All language subtitles for cybill_s03e11_a_hell_of_a_christmas

I am thrilled to be in a hit show like
Lifeform.

This time last year, America knew me as
Muriel, the overnight panty liner lady.

This is way better.

How does it feel to be TV's latest sex
goddess?

I'm sorry, I didn't hear that. Could you
say it again?

And again.

And again.

And again.

Of course, it's about a lot more than
just that to me.

As an actor, playing a character like
Dr. Sarah McCullen, Alien Hunter, is so

rewarding.

She's strong, she's complex, she's
intelligent.

She's a bitch!

Well, what's your response to this
morning's announcement that the network

moving your show to a new time slot
opposite 60 Minutes?

I have complete confidence in the
network's decision.

I mean, after all, who would you rather
see in a tube top?

Me or Morley's safer?

Well, thank you, Sybil Sheridan. No,
thank you.

Could someone give me the network on the
phone, please?

Nice work if you can get it. And if you
get it, won't you tell me

how?

John, it's the mothership.

And look, the keys are still in the
ignition.

Let's take it for a spin.

John?

death laser that destroys all life.

I defeat it with my titanium bra.

Boy, that's just not a fresh idea in
Hollywood.

Marianne, I need to learn these lines.

Okay, okay. Then an alien approaches and
says, Prepare to die, Dr. Sarah

McCullen.

And I say, don't waste your bio -ray,
squid boy.

We're on opposite 16 minutes. We're
already dead.

Okay, you're changing your lines. I
can't work this way.

Oh, Marianne, I watch 60 Minutes.

I'll have to tape my own show.

I'm so depressed.

Oh, darling, do what I do.

Confront the problem head -on, years
later.

And I can't even enjoy the holidays.
They have me working right up to

Eve. How am I going to finish my
shopping?

This is the most suckiest time of the
year.

Hey, you know, what you need is a
personal shopper.

Someone who has impeccable taste, lots
of free time, and it's me.

I appreciate the offer, but I can't
afford your taste.

That belt buckle you're wearing is my
house payment.

Sybil, don't worry. I can shop on a
budget.

Whose? Sweden's.

Hey, I didn't always have unlimited fun.

I put Dr.

Dick through med school, remember?

Working two jobs, living off of macaroni
and cheese, just so he and the medical

librarian could make the beast with two
backs. Damn you to hell, Richard Thorpe!

May you be trampled to death by crazed
soccer fans and some sweltering South

American dictatorship!

Or Germany!

Well, I'm convinced.

And may I ask...

Okay.

You can be my personal shopper, but do
me a favor. Have no fear. I'll sneak the

presents into the house. No one will
ever know that I'm your Christmas elf.

Thanks, but I was going to say, get
therapy.

I'm incredibly late. I was supposed to
be there at 5 o 'clock, and I still

haven't learned my lines.

And the phone rings.

I'll let the machine get that.

She hasn't moved since the last time she
called me.

Mama, hi.

It's Sybil.

I'm in Los Angeles, on my way to work.

Yes, I did try your ambrosia recipe, but
with fresh fruit instead of canned, and

you were right.

I did miss that little taste of tin.

Mama, I'm late for work. I'll see you
tomorrow at the airport. I can't wait.

I love you, too.

My parents never come in for the
holidays.

which just goes to prove there is a
Santa Claus.

Well, I love spending time with my
mother. Our time together is precious.

Well, darling, maybe she should move in
here so she could be closer to you

always.

Well, then, it would lose that whole
precious thing, wouldn't it?

Mother, I bet you never had a limo pick
you up from the airport before.

Pretty cool, huh?

Well, simple frankly, I don't think that
one should flaunt one's wealth in a

crime -ridden city.

That's why I mailed my jewelry to your
house.

Oh! What was that? Was that an
earthquake?

It was a pothole, Mama.

Honestly, I don't know how you raise
your daughters in a place like this.

Earthquakes, fires, the air isn't fit to
breathe.

Meemaw, I learned a new word today.

Emphysema. John, I just spent the last
four hours on an airplane.

I need my luckies.

Can we at least roll the window down?

No, dear.

It'll mess up my hair.

Mother, your hair hadn't moved since I
was 12.

So civil.

How's my little Rachel?

Oh, she's doing okay. I mean, she's at
home waiting for you to fuss all over

her. Oh, and I will.

And Zoe, how are you doing?

Oh, well, I'm looking for a new job, but
so far I haven't found one. Have you

caught yourself a man yet?

Yes, I have a big pit in the backyard.

I threw some beer in the TV and it must
have half a dozen of them by now.

Well, you have your little joke, child,
but you better not wait too long. You'll

end up a spinster like your late Aunt
Euphemia.

Her epitaph reads, returned unopened.

For your information, Nemo, When I went
to Italy this summer, I got opened.

Well, that's wrong.

I guess I've heard everything now.

Not quite. While we're confessing,
remember those mints you found in my

when I was 16?

They were actually birth control pills.

There. I feel so much better. Thanks,
Zoe.

Birth control pills?

Well, no wonder everybody looked at me
funny when I passed them around at

Reverend Holt's retirement party.

Oh, your William is just

beautiful. And you can tell he's a
Sheridan. He has your granddaddy's

distinctively enormous head.

His doctor says he has the head of a six
-year -old.

Here's your iced tea, Meemaw.

Oh, could I get a slice of lemon with
that, dear?

Okay.

Now, sweetheart, you're looking a little
run down.

I know.

William's got this ear infection, and
Kevin's not here to help, so I'm up with

him every five minutes, and I give him
his medicine, and I rock him back to

sleep, and today he said his first word.

And it was Dada.

Oh.

There, now, let it all out, Dumplin'.
Things just aren't getting better with

Kevin, Meemaw.

Well, did you talk to your mom about
this? No.

She's just been so busy, I don't want to
bother her.

Oh.

No wonder this key didn't work on my
house.

This is the key to your house.

Now it all makes sense.

Merry Christmas.

Oh, thank you, dear.

Oh, sugar, while you're up, could I have
a little more ice?

Oh, you know, your William is really a
beautiful baby, but you...

We're the most beautiful baby ever born
into this family.

That's it. You're off my kidney. Don't
her lift, old woman.

Virginia, so nice to see you. How was
your flight? Oh, just delightful. Thank

you, Isaac.

Christmas Eve, there was nobody on the
plane except me, the crew, and...

Several of your people.

Okay, honey, I know it hurts. You want
your mommy, don't you?

Thank you.

Zoe, dear.

Offer your daddy some iced tea, dear.

No, no.

I'll get it myself. I like it a special
way.

Meemaw. I know you don't care about your
health or my health, so let me put this

to you in terms you can understand.

I'll never catch a man if my hair smells
like a chimney.

As your great Yankee Abraham Lincoln
once said, a man with no

vices is a man with no virtues.

Tobacco is my vice.

Yours is casting your virginity into the
Mediterranean Sea.

Oh, my God.

I reckon this is news to your daddy.

Hey, everybody, I'm ho -ho -home.

Let the holiday cheer begin.

I'll kill him. I'll hop on a plane and
I'll kill him.

Can you find out about Italy?

Yep.

Zoe, I asked on the set today, and they
need an assistant.

You want the job?

I don't know.

Nobody has to find out we know each
other.

Okay.

Hey, Mama.

You know, that's a wonderful idea.

That one day maybe Zoe can be flashing
her legs in other particulars on

TV. Just like her mother.

Oh, Mama, you watch the show.

Too dear, my church organized a boycott.

I had to find out what I was writing all
those letters about.

Oh, darling.

Oh, I'm sorry.

Oh, I just stubbed this thing out. I'll
get rid of these ashes.

Did you see that? Her darling Rachel
coughs and she

can't put her cigarette out fast enough.
I could be sitting here in an iron lung

and she'd use it as an ashtray.

I'll talk to you.

Mother?

Listen, I love having you here, but do
you have to be so obvious with Rachel?

I mean, I know she's your favorite, but
Zoe's your granddaughter, too.

Couldn't you try and even it out a
little?

Me with Rachel?

What about you with Zoe?

The way I look at it, Sybil, I am
evening things out.

I can't believe you think I favor Zoe
over Rachel.

Well, it's just that you just seem to
take a little better care of Zoe's needs

than you do of Rachel.

Rachel lives at my house, Mother. Well,
that's not what I mean. I mean... Well,

for instance, when Zoe needs... the job
you're right there for. If Rachel's

having trouble with her husband, you
just don't have any time.

I always have time for Rachel. And
she'll come to me to talk about it when

ready.

If she weren't ready, why would she be
talking to me?

Probably because you dragged it out of
her.

I don't do that.

Simple.

A lady does not raise her voice.

Mother, this lady does.

And this lady's going to deal with her
children her way.

Well, you can say what you want.

I know what I know.

Oh, yeah?

Take a lucky hand, Mother.

What a pleasant dinner.

I've never seen you serve mashed
potatoes with your hands before.

Well, my mother really upset me. She
completely ruined my appetite.

Was this before or after you sucked the
marrow out of that drumstick?

You'll notice I didn't have any dessert.

Hey, personal shopper, am I giving you
any of those Belgian chocolates you love

so much?

Yes, but this was the last box and you
had to wrestle them away from a child.

Merry Christmas!

So what am I giving everybody else?

Well, a new Gucci briefcase for Ira.

Gucci? That's Italian.

That's not good.

He found out about Zoe?

Yep. Oh, that's why he broke down when I
brought out the extra virgin olive oil.

Mmm. Mmm, this is so good. Try one.

Not that one. The one with the coconut.
I don't like coconut.

Then pick it off. This was supposed to
be for me.

Whoa. What?

Major chocolate rush.

You know what would be great?

Watching Fantasia right now.

Sybil, this is Christmas, not Woodstock.

Let's get these... Let's get these
presents downstairs before you run naked

a lake.

Rachel, Zoe, but I already got something
for them. Didn't I tell you? Yes, but

you know how you are.

You're right. I love both my daughters
exactly the same. Of course you do. And

I'm a great mother. Absolutely. And
grandmother.

Hear, hear.

And my show is gonna vary 60 minutes!

That's it. No more chocolate for you.

Hey. Hey.

Merry Christmas.

The Giving Tree?

Oh, signed by Phil Silverstein. I love
it.

Remember I used to read it to you when
you were just a little virgin?

in person, Dad.

Why didn't you tell me? I'm gonna have
to find out the way I did.

Did you tell your mother after your
first time?

I'm gonna.

Okay, then how about if I tell you in
about 30 years?

You promise?

It's not good to keep these things in.

Come here.

Oh, what were y 'all doing in there?

Just talking about Italy and how Zoe's
never going back.

Symphony tickets.

Guest performer Yo -Yo Ma!

From Yo -Ma -Ma!

Why did you get these? They were sold
out.

Hey, I'm a big star now. I got
connections.

Plus, I got to take a pie in the face at
a telephone.

Oh, thank you, thank you, thank you,
thank you!

Hey, Ma.

Thanks for the box.

It was hand -carved by Maori tribesmen.
I thought you could keep your jewelry

and Maori tribe stuff in it.

It's beautiful.

Really.

Oh, look, Rachel. Here's another one
from your mother.

Sibyl, all of these presents.

You must really love your girls very
much.

And in equal proportions.

Mom, it's beautiful. It's that robe we
saw with Marianne at the Asia Pacific

Museum. You must have gone right back to
get it, didn't you? That's exactly what

she did.

I can't believe you remembered.

I love it. Thank you. You're welcome,
honey.

That was a very thoughtful gift, Sybil.

Makes me feel sorry for what I said
before.

Rachel, it's 2 o 'clock in the morning.

I know.

I finally got William down, and now I
can't sleep.

Meemaw said exercise will cure insomnia.

That's funny.

Exercise just makes me want to have sex,
which Meemaw also has a cure for.

Honey, come over here and sit next to
me.

I think it's great that you feel close
enough to Meemaw to talk to her about

your problems with Kevin.

I don't feel the least bit left out.

And as I say that, I want to remind you
I'm an actress.

Mom, I can tell you're upset that I
didn't come to you.

So you're saying I'm a bad actress?

It's just that I already knew what you
were going to say.

You were going to tell me to leave my
husband.

Why would I tell you to do that?

Oh, because that's what I keep doing.

Go on.

Okay, I know you tried to make things
work, but I don't want to give up.

Because I don't want William to go
through what I would... You know, what

would go through.

Well, it's about time you said
something.

Whenever I used to ask you, you'd always
say, Oh, it's okay, Mama, everything's

fine.

Unlike your sister.

You declared her resentment some time
ago.

In a letter to the L .A. Times.

But at least you said something.

Well, I gave her the stamp.

Hey, why don't you put your head in my
lap like you used to when you were a

little girl and couldn't go to sleep?

You know, I hated it that my job took me
away from you so much when you were

little.

Boy, did I miss you.

I felt so bad when I couldn't be there
for you.

And when I called you every day, I guess
all I really wanted to hear was that

everything was okay with you.

So that's all you ever told me.

So I guess we just got in the habit of
doing that.

But honey, we're going to change that
right now.

You don't have to be afraid to tell me
anything anymore.

I'm here for you and I'm listening.

Hello?

We'll talk about this some more in the
morning.

Last call for fried

quail and biscuits.

I forgot just how heavy Meemaw's cooking
was.

I didn't think it was possible to deep
-fry cantaloupe.

Now save room for sweet potato pie.

You know, Zoe,

I think maybe you're right. I think
maybe I should cut back on these.

It won't be easy at my age.

You can do it, Neymar.

How about whenever I feel the craving, I
just pick up the phone and call you?

Before you know it, I'll be down to
three packs a day.