All language subtitles for Cavendish.S01E07.The.Story.of.Ruth.1080p.CBC.WEB-DL.DDP5.1.H.264-DJSF_track3_[eng]

- Ruth, this thing weighs a ton.
- A large energy crystal

can pack a very
powerful punch, Rollie.

I guess it's true what they say,
"Size does matter."

- Oh, my God!
- Oh, my goodness!

- Dad, what are you doing?
- What am I doing?!

Oh, I'm just playing
a quick game of tennis

with Venus Williams here.
Alright, Venus?

- I don't understand the joke.
- Dr. Green said you shouldn't

be doing any strenuous activity.
Put that down!

- I cannot just put this down
anywhere. A poorly
placed crystal

is a...
What is it, Ruth?

- Weapon in the hands
of the universe.

- It's a weapon in the hands
of the universe!

- Dad, don't tell me
you're falling for that crap.

- It's not crap, Andy.
A lot of very cool celebs
are into crystals:

Spencer Pratt from The Hills,
Heidi Pratt from The Hills.

And that's just two of the cast
members from The Hills.

- You know what, Dad?
- I'm fine, Andy!

- Let me take it, Dad.
- Let him do it, Andy, please.

Dad? Dad?

- Rollie?
- Is this a prank?
Are you guys pranking me?

- It's not a prank, Andy. Daddy,
are you having a heart attack?

- Of course, I'm having
a heart attack, you massive tit!

- Oh, God, he's mad at me,
something's wrong. He's mad
at me, something's wrong!

- OK, I'm gonna
call an ambulance.

I wish I had
some rose quartz or aventurine.

Oh! Peridot,
that would be perfect!

- Ruth!
- Yeah, going.

- ♪ Di-da di-da di-da
di-da di-da di-da ♪

- OK, so it appears

your father suffered
another heart attack.

Now, that's eight
in the past twelve months,

which actually is one away
from the provincial record.

So I could get him there
if you want.

- Eight heart attacks in a year?
How is he still alive?

- Ha! Quit grilling me.
But seriously, I have no idea.

- OK, alright, so what is
the plan here?

Obviously, we have to make
some changes, right?

- Don't worry. I've consulted
my crystal manual

and let's just say
we'll be seeing

a lot more red jasper
around the house.

- Ruth, Dad needs
some actual medical attention.

Maybe a home-care worker,
right, Dr. Green?

- A home-care worker
could help, but...

- But what?
- Red jasper is a great stone.

- Isn't it though?
- I honestly love that stuff.

- Really soothes.
- Exactly what I said to her.

- You were saying that.
- Oh. OK, yeah.

- You guys, come on,
let's get this place cleaned.

June is gonna be here
any minute.

Bryn, Mark, you wanna help?

- No, thank you.
- Yeah, we're not gonna do
that. We're gonna keep working

on Bryn's graphic novel
which is called...?

- Wolf Daniel.
- Wolf Daniel.

Look at that guy,
he's freaking jacked, eh?

- Great.
- Andy, this is

a complete waste of time.
I do not need some nurse maid

hovering about
waiting to change my diaper.

I've got Ruthie for that.

- He doesn't wear a diaper.
- Dad, give her a chance.

Maybe she'll save you from
breaking the provincial
heart-attack record.

- Yeah, well, what if I want
that record, huh?

Records are nice.
People are known for records.

- Oh, my God, that's her,
that's her! OK, everyone,

just act normal. Bryn, you...

You're good.
Alright. OK, OK.

You must be June.
- And you must be Andy.

You're even more handsome
than you sounded on the phone!

- Thank you.
- And you have got to be Rollie.

I sure know
where Andy gets his looks.

- Well, don't pin those on me.
- And witty to boot.

I best be on guard
around you.

No, actually, there has been
a bit of a misunderstanding.

I'm sorry to waste your time,
but it turns out

I don't need a babysitter.

- Dad! I'm sorry.
- No, that's OK. It's OK, Andy.

Uh, sometimes,
people recover

a little faster than expected.
No worries,

I'll just take my Assyrian
sculpture and just get on

out of here. Bye-bye.

- Sorry, what did you say
you've got there?

- Oh, it's an Assyrian
relief sculpture of an alien.

I mean, it's most certainly
not authentic, but still.

- Oh, well, it might not be
the real deal,

but it's certainly very tasty.
- Isn't it?

- Wow! Where did you get it?

- My late husband ran
a museum of his own

before he passed away.
This was just in storage.

You can have it

for a price.
- What price?

- I demand a tour
of this wonderful museum.

I am just chomping at the bit

to see what you've got in here.

- Oh, well, say no more. Hahaha!

Oh, uh, that's Bryn.
And that's Mark.

- Oh, hello!
- And this is, uh...

- It's Ruth.
- Ruth!

I think I blanked there.
That's weird.

I just couldn't think what
her name was for a moment.
Now, it's...

- It's Ruth.
- Ruth, yeah.

- It's very nice to meet you!
- Nice to meet you too.

- Oh, my goodness!
I have the exact same purse.

- Yeah, that's right. Looks like
mine's a slightly newer model.

- Oh, yes, it is.
- Yes... it is.

- OK, well, why don't I
take you on that tour?

- Oh, goodie!
Why don't I take some notes

as to all the unhealthy things
you keep doing during the day.

- Ohhh Well,
be prepared to blush.

Oh, it's just a stuffed duck
with a fancy skull

stuck on top of it.
If you call something

an Aztec god, then people
tend to believe you.

That's because
people are idiots.

- Andy, what the hell
are you doing?

- Trying to move this crystal
into the shed. Give me a hand.
- Absolutely not.

No. Didn't you hear
what Ruth said?

A poorly placed crystal is
a weapon in the hands
of the universe.

- Yeah, well, in case
you haven't noticed,

this place is a house of science
now, and Dad seems to
be taking to it.

- Oh yeah, Dad's really
taking to the science.

Couldn't possibly be the
sexy temptress you've
hired to wait on him.

- She's not a sexy temptress;
she's a professional nurse.

- She is a lonely,
widowed professional nurse

who clearly has
the hots for Dad.

- You are delusional, man.
- You are delusional. Do you
think Ruth doesn't notice this?

- We don't even know what Ruth
and Dad's relationship is.

Yes, we do. It's not that
complicated. Ruth and Dad
are like the Odd Couple.

They don't seem to get along
on the surface, but they
got a fun rapport,

they clearly love each other,
and deep down,

you just know
they're fing.

- How does that apply
to the Odd Couple?

- Oh, trust me, it applies
to the Odd Couple.

- You mean to tell me
the characters

in The Odd Couple
as portrayed

by Walter Matthau and
Jack Lemmon were having sex?

- Yes.
- Well, that's crazy.

- I don't know what you want me
to tell you, Andy. Now help me
get this up. We're moving it.

to where--
- No! You help me...

- OK, we'll move this
to where Ruth wants it.
- No, we are moving it--

- This way, Andy. Not--
- No. This way! This way!

This is really heavy,
Mark. COME ON!

- Did that fall
on your foot?

- Yes.

- Do you... do you need
help getting it off?

- Oh yeah.
Yeah, please, please.

- Do you promise
to fire June?

- No.

- Well then, uh...

- Don't. Don't.
- I don't know what I can do.

- Mark, don't.
- I don't know what you want.

- Please, Mark. Please.
- I can't. My hands are tied.

- Please!
- My hands are tied.
- Mark, please.

- I thought you could
use a little tea.

- Oh, thank you, Ruth.

- Oh, is this
some more Wolf Daniel?

- Yeah. Here he is
in a softer moment.

- Yes, he looks
very calm.

I know, I know.

- Is June still here? I thought
she was supposed to have
gone home hours ago.

- It's her first day on the job,
she's probably just getting
the lay of the land.

You see these?

- Yeah, sounds like that's not
the only thing she's
getting the lay of.

- Nice.
- Enjoyed that?
- Yeah.

- I'll go see
if she needs some help.

I'll show you mine
if you show me yours.

You are just a little stinker,

that's what you are!
- Hi, June!

Are you having a little trouble
with him in there?

- No, not at all.
Just getting some Epsom salts.

- For a bath?
Rollie is more of a shower guy.

- Well, in his current
condition, he really should
be sitting as much as possible.

- That makes so much sense.
You're so smart!

But it's late,
you probably wanna get home

so I can take over now--
- No, no, it's my pleasure.

It's my pleasure too.

So maybe I'll just
head in and make sure

he's OK.
- He's fine, Ruth.

- OK.

I'm just gonna head in to see--

- Ohhh!
- Could you please move and let me do my job?

- Argh!
- What's going on?

- Papa? Papa, are you OK?

- Oh, my God!
- Dad, are you alright?

- Oh, idiot!
- I got him! I got him!

Oh, God! I grabbed...

I grabbed his peter.
Dad, did I grab your peter?

- Everyone, give him space.
- Rollie, are you alright?

- That includes you, Ruth.
- June, I think I can

take care of him--
- Ruth, Ruth,

June is the medical
professional here,

please just let her
do her job, alright?

- Come on now. OK? Careful.

- I touched Dad's peter.

or anything?
- Oh yeah, yeah. Here and there

now and then, turns out.
Between us,

I outbid him
every time.

I would.
- Did you ever.

Your father was
always very competitive.

- Yes, well, I am very
competitive naturally.

I mean, I'm much more
competitive than any
of you lot for a start.

OK, I'm headed into town.

Anyone care to join me?

- Dad? Ruth's asking
you a question.

- Rollie, I thought you might
want to come and just stretch
your legs a little bit.

- What? Oh, no thanks, Ruth.
Yeah, Junie,

have you ever seen
a baby pig in formaldehyde?

- I'm about to!
- You are. Look at that!

- Hahaha!
- Ewww! Holy!

The horror!

These are the cookies

that I was telling you about.
- Oh yeah.

- Ooh! Summer veggies.
They've got rhubarb in!

- Uh-huh.
So, uh, Ruth, I'm sorry

if this is a very personal
question, but what exactly is

your relationship
with my dad?

Oh, my goodness, well!

It's one of those
hard-to-define things.

Like a tomato, is that a fruit
or is it a vegetable?

- It's a fruit.
- Is it?

Has that been formalized?
Oh, that's nice.

- Yes, that wasn't
a clear example for me.

- Your father and I
go back a long way.

In terms of defining it
as a relationship, no,
we haven't defined it.

Your father is
a tough nut to crack.

- I know all about that,
he drove my mom away. Haha!

Anyway, have you tried
telling him how you feel at all?

- No, not in
so many words, but...

...sometimes instead of a
green pepper, I'll buy
a yellow pepper.

- OK. So I'm not sure
that sends

quite as direct a message
as you might think it does.

- I guess I could go
for a red one next time,

but that seems pretty graphic.
- Yeah. OK, so, uh...

I'm just gonna cut
to the chase here, Ruth.

Do you see what's going on,
at home?
- What?

- June, Ruth.
June is honing in on Dad,

and unless you stand up
and start fighting for your man,

she is gonna snatch him
out from under you.

- I don't want to interfere.
This is about

your father's health,
and June seems... nice.

- She's not nice!

Tell me how you feel, Ruth!
Tell me how

you actually feel
about June.

- She has her imperfections,
but who doesn't?
- Good.

Sure, that's a good
place to start. OK, yeah,
she's got imperfections.

I wanna hear
some of those imperfections.

- I don't... She's... She's...
I sometimes wonder

if she's as generous
as she pretends to be.

- Yeah! Now we're talking, Ruth.
Now, we're speaking

the same language. What else?
- She's... she's...

- She's...?
- She's...

- She's...?
- She's had her eyes on Rollie

since the moment
she SAW HIM!

- That's my right there.
- That's exactly what I'm talking about!

- Everything OK over there?
- she's tapping into her anger,

- stay the f out of it!
- Okeydokey.

- Ruth, we are gonna go home,
and you are gonna show my dad

that you are someone who
cannot and will not...
- Yeah! I will not!

- ...be taken advantage of.
- That's right.

- And how are you gonna do that?
- I'm gonna cook him
a very nice MEAL!

- OK, that is a start.
And not a bad start.

YEAH!

Yeah. Yeah.

Well done!

It's another thing
you're good at.

- What's going on here?
- Oh, come on in, you two!
We're just playing a game.

- Whose go is it now?
- Me! Me, me, me!

- Hey! Are you ready?

- Yeah.
- Alright. And go!

- Ah! OK, give me some clues.
- Well, alright,

calm down, give us a chance.
- He's tall.

- Michael Jordan!
- Taller than Michael Jordan.

Wait, no. Maybe less tall.
Less tall.

- OK, any other attributes,
Bryn, please.

- Oh! He used to be a wrestler.
- Oh! Uh, uh, Hulk Hogan!

Uh, uh, uh, uh,

Doink. Doink the Clown.
Is it Doink the Clown? Doink the
Clown? Doink? Doink the Clown?

- That's not Doink the Clown.
Who's Doink the Clown?!

- He's taller than Doink.
- Jesus, Bryn! Anything
other than tall! Please!

- Oop, time!
- D'augh!

"Dwayne 'The Rock' Johnson"?!

- Whoa, Doink the Clown
is only 5'10''.

- Oh, Jesus, Bryn.
- Andy's right,

I think we let him down
on that one,

because he was very good.
- Rubbish.

- Wow! Looks like you're all
having nice, fun time playing

a family game.
With June as well

involved in that.
But you can probably

head home now, June,
because Ruth...

- Is going to cook
a very special dinner.

- Ohhh, it's really nice
of you, Ruthie.

But actually,
June's already on it.

- Yepper! I have
a nice, healthy meal

in the oven as we speak.

- Does that qualify
as a nursing duty

or is that just a special perk?
- Just a perk, I suppose.

- Feels like a special perk.
- Hahaha!

- Well, that's great!
I guess tomorrow night,

I'll make a very special dinner
and maybe a little movie.

I noticed Netflix has Rocky IV.
Rollie, that's your favourite.

- Rocky IV!
Oh, what a film that is!

The only film to feature
a boxer who gives

his brother-in-law
a robot that's sort of a wife.

No, that's true.

It's true, it's true.
But I will have to do all that

some other time, Ruthie,
'cause tomorrow

me and June are popping
across the island to
check out an auction, so...

Oh.

Everything OK, Ruth?

- I'm sorry.
I don't know why

I did that. I...
I guess it's because

I want to spend time with you,
and you're choosing

to spend time with June,
and my body seems to be

rejecting that.
It's so weird!

- It's very expressive, Ruth.
Dad, Ruth is expressing herself.

- Come with us
if you want.

- Oh, sure. Little third wheel
type of thing, that sounds

like a lot of fun.
- No, it doesn't have
to be that way, Ruth.

- Shut up!
- Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

- Ruth, June is
a guest in our house.

- Oh, that's funny
because I thought

that guests went home
at a certain point.

- Oh, goddamn!
- I suppose I should go then.

- Uh, no, no, please--
- Yes, June, sit down

and I'll go!
- Oh no, you don't really--

- No, no, no, no, no!
And listen,

if my clothes fit you, why don't
you start wearing those too.

You're coming, Bryn?!
- No.

- OK!

- Ruth, don't...

Well, I hope you're happy, Andy.
You and June just

drove away a wonderful woman.
- Ruth drove herself away.

- Is that what you think?
- Yes.

- Maybe it's because
she's panicking

because she and Dad had
a beautiful little Odd Couple

relationship going, and then you
introduced some new lady into it

and drove 'em apart,
just like in Grumpy Old Men.

- This is not like
Grumpy Old Men!

- Exactly like Grumpy Old Men.
- Have you seen Grumpy Old Men?

- Have you seen Grumpy Old Men?
- Yes, I've seen Grumpy Old Men.

- Have you? Have you?
- Yes, I have!

Grumpy Old Men is about
two grumpy old men

who hate each other and fall
in love with the same woman.
- Wrong.

Grumpy Old Men is about
two grumpy old men who appear

to hate each other,
but secretly love each other
and have a great rapport

and deep down, you just know
they're fing.

And then a lady comes along and
gets in the way of all that.
- I'm going to sleep.

- OK. Sleep tight, Andy.

Sleep tight knowing
the destruction you've caused.

- There we go.
- Oh, thanks.

Aaah, I wonder
where's Ruth's gone.

- Oh, don't worry about her,
Rollie. She'll be fine.

- Yeah... Yeah, yeah,
she'll be fine.

You know, you don't have
to stick around so late.

I promise I won't tuck in
at the first salty snack

I see as soon as you leave.

I don't mind
staying late.

I mean, it's not like
I have anyone to get home to.

Husband's dead.

- Yes, as you keep saying.

- Yeah, I never told you
how he died, though.

It's kind of a funny story.

You see, he put so much

into his museum,
but because of your antics,

he never got
a chance to succeed.

Anyway, long story short,

he went out of business
and drank himself to death.

Oh!

Sorry, June, I didn't know.

- It's really alright, Rollie.

Aaah...

everybody has
to die sometime.

Well, you say that--

Hold still.

Yeah, chloroform takes a lot
longer than most people think.

There we go.

Ohhh! We're relaxing now?

Oh... it's just like
a massage, is it?

A massage inside your head.

Here we go.

Night-night. Poop!

and listening to my sob story.
- I didn't hear any sobbing.

Just a lot of jaw clenching

and mime strangling,
which I really connected with.

- I appreciate it.
- Now I'm gonna go
do up your bed.

Uh, uh... You need
a toothbrush? I got a spare,

but the bristles are rock hard.
It's how I like 'em.

- No, it's alright.
I put some stuff in my...

purse.

- What's wrong?
- Oh, my goodness, I think

- I took June's purse by mistake.
- Whoa!

- Oh no, put that down! Molly!
- Let me see!

Oh! Look at this.
That looks like a diary.

- Well, I am gonna ask you again
to respect June's privacy.

And if you don't, I'm going
to ask you a third time.

- Fine, it's your life.
Night-night, Ruth.

- He's awake.

Jeez, I hope those ropes
aren't too tight.

Are you OK?

- Shh, shh, shh, shh!
You know, after my Davy died,

I was consumed
by thoughts of revenge.

I just... I didn't know
how I was gonna pull it off.

And then, poof, your son

calls my place of work

asking for
a home-care worker for you,

and I swear, it felt
like God was tapping me

on the shoulder saying,
"Uh, June,

did you forget you wanted
to kill this guy?" Hahaha!

Anyway, after a few days,
trying to get

rid of Ruth, here we are.
Any last words?

Well said.

- Put. That. Needle.
Down. Now.

Please.
- Hello, Ruth.

June... ♪♪♪

I found your diary.

And I almost read it
before I realized

that would be very rude,
and I decided to return it.

But now I see that you're
the one who's very rude.

Unless I'm wrong
about what's going on here,

and then I do apologize.

Oh! What was that?

- Oh, I think Dad
and June are having sex.
- No. I heard banging, thumping.

- What part of "having sex"
do you not understand?

I do not want
to walk in on this.

Help!

- Oh, my God! Dad?!
- Hmm!

- Oh, God! Ruth snapped,
she's here for revenge!

- She attacked me! She's trying
to kill your father!
- See, I told you

June was a bad person.
Get her, Andy, get her!

- No, she's lying!
She came back and found

your father and I together,
and she tried to kill me!

- So hard to know. I'm pretty
sure Ruth would never do this,

but I'd be lying if I said
I was, like, certain.

- June's the killer,
you moppets!

- OK, yeah. June's bad,
Ruth's good; get her, Andy!

- Fine! It's me!

Now stay back!
- June,

how did you ever expect to get
away with something like this?

- Air bubble in the needle
causing a heart attack.

I would have made sure
that it was too late

by the time
he got to the hospital.
- That's actually pretty clever.

- It would have worked.
- Well thought out.

- But the time
of subtlety is over.

You took away the love of
my life, Rollie; now I'm
gonna take away yours.

- We've never really defined our
relationship, but I'm certainly
not the love of his life.

Yes, you are, Ruth. ♪♪♪

You have been
for a long time.

- How touching. You just signed
her death warrant,

but it was a lovely moment.

Do you have any last words?
- Yes.

I forgot to return your purse!
- Argh! Ah!

AAAAH!

- Well, June is
in stable condition

down the hall if you'd like
to check in on her.

But I'm sure
that you don't.

Because she tried to kill you.
- Yeah.

So, how are you feeling, Dad?
- Oh, much better,

thank you, Mark. Now that
I'm no longer in the clutches

of a deranged murderer.
By the way,

thank you very much, Andrew.

A fine bit
of due diligence there.

- She was from the home-care
service, it's not my fault.

- Nobody's blaming you, Andrew.
- I am.

- Yes. I am also.
- Me too.

- That's three out of four for
blaming, you sure you don't want

to change your mind there, Ruth?
- Oh, alright,

I blame you too.
- Hmm!

- Alright, clean sweep.
- Well, I'm just gonna go

bring June this casserole
I whipped up.

- OK, whoa, whoa, whoa!
She just tried to kill you.

- Oh! Well, that's
in the past now.

You can't hold on
to a grudge forever.

- Jeez, that woman
is a saint.

- Indeed she is.
Which is apparent to us all,

apart from Andy of course.

- I said I was sorry!
- You think

Andy technically qualifies
as an accomplice here?

- Oh, I... What?!
- He might be, I think.

- ♪♪ You can make your life
a misery if you try ♪

♪ You can take a smile
and change it to a sigh ♪

Closed Captioning by SETTE inc

♪ Then look beyond the cloud ♪

♪ 'Cause there's an awful lot
of sunshine in the sky ♪

♪ Yes, there's an awful lot ♪

♪ Of sunshine in the sky ♪♪