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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:11,470 --> 00:00:18,030 ... ... ... ... 2 00:00:18,030 --> 00:00:20,830 ... ... 3 00:00:31,790 --> 00:00:38,410 or the sole illogical gardens, or Cleopatra's noodle, there could surely 4 00:00:38,410 --> 00:00:39,410 cat -art party. 5 00:00:40,230 --> 00:00:43,730 But what a typical English sailor boy you are, to be sure. 6 00:00:44,610 --> 00:00:45,950 Splash the main brace. 7 00:00:47,670 --> 00:00:48,990 What'll it be then, Jane? 8 00:00:49,510 --> 00:00:51,610 Bitter. One bitter coming up. 9 00:00:52,010 --> 00:00:53,010 Nine! 10 00:00:53,270 --> 00:00:54,730 Nine bitters coming up. 11 00:00:56,150 --> 00:00:59,230 Give us a kiss and show us your knickers. 12 00:00:59,550 --> 00:01:00,550 Do what? 13 00:01:02,190 --> 00:01:07,010 Being typical British service men, we shall have a typical British drink. We 14 00:01:07,010 --> 00:01:09,310 will have a swipe, two martinis. 15 00:01:09,810 --> 00:01:11,210 Drive? Nein, swipe. 16 00:01:11,650 --> 00:01:12,650 I mean, no, two. 17 00:01:13,190 --> 00:01:14,690 Just two martinis. 18 00:01:15,610 --> 00:01:18,430 I see we've got that big fat pig going on a run, ain't we, eh? 19 00:01:18,850 --> 00:01:19,850 Fat, fat pig. 20 00:01:20,470 --> 00:01:21,590 Great fat pig. 21 00:01:22,050 --> 00:01:24,650 I've got more brains than him. I'm only half his size. 22 00:01:25,010 --> 00:01:26,010 I beg your pardon? 23 00:01:38,320 --> 00:01:42,820 It's the Benny Hill Show, and here is Benny Hill. 24 00:01:49,640 --> 00:01:53,480 Now, I don't want you folks to misconstrue what I'm about to say to 25 00:01:53,480 --> 00:01:55,380 going to tell you about the women in my life. 26 00:01:55,900 --> 00:01:59,100 Now, I know some gals are real refined, but they always seem to get the other 27 00:01:59,100 --> 00:02:01,500 kind, and maybe that's why I've never found a wife. 28 00:02:02,100 --> 00:02:05,680 Now, I used to know a gal in Cruz. She was five foot two. She had eyes of blue 29 00:02:05,680 --> 00:02:07,900 and... She told me that her name was Lottie. 30 00:02:08,380 --> 00:02:12,100 But I think she was funny in the head. She used to sleep underneath the bed. 31 00:02:12,100 --> 00:02:14,200 parents thought she was a little potty. 32 00:02:14,760 --> 00:02:18,320 I kind of liked the way she smiled, so I went around with her for a while, and I 33 00:02:18,320 --> 00:02:20,140 kind of thought of her as my bride -to -be. 34 00:02:20,680 --> 00:02:24,600 I said, you're the one gal in my life I'd like to have you for my wife. She 35 00:02:24,600 --> 00:02:26,420 said, now what would your wife do with me? 36 00:02:27,240 --> 00:02:29,780 Beware of wives within those wild... 37 00:02:49,609 --> 00:02:52,790 © BF -WATCH TV 2021 38 00:03:10,540 --> 00:03:13,620 I said, you just can't help but stare at the cute little chick with the long 39 00:03:13,620 --> 00:03:15,940 blonde hair. He said, that chick just happens to be my son. 40 00:03:16,660 --> 00:03:21,040 I said, I didn't mean to offend. You must let me make amends. At least let me 41 00:03:21,040 --> 00:03:22,280 buy you another rum. 42 00:03:22,680 --> 00:03:26,800 I said, you must think me an awful cat. I didn't know you was his dad. He said, 43 00:03:26,880 --> 00:03:28,560 I'm not your twit. I'm his mom. 44 00:03:52,490 --> 00:03:53,309 Nice hat, isn't it? 45 00:03:53,310 --> 00:03:55,550 Got that itself produced in the restaurant. 46 00:03:57,910 --> 00:04:01,050 Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the show, and it's nice to welcome back my 47 00:04:01,050 --> 00:04:04,710 friend Nicholas Parsons, and here he is talking to the children of St. 48 00:04:04,990 --> 00:04:05,990 Solomon's School. 49 00:04:06,450 --> 00:04:07,870 And what are you drawing? 50 00:04:08,250 --> 00:04:09,690 I'm going to do a picture. 51 00:04:15,459 --> 00:04:22,460 He gave him all little girl chocolate dollies and he 52 00:04:22,460 --> 00:04:24,400 wanted boy chocolate dollies. 53 00:04:24,640 --> 00:04:26,740 There isn't that much difference, is there? 54 00:04:27,140 --> 00:04:31,740 No, but there's that much more chocolate. 55 00:04:32,000 --> 00:04:33,140 He likes chocolate. 56 00:04:33,840 --> 00:04:37,800 He's silly. I know he's my brother, but he's still silly. 57 00:04:38,559 --> 00:04:42,900 I sleep by myself. I'm not afraid to sleep by myself, but he is. 58 00:04:43,300 --> 00:04:45,020 And so is Mummy. 59 00:04:45,940 --> 00:04:50,080 Yes, she is, because Mummy, when Daddy goes away for the weekend, Mummy always 60 00:04:50,080 --> 00:04:52,300 has to have Uncle Percy come and sleep with her. 61 00:04:56,280 --> 00:04:59,060 He's not my real uncle. What? 62 00:04:59,340 --> 00:05:03,040 What did you say? 63 00:05:03,520 --> 00:05:08,100 I'm not sure, but it's something about modern permissive trends upsetting the 64 00:05:08,100 --> 00:05:10,260 fabric of present -day society or something like that. 65 00:05:10,860 --> 00:05:13,400 I told you he was silly, didn't I? He was silly. 66 00:05:13,640 --> 00:05:17,260 I've nearly finished now. What's it going to be? It's going to be a picture 67 00:05:17,260 --> 00:05:23,140 God. I know nobody knows what God looks like, but I haven't finished my picture 68 00:05:23,140 --> 00:05:24,560 yet, have I? So shut up. 69 00:05:25,780 --> 00:05:29,080 Come now, the two of you. All of you. All of you. Leave. 70 00:05:29,600 --> 00:05:32,120 It nearly does. 71 00:05:33,360 --> 00:05:40,340 Well, today we're letting them paint anything they like and... He 72 00:05:40,340 --> 00:05:41,660 paints a lady. 73 00:05:43,880 --> 00:05:46,060 She have no clothes on. 74 00:05:46,600 --> 00:05:48,620 She have no dress. 75 00:05:49,920 --> 00:05:51,380 She have no shoes. 76 00:05:51,740 --> 00:05:53,260 No stockings. 77 00:05:54,120 --> 00:05:55,340 No knickers. 78 00:05:56,720 --> 00:05:58,000 She is a naked. 79 00:06:04,940 --> 00:06:06,320 He is a knackered too. 80 00:06:06,960 --> 00:06:09,480 The gentleman is very fond of the lady. 81 00:06:11,300 --> 00:06:12,820 What is your name? 82 00:06:13,520 --> 00:06:14,520 Rodin, monsieur. 83 00:06:15,560 --> 00:06:16,560 Castor Rodin. 84 00:06:19,100 --> 00:06:22,360 We have to draw what we want to be when we're grown up. 85 00:06:24,400 --> 00:06:28,880 She wants to be married, but she don't know how to draw it. I do. It's all like 86 00:06:28,880 --> 00:06:32,000 fighting and screaming and kicking and shouting and having babies. 87 00:06:32,300 --> 00:06:33,300 I know. 88 00:06:33,950 --> 00:06:34,929 You never? 89 00:06:34,930 --> 00:06:38,930 I do know, because me dad said to me, do you want to have a little baby brother, 90 00:06:39,150 --> 00:06:40,530 or would you like to have a little baby sister? 91 00:06:40,810 --> 00:06:41,830 And what did you say? 92 00:06:42,090 --> 00:06:45,150 I said, if it wouldn't put me mum to too much trouble, I'd like a pony. 93 00:06:47,090 --> 00:06:50,890 He said, no, it's the stalk, and it's going to come flying round our house. 94 00:06:50,890 --> 00:06:53,550 going to fly in round and round. It's going to fly right in the window of me 95 00:06:53,550 --> 00:06:57,910 mum's bedroom there. And I said, don't upset me mum, because she's in the 96 00:06:57,910 --> 00:06:58,910 way. 97 00:07:00,130 --> 00:07:02,670 What do you want to be when you grow up? I'm going to be a boxer. 98 00:07:03,160 --> 00:07:04,200 I know about fighting. 99 00:07:04,420 --> 00:07:06,260 You can't. I know about fighting, I do. 100 00:07:06,480 --> 00:07:11,200 You can't. I do. I beat Ginger Tompkins and I locked her back on the floor at 101 00:07:11,200 --> 00:07:13,160 the playground and she's in the big girls. 102 00:07:13,620 --> 00:07:14,620 I don't know. 103 00:07:14,860 --> 00:07:18,520 My dad, he wants me to become a prime minister, but I don't want to do that 104 00:07:18,520 --> 00:07:22,340 because I don't want to go sailing on the boat all the time. I should be 105 00:07:22,340 --> 00:07:25,660 seasick. I should be sick on the deck and I should be sick on the floor. 106 00:07:25,880 --> 00:07:27,320 I should be sick on the deck. 107 00:07:39,070 --> 00:07:40,070 We're trespassing, you know. 108 00:07:41,030 --> 00:07:44,010 Water bailiff, he says, though, and he don't think of his trespassers, not him, 109 00:07:44,070 --> 00:07:45,610 once he caught me with me rod. 110 00:07:46,010 --> 00:07:48,330 He said, you dirty, rotten, soppy clod. 111 00:07:50,330 --> 00:07:52,970 He says, you're fishing. I says, no, I'm teaching the worm to swim. 112 00:07:55,190 --> 00:07:58,830 He says, I've told you twice before, poaching salmon's against the law. 113 00:07:59,210 --> 00:08:02,550 I suppose you're hoping to get one in your neck. I says, I'm after stickleback 114 00:08:02,550 --> 00:08:06,090 pike. He says, oh, what are they like? I says, I don't know, I ain't caught one 115 00:08:06,090 --> 00:08:07,090 yet. 116 00:08:08,300 --> 00:08:10,160 I used to have trouble with my flies. 117 00:08:12,540 --> 00:08:16,520 And then Joe here put me wise. God, he knows all about fishing that there is to 118 00:08:16,520 --> 00:08:21,080 tell. Do you know, I've known him tickle a trout and then, like lightning, whip 119 00:08:21,080 --> 00:08:22,080 it out. 120 00:08:22,340 --> 00:08:24,180 I've known him catch a girl that way as well. 121 00:08:27,000 --> 00:08:29,640 Here, once we took a boat out in the bay. 122 00:08:30,100 --> 00:08:31,660 Forty cod we got that day. 123 00:08:31,900 --> 00:08:34,580 Told you I'd find you a good place, says Joe with pride. 124 00:08:34,919 --> 00:08:36,440 Well, it's market then, says Pat. 125 00:08:36,830 --> 00:08:40,169 I said, are we going to do that? He said, easy, put a chalk mark on the 126 00:08:41,070 --> 00:08:45,050 I said, that is diabolical, that's stupid, that's illogical. 127 00:08:45,370 --> 00:08:49,070 I said, mark the side with chalk, you silly goat. I said, if we come out in 128 00:08:49,070 --> 00:08:52,310 bay and fish us another day, chances are we get a different boat. 129 00:08:56,170 --> 00:08:57,170 He says, 130 00:08:57,910 --> 00:09:04,130 he says, the Heskimos cuts all in the ice, floats on some peas and waits quiet 131 00:09:04,130 --> 00:09:04,999 as voice. 132 00:09:05,000 --> 00:09:07,540 Open to catch a cod or a hake or a nice sole. 133 00:09:09,000 --> 00:09:12,740 He says, they wait there patiently until the fish comes up for a pee. 134 00:09:15,620 --> 00:09:18,140 He says, what then? He says, they kick him in the eyes off. 135 00:09:21,860 --> 00:09:25,140 Once he told our local barmaid how one day he caught a mermaid. 136 00:09:25,400 --> 00:09:27,320 He said, I got her just off Plymouth Town. 137 00:09:27,640 --> 00:09:32,080 Her bust it measured 42, her waist it measured 22, and the rest of her was 18 138 00:09:32,080 --> 00:09:33,080 pence a pound. 139 00:09:34,310 --> 00:09:36,050 Dear, oh, no, he's a lad, isn't he? 140 00:09:36,890 --> 00:09:38,670 Here, once he took out fidgety Flo. 141 00:09:38,950 --> 00:09:41,370 She says, isn't that swan swimming slow? 142 00:09:41,830 --> 00:09:46,050 And there's the horse, and there's the cow, and that pig's a boar. And, oh, 143 00:09:46,050 --> 00:09:48,330 at that, Joe. He says, all right, love, I know. 144 00:09:48,550 --> 00:09:50,250 She says, what do you want to go and threaten it for? 145 00:09:52,610 --> 00:09:55,110 He married her one day. 146 00:09:55,550 --> 00:09:57,050 What, it was a tiddler on the way. 147 00:09:57,750 --> 00:10:01,210 And he was born. We all wanted to know the weight. He says, he weighs near 148 00:10:01,210 --> 00:10:02,210 enough a pound. 149 00:10:02,650 --> 00:10:05,790 So Charlie, he turns round, he says, go on, you only just got back your bait. 150 00:10:13,290 --> 00:10:18,750 He'd be a young man today, doing his own pop -happy way, chasing some 151 00:10:18,750 --> 00:10:19,930 unattainable dream. 152 00:10:20,620 --> 00:10:24,380 But perhaps when he's older and a bit more wise, he'll begin to realise the 153 00:10:24,380 --> 00:10:25,660 of just sitting by a stream. 154 00:10:25,940 --> 00:10:30,800 For in a world filled with aggression and hate and fear and depression, an 155 00:10:30,800 --> 00:10:32,760 out here, oh, you just don't know what it's worth. 156 00:10:33,540 --> 00:10:36,700 Spend an hour with fishermen, and you'll find peace again. 157 00:10:37,060 --> 00:10:40,640 They're the most peaceful, kindly gentlemen on earth. 158 00:10:41,220 --> 00:10:42,219 I got one! 159 00:10:42,220 --> 00:10:43,580 I got one! I got one! 160 00:11:45,420 --> 00:11:46,420 down memory lane 161 00:16:52,620 --> 00:16:54,040 And may you have many more. 162 00:17:02,980 --> 00:17:04,880 Howdy, all you folks out there in television land. 163 00:17:07,099 --> 00:17:09,780 I come up here this time, I come over on an airplane. 164 00:17:10,700 --> 00:17:13,400 I don't know you folks remember the first time you ever went up on an 165 00:17:13,520 --> 00:17:16,079 Sure, it's a lot scarier, isn't it? You know, first thing you happen, you sit 166 00:17:16,079 --> 00:17:18,839 down, this sassy little gal come along and she strap you in your seat. 167 00:17:19,579 --> 00:17:24,040 Then she sort of hovers over you, you know, with that... Tight white blouse 168 00:17:24,040 --> 00:17:25,040 to bugs. 169 00:17:26,160 --> 00:17:28,000 She says, anything I can do for you. 170 00:17:28,560 --> 00:17:31,140 I said, I felt a lot of good when you hogtied there, didn't I? 171 00:17:32,500 --> 00:17:36,440 And in comes other saucy little gal. Oh, she's pushing a trolley. On that 172 00:17:36,440 --> 00:17:37,920 trolley, there is everything. 173 00:17:38,360 --> 00:17:39,440 There is whiskey. 174 00:17:39,660 --> 00:17:40,659 There is gin. 175 00:17:40,660 --> 00:17:42,340 There is martina. 176 00:17:44,400 --> 00:17:46,160 There is dooboney. 177 00:17:47,340 --> 00:17:48,580 Bo jolly. 178 00:18:01,199 --> 00:18:03,360 You won't know who's up the front of the airplane. 179 00:18:03,720 --> 00:18:05,100 The driver, that's who. 180 00:18:06,000 --> 00:18:10,120 And he stopped talking at you. He says, uh, this is your captain speaking. 181 00:18:11,320 --> 00:18:13,860 He got like a deep, rich, brown voice. 182 00:18:14,200 --> 00:18:16,820 That sort of lulled you into a false sense of security. 183 00:18:17,580 --> 00:18:21,760 I mean, that might not be his normal voice. 184 00:18:25,060 --> 00:18:28,630 I mean, only flyer I ever knew had a voice so high. The only people that 185 00:18:28,630 --> 00:18:29,650 understand him was dolls. 186 00:18:32,970 --> 00:18:36,050 He was gay as old Paris. He used to make his own dresses. 187 00:18:38,010 --> 00:18:42,990 And he says, I'd like to welcome you aboard this here Boeing airplane. 188 00:18:45,150 --> 00:18:47,310 That's the right name for airplane, isn't it? Boeing. 189 00:18:49,350 --> 00:18:53,450 Not Speedy or High Flyer or something like that. Boeing. 190 00:18:54,990 --> 00:18:56,950 You know what I sound like, don't you, Boeing? 191 00:18:57,420 --> 00:18:59,360 That sounded like a piece just dropped off. Boing! 192 00:19:03,660 --> 00:19:06,620 He says, we're going to be flying at 30 ,000 feet. 193 00:19:07,340 --> 00:19:10,800 I said to myself, our plane is going to be flying at 30 ,000 feet. 194 00:19:11,260 --> 00:19:14,060 You get your hands on that gin bottle, you're going to be flying at 50 ,000 195 00:19:14,060 --> 00:19:15,060 feet. 196 00:19:15,540 --> 00:19:18,940 Anyway, I get over here. You know the thing I like over here about you English 197 00:19:18,940 --> 00:19:22,580 people? I like your natural health service. I like that. 198 00:19:22,780 --> 00:19:26,240 Because you know, back home in Little Creek, they charge you $5 just to look 199 00:19:26,240 --> 00:19:27,240 down your throat. 200 00:19:27,310 --> 00:19:28,850 And $30 to look up your birth certificate. 201 00:19:32,710 --> 00:19:36,870 I don't like your quarantine of people there so much, though, because they 202 00:19:36,870 --> 00:19:39,730 wouldn't let me bring my dogs in. I got two dogs. I got two loveliest little 203 00:19:39,730 --> 00:19:41,710 dogs you've ever seen in your life. I got a little Dachshund. 204 00:19:41,950 --> 00:19:44,710 The little Dachshund, that's like a dog and a half long and half a dog high. 205 00:19:46,610 --> 00:19:49,310 I like him because all the kids can pat him at the same time. 206 00:19:50,510 --> 00:19:53,630 And I feel sorry for him when we get snow on the ground because he's got 207 00:19:53,630 --> 00:19:54,630 short legs. 208 00:19:55,640 --> 00:19:56,860 I feel sorry for that little boy. 209 00:19:57,140 --> 00:19:58,140 Anyway, 210 00:19:58,580 --> 00:20:04,540 I absolutely feel sorry for him. We got an Afghan. He's a high school Afghan. 211 00:20:05,000 --> 00:20:11,160 My wife trained him to do his little bits of business on the newspaper while 212 00:20:11,160 --> 00:20:12,160 reading it. 213 00:20:15,660 --> 00:20:18,720 Anyway, wouldn't let me bring my dog, so I brought my wife over with me. 214 00:20:19,020 --> 00:20:21,140 Well, I saved Kitchener goodbye, you know. 215 00:20:23,100 --> 00:20:24,700 I sure as heck don't like kissing her goodbye. 216 00:20:25,060 --> 00:20:27,580 Only time I ever kiss her is when I can't find a table napkin. 217 00:20:31,380 --> 00:20:34,240 She's over here now, and we're going to sing at you. I don't know why you're 218 00:20:34,240 --> 00:20:35,240 doing us no harm. 219 00:20:35,580 --> 00:20:38,860 Anyway, here she is, Roundtree. I call her Roundtree on account of her clear 220 00:20:38,860 --> 00:20:39,880 gums. Come on, gal. 221 00:20:40,120 --> 00:20:41,240 It's up in the music area. 222 00:20:41,480 --> 00:20:42,480 Come on. 223 00:20:45,560 --> 00:20:49,500 Now, down on the farm, everything that you did, it seemed so right some hell. 224 00:20:49,930 --> 00:20:53,810 Like the way you always warmed your hands before you milked the cow. 225 00:20:54,170 --> 00:20:58,250 And that old muley upped and kicked me in the head one day. 226 00:20:58,570 --> 00:21:02,230 The tears rolled down my cheeks as I saw the poor mule limp away. 227 00:21:02,810 --> 00:21:06,990 That day you helped a poor old lady across the street in the snow. 228 00:21:07,570 --> 00:21:08,990 Believe me, it wasn't easy. 229 00:21:09,210 --> 00:21:11,230 She didn't want to go. 230 00:21:11,650 --> 00:21:15,630 I said I didn't smoke or drink and that necking wasn't wise. 231 00:21:16,330 --> 00:21:21,220 I said, what do you do then? And you answered, I tell lies. But the golden 232 00:21:21,220 --> 00:21:24,140 thorns on me, they're in the long ago. 233 00:21:24,440 --> 00:21:28,440 They only serve to remind me just how I love you so. 234 00:21:28,660 --> 00:21:32,900 Now, I came round your house a -courting late on a Saturday night. 235 00:21:33,220 --> 00:21:35,280 I said I don't want to see you. 236 00:21:35,480 --> 00:21:37,260 So I switched out the light. 237 00:21:37,740 --> 00:21:42,320 Later that night, you banged on my door and started to holler and shout. You 238 00:21:42,320 --> 00:21:43,720 kicked up such a rump. 239 00:21:53,360 --> 00:21:55,680 Thank you. 240 00:21:56,760 --> 00:21:58,160 Thank 241 00:21:58,160 --> 00:22:04,680 you. 242 00:22:25,450 --> 00:22:29,750 and I would like to start with Oliver Twist featuring Nancy... 243 00:23:08,170 --> 00:23:09,190 I couldn't get these out. 244 00:23:12,890 --> 00:23:17,170 Could somebody get me rice pudding? Could you order me rice pudding? 245 00:23:17,550 --> 00:23:19,370 Then send in the prisoner. 246 00:23:24,530 --> 00:23:27,950 No more whipping! 247 00:23:28,270 --> 00:23:30,510 No more beatings! I beg of you! 248 00:23:32,850 --> 00:23:37,870 Tell me the name of the man who saved my brother's life and you shall go free. 249 00:23:38,080 --> 00:23:39,100 Very well, then. 250 00:23:39,320 --> 00:23:46,080 The name of the man who saved your brother's life is... His 251 00:23:46,080 --> 00:23:51,740 name is... His name is... His 252 00:23:51,740 --> 00:23:58,680 name is Duke of 253 00:23:58,680 --> 00:23:59,680 Genby. 254 00:24:01,320 --> 00:24:06,800 The Duke of Genby? 255 00:24:09,390 --> 00:24:10,390 Thought his enemy? 256 00:24:10,410 --> 00:24:11,550 But why? 257 00:24:12,050 --> 00:24:14,650 The reason will be most rewarding. 258 00:24:15,650 --> 00:24:18,190 Send in the Duke of Denby. 259 00:24:21,190 --> 00:24:28,150 You sent for me, 260 00:24:28,230 --> 00:24:29,230 Your Majesty? 261 00:24:30,290 --> 00:24:34,710 Even a queen must thank the man who saved the life of her brother. 262 00:24:35,210 --> 00:24:37,450 Come, my Lord of Denby. 263 00:24:37,850 --> 00:24:39,150 Give me your hand. 264 00:24:39,910 --> 00:24:42,390 Nay, my lord, the other hand. 265 00:24:43,790 --> 00:24:44,790 Nay. 266 00:24:45,970 --> 00:24:48,950 Nay, my lord, both hands. 267 00:24:51,730 --> 00:24:54,470 She didn't have to have both hands, did she? Could have done it with one. 268 00:24:54,910 --> 00:24:56,950 I can't get the bloody thing off, can I? 269 00:24:57,770 --> 00:24:58,749 Oh, dear. 270 00:24:58,750 --> 00:24:59,930 Hello, Madge. 271 00:25:02,230 --> 00:25:03,810 But you were two pairs of hands. 272 00:25:04,050 --> 00:25:07,510 Oh, two pairs of hands, dear. Not if they look like that. They are. 273 00:25:08,300 --> 00:25:11,260 about washing up. Oh, you want to try barmolive, my dear. 274 00:25:11,620 --> 00:25:12,620 That's washing up liquid. 275 00:25:13,020 --> 00:25:14,220 That's what your hands are in now. 276 00:25:14,640 --> 00:25:15,960 Oh. Oh, yes. 277 00:25:16,500 --> 00:25:21,660 Oh, barmolive is especially mild, and there's none gentler. Oh, barmolive will 278 00:25:21,660 --> 00:25:25,000 keep your hands lovely and soft. Oi, do you see my do? 279 00:25:25,600 --> 00:25:27,260 Oh, goodness. 280 00:25:31,940 --> 00:25:35,100 Madge. Honestly, Johnny, so bloody rough. 281 00:25:36,220 --> 00:25:37,220 Then sit. 282 00:25:37,740 --> 00:25:38,559 the traitor. 283 00:25:38,560 --> 00:25:39,560 Aye, your majesty. 284 00:25:40,240 --> 00:25:42,400 I'll send him in. 285 00:25:43,440 --> 00:25:47,220 To think a captain of the guard could treat his queen so. 286 00:25:47,860 --> 00:25:50,280 He shall pay dearly for this. 287 00:25:51,560 --> 00:25:54,760 Captain, I would speak with you. 288 00:25:58,300 --> 00:25:59,600 Aye, your majesty. 289 00:26:01,560 --> 00:26:04,300 I would speak with you. Come here. 290 00:26:04,740 --> 00:26:06,760 But I can hear the... 291 00:26:07,530 --> 00:26:12,350 I can hear thee full well from here, your majesty. I command you to come 292 00:26:14,570 --> 00:26:21,510 I couldn't hear you back there, John. It's not my fault. 293 00:26:22,730 --> 00:26:24,750 Well, could you get a welder, then? 294 00:26:25,990 --> 00:26:29,850 Another fine day here in Sherwood Forest. 295 00:26:30,130 --> 00:26:32,570 What say you to that, eh, little John? 296 00:26:48,850 --> 00:26:49,990 Hanging's too good for him. 297 00:26:51,250 --> 00:26:52,770 What do you say to that, eh, little Don? 298 00:26:54,330 --> 00:27:00,810 Now... I told you to keep to the left. I did keep to the left. 299 00:27:01,190 --> 00:27:05,490 Shut that door, then. Yes, and I'm going off to tea. Well, I don't... Nay, my 300 00:27:05,490 --> 00:27:07,530 liege! I tell you nay! Nay! 301 00:27:08,110 --> 00:27:09,830 You shall not take me alive! 302 00:27:10,370 --> 00:27:12,110 Never! For with yonder... 303 00:27:20,910 --> 00:27:26,310 under poison tablet, which is concealed beneath my doublet, which is next to my 304 00:27:26,310 --> 00:27:31,230 singlet, shall I truly kill myself, and so, so do I die. 305 00:27:31,490 --> 00:27:32,490 I die. 306 00:27:38,610 --> 00:27:43,210 With yonder sword shall I truly kill myself, and so... 307 00:27:51,660 --> 00:27:53,980 how quickly the blood doth congeal. 308 00:27:54,280 --> 00:27:56,920 And so... Sorry. 309 00:27:57,200 --> 00:27:59,120 And so do I, darling. 310 00:29:32,460 --> 00:29:34,940 television is, will there be a fourth channel? 311 00:29:35,280 --> 00:29:37,120 No, I don't know. 312 00:29:37,880 --> 00:29:41,540 But are we satisfied with the television programmes that we're getting? 313 00:29:41,860 --> 00:29:44,440 Yes, the answer is no. 314 00:29:45,460 --> 00:29:50,900 But should there be a fourth channel? Of course not. Unless the public demand 315 00:29:50,900 --> 00:29:56,180 it. And then I say, yes, we shall not take no for an answer. 316 00:29:59,950 --> 00:30:05,830 Now, with me in the studio here is a man who is directly concerned with it, the 317 00:30:05,830 --> 00:30:10,530 head of Scuttlevision, Mr. Frederick Scuttle. Good evening, sir. 318 00:30:10,730 --> 00:30:11,730 Good evening, fans. 319 00:30:12,670 --> 00:30:17,130 Mr. Scuttle, if you were in charge of the fourth channel, what audiences would 320 00:30:17,130 --> 00:30:18,130 you aim for? 321 00:30:18,230 --> 00:30:23,550 The thinking man, sir. Yes. The thinking man is fed up with the superfluity and 322 00:30:23,550 --> 00:30:25,790 frivolousness of television. 323 00:30:26,230 --> 00:30:27,690 All that frolics. 324 00:30:30,220 --> 00:30:35,140 Yes, sir. He's fed up with nothing but dancing ladies wearing nothing but 325 00:30:35,140 --> 00:30:37,880 braziers and open -neck trousers. 326 00:30:40,100 --> 00:30:43,440 Some of the costumes the girls wear nowadays are disgraceful, sir. I've seen 327 00:30:43,440 --> 00:30:44,940 more cotton in the top of an aspirin bottle. 328 00:30:46,300 --> 00:30:50,620 There was a dancer the other week, a white -haired club, wearing a kilt six 329 00:30:50,620 --> 00:30:51,900 inches above the knee. 330 00:30:52,540 --> 00:30:53,680 Well, what's wrong with that? 331 00:30:53,880 --> 00:30:55,880 He didn't have six inches above the knee, sir. 332 00:31:00,560 --> 00:31:01,920 What would you put in its place? 333 00:31:05,480 --> 00:31:07,020 In what place, sir? 334 00:31:07,560 --> 00:31:12,240 The dancers, the frolics. I'll tell you what I'd put in. The masters, sir, the 335 00:31:12,240 --> 00:31:14,720 classics. The classics. Lady Fandomia's Wind. 336 00:31:16,760 --> 00:31:19,160 The Tale of Two Cities. 337 00:31:23,840 --> 00:31:24,840 Hater Gobbler. 338 00:31:26,540 --> 00:31:29,280 Dillon from Class, sir. Yes, sir, I worked there. 339 00:31:30,879 --> 00:31:34,520 Continental artiste and book picked and booked by myself. 340 00:31:35,800 --> 00:31:36,800 What was that again? 341 00:31:37,040 --> 00:31:39,880 I can't pick my car. Listen, I go over there, you know. You do? 342 00:31:40,120 --> 00:31:43,920 Oh, sir, yeah. I speak five languages, you know. Sprechen Sie Deutsch? 343 00:31:44,360 --> 00:31:45,520 Oui, oui, monsieur. 344 00:31:47,560 --> 00:31:48,560 That is French. 345 00:31:48,700 --> 00:31:49,700 Is it? Yeah. 346 00:31:50,460 --> 00:31:51,460 Six languages. 347 00:31:54,000 --> 00:31:57,580 I've handled them all, you know, sir. 348 00:31:59,980 --> 00:32:01,860 Les champignons de la chanson. 349 00:32:03,200 --> 00:32:04,680 The singing toadstools. 350 00:32:07,240 --> 00:32:09,160 Lost paranoics, I've handled them. 351 00:32:10,100 --> 00:32:12,100 Sophia Loren, I've never handled them. 352 00:32:12,980 --> 00:32:19,860 No, but we reach for the stars, we do. I offered Maria Callas's... I offered 353 00:32:19,860 --> 00:32:24,060 her 30 quid and 10 luncheon vouchers to come over here and mime to a verse and 354 00:32:24,060 --> 00:32:25,440 chorus of Cozy Fanny Tutty. 355 00:32:26,380 --> 00:32:28,340 Did she acquiesce? 356 00:32:28,620 --> 00:32:29,740 Not with me, she didn't, so no. 357 00:32:31,000 --> 00:32:33,620 But, sir, you know, the thing is... Well, tell you what else we're going to 358 00:32:33,620 --> 00:32:36,180 them, sir. What? Oh, the greatest, sir. Our serial. 359 00:32:36,400 --> 00:32:38,680 The continuing story of Acker Street. 360 00:32:39,520 --> 00:32:43,700 Oh, the critics liked it? The two crickets went potty over it, sir. Mary 361 00:32:43,700 --> 00:32:47,280 said, if I had not seen it with my own eyes, I would not have believed it. 362 00:32:49,400 --> 00:32:50,800 Virginia Ironside. 363 00:32:53,820 --> 00:32:55,260 They're the name to conjure with. 364 00:32:57,100 --> 00:32:59,060 referred to it as Poetry in Motion. 365 00:32:59,540 --> 00:33:03,720 And Alan Bryan said it makes Hocal Cutter look like a Blue Peter. 366 00:33:05,560 --> 00:33:08,380 So, you see, they all enjoyed it, you see. Oh, I'm sure they did. And I'll 367 00:33:08,380 --> 00:33:10,640 you what else we're going to give. We're going to give, for the first time on 368 00:33:10,640 --> 00:33:11,820 television, Poetry in Jazz. 369 00:33:12,600 --> 00:33:16,820 Poetry in Jazz? Poetry in Jazz, yes, with Melody Malcolm, with a voice like 370 00:33:16,820 --> 00:33:17,820 Talcum. 371 00:33:18,060 --> 00:33:20,560 And his minstrels. They're ready now. His minstrels? 372 00:33:20,820 --> 00:33:23,900 They'll give us a couple of them, if you like. Oh, they'll give us a potpourri. 373 00:33:24,570 --> 00:33:26,030 I wouldn't put it as strongly as that. 374 00:33:26,890 --> 00:33:29,710 I'll tell you a couple of them. You see, you never know with Malcolm what he's 375 00:33:29,710 --> 00:33:34,330 going to do. We give him a free hand in its entirety, sir. You see, we never tie 376 00:33:34,330 --> 00:33:35,149 him down. 377 00:33:35,150 --> 00:33:36,470 No. Unless it's a full moon. 378 00:33:37,070 --> 00:33:39,270 And then we have to, you know, sir. 379 00:33:39,670 --> 00:33:46,590 Full moon, a Will's whiff, a cup of Benji's, and a tizer, 380 00:33:46,590 --> 00:33:47,590 and he's off! 381 00:33:48,050 --> 00:33:49,050 Wheel gone! 382 00:33:49,430 --> 00:33:52,510 He's a non -conformist. I think he's theory, actually, sir. 383 00:33:52,770 --> 00:33:56,210 I would like to say. You never know what one minute, sir, he'll give you, Eskimo 384 00:33:56,210 --> 00:33:59,850 Nell, and then, like lightning, you get the rubber yacht of Jaime Cohen. 385 00:34:00,370 --> 00:34:03,030 The Rubaiyat of Omar Khayyam. As well, sir, yes. 386 00:34:04,110 --> 00:34:08,150 And the minstrels, sir. Oh, the group. Oh, the group. Are they strict tempo? 387 00:34:08,330 --> 00:34:09,389 Never touch a drop, sir. 388 00:34:10,150 --> 00:34:15,830 They don't, sir, no. They smoke quite a bit, which you see, sir. They are lovely 389 00:34:15,830 --> 00:34:19,370 music, sir. Yes, sir. Lovely music. I heard them last night at Teddington Town 390 00:34:19,370 --> 00:34:20,770 Hall. You should have been there, sir. It was magnificent. 391 00:34:21,090 --> 00:34:25,429 The music sort of swelled up. It swelled up and it sort of filled the hall, sir. 392 00:34:25,510 --> 00:34:27,850 Yes. Several people left to make room for it, actually. 393 00:34:28,690 --> 00:34:30,690 Are they ready now? Come over here. I'll show you, sir. 394 00:34:40,940 --> 00:34:42,540 Poor old Prunella was built like a fella. 395 00:34:43,940 --> 00:34:45,880 So she went down to see Dr Kerr. 396 00:34:46,139 --> 00:34:49,100 He said, no, they'll make ace. When she stripped to the waist, he could hardly 397 00:34:49,100 --> 00:34:50,100 stop calling her sir. 398 00:34:52,219 --> 00:34:55,860 He started to gape at her absence of shape, and he laughed, and he hardly 399 00:34:55,860 --> 00:34:57,660 speak. And he started to joke. 400 00:34:57,860 --> 00:35:00,340 She said, it's no joke they've been swallowing like that for a week. 401 00:35:01,780 --> 00:35:04,100 He explained the position. He said, I'm a physician. 402 00:35:04,440 --> 00:35:06,300 I graft you two on just like that. 403 00:35:06,680 --> 00:35:09,420 And he went and got plastered. The silly old fool. 404 00:35:10,410 --> 00:35:12,010 And he grafted them onto her back. 405 00:35:13,210 --> 00:35:17,430 Now poor old Prunella, she can't get a fella to walk or to talk or romance 406 00:35:17,730 --> 00:35:21,190 Because no one wants to chat when a girl looks like that. But by golly, she's 407 00:35:21,190 --> 00:35:22,330 great fun to dance with. 408 00:35:28,750 --> 00:35:29,750 Here's another. 409 00:35:30,850 --> 00:35:32,970 My mate Ted has got a big head. 410 00:35:35,670 --> 00:35:37,890 He's a snob, he's aloof, he's high -ass. 411 00:35:38,120 --> 00:35:41,300 Some blokes say, by heck, he's a pain in the neck. My opinion is lower than 412 00:35:41,300 --> 00:35:42,300 that. 413 00:35:42,980 --> 00:35:46,160 When he was at school, he made it the rule to be Miss Coon's favourite 414 00:35:50,040 --> 00:35:51,260 She said, you stay behind. 415 00:35:51,500 --> 00:35:53,620 He said, I don't mind the joke and the gossip and you don't. 416 00:35:54,400 --> 00:35:57,600 Once I said, Miss Coon, may I leave the room? And I put my head over my head. 417 00:35:57,780 --> 00:36:00,700 She replied with a grin, now you can stop in and fill up the inkwells 418 00:36:08,520 --> 00:36:11,340 that we were soon to discover, Botox was his name. 419 00:36:12,720 --> 00:36:15,360 Ted said, ain't that a shame, because it's neither one thing nor the other. 420 00:36:16,520 --> 00:36:22,600 He wanted more knowledge, so he went to college, one of them intellectual 421 00:36:22,600 --> 00:36:26,800 palaces. I said, no, don't call us. He said, I left there with honors, and 422 00:36:26,800 --> 00:36:28,320 Sally's, and Irene's, and Alice's. 423 00:36:40,060 --> 00:36:41,480 an infant school teacher. 424 00:36:43,060 --> 00:36:44,720 She should have been teaching the men. 425 00:36:45,500 --> 00:36:48,540 On their wedding night, she said, that's not right, now do it all over again. 426 00:36:52,100 --> 00:36:54,780 He says, I went to night school. 427 00:36:55,460 --> 00:37:02,160 He says, I went to the right school, now I go to night school. Every 428 00:37:02,160 --> 00:37:03,480 Tuesday from eight until ten. 429 00:37:03,760 --> 00:37:06,920 That's why I'm so bright, because every Tuesday night I learn about world famous 430 00:37:06,920 --> 00:37:07,920 men. 431 00:37:08,790 --> 00:37:10,730 Now, Venus was chased all over the place. 432 00:37:12,910 --> 00:37:16,130 She was lovely, and that's on the level. 433 00:37:16,490 --> 00:37:19,890 And old Aphrodite ran around in her nightie, and Zeus was a dirty old devil. 434 00:37:20,970 --> 00:37:24,650 He said, you've never heard of Richard III, or Rembrandt, or Voltaire, or Ren. 435 00:37:25,010 --> 00:37:26,370 He said, I'm no fool. 436 00:37:27,010 --> 00:37:30,170 I go to night school every Tuesday from 8 until 10. 437 00:37:30,890 --> 00:37:32,390 I said, I bet you don't know. 438 00:37:36,650 --> 00:37:40,910 I said, I bet you don't know Charlie Glenn. He says, no, I'll buy it. Then 439 00:37:40,910 --> 00:37:41,609 Charlie Glenn? 440 00:37:41,610 --> 00:37:44,550 I said, he's the louse who goes round to your house every Tuesday from eight 441 00:37:44,550 --> 00:37:45,550 until ten. 442 00:38:06,960 --> 00:38:12,700 When she's lost the way Give her your shoulder to cry on 443 00:38:12,700 --> 00:38:19,480 Whether the day is bright or grey Give her your 444 00:38:19,480 --> 00:38:25,540 heart to rely on Blow her a kiss from across the room 445 00:38:25,540 --> 00:38:32,520 Say she looks nice when she's not Touch her hair 446 00:38:32,520 --> 00:38:34,240 as you pass her chair 447 00:38:40,170 --> 00:38:42,650 Give her your hand as you cross the street. 448 00:38:43,970 --> 00:38:46,010 Over at six on the dot. 449 00:38:47,750 --> 00:38:50,830 Find a day when you're far away. 450 00:38:52,230 --> 00:38:54,630 Little things need a lot. 451 00:38:56,250 --> 00:38:59,830 Don't have to buy her diamonds or pearls. 452 00:39:00,690 --> 00:39:02,990 Champagne tables and books. 453 00:39:04,010 --> 00:39:06,550 She doesn't care much for... 454 00:39:11,990 --> 00:39:15,410 Give her your hand when she's locked away. 455 00:39:16,450 --> 00:39:19,310 Give her your shoulder to close. 456 00:39:20,430 --> 00:39:26,870 Give her your heart to delight. 457 00:39:28,210 --> 00:39:31,450 Send her the warmth of a secret smile. 458 00:39:32,630 --> 00:39:34,710 Show her you haven't forgotten. 459 00:39:53,280 --> 00:39:54,280 Good evening. 460 00:40:07,370 --> 00:40:10,490 Well, once again, we welcome from China, Mr. 461 00:40:10,710 --> 00:40:11,509 Chow Min. 462 00:40:11,510 --> 00:40:13,970 Good evening, everybody. 463 00:40:15,890 --> 00:40:19,510 And hello there, Nickers Parsons. 464 00:40:20,970 --> 00:40:24,270 Nicholas Parsons. Nickers Parsons. 465 00:40:24,550 --> 00:40:26,010 I am Nicholas. 466 00:40:26,630 --> 00:40:28,290 Mind you don't catch a cold. 467 00:40:32,530 --> 00:40:36,190 You're not like Chairman Mao. 468 00:40:36,820 --> 00:40:39,040 Chairman Mao, have nicks on. 469 00:40:46,400 --> 00:40:47,400 Well, 470 00:40:47,600 --> 00:40:51,580 I am delighted to see that this time Mr. Min has brought with him his lovely 471 00:40:51,580 --> 00:40:57,040 wife, Mrs. Min. And may I say, Mrs. Min, that you are the veritable epitome of 472 00:40:57,040 --> 00:41:01,840 Eastern womanhood and beauty. With your enigmatic smile, you're the lotus 473 00:41:01,840 --> 00:41:03,160 blossom incarnate. 474 00:41:14,740 --> 00:41:18,720 I'm terribly sorry. I didn't realize that your wife spoke English. Better 475 00:41:18,720 --> 00:41:19,720 you, cookie boy. 476 00:41:22,140 --> 00:41:24,600 Your rota's rotten in corny. 477 00:41:25,400 --> 00:41:26,940 What a rotacobras. 478 00:41:29,480 --> 00:41:30,480 Mr. Min. 479 00:41:30,810 --> 00:41:34,450 Where did you first come to meet your lovely wife? In Shanghai, I sleep. 480 00:41:34,790 --> 00:41:36,750 I was driving in the long rain. 481 00:41:37,090 --> 00:41:38,090 The long rain? 482 00:41:38,310 --> 00:41:40,030 Not a long rain, a long rain. 483 00:41:40,610 --> 00:41:41,710 The long rain. 484 00:41:42,410 --> 00:41:44,850 Oh, the wrong lane. Yay! 485 00:41:46,070 --> 00:41:47,170 In her car. 486 00:41:47,570 --> 00:41:48,610 What else? 487 00:41:50,430 --> 00:41:52,310 Then I drive over this glass. 488 00:41:52,530 --> 00:41:55,070 And you got a puncture. No, not a puncture on glass. 489 00:41:55,850 --> 00:41:57,730 Not a puncture on clean glass. 490 00:41:58,430 --> 00:42:00,030 Not a puncture on glass. 491 00:42:01,080 --> 00:42:03,200 Don't blow them grass, get a puncher. 492 00:42:03,560 --> 00:42:05,520 Get a puncher of a throat in a minute. 493 00:42:10,920 --> 00:42:13,820 Then I noticed that she wearing hot pants. 494 00:42:14,500 --> 00:42:15,500 Made in China? 495 00:42:15,620 --> 00:42:16,620 Made in cotton. 496 00:42:18,340 --> 00:42:24,800 She was leaning over her car and I was rugging and all full of lust. 497 00:42:25,040 --> 00:42:26,440 You were? A car. 498 00:42:26,820 --> 00:42:29,180 It was a lusty car. The engine was lusty. 499 00:42:31,280 --> 00:42:32,280 Rustic. Yeah. 500 00:42:32,460 --> 00:42:34,080 So I say to myself, 501 00:42:34,560 --> 00:42:41,240 It's magic. 502 00:42:42,160 --> 00:42:48,960 Because, you see, what I say in English is, I think maybe her leg is broken. 503 00:42:49,520 --> 00:42:51,380 Maybe her crutches are burnt out. 504 00:42:51,680 --> 00:42:54,540 And then I go over and I say, hey. 505 00:42:55,360 --> 00:42:57,640 Butterfly Blaine, I see you no switch on. 506 00:42:58,000 --> 00:43:01,140 And she say, I only got to take one look at you, Cookie Boy, and I switch on. 507 00:43:02,300 --> 00:43:04,580 So, Mr. Min, this is your wife. 508 00:43:04,860 --> 00:43:08,960 What aspects of Britain do you think will most interest the people of China? 509 00:43:09,320 --> 00:43:11,820 I'd like to hear about Paris. 510 00:43:12,460 --> 00:43:14,200 The French capital, Paris. 511 00:43:14,460 --> 00:43:15,840 In English, Buckingham, Paris. 512 00:43:17,160 --> 00:43:21,620 I'd like to hear about how much is the clean Elizabeth. 513 00:43:23,050 --> 00:43:25,050 And her mother, the clean mother. 514 00:43:26,790 --> 00:43:28,710 Also Prince Philip. 515 00:43:29,550 --> 00:43:30,930 Lord Stoughton. 516 00:43:31,270 --> 00:43:32,270 Princess Margaret. 517 00:43:32,890 --> 00:43:35,550 All the loyal family. 518 00:43:36,610 --> 00:43:38,470 Also visit horse piddle. 519 00:43:41,790 --> 00:43:46,030 Visit the horse piddle, yes. We see the nurses there with the brats talking. 520 00:43:46,330 --> 00:43:49,430 Some of those nurses can disturb the patients without making a bed. 521 00:43:50,810 --> 00:43:52,150 They get a surprise. 522 00:43:52,380 --> 00:43:53,380 What kind of surprise? 523 00:43:53,920 --> 00:43:54,940 Medical surprise. 524 00:43:55,380 --> 00:43:56,380 Oh, surprise. 525 00:43:56,920 --> 00:43:58,460 Oh, you know this one, you silly idiot. 526 00:43:58,860 --> 00:44:00,620 Oh, come on, Cookie Baby, you tell me. 527 00:44:01,940 --> 00:44:03,600 Also, we go to Reading. 528 00:44:04,040 --> 00:44:06,720 Reading in Berkshire. No, Reading in Church, sir. 529 00:44:07,300 --> 00:44:10,280 Ah, we go see marriage ceremony. 530 00:44:10,820 --> 00:44:12,580 I see. And drink champagne. 531 00:44:13,520 --> 00:44:17,720 There was no gloom. Everyone was happy. How can they be happy when there is no 532 00:44:17,720 --> 00:44:19,180 gloom? Gloom not an up. 533 00:44:19,420 --> 00:44:20,379 Oh, the groom. 534 00:44:20,380 --> 00:44:21,380 Yes. 535 00:44:22,170 --> 00:44:23,510 Oy vey. 536 00:44:24,830 --> 00:44:30,230 For when the groom turn up, he marry... He 537 00:44:30,230 --> 00:44:33,250 marry 16 wives. 538 00:44:33,730 --> 00:44:35,070 16? Yes. 539 00:44:35,310 --> 00:44:38,410 Four richer, four poorer, four better, and four worse. 540 00:44:44,990 --> 00:44:48,030 I like that. I hear more crapping. That's nice. 541 00:44:55,850 --> 00:44:57,510 and then come in telling a lead Jerry. 542 00:44:57,770 --> 00:44:58,669 A lead Jerry? 543 00:44:58,670 --> 00:44:59,750 Yes, a lead Jerry. 544 00:45:00,030 --> 00:45:01,210 Yeah, full of custard. 545 00:45:02,870 --> 00:45:05,430 Custard? Yeah, you never have Jerry and custard. 546 00:45:06,830 --> 00:45:11,690 It's rubbery, Jerry and custard. It's rubbery. It was a love belly, Jerry. 547 00:45:12,810 --> 00:45:15,590 And it was not enough to go round, so I give it a smack in the middle and 548 00:45:15,590 --> 00:45:22,110 everybody get a bit... Also, I take a photograph. 549 00:45:22,250 --> 00:45:25,010 It was spoilt. Oh, spoilt, oh. 550 00:45:28,880 --> 00:45:29,538 Ah, spoiled. 551 00:45:29,540 --> 00:45:30,538 Oh. 552 00:45:30,540 --> 00:45:31,800 Ah, spoiled. Oh. 553 00:45:32,600 --> 00:45:33,960 Spoiled. Right. 554 00:45:35,000 --> 00:45:36,000 Click it. 555 00:45:36,840 --> 00:45:38,680 And, uh, rugby. 556 00:45:41,380 --> 00:45:42,500 Okay. Okay. 557 00:45:43,020 --> 00:45:45,040 Okay. Okay. With an okay stick. 558 00:45:45,580 --> 00:45:46,580 Okay. 559 00:45:48,860 --> 00:45:51,280 Don't we write best, oh, damn, too bad, Joe. 560 00:45:51,540 --> 00:45:55,340 Oh, yeah. Oh, damn, too bad, Joe. Good game. Oh, damn. 561 00:45:55,660 --> 00:45:58,920 Dobajo. Oh, don't Dobajo. Good game. Ready can pray also? 562 00:45:59,300 --> 00:46:03,600 Oh, summary can pray. I see a lady. She was breast with two nipples. 563 00:46:04,620 --> 00:46:07,640 I beg your pardon? Breast with two nipples. 564 00:46:08,300 --> 00:46:10,540 Oh, blessed with two nippers. 565 00:46:10,860 --> 00:46:12,160 Yeah, that's what I say. Two nipples. 566 00:46:12,400 --> 00:46:13,138 No, no. 567 00:46:13,140 --> 00:46:16,220 There was a big cloud. 568 00:46:16,520 --> 00:46:17,980 Oh, a cloud of rain? 569 00:46:18,280 --> 00:46:19,360 No, a cloud of people. 570 00:46:20,140 --> 00:46:24,180 And they all come to see this man, her husband, pray. 571 00:46:25,260 --> 00:46:26,260 Oh, damn cabacho. 572 00:46:26,560 --> 00:46:29,940 So, oh, don't do bad, Joe, he takes a small round ball, a right ball, oh, 573 00:46:29,940 --> 00:46:34,300 do bad, Joe, put it on the grass, and over there is a small round hole. He 574 00:46:34,300 --> 00:46:39,480 with a stick or a crub to knock the small round hole into the little tiny 575 00:46:39,480 --> 00:46:42,620 there. The ball go into the hole, but it not quite go in. It's just on the edge, 576 00:46:42,720 --> 00:46:44,980 and everybody say, oh, don't do bad, Joe. 577 00:46:45,420 --> 00:46:48,900 Oh, don't do bad, Joe. That's a good game. I like that. I like that game. 578 00:46:48,900 --> 00:46:51,840 you very much indeed, Mr. Min and Mrs. Min. 579 00:46:52,060 --> 00:46:53,060 Good night, Cookie Boy. 580 00:46:55,880 --> 00:46:58,840 I got a brand new pair of roller skates. 581 00:47:09,220 --> 00:47:15,960 I rise at six and then I feed the chicks and I'm feeling 582 00:47:15,960 --> 00:47:16,980 lonesome and blue. 583 00:47:17,260 --> 00:47:21,500 And when I milk the cow it seems somehow my thoughts keep straying to you. 584 00:47:21,860 --> 00:47:25,980 And as the horse and I play the field... nearby, your memory I can't erase. 585 00:47:26,520 --> 00:47:30,800 For as I look at the rear of the horse, my dear, I seem to see your face. 586 00:47:31,140 --> 00:47:35,780 I'm going to soak the seat of deep devotion, fertilizing with emotion. 587 00:47:36,740 --> 00:47:39,980 Water is his warm desire, and then I'll reap the harvest of love. 588 00:47:40,560 --> 00:47:41,560 Yes, 589 00:47:43,420 --> 00:47:46,880 I was happy as a pig in spite of the way that you looked at me when I met you at 590 00:47:46,880 --> 00:47:50,120 the village dance. If you wouldn't, ladies, excuse me, and I thought I 591 00:47:50,120 --> 00:47:51,280 never have a chance. 592 00:47:51,980 --> 00:47:55,760 But you went off with Jeff, our local chef, and you courted him down by the 593 00:47:55,760 --> 00:47:59,960 hedge. Then up came his wife with a long -handled knife, and she cut off his 594 00:47:59,960 --> 00:48:03,680 meat and two vegs. I said, no, you seek a big devotion. 595 00:48:04,260 --> 00:48:09,320 I said, with emotion, water it with warm desire, and then I'll reap the harvest 596 00:48:09,320 --> 00:48:10,440 of love. There. 597 00:48:11,000 --> 00:48:17,300 So, you seek a big devotion. I said, with emotion, water it with warm desire, 598 00:48:17,380 --> 00:48:20,360 and then I'll reap the harvest of love. 599 00:48:30,510 --> 00:48:33,070 Ladies and gentlemen, thank you all very much for being with us, and we look 600 00:48:33,070 --> 00:48:35,890 forward to seeing you all again quite soon. Until then, bye -bye. 601 00:50:20,240 --> 00:50:23,040 Thank you. 49599

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