:36:48,519 If only someone had listened! 1121 00:36:48,519 --> 00:36:49,591 - [Sarge] It'll be dangerous, 1122 00:36:49,591 --> 00:36:51,645 but I have confidence that at least one of you 1123 00:36:51,645 --> 00:36:53,348 will survive. 1124 00:36:53,348 --> 00:36:54,340 Simmons. 1125 00:36:54,340 --> 00:36:55,404 - [Grif] Why aren't you coming? 1126 00:36:55,404 --> 00:36:57,237 - [Sarge] We have a major breach in security! 1127 00:36:57,237 --> 00:36:59,380 One of the bags in my wall tore open 1128 00:36:59,380 --> 00:37:01,549 and now there's sand all over the place. 1129 00:37:01,549 --> 00:37:03,518 - [Grif] I can see how that might take priority. 1130 00:37:03,518 --> 00:37:05,184 - [Sarge] (sighs) It's likely 1131 00:37:05,184 --> 00:37:06,950 that we'll never fully recover. 1132 00:37:06,950 --> 00:37:09,232 There's just so many tiny crevices. 1133 00:37:09,232 --> 00:37:11,680 - [Simmons] Sarge, please, I don't wanna upset the Mantis! 1134 00:37:11,680 --> 00:37:12,640 - [Grif] What's a mantis? 1135 00:37:12,640 --> 00:37:14,030 - [Simmons] The giant robot. 1136 00:37:14,030 --> 00:37:16,130 - [Grif] Oh, why's it called that? 1137 00:37:16,130 --> 00:37:17,484 - [Simmons] I don't know, 'cause it's green. 1138 00:37:17,484 --> 00:37:18,504 That's not the point. 1139 00:37:18,504 --> 00:37:19,787 - [Sarge] Well that's not a very good reason 1140 00:37:19,787 --> 00:37:20,860 to call it a Mantis. 1141 00:37:20,860 --> 00:37:24,693 (Lopez 2.0 speaking Spanish) 1142 00:37:29,064 --> 00:37:30,392 - [Sarge] Whatever dum-dum. 1143 00:37:30,392 --> 00:37:32,140 Can't you see we're talking strategy! 1144 00:37:32,140 --> 00:37:33,536 - [Grif] Stupid new Lopez. 1145 00:37:33,536 --> 00:37:34,875 - [Simmons] Look the Blues are no more dangerous 1146 00:37:34,875 --> 00:37:35,708 than this idiot. 1147 00:37:35,708 --> 00:37:38,819 (Lopez 2.0 speaking Spanish) 1148 00:37:38,819 --> 00:37:40,670 But that robot could flatten us in an instant. 1149 00:37:40,670 --> 00:37:42,532 - [Sarge] You raise an excellent point Simmons. 1150 00:37:42,532 --> 00:37:43,367 - [Simmons] I do? 1151 00:37:43,367 --> 00:37:45,197 - [Sarge] Yep, so you better not get spotted 1152 00:37:45,197 --> 00:37:46,164 while you're out there. 1153 00:37:46,164 --> 00:37:48,996 - [Grif] (sighs) Let's just get this over with. 1154 00:37:48,996 --> 00:37:50,212 (rapid footsteps) 1155 00:37:50,212 --> 00:37:51,045 - [Simmons] But I'm telling you, 1156 00:37:51,045 --> 00:37:52,792 the Blues aren't up to anything. 1157 00:37:52,792 --> 00:37:55,459 (guitar strums) 1158 00:37:57,636 --> 00:38:00,587 (rapid footsteps) 1159 00:38:00,587 --> 00:38:03,587 - [Wash] All right, change of plans. 1160 00:38:14,059 --> 00:38:16,124 (birds chirp) 1161 00:38:16,124 --> 00:38:19,258 - [Caboose] No, Freckles, no, Freckles, go down. 1162 00:38:19,258 --> 00:38:20,486 Like this! 1163 00:38:20,486 --> 00:38:21,931 (gears whir) 1164 00:38:21,931 --> 00:38:23,369 Yes, that's a good Freckles! 1165 00:38:23,369 --> 00:38:24,789 Yes, yes. Tucker! 1166 00:38:24,789 --> 00:38:26,026 Tucker did you see that? 1167 00:38:26,026 --> 00:38:27,718 Freckles did a squat! 1168 00:38:27,718 --> 00:38:29,982 - [Tucker] Great, now teach him to fetch, 1169 00:38:29,982 --> 00:38:31,574 and then throw a stick off a cliff. 1170 00:38:31,574 --> 00:38:33,807 - [Caboose] Oh, he knows how to fetch. 1171 00:38:33,807 --> 00:38:36,328 Freckles, Freckles, get the ball! 1172 00:38:36,328 --> 00:38:37,770 - [Freckles] Acquiring target. 1173 00:38:37,770 --> 00:38:40,103 (gun fires) 1174 00:38:41,818 --> 00:38:43,744 - [Caboose] Uhm, see that, 1175 00:38:43,744 --> 00:38:46,962 that was just, that was just poor phrasing on my part. 1176 00:38:46,962 --> 00:38:49,129 Really, I mean I was just, 1177 00:38:50,170 --> 00:38:52,137 I think I was just grammatically... 1178 00:38:52,137 --> 00:38:54,386 It was grammatically incorrect. 1179 00:38:54,386 --> 00:38:55,219 So... 1180 00:38:55,219 --> 00:38:57,238 (guitar strums) 1181 00:38:57,238 --> 00:38:59,655 - [Grif] Alright, we made it! 1182 00:39:02,121 --> 00:39:03,806 - [Simmons] Yeah, so, uh, what do we do now? 1183 00:39:03,806 --> 00:39:06,723 - [Grif] I guess we just watch 'em? 1184 00:39:12,398 --> 00:39:15,070 - [Simmons] So this is a waste of time, right? 1185 00:39:15,070 --> 00:39:16,810 I mean, they're not actually plotting anything. 1186 00:39:16,810 --> 00:39:17,874 - [Grif] I don't know, man. 1187 00:39:17,874 --> 00:39:19,377 But watching two dudes exercise 1188 00:39:19,377 --> 00:39:20,906 is making me feel really weird. 1189 00:39:20,906 --> 00:39:22,902 - [Simmons] (sighs) This isn't getting us anywhere. 1190 00:39:22,902 --> 00:39:24,075 - [Grif] Well, why don't you just ask them 1191 00:39:24,075 --> 00:39:25,025 what they're up to? 1192 00:39:25,025 --> 00:39:26,470 - [Simmons] What, and blow our cover? 1193 00:39:26,470 --> 00:39:28,217 - [Grif] What do we look like, Seal Team Six? 1194 00:39:28,217 --> 00:39:29,417 Who gives a shit, dude? 1195 00:39:29,417 --> 00:39:31,010 You already said they're not up to anything. 1196 00:39:31,010 --> 00:39:32,810 - [Simmons] But what about the robot? 1197 00:39:32,810 --> 00:39:34,118 - [Grif] Oh yeah. 1198 00:39:34,118 --> 00:39:35,930 - [Simmons] See, we need to strategize. 1199 00:39:35,930 --> 00:39:36,830 - [Grif] Okay, fine. 1200 00:39:36,830 --> 00:39:39,006 How do we want to do this? 1201 00:39:39,006 --> 00:39:39,986 - [Simmons] Oh, we could do 1202 00:39:39,986 --> 00:39:41,806 like a sort of good cop/bad cop thing. 1203 00:39:41,806 --> 00:39:43,078 - [Grif] What if we act casual? 1204 00:39:43,078 --> 00:39:44,884 Like we're just shootin' the shit or something? 1205 00:39:44,884 --> 00:39:46,710 - [Simmons] Maybe if we go in guns blazing, 1206 00:39:46,710 --> 00:39:49,306 we can intimidate them into telling us what we want. 1207 00:39:49,306 --> 00:39:52,131 - [Grif] Wait, what do we want? 1208 00:39:52,131 --> 00:39:53,402 - [Simmons] I don't know. 1209 00:39:53,402 --> 00:39:54,804 (Simmons yelps) (guitar strums) 1210 00:39:54,804 --> 00:39:57,304 - [Tucker] What are you doing? 1211 00:39:58,306 --> 00:39:59,386 - [Simmons] All right, listen, Tucker. 1212 00:39:59,386 --> 00:40:01,861 I'm willing to hear you out, but my partner is crazy. 1213 00:40:01,861 --> 00:40:03,074 I can't hold him back. 1214 00:40:03,074 --> 00:40:03,907 - [Tucker] What? 1215 00:40:03,907 --> 00:40:04,755 - [Simmons] I mean, hey, what's up? 1216 00:40:04,755 --> 00:40:05,588 How's the weather? 1217 00:40:05,588 --> 00:40:08,518 No, wait, I mean, tell me what you know. 1218 00:40:08,518 --> 00:40:09,390 I'm sorry. 1219 00:40:09,390 --> 00:40:10,642 - [Grif] That's some solid detective work there, 1220 00:40:10,642 --> 00:40:12,134 Officer Simmons. 1221 00:40:12,134 --> 00:40:15,374 - [Tucker] Yeah, so if you guys could not watch us work out, 1222 00:40:15,374 --> 00:40:16,207 that'd be great. 1223 00:40:16,207 --> 00:40:17,245 Cause it's a little weird. 1224 00:40:17,245 --> 00:40:18,314 - [Grif] It's really weird. 1225 00:40:18,314 --> 00:40:19,958 - [Simmons] Sarge ordered us to come spy on you. 1226 00:40:19,958 --> 00:40:21,221 He thinks you're up to something. 1227 00:40:21,221 --> 00:40:24,074 - [Tucker] Dude, the only thing I've done today is exercise. 1228 00:40:24,074 --> 00:40:26,190 - [Grif] (sighs) You poor tortured soul. 1229 00:40:26,190 --> 00:40:27,390 - [Simmons] What are you training for? 1230 00:40:27,390 --> 00:40:28,223 - [Tucker] Fuck if I know. 1231 00:40:28,223 --> 00:40:29,483 Every day, it's the same thing. 1232 00:40:29,483 --> 00:40:32,074 Wake up, run drills, clean the base, run drills, 1233 00:40:32,074 --> 00:40:33,514 maintain order, run drills. 1234 00:40:33,514 --> 00:40:36,122 I have glamorous calves and a miserable fucking life! 1235 00:40:36,122 --> 00:40:37,998 Can we please stop running drills? 1236 00:40:37,998 --> 00:40:39,694 - [Grif] I had calves once, 1237 00:40:39,694 --> 00:40:41,972 way more tender than a regular cow. 1238 00:40:41,972 --> 00:40:43,142 You can taste the youth. 1239 00:40:43,142 --> 00:40:45,307 - [Simmons] Wash makes you clean the base? 1240 00:40:45,307 --> 00:40:47,374 - [Tucker] And our equipment, and our vehicles. 1241 00:40:47,374 --> 00:40:49,186 The guy's obsessed with rules and order! 1242 00:40:49,186 --> 00:40:50,359 - [Grif] Ew, could you imagine 1243 00:40:50,359 --> 00:40:52,146 having to deal with someone like that? 1244 00:40:52,146 --> 00:40:54,950 - [Simmons] Rules and order, ahh. 1245 00:40:54,950 --> 00:40:55,813 - [Tucker] I know, right? 1246 00:40:55,813 --> 00:40:57,666 He's even got an organizational chart. 1247 00:40:57,666 --> 00:40:58,566 (Simmons gasps) 1248 00:40:58,566 --> 00:40:59,642 - [Grif] (scoffs) What a loser. 1249 00:40:59,642 --> 00:41:02,194 - [Simmons] Uhh, yeah hmmm, well uh, 1250 00:41:02,194 --> 00:41:03,842 that all sounds very interesting, Tucker, 1251 00:41:03,842 --> 00:41:05,806 but I think I need to see this for myself. 1252 00:41:05,806 --> 00:41:06,639 - [Tucker] What? 1253 00:41:06,639 --> 00:41:07,472 - [Grif] What? 1254 00:41:07,472 --> 00:41:08,757 - [Simmons] You know, I just want to make sure 1255 00:41:08,757 --> 00:41:10,923 his story checks out, inspect the base, 1256 00:41:10,923 --> 00:41:12,054 stick around for a few days. 1257 00:41:12,054 --> 00:41:12,887 - [Grif] Checks out? 1258 00:41:12,887 --> 00:41:15,054 What are you going to find that we can't already see? 1259 00:41:15,054 --> 00:41:16,446 That thing is completely exposed. 1260 00:41:16,446 --> 00:41:17,279 It's empty. 1261 00:41:17,279 --> 00:41:18,518 It's cleaned out. 1262 00:41:18,518 --> 00:41:20,382 - [Simmons] (sighs) Clean. 1263 00:41:20,382 --> 00:41:21,328 - [Tucker] Are you sure you want to hang around? 1264 00:41:21,328 --> 00:41:23,406 Wash might make you run his obstacle course or something. 1265 00:41:23,406 --> 00:41:26,526 - [Grif] Yeah, Sarge made us do that too. 1266 00:41:26,526 --> 00:41:28,761 - [Sarge] On your mark, get set, 1267 00:41:28,761 --> 00:41:29,594 - [Grif] This is such bull- 1268 00:41:29,594 --> 00:41:30,427 (gun fires) 1269 00:41:30,427 --> 00:41:31,260 Ow, why? 1270 00:41:31,260 --> 00:41:32,093 - [Sarge] New record. 1271 00:41:32,093 --> 00:41:32,926 (buzzer blares) 1272 00:41:32,926 --> 00:41:34,880 - [Grif] Sometimes when I sneeze, buckshot comes out. 1273 00:41:34,880 --> 00:41:36,982 - [Simmons] Look, let me just hang out for a few days. 1274 00:41:36,982 --> 00:41:38,434 I'll be cool, I swear. 1275 00:41:38,434 --> 00:41:39,814 - [Grif] Don't lie to the man's face. 1276 00:41:39,814 --> 00:41:40,806 - [Tucker] Whatever dude. 1277 00:41:40,806 --> 00:41:41,639 Just remember, I warned you. 1278 00:41:41,639 --> 00:41:43,559 (grass rustles) 1279 00:41:43,559 --> 00:41:45,738 - [Simmons] Well, Grif, I guess this is goodbye. 1280 00:41:45,738 --> 00:41:47,931 - [Grif] Wait, how long are you planning on being gone? 1281 00:41:47,931 --> 00:41:49,546 - [Simmons] Until the job's done, I guess. 1282 00:41:49,546 --> 00:41:51,381 - [Grif] And you're sure you'd rather be near the Blues, 1283 00:41:51,381 --> 00:41:53,582 and their giant killer fucking robot, 1284 00:41:53,582 --> 00:41:55,775 instead of just coming back to base? 1285 00:41:55,775 --> 00:41:56,611 (floor rattles) 1286 00:41:56,611 --> 00:41:59,250 Hey, I think I broke the urinal in the laundry room. 1287 00:41:59,250 --> 00:42:01,562 - [Simmons] We don't have a urinal in the laundry room. 1288 00:42:01,562 --> 00:42:03,389 - [Grif] Oh. 1289 00:42:03,389 --> 00:42:06,119 (floor rattles) 1290 00:42:06,119 --> 00:42:07,709 - [Simmons] Yes, I'm sure. 1291 00:42:07,709 --> 00:42:08,769 - [Grif] Whatever your funeral. 1292 00:42:08,769 --> 00:42:11,070 Just remember, if a robot ever corners you, 1293 00:42:11,070 --> 00:42:12,406 just stick him with a magnet. 1294 00:42:12,406 --> 00:42:13,912 - [Simmons] Computers haven't been affected by magnets 1295 00:42:13,912 --> 00:42:14,800 since the 20th century! 1296 00:42:14,800 --> 00:42:17,102 - [Grif] which is exactly what they want you to think. 1297 00:42:17,102 --> 00:42:19,189 (grass crunches) 1298 00:42:19,189 --> 00:42:23,999 - [Simmons] (sighs) Finally, a place I can call home. 1299 00:42:23,999 --> 00:42:27,078 - [Caboose] Alright, Freckles, fetch! 1300 00:42:27,078 --> 00:42:28,774 (ball thumps) 1301 00:42:28,774 --> 00:42:31,142 - [Simmons] Hey Caboose, you dropped your ball. 1302 00:42:31,142 --> 00:42:32,958 - [Freckles] Acquiring target. 1303 00:42:32,958 --> 00:42:33,918 (explosion) 1304 00:42:33,918 --> 00:42:34,751 - [Simmons] Ah, what did I do? 1305 00:42:34,751 --> 00:42:37,234 - [Caboose] Uh, yeah, sorry, yeah, 1306 00:42:37,234 --> 00:42:39,422 we're still working on that one! 1307 00:42:39,422 --> 00:42:40,888 (guitar strums) 1308 00:42:40,888 --> 00:42:41,820 - [Grif] Hey, where's Sarge? 1309 00:42:41,820 --> 00:42:45,060 (Lopez 2.0 speaking Spanish) 1310 00:42:45,060 --> 00:42:46,018 (rapid footsteps) 1311 00:42:46,018 --> 00:42:48,171 - [Sarge] Private Grif, I see you've returned 1312 00:42:48,171 --> 00:42:50,649 from your reconnaissance mission unscathed. 1313 00:42:50,649 --> 00:42:52,613 That's disappointing, unacceptable. 1314 00:42:52,613 --> 00:42:56,137 (Lopez 2.0 speaking Spanish) 1315 00:42:56,137 --> 00:42:58,613 So, what information have you recovered? 1316 00:42:58,613 --> 00:43:00,413 - [Grif] Uh, that the Blues aren't up to anything 1317 00:43:00,413 --> 00:43:03,037 and that you're a paranoid old man bordering on senility. 1318 00:43:03,037 --> 00:43:06,292 - [Sarge] Uh huh, I'll take that into consideration Private. 1319 00:43:06,292 --> 00:43:10,537 But how about we hear from our more competent soldier? 1320 00:43:10,537 --> 00:43:11,437 Simmons? 1321 00:43:11,437 --> 00:43:12,532 - [Grif] He's with the Blues. 1322 00:43:12,532 --> 00:43:14,333 - [Sarge] With the Blues? 1323 00:43:14,333 --> 00:43:15,578 - [Grif] Yeah, he seemed really eager 1324 00:43:15,578 --> 00:43:17,558 to stay at their base for some reason. 1325 00:43:17,558 --> 00:43:21,853 - [Sarge] Well, I suppose it was only a matter of time. 1326 00:43:21,853 --> 00:43:22,907 - [Grif] A matter of time? 1327 00:43:22,907 --> 00:43:25,425 - [Sarge] Yep, I knew this day would come. 1328 00:43:25,425 --> 00:43:27,008 - [Grif] Really, you knew Simmons would eventually 1329 00:43:27,008 --> 00:43:28,289 wanna leave the Red Team? 1330 00:43:28,289 --> 00:43:29,498 - [Sarge] Leave Red Team? 1331 00:43:29,498 --> 00:43:31,485 Grif, are you even paying attention? 1332 00:43:31,485 --> 00:43:33,209 - [Grif] I mean, not really, I just, I... 1333 00:43:33,209 --> 00:43:35,505 - [Sarge] First they build a giant robot. 1334 00:43:35,505 --> 00:43:37,981 Then they capture my second in command. 1335 00:43:37,981 --> 00:43:39,857 It's just as I had predicted! 1336 00:43:39,857 --> 00:43:42,885 The enemy has finally shown its true colors! 1337 00:43:42,885 --> 00:43:45,468 And that color is pound 0000FF! 1338 00:43:46,305 --> 00:43:47,138 - [Grif] What? 1339 00:43:47,138 --> 00:43:48,317 - [Sarge] Blue, blue! 1340 00:43:48,317 --> 00:43:50,717 It's Red vs. Blue all over again! 1341 00:43:50,717 --> 00:43:53,012 - [Grif] No Sarge, they didn't capture... 1342 00:43:53,012 --> 00:43:54,513 - [Sarge] Can you believe it? 1343 00:43:54,513 --> 00:43:56,837 Posing as our allies only to stab us in the back 1344 00:43:56,837 --> 00:43:59,809 years after our conflict had seemingly ended! 1345 00:43:59,809 --> 00:44:02,297 They've pulled off the most elaborate ruse 1346 00:44:02,297 --> 00:44:04,789 in the history of simulated military combat. 1347 00:44:04,789 --> 00:44:05,622 - [Grif] I don't- 1348 00:44:05,622 --> 00:44:06,455 - [Sarge] I mean really! 1349 00:44:06,455 --> 00:44:07,921 How far back did they start planning this thing? 1350 00:44:07,921 --> 00:44:08,809 - [Grif] You're not listening. 1351 00:44:08,809 --> 00:44:10,997 - [Sarge] Like, did they know about all the Freelancers 1352 00:44:10,997 --> 00:44:11,830 from the beginning? 1353 00:44:11,830 --> 00:44:12,663 - [Grif] Sarge. 1354 00:44:12,663 --> 00:44:13,800 - [Sarge] And what about Church? 1355 00:44:13,800 --> 00:44:15,179 For years they told us he was a ghost, 1356 00:44:15,179 --> 00:44:17,041 but then he was an ancient artifact or something 1357 00:44:17,041 --> 00:44:19,309 and there were aliens involved I don't know. 1358 00:44:19,309 --> 00:44:22,621 Sometimes I wonder just how deep this rabbit hole goes. 1359 00:44:22,621 --> 00:44:23,454 - [Grif] Stop. 1360 00:44:23,454 --> 00:44:24,589 - [Sarge] It's almost like all of this 1361 00:44:24,589 --> 00:44:26,756 is some sort of sick game! 1362 00:44:28,247 --> 00:44:30,301 - [Grif] This conversation is starting to get a little meta. 1363 00:44:30,301 --> 00:44:31,533 - [Sarge] You're right. 1364 00:44:31,533 --> 00:44:32,989 You think he was in on it too? 1365 00:44:32,989 --> 00:44:34,739 - [Grif] I think you're jumping to conclusions. 1366 00:44:34,739 --> 00:44:36,639 - [Sarge] And I conclude you need to shut your mouth 1367 00:44:36,639 --> 00:44:37,568 and move your feet! 1368 00:44:37,568 --> 00:44:38,685 - [Grif] What are you gonna do? 1369 00:44:38,685 --> 00:44:40,078 - [Sarge] We are going to do 1370 00:44:40,078 --> 00:44:42,569 the Reds' signature Blood Gulch maneuver. 1371 00:44:42,569 --> 00:44:44,101 - [Grif] (sighs) Oh no. 1372 00:44:44,101 --> 00:44:45,373 (guitar strums) 1373 00:44:45,373 --> 00:44:49,123 (Lopez 2.0 speaking Spanish) 1374 00:44:50,713 --> 00:44:53,129 - [Caboose] Okay Freckles, roll over! 1375 00:44:53,129 --> 00:44:55,546 (gears whir) 1376 00:44:57,041 --> 00:44:58,649 - [Freckles] Objective complete. 1377 00:44:58,649 --> 00:44:59,637 - [Tucker] That's cheating. 1378 00:44:59,637 --> 00:45:00,733 - [Simmons] Hey, Tucker! 1379 00:45:00,733 --> 00:45:01,601 - [Tucker] What? 1380 00:45:01,601 --> 00:45:04,437 - [Simmons] Do you have any idea when Wash is getting back? 1381 00:45:04,437 --> 00:45:07,254 I have some suggestions regarding the upkeep of Blue Base. 1382 00:45:07,254 --> 00:45:09,013 - [Tucker] I don't know, and I don't care. 1383 00:45:09,013 --> 00:45:12,133 - [Simmons] I've got two words for you buddy: chore wheel. 1384 00:45:12,133 --> 00:45:13,825 - [Tucker] And I've got two words for you: 1385 00:45:13,825 --> 00:45:15,411 how 'bout fuck off? 1386 00:45:15,411 --> 00:45:17,933 - [Simmons] Just think about it. 1387 00:45:17,933 --> 00:45:19,266 Wheel of chores. 1388 00:45:20,109 --> 00:45:21,210 - [Tucker] I hate my life. 1389 00:45:21,210 --> 00:45:22,345 - [Simmons] Tucker! 1390 00:45:22,345 --> 00:45:23,601 - [Tucker] You know what, I take it back. 1391 00:45:23,601 --> 00:45:24,969 I hate everyone else's life. 1392 00:45:24,969 --> 00:45:26,125 Wish they didn't have them. 1393 00:45:26,125 --> 00:45:27,849 Oh my God, am I turning into Church? 1394 00:45:27,849 --> 00:45:29,349 - [Wash] Why aren't you running drills? 1395 00:45:29,349 --> 00:45:31,170 - [Tucker] How do you know I didn't already finish them? 1396 00:45:31,170 --> 00:45:32,425 - [Wash] Because you're not on the ground 1397 00:45:32,425 --> 00:45:33,881 complaining about irritated nipples. 1398 00:45:33,881 --> 00:45:34,714 - [Tucker] I'm telling you, 1399 00:45:34,714 --> 00:45:36,445 my chest piece rubs right up against them. 1400 00:45:36,445 --> 00:45:37,405 And not in a good way. 1401 00:45:37,405 --> 00:45:39,969 - [Wash] Why do you refuse to take these things seriously? 1402 00:45:39,969 --> 00:45:41,663 - [Tucker] Why can't you just let us do our thing? 1403 00:45:41,663 --> 00:45:43,513 - [Wash] I'm trying to make sure you're the best, 1404 00:45:43,513 --> 00:45:44,840 that you're ready for anything. 1405 00:45:44,840 --> 00:45:45,673 - [Tucker] Why? 1406 00:45:45,673 --> 00:45:47,077 Blue Team was just fine with being mediocre 1407 00:45:47,077 --> 00:45:47,993 until you came along. 1408 00:45:47,993 --> 00:45:49,149 What the fuck are you worried about? 1409 00:45:49,149 --> 00:45:50,197 - [Wash] It's just a feeling. 1410 00:45:50,197 --> 00:45:51,228 I can't explain it. 1411 00:45:51,228 --> 00:45:52,821 - [Tucker] Really, 'cause I bet I can. 1412 00:45:52,821 --> 00:45:54,564 You're a paranoid ex special ops guy, 1413 00:45:54,564 --> 00:45:56,377 who's used to being betrayed on a weekly basis. 1414 00:45:56,377 --> 00:45:57,738 Not much of a riddle, Wash. 1415 00:45:57,738 --> 00:45:59,529 Hey next, do you want to figure out the mystery 1416 00:45:59,529 --> 00:46:01,329 of why Caboose isn't the team treasurer? 1417 00:46:01,329 --> 00:46:02,901 - [Wash] Oh, so we're going there. 1418 00:46:02,901 --> 00:46:04,461 - [Tucker] Oh, bitch, I already went there 1419 00:46:04,461 --> 00:46:05,589 and I took pictures. 1420 00:46:05,589 --> 00:46:07,597 - [Caboose] Ooooh girrrrl. 1421 00:46:07,597 --> 00:46:10,173 - [Wash] Well, I can't say I'm surprised, Lavernius. 1422 00:46:10,173 --> 00:46:12,129 You just always have to get the last laugh, 1423 00:46:12,129 --> 00:46:14,481 mister quick-witted, mister sarcastic. 1424 00:46:14,481 --> 00:46:17,151 If you spent as much time training as you do mouthing off, 1425 00:46:17,151 --> 00:46:19,133 you could probably beat Freckles at arm wrestling! 1426 00:46:19,133 --> 00:46:21,094 - [Tucker] Don't be stupid, Freckle doesn't have arms. 1427 00:46:21,094 --> 00:46:21,927 He has guns. 1428 00:46:21,927 --> 00:46:23,061 - [Caboose] And paws! 1429 00:46:23,061 --> 00:46:24,053 Freckles, shake. 1430 00:46:24,053 --> 00:46:25,399 (gears whir) 1431 00:46:25,399 --> 00:46:26,568 (loud thud) 1432 00:46:26,568 --> 00:46:27,401 Get it? 1433 00:46:27,401 --> 00:46:29,617 He shakes, it's awesome. 1434 00:46:29,617 --> 00:46:30,545 - [Wash And Tucker] Caboose! 1435 00:46:30,545 --> 00:46:32,361 - [Caboose] Yeah, we're still working on it. 1436 00:46:32,361 --> 00:46:33,365 - [Simmons] Oh, hey Wash. 1437 00:46:33,365 --> 00:46:34,369 I didn't know you were back. 1438 00:46:34,369 --> 00:46:36,949 - [Wash] What is, why is he here? 1439 00:46:36,949 --> 00:46:37,782 - [Simmons] I took the liberty 1440 00:46:37,782 --> 00:46:39,097 of claiming the bunk closest to you. 1441 00:46:39,097 --> 00:46:40,042 I hope you don't mind. 1442 00:46:40,042 --> 00:46:42,125 - [Wash] I don't have time to deal with you right now. 1443 00:46:42,125 --> 00:46:42,958 Go away. 1444 00:46:42,958 --> 00:46:44,220 - [Simmons] (chuckles) Good one, sir. 1445 00:46:44,220 --> 00:46:46,161 Oh, hey, by the way, is it cool if I start calling you sir? 1446 00:46:46,161 --> 00:46:47,597 - [Wash] Why is he still here? 1447 00:46:47,597 --> 00:46:48,430 - [Tucker] Beats me. 1448 00:46:48,430 --> 00:46:50,857 If I was him, I'd be as far away from this base as possible. 1449 00:46:50,857 --> 00:46:52,581 - [Simmons] You can call me Champ if you want. 1450 00:46:52,581 --> 00:46:54,602 Or you know, son. 1451 00:46:54,602 --> 00:46:55,613 - [Tucker] Just ignore him. 1452 00:46:55,613 --> 00:46:56,805 - [Simmons] Or sir, jr. 1453 00:46:56,805 --> 00:46:58,179 - [Wash] (voice distorted) As long as I'm the leader 1454 00:46:58,179 --> 00:47:00,229 of this team, I will do everything in my power 1455 00:47:00,229 --> 00:47:03,017 to ensure your safety, whether you like it or not. 1456 00:47:03,017 --> 00:47:04,369 - [Tucker] We don't need you protecting us. 1457 00:47:04,369 --> 00:47:06,873 - [Wash] I know, that's why I'm trying to help you. 1458 00:47:06,873 --> 00:47:07,817 - [Tucker] Help us with what? 1459 00:47:07,817 --> 00:47:09,093 Defending against attack? 1460 00:47:09,093 --> 00:47:11,045 No one is going to attack us. 1461 00:47:11,045 --> 00:47:11,878 (Warthog engine roars) 1462 00:47:11,878 --> 00:47:13,295 - [Sarge] Attack! 1463 00:47:15,137 --> 00:47:17,685 - [Tucker] Oh you've got to be fucking kidding me. 1464 00:47:17,685 --> 00:47:19,697 - [Sarge] Dammit Grif, you forgot our theme music. 1465 00:47:19,697 --> 00:47:20,957 - [Grif] Oh, right. 1466 00:47:20,957 --> 00:47:22,561 (upbeat music) 1467 00:47:22,561 --> 00:47:24,137 - [Sarge] Ah forget it moment's passed. 1468 00:47:24,137 --> 00:47:26,957 - [Freckles] Enemy soldiers detected. 1469 00:47:26,957 --> 00:47:31,374 - [Caboose] Uh, good Freckles, no murdering everyone. 1470 00:47:33,327 --> 00:47:35,910 (heavy thumps) 1471 00:47:40,577 --> 00:47:43,445 - [Grif] Uh, I would just like to take this opportunity 1472 00:47:43,445 --> 00:47:46,778 to point out, that this was not my idea. 1473 00:47:47,853 --> 00:47:49,436 Whatsoever, at all. 1474 00:47:50,902 --> 00:47:53,031 - [Tucker] You have literally the worst timing. 1475 00:47:53,031 --> 00:47:54,635 - [Sarge] Stow it, thin mint. 1476 00:47:54,635 --> 00:47:56,915 We're no longer fraternizing with the enemy. 1477 00:47:56,915 --> 00:47:57,774 - [Tucker] Thin mint? 1478 00:47:57,774 --> 00:47:59,438 - [Grif] Now see, when he says "we," 1479 00:47:59,438 --> 00:48:01,722 imagine he's only referring to himself. 1480 00:48:01,722 --> 00:48:03,442 Do not group us together. 1481 00:48:03,442 --> 00:48:05,722 - [Tucker] Bitch, my armor's aqua, I think. 1482 00:48:05,722 --> 00:48:07,385 - [Wash] What the hell are you two doing? 1483 00:48:07,385 --> 00:48:10,342 - [Grif] Again, not two, just him. 1484 00:48:10,342 --> 00:48:11,766 I can't stress this enough. 1485 00:48:11,766 --> 00:48:13,626 - [Sarge] You made me believe that Reds and Blues 1486 00:48:13,626 --> 00:48:17,214 can coexist, and we can work together as one people, 1487 00:48:17,214 --> 00:48:20,946 and that we can all get together and be a little purple. 1488 00:48:20,946 --> 00:48:22,018 - [Wash] We can! 1489 00:48:22,018 --> 00:48:24,982 We are, seriously, what the fuck is this about? 1490 00:48:24,982 --> 00:48:28,070 - [Sarge] You kidnapped one of my men! 1491 00:48:28,070 --> 00:48:29,750 - [Tucker] Who, me? 1492 00:48:29,750 --> 00:48:31,120 - [Tucker] He wasn't kidnapped, dipshit. 1493 00:48:31,120 --> 00:48:32,173 He came over here by himself. 1494 00:48:32,173 --> 00:48:33,613 We can't get him to leave. 1495 00:48:33,613 --> 00:48:35,586 - [Sarge] Is this true, Simmons? 1496 00:48:35,586 --> 00:48:36,955 - [Tucker] It's not your fault, sir. 1497 00:48:36,955 --> 00:48:37,788 It's Grif's. 1498 00:48:37,788 --> 00:48:38,621 - [Grif] what did I do? 1499 00:48:38,621 --> 00:48:40,537 - [Tucker] You're fucking disgusting, Grif! 1500 00:48:40,537 --> 00:48:42,966 - [Grif] Well, yeah, but I've always been like that. 1501 00:48:42,966 --> 00:48:44,498 Sarge was the one that decided 1502 00:48:44,498 --> 00:48:46,310 to take half the base for himself. 1503 00:48:46,310 --> 00:48:48,710 - [Simmons] Oh, then I guess it is your fault, sir. 1504 00:48:48,710 --> 00:48:50,646 - [Sarge] Then that makes you a traitor! 1505 00:48:50,646 --> 00:48:51,479 - [Simmons] What? 1506 00:48:51,479 --> 00:48:54,038 - [Freckles] Threat level increased. 1507 00:48:54,038 --> 00:48:55,866 - [Caboose] Uh, yeah, no reason for panic. 1508 00:48:55,866 --> 00:48:56,978 Everything's fine. 1509 00:48:56,978 --> 00:49:00,022 Might anyone have a rolled up newspaper at the ready? 1510 00:49:00,022 --> 00:49:01,489 - [Sarge] You weren't kidnapped! 1511 00:49:01,489 --> 00:49:03,098 You deliberately joined the enemy! 1512 00:49:03,098 --> 00:49:04,298 - [Tucker] But if he wasn't kidnapped, 1513 00:49:04,298 --> 00:49:06,617 that would mean we were never the enemy in the first place. 1514 00:49:06,617 --> 00:49:09,575 - [Sarge] Don't try to confuse me with your words, shamrock! 1515 00:49:09,575 --> 00:49:10,702 - [Tucker] I'm aqua! 1516 00:49:10,702 --> 00:49:11,985 - [Wash] Tucker, calm down. 1517 00:49:11,985 --> 00:49:12,818 - [Tucker] Me? 1518 00:49:12,818 --> 00:49:14,736 These guys roll up in a fucking assault jeep 1519 00:49:14,736 --> 00:49:16,078 and you choose to yell at me? 1520 00:49:16,078 --> 00:49:17,777 - [Wash] Look, tensions are high. 1521 00:49:17,777 --> 00:49:18,878 - [Tucker] No shit, Washington. 1522 00:49:18,878 --> 00:49:20,498 I'm tired of you bossing us around! 1523 00:49:20,498 --> 00:49:21,969 - [Wash] Now is not the time. 1524 00:49:21,969 --> 00:49:23,290 - [Tucker] You know, I disagree. 1525 00:49:23,290 --> 00:49:24,547 We were having a talk when Tweedledee 1526 00:49:24,547 --> 00:49:26,290 and Tweedle-fucking-idiot decided to interrupt, 1527 00:49:26,290 --> 00:49:27,273 so let's finish this. 1528 00:49:27,273 --> 00:49:29,193 - [Wash] There's nothing to finish. 1529 00:49:29,193 --> 00:49:30,366 - [Grif] Are we intruding on some sort 1530 00:49:30,366 --> 00:49:31,574 of lovers' quarrel right now? 1531 00:49:31,574 --> 00:49:32,883 - [Tucker] You are the worst thing to happen 1532 00:49:32,883 --> 00:49:35,142 to this team since blue boy over there decided to show up. 1533 00:49:35,142 --> 00:49:37,619 - [Caboose] I'm a man, blue man! 1534 00:49:37,619 --> 00:49:38,631 - [Simmons] You take that back. 1535 00:49:38,631 --> 00:49:40,419 Wash is a great leader, I assume. 1536 00:49:40,419 --> 00:49:41,566 - [Sarge] Blasphemy! 1537 00:49:41,566 --> 00:49:43,620 - [Freckles] Deadly force authorized. 1538 00:49:43,620 --> 00:49:46,231 - [Tucker] Seriously, I would rather follow Caboose 1539 00:49:46,231 --> 00:49:47,064 into battle than you. 1540 00:49:47,064 --> 00:49:48,064 - [Wash] Oh really? 1541 00:49:48,064 --> 00:49:49,806 Then let's just make him the leader. 1542 00:49:49,806 --> 00:49:51,262 See how much better off you are. 1543 00:49:51,262 --> 00:49:52,978 - [Caboose] Well, I humbly accept your nomination 1544 00:49:52,978 --> 00:49:54,022 and accept the position. 1545 00:49:54,022 --> 00:49:54,938 - [Wash And Tucker] Shut up. 1546 00:49:54,938 --> 00:49:57,834 - [Freckles] Do not talk back to your commanding officer. 1547 00:49:57,834 --> 00:49:59,226 - [Tucker] Wash and I are having an argument. 1548 00:49:59,226 --> 00:50:00,426 I will be talking back to him. 1549 00:50:00,426 --> 00:50:02,574 That's how arguments work, you fucking toaster. 1550 00:50:02,574 --> 00:50:06,224 - [Freckles] Washington is not the commanding officer. 1551 00:50:06,224 --> 00:50:07,057 - [Tucker] What? 1552 00:50:07,057 --> 00:50:07,890 - [Wash] What? 1553 00:50:07,890 --> 00:50:10,806 - [Freckles] In a unanimous decision by the Blue Team, 1554 00:50:10,806 --> 00:50:14,288 Caboose has been promoted to Blue leader. 1555 00:50:14,288 --> 00:50:17,482 Captain Caboose is now your commanding officer. 1556 00:50:17,482 --> 00:50:21,149 Do not talk back to your commanding officer. 1557 00:50:23,244 --> 00:50:24,613 - [Grif] Oh, fuck. 1558 00:50:24,613 --> 00:50:28,787 - [Caboose] Well, yep, this is gonna be a lot of fun. 1559 00:50:28,787 --> 00:50:30,289 - [Wash] No, Caboose, you can't- 1560 00:50:30,289 --> 00:50:31,122 (gears whir) 1561 00:50:31,122 --> 00:50:33,435 Look, Freckles, this is a misunderstanding. 1562 00:50:33,435 --> 00:50:35,021 - [Simmons] Caboose is team leader? 1563 00:50:35,021 --> 00:50:36,218 Fuck this. 1564 00:50:36,218 --> 00:50:37,951 - [Caboose] Aw, don't worry, Simmons. 1565 00:50:37,951 --> 00:50:39,839 As my first duty as leader 1566 00:50:39,839 --> 00:50:41,579 in the position of the nomination, 1567 00:50:41,579 --> 00:50:44,623 I say you can be on Blue Team forever! 1568 00:50:44,623 --> 00:50:45,975 - [Simmons] No thanks, I'm good. 1569 00:50:45,975 --> 00:50:47,819 - [Freckles] Private Simmons. 1570 00:50:47,819 --> 00:50:48,811 - [Simmons] Oh no. 1571 00:50:48,811 --> 00:50:52,291 - [Freckles] Deserting your post will designate you as AWOL. 1572 00:50:52,291 --> 00:50:55,410 This designation is punishable by death. 1573 00:50:55,410 --> 00:50:56,911 - [Simmons] What? 1574 00:50:56,911 --> 00:50:58,983 - [Grif] Uh, hey Sarge? 1575 00:50:58,983 --> 00:51:01,127 Now the Blues have kidnapped Simmons. 1576 00:51:01,127 --> 00:51:03,354 - [Sarge] Then it's war! 1577 00:51:03,354 --> 00:51:04,935 - [Wash] Wait, stop. 1578 00:51:04,935 --> 00:51:07,515 - [Sarge] Say hello to robot Satan, you mechanical son of a- 1579 00:51:07,515 --> 00:51:08,348 (gun fires) 1580 00:51:08,348 --> 00:51:09,181 - [Grif] Bail! 1581 00:51:09,181 --> 00:51:10,071 (explosion) 1582 00:51:10,071 --> 00:51:10,904 - [Tucker] Whoa! 1583 00:51:10,904 --> 00:51:11,737 - [Simmons] Sarge! 1584 00:51:11,737 --> 00:51:13,851 - [Caboose] Freckles, bad, bad, no! 1585 00:51:13,851 --> 00:51:15,891 - [Freckles] Primary threat eliminated. 1586 00:51:15,891 --> 00:51:20,197 (Lopez 2.0 speaking Spanish) 1587 00:51:20,197 --> 00:51:21,775 - [Simmons] Sarge, are you okay? 1588 00:51:21,775 --> 00:51:26,767 - [Sarge] No, Simmons, I'm afraid I won't be okay. 1589 00:51:26,767 --> 00:51:28,850 Until I exact my revenge! 1590 00:51:29,695 --> 00:51:32,622 - [Grif] Seriously, I am not affiliated with this lunatic. 1591 00:51:32,622 --> 00:51:34,155 He does not speak for me. 1592 00:51:34,155 --> 00:51:35,611 (Sarge roars) 1593 00:51:35,611 --> 00:51:36,659 - [Freckles] Engaging target. 1594 00:51:36,659 --> 00:51:37,679 - [Caboose] Freckles, no! 1595 00:51:37,679 --> 00:51:38,512 - [Wash] Sarge, don't! 1596 00:51:38,512 --> 00:51:39,787 (gun fires) 1597 00:51:39,787 --> 00:51:43,120 (acoustic guitar music) 1598 00:51:52,496 --> 00:51:55,183 - [Donut] Man, you guys are really noisy. 1599 00:51:55,183 --> 00:51:58,183 (all shout) 1600 00:51:58,183 --> 00:52:00,627 Aw, you must have really missed me. 1601 00:52:00,627 --> 00:52:02,503 - [Grif] Donut, thank God you're here. 1602 00:52:02,503 --> 00:52:04,165 - [Sarge] We were just about ready to kill each other. 1603 00:52:04,165 --> 00:52:05,007 - [Tucker] Speak for yourself. 1604 00:52:05,007 --> 00:52:06,208 - [Wash] Where's the ship. 1605 00:52:06,208 --> 00:52:07,041 - [Donut] What ship? 1606 00:52:07,041 --> 00:52:08,048 - [Wash] The ship you came here on. 1607 00:52:08,048 --> 00:52:09,147 The rescue team. 1608 00:52:09,147 --> 00:52:11,983 - [Donut] Oh (chuckles) duh! 1609 00:52:11,983 --> 00:52:15,233 Allow me to introduce: the rescue team! 1610 00:52:16,259 --> 00:52:17,092 - [Doc] Sup. 1611 00:52:17,092 --> 00:52:17,925 - [Simmons] Doc? 1612 00:52:17,925 --> 00:52:19,606 - [Wash] Wait, what is this? 1613 00:52:19,606 --> 00:52:21,147 - [Doc] Donut told me you guys needed help. 1614 00:52:21,147 --> 00:52:23,579 - [Donut] So I got the best help money could buy! 1615 00:52:23,579 --> 00:52:24,412 - [Doc] You didn't pay me. 1616 00:52:24,412 --> 00:52:25,947 - [Donut] And I didn't tip the pilot! 1617 00:52:25,947 --> 00:52:27,179 That's frugality. 1618 00:52:27,179 --> 00:52:28,012 - [Sarge] What pilot? 1619 00:52:28,012 --> 00:52:30,375 - [Donut] The pilot that dropped us off, dummy. 1620 00:52:30,375 --> 00:52:31,388 - [Tucker] "Dropped you off"? 1621 00:52:31,388 --> 00:52:33,119 - [Grif] As in, he's not here anymore? 1622 00:52:33,119 --> 00:52:34,619 - [Donut] Exactly. 1623 00:52:37,127 --> 00:52:39,119 - [Wash] So you're telling me 1624 00:52:39,119 --> 00:52:41,491 that you heard our distress signal, 1625 00:52:41,491 --> 00:52:44,747 grabbed Doc, hopped on a ship, 1626 00:52:44,747 --> 00:52:47,249 and told the ship to leave, 1627 00:52:47,249 --> 00:52:49,409 and that's your idea of sending help? 1628 00:52:49,409 --> 00:52:51,193 - [Donut] What, no! 1629 00:52:51,193 --> 00:52:52,943 I brought Lopez, too! 1630 00:52:55,139 --> 00:52:58,212 (Lopez 2.0 speaking Spanish) 1631 00:52:58,212 --> 00:52:59,175 - [Sarge] Kill him! 1632 00:52:59,175 --> 00:53:01,508 (all shout) 1633 00:53:03,247 --> 00:53:04,620 - [Donut] Someone get this maniac turquoise guy 1634 00:53:04,620 --> 00:53:05,771 away from me! 1635 00:53:05,771 --> 00:53:07,438 - [Tucker] I'm aqua! 1636 00:53:08,439 --> 00:53:12,223 (suspenseful music) 1637 00:53:12,223 --> 00:53:14,515 - [Locus] Unfortunate. 1638 00:53:14,515 --> 00:53:17,182 (guitar strums) 1639 00:53:22,104 --> 00:53:23,603 - [Tucker] This is it. 1640 00:53:23,603 --> 00:53:25,987 This is rock bottom. 1641 00:53:25,987 --> 00:53:29,395 You ever hit rock bottom before, Wash? 1642 00:53:29,395 --> 00:53:31,281 Well, you have now. 1643 00:53:31,281 --> 00:53:32,395 Cause this is it. 1644 00:53:32,395 --> 00:53:34,062 Can't get any lower. 1645 00:53:34,943 --> 00:53:36,528 - [Simmons] I wanna go home. 1646 00:53:36,528 --> 00:53:38,137 - [Tucker] Okay well maybe I spoke too soon. 1647 00:53:38,137 --> 00:53:42,189 - [Freckles] Attention, officer on deck. 1648 00:53:42,189 --> 00:53:45,833 - [Caboose] Yes, yes, hello, thank you yes, hello. 1649 00:53:45,833 --> 00:53:48,353 Thank you, you're welcome, yes thank you. 1650 00:53:48,353 --> 00:53:51,603 (clears throat) Hello. 1651 00:53:53,257 --> 00:53:57,244 - [Freckles] Captain, all team members are accounted for. 1652 00:53:57,244 --> 00:53:59,088 - [Caboose] Well, excellent news, 1653 00:53:59,088 --> 00:54:00,545 Assistant Captain Freckles. 1654 00:54:00,545 --> 00:54:01,443 - [Tucker] Oh, my lord. 1655 00:54:01,443 --> 00:54:05,057 - [Caboose] Hi, it looks like we have a new member today. 1656 00:54:05,057 --> 00:54:07,669 Yes, give Simmons a big Blue Team hello. 1657 00:54:07,669 --> 00:54:11,989 Yes, welcome to Blue Team, Simmons. (claps) 1658 00:54:11,989 --> 00:54:13,009 - [Simmons] Can I leave? 1659 00:54:13,009 --> 00:54:14,540 - [Caboose] It is good to have you on board 1660 00:54:14,540 --> 00:54:15,956 today for the Blue Team. 1661 00:54:15,956 --> 00:54:16,789 (gears whir) 1662 00:54:16,789 --> 00:54:18,717 - [Freckles] Sir. Awaiting mission briefing. 1663 00:54:18,717 --> 00:54:21,445 - [Caboose] Oh, yes, right, oh God, right yes. 1664 00:54:21,445 --> 00:54:25,362 Um okay uh, yes, first order of business is um, 1665 00:54:28,909 --> 00:54:33,742 uh, Wash, psst, Wa- Wash, Washington, Washing- Washington, 1666 00:54:39,272 --> 00:54:41,631 Wash, Wash, Wash, Wash- 1667 00:54:41,631 --> 00:54:43,049 - [Wash] Yes, Caboose? 1668 00:54:43,049 --> 00:54:45,225 - [Caboose] What is the first order of business? 1669 00:54:45,225 --> 00:54:46,675 - [Wash] We are trying to get rescued. 1670 00:54:46,675 --> 00:54:48,499 - [Caboose] Oh, yes, rescued! 1671 00:54:48,499 --> 00:54:53,265 Yes excellent, does anyone have any suggestions? 1672 00:54:53,265 --> 00:54:56,429 - [Wash] (sighs) Well, we know the communications tower 1673 00:54:56,429 --> 00:55:00,241 works, so we should continue in our efforts to make contact. 1674 00:55:00,241 --> 00:55:03,132 - [Caboose] Ah, yes, very good, excellent yes. 1675 00:55:03,132 --> 00:55:05,080 - [Wash] However, we should also work 1676 00:55:05,080 --> 00:55:07,665 on trying to boost the signal of the radio transmitter. 1677 00:55:07,665 --> 00:55:08,888 We were barely able to maintain 1678 00:55:08,888 --> 00:55:11,399 a steady line of communication last time. 1679 00:55:11,399 --> 00:55:13,905 Even if we make contact again there's no guarantee 1680 00:55:13,905 --> 00:55:15,913 anyone would be able to understand us. 1681 00:55:15,913 --> 00:55:18,218 - [Caboose] Ah, yes, uh- right, yes. 1682 00:55:18,218 --> 00:55:20,749 Yes, then we need to do that! 1683 00:55:20,749 --> 00:55:23,941 Tucker, go fix the radio thing! 1684 00:55:23,941 --> 00:55:25,108 - [Tucker] Me, why not Wash? 1685 00:55:25,108 --> 00:55:26,253 He's the one who built it. 1686 00:55:26,253 --> 00:55:28,900 - [Caboose] Tucker, because don't ruin this, alright listen. 1687 00:55:28,900 --> 00:55:30,804 We're gonna keep Wash here for another job. 1688 00:55:30,804 --> 00:55:32,293 - [Wash] But Caboose- 1689 00:55:32,293 --> 00:55:34,658 (gears whir) 1690 00:55:34,658 --> 00:55:37,339 - [Caboose] Yeah, I'm thinking that you know, 1691 00:55:37,339 --> 00:55:40,689 uh, Washington is mean and scary, 1692 00:55:40,689 --> 00:55:42,168 he will be our look out. 1693 00:55:42,168 --> 00:55:43,001 - [Tucker] Look out? 1694 00:55:43,001 --> 00:55:45,745 - [Caboose] Yes, Washington, make sure 1695 00:55:45,745 --> 00:55:48,624 you look out for bad guys! 1696 00:55:48,624 --> 00:55:51,124 And anything that looks scary. 1697 00:55:52,144 --> 00:55:54,006 - [Wash] There's a giant robot trying to kill me. 1698 00:55:54,006 --> 00:55:56,005 - [Tucker] Yeah, why can't Freckles be our lookout? 1699 00:55:56,005 --> 00:55:58,657 Killing stuff is like, his entire reason for existing. 1700 00:55:58,657 --> 00:56:01,310 - [Caboose] Well um, every great leader 1701 00:56:01,310 --> 00:56:03,805 needs a great best friend, 1702 00:56:03,805 --> 00:56:08,169 and Freckles, I think you could be that best friend. 1703 00:56:08,169 --> 00:56:09,002 (gears whir) 1704 00:56:09,002 --> 00:56:10,919 - [Freckles] Acknowledged. 1705 00:56:10,919 --> 00:56:13,001 - [Simmons] Um, do I need to do anything? 1706 00:56:13,001 --> 00:56:14,261 - [Caboose] Oh my God, a Red. 1707 00:56:14,261 --> 00:56:17,396 Oh my, oh no sorry, sorry it's my bad. 1708 00:56:17,396 --> 00:56:20,606 Sorry, sorry, yes Simmons, yes Simmons 1709 00:56:20,606 --> 00:56:22,117 we got- we have to talk about it. 1710 00:56:22,117 --> 00:56:26,200 Yes, um, Simmons you do what you, ah, normally do 1711 00:56:27,353 --> 00:56:30,686 for the Reds, but instead for the Blues. 1712 00:56:32,317 --> 00:56:33,985 - [Simmons] Uh, yes sir. 1713 00:56:33,985 --> 00:56:35,949 - [Tucker] Wait, what is your job for the Reds? 1714 00:56:35,949 --> 00:56:36,782 - [Simmons] What do you mean? 1715 00:56:36,782 --> 00:56:37,615 I just did it. 1716 00:56:37,615 --> 00:56:39,021 - [Caboose] Okay, everybody. 1717 00:56:39,021 --> 00:56:40,104 Aaaaand Team! 1718 00:56:42,653 --> 00:56:43,662 Alright see you, bye. 1719 00:56:43,662 --> 00:56:45,616 (metal rattles) 1720 00:56:45,616 --> 00:56:46,729 - [Wash] I hope you're happy. 1721 00:56:46,729 --> 00:56:50,684 - [Tucker] Hey, don't pin this shit on me. 1722 00:56:50,684 --> 00:56:53,299 - [Simmons] I'll just stay here, I guess. 1723 00:56:53,299 --> 00:56:56,030 (guitar strums) 1724 00:56:56,030 --> 00:56:57,926 - [Doc] Alright, you're all patched up. 1725 00:56:57,926 --> 00:56:59,457 - [Donut] I can't feel my toes. 1726 00:56:59,457 --> 00:57:00,461 Is that normal? 1727 00:57:00,461 --> 00:57:02,739 - [Doc] Let's go with yes. 1728 00:57:02,739 --> 00:57:03,761 - [Donut] Works for me. 1729 00:57:03,761 --> 00:57:06,025 - [Doc] You know, the next time someone comes to help you, 1730 00:57:06,025 --> 00:57:08,337 I wouldn't really recommend beating the crap out of them. 1731 00:57:08,337 --> 00:57:10,165 - [Grif] Well, the next time somebody comes to help us, 1732 00:57:10,165 --> 00:57:11,725 I hope they actually bring us help. 1733 00:57:11,725 --> 00:57:13,945 - [Doc] Hey, I take offense to that. 1734 00:57:13,945 --> 00:57:15,477 - [Grif] Yeah, it's called an insult. 1735 00:57:15,477 --> 00:57:16,310 - [Doc] Oh. 1736 00:57:16,310 --> 00:57:17,577 - [Donut] So what the heck happened? 1737 00:57:17,577 --> 00:57:19,333 After you guys dropped me off at Valhalla, 1738 00:57:19,333 --> 00:57:21,313 you guys were supposed to be going back to Blood Gulch. 1739 00:57:21,313 --> 00:57:23,741 - [Grif] Well, funny story. 1740 00:57:23,741 --> 00:57:24,574 (electricity sizzles) 1741 00:57:24,574 --> 00:57:26,001 - [Crewman] Oh my God, who spilled soda 1742 00:57:26,001 --> 00:57:27,025 all over my instruments? 1743 00:57:27,025 --> 00:57:29,051 - [Grif] Oh my God, I spilled my soda? 1744 00:57:29,051 --> 00:57:30,673 (alarms blare) 1745 00:57:30,673 --> 00:57:32,637 Somehow, the ship crashed, 1746 00:57:32,637 --> 00:57:36,985 but no one seems to know why or how or when or- 1747 00:57:36,985 --> 00:57:37,818 - [Sarge] Men! 1748 00:57:37,818 --> 00:57:39,205 - [Grif] I didn't do it, you can't prove that I did! 1749 00:57:39,205 --> 00:57:40,813 - [Sarge] It's time we took action. 1750 00:57:40,813 --> 00:57:43,061 - [Doc] Oh, we're not gonna do anything violent, are we? 1751 00:57:43,061 --> 00:57:44,663 Remember I'm a pacifist. 1752 00:57:44,663 --> 00:57:46,038 - [Sarge] Yeah, but think about it: 1753 00:57:46,038 --> 00:57:48,253 can't spell pacifist without fist. 1754 00:57:48,253 --> 00:57:49,585 Which you need to throw a punch. 1755 00:57:49,585 --> 00:57:51,313 That always leads to fighting, 1756 00:57:51,313 --> 00:57:53,353 the precursor to a full-out battle. 1757 00:57:53,353 --> 00:57:54,793 Which is ultimately the first step 1758 00:57:54,793 --> 00:57:56,773 on the inevitable road to war! 1759 00:57:56,773 --> 00:57:58,765 Violence is unavoidable, Doc. 1760 00:57:58,765 --> 00:57:59,720 Time to just admit 1761 00:57:59,720 --> 00:58:02,276 you've got a natural-born pacifist lust for murder! 1762 00:58:02,276 --> 00:58:04,333 - [Doc] (sighs) Why do I even bother? 1763 00:58:04,333 --> 00:58:05,795 - [Donut] Oh, come on, Doc. 1764 00:58:05,795 --> 00:58:07,453 Where's your sense of adventure? 1765 00:58:07,453 --> 00:58:09,193 We're a bunch of strapping young men 1766 00:58:09,193 --> 00:58:10,719 stranded in the wilderness. 1767 00:58:10,719 --> 00:58:12,085 If that doesn't sound like a good time, 1768 00:58:12,085 --> 00:58:13,823 I don't know what does. 1769 00:58:13,823 --> 00:58:15,641 - [Grif] I'm starting to remember why I don't like you. 1770 00:58:15,641 --> 00:58:17,365 - [Donut] It's just like camping. 1771 00:58:17,365 --> 00:58:18,717 Who wants to help me pitch a tent? 1772 00:58:18,717 --> 00:58:20,244 - [Grif] Yup, there it is. 1773 00:58:20,244 --> 00:58:22,737 - [Sarge] Since landing in this God-forsaken hellhole, 1774 00:58:22,737 --> 00:58:24,941 we've let Washington make all the decisions. 1775 00:58:24,941 --> 00:58:26,893 And just look where that's gotten us: 1776 00:58:26,893 --> 00:58:28,301 the Warthog is destroyed; 1777 00:58:28,301 --> 00:58:30,008 we're running low on food; 1778 00:58:30,008 --> 00:58:32,113 and Simmons is being held prisoner. 1779 00:58:32,113 --> 00:58:33,038 - [Grif] Shit's pretty fucked. 1780 00:58:33,038 --> 00:58:35,545 - [Sarge] It's high time we took matters into our own hands! 1781 00:58:35,545 --> 00:58:36,923 Red hands. 1782 00:58:36,923 --> 00:58:38,741 The days of standing idly by, 1783 00:58:38,741 --> 00:58:41,196 while the Blues do interesting and convoluted things 1784 00:58:41,196 --> 00:58:42,029 are over! 1785 00:58:42,029 --> 00:58:43,917 - [Donut] All right, it's our time to shine. 1786 00:58:43,917 --> 00:58:45,148 Can I get a heck yeah? 1787 00:58:45,148 --> 00:58:46,001 - [Sarge] Hell no. 1788 00:58:46,001 --> 00:58:46,977 - [Donut] Close enough. 1789 00:58:46,977 --> 00:58:49,213 - [Sarge] What I'm about to propose to you gentlemen, 1790 00:58:49,213 --> 00:58:52,993 is in no way simple, smart, or seemingly possible. 1791 00:58:52,993 --> 00:58:54,689 - [Grif] Solid pep talk so far, Sarge. 1792 00:58:54,689 --> 00:58:56,784 - [Sarge] There's one thing in this canyon 1793 00:58:56,784 --> 00:58:58,513 that's been the source of all our problems. 1794 00:58:58,513 --> 00:59:01,098 If we want to get out of here alive, 1795 00:59:01,098 --> 00:59:04,584 we're going to have to eliminate it. 1796 00:59:04,584 --> 00:59:07,334 Boys, we've got to kill Freckles. 1797 00:59:10,386 --> 00:59:12,297 - [Doc] We don't know who that is. 1798 00:59:12,297 --> 00:59:13,229 We just got here. 1799 00:59:13,229 --> 00:59:14,232 - [Sarge] The robot. 1800 00:59:14,232 --> 00:59:16,315 - [Donut] You mean Lopez? 1801 00:59:17,293 --> 00:59:20,078 (Lopez 2.0 speaking Spanish) 1802 00:59:20,078 --> 00:59:23,578 (Lopez speaking Spanish) 1803 00:59:25,154 --> 00:59:28,421 - [Grif] No, the giant robot that belongs to Caboose. 1804 00:59:28,421 --> 00:59:30,657 AKA the thing that will fucking kill us 1805 00:59:30,657 --> 00:59:32,037 if we get anywhere near it. 1806 00:59:32,037 --> 00:59:35,081 So exactly how do you plan on "eliminating" it, Sarge? 1807 00:59:35,081 --> 00:59:36,509 - [Sarge] Well if our ship was carrying 1808 00:59:36,509 --> 00:59:38,369 something as big as Freckles, 1809 00:59:38,369 --> 00:59:40,254 I figure it may have also been carrying 1810 00:59:40,254 --> 00:59:41,697 something big enough to break him. 1811 00:59:41,697 --> 00:59:43,001 - [Grif] We're going aboard the ship? 1812 00:59:43,001 --> 00:59:43,988 - [Sarge] We'll move in tonight. 1813 00:59:43,988 --> 00:59:46,229 Donut, you guard the base while we're gone. 1814 00:59:46,229 --> 00:59:47,189 - [Donut] Awesome. 1815 00:59:47,189 --> 00:59:50,106 - [Wash] Hey, you guys haven't seen 1816 00:59:51,553 --> 00:59:54,636 anything suspicious around, have you? 1817 00:59:55,959 --> 00:59:57,449 - [Sarge] Suspicious? 1818 00:59:57,449 --> 01:00:00,559 Why whatever do you mean, Agent Washington? 1819 01:00:00,559 --> 01:00:03,522 - [Wash] Nothing, just doing my job. 1820 01:00:03,522 --> 01:00:05,833 (rapid footsteps) 1821 01:00:05,833 --> 01:00:08,384 - [Grif] Nice save, Sarge, very convincing. 1822 01:00:08,384 --> 01:00:12,089 - [Sarge] (chuckles) Thank you. 1823 01:00:12,089 --> 01:00:14,756 (wind whooshes) 1824 01:00:30,313 --> 01:00:32,413 - [Pilot] Hey can I get some fuel on three? 1825 01:00:32,413 --> 01:00:33,246 - [Voice] You got it. 1826 01:00:33,246 --> 01:00:34,663 - [Pilot] Thanks. 1827 01:00:35,917 --> 01:00:38,127 Hey uh, I'm not really from around here, 1828 01:00:38,127 --> 01:00:41,322 but uh, do you know about that crashed spaceship? 1829 01:00:41,322 --> 01:00:42,155 - [Voice] Spaceship? 1830 01:00:42,155 --> 01:00:43,965 - [Pilot] Yeah, I just dropped off a couple of guys 1831 01:00:43,965 --> 01:00:45,961 who saw it in the middle of a canyon. 1832 01:00:45,961 --> 01:00:47,053 It's big. 1833 01:00:47,053 --> 01:00:49,033 Like, really big. 1834 01:00:49,033 --> 01:00:51,181 - [Voice] No, I can't say I've heard of it. 1835 01:00:51,181 --> 01:00:52,381 - [Pilot] Really? 1836 01:00:52,381 --> 01:00:53,214 Oh man. 1837 01:00:54,071 --> 01:00:55,949 I mean, someone should report that, right? 1838 01:00:55,949 --> 01:00:58,699 - [Voice] Well, that's up to you. 1839 01:00:59,634 --> 01:01:01,993 - [Pilot] Yeah, it was pretty bad. 1840 01:01:01,993 --> 01:01:03,525 You got a phone I could use? 1841 01:01:03,525 --> 01:01:05,789 - [Voice] Sure, right behind you. 1842 01:01:05,789 --> 01:01:07,206 - [Pilot] Thanks. 1843 01:01:08,742 --> 01:01:10,845 (gun fires) 1844 01:01:10,845 --> 01:01:13,981 (guitar strums) 1845 01:01:13,981 --> 01:01:15,961 - [Locus] Just so you're aware, 1846 01:01:15,961 --> 01:01:18,584 no-one's gonna find your ship either. 1847 01:01:18,584 --> 01:01:19,708 (gun fires) 1848 01:01:19,708 --> 01:01:22,375 (guitar strums) 1849 01:01:24,530 --> 01:01:26,533 Control, this is Locus. 1850 01:01:26,533 --> 01:01:28,513 Objective complete. 1851 01:01:28,513 --> 01:01:31,013 Returning to Crash Site Bravo. 1852 01:01:33,149 --> 01:01:35,921 (birds chirp) 1853 01:01:35,921 --> 01:01:37,152 - [Tucker] This blows. 1854 01:01:37,152 --> 01:01:38,044 I don't know the first thing 1855 01:01:38,044 --> 01:01:40,152 about fixing intergalactic space radios. 1856 01:01:40,152 --> 01:01:40,985 - [Simmons] Uh huh. 1857 01:01:40,985 --> 01:01:41,923 - [Tucker] Every movie that I've ever seen 1858 01:01:41,923 --> 01:01:43,316 with a repairman on it always glosses over 1859 01:01:43,316 --> 01:01:44,786 the actual repairing part. 1860 01:01:44,786 --> 01:01:47,096 It's just, "Hey lady, I'm here to lay some pipe" 1861 01:01:47,096 --> 01:01:49,408 and then bam, two scoops of raisin! 1862 01:01:49,408 --> 01:01:50,241 - [Simmons] Uh huh. 1863 01:01:50,241 --> 01:01:51,074 - [Tucker] Dammit woman! 1864 01:01:51,074 --> 01:01:52,052 If you let the man do his job, 1865 01:01:52,052 --> 01:01:54,123 then maybe we would not be in this mess. 1866 01:01:54,123 --> 01:01:55,816 - [Simmons] Hey Tucker, what the fuck is this thing? 1867 01:01:55,816 --> 01:01:56,999 - [Tucker] It's a gravity lift. 1868 01:01:56,999 --> 01:01:58,776 You step on it and it takes you upstairs. 1869 01:01:58,776 --> 01:01:59,609 - [Simmons] I know that. 1870 01:01:59,609 --> 01:02:01,160 What the fuck is it doing here? 1871 01:02:01,160 --> 01:02:04,275 - [Tucker] It's glowing and goes (hums). 1872 01:02:04,275 --> 01:02:05,477 - [Simmons] So, let me get this straight. 1873 01:02:05,477 --> 01:02:07,192 We're survivors of a shipwreck, 1874 01:02:07,192 --> 01:02:08,932 living off of the bare necessities, 1875 01:02:08,932 --> 01:02:10,397 and in the middle of the room 1876 01:02:10,397 --> 01:02:12,624 is this incredible feat of modern-day technology. 1877 01:02:12,624 --> 01:02:14,320 - [Tucker] I dunno, Wash found it on the ship 1878 01:02:14,320 --> 01:02:15,400 and so we put it on the base. 1879 01:02:15,400 --> 01:02:16,524 What's so weird about that? 1880 01:02:16,524 --> 01:02:18,296 - [Simmons] It's like finding a car made out of rocks, 1881 01:02:18,296 --> 01:02:19,992 plastic and a Bluetooth radio. 1882 01:02:19,992 --> 01:02:21,264 - [Tucker] Oh, we got that too. 1883 01:02:21,264 --> 01:02:23,597 Siri, play song dance theme. 1884 01:02:24,564 --> 01:02:25,465 (Siri chimes) 1885 01:02:25,465 --> 01:02:27,012 - [Siri] Did you mean bomb, Andy? 1886 01:02:27,012 --> 01:02:27,912 - [Tucker] Aw, piece of shit. 1887 01:02:27,912 --> 01:02:29,396 - [Siri] Calling bomb, Andy. 1888 01:02:29,396 --> 01:02:30,745 - [Simmons] How are you able to power all of this? 1889 01:02:30,745 --> 01:02:31,888 - [Tucker] We're hooked up to the ship. 1890 01:02:31,888 --> 01:02:33,006 - [Simmons] You mean you have a direct line 1891 01:02:33,006 --> 01:02:34,072 to a limitless power supply? 1892 01:02:34,072 --> 01:02:35,282 - [Tucker] Well, no, we'll definitely 1893 01:02:35,282 --> 01:02:36,456 run out of fuel eventually. 1894 01:02:36,456 --> 01:02:38,224 Just not anytime soon, so who cares? 1895 01:02:38,224 --> 01:02:39,260 Take as much as you want. 1896 01:02:39,260 --> 01:02:41,016 - [Simmons] God bless the American way. 1897 01:02:41,016 --> 01:02:41,898 - [Tucker] What are you gonna do? 1898 01:02:41,898 --> 01:02:43,071 - [Simmons] Just a side project. 1899 01:02:43,071 --> 01:02:44,420 (lift whooshes) 1900 01:02:44,420 --> 01:02:46,253 - [Wash] Hey, Caboose. 1901 01:02:47,375 --> 01:02:48,636 I've secured the perimeter. 1902 01:02:48,636 --> 01:02:50,784 No bad guys to be found. 1903 01:02:50,784 --> 01:02:52,568 - [Caboose] Excellent work Commander Washington, 1904 01:02:52,568 --> 01:02:54,756 I admire your determination! 1905 01:02:54,756 --> 01:02:58,198 Why, maybe someday you could be the leader of Blue team! 1906 01:02:58,198 --> 01:02:59,980 - [Wash] Yes, maybe someday. 1907 01:02:59,980 --> 01:03:02,020 - [Caboose] Now, I have a very important question 1908 01:03:02,020 --> 01:03:03,204 for you Washington! 1909 01:03:03,204 --> 01:03:04,044 - [Wash] Okay. 1910 01:03:04,044 --> 01:03:08,904 - [Caboose] Um, d'ya think Freckles would look silly 1911 01:03:08,904 --> 01:03:10,281 in a hat? 1912 01:03:10,281 --> 01:03:12,580 Possibly a sombrero? 1913 01:03:12,580 --> 01:03:14,648 - [Wash] You want to dress your pet up in people clothes? 1914 01:03:14,648 --> 01:03:17,347 - [Caboose] To boost the moral of the troops! 1915 01:03:17,347 --> 01:03:18,788 - [Wash] You know, I just remembered 1916 01:03:18,788 --> 01:03:21,024 I haven't checked for any bad guys on the ship. 1917 01:03:21,024 --> 01:03:21,857 - [Caboose] What? 1918 01:03:21,857 --> 01:03:24,066 Washington, what are you even doing here? 1919 01:03:24,066 --> 01:03:26,860 There could be bad guys plotting against us right now! 1920 01:03:26,860 --> 01:03:28,415 - [Wash] You're right, sorry boss. 1921 01:03:28,415 --> 01:03:31,082 I'll take care of it right away. 1922 01:03:33,414 --> 01:03:35,146 - [Caboose] Ya'know some people are just not cut out 1923 01:03:35,146 --> 01:03:37,840 for military life Freckles. 1924 01:03:37,840 --> 01:03:40,765 Now let's go make you that tiny hat. 1925 01:03:40,765 --> 01:03:43,552 - [Tucker] Thanks Wash, really looking out for your team. 1926 01:03:43,552 --> 01:03:44,385 (device beeps) 1927 01:03:44,385 --> 01:03:45,912 - [Andy] Hey, you've reached the voicemail 1928 01:03:45,912 --> 01:03:47,183 of "Andy the Bomb." 1929 01:03:47,183 --> 01:03:48,056 - [Tucker] Siri, hang up. 1930 01:03:48,056 --> 01:03:50,204 (guitar strums) 1931 01:03:50,204 --> 01:03:52,212 - [Felix] Holy shit. 1932 01:03:52,212 --> 01:03:53,689 It's actually them. 1933 01:03:53,689 --> 01:03:56,072 (twig snaps) 1934 01:03:56,072 --> 01:03:56,905 Oh no. 1935 01:03:58,603 --> 01:04:01,270 (guitar strums) 1936 01:04:08,090 --> 01:04:09,076 - [Doc] Ya know, for a shipwreck, 1937 01:04:09,076 --> 01:04:10,733 this place actually looks pretty nice. 1938 01:04:10,733 --> 01:04:11,744 - [Grif] You should see the other half. 1939 01:04:11,744 --> 01:04:12,720 - [Doc] Why, is it bad? 1940 01:04:12,720 --> 01:04:15,420 - [Grif] We don't know, it landed somewhere else. 1941 01:04:15,420 --> 01:04:17,663 - [Doc] Yeah, that's pretty bad. 1942 01:04:17,663 --> 01:04:19,156 Hey, did you guys ever watch Lost? 1943 01:04:19,156 --> 01:04:21,780 - [Sarge And Grif] Shut up! 1944 01:04:21,780 --> 01:04:22,904 - [Sarge] Alright, men. 1945 01:04:22,904 --> 01:04:24,556 Fan out and see what you can find. 1946 01:04:24,556 --> 01:04:28,560 Remember we're hunting the most dangerous prey of them all. 1947 01:04:28,560 --> 01:04:29,393 - [Doc] Man? 1948 01:04:29,393 --> 01:04:30,226 - [Sarge] What? 1949 01:04:30,226 --> 01:04:31,405 No, giant robot. 1950 01:04:31,405 --> 01:04:33,408 - [Doc] Oh yeah. 1951 01:04:33,408 --> 01:04:34,348 - [Sarge] Pfft Man. 1952 01:04:34,348 --> 01:04:35,349 Everything kills man. 1953 01:04:35,349 --> 01:04:37,152 Man's way down on the list. 1954 01:04:37,152 --> 01:04:39,148 Right between Koala and retarded Koala. 1955 01:04:39,148 --> 01:04:40,733 - [Grif] Yeah, man sucks. 1956 01:04:40,733 --> 01:04:43,400 (metal rattles) 1957 01:04:44,739 --> 01:04:45,739 - [Grif] Hm. 1958 01:04:50,564 --> 01:04:51,512 (weapon fires) 1959 01:04:51,512 --> 01:04:53,056 What the fuck? 1960 01:04:53,056 --> 01:04:54,573 (device beeps) 1961 01:04:54,573 --> 01:04:55,762 Huh. 1962 01:04:55,762 --> 01:04:57,269 (device beeps) 1963 01:04:57,269 --> 01:04:58,287 - [Doc] Hm. 1964 01:04:58,287 --> 01:04:59,120 (shot pings) 1965 01:04:59,120 --> 01:04:59,953 Ow! 1966 01:04:59,953 --> 01:05:00,786 - Boosh, headshot! 1967 01:05:00,786 --> 01:05:02,059 - [Doc] Grif, what the heck, man? 1968 01:05:02,059 --> 01:05:02,892 - [Grif] Ah, don't be a bitch. 1969 01:05:02,892 --> 01:05:04,008 - [Doc] What is this? 1970 01:05:04,008 --> 01:05:04,841 - [Grif] Beats me. 1971 01:05:04,841 --> 01:05:05,674 Wanna try? 1972 01:05:05,674 --> 01:05:06,964 There's a whole bunch in the corner. 1973 01:05:06,964 --> 01:05:09,678 - [Doc] I'm not sure, you know how I feel about firearms. 1974 01:05:09,678 --> 01:05:11,644 - [Grif] Come on, they don't do anything. 1975 01:05:11,644 --> 01:05:12,692 They just stick. 1976 01:05:12,692 --> 01:05:14,764 - [Doc] Let me think about it. 1977 01:05:14,764 --> 01:05:17,347 (device beeps) 1978 01:05:18,272 --> 01:05:19,105 Okay. 1979 01:05:19,105 --> 01:05:21,499 - [Sarge] Hey, this ain't a tea party, numb-skulls! 1980 01:05:21,499 --> 01:05:23,480 Get ridda' those toys a get back to work. 1981 01:05:23,480 --> 01:05:24,313 - [Grif] Fine. 1982 01:05:24,313 --> 01:05:25,146 - [Doc] Aw, man. 1983 01:05:25,146 --> 01:05:27,140 - [Sarge] And take that stupid thing of you head. 1984 01:05:27,140 --> 01:05:27,973 - [Doc] Okay. 1985 01:05:27,973 --> 01:05:29,088 (device clatters) 1986 01:05:29,088 --> 01:05:32,085 I never get to do anything cool. 1987 01:05:32,085 --> 01:05:33,588 (explosion) 1988 01:05:33,588 --> 01:05:36,001 - [Sarge] You'd better not be breaking things down there! 1989 01:05:36,001 --> 01:05:38,249 (guitar strums) 1990 01:05:38,249 --> 01:05:39,872 - [Doc] Hm, according to the ship's records, 1991 01:05:39,872 --> 01:05:42,304 it was carrying a lot of standard issue weaponry, 1992 01:05:42,304 --> 01:05:46,520 but it also has a bunch of stuff listed as experimental. 1993 01:05:46,520 --> 01:05:48,165 - [Grif] Oh, that's military slang 1994 01:05:48,165 --> 01:05:49,772 for really fucking dangerous. 1995 01:05:49,772 --> 01:05:50,868 Where's that stuff? 1996 01:05:50,868 --> 01:05:52,162 - [Doc] Uh, it looks like most of it 1997 01:05:52,162 --> 01:05:53,328 was on the other half of the ship. 1998 01:05:53,328 --> 01:05:54,161 - [Grif] Boo. 1999 01:05:54,161 --> 01:05:56,748 - [Doc] But there is one prototype that was kept here. 2000 01:05:56,748 --> 01:05:57,581 - [Grif] Yes! 2001 01:05:57,581 --> 01:06:00,559 (gears whir) 2002 01:06:00,559 --> 01:06:01,392 The fuck are these? 2003 01:06:01,392 --> 01:06:03,336 - [Doc] Looks like some kind of weird grenade. 2004 01:06:03,336 --> 01:06:05,404 Or it could be a Rubix cube, I dunno. 2005 01:06:05,404 --> 01:06:06,722 - [Grif] Huh. 2006 01:06:06,722 --> 01:06:08,388 - [Doc] Ahh, what are you doing? 2007 01:06:08,388 --> 01:06:09,243 - [Grif] Trying it out. 2008 01:06:09,243 --> 01:06:11,944 (device sizzles then whooshes) 2009 01:06:11,944 --> 01:06:12,996 Whoa! 2010 01:06:12,996 --> 01:06:14,258 - [Doc] You could have killed us. 2011 01:06:14,258 --> 01:06:15,421 - [Grif] Did you see that? 2012 01:06:15,421 --> 01:06:17,431 - [Doc] You can't just go around messing with experimental- 2013 01:06:17,431 --> 01:06:18,436 Stop doing that! 2014 01:06:18,436 --> 01:06:21,076 (device crackles then whooshes) 2015 01:06:21,076 --> 01:06:21,964 - [Grif] Dude! 2016 01:06:21,964 --> 01:06:23,208 - [Doc] What is wrong with you? 2017 01:06:23,208 --> 01:06:25,172 - [Grif] These things are like teleporter cubes. 2018 01:06:25,172 --> 01:06:26,072 - [Doc] Be careful. 2019 01:06:26,072 --> 01:06:27,588 We don't know how they work. 2020 01:06:27,588 --> 01:06:28,428 - [Grif] Waddya mean? 2021 01:06:28,428 --> 01:06:30,152 Throw it at a thing, thing disappears. 2022 01:06:30,152 --> 01:06:31,996 Throw another one, thing reappears. 2023 01:06:31,996 --> 01:06:34,772 I could keep an entire buffet in the palm of my hand ! 2024 01:06:34,772 --> 01:06:35,605 - [Doc] Really? 2025 01:06:35,605 --> 01:06:37,036 That's what you're excited about? 2026 01:06:37,036 --> 01:06:39,150 - [Sarge] Men, upstairs, now! 2027 01:06:39,150 --> 01:06:39,983 - [Doc] Coming! 2028 01:06:39,983 --> 01:06:40,816 (rapid footsteps) 2029 01:06:40,816 --> 01:06:42,029 - [Grif] Oh, I am taking these. 2030 01:06:42,029 --> 01:06:43,549 (guitar strums) 2031 01:06:43,549 --> 01:06:45,349 - [Doc] Sarge, you'll never guess what we found. 2032 01:06:45,349 --> 01:06:46,969 - [Sarge] Son, you could've found 2033 01:06:46,969 --> 01:06:49,564 a laser-guided napalm shark. 2034 01:06:49,564 --> 01:06:50,837 And I still wouldn't care. 2035 01:06:50,837 --> 01:06:51,670 - [Doc] What? 2036 01:06:51,670 --> 01:06:52,877 - [Sarge] Ya know that feelin' you get 2037 01:06:52,877 --> 01:06:56,012 when you see a pretty girl on the first day of school? 2038 01:06:56,012 --> 01:06:57,715 You're not quite sure what to do, 2039 01:06:57,715 --> 01:07:01,369 but your instincts just take over and you smile at her. 2040 01:07:01,369 --> 01:07:03,185 And she smiles back. 2041 01:07:03,185 --> 01:07:06,508 And suddenly the world's a brand new place. 2042 01:07:06,508 --> 01:07:11,131 And your stomach is all full of twists and twirls? 2043 01:07:11,131 --> 01:07:12,548 - [Doc] Um, yeah? 2044 01:07:13,549 --> 01:07:17,716 - [Sarge] Well boys, I got that feeling right now. 2045 01:07:19,173 --> 01:07:21,228 (dramatic music) - [Grif] Holy shit. 2046 01:07:21,228 --> 01:07:23,393 - [Sarge] Except imagine that pretty girl at school 2047 01:07:23,393 --> 01:07:26,241 is armor plated with a titanium poly-alloy 2048 01:07:26,241 --> 01:07:29,225 and outfitted with fifty millimeter canons 2049 01:07:29,225 --> 01:07:31,412 and ammo for days! 2050 01:07:31,412 --> 01:07:32,841 - [Doc] Sounds pretty high maintenance. 2051 01:07:32,841 --> 01:07:34,685 - [Grif] She sounds like I need a safe word to date her. 2052 01:07:34,685 --> 01:07:36,231 - [Sarge] Oh yeah. 2053 01:07:36,231 --> 01:07:37,835 - [Doc] So how do we get it out of the ship? 2054 01:07:37,835 --> 01:07:39,903 - [Grif] Uh, teleportation cubes, anyone? 2055 01:07:39,903 --> 01:07:42,661 - [Sarge] No, a girl this fine's gotta be treated right. 2056 01:07:42,661 --> 01:07:44,153 Whiled up and whatnot. 2057 01:07:44,153 --> 01:07:47,886 We'll take her apart and move her ourselves limb by limb. 2058 01:07:47,886 --> 01:07:50,402 Packed away in carrying cases if necessary. 2059 01:07:50,402 --> 01:07:52,458 - [Doc] Yeah, I think your dating metaphor 2060 01:07:52,458 --> 01:07:53,465 kind of took a turn 2061 01:07:53,465 --> 01:07:55,551 into serial killer territory there, Sarge. 2062 01:07:55,551 --> 01:07:58,040 - [Grif] Seriously, I just found these awesome future cubes. 2063 01:07:58,040 --> 01:07:58,958 It's destiny. 2064 01:07:58,958 --> 01:07:59,905 (metal clatters) 2065 01:07:59,905 --> 01:08:02,469 - [Sarge] What was that? 2066 01:08:02,469 --> 01:08:04,477 (metal rattles) 2067 01:08:04,477 --> 01:08:05,310 - [Doc] Agent Washington? 2068 01:08:05,310 --> 01:08:06,577 - [Grif] What the hell is he doing here? 2069 01:08:06,577 --> 01:08:07,410 - [Sarge] Doesn't matter. 2070 01:08:07,410 --> 01:08:09,065 Let's just dismember this beautiful lady, 2071 01:08:09,065 --> 01:08:11,677 pack her up, and take her back to our lair. 2072 01:08:11,677 --> 01:08:12,510 I mean base. 2073 01:08:12,510 --> 01:08:13,343 - [Grif] Could you please stop 2074 01:08:13,343 --> 01:08:14,445 referring to the robot as a woman? 2075 01:08:14,445 --> 01:08:15,278 It's really weird. 2076 01:08:15,278 --> 01:08:16,813 - [Sarge] Not as weird as the throbbin' erection 2077 01:08:16,813 --> 01:08:17,773 she's givin' me. 2078 01:08:17,773 --> 01:08:19,606 - [Grif] Jesus Christ. 2079 01:08:20,830 --> 01:08:24,705 (tools clatter and whir) 2080 01:08:24,705 --> 01:08:26,745 (soft music) 2081 01:08:26,745 --> 01:08:29,412 - [Wash] Hmm, needs a conductor. 2082 01:08:32,053 --> 01:08:33,929 (crate rattles) 2083 01:08:33,929 --> 01:08:35,929 Stupid thing, just open. 2084 01:08:36,989 --> 01:08:39,322 (gun fires) 2085 01:08:40,157 --> 01:08:40,990 There we go. 2086 01:08:40,990 --> 01:08:43,450 (rapid footsteps) 2087 01:08:43,450 --> 01:08:45,866 (sighs) Never thought it'd come down to this. 2088 01:08:45,866 --> 01:08:47,713 Sorry, Caboose. 2089 01:08:47,713 --> 01:08:50,213 (tool hisses) 2090 01:08:56,759 --> 01:08:59,426 (guitar strums) 2091 01:09:01,905 --> 01:09:03,149 What is all this? 2092 01:09:03,149 --> 01:09:04,466 - [Simmons] It's the future. 2093 01:09:04,466 --> 01:09:05,299 - [Tucker] Where the hell have you been? 2094 01:09:05,299 --> 01:09:07,517 - [Wash] I've been doing what I can to keep us alive. 2095 01:09:07,517 --> 01:09:08,350 - [Tucker] Oh really? 2096 01:09:08,350 --> 01:09:09,867 Then where were you when Freckles tried to kill me 2097 01:09:09,867 --> 01:09:11,685 for calling his tiny hat stupid? 2098 01:09:11,685 --> 01:09:12,841 - [Wash] I thought you didn't need me 2099 01:09:12,841 --> 01:09:14,235 protecting you, Tucker. 2100 01:09:14,235 --> 01:09:15,782 - [Simmons] Hey, guys, I'm trying to revolutionize 2101 01:09:15,782 --> 01:09:18,007 the world of inter-canyon communication. 2102 01:09:18,007 --> 01:09:20,422 So if you could keep it down that'd be great! 2103 01:09:20,422 --> 01:09:21,818 - [Wash] What is he talking about? 2104 01:09:21,818 --> 01:09:24,262 - [Simmons] I'm talking about the internet. 2105 01:09:24,262 --> 01:09:25,282 (computer trills) 2106 01:09:25,282 --> 01:09:26,166 - [Computer] Welcome! 2107 01:09:26,166 --> 01:09:27,578 - [Tucker] Oh my God, everybody leave. 2108 01:09:27,578 --> 01:09:28,882 Everybody leave right now. 2109 01:09:28,882 --> 01:09:30,158 There is something I gotta do. 2110 01:09:30,158 --> 01:09:30,991 - [Wash] The internet? 2111 01:09:30,991 --> 01:09:32,010 - [Tucker] Seriously, you're gonna see some shit 2112 01:09:32,010 --> 01:09:32,954 if you don't leave. 2113 01:09:32,954 --> 01:09:34,950 - [Simmons] Well, it's not actually the internet, 2114 01:09:34,950 --> 01:09:37,754 the only two points of communication are Red and Blue base. 2115 01:09:37,754 --> 01:09:39,162 - [Tucker] Why would you lie to us like that? 2116 01:09:39,162 --> 01:09:40,827 - [Wash] You put one of these at Red Base, too? 2117 01:09:40,827 --> 01:09:42,418 - Yeah, I had to sneak past Freckles, 2118 01:09:42,418 --> 01:09:43,769 but it was totally worth it. 2119 01:09:43,769 --> 01:09:44,622 - [Tucker] Why? 2120 01:09:44,622 --> 01:09:46,602 - [Simmons] Behold! 2121 01:09:46,602 --> 01:09:47,638 - [Tucker] Basebook? 2122 01:09:47,638 --> 01:09:49,829 - [Simmons] Yep, it's a site that lets you upload pictures, 2123 01:09:49,829 --> 01:09:51,194 videos and even text posts 2124 01:09:51,194 --> 01:09:52,842 so that your friends always know what you're up to. 2125 01:09:52,842 --> 01:09:54,157 It's revolutionary! 2126 01:09:54,157 --> 01:09:55,422 - [Wash] Revolutionary? 2127 01:09:55,422 --> 01:09:57,090 The first social media sites were created 2128 01:09:57,090 --> 01:09:58,242 hundreds of years ago. 2129 01:09:58,242 --> 01:09:59,968 - [Tucker] Also, there are no friends in this canyon. 2130 01:09:59,968 --> 01:10:01,211 Only forced acquaintances. 2131 01:10:01,211 --> 01:10:02,725 - [Simmons] Yeah, but those old sites 2132 01:10:02,725 --> 01:10:04,650 just turned into conglomerations of attention whores. 2133 01:10:04,650 --> 01:10:06,870 Nothing but teenagers who wanted to prove they were cool 2134 01:10:06,870 --> 01:10:09,046 and old people who wanted to prove they were still relevant. 2135 01:10:09,046 --> 01:10:10,867 - [Tucker] So what's the point of Basebook? 2136 01:10:10,867 --> 01:10:11,926 - [Simmons] Oh, you know, 2137 01:10:11,926 --> 01:10:13,765 just want to keep in touch with my friends on the red team 2138 01:10:13,765 --> 01:10:14,847 While I'm your prisoner. 2139 01:10:14,847 --> 01:10:16,634 Can't let them forget about old Simmons. 2140 01:10:16,634 --> 01:10:20,217 (Simmons laughs then sobs) 2141 01:10:21,990 --> 01:10:23,370 - [Wash] Glad to see you spent your time 2142 01:10:23,370 --> 01:10:25,454 in captivity on something meaningful. 2143 01:10:25,454 --> 01:10:27,110 - [Tucker] So you made it, what now? 2144 01:10:27,110 --> 01:10:28,344 - [Simmons] I'm glad you asked. 2145 01:10:28,344 --> 01:10:30,844 Let's see what Sarge is up to. 2146 01:10:32,398 --> 01:10:35,312 Uh-huh, hasn't set up his profile yet. 2147 01:10:35,312 --> 01:10:36,812 Well, that's cool. 2148 01:10:38,312 --> 01:10:39,253 We'll just wait for an update. 2149 01:10:39,253 --> 01:10:40,786 Yeah, I'm sure it'll come eventually. 2150 01:10:40,786 --> 01:10:41,822 He's got to have an update. 2151 01:10:41,822 --> 01:10:44,986 (laughs) Updates. 2152 01:10:44,986 --> 01:10:48,274 - [Wash] You know, maybe you should go outside 2153 01:10:48,274 --> 01:10:49,670 for a bit, Simmons. 2154 01:10:49,670 --> 01:10:52,882 I'm sure Caboose wouldn't mind if you got some fresh air. 2155 01:10:52,882 --> 01:10:55,182 - [Simmons] No no, it's all good, really. 2156 01:10:55,182 --> 01:10:57,370 I'll just save Sarge some time and make a profile for him! 2157 01:10:57,370 --> 01:10:59,096 Yeah, that'll be fun. 2158 01:10:59,096 --> 01:11:00,914 I'll do a post about it, too. 2159 01:11:00,914 --> 01:11:03,238 Y'know, just so he knows. 2160 01:11:03,238 --> 01:11:04,798 - [Tucker] Hope you like the new Blue team, Wash. 2161 01:11:04,798 --> 01:11:05,631 Really worked your magic. 2162 01:11:05,631 --> 01:11:08,464 (rapid footsteps) 2163 01:11:11,127 --> 01:11:12,552 - [Caboose] 'Kay, okay, don't move! 2164 01:11:12,552 --> 01:11:13,385 I gotta get my camera! 2165 01:11:13,385 --> 01:11:15,138 - [Freckles] Holding position. 2166 01:11:15,138 --> 01:11:18,195 - [Caboose] Oh my god this is gonna be so cute! 2167 01:11:18,195 --> 01:11:19,028 - [Simmons] Hey, Wash. 2168 01:11:19,028 --> 01:11:20,762 Could you take a picture and then tag me in it? 2169 01:11:20,762 --> 01:11:22,371 'Cause if I do it myself 2170 01:11:22,371 --> 01:11:24,810 I'll just look like one of those losers. 2171 01:11:24,810 --> 01:11:25,998 (Wash sighs) 2172 01:11:25,998 --> 01:11:29,407 (guitar strums) 2173 01:11:29,407 --> 01:11:30,795 (metal clangs) 2174 01:11:30,795 --> 01:11:33,394 - [Donut] All right, spread 'em! 2175 01:11:33,394 --> 01:11:34,227 - [Doc] Hey, Donut. 2176 01:11:34,227 --> 01:11:35,674 - [Donut] Oh, it's you guys. 2177 01:11:35,674 --> 01:11:36,994 What took you so long? 2178 01:11:36,994 --> 01:11:39,290 - [Doc] It's not exactly easy transporting several tons 2179 01:11:39,290 --> 01:11:41,279 of robot in a timely manner. 2180 01:11:41,279 --> 01:11:43,354 I think Grif even dropped a bunch of pieces along the way. 2181 01:11:43,354 --> 01:11:44,653 - [Grif] There's a difference between dropping 2182 01:11:44,653 --> 01:11:45,486 and abandoning. 2183 01:11:45,486 --> 01:11:46,319 - [Sarge] What? 2184 01:11:46,319 --> 01:11:47,341 Droppin' pieces! 2185 01:11:47,341 --> 01:11:50,342 Grif, if I find that a single screw is missing 2186 01:11:50,342 --> 01:11:51,749 from this death machine, 2187 01:11:51,749 --> 01:11:53,760 I'm gonna beat the living pulp out of you 2188 01:11:53,760 --> 01:11:55,937 and then drink the remaining orange juice! 2189 01:11:55,937 --> 01:11:57,629 'Cause I like my dead men pulp free. 2190 01:11:57,629 --> 01:11:59,661 And with extra calcium, if available. 2191 01:11:59,661 --> 01:12:02,007 - [Grif] What if I lost multiple screws, 2192 01:12:02,007 --> 01:12:05,261 or several feet of armor plating? 2193 01:12:05,261 --> 01:12:07,409 - [Donut] Giant robot fight here we come! 2194 01:12:07,409 --> 01:12:09,345 This is gonna be awesome! 2195 01:12:09,345 --> 01:12:11,657 Fighting fire with fire, good idea, Sarge. 2196 01:12:11,657 --> 01:12:13,409 - [Grif] I still say we just trap Freckles 2197 01:12:13,409 --> 01:12:14,578 in a future cube. 2198 01:12:14,578 --> 01:12:16,021 - [Doc] You actually took one of those with you? 2199 01:12:16,021 --> 01:12:17,398 - [Grif] Technically, yes. 2200 01:12:17,398 --> 01:12:19,549 (cube whooshes) 2201 01:12:19,549 --> 01:12:20,788 But actually, no. 2202 01:12:20,788 --> 01:12:22,637 It's a cube that makes more cubes. 2203 01:12:22,637 --> 01:12:24,333 - [Grif] No, they teleport stuff. 2204 01:12:24,333 --> 01:12:25,833 Watch this. 2205 01:12:25,833 --> 01:12:27,946 Fucking cone, what did you ever do for me? 2206 01:12:27,946 --> 01:12:30,453 (cube whooshes) 2207 01:12:30,453 --> 01:12:31,286 - [Donut] Whoa. 2208 01:12:31,286 --> 01:12:32,595 - [Grif] Nah, I'm just kidding, cone. 2209 01:12:32,595 --> 01:12:33,428 You can come back. 2210 01:12:33,428 --> 01:12:36,077 (cube whooshes) 2211 01:12:36,077 --> 01:12:37,893 - [Donut] They're like Poké Balls! 2212 01:12:37,893 --> 01:12:39,721 - [Grif] No, these are cool. 2213 01:12:39,721 --> 01:12:40,997 Do not ruin them for me. 2214 01:12:40,997 --> 01:12:43,470 - [Donut] Or maybe they send stuff to the phantom zone. 2215 01:12:43,470 --> 01:12:45,213 You know, like in that bad Superman movie. 2216 01:12:45,213 --> 01:12:46,713 - [Doc] You mean Superman 2 or Man of Steel? 2217 01:12:46,713 --> 01:12:48,361 - [Donut] No the eleventh remake. 2218 01:12:48,361 --> 01:12:50,670 Superman Origins 3: Revelations! 2219 01:12:50,670 --> 01:12:52,217 - [Doc] Oh, yeah, that one's awesome. 2220 01:12:52,217 --> 01:12:53,308 - [Grif] Sarge, look. 2221 01:12:53,308 --> 01:12:55,966 Let's just send Donut to Blue base with one of the cubes. 2222 01:12:55,966 --> 01:12:57,017 He throws it at Freckles. 2223 01:12:57,017 --> 01:12:58,081 Freckles gets zapped. 2224 01:12:58,081 --> 01:13:00,229 And then we just throw the cubes in a volcano or something. 2225 01:13:00,229 --> 01:13:02,010 - [Donut] Why do I have to do it? 2226 01:13:02,010 --> 01:13:03,340 - [Grif] In case it doesn't work. 2227 01:13:03,340 --> 01:13:04,410 I want to be alive. 2228 01:13:04,410 --> 01:13:05,433 - [Donut] Makes sense. 2229 01:13:05,433 --> 01:13:06,471 - [Doc] But we still don't even know 2230 01:13:06,471 --> 01:13:07,981 how the teleportation cubes work. 2231 01:13:07,981 --> 01:13:09,330 What if they're extremely radioactive, 2232 01:13:09,330 --> 01:13:11,493 or what if they only work on inanimate objects? 2233 01:13:11,493 --> 01:13:12,961 - [Grif] Robots are objects. 2234 01:13:12,961 --> 01:13:15,322 - [Sarge] Hey, you're gonna hurt some feelings here. 2235 01:13:15,322 --> 01:13:17,399 Don't ever talk like that in front of my robot. 2236 01:13:17,399 --> 01:13:20,751 (Lopez 2.0 speaking Spanish) 2237 01:13:20,751 --> 01:13:22,385 Nobody's talking to you, idiot. 2238 01:13:22,385 --> 01:13:24,526 - [Doc] I just think we should run some tests first. 2239 01:13:24,526 --> 01:13:26,117 - [Grif] But tests are hard. 2240 01:13:26,117 --> 01:13:28,265 - [Sarge] Well if it keeps you morons away from me 2241 01:13:28,265 --> 01:13:30,377 so I can work, I say go for it. 2242 01:13:30,377 --> 01:13:31,473 - [Grif] Seriously? 2243 01:13:31,473 --> 01:13:32,837 - [Sarge] You can either test the cubes 2244 01:13:32,837 --> 01:13:35,267 or you can test this thing's primary defense systems. 2245 01:13:35,267 --> 01:13:36,541 - [Grif] What do I have to do for that? 2246 01:13:36,541 --> 01:13:37,888 - [Sarge] Just stand still and wait 2247 01:13:37,888 --> 01:13:39,240 for the sweet embrace of death. 2248 01:13:39,240 --> 01:13:41,252 - [Grif] Okay, yeah, I'm leaving now. 2249 01:13:41,252 --> 01:13:43,805 - [Donut] Ooh, I'm gonna update my Basebook page about this. 2250 01:13:43,805 --> 01:13:44,638 - [Doc] Your what? 2251 01:13:44,638 --> 01:13:46,853 - [Donut] Oh, Doc, you're gonna love it. 2252 01:13:46,853 --> 01:13:48,652 You should see the photo Caboose just uploaded. 2253 01:13:48,652 --> 01:13:49,902 It's hilarious! 2254 01:13:51,217 --> 01:13:55,401 (Lopez 2.0 speaking Spanish) 2255 01:13:55,401 --> 01:13:56,634 - [Felix] Psst, hey! 2256 01:13:56,634 --> 01:13:58,137 (Lopez 2.0 speaking Spanish) 2257 01:13:58,137 --> 01:14:00,097 - Yeah, you, brown guy, over here. 2258 01:14:00,097 --> 01:14:02,081 (Lopez 2.0 speaking Spanish) 2259 01:14:02,081 --> 01:14:04,105 (Lopez speaking Spanish) 2260 01:14:04,105 --> 01:14:06,210 - [Felix] Hey, don't move, just listen. 2261 01:14:06,210 --> 01:14:08,517 You and your friends are in a lot of trouble. 2262 01:14:08,517 --> 01:14:09,350 (Lopez 2.0 speaking Spanish) 2263 01:14:09,350 --> 01:14:12,129 (Lopez speaking Spanish) 2264 01:14:12,129 --> 01:14:13,423 - [Felix] I'm gonna get you guys out of here, okay. 2265 01:14:13,423 --> 01:14:14,919 But listen, you gotta sit tight 2266 01:14:14,919 --> 01:14:16,901 for just a little while longer. 2267 01:14:16,901 --> 01:14:18,786 I'm not the only one that has their eyes on you. 2268 01:14:18,786 --> 01:14:21,165 (Lopez 2.0 speaking Spanish) 2269 01:14:21,165 --> 01:14:22,229 - [Felix] I gotta go. 2270 01:14:22,229 --> 01:14:24,404 Look, I know you people can fend for yourselves. 2271 01:14:24,404 --> 01:14:26,445 Just be careful. 2272 01:14:26,445 --> 01:14:30,342 (Lopez 2.0 speaking Spanish) 2273 01:14:30,342 --> 01:14:33,443 (Lopez speaking Spanish) 2274 01:14:33,443 --> 01:14:34,917 (Lopez 2.0 speaking Spanish) 2275 01:14:34,917 --> 01:14:35,750 (Lopez speaking Spanish) 2276 01:14:35,750 --> 01:14:37,003 (Lopez 2.0 speaking Spanish) 2277 01:14:37,003 --> 01:14:38,411 (Lopez speaking Spanish) 2278 01:14:38,411 --> 01:14:41,187 (Lopez 2.0 speaking Spanish) 2279 01:14:41,187 --> 01:14:43,723 (Lopez speaking Spanish) 2280 01:14:43,723 --> 01:14:45,853 (Lopez 2.0 speaking Spanish) 2281 01:14:45,853 --> 01:14:47,258 - [Sarge] Hm, you talkin' to me? 2282 01:14:47,258 --> 01:14:51,008 (Lopez 2.0 speaking Spanish) 2283 01:14:52,626 --> 01:14:54,688 Dos point oh, why don't you quit your yappin' 2284 01:14:54,688 --> 01:14:56,067 and make yourself useful. 2285 01:14:56,067 --> 01:14:58,255 Can't you see I'm tryin' to build your replacement? 2286 01:14:58,255 --> 01:15:01,390 I mean, um, I'm trying' to build your, 2287 01:15:01,390 --> 01:15:03,486 well, yeah, he's pretty much your replacement. 2288 01:15:03,486 --> 01:15:06,903 (Lopez speaking Spanish) 2289 01:15:14,247 --> 01:15:16,688 (Lopez 2.0 speaking Spanish) 2290 01:15:16,688 --> 01:15:20,105 (Lopez speaking Spanish) 2291 01:15:24,653 --> 01:15:27,612 (Lopez 2.0 speaking Spanish) 2292 01:15:27,612 --> 01:15:28,820 (Lopez speaking Spanish) 2293 01:15:28,820 --> 01:15:30,401 (Lopez 2.0 speaking Spanish) 2294 01:15:30,401 --> 01:15:33,818 (Lopez speaking Spanish) 2295 01:15:40,550 --> 01:15:43,217 (guitar strums) 2296 01:15:44,682 --> 01:15:46,932 - [Donut] Pretty neat, huh? 2297 01:15:47,801 --> 01:15:49,423 - [Doc] So, who uses this? 2298 01:15:49,423 --> 01:15:51,148 - [Donut] Mainly just Simmons and Caboose. 2299 01:15:51,148 --> 01:15:54,125 Oh, wait, it looks like Sarge has a profile now. 2300 01:15:54,125 --> 01:15:55,015 Like. 2301 01:15:55,015 --> 01:15:56,684 - [Doc] And you just talk about yourself? 2302 01:15:56,684 --> 01:15:58,228 - [Donut] You can post pictures and stuff too. 2303 01:15:58,228 --> 01:16:01,336 I've been downloading this picture of Freckles for a while. 2304 01:16:01,336 --> 01:16:02,169 (computer beeps) 2305 01:16:02,169 --> 01:16:03,372 - [Doc] How long has that been going for? 2306 01:16:03,372 --> 01:16:04,616 - [Donut] Eh, just a few hours. 2307 01:16:04,616 --> 01:16:06,099 - [Doc] You spent hours of our limited energy 2308 01:16:06,099 --> 01:16:07,692 just downloading a single picture? 2309 01:16:07,692 --> 01:16:09,203 - [Donut] It is a very high quality picture. 2310 01:16:09,203 --> 01:16:10,304 (computer beeps) 2311 01:16:10,304 --> 01:16:12,240 - [Doc] Well, you can't argue with that. 2312 01:16:12,240 --> 01:16:14,340 So is this all you did while we were out last night? 2313 01:16:14,340 --> 01:16:15,173 - [Donut] Nope! 2314 01:16:15,173 --> 01:16:16,568 I cleaned this base from top to bottom. 2315 01:16:16,568 --> 01:16:18,792 It was the least I can do to make it more presentable. 2316 01:16:18,792 --> 01:16:21,328 I did the dishes, swept the sand off the floor... 2317 01:16:21,328 --> 01:16:23,160 - [Doc] Wow, did you clean Grif's room? 2318 01:16:23,160 --> 01:16:24,137 - [Donut] Grif has a room? 2319 01:16:24,137 --> 01:16:26,232 - [Doc] Well he, and Simmons share that side of the base, 2320 01:16:26,232 --> 01:16:28,767 but Grif's stuff overflowed onto the roof. 2321 01:16:28,767 --> 01:16:30,180 - [Donut] Oh, let me take a peek. 2322 01:16:30,180 --> 01:16:32,352 (rapid footsteps) 2323 01:16:32,352 --> 01:16:35,712 - [Doc] Oh my gosh, if this post gets over 10,000 likes, 2324 01:16:35,712 --> 01:16:38,804 Basebook will pay for a rescue team to come save us. 2325 01:16:38,804 --> 01:16:40,020 (Donut screams) 2326 01:16:40,020 --> 01:16:42,180 I know it sounds too good to be true. 2327 01:16:42,180 --> 01:16:44,763 (upbeat music) 2328 01:16:48,540 --> 01:16:49,740 - [Donut] Dexter Grif! 2329 01:16:49,740 --> 01:16:50,573 - [Grif] Huh? 2330 01:16:50,573 --> 01:16:51,584 - [Donut] I can't live in this base 2331 01:16:51,584 --> 01:16:52,890 with the way you've been treating it! 2332 01:16:52,890 --> 01:16:55,856 The layout is all wrong, the color palette is atrocious, 2333 01:16:55,856 --> 01:16:58,364 and the garden doesn't even have flowers in it, 2334 01:16:58,364 --> 01:16:59,656 just vegetables. 2335 01:16:59,656 --> 01:17:01,771 Also, I think someone tried to plant candy corn 2336 01:17:01,771 --> 01:17:02,604 at some point! 2337 01:17:02,604 --> 01:17:04,368 - [Grif] (clears throat) I wonder who did that. 2338 01:17:04,368 --> 01:17:05,476 - [Doc] How's the testing going? 2339 01:17:05,476 --> 01:17:07,560 - [Grif] Well, Doc, after countless experiments 2340 01:17:07,560 --> 01:17:09,452 I determined that the teleportation cubes 2341 01:17:09,452 --> 01:17:11,056 are still fucking awesome. 2342 01:17:11,056 --> 01:17:12,752 All other data has been inconclusive. 2343 01:17:12,752 --> 01:17:14,160 - [Doc] Grif, I really think 2344 01:17:14,160 --> 01:17:15,450 we shouldn't be messing with these. 2345 01:17:15,450 --> 01:17:16,550 They could be dangerous. 2346 01:17:16,550 --> 01:17:18,840 We can't just keep throwing them around all Willy nilly. 2347 01:17:18,840 --> 01:17:19,673 - [Donut] Gimme that. 2348 01:17:19,673 --> 01:17:20,506 - [Grif] Hey! 2349 01:17:20,506 --> 01:17:23,695 (cube whooshes) 2350 01:17:23,695 --> 01:17:24,528 My stuff! 2351 01:17:29,873 --> 01:17:30,884 - [Doc] Nice arm. 2352 01:17:30,884 --> 01:17:32,614 - [Donut] There, if you're not responsible enough 2353 01:17:32,614 --> 01:17:34,272 to clean your room, then you can just say goodbye 2354 01:17:34,272 --> 01:17:35,668 to everything that was in it. 2355 01:17:35,668 --> 01:17:36,808 - [Grif] Oh, man. 2356 01:17:36,808 --> 01:17:37,641 (computer beeped) 2357 01:17:37,641 --> 01:17:38,980 - [Simmons] Hey, someone liked my post! 2358 01:17:38,980 --> 01:17:41,946 Things are sure looking up for Private Simmons! 2359 01:17:41,946 --> 01:17:43,227 What the? 2360 01:17:43,227 --> 01:17:45,008 (device whooshes) 2361 01:17:45,008 --> 01:17:47,508 (screams) No! 2362 01:17:48,940 --> 01:17:52,268 (guitar strums) 2363 01:17:52,268 --> 01:17:53,760 - [Wash] What are you doing? 2364 01:17:53,760 --> 01:17:56,237 - [Tucker] I'm fixing (bangs) the radio! (bangs) 2365 01:17:56,237 --> 01:17:58,788 - [Wash] By beating it with the butt of your rifle? 2366 01:17:58,788 --> 01:18:00,348 - [Tucker] It worked for you. 2367 01:18:00,348 --> 01:18:01,181 - [Wash] But that was- 2368 01:18:01,181 --> 01:18:02,014 - [Tucker] You know what? 2369 01:18:02,014 --> 01:18:06,751 Why don't you just come over here and do it yourself? 2370 01:18:06,751 --> 01:18:08,904 - [Wash] Try connecting me antenna port to the amp. 2371 01:18:08,904 --> 01:18:09,775 - [Tucker] What? 2372 01:18:09,775 --> 01:18:11,143 - [Grif] If you increase the input voltage, 2373 01:18:11,143 --> 01:18:12,948 that will just fry the radio. 2374 01:18:12,948 --> 01:18:14,700 But if you were to transmit it through an amp... 2375 01:18:14,700 --> 01:18:15,617 - [Tucker] All I hear are words 2376 01:18:15,617 --> 01:18:17,189 that would get me beat high school. 2377 01:18:17,189 --> 01:18:18,553 - [Wash] Tucker, I'm being serious. 2378 01:18:18,553 --> 01:18:20,268 - [Tucker] Oh my God, stop the fucking presses. 2379 01:18:20,268 --> 01:18:21,747 Agent Washington is being serious. 2380 01:18:21,747 --> 01:18:23,520 - [Wash] If you just listen to me, you can do this. 2381 01:18:23,520 --> 01:18:25,052 - [Tucker] Well, I don't want to do this. 2382 01:18:25,052 --> 01:18:26,100 You ever think of that? 2383 01:18:26,100 --> 01:18:28,268 All I want to do is stand around and talk to my friend, 2384 01:18:28,268 --> 01:18:29,388 but he's gone now. 2385 01:18:29,388 --> 01:18:32,078 And all I've got is you. 2386 01:18:32,078 --> 01:18:33,321 - [Wash] What? 2387 01:18:33,321 --> 01:18:36,764 - [Tucker] It's fucking bullshit. 2388 01:18:36,764 --> 01:18:39,208 - [Wash] (sighs) 2389 01:18:39,208 --> 01:18:42,960 Did you know I was one of the worst freelancers in my squad? 2390 01:18:42,960 --> 01:18:45,868 There was Agent York, our security specialist, 2391 01:18:45,868 --> 01:18:47,924 Agent North, the sharpshooter, 2392 01:18:47,924 --> 01:18:49,795 Carolina was an expert in martial arts, 2393 01:18:49,795 --> 01:18:52,378 and Tex was well, you know Tex. 2394 01:18:53,760 --> 01:18:55,168 - [Tucker] Cool story, bro. 2395 01:18:55,168 --> 01:18:56,715 - [Tucker] I was known for 2396 01:18:56,715 --> 01:19:00,224 getting a grappling hook stuck to my balls. 2397 01:19:00,224 --> 01:19:02,204 - [Tucker] Okay, where are you going with this? 2398 01:19:02,204 --> 01:19:04,076 - [Wash] Church was your leader for years. 2399 01:19:04,076 --> 01:19:05,863 You guys knew each other inside and out. 2400 01:19:05,863 --> 01:19:07,168 - [Tucker] Dude, don't phrase it like that. 2401 01:19:07,168 --> 01:19:09,164 - [Wash] But I'm new to all of this. 2402 01:19:09,164 --> 01:19:11,624 I've never really had to lead anybody before, 2403 01:19:11,624 --> 01:19:14,276 but when Church and Carolina disappeared, 2404 01:19:14,276 --> 01:19:16,376 I didn't have a choice. 2405 01:19:16,376 --> 01:19:18,250 I had to try. 2406 01:19:18,250 --> 01:19:20,112 - [Tucker] Well, there's your problem. 2407 01:19:20,112 --> 01:19:21,701 You try too hard, man. 2408 01:19:21,701 --> 01:19:23,802 I mean, Church wasn't the best leader ever, 2409 01:19:23,802 --> 01:19:26,668 but he never made us run laps or do pushups or anything. 2410 01:19:26,668 --> 01:19:28,692 He just took the blame whenever shit went wrong. 2411 01:19:28,692 --> 01:19:30,312 That was pretty much it. 2412 01:19:30,312 --> 01:19:32,788 - [Wash] Well, we're shipwrecked, 2413 01:19:32,788 --> 01:19:35,532 low on food and have to do whatever Caboose tells us 2414 01:19:35,532 --> 01:19:37,329 or we'll be killed by a robot. 2415 01:19:37,329 --> 01:19:39,372 - [Tucker] Sounds like you really fucked up. 2416 01:19:39,372 --> 01:19:40,904 - [Wash] Yeah. 2417 01:19:40,904 --> 01:19:42,654 Kinda looks that way. 2418 01:19:43,632 --> 01:19:46,001 - [Tucker] But I guess you weren't really our leader 2419 01:19:46,001 --> 01:19:47,532 when the ship crashed. 2420 01:19:47,532 --> 01:19:51,836 So you don't have to take the blame for that one. 2421 01:19:51,836 --> 01:19:52,935 (engines power down) 2422 01:19:52,935 --> 01:19:54,464 - [Spaceship Operator] Whoops. 2423 01:19:54,464 --> 01:19:56,684 - [Wash] Sorry, knocked the cable out of the wall. 2424 01:19:56,684 --> 01:19:58,048 Hope that wasn't important. 2425 01:19:58,048 --> 01:20:00,284 (alarms blare) 2426 01:20:00,284 --> 01:20:03,028 (chuckles) I'll take some of the blame. 2427 01:20:03,028 --> 01:20:04,064 - [Tucker] Whatever. 2428 01:20:04,064 --> 01:20:06,507 - [Wash] So are you going to fix his radio or not? 2429 01:20:06,507 --> 01:20:08,397 - [Tucker] Well, when I started the radio was working, 2430 01:20:08,397 --> 01:20:09,688 but the signal wasn't strong enough, 2431 01:20:09,688 --> 01:20:11,836 and now it's just not working. 2432 01:20:11,836 --> 01:20:13,380 - [Wash] It sounds like you really fucked up. 2433 01:20:13,380 --> 01:20:14,564 - [Tucker] Don't be a dick. 2434 01:20:14,564 --> 01:20:16,816 - [Wash] You're a capable soldier, Tucker, 2435 01:20:16,816 --> 01:20:20,630 at least compared to your usual acquaintances. 2436 01:20:20,630 --> 01:20:22,380 You just need to try. 2437 01:20:24,192 --> 01:20:25,142 - [Tucker] Oh. 2438 01:20:25,142 --> 01:20:26,210 - [Wash] What? 2439 01:20:26,210 --> 01:20:27,043 (device clicks) 2440 01:20:27,043 --> 01:20:28,708 - [Tucker] It was just turned off. 2441 01:20:28,708 --> 01:20:32,292 - [Caboose] Attention Blue team! (echoes fade) 2442 01:20:32,292 --> 01:20:34,496 - [Wash] Uh, yes, captain? 2443 01:20:34,496 --> 01:20:38,004 - [Caboose] Ah, I know we all said we wanted 2444 01:20:38,004 --> 01:20:41,652 to fix the radio, and that was really important... 2445 01:20:41,652 --> 01:20:44,188 to fix the radio and the tower and all that 2446 01:20:44,188 --> 01:20:45,267 is really important... 2447 01:20:45,267 --> 01:20:47,091 - [Wash] We'll probably die if it's not repaired. 2448 01:20:47,091 --> 01:20:50,156 - [Caboose] But I really need you guys 2449 01:20:50,156 --> 01:20:53,853 to go back to Blue Base and kind of clean up. 2450 01:20:53,853 --> 01:20:54,926 - [Tucker] Clean up what? 2451 01:20:54,926 --> 01:20:57,712 - [Caboose] Garbage and robot parts 2452 01:20:57,712 --> 01:20:59,848 and gross socks all over. 2453 01:20:59,848 --> 01:21:03,281 Simmons, yeah um, Simmons actually won't stop 2454 01:21:03,281 --> 01:21:05,113 rocking back and forth in the corner 2455 01:21:05,113 --> 01:21:09,113 and it's kind of um, it's kinda freakin' me out. 2456 01:21:10,345 --> 01:21:12,434 - [Wash] And you're sure you mean Blue Base? 2457 01:21:12,434 --> 01:21:15,480 - [Freckles] Do not question your commanding officer. 2458 01:21:15,480 --> 01:21:18,824 - [Wash] Okay, okay, we'll be there in a few minutes. 2459 01:21:18,824 --> 01:21:21,180 - [Caboose] Assistant Captain best friend Freckles, 2460 01:21:21,180 --> 01:21:23,100 initiate piggyback sequence! 2461 01:21:23,100 --> 01:21:23,933 (gears whir) 2462 01:21:23,933 --> 01:21:26,130 (robot stomps) 2463 01:21:26,130 --> 01:21:27,478 - [Tucker] You realize we're all going to die 2464 01:21:27,478 --> 01:21:28,370 because of him. 2465 01:21:28,370 --> 01:21:30,098 - [Wash] Tucker, I need you to head back to base 2466 01:21:30,098 --> 01:21:30,931 and do what you can. 2467 01:21:30,931 --> 01:21:32,116 I'm going up to the ship. 2468 01:21:32,116 --> 01:21:33,271 - [Tucker] You're leaving me again? 2469 01:21:33,271 --> 01:21:35,220 What the fuck do you need to go to the ship for? 2470 01:21:35,220 --> 01:21:36,284 - [Wash] I found something. 2471 01:21:36,284 --> 01:21:38,056 I just need you to buy me some time. 2472 01:21:38,056 --> 01:21:39,932 - [Tucker] Why, what are you gonna do? 2473 01:21:39,932 --> 01:21:42,769 - [Wash] Hopefully, I'm going to put a stop to this. 2474 01:21:42,769 --> 01:21:45,436 (guitar strums) 2475 01:21:51,817 --> 01:21:54,567 (dramatic music) 2476 01:22:14,532 --> 01:22:17,681 - [Locus] You four, with me. 2477 01:22:17,681 --> 01:22:19,348 We're going hunting. 2478 01:22:22,494 --> 01:22:25,161 (guitar strums) 2479 01:22:33,432 --> 01:22:35,749 (guitar strums) 2480 01:22:35,749 --> 01:22:37,544 (Lopez 2.0 speaking Spanish) 2481 01:22:37,544 --> 01:22:38,377 (Lopez speaking Spanish) 2482 01:22:38,377 --> 01:22:41,775 (Lopez 2.0 speaking Spanish) 2483 01:22:41,775 --> 01:22:45,025 (Lopez speaking Spanish) 2484 01:22:45,025 --> 01:22:46,128 (Lopez 2.0 speaking Spanish) 2485 01:22:46,128 --> 01:22:47,867 (Lopez speaking Spanish) 2486 01:22:47,867 --> 01:22:49,788 - [Sarge] Hey, Lopez's, why don't you two 2487 01:22:49,788 --> 01:22:51,424 come over here and give me a hand? 2488 01:22:51,424 --> 01:22:53,660 I keep havin' to get on my knees to work on this thing, 2489 01:22:53,660 --> 01:22:55,536 but I figure it'd be easier if you just held it 2490 01:22:55,536 --> 01:22:56,786 at chest level instead. 2491 01:22:56,786 --> 01:22:57,869 (Lopez 2.0 speaking Spanish) 2492 01:22:57,869 --> 01:23:01,286 (Lopez speaking Spanish) 2493 01:23:02,973 --> 01:23:04,122 (Lopez 2.0 speaking Spanish) 2494 01:23:04,122 --> 01:23:07,622 (Lopez speaking Spanish) 2495 01:23:10,713 --> 01:23:13,396 (chuckles) Lopez, you ol' kidder you. 2496 01:23:13,396 --> 01:23:16,667 Now come on, time's a wastin'. 2497 01:23:16,667 --> 01:23:20,035 (Lopez 2.0 speaking Spanish) 2498 01:23:20,035 --> 01:23:22,871 (chuckles) Oh, don't tell me he's got you in on it too. 2499 01:23:22,871 --> 01:23:26,324 (chuckles) Lopez you are rambunctious. 2500 01:23:26,324 --> 01:23:29,741 (Lopez speaking Spanish) 2501 01:23:31,419 --> 01:23:33,602 It is a lovely day, isn't it? 2502 01:23:33,602 --> 01:23:35,427 (Lopez 2.0 speaking Spanish) 2503 01:23:35,427 --> 01:23:37,587 Thank you for noticing, I have been hitting the gym. 2504 01:23:37,587 --> 01:23:41,087 (Lopez speaking Spanish) 2505 01:23:42,164 --> 01:23:44,267 (Lopez 2.0 speaking Spanish) 2506 01:23:44,267 --> 01:23:47,262 (chuckles) You guys are like a couple of three stooges. 2507 01:23:47,262 --> 01:23:49,335 Well, whenever you're done goofin' off, 2508 01:23:49,335 --> 01:23:52,589 head on over, I just need to make a few more adjustments. 2509 01:23:52,589 --> 01:23:56,345 (Lopez speaking Spanish) 2510 01:23:56,345 --> 01:23:57,582 (guitar strums) 2511 01:23:57,582 --> 01:24:00,440 (gravel crunches) 2512 01:24:00,440 --> 01:24:02,690 - [Wash] Here goes nothing. 2513 01:24:03,687 --> 01:24:04,520 (Freckles stomps) 2514 01:24:04,520 --> 01:24:06,155 - [Freckles] Agent Washington. 2515 01:24:06,155 --> 01:24:09,152 - [Wash] Oh, Freckles, I didn't see you there. 2516 01:24:09,152 --> 01:24:11,732 Man, for a behemoth, you hide really well. 2517 01:24:11,732 --> 01:24:14,387 - [Freckles] You have failed to uphold your duty 2518 01:24:14,387 --> 01:24:16,380 to Captain Caboose. 2519 01:24:16,380 --> 01:24:17,850 - [Wash] But I was on my way up now. 2520 01:24:17,850 --> 01:24:19,276 Ready to clean the base. 2521 01:24:19,276 --> 01:24:23,096 - [Freckles] You lack diligence, Agent Washington. 2522 01:24:23,096 --> 01:24:23,988 - [Wash] What? 2523 01:24:23,988 --> 01:24:28,065 - [Freckles] You question authority, Agent Washington. 2524 01:24:28,065 --> 01:24:31,968 - [Wash] Um, Caboose, can you come out here? 2525 01:24:31,968 --> 01:24:36,376 - [Freckles] You must be eliminated, Agent Washington. 2526 01:24:36,376 --> 01:24:37,626 - [Wash] Caboose! 2527 01:24:37,626 --> 01:24:38,459 - [Caboose] Hello? 2528 01:24:38,459 --> 01:24:39,938 - [Wash] Your pet is trying to kill me. 2529 01:24:39,938 --> 01:24:41,219 - [Caboose] What? 2530 01:24:41,219 --> 01:24:42,752 That does not sound like Freck... 2531 01:24:42,752 --> 01:24:44,596 Hey Freckles, Freckles what are you doing? 2532 01:24:44,596 --> 01:24:47,040 - [Freckles] Agent Washington has failed to meet 2533 01:24:47,040 --> 01:24:50,132 the minimum requirement of Blue Team service 2534 01:24:50,132 --> 01:24:52,576 and is no longer fit for duty. 2535 01:24:52,576 --> 01:24:54,409 He must be eliminated. 2536 01:24:55,633 --> 01:24:58,228 - [Caboose] See, he's just doing what he just said. 2537 01:24:58,228 --> 01:25:01,173 - [Wash] Caboose, please come here, I need to talk to you. 2538 01:25:01,173 --> 01:25:03,328 - [Caboose] Agh, probably wants to talk 2539 01:25:03,328 --> 01:25:06,161 about what an awesome leader I am. 2540 01:25:07,679 --> 01:25:09,524 (Wash clears throat) 2541 01:25:09,524 --> 01:25:10,844 - [Caboose] Yes, hello, 2542 01:25:10,844 --> 01:25:14,677 what seems to be the problem Agent Washington? 2543 01:25:22,519 --> 01:25:26,684 - [Wash] (sighs) I'm sorry Caboose. 2544 01:25:26,684 --> 01:25:30,208 I'm sorry your best friend left you without saying goodbye. 2545 01:25:30,208 --> 01:25:31,356 Maybe (somber music) 2546 01:25:31,356 --> 01:25:33,828 he thought you would try and stop him, 2547 01:25:33,828 --> 01:25:35,974 or maybe it was just too hard for him to tell you 2548 01:25:35,974 --> 01:25:39,557 but, no matter the reason, he's still gone. 2549 01:25:40,580 --> 01:25:42,747 He left you, both of you. 2550 01:25:44,578 --> 01:25:47,411 I don't really do emotional things 2551 01:25:48,839 --> 01:25:51,739 and I hoped you might be able to get over this 2552 01:25:51,739 --> 01:25:54,364 by yourselves so I left you alone, 2553 01:25:54,364 --> 01:25:56,388 and instead of coming to terms with what you lost, 2554 01:25:56,388 --> 01:26:01,384 you replaced it with, well, the first thing you found. 2555 01:26:01,384 --> 01:26:05,078 But I should have been there for you Caboose, (sighs) 2556 01:26:05,078 --> 01:26:09,528 because, that's what friends do for each other. 2557 01:26:09,528 --> 01:26:12,816 - [Freckles] Captain Caboose is not your friend, 2558 01:26:12,816 --> 01:26:14,225 he is your commanding - 2559 01:26:14,225 --> 01:26:17,480 - [Caboose] Uh, no we're all friends here Freckles, 2560 01:26:17,480 --> 01:26:19,324 it's, you know. 2561 01:26:19,324 --> 01:26:22,520 - [Wash] That's right, and as your friend 2562 01:26:22,520 --> 01:26:24,828 I want to say that I'm sorry. 2563 01:26:24,828 --> 01:26:29,044 I know it's not much, but I made you this. 2564 01:26:29,044 --> 01:26:31,771 - [Caboose] Oh my God, my old helmet! 2565 01:26:31,771 --> 01:26:33,344 - [Freckles] Captain Caboose, 2566 01:26:33,344 --> 01:26:36,828 you should return to your duties. 2567 01:26:36,828 --> 01:26:38,540 - [Wash] I know you really like Freckles, Caboose. 2568 01:26:38,540 --> 01:26:42,512 But you have to understand that he's very dangerous. 2569 01:26:42,512 --> 01:26:44,240 He's not a puppy anymore. 2570 01:26:44,240 --> 01:26:45,490 A kitten? Or... 2571 01:26:48,993 --> 01:26:51,119 He's really big. 2572 01:26:51,119 --> 01:26:53,672 - [Caboose] Yeah, he blew up a car. 2573 01:26:53,672 --> 01:26:55,755 - [Wash] I remember that. 2574 01:26:58,653 --> 01:27:01,580 - [Caboose] Freckles, you- 2575 01:27:01,580 --> 01:27:04,836 you're one of the best machines I know. 2576 01:27:04,836 --> 01:27:06,064 And that is saying something 2577 01:27:06,064 --> 01:27:10,686 because I have been friends with a lot of machines. 2578 01:27:10,686 --> 01:27:12,103 But, from now on, 2579 01:27:13,517 --> 01:27:17,350 I think you should listen to Agent Washington. 2580 01:27:19,292 --> 01:27:21,410 - [Freckles] Are you sure? 2581 01:27:21,410 --> 01:27:25,993 - [Caboose] Yeah, yeah he's very smart and really nice. 2582 01:27:27,164 --> 01:27:29,846 - [Freckles] Acknowledged. 2583 01:27:29,846 --> 01:27:31,821 - [Caboose] You can be leader again if you want to, Wash, 2584 01:27:31,821 --> 01:27:34,740 it's not as much fun as it looks. 2585 01:27:34,740 --> 01:27:36,448 I think I'm more like the dashing 2586 01:27:36,448 --> 01:27:38,460 second in command kind of person. 2587 01:27:38,460 --> 01:27:40,960 Y'know, all the perks no work. 2588 01:27:42,111 --> 01:27:44,444 - [Wash] Thank you, Caboose. 2589 01:27:46,260 --> 01:27:48,452 - [Simmons] (sniffles) I wish my team was this emotional. 2590 01:27:48,452 --> 01:27:49,408 - [Tucker] Jesus Christ. 2591 01:27:49,408 --> 01:27:50,665 (rapid footsteps) 2592 01:27:50,665 --> 01:27:52,319 - [Caboose] Ah, it fits perfect! 2593 01:27:52,319 --> 01:27:55,578 And look, someone left some gum! 2594 01:27:55,578 --> 01:27:56,776 - [Tucker] Pretty sneaky, Wash. 2595 01:27:56,776 --> 01:27:58,559 A couple of mushy words, a present, 2596 01:27:58,559 --> 01:28:00,000 and you're right back up at the top. 2597 01:28:00,000 --> 01:28:01,756 - [Wash] Nothing sneaky about it. 2598 01:28:01,756 --> 01:28:03,316 I meant every word. 2599 01:28:03,316 --> 01:28:04,375 (loud click) 2600 01:28:04,375 --> 01:28:08,532 - [Caboose] Uh oh, I, I can't see anything. 2601 01:28:08,532 --> 01:28:10,011 Hello? 2602 01:28:10,011 --> 01:28:11,048 - [Tucker] I think you still need 2603 01:28:11,048 --> 01:28:12,144 to work on your craftsmanship, though. 2604 01:28:12,144 --> 01:28:14,604 - [Caboose] Oh my God, I'm blind. 2605 01:28:14,604 --> 01:28:15,832 - [Wash] One step at a time, Tucker. 2606 01:28:15,832 --> 01:28:17,976 - [Caboose] Uh, can people see me? 2607 01:28:17,976 --> 01:28:19,207 I can't see them! 2608 01:28:19,207 --> 01:28:20,502 - [Tucker] Well, at least we don't have 2609 01:28:20,502 --> 01:28:22,104 a killer robot to worry about anymore. 2610 01:28:22,104 --> 01:28:25,284 (engine revs) 2611 01:28:25,284 --> 01:28:27,276 - [Sarge] (laughs) Listen to that lady purr! 2612 01:28:27,276 --> 01:28:28,672 - [Donut] Nice work, Sarge. 2613 01:28:28,672 --> 01:28:29,604 - [Grif] Nice work? 2614 01:28:29,604 --> 01:28:30,548 It looks like shit. 2615 01:28:30,548 --> 01:28:32,724 It's half the size, and on fire. 2616 01:28:32,724 --> 01:28:35,436 - [Sarge] Yeah, it turns out we were missing some pieces. 2617 01:28:35,436 --> 01:28:37,541 Which reminds me. (punches Grif) 2618 01:28:37,541 --> 01:28:39,374 Donut, get me a glass. 2619 01:28:40,845 --> 01:28:43,258 I'm makin' orange juice. 2620 01:28:43,258 --> 01:28:44,091 - [Grif] Every time. 2621 01:28:44,091 --> 01:28:45,176 - [Donut] Getting a jump on the flu season! 2622 01:28:45,176 --> 01:28:46,083 Good thinking, sir! 2623 01:28:46,083 --> 01:28:46,964 - [Doc Wait, That's a Thing? 2624 01:28:46,964 --> 01:28:48,208 (gears whir) 2625 01:28:48,208 --> 01:28:50,708 - [Cyclops] Cyclops online. 2626 01:28:50,708 --> 01:28:53,096 - [Sarge] Huh, I knew she was a beautiful lady. 2627 01:28:53,096 --> 01:28:54,055 - [Grif] Cyclops? 2628 01:28:54,055 --> 01:28:55,599 - [Doc] Huh, looks more like a praying mantis to me. 2629 01:28:55,599 --> 01:28:58,052 - [Donut] No, she said C C Cyclops. 2630 01:28:58,052 --> 01:28:59,024 I think it's Italian. 2631 01:28:59,024 --> 01:29:01,810 - [Cyclops] E-e- error, h-hardware malfunction. 2632 01:29:01,810 --> 01:29:03,808 - [Sarge] Welcome to Red Team, C.C. 2633 01:29:03,808 --> 01:29:04,780 Now if you can- 2634 01:29:04,780 --> 01:29:06,388 - [Cyclops] Enemy soldiers detected. 2635 01:29:06,388 --> 01:29:08,608 - [Grif] Uh, is it supposed to do that? 2636 01:29:08,608 --> 01:29:11,064 - [Sarge] I admire your enthusiasm, C.C., 2637 01:29:11,064 --> 01:29:12,880 but you've only got one enemy. 2638 01:29:12,880 --> 01:29:13,948 It's a big robot over at- 2639 01:29:13,948 --> 01:29:15,160 - [Cyclops] Negative. 2640 01:29:15,160 --> 01:29:18,077 Motion tracker detects 16 hostiles. 2641 01:29:19,228 --> 01:29:20,652 - [Sarge] Wait, what? 2642 01:29:20,652 --> 01:29:23,532 - [Cyclops] D-d-deadly force authorized. 2643 01:29:23,532 --> 01:29:26,004 - [Doc] I'm no hostile, I'm a pacifist. 2644 01:29:26,004 --> 01:29:26,837 Kill them. 2645 01:29:26,837 --> 01:29:27,670 - [Grif] Hey! 2646 01:29:27,670 --> 01:29:32,253 - [Cyclops] Eng-gaging...(powers down) 2647 01:29:36,012 --> 01:29:38,712 - [Sarge] Damn, she ran out of diesel. 2648 01:29:38,712 --> 01:29:39,893 - [Doc] You converted it to diesel? 2649 01:29:39,893 --> 01:29:40,726 - [Sarge] Of course. 2650 01:29:40,726 --> 01:29:42,251 Looks like she needs a bigger fuel tank. 2651 01:29:42,251 --> 01:29:44,439 - [Grif] Fuck that, she needs to be thrown off a cliff. 2652 01:29:44,439 --> 01:29:45,319 - [Sarge] I don't see how 2653 01:29:45,319 --> 01:29:46,872 that's gonna solve the fuel problem. 2654 01:29:46,872 --> 01:29:51,104 - [Donut] Hey guys, there's 11 of us in the canyon. 2655 01:29:51,104 --> 01:29:53,306 - [Grif] Wow, Donut, that's one more than ten. 2656 01:29:53,306 --> 01:29:54,296 Good job buddy. 2657 01:29:54,296 --> 01:29:56,172 - [Sarge] I don't know if I'd really count Lopez. 2658 01:29:56,172 --> 01:29:58,784 - [Donut] But, she said 16. 2659 01:29:58,784 --> 01:30:01,478 (distant gun fire) 2660 01:30:01,478 --> 01:30:02,978 - [Grif] Oh, shit. 2661 01:30:03,824 --> 01:30:05,343 (dramatic music) 2662 01:30:05,343 --> 01:30:07,489 (guns fire) 2663 01:30:07,489 --> 01:30:08,902 - [Tucker] Who the fuck are these guys? 2664 01:30:08,902 --> 01:30:12,186 - [Caboose] Why are we shooting off fireworks? 2665 01:30:12,186 --> 01:30:14,559 Is it someone's birthday? 2666 01:30:14,559 --> 01:30:15,967 - [Wash] Freckles, cover Caboose! 2667 01:30:15,967 --> 01:30:19,598 (Caboose sings Happy Birthday) 2668 01:30:19,598 --> 01:30:22,419 - [Simmons] Stop shooting, we're friendly! 2669 01:30:22,419 --> 01:30:24,579 That's the opposite of what I said! 2670 01:30:24,579 --> 01:30:26,087 - [Tucker] Fuck this. (shoots) 2671 01:30:26,087 --> 01:30:28,606 (soldier crumples) 2672 01:30:28,606 --> 01:30:30,431 - [Wash] Wait, we don't know who they are! 2673 01:30:30,431 --> 01:30:31,880 - [Tucker] They're the guys that are gonna kill us 2674 01:30:31,880 --> 01:30:34,727 if we don't kill them first! 2675 01:30:34,727 --> 01:30:36,169 - [Wash] Freckles, take 'em out! 2676 01:30:36,169 --> 01:30:38,574 - [Freckles] Engaging targets. 2677 01:30:38,574 --> 01:30:40,991 (explosions) 2678 01:30:45,487 --> 01:30:47,654 Primary threat eliminated. 2679 01:30:48,637 --> 01:30:51,007 - [Sarge] What in Sam Hill is goin' on over here? 2680 01:30:51,007 --> 01:30:52,071 - [Grif] Who are those guys? 2681 01:30:52,071 --> 01:30:52,904 - [Wash] We don't know. 2682 01:30:52,904 --> 01:30:54,302 - [Tucker] They showed up and just started shooting. 2683 01:30:54,302 --> 01:30:57,440 (Lopez 2.0 speaking Spanish) 2684 01:30:57,440 --> 01:31:00,175 - [Sarge] Shut up, Lopez, this isn't the time for jokes. 2685 01:31:00,175 --> 01:31:02,575 (Lopez 2.0 speaking Spanish) 2686 01:31:02,575 --> 01:31:03,623 - [Wash] Lets move inside. 2687 01:31:03,623 --> 01:31:04,571 We need to find cover in case 2688 01:31:04,571 --> 01:31:05,521 there's more hiding out in the - 2689 01:31:05,521 --> 01:31:06,354 - [Felix] Run! 2690 01:31:06,354 --> 01:31:07,344 (gun fires) 2691 01:31:07,344 --> 01:31:08,872 - [Simmons] Look out, it's another one! 2692 01:31:08,872 --> 01:31:10,015 (gun fires) 2693 01:31:10,015 --> 01:31:11,540 - [Felix] Son of a bitch! 2694 01:31:11,540 --> 01:31:13,220 - [Simmons] No, wait, I'm confused. 2695 01:31:13,220 --> 01:31:14,614 - [Felix] What are you doing? 2696 01:31:14,614 --> 01:31:15,728 I said, run! 2697 01:31:15,728 --> 01:31:19,223 - [Locus] Excellent work soldiers. 2698 01:31:19,223 --> 01:31:20,723 You killed my men. 2699 01:31:22,026 --> 01:31:24,073 I suppose that makes you the real deal. 2700 01:31:24,073 --> 01:31:25,909 - [Simmons] Okay, now I'm really confused. 2701 01:31:25,909 --> 01:31:27,429 - [Locus] Quiet! 2702 01:31:27,429 --> 01:31:29,512 All of you, come with me. 2703 01:31:31,746 --> 01:31:33,613 - [Wash] And why would we do that? 2704 01:31:33,613 --> 01:31:35,144 - [Locus] Because if you don't come now, 2705 01:31:35,144 --> 01:31:37,287 I'll have to take you, later. 2706 01:31:37,287 --> 01:31:38,712 - [Felix] Fuck off! 2707 01:31:38,712 --> 01:31:40,230 - [Locus] You, shut your mouth 2708 01:31:40,230 --> 01:31:41,775 and be glad I missed your head. 2709 01:31:41,775 --> 01:31:44,195 - [Felix] Oh my God, you are such a douchebag. 2710 01:31:44,195 --> 01:31:45,369 - [Tucker] Yeah, what he said. 2711 01:31:45,369 --> 01:31:47,915 - [Locus] This is your last chance. 2712 01:31:47,915 --> 01:31:48,847 - [Wash] Freckles! 2713 01:31:48,847 --> 01:31:51,691 (Freckles stomps and fires) 2714 01:31:51,691 --> 01:31:54,024 (explosion) 2715 01:31:55,128 --> 01:31:56,915 - [Grif] Holy shit, did you see that? 2716 01:31:56,915 --> 01:31:57,748 - [Caboose] No! 2717 01:31:57,748 --> 01:31:58,581 What happened? 2718 01:31:58,581 --> 01:31:59,414 Please describe it to me! 2719 01:31:59,414 --> 01:32:00,739 Use only small words! 2720 01:32:00,739 --> 01:32:04,802 - [Felix] Um, any of you know how to patch up a leg? 2721 01:32:04,802 --> 01:32:06,243 - [Doc] I'll go get some orange juice. 2722 01:32:06,243 --> 01:32:08,071 - [Felix] Wait, that's a thing? 2723 01:32:08,071 --> 01:32:09,763 (guitar strums) 2724 01:32:09,763 --> 01:32:11,702 - [Doc] There, good as new. 2725 01:32:11,702 --> 01:32:13,237 - [Felix] I can't feel my toes. 2726 01:32:13,237 --> 01:32:14,345 - [Donut] That's normal. 2727 01:32:14,345 --> 01:32:15,553 - [Felix] Is it? 2728 01:32:15,553 --> 01:32:17,000 Hey, whoa! 2729 01:32:17,000 --> 01:32:19,521 - [Wash] You need to start talking. 2730 01:32:19,521 --> 01:32:24,501 - [Felix] Aggressive, paranoid and a little melodramatic. 2731 01:32:24,501 --> 01:32:25,897 You must be Agent Washington. 2732 01:32:25,897 --> 01:32:27,602 - [Tucker] Ha, melodramatic! 2733 01:32:27,602 --> 01:32:29,257 - [Felix] And that means the rest of you 2734 01:32:29,257 --> 01:32:31,249 are the Reds and the Blues. 2735 01:32:31,249 --> 01:32:32,901 - [Caboose] Oh my God, how does he know that? 2736 01:32:32,901 --> 01:32:34,685 - [Grif] We're wearing red and blue armor. 2737 01:32:34,685 --> 01:32:35,857 - [Caboose] But how can he tell? 2738 01:32:35,857 --> 01:32:37,821 - [Grif] Will somebody please fix his helmet? 2739 01:32:37,821 --> 01:32:39,785 - [Wash] How do you know who we are? 2740 01:32:39,785 --> 01:32:40,742 - [Felix] Seriously? 2741 01:32:40,742 --> 01:32:41,661 Come on, man. 2742 01:32:41,661 --> 01:32:43,145 Everybody knows about you guys. 2743 01:32:43,145 --> 01:32:44,017 You're heroes. 2744 01:32:44,017 --> 01:32:45,097 - [Sarge] Heroes? 2745 01:32:45,097 --> 01:32:46,099 - [Felix] You're the team that brought down 2746 01:32:46,099 --> 01:32:47,361 Project Freelancer. 2747 01:32:47,361 --> 01:32:50,977 You're some of the galaxy's greatest soldiers. 2748 01:32:50,977 --> 01:32:53,529 - [Simmons] Well, I can see how you might think that. 2749 01:32:53,529 --> 01:32:55,600 - [Sarge] Because it's absolutely true. 2750 01:32:55,600 --> 01:32:57,255 - [Doc] It's partially true. 2751 01:32:57,255 --> 01:32:58,389 - [Grif] But mainly false. 2752 01:32:58,389 --> 01:33:00,593 - [Wash] Stop giving him information. 2753 01:33:00,593 --> 01:33:02,093 What's your name? 2754 01:33:02,093 --> 01:33:02,972 - [Felix] Felix. 2755 01:33:02,972 --> 01:33:05,513 - [Wash] Okay, Felix, what are you doing here? 2756 01:33:05,513 --> 01:33:07,193 - [Felix] Do you want the long answer or the short one? 2757 01:33:07,193 --> 01:33:08,675 - [Wash] Do you want another bullet in your leg? 2758 01:33:08,675 --> 01:33:11,137 - [Felix] Hey, that bullet's there because of you. 2759 01:33:11,137 --> 01:33:13,101 - [Tucker] He's got a point. 2760 01:33:13,101 --> 01:33:16,639 - [Wash] (sighs) Just explain what's going on. 2761 01:33:16,639 --> 01:33:18,309 - [Grif] Uh, yeah like who were those guys 2762 01:33:18,309 --> 01:33:19,313 that were trying to kill us? 2763 01:33:19,313 --> 01:33:21,018 - [Simmons] And why haven't we been rescued yet? 2764 01:33:21,018 --> 01:33:23,977 - [Felix] Wait, where do you think you are? 2765 01:33:23,977 --> 01:33:25,080 - [Tucker] What do you mean? 2766 01:33:25,080 --> 01:33:27,409 - [Felix] I mean, do you understand where you crashed? 2767 01:33:27,409 --> 01:33:28,961 - [Sarge] Well, we've been taking bets. 2768 01:33:28,961 --> 01:33:31,377 Highest wager's currently on Bermuda triangle. 2769 01:33:31,377 --> 01:33:34,110 After that we got to Gilligan's island, and purgatory. 2770 01:33:34,110 --> 01:33:34,972 - [Grif] So stupid. 2771 01:33:34,972 --> 01:33:36,172 - [Donut] No, just think about it. 2772 01:33:36,172 --> 01:33:37,477 It makes perfect sense. 2773 01:33:37,477 --> 01:33:39,493 - [Felix] The reason no one's come to help you 2774 01:33:39,493 --> 01:33:41,678 is the same reason no one's come to help them. 2775 01:33:41,678 --> 01:33:42,511 (guitar strums) 2776 01:33:42,511 --> 01:33:43,344 - [Simmons] Them? 2777 01:33:43,344 --> 01:33:44,725 - [Felix] The people on this planet. 2778 01:33:44,725 --> 01:33:45,985 - [Wash] What planet? 2779 01:33:45,985 --> 01:33:46,898 - [Felix] Chorus. 2780 01:33:46,898 --> 01:33:47,995 - [Tucker] Never heard of it. 2781 01:33:47,995 --> 01:33:50,263 - [Felix] Well, I wouldn't expect you to. 2782 01:33:50,263 --> 01:33:51,938 It's on the very edge of colonized space. 2783 01:33:51,938 --> 01:33:54,281 And after the war between the humans and the aliens, 2784 01:33:54,281 --> 01:33:56,628 was more or less forgotten by Earth and the UNSC. 2785 01:33:56,628 --> 01:33:57,461 (somber music) 2786 01:33:57,461 --> 01:33:59,053 - [Grif] We crashed in the middle of nowhere, 2787 01:33:59,053 --> 01:34:00,621 on a planet in the middle of nowhere, 2788 01:34:00,621 --> 01:34:02,201 fucking beautiful everybody. 2789 01:34:02,201 --> 01:34:04,241 - [Simmons] But how did we end up so far from home? 2790 01:34:04,241 --> 01:34:06,703 It should've been a short flight. 2791 01:34:06,703 --> 01:34:07,991 - [Spaceship Operator] Sir, please, 2792 01:34:07,991 --> 01:34:08,847 you can't be back here. 2793 01:34:08,847 --> 01:34:10,423 These engines are delicate. 2794 01:34:10,423 --> 01:34:11,527 - [Sarge] Can it, Poindexter. 2795 01:34:11,527 --> 01:34:13,211 No wonder this flight's taking so long! 2796 01:34:13,211 --> 01:34:14,828 Who ever heard of delicate engines? 2797 01:34:14,828 --> 01:34:17,323 These engines are supposed to be big, loud, 2798 01:34:17,323 --> 01:34:19,075 and terrible for the environment! 2799 01:34:19,075 --> 01:34:21,191 Let's kick this baby into slipspace! 2800 01:34:21,191 --> 01:34:22,031 - [Spaceship Operator] Wait! 2801 01:34:22,031 --> 01:34:23,711 (alarms blare) 2802 01:34:23,711 --> 01:34:26,694 - [Sarge] Eh, one mystery at a time there, Simmons. 2803 01:34:26,694 --> 01:34:28,243 - [Felix] Now being a small planet, 2804 01:34:28,243 --> 01:34:30,147 completely free of UNSC jurisdiction. 2805 01:34:30,147 --> 01:34:31,706 The nice little people of Chorus decided 2806 01:34:31,706 --> 01:34:32,539 (rueful music) 2807 01:34:32,539 --> 01:34:33,394 to run things on their own. 2808 01:34:33,394 --> 01:34:36,842 The only problem was, they didn't do a very good job. 2809 01:34:36,842 --> 01:34:37,858 - [Grif] Ugh, history's the worst. 2810 01:34:37,858 --> 01:34:38,848 Can you just get to the point? 2811 01:34:38,848 --> 01:34:41,522 - [Felix] The point is, you crash landed 2812 01:34:41,522 --> 01:34:43,330 in the middle of a civil war. 2813 01:34:43,330 --> 01:34:46,246 And I'm on the side that's trying to keep you alive. 2814 01:34:46,246 --> 01:34:47,490 - [Wash] And which side is that? 2815 01:34:47,490 --> 01:34:48,690 - [Felix] The new Republic, 2816 01:34:48,690 --> 01:34:49,647 essentially a bunch of people 2817 01:34:49,647 --> 01:34:51,614 got fed up with the way things are going on Chorus, 2818 01:34:51,614 --> 01:34:53,310 so they put together a rebel army 2819 01:34:53,310 --> 01:34:54,763 and decided to fight for their freedom. 2820 01:34:54,763 --> 01:34:56,506 It's all very patriotic. 2821 01:34:56,506 --> 01:34:57,434 - [Tucker] So, what? 2822 01:34:57,434 --> 01:34:59,909 Does that make those guys the Evil Empire or something? 2823 01:34:59,909 --> 01:35:01,306 - [Felix] Yeah, you could say that. 2824 01:35:01,306 --> 01:35:03,090 - [Tucker] Oh, well fuck. 2825 01:35:03,090 --> 01:35:04,106 - [Wash] But why the attack? 2826 01:35:04,106 --> 01:35:05,518 Why try to kidnap us? 2827 01:35:05,518 --> 01:35:07,354 - [Felix] Like I said, you're the greatest soldiers 2828 01:35:07,354 --> 01:35:10,786 in the galaxy and that makes you a pretty hot commodity. 2829 01:35:10,786 --> 01:35:11,940 And I'd be lying if I said 2830 01:35:11,940 --> 01:35:13,353 my shitty attempt at a rescue mission 2831 01:35:13,353 --> 01:35:15,078 didn't have a few strings attached. 2832 01:35:15,078 --> 01:35:16,442 - [Sarge] What kinda strings we talking here? 2833 01:35:16,442 --> 01:35:19,499 - [Felix] (sighs) The rebels need your help. 2834 01:35:19,499 --> 01:35:21,018 Once they heard that you were on Chorus, 2835 01:35:21,018 --> 01:35:22,393 they sent me out with a small team 2836 01:35:22,393 --> 01:35:24,695 to find you and bring you back. 2837 01:35:24,695 --> 01:35:29,030 They're hoping you might be the key to winning this war. 2838 01:35:29,030 --> 01:35:30,219 - [Grif] Hm, no. 2839 01:35:30,219 --> 01:35:31,302 - [Felix] No? 2840 01:35:32,850 --> 01:35:34,322 - [Simmons] Yeah, no. 2841 01:35:34,322 --> 01:35:36,524 - [Caboose] Yeah, that, that's not gonna work for me. 2842 01:35:36,524 --> 01:35:37,357 - [Wash] Look, Felix. 2843 01:35:37,357 --> 01:35:38,682 I hate to break it to you, 2844 01:35:38,682 --> 01:35:41,116 but we're in no condition to fight a war. 2845 01:35:41,116 --> 01:35:43,251 - [Tucker] All we want is a ride off this shitty planet. 2846 01:35:43,251 --> 01:35:44,178 No offense. 2847 01:35:44,178 --> 01:35:45,777 - [Felix] Eh, it ain't my shitty planet. 2848 01:35:45,777 --> 01:35:47,190 - [Doc] Aren't you one of the rebels? 2849 01:35:47,190 --> 01:35:48,498 - [Felix] No, I'm a freelancer. 2850 01:35:48,498 --> 01:35:49,331 (all cock guns) 2851 01:35:49,331 --> 01:35:52,152 No, I mean I'm a mercenary, you know a gun for hire. 2852 01:35:52,152 --> 01:35:53,350 - [Grif] Oh thank God. 2853 01:35:53,350 --> 01:35:55,150 - [Wash] They paid you to come find us? 2854 01:35:55,150 --> 01:35:56,806 - [Felix] They pay me to do lots of stuff, 2855 01:35:56,806 --> 01:35:58,890 but yeah, you're my current paycheck. 2856 01:35:58,890 --> 01:36:01,691 - [Wash] So you want us to go fight someone else's war, 2857 01:36:01,691 --> 01:36:04,691 just if you can make some extra cash. 2858 01:36:04,691 --> 01:36:08,323 - [Felix] Uh, it's for a good cause? 2859 01:36:08,323 --> 01:36:11,135 - [Wash] Right, we'll just take that ride out of here, 2860 01:36:11,135 --> 01:36:11,986 if you don't mind. 2861 01:36:11,986 --> 01:36:13,611 - [Tucker] Yeah, that's what I'm talking about. 2862 01:36:13,611 --> 01:36:14,609 Mediocrity. 2863 01:36:14,609 --> 01:36:15,442 - [Grif] Whoo hoo! 2864 01:36:15,442 --> 01:36:16,618 Here's the not going that extra mile. 2865 01:36:16,618 --> 01:36:17,698 - [Felix] You know, I wasn't alone 2866 01:36:17,698 --> 01:36:19,197 when I came out here to find you, 2867 01:36:19,197 --> 01:36:20,877 There were three of us. 2868 01:36:20,877 --> 01:36:22,108 Just think about that. 2869 01:36:22,108 --> 01:36:23,218 (rapid footsteps) 2870 01:36:23,218 --> 01:36:25,709 - [Grif] Whatever, it's not like we asked them to save us. 2871 01:36:25,709 --> 01:36:27,690 - [Simmons] Yeah, we definitely didn't build 2872 01:36:27,690 --> 01:36:31,366 a giant radio tower to send a distress signal or anything. 2873 01:36:31,366 --> 01:36:32,199 - [Grif] Shut up. 2874 01:36:32,199 --> 01:36:33,791 (radio warbles) 2875 01:36:33,791 --> 01:36:35,445 - [Felix] Headquarters, this is Felix. 2876 01:36:35,445 --> 01:36:37,066 I've made contact with the Reds and Blues. 2877 01:36:37,066 --> 01:36:39,254 - [Headquarters] Holy shit, you found them? 2878 01:36:39,254 --> 01:36:40,258 That's great. 2879 01:36:40,258 --> 01:36:41,834 What's your status? 2880 01:36:41,834 --> 01:36:43,258 - [Felix] Not good. 2881 01:36:43,258 --> 01:36:44,714 We ran into some Feds. 2882 01:36:44,714 --> 01:36:46,381 I need an evac team. 2883 01:36:47,278 --> 01:36:48,664 - [Headquarters] Uh, Felix, I can't just 2884 01:36:48,664 --> 01:36:49,777 fly somebody out there. 2885 01:36:49,777 --> 01:36:51,043 - [Felix] I know, okay, 2886 01:36:51,043 --> 01:36:52,529 but you send as many men as you can, 2887 01:36:52,529 --> 01:36:54,150 as fast as you can. 2888 01:36:54,150 --> 01:36:56,130 Locus has our position. 2889 01:36:56,130 --> 01:36:58,048 - [Headquarters] Oh no. - [Tucker] Who's Locus? 2890 01:36:58,048 --> 01:36:59,226 - [Felix] Now I want to do this quiet 2891 01:36:59,226 --> 01:37:00,890 and I want to do it right, 2892 01:37:00,890 --> 01:37:03,890 but just to be safe, bring a shit load of guns. 2893 01:37:03,890 --> 01:37:05,886 - [Headquarters] Right, sending reinforcements, sir. 2894 01:37:05,886 --> 01:37:07,549 - [Felix] Roger, Felix out. 2895 01:37:07,549 --> 01:37:10,206 (radio warbles) 2896 01:37:10,206 --> 01:37:11,978 - [Grif] So, what now? 2897 01:37:11,978 --> 01:37:13,670 - [Felix] Now we work on making this canyon 2898 01:37:13,670 --> 01:37:14,756 the most defendable hole in the ground 2899 01:37:14,756 --> 01:37:16,206 the universe has ever seen. 2900 01:37:16,206 --> 01:37:17,039 - [Wash] Why? 2901 01:37:17,039 --> 01:37:17,872 (dramatic music) 2902 01:37:17,872 --> 01:37:19,961 - [Felix] Because we're about to get hit hard. 2903 01:37:19,961 --> 01:37:21,813 I need a detailed list of the supplies you've got on hand. 2904 01:37:21,813 --> 01:37:23,787 We'll set up choke points and mark potential sniper's nests. 2905 01:37:23,787 --> 01:37:25,654 - [Wash] Whoa whoa whoa, slow down. 2906 01:37:25,654 --> 01:37:26,958 We're not telling you anything. 2907 01:37:26,958 --> 01:37:28,740 We still don't even know if we can believe you. 2908 01:37:28,740 --> 01:37:29,939 - [Felix] Well, believed this. 2909 01:37:29,939 --> 01:37:31,567 If we don't prepare for a fight, 2910 01:37:31,567 --> 01:37:34,051 we might as well just be waiting for a massacre. 2911 01:37:34,051 --> 01:37:37,164 (dramatic music) 2912 01:37:37,164 --> 01:37:39,089 - [Wash] Tucker, see if you can fix Caboose's helmet. 2913 01:37:39,089 --> 01:37:40,470 - [Caboose] Yes, who said that! 2914 01:37:40,470 --> 01:37:42,513 - [Wash] Sarge, you and the Reds, build up an arsenal. 2915 01:37:42,513 --> 01:37:44,562 If we can use it as a weapon, let's get it prepped. 2916 01:37:44,562 --> 01:37:45,986 - [Sarge] I can think of a few things 2917 01:37:45,986 --> 01:37:47,691 that might come in handy. 2918 01:37:47,691 --> 01:37:50,606 - [Wash] Felix, you and I aren't done talking. 2919 01:37:50,606 --> 01:37:52,658 - [Felix] Well, all right then. 2920 01:37:52,658 --> 01:37:54,669 Let's see if you guys are as good as they say. 2921 01:37:54,669 --> 01:37:57,073 - [Grif] Prepare to be sorely disappointed. 2922 01:37:57,073 --> 01:37:59,593 - [Sarge] All right, boys, we don't have much time. 2923 01:37:59,593 --> 01:38:00,765 So let's see what we've got. 2924 01:38:00,765 --> 01:38:02,729 - [Simmons] (clears throat) Hello everyone. 2925 01:38:02,729 --> 01:38:04,545 Private Simmons, great to be back. 2926 01:38:04,545 --> 01:38:05,502 - [Grif] Wrap it up. 2927 01:38:05,502 --> 01:38:06,481 - [Simmons] Good to be back. 2928 01:38:06,481 --> 01:38:07,858 - [Grif] Nobody cares. 2929 01:38:07,858 --> 01:38:10,062 - [Simmons] All right, just shut up and listen. 2930 01:38:10,062 --> 01:38:11,767 We had a full armory on board the ship 2931 01:38:11,767 --> 01:38:13,813 consisting of firearms, as well as explosives. 2932 01:38:13,813 --> 01:38:15,773 I moved as many as I could down here 2933 01:38:15,773 --> 01:38:17,500 and also took the liberty of setting up a minefield 2934 01:38:17,500 --> 01:38:18,461 near Red Base. 2935 01:38:18,461 --> 01:38:19,921 - [Grif] But you didn't even bury them. 2936 01:38:19,921 --> 01:38:20,754 - [Simmons] From what I could tell, 2937 01:38:20,754 --> 01:38:21,956 they're designed to rest above the ground. 2938 01:38:21,956 --> 01:38:24,175 - [Grif] Uh, with blinking red warning lights? 2939 01:38:24,175 --> 01:38:25,693 - [Simmons] Yeah, it doesn't really make any sense. 2940 01:38:25,693 --> 01:38:26,713 - [Sarge] Excellent work, Simmons. 2941 01:38:26,713 --> 01:38:28,335 Now go organize those firearms. 2942 01:38:28,335 --> 01:38:30,250 - [Simmons] Yes, sir. 2943 01:38:30,250 --> 01:38:33,041 - [Sarge] Grif, Doc, how are the teleportation tests going? 2944 01:38:33,041 --> 01:38:34,224 - [Doc] Well we've learned the cubes 2945 01:38:34,224 --> 01:38:35,561 can be set to different frequencies. 2946 01:38:35,561 --> 01:38:38,516 For example, if I throw a cube set to frequency A, 2947 01:38:38,516 --> 01:38:39,689 it will absorb an object. 2948 01:38:39,689 --> 01:38:42,261 (cube whooshes) 2949 01:38:42,261 --> 01:38:45,149 If I then throw a second cube on frequency A, 2950 01:38:45,149 --> 01:38:46,781 that object will reappear. 2951 01:38:46,781 --> 01:38:49,273 (cube whooshes) 2952 01:38:49,273 --> 01:38:51,655 - [Grif] Meanwhile, if I've got a cube set to B, 2953 01:38:51,655 --> 01:38:52,856 I can throw it like so. 2954 01:38:52,856 --> 01:38:53,773 - [Doc] Yeah, hey, wait- 2955 01:38:53,773 --> 01:38:54,837 (cube whooshes) 2956 01:38:54,837 --> 01:38:56,696 - [Grif] And then throw a second cube set to B, 2957 01:38:56,696 --> 01:38:57,903 without ever messing with the stuff 2958 01:38:57,903 --> 01:38:59,293 sucked up by the cube set to A. 2959 01:38:59,293 --> 01:39:01,960 (cube whooshes) 2960 01:39:02,880 --> 01:39:04,617 - [Sarge] So all they do is teleport things? 2961 01:39:04,617 --> 01:39:06,269 No explosions, no violence? 2962 01:39:06,269 --> 01:39:07,102 - [Grif] Nah. 2963 01:39:07,102 --> 01:39:09,869 - [Sarge] Well we maybe can make them absorb grenades, 2964 01:39:09,869 --> 01:39:12,417 and then we can throw the grenade filled cubes at the enemy. 2965 01:39:12,417 --> 01:39:13,572 - [Grif] At that point, wouldn't it 2966 01:39:13,572 --> 01:39:15,105 just make sense to throw grenades? 2967 01:39:15,105 --> 01:39:16,437 - [Sarge] We're not here to make sense, 2968 01:39:16,437 --> 01:39:18,089 Private, we're here to win. 2969 01:39:18,089 --> 01:39:19,142 Now take Donut and go find a way 2970 01:39:19,142 --> 01:39:21,366 to make your stupid cubes do somethin' useful. 2971 01:39:21,366 --> 01:39:23,611 - [Grif] (sighs) Fine. 2972 01:39:23,611 --> 01:39:26,362 - [Sarge] And finally, we have the Lopez's. 2973 01:39:26,362 --> 01:39:28,181 Stop standing next to each other. 2974 01:39:28,181 --> 01:39:30,917 I can never tell you two apart. 2975 01:39:30,917 --> 01:39:33,106 (Lopez 2.0 speaking Spanish) 2976 01:39:33,106 --> 01:39:34,544 - [Sarge] I need you two to get to work 2977 01:39:34,544 --> 01:39:36,137 on repairing C.C.'s fuel tanks. 2978 01:39:36,137 --> 01:39:38,909 (Lopez speaking Spanish) 2979 01:39:38,909 --> 01:39:41,830 (Lopez 2.0 speaking Spanish) 2980 01:39:41,830 --> 01:39:43,702 - [Sarge] I can't wait to see her, 2981 01:39:43,702 --> 01:39:46,589 triumphantly leading the charge on the front lines, 2982 01:39:46,589 --> 01:39:48,824 glistening in the sunlight, 2983 01:39:48,824 --> 01:39:50,681 with the blood of her fallen enemies! 2984 01:39:50,681 --> 01:39:54,431 (Lopez 2.0 speaking Spanish) 2985 01:39:56,285 --> 01:39:59,115 Wait a minute, this is a terrible idea. 2986 01:39:59,115 --> 01:40:01,012 (Lopez 2.0 speaking Spanish) 2987 01:40:01,012 --> 01:40:02,047 (Lopez speaking Spanish) 2988 01:40:02,047 --> 01:40:03,699 I can't trust an idiotic robot 2989 01:40:03,699 --> 01:40:05,013 with a job as important as this. 2990 01:40:05,013 --> 01:40:05,971 (Lopez speaking Spanish) 2991 01:40:05,971 --> 01:40:07,149 (Lopez 2.0 speaking Spanish) 2992 01:40:07,149 --> 01:40:08,249 Change of plans. 2993 01:40:08,249 --> 01:40:10,225 You two go prep the work station, 2994 01:40:10,225 --> 01:40:12,669 then wait for me to arrive to do the job myself 2995 01:40:12,669 --> 01:40:14,330 . I'm gonna go find my favorite welding torch. 2996 01:40:14,330 --> 01:40:16,601 (rapid footsteps) 2997 01:40:16,601 --> 01:40:20,351 (Lopez 2.0 speaking Spanish) 2998 01:40:21,701 --> 01:40:24,247 (Lopez speaking Spanish) 2999 01:40:24,247 --> 01:40:25,825 (guitar strums) 3000 01:40:25,825 --> 01:40:26,887 (electricity crackles) 3001 01:40:26,887 --> 01:40:28,065 - [Tucker] All right, how's that? 3002 01:40:28,065 --> 01:40:29,463 - [Caboose] Nope, still can't see. 3003 01:40:29,463 --> 01:40:30,298 - [Tucker] Open your eyes. 3004 01:40:30,298 --> 01:40:32,861 - [Caboose] Oh my God, the graphics are incredible. 3005 01:40:32,861 --> 01:40:33,694 - [Tucker] You're welcome. 3006 01:40:33,694 --> 01:40:36,611 - [Caboose] Ah, oh, thanks, Tucker. 3007 01:40:38,178 --> 01:40:39,205 You know you, you and I 3008 01:40:39,205 --> 01:40:41,349 have had our differences in the past. 3009 01:40:41,349 --> 01:40:43,525 I have called you stupid. 3010 01:40:43,525 --> 01:40:45,625 You have called me stupid. 3011 01:40:45,625 --> 01:40:47,137 I have tried to kill you. 3012 01:40:47,137 --> 01:40:48,047 - [Tucker] Uh huh. 3013 01:40:48,047 --> 01:40:49,765 - [Caboose] But you know, 3014 01:40:49,765 --> 01:40:51,245 at the end of the day I like to think 3015 01:40:51,245 --> 01:40:52,701 that you and I are actually- 3016 01:40:52,701 --> 01:40:54,790 (electricity crackles) 3017 01:40:54,790 --> 01:40:56,298 - [Tucker] What? 3018 01:40:56,298 --> 01:40:58,264 I can barely hear you. 3019 01:40:58,264 --> 01:40:59,413 Dammit, I think fixing your visor 3020 01:40:59,413 --> 01:41:01,496 somehow broke your radio. 3021 01:41:02,579 --> 01:41:03,996 Just stand still. 3022 01:41:06,437 --> 01:41:08,092 - [Wash] So how bad is this? 3023 01:41:08,092 --> 01:41:10,065 - [Felix] The man coming for us is named Locus. 3024 01:41:10,065 --> 01:41:11,363 He's a merc, like me. 3025 01:41:11,363 --> 01:41:13,613 Only, you know, terrifying. 3026 01:41:14,710 --> 01:41:15,777 - [Wash] Locus? 3027 01:41:15,777 --> 01:41:17,934 - [Felix] Yeah, guy's so far off the deep end, 3028 01:41:17,934 --> 01:41:19,305 he prefers to go by the name of his armor 3029 01:41:19,305 --> 01:41:22,202 instead of the name he was born with. (whistles) 3030 01:41:22,202 --> 01:41:23,325 - [Wash] That's unsettling. 3031 01:41:23,325 --> 01:41:24,619 - [Felix] Oh, are you first name, Agent, 3032 01:41:24,619 --> 01:41:26,015 last name Washington? 3033 01:41:26,015 --> 01:41:27,737 That's so weird. 3034 01:41:27,737 --> 01:41:30,929 - [Wash] That's just old habits. 3035 01:41:30,929 --> 01:41:32,937 - [Felix] Well, here's to hoping those old habits 3036 01:41:32,937 --> 01:41:35,605 of yours kick in when he shows up. 3037 01:41:35,605 --> 01:41:37,197 You know I thought there'd be more of you. 3038 01:41:37,197 --> 01:41:39,945 Weren't you with another Freelancer, and an A.I.? 3039 01:41:39,945 --> 01:41:42,275 - [Wash] They disappeared not long after we crashed. 3040 01:41:42,275 --> 01:41:45,013 - [Felix] Sheesh, any idea where they went? 3041 01:41:45,013 --> 01:41:46,013 - [Wash] No. 3042 01:41:46,913 --> 01:41:49,752 - [Felix] Hm, well, if it makes you feel any better, 3043 01:41:49,752 --> 01:41:51,957 I haven't heard anything about them over the radio. 3044 01:41:51,957 --> 01:41:54,923 So, um, that's probably good. 3045 01:41:54,923 --> 01:41:56,681 - [Wash] How was he able to cloak himself? 3046 01:41:56,681 --> 01:41:57,514 - [Felix] Hm? 3047 01:41:57,514 --> 01:41:59,066 - [Wash] Locus, he turned invisible. 3048 01:41:59,066 --> 01:41:59,899 How? 3049 01:41:59,899 --> 01:42:02,450 - [Felix] The federal army has got all sorts of fancy stuff. 3050 01:42:02,450 --> 01:42:04,529 I got my light shield off a dead soldier. 3051 01:42:04,529 --> 01:42:07,245 (shield whooshes) 3052 01:42:07,245 --> 01:42:08,205 Pretty cool. 3053 01:42:08,205 --> 01:42:09,075 - [Wash] It's just that I've never seen 3054 01:42:09,075 --> 01:42:11,445 that kind of equipment outside of Project Freelancer. 3055 01:42:11,445 --> 01:42:12,901 - [Felix] Welcome to the future, Wash. 3056 01:42:12,901 --> 01:42:14,025 Technology is incredible, 3057 01:42:14,025 --> 01:42:15,721 and everyone uses it to kill each other. 3058 01:42:15,721 --> 01:42:17,712 - [Wash] Does that mean your guys have the same equipment? 3059 01:42:17,712 --> 01:42:18,599 - [Felix] I wish. 3060 01:42:18,599 --> 01:42:19,988 The New Republic's barely getting by 3061 01:42:19,988 --> 01:42:21,394 with what they can. 3062 01:42:21,394 --> 01:42:22,948 You wouldn't happen to have any high-tech armor 3063 01:42:22,948 --> 01:42:24,285 aboard that wreck, would you? 3064 01:42:24,285 --> 01:42:25,118 - [Wash] Plenty of armor, 3065 01:42:25,118 --> 01:42:27,073 Just nothing out of the ordinary. 3066 01:42:27,073 --> 01:42:30,209 - [Felix] Well, at least you can accessorize. 3067 01:42:30,209 --> 01:42:31,421 Eh? 3068 01:42:31,421 --> 01:42:34,109 Try a little color combo mixing up. 3069 01:42:34,109 --> 01:42:37,899 I, I'm sorry, I'm just trying to light that mood. 3070 01:42:37,899 --> 01:42:40,289 - [Wash] Actually, I think I might indulge 3071 01:42:40,289 --> 01:42:43,853 in some of those old habits you were talking about. 3072 01:42:43,853 --> 01:42:44,686 Follow me. 3073 01:42:46,730 --> 01:42:50,281 - [Felix] I mean, you're just cryptic, like all the time. 3074 01:42:50,281 --> 01:42:52,137 Did you realize that? 3075 01:42:52,137 --> 01:42:53,505 (acoustic guitar music) 3076 01:42:53,505 --> 01:42:54,500 (Lopez speaking Spanish) 3077 01:42:54,500 --> 01:42:58,250 (Lopez 2.0 speaking Spanish) 3078 01:43:01,791 --> 01:43:05,208 (Lopez speaking Spanish) 3079 01:43:07,088 --> 01:43:08,001 (Lopez 2.0 speaking Spanish) 3080 01:43:08,001 --> 01:43:11,378 (Lopez speaking Spanish) 3081 01:43:11,378 --> 01:43:13,012 (Lopez 2.0 speaking Spanish) 3082 01:43:13,012 --> 01:43:16,429 (Lopez speaking Spanish) 3083 01:43:17,588 --> 01:43:19,461 (Lopez 2.0 speaking Spanish) 3084 01:43:19,461 --> 01:43:22,878 (Lopez speaking Spanish) 3085 01:43:28,394 --> 01:43:32,144 (Lopez 2.0 speaking Spanish) 3086 01:43:36,359 --> 01:43:39,204 (Lopez speaking Spanish) 3087 01:43:39,204 --> 01:43:42,160 (electricity crackles) 3088 01:43:42,160 --> 01:43:43,568 - [Donut] Well, it just goes to show 3089 01:43:43,568 --> 01:43:46,296 that with time effort, and a little bit of elbow grease, 3090 01:43:46,296 --> 01:43:48,324 we really can achieve wonders. 3091 01:43:48,324 --> 01:43:49,740 - [Tucker] We spent hours turning this place 3092 01:43:49,740 --> 01:43:52,508 into a war zone, and you made me hate it in one sentence. 3093 01:43:52,508 --> 01:43:53,796 - [Grif] It's what he does. 3094 01:43:53,796 --> 01:43:55,072 - [Wash] Donut's got a point though. 3095 01:43:55,072 --> 01:43:57,456 (guitar strums) 3096 01:43:57,456 --> 01:43:58,911 I think we're ready. 3097 01:43:58,911 --> 01:44:00,908 - [Donut] Oooh, back in black. 3098 01:44:00,908 --> 01:44:02,108 Looks good, Wash. 3099 01:44:02,108 --> 01:44:04,492 - [Caboose] Yeah that really brings back memories. 3100 01:44:04,492 --> 01:44:06,204 Like when we first met. 3101 01:44:06,204 --> 01:44:09,144 And then we met again and you shot Donut. 3102 01:44:09,144 --> 01:44:11,244 - [Wash] I'm impressed guys. 3103 01:44:11,244 --> 01:44:12,832 This place looks good. 3104 01:44:12,832 --> 01:44:15,996 In between the landmines, Freckles, and the tank, 3105 01:44:15,996 --> 01:44:18,326 I don't think anyone's going to stand a chance against us. 3106 01:44:18,326 --> 01:44:19,159 (explosion) 3107 01:44:19,159 --> 01:44:20,616 - [Sarge] Run for your lives! 3108 01:44:20,616 --> 01:44:21,449 - [Simmons] Sarge? 3109 01:44:21,449 --> 01:44:22,492 - [Grif] Oh shit they're here. 3110 01:44:22,492 --> 01:44:23,738 - [Wash] Everyone get ready! 3111 01:44:23,738 --> 01:44:25,136 - [Felix] No, wait, this isn't right. 3112 01:44:25,136 --> 01:44:26,418 Locus wouldn't attack like this. 3113 01:44:26,418 --> 01:44:28,139 - [Tucker] Well who else on this planet wants us dead? 3114 01:44:28,139 --> 01:44:28,972 (guns fire) 3115 01:44:28,972 --> 01:44:32,722 (Lopez 2.0 speaking Spanish) 3116 01:44:35,623 --> 01:44:37,425 - [Sarge] Dos Point-O, cease fire! 3117 01:44:37,425 --> 01:44:38,675 No mas, no mas! 3118 01:44:39,554 --> 01:44:40,545 - [Grif] Dos point oh? 3119 01:44:40,545 --> 01:44:44,525 (Lopez 2.0 speaking Spanish) 3120 01:44:44,525 --> 01:44:45,725 - [Caboose] Freckles! 3121 01:44:45,725 --> 01:44:48,245 - [Freckles] Deadly force authorized. 3122 01:44:48,245 --> 01:44:52,078 (Lopez 2.0 speaking Spanish) 3123 01:44:54,723 --> 01:44:56,793 - [Donut] Yes, giant robot fight! 3124 01:44:56,793 --> 01:44:58,697 Totally called that on Basebook. 3125 01:44:58,697 --> 01:45:00,317 - [Wash] Wait, everyone calm down. 3126 01:45:00,317 --> 01:45:01,259 - [Felix] Shit! 3127 01:45:01,259 --> 01:45:04,156 (acoustic guitar music) 3128 01:45:04,156 --> 01:45:06,649 - [Locus] Surrender now, and I promise 3129 01:45:06,649 --> 01:45:08,957 only to kill the mercenary. 3130 01:45:08,957 --> 01:45:10,249 - [Simmons] Well fuck. 3131 01:45:10,249 --> 01:45:11,177 - [Grif] Oh yeah? 3132 01:45:11,177 --> 01:45:12,197 You and what army? 3133 01:45:12,197 --> 01:45:15,364 - [Locus] The Federal Army, of course. 3134 01:45:17,707 --> 01:45:19,741 - [Grif] Well, guess I walked right into that one. 3135 01:45:19,741 --> 01:45:21,486 - [Felix] Looks like backup isn't getting here in time. 3136 01:45:21,486 --> 01:45:24,360 - [Tucker] Uh, Wash, what's the plan? 3137 01:45:24,360 --> 01:45:26,509 - [Freckles] Engaging target. 3138 01:45:26,509 --> 01:45:27,788 (guns fire) 3139 01:45:27,788 --> 01:45:29,290 - [Wash] Get to cover! 3140 01:45:29,290 --> 01:45:31,393 (gunshots and explosions) 3141 01:45:31,393 --> 01:45:33,976 (action music) 3142 01:45:39,235 --> 01:45:42,985 (Lopez 2.0 speaking Spanish) 3143 01:45:44,309 --> 01:45:45,657 - [Caboose] Freckles, be careful! 3144 01:45:45,657 --> 01:45:50,657 - [Wash] Dammit, we need something to draw their fire. 3145 01:45:50,785 --> 01:45:51,618 - [Sarge] Simmons? 3146 01:45:51,618 --> 01:45:53,285 - [Simmons] Shotgun. 3147 01:45:55,701 --> 01:45:58,601 - [Sarge] Tanks for dropping by, dirtbags. 3148 01:45:58,601 --> 01:46:00,613 But it's high time you left. 3149 01:46:00,613 --> 01:46:02,665 (tank fires) 3150 01:46:02,665 --> 01:46:03,804 - [Simmons] Still inverted, sir. 3151 01:46:03,804 --> 01:46:04,637 - [Sarge] Right. 3152 01:46:04,637 --> 01:46:06,035 (explosion) 3153 01:46:06,035 --> 01:46:07,272 - [Simmons] Woohoo! 3154 01:46:07,272 --> 01:46:08,105 Yeah! 3155 01:46:08,105 --> 01:46:10,437 Suck it evil soldier dudes! 3156 01:46:10,437 --> 01:46:12,160 - [Locus] Huh. 3157 01:46:12,160 --> 01:46:14,743 (action music) 3158 01:46:16,405 --> 01:46:17,657 - [Felix] Heavy artillery! 3159 01:46:17,657 --> 01:46:18,490 - [Tucker] What? 3160 01:46:18,490 --> 01:46:19,323 Where did that come from? 3161 01:46:19,323 --> 01:46:21,289 - [Wash] They must be getting in through the caves. 3162 01:46:21,289 --> 01:46:23,622 (guns fire) 3163 01:46:25,364 --> 01:46:27,134 - [Sarge] Uh oh. 3164 01:46:27,134 --> 01:46:29,744 (cube whooshes) 3165 01:46:29,744 --> 01:46:32,415 (vehicle crashes) 3166 01:46:32,415 --> 01:46:33,248 - [Grif] Boosh! 3167 01:46:33,248 --> 01:46:34,237 Future cubes, bitches! 3168 01:46:34,237 --> 01:46:35,077 - [Wash] What would that? 3169 01:46:35,077 --> 01:46:37,281 - [Donut] Future cubes, the cubes of the future! 3170 01:46:37,281 --> 01:46:39,781 - [Sarge] I still think they'd be better with grenades! 3171 01:46:39,781 --> 01:46:40,614 - [Grif] Kiss my ass! 3172 01:46:40,614 --> 01:46:41,447 (guns fire) 3173 01:46:41,447 --> 01:46:43,549 (Grif yelps) 3174 01:46:43,549 --> 01:46:45,081 - [Caboose] Freckles! 3175 01:46:45,081 --> 01:46:49,200 (Lopez 2.0 speaking Spanish) 3176 01:46:49,200 --> 01:46:51,125 - [Freckles] Shields critical. 3177 01:46:51,125 --> 01:46:52,516 - [Caboose] Ahh, we have to help him! 3178 01:46:52,516 --> 01:46:53,349 - [Wash] All right. 3179 01:46:53,349 --> 01:46:54,313 Let's grab some explosives and- 3180 01:46:54,313 --> 01:46:56,228 - [Donut] Wait. 3181 01:46:56,228 --> 01:46:57,728 I know what to do. 3182 01:46:58,821 --> 01:46:59,913 - [Wash] What the? 3183 01:46:59,913 --> 01:47:01,137 Just cover him! 3184 01:47:01,137 --> 01:47:03,369 (explosions) 3185 01:47:03,369 --> 01:47:05,151 - [Freckles] Shields failing. 3186 01:47:05,151 --> 01:47:08,901 (Lopez 2.0 speaking Spanish) 3187 01:47:18,415 --> 01:47:21,609 - [Donut] All right, that's enough. 3188 01:47:21,609 --> 01:47:22,442 (Lopez 2.0 speaking Spanish) 3189 01:47:22,442 --> 01:47:24,712 Don't make me hurt you. 3190 01:47:24,712 --> 01:47:28,462 (Lopez 2.0 speaking Spanish) 3191 01:47:32,948 --> 01:47:36,644 (Donut speaking Spanish) 3192 01:47:36,644 --> 01:47:40,233 (Lopez 2.0 speaking Spanish) 3193 01:47:40,233 --> 01:47:43,845 (Donut speaking Spanish) 3194 01:47:43,845 --> 01:47:47,601 (Lopez 2.0 speaking Spanish) 3195 01:47:47,601 --> 01:47:49,023 (explosion) 3196 01:47:49,023 --> 01:47:50,898 (cube sizzles) 3197 01:47:50,898 --> 01:47:53,231 (explosion) 3198 01:47:55,023 --> 01:47:58,440 (Donut speaking Spanish) 3199 01:48:00,533 --> 01:48:02,753 - [Tucker] Seriously, he has an incredible arm. 3200 01:48:02,753 --> 01:48:04,161 - [Grif] Okay, it wasn't a volcano, 3201 01:48:04,161 --> 01:48:05,889 but I'm still taking credit for the idea! 3202 01:48:05,889 --> 01:48:07,073 - [Sarge] Incoming! 3203 01:48:07,073 --> 01:48:09,792 (guns fire) 3204 01:48:09,792 --> 01:48:11,065 - [Wash] Sarge, are you okay? 3205 01:48:11,065 --> 01:48:12,685 - [Sarge] Havin' the time of my life! 3206 01:48:12,685 --> 01:48:13,885 The tank's pretty beat up. 3207 01:48:13,885 --> 01:48:16,718 - [Simmons] They just keep coming. 3208 01:48:18,079 --> 01:48:19,271 (device beeps) 3209 01:48:19,271 --> 01:48:20,797 - [Felix] Get out of the tank! 3210 01:48:20,797 --> 01:48:22,460 (Simmons and Sarge yelp) 3211 01:48:22,460 --> 01:48:24,048 (explosion) 3212 01:48:24,048 --> 01:48:24,881 - [Wash] Dammit! 3213 01:48:24,881 --> 01:48:27,217 - [Grif] Holy shit, those explode? 3214 01:48:27,217 --> 01:48:28,161 - [Donut] Did you guys see me? 3215 01:48:28,161 --> 01:48:29,471 - [Wash] Yes, now put those skills of yours 3216 01:48:29,471 --> 01:48:31,297 to work and start tossing 3217 01:48:31,297 --> 01:48:32,649 some grenades. 3218 01:48:32,649 --> 01:48:33,702 - [Donut] On it. 3219 01:48:33,702 --> 01:48:35,857 (action music) 3220 01:48:35,857 --> 01:48:36,757 And you get a bomb, 3221 01:48:36,757 --> 01:48:37,590 and you get a bomb, 3222 01:48:37,590 --> 01:48:38,423 and you get a bomb 3223 01:48:38,423 --> 01:48:39,256 and you get a bomb, 3224 01:48:39,256 --> 01:48:40,717 we all get bombs! 3225 01:48:40,717 --> 01:48:43,176 - [Freckles] Energy levels critical. 3226 01:48:43,176 --> 01:48:44,905 - [Caboose] Guys, Freckles' in trouble! 3227 01:48:44,905 --> 01:48:46,744 He looks tired. 3228 01:48:46,744 --> 01:48:47,764 - Fuck that! 3229 01:48:47,764 --> 01:48:48,801 Hook him up to the ship! 3230 01:48:48,801 --> 01:48:50,134 It's got plenty of power! 3231 01:48:50,134 --> 01:48:51,485 - [Simmons] Oh, I can do that. 3232 01:48:51,485 --> 01:48:53,333 - [Wash] Felix, where's that back up? 3233 01:48:53,333 --> 01:48:55,633 - [Felix] I don't know. 3234 01:48:55,633 --> 01:48:57,065 Fucking assholes! 3235 01:48:57,065 --> 01:48:59,165 - [Grif] Uh, I'm running out of cubes! 3236 01:48:59,165 --> 01:49:00,125 - [Wash] Just hold on a little longer, 3237 01:49:00,125 --> 01:49:01,849 and we'll get Freckles back online. 3238 01:49:01,849 --> 01:49:04,127 - [Simmons] Uh, Wash, that might be a problem! 3239 01:49:04,127 --> 01:49:06,595 - [Wash] (growls) I'll be right back, cover me. 3240 01:49:06,595 --> 01:49:07,897 - [Tucker] Okay! 3241 01:49:07,897 --> 01:49:09,152 (turret gun fires) 3242 01:49:09,152 --> 01:49:10,319 Suck my balls! 3243 01:49:11,462 --> 01:49:12,356 - [Simmons] I hooked up Freckles, 3244 01:49:12,356 --> 01:49:13,993 but for some reason, he's not getting any power! 3245 01:49:13,993 --> 01:49:14,826 - [Wash] What do you mean? 3246 01:49:14,826 --> 01:49:15,659 We should have plenty. 3247 01:49:15,659 --> 01:49:16,492 - [Simmons] I know, but it's all 3248 01:49:16,492 --> 01:49:17,547 being diverted somewhere else. 3249 01:49:17,547 --> 01:49:18,689 I don't know what it could be. 3250 01:49:18,689 --> 01:49:20,294 - [Wash] Well, where's it all going? 3251 01:49:20,294 --> 01:49:21,401 (keyboard clicks) 3252 01:49:21,401 --> 01:49:22,541 - [Simmons] Red base? 3253 01:49:22,541 --> 01:49:26,541 - [Donut] Uh oh, I, uh, think I know what it is. 3254 01:49:31,709 --> 01:49:32,542 (computer beeps) 3255 01:49:32,542 --> 01:49:34,933 - [Wash] Downloading a picture on Basebook 3256 01:49:34,933 --> 01:49:37,333 is draining our entire power supply? 3257 01:49:37,333 --> 01:49:39,209 - [Donut] It is a very high quality picture. 3258 01:49:39,209 --> 01:49:40,735 - [Wash] How does that even make sense? 3259 01:49:40,735 --> 01:49:42,881 - [Simmons] We've gotta cancel the download. 3260 01:49:42,881 --> 01:49:45,636 - [Donut] But we're pinned down. 3261 01:49:45,636 --> 01:49:47,774 How are we supposed to (screams) 3262 01:49:47,774 --> 01:49:50,209 - [Wash And Simmons] Donut! 3263 01:49:50,209 --> 01:49:51,042 - [Simmons] Is he dead? 3264 01:49:51,042 --> 01:49:52,216 - [Wash] No, but he's unconscious. 3265 01:49:52,216 --> 01:49:53,235 - [Simmons] Oh good. 3266 01:49:53,235 --> 01:49:55,653 Cause I did not want to go through that shit again. 3267 01:49:55,653 --> 01:49:56,701 - [Wash] Felix, we're a man down! 3268 01:49:56,701 --> 01:49:57,841 Where is that backup!? 3269 01:49:57,841 --> 01:49:58,674 - [Felix] I don't know. 3270 01:49:58,674 --> 01:49:59,809 They should be here in a few minutes. 3271 01:49:59,809 --> 01:50:01,413 - [Wash] We don't have a few minutes. 3272 01:50:01,413 --> 01:50:04,685 If we can't get Freckles online, we won't stand a chance! 3273 01:50:04,685 --> 01:50:07,533 - [Tucker] Ugh, such bullshit. 3274 01:50:07,533 --> 01:50:09,497 - [Grif] Hey, where are you going? 3275 01:50:09,497 --> 01:50:10,685 - [Wash] Tucker! 3276 01:50:10,685 --> 01:50:13,018 (guns fire) 3277 01:50:23,460 --> 01:50:25,793 (explosion) 3278 01:50:27,852 --> 01:50:29,602 - [Tucker] And swish! 3279 01:50:30,855 --> 01:50:32,701 Fuck you, Basebook! 3280 01:50:32,701 --> 01:50:34,441 - [Simmons] He did it, we're getting power. 3281 01:50:34,441 --> 01:50:36,229 - [Freckles] Charging. 3282 01:50:36,229 --> 01:50:37,218 - [Federal Soldier] Freeze! 3283 01:50:37,218 --> 01:50:38,371 - [Tucker] Ah, crap. 3284 01:50:38,371 --> 01:50:39,204 - [Federal Soldier] You and your friends 3285 01:50:39,204 --> 01:50:40,617 have caused us a lot of trouble. 3286 01:50:40,617 --> 01:50:41,893 Now lay down your weapon. 3287 01:50:41,893 --> 01:50:43,807 (gun fires) 3288 01:50:43,807 --> 01:50:45,446 - [Tucker] What the Hell? 3289 01:50:45,446 --> 01:50:47,081 (Lopez speaking Spanish) 3290 01:50:47,081 --> 01:50:48,505 Dos point oh? 3291 01:50:48,505 --> 01:50:50,260 (Lopez speaking Spanish) 3292 01:50:50,260 --> 01:50:52,721 Lopez, that was fucking awesome. 3293 01:50:52,721 --> 01:50:53,965 Where did you get that body? 3294 01:50:53,965 --> 01:50:56,745 (Lopez speaking Spanish) 3295 01:50:56,745 --> 01:50:58,747 I don't know what you said, but that's great. 3296 01:50:58,747 --> 01:51:00,783 Now let's get outta here. 3297 01:51:00,783 --> 01:51:04,283 (Lopez speaking Spanish) 3298 01:51:06,996 --> 01:51:10,852 - [Freckles] Shields 25% charged. 3299 01:51:10,852 --> 01:51:12,666 (guns fire) 3300 01:51:12,666 --> 01:51:14,251 - [Sarge] (laughs) Eat lead, 3301 01:51:14,251 --> 01:51:16,121 you seemingly infinite number of soldiers! 3302 01:51:16,121 --> 01:51:17,921 - [Grif] Yeah, how's it feel to get your ass kicked 3303 01:51:17,921 --> 01:51:20,021 by a bunch of losers? 3304 01:51:20,021 --> 01:51:22,405 - [Wash] All right, everyone together now. 3305 01:51:22,405 --> 01:51:24,358 We can do this! 3306 01:51:24,358 --> 01:51:26,358 - [Locus] No, you can't. 3307 01:51:28,188 --> 01:51:30,461 (gun charges and fires) 3308 01:51:30,461 --> 01:51:31,433 - [Tucker] Wash! 3309 01:51:31,433 --> 01:51:32,349 - [Caboose] Oh no! 3310 01:51:32,349 --> 01:51:33,281 - [Simmons] Is he okay? 3311 01:51:33,281 --> 01:51:35,614 (guns fire) 3312 01:51:37,057 --> 01:51:38,676 - [Tucker] Lopez! 3313 01:51:38,676 --> 01:51:42,176 (Lopez speaking Spanish) 3314 01:51:43,309 --> 01:51:45,768 - [Sarge] You bastards stay away from my men! 3315 01:51:45,768 --> 01:51:47,612 If anybody's gonna kill 'em, 3316 01:51:47,612 --> 01:51:49,029 it's gonna be me! 3317 01:51:50,661 --> 01:51:52,893 (gun charges and fires) 3318 01:51:52,893 --> 01:51:54,143 - [Grif] Sarge? 3319 01:51:55,925 --> 01:51:58,592 (vehicle roars) 3320 01:51:59,776 --> 01:52:01,359 - [Felix] Incoming! 3321 01:52:02,525 --> 01:52:04,858 (guns fire) 3322 01:52:06,692 --> 01:52:08,775 - [Caboose] Freckles, no! 3323 01:52:09,960 --> 01:52:12,460 (heavy thuds) 3324 01:52:15,785 --> 01:52:19,035 (Rebel soldiers shout) 3325 01:52:20,449 --> 01:52:21,305 - [Felix] They're here. 3326 01:52:21,305 --> 01:52:22,805 That's our backup. 3327 01:52:24,728 --> 01:52:26,786 - [Rebel Soldier] Suck it, you Fed scum! 3328 01:52:26,786 --> 01:52:29,286 - [Freckles] Engaging targets. 3329 01:52:31,041 --> 01:52:33,374 (explosion) 3330 01:52:36,299 --> 01:52:37,132 - [Felix] Get to the cave! 3331 01:52:37,132 --> 01:52:37,965 We've gotta go! 3332 01:52:37,965 --> 01:52:39,353 - [Caboose] But what about Wash and Freckles? 3333 01:52:39,353 --> 01:52:41,677 - [Simmons] Quick, someone help me carry Sarge. 3334 01:52:41,677 --> 01:52:45,552 (Rebel soldier grunts) 3335 01:52:45,552 --> 01:52:47,690 - [Rebel Soldier] What the hell? 3336 01:52:47,690 --> 01:52:50,440 (dramatic music) 3337 01:52:52,195 --> 01:52:53,028 - [Felix] There's no time. 3338 01:52:53,028 --> 01:52:53,861 Get outta here! 3339 01:52:53,861 --> 01:52:54,989 - [Caboose] But- 3340 01:52:54,989 --> 01:52:56,989 - [Grif] Caboose, c'mon! 3341 01:52:59,611 --> 01:53:00,580 - [Tucker] What are you doing? 3342 01:53:00,580 --> 01:53:01,413 Where's Wash? 3343 01:53:01,413 --> 01:53:02,461 - [Simmons] He's still at the base. 3344 01:53:02,461 --> 01:53:04,140 - [Tucker] What? 3345 01:53:04,140 --> 01:53:05,560 - [Rebel Soldier] Sir, if we leave now, 3346 01:53:05,560 --> 01:53:07,021 they'll just follow us back to headquarters! 3347 01:53:07,021 --> 01:53:09,760 - [Felix] Ah, shit, someone get me some explosives! 3348 01:53:09,760 --> 01:53:12,093 (guns fire) 3349 01:53:13,814 --> 01:53:17,020 - [Tucker] Wait, guys, there he is. 3350 01:53:17,020 --> 01:53:19,065 Wash, Wash come on! 3351 01:53:19,065 --> 01:53:21,797 - [Felix] We gotta seal this tunnel. 3352 01:53:21,797 --> 01:53:24,380 (somber music) 3353 01:53:28,861 --> 01:53:31,194 (guns fire) 3354 01:53:36,693 --> 01:53:38,193 - [Wash] Freckles! 3355 01:53:39,213 --> 01:53:40,046 Shake. 3356 01:53:42,165 --> 01:53:44,655 (Freckles stomps) 3357 01:53:44,655 --> 01:53:46,785 - [Tucker] No, what are you doing? 3358 01:53:46,785 --> 01:53:49,452 (rock crumbles) 3359 01:53:54,061 --> 01:53:56,717 (Wash sighs) 3360 01:53:56,717 --> 01:53:59,217 (Wash grunts) 3361 01:54:03,308 --> 01:54:05,809 - [Medic] He's waking up. 3362 01:54:05,809 --> 01:54:07,559 - [Felix] Whoa, whoa, whoa, easy now. 3363 01:54:07,559 --> 01:54:09,700 You've been knocked out for a while. 3364 01:54:09,700 --> 01:54:12,399 Just take it easy, there's nothing to worry about. 3365 01:54:12,399 --> 01:54:14,289 You're safe, tucker. 3366 01:54:14,289 --> 01:54:16,098 - [Tucker] (groans) What? 3367 01:54:16,098 --> 01:54:17,908 - [Felix] You took a rock to the back of the head. 3368 01:54:17,908 --> 01:54:20,849 Good news is we made it back to base undetected. 3369 01:54:20,849 --> 01:54:23,631 - [Tucker] Back to base? 3370 01:54:23,631 --> 01:54:25,420 - [Felix] Welcome to the New Republic. 3371 01:54:25,420 --> 01:54:28,170 (engine rumbles) 3372 01:54:29,456 --> 01:54:31,298 - [Tucker] Felix, what the fuck is going on? 3373 01:54:31,298 --> 01:54:32,560 Where is everyone? 3374 01:54:32,560 --> 01:54:33,847 - [Felix] Grif, Simmons and Caboose 3375 01:54:33,847 --> 01:54:35,500 are up at the main compound. 3376 01:54:35,500 --> 01:54:37,392 - [Tucker] Well what about everyone else? 3377 01:54:37,392 --> 01:54:38,607 What about Sarge? 3378 01:54:38,607 --> 01:54:39,940 What about Wash? 3379 01:54:41,036 --> 01:54:43,238 - [Medic] Um, I'm gonna go. 3380 01:54:43,238 --> 01:54:45,716 - [Felix] Yeah, thanks, Doc. 3381 01:54:45,716 --> 01:54:47,889 - [Tucker] Dude, do not fuck with me right now. 3382 01:54:47,889 --> 01:54:49,233 - [Felix] We had to leave them, Tucker. 3383 01:54:49,233 --> 01:54:50,066 - [Tucker] What? 3384 01:54:50,066 --> 01:54:51,155 - [Felix] Look, the Feds were closing in. 3385 01:54:51,155 --> 01:54:52,864 If we'd stayed any longer, they would've taken you too. 3386 01:54:52,864 --> 01:54:53,965 - [Tucker] No, that's bullshit. 3387 01:54:53,965 --> 01:54:55,260 - [Felix] That's war, Tucker. 3388 01:54:55,260 --> 01:54:58,124 Not everyone makes it back. 3389 01:54:58,124 --> 01:55:00,630 You guys put up a good fight. 3390 01:55:00,630 --> 01:55:02,010 I can see why Kimball wants you. 3391 01:55:02,010 --> 01:55:03,282 - [Tucker] Who the fuck is Kimball? 3392 01:55:03,282 --> 01:55:04,830 - [Kimball] I am. 3393 01:55:04,830 --> 01:55:07,105 Vanessa Kimball, leader of the New Republic, 3394 01:55:07,105 --> 01:55:09,015 and very glad to meet you. 3395 01:55:09,015 --> 01:55:11,178 I wish it were under better circumstances. 3396 01:55:11,178 --> 01:55:12,845 - [Tucker] Uh, yeah. 3397 01:55:13,726 --> 01:55:14,812 - [Kimball] Your friends are waiting for you 3398 01:55:14,812 --> 01:55:15,910 up near the mess hall. 3399 01:55:15,910 --> 01:55:17,594 It's just north of here. 3400 01:55:17,594 --> 01:55:19,304 Why don't you go catch up? 3401 01:55:19,304 --> 01:55:21,074 We'll talk later. 3402 01:55:21,074 --> 01:55:22,726 - [Tucker] Yeah. 3403 01:55:22,726 --> 01:55:25,809 (metallic footsteps) 3404 01:55:26,923 --> 01:55:28,301 - [Kimball] You're not getting paid the full amount. 3405 01:55:28,301 --> 01:55:29,134 - [Felix] I know. 3406 01:55:29,134 --> 01:55:30,231 - [Kimball] You're lucky you're getting paid at all. 3407 01:55:30,231 --> 01:55:31,648 - [Felix] I know. 3408 01:55:32,654 --> 01:55:34,094 - [Kimball] Are they as good as we hoped? 3409 01:55:34,094 --> 01:55:35,626 - [Felix] I think so. 3410 01:55:35,626 --> 01:55:37,906 Either that or they're just really lucky. 3411 01:55:37,906 --> 01:55:41,414 - [Kimball] Well, they probably don't feel very lucky. 3412 01:55:41,414 --> 01:55:43,666 - [Simmons] It's a small rebel army, Grif. 3413 01:55:43,666 --> 01:55:44,987 - [Grif] It's poor customer service. 3414 01:55:44,987 --> 01:55:46,422 - [Simmons] You were eating everything. 3415 01:55:46,422 --> 01:55:47,377 - [Grif] I'm an emotional eater. 3416 01:55:47,377 --> 01:55:48,266 What can I say? 3417 01:55:48,266 --> 01:55:50,259 - [Caboose] Tucker? 3418 01:55:50,259 --> 01:55:51,217 - [Tucker] Hey. 3419 01:55:51,217 --> 01:55:52,050 - [Grif] Sup? 3420 01:55:52,050 --> 01:55:54,450 - [Tucker] Man, what the fuck is going on? 3421 01:55:54,450 --> 01:55:55,368 - [Simmons] After you were knocked out, 3422 01:55:55,368 --> 01:55:56,557 we were taken to this huge cave 3423 01:55:56,557 --> 01:55:57,895 somewhere beneath the jungle. 3424 01:55:57,895 --> 01:55:59,066 - [Tucker] These guys live in a cave? 3425 01:55:59,066 --> 01:56:00,936 - [Simmons] They're rebels, of course they live in a cave. 3426 01:56:00,936 --> 01:56:01,769 It's hidden. 3427 01:56:01,769 --> 01:56:02,602 - [Grif] Nah, I'm with Tucker. 3428 01:56:02,602 --> 01:56:04,644 I was expecting some bad-ass snow base or something. 3429 01:56:04,644 --> 01:56:05,977 - [Simmons] What, why? 3430 01:56:05,977 --> 01:56:07,241 - [Grif] That's what they had in Star Wars. 3431 01:56:07,241 --> 01:56:08,638 - [Simmons] How is that even relevant? 3432 01:56:08,638 --> 01:56:10,346 - [Grif] Tell me this is not just like Star Wars. 3433 01:56:10,346 --> 01:56:11,179 Tell me. 3434 01:56:11,179 --> 01:56:13,258 - [Caboose] Tucker does have a glowing sword. 3435 01:56:13,258 --> 01:56:15,729 - [Grif] Tucker has a glowing sword, Simmons. 3436 01:56:15,729 --> 01:56:19,562 - [Tucker] Man, we're really all that made it? 3437 01:56:24,421 --> 01:56:26,801 (somber music) 3438 01:56:26,801 --> 01:56:29,081 - [Felix] Hey, something's come up. 3439 01:56:29,081 --> 01:56:29,914 Follow me. 3440 01:56:32,562 --> 01:56:34,798 - [Rebel Soldier] Dude, I'm telling you, it's them. 3441 01:56:34,798 --> 01:56:36,506 - [Rebel Soldier 2] Whoa. 3442 01:56:36,506 --> 01:56:38,098 Maybe we're not fucked. 3443 01:56:38,098 --> 01:56:41,376 - [Kimball] Michael Caboose, Dexter Grif, 3444 01:56:41,376 --> 01:56:44,922 Richard Simmons, and Lavernius Tucker. 3445 01:56:44,922 --> 01:56:47,350 The four of you have traveled great distances, 3446 01:56:47,350 --> 01:56:49,046 retrieved ancient artifacts, 3447 01:56:49,046 --> 01:56:51,068 brought corrupt men to justice, 3448 01:56:51,068 --> 01:56:53,338 and bested the most dangerous war criminals 3449 01:56:53,338 --> 01:56:56,251 this galaxy has ever known. 3450 01:56:56,251 --> 01:56:59,708 And now it seems fate has brought you to our doorstep. 3451 01:56:59,708 --> 01:57:00,730 - [Grif] No pressure. 3452 01:57:00,730 --> 01:57:02,306 - [Kimball] I'm aware that you've been informed 3453 01:57:02,306 --> 01:57:04,826 of our situation and I understand your reluctance 3454 01:57:04,826 --> 01:57:07,242 to help fight a war that is not your own, 3455 01:57:07,242 --> 01:57:08,546 but we've just received word 3456 01:57:08,546 --> 01:57:10,518 that the Federal Army has your friends alive 3457 01:57:10,518 --> 01:57:11,650 and in captivity. 3458 01:57:11,650 --> 01:57:12,483 - [Tucker] They're okay? 3459 01:57:12,483 --> 01:57:13,506 - [Simmons] What's going to happen to them? 3460 01:57:13,506 --> 01:57:15,278 - [Kimball] We're not sure, 3461 01:57:15,278 --> 01:57:18,727 but if they're alive, it means they can be rescued. 3462 01:57:18,727 --> 01:57:21,278 And it means this war may become yours after all. 3463 01:57:21,278 --> 01:57:22,478 - [Grif] Ah, shit. 3464 01:57:22,478 --> 01:57:26,242 - [Kimball] So, I'm going to make you a promise. 3465 01:57:26,242 --> 01:57:27,846 If you help us take back our planet, 3466 01:57:27,846 --> 01:57:29,900 we'll help you take back your friends. 3467 01:57:29,900 --> 01:57:30,748 And when it's all over, 3468 01:57:30,748 --> 01:57:32,406 you can take our best ship, 3469 01:57:32,406 --> 01:57:35,062 and fly as far away from this place as you want. 3470 01:57:35,062 --> 01:57:39,278 I know it's not the best offer, but what do you say? 3471 01:57:39,278 --> 01:57:41,406 - [Grif] Look, lady, I don't know what you think we can do, 3472 01:57:41,406 --> 01:57:43,848 but I seriously doubt we can actually do it. 3473 01:57:43,848 --> 01:57:46,375 - [Kimball] This war has gone on for too long. 3474 01:57:46,375 --> 01:57:47,751 Too many people have died. 3475 01:57:47,751 --> 01:57:50,155 And our remaining soldiers are young, 3476 01:57:50,155 --> 01:57:53,054 inexperienced and scared. 3477 01:57:53,054 --> 01:57:54,943 But you give them hope. 3478 01:57:54,943 --> 01:57:56,367 They've heard what you've done 3479 01:57:56,367 --> 01:57:57,802 and they will look to you for guidance. 3480 01:57:57,802 --> 01:57:59,503 They will run with you into battle, 3481 01:57:59,503 --> 01:58:01,122 and they will follow your orders, 3482 01:58:01,122 --> 01:58:03,848 if you choose to lead them. 3483 01:58:03,848 --> 01:58:05,681 I can't do this alone. 3484 01:58:07,211 --> 01:58:09,487 - [Simmons] Sarge is gone, Wash is gone. 3485 01:58:09,487 --> 01:58:11,727 How the hell are we supposed to do this without them? 3486 01:58:11,727 --> 01:58:13,929 - [Tucker] Yeah, none of us have ever led anyone before. 3487 01:58:13,929 --> 01:58:16,167 - [Caboose] Well, not for very long. 3488 01:58:16,167 --> 01:58:20,557 - [Kimball] I know, but you just need to try. 3489 01:58:20,557 --> 01:58:24,747 (acoustic guitar music and soft whistling) 3490 01:58:24,747 --> 01:58:27,830 (rhythmic footsteps) 3491 01:58:43,567 --> 01:58:46,241 - [Tucker] Hm, all right. 3492 01:58:46,241 --> 01:58:47,565 Let's run some drills. 3493 01:58:47,565 --> 01:58:48,883 - [Grif] Aw, man. 3494 01:58:48,883 --> 01:58:50,242 - [Caboose] And break! 3495 01:58:50,242 --> 01:58:55,242 ♪ We've been here so long ♪ 3496 01:58:56,996 --> 01:59:00,987 ♪ Still I remember the rainy September ♪ 3497 01:59:00,987 --> 01:59:04,559 ♪ Contact ♪ 3498 01:59:04,559 --> 01:59:08,083 ♪ Two, four, one, 10 ♪ 3499 01:59:08,083 --> 01:59:11,759 ♪ Two, four, one, 10 ♪ 3500 01:59:11,759 --> 01:59:13,214 ♪ Am I transmitting ♪ 3501 01:59:13,214 --> 01:59:15,449 ♪ Is anyone listening ♪ 3502 01:59:15,449 --> 01:59:19,204 ♪ Contact ♪ 3503 01:59:19,204 --> 01:59:22,594 ♪ Two four one 10 ♪ 3504 01:59:22,594 --> 01:59:26,323 ♪ Two four one 10 ♪ 3505 01:59:26,323 --> 01:59:28,035 ♪ Am I still willing ♪ 3506 01:59:28,035 --> 01:59:30,163 ♪ To foot all this billing ♪ 3507 01:59:30,163 --> 01:59:34,240 ♪ Contact ♪ 3508 01:59:34,240 --> 01:59:39,240 ♪ We are green and gray ♪ 3509 01:59:40,504 --> 01:59:42,555 ♪ The longness of semper ♪ 3510 01:59:42,555 --> 01:59:45,135 ♪ Still I remember ♪ 3511 01:59:45,135 --> 01:59:48,691 ♪ Contact ♪ 3512 01:59:48,691 --> 01:59:52,203 ♪ Two four one 10 ♪ 3513 01:59:52,203 --> 01:59:55,906 ♪ Two four one 10 ♪ 3514 01:59:55,906 --> 01:59:57,723 ♪ Are we transmitting ♪ 3515 01:59:57,723 --> 01:59:59,595 ♪ Is anyone listening ♪ 3516 01:59:59,595 --> 02:00:01,762 ♪ Contact ♪ 3517 02:00:02,971 --> 02:00:05,554 (somber music) 3518 02:00:18,183 --> 02:00:21,827 ♪ Riding on our shiny metal horses ♪ 3519 02:00:21,827 --> 02:00:25,382 ♪ Singing a rider's song ♪ 3520 02:00:25,382 --> 02:00:28,803 ♪ One of us won't be forgotten ♪ 3521 02:00:28,803 --> 02:00:32,770 ♪ The other one's wrong ♪ 3522 02:00:32,770 --> 02:00:36,243 ♪ Two four one 10 ♪ 3523 02:00:36,243 --> 02:00:39,871 ♪ Two four one 10 ♪ 3524 02:00:39,871 --> 02:00:41,507 ♪ Am I still willing ♪ 3525 02:00:41,507 --> 02:00:43,621 ♪ To foot all this billing ♪ 3526 02:00:43,621 --> 02:00:47,611 ♪ Contact ♪ 3527 02:00:47,611 --> 02:00:52,611 ♪ When I think of you ♪ 3528 02:00:54,631 --> 02:00:58,247 ♪ Your name's in the sky 90 feet high ♪ 3529 02:00:58,247 --> 02:01:00,414 ♪ Contact ♪ 3530 02:01:01,411 --> 02:01:03,994 (somber music) 3531 02:01:16,858 --> 02:01:20,491 ♪ Riding on our shiny metal horses ♪ 3532 02:01:20,491 --> 02:01:24,195 ♪ Singing a rider's song ♪ 3533 02:01:24,195 --> 02:01:27,691 ♪ One of us won't be forgotten ♪ 3534 02:01:27,691 --> 02:01:31,351 ♪ The other one's wrong ♪ 3535 02:01:31,351 --> 02:01:33,934 (somber music) 3536 02:01:54,315 --> 02:01:57,148 (low pitched hum) 3537 02:01:58,455 --> 02:02:00,887 - [Locus] We searched Crash Site Bravo, sir. 3538 02:02:00,887 --> 02:02:02,377 - [Computer] And? 3539 02:02:02,377 --> 02:02:03,693 - [Locus] The crate was recovered 3540 02:02:03,693 --> 02:02:05,703 intact and completely sealed. 3541 02:02:05,703 --> 02:02:07,699 - [Computer] Wonderful news. 3542 02:02:07,699 --> 02:02:08,568 - [Locus] However, it looks as if 3543 02:02:08,568 --> 02:02:10,359 they tried to blast it open. 3544 02:02:10,359 --> 02:02:12,099 Do you think they knew? 3545 02:02:12,099 --> 02:02:13,315 - [Computer] Highly unlikely. 3546 02:02:13,315 --> 02:02:17,886 Report back to Control as soon as possible, Locus. 3547 02:02:17,886 --> 02:02:19,615 - [Locus] Are you sure keeping them alive 3548 02:02:19,615 --> 02:02:22,032 is the best course of action? 3549 02:02:23,235 --> 02:02:24,559 - [Computer] Do you feel threatened 3550 02:02:24,559 --> 02:02:26,758 by the simulation troopers, Locus? 3551 02:02:26,758 --> 02:02:28,067 - [Locus] Of course not. 3552 02:02:28,067 --> 02:02:29,207 - [Computer] Then we will continue 3553 02:02:29,207 --> 02:02:32,506 with our endeavors as previously discussed. 3554 02:02:32,506 --> 02:02:34,423 Do I make myself clear? 3555 02:02:35,599 --> 02:02:37,957 - [Locus] Yes, sir. 3556 02:02:37,957 --> 02:02:42,374 - [Carolina] Good, I'll be there before you know it. 245193