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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:06,600 --> 00:00:07,600 You can count on... 2 00:00:39,470 --> 00:00:41,110 Take it easy. Don't put too much weight on it. I'll be okay. 3 00:00:41,410 --> 00:00:42,410 What happened? 4 00:00:42,450 --> 00:00:46,470 We were looking at this stupid house for sale, and I was leading up against this 5 00:00:46,470 --> 00:00:50,950 stupid railing, and I fell and broke my stupid foot. 6 00:00:52,130 --> 00:00:53,130 Oh, gosh. 7 00:00:53,210 --> 00:00:54,770 You must have been pushing on it pretty hard. 8 00:00:55,090 --> 00:00:58,710 Well, Zoe, when you're looking at a house, the first thing a responsible 9 00:00:58,710 --> 00:01:00,930 checks is the sturdiness of the railing, okay? 10 00:01:01,630 --> 00:01:03,090 Really? Wow, that's funny. 11 00:01:03,390 --> 00:01:04,569 Because you're a realtor, Cole? 12 00:01:04,940 --> 00:01:08,520 And she said the reason the railing broke was that you were having sex on 13 00:01:10,280 --> 00:01:13,700 Kevin, I've had it with that woman. Can you believe she told Zoe something like 14 00:01:13,700 --> 00:01:16,120 that? It was bad enough that she was watching us. 15 00:01:18,640 --> 00:01:20,640 Or she never called. 16 00:01:22,760 --> 00:01:23,760 You were guessing? 17 00:01:24,480 --> 00:01:27,580 Well, not really. I was just remembering what happened when you went car 18 00:01:27,580 --> 00:01:28,580 shopping. 19 00:01:29,620 --> 00:01:32,580 The Toyota dealer sent your bra back in the mail. 20 00:01:34,120 --> 00:01:35,120 Oh, wonderful. 21 00:01:35,520 --> 00:01:38,240 Now, I suppose our little escapade will appear on the Internet. 22 00:01:38,760 --> 00:01:44,200 www .humiliation .com I'm not going to say a word. 23 00:01:46,380 --> 00:01:48,820 Oh, well, maybe just this one. 24 00:02:18,800 --> 00:02:21,500 song embarrasses you, and I went right ahead and played it anyway. 25 00:02:22,120 --> 00:02:24,080 It was mean and selfish. 26 00:02:24,960 --> 00:02:27,900 I'm going to go right upstairs and think about what I've done. 27 00:02:34,080 --> 00:02:36,740 She should be proud. I'm breaking down prejudice. 28 00:02:37,440 --> 00:02:40,560 Up until me, all the talking toilets were men. 29 00:02:41,960 --> 00:02:46,100 Sybil, you're my best friend, so despite everything I could say... 30 00:02:46,350 --> 00:02:47,510 I will smile and nod. 31 00:02:49,390 --> 00:02:50,790 I'm Polly the Potty. 32 00:02:52,770 --> 00:02:53,910 What's happened to me? 33 00:02:55,330 --> 00:02:58,770 Even Carl the Cavity and Mr. Blow Your Nose look down on me. 34 00:02:59,150 --> 00:03:00,290 You met Mr. 35 00:03:00,530 --> 00:03:01,530 Blow Your Nose? 36 00:03:02,070 --> 00:03:03,330 I love him. 37 00:03:06,690 --> 00:03:08,430 Rachel, what happened? 38 00:03:08,730 --> 00:03:10,170 Mom, stop it, please. 39 00:03:10,370 --> 00:03:13,850 I know Zoe just told you that Kevin and I have been having sex in every house 40 00:03:13,850 --> 00:03:14,850 we've seen this month. 41 00:03:16,420 --> 00:03:20,480 Yeah, so just forgive us for trying to combine a healthy sex life with some 42 00:03:20,480 --> 00:03:21,580 effective time management. 43 00:03:22,900 --> 00:03:25,700 Or Zoe didn't tell you. 44 00:03:27,200 --> 00:03:28,200 Kevin, think. 45 00:03:28,380 --> 00:03:30,260 When has Zoe ever told me anything? 46 00:03:31,680 --> 00:03:34,600 You broke a bone having sex? 47 00:03:36,400 --> 00:03:37,400 Fabulous. 48 00:03:38,440 --> 00:03:41,700 Any chance we could forget about this and never bring it up again? 49 00:03:42,100 --> 00:03:45,040 Oh, no, Rachel. If we did it for you, we'd have to do it for everybody. 50 00:03:46,170 --> 00:03:48,130 Mom. It's okay, honey. 51 00:03:48,370 --> 00:03:50,850 I dislocated a shoulder once during sex. 52 00:03:51,330 --> 00:03:52,890 Of course, it wasn't my shoulder. 53 00:03:53,790 --> 00:03:56,530 This isn't fair. I have a broken foot. I can't run away. 54 00:03:57,210 --> 00:03:58,210 Thanks. 55 00:03:59,790 --> 00:04:00,790 Come on, honey. 56 00:04:00,910 --> 00:04:03,050 We don't have to stay where we're not understood. 57 00:04:04,530 --> 00:04:07,850 That is so rude. They left before I could insult them. 58 00:04:08,970 --> 00:04:10,490 Well, I'll just call them later. 59 00:04:12,710 --> 00:04:13,710 What? 60 00:04:14,210 --> 00:04:15,210 You know? 61 00:04:15,850 --> 00:04:18,329 I don't think I've ever seen you without earrings on. 62 00:04:20,649 --> 00:04:24,050 I have to go home immediately. 63 00:04:24,910 --> 00:04:28,530 I'll need a scarf, some sunglasses, and bring the car around back. 64 00:04:29,070 --> 00:04:30,070 Stop staring. 65 00:04:30,170 --> 00:04:31,350 I can't. 66 00:04:32,690 --> 00:04:35,790 It's like that time I accidentally saw my grandpa in the shower. 67 00:04:36,990 --> 00:04:38,790 I didn't want to look, but I had to. 68 00:04:41,150 --> 00:04:42,150 Come in. 69 00:04:42,390 --> 00:04:44,090 Hey, Sid. Hey, Marianne. Hi. 70 00:04:50,030 --> 00:04:51,330 hat and you'll be Ira the Marlboro. 71 00:04:53,370 --> 00:04:56,650 Ira. I'm writing this article for L .A. Magazine about stand -up comics. 72 00:04:56,870 --> 00:04:59,890 So, this club's got an open mic night tonight. I thought I'd give it a try. 73 00:04:59,890 --> 00:05:01,490 know, see what it's like from the inside. 74 00:05:02,110 --> 00:05:05,790 Ira, you can't suddenly become a stand -up. It takes years of practice. 75 00:05:06,110 --> 00:05:06,609 I know. 76 00:05:06,610 --> 00:05:07,770 I know. You gotta have a hook. 77 00:05:07,970 --> 00:05:11,030 Some kind of dysfunction or tormented past to draw from. 78 00:05:11,590 --> 00:05:12,590 Like our marriage. 79 00:05:14,190 --> 00:05:15,350 See, that was a joke. 80 00:05:16,370 --> 00:05:18,370 Maybe to you, I still wake up screaming. 81 00:05:20,039 --> 00:05:21,039 Thank you very much. 82 00:05:21,680 --> 00:05:23,860 All right, I give up. How come you have your hands over your ears? 83 00:05:24,260 --> 00:05:25,260 Oh, ha -ha. 84 00:05:26,960 --> 00:05:29,240 Is that what you're going to be doing on stage tonight, Iroh? 85 00:05:29,740 --> 00:05:31,560 Poking fun at other people's deformities? 86 00:05:33,320 --> 00:05:35,480 Well, the vest makes you look ridiculous. 87 00:05:36,240 --> 00:05:38,300 There. How does that feel, Mr. Funny Man? 88 00:05:40,960 --> 00:05:42,380 Boy. Vase mirror. 89 00:05:44,540 --> 00:05:46,900 I'm going to go get Zoe. She's coming with me to the club tonight. 90 00:05:47,440 --> 00:05:48,440 Hey, listen, Sid. 91 00:05:48,920 --> 00:05:49,920 I could use a support. 92 00:05:50,140 --> 00:05:51,160 Why don't you come, too? 93 00:05:51,500 --> 00:05:52,580 I don't know, Ira. 94 00:05:53,180 --> 00:05:57,280 I was going to stay home tonight and do... anything but that. 95 00:05:58,100 --> 00:06:01,760 I know you hate these places, but it's open mic night for singers, too. You 96 00:06:01,760 --> 00:06:02,559 could sing. 97 00:06:02,560 --> 00:06:03,560 Hmm. 98 00:06:04,020 --> 00:06:07,080 It would be fun to sing for something that doesn't flush. 99 00:06:08,700 --> 00:06:10,180 Come on, it'll be fun. 100 00:06:10,440 --> 00:06:11,900 Listen, I got this whole routine. 101 00:06:12,240 --> 00:06:16,160 Nobody knows what Abraham Lincoln sounded like, right? So, how about if he 102 00:06:16,160 --> 00:06:17,160 sounded like Elvis? 103 00:06:18,960 --> 00:06:21,540 Four score and seven years ago. 104 00:06:22,220 --> 00:06:24,620 Thank you. Thank you very much. Thank you. 105 00:06:26,960 --> 00:06:31,940 I am so in the front row. 106 00:06:56,590 --> 00:06:57,690 The MC calls my name. 107 00:06:58,090 --> 00:06:59,510 Suddenly, everything slows down. 108 00:06:59,790 --> 00:07:00,950 My senses are heightened. 109 00:07:01,410 --> 00:07:04,970 An energy I've never experienced surges through my body as I approach the stage. 110 00:07:05,730 --> 00:07:08,990 Taking a microphone, I feel so alive, so in the moment. 111 00:07:09,230 --> 00:07:12,590 As I turn to the audience, I know it's magic time. 112 00:07:14,850 --> 00:07:15,850 Uh -oh. 113 00:07:17,030 --> 00:07:18,890 Please let them think this is part of the act. 114 00:08:58,320 --> 00:08:59,460 about my experiences, remember? 115 00:08:59,740 --> 00:09:03,480 Well, now I know what it's like to experience the anxiety, the stage 116 00:09:04,060 --> 00:09:05,060 Paramedics. 117 00:09:06,020 --> 00:09:07,100 I didn't miss you, did I? 118 00:09:07,760 --> 00:09:09,760 Totally. And you should have been here. 119 00:09:10,080 --> 00:09:12,260 I was really good and Ira fell down. 120 00:09:13,320 --> 00:09:16,540 Oh, I'm sorry. I took a wrong turn and wound up at another club. 121 00:09:17,220 --> 00:09:19,140 Here, I brought you a Coolio t -shirt. 122 00:09:19,640 --> 00:09:21,060 What is it with you lately? 123 00:09:23,180 --> 00:09:24,180 Excuse me. 124 00:09:25,040 --> 00:09:27,700 My name's Kyle Bellamy. I believe I know you. 125 00:09:28,190 --> 00:09:30,230 Well, I'm an actress. Maybe you've seen me in something. 126 00:09:30,510 --> 00:09:34,130 No, it's your voice. I've heard... You're the singing toilet. 127 00:09:35,870 --> 00:09:39,370 Look, I'm producing a new version of the game show named That Tune. We tape 128 00:09:39,370 --> 00:09:42,730 tomorrow night, and I just lost my female vocalist. Now, I know this is 129 00:09:42,730 --> 00:09:45,430 last minute, and I can only... I'll take it. I'll take you. 130 00:09:46,450 --> 00:09:47,490 Well, no, thank you. 131 00:09:47,690 --> 00:09:50,330 After all, you taught my son to go poo -poo on the potty. 132 00:09:51,770 --> 00:09:56,470 Well, I always say, if I can make one little kid hold it till morning, then 133 00:09:56,470 --> 00:09:57,470 all worthwhile. 134 00:10:06,540 --> 00:10:10,500 that tone with me. Look, if anybody should be suing anybody, it's us. 135 00:10:10,880 --> 00:10:11,880 You tell him, honey. 136 00:10:12,240 --> 00:10:18,280 And besides, all we were doing was... So, exactly how much do I owe you? 137 00:10:19,500 --> 00:10:20,500 You're being sued? 138 00:10:20,900 --> 00:10:21,859 How come? 139 00:10:21,860 --> 00:10:22,860 Oh, it's nothing. 140 00:10:23,120 --> 00:10:26,800 No, really, I can help. I was a lawyer. Between legal fees and court costs. 141 00:10:26,940 --> 00:10:30,160 Well, I still have my license. I'll handle the case for free. You don't want 142 00:10:30,160 --> 00:10:32,520 impose, damn it. Yeah, for God's sake, leave it alone. 143 00:10:35,630 --> 00:10:37,490 Dad, that was uncharacteristically evil. 144 00:10:37,750 --> 00:10:39,650 Hey, I took him car shopping. 145 00:10:40,570 --> 00:10:41,690 It's payback time. 146 00:10:42,710 --> 00:10:45,850 We'd better go. We'll grab some dinner before we hit the comedy club. Okay. 147 00:10:45,890 --> 00:10:48,510 maybe we should take my car. It's bigger. That way it'll be easier to load 148 00:10:48,510 --> 00:10:49,930 into the back seat for the ride home. 149 00:10:51,570 --> 00:10:52,570 Knock, knock. 150 00:10:52,630 --> 00:10:53,710 Zoe, is your mother ready? 151 00:10:54,010 --> 00:10:55,270 I'm here to take her to the studio. 152 00:10:56,930 --> 00:10:57,930 I'm wearing earrings. 153 00:10:58,610 --> 00:11:02,110 Oh, sorry. It's just... I've never seen you wear the same dress twice, let alone 154 00:11:02,110 --> 00:11:03,110 two days in a row. 155 00:11:08,240 --> 00:11:09,139 Yeah, it is. 156 00:11:09,140 --> 00:11:10,140 Oh, really? 157 00:11:10,480 --> 00:11:14,180 And where did you get your newfound fashion acumen? 158 00:11:14,620 --> 00:11:16,780 At your debut last night, Slappy? 159 00:11:17,520 --> 00:11:21,500 Perhaps your head bounced off of Versace's table? 160 00:11:21,900 --> 00:11:23,780 Oh, I didn't know that was Versace. 161 00:11:24,600 --> 00:11:25,600 Let's go. 162 00:11:46,760 --> 00:11:48,180 had the most terrible dream. 163 00:11:49,640 --> 00:11:50,640 It's true. 164 00:11:52,980 --> 00:11:54,220 Okay, that's it. 165 00:11:54,760 --> 00:11:57,620 You're obviously preoccupied with something. No, it's nothing. 166 00:11:58,800 --> 00:12:02,580 Marianne, we can do this easy or we can do this hard. 167 00:12:03,980 --> 00:12:07,660 You're my best friend. If there was something going on, you would know about 168 00:12:08,620 --> 00:12:09,620 Okay. 169 00:12:10,320 --> 00:12:11,520 We do it hard. 170 00:12:12,320 --> 00:12:13,600 All right, all right. 171 00:12:20,970 --> 00:12:22,990 Go look in my purse. Look in your purse? 172 00:12:23,550 --> 00:12:25,430 Why can't you just tell me? 173 00:12:25,810 --> 00:12:27,410 This must be something major. 174 00:12:28,230 --> 00:12:29,630 Okay, here we go. 175 00:12:30,490 --> 00:12:31,610 Compact lipstick. 176 00:12:32,810 --> 00:12:35,430 Keys. Travel Yahtzee. 177 00:12:37,690 --> 00:12:39,390 Pen. Pregnancy test. 178 00:12:42,290 --> 00:12:44,750 I don't believe you. 179 00:12:45,910 --> 00:12:47,430 This is my pen! 180 00:12:59,850 --> 00:13:00,970 to pee on dollar beer night. 181 00:13:03,790 --> 00:13:08,010 Well, this is why you've been so weird lately. I mean, wow, a baby. 182 00:13:08,630 --> 00:13:10,450 But wow, a baby. 183 00:13:12,330 --> 00:13:14,790 Hey, can we name her Clementine? 184 00:13:16,550 --> 00:13:18,350 Sure do like that name, ma 'am. 185 00:13:20,770 --> 00:13:22,690 I'm not up to names yet. 186 00:13:23,270 --> 00:13:26,650 I'm somewhere between wow, a baby and ow, an episiotomy. 187 00:13:30,890 --> 00:13:31,890 Forget it. I'm dry. 188 00:13:32,970 --> 00:13:36,650 Come on. I have to sing tonight. I don't want this hanging over my head. I want 189 00:13:36,650 --> 00:13:37,690 to know if we're having a baby. 190 00:13:38,190 --> 00:13:40,650 I don't know how to tell you this, Sybil, but you're not the father. 191 00:13:42,730 --> 00:13:46,970 Speaking of which... Richard? He's fine with it. You haven't told him yet? No, 192 00:13:46,970 --> 00:13:48,050 and he's handling it beautifully. 193 00:13:49,670 --> 00:13:53,190 Besides, we took precautions. I'm sure this is just a false alarm. 194 00:13:53,850 --> 00:13:57,270 Marianne, I have to leave for the studio now or I'll be late. Come with me. 195 00:13:57,330 --> 00:13:59,330 Sybil, do you really want to be alone now? 196 00:13:59,670 --> 00:14:03,620 Okay, but we have... to stop at my house. This outfit is dead to me. 197 00:14:04,480 --> 00:14:09,240 Okay, on the way, I want you to think of flowing rivers, cascading waterfalls, 198 00:14:09,480 --> 00:14:12,700 babbling brooks, and streams of crystal clear water. 199 00:14:17,880 --> 00:14:18,880 Stop the car! 200 00:14:22,820 --> 00:14:24,220 And now, back to Mr. 201 00:14:24,440 --> 00:14:26,920 Name -That -Tune -Himself, Tom Kennedy. 202 00:14:27,460 --> 00:14:28,460 Well, thank you. 203 00:14:29,040 --> 00:14:32,960 And welcome back to the new Name That Tune. Now let's bring back our 204 00:14:33,100 --> 00:14:34,980 Sybil and Marty, once again. 205 00:14:36,720 --> 00:14:40,800 Time now to play our cabaret round, where our contestants hit their buzzers 206 00:14:40,800 --> 00:14:41,800 they can. 207 00:14:42,040 --> 00:14:43,780 Name That Tune! 208 00:14:44,280 --> 00:14:47,440 All right, Pete, you're trailing at this point, so that means you are up first. 209 00:14:47,520 --> 00:14:49,140 Marty, if you please. 210 00:14:53,840 --> 00:14:58,800 coast girls are here. I really dig those styles they wear. 211 00:14:59,500 --> 00:15:03,280 And the northern girls with the way they kiss. 212 00:15:04,760 --> 00:15:06,700 I feel pretty. 213 00:15:08,320 --> 00:15:09,320 Sorry, Pete. 214 00:15:09,700 --> 00:15:14,340 Jane, you want to take a crack at that? California girls? Yes. And now, Jane, 215 00:15:14,360 --> 00:15:15,480 you can continue. 216 00:15:15,820 --> 00:15:17,620 Maestro, if you please. 217 00:15:21,080 --> 00:15:22,540 Mindy! Yes! 218 00:15:23,310 --> 00:15:24,410 Good job, Jane. 219 00:15:25,050 --> 00:15:26,510 All right, Pete, you're up again. 220 00:15:28,650 --> 00:15:32,970 Because you've got walk, la -la -la -la -la. Talk, la -la -la -la -la. 221 00:15:33,210 --> 00:15:34,650 Smile, la -la -la -la -la. 222 00:15:34,890 --> 00:15:36,350 Charm, la -la -la -la -la. 223 00:15:37,310 --> 00:15:40,290 La -la -la -la -la, la -la -la -la. 224 00:15:41,770 --> 00:15:42,770 Check the halls. 225 00:15:44,470 --> 00:15:47,570 But that's an interesting, interesting guest. 226 00:15:47,930 --> 00:15:48,930 Jane? 227 00:15:49,470 --> 00:15:50,530 Personality? Yes. 228 00:15:51,070 --> 00:15:52,070 And now Jane. 229 00:15:52,430 --> 00:15:55,090 Listen to this lovely ballad, Sybil. 230 00:15:56,830 --> 00:15:59,750 Oh, the... My old Kentucky home. 231 00:15:59,950 --> 00:16:00,950 Yes! 232 00:16:01,210 --> 00:16:04,290 You are hot tonight, Jane. 233 00:16:04,750 --> 00:16:06,030 A little too hot. 234 00:16:06,290 --> 00:16:08,970 How am I ever going to get discovered? She won't let me sing a line. 235 00:16:09,350 --> 00:16:10,970 Well, she is very good. 236 00:16:11,550 --> 00:16:13,370 She's a freak. I hate her. 237 00:16:18,150 --> 00:16:20,010 Oh, Christmas tree. 238 00:16:20,230 --> 00:16:21,230 Yes. 239 00:17:22,250 --> 00:17:23,790 Did you do it? Well, no, in two minutes. 240 00:17:25,069 --> 00:17:26,109 I'll keep my fingers crossed. 241 00:17:27,550 --> 00:17:28,770 Which way are we rooting again? 242 00:17:29,390 --> 00:17:30,390 I'm not sure. 243 00:17:31,110 --> 00:17:32,810 I'm 43 years old. 244 00:17:34,250 --> 00:17:35,690 I already raised a child. 245 00:17:36,430 --> 00:17:37,750 I'm not sure I can start again. 246 00:17:39,310 --> 00:17:43,910 I mean, this could be a whole new life with my new Richard. 247 00:17:45,650 --> 00:17:48,950 Sybil, it's just two minutes. I don't want to talk about it until we know. 248 00:17:52,720 --> 00:17:53,840 Okay, pros and cons. Go. 249 00:17:55,300 --> 00:18:00,600 Pros. Babies are amazing creatures who fill our lives with love beyond our 250 00:18:00,600 --> 00:18:01,600 wildest dreams. 251 00:18:02,640 --> 00:18:05,560 Con. They leak from everywhere and I just redecorate them. 252 00:18:08,660 --> 00:18:09,660 Pro. 253 00:18:10,620 --> 00:18:14,680 I will be shaping the mind and character of a human being. 254 00:18:23,340 --> 00:18:26,260 I know how strongly I feel that every woman should have the right to choose. I 255 00:18:26,260 --> 00:18:29,680 know, I know. I also know this could be my last chance. 256 00:18:32,040 --> 00:18:33,040 I think it's time. 257 00:18:35,200 --> 00:18:36,280 I can't. You get it. 258 00:18:37,420 --> 00:18:38,460 You peed on it. 259 00:18:39,960 --> 00:18:40,960 Just go! 260 00:19:25,130 --> 00:19:27,330 so happy for you, aren't I? 261 00:19:28,530 --> 00:19:29,530 Are we happy? 262 00:19:29,990 --> 00:19:32,010 Are we scared? A little of both. 263 00:19:32,730 --> 00:19:34,270 You choose. I'll go wherever you go. 264 00:19:36,590 --> 00:19:40,770 Hey, you two. This is kind of embarrassing, but have you seen a little 265 00:19:40,770 --> 00:19:46,250 thingy? It's about... There it is. That's the... No, that's Mary Ann's. 266 00:19:46,830 --> 00:19:47,709 Where'd you get it? 267 00:19:47,710 --> 00:19:48,790 In the downstairs bathroom. 268 00:19:49,970 --> 00:19:51,710 I used the upstairs bathroom. 269 00:19:56,720 --> 00:19:57,720 Well, then this is Rachel's. 270 00:19:58,980 --> 00:20:00,660 Rachel's? Hey, hey, hey, it's Pink. 271 00:20:01,020 --> 00:20:03,140 Rachel, we're having a baby. 272 00:20:04,600 --> 00:20:06,980 Rachel? When did Rachel get pregnant? 273 00:20:07,460 --> 00:20:11,240 Well, I think it was the two -story Tudor in Tarzana. 274 00:20:37,480 --> 00:20:38,960 a grilled cheese sandwich, I'll make you one. 275 00:20:40,500 --> 00:20:41,960 Why would I want a grilled cheese sandwich? 276 00:20:42,760 --> 00:20:45,360 Well, I don't know what I'll say right now. 277 00:20:45,980 --> 00:20:46,980 I'm fine. 278 00:20:47,040 --> 00:20:48,040 Go. 279 00:20:48,500 --> 00:20:49,500 You with Rachel. 280 00:21:10,000 --> 00:21:12,320 Hey, you want to split a tub of Cool Whip? 281 00:21:18,060 --> 00:21:19,060 Okay. 20304