All language subtitles for almost_never_s01e05_the_squid

Bad day.

Me too.

Harry was hogging the bathroom.

Then I drank my sausage roll down a
drain. Then I ate some crisps that

had no flavour.

Maybe you should go first.

It's a nightmare.

Sasha's been working us to death and she
won't let us be ourselves.

I really envy you.

Who wouldn't? I'm good looking.

Smart.

I can sleep with my eyes open.

You sleep with your eyes open?

Keeps people on their toes.

They never know if I'm sleeping or not.

I'm just not sure if being in a girl's
head first is everything I thought it

would be.

If I'm honest... Oakley?

Are you asleep?

See? It works.

Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome the
hottest band in Britain, Girls Here

First.

It's like thunder and lightning, you
hurt me without trying.

A tempest you were riding, and no I
don't like to be this way.

And you're just going hiding, are you
real, are you lying?

So stop with your crying, I can't handle
it now.

Girls want TV.

What even is this?

It's the back of his brain.

That's too big.

It should have been us.

It will be us.

This time next year, we'll be number
one.

I know.

Anyway, how's the sun coming on? It
should be right in the corner.

Can't quite nail it. I'm so close, I can
almost smell it. That might be last

night's God.

Lads, just gotta pop out.

Why are you wearing a suit?

Am I? How weird.

Anyway, don't cook anything when I'm
gone. Like, sandwiches, cold food only.

Bit weird.

Dad, is something wrong?

No, no, no, don't worry.

Whenever somebody says that, I always
start worrying.

Whenever Harry says that, I start
worrying. OK, listen, lads, keep it

I've sort of run out of money.

I might have to sell the palais. What?

I know, it's mad, isn't it?

How have you run out of money? There you
go.

Bit short this week, Dan. Can I owe you?

Pay me back when you can.

Is there anything we can do?

Just keep the customers happy.

Yeah, they really love this place.

Yeah. Can't think why.

This place is great.

Hey, relax.

I'm gonna go and see someone about a
loan. Yeah, it'll all be fine.

Well,

I'm not worried.

What do you think of your outfit?

Hashtag killing it.

This is what we're wearing for the
video.

What are we, a band or a packed lunch?

Because we look like tinfoil.

Do you wrap your sandwiches in?

Mum wraps mine in cling film. We only
use biodegradable parchment.

Thanks, guys. It's been so much fun. The
costumes are not up for negotiation,

Maya. Yeah, Sasha knows what she's
doing. So we just have to go along with

everything and never question it.

We're not robots, Lily.

Well, we sort of are.

If you want a different costume, fine.

How about this?

You could be a monster.

I'll be a robot. Pardon?

I'll be a robot.

Good girl.

One ice cream sundae.

You're welcome.

Poor Dan.

He might lose this place.

I know.

And we might lose our rehearsal space.

That would be a nightmare.

A nightmare is when you're asleep and
it's not really happening.

There's no waking up from this.

Wait.

Unless... That confirms it.

Yeah. We're definitely not asleep.

Something will come up. But right now we
can help out Dan by getting through

today without having any disasters,
yeah?

Excuse me.

Hi. Any chance of getting something to
eat? Just so you know, today we're only

serving... Whoa!

You're a florist!

Mega famous person alarm!

Sorry about him.

He gets easily excited.

Promise we'll treat you like any other
ordinary, non -superstar diner. We're

used to having celebs in here.

Sorry to keep you waiting. You know what
pop stars are like.

Some of them actually believe they have
minds of their own.

How you keeping, Jim?

You're wearing a suit.

You must want something.

Wait. Is that a door handle?

Yeah, sure.

I just wanted to show you I had a handle
on things.

Get it?

What do you want, Jim? Yes.

I know the way things ended between us
wasn't exactly, uh...

Peachy. Oh, I barely remember me
managing your career.

Us dating for six months and you dumping
me with no explanation.

Oh, so you do remember.

You could have been huge, Dan.

Yeah, well, I had to quit the industry
for my own sake.

I couldn't handle everyone telling me
what I could, couldn't do. You know, go

there, do this, find that.

I think it's still got my picture,
though.

It's always there to remind me.

Of the good times?

Of the cost of failure.

Now, how much do you need to borrow?

Squid chow mein is not on the menu.
Can't be that hard. She said she'd had

here before.

What even is squid chow mein? Chow mein
with squid in it.

Cool.

What's chow mein?

What? Look, mate, we don't know how to
make it. I'll just tell her she can't

have it. No.

We can't disappoint her.

Dan can't afford to lose any more
customers, especially a famous one.

And maybe you should help me with that
chorus. But it's hot food and Dan's

time... We could get a responsible adult
to help.

Or our dad.

He's a responsible adult.

Oh, sorry, Harry Love. I'd love to come
and help, but... You might be making

some of that garlic and parsnip jelly
that you love.

Not for me, thanks.

Oh, really? Who am I thinking of, then?
Must be Oakley.

Well, if you're desperate, I could ask
your dad.

No, no.

Don't ask him. Ask me what?

The boys just need... I'm on my way.

Mum, please stop him.

Mum, please. What is it they need?
They're trying to cook something.

I'll get my special apron.

Oh, no, not the special apron.

And where are they?

It has to be fresh.

If you use frozen squid, it goes rubbery
when you cook it.

Plus, I think some of the amino acids
get compromised in the freezing process,

so... So we need a fresh squid. Got it.
I'll send Molly over with the rest of

the ingredients, but you'll need to find
the squid.

What am I being volunteered for?

You do realise that I have a life?

All right, I'll keep Fleur busy. I'll
play her my song and you get the squid.

Where am I going to get a squid from?

Leave it to me!

I only wanted one.

Please. Does anyone know where I can buy
a squid?

Comment down below.

Chloe?

Okay, so let me get this straight.
You're looking for a squid?

Yeah, exactly.

Oakley Squid Hunt. Social media gold.

In your face, go say first.

Okay, go.

This is what I've got so far.

Nobody knows me the way that you know
me. I know that you know what no one

Sometimes I wonder, I sit and I wonder,
what spell I am under, oh my

love.

What if I thought I'll just stay in and
I never saw you

there?

What if I blink at the wrong time and
you never saw me there?

Did you write that yourself?

Yeah, I did actually.

I played it for Sasha Smalls, you know,
the music manager.

Yeah, scary.

It was a disaster.

The chorus just isn't working, but I'm
sure I can get it right.

Maybe, yeah.

Is there a problem with the food? Only
I'm meant to be somewhere.

No problem.

No problem -o. We're fresh out of
problems.

We have a huge problem.

What's the problem?

It's a squid.

Yeah, and what are we meant to do with
it? What exactly are squid goals?

That's a shocker.

Stuff from Mum.

Ew. What is that?

Where's AJ?

She's going to walk out if she has to
wait much longer.

Chill. While you wait for AJ, someone
can prepare the squid.

Which mug's going to get lumbered with
that job?

I don't want to do this, Squid.

Listen to me.

I'm using my whiny voice.

I only use it when I'm really serious
about something.

Guys, I'm here.

What do you want me to... Whoa.

That's it, girls.

Lots of energy.

All I'm saying is we shouldn't just
blindly accept what Sasha says.

She's had years of industry experience.
I'm going to trust her over someone like

you. What do you mean, someone like me?

No offence, Amber, but you've always got
to have an opinion.

Oh, popcorn, anyone?

Can we please focus, girls?

Sometimes your opinions get in the way
of it.

Oh, was that an opinion, Lily?

I mean, I was convinced you guys were
told what to think.

This is better than a box set.

My mum always says there's no right or
wrong, which just feels right.

Sorry, Maya, are you saying I'm too
stupid to think for myself?

I think she did.

Girls, stop it now.

If you can't understand what I'm
actually trying to say, then maybe...

that's enough.

Shut up, Dante!

The contract is all standard stuff.

Lots of boring small print.

Without your help, I don't know what
would have happened to the ballet.

You don't have to thank me, Dan.

What sort of a person would I be if I
turned my back on a friend?

What is it?

It's all going great. It's just one
smallish problem we could use your input

As quick as you can.

All right.

Here we go. Let's go, guys.

Nobody knows me the way that you know
me. I know that you know what no one

Sometimes I wonder, I feel in a wonder,
spell I am under all my love.

What if I thought I was just staying and
I never saw you there?

What if I played at the wrong time and
you never saw me there?

And that's as far as we got.

What if you shift into a major key at
the end of the verse?

That could work.

Great. Anyway, good luck. It was lovely
meeting you all.

Don't worry about the food. No, wait.
You can't go yet.

The food will be here really soon.

Just stay and chat.

Hello.

I have something really important to
tell you.

My sister.

She is a huge fan.

Keep her busy, Molly. Anything.

Wait, what?

She's had a really rough year.

Right. Yeah.

I had, um, viral bacterial disease -y
thing.

My sweat glands go all sweaty and...
Right.

Molly, Fleur doesn't need to hear the
details.

She'd love a selfie, though.

Right?

Harry, would you?

Keep her busy.

Now, add some oil to your wok.

You do know what you're doing, right?

Of course.

Don't blot the band of something.

Leave the master to his work.

I've got the apron and everything.

A little goes a long way.

Oh, that's probably too much.

Get rid of some.

Here we go.

That'll do it. Okay. Let's go.

Ah, noodles.

Make sure it's nice and hot before
putting the noodles in. Oh, no.

It's not hot enough.

Right. Turn that off. That's all right.
Okay.

Nice and hot. Squid.

Where's the squid? Squid, squid.

And add it to the noodles.

Come on, girls. Put yourself together.

You've got to get along. You've got to
work as a team.

Girls, this is ridiculous.

Thank my stars you're here. I'm having
an exceptional day.

Don't spoil it.

She started it.

Maya, say you're sorry. What about my
side of the story?

What about my side of the story?

I don't care.

Apologize.

Sorry.

Sorry. Hug it out.

Now.

Smile and open.

Another one for luck.

Do you want to get this one?

What did you say was wrong with you
again?

I'm sure it's nothing to worry about.

Is it, Chloe?

No. Ooh, we could get a quick shout -out
for the social.

We could perform the song that Fleur
helped us write.

Um, guys, I'm not sure that I can...
Dave.

Quid's on the way.

Won't be long now.

Why don't we do the song? That's a great
idea.

All right, here we go. Ready, guys?

Just imagine if you and your friends had
never gone into the same party that I

was.

Just imagine if I had sat in a different
place.

I would have never seen your face.

All right, guys.

We may have a teensy problemo.

Hey, Nick, could you get a keyboard?

That's the electronic.

That's the fire alarm.

What's going on? Come on, guys.

Nothing. Nothing at all.

Gonna check on the nothing.

No, no, what now?

We'll be right back.

Quick.

Many bad things. What are we going to do
now?

Everyone stay calm.

I am calm.

I'm not.

You make some wimpy food.

Molly, make sure everyone's out safely.

Especially Flo. Don't cause a panic.

Everybody out. Now.

Safely. Slowly.

Hurry. Call emergency services.

Adrian.

We need a fire engine at the Palais
Diner. Hurry up.

Everyone calm down. We can do this. Here
we go.

Squid Charmaine?

Anyone?

I know Dan.

He won't read the small print.

I'm not even sure he can read.

When he fails to pay back the loan, and
he will fail, the Palais will be mine.

No more free rehearsal space for two
-bit bands.

Ooh, you're good.

Hello?

Oakley, come on.

I think so.

Are you okay?

I am, but Dan's got big problems.

Unpaid bills, customers who might not
come back, and they're gone.

Hang on.

I've got an idea.

is small print.

Oh, baby, I found you. Baby, I found
you. But I almost

never did.

Oh, but I almost never did.

Just imagine if you and your friends had
never gone into the same party that

I was.

Just imagine if I had to.

I would have never seen your face.

Welcome home. What's going on here?

Chloe had a brilliant idea for bringing
in some new customers.

Why are there firemen here?

They're the new customers.

Well, Maya, you look great.

Sort of like a packed lunch.

I know, right?

Dan, you can't do the deal with Sasha.

What? Dan wouldn't do a deal with Sasha.

Yes, I confess.

I went to see Sasha small about alone.

But I didn't go through with it. As soon
as I saw the contract, I tore it up in

front of her. Yeah, you can keep your
deal.

Look how much we've raised.

That's enough to fit the palette.

Ain't it, Dan?

Maybe up to the first floor.

Yes, this will start.

Yeah, you boys can keep your rehearsal
room.

Thank you.

For what?

For being you.

Saving the day.

Again.

You didn't have to help her.

It's what I'm here for.

Don't be so hard on yourself, no.

Let's go back to simplicity.

I feel like I've been missing me. It's
not who I'm supposed to be. I felt this

darkness over me. We all get there
eventually.

I never knew where I belong, but I was
right and you were wrong. I've been

telling myself all along, don't be so
hard on yourself, no.

Learn to forgive, learn to let go.

Everyone trips, everyone falls.

So don't be so hard on yourself, no.

Cause I'm dead side watching on my own.

Got a trail, I feel it in my bones.

Oh, let my heart, my heart turn into
stone.

So don't be so hard on yourself, no.

I'm standing on top of the world right
where I want to be.

So how can this dark cloud keep rainin'
over me?

The heart's breakin', hell's a place
that everyone knows. So don't be so hard

yourself, no.

Let's go back to simplicity, I feel like
I've been missin' me. Was that how I'm

supposed to be? I felt this darkness
over me. We all get there eventually, I

never knew.

See you there. No, it's amazing.

You guys should have heard Harry
earlier.

Really pushing some boundaries.

Harry, mate, rehearsals.

Who are these people?

Guys I'm down with sometimes.

Is that takeaway?

No, they're Japanese drums.

She's got into your head. I just think
Trinity's right about everything.

Are you trying to cut me off from your
fund?

He can be an authentic artist or an
idiot pop sellout. Totally up to him.

He wants to get rid of those weird drum
thingies.

Well, then Trinity goes.

And if Trinity goes...

Bye -bye.