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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:03,269 --> 00:00:06,105 - Hm. Hey man. I found a hornet's nest in the backyard. 2 00:00:06,107 --> 00:00:08,173 I was gonna go swing a stick at it and then run for my life. 3 00:00:08,309 --> 00:00:10,909 You wanna join? - Yeah. Yeah. 4 00:00:11,045 --> 00:00:12,977 - OK. Normal answer. What you got here? 5 00:00:13,114 --> 00:00:16,048 - It's a letter from a literary magazine I submitted to. 6 00:00:16,183 --> 00:00:18,983 - Good news? - I haven't opened it yet. 7 00:00:19,020 --> 00:00:21,053 - What are you waiting for? - I'm just a little nervous, 'cause-- 8 00:00:21,188 --> 00:00:23,555 - Give me this! - Oh! Mark, Mark, Mark... Mark! 9 00:00:23,557 --> 00:00:27,926 - I am going to read it. That's what I'm here for! - Yeah, but what if it's bad? 10 00:00:28,061 --> 00:00:30,996 - What if it's bad? What if it's good? Hm? - Yeah. 11 00:00:31,131 --> 00:00:33,731 - For all you know, Andrew, they gave you the centerfold of the damn thing. 12 00:00:33,868 --> 00:00:37,069 - Literary magazines don't have centerfolds. - They don't? They should. 13 00:00:37,204 --> 00:00:39,872 Here we go. "Dear Mr. Tennesen." 14 00:00:40,007 --> 00:00:42,474 That's a good start! That's a good start. - Not bad, not bad. 15 00:00:42,609 --> 00:00:45,611 - "We are writing regarding your short story, A Tall Drink Of Winter... 16 00:00:45,746 --> 00:00:49,681 "We feel, given your numerous past submissions, 17 00:00:49,817 --> 00:00:51,749 a detailed response is only fitting." 18 00:00:51,886 --> 00:00:53,919 How many times have you submitted to these guys? 19 00:00:53,988 --> 00:00:57,289 - Thirty. Keep going. - Alright. "You have achieved something very rare 20 00:00:57,424 --> 00:01:00,759 "with your latest story in that it manages to be both 21 00:01:00,894 --> 00:01:04,229 technically inept and artistically worthless." 22 00:01:04,364 --> 00:01:06,498 Yeah, alright! - Alright, let's just... 23 00:01:06,633 --> 00:01:08,834 - "That you achieve both with your weak chinned prose... 24 00:01:08,969 --> 00:01:10,969 is no small feat of ineptitude." - Mark, can you just... 25 00:01:10,971 --> 00:01:13,238 Just give it to me! - "Weak chinned prose." Hold on! There's way more! 26 00:01:18,378 --> 00:01:20,412 - Thank you for saving my son, Travel Dog. 27 00:01:20,414 --> 00:01:22,848 And good luck to ye... - What is this? 28 00:01:22,983 --> 00:01:24,916 Is this The Littlest Hobo? 29 00:01:24,952 --> 00:01:26,885 - Travel Dog. It's like The Littlest Hobo 30 00:01:26,954 --> 00:01:28,987 except the dog in this one isn't neutered. 31 00:01:28,989 --> 00:01:31,056 - OK. Yeah. Yeah. I see that now. 32 00:01:31,191 --> 00:01:33,325 He is really going to town, there. 33 00:01:33,327 --> 00:01:35,793 Great. Yikes. OK, Andy, 34 00:01:35,930 --> 00:01:37,863 come on, pal. Let's go outside. Let's go have some fun. 35 00:01:37,998 --> 00:01:39,931 - What is "fun"? - Alright. Look at me. 36 00:01:40,067 --> 00:01:42,100 Look at me! Hey! Up here! 37 00:01:42,103 --> 00:01:45,337 There is a little saying I like to quote when I get knocked down 38 00:01:45,406 --> 00:01:47,539 and it goes like this: "I get knocked down, 39 00:01:47,674 --> 00:01:49,741 "but... I get up again 40 00:01:49,777 --> 00:01:51,943 'cause you are never gonna keep me down." 41 00:01:51,979 --> 00:01:54,079 You know who said that, Andy? 42 00:01:55,015 --> 00:01:57,015 - Chumbawamba? - Chumbawamba. 43 00:01:57,150 --> 00:01:59,417 In their 1997 opus, Tubthumping. 44 00:01:59,453 --> 00:02:01,420 A song about a young, presumably 45 00:02:01,555 --> 00:02:03,689 Irish lad named "Dany Boy", who always got up 46 00:02:03,824 --> 00:02:06,358 after he'd been knocked down. 47 00:02:06,360 --> 00:02:08,327 Now that's what we're gonna do, Andy. So let's get on our feet! 48 00:02:08,329 --> 00:02:11,163 Let's get up again! Come on! - No. 49 00:02:11,298 --> 00:02:13,631 Respect my boundaries, Mark! 50 00:02:13,667 --> 00:02:16,034 - Respect your brother's boundaries, Marky. 51 00:02:16,103 --> 00:02:18,370 - Fine... - Is everything okay? 52 00:02:18,439 --> 00:02:20,172 - Yeah. Andy's just being a mopey piece of crap 53 00:02:20,307 --> 00:02:22,574 because his stupid short story got rejected by some magazine. 54 00:02:22,576 --> 00:02:27,212 - Oh! Well, there are two ways of dealing with rejection. 55 00:02:27,348 --> 00:02:29,981 You can either sit and mope about it all day 'til your soul 56 00:02:30,017 --> 00:02:32,317 shrivels inside you like an old dead shrub, 57 00:02:32,452 --> 00:02:36,454 or... or you can kill yourself! 58 00:02:36,490 --> 00:02:38,189 - That's it? Those are my two options? 59 00:02:38,325 --> 00:02:40,658 - I always think a support system is very important. 60 00:02:40,694 --> 00:02:43,262 I mean that's what I get from my coven. 61 00:02:43,397 --> 00:02:46,398 I think we should get these goodies back. - Ruth, before you leave, 62 00:02:46,400 --> 00:02:48,866 I heard the word coven. What about some elaboration on that if possible? 63 00:02:48,903 --> 00:02:53,204 - It's nothing too exciting. It's just a 200-year-old 64 00:02:53,240 --> 00:02:57,375 pagan society that gets together in their various moon phases 65 00:02:57,510 --> 00:02:59,344 to spend quality time together. 66 00:02:59,380 --> 00:03:02,547 Bryn's a part of it. - I blow the horn. 67 00:03:02,616 --> 00:03:04,816 - Yeah. The summoning horn. 68 00:03:04,852 --> 00:03:07,952 Actually, tonight is her monthly esbat. 69 00:03:07,954 --> 00:03:09,755 That's witch speak for meeting. 70 00:03:09,890 --> 00:03:12,424 You're more than welcome to join us. Might make you feel better. 71 00:03:12,426 --> 00:03:14,526 - Oh. Thank you, Ruth, but I think I'm just gonna 72 00:03:14,661 --> 00:03:17,895 stay and watch-- - Now, that, that sounds wonderful, Ruth. We will 73 00:03:18,032 --> 00:03:20,699 absolutely be there. - That's the spirit, boys! 74 00:03:20,768 --> 00:03:23,501 Ah! Look! Travel Dog! 75 00:03:25,572 --> 00:03:28,039 I used to love this! Did you know 76 00:03:28,075 --> 00:03:30,175 this holds the record for the most dog pregnancies 77 00:03:30,310 --> 00:03:34,045 ever on set? - Oh! That is fun! 78 00:03:36,516 --> 00:03:38,984 - Bad dog! Bad! - This is great. 79 00:03:39,119 --> 00:03:42,120 - Man, this town is light on appropriate witch wear. 80 00:03:42,189 --> 00:03:44,522 What about this? This is too sexy, right? 81 00:03:44,558 --> 00:03:46,724 - You are not gonna fit in that. Looks like an IUD. 82 00:03:46,760 --> 00:03:48,660 - I'll make it work. - Why are we doing this? 83 00:03:48,795 --> 00:03:50,729 - Doing what? - Hanging out with a bunch 84 00:03:50,798 --> 00:03:53,131 of middle-aged women pretending to be witches? 85 00:03:53,267 --> 00:03:55,066 - Are you kidding me, Andy? This is gonna be awesome! 86 00:03:55,102 --> 00:03:57,869 How often do you get invited to be part of a coven? 87 00:03:57,871 --> 00:04:00,138 Oh man, we get to slit our palms into a goblet 88 00:04:00,207 --> 00:04:02,140 and make a wish for what we truly want to Manon! 89 00:04:02,276 --> 00:04:04,743 What would you wish for, Andy, from Manon? 90 00:04:04,878 --> 00:04:06,678 - Who's Manon? - Who's Manon! 91 00:04:06,714 --> 00:04:08,680 Manon is the force that controls all things 92 00:04:08,716 --> 00:04:11,149 in at least one teen witch movie. 93 00:04:11,285 --> 00:04:13,285 We have to be careful, because he will take your peer group 94 00:04:13,354 --> 00:04:15,420 and split it apart faster then you can... Yo! 95 00:04:15,555 --> 00:04:17,389 Yo! Yo! Yo! Yo! Yo! Shut up for a second. 96 00:04:17,524 --> 00:04:21,059 - You were talking. - The hell is that? 97 00:04:26,200 --> 00:04:29,034 Woah! 98 00:04:29,169 --> 00:04:31,236 Oh! Where the hell did this place come from? 99 00:04:31,371 --> 00:04:35,807 - Some say it appeared out of nowhere one night. 100 00:04:38,746 --> 00:04:41,245 Others say that we obtained all the necessary permits 101 00:04:41,247 --> 00:04:43,648 and opened 2 weeks after some quick renos. 102 00:04:43,784 --> 00:04:46,118 It used to be a Marvellous Muffins. How may I help you? 103 00:04:46,253 --> 00:04:48,220 - Well, we were recently invited to join a coven 104 00:04:48,355 --> 00:04:50,322 and we were hoping to get 105 00:04:50,391 --> 00:04:52,858 something to wear for our first "esbat". 106 00:04:52,993 --> 00:04:55,860 - Oh... May I interest you in robes? 107 00:04:55,995 --> 00:04:59,597 - Oh, hell yeah! Now we're talking! - We have many options. 108 00:04:59,733 --> 00:05:02,000 Full floor length for the traditional witch. 109 00:05:02,069 --> 00:05:06,003 Knee length for the naughty witch. And sheer 110 00:05:06,140 --> 00:05:09,874 for the witch who's looking to turn up and horn down. 111 00:05:09,876 --> 00:05:13,278 - I think traditional sounds good, unless-- Andy? 112 00:05:13,413 --> 00:05:15,279 Are you looking to turn up and horn down? 113 00:05:15,316 --> 00:05:17,649 - Traditional's fine. - Traditional then. 114 00:05:17,784 --> 00:05:19,918 - Would you like them wrapped? - No, that's okay. We'll just wear them on outta here. 115 00:05:20,053 --> 00:05:23,488 I do have a question about this curtain behind you. Seems to be housing 116 00:05:23,524 --> 00:05:27,492 something rather fun. Any chance I could snag a peek back there? 117 00:05:27,627 --> 00:05:30,328 - The things contained in that room are not for the casual consumers. 118 00:05:30,331 --> 00:05:33,565 Therein lies a darkness you could not possibly understand, 119 00:05:33,634 --> 00:05:37,235 you who appear to have known no true suffering. 120 00:05:37,237 --> 00:05:39,303 - Oh yeah. You know what? That is true. 121 00:05:39,340 --> 00:05:42,307 - You, on the other hand, 122 00:05:42,442 --> 00:05:44,776 you are more than ready to see what lies therein. 123 00:05:44,911 --> 00:05:49,180 It's clear you've suffered much during your... 124 00:05:49,216 --> 00:05:51,383 I'm gonna say 45 years on this Earth. 125 00:05:51,518 --> 00:05:55,320 - I'm 34! And I don't wanna see what's in your stupid room. 126 00:05:55,455 --> 00:05:57,122 - Suit yourself. - But take them off! 127 00:05:57,124 --> 00:06:00,057 - Were you boys looking to pay cash... 128 00:06:00,094 --> 00:06:03,795 ...or credit? 129 00:06:06,233 --> 00:06:08,600 - I knew we shouldn't have worn these. 130 00:06:08,602 --> 00:06:10,601 No one else is dressed up. - We look good, man! 131 00:06:10,637 --> 00:06:12,537 You look good, I look amazing! 132 00:06:12,672 --> 00:06:15,140 - You look like a porno wizard. - Yeah. Like I said, 133 00:06:15,142 --> 00:06:17,142 I look amazing. Anyway, don't worry. 134 00:06:17,277 --> 00:06:20,812 This is all just preamble. Things are gonna get real weird 135 00:06:20,947 --> 00:06:23,748 before long. - OK, 136 00:06:23,883 --> 00:06:26,418 everybody! Thanks for coming to the esbat! 137 00:06:26,553 --> 00:06:30,155 Let's get this thing formally started. Bryn, sweetie, 138 00:06:30,290 --> 00:06:32,324 want to skronk your horn? 139 00:06:37,764 --> 00:06:41,699 Terrific. Bring forth the quilt! 140 00:06:41,835 --> 00:06:43,769 - Hey! What's gonna happen with this guy later? 141 00:06:43,904 --> 00:06:47,105 Are we gonna sacrifice him or sacrifice something to him? 142 00:06:47,240 --> 00:06:50,174 - Oh no. Monty is my emotional support snake. 143 00:06:50,210 --> 00:06:53,645 Having him nearby helps me with my anxiety. 144 00:06:53,647 --> 00:06:56,181 - OK. 145 00:06:56,316 --> 00:06:59,117 That... That sucks. 146 00:06:59,252 --> 00:07:01,385 - A little bit of housekeeping. It's solstice this weekend. 147 00:07:01,422 --> 00:07:04,723 So we will be adding a new panel. 148 00:07:04,725 --> 00:07:08,059 Also it's a potluck so this time, let's coordinate so we don't all bring deserts again. 149 00:07:08,195 --> 00:07:10,262 Thank you, ladies. Thank you. 150 00:07:10,397 --> 00:07:14,332 Now, it's my favourite part of the night. 151 00:07:14,468 --> 00:07:17,335 I'd like to introduce one of the newest members of our group, 152 00:07:17,337 --> 00:07:20,805 Andy Tennesen, to come up and open our sharing circle 153 00:07:20,940 --> 00:07:23,675 with a few words about what it was that brought him 154 00:07:23,810 --> 00:07:25,544 here, tonight. Andy! 155 00:07:25,679 --> 00:07:27,812 - I'm OK. Thanks. I'm alright. - I'll speak, Ruth, 156 00:07:27,881 --> 00:07:29,814 if you want me to say some kinda dark weird stuff. 157 00:07:29,949 --> 00:07:31,816 - Oh no! I'd like to hear Andy. 158 00:07:31,852 --> 00:07:34,686 Come on, Andy. Give it a chance. Might make you feel better. 159 00:07:34,688 --> 00:07:38,222 - Attaboy. - Alright. 160 00:07:38,358 --> 00:07:42,293 I'm not usually... 161 00:07:42,329 --> 00:07:46,564 one to talk about myself but I guess I'll give it a try. 162 00:07:46,700 --> 00:07:50,368 Ooh! It's been a rough day. Um... 163 00:07:50,404 --> 00:07:52,970 Actually, it's been a rough couple of years. 164 00:07:53,106 --> 00:07:57,174 I'm trying to be a writer; 165 00:07:57,311 --> 00:07:59,777 but it seems like with every new rejection, 166 00:07:59,813 --> 00:08:02,747 it's more and more of a pipe dream. 167 00:08:06,720 --> 00:08:10,722 I had so much to say. I just feel like 168 00:08:10,857 --> 00:08:14,993 the world doesn't wanna listen sometimes. 169 00:08:15,128 --> 00:08:18,062 I'm sorry. I'm sorry. - It's alright. 170 00:08:18,098 --> 00:08:20,798 - I'm sorry. - It's alright. Just let it out! 171 00:08:20,834 --> 00:08:23,267 - I'm sorry... - Let it out! 172 00:08:26,807 --> 00:08:29,874 Oh, God, this feels so good. Oh, my God... 173 00:08:31,878 --> 00:08:34,746 - How is this for a new vibe? 174 00:08:34,881 --> 00:08:37,749 You guys into this? 175 00:08:37,751 --> 00:08:40,618 Cut our hands open for Manon, hey? 176 00:08:40,654 --> 00:08:43,588 Manon! 177 00:08:50,964 --> 00:08:52,964 - What you got there? - Oh! 178 00:08:52,966 --> 00:08:55,633 Just making a little list of... Well, have a seat. Have a seat. 179 00:08:55,769 --> 00:08:58,036 I wanna run some stuff by you. - OK. 180 00:08:58,105 --> 00:09:00,104 - So last night, huh! Oof! 181 00:09:00,240 --> 00:09:02,373 - What do you mean? - Just the whole vibe, you know. 182 00:09:02,442 --> 00:09:05,710 Hanging out, hugging, eating cheese. Am I the only one who searched witchcraft? Hello? 183 00:09:05,845 --> 00:09:07,979 So I compiled a bit of a list of things 184 00:09:08,114 --> 00:09:09,981 that I was going to propose at the next meeting, 185 00:09:10,017 --> 00:09:13,517 just to see if we could all move towards a more "coveney" direction 186 00:09:13,554 --> 00:09:16,855 in the future, so... number 1, and this one seems obvious: more spells. 187 00:09:16,990 --> 00:09:18,756 Any spells, really. - Yeah... 188 00:09:18,758 --> 00:09:20,925 - Number 2, movie night. Blair Witch, Witches of Eastwick... 189 00:09:20,994 --> 00:09:23,928 If it's got witch in the title, it's probably gonna take us in the right direction. 190 00:09:24,064 --> 00:09:26,664 Number 3... - I don't know, Mark. 191 00:09:26,733 --> 00:09:29,067 They've been running this whole thing for 200 years. 192 00:09:29,202 --> 00:09:31,736 Everyone seems happy. - Yes, but is the point 193 00:09:31,805 --> 00:09:34,472 of a coven to be happy? That's sort of a bigger picture question. Where are you headed? 194 00:09:34,541 --> 00:09:37,609 - Oh, I'm actually headed to hang out with some of the people from the coven. 195 00:09:37,744 --> 00:09:39,510 - Oh! Great! We can talk about these things there. 196 00:09:39,646 --> 00:09:41,546 - Oh! Ah... 197 00:09:41,548 --> 00:09:43,815 They specifically asked for me not to bring you. 198 00:09:43,950 --> 00:09:46,217 You kind of gave off a bit of a weird vibe last night. 199 00:09:46,219 --> 00:09:48,486 - What? - Well, 200 00:09:48,621 --> 00:09:51,489 you asked to sacrifice Deb's snake. That's her pet. 201 00:09:51,624 --> 00:09:54,159 - It's a snake in a coven, Andy. I mean, come on! 202 00:09:54,294 --> 00:09:56,161 It's like bringing... 203 00:09:56,163 --> 00:10:00,098 regular tea to an iced-tea... convention. 204 00:10:00,167 --> 00:10:03,101 At a certain point, that tea is getting iced. 205 00:10:03,170 --> 00:10:06,104 OK. It's not a perfect... metaphor. 206 00:10:06,106 --> 00:10:08,039 But I'm sorry. I'm feeling flustered 207 00:10:08,108 --> 00:10:09,974 and a bit off my game. I am like a guy who's... 208 00:10:10,043 --> 00:10:13,111 normally on his game but... 209 00:10:13,180 --> 00:10:15,513 F--- me! Goddammit! This is hard! 210 00:10:15,648 --> 00:10:17,315 - Mark, Mark, Mark! It's okay! 211 00:10:17,317 --> 00:10:19,651 Look, it's just a little rejection. 212 00:10:19,653 --> 00:10:21,519 And, um... How do I put this? 213 00:10:21,521 --> 00:10:23,588 What do you do when you get knocked down? 214 00:10:23,723 --> 00:10:26,191 You get back up again. 215 00:10:27,860 --> 00:10:30,228 - You mother... - Dany Boy! - Oh, motherf---! 216 00:10:30,363 --> 00:10:33,264 - But you are my favourite child. 217 00:10:33,399 --> 00:10:35,333 - Hey, man! - Hey! 218 00:10:35,335 --> 00:10:37,669 - I'd like to return these robes if I could. 219 00:10:37,804 --> 00:10:40,472 - Oh, the black underwear is final sale. 220 00:10:40,607 --> 00:10:42,540 I can only take the robes if they are... unblooded. 221 00:10:42,675 --> 00:10:46,277 - Well, no worries there, man. - Or any other fluids? 222 00:10:46,412 --> 00:10:49,747 - You don't have to worry about anything. I promise you. 223 00:10:49,883 --> 00:10:52,550 - OK, just... I've had people trying to return these robes 224 00:10:52,552 --> 00:10:54,819 in the past, and... wasn't cool! - Right. 225 00:10:54,888 --> 00:10:59,224 - Let's just say after Eyes Wide Shut, everything changed. 226 00:10:59,226 --> 00:11:01,693 - Uh-huh. Yeah. Well, these are clean robes. I promise you. 227 00:11:01,695 --> 00:11:03,627 So... no need to worry. 228 00:11:03,664 --> 00:11:07,031 - Just to be a 100% clear, I'm talking about semen. 229 00:11:07,166 --> 00:11:09,200 - I know exactly what you are talking about. 230 00:11:09,236 --> 00:11:12,236 Yeah. - OK. Just have to check. You look different today. 231 00:11:12,272 --> 00:11:15,173 Tasted darkness? Perhaps rejection? 232 00:11:15,242 --> 00:11:17,441 - Hmm-hm. Yeah. Yeah, you could say that again. 233 00:11:17,577 --> 00:11:20,512 - Perhaps you are ready to see what's behind the blue curtain. 234 00:11:20,647 --> 00:11:22,714 But know this: 235 00:11:22,716 --> 00:11:26,251 for all that cross this threshold, 236 00:11:26,253 --> 00:11:28,620 they must be prepared to walk the left-hand path. 237 00:11:33,060 --> 00:11:36,327 Welcome to my unholy sanctum. 238 00:11:36,462 --> 00:11:38,596 As you can see, we have a wide selection 239 00:11:38,732 --> 00:11:41,465 of spells, tomes, and... 240 00:11:41,601 --> 00:11:43,334 some light pornography. 241 00:11:43,403 --> 00:11:45,336 - Oh, that's cool, man. Thanks. 242 00:11:45,471 --> 00:11:47,471 - Naked for Satan. The Blackened Tryst... 243 00:11:47,507 --> 00:11:49,874 Ass 5... - Yeah, no. 244 00:11:49,943 --> 00:11:52,009 I'm not super into that, 245 00:11:52,011 --> 00:11:53,945 but thank you so much. - OK! 246 00:11:53,947 --> 00:11:56,948 But if I may say, if you were put off by Ass 4, 247 00:11:57,017 --> 00:11:58,949 Ass 5 puts the franchise 248 00:11:58,985 --> 00:12:00,885 right back on track. - Not super familiar 249 00:12:01,020 --> 00:12:02,987 with the franchise. 250 00:12:02,989 --> 00:12:05,289 You were saying something about a left-hand path? 251 00:12:05,424 --> 00:12:08,093 - It is a rejection of a society 252 00:12:08,228 --> 00:12:10,828 whose values reject you and it can all be found... 253 00:12:10,864 --> 00:12:13,030 here! - Oh! 254 00:12:13,032 --> 00:12:15,433 Hell yeah! 255 00:12:17,570 --> 00:12:21,239 You know, I think it's time Cavendish got itself... 256 00:12:21,308 --> 00:12:24,108 a real coven. 257 00:12:28,648 --> 00:12:32,117 OK, OK, I'll read something! 258 00:12:32,252 --> 00:12:36,254 Oh! It's supposed to be read with an Irish brogue, so... 259 00:12:36,389 --> 00:12:40,525 Pot of gold. Pot of gold. Daniel Day Lewis. 260 00:12:40,660 --> 00:12:43,661 OK, I got it. OK. 261 00:12:45,799 --> 00:12:49,200 "Slade knelt by the unfrozen pond. 262 00:12:49,236 --> 00:12:53,738 "The water looked good. Pure. Wet. 263 00:12:53,807 --> 00:12:56,341 "He tasted it. 264 00:12:56,343 --> 00:12:59,210 "Felt its cool wetness slide into him. 265 00:12:59,279 --> 00:13:02,347 "Surely many have drunk this frigid draught, he thought. 266 00:13:02,349 --> 00:13:04,482 "This gelid moist. 267 00:13:04,617 --> 00:13:07,218 "Water. Water. 268 00:13:07,254 --> 00:13:10,955 "Father. 269 00:13:11,024 --> 00:13:13,825 My God." 270 00:13:13,960 --> 00:13:18,029 - Oh, my goodness. That was wonderful. 271 00:13:18,164 --> 00:13:20,564 And that word you used... 272 00:13:20,600 --> 00:13:22,967 "Gelid"? What does that mean? 273 00:13:22,969 --> 00:13:24,969 - Uh... 274 00:13:24,971 --> 00:13:28,172 It's... it's kind of a word that's hard to define, 275 00:13:28,175 --> 00:13:31,775 but I-I definitely know how to use it in a sentence. 276 00:13:31,912 --> 00:13:33,711 - Just to put this out there. 277 00:13:33,747 --> 00:13:36,648 Maybe you could write us an opening invocation 278 00:13:36,783 --> 00:13:38,582 for the Solstice Weaving this weekend, 279 00:13:38,618 --> 00:13:40,384 something that you could read to the town? 280 00:13:40,520 --> 00:13:43,321 - I would love to! 281 00:13:45,192 --> 00:13:48,726 Thank you! That's fantastic! 282 00:13:48,728 --> 00:13:51,996 Oh! I kind of feel like a cool wetness is sliding into me! 283 00:13:54,868 --> 00:13:57,869 - "Baphomet, Amon, Moloch and Baal, 284 00:13:58,004 --> 00:14:00,872 "Lords of Darkness look upon us this night with hungry eyes 285 00:14:00,874 --> 00:14:04,008 "and angry bones. 286 00:14:04,010 --> 00:14:07,879 We besiege thee." And thee, and thee, and thee. 287 00:14:07,948 --> 00:14:09,813 Thank you for being here, everyone. 288 00:14:09,850 --> 00:14:11,749 Thank you so much. Bryn, thank you 289 00:14:11,785 --> 00:14:13,685 for crossing over. - I was promised a bigger horn. 290 00:14:13,820 --> 00:14:17,421 - And you shall receive your bigger horn. Now. Uh, yeah. 291 00:14:17,556 --> 00:14:19,357 Felix? You got... you got a question? 292 00:14:21,328 --> 00:14:23,160 - ...rid of the tummy grumblies... 293 00:14:23,296 --> 00:14:25,763 - Tummy "grumblies". Do you need to... 294 00:14:25,765 --> 00:14:27,632 you need go to the bathroom? Is that what you're... 295 00:14:27,634 --> 00:14:30,702 - Oh yeah! I gotta pinch off Mike Duffy before too long. 296 00:14:30,837 --> 00:14:33,437 - OK. Well, that is very colourful imagery, and you are 297 00:14:33,473 --> 00:14:36,240 welcome to use the bathroom. You do not need to ask. 298 00:14:36,243 --> 00:14:39,243 ...half hour, so continue on 299 00:14:39,312 --> 00:14:41,579 with your Halloween chitchat or whatnot. 300 00:14:41,714 --> 00:14:44,449 - Alright. Let's break this down, ladies and gentlemen. There is a 200 year-old 301 00:14:44,451 --> 00:14:47,184 book club in this town that calls themselves 302 00:14:47,320 --> 00:14:50,321 a coven. This weekend, they will be celebrating 303 00:14:50,323 --> 00:14:52,056 the Solstice, presumably by holding hands 304 00:14:52,125 --> 00:14:55,526 and singing Kumbaya. Well, I say 305 00:14:55,595 --> 00:14:59,196 that we show them what a real coven looks like. So... 306 00:14:59,266 --> 00:15:02,867 any ideas for what we should do? No wrong answers. Yeah, Travis? 307 00:15:03,002 --> 00:15:05,503 - We could do a panty raid. 308 00:15:07,740 --> 00:15:10,408 - So... just so I'm a 100% clear, 309 00:15:10,477 --> 00:15:13,277 that's where we would break into their houses and... 310 00:15:13,280 --> 00:15:15,613 - Steal their panties. - Steal their panties. Right. 311 00:15:15,748 --> 00:15:18,149 So, OK! I just wanna thank Travis, right off the bat, 312 00:15:18,284 --> 00:15:20,017 for being the first person to give a suggestion. 313 00:15:20,053 --> 00:15:21,953 That's never easy. There. 314 00:15:22,088 --> 00:15:24,021 I'm not gonna write that one down, cause I feel like 315 00:15:24,090 --> 00:15:26,090 it's just a little bit off... off-base for what 316 00:15:26,092 --> 00:15:28,159 we're looking for here. But yeah... 317 00:15:28,228 --> 00:15:30,028 Let's try to keep this in the realm of dark magic. 318 00:15:30,030 --> 00:15:32,430 - You did say there were no wrong answers. 319 00:15:32,565 --> 00:15:35,499 - Yep! I did say that, but, um, how about starting now, 320 00:15:35,568 --> 00:15:37,635 now that we all know the perimeters. OK? Yes. 321 00:15:37,770 --> 00:15:39,470 - I like the panty raid idea. - The panty raid idea 322 00:15:39,605 --> 00:15:43,207 is not on the table, Bryn. It's not on the table at all. 323 00:15:43,209 --> 00:15:46,377 Here is all you need to know. Dark magic. Spells. How about that? 324 00:15:46,513 --> 00:15:49,313 - We could use spells to make their panties come to us. 325 00:15:49,316 --> 00:15:50,915 - OK. Hmm... - Just like 326 00:15:51,050 --> 00:15:53,518 The Sorcerer's Apprentice. 327 00:15:53,520 --> 00:15:55,853 - Uh-huh! Yeah, stop. Stop doing that. 328 00:15:55,988 --> 00:15:58,523 I'm... I'm so serious. I'm so angry and I'm so serious. 329 00:15:58,658 --> 00:16:00,525 Felix, what do you need, man? - Um... 330 00:16:00,660 --> 00:16:03,728 What do you need? 331 00:16:03,730 --> 00:16:05,663 - ...working on... take care of the tummy grumblies? 332 00:16:05,798 --> 00:16:08,666 - Go to the bathroom. I have given you 333 00:16:08,801 --> 00:16:11,669 multiple green lights on that front. You know what guys? 334 00:16:11,804 --> 00:16:13,738 Look around. We are sitting in an atmosphere 335 00:16:13,740 --> 00:16:17,808 of absolute darkness here. Get inspired. Get inspired. 336 00:16:17,943 --> 00:16:19,677 Payne, you must have some cool ideas. Come on! 337 00:16:19,812 --> 00:16:21,679 Come on! 338 00:16:21,814 --> 00:16:24,215 - I do have a cauldron. - Now we're talking. 339 00:16:24,217 --> 00:16:26,150 - It'd be the perfect place to store all the panties. 340 00:16:26,285 --> 00:16:29,086 - Oh, my God! - We can get all the panties... 341 00:16:29,122 --> 00:16:31,355 Stop it! 342 00:16:31,490 --> 00:16:33,924 Stop it! OK, guys. You know what? 343 00:16:34,060 --> 00:16:36,828 Everything you're pitching here is child's play. 344 00:16:36,963 --> 00:16:39,363 I'm talking about something big! 345 00:16:39,366 --> 00:16:41,699 I'm talking about tearing 346 00:16:41,834 --> 00:16:44,969 at the very fabric of what they hold... 347 00:16:45,038 --> 00:16:48,239 of what they hold dear. 348 00:16:48,241 --> 00:16:50,708 And I think I know which fabric to tear. 349 00:16:50,710 --> 00:16:53,978 - Are you sure you're not saying exactly what we're saying? 350 00:16:54,113 --> 00:16:56,180 - No, Bryn. I am not talking about... 351 00:16:56,249 --> 00:16:57,949 I'm not talking about panties. 352 00:17:03,189 --> 00:17:06,858 to the 200th Official Summer Solstice Gathering! 353 00:17:09,795 --> 00:17:13,664 Today we are gathered to bear witness to everyone's 354 00:17:13,666 --> 00:17:16,100 favourite coven of "heretics" as they weave a new chapter 355 00:17:16,236 --> 00:17:18,269 into their pagan story! 356 00:17:18,404 --> 00:17:20,871 Please welcome Andy Tennesen. 357 00:17:25,378 --> 00:17:28,946 - Thank you, Madam Mayor. This is a little 358 00:17:29,081 --> 00:17:32,649 poem of dedication titled 359 00:17:32,685 --> 00:17:36,821 Summer Into Me. 360 00:17:36,823 --> 00:17:39,290 "Beloved sun, 361 00:17:39,425 --> 00:17:42,493 your rays, like..." 362 00:17:51,838 --> 00:17:56,240 Mark? - Good afternoon, everyone. 363 00:17:56,242 --> 00:17:59,843 - What? - I said good afternoon, everyone. 364 00:17:59,979 --> 00:18:02,246 - We can't hear you, man. Music's too loud. What do you say? 365 00:18:02,248 --> 00:18:04,115 - Music too loud? - Yeah! 366 00:18:04,250 --> 00:18:07,585 - Alright. One second. OK. I'll just turn it off. How is that? 367 00:18:07,720 --> 00:18:09,853 - Oh, that's so much better! - Is that better? 368 00:18:09,989 --> 00:18:11,789 - Yeah. - OK. Felix, do you wanna take that? 369 00:18:11,791 --> 00:18:14,725 Take that for me, please. 370 00:18:14,761 --> 00:18:16,594 Don't sell it! Alright? Alright. 371 00:18:16,729 --> 00:18:20,063 So... this is what passes 372 00:18:20,200 --> 00:18:23,667 for witchcraft in this town, is it? Barbecues, 373 00:18:23,802 --> 00:18:26,671 touch football, and races in a potato sack... 374 00:18:26,673 --> 00:18:29,140 - Mark, why don't you... Why don't you just calm down 375 00:18:29,142 --> 00:18:31,275 and come hang out with us? 376 00:18:31,277 --> 00:18:33,344 - You'd like that, wouldn't you, Andrew? 377 00:18:33,479 --> 00:18:36,747 You'd love it if we'd just hung out 378 00:18:36,749 --> 00:18:39,617 like chums. You may notice that we are guided 379 00:18:39,752 --> 00:18:41,686 towards a greater purpose now. 380 00:18:41,688 --> 00:18:44,087 So why don't you 381 00:18:44,124 --> 00:18:46,757 take your invitation and shove it up your ass? 382 00:18:46,892 --> 00:18:48,725 I'm here for one thing only. 383 00:18:48,861 --> 00:18:52,496 To watch the world burn, either literally 384 00:18:52,565 --> 00:18:55,633 or figuratively. 385 00:18:55,635 --> 00:18:58,101 Bryn, give it a skronk! 386 00:18:58,138 --> 00:19:00,705 Hell yeah, bitch! Let's roll! 387 00:19:17,724 --> 00:19:19,590 The quilt. Ah! - Mark! 388 00:19:19,626 --> 00:19:22,526 No, Mark, stop! Stop! Stop! This isn't you. 389 00:19:22,595 --> 00:19:24,461 - You don't know anything about me, Andy. I only care about 390 00:19:24,597 --> 00:19:27,798 one thing now: destruction! - Oh! My God! 391 00:19:27,800 --> 00:19:30,001 - Now watch as I tear the very fabric of your reality apart! 392 00:19:30,136 --> 00:19:32,269 It's not taut enough. Gotta get it tau-- 393 00:19:32,305 --> 00:19:34,471 - NO! - Ow! Ow, Andy! Ow! Andy! 394 00:19:34,507 --> 00:19:36,607 Andy, you're hurting me. Ow, ow, ow! OK! OK! OK! 395 00:19:36,743 --> 00:19:39,476 - All of this because you got rejected once in your life? 396 00:19:39,512 --> 00:19:42,079 - Give me the quilt, Andrew! - No! This is not your quilt! 397 00:19:42,081 --> 00:19:44,281 This is the witches' quilt! That's our quilt! Come on! 398 00:19:44,417 --> 00:19:47,451 - I'm the only one at this Solstice who's a witch! 399 00:19:52,091 --> 00:19:55,960 - Such violence on the Solstice... 400 00:19:56,029 --> 00:19:58,295 This is not what being a witch is about. 401 00:19:58,431 --> 00:20:02,500 - This is exactly what being a witch is about. Right, Payne? 402 00:20:02,502 --> 00:20:06,037 - I don't know, man. This feels less like witchcraft and more like bullying. 403 00:20:06,039 --> 00:20:08,972 - Yeah, we really should've done the panty raid. 404 00:20:09,108 --> 00:20:11,509 - The panty raid was never on the table, Travis! 405 00:20:11,511 --> 00:20:13,844 Never! That was never on the table! 406 00:20:16,282 --> 00:20:18,515 - Thank you for saving my daughter 407 00:20:18,551 --> 00:20:20,585 from those human traffickers, Travel Dog. 408 00:20:20,720 --> 00:20:24,055 And good luck to ye, wherever you're bound! 409 00:20:24,057 --> 00:20:26,790 - I don't know how you do it, Andy. 410 00:20:26,859 --> 00:20:29,460 You get rejected every day. It's honestly amazing 411 00:20:29,595 --> 00:20:31,462 you haven't taken your own life by now. 412 00:20:31,597 --> 00:20:34,064 - Thanks, man. - Yeah. 413 00:20:34,133 --> 00:20:38,402 Hey, sorry I got you kicked out of your coven. 414 00:20:38,404 --> 00:20:42,473 - It's OK. Sorry I hurt your wrist. 415 00:20:42,608 --> 00:20:44,408 - Oh, it's OK. 416 00:20:44,410 --> 00:20:46,143 It's alright. 417 00:20:46,278 --> 00:20:48,212 - You wanna watch another episode? 418 00:20:48,214 --> 00:20:50,147 - Yeah. 419 00:20:52,418 --> 00:20:56,153 - I'll find you, Travel Dog. And when I do, 420 00:20:56,222 --> 00:20:58,823 I'll neuter you in a safe and professional manner. 421 00:20:58,958 --> 00:21:03,227 Because I am... The Veterinarian! 422 00:21:03,296 --> 00:21:05,296 - This show is weird as hell, man! 423 00:21:05,365 --> 00:21:07,164 - Yeah! It's really good! - Yeah. 424 00:21:07,166 --> 00:21:11,636 - ♪♪ You can make your life a misery if you try ♪ 425 00:21:11,771 --> 00:21:15,439 ♪ You can take a smile and change it to a sigh ♪ 426 00:21:15,475 --> 00:21:18,442 Closed Captioning by SETTE inc 427 00:21:18,478 --> 00:21:20,645 ♪ Then look beyond the cloud ♪ 428 00:21:22,181 --> 00:21:24,114 ♪ 'Cause there's an awful lot of sunshine in the sky ♪ 429 00:21:27,186 --> 00:21:30,120 ♪ Yes, there's an awful lot ♪ 430 00:21:30,189 --> 00:21:33,291 ♪ Of sunshine in the sky ♪♪ 35488

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