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Previously on Bartlett.
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Where's Roger?
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It looks like a bodega blew up in here.
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He's sleeping here every night.
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00:00:06,620 --> 00:00:09,280
No. What the hell are you doing behind
the sofa?
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Sofa fort. You promised to take care of
our clients. Cross your heart and hope
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to die.
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We got blankets, pillows, half a box of
Malamar.
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00:00:16,680 --> 00:00:19,760
What happened, Roger? I can't figure it
out. Talk to Maggie.
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Sometimes I just need to mobilize my
passion.
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Are these all your clients?
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00:00:25,700 --> 00:00:28,200
Yeah. They must be really good. They
look so happy.
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I only take pictures of the happy ones.
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What the hell is that?
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Someone's outside.
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So, last night... I hope I didn't
disappoint.
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No, but when you invited me to see your
million -dollar car collection, I didn't
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think you were the mechanic.
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00:00:57,420 --> 00:00:58,460
Sorry for the confusion.
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This is Hans talking.
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I know it's early, but I need the blue
badge.
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Yeah, yeah, Roger.
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Please, one moment.
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Why are you talking like that?
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I'm selling a dream, baby.
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You know, the reliable yet exotic German
mechanic.
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I like you too.
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Raja, my friend.
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Hans, um... Come in, yeah.
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Are you sure I can... Yeah, this is
good.
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Is it? Because you're naked.
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I am assuming this is about a lady?
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Yeah.
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Met her a few weeks ago at work, and I
think there's something happening
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us. You think?
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There's maybe another guy or guys I
asked around.
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No one in this league.
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Do not worry.
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These men will cry like babies when they
see the Blue Banshee.
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Your father was a great man. To leave
you his honor.
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Not really a great man, but he died.
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Yeah.
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Good for you. Yeah.
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Oh, so this is where you're all hiding.
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Hey, you can't just barge in here,
Maggie.
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Never leave the reception desk
unattended, Caitlin. Surely that rules
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top ten.
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I'm a seven, actually.
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How did you get past security?
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I walked.
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I thought she was on the list.
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What list?
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The persons of interest list.
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Oh, how notorious.
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There isn't really a persons of interest
list I made that up to make you feel
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better. It worked.
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Bob, I thought you said I wouldn't be
seeing Roger today.
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Oh, out by 10 and by 11. Was that your
plan?
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Who else am I going to replace him with?
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Maggie is the right man for the job.
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I'm not replacing anybody. I said I'd
come in and talk.
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It's a formality. If Maggie wants to
talk, we should. You stay out of this.
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in the middle of this.
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And you need to go.
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really have to put my foot down as the
only account executive in this office. I
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just feel like... Maybe it'd be easier.
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Okay. I'm going.
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You see, Bob, this firing people thing
isn't so easy. Shut up.
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Maggie, I thought you wanted this.
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I don't even know what this is, Bob.
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People say you don't even have clients
anymore, which can't be true.
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Oh, my God.
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But the bones. The bones are good.
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What bones? The carpeting? The brand,
the network.
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I'll give you everything you need to
reboot this entire agent.
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Actually, I'm already working on that.
Oh, really?
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Unless you plan on building a fucking
time machine to go back and fix this,
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there's... Time is all I need. No, no,
no, no, no. This is not a wonderful
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The building alone is foreclosed.
Clarence isn't getting his wings, and
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George Bailey...
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Remind me later.
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No, you said you'd call him in ten
minutes. Scout's bleeping on us.
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Fuck!
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I need some privacy.
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Hey, Andy, how are you?
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So you finally made it to Cali? I
finally made it.
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We lost a few good men to typhoid and
cannibalism. Shut up, Bob.
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Has Newhouse been eliminated?
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It really creeps me out when you talk
like that. Is the deed done?
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00:04:50,700 --> 00:04:51,980
No, I've only been here an hour.
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I guess I'm just not the professional
hitman you thought I was.
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00:04:58,790 --> 00:05:02,650
Roger, this is really tacky. There was a
Christmas fire sale at Fisherman's
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Wharf. They were practically giving them
away. Poor tree.
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Well, we lost the plant guy.
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Mike?
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Mike was the plant guy. Mike, right.
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00:05:12,210 --> 00:05:13,650
Yeah, Ken was the IT guy.
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Wendell was the security guy.
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Okay, I'm not good with names.
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Oh, is that your problem?
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I'm the first to admit, you were better
than me.
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Our star. Our bright, shining star.
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Lighting the way forward. And then one
day... No star. I knew it.
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You blame this whole mess on me. No,
it's a compliment.
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Okay. So if we're trading compliments,
then you were my anchor.
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Always weighing me down.
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Hey, I closed those deals.
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Yeah. And you took all the credit.
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Not exactly a fair distribution of
wealth.
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I'm sorry you were so disappointed.
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Maybe if there were three of me, you
would have been satisfied.
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Don't you want to be with me? Cause I
want to be with you.
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I want to be the one. Don't you want to
be with me?
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Cause I want to be one of the, one of
the,
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one of the one.
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You got the man. I got the man.
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Don't you understand? We could be more
than.
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Bye.
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Bye.
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Bye.
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Society drains all the...
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Or in Andy Baker's case, the doughy,
balding psychopath.
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00:08:32,480 --> 00:08:35,980
That's your severance packet. If you
have any questions, talk to your HR
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00:08:35,980 --> 00:08:38,340
manager. Would that be Caitlin?
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Yeah.
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You have five minutes to clear out your
stuff.
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There goes the family.
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What family?
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He's right. You always said we were
family.
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I lied.
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No, I think you believed it.
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Advertising isn't about treasuring what
you have. It's about coveting what you
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don't. That's not family. That's anti
-family.
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Well, I'm not leaving.
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00:09:00,400 --> 00:09:01,520
It's not a negotiation.
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I have a job to do. Cross my heart and
hope to die, remember?
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I absolve you of all your promises.
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Just go, please.
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00:09:09,780 --> 00:09:12,200
There's something you don't know. I know
everything.
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00:09:12,600 --> 00:09:14,000
Au contraire, mon frere.
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00:09:14,840 --> 00:09:17,400
Rod, for fuck's sake, tell him about the
pitch.
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What pitch?
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The Pi computer pitch.
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00:09:20,920 --> 00:09:25,840
For the new top secret tablet
thingamajiggy? Tablets are for Moses.
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00:09:25,840 --> 00:09:29,120
paradigm shift. Or should I say paradigm
shift.
146
00:09:29,320 --> 00:09:30,500
He's fucking with you, Bob.
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00:09:30,700 --> 00:09:32,680
I am not. This is a fuck -free zone.
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00:09:32,960 --> 00:09:34,840
Just ask Caitlin. That's rule number
three.
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Pear is a closed pitch.
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00:09:37,820 --> 00:09:38,699
Invite only.
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00:09:38,700 --> 00:09:40,840
I just so happen to know the new head of
marketing.
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00:09:41,520 --> 00:09:45,920
Pete and I went to Davis together. We
were roommates and co -chaired the D &D
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00:09:45,920 --> 00:09:46,920
club.
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00:09:47,560 --> 00:09:49,060
32 hit points, gelatinous cube.
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00:09:49,320 --> 00:09:50,860
Pete Wong is Stinky Pete.
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00:09:51,320 --> 00:09:54,360
All I had to do was call up Stinky,
remind him I still had the photos of
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00:09:54,480 --> 00:09:56,280
the goat, the salami. We were in like
Flynn.
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00:09:56,560 --> 00:09:58,220
Why didn't you tell me about the pitch?
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00:09:58,460 --> 00:10:02,140
Because Roger can do it on his own.
Boom. How much Kool -Aid are you
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00:10:02,240 --> 00:10:04,080
Caitlin? He's going up against premier
agencies.
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00:10:04,360 --> 00:10:08,960
Oh, premier agencies like Khan and
Partners. You invited a double agent
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00:10:08,960 --> 00:10:12,240
midst, Bob. I'm not working on that
pitch. I haven't even seen it.
163
00:10:12,580 --> 00:10:14,060
Bullshit. You are their best creative.
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00:10:14,320 --> 00:10:15,420
It's Sanjay's pitch.
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00:10:15,980 --> 00:10:17,380
We don't work on the same project.
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00:10:17,720 --> 00:10:19,600
Why? Do you threaten him, too?
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00:10:20,540 --> 00:10:23,820
She does not threaten me. I want to see
your pitch.
168
00:10:24,120 --> 00:10:25,740
What about Benedict Arnold here?
169
00:10:26,020 --> 00:10:27,420
She's not a double agent.
170
00:10:28,180 --> 00:10:29,280
Go on, my son.
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00:10:29,540 --> 00:10:30,540
Show him what we did.
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00:10:33,840 --> 00:10:35,120
You might want to take a seat.
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00:10:35,960 --> 00:10:38,380
Things are about to get bumpy.
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00:10:39,160 --> 00:10:41,380
St. Bernardine, patron of advertising.
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00:10:42,830 --> 00:10:48,070
Do not call upon you often, but please
bestow upon Roger the wisdom to be pure
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of message and true of target audience.
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00:10:51,870 --> 00:10:54,910
There's any number of ways we can go
with the narration, but I'm thinking,
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00:10:54,910 --> 00:10:58,270
know, it kind of builds with internet
stars, music stars, and just movie
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00:10:58,370 --> 00:11:01,250
It goes all over the place. Matthew
McConaughey starts it out, you know,
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00:11:01,250 --> 00:11:06,210
like... All right, this is the freedom
to live your dream. And then, boom, we
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00:11:06,210 --> 00:11:09,810
bring it in with a little bit like Snoop
Dogg. Yeah, for cheesy player and
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00:11:09,810 --> 00:11:13,470
fulfill your destiny. And then, bam, we
bring it in with a little bit of like
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00:11:13,470 --> 00:11:17,590
gravitas, like maybe more like a James
Earl Jones kind of thing. This is
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00:11:17,590 --> 00:11:20,770
Bartlett. And then we stitch together
Alan Rickman's, all of his past
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00:11:20,770 --> 00:11:23,770
recordings, and we get mobilize your
passion.
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00:11:27,030 --> 00:11:28,030
Okay.
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00:11:28,610 --> 00:11:29,610
Okay.
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00:11:30,470 --> 00:11:31,570
I like it.
189
00:11:32,140 --> 00:11:33,420
You like it?
190
00:11:33,680 --> 00:11:34,700
It's a start.
191
00:11:35,060 --> 00:11:36,060
A start?
192
00:11:36,780 --> 00:11:39,580
It's bleeding edge. It's hemorrhaging
all over the place.
193
00:11:40,240 --> 00:11:41,240
What do you think?
194
00:11:43,280 --> 00:11:44,620
Someone likes drop shadows.
195
00:11:44,960 --> 00:11:45,980
They add depth.
196
00:11:46,260 --> 00:11:47,800
And I counted like six different fonts.
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00:11:48,060 --> 00:11:49,900
Two, and they're in the same family.
198
00:11:50,360 --> 00:11:53,180
But mobile is your passion, Roger.
199
00:11:53,640 --> 00:11:55,220
Very clever.
200
00:11:56,260 --> 00:11:58,120
Okay, so where's the rest of it?
201
00:11:58,620 --> 00:12:00,360
The... What?
202
00:12:00,810 --> 00:12:02,190
The meat. He wants to see the meat.
203
00:12:02,710 --> 00:12:06,030
Yeah, this is meat. The appetizer.
204
00:12:06,410 --> 00:12:10,710
But the main course sells it. And you
know that, Roger. We need spec scripts
205
00:12:10,710 --> 00:12:12,010
storyboards and ad lobs.
206
00:12:12,250 --> 00:12:14,230
I've got plenty of meat. I'm grilling.
207
00:12:14,470 --> 00:12:16,710
I'm roasting. I'm deep fat frying.
208
00:12:16,950 --> 00:12:20,270
It's going to be an ambrosial
smorgasbord of meats.
209
00:12:20,570 --> 00:12:23,890
A charcuterie of deep fat... You're not
ready.
210
00:12:25,430 --> 00:12:28,290
You know what?
211
00:12:28,670 --> 00:12:30,870
The pitch is in two hours, so it doesn't
even matter.
212
00:12:31,730 --> 00:12:32,730
Two hours?
213
00:12:33,150 --> 00:12:36,250
Yeah. So back off, Bob. I've got this.
214
00:12:36,930 --> 00:12:39,490
Roger. Pete Wong is on line one.
215
00:12:40,150 --> 00:12:42,910
Fuck. It's never good when the client
calls.
216
00:12:43,170 --> 00:12:44,170
Relax.
217
00:12:44,350 --> 00:12:45,350
I'll handle it.
218
00:12:48,310 --> 00:12:53,410
Stinky. What? I told you, Roger. Stinky
is dead to me. It's Pete. Just Pete.
219
00:12:53,730 --> 00:12:56,330
Good old days die hard. Listen up,
brother.
220
00:12:56,730 --> 00:12:57,730
Execute a U -turn.
221
00:12:59,449 --> 00:13:02,650
Seriously? I went to the LA office
holiday bash last night and it must have
222
00:13:02,650 --> 00:13:04,030
a good one because I missed my flight.
223
00:13:04,370 --> 00:13:05,370
Sorry to hear that.
224
00:13:05,510 --> 00:13:08,070
It gets better because I totally got
lost on my way to Burbank.
225
00:13:08,690 --> 00:13:09,690
Execute a U -turn.
226
00:13:10,030 --> 00:13:12,690
You know what the problem with LA is?
There's no fucking landmark.
227
00:13:13,090 --> 00:13:16,770
It's all flat and monochromatic. No
wonder this town's obsessed with 3D.
228
00:13:17,330 --> 00:13:19,110
Execute a U -turn. Will you shut up?
229
00:13:20,130 --> 00:13:24,290
Raj, my day is fucked, so we're going to
have to reschedule for 6 o 'clock. You
230
00:13:24,290 --> 00:13:25,209
can do that, right?
231
00:13:25,210 --> 00:13:28,370
Yeah, yeah, of course, of course. We'll
make it work. Good.
232
00:13:28,590 --> 00:13:31,770
Ciao, muchacho. Remember, Stinky is dead
to me.
233
00:13:33,470 --> 00:13:35,490
Jesus Christ, there's a chicken in the
road.
234
00:13:38,710 --> 00:13:41,450
Okay, so we've got eight hours.
235
00:13:42,090 --> 00:13:43,090
Ha!
236
00:13:45,570 --> 00:13:48,030
Christmas has come early, Maggie.
237
00:13:48,770 --> 00:13:50,110
I know it makes you tick.
238
00:13:50,410 --> 00:13:52,050
The challenge, the pressure.
239
00:13:52,550 --> 00:13:53,770
Sign this contract.
240
00:13:54,520 --> 00:13:55,520
And you get it all.
241
00:13:55,700 --> 00:13:57,720
Okay, but this is my crusade.
242
00:13:58,020 --> 00:13:59,020
Your what?
243
00:13:59,120 --> 00:14:00,460
My Charlemagne.
244
00:14:00,960 --> 00:14:05,460
Those empty desks out there. Those desks
are the gravestones of my fallen
245
00:14:05,460 --> 00:14:09,040
comrades waiting to be... Damn it.
246
00:14:09,260 --> 00:14:14,720
Waiting to be avenged. And I will do the
avenging. You develop the pitch on my
247
00:14:14,720 --> 00:14:19,000
time. I'll decide who leads it. No,
Roger's right. I can't work on it if he
248
00:14:19,000 --> 00:14:22,100
doesn't want me to. Of course you can. I
can't. Really?
249
00:14:24,880 --> 00:14:28,200
Roger, believe it or not, I am trying to
show you some respect.
250
00:14:28,520 --> 00:14:30,080
Can I borrow you for a minute?
251
00:14:31,400 --> 00:14:32,400
Margaret,
252
00:14:32,920 --> 00:14:33,920
no.
253
00:14:34,660 --> 00:14:36,280
Why are you stalling?
254
00:14:36,680 --> 00:14:39,460
I'm not stalling. Well, then you're
overplaying your hand.
255
00:14:39,840 --> 00:14:42,420
No, I'm not. We have one shot at this,
Roger.
256
00:14:43,600 --> 00:14:48,620
What does Sir Richard Branson say about
opportunity?
257
00:14:51,060 --> 00:14:52,060
Opportunity is awesome.
258
00:14:52,620 --> 00:14:53,620
No.
259
00:14:54,350 --> 00:14:57,670
If someone offers you an amazing
opportunity and you don't know how to do
260
00:14:57,750 --> 00:15:00,910
you say yes, and then you learn to do it
later.
261
00:15:01,530 --> 00:15:04,930
Right. Yeah. You know this one.
262
00:15:05,390 --> 00:15:10,670
Get in here.
263
00:15:11,730 --> 00:15:17,350
We each have something to prove to this
shitty, unforgiving, unappreciative
264
00:15:17,350 --> 00:15:18,350
business.
265
00:15:19,150 --> 00:15:21,230
It could be the kismet of faith.
266
00:15:21,900 --> 00:15:25,860
or the folly of coincidence, but
whatever the reason, and despite all our
267
00:15:25,860 --> 00:15:31,980
differences, we should grab this
opportunity by the feet and milk it.
268
00:15:33,060 --> 00:15:36,040
So, what do you say?
269
00:15:37,520 --> 00:15:44,400
No. Next time on Bartlett, we've got to
find you a
270
00:15:44,400 --> 00:15:46,040
team and put some meat on this pitch.
271
00:15:46,360 --> 00:15:48,500
What? We hope we are the answer to your
prayers.
272
00:15:49,980 --> 00:15:51,660
Guys, can we check in real quick?
273
00:15:51,940 --> 00:15:53,760
A pair of computer pictures is a shit
show.
274
00:15:54,080 --> 00:15:55,080
This is terrible.
275
00:15:55,500 --> 00:15:59,440
I really need your help. We do not work
on the same project. That is your rule.
276
00:15:59,700 --> 00:16:00,840
I know you want this.
277
00:16:01,160 --> 00:16:03,260
What you're actually saying is you want
this.
278
00:16:03,740 --> 00:16:05,800
No, no, our needs are intertwined.
279
00:16:07,720 --> 00:16:08,719
Don't you believe?
280
00:16:08,720 --> 00:16:09,720
Yes!
281
00:16:24,010 --> 00:16:26,650
I wanna, baby, wanna.
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