All language subtitles for benny_hill_s05e09_1985

room service to send us up some
refreshments? That would be nice,

Hello,

John?

Yeah, it's me.

Two bottles of the usual, please.

Six nil. Six nil. But... But I love...
Which team...

they closed our library because somebody
stole the book.

They say our socialist government is
like a beacon in a shining bright.

I say it's more like a fiddle. It's held
by the left, but it's played by the

right.

How hard is President?

He loves poor people. That's why he has
created so many. But you could spend all

day in a bar with him. You wouldn't know
that he has any.

But he has married his beautiful wife.

We'd have figured too lovely to hide.

And now we put her on our postage stack.
We all licked the wrong side.

The leader of the opposition escaped
from prison by digging a funnel.

He tried to blow up the president's
luxury liner, but he burnt his mouth on

funnel. So to keep it quiet, me
president is in the best apartment in

about the bank, and now he's asking over
ten million pounds.

It must be just like you in the night.
Don't worry your pretty little head.

Just drink a bottle of tequila before
you go to bed.

You'll be too drunk to notice them for
the first half of the night.

And for the second half, those musky
gold girls eat to grunt to bite.

So come to Costa Coco, where girls buy
Tupperware browns with their cats.

They say they don't elevate and they
don't separate, but they keep what

got nice and fresh.

And so it is that when there's a storm,
you will go to any old port. Why don't

you come to Costa Coco?

Because it's the last resort.

weather hut there lived a weather pair
they'd like to be together but life

is so unfair for though the boy adores
the girl they have never met

cause she comes out when the sun shines
he comes out when it's wet

She tends her flowers in the sunshine,
but goes back in again.

When air, the clouds are overcast, and
there's a hint of rain.

That is when the boy comes out, when the
rain comes pouring down.

But for him, that's the umbrella.

Once again the sun comes out, it was
time that he was gone.

But the rain continued falling, although
the sun still shone. As they watched

the beautiful sun shower, the first
they'd ever seen.

The weather boy and weather girl went
into their routine.

Ended their entanglement, locked in a
tight embrace.

And there they stayed together, through
wind and rain and hail.

They struggled to release themselves,
but was to no avail.

They thus remained through deep rain,
and through winter's bitter chill.

Through sleet and snow, and for all I
know, they remained there still.

Yeah, what's that?

Could you possibly direct me to the post
office? A post office, yeah. You go

down here, you come to a little kid
throwing a switchblade at the telegraph

pole, turn right, and you'll come to a
tart in red with great big knockers

outside a pub.

Now then, keep straight on till you come
to the sex shop, then turn left, and

it's opposite the porno cinema. You
can't miss it.

Oh,

give me some of that!

What's that?

My son.

Why don't you turn your back on this
wicked life?

Give up your evil ways, abandon all
these pleasures of the flesh.

What? Start a new life.

Follow me, and I will lead you into the
kingdom of heaven.

The kingdom of heaven?

You don't even know where the bleeding
post office is.

The cause of Jamie McPheemy's

downfall... was the ladies.

Even as a wee laddie, he loved them
passionately.

He and I did not reciprocate.

Brutal.

no avail.

And then one day, into his life, came
Allison.

It was all too much for poor old Jamie.

And so, Alison remained faithful to her
husband.

After all, better an old husband than a
lover who's a nervous wreck.

Members of the jury, you've heard
counsel for prosecution and defense.

And you have all read Arnold Plinger's
book, The Scarlet Woman.

If you find it liable to corrupt and
deprave, then you must bring in a

of guilty.

If you do not find it liable to corrupt
or deprave, then you will bring in a

verdict of not guilty.

How do you find?

We find the defendant guilty, my lad.

Is that the verdict of you all?

No, no!

To climb inside they can't resist. Now
I'm going to die a ruin.

Make us clean the stables out. The kind
for tea not half a cup. Because the

work keeps piling up. We're the infantry
brigade.

Overwork and underpaid.

Twenty -seven to a ten.

No wonder half of us are brave.

Fearless fighting men are we. Who long
to kill the enemy.

Could you kill a man, Henri?

I suppose I could, eventually.

Thank you.

But say, where could we go?

Auntie Lil runs a restaurant outside
Seville.

Everyone loves Lily's pasta.

If you're in a hurry, she'll make you a
curry and after.

I should have to run a little faster.

But I heard that men of treachery go
there in search of lechery.

kissing the girls and drinking wine some
night till nearly half past nine.

It's just like him.

I'm on guard till eleven.

Oh, that's amazing.

But I'm on duty.

I could not leave my post, you see, no
matter what you promise me.

love will someday take you by the hand
and lead you off into a one

I've heard that there's a room upstairs
where girls act like they're on their

honeymoon.

There are two single babes in there.
They are located each side of the room.

The carpet in between is worn and torn
and threadbare, held there by one

hand. They are loose.

It's cause of the quick dash across or
the slow...

Blood there, it killed my brother Joe.

Ten weeks ago, he killed poor Joe.

Was he in Seville or in Malacca?

No, he was behind the ball.

When he fell off the wall and he killed,
it killed my brother

Dave.

Carmel, oh, Carmel, how can you grow up
with another man

when I adore you so?

And I will bring you joy forevermore.

Every day and every night I pray that if
you go away, you will come

back.

What I really, what I really need is one
thing.

It's mine. It's mine.

It's mine.

Come, come, come, come, come.

Victor, look, I went and I bought that,
eh? So it's mine, innit?

You're right.

But I lent him the money. So it's mine,
innit?

You're right.

Hang on, hang on. I said I went and
bought that. You said I'm right.

And you say you lent me the money. You
say he's right. We can't both be right.

You're right.

like beer and football and smoking.

Guess what, then? Your eight drawers
have come up. You're joking!

Excuse me, sailor.

Do you drink?

Certainly not.

Good. Well, would you hold that for me
while I tap my...

any other men in your life?

Oh no darling, only you.

No one at all?

No.

Not even one?

Not even one.

I don't know.

Would you like me to take a walk to the
boat?