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Hello, you gorgeous creature.
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My, you're looking attractive today.
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Thank you, darling.
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I love you. My own sweet, precious,
wonderful person.
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Oh, darling, thank you. Thank you again.
6
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I want to hold you in my arms and rain
kisses on you until the dawn.
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Oh, darling, thank you.
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Well, I do like you so much. I like
kissing you because it's nice.
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I want to kiss you and love you and hold
you in my arms all night and rain
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kisses over your lovely naked body until
the dawn.
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00:01:06,160 --> 00:01:07,160
Hello, George.
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How's the wife and kid?
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It's the Benny Hill Show, and here is
Benny Hill.
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La -da -dee, la -da -dee, la -da -dee,
la -da -dee. My
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lovely Auntie Lil took our bus Inspector
Bill into her bedroom and with great
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annoyance said, Outside our house you
put a stop and all the passengers on top
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can look in and see my husband and me in
bed.
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He said, you're joking. She said, you'll
see. Just lay down on the bed with me.
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So we lay down with her to avoid more
fuss.
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Her old man came in and saw him, but
Bill kept his decorum. He said, it's all
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right. I'm just waiting for a bus.
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The early morning mist, the first time
we got kissed outside the churchyard.
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Some words of wisdom spoken by a man
whose face was all inclined.
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La -da -dee, la -da -dee, la -da -dee.
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of a song that we used to sing as
children these are the things you'll
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among the ashes of the dustbins of your
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an outing by the sea, two old men sat
near to me, took their boots off for a
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paddle by the pier.
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One of them said, you rotten swine, your
feet are dirtier than mine. He said, of
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course they are, I didn't come last
year.
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Well, he was by the sand, the boy was
holding in his hands a quality board
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the cafeteria.
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He dropped it down the lady's neck, and
she honoured, bloomin' heck, that
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seagull must have flown straight from
Siberia.
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First time that we kissed outside the
churchyard.
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Some words of wisdom spoken by a
gentleman whose face was old and blind.
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-dee, la -da -dee, la -da -dee. The
swiftly fading memory of a song that he
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to sing as children.
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These are the things you'll find among
the ashes of the dustbin.
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As Charlie passed away, his young wife
heard him say, I've been unfaithful to
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you many times, my dear.
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She said, oh, darling, never mind. In
fact, I knew it all the time.
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That's why I put that arsenic in your
beer.
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It was the one outside our gents. It was
opened up officially last year.
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And it was christened by Lord Ray and
people came from miles away because
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heard tell that he was a liberal beer.
47
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The first time that we kissed outside
the churchyard.
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00:03:59,260 --> 00:04:03,940
Some words of wisdom spoken by a
gentleman whose face was overblown.
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00:04:06,220 --> 00:04:11,360
The swiftly fading memory of a song that
we used to sing as children.
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These are the things you'll find among
the others of the dustbins of your mind.
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00:04:26,510 --> 00:04:29,690
Ladies and gentlemen, it's very nice to
be with you all once again, and very
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nice indeed to be able to welcome to the
show my old friend, Hugh Paddock.
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Good evening and welcome.
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An army march is on its way.
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True or false?
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Let's try and find out the answer to
that one as we greet my first guest, on
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leave from North Africa, Colonel Eatwell
of the Royal...
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Army catering corps.
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Eat well by name, eat well by nature.
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Are the lads going to get the same slap
-up Christmas dinner that they had last
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year? Well, you see, last year my cook
was Captain Kemp.
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An officer?
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A corporal.
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Captain Kemp was a corporal? No, the
corporal was Captain Kemp.
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Oh, Captain Kemp. Yes, do listen.
There's a good camel. You're going to go
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over the place. And you...
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You see, this fellow said... Sidney.
George.
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George. George said... To me, he said...
Sir, he said... We, we, we, we
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always have... He said, sir, we're going
to need a lot of pepper.
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Oh, ground pepper, okay. Tea and pepper.
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Black pepper.
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I think pepper.
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You see, fortunately, we have...
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Arab girl. She used to help out in the
kitchen. She was awfully handy. Well,
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had to be because the corporal used to
bite her thighs and dumplings.
76
00:06:02,030 --> 00:06:05,650
Well, we all used to bite her thighs and
dumplings.
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You used to bite her thighs and
dumplings. Sometimes it was more than a
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and dumplings.
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She was a lovely little girl.
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But the dinner, though, was it a
success?
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Yeah, howling success in more ways than
one, you see. We did invite her along
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these high, high, high, high, high,
wonderful times.
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These Highland chappies, you see, and
when they had the dumpling, they said it
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was pudding.
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Christmas pudding. Pudding them off
their food.
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00:06:38,430 --> 00:06:39,450
What was?
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The paper.
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Paper, oh, the K and the ground, white,
black pepper.
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The bag paper.
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00:06:50,080 --> 00:06:56,020
And then all of a sudden, after the
party, Jesus, he said,
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where's all those lovely, tasty cheeses?
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You know, I thought it was rather witty.
I say, I come and bear the food for
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him. Oh, so he's Scottish, you say.
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maids had got up. He said, where's all
those nice taffs? And this Arab girl
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in with a bucket and went up to the
corporal and said, a pound of fillet. He
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said, a pound you bloody don't.
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I said, the sauce is odd.
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I said, this sauce is odd.
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And I said, is it okay? And he said, if
it's okay with me, you've got to
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remember Tubby Turner.
101
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Yes. What kind of men are the catering
corps? Well, you see, they're short
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arse.
103
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But they're awkward arse. And sometimes
they have to work to the early arse.
104
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So, you see, they... I don't mind
waiting. I'm in no hurry.
105
00:08:05,820 --> 00:08:08,840
They therefore have to be very
adaptable.
106
00:08:09,240 --> 00:08:11,980
But they're not combatant. They're very
competent.
107
00:08:12,340 --> 00:08:13,219
No, no, no.
108
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Not combatant. Oh, well, speak up,
because I can't hear what you're saying.
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Are they entitled to bear arms?
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Oh, yes. Bear legs, bear anything they
like.
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time, of course. Are they ever called
upon to kill? Yes, indeed.
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Have you ever killed? Well, I've been
pretty close to it once. I remember I
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with a bunch of officers and we'd been
on the wine for quite a bit, you know.
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Red wine.
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White wine. The river wine.
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We saw these tin cherries, you see. Oh,
tasty.
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Who? The tin cherries. I'm talking about
tin cherries.
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I mean, they've got a handle to their
name, you know.
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I observed them lying by a fat wench,
you see.
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A German girl. Who? The fat wench. No, I
said they were lying by that wench.
121
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And they all spotted me except one
little officer.
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And they all, of course, went off, you
know.
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I had him to my side. I was going to
shoot and I thought, I don't know. I saw
124
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that look on his face, that lovely warm
smile on his face underneath that little
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Charlie Chaplin moustache.
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Those lovely warm human eyes under that
shock of black hair.
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And I thought to myself, no, I couldn't
do it. I couldn't. I said, go on now.
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Blow off, is the answer.
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I didn't say that. I don't want to,
because you're sending it.
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Off he went.
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Come and see here, Adolf, said his
comrades.
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And I'm glad I didn't kill him, because
it wouldn't have made any difference to
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the war, would it?
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Thank you very, very much. Well, eat
well.
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00:09:59,000 --> 00:10:01,860
Whether my next guest will ever...
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Thank you.
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00:10:06,940 --> 00:10:11,140
Whether my next guest will ever get into
the Guinness Book of Records is a
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matter of conjecture. For Mrs Smiley
claims to have watched every ITV
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since its inception in 1955.
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I mean, I've enjoyed every minute of it.
It's been wonderful, wonderful.
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00:10:25,580 --> 00:10:29,280
Now, what is your current favourite
show, Mrs Smiley?
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Comedians?
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Do you watch the comedians?
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That is the show where all these men
tell these far -fetched stories.
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And the viewers laugh at them.
146
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Is that party political broadcast?
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No.
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I'm going to have to see a programme
over and over again before it sinks in.
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not very bright, you see.
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00:10:56,300 --> 00:11:01,040
Over and over a lot. Do you think the
ITV present a well -balanced schedule? I
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think I'm marvellous, I do. I mean,
honestly, sometimes you get drama and
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romance right at the same time you do.
What about an example?
153
00:11:09,140 --> 00:11:13,780
Well, what about that boy, the risks
that boy takes to get that box of
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chocolates for that girl?
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Oh, I tell you, when he goes over that
bridge of that car at night...
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that one, and when he gets there, what
does he do? He puts the chocolates by
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bedside and walks away.
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A lot of men would have woke her up and
give her one.
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My husband would, I tell you.
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But I mean, like, this boy, if he puts
them there because he knows, right, he
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can perhaps come back tomorrow and give
her two or three.
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00:11:45,710 --> 00:11:48,690
Oh, I think it's wonderful. And the
medical scientific ones they get on are
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marvellous. I like those.
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Oh, I do. They show you how to mend a
split hair.
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How about that, eh? Haven't we
progressed?
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I mean, it's only not long ago they
invented the steam engine and now they
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mend a split hair.
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00:12:03,030 --> 00:12:04,030
Marvellous, isn't it?
169
00:12:04,950 --> 00:12:09,250
And they tell you how to kill 99 % of
all household germs.
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Dead!
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I don't suppose you could kill them any
other way, would you?
172
00:12:15,560 --> 00:12:21,760
And they tell you how to get rid of...
That means body odor, do you know that?
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Yes, I did know that. I only just found
out, because I always thought it meant
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body didn't.
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00:12:26,660 --> 00:12:31,560
And then there's all the deodorants,
aren't they marvellous? The deodorants,
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well, they've got specialised ones now,
you know, for all different parts.
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00:12:35,700 --> 00:12:42,560
I mean, you can squirt them under the
arms, under the feet, and under the
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circumstances.
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That's all I do, really.
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00:12:49,100 --> 00:12:52,520
Lovely. You mentioned a little while
ago, you mentioned your husband. What
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00:12:52,520 --> 00:12:56,140
of shows does your husband watch? Well,
I'll tell you one he likes best, and
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00:12:56,140 --> 00:13:00,220
that is the one where that nice lady is
sort of in the wood near a castle and
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00:13:00,220 --> 00:13:02,260
she's eating a bar of chocolate flake.
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00:13:02,660 --> 00:13:03,720
He likes that one.
185
00:13:05,500 --> 00:13:07,580
He says it makes him feel all romantic.
186
00:13:09,800 --> 00:13:11,000
I don't think why.
187
00:13:12,460 --> 00:13:16,140
And he likes those other ones where
those girls roll about in the water,
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00:13:16,140 --> 00:13:19,300
they? Sometimes like in the jungle when
they, you know, they roll in the water.
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00:13:20,000 --> 00:13:24,120
And by the seashore, a girl rolls about
and she always leaves a cigar lying
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00:13:24,120 --> 00:13:25,120
nearby.
191
00:13:26,820 --> 00:13:28,960
But she, like, don't want to get it wet,
you see.
192
00:13:29,640 --> 00:13:31,440
It's not nice when it's all wet.
193
00:13:34,760 --> 00:13:38,020
Oh, he likes that other one where all
the girls follow that man because he's
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00:13:38,020 --> 00:13:39,080
this pipe, you see.
195
00:13:39,800 --> 00:13:42,080
And then he's got a friend, doesn't he,
with a bald head.
196
00:13:42,600 --> 00:13:45,300
And he likes those like that. And his
friend gives him one, doesn't he?
197
00:13:46,340 --> 00:13:49,140
Well, then he thinks he might take up
the pipe again.
198
00:13:49,660 --> 00:13:52,300
And he don't want to go up in them
parachutes, you see.
199
00:13:53,460 --> 00:13:59,580
Do you think perhaps there's too much
sex on television?
200
00:13:59,800 --> 00:14:02,500
Well, yeah, they get a bit saucy
sometimes, don't they?
201
00:14:02,860 --> 00:14:06,560
Well, yeah, what about that bank manager
in the wardrobe?
202
00:14:10,600 --> 00:14:14,000
I mean, you know, he ain't come to
inquire about her overdraft, has he?
203
00:14:15,840 --> 00:14:17,720
And how about that little milkman?
204
00:14:47,050 --> 00:14:48,050
Sandra's father.
205
00:14:49,670 --> 00:14:53,770
Oh, I said, wash your mouth out with
nice castle and water, I said.
206
00:14:54,190 --> 00:14:58,170
I said a thing like that. Is there
anything that you don't like on
207
00:14:58,170 --> 00:15:01,970
Well, I think some of these occult
things, you know, the supernatural, it
208
00:15:01,970 --> 00:15:03,610
frightens me, you know. Does it? Yes.
209
00:15:04,350 --> 00:15:07,850
I mean, you know the one I mean, don't
you? I mean, that one about extra
210
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perceptions.
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00:15:09,850 --> 00:15:11,390
Extra -sensory perceptions.
212
00:15:11,590 --> 00:15:12,590
As well, yes.
213
00:15:13,490 --> 00:15:15,010
I have trouble with it at all.
214
00:15:16,829 --> 00:15:19,970
I mean, those two men, you know the two
I mean, don't you?
215
00:15:20,190 --> 00:15:26,870
I mean, they manifest themselves
sometimes as prisoners and
216
00:15:26,870 --> 00:15:29,330
sometimes as policemen.
217
00:15:30,510 --> 00:15:33,310
But they know without making any...
218
00:15:46,580 --> 00:15:48,580
Delving into other people's minds like
that.
219
00:15:48,840 --> 00:15:49,840
Mrs.
220
00:15:52,580 --> 00:15:55,080
Smiley, do you watch any other
programmes on the other side? I mean, do
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00:15:55,080 --> 00:15:56,540
watch anything like Panorama?
222
00:15:57,320 --> 00:15:58,320
Panorama?
223
00:15:59,100 --> 00:16:03,140
Is that like the bar with the nuts on
the outside? No, no, no. Because I never
224
00:16:03,140 --> 00:16:04,340
watch commercials, you see.
225
00:16:04,940 --> 00:16:08,620
Only once a... When the commercials come
on, I go straight out the back. Well,
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00:16:08,620 --> 00:16:11,180
thank you. Always do. Thank you very
much indeed, Mrs.
227
00:16:11,460 --> 00:16:12,760
Smiley. Have you got a lather yet?
228
00:16:14,350 --> 00:16:20,390
Star of such films as Man of Steel, Boss
Man and Ramrod. Yes, you guessed it. It
229
00:16:20,390 --> 00:16:24,250
could only be Hollywood's latest
superstar, Butch Cafferty.
230
00:16:44,170 --> 00:16:46,110
I thought that music was my favorite
song. You know why?
231
00:16:46,510 --> 00:16:48,150
Because it paid my bills.
232
00:16:49,610 --> 00:16:51,270
Hey, remember Tequila Trail?
233
00:16:52,570 --> 00:16:54,130
Remember Tequila Trail?
234
00:16:54,430 --> 00:16:56,370
A wonderful picture, that.
235
00:16:57,590 --> 00:17:01,090
It's not tequila, by the way. That's
just plain ordinary water.
236
00:17:02,350 --> 00:17:03,350
Butch.
237
00:17:06,230 --> 00:17:12,329
This is your first trip to London. This
is my first trip. And I'll forget about
238
00:17:12,329 --> 00:17:13,309
it. Forget about it.
239
00:17:13,310 --> 00:17:14,310
That's a nice material.
240
00:17:15,390 --> 00:17:18,589
This is my first trip to London. I want
you to know that as far as I'm
241
00:17:18,589 --> 00:17:23,030
concerned, London is the most exciting,
the most interesting city in the whole
242
00:17:23,030 --> 00:17:24,030
of England.
243
00:17:24,710 --> 00:17:29,190
I mean, that's a wonderful place. But
your language. Oh, my God, your
244
00:17:30,650 --> 00:17:32,810
Well, I tell you, I was at London
Airport.
245
00:17:33,900 --> 00:17:36,820
This character stood there, and I said,
would you help me with my bag? He said,
246
00:17:36,980 --> 00:17:38,920
sir, I can't help you with your bag.
247
00:17:39,260 --> 00:17:42,600
Your bag, sir? He said, because I'm a
clerk.
248
00:17:43,400 --> 00:17:45,160
I said, Gary, why? He said, I'm a clerk.
249
00:17:45,380 --> 00:17:48,340
I said, okay, sir, you're a clerk. He
go, tick -tock, tick -tock.
250
00:17:50,140 --> 00:17:52,080
I said, there's no course for alarm.
251
00:17:54,420 --> 00:17:55,420
God, he laughed.
252
00:17:55,880 --> 00:17:57,680
He had to out of something to the end.
253
00:17:59,140 --> 00:18:02,220
Butch, now, you've just returned from
Italy where you've been making one of
254
00:18:02,220 --> 00:18:06,320
these Italian westerns. Oh, wait, what's
up? Food in Italy. Oh, my God. I'm in a
255
00:18:06,320 --> 00:18:08,460
restaurant there one night with this
boy.
256
00:18:08,780 --> 00:18:12,320
Oh, man, you know, fellow actor, very
virile sort of man.
257
00:18:13,860 --> 00:18:18,380
I was telling him, and I said, I said,
wow, I said, if I have any more
258
00:18:18,380 --> 00:18:20,260
and I burp, I'm going to lasso a waiter.
259
00:18:21,520 --> 00:18:23,220
I don't know where that was.
260
00:18:23,480 --> 00:18:24,480
Oh, the dialogue.
261
00:18:24,700 --> 00:18:29,300
in those spaghetti western films. I tell
you, the dialogue, it's the romantic in
262
00:18:29,300 --> 00:18:30,179
quotes. You know what I mean?
263
00:18:30,180 --> 00:18:32,500
Romantic in quotes. See it with someone
you love.
264
00:18:32,800 --> 00:18:33,800
Go by yourself.
265
00:18:34,900 --> 00:18:37,720
What do you always say? Who cares?
266
00:18:38,020 --> 00:18:39,020
Anyway.
267
00:18:40,760 --> 00:18:44,440
There's this girl in this picture. Oh,
my God, is she a hard -faced bitch. Oh,
268
00:18:44,460 --> 00:18:48,120
my. Is it all right to say bitch on this
program? Well, I think so. Is it okay?
269
00:18:48,280 --> 00:18:51,600
Well, anyway, I don't know what you
said. Anyway, she says to me, she has to
270
00:18:51,600 --> 00:18:55,800
say, you're not in love with me, you're
in love with your six -shooter.
271
00:18:56,380 --> 00:18:58,440
In love with my six -shooter.
272
00:18:59,040 --> 00:19:00,040
Fond of it.
273
00:19:02,190 --> 00:19:06,550
Oh, wait till I tell you, there is this
boy in this film, this full -blooded
274
00:19:06,550 --> 00:19:08,930
Indian boy, you know, he's so gorgeous.
275
00:19:09,630 --> 00:19:15,910
And this boy, in a virile sort of way,
and this boy in this picture, you know,
276
00:19:15,930 --> 00:19:19,530
he says, white men speak with forked
tongue. I said, well, my God, none of us
277
00:19:19,530 --> 00:19:20,529
are perfect.
278
00:19:20,530 --> 00:19:22,350
He laughed.
279
00:19:25,890 --> 00:19:29,470
Anyway, well, I tell you, I have gotten
me a Savile Row suit. Now, how about a
280
00:19:29,470 --> 00:19:32,290
Savile Row suit? Oh, quite the English
gentleman.
281
00:19:32,570 --> 00:19:34,170
In tweed, yes, tweed.
282
00:19:35,110 --> 00:19:41,910
And I tell you what, I'm walking across
Hyde Park there, and I'm wearing the
283
00:19:41,910 --> 00:19:43,770
tweed suit. You know, I got down in the
silver shoes.
284
00:19:44,560 --> 00:19:48,140
with the little gold furs, you know.
They're functional, you know. Well, you
285
00:19:48,140 --> 00:19:52,040
know, I'm a lemon sock, and I got the
green shirt, you know, with the red tie.
286
00:19:52,540 --> 00:19:55,380
And my statement was, this is my
trademark, would you think.
287
00:19:55,980 --> 00:20:00,000
And I was walking along, and there was
this workman by the side of the road.
288
00:20:00,000 --> 00:20:04,160
God, he was gorgeous. He had muscles all
over his face. And he looked at me in a
289
00:20:04,160 --> 00:20:08,820
very sort of way. And he looked at me,
and he said, hey, you, he said, where's
290
00:20:08,820 --> 00:20:09,820
your earrings?
291
00:20:09,840 --> 00:20:11,120
I nearly died.
292
00:20:11,880 --> 00:20:13,220
Earrings with tweeds.
293
00:20:17,040 --> 00:20:21,620
You know yourself that earrings, you
know, and... You know you have very nice
294
00:20:21,620 --> 00:20:25,740
eyes? No, I'm not kidding, I'm not
kidding. He's got very nice... I mean
295
00:20:25,740 --> 00:20:27,980
really mean that. You have very nice
eyes. Are they blue?
296
00:20:28,700 --> 00:20:30,640
It's hard to tell under these lights,
you know.
297
00:20:31,280 --> 00:20:37,680
In what way do you think the English and
British... What way do you think the
298
00:20:37,680 --> 00:20:39,220
British differ from the Americans?
299
00:20:40,300 --> 00:20:42,120
I would say they're more sincere.
300
00:20:42,600 --> 00:20:43,900
They're much more sincere.
301
00:20:45,470 --> 00:20:47,230
And as I always say, be sincere.
302
00:20:48,150 --> 00:20:49,570
Even if you don't mean it.
303
00:20:50,770 --> 00:20:51,669
Be sincere.
304
00:20:51,670 --> 00:20:54,990
I tell you, in Hollywood, everybody has
an image. Everybody over there is
305
00:20:54,990 --> 00:20:56,130
putting up a front. They've all got
fronts.
306
00:20:56,610 --> 00:20:57,910
Nobody's got any behinds anymore.
307
00:20:58,970 --> 00:21:03,330
And I'm over here with this gorgeous
boy. God, he's gorgeous. Kid, I'm
308
00:21:03,330 --> 00:21:04,550
dressing room with an English actor.
309
00:21:04,750 --> 00:21:07,010
God, he's... Honestly, I don't usually
share because I'm a star.
310
00:21:08,600 --> 00:21:12,740
But he's showing us this young actor,
and he's gorgeous, and he's so sincere,
311
00:21:12,940 --> 00:21:16,600
you know, because a lot of young, good
-looking men are conceited. I try not to
312
00:21:16,600 --> 00:21:21,280
be. I like it because he's the same way,
because, folks, honestly, this is not
313
00:21:21,280 --> 00:21:22,280
the real me.
314
00:21:22,460 --> 00:21:25,680
Honestly, you meet me in the street, you
wouldn't recognize me. I wear furs,
315
00:21:25,760 --> 00:21:28,800
nylons, fenders, long black gloves.
316
00:21:29,240 --> 00:21:31,820
I'm kidding, of course. They know I'm
kidding. What a...
317
00:21:34,170 --> 00:21:35,190
Of course, I'm kidding.
318
00:21:35,390 --> 00:21:36,309
Why isn't he kidding?
319
00:21:36,310 --> 00:21:39,470
Butch, there must be very many pressures
on you.
320
00:21:39,670 --> 00:21:40,609
Hmm?
321
00:21:40,610 --> 00:21:41,610
Pressures on you.
322
00:21:41,750 --> 00:21:43,030
Oh, pressures. I thought you said
pressures.
323
00:21:43,630 --> 00:21:45,230
I thought I was getting through to you.
324
00:21:47,450 --> 00:21:48,450
Wow!
325
00:21:48,790 --> 00:21:51,210
But anyway, you know, I'm a sinister
father.
326
00:21:51,470 --> 00:21:55,850
But the thing is, now let me just tell
you this. I was saying to my eldest son
327
00:21:55,850 --> 00:22:00,850
this morning, I said, Karen, I said... I
was speaking, I said, I'm worried. Are
328
00:22:00,850 --> 00:22:01,649
you a married man?
329
00:22:01,650 --> 00:22:02,970
No, no, no. Don't do it.
330
00:22:03,470 --> 00:22:05,370
Not as good as the real thing, I promise
you.
331
00:22:05,710 --> 00:22:09,950
But my wife, oh, my wife, she gets on to
me early morning till late at night.
332
00:22:09,970 --> 00:22:13,850
She's on to me all the time. I hate her.
I really do, because she says I'm a
333
00:22:13,850 --> 00:22:16,910
feminist. I said, well, compared to you,
everybody's a feminist.
334
00:22:17,830 --> 00:22:21,610
What chance have you got of me? My
father was the female impersonator. My
335
00:22:21,610 --> 00:22:22,650
was the principal boy.
336
00:22:23,290 --> 00:22:24,290
Well,
337
00:22:26,250 --> 00:22:29,190
now, Butch, let's change the subject. I
understand that you're writing...
338
00:22:30,120 --> 00:22:33,660
Writing your first book. Is it in any
way autobiographical?
339
00:22:35,840 --> 00:22:36,840
Butch.
340
00:22:38,120 --> 00:22:39,120
Butch.
341
00:22:43,960 --> 00:22:46,500
Well, Butch, we could go on talking like
this for hours.
342
00:22:48,260 --> 00:22:52,500
Unfortunately, that old clock on the
wall tells me that we have only 43 and a
343
00:22:52,500 --> 00:22:53,399
half minutes to go.
344
00:22:53,400 --> 00:22:57,540
With that, it's goodbye this week. Look
in next week when we shall have the more
345
00:22:57,540 --> 00:22:58,760
interesting people for you.
346
00:22:59,760 --> 00:23:00,760
Much more interesting.
347
00:23:06,480 --> 00:23:09,460
A small, strong ale, please.
348
00:23:09,800 --> 00:23:10,800
Certainly, sir.
349
00:23:17,880 --> 00:23:21,540
There's a street near Plymouth, though,
where sailors like to go.
350
00:23:21,860 --> 00:23:24,320
There's a name there called the Fawlty
Pussy Cat.
351
00:23:25,340 --> 00:23:28,620
It's a broken -hearted gal with the name
of Fat -Eyed...
352
00:23:29,040 --> 00:23:31,740
On her feet beside the bar you'll find
her fat.
353
00:23:32,340 --> 00:23:37,000
She'll whisper sweet nothings in your
ear, sip your wine and swig your beer,
354
00:23:37,000 --> 00:23:39,340
sing a simple song though slightly flat.
355
00:23:40,120 --> 00:23:45,560
She used to juggle with a carrot, or
banana than a parrot, but things got
356
00:23:45,560 --> 00:23:46,980
and she had to eat the axe.
357
00:23:47,600 --> 00:23:53,200
Oh, said a tear, said a tear, that I
fell, that I fell, all her hopes and
358
00:23:53,200 --> 00:23:57,520
will fade and fall apart, fall apart,
and be thin -feared, be thin -feared,
359
00:24:00,170 --> 00:24:02,730
in your hand you hold your love of
heart.
360
00:24:05,010 --> 00:24:06,770
To the seamen she was deprived.
361
00:24:07,390 --> 00:24:09,110
A real fight for four eyes.
362
00:24:09,410 --> 00:24:11,870
And the officer, they smiled on her as
well.
363
00:24:12,610 --> 00:24:17,650
And Captain Fidney Smart took one look,
then lofty fart, though he brought his
364
00:24:17,650 --> 00:24:19,190
married lady through the smell.
365
00:24:19,930 --> 00:24:22,090
One night he felt her fockley five.
366
00:24:22,430 --> 00:24:26,930
Felt that I love you till I die. Let me
feel it. Let me feel it with a kiss.
367
00:24:28,070 --> 00:24:34,350
Bound of anger filled the air. He held a
knife and smiled, so it had come to
368
00:24:34,350 --> 00:24:40,450
this. The knife was aimed at Salford's
boobum. He parried with a cupon. It was
369
00:24:40,450 --> 00:24:42,810
spinning, bubble, vaulting through the
air.
370
00:24:43,550 --> 00:24:49,150
He aimed it up in Sydney, just below his
kidney. Food and screaming went before
371
00:24:49,150 --> 00:24:50,170
him lying there.
372
00:24:50,670 --> 00:24:52,050
But fed a tear.
373
00:24:52,290 --> 00:24:54,110
Fed a tear. And I fell.
374
00:24:54,390 --> 00:24:57,850
And I fell. All her hope and dreams were
faded and fall apart.
375
00:24:58,150 --> 00:24:59,069
Fall apart.
376
00:24:59,070 --> 00:25:01,790
To your own gal.
377
00:25:02,370 --> 00:25:05,430
Remember in your hand you hold a young
girl.
378
00:25:06,750 --> 00:25:10,470
So rough to fit me fried.
379
00:25:10,690 --> 00:25:12,250
Oh, speak to me, she cried.
380
00:25:12,510 --> 00:25:15,330
She forked some whiskey down him from a
nearby glass.
381
00:25:16,130 --> 00:25:21,390
And she nursed him night and day and
discreetly turned away when she gave him
382
00:25:21,390 --> 00:25:23,250
his injection in his car.
383
00:25:24,010 --> 00:25:26,090
On his cheek there came a fluff.
384
00:25:26,290 --> 00:25:28,030
He tipped her hand that made her bluff.
385
00:25:28,410 --> 00:25:31,110
Fief marred happily to see him looking
so well.
386
00:25:31,510 --> 00:25:36,110
Soon he could stand on his own feet and
walk unaided down the street. For we
387
00:25:36,110 --> 00:25:38,590
went off and married Lady Foof and
Snell.
388
00:25:38,890 --> 00:25:42,450
And we fed a tear. Fed a tear. On that I
bow.
389
00:25:42,830 --> 00:25:46,350
On that I bow. All her hopes and dreams
will fade and fall apart.
390
00:25:46,590 --> 00:25:47,349
Fall apart.
391
00:25:47,350 --> 00:25:48,350
And Fief in fear.
392
00:25:48,610 --> 00:25:50,290
Fief in fear. To your own gown.
393
00:25:50,550 --> 00:25:54,610
To your own gown. Remember in your hand
you hold another heart.
394
00:25:57,680 --> 00:26:01,860
Whatever plimmers way and down that
street you chow to stray, and you feel
395
00:26:01,860 --> 00:26:08,400
foolhardy and adventurous, think
carefully before you venture through the
396
00:26:08,400 --> 00:26:11,460
beneath the fwinging fine of that fly
old poof.
397
00:26:12,240 --> 00:26:17,720
Go and drink with filthy Farrah, or
cattle market Clara, or knickers Nell,
398
00:26:17,740 --> 00:26:18,960
they're all sweet and refined.
399
00:26:19,720 --> 00:26:25,230
But if your heart is filled with lust,
and drink with value not, Remember, see
400
00:26:25,230 --> 00:26:26,930
how buffered, so be kind.
401
00:26:28,270 --> 00:26:34,630
And if, when we've had a few, hold her
close to you, and you think you're in a
402
00:26:34,630 --> 00:26:40,870
dream, though you're awake, don't be
taken by for pride, if when we've closed
403
00:26:40,870 --> 00:26:45,910
her eyes, we've called you Darling
Sidney by mistake.
404
00:26:47,440 --> 00:26:48,480
fed a tear.
405
00:26:48,900 --> 00:26:50,860
For that I fell.
406
00:26:51,520 --> 00:26:54,760
All her hope and dreams will fade and
fall apart.
407
00:26:55,400 --> 00:26:59,040
And be sincere to your own girl.
408
00:26:59,620 --> 00:27:04,260
Remember in your hand you hold your love
of heart.
409
00:27:38,250 --> 00:27:43,370
And they tried to put us down. They said
there's always trouble whenever we're
410
00:27:43,370 --> 00:27:44,970
around. But we made it.
411
00:27:45,730 --> 00:27:47,510
The love and dance and sing.
412
00:27:47,750 --> 00:27:49,330
In peace with one another.
413
00:27:49,610 --> 00:27:52,410
It was there we did our thing. We came
to Woodstick.
414
00:27:53,710 --> 00:27:54,710
Woodstick.
415
00:36:05,670 --> 00:36:06,670
thick to be milk.
416
00:36:07,570 --> 00:36:09,490
Strawberries. Definitely strawberries.
417
00:36:11,570 --> 00:36:12,590
It's tangy.
418
00:36:13,770 --> 00:36:15,870
I don't know what it is.
419
00:36:21,050 --> 00:36:24,050
Here. I've been looking for that paint.
420
00:36:24,390 --> 00:36:28,690
Touch up your balustrade. Touch up your
balustrade in a minute for God's sake.
421
00:36:37,800 --> 00:36:40,460
And now for our autumn fashion parade.
422
00:36:41,160 --> 00:36:47,740
Here is Trudy wearing a lovely skirt and
bolero in brown suede with a cinnamon
423
00:36:47,740 --> 00:36:48,740
motif.
424
00:36:51,140 --> 00:36:55,520
The ensemble can be worn with a belt or
equally attractively without a belt.
425
00:36:58,160 --> 00:36:59,560
And now for the gentlemen.
426
00:36:59,860 --> 00:37:04,680
Here is Jeremy and his new letter kit,
all set for an evening out among the jet
427
00:37:04,680 --> 00:37:05,680
set.
428
00:37:22,800 --> 00:37:23,800
the non -smoker.
429
00:37:24,780 --> 00:37:28,940
And when the evening feels a little
warm, he can remove the jacket to reveal
430
00:37:28,940 --> 00:37:30,800
novel touch, the backless shirt.
431
00:37:32,080 --> 00:37:37,360
His ensemble can be worn with the belt
or, equally attractively, without the
432
00:37:37,360 --> 00:37:38,360
belt.
433
00:37:54,960 --> 00:37:56,620
I didn't use my deodorant today.
434
00:37:57,340 --> 00:37:59,280
I didn't use my deodorant yesterday.
435
00:37:59,860 --> 00:38:02,020
I might not use my deodorant tomorrow.
436
00:38:02,520 --> 00:38:04,840
Oh, please, please use it tomorrow.
437
00:38:10,000 --> 00:38:10,520
Hi
438
00:38:10,520 --> 00:38:17,420
there.
439
00:38:17,620 --> 00:38:18,620
I'm Cheryl.
440
00:38:18,720 --> 00:38:21,280
I've got 747s going to Miami.
441
00:38:21,580 --> 00:38:22,580
Fly me.
442
00:38:27,180 --> 00:38:28,180
And candy.
443
00:38:28,600 --> 00:38:30,740
I've got two thirty -eight. Go.
444
00:38:36,260 --> 00:38:38,100
I'm sorry, can I go? I'm sorry.
445
00:38:39,280 --> 00:38:40,860
Tim's TV Panto, take one.
446
00:38:41,260 --> 00:38:43,060
So this is Turnham Green.
447
00:38:43,360 --> 00:38:45,540
My, you're a pretty one and no mistake.
448
00:38:45,900 --> 00:38:47,220
What say you, Dobbins?
449
00:39:22,440 --> 00:39:23,238
And candy.
450
00:39:23,240 --> 00:39:25,060
I've got jumbos. Go...
451
00:39:25,060 --> 00:39:32,480
And
452
00:39:32,480 --> 00:39:33,480
now, beachwear.
453
00:39:34,000 --> 00:39:40,080
Here's Gypsy, all ready for her summer
holidays in a blouse jacket in fabulous
454
00:39:40,080 --> 00:39:42,040
brown and gold chiffon.
455
00:39:46,410 --> 00:39:50,690
And when the sun comes out, she removes
her jacket to reveal a daring swimsuit
456
00:39:50,690 --> 00:39:52,610
in eye -catching canary yellow.
457
00:39:54,190 --> 00:39:57,810
So it's on with the sunglasses and down
to the beach.
458
00:39:59,370 --> 00:40:00,950
And here's Jeremy.
459
00:40:04,610 --> 00:40:05,250
And
460
00:40:05,250 --> 00:40:13,370
here's
461
00:40:13,370 --> 00:40:14,370
Jeremy again.
462
00:40:21,420 --> 00:40:23,700
on what is in red and black carefree
cotton.
463
00:40:24,500 --> 00:40:30,060
And when the sun comes out, he slips off
his jacket to show his gay matching
464
00:40:30,060 --> 00:40:31,320
crease shedding pattern.
465
00:40:34,200 --> 00:40:39,460
So it's on with his trendiest sunglasses
and down to the beach.
466
00:40:53,580 --> 00:40:58,800
Hi there. I'm Candy. I've got 747s going
to my mammy.
467
00:41:00,980 --> 00:41:01,980
Miami.
468
00:41:02,780 --> 00:41:04,520
Oh, fly me?
469
00:41:05,580 --> 00:41:07,000
Oh, fly me.
470
00:41:22,960 --> 00:41:23,960
Good noon, men.
471
00:41:24,180 --> 00:41:24,700
Good
472
00:41:24,700 --> 00:41:36,400
noon,
473
00:41:36,480 --> 00:41:38,100
men, after ladies, gentle buddies.
474
00:41:41,820 --> 00:41:45,620
And a spaceship welcome to all the
little poisoned girls.
475
00:41:46,900 --> 00:41:50,900
And when I say poisoned girls, I don't
mean little girls who have taken poison
476
00:41:50,900 --> 00:41:52,080
and become poisoned girls.
477
00:41:53,210 --> 00:41:55,990
I mean, of course, all the little
chilblains.
478
00:41:56,870 --> 00:41:59,090
So much for German satire.
479
00:42:21,930 --> 00:42:23,470
Die Glock streicht ein.
480
00:42:24,070 --> 00:42:25,990
Die Glock streicht ein.
481
00:42:26,550 --> 00:42:33,250
Die Glock... Nein, hier
482
00:42:33,250 --> 00:42:36,330
in der Hand. In der Hand.
483
00:42:37,190 --> 00:42:39,710
In der Hand. In der Hand.
484
00:42:40,050 --> 00:42:41,130
In der Hand.
485
00:42:41,390 --> 00:42:47,510
In der Hand. In der Hand.
486
00:42:53,840 --> 00:42:54,840
That's Tim's television.
487
00:42:58,020 --> 00:43:02,660
And now we have a solo by our solo
singer, who is called Siegfried.
488
00:43:02,980 --> 00:43:09,820
This young man. This young man... You
are Siegfried? Yes.
489
00:43:10,320 --> 00:43:11,320
A young man?
490
00:43:11,760 --> 00:43:14,580
You have a good pair of lungs for a
young man.
491
00:43:15,740 --> 00:43:17,560
You have a good pair for a woman.
492
00:43:19,290 --> 00:43:20,810
Mein ganzer schöner Tokus. Ja.
493
00:43:21,210 --> 00:43:23,690
Und so sieht Jungmann gesingen eine.
494
00:43:23,930 --> 00:43:25,090
So lohnt es sich ein.
495
00:43:26,910 --> 00:43:32,990
Kleines Wuppi hat verloren, Herr Schief.
Und weiß nicht, wo sie forschen.
496
00:43:33,270 --> 00:43:36,890
Lebt sie allein und die will kommen
heim. Ja.
497
00:43:37,170 --> 00:43:39,210
Mit der dingle, dongle, dingle, dingle.
498
00:43:48,650 --> 00:43:51,250
Du will eine bunche Fumpf auf der Hute
gehabt.
499
00:43:52,850 --> 00:43:54,650
Go und geht Stufen.
500
00:43:56,910 --> 00:43:58,190
Du gehört das.
501
00:43:58,610 --> 00:44:00,230
Nicht an deine Nelly.
502
00:44:02,270 --> 00:44:03,950
Das war sehr schön.
503
00:44:04,470 --> 00:44:05,470
Sehr gut.
504
00:44:06,290 --> 00:44:08,530
Nein, sehr, sehr, sehr gut.
505
00:44:09,050 --> 00:44:10,870
Sieh mich später in the dressing room,
ja?
506
00:44:11,630 --> 00:44:16,250
So, jetzt, meine Damen und Herren, eine
Kinderpoem für das erste Mal in English
507
00:44:16,250 --> 00:44:17,250
mit Helmut.
508
00:44:17,800 --> 00:44:20,220
Lisa is the best of people in all the
class.
509
00:44:20,740 --> 00:44:22,800
And they're singing in English.
510
00:44:26,960 --> 00:44:29,180
And little Jack.
511
00:44:30,220 --> 00:44:31,680
Little Jack corner.
512
00:44:32,340 --> 00:44:34,240
Corner. Yeah, good.
513
00:44:34,880 --> 00:44:38,660
Corner. That and I'm a stool.
514
00:44:40,120 --> 00:44:42,280
That and I'm a corner.
515
00:44:42,760 --> 00:44:43,760
Oh, yeah.
516
00:44:44,880 --> 00:44:45,880
Corner.
517
00:45:15,330 --> 00:45:18,130
Yes. Yes.
518
00:45:20,070 --> 00:45:21,070
Yes.
519
00:45:25,550 --> 00:45:30,910
He put in his... What happened he could
put in?
520
00:45:31,450 --> 00:45:33,670
What happened he could put in? It
521
00:45:33,670 --> 00:45:40,210
is too
522
00:45:40,210 --> 00:45:41,210
warm.
523
00:45:42,510 --> 00:45:44,530
Will eine Blister gegetten.
524
00:45:47,390 --> 00:45:53,970
He... He put in his... He put in his
thumb.
525
00:45:56,990 --> 00:45:59,410
And pulled out.
526
00:46:02,430 --> 00:46:06,090
What? Pulled the man out?
527
00:46:06,550 --> 00:46:12,910
Come on, what happened here? Pulled out.
528
00:46:13,910 --> 00:46:14,910
Well?
529
00:46:36,170 --> 00:46:39,330
sticking in, yeah? Yeah. So it must be
the time what they're taking out.
530
00:46:42,590 --> 00:46:43,810
That figures, yeah.
531
00:46:45,630 --> 00:46:46,630
Nein.
532
00:46:47,010 --> 00:46:51,650
He pulled... He pulled out a plum.
533
00:46:54,970 --> 00:46:59,250
Helmut, am I getting through to you? He
pulled out a plum.
534
00:47:44,350 --> 00:47:47,770
So we have a piece of classical music.
535
00:47:48,110 --> 00:47:49,750
Mozart and Liszt.
536
00:47:50,030 --> 00:47:56,830
And that one is... We have Erste von
Mozart.
537
00:47:57,870 --> 00:47:59,690
We have in the Rondo...
538
00:48:23,600 --> 00:48:24,680
Yes, I do!
539
00:49:22,870 --> 00:49:29,610
Thank you very much
540
00:49:29,610 --> 00:49:32,210
until we meet again on behalf of
541
00:50:30,320 --> 00:50:31,320
Thank you.
45360
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