All language subtitles for cybill_s03e12_the_little_drummer_girls

This is Sybil Sheridan, star of
Lifeforms. We're moving.

Watch us at our exciting new time,
Sundays at 7, here on WATP.

Right opposite 60 Minutes, where we're
going to get our asses kicked.

Sorry.

Hi, St. Louis. I'm Sybil Sheridan, star
of Lifeforms. We're moving.

Watch us at our exciting new sucky time,
Sundays at 7, here on KSUCK.

What? What'd I say?

Hi, Memphis.

I'm Sybil Sheridan, star of Lifeforms.
We're moving.

Watch us at our exciting new time,
Sundays at 7.

Okay, I know you're probably watching 60
Minutes, but come on. I was born and

raised in Memphis. I put you on the map.
You owe me.

Name one other celebrity from Memphis
more famous than me.

Elvis.

taking that vow nice work if you can get
it and if you get it won't you

tell me how

okay how does

this sound to whom it may concern please
don't put life forms during sybil

sheridan opposite 60 minutes my family
and i watch sybil sheridan every week we

would hate to see sybil sheridan
disappear

Yours truly, former president Jimmy
Carter.

Very good. Now I'll sign Rosalind's
name.

More iced tea, ma 'am?

No, thank you.

More breadsticks?

No. More declarations of remorse and
pleas for forgiveness?

Sean?

Remember the last time I was here and
you bothered me? Remember how I told you

to respect my boundaries or I would
leave?

Look, here I go.

Boundaries? I thought you said respect
your laundry.

Respect your laundry.

She was leaving. I panicked.

Why won't she just talk to me?

Well, maybe you forgot to put the salad
dressing on the side, or maybe you got

caught with another woman in the volcano
room in the Twin Coconuts Motel.

I said I was sorry. Doesn't she
understand I'll never love anybody else?

Of course you will, Sean.

Someday you'll meet another woman.

You'll marry her.

She'll give you a child.

And then one afternoon you'll be to
barbecue at Lyle Wagner's house.

And there'll be a little blonde in tight
jeans and cheap slingbacks. And

everyone will know about it except the
mother of your son. But she'll find out.

23rd anniversary with Dr.

Dick.

And I spent all morning looking for the
perfect gift.

It's impossible to find a tailor who can
sew a scorpion into a pair of Speedos.

Here we go again.

You send him a scorpion in his shorts.
He sends you a rattlesnake in a hat. You

keep your relationship so angry and
bitter.

What's your secret?

Fresh from our baker's oven, direct to
you.

I'd read it while it's hot.

Dear Zoe, sometimes you don't realize
how perfect something is until you lose

it. If you need to punish me, that's
okay, but let's do it together.

No, Sean, I'm not getting in the middle
of this. Please, before you say no, just

consider this.

Free dessert.

Oh, goody.

The one person in the restaurant over
whom I have absolute power has dumbled.

Come, busboy.

Time to count the forks. Why?

Because it will amuse me.

Forks, knives, spoons, who cares? My Zoe
is gone.

Hey,

Kevin, how's it going?

Well, my life is an experiment in
suffering and torment.

And you?

Good, thanks.

Hi!

They had another fight, didn't they?

Well, he said something about suffering
and torment.

It's a safe bet Rachel was involved.

Hey, Mom, listen. I'm meeting this guy
for coffee tonight, and my car's in the

shop. Can I use yours?

You're dating again. That's great.

Okay, you can use the car, but on one
condition.

Oh, no. You want to meet the guy, don't
you?

You want to run a credit check and get a
thumbprint.

Wow, I was going to say bring it back
tonight because I need it in the

but that's way better.

You know, you wouldn't have this problem
with a guy where someone your mom

already knew.

Like Sean.

Dad, will you stop it about Sean
already?

God!

What do you think you're doing?

I'm meddling, okay?

You know she still likes him. I like
him, too.

He's smart, he's polite, he's easily
frightened.

He's every father's dream.

to midnight.

My anniversary is officially over and
nothing from Dr. Dick.

He had to notice that I rerouted his
sewer line into his ice maker.

Oh, don't give up hope.

Maybe your gift is being held at the
post office. You know, for the bomb

That's sweet of you, darling, but it's
time for me to stop fooling myself.

I'm loathing a man who...

No longer loathes me.

Hello, anybody else?

We're in here, Zoe!

I actually met her date and I love him.
I can't wait to hear how it went.

Here's a funny idea. Let's ask her.

Yeah, and she'll open up to me for the
first time in her life and we'll stay up

all night sharing her hopes and dreams
over steaming mugs of cocoa?

That's so funny.

Nothing. How was your date?

He was boring, so I killed him. Do you
have any room in the freezer?

I'll get the cocoa.

Zoe, why didn't you like that nice boy?

Oh, because I did.

Well, that's it. Next time you bring
home a really nice guy, I'm just going

haul off and slap him.

Forget it. I'm never dating again.

Stupid, futile dance that only leads to
disappointment and bitterness.

Zoe, you had one bad date.

No, she's right.

Lobster. But that doesn't make up for
the inevitable heartache and betrayal.

Although, don't get me wrong, always
order the lobster.

Okay, Kevin, don't talk to me. Watch the
Discovery Channel. Our marriage isn't

nearly as important as staring at
chimpanzees picking nits out of each

butts.

I hope we have Haagen -Dazs.

Okay, that's it.

There's enough negative energy in this
room to sink the Titanic again.

We've got to rekindle our natural joy,
unleash our spiritual energy.

Uh -oh, I'm sensing something new -agey
here.

It's okay, just don't make eye contact
with her.

Tomorrow night is the full moon, and we
are all going to howl at it.

with the moon.

Yeah, well, then we went to school and
found out we were just a little bit

different.

Well, I could use some joy.

And I like your mother's rituals. I find
them very invigorating.

Like that time we went to that strange
temple and heaved those mystical spheres

at that formation of totems.

Marianne, that was bowling.

the moon.

Wait, it's there behind that cloud.

Mother,

mother, you're baying at a police
helicopter.

All right.

Hi, officer.

Okay, there's the moon.

Come on, girl.

to the natural force that moves your
inner rhythm.

You're not going to be happy until we're
all menstruating at the same time, are

you?

Zoe, one more time.

Back when people used to live in the
wild, all women's periods were in sync

the lunar cycle.

animal fur.

Zoe, what howls?

Furry things.

Not dead furry things.

We're out here to commune with Mother
Nature, not piss her off.

Well, I didn't know what to wear. I left
the house in leader hose, and then I

remembered howling, not yodeling.

Take it off!

Okay, Mother, thanks for the howl. I'm
reborn.

Can I go?

Okay, now, people, it's up to you. The
sooner we get harmonious, the sooner

we're out of here.

And I brought a beautiful Opry Howell
port, so let's go.

One, two, all right.

I hope it's not animal control again.

Okay, we're doing great. Can you feel
it? Let's keep it going.

One, two, all right.

Do you want to take it?

Okay.

Uh -oh.

Hey, Sheridan, does my pool look like a
dump site to you?

Bad enough I got a trip with a howling
in the new age hippie crap.

Now I got to listen to somebody named
Sean telling me he loves me.

You're not Kevin.

No, I'm Sean.

I'm sorry.

It's fine. I like you being Sean. I
thought it was Kevin back from his

meeting. Come on in.

I just came over to see how your talk
with Zoe went.

You know, Sean, I think maybe she needs
more time.

Okay, I get it. She'll never be mine,
which means we'll never get on that used

Harley and ride across the country.

I guess I'll just have to go alone.

Unless you'd like to come with me, Mr.
Woodward.

Sean, I am really fighting the impulse
to give you a nuggy right now.

Excuse me.

Coming through. I have to hold my child.

I need reassurance that somewhere,
somehow, there's a living organism that

judging me.

How'd the interview go?

Well, let's just say that the Pomona
School of Canine Grooming will not be

forming a psychology department this
year.

The big booger heads.

Well, I guess I should go.

Oh, God, no one will ever love me.

Thanks again for all your help.

Hang in there, Sean. You know, you've
been great, Mr. Woodbine. A lot of

fathers, they wouldn't have understood
how that other girl didn't mean

It was just physical.

Other girl?

Other physical girl?

You cheated on my baby?

Oh, this is bad.

This is gonna be worse than a noogie.

All this time I've been helping you and
you cheated on my baby?

Frankly, we all thought that was kind of
strange.

You knew?

I can't believe this. I'm always the
last to know.

Although that makes perfect sense.
Because if anybody had told me, you'd be

eating through a straw.

Excuse me.

Impressionable young mind here.

Thanks, man.

He meant the baby, you idiot!

Ira, I know this is a difficult
situation.

I want him out of here. We need to
discuss this in a calm, rational manner.

please. How? How can I be calm?

The same way I am now calm after having
been humiliated by a trade school.

William, you ready to do your magic?

Huh? Come on. Oh, Kevin, this isn't
going to work.

Just take it.

I'm still mad.

Aren't I, William?

Yes, I am.

Are you sure it's safe for me to be
here?

Little William is a fuzzy head. Yes, he
is.

Yeah, I think so.

See, I have this theory that a child's
innocence diffuses hostility.

And as men, we don't experience this
often enough. You know, that's why

war, crime, and full scholarships for
linebackers who can barely scratch their

name in the ground with a stick while
the psychology department goes begging

them. Give me, give me, give me. Come
on, don't Bogart the baby.

it's time to drum.

Oh God, something new.

Not new, Rachel.

This goes back thousands of years.

The sound of the drum is the voice of
Mother Earth.

I know it sounds weird, but it's really
fun. Can we please try it?

Yes, Sister Woman Earth Mama.

There's a drum for everyone.

That's not yours. That's Rachel's. This
one's yours.

Oh, I don't want that one. That'll make
my hips look enormous.

Just take it.

Oh, you are so controlling.

I am not controlling. Just take this
drum and go sit over there.

when I was shooting Desert Zombies 4,
The Decapitation.

Which, by the way, is the gem of the
Desert Zombies series.

Excuse me, that movie got a full half
star in TV Guide.

Anyway, there was a woman from Sedona
and she came to the set. She got us all

drumming and it was so spiritual and
empowering and truly joyful.

I'm going to start a rhythm.

Y 'all join in.

We have to deal with the pain and anger.

Marianne, tell us your pain.

Okay.

I wanted Rachel's drum and you wouldn't
let me have it.

Dig a little deeper, would you please?

Honestly, I have no idea what you want
me to say.

Well, remember when you and Richard...
Oh, I'll take it from here.

It was our first year of marriage.

for months for a set of press -on nails.

Just something to make me feel a little
different from the other fry cooks at

Fatburger.

And when I got home, he had broken them
all, using them as picks for his damn

banjo. And I scratched his eyes out.

But with what?

Doesn't he think I know he's having a
hard time?

Doesn't he think I want to help?

He just keeps it all inside.

All the pain, pain, pain.

Why is he doing it?

Why, why, why?

Because he wants to protect me, and
that's why I love him.

But he won't let me in, so I'm mad, mad,
mad, mad, mad.

Wait a minute.

I'm so angry and frustrated, I keep
pushing him, and the more I push him,

more he shuts down.

I just need to let him come to me.

I knew that was a good drum. Give it to
me.

Marianne, you've already gone three
times. You should be well into rejoicing

now. I want to go again. No!

Zoe, it's your turn.

No, thank you. Come on, it'll make you
feel better. I'm feeling fine. Fine,

Mother. I just want to leave before we
coat ourselves in ash and start chewing

bark.

Duh, like we would ever chew bark before
we do the snail dance.

Damn it, that girl is going to rejoice.

Here it kills her.

So, how's it going?

Look, I'm sorry to disappoint you, but
I'm really fine, okay?

Zoe, I know you. You're not fine.
Really? How do you know that?

Some moon -driven Earth Mother instinct?

Well... That and the fact you're
watching Saved by the Bell goes to

Ew! Ew! Ew! God, get off! Get off! Ew!

Zoe,

I know you hate to talk to me about your
personal life, but just think about

this. I now have the remote and Saved by
the Bell are still on.

Okay, Mom.

Just tell me something.

He said that what he did was just
physical, right?

Didn't mean anything?

How could it not mean anything?

How could he throw away our relationship
for something that didn't mean

anything?

Honey, I know it sounds crazy, but men
honestly believe that.

Which is why we should pity them and
keep them in cages.

I hate it that I still care about him.

It was different when I was in Europe
this summer. I didn't think about him

once.

And then when I got back, we agreed to
email each other, and that was supposed

to be it.

He broke the rules. He made me laugh. He
wrote me poetry.

He made me start to miss him again.

Damn it! I'm so mad at myself!

Sounds like you're mad at the wrong
person. No, it's my fault. I let myself

remember how great it was, and now I
can't stop thinking about him.

This is ridiculous. How can I even think
about wanting him back?

What's wrong with me? Do I have, like,
Elizabeth Hurley disease?

Do you want him back?

I'd be an idiot to give him another
chance.

Don't you think I'd be an idiot?

You care what I think?

Too late. You said it. It's out.

Listen, honey, no matter what you do in
life, someone's going to think you're an

idiot for doing it, so you might as well
do what makes you happy. I know, but I

don't think I can ever forget about what
he did to me.

I know you never could, right?

I mean, you're just as mad at him as I
am, right?

You care what I feel about Sean? Wow,
that's twice in one night.

If I knew when I brought out those
drums, you would open up to me and we

connect. Mother, mother, mother, mother.

Can we please keep this to 25 words or
less?

If you forgive Sean, I'll forgive Sean.

Okay.

Well, I'm not saying I will, but thank
you.

I've got 18 words left.

Let's talk about college.

I love you.

Okay, William.

Time to go home to grandmom's.

Hey, tell me something, Ira. You used to
live with Mother Sheridan. What are

they doing tonight that I had to be out
of the house for?

I don't exactly know.

It's some ancient ritual that's been
done the same way since the dawn of

Look either way.