All language subtitles for benny_hill_s02e02_1972
Afrikaans
Akan
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bemba
Bengali
Bihari
Bosnian
Breton
Bulgarian
Cambodian
Catalan
Cebuano
Cherokee
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Ewe
Faroese
Filipino
Finnish
French
Frisian
Ga
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Guarani
Gujarati
Haitian Creole
Hausa
Hawaiian
Hebrew
Hindi
Hmong
Hungarian
Icelandic
Igbo
Indonesian
Interlingua
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Javanese
Kannada
Kazakh
Kinyarwanda
Kirundi
Kongo
Korean
Krio (Sierra Leone)
Kurdish
Kurdish (Soranî)
Kyrgyz
Laothian
Latin
Latvian
Lingala
Lithuanian
Lozi
Luganda
Luo
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Malayalam
Maltese
Maori
Marathi
Mauritian Creole
Moldavian
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Montenegrin
Nepali
Nigerian Pidgin
Northern Sotho
Norwegian
Norwegian (Nynorsk)
Occitan
Oriya
Oromo
Pashto
Persian
Polish
Portuguese (Brazil)
Portuguese (Portugal)
Punjabi
Quechua
Romanian
Romansh
Runyakitara
Russian
Samoan
Scots Gaelic
Serbian
Serbo-Croatian
Sesotho
Setswana
Seychellois Creole
Shona
Sindhi
Sinhalese
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Spanish (Latin American)
Sundanese
Swahili
Swedish
Tajik
Tamil
Tatar
Telugu
Thai
Tigrinya
Tonga
Tshiluba
Tumbuka
Turkish
Turkmen
Twi
Uighur
Ukrainian
Urdu
Uzbek
Vietnamese
Welsh
Wolof
Xhosa
Yiddish
Yoruba
Zulu
Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:11,470 --> 00:00:18,030
... ... ... ...
2
00:00:18,030 --> 00:00:20,830
... ...
3
00:00:31,790 --> 00:00:38,410
or the sole illogical gardens, or
Cleopatra's noodle, there could surely
4
00:00:38,410 --> 00:00:39,410
cat -art party.
5
00:00:40,230 --> 00:00:43,730
But what a typical English sailor boy
you are, to be sure.
6
00:00:44,610 --> 00:00:45,950
Splash the main brace.
7
00:00:47,670 --> 00:00:48,990
What'll it be then, Jane?
8
00:00:49,510 --> 00:00:51,610
Bitter. One bitter coming up.
9
00:00:52,010 --> 00:00:53,010
Nine!
10
00:00:53,270 --> 00:00:54,730
Nine bitters coming up.
11
00:00:56,150 --> 00:00:59,230
Give us a kiss and show us your
knickers.
12
00:00:59,550 --> 00:01:00,550
Do what?
13
00:01:02,190 --> 00:01:07,010
Being typical British service men, we
shall have a typical British drink. We
14
00:01:07,010 --> 00:01:09,310
will have a swipe, two martinis.
15
00:01:09,810 --> 00:01:11,210
Drive? Nein, swipe.
16
00:01:11,650 --> 00:01:12,650
I mean, no, two.
17
00:01:13,190 --> 00:01:14,690
Just two martinis.
18
00:01:15,610 --> 00:01:18,430
I see we've got that big fat pig going
on a run, ain't we, eh?
19
00:01:18,850 --> 00:01:19,850
Fat, fat pig.
20
00:01:20,470 --> 00:01:21,590
Great fat pig.
21
00:01:22,050 --> 00:01:24,650
I've got more brains than him. I'm only
half his size.
22
00:01:25,010 --> 00:01:26,010
I beg your pardon?
23
00:01:38,320 --> 00:01:42,820
It's the Benny Hill Show, and here is
Benny Hill.
24
00:01:49,640 --> 00:01:53,480
Now, I don't want you folks to
misconstrue what I'm about to say to
25
00:01:53,480 --> 00:01:55,380
going to tell you about the women in my
life.
26
00:01:55,900 --> 00:01:59,100
Now, I know some gals are real refined,
but they always seem to get the other
27
00:01:59,100 --> 00:02:01,500
kind, and maybe that's why I've never
found a wife.
28
00:02:02,100 --> 00:02:05,680
Now, I used to know a gal in Cruz. She
was five foot two. She had eyes of blue
29
00:02:05,680 --> 00:02:07,900
and... She told me that her name was
Lottie.
30
00:02:08,380 --> 00:02:12,100
But I think she was funny in the head.
She used to sleep underneath the bed.
31
00:02:12,100 --> 00:02:14,200
parents thought she was a little potty.
32
00:02:14,760 --> 00:02:18,320
I kind of liked the way she smiled, so I
went around with her for a while, and I
33
00:02:18,320 --> 00:02:20,140
kind of thought of her as my bride -to
-be.
34
00:02:20,680 --> 00:02:24,600
I said, you're the one gal in my life
I'd like to have you for my wife. She
35
00:02:24,600 --> 00:02:26,420
said, now what would your wife do with
me?
36
00:02:27,240 --> 00:02:29,780
Beware of wives within those wild...
37
00:02:49,609 --> 00:02:52,790
© BF -WATCH TV 2021
38
00:03:10,540 --> 00:03:13,620
I said, you just can't help but stare at
the cute little chick with the long
39
00:03:13,620 --> 00:03:15,940
blonde hair. He said, that chick just
happens to be my son.
40
00:03:16,660 --> 00:03:21,040
I said, I didn't mean to offend. You
must let me make amends. At least let me
41
00:03:21,040 --> 00:03:22,280
buy you another rum.
42
00:03:22,680 --> 00:03:26,800
I said, you must think me an awful cat.
I didn't know you was his dad. He said,
43
00:03:26,880 --> 00:03:28,560
I'm not your twit. I'm his mom.
44
00:03:52,490 --> 00:03:53,309
Nice hat, isn't it?
45
00:03:53,310 --> 00:03:55,550
Got that itself produced in the
restaurant.
46
00:03:57,910 --> 00:04:01,050
Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the
show, and it's nice to welcome back my
47
00:04:01,050 --> 00:04:04,710
friend Nicholas Parsons, and here he is
talking to the children of St.
48
00:04:04,990 --> 00:04:05,990
Solomon's School.
49
00:04:06,450 --> 00:04:07,870
And what are you drawing?
50
00:04:08,250 --> 00:04:09,690
I'm going to do a picture.
51
00:04:15,459 --> 00:04:22,460
He gave him all little girl chocolate
dollies and he
52
00:04:22,460 --> 00:04:24,400
wanted boy chocolate dollies.
53
00:04:24,640 --> 00:04:26,740
There isn't that much difference, is
there?
54
00:04:27,140 --> 00:04:31,740
No, but there's that much more
chocolate.
55
00:04:32,000 --> 00:04:33,140
He likes chocolate.
56
00:04:33,840 --> 00:04:37,800
He's silly. I know he's my brother, but
he's still silly.
57
00:04:38,559 --> 00:04:42,900
I sleep by myself. I'm not afraid to
sleep by myself, but he is.
58
00:04:43,300 --> 00:04:45,020
And so is Mummy.
59
00:04:45,940 --> 00:04:50,080
Yes, she is, because Mummy, when Daddy
goes away for the weekend, Mummy always
60
00:04:50,080 --> 00:04:52,300
has to have Uncle Percy come and sleep
with her.
61
00:04:56,280 --> 00:04:59,060
He's not my real uncle. What?
62
00:04:59,340 --> 00:05:03,040
What did you say?
63
00:05:03,520 --> 00:05:08,100
I'm not sure, but it's something about
modern permissive trends upsetting the
64
00:05:08,100 --> 00:05:10,260
fabric of present -day society or
something like that.
65
00:05:10,860 --> 00:05:13,400
I told you he was silly, didn't I? He
was silly.
66
00:05:13,640 --> 00:05:17,260
I've nearly finished now. What's it
going to be? It's going to be a picture
67
00:05:17,260 --> 00:05:23,140
God. I know nobody knows what God looks
like, but I haven't finished my picture
68
00:05:23,140 --> 00:05:24,560
yet, have I? So shut up.
69
00:05:25,780 --> 00:05:29,080
Come now, the two of you. All of you.
All of you. Leave.
70
00:05:29,600 --> 00:05:32,120
It nearly does.
71
00:05:33,360 --> 00:05:40,340
Well, today we're letting them paint
anything they like and... He
72
00:05:40,340 --> 00:05:41,660
paints a lady.
73
00:05:43,880 --> 00:05:46,060
She have no clothes on.
74
00:05:46,600 --> 00:05:48,620
She have no dress.
75
00:05:49,920 --> 00:05:51,380
She have no shoes.
76
00:05:51,740 --> 00:05:53,260
No stockings.
77
00:05:54,120 --> 00:05:55,340
No knickers.
78
00:05:56,720 --> 00:05:58,000
She is a naked.
79
00:06:04,940 --> 00:06:06,320
He is a knackered too.
80
00:06:06,960 --> 00:06:09,480
The gentleman is very fond of the lady.
81
00:06:11,300 --> 00:06:12,820
What is your name?
82
00:06:13,520 --> 00:06:14,520
Rodin, monsieur.
83
00:06:15,560 --> 00:06:16,560
Castor Rodin.
84
00:06:19,100 --> 00:06:22,360
We have to draw what we want to be when
we're grown up.
85
00:06:24,400 --> 00:06:28,880
She wants to be married, but she don't
know how to draw it. I do. It's all like
86
00:06:28,880 --> 00:06:32,000
fighting and screaming and kicking and
shouting and having babies.
87
00:06:32,300 --> 00:06:33,300
I know.
88
00:06:33,950 --> 00:06:34,929
You never?
89
00:06:34,930 --> 00:06:38,930
I do know, because me dad said to me, do
you want to have a little baby brother,
90
00:06:39,150 --> 00:06:40,530
or would you like to have a little baby
sister?
91
00:06:40,810 --> 00:06:41,830
And what did you say?
92
00:06:42,090 --> 00:06:45,150
I said, if it wouldn't put me mum to too
much trouble, I'd like a pony.
93
00:06:47,090 --> 00:06:50,890
He said, no, it's the stalk, and it's
going to come flying round our house.
94
00:06:50,890 --> 00:06:53,550
going to fly in round and round. It's
going to fly right in the window of me
95
00:06:53,550 --> 00:06:57,910
mum's bedroom there. And I said, don't
upset me mum, because she's in the
96
00:06:57,910 --> 00:06:58,910
way.
97
00:07:00,130 --> 00:07:02,670
What do you want to be when you grow up?
I'm going to be a boxer.
98
00:07:03,160 --> 00:07:04,200
I know about fighting.
99
00:07:04,420 --> 00:07:06,260
You can't. I know about fighting, I do.
100
00:07:06,480 --> 00:07:11,200
You can't. I do. I beat Ginger Tompkins
and I locked her back on the floor at
101
00:07:11,200 --> 00:07:13,160
the playground and she's in the big
girls.
102
00:07:13,620 --> 00:07:14,620
I don't know.
103
00:07:14,860 --> 00:07:18,520
My dad, he wants me to become a prime
minister, but I don't want to do that
104
00:07:18,520 --> 00:07:22,340
because I don't want to go sailing on
the boat all the time. I should be
105
00:07:22,340 --> 00:07:25,660
seasick. I should be sick on the deck
and I should be sick on the floor.
106
00:07:25,880 --> 00:07:27,320
I should be sick on the deck.
107
00:07:39,070 --> 00:07:40,070
We're trespassing, you know.
108
00:07:41,030 --> 00:07:44,010
Water bailiff, he says, though, and he
don't think of his trespassers, not him,
109
00:07:44,070 --> 00:07:45,610
once he caught me with me rod.
110
00:07:46,010 --> 00:07:48,330
He said, you dirty, rotten, soppy clod.
111
00:07:50,330 --> 00:07:52,970
He says, you're fishing. I says, no, I'm
teaching the worm to swim.
112
00:07:55,190 --> 00:07:58,830
He says, I've told you twice before,
poaching salmon's against the law.
113
00:07:59,210 --> 00:08:02,550
I suppose you're hoping to get one in
your neck. I says, I'm after stickleback
114
00:08:02,550 --> 00:08:06,090
pike. He says, oh, what are they like? I
says, I don't know, I ain't caught one
115
00:08:06,090 --> 00:08:07,090
yet.
116
00:08:08,300 --> 00:08:10,160
I used to have trouble with my flies.
117
00:08:12,540 --> 00:08:16,520
And then Joe here put me wise. God, he
knows all about fishing that there is to
118
00:08:16,520 --> 00:08:21,080
tell. Do you know, I've known him tickle
a trout and then, like lightning, whip
119
00:08:21,080 --> 00:08:22,080
it out.
120
00:08:22,340 --> 00:08:24,180
I've known him catch a girl that way as
well.
121
00:08:27,000 --> 00:08:29,640
Here, once we took a boat out in the
bay.
122
00:08:30,100 --> 00:08:31,660
Forty cod we got that day.
123
00:08:31,900 --> 00:08:34,580
Told you I'd find you a good place, says
Joe with pride.
124
00:08:34,919 --> 00:08:36,440
Well, it's market then, says Pat.
125
00:08:36,830 --> 00:08:40,169
I said, are we going to do that? He
said, easy, put a chalk mark on the
126
00:08:41,070 --> 00:08:45,050
I said, that is diabolical, that's
stupid, that's illogical.
127
00:08:45,370 --> 00:08:49,070
I said, mark the side with chalk, you
silly goat. I said, if we come out in
128
00:08:49,070 --> 00:08:52,310
bay and fish us another day, chances are
we get a different boat.
129
00:08:56,170 --> 00:08:57,170
He says,
130
00:08:57,910 --> 00:09:04,130
he says, the Heskimos cuts all in the
ice, floats on some peas and waits quiet
131
00:09:04,130 --> 00:09:04,999
as voice.
132
00:09:05,000 --> 00:09:07,540
Open to catch a cod or a hake or a nice
sole.
133
00:09:09,000 --> 00:09:12,740
He says, they wait there patiently until
the fish comes up for a pee.
134
00:09:15,620 --> 00:09:18,140
He says, what then? He says, they kick
him in the eyes off.
135
00:09:21,860 --> 00:09:25,140
Once he told our local barmaid how one
day he caught a mermaid.
136
00:09:25,400 --> 00:09:27,320
He said, I got her just off Plymouth
Town.
137
00:09:27,640 --> 00:09:32,080
Her bust it measured 42, her waist it
measured 22, and the rest of her was 18
138
00:09:32,080 --> 00:09:33,080
pence a pound.
139
00:09:34,310 --> 00:09:36,050
Dear, oh, no, he's a lad, isn't he?
140
00:09:36,890 --> 00:09:38,670
Here, once he took out fidgety Flo.
141
00:09:38,950 --> 00:09:41,370
She says, isn't that swan swimming slow?
142
00:09:41,830 --> 00:09:46,050
And there's the horse, and there's the
cow, and that pig's a boar. And, oh,
143
00:09:46,050 --> 00:09:48,330
at that, Joe. He says, all right, love,
I know.
144
00:09:48,550 --> 00:09:50,250
She says, what do you want to go and
threaten it for?
145
00:09:52,610 --> 00:09:55,110
He married her one day.
146
00:09:55,550 --> 00:09:57,050
What, it was a tiddler on the way.
147
00:09:57,750 --> 00:10:01,210
And he was born. We all wanted to know
the weight. He says, he weighs near
148
00:10:01,210 --> 00:10:02,210
enough a pound.
149
00:10:02,650 --> 00:10:05,790
So Charlie, he turns round, he says, go
on, you only just got back your bait.
150
00:10:13,290 --> 00:10:18,750
He'd be a young man today, doing his own
pop -happy way, chasing some
151
00:10:18,750 --> 00:10:19,930
unattainable dream.
152
00:10:20,620 --> 00:10:24,380
But perhaps when he's older and a bit
more wise, he'll begin to realise the
153
00:10:24,380 --> 00:10:25,660
of just sitting by a stream.
154
00:10:25,940 --> 00:10:30,800
For in a world filled with aggression
and hate and fear and depression, an
155
00:10:30,800 --> 00:10:32,760
out here, oh, you just don't know what
it's worth.
156
00:10:33,540 --> 00:10:36,700
Spend an hour with fishermen, and you'll
find peace again.
157
00:10:37,060 --> 00:10:40,640
They're the most peaceful, kindly
gentlemen on earth.
158
00:10:41,220 --> 00:10:42,219
I got one!
159
00:10:42,220 --> 00:10:43,580
I got one! I got one!
160
00:11:45,420 --> 00:11:46,420
down memory lane
161
00:16:52,620 --> 00:16:54,040
And may you have many more.
162
00:17:02,980 --> 00:17:04,880
Howdy, all you folks out there in
television land.
163
00:17:07,099 --> 00:17:09,780
I come up here this time, I come over on
an airplane.
164
00:17:10,700 --> 00:17:13,400
I don't know you folks remember the
first time you ever went up on an
165
00:17:13,520 --> 00:17:16,079
Sure, it's a lot scarier, isn't it? You
know, first thing you happen, you sit
166
00:17:16,079 --> 00:17:18,839
down, this sassy little gal come along
and she strap you in your seat.
167
00:17:19,579 --> 00:17:24,040
Then she sort of hovers over you, you
know, with that... Tight white blouse
168
00:17:24,040 --> 00:17:25,040
to bugs.
169
00:17:26,160 --> 00:17:28,000
She says, anything I can do for you.
170
00:17:28,560 --> 00:17:31,140
I said, I felt a lot of good when you
hogtied there, didn't I?
171
00:17:32,500 --> 00:17:36,440
And in comes other saucy little gal. Oh,
she's pushing a trolley. On that
172
00:17:36,440 --> 00:17:37,920
trolley, there is everything.
173
00:17:38,360 --> 00:17:39,440
There is whiskey.
174
00:17:39,660 --> 00:17:40,659
There is gin.
175
00:17:40,660 --> 00:17:42,340
There is martina.
176
00:17:44,400 --> 00:17:46,160
There is dooboney.
177
00:17:47,340 --> 00:17:48,580
Bo jolly.
178
00:18:01,199 --> 00:18:03,360
You won't know who's up the front of the
airplane.
179
00:18:03,720 --> 00:18:05,100
The driver, that's who.
180
00:18:06,000 --> 00:18:10,120
And he stopped talking at you. He says,
uh, this is your captain speaking.
181
00:18:11,320 --> 00:18:13,860
He got like a deep, rich, brown voice.
182
00:18:14,200 --> 00:18:16,820
That sort of lulled you into a false
sense of security.
183
00:18:17,580 --> 00:18:21,760
I mean, that might not be his normal
voice.
184
00:18:25,060 --> 00:18:28,630
I mean, only flyer I ever knew had a
voice so high. The only people that
185
00:18:28,630 --> 00:18:29,650
understand him was dolls.
186
00:18:32,970 --> 00:18:36,050
He was gay as old Paris. He used to make
his own dresses.
187
00:18:38,010 --> 00:18:42,990
And he says, I'd like to welcome you
aboard this here Boeing airplane.
188
00:18:45,150 --> 00:18:47,310
That's the right name for airplane,
isn't it? Boeing.
189
00:18:49,350 --> 00:18:53,450
Not Speedy or High Flyer or something
like that. Boeing.
190
00:18:54,990 --> 00:18:56,950
You know what I sound like, don't you,
Boeing?
191
00:18:57,420 --> 00:18:59,360
That sounded like a piece just dropped
off. Boing!
192
00:19:03,660 --> 00:19:06,620
He says, we're going to be flying at 30
,000 feet.
193
00:19:07,340 --> 00:19:10,800
I said to myself, our plane is going to
be flying at 30 ,000 feet.
194
00:19:11,260 --> 00:19:14,060
You get your hands on that gin bottle,
you're going to be flying at 50 ,000
195
00:19:14,060 --> 00:19:15,060
feet.
196
00:19:15,540 --> 00:19:18,940
Anyway, I get over here. You know the
thing I like over here about you English
197
00:19:18,940 --> 00:19:22,580
people? I like your natural health
service. I like that.
198
00:19:22,780 --> 00:19:26,240
Because you know, back home in Little
Creek, they charge you $5 just to look
199
00:19:26,240 --> 00:19:27,240
down your throat.
200
00:19:27,310 --> 00:19:28,850
And $30 to look up your birth
certificate.
201
00:19:32,710 --> 00:19:36,870
I don't like your quarantine of people
there so much, though, because they
202
00:19:36,870 --> 00:19:39,730
wouldn't let me bring my dogs in. I got
two dogs. I got two loveliest little
203
00:19:39,730 --> 00:19:41,710
dogs you've ever seen in your life. I
got a little Dachshund.
204
00:19:41,950 --> 00:19:44,710
The little Dachshund, that's like a dog
and a half long and half a dog high.
205
00:19:46,610 --> 00:19:49,310
I like him because all the kids can pat
him at the same time.
206
00:19:50,510 --> 00:19:53,630
And I feel sorry for him when we get
snow on the ground because he's got
207
00:19:53,630 --> 00:19:54,630
short legs.
208
00:19:55,640 --> 00:19:56,860
I feel sorry for that little boy.
209
00:19:57,140 --> 00:19:58,140
Anyway,
210
00:19:58,580 --> 00:20:04,540
I absolutely feel sorry for him. We got
an Afghan. He's a high school Afghan.
211
00:20:05,000 --> 00:20:11,160
My wife trained him to do his little
bits of business on the newspaper while
212
00:20:11,160 --> 00:20:12,160
reading it.
213
00:20:15,660 --> 00:20:18,720
Anyway, wouldn't let me bring my dog, so
I brought my wife over with me.
214
00:20:19,020 --> 00:20:21,140
Well, I saved Kitchener goodbye, you
know.
215
00:20:23,100 --> 00:20:24,700
I sure as heck don't like kissing her
goodbye.
216
00:20:25,060 --> 00:20:27,580
Only time I ever kiss her is when I
can't find a table napkin.
217
00:20:31,380 --> 00:20:34,240
She's over here now, and we're going to
sing at you. I don't know why you're
218
00:20:34,240 --> 00:20:35,240
doing us no harm.
219
00:20:35,580 --> 00:20:38,860
Anyway, here she is, Roundtree. I call
her Roundtree on account of her clear
220
00:20:38,860 --> 00:20:39,880
gums. Come on, gal.
221
00:20:40,120 --> 00:20:41,240
It's up in the music area.
222
00:20:41,480 --> 00:20:42,480
Come on.
223
00:20:45,560 --> 00:20:49,500
Now, down on the farm, everything that
you did, it seemed so right some hell.
224
00:20:49,930 --> 00:20:53,810
Like the way you always warmed your
hands before you milked the cow.
225
00:20:54,170 --> 00:20:58,250
And that old muley upped and kicked me
in the head one day.
226
00:20:58,570 --> 00:21:02,230
The tears rolled down my cheeks as I saw
the poor mule limp away.
227
00:21:02,810 --> 00:21:06,990
That day you helped a poor old lady
across the street in the snow.
228
00:21:07,570 --> 00:21:08,990
Believe me, it wasn't easy.
229
00:21:09,210 --> 00:21:11,230
She didn't want to go.
230
00:21:11,650 --> 00:21:15,630
I said I didn't smoke or drink and that
necking wasn't wise.
231
00:21:16,330 --> 00:21:21,220
I said, what do you do then? And you
answered, I tell lies. But the golden
232
00:21:21,220 --> 00:21:24,140
thorns on me, they're in the long ago.
233
00:21:24,440 --> 00:21:28,440
They only serve to remind me just how I
love you so.
234
00:21:28,660 --> 00:21:32,900
Now, I came round your house a -courting
late on a Saturday night.
235
00:21:33,220 --> 00:21:35,280
I said I don't want to see you.
236
00:21:35,480 --> 00:21:37,260
So I switched out the light.
237
00:21:37,740 --> 00:21:42,320
Later that night, you banged on my door
and started to holler and shout. You
238
00:21:42,320 --> 00:21:43,720
kicked up such a rump.
239
00:21:53,360 --> 00:21:55,680
Thank you.
240
00:21:56,760 --> 00:21:58,160
Thank
241
00:21:58,160 --> 00:22:04,680
you.
242
00:22:25,450 --> 00:22:29,750
and I would like to start with Oliver
Twist featuring Nancy...
243
00:23:08,170 --> 00:23:09,190
I couldn't get these out.
244
00:23:12,890 --> 00:23:17,170
Could somebody get me rice pudding?
Could you order me rice pudding?
245
00:23:17,550 --> 00:23:19,370
Then send in the prisoner.
246
00:23:24,530 --> 00:23:27,950
No more whipping!
247
00:23:28,270 --> 00:23:30,510
No more beatings! I beg of you!
248
00:23:32,850 --> 00:23:37,870
Tell me the name of the man who saved my
brother's life and you shall go free.
249
00:23:38,080 --> 00:23:39,100
Very well, then.
250
00:23:39,320 --> 00:23:46,080
The name of the man who saved your
brother's life is... His
251
00:23:46,080 --> 00:23:51,740
name is... His name is... His
252
00:23:51,740 --> 00:23:58,680
name is Duke of
253
00:23:58,680 --> 00:23:59,680
Genby.
254
00:24:01,320 --> 00:24:06,800
The Duke of Genby?
255
00:24:09,390 --> 00:24:10,390
Thought his enemy?
256
00:24:10,410 --> 00:24:11,550
But why?
257
00:24:12,050 --> 00:24:14,650
The reason will be most rewarding.
258
00:24:15,650 --> 00:24:18,190
Send in the Duke of Denby.
259
00:24:21,190 --> 00:24:28,150
You sent for me,
260
00:24:28,230 --> 00:24:29,230
Your Majesty?
261
00:24:30,290 --> 00:24:34,710
Even a queen must thank the man who
saved the life of her brother.
262
00:24:35,210 --> 00:24:37,450
Come, my Lord of Denby.
263
00:24:37,850 --> 00:24:39,150
Give me your hand.
264
00:24:39,910 --> 00:24:42,390
Nay, my lord, the other hand.
265
00:24:43,790 --> 00:24:44,790
Nay.
266
00:24:45,970 --> 00:24:48,950
Nay, my lord, both hands.
267
00:24:51,730 --> 00:24:54,470
She didn't have to have both hands, did
she? Could have done it with one.
268
00:24:54,910 --> 00:24:56,950
I can't get the bloody thing off, can I?
269
00:24:57,770 --> 00:24:58,749
Oh, dear.
270
00:24:58,750 --> 00:24:59,930
Hello, Madge.
271
00:25:02,230 --> 00:25:03,810
But you were two pairs of hands.
272
00:25:04,050 --> 00:25:07,510
Oh, two pairs of hands, dear. Not if
they look like that. They are.
273
00:25:08,300 --> 00:25:11,260
about washing up. Oh, you want to try
barmolive, my dear.
274
00:25:11,620 --> 00:25:12,620
That's washing up liquid.
275
00:25:13,020 --> 00:25:14,220
That's what your hands are in now.
276
00:25:14,640 --> 00:25:15,960
Oh. Oh, yes.
277
00:25:16,500 --> 00:25:21,660
Oh, barmolive is especially mild, and
there's none gentler. Oh, barmolive will
278
00:25:21,660 --> 00:25:25,000
keep your hands lovely and soft. Oi, do
you see my do?
279
00:25:25,600 --> 00:25:27,260
Oh, goodness.
280
00:25:31,940 --> 00:25:35,100
Madge. Honestly, Johnny, so bloody
rough.
281
00:25:36,220 --> 00:25:37,220
Then sit.
282
00:25:37,740 --> 00:25:38,559
the traitor.
283
00:25:38,560 --> 00:25:39,560
Aye, your majesty.
284
00:25:40,240 --> 00:25:42,400
I'll send him in.
285
00:25:43,440 --> 00:25:47,220
To think a captain of the guard could
treat his queen so.
286
00:25:47,860 --> 00:25:50,280
He shall pay dearly for this.
287
00:25:51,560 --> 00:25:54,760
Captain, I would speak with you.
288
00:25:58,300 --> 00:25:59,600
Aye, your majesty.
289
00:26:01,560 --> 00:26:04,300
I would speak with you. Come here.
290
00:26:04,740 --> 00:26:06,760
But I can hear the...
291
00:26:07,530 --> 00:26:12,350
I can hear thee full well from here,
your majesty. I command you to come
292
00:26:14,570 --> 00:26:21,510
I couldn't hear you back there, John.
It's not my fault.
293
00:26:22,730 --> 00:26:24,750
Well, could you get a welder, then?
294
00:26:25,990 --> 00:26:29,850
Another fine day here in Sherwood
Forest.
295
00:26:30,130 --> 00:26:32,570
What say you to that, eh, little John?
296
00:26:48,850 --> 00:26:49,990
Hanging's too good for him.
297
00:26:51,250 --> 00:26:52,770
What do you say to that, eh, little Don?
298
00:26:54,330 --> 00:27:00,810
Now... I told you to keep to the left. I
did keep to the left.
299
00:27:01,190 --> 00:27:05,490
Shut that door, then. Yes, and I'm going
off to tea. Well, I don't... Nay, my
300
00:27:05,490 --> 00:27:07,530
liege! I tell you nay! Nay!
301
00:27:08,110 --> 00:27:09,830
You shall not take me alive!
302
00:27:10,370 --> 00:27:12,110
Never! For with yonder...
303
00:27:20,910 --> 00:27:26,310
under poison tablet, which is concealed
beneath my doublet, which is next to my
304
00:27:26,310 --> 00:27:31,230
singlet, shall I truly kill myself, and
so, so do I die.
305
00:27:31,490 --> 00:27:32,490
I die.
306
00:27:38,610 --> 00:27:43,210
With yonder sword shall I truly kill
myself, and so...
307
00:27:51,660 --> 00:27:53,980
how quickly the blood doth congeal.
308
00:27:54,280 --> 00:27:56,920
And so... Sorry.
309
00:27:57,200 --> 00:27:59,120
And so do I, darling.
310
00:29:32,460 --> 00:29:34,940
television is, will there be a fourth
channel?
311
00:29:35,280 --> 00:29:37,120
No, I don't know.
312
00:29:37,880 --> 00:29:41,540
But are we satisfied with the television
programmes that we're getting?
313
00:29:41,860 --> 00:29:44,440
Yes, the answer is no.
314
00:29:45,460 --> 00:29:50,900
But should there be a fourth channel? Of
course not. Unless the public demand
315
00:29:50,900 --> 00:29:56,180
it. And then I say, yes, we shall not
take no for an answer.
316
00:29:59,950 --> 00:30:05,830
Now, with me in the studio here is a man
who is directly concerned with it, the
317
00:30:05,830 --> 00:30:10,530
head of Scuttlevision, Mr. Frederick
Scuttle. Good evening, sir.
318
00:30:10,730 --> 00:30:11,730
Good evening, fans.
319
00:30:12,670 --> 00:30:17,130
Mr. Scuttle, if you were in charge of
the fourth channel, what audiences would
320
00:30:17,130 --> 00:30:18,130
you aim for?
321
00:30:18,230 --> 00:30:23,550
The thinking man, sir. Yes. The thinking
man is fed up with the superfluity and
322
00:30:23,550 --> 00:30:25,790
frivolousness of television.
323
00:30:26,230 --> 00:30:27,690
All that frolics.
324
00:30:30,220 --> 00:30:35,140
Yes, sir. He's fed up with nothing but
dancing ladies wearing nothing but
325
00:30:35,140 --> 00:30:37,880
braziers and open -neck trousers.
326
00:30:40,100 --> 00:30:43,440
Some of the costumes the girls wear
nowadays are disgraceful, sir. I've seen
327
00:30:43,440 --> 00:30:44,940
more cotton in the top of an aspirin
bottle.
328
00:30:46,300 --> 00:30:50,620
There was a dancer the other week, a
white -haired club, wearing a kilt six
329
00:30:50,620 --> 00:30:51,900
inches above the knee.
330
00:30:52,540 --> 00:30:53,680
Well, what's wrong with that?
331
00:30:53,880 --> 00:30:55,880
He didn't have six inches above the
knee, sir.
332
00:31:00,560 --> 00:31:01,920
What would you put in its place?
333
00:31:05,480 --> 00:31:07,020
In what place, sir?
334
00:31:07,560 --> 00:31:12,240
The dancers, the frolics. I'll tell you
what I'd put in. The masters, sir, the
335
00:31:12,240 --> 00:31:14,720
classics. The classics. Lady Fandomia's
Wind.
336
00:31:16,760 --> 00:31:19,160
The Tale of Two Cities.
337
00:31:23,840 --> 00:31:24,840
Hater Gobbler.
338
00:31:26,540 --> 00:31:29,280
Dillon from Class, sir. Yes, sir, I
worked there.
339
00:31:30,879 --> 00:31:34,520
Continental artiste and book picked and
booked by myself.
340
00:31:35,800 --> 00:31:36,800
What was that again?
341
00:31:37,040 --> 00:31:39,880
I can't pick my car. Listen, I go over
there, you know. You do?
342
00:31:40,120 --> 00:31:43,920
Oh, sir, yeah. I speak five languages,
you know. Sprechen Sie Deutsch?
343
00:31:44,360 --> 00:31:45,520
Oui, oui, monsieur.
344
00:31:47,560 --> 00:31:48,560
That is French.
345
00:31:48,700 --> 00:31:49,700
Is it? Yeah.
346
00:31:50,460 --> 00:31:51,460
Six languages.
347
00:31:54,000 --> 00:31:57,580
I've handled them all, you know, sir.
348
00:31:59,980 --> 00:32:01,860
Les champignons de la chanson.
349
00:32:03,200 --> 00:32:04,680
The singing toadstools.
350
00:32:07,240 --> 00:32:09,160
Lost paranoics, I've handled them.
351
00:32:10,100 --> 00:32:12,100
Sophia Loren, I've never handled them.
352
00:32:12,980 --> 00:32:19,860
No, but we reach for the stars, we do. I
offered Maria Callas's... I offered
353
00:32:19,860 --> 00:32:24,060
her 30 quid and 10 luncheon vouchers to
come over here and mime to a verse and
354
00:32:24,060 --> 00:32:25,440
chorus of Cozy Fanny Tutty.
355
00:32:26,380 --> 00:32:28,340
Did she acquiesce?
356
00:32:28,620 --> 00:32:29,740
Not with me, she didn't, so no.
357
00:32:31,000 --> 00:32:33,620
But, sir, you know, the thing is...
Well, tell you what else we're going to
358
00:32:33,620 --> 00:32:36,180
them, sir. What? Oh, the greatest, sir.
Our serial.
359
00:32:36,400 --> 00:32:38,680
The continuing story of Acker Street.
360
00:32:39,520 --> 00:32:43,700
Oh, the critics liked it? The two
crickets went potty over it, sir. Mary
361
00:32:43,700 --> 00:32:47,280
said, if I had not seen it with my own
eyes, I would not have believed it.
362
00:32:49,400 --> 00:32:50,800
Virginia Ironside.
363
00:32:53,820 --> 00:32:55,260
They're the name to conjure with.
364
00:32:57,100 --> 00:32:59,060
referred to it as Poetry in Motion.
365
00:32:59,540 --> 00:33:03,720
And Alan Bryan said it makes Hocal
Cutter look like a Blue Peter.
366
00:33:05,560 --> 00:33:08,380
So, you see, they all enjoyed it, you
see. Oh, I'm sure they did. And I'll
367
00:33:08,380 --> 00:33:10,640
you what else we're going to give. We're
going to give, for the first time on
368
00:33:10,640 --> 00:33:11,820
television, Poetry in Jazz.
369
00:33:12,600 --> 00:33:16,820
Poetry in Jazz? Poetry in Jazz, yes,
with Melody Malcolm, with a voice like
370
00:33:16,820 --> 00:33:17,820
Talcum.
371
00:33:18,060 --> 00:33:20,560
And his minstrels. They're ready now.
His minstrels?
372
00:33:20,820 --> 00:33:23,900
They'll give us a couple of them, if you
like. Oh, they'll give us a potpourri.
373
00:33:24,570 --> 00:33:26,030
I wouldn't put it as strongly as that.
374
00:33:26,890 --> 00:33:29,710
I'll tell you a couple of them. You see,
you never know with Malcolm what he's
375
00:33:29,710 --> 00:33:34,330
going to do. We give him a free hand in
its entirety, sir. You see, we never tie
376
00:33:34,330 --> 00:33:35,149
him down.
377
00:33:35,150 --> 00:33:36,470
No. Unless it's a full moon.
378
00:33:37,070 --> 00:33:39,270
And then we have to, you know, sir.
379
00:33:39,670 --> 00:33:46,590
Full moon, a Will's whiff, a cup of
Benji's, and a tizer,
380
00:33:46,590 --> 00:33:47,590
and he's off!
381
00:33:48,050 --> 00:33:49,050
Wheel gone!
382
00:33:49,430 --> 00:33:52,510
He's a non -conformist. I think he's
theory, actually, sir.
383
00:33:52,770 --> 00:33:56,210
I would like to say. You never know what
one minute, sir, he'll give you, Eskimo
384
00:33:56,210 --> 00:33:59,850
Nell, and then, like lightning, you get
the rubber yacht of Jaime Cohen.
385
00:34:00,370 --> 00:34:03,030
The Rubaiyat of Omar Khayyam. As well,
sir, yes.
386
00:34:04,110 --> 00:34:08,150
And the minstrels, sir. Oh, the group.
Oh, the group. Are they strict tempo?
387
00:34:08,330 --> 00:34:09,389
Never touch a drop, sir.
388
00:34:10,150 --> 00:34:15,830
They don't, sir, no. They smoke quite a
bit, which you see, sir. They are lovely
389
00:34:15,830 --> 00:34:19,370
music, sir. Yes, sir. Lovely music. I
heard them last night at Teddington Town
390
00:34:19,370 --> 00:34:20,770
Hall. You should have been there, sir.
It was magnificent.
391
00:34:21,090 --> 00:34:25,429
The music sort of swelled up. It swelled
up and it sort of filled the hall, sir.
392
00:34:25,510 --> 00:34:27,850
Yes. Several people left to make room
for it, actually.
393
00:34:28,690 --> 00:34:30,690
Are they ready now? Come over here. I'll
show you, sir.
394
00:34:40,940 --> 00:34:42,540
Poor old Prunella was built like a
fella.
395
00:34:43,940 --> 00:34:45,880
So she went down to see Dr Kerr.
396
00:34:46,139 --> 00:34:49,100
He said, no, they'll make ace. When she
stripped to the waist, he could hardly
397
00:34:49,100 --> 00:34:50,100
stop calling her sir.
398
00:34:52,219 --> 00:34:55,860
He started to gape at her absence of
shape, and he laughed, and he hardly
399
00:34:55,860 --> 00:34:57,660
speak. And he started to joke.
400
00:34:57,860 --> 00:35:00,340
She said, it's no joke they've been
swallowing like that for a week.
401
00:35:01,780 --> 00:35:04,100
He explained the position. He said, I'm
a physician.
402
00:35:04,440 --> 00:35:06,300
I graft you two on just like that.
403
00:35:06,680 --> 00:35:09,420
And he went and got plastered. The silly
old fool.
404
00:35:10,410 --> 00:35:12,010
And he grafted them onto her back.
405
00:35:13,210 --> 00:35:17,430
Now poor old Prunella, she can't get a
fella to walk or to talk or romance
406
00:35:17,730 --> 00:35:21,190
Because no one wants to chat when a girl
looks like that. But by golly, she's
407
00:35:21,190 --> 00:35:22,330
great fun to dance with.
408
00:35:28,750 --> 00:35:29,750
Here's another.
409
00:35:30,850 --> 00:35:32,970
My mate Ted has got a big head.
410
00:35:35,670 --> 00:35:37,890
He's a snob, he's aloof, he's high -ass.
411
00:35:38,120 --> 00:35:41,300
Some blokes say, by heck, he's a pain in
the neck. My opinion is lower than
412
00:35:41,300 --> 00:35:42,300
that.
413
00:35:42,980 --> 00:35:46,160
When he was at school, he made it the
rule to be Miss Coon's favourite
414
00:35:50,040 --> 00:35:51,260
She said, you stay behind.
415
00:35:51,500 --> 00:35:53,620
He said, I don't mind the joke and the
gossip and you don't.
416
00:35:54,400 --> 00:35:57,600
Once I said, Miss Coon, may I leave the
room? And I put my head over my head.
417
00:35:57,780 --> 00:36:00,700
She replied with a grin, now you can
stop in and fill up the inkwells
418
00:36:08,520 --> 00:36:11,340
that we were soon to discover, Botox was
his name.
419
00:36:12,720 --> 00:36:15,360
Ted said, ain't that a shame, because
it's neither one thing nor the other.
420
00:36:16,520 --> 00:36:22,600
He wanted more knowledge, so he went to
college, one of them intellectual
421
00:36:22,600 --> 00:36:26,800
palaces. I said, no, don't call us. He
said, I left there with honors, and
422
00:36:26,800 --> 00:36:28,320
Sally's, and Irene's, and Alice's.
423
00:36:40,060 --> 00:36:41,480
an infant school teacher.
424
00:36:43,060 --> 00:36:44,720
She should have been teaching the men.
425
00:36:45,500 --> 00:36:48,540
On their wedding night, she said, that's
not right, now do it all over again.
426
00:36:52,100 --> 00:36:54,780
He says, I went to night school.
427
00:36:55,460 --> 00:37:02,160
He says, I went to the right school, now
I go to night school. Every
428
00:37:02,160 --> 00:37:03,480
Tuesday from eight until ten.
429
00:37:03,760 --> 00:37:06,920
That's why I'm so bright, because every
Tuesday night I learn about world famous
430
00:37:06,920 --> 00:37:07,920
men.
431
00:37:08,790 --> 00:37:10,730
Now, Venus was chased all over the
place.
432
00:37:12,910 --> 00:37:16,130
She was lovely, and that's on the level.
433
00:37:16,490 --> 00:37:19,890
And old Aphrodite ran around in her
nightie, and Zeus was a dirty old devil.
434
00:37:20,970 --> 00:37:24,650
He said, you've never heard of Richard
III, or Rembrandt, or Voltaire, or Ren.
435
00:37:25,010 --> 00:37:26,370
He said, I'm no fool.
436
00:37:27,010 --> 00:37:30,170
I go to night school every Tuesday from
8 until 10.
437
00:37:30,890 --> 00:37:32,390
I said, I bet you don't know.
438
00:37:36,650 --> 00:37:40,910
I said, I bet you don't know Charlie
Glenn. He says, no, I'll buy it. Then
439
00:37:40,910 --> 00:37:41,609
Charlie Glenn?
440
00:37:41,610 --> 00:37:44,550
I said, he's the louse who goes round to
your house every Tuesday from eight
441
00:37:44,550 --> 00:37:45,550
until ten.
442
00:38:06,960 --> 00:38:12,700
When she's lost the way Give her your
shoulder to cry on
443
00:38:12,700 --> 00:38:19,480
Whether the day is bright or grey Give
her your
444
00:38:19,480 --> 00:38:25,540
heart to rely on Blow her a kiss from
across the room
445
00:38:25,540 --> 00:38:32,520
Say she looks nice when she's not Touch
her hair
446
00:38:32,520 --> 00:38:34,240
as you pass her chair
447
00:38:40,170 --> 00:38:42,650
Give her your hand as you cross the
street.
448
00:38:43,970 --> 00:38:46,010
Over at six on the dot.
449
00:38:47,750 --> 00:38:50,830
Find a day when you're far away.
450
00:38:52,230 --> 00:38:54,630
Little things need a lot.
451
00:38:56,250 --> 00:38:59,830
Don't have to buy her diamonds or
pearls.
452
00:39:00,690 --> 00:39:02,990
Champagne tables and books.
453
00:39:04,010 --> 00:39:06,550
She doesn't care much for...
454
00:39:11,990 --> 00:39:15,410
Give her your hand when she's locked
away.
455
00:39:16,450 --> 00:39:19,310
Give her your shoulder to close.
456
00:39:20,430 --> 00:39:26,870
Give her your heart to delight.
457
00:39:28,210 --> 00:39:31,450
Send her the warmth of a secret smile.
458
00:39:32,630 --> 00:39:34,710
Show her you haven't forgotten.
459
00:39:53,280 --> 00:39:54,280
Good evening.
460
00:40:07,370 --> 00:40:10,490
Well, once again, we welcome from China,
Mr.
461
00:40:10,710 --> 00:40:11,509
Chow Min.
462
00:40:11,510 --> 00:40:13,970
Good evening, everybody.
463
00:40:15,890 --> 00:40:19,510
And hello there, Nickers Parsons.
464
00:40:20,970 --> 00:40:24,270
Nicholas Parsons. Nickers Parsons.
465
00:40:24,550 --> 00:40:26,010
I am Nicholas.
466
00:40:26,630 --> 00:40:28,290
Mind you don't catch a cold.
467
00:40:32,530 --> 00:40:36,190
You're not like Chairman Mao.
468
00:40:36,820 --> 00:40:39,040
Chairman Mao, have nicks on.
469
00:40:46,400 --> 00:40:47,400
Well,
470
00:40:47,600 --> 00:40:51,580
I am delighted to see that this time Mr.
Min has brought with him his lovely
471
00:40:51,580 --> 00:40:57,040
wife, Mrs. Min. And may I say, Mrs. Min,
that you are the veritable epitome of
472
00:40:57,040 --> 00:41:01,840
Eastern womanhood and beauty. With your
enigmatic smile, you're the lotus
473
00:41:01,840 --> 00:41:03,160
blossom incarnate.
474
00:41:14,740 --> 00:41:18,720
I'm terribly sorry. I didn't realize
that your wife spoke English. Better
475
00:41:18,720 --> 00:41:19,720
you, cookie boy.
476
00:41:22,140 --> 00:41:24,600
Your rota's rotten in corny.
477
00:41:25,400 --> 00:41:26,940
What a rotacobras.
478
00:41:29,480 --> 00:41:30,480
Mr. Min.
479
00:41:30,810 --> 00:41:34,450
Where did you first come to meet your
lovely wife? In Shanghai, I sleep.
480
00:41:34,790 --> 00:41:36,750
I was driving in the long rain.
481
00:41:37,090 --> 00:41:38,090
The long rain?
482
00:41:38,310 --> 00:41:40,030
Not a long rain, a long rain.
483
00:41:40,610 --> 00:41:41,710
The long rain.
484
00:41:42,410 --> 00:41:44,850
Oh, the wrong lane. Yay!
485
00:41:46,070 --> 00:41:47,170
In her car.
486
00:41:47,570 --> 00:41:48,610
What else?
487
00:41:50,430 --> 00:41:52,310
Then I drive over this glass.
488
00:41:52,530 --> 00:41:55,070
And you got a puncture. No, not a
puncture on glass.
489
00:41:55,850 --> 00:41:57,730
Not a puncture on clean glass.
490
00:41:58,430 --> 00:42:00,030
Not a puncture on glass.
491
00:42:01,080 --> 00:42:03,200
Don't blow them grass, get a puncher.
492
00:42:03,560 --> 00:42:05,520
Get a puncher of a throat in a minute.
493
00:42:10,920 --> 00:42:13,820
Then I noticed that she wearing hot
pants.
494
00:42:14,500 --> 00:42:15,500
Made in China?
495
00:42:15,620 --> 00:42:16,620
Made in cotton.
496
00:42:18,340 --> 00:42:24,800
She was leaning over her car and I was
rugging and all full of lust.
497
00:42:25,040 --> 00:42:26,440
You were? A car.
498
00:42:26,820 --> 00:42:29,180
It was a lusty car. The engine was
lusty.
499
00:42:31,280 --> 00:42:32,280
Rustic. Yeah.
500
00:42:32,460 --> 00:42:34,080
So I say to myself,
501
00:42:34,560 --> 00:42:41,240
It's magic.
502
00:42:42,160 --> 00:42:48,960
Because, you see, what I say in English
is, I think maybe her leg is broken.
503
00:42:49,520 --> 00:42:51,380
Maybe her crutches are burnt out.
504
00:42:51,680 --> 00:42:54,540
And then I go over and I say, hey.
505
00:42:55,360 --> 00:42:57,640
Butterfly Blaine, I see you no switch
on.
506
00:42:58,000 --> 00:43:01,140
And she say, I only got to take one look
at you, Cookie Boy, and I switch on.
507
00:43:02,300 --> 00:43:04,580
So, Mr. Min, this is your wife.
508
00:43:04,860 --> 00:43:08,960
What aspects of Britain do you think
will most interest the people of China?
509
00:43:09,320 --> 00:43:11,820
I'd like to hear about Paris.
510
00:43:12,460 --> 00:43:14,200
The French capital, Paris.
511
00:43:14,460 --> 00:43:15,840
In English, Buckingham, Paris.
512
00:43:17,160 --> 00:43:21,620
I'd like to hear about how much is the
clean Elizabeth.
513
00:43:23,050 --> 00:43:25,050
And her mother, the clean mother.
514
00:43:26,790 --> 00:43:28,710
Also Prince Philip.
515
00:43:29,550 --> 00:43:30,930
Lord Stoughton.
516
00:43:31,270 --> 00:43:32,270
Princess Margaret.
517
00:43:32,890 --> 00:43:35,550
All the loyal family.
518
00:43:36,610 --> 00:43:38,470
Also visit horse piddle.
519
00:43:41,790 --> 00:43:46,030
Visit the horse piddle, yes. We see the
nurses there with the brats talking.
520
00:43:46,330 --> 00:43:49,430
Some of those nurses can disturb the
patients without making a bed.
521
00:43:50,810 --> 00:43:52,150
They get a surprise.
522
00:43:52,380 --> 00:43:53,380
What kind of surprise?
523
00:43:53,920 --> 00:43:54,940
Medical surprise.
524
00:43:55,380 --> 00:43:56,380
Oh, surprise.
525
00:43:56,920 --> 00:43:58,460
Oh, you know this one, you silly idiot.
526
00:43:58,860 --> 00:44:00,620
Oh, come on, Cookie Baby, you tell me.
527
00:44:01,940 --> 00:44:03,600
Also, we go to Reading.
528
00:44:04,040 --> 00:44:06,720
Reading in Berkshire. No, Reading in
Church, sir.
529
00:44:07,300 --> 00:44:10,280
Ah, we go see marriage ceremony.
530
00:44:10,820 --> 00:44:12,580
I see. And drink champagne.
531
00:44:13,520 --> 00:44:17,720
There was no gloom. Everyone was happy.
How can they be happy when there is no
532
00:44:17,720 --> 00:44:19,180
gloom? Gloom not an up.
533
00:44:19,420 --> 00:44:20,379
Oh, the groom.
534
00:44:20,380 --> 00:44:21,380
Yes.
535
00:44:22,170 --> 00:44:23,510
Oy vey.
536
00:44:24,830 --> 00:44:30,230
For when the groom turn up, he marry...
He
537
00:44:30,230 --> 00:44:33,250
marry 16 wives.
538
00:44:33,730 --> 00:44:35,070
16? Yes.
539
00:44:35,310 --> 00:44:38,410
Four richer, four poorer, four better,
and four worse.
540
00:44:44,990 --> 00:44:48,030
I like that. I hear more crapping.
That's nice.
541
00:44:55,850 --> 00:44:57,510
and then come in telling a lead Jerry.
542
00:44:57,770 --> 00:44:58,669
A lead Jerry?
543
00:44:58,670 --> 00:44:59,750
Yes, a lead Jerry.
544
00:45:00,030 --> 00:45:01,210
Yeah, full of custard.
545
00:45:02,870 --> 00:45:05,430
Custard? Yeah, you never have Jerry and
custard.
546
00:45:06,830 --> 00:45:11,690
It's rubbery, Jerry and custard. It's
rubbery. It was a love belly, Jerry.
547
00:45:12,810 --> 00:45:15,590
And it was not enough to go round, so I
give it a smack in the middle and
548
00:45:15,590 --> 00:45:22,110
everybody get a bit... Also, I take a
photograph.
549
00:45:22,250 --> 00:45:25,010
It was spoilt. Oh, spoilt, oh.
550
00:45:28,880 --> 00:45:29,538
Ah, spoiled.
551
00:45:29,540 --> 00:45:30,538
Oh.
552
00:45:30,540 --> 00:45:31,800
Ah, spoiled. Oh.
553
00:45:32,600 --> 00:45:33,960
Spoiled. Right.
554
00:45:35,000 --> 00:45:36,000
Click it.
555
00:45:36,840 --> 00:45:38,680
And, uh, rugby.
556
00:45:41,380 --> 00:45:42,500
Okay. Okay.
557
00:45:43,020 --> 00:45:45,040
Okay. Okay. With an okay stick.
558
00:45:45,580 --> 00:45:46,580
Okay.
559
00:45:48,860 --> 00:45:51,280
Don't we write best, oh, damn, too bad,
Joe.
560
00:45:51,540 --> 00:45:55,340
Oh, yeah. Oh, damn, too bad, Joe. Good
game. Oh, damn.
561
00:45:55,660 --> 00:45:58,920
Dobajo. Oh, don't Dobajo. Good game.
Ready can pray also?
562
00:45:59,300 --> 00:46:03,600
Oh, summary can pray. I see a lady. She
was breast with two nipples.
563
00:46:04,620 --> 00:46:07,640
I beg your pardon? Breast with two
nipples.
564
00:46:08,300 --> 00:46:10,540
Oh, blessed with two nippers.
565
00:46:10,860 --> 00:46:12,160
Yeah, that's what I say. Two nipples.
566
00:46:12,400 --> 00:46:13,138
No, no.
567
00:46:13,140 --> 00:46:16,220
There was a big cloud.
568
00:46:16,520 --> 00:46:17,980
Oh, a cloud of rain?
569
00:46:18,280 --> 00:46:19,360
No, a cloud of people.
570
00:46:20,140 --> 00:46:24,180
And they all come to see this man, her
husband, pray.
571
00:46:25,260 --> 00:46:26,260
Oh, damn cabacho.
572
00:46:26,560 --> 00:46:29,940
So, oh, don't do bad, Joe, he takes a
small round ball, a right ball, oh,
573
00:46:29,940 --> 00:46:34,300
do bad, Joe, put it on the grass, and
over there is a small round hole. He
574
00:46:34,300 --> 00:46:39,480
with a stick or a crub to knock the
small round hole into the little tiny
575
00:46:39,480 --> 00:46:42,620
there. The ball go into the hole, but it
not quite go in. It's just on the edge,
576
00:46:42,720 --> 00:46:44,980
and everybody say, oh, don't do bad,
Joe.
577
00:46:45,420 --> 00:46:48,900
Oh, don't do bad, Joe. That's a good
game. I like that. I like that game.
578
00:46:48,900 --> 00:46:51,840
you very much indeed, Mr. Min and Mrs.
Min.
579
00:46:52,060 --> 00:46:53,060
Good night, Cookie Boy.
580
00:46:55,880 --> 00:46:58,840
I got a brand new pair of roller skates.
581
00:47:09,220 --> 00:47:15,960
I rise at six and then I feed the chicks
and I'm feeling
582
00:47:15,960 --> 00:47:16,980
lonesome and blue.
583
00:47:17,260 --> 00:47:21,500
And when I milk the cow it seems somehow
my thoughts keep straying to you.
584
00:47:21,860 --> 00:47:25,980
And as the horse and I play the field...
nearby, your memory I can't erase.
585
00:47:26,520 --> 00:47:30,800
For as I look at the rear of the horse,
my dear, I seem to see your face.
586
00:47:31,140 --> 00:47:35,780
I'm going to soak the seat of deep
devotion, fertilizing with emotion.
587
00:47:36,740 --> 00:47:39,980
Water is his warm desire, and then I'll
reap the harvest of love.
588
00:47:40,560 --> 00:47:41,560
Yes,
589
00:47:43,420 --> 00:47:46,880
I was happy as a pig in spite of the way
that you looked at me when I met you at
590
00:47:46,880 --> 00:47:50,120
the village dance. If you wouldn't,
ladies, excuse me, and I thought I
591
00:47:50,120 --> 00:47:51,280
never have a chance.
592
00:47:51,980 --> 00:47:55,760
But you went off with Jeff, our local
chef, and you courted him down by the
593
00:47:55,760 --> 00:47:59,960
hedge. Then up came his wife with a long
-handled knife, and she cut off his
594
00:47:59,960 --> 00:48:03,680
meat and two vegs. I said, no, you seek
a big devotion.
595
00:48:04,260 --> 00:48:09,320
I said, with emotion, water it with warm
desire, and then I'll reap the harvest
596
00:48:09,320 --> 00:48:10,440
of love. There.
597
00:48:11,000 --> 00:48:17,300
So, you seek a big devotion. I said,
with emotion, water it with warm desire,
598
00:48:17,380 --> 00:48:20,360
and then I'll reap the harvest of love.
599
00:48:30,510 --> 00:48:33,070
Ladies and gentlemen, thank you all very
much for being with us, and we look
600
00:48:33,070 --> 00:48:35,890
forward to seeing you all again quite
soon. Until then, bye -bye.
601
00:50:20,240 --> 00:50:23,040
Thank you.
49599