All language subtitles for Matlock s08e06 The Last Laugh
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1
00:01:29,350 --> 00:01:30,770
$300 bid. Anywhere.
2
00:01:31,010 --> 00:01:32,510
$300 bid I'm looking for anywhere.
3
00:01:32,830 --> 00:01:36,770
$300 bid I got. Now at $300 bid I got
and $300.
4
00:01:37,290 --> 00:01:38,710
$325 bid anyone.
5
00:01:39,490 --> 00:01:44,570
$325 bid anyone. I had $300 bid once. I
had $300 bid twice.
6
00:01:44,830 --> 00:01:46,810
I'm calling you for the third and the
last call.
7
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All through and all done, sold to the
gentleman right over there, who has just
8
00:01:51,460 --> 00:01:56,400
become the proud owner of a corset worn
by Vivian Lee at Scarlet O 'Hara in Gone
9
00:01:56,400 --> 00:02:00,820
with the Wind. And I hope it looks half
as good on you as it did on her.
10
00:02:04,840 --> 00:02:09,720
$300 for a 60 -year -old girdle. Oh,
would you lighten up? It's for a good
11
00:02:09,720 --> 00:02:12,020
cause. Hey, here's something you might
like.
12
00:02:12,280 --> 00:02:15,520
An ashtray from the set of Casablanca,
complete with the butts of five
13
00:02:15,520 --> 00:02:17,200
cigarettes smoked by Humphrey Bogart
himself.
14
00:02:17,760 --> 00:02:22,480
And now for all of you comedy fans out
there. Our next item includes not only a
15
00:02:22,480 --> 00:02:26,580
ringside table at Kiki's Comedy Club,
where the man better known to some of
16
00:02:26,580 --> 00:02:30,300
as the Laugh King will be appearing next
week, but also a chance to meet and
17
00:02:30,300 --> 00:02:33,120
have dinner with the great man himself,
Mr. Harvey Chase.
18
00:02:35,060 --> 00:02:36,640
I thought he was dead.
19
00:02:36,920 --> 00:02:39,700
Well, he's got to be at least 80. I
can't believe he's still performing.
20
00:02:41,399 --> 00:02:42,399
You're going to bid on this?
21
00:02:43,040 --> 00:02:44,080
Somebody give me $100.
22
00:02:44,400 --> 00:02:45,400
$100 bid anywhere.
23
00:02:45,660 --> 00:02:49,080
$100 bid I'm looking for. Anywhere. $100
bid I got now. Will you give me $100
24
00:02:49,080 --> 00:02:49,638
and a quarter?
25
00:02:49,640 --> 00:02:52,220
At $100 and a quarter now. Will you give
me $100 and a quarter? $100 and a
26
00:02:52,220 --> 00:02:55,180
quarter I got. $100 and a quarter now.
At $100 and a half. At $100 and a half
27
00:02:55,180 --> 00:02:56,800
now. Anywhere $100 and a half. Yes.
28
00:02:57,060 --> 00:02:58,580
$150 now to $175.
29
00:02:59,260 --> 00:03:04,680
$175 bid. Yes. At $175 and now $200. At
$200 bid. Yes. I have $200.
30
00:03:04,900 --> 00:03:05,900
I have $200.
31
00:03:06,320 --> 00:03:08,680
Someone do it in a quarter. I have $200.
32
00:03:08,900 --> 00:03:09,900
I have $200.
33
00:03:10,460 --> 00:03:11,460
Someone $2 .25.
34
00:03:11,480 --> 00:03:13,020
Yes, I have $2 .25.
35
00:03:13,300 --> 00:03:14,580
I have $2 .25.
36
00:03:14,840 --> 00:03:17,280
Someone $2 .50. Anywhere $250.
37
00:03:17,820 --> 00:03:20,440
I have $225 bid once.
38
00:03:20,900 --> 00:03:23,440
I have $225 bid twice.
39
00:03:24,100 --> 00:03:30,960
For the third and the last call, sold
$225 to the gentleman
40
00:03:30,960 --> 00:03:34,100
in the silk sucker suit and evening with
Harvey Chase.
41
00:03:37,180 --> 00:03:39,480
Boy, am I going bad lately. I'm unlucky.
42
00:03:40,010 --> 00:03:44,350
Really, three months ago, I loaned my
best friend $10 ,000 to have his face
43
00:03:44,350 --> 00:03:46,870
fixed. Now I can't find the guy.
44
00:03:50,330 --> 00:03:53,850
Folks, I'm only working this club on
account of my health.
45
00:03:54,650 --> 00:03:57,250
My doctor told me to stay away from
crowds.
46
00:04:00,830 --> 00:04:02,190
You laugh pretty good.
47
00:04:03,310 --> 00:04:07,190
You know, somebody wake up that guy and
tell him where he is.
48
00:04:09,450 --> 00:04:10,369
Oh, boy.
49
00:04:10,370 --> 00:04:13,050
What was I talking? Oh, yeah, I was just
talking about my age.
50
00:04:13,630 --> 00:04:14,630
Hey,
51
00:04:15,550 --> 00:04:18,570
let's not kid around. I'm putting on a
little mileage myself.
52
00:04:19,390 --> 00:04:22,890
For example, this morning, this is a
true story. For example, this morning, I
53
00:04:22,890 --> 00:04:26,870
went into a restaurant, ordered three
-minute eggs, and the waitress made me
54
00:04:26,870 --> 00:04:27,870
up front money.
55
00:04:30,070 --> 00:04:31,070
Oh,
56
00:04:32,390 --> 00:04:33,390
you're terrific.
57
00:04:34,290 --> 00:04:35,290
Keep laughing.
58
00:04:45,230 --> 00:04:46,230
Mr. Chase?
59
00:04:47,310 --> 00:04:48,310
Hi,
60
00:04:48,630 --> 00:04:49,630
I'm Ben Matlock.
61
00:04:49,930 --> 00:04:51,210
Oh, how do you do, sir?
62
00:04:51,490 --> 00:04:52,670
You were fantastic.
63
00:04:53,050 --> 00:04:57,390
I haven't laughed that hard since the
first time I saw you on the Ed Sullivan
64
00:04:57,390 --> 00:04:58,390
show.
65
00:04:59,190 --> 00:05:00,190
Thank you.
66
00:05:00,690 --> 00:05:06,010
So I did have an audience. I thought I
might have wandered into a funeral home.
67
00:05:06,050 --> 00:05:07,050
Oh, no.
68
00:05:07,230 --> 00:05:12,190
Mr. Chase, I'm supposed to have dinner
with you tonight. Remember that charity
69
00:05:12,190 --> 00:05:14,210
auction? Mine was the highest bid.
70
00:05:14,840 --> 00:05:17,440
Oh, really? What was it?
71
00:05:18,340 --> 00:05:19,340
$225.
72
00:05:21,540 --> 00:05:24,680
Well, I guess my standing isn't too bad.
73
00:05:25,700 --> 00:05:27,960
Harvey, can I talk to you for a moment?
74
00:05:28,200 --> 00:05:29,420
Not now, Kiki.
75
00:05:29,740 --> 00:05:33,740
I'm afraid Clarence Darrow here and I
were about to go out to dinner.
76
00:05:34,220 --> 00:05:35,940
Maybe some other time, huh?
77
00:05:36,220 --> 00:05:37,220
Look. Harvey.
78
00:05:37,480 --> 00:05:42,140
Tomorrow night, here before the show,
we'll talk. Is that right? Okay. You're
79
00:05:42,140 --> 00:05:43,340
not going to be here tomorrow night.
80
00:05:48,110 --> 00:05:49,590
It's not going to work, Harvey.
81
00:05:50,210 --> 00:05:52,470
Another three nights like tonight, this
place will be toast.
82
00:05:53,830 --> 00:05:54,830
I'm sorry.
83
00:05:56,510 --> 00:05:57,710
Here, Cheeky.
84
00:05:59,690 --> 00:06:00,690
Cheeky.
85
00:06:01,590 --> 00:06:02,710
I'll tell you something.
86
00:06:03,650 --> 00:06:07,830
You let me down. You chinst on me.
That's what you did. You chinst on me.
87
00:06:07,830 --> 00:06:11,870
ran one lousy four -inch ad in the
newspaper. Nobody knew I was here.
88
00:06:12,630 --> 00:06:14,330
Harvey, you know I love you.
89
00:06:14,870 --> 00:06:16,230
But we are dying here.
90
00:06:17,350 --> 00:06:18,670
Comedy has changed.
91
00:06:18,950 --> 00:06:22,970
People come here expecting to see what
they see on cable, only live.
92
00:06:24,030 --> 00:06:27,670
So, who's going to replace me?
93
00:06:27,930 --> 00:06:30,210
I just got off the phone with Billy Joe
Walker.
94
00:06:30,490 --> 00:06:32,090
Billy Joe Walker?
95
00:06:32,690 --> 00:06:34,510
That toilet mouth bum?
96
00:06:34,850 --> 00:06:38,050
He's doing a gig in Tahoe next month,
wants a place to try out some new
97
00:06:38,050 --> 00:06:39,590
material. What new material?
98
00:06:40,290 --> 00:06:44,250
All he does is scratch his butt, grab
himself and insult women.
99
00:06:44,600 --> 00:06:46,740
And he packs the house every night.
100
00:06:48,780 --> 00:06:51,380
I'm sorry, Harvey. I really am.
101
00:06:52,860 --> 00:06:54,700
I'll have you checked first thing in the
morning.
102
00:07:07,660 --> 00:07:09,100
She's wrong, Mr. Chase.
103
00:07:10,960 --> 00:07:12,040
For what it's worth.
104
00:07:12,720 --> 00:07:14,560
You're still tops in my book.
105
00:07:16,680 --> 00:07:21,580
Very kind of you, but looks like your
book's out of circulation.
106
00:07:23,100 --> 00:07:27,760
How about taking a rain check on that
dinner?
107
00:07:29,760 --> 00:07:32,520
I don't think I'd be a barrel of laps
tonight.
108
00:07:33,920 --> 00:07:34,940
Thank you anyway.
109
00:07:53,000 --> 00:07:57,540
Three more in there, and find me a real
skinny couple and put them at table ten.
110
00:07:57,720 --> 00:07:58,720
Got it? Okay.
111
00:07:59,980 --> 00:08:00,980
Backstage. Got a problem.
112
00:08:07,400 --> 00:08:12,200
What the hell is going on in there? She
decided to come see him tonight after
113
00:08:12,200 --> 00:08:13,139
all.
114
00:08:13,140 --> 00:08:14,140
Get back to work.
115
00:08:16,260 --> 00:08:19,040
I'm warning you, babe. You better cut it
out. I've had it with you and your
116
00:08:19,040 --> 00:08:20,460
bimbos, Felicio. This time you...
117
00:08:21,520 --> 00:08:24,220
It's meat, you dumb broad. Dead meat.
118
00:08:24,440 --> 00:08:25,440
Whatever!
119
00:08:25,800 --> 00:08:30,660
Both of you, knock it off. They can hear
you out front. You never could swing a
120
00:08:30,660 --> 00:08:31,740
golf club worth a damn.
121
00:08:33,000 --> 00:08:34,480
Knock first next time, huh?
122
00:08:36,280 --> 00:08:37,520
I'm going to get you for this.
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00:08:39,600 --> 00:08:40,600
My wife.
124
00:08:40,679 --> 00:08:42,020
I think I'll beat her.
125
00:08:42,640 --> 00:08:43,919
I mean, keep her.
126
00:08:44,720 --> 00:08:46,340
You're on in 15 minutes.
127
00:08:57,670 --> 00:08:58,670
Russell.
128
00:08:58,990 --> 00:09:00,570
What are you doing here, man?
129
00:09:00,850 --> 00:09:01,850
What do you think?
130
00:09:02,770 --> 00:09:05,170
You didn't have to come down here, man.
I told you I'd get it, didn't I?
131
00:09:05,510 --> 00:09:06,630
Yeah, several times.
132
00:09:07,370 --> 00:09:10,210
I'll have it for you by the end of the
week. I swear, man. I'm not lying.
133
00:09:10,870 --> 00:09:11,870
I swear.
134
00:09:17,170 --> 00:09:22,870
Look at all you dudes out there with
your ladies.
135
00:09:23,070 --> 00:09:24,550
Huh? They picking up the tab?
136
00:09:27,080 --> 00:09:28,160
No way, man. No way.
137
00:09:28,620 --> 00:09:30,920
Not as long as they could con you slobs
into paying the freight.
138
00:09:34,240 --> 00:09:37,680
Hey, man, though, do not get me wrong. I
love women.
139
00:09:38,280 --> 00:09:39,660
I think every guy should own one.
140
00:09:41,260 --> 00:09:43,260
Now, there's a good -looking babe right
down front.
141
00:09:43,500 --> 00:09:46,900
Low mileage, nice pink job, great set of
headlights.
142
00:09:48,380 --> 00:09:49,480
Hey, pal, is this your wife?
143
00:09:49,980 --> 00:09:51,100
Yeah. What are you going to do?
144
00:09:52,900 --> 00:09:55,340
You got any nude pictures of her?
145
00:09:55,930 --> 00:09:57,270
You want to buy some?
146
00:09:59,970 --> 00:10:03,870
I tell you, I was out with the dumbest
broad I've ever been out with last week.
147
00:10:04,010 --> 00:10:07,790
I'm out with her in... Wait a minute,
wait a minute.
148
00:10:08,350 --> 00:10:10,830
Well, well, well, folks, look who's
here.
149
00:10:11,510 --> 00:10:13,150
Harvey Chase, boys and girls.
150
00:10:13,610 --> 00:10:15,790
Did stand up back in Neanderthal days.
151
00:10:17,150 --> 00:10:18,630
How you doing, Harvey?
152
00:10:19,950 --> 00:10:21,730
Hear you bombed pretty good last night.
153
00:10:22,570 --> 00:10:23,890
What, did you come back to take notes?
154
00:10:26,060 --> 00:10:28,880
Or are you too busy copping the field
from that blonde bimbo sitting next to
155
00:10:28,880 --> 00:10:29,880
there?
156
00:10:32,400 --> 00:10:35,440
Billy Joe, you like four -letter words,
don't you?
157
00:10:36,120 --> 00:10:39,080
Did you ever hear of a four -letter word
called soap?
158
00:10:40,040 --> 00:10:41,780
Only from a washed -up comic.
159
00:10:45,360 --> 00:10:48,700
You know, Billy Joe, you got everything.
160
00:10:50,320 --> 00:10:52,140
You ought to be quarantined.
161
00:10:56,620 --> 00:10:59,820
I'm going to make you eat those words as
soon as you put your dentures back in.
162
00:11:02,100 --> 00:11:03,240
You know what, Billy Joe?
163
00:11:04,620 --> 00:11:09,040
From where I'm sitting, you're really
ugly.
164
00:11:11,240 --> 00:11:12,240
And you're blotto.
165
00:11:13,840 --> 00:11:15,860
Yeah, but I'll be sober in the morning.
166
00:11:18,760 --> 00:11:23,140
Go on back to Jurassic Park, old man.
Okay, go, go. I need you buttoned into
167
00:11:23,140 --> 00:11:24,420
act like you need a vasectomy.
168
00:11:27,660 --> 00:11:29,780
You lousy, worthless little punk.
169
00:11:30,260 --> 00:11:31,900
I was bigger than you'll ever be.
170
00:11:32,700 --> 00:11:36,460
I was Broadway, television, motion
pictures, nightclubs, Vegas.
171
00:11:36,920 --> 00:11:38,520
Take it easy, Bobby. I can't take it
easy.
172
00:11:38,720 --> 00:11:42,620
Hey, Kiki, my pop's a drink on me. Oh,
shut up. Something that matches his
173
00:11:42,620 --> 00:11:44,700
career. Something on the rock.
174
00:11:47,500 --> 00:11:50,000
That guy's about as much fun as passing
a kidney stone.
175
00:11:51,180 --> 00:11:52,180
You know what I'm saying?
176
00:11:52,340 --> 00:11:53,880
All right, you freaks, have another
drink.
177
00:11:54,300 --> 00:11:57,200
Take care of your bodily functions and
fasten your seatbelts because when I
178
00:11:57,200 --> 00:11:58,600
back, we're going to rock and roll.
179
00:12:49,230 --> 00:12:50,350
I'll leave the jokes to Billy Joe.
180
00:12:50,570 --> 00:12:53,650
But let me just tell you what's coming
up in the next couple weeks here, Kiki.
181
00:13:02,370 --> 00:13:03,370
Showtime. Let's go.
182
00:13:06,950 --> 00:13:07,950
Billy Joe.
183
00:13:21,900 --> 00:13:26,160
Here's another funny one. When my cousin
was arrested, I asked him what the
184
00:13:26,160 --> 00:13:26,979
charge was.
185
00:13:26,980 --> 00:13:28,220
And he said, what charge?
186
00:13:29,280 --> 00:13:30,280
Everything's free.
187
00:13:31,860 --> 00:13:37,000
One time in New York, this guy comes up
to me and he says, have you seen a cop
188
00:13:37,000 --> 00:13:38,320
around here? I said, no.
189
00:13:38,760 --> 00:13:40,460
So he said, stick him up.
190
00:13:43,040 --> 00:13:44,160
Oh, I'm sorry.
191
00:13:44,480 --> 00:13:47,120
You'll have to excuse me. My lawyer's
here.
192
00:13:47,980 --> 00:13:49,620
He's a very brilliant attorney.
193
00:13:54,090 --> 00:13:58,050
Ben, did you get everything cleared up?
194
00:13:58,270 --> 00:14:04,050
That broken glass they found on the
floor next to Billy Joe's body had
195
00:14:04,050 --> 00:14:05,110
creme de menthe in it.
196
00:14:07,110 --> 00:14:08,570
That's a tasty drink.
197
00:14:09,610 --> 00:14:11,550
Can I go now?
198
00:14:12,470 --> 00:14:14,970
Also had your fingerprints all over it.
199
00:14:28,590 --> 00:14:30,030
You were backstage that night.
200
00:14:31,490 --> 00:14:36,490
I felt like a jerk for coming unglued
during the show. It was very
201
00:14:36,490 --> 00:14:41,210
unprofessional. So I had a few belts,
then I went back to apologize to him.
202
00:14:41,450 --> 00:14:45,010
What did you say? Never talked to him. I
knocked on the door and I said it was
203
00:14:45,010 --> 00:14:47,230
me, but he didn't answer me.
204
00:14:47,930 --> 00:14:53,770
So I said, to hell with it. Then I went
out the back door and I walked over to
205
00:14:53,770 --> 00:14:56,510
the Squires Club to play cards. That's
what I did.
206
00:14:58,860 --> 00:15:00,320
Any idea what time it was?
207
00:15:02,600 --> 00:15:03,620
11, 12.
208
00:15:04,120 --> 00:15:05,120
I don't know.
209
00:15:05,860 --> 00:15:09,320
Okay. Is that important? Thank you very
much. Billy Joe was last seen alive
210
00:15:09,320 --> 00:15:13,360
around 11 .30. We can prove you were
long gone by then.
211
00:15:13,680 --> 00:15:14,680
We're home free.
212
00:15:15,240 --> 00:15:20,500
Any idea how your creme de menthe glass
got in that dressing room? Not a clue.
213
00:15:21,680 --> 00:15:24,260
Or how all those stains got on your
handkerchief?
214
00:15:25,160 --> 00:15:26,160
What stains?
215
00:15:26,500 --> 00:15:28,020
Creme de menthe and ink stains.
216
00:15:29,070 --> 00:15:34,830
The police found a puddle of cream de
menthe on this pad that Louis Joe was
217
00:15:34,830 --> 00:15:39,730
riding on when he got clobbered. They
think the killer spilled the drink and
218
00:15:39,730 --> 00:15:43,550
then tried to mop it up and got ink all
over every place in the process.
219
00:15:44,070 --> 00:15:46,530
Well, hold on. It wasn't me.
220
00:15:47,070 --> 00:15:49,550
And I don't know how those stains got
there.
221
00:15:50,070 --> 00:15:52,530
You didn't use your handkerchief at all
that night.
222
00:15:53,310 --> 00:15:54,750
I'd remember if I did.
223
00:15:55,510 --> 00:15:58,630
I got a great memory, Mr. Murdoch.
224
00:16:02,730 --> 00:16:03,930
Oh, this is weird.
225
00:16:04,630 --> 00:16:08,410
The police found a list of license
numbers in Billy Joe's wallet.
226
00:16:08,930 --> 00:16:09,930
License numbers?
227
00:16:10,130 --> 00:16:12,630
Yeah, they're checking on it. Anything
else?
228
00:16:13,110 --> 00:16:14,370
Nothing that'll help us.
229
00:16:16,430 --> 00:16:19,450
You said you went to the Squire's Club
to play cards.
230
00:16:19,910 --> 00:16:20,910
That's right.
231
00:16:20,990 --> 00:16:21,990
Who'd you play with?
232
00:16:23,530 --> 00:16:26,410
The gentleman I've been discussing who
he plays with.
233
00:16:29,280 --> 00:16:34,440
Marty Willis. I worked with him in New
York back in the days of live
234
00:16:35,080 --> 00:16:38,460
Call him. Tell him we need to talk to
him. There's a phone in the front room.
235
00:16:38,520 --> 00:16:39,459
Might be quieter.
236
00:16:39,460 --> 00:16:41,180
You want me to call him on the phone?
237
00:16:41,480 --> 00:16:43,260
Yeah, here. I'll show you where it is.
Oh, thank you.
238
00:16:45,820 --> 00:16:51,080
That cracks me up.
239
00:16:51,700 --> 00:16:53,060
Well, that makes one of us.
240
00:16:53,460 --> 00:16:54,460
You don't think he's funny?
241
00:16:55,000 --> 00:16:56,440
Well, he's always on. He never stops.
242
00:16:56,820 --> 00:16:57,820
Yeah?
243
00:16:59,180 --> 00:17:00,300
How about a little wager?
244
00:17:00,800 --> 00:17:05,380
I bet by the time this thing's over,
Harvey will have you laughing as hard as
245
00:17:05,380 --> 00:17:06,380
me.
246
00:17:06,440 --> 00:17:07,439
Ten bucks.
247
00:17:07,440 --> 00:17:08,440
Ten bucks.
248
00:17:16,720 --> 00:17:19,560
Harvey said you talked to him several
times that night.
249
00:17:19,940 --> 00:17:20,940
Oh, yeah.
250
00:17:21,520 --> 00:17:26,819
I felt horrible about that scene between
him and Billy Joe. I mean, it was ugly.
251
00:17:29,930 --> 00:17:32,390
Did you happen to notice what time he
left?
252
00:17:33,370 --> 00:17:37,450
It was so crazy in here that night,
Hillary Clinton could have walked in. I
253
00:17:37,450 --> 00:17:38,450
wouldn't have noticed.
254
00:17:40,290 --> 00:17:43,170
Billy Joe really packed him in, huh? Did
he ever.
255
00:17:43,670 --> 00:17:47,390
I stood to clear ten grand a night by
booking him.
256
00:17:47,670 --> 00:17:48,670
Wow.
257
00:17:49,750 --> 00:17:51,090
How'd you swing that anyway?
258
00:17:52,010 --> 00:17:55,210
I mean, why wasn't he playing Vegas or
something?
259
00:17:55,770 --> 00:17:57,310
I lucked out.
260
00:17:57,870 --> 00:18:01,450
He was doing this gig in Tahoe next
month. He wanted a place to try out some
261
00:18:01,450 --> 00:18:05,890
material. Since I'd given him a break
when he was an absolute nobody, he gave
262
00:18:05,890 --> 00:18:07,210
a break, stepped in for Harvey.
263
00:18:11,090 --> 00:18:12,090
Big mistake.
264
00:18:12,970 --> 00:18:13,970
Booking Billy Joe?
265
00:18:14,490 --> 00:18:15,490
Booking Harvey.
266
00:18:16,330 --> 00:18:20,130
I was trying to do something novel,
something different.
267
00:18:20,530 --> 00:18:23,850
I figured Harvey'd come across as so
unhip he'd be hip.
268
00:18:24,370 --> 00:18:25,370
You know what I mean?
269
00:18:27,260 --> 00:18:28,300
I think I do.
270
00:18:30,840 --> 00:18:31,840
I was wrong.
271
00:18:33,280 --> 00:18:36,900
Harvey just came across as, uh, old.
272
00:18:43,460 --> 00:18:45,860
Uh, Marty and I used to be a team.
273
00:18:46,740 --> 00:18:50,860
But we decided to break up so we could
remain good friends instead.
274
00:18:52,440 --> 00:18:55,020
Barb, did I tell you? I got a new
girlfriend.
275
00:18:55,740 --> 00:18:58,360
You're kidding. Still chasing women at
your age?
276
00:18:59,600 --> 00:19:02,460
Hey, dogs chase cars, but they can't
drive.
277
00:19:03,740 --> 00:19:06,080
Funny, funny, funny.
278
00:19:07,040 --> 00:19:09,320
Maybe we better get down to business.
279
00:19:10,180 --> 00:19:14,960
My business has always been down. Even
when your business was up, your business
280
00:19:14,960 --> 00:19:15,960
was down.
281
00:19:16,100 --> 00:19:22,420
Okay, okay. Now, Mr. Willis, do you
remember what time it was when Harvey
282
00:19:22,420 --> 00:19:24,840
over here to play cards with you two
nights ago?
283
00:19:25,150 --> 00:19:28,550
Well, let's see. It was around 12 .30, I
think.
284
00:19:29,950 --> 00:19:32,330
Or it might have been a little later
than that.
285
00:19:33,870 --> 00:19:35,010
I mean earlier.
286
00:19:35,670 --> 00:19:37,630
Earlier than that, around 11.
287
00:19:38,350 --> 00:19:40,530
11 .15?
288
00:19:43,170 --> 00:19:48,470
The truth is you don't know, do you,
mister?
289
00:19:55,920 --> 00:19:57,140
That's why the act broke up.
290
00:19:57,380 --> 00:20:01,020
The dummy can't remember one line on
this son of a cue card.
291
00:20:01,920 --> 00:20:06,820
You told him on the phone what to say?
All I asked you to say was one lousy
292
00:20:06,820 --> 00:20:10,040
to remember that you were with me from
11 .15 to 12 .30.
293
00:20:10,920 --> 00:20:11,920
Let's go.
294
00:20:13,320 --> 00:20:16,460
That's all he had to remember was just
one lousy line.
295
00:20:16,740 --> 00:20:17,740
He's pitiful.
296
00:20:18,140 --> 00:20:19,140
Pityful, that's all.
297
00:20:21,720 --> 00:20:25,280
I understand that you and your husband
had a fight the night that he died.
298
00:20:25,790 --> 00:20:27,310
I fought with my husband every night.
299
00:20:27,510 --> 00:20:29,510
Did you always go after him with the
golf club?
300
00:20:30,230 --> 00:20:34,050
I found him cheating on me. I lost my
temper.
301
00:20:34,770 --> 00:20:35,770
Oh.
302
00:20:40,050 --> 00:20:41,750
Mrs. Walker, who's in the bathroom?
303
00:20:43,110 --> 00:20:44,009
No one.
304
00:20:44,010 --> 00:20:45,010
No one.
305
00:20:45,210 --> 00:20:50,710
Then, um, why are you wearing lipstick
and there's none on that cigarette you
306
00:20:50,710 --> 00:20:51,710
just put out?
307
00:21:07,500 --> 00:21:09,040
Yeah? Put a towel on.
308
00:21:16,520 --> 00:21:21,080
This is Jeremy.
309
00:21:21,400 --> 00:21:22,520
Hi. How you doing?
310
00:21:23,620 --> 00:21:26,500
We've been friends for almost a year
now.
311
00:21:26,880 --> 00:21:27,880
Oh.
312
00:21:29,400 --> 00:21:31,820
Well, what's good for the duck is good
for the dander.
313
00:21:32,520 --> 00:21:35,280
You mean what's good for the goose is
good for the gander? Whatever.
314
00:21:36,520 --> 00:21:39,500
I threw that scene in the dressing room
because it would have made Billy Joe
315
00:21:39,500 --> 00:21:41,260
suspicious if I hadn't.
316
00:21:41,780 --> 00:21:43,820
I didn't want him to know I was cheating
on him.
317
00:21:44,460 --> 00:21:46,740
Lousy creep would have dumped me, left
me with nothing.
318
00:21:47,540 --> 00:21:49,020
Which is what I ended up with anyway.
319
00:21:49,740 --> 00:21:52,120
You're a spouse. Aren't you entitled to
all of his assets?
320
00:21:55,140 --> 00:21:56,140
Assets?
321
00:21:56,400 --> 00:21:58,420
Billy Joe was tapped, baby.
322
00:21:58,740 --> 00:22:00,620
To the tune of half a million.
323
00:22:02,380 --> 00:22:04,340
Dollars? He liked to play golf.
324
00:22:04,680 --> 00:22:05,680
For money.
325
00:22:05,900 --> 00:22:09,240
But he was too stupid to realize he was
a lousy player.
326
00:22:10,940 --> 00:22:14,060
Wound up owing some loan shark 500
grand.
327
00:22:20,120 --> 00:22:22,160
Come to think of it, he was there that
night.
328
00:22:23,000 --> 00:22:24,000
Who, the loan shark?
329
00:22:24,200 --> 00:22:26,620
Yeah, Russ Tyler, a local boy.
330
00:22:27,340 --> 00:22:29,180
Must have been putting the muscle on him
or something.
331
00:22:36,270 --> 00:22:38,210
He owed somebody a half million dollars.
332
00:22:38,450 --> 00:22:41,650
Yeah, Russ Tyler, a loan shark. We're
searching for him as we speak.
333
00:22:41,930 --> 00:22:46,590
Billy Joe must be under a lot of
pressure. Oh, remind me to call
334
00:22:46,590 --> 00:22:52,150
Crowley. That list of license plate
numbers that Billy had in his wallet
335
00:22:52,150 --> 00:22:53,870
belonged to stolen cars.
336
00:22:54,190 --> 00:22:55,910
What's he doing with a list of stolen
cars?
337
00:22:57,290 --> 00:22:58,290
Oh, hi.
338
00:22:58,330 --> 00:23:00,650
I'm sorry to bother you. I'm looking for
Harvey.
339
00:23:01,010 --> 00:23:02,730
Do you want me to cook up another story?
340
00:23:03,070 --> 00:23:04,070
Oh, no.
341
00:23:04,280 --> 00:23:07,140
I discovered I'm worse at perjury than I
am at gin rummy.
342
00:23:07,500 --> 00:23:08,500
Is he here?
343
00:23:08,660 --> 00:23:10,380
I haven't seen him since this morning.
344
00:23:11,240 --> 00:23:12,240
Uh -oh.
345
00:23:12,300 --> 00:23:13,300
Uh -oh?
346
00:23:13,780 --> 00:23:18,000
Well, I was worried about him. I
couldn't find him, so I got the manager
347
00:23:18,000 --> 00:23:19,000
me into his apartment.
348
00:23:19,600 --> 00:23:22,060
His clothes and all of his joke files
are gone.
349
00:23:22,660 --> 00:23:24,420
I'm afraid he may have left town.
350
00:23:24,800 --> 00:23:25,900
He jumped bail?
351
00:23:26,280 --> 00:23:27,280
Well, he couldn't jump far.
352
00:23:27,480 --> 00:23:30,460
He can't drive, and he's petrified of
flying.
353
00:23:47,820 --> 00:23:51,300
I hate to disturb you, but I wondered if
you would be so kind as... I'd be very,
354
00:23:51,360 --> 00:23:52,440
very, very happy to.
355
00:23:53,300 --> 00:23:54,300
What's your name?
356
00:23:54,500 --> 00:23:55,680
Roy. Roy.
357
00:24:00,620 --> 00:24:03,320
Harvey... Chase.
358
00:24:04,320 --> 00:24:05,320
There you are, sir.
359
00:24:07,560 --> 00:24:11,400
Well, actually, I just wondered if you
could tell me how to get to the Parkview
360
00:24:11,400 --> 00:24:12,500
Hotel from here.
361
00:24:14,720 --> 00:24:15,720
Oh.
362
00:24:25,390 --> 00:24:26,390
Thank you, Matt.
363
00:24:30,630 --> 00:24:32,010
There you are. Thank you.
364
00:24:45,530 --> 00:24:50,410
Your attention to the terminal, please.
We will now begin boarding line 1565,
365
00:24:50,850 --> 00:24:52,090
service New Orleans.
366
00:24:54,800 --> 00:24:58,000
All ticket holders, please board down to
door number three.
367
00:25:09,500 --> 00:25:10,500
Over there.
368
00:25:13,640 --> 00:25:14,640
Mr. Chase?
369
00:25:17,460 --> 00:25:18,460
Mr. Chase?
370
00:25:22,100 --> 00:25:23,800
Harvey, I know you're in there.
371
00:25:25,040 --> 00:25:30,560
My name is Irving, and go away or I'll
have you arrested for sexual harassment.
372
00:25:31,400 --> 00:25:33,060
Come on, Mr. Chase.
373
00:25:35,480 --> 00:25:42,020
Excuse me, can you tell me where I can
find this guy?
374
00:25:46,680 --> 00:25:51,100
You rush Tyler?
375
00:25:51,380 --> 00:25:52,380
Yep.
376
00:25:53,570 --> 00:25:56,890
I'm Ben Matlock, lawyer, represent
Harvey Chase. Is that right?
377
00:25:58,630 --> 00:26:02,370
I understand Ben is Joe Walker's
customer here.
378
00:26:03,150 --> 00:26:04,150
Maybe.
379
00:26:04,670 --> 00:26:07,670
And I hear that you were at Kiki's Club
the night he was murdered.
380
00:26:08,150 --> 00:26:13,830
So? Well, maybe you went there to get
the money he owed you, and he told you
381
00:26:13,830 --> 00:26:19,310
go fly a kite, only maybe not so nice,
and maybe that made you mad, real mad.
382
00:26:19,800 --> 00:26:22,880
If somebody were to make me mad enough
to forget that they owed me a half a
383
00:26:22,880 --> 00:26:26,980
million bucks, I'd have ripped them
apart with my bare hands, not beamed
384
00:26:26,980 --> 00:26:27,980
with a golf club.
385
00:26:28,380 --> 00:26:30,160
Well, maybe you wanted to frame
somebody.
386
00:26:30,900 --> 00:26:35,780
Like an old man who had just had a fight
with him in public.
387
00:26:36,220 --> 00:26:38,340
Billy Joe was still on stage when I
left.
388
00:26:38,560 --> 00:26:40,760
You can ask the guy who was parking cars
that night.
389
00:26:41,000 --> 00:26:43,740
I drive a big red Mercedes and I'm a
very good tipper.
390
00:26:44,300 --> 00:26:45,300
He'll remember.
391
00:26:47,400 --> 00:26:49,220
Now get out of the way of my bag.
392
00:26:53,520 --> 00:26:57,920
I can't punch him.
393
00:26:59,060 --> 00:27:00,060
We can't give up.
394
00:27:00,280 --> 00:27:02,020
Well, he's got to come out of there
sometime.
395
00:27:05,060 --> 00:27:06,180
Well, I don't intend to wait.
396
00:27:14,420 --> 00:27:15,420
Mr. James?
397
00:28:20,960 --> 00:28:22,140
Evening, folks. How y 'all?
398
00:28:23,760 --> 00:28:26,120
Me, I'm getting a little absent -minded.
399
00:28:26,980 --> 00:28:30,220
Last night, I kissed the cat and put my
wife out.
400
00:28:33,620 --> 00:28:37,920
I have this friend of mine. He takes his
wife everywhere he goes.
401
00:28:38,220 --> 00:28:40,100
He can't stand to kiss her goodbye.
402
00:28:45,420 --> 00:28:46,420
No, really.
403
00:28:46,860 --> 00:28:49,720
I'm getting a little long in the tooth,
like George Burns.
404
00:28:50,280 --> 00:28:56,460
I order three -minute eggs, and the
waitress has me... The
405
00:28:56,460 --> 00:29:02,260
waitress wants me to... To put up front
money.
406
00:29:02,620 --> 00:29:05,440
Yeah, put up... Not bad, Mr. Matlock.
407
00:29:05,680 --> 00:29:06,920
Has Harvey been giving you lessons?
408
00:29:07,540 --> 00:29:08,540
Oh, no.
409
00:29:09,360 --> 00:29:13,540
It's just, I mean, I saw the microphone
in the ham, and we just naturally took
410
00:29:13,540 --> 00:29:14,540
off. Happy to everybody.
411
00:29:15,130 --> 00:29:18,830
Nice to see you again. Nice to see you
again. I need to talk to the person who
412
00:29:18,830 --> 00:29:20,750
was parking cars here the night of the
murder.
413
00:29:21,470 --> 00:29:22,470
Oh, let me see.
414
00:29:22,510 --> 00:29:24,010
Oh, that would be Rick Evans.
415
00:29:24,590 --> 00:29:25,590
Do you want his phone number?
416
00:29:25,790 --> 00:29:27,030
Yeah. Okay. Yeah.
417
00:29:37,110 --> 00:29:38,770
He's in some kind of trouble.
418
00:29:39,030 --> 00:29:42,330
Oh, no. I'm just trying to find out if
one of our suspects is telling the truth
419
00:29:42,330 --> 00:29:43,049
at all.
420
00:29:43,050 --> 00:29:44,050
Oh. Well.
421
00:29:44,650 --> 00:29:45,910
Here you go. Thank you.
422
00:29:46,750 --> 00:29:47,750
How's Harvey doing?
423
00:29:48,250 --> 00:29:50,010
He's fine. He's full of surprises.
424
00:29:51,050 --> 00:29:54,010
Well, next time you see him, tell him
I'm still pulling for him. I will.
425
00:29:55,530 --> 00:29:57,630
Next time I see him, I'll tell him all
the things.
426
00:29:59,870 --> 00:30:00,870
What the hell?
427
00:30:05,910 --> 00:30:07,650
That's it, Harvey. Come out of there
this instant.
428
00:30:09,010 --> 00:30:11,310
Leanne? Out, Harvey. Right now.
429
00:30:11,810 --> 00:30:13,050
No, you get out.
430
00:30:13,760 --> 00:30:14,880
This is the men's room.
431
00:30:15,580 --> 00:30:17,280
I am not leaving here without you.
432
00:30:17,880 --> 00:30:19,160
Send Cliff back in.
433
00:30:19,780 --> 00:30:21,500
At least he laughs at my jokes.
434
00:30:22,720 --> 00:30:23,880
Harvey, now you listen to me.
435
00:30:24,340 --> 00:30:28,220
If you leave town, Kiki is going to lose
all of the money that she put up for
436
00:30:28,220 --> 00:30:29,219
your bail.
437
00:30:29,220 --> 00:30:30,500
That's $50 ,000.
438
00:30:31,620 --> 00:30:33,220
She can't afford that, Harvey.
439
00:30:34,060 --> 00:30:35,280
She's going to lose the club.
440
00:30:35,660 --> 00:30:37,380
She is going to lose everything.
441
00:30:38,500 --> 00:30:39,680
Now, is that what you want?
442
00:30:42,410 --> 00:30:43,410
Well, is it?
443
00:30:50,590 --> 00:30:54,350
You know, you're just like my first
wife.
444
00:30:55,010 --> 00:30:58,690
She had the same annoying habit of being
right all the time.
445
00:31:12,500 --> 00:31:13,500
Don't blame her.
446
00:31:14,080 --> 00:31:15,940
You gotta forgive her. It's my fault.
447
00:31:16,140 --> 00:31:19,800
You see, when I kiss her earlobe, she
follows me everywhere.
448
00:31:21,840 --> 00:31:22,840
Come on.
449
00:31:25,760 --> 00:31:28,940
How could you even think of jumping
bail?
450
00:31:30,440 --> 00:31:31,800
I wasn't thinking.
451
00:31:32,600 --> 00:31:35,240
Didn't you realize how guilty it would
have made you look?
452
00:31:36,600 --> 00:31:40,000
I just suddenly felt like going
someplace, that's all.
453
00:31:42,030 --> 00:31:44,970
Do you want to spend the rest of your
life in prison?
454
00:31:48,630 --> 00:31:51,110
You're giving me a heartburn. I hope
you're happy.
455
00:31:52,410 --> 00:31:59,090
Harvey, that handkerchief with the cream
de menthe and ink stains on it, how did
456
00:31:59,090 --> 00:32:00,270
it wind up in your pocket?
457
00:32:00,890 --> 00:32:01,890
You got me.
458
00:32:02,030 --> 00:32:04,790
Who hates you enough to frame you for
murder?
459
00:32:06,470 --> 00:32:07,470
That's easy.
460
00:32:07,790 --> 00:32:12,010
My first wife in the audience at the
Blue Mill in Newark. That was in 1932.
461
00:32:12,270 --> 00:32:13,810
Harvey, this is important.
462
00:32:15,590 --> 00:32:21,290
Maybe somebody picked your pocket or
something. Do you remember anybody
463
00:32:21,290 --> 00:32:22,290
you that night?
464
00:32:22,350 --> 00:32:24,910
Believe me, I'd remember if I was
jostled.
465
00:32:25,250 --> 00:32:29,730
At my age, jostling is about the closest
thing I can get to sex. Stop it,
466
00:32:29,730 --> 00:32:30,730
Harvey.
467
00:32:31,410 --> 00:32:34,310
What's it take to get you serious? A
trip to the hospital?
468
00:32:35,199 --> 00:32:40,820
Ben, please don't bring that up.
Hospitals, to me, I hate them. The last
469
00:32:40,820 --> 00:32:45,180
was in a hospital, the food was so bad,
I begged them to feed me intravenously.
470
00:32:45,900 --> 00:32:50,200
But what the hell? I got group
insurance. I get a hundred grand if I
471
00:32:50,200 --> 00:32:52,700
group. Like this guy I knew that...
472
00:32:52,700 --> 00:33:01,140
I'm
473
00:33:01,140 --> 00:33:02,140
sorry, Ben.
474
00:33:03,020 --> 00:33:04,120
I can't help it.
475
00:33:06,540 --> 00:33:07,540
It's a reflex.
476
00:33:14,880 --> 00:33:19,220
Seems to me it's more like your way of
burying your head in the sand.
477
00:33:24,660 --> 00:33:26,380
I've had it all my lifetime.
478
00:33:27,540 --> 00:33:29,720
The star treatment, the works.
479
00:33:30,820 --> 00:33:33,260
So much comes with being famous.
480
00:33:33,760 --> 00:33:34,880
It's like a...
481
00:33:35,120 --> 00:33:38,340
Golden baskets filled with all kinds of
wonders and goodies.
482
00:33:39,720 --> 00:33:43,780
Glamour, expensive clothes, big cars,
big homes, women.
483
00:33:46,640 --> 00:33:48,140
So many women.
484
00:33:49,620 --> 00:33:55,940
There was this redhead in Des Moines
with the biggest pair of...
485
00:33:55,940 --> 00:34:02,760
Then
486
00:34:02,760 --> 00:34:05,900
one day that... golden basket is empty.
487
00:34:07,080 --> 00:34:08,199
Everything's gone.
488
00:34:09,679 --> 00:34:13,840
No spotlights, no TV shows, no women,
nothing.
489
00:34:16,480 --> 00:34:19,020
All stolen by time.
490
00:34:21,139 --> 00:34:27,860
Then you suddenly realize you've gone
through the five stages of show
491
00:34:27,860 --> 00:34:28,860
business.
492
00:34:31,600 --> 00:34:33,760
Who's Harvey Chase.
493
00:34:37,580 --> 00:34:39,219
Get me Harvey Chase.
494
00:34:41,560 --> 00:34:45,239
Get me young Harvey Chase.
495
00:34:46,659 --> 00:34:48,679
Get me a Harvey Chase type.
496
00:34:52,080 --> 00:34:53,460
Who's Harvey Chase?
497
00:34:59,950 --> 00:35:02,510
Two wives, two dogs, and a blind
parakeet.
498
00:35:03,150 --> 00:35:04,750
All flown to coop.
499
00:35:08,990 --> 00:35:15,970
When everything else deserts, man's got
to have at least one thing
500
00:35:15,970 --> 00:35:16,970
left.
501
00:35:17,250 --> 00:35:20,110
Dignity. A reason for being alive.
502
00:35:20,750 --> 00:35:23,890
But my only dignity is making people
laugh.
503
00:35:26,150 --> 00:35:27,450
It's my bread and butter.
504
00:35:29,070 --> 00:35:30,910
I need laughter to live.
505
00:35:31,910 --> 00:35:33,130
It's all I have left.
506
00:35:43,550 --> 00:35:44,870
I want to help you.
507
00:35:46,190 --> 00:35:47,750
But you have to help me.
508
00:35:49,570 --> 00:35:55,870
Now, which pocket was that handkerchief
of yours in
509
00:35:55,870 --> 00:35:58,530
when the police took it away from you?
510
00:35:59,920 --> 00:36:05,740
But the top pocket of my coat, the same
place as it always is. And it was there
511
00:36:05,740 --> 00:36:07,380
when you went to Kiki's, you're sure?
512
00:36:07,640 --> 00:36:08,640
I'm positive.
513
00:36:09,040 --> 00:36:12,400
Yeah. And you didn't use it at all that
night?
514
00:36:14,320 --> 00:36:15,299
I don't know.
515
00:36:15,300 --> 00:36:16,560
I don't know.
516
00:36:17,160 --> 00:36:21,680
Maybe you let somebody else use it. I
said I don't remember, Benny. You've got
517
00:36:21,680 --> 00:36:22,680
to. Now think.
518
00:36:23,700 --> 00:36:25,280
You don't understand.
519
00:36:26,850 --> 00:36:31,730
After Toilet Mouth humiliated me like
that, I just didn't drink that bottle of
520
00:36:31,730 --> 00:36:32,730
cream de menthe.
521
00:36:33,050 --> 00:36:34,570
I crawled into it.
522
00:36:35,170 --> 00:36:36,290
I was smashed.
523
00:36:37,390 --> 00:36:38,390
I'm sorry.
524
00:36:47,050 --> 00:36:49,410
My nephew, he used to drive my car
sometimes.
525
00:36:50,050 --> 00:36:51,710
Was he driving it the night it was
stolen?
526
00:36:52,050 --> 00:36:55,050
Nobody was driving it. It was parked
right there, right in front of this
527
00:36:55,050 --> 00:36:56,050
when the bum stole it.
528
00:36:57,150 --> 00:36:59,130
You're not his lawyer, are you? Who, the
bum?
529
00:36:59,410 --> 00:37:02,650
Oh, no. Oh, no, no, no, no, no. I work
for someone else.
530
00:37:03,070 --> 00:37:06,490
Your car was on a list of cars that may
or may not have something to do with my
531
00:37:06,490 --> 00:37:07,490
client's case.
532
00:37:09,330 --> 00:37:13,030
Did you ever get the car back?
533
00:37:13,450 --> 00:37:15,470
No. Police caught the bum.
534
00:37:15,870 --> 00:37:19,190
They said all the cars that he stole, he
took apart and sold the pieces.
535
00:37:20,350 --> 00:37:23,690
My nephew said he was going to take him
apart if he ever sees him again.
536
00:37:24,310 --> 00:37:25,310
He knew the guy?
537
00:37:26,000 --> 00:37:29,800
Oh, yeah, the bum used to park cars at
this club Joey goes to.
538
00:37:32,140 --> 00:37:33,140
Cookies. Kikis.
539
00:37:33,420 --> 00:37:34,420
Kikis, yeah.
540
00:37:34,520 --> 00:37:37,200
Place where you sit there and listen to
people tell jokes.
541
00:37:39,480 --> 00:37:40,480
Yeah, I know.
542
00:37:41,840 --> 00:37:42,840
I know.
543
00:37:49,200 --> 00:37:50,380
Listen to this headline.
544
00:37:51,540 --> 00:37:52,700
Murder, no joke.
545
00:37:53,680 --> 00:37:55,220
Laugh King Harvey Chase.
546
00:37:55,760 --> 00:38:00,880
goes on trial today for the slaying of
comic Billy Joe Walker.
547
00:38:03,120 --> 00:38:05,620
He was a comic, then I'm a brain
surgeon.
548
00:38:06,040 --> 00:38:09,880
Now, that's just the kind of wisecrack I
don't want you making in court. I want
549
00:38:09,880 --> 00:38:13,480
you to sit there with a nice, pleasant
look on your face so the jury thinks
550
00:38:13,480 --> 00:38:17,360
you're a nice, pleasant person. Don't
forget, your whole future is in their
551
00:38:17,360 --> 00:38:18,580
hands. Terrific.
552
00:38:19,300 --> 00:38:23,140
I'm being judged by a dozen people who
don't have the brains enough to get out
553
00:38:23,140 --> 00:38:24,140
of jury duty.
554
00:38:30,000 --> 00:38:34,020
Sorry, what I just said, I'm just trying
to get everything out of my system,
555
00:38:34,100 --> 00:38:34,959
that's all.
556
00:38:34,960 --> 00:38:35,960
Time to go.
557
00:38:36,280 --> 00:38:42,460
Ben, I want to thank you, and Ben, may I
say that whatever happens,
558
00:38:42,760 --> 00:38:47,800
I just want you to know that I
appreciate what you've done for me,
559
00:38:47,800 --> 00:38:51,280
that you've done for me, and if I...
560
00:39:05,230 --> 00:39:06,230
It's a gag.
561
00:39:06,610 --> 00:39:08,810
Your hackership is still clean.
562
00:39:09,450 --> 00:39:10,450
Look at it.
563
00:39:10,530 --> 00:39:11,830
I was faking it.
564
00:39:14,070 --> 00:39:15,070
You're laughing.
565
00:39:15,570 --> 00:39:17,550
Oh, you thought that was funny, huh?
566
00:39:18,150 --> 00:39:19,150
No, I didn't.
567
00:39:21,350 --> 00:39:22,370
But I loved it.
568
00:39:27,930 --> 00:39:33,530
Mr. Rice, will you please tell the court
who Mark Heffler is?
569
00:39:34,560 --> 00:39:37,640
He used to be a valet at my club. He
used to park cars.
570
00:39:38,500 --> 00:39:41,380
I understand he was a friend of Billy
Joe Walker's.
571
00:39:41,880 --> 00:39:43,080
That's right, he was.
572
00:39:44,360 --> 00:39:46,480
Where is Mark Heflin now, do you know?
573
00:39:46,940 --> 00:39:48,380
I believe he's in prison.
574
00:39:48,680 --> 00:39:49,680
How come?
575
00:39:49,800 --> 00:39:51,180
He got caught stealing cars.
576
00:39:52,000 --> 00:39:54,740
Did you know he was a car thief?
577
00:39:55,160 --> 00:39:56,260
Of course not.
578
00:39:56,540 --> 00:39:59,160
You know, in asking around, it's just
checking.
579
00:39:59,840 --> 00:40:04,040
I discovered that all these stolen cars
had something in common. At one time or
580
00:40:04,040 --> 00:40:08,740
another, they had all been parked in the
lot next to your comedy club. Now, I
581
00:40:08,740 --> 00:40:09,740
wonder why that was.
582
00:40:09,800 --> 00:40:10,800
I have no idea.
583
00:40:11,060 --> 00:40:15,700
Well, it could be that Mark Heffler made
impressions of the keys from the more
584
00:40:15,700 --> 00:40:21,060
valuable cars he was parking and then
made duplicate keys when he went home
585
00:40:21,060 --> 00:40:26,640
then used those duplicate keys to steal
those cars later at his leisure. Now,
586
00:40:26,660 --> 00:40:27,660
that could be, couldn't it?
587
00:40:28,180 --> 00:40:29,220
Oh, yeah.
588
00:40:29,520 --> 00:40:30,479
I guess it could.
589
00:40:30,480 --> 00:40:34,060
And all those stolen cars had something
else in common, too.
590
00:40:34,520 --> 00:40:40,320
The police found a list of all their
license plate numbers in Billy Joe
591
00:40:40,320 --> 00:40:44,040
wallet after he was murdered. Now, I
wonder why he had a list like that.
592
00:40:44,440 --> 00:40:45,760
How the heck should I know?
593
00:40:46,020 --> 00:40:48,500
Well, Mark Heffler was his friend.
594
00:40:48,780 --> 00:40:53,140
Could be that he told him about the
thing he had going with the cars and
595
00:40:53,140 --> 00:40:55,020
Joe needing money and needing it bad.
596
00:40:55,580 --> 00:40:57,120
Figured out how to get that money.
597
00:40:57,500 --> 00:41:00,440
By blackmailing somebody, um, like you.
598
00:41:01,700 --> 00:41:06,400
He wasn't blackmailing me. He didn't
threaten to go to the police and tell
599
00:41:06,400 --> 00:41:10,760
that you not only knew about the car
thefts, but you were taking a piece of
600
00:41:10,760 --> 00:41:15,140
action? That's not true. A police
investigation, whether it turned up
601
00:41:15,140 --> 00:41:19,320
or not, would have ruined you. I know
that. You know that. Billy Joe, he knew
602
00:41:19,320 --> 00:41:23,740
that, too. That's the real reason he
stepped in for Harvey. He found a way to
603
00:41:23,740 --> 00:41:26,120
bleed you dry, and he took it, didn't
he?
604
00:41:26,400 --> 00:41:27,400
That's... a lie.
605
00:41:27,500 --> 00:41:31,580
Well, what was his cut anyway? Was it
80%, 90 %?
606
00:41:32,200 --> 00:41:36,180
Objection. Your Honor, I enjoy a good
fishing expedition as much as the next
607
00:41:36,180 --> 00:41:37,220
person, but really.
608
00:41:37,560 --> 00:41:38,560
But really?
609
00:41:39,220 --> 00:41:44,020
Miss Harrington, fishing expedition? I
was just asking this nice lady some
610
00:41:44,020 --> 00:41:47,100
questions. Your Honor, could you make
him stop?
611
00:41:47,420 --> 00:41:49,220
Mr. Medlock, don't make me.
612
00:41:49,700 --> 00:41:53,260
Don't make you do what, Your Honor?
Throw you out of this courtroom.
613
00:41:53,780 --> 00:41:54,780
Objection sustained.
614
00:41:55,470 --> 00:41:59,450
Well, how about if I just slip right on
down to the proof part?
615
00:41:59,650 --> 00:42:03,450
If you have a proof part, by all means,
slip right on down.
616
00:42:03,810 --> 00:42:06,990
Yes, sir. I'll just whiz right on down
to it.
617
00:42:07,890 --> 00:42:08,890
Right here.
618
00:42:09,470 --> 00:42:10,490
This handkerchief.
619
00:42:11,330 --> 00:42:15,790
With all the cream de menthe stains on
it and the ink stains on it. The one
620
00:42:15,790 --> 00:42:22,610
somebody slipped out of Harvey's pocket
the night he had the fight
621
00:42:22,610 --> 00:42:23,710
with Billy Joe Walker.
622
00:42:24,200 --> 00:42:25,960
That wasn't me. I bet it was.
623
00:42:26,800 --> 00:42:33,420
I bet you eased that handkerchief out of
his pocket and then very gently took
624
00:42:33,420 --> 00:42:39,160
that grass cream de menthe out of his
hand and then walked on down the big
625
00:42:39,160 --> 00:42:43,960
to Billy Joe's dressing room and
murdered him so he couldn't blackmail
626
00:42:43,960 --> 00:42:49,560
anymore. No, I didn't. And then I bet
you took Harvey's handkerchief and wiped
627
00:42:49,560 --> 00:42:53,160
your fingerprints off the golf club you
used to kill him with.
628
00:42:53,840 --> 00:42:58,080
and then took the glass of creme de
menthe, dropped it on the pad he was
629
00:42:58,080 --> 00:43:03,500
on, then took Harvey's handkerchief,
mopped up the creme de menthe, making
630
00:43:03,500 --> 00:43:05,580
you got plenty of ink on it. No.
631
00:43:05,780 --> 00:43:10,920
And then put it in your purse, went back
out to the club, gave Harvey one more
632
00:43:10,920 --> 00:43:12,740
big hug, slipped it in his pocket.
633
00:43:13,140 --> 00:43:14,140
That's a lie.
634
00:43:14,540 --> 00:43:16,180
Objection, Your Honor. That's not proof.
635
00:43:16,420 --> 00:43:17,540
That's random speculation.
636
00:43:18,480 --> 00:43:22,320
It's not random speculation, Your Honor.
I said it's part of the proof.
637
00:43:23,240 --> 00:43:25,320
And here's the rest of the truth. Right,
Chief?
638
00:43:25,560 --> 00:43:26,660
Your Honor. Okay.
639
00:43:27,080 --> 00:43:28,080
What's in the fact?
640
00:43:30,280 --> 00:43:32,260
How about showing us what's in the fact?
641
00:43:37,460 --> 00:43:38,980
Please tell the court what that is.
642
00:43:39,460 --> 00:43:41,700
It looks like one of my purses.
643
00:43:41,900 --> 00:43:46,060
It's one of your purses. The police
found it in your closet just a little
644
00:43:46,060 --> 00:43:47,060
ago.
645
00:43:47,920 --> 00:43:51,300
It smells like creamed meat, doesn't it?
646
00:43:53,450 --> 00:43:56,090
I probably spilled some on it at the
club one night.
647
00:43:56,530 --> 00:43:58,870
But the smell's not on the outside.
648
00:44:00,430 --> 00:44:02,790
It's on the inside.
649
00:44:05,710 --> 00:44:07,530
Ain't that sweet?
650
00:44:08,090 --> 00:44:13,710
The police identified that stain as
creme de menthe stain.
651
00:44:13,990 --> 00:44:18,810
And this darker stain right here, they
identified that as an ink stain.
652
00:44:19,130 --> 00:44:22,730
The same ink stain as is on Harvey's
handkerchief.
653
00:44:24,910 --> 00:44:28,550
And on the pad, Billy Joe was writing on
whom he was murdered.
654
00:44:29,630 --> 00:44:31,130
Now, how could that be, Miss Rice?
655
00:44:31,870 --> 00:44:32,970
How could that be?
656
00:44:33,770 --> 00:44:37,330
Unless you murdered Billy Joe, just like
I said.
657
00:44:38,730 --> 00:44:41,350
And then put Harvey's handkerchief back
in the purse.
658
00:44:43,470 --> 00:44:44,730
Went back out front.
659
00:44:45,810 --> 00:44:47,730
So you could plant it on Harvey.
660
00:44:48,730 --> 00:44:51,090
You saw a way to save yourself from
ruin.
661
00:44:52,170 --> 00:44:53,430
And frame a man.
662
00:44:54,090 --> 00:44:56,690
whose life you considered was already
over anyway.
663
00:44:57,570 --> 00:44:59,030
And you took it, didn't you?
664
00:45:14,930 --> 00:45:17,130
We find the defendant not guilty.
665
00:45:22,090 --> 00:45:24,030
Thank you, ladies and gentlemen, for a
job well done.
666
00:45:24,570 --> 00:45:26,010
This court is adjourned.
667
00:45:26,230 --> 00:45:27,230
Your Honor,
668
00:45:28,090 --> 00:45:31,710
could I say a few words? Harvey, no.
Well, I suppose.
669
00:45:33,190 --> 00:45:35,630
I'd like to say I've enjoyed all of
this.
670
00:45:35,930 --> 00:45:38,290
I liked it, but I can't.
671
00:45:43,130 --> 00:45:45,790
Oh, what a crowd. What an opening night.
672
00:45:46,290 --> 00:45:48,610
It's a great room, this Lido room.
673
00:45:49,070 --> 00:45:50,410
I'm so happy.
674
00:45:50,940 --> 00:45:52,260
And I'll tell you why I'm happy.
675
00:45:52,780 --> 00:45:54,040
Well, there's two reasons.
676
00:45:54,300 --> 00:45:57,740
I'm happy being here. And the other
reason I'm happy is last month.
677
00:45:58,200 --> 00:45:59,200
Are you ready?
678
00:45:59,300 --> 00:46:01,500
I had a birthday. I was 82.
679
00:46:02,600 --> 00:46:08,800
Thank you very much. And I want to tell
you guys in the audience
680
00:46:08,800 --> 00:46:11,680
that sex at 82 is terrific.
681
00:46:13,020 --> 00:46:14,600
Especially the one in the winter.
682
00:46:20,760 --> 00:46:25,380
It wasn't always that way. My second
wife, Louise, she was very romantic.
683
00:46:25,680 --> 00:46:26,680
Very romantic.
684
00:46:26,960 --> 00:46:29,600
We made love almost every day in the
week.
685
00:46:30,080 --> 00:46:31,080
It's true.
686
00:46:31,380 --> 00:46:33,820
Almost Monday, almost Tuesday.
687
00:46:37,260 --> 00:46:42,380
Oh, this I must tell you, and it's the
truth. And if it's not the truth, I
688
00:46:42,380 --> 00:46:43,760
should drop dead in this spot.
689
00:46:48,280 --> 00:46:49,280
One night.
690
00:46:49,740 --> 00:46:54,500
This is the truth. Louise and I made
love for one hour and three minutes.
691
00:46:55,000 --> 00:46:57,340
That's right, sir. One hour and three
minutes.
692
00:46:57,580 --> 00:47:00,780
Of course, that's the night they turned
back the clocks.
51459
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