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I'm Sybil Sheridan. Why am I smiling?
Because I'm having the time of my life
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a carousel cruise.
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00:00:11,880 --> 00:00:13,800
Can't you just smell that ocean breeze?
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00:00:16,160 --> 00:00:17,740
There's only one thing missing.
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00:00:18,100 --> 00:00:22,180
You. So come on, put on your sailing
shoes.
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00:00:22,500 --> 00:00:27,920
You've paid your dues, so kick the blues
on a world -class cruise. What have you
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00:00:27,920 --> 00:00:28,920
got to lose?
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00:00:34,030 --> 00:00:35,030
this crap.
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Loving one who loves you and then taking
that vow.
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00:00:42,310 --> 00:00:49,070
Nice work if you can get it and if you
get it won't you tell me
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00:00:49,070 --> 00:00:50,070
how.
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00:00:54,970 --> 00:00:56,870
Champagne. What are we celebrating?
13
00:00:57,810 --> 00:01:00,830
It's the anniversary of Marianne's
divorce from Dr. Dick.
14
00:01:01,770 --> 00:01:06,670
Four years filled with senseless acts of
violence, revenge, bitterness and rage.
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00:01:07,610 --> 00:01:09,050
Where did the time go?
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00:01:10,510 --> 00:01:14,370
I just want to remind you, the last time
you had champagne for lunch, you ended
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00:01:14,370 --> 00:01:16,170
up playing strip poker with the busboys.
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00:01:17,210 --> 00:01:18,730
Oh, like you never do that.
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00:01:23,110 --> 00:01:29,490
Congratulations on four years of
glorious dicklessness.
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I shouldn't have.
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00:01:35,380 --> 00:01:39,680
A cruise ship brochure. Oh, Sybil.
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00:01:40,860 --> 00:01:44,320
Champagne and pictures of fat people
playing shuffleboard.
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00:01:45,500 --> 00:01:46,500
I'm overwhelmed.
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00:01:48,280 --> 00:01:51,360
I need to do some exterior shots on that
commercial I'm doing.
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00:01:51,820 --> 00:01:53,280
And you're going with me.
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00:01:53,820 --> 00:01:56,020
I'm so touched. Thank you.
27
00:01:56,440 --> 00:02:00,160
Well, I told them I wouldn't go unless
my best friend went along.
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00:02:00,440 --> 00:02:04,750
Oh. By the way, if anyone asks, You're
Francine from housekeeping.
29
00:02:06,830 --> 00:02:10,430
You know, I haven't been on a cruise
since Dr. Dick and I went to Cabo San
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00:02:10,430 --> 00:02:11,470
with the Robert Stacks.
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00:02:12,330 --> 00:02:13,490
Marianne, you know the rule.
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You are not allowed to remember the good
times with Dr. Dick. It just confuses
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00:02:18,150 --> 00:02:19,770
you. Like cash.
34
00:02:22,270 --> 00:02:26,250
But when you get divorced, you don't see
any of your coupled friends.
35
00:02:26,790 --> 00:02:28,470
And I miss the Robert Stacks.
36
00:02:28,930 --> 00:02:30,310
Ah, here we go again.
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00:02:30,750 --> 00:02:33,010
Nobody throws a party like the Robert
Stacks.
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00:02:33,489 --> 00:02:35,850
Nobody plays Pictionary like the Robert
Stacks.
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00:02:36,370 --> 00:02:40,850
Nobody is so interesting or so wonderful
or so perfect as the Robert Stacks,
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00:02:40,930 --> 00:02:41,930
Robert Stacks, Robert Stacks.
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00:02:43,650 --> 00:02:47,070
You're just mad that I never introduced
you. Yeah, and why not?
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00:02:47,310 --> 00:02:48,310
I'm fun.
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00:02:49,850 --> 00:02:51,490
Hey, is that new?
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00:02:51,930 --> 00:02:54,170
What? Show me. No.
45
00:02:55,310 --> 00:02:57,090
Marianne, I can take you. You know I
can.
46
00:03:02,960 --> 00:03:03,960
Did you get that?
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00:03:04,580 --> 00:03:05,620
I don't remember.
48
00:03:06,880 --> 00:03:07,880
Wait a minute.
49
00:03:08,560 --> 00:03:10,340
It's from Dick, isn't it? No.
50
00:03:10,940 --> 00:03:11,940
No.
51
00:03:14,580 --> 00:03:17,360
Oh, I found it.
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00:03:19,540 --> 00:03:25,500
I did. I was checking for change in the
coin return of a pay phone.
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00:03:26,020 --> 00:03:27,180
And there it was.
54
00:03:30,860 --> 00:03:31,960
This is from Dick.
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00:03:32,750 --> 00:03:37,610
See? The little hand is on the three,
and the big hand is on his
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00:03:37,610 --> 00:03:38,610
ass.
57
00:03:40,450 --> 00:03:44,370
It's just another of his empty attempts
to win me back by buying me something
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00:03:44,370 --> 00:03:48,550
exclusively beautiful, but it means
absolutely nothing to me. It's just a...
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00:03:48,550 --> 00:03:49,970
Watch!
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00:03:51,990 --> 00:03:56,530
Tick -tock, tick -tock, tick -tock, tick
-tock, tick -tock, tick -tock, tick
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00:03:56,530 --> 00:03:57,610
-tock, tick -tock.
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00:04:04,080 --> 00:04:05,080
Give this to your mother.
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00:04:06,960 --> 00:04:07,980
My God.
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00:04:08,260 --> 00:04:10,380
She has never had anything this
beautiful.
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00:04:11,360 --> 00:04:12,440
And she never will.
66
00:04:16,839 --> 00:04:17,880
Zoe, come on.
67
00:04:25,860 --> 00:04:27,820
What the hell are you wearing?
68
00:04:28,100 --> 00:04:30,820
I said let's go to the beach. Now let's
go beekeeping.
69
00:04:32,650 --> 00:04:33,650
I have fair skin.
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00:04:34,210 --> 00:04:38,450
Of course, I could wear sunscreen, but
someone refused to buy it because the
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00:04:38,450 --> 00:04:39,710
bottle wasn't recycleable.
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00:04:40,230 --> 00:04:43,130
So now I have to go outside looking like
a floor lamp.
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00:04:44,710 --> 00:04:45,710
Surprise!
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00:04:46,770 --> 00:04:50,390
I have declared today everyone's
birthday.
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00:04:52,530 --> 00:04:53,530
Zoe?
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00:04:54,430 --> 00:04:55,510
Happy birthday!
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00:04:56,670 --> 00:04:59,930
Here's something to change into right
away.
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00:05:02,730 --> 00:05:05,290
for my beautiful, wonderful, perfect
baby boy.
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00:05:05,850 --> 00:05:09,950
Mom, according to you, yesterday was my
birthday, too.
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00:05:10,230 --> 00:05:11,470
And the day before that.
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00:05:11,930 --> 00:05:15,170
At the rate I'm aging, I should be
dating Anna Nicole Smith by the end of
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week.
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00:05:17,010 --> 00:05:22,170
All right, darling. Return it and donate
the refund to save that planet you're
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00:05:22,170 --> 00:05:23,170
always going on about.
85
00:05:32,110 --> 00:05:33,390
Okay, she's psycho shopping.
86
00:05:34,970 --> 00:05:38,390
Or she just freaked out over my dad
trying to get her back.
87
00:05:38,770 --> 00:05:40,970
It has nothing to do with Dick.
88
00:05:41,250 --> 00:05:43,430
I told you I'm over him.
89
00:05:43,730 --> 00:05:48,410
It's Dick. Can't you receive a gift
without making it a Freudian field trip?
90
00:05:50,370 --> 00:05:52,750
Oh, it's Dick with a shoe compartment.
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00:05:56,330 --> 00:05:57,410
Happy birthday.
92
00:06:08,080 --> 00:06:10,820
I just wanted to tell you that if you
want to talk about this thing with
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00:06:10,820 --> 00:06:14,160
Justin, I will not put you in the middle
of this.
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00:06:14,860 --> 00:06:16,340
But thank you for offering.
95
00:06:17,180 --> 00:06:18,700
Well, Zoe made me.
96
00:06:21,140 --> 00:06:25,700
You've become such a fine young man who
I'm sure will soon outgrow this
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00:06:25,700 --> 00:06:26,880
disturbing pirate phase.
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00:06:28,260 --> 00:06:30,600
Now stop worrying about me.
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00:06:31,060 --> 00:06:34,260
Just because I'm shopping doesn't mean
I'm out of control.
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00:06:37,450 --> 00:06:39,750
By the way, that's yours.
101
00:06:47,070 --> 00:06:50,090
Remember, the chip leaves at six. And
Marianne, pack light.
102
00:06:51,230 --> 00:06:54,890
No, I ask. They will not tow a separate
barge for your shoes.
103
00:07:03,290 --> 00:07:06,150
Oh, no, it's... Doctor.
104
00:07:09,770 --> 00:07:11,430
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa,
whoa.
105
00:07:11,650 --> 00:07:13,690
Sybil, I know it's you.
106
00:07:16,870 --> 00:07:21,070
All right, I'll let him in.
107
00:07:21,690 --> 00:07:22,930
Then I'll pee on his leg.
108
00:07:29,770 --> 00:07:33,010
So all he wanted was to give you a
letter from Marianne? Shh, I'm reading.
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00:07:34,830 --> 00:07:35,830
He told me to.
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00:07:36,270 --> 00:07:37,710
He put me right in the middle, Ira.
111
00:07:38,190 --> 00:07:40,470
He said I can give it to her or not. I
decide.
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00:07:40,910 --> 00:07:44,330
Ah, so if you don't and she finds out
about it, it's your fault.
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00:07:44,550 --> 00:07:48,430
If you do and she decides to see him
again, should have kept barking.
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00:07:50,690 --> 00:07:51,770
Should have kept barking.
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00:07:52,310 --> 00:07:53,330
Should have kept barking.
116
00:07:54,450 --> 00:07:55,690
When did you hear this crap?
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00:07:56,790 --> 00:08:00,050
I've enclosed a picture of you that I
took the morning after we were married.
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00:08:00,510 --> 00:08:02,250
You were still asleep, Marianne.
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00:08:02,630 --> 00:08:05,650
I'd never seen anyone so beautiful, and
I still think that.
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00:08:08,080 --> 00:08:10,640
If you decide not to see me, keep it.
121
00:08:11,540 --> 00:08:14,580
I can't bear to have that picture if I
can't have you.
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00:08:17,540 --> 00:08:18,540
Are you crying?
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00:08:19,980 --> 00:08:21,680
Yes, but not because of this.
124
00:08:22,100 --> 00:08:24,700
Because they're making another Brady
Bunch movie.
125
00:08:27,240 --> 00:08:29,440
You know, maybe Dick has changed.
126
00:08:29,820 --> 00:08:32,740
Maybe he does care about her. Shut up,
shut up, shut up. You know nothing.
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00:08:35,100 --> 00:08:36,740
Well, that was loud.
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00:08:38,539 --> 00:08:42,179
If Marianne reads this, she'll melt
down. How can I keep it from her? Ira,
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00:08:42,179 --> 00:08:45,160
me. Are you sure? Because I don't want
to violate the shut -up -know -nothing
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law.
131
00:08:47,180 --> 00:08:48,740
I'm so sorry I'm late.
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00:08:49,780 --> 00:08:51,540
If we hurry, we can just make the shift.
133
00:08:51,940 --> 00:08:55,200
No, I knew you'd be late, so I told you
to be here an hour earlier than you
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00:08:55,200 --> 00:08:57,760
needed to be. Yes, but I know you do
that, so I got a facial.
135
00:08:59,420 --> 00:09:00,600
Now we are, in fact, late.
136
00:09:00,900 --> 00:09:02,140
But I dare you to find a pour.
137
00:09:03,760 --> 00:09:07,060
I can't believe it! We spent all this
time talking about the...
138
00:09:10,220 --> 00:09:11,220
Thing? I lost track.
139
00:09:11,900 --> 00:09:12,900
What thing?
140
00:09:13,120 --> 00:09:15,380
Uh, Ira's thing.
141
00:09:15,640 --> 00:09:18,520
Hey, it's not my thing. Don't put the
thing on me.
142
00:09:20,100 --> 00:09:21,800
He doesn't want to talk about the thing.
143
00:09:22,820 --> 00:09:23,820
It's personal.
144
00:09:24,520 --> 00:09:27,440
Why? What is it? Does he have a fungus
or something?
145
00:09:29,860 --> 00:09:32,760
Exactly. Sybil. Please have this fungus,
Ira, please.
146
00:09:35,840 --> 00:09:36,840
Wait a minute.
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00:09:38,790 --> 00:09:39,830
I'd know that cologne anywhere.
148
00:09:40,710 --> 00:09:42,590
It's owed to Dick.
149
00:09:45,290 --> 00:09:46,290
I'm out of here.
150
00:09:46,570 --> 00:09:47,309
No, stay!
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00:09:47,310 --> 00:09:49,710
I can't. Tonight's my fungus support
group.
152
00:09:51,270 --> 00:09:52,830
It's my turn to bring the snack.
153
00:09:58,090 --> 00:10:00,970
Well, let's get the bags in the car.
154
00:10:03,730 --> 00:10:04,730
Dick.
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00:10:22,960 --> 00:10:27,100
interested, so he left. You know, your
skin does look positively dewy.
156
00:10:29,280 --> 00:10:32,620
I want to know what he said, word for
word.
157
00:10:32,840 --> 00:10:36,200
I didn't understand at all. I'm not
fluent in rat bastard.
158
00:10:40,420 --> 00:10:43,700
Tell me, why do you care? Do you have
feelings for him?
159
00:10:44,180 --> 00:10:46,480
Marianne, you've got to stay away from
him. You've got to stay strong.
160
00:10:47,320 --> 00:10:51,460
You know, Sybil, I am getting tired of
this. Who are you to decide what I
161
00:10:51,460 --> 00:10:52,460
or shouldn't do?
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00:10:55,690 --> 00:10:56,770
He brought you a letter.
163
00:10:57,910 --> 00:10:59,670
Were you going to tell me about it?
164
00:11:01,370 --> 00:11:04,110
Well, I feel pretty sure I was going to
tell you about it.
165
00:11:06,490 --> 00:11:07,490
Let go.
166
00:11:07,730 --> 00:11:09,490
I can't. It's my letter.
167
00:11:09,690 --> 00:11:10,690
But it's bad for you.
168
00:11:11,110 --> 00:11:13,450
So are ringdings, but do I yank them out
of your mouth?
169
00:14:02,410 --> 00:14:03,410
I see you down here.
170
00:14:03,830 --> 00:14:04,830
How are you?
171
00:14:05,490 --> 00:14:07,350
How's Mrs. Robert Stack?
172
00:14:08,850 --> 00:14:10,650
Mrs. Robert Stack and I are just fine.
173
00:14:13,230 --> 00:14:15,130
Mary Ann, I'll make this brief.
174
00:14:16,230 --> 00:14:20,570
Dick wants you back. You won't speak to
him. Now, I don't want to butt in,
175
00:14:20,630 --> 00:14:22,030
but... God, I love your voice.
176
00:14:23,830 --> 00:14:24,850
I'm sorry. Go on.
177
00:14:25,550 --> 00:14:27,770
But he gave me a copy of a letter that
he gave you.
178
00:14:28,350 --> 00:14:30,090
He even told me to read it first.
179
00:14:30,700 --> 00:14:33,260
I don't read other people's letters.
That's a federal offense.
180
00:14:34,460 --> 00:14:36,540
But I didn't feel anything at all for
Dick.
181
00:14:37,120 --> 00:14:39,580
And I think you owe it to yourself to
read the letter.
182
00:14:41,040 --> 00:14:42,040
Wait a minute.
183
00:14:42,540 --> 00:14:43,860
In the other jacket.
184
00:14:44,120 --> 00:14:45,120
Doggone it.
185
00:14:46,180 --> 00:14:48,180
That's all right. I have the original.
186
00:14:48,820 --> 00:14:49,820
Here.
187
00:14:51,260 --> 00:14:54,400
If you think he's sincere, I'll talk to
him.
188
00:14:55,120 --> 00:14:59,560
Not everyone would show to that
responsibility, but since you're my
189
00:15:05,030 --> 00:15:06,070
Touching. Moving.
190
00:15:08,110 --> 00:15:09,810
Here, you read it. I'm tearing up.
191
00:15:15,250 --> 00:15:18,090
Stop. This picture isn't you.
192
00:15:19,050 --> 00:15:20,170
What? Are you sure?
193
00:15:21,390 --> 00:15:25,350
It's a long time ago and my face is
blurry, but that's definitely my Marlo
194
00:15:25,350 --> 00:15:26,350
Thomas helmet hair.
195
00:15:27,030 --> 00:15:28,610
Notice the pattern on the sheets.
196
00:15:29,990 --> 00:15:31,590
It's floral rhapsody.
197
00:15:32,330 --> 00:15:36,270
Long Sutter didn't introduce that
pattern until spring of 1995.
198
00:15:37,790 --> 00:15:39,670
Picture is a fake, the man is a fraud.
199
00:15:43,670 --> 00:15:44,790
Why would he do this?
200
00:15:45,150 --> 00:15:46,390
I don't know. I don't know.
201
00:15:46,650 --> 00:15:47,650
Wait, I know.
202
00:15:50,310 --> 00:15:53,130
Those 15 eggs at Lake Tahoe you got in
the divorce settlement.
203
00:15:53,690 --> 00:15:55,630
Donald Trump is planning a casino there.
204
00:15:56,630 --> 00:15:58,830
Is that why Donald keeps calling?
205
00:15:59,630 --> 00:16:02,970
I thought it was because I taught Marla
how to throw a rattlesnake into a moving
206
00:16:02,970 --> 00:16:03,970
limo.
207
00:16:04,310 --> 00:16:06,070
The property's going to be worth a
fortune.
208
00:16:06,350 --> 00:16:12,330
So if Dick and I were to remarry...
Well, the puzzle's complete.
209
00:16:12,890 --> 00:16:13,890
Case is closed.
210
00:16:15,290 --> 00:16:17,570
Come, Marianne, I'll walk you to the
car. No.
211
00:16:20,270 --> 00:16:21,290
Thank you, Robert.
212
00:16:25,770 --> 00:16:28,270
I have work to do.
213
00:16:30,920 --> 00:16:31,920
Tell another mystery song.
214
00:16:35,500 --> 00:16:36,500
I'm good.
215
00:16:41,620 --> 00:16:42,980
I know you're there.
216
00:16:43,600 --> 00:16:49,840
Dick, dick, dick, dick, dick, dick,
dick, dick, dick, dick, dick, dick,
217
00:16:50,080 --> 00:16:51,080
dick.
218
00:16:51,100 --> 00:16:52,100
Dick.
219
00:16:54,620 --> 00:16:55,620
Darling.
220
00:16:57,780 --> 00:16:58,820
Didn't you want to talk?
221
00:17:00,910 --> 00:17:05,650
Okay, maybe now is not a good time, but
that's not a problem because I'll always
222
00:17:05,650 --> 00:17:06,650
be there for you.
223
00:17:07,890 --> 00:17:08,890
Dick.
224
00:17:10,329 --> 00:17:14,150
Whenever there's acid rain coming from
your sprinklers, I'll be there.
225
00:17:15,910 --> 00:17:20,109
Whenever there are fire ants in your
tanning booths, I'll be there.
226
00:17:21,530 --> 00:17:27,089
When you've deluded yet another poor,
unsuspecting x -ray technician into
227
00:17:27,089 --> 00:17:29,310
accepting your loathsome advances,
228
00:17:30,570 --> 00:17:37,010
and a pack of rabid Dobermans jumps into
your jacuzzi and rips the very soul
229
00:17:37,010 --> 00:17:40,490
from your body, I'll be there.
230
00:17:45,210 --> 00:17:47,030
Still don't feel like a chat,
sweetheart.
231
00:17:49,210 --> 00:17:50,210
I can wait.
232
00:17:51,750 --> 00:17:53,610
But what will I do while I'm waiting?
233
00:18:11,920 --> 00:18:13,380
Isn't that your brand new Bentley?
234
00:19:07,240 --> 00:19:08,980
tomorrow. Go ahead, say it.
235
00:19:09,240 --> 00:19:10,139
Say what?
236
00:19:10,140 --> 00:19:11,140
I told you so?
237
00:19:11,480 --> 00:19:12,480
Don't be silly.
238
00:19:12,580 --> 00:19:13,960
I'd never say I told you so.
239
00:19:15,020 --> 00:19:17,500
What kind of friend would I be if...
240
00:19:17,500 --> 00:19:24,500
What kind of
241
00:19:24,500 --> 00:19:27,780
friend would I be if I just kept
repeating, I told you so, I told you so?
242
00:19:28,120 --> 00:19:31,160
No, you won't see me look you right in
the face and say I told you so?
243
00:19:34,920 --> 00:19:35,920
Are you through?
244
00:19:37,600 --> 00:19:38,680
Yeah, I'm done.
245
00:19:42,620 --> 00:19:45,600
If you really wanted to thank me, you'd
introduce me to Robert Stack.
246
00:19:47,100 --> 00:19:48,220
Maybe you are ready.
247
00:19:48,800 --> 00:19:50,200
Maybe I will introduce you.
248
00:19:50,560 --> 00:19:51,560
Really?
249
00:19:51,760 --> 00:19:52,860
What do I call him?
250
00:19:53,380 --> 00:19:54,880
Robert? Bob?
251
00:19:55,740 --> 00:19:56,960
Bobby? Robbie?
252
00:19:57,280 --> 00:19:58,620
Bert? Robbo?
253
00:20:07,500 --> 00:20:10,220
If I heard you correctly on the pier,
we're going to need a couple of rabid
254
00:20:10,220 --> 00:20:13,360
Dobermans. Were you happy with the guy
we got them from before?
255
00:20:13,720 --> 00:20:14,720
Because I liked him.
256
00:20:16,580 --> 00:20:20,320
I know what I said, Sybil, but honestly,
we're two world -class women with so
257
00:20:20,320 --> 00:20:21,320
much to give.
258
00:20:21,560 --> 00:20:23,820
Why waste any more energy on Dick?
259
00:20:26,600 --> 00:20:27,700
I'll tell you one thing.
260
00:20:28,660 --> 00:20:30,020
Dick's not a challenge anymore.
261
00:20:31,240 --> 00:20:35,680
It's like we've turned the page and
gotten to the end of the chapter.
262
00:20:37,580 --> 00:20:38,580
Look at me.
263
00:20:39,060 --> 00:20:40,240
I'm getting all weepy.
264
00:20:41,880 --> 00:20:42,880
Me too.
265
00:20:43,980 --> 00:20:45,520
And I'm having trouble breathing.
266
00:21:16,970 --> 00:21:17,970
This is war!
267
00:21:18,570 --> 00:21:21,770
And God help me, I do love it so.
268
00:21:23,470 --> 00:21:25,150
Look out, Dick! She's back!
269
00:21:25,450 --> 00:21:28,770
Come on, we got work to do. We gotta
find a bag of killer bees and some
270
00:21:28,770 --> 00:21:29,770
barbecue.
20646
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