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Previously on Bartlett.
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00:00:29,680 --> 00:00:30,680
Yeah.
3
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A bow tie?
4
00:00:39,680 --> 00:00:42,140
Seriously? Robert, what a surprise.
5
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It shouldn't be.
6
00:00:43,320 --> 00:00:44,320
Why is that?
7
00:00:44,400 --> 00:00:45,680
It's September, Thomas.
8
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This is my month.
9
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You get Lombardi's an alternate month
starting in February.
10
00:00:51,100 --> 00:00:52,760
September is mine.
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00:00:53,060 --> 00:00:55,100
Shit. This is stupid.
12
00:00:55,840 --> 00:00:58,760
Half the restaurants on our list aren't
even in business anymore.
13
00:00:59,240 --> 00:01:00,360
Why don't we call it a truce?
14
00:01:02,560 --> 00:01:03,760
You look like a Republican.
15
00:01:04,420 --> 00:01:05,580
And you've put on weight.
16
00:01:05,960 --> 00:01:07,000
Four pounds tops.
17
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I guess it all goes to the face.
18
00:01:09,240 --> 00:01:10,320
Gentlemen, are we being civil?
19
00:01:10,640 --> 00:01:11,740
I know it's been a while.
20
00:01:12,320 --> 00:01:13,320
We'll be fine.
21
00:01:13,480 --> 00:01:15,360
Bob, just so you know, your guests are
here.
22
00:01:15,980 --> 00:01:17,260
Look for the one without the jacket.
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00:01:20,060 --> 00:01:22,940
Fine. A truce. What a delicious couple.
24
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I know.
25
00:01:24,320 --> 00:01:25,420
I introduced them.
26
00:01:25,660 --> 00:01:26,980
Are you playing matchmaker again?
27
00:01:27,440 --> 00:01:28,760
Stick a cannoli in it.
28
00:01:31,050 --> 00:01:32,650
You'll never recreate what we had.
29
00:01:32,970 --> 00:01:33,970
You're right.
30
00:01:34,270 --> 00:01:37,830
I'll create a better team. A fearless
team.
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00:01:38,610 --> 00:01:39,670
Fearless Tomlin.
32
00:01:41,590 --> 00:01:42,850
Maggie. Roger.
33
00:01:43,170 --> 00:01:45,050
Welcome to New York. Bob.
34
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Thank you.
35
00:01:46,530 --> 00:01:49,530
Is the guy in the corner still looking
at us?
36
00:01:49,830 --> 00:01:51,710
Uh, I think so. Who's that?
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00:01:52,110 --> 00:01:53,470
Um, my ex -partner.
38
00:01:54,290 --> 00:01:56,370
Business or biznasty?
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00:01:57,430 --> 00:01:58,430
Both.
40
00:02:02,860 --> 00:02:04,580
No? What do you mean no?
41
00:02:04,780 --> 00:02:07,520
What do you mean yes? Didn't Caitlin
tell you to say no?
42
00:02:07,820 --> 00:02:10,280
No, she gave me the Richard Branson
opportunity talk.
43
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Richard Branson.
44
00:02:12,340 --> 00:02:13,780
He's actually very inspirational.
45
00:02:14,100 --> 00:02:14,879
To Roger.
46
00:02:14,880 --> 00:02:19,460
He's no most deaf, but he started Virgin
Records. We need a do -over, and this
47
00:02:19,460 --> 00:02:20,500
time you say yes.
48
00:02:22,820 --> 00:02:23,820
No.
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00:02:24,469 --> 00:02:26,110
You liked the pitch. You said it was
clever.
50
00:02:26,470 --> 00:02:27,550
There are bigger issues.
51
00:02:27,930 --> 00:02:32,070
Is the issue the size and shape of
Roger? I'm the one who said yes.
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Oh, okay.
53
00:02:33,870 --> 00:02:35,110
Let's forget about being a team.
54
00:02:35,530 --> 00:02:36,289
I'm leaving.
55
00:02:36,290 --> 00:02:39,030
I can have him packed up and out of here
in five minutes. Good luck with the
56
00:02:39,030 --> 00:02:40,830
pitch. Where are you going? I'll be back
in one sec.
57
00:02:47,270 --> 00:02:48,490
Captain, my captain.
58
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Stop.
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00:02:51,290 --> 00:02:52,430
I know you want this.
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00:02:52,990 --> 00:02:54,830
Oh, don't say it like that.
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00:02:55,310 --> 00:02:57,050
Like what? Like you care.
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00:02:57,870 --> 00:03:00,270
What you're actually saying is you want
this.
63
00:03:00,690 --> 00:03:02,870
No, no, our needs are intertwined.
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00:03:06,490 --> 00:03:07,970
Okay, that didn't work.
65
00:03:08,530 --> 00:03:10,850
Of course it didn't. She hates you.
66
00:03:15,350 --> 00:03:16,850
You having a stroke?
67
00:03:17,610 --> 00:03:21,870
No. You do look a little peaky. Did they
feed you on the plane?
68
00:03:22,350 --> 00:03:23,329
A fruit plate.
69
00:03:23,330 --> 00:03:28,170
That's what $5 ,000 buys you these days.
Extra leg room and a bowl of melon
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00:03:28,170 --> 00:03:33,010
chocs. The cafe downstairs has some
granola. There's yoga sunrise.
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00:03:33,650 --> 00:03:35,510
Peaceful temple. Infinite beginning.
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00:03:35,870 --> 00:03:37,490
That's a good one. I need coffee.
73
00:03:38,090 --> 00:03:39,090
Okay, what would you like?
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00:03:40,350 --> 00:03:41,690
Uh, coffee.
75
00:03:42,090 --> 00:03:43,090
Come on, Bob.
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00:03:43,290 --> 00:03:45,350
Espresso, pour over, French press. I
don't care.
77
00:03:45,610 --> 00:03:48,390
Do you care about terroir? There's a
delightful little Indonesian downstairs.
78
00:03:49,570 --> 00:03:50,570
How about milk?
79
00:03:50,840 --> 00:03:54,740
Yeah, almond, soy. As long as they get
my heart rate up. I don't care if it was
80
00:03:54,740 --> 00:03:58,540
grown in the mountains of Shangri -La by
three -eyed monks who grinded between
81
00:03:58,540 --> 00:04:00,700
their ass cheeks, okay? Yeah.
82
00:04:01,920 --> 00:04:03,840
I'm going to go with you. Sit down.
83
00:04:04,060 --> 00:04:05,060
I'm going to sit down.
84
00:04:05,920 --> 00:04:07,060
I'll be going then.
85
00:04:10,300 --> 00:04:14,900
So, we've got to find you a team and put
some meat on this pitch.
86
00:04:15,720 --> 00:04:16,860
In eight hours?
87
00:04:17,079 --> 00:04:18,079
You'd have to be cray.
88
00:04:18,420 --> 00:04:20,019
Then let's be cray -cray.
89
00:04:22,710 --> 00:04:23,710
Quiet today?
90
00:04:24,010 --> 00:04:25,010
Hmm?
91
00:04:25,230 --> 00:04:26,630
Oh, there's a lot going on.
92
00:04:27,330 --> 00:04:29,310
The way you tell it, there's always a
lot going on.
93
00:04:29,750 --> 00:04:33,090
Yeah, but now the ship is sinking and
I'm tied to the mast.
94
00:04:33,510 --> 00:04:34,510
Like you live here.
95
00:04:34,670 --> 00:04:35,670
Yeah.
96
00:04:35,930 --> 00:04:38,170
But, you know, without the twig thing.
97
00:04:39,390 --> 00:04:40,810
You know you can always walk away.
98
00:04:41,970 --> 00:04:46,770
I'm going to continue that metaphor. You
know, you say you can always swim away
99
00:04:46,770 --> 00:04:48,490
or lifeboat away.
100
00:04:48,850 --> 00:04:50,210
You cut the strings when you left Mother
England.
101
00:04:50,950 --> 00:04:52,570
Right? Yeah.
102
00:04:54,110 --> 00:04:55,110
So do it again.
103
00:04:55,550 --> 00:04:57,150
Have a merry secular Christmas.
104
00:04:57,530 --> 00:04:58,530
Thank you.
105
00:05:00,690 --> 00:05:01,910
Who was that?
106
00:05:02,590 --> 00:05:03,750
I have no idea.
107
00:05:04,250 --> 00:05:06,450
She just comes in and pours her heart
out.
108
00:05:06,730 --> 00:05:07,910
I love her accent.
109
00:05:08,350 --> 00:05:09,970
It's the only reason I let her keep
talking.
110
00:05:20,430 --> 00:05:21,470
Hey, Erin.
111
00:05:21,930 --> 00:05:22,930
Hi, Maggie.
112
00:05:23,370 --> 00:05:24,850
Ooh, what happened to that bear?
113
00:05:25,790 --> 00:05:26,729
Where's Sanjay?
114
00:05:26,730 --> 00:05:28,970
Ugh, it's the Council of War in the
womb.
115
00:05:29,390 --> 00:05:31,150
The bear computer pitch is a shit show.
116
00:05:31,590 --> 00:05:33,630
This is what you, this is terrible.
117
00:05:34,110 --> 00:05:35,370
Tell me about that bear.
118
00:05:35,830 --> 00:05:39,350
Um, wrong place at the wrong time. Do we
have a sewing kit?
119
00:05:39,730 --> 00:05:40,730
Ew, no.
120
00:05:41,490 --> 00:05:42,890
Okay, I'm going to be in my office.
121
00:06:01,610 --> 00:06:03,250
You guys get glowing recommendations.
122
00:06:07,090 --> 00:06:10,950
Can I be honest? When Caitlin said the
Holy Family was coming in, I just
123
00:06:10,950 --> 00:06:15,310
she was using a British euphemism. Like,
bollocks. Well, we hope we are the
124
00:06:15,310 --> 00:06:16,310
answer to your prayers.
125
00:06:17,610 --> 00:06:21,050
We're going to the McKenzie -Stoller
holiday party after this. Yeah, it's a
126
00:06:21,050 --> 00:06:22,550
bonus drink ticket if you come in
costumes.
127
00:06:24,690 --> 00:06:27,750
I always think of a thorn thing as more
of an Easter Jesus.
128
00:06:28,320 --> 00:06:31,840
Baby Jesus is really hard to do. Yeah,
without the thorns, I'm just a Puerto
129
00:06:31,840 --> 00:06:33,820
Rican dude in a tunic. But I do have
this.
130
00:06:35,500 --> 00:06:36,500
Baby Jesus.
131
00:06:36,680 --> 00:06:38,300
Well, sort of all Jesuses.
132
00:06:38,580 --> 00:06:39,800
Yeah, I can see that.
133
00:06:41,620 --> 00:06:44,000
Are they painful? No, they're super
comfy. You want to try them?
134
00:06:45,120 --> 00:06:46,120
Sure.
135
00:06:47,980 --> 00:06:49,260
Thought it'd be heavier.
136
00:06:54,680 --> 00:06:56,880
Yeah. You look like a martyr. Yeah.
137
00:06:58,450 --> 00:06:59,450
Really?
138
00:06:59,810 --> 00:07:00,810
Badass martyr.
139
00:07:00,970 --> 00:07:02,370
You're crushing his luck. Renaissance.
140
00:07:03,510 --> 00:07:04,890
Ray's light coming out.
141
00:07:05,170 --> 00:07:06,950
You know what, you guys, the job is
yours if you want it.
142
00:07:07,190 --> 00:07:09,050
Thank you. We're so excited.
143
00:07:09,630 --> 00:07:12,590
Honestly, we only have a couple hours,
so beggars can't be choosers.
144
00:07:12,830 --> 00:07:15,450
Well, it is the beggars that shall first
enter the kingdom of heaven.
145
00:07:22,390 --> 00:07:23,670
What the hell are you doing?
146
00:07:25,710 --> 00:07:27,170
I'm putting your head back on.
147
00:07:27,760 --> 00:07:28,760
Oh, that's my head?
148
00:07:29,620 --> 00:07:30,620
It's you.
149
00:07:30,660 --> 00:07:35,860
Cool. Minus the ego and sweaty armpits.
Oh, wow. So this is what I get for
150
00:07:35,860 --> 00:07:36,860
missing our appointment, huh?
151
00:07:38,180 --> 00:07:42,240
Listen, Chad called right after you
left, freaking out about the pear pitch.
152
00:07:42,600 --> 00:07:43,820
And you could have called me.
153
00:07:44,100 --> 00:07:48,580
I'm sure I could have. That's a great
point, but I didn't. So I'm sorry. Oh,
154
00:07:48,800 --> 00:07:50,820
man. Are we good?
155
00:07:51,100 --> 00:07:52,100
We're okay, right?
156
00:07:52,490 --> 00:07:55,290
We do not work on the same project. That
is your rule.
157
00:07:55,570 --> 00:07:59,290
I know, but I'm changing it. I really
need your help.
158
00:07:59,870 --> 00:08:00,870
Okay.
159
00:08:04,190 --> 00:08:05,190
I'll be there in a minute.
160
00:08:07,910 --> 00:08:08,910
I will be there.
161
00:08:09,930 --> 00:08:10,930
All right.
162
00:08:10,970 --> 00:08:11,970
Great.
163
00:08:12,890 --> 00:08:15,930
You look beautiful today, by the way.
You look so good.
164
00:08:16,450 --> 00:08:18,830
You look sexually frustrated, though.
Bye.
165
00:08:47,079 --> 00:08:48,780
Guys, can we check in real quick?
166
00:08:49,700 --> 00:08:53,920
Sorry, I'm intrigued by your creative
process.
167
00:08:54,380 --> 00:08:55,760
Well, yeah, it's improv -based.
168
00:08:56,020 --> 00:09:01,160
It seems totally improv -y. Well, we're
actually acting refugees from L .A.
169
00:09:01,360 --> 00:09:07,940
I studied at Stella Adler, and Jesus is
a trained Shakespearean, but we couldn't
170
00:09:07,940 --> 00:09:08,539
make it work.
171
00:09:08,540 --> 00:09:11,160
Yeah, I mean, you know, Shakespeare in L
.A., that should have been the first.
172
00:09:11,740 --> 00:09:15,760
Red flag that work was not forthcoming.
Oh, we fell into advertising.
173
00:09:16,640 --> 00:09:19,620
There's nothing to be ashamed of there.
I'm a musician.
174
00:09:21,260 --> 00:09:23,240
Attempting to be a musician.
175
00:09:24,120 --> 00:09:26,460
Actually, could I try that oud?
176
00:09:28,420 --> 00:09:29,420
Absolutely.
177
00:09:29,780 --> 00:09:30,780
And?
178
00:09:33,720 --> 00:09:38,140
We come from a proud tradition of men
and women who have... fallen from the
179
00:09:38,140 --> 00:09:42,540
great tightrope of the creative arts
into the safety net of advertising.
180
00:09:45,400 --> 00:09:47,340
You guys want to workshop something real
quick?
181
00:09:49,840 --> 00:09:56,620
If only you believed, my darling, if
only you believed. If only you believed,
182
00:09:56,720 --> 00:09:59,080
my darling, if only you believed.
183
00:10:00,240 --> 00:10:04,920
With that sound above our heads, the
dreams of yuletide Christmas flares.
184
00:10:05,460 --> 00:10:10,080
Hedging our eclectic cells, to sell
gifts off electric shelves.
185
00:10:10,700 --> 00:10:14,740
Holidays on layaway, we're burrowing
through borrow time.
186
00:10:15,360 --> 00:10:19,160
There's a ray of light ahead, that suits
us jolly well.
187
00:10:20,020 --> 00:10:24,840
If only you believe, my darling, if only
you believe, I believe.
188
00:10:25,280 --> 00:10:29,420
If you do believe my darling, then I'll
believe it too.
189
00:10:30,480 --> 00:10:36,420
If I do believe it darling, then somehow
190
00:10:36,420 --> 00:10:41,440
we'll make it through.
191
00:10:45,080 --> 00:10:46,200
Mary, are you pumped?
192
00:10:46,420 --> 00:10:47,059
I am.
193
00:10:47,060 --> 00:10:50,100
Hey Zeus, are we going to win this
thing? We are going to win this thing.
194
00:10:50,100 --> 00:10:51,640
do it.
195
00:10:52,200 --> 00:10:57,680
Here, computers shall be all right in
court, and gentlemen in England now abed
196
00:10:57,680 --> 00:11:02,480
shall think themselves accursed they
were not here, and hold their men with
197
00:11:02,480 --> 00:11:06,680
sheep while honey speaks, who fought
with us upon St. Crispin's Day.
198
00:11:08,160 --> 00:11:09,280
Is that in the Bible?
199
00:11:09,720 --> 00:11:11,480
Yeah, the actress' Bible.
200
00:11:12,360 --> 00:11:13,360
Shit!
201
00:11:14,080 --> 00:11:15,080
What?
202
00:11:16,720 --> 00:11:19,000
I could really use another coffee.
203
00:11:19,400 --> 00:11:21,460
You know, you should really eat
something.
204
00:11:22,080 --> 00:11:26,820
You know, I think I have a sunflower
butter sandwich in here somewhere.
205
00:11:27,060 --> 00:11:29,760
What the hell is sunflower butter?
206
00:11:34,180 --> 00:11:35,540
Is that who I think it is?
207
00:11:36,700 --> 00:11:40,820
Five, four, three, two, one.
208
00:11:42,700 --> 00:11:43,700
I'm not here.
209
00:11:46,120 --> 00:11:47,160
Agent PSF?
210
00:11:48,680 --> 00:11:50,860
I'm sorry, Mr. Baker, he's not here
right now.
211
00:11:51,840 --> 00:11:53,780
He's out getting some much -needed
nourishment.
212
00:11:55,700 --> 00:12:01,540
I don't know, maybe it was stolen
because I heard that a quarter of all
213
00:12:01,540 --> 00:12:03,340
San Francisco is mobile phone related.
214
00:12:03,840 --> 00:12:06,460
I don't know what I did if it happened
to me. I'd feel so naked.
215
00:12:08,560 --> 00:12:09,560
Mr. Baker?
216
00:12:13,680 --> 00:12:15,080
Oh, you're good.
217
00:12:15,720 --> 00:12:18,340
Why do you put up with that horrible
man?
218
00:12:20,250 --> 00:12:21,310
Because he's my boss.
219
00:12:21,670 --> 00:12:25,530
He didn't have to be. From what I heard,
you were next in line and you turned it
220
00:12:25,530 --> 00:12:26,890
down. I'm tired.
221
00:12:27,490 --> 00:12:28,770
It's a lot of work being me.
222
00:12:29,230 --> 00:12:30,850
The aging gay black man.
223
00:12:31,350 --> 00:12:32,670
The old borderline adorable.
224
00:12:33,290 --> 00:12:37,510
You know, everyone hates Andy Baker so
much. Bet you could have his job if you
225
00:12:37,510 --> 00:12:38,510
wanted it.
226
00:12:39,870 --> 00:12:41,350
You know a lot of stuff, huh?
227
00:12:42,050 --> 00:12:43,470
Comes with wearing a lot of hats.
228
00:12:46,150 --> 00:12:47,530
Like cleaning lady.
229
00:12:48,800 --> 00:12:52,900
All right, so this is the last in our so
-easy -even -a -chicken -could -use -it
230
00:12:52,900 --> 00:12:53,900
contest.
231
00:12:54,460 --> 00:12:57,560
Why so many chickens?
232
00:12:58,120 --> 00:13:01,840
Oh, well, hey, Zeus and I both think
that chickens are a great advertising
233
00:13:01,840 --> 00:13:05,760
platform because they're funny. They're
stupid. And yet infinitely relatable.
234
00:13:06,560 --> 00:13:13,340
And delicious. Anyway, we open on a man
wearing a chicken suit. Maybe outside a
235
00:13:13,340 --> 00:13:14,339
fried chicken restaurant.
236
00:13:14,340 --> 00:13:15,800
He looks sad.
237
00:13:16,270 --> 00:13:20,550
Meanwhile, we see a real chicken in a
tiny business suit walking down the
238
00:13:20,550 --> 00:13:24,130
sidewalk. They see each other, but they
can't communicate.
239
00:13:24,830 --> 00:13:25,830
Hello, chicken.
240
00:13:26,710 --> 00:13:27,710
So,
241
00:13:29,290 --> 00:13:34,790
the man uses the Bartlett to look up
real -time chicken translation, and in
242
00:13:34,790 --> 00:13:40,710
final shot, we see the two of them in
bed together in a luxurious, beautifully
243
00:13:40,710 --> 00:13:42,190
lit hotel suite.
244
00:13:46,320 --> 00:13:48,700
Did you say real -time chicken
translation?
245
00:13:48,980 --> 00:13:51,080
Well, we'd have to check if that's
possible, but yes.
246
00:13:53,440 --> 00:13:55,120
What do you think?
247
00:13:59,660 --> 00:14:06,480
Are you
248
00:14:06,480 --> 00:14:07,480
okay, my son?
249
00:14:22,630 --> 00:14:23,630
Roger?
250
00:14:23,970 --> 00:14:27,190
How long has he been under here? Maybe
15 minutes. Five minutes.
251
00:14:27,650 --> 00:14:29,130
Has he said anything?
252
00:14:32,350 --> 00:14:33,870
Maybe he doesn't like our work.
253
00:14:34,070 --> 00:14:34,849
Oh, no.
254
00:14:34,850 --> 00:14:36,850
You know how you people are.
255
00:14:37,990 --> 00:14:39,330
Artists. Right?
256
00:14:41,050 --> 00:14:42,130
What the hell is going on?
257
00:14:42,330 --> 00:14:44,570
Roger won't come out from under the
desk.
258
00:14:45,770 --> 00:14:46,890
Is he self -harming?
259
00:14:47,810 --> 00:14:48,810
I don't think so.
260
00:14:51,719 --> 00:14:54,160
Roger, think about Branson, okay?
261
00:14:54,360 --> 00:14:57,180
Think about opportunity and reward.
262
00:15:03,180 --> 00:15:06,040
Next time on Bartlett. I don't think
chickens are funny.
263
00:15:06,240 --> 00:15:10,020
It doesn't have to be a chicken. Yes, it
does. My dad could write better copy
264
00:15:10,020 --> 00:15:12,360
and he still pokes people on Facebook.
265
00:15:12,660 --> 00:15:14,380
I still poke people on Facebook.
266
00:15:14,600 --> 00:15:18,400
The ship is not going to right itself
with Roger at the helm. And you want me
267
00:15:18,400 --> 00:15:19,700
throw you this black jacket?
268
00:15:19,940 --> 00:15:20,940
I want it off.
269
00:15:21,130 --> 00:15:24,450
I fired the best thing that ever
happened to me.
270
00:15:24,790 --> 00:15:29,770
Hey there, what do you want from me?
Could you give me some love? Get my soul
271
00:15:29,770 --> 00:15:30,770
free?
272
00:15:33,450 --> 00:15:34,450
Yeah.
273
00:15:35,530 --> 00:15:38,050
What's that sound above our heads?
274
00:15:38,330 --> 00:15:40,450
Dream groups like Christmas lights.
275
00:15:40,690 --> 00:15:42,830
And dreams of eclectic cells.
276
00:15:43,190 --> 00:15:45,270
Tales of eclectic shells.
277
00:15:45,930 --> 00:15:50,130
Holidays on a layaway, we'll burrow in,
we'll burrow time.
278
00:15:50,570 --> 00:15:54,690
There's a ray of light ahead, it'll
shoot the shadow red.
279
00:15:55,150 --> 00:15:59,610
If only we believed, my darling, if only
we believed.
280
00:16:00,050 --> 00:16:04,390
If only we believed, my darling, if only
we believed.
281
00:16:05,470 --> 00:16:09,470
So tell me you believe, my darling, tell
me you believe.
282
00:16:10,070 --> 00:16:14,450
Cause if you do believe, my darling,
then I'll believe it too.
283
00:16:15,280 --> 00:16:17,160
Yes, I believe it too.
284
00:16:18,080 --> 00:16:22,480
Oh, I believe it too, my darling. Yes, I
believe it too.
285
00:16:23,060 --> 00:16:27,400
And if we don't believe it, darling, I
know we'll make it through.
21519
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