All language subtitles for Cavendish.S01E03.House.of.Wax.1080p.CBC.WEB-DL.DDP5.1.H.264-DJSF_track3_[eng]

es your person talk
too much about his tax dollars?

- What? I... Aren't you supposed
to ask if they have a mustache

or something? I don't...
- Mustaches come and go.

I'm trying to get
at their soul, Andy.

Like, would he say things like,
"My tax dollars paid for that?

Oh, that's where my tax dollars
are going?" You know
what I mean?

- I don't...
How am I supposed to...

Actually, yes.
Wow. Yes, he would.

- Yeah?
- Yeah! I can
hear him saying it.

- I am narrowing in. I know
it's a man of at least 50.

- Alrighty. I think
we're all set for clothes.

What else do we need? Teapot?
They'll have a teapot,
won't they?

- Ah, you're all packed
and ready to go?

Is this your first
vacation together?

- Oh, no, no! No, we went
to Halifax once,

to see the tall ships festival.
That was actually very fun.

You know, you think
about ships being very long,

but actually
some are quite tall.

- Yeah. These were
too tall. But anyway,
this is a different thing...

This is, technically speaking,
a "wellness retreat".

Doctor's orders.
We're going for Vitamin D,

plus some Vitamin F,
"F" standing in this case

for fun!
- Ha! Ha! Ha! Yes!

- That's good!
- That's a good one.

Oh, actually, Dad, I have
an idea I want to run by you

since I am going
to be running the museum...

- Whoa, whoa, whoa,
whoa, whoa! Slow down.

What makes you think you're
looking after the museum?

- I just assumed, because I'm
the eldest and most responsible.

- Well, I think
you better think again,

because this little chap here
is gonna be in charge.

- Oh! Me?!
- Why is Mark in charge?

He's an idiot.
- OK. Well, If I'm such

an idiot, then why have I been
preapproved for 2 credit cards?

- I know what I'm gonna
get from him, don't I?

Hmm? He's gonna do
the bare minimum,

and then, when I get home,

he's gonna come up
with a pathetic excuse.

He's predictable.
- Yes, I am.

Well said, Dad.
- Where as you...

I'm not even out the door
and you've already had an idea.

I don't like ideas, Andrew.

Ideas are dangerous.

Shall we?
- Hmm, yes!

- OK! Have fun, you two!
You've earned it. Heh.

Alright, I'm gonna finish
you off right now.

Would your guy
call his mom "mother"?

- Yes.

- I knew it!
You got Nick.

- Yeah... I mean, it's...
it's good, Bryn.

It's just a little bit...
you know, anime.

- It's manga, not anime.

- Hey! Whoa, cool!

Look at this. Smiling boy,
that must be me. Angry bald man,

that's Andy. Right on!
What's this for?

- I'm having Bryn design
a new poster for the museum.

- OK. So, remember
how less than two hours ago,

Dad put me in charge
because he knew you'd freak out

and overdo it?
- I'm gonna change things

up here. I got a bunch
of ideas. I mean, obviously,

that poster was a misstep, but--
- Wow. OK

- Why would you waste
your time worrying about this?

Let's go outside, have a fun!

Go on a brother adventure, eh?
- What the hell

is a "brother adventure"?
- It's brothers on an adventure!

We go out there, we meet
some people, have some fun.

Not sit around here,

dwelling on how to fix up
this museum,

'cause Dad's just gonna run it
how he wants anyway.

- Dad runs the museum in a way
that nobody wants to come in.

- Oh...
- Oh!

- Sorry. Are you open?
- Yes we are!

Welcome to the Museum
of the Strange

and Fantastic. Please,
have a look around.

I can offer you a small tour
if you'd like.

Here we have some dinosaur eggs,
more or less;

here we have a little skull.

Here's a conch shell. You know
how people mispronounce that,

but it's "conk".
Hm, I think that's a spine.

Oh, there's the scariest thing
I've ever seen in my life

if you're in the market
for true nightmare.

- Mom, it bit me!
- Oh!

Sh--! OK, well, I see
your daughter has met

our famous caged squirrel--
- We're leaving.

- Well, thank you so much
for coming! Sorry about that!

- Have a strange
and fantastic day.

- "Have a strange and fantastic
day." Nice one, Bryn!

Well, well, well, well, well,
Andy. I think you'll find

that those were,
technically, customers.

- OK! I am gonna go
make some changes around here.

- What are you talking about?
Where are you going? Andy!

I'm in charge here!
Don't... Alright, I gotta go
after him. Bryn,

watch the place while I'm gone.
- Roger that.

- But don't kiss and hug
the squirrel while I'm out, OK?

- Hm-mmm.
- OK.

You know what? It's your life,
live your life. I don't care.

Andy!

Andy, what are we doing here,
man? What is this place?

- It's the Cavendish flea
market. It's where I was gonna

sell Dad's stuff when he died.
- Jesus...

- I bet we can find
some pretty cool things in here.

- No, let's not do this.
Let's go have fun. Come on!

- But this is fun!
This is like the brother
thing you were talking about.

- A brother adventure?
- Yes! A brother adventure.

- How is this
a brother adventure?
- Come on! Me coming up

with a new exhibit;
you help me out. Both of us
scheming behind dad's back...?

- I do like to scheme...
- You like to scheme!

- OK. What are we looking for?
- Alright!

- What's, like... What are we...
What's the thing?

- Basically, I'm looking
for something that's
family friendly.

...need help for myself and...

- Oh, my God. That's Molly.
- Where? Oh, hey, Molly!

- Don't talk-- don't wave!
- Mark and Andy!

- Don't talk to--
- Come on!

Hey! How's it going? Mark, Andy.

Not sure if you remember us.
Andy had a crush on you

in third grade. And then
I think the last time we saw

each other was when Andy--
- Stabbed my son.

- That's it! That was it. Hm.
- Yeah...

Hey, Jacob! How are you
holdin' up, little buddy?

- Hmm! Holy sh--! Wow.

OK. Picture's worth
a thousand words there, huh?

Yeah. It's... Hm.

- So, what are you selling here?
- It's an organic health
smoothie made

from the products in my garden.
- Oh, sweet, sweet.

- We're hoping to get it
on grocery store shelves soon.

- Do you mind if I try a sample?
- That's why they're there.

- Hm, alright. Here we go!

That's actually really good.

- Is that good?
- Mmm. Yeah! What's in it?

- It's an organic
health smoothie made
from the products in my garden.

- You already said that.
Yeah. She said... I should...

- I don't think there's
any need to be more specific.

- Well, I think we would love
to take a bunch of these.

Um, how many would say,

"I am so, so sorry
for stabbing your son"?

- Well, now we know how much
it costs to stab a little boy.

- Can we just find
an exhibit please...

- Wait, wait, wait, wait. What
about these? These look good.

- They look like they're
in pretty rough shape...

- No way! Look.
This one looks amazing.

- Oh, my God! Oh!
- Can I help you?

- She's a lady! She's-she's not
wax, she's a lady.

- Thank you! Are we looking
for anything specific?

Uh, no. I don't think so.

Just sort of browsing.
Did you make all these yourself?

- No, my husband.
He collected them, one a year

until his death. Would you care
to hear how he died?

- I think I've found something.

Fred Penner!

- Oh, yeah! Look at that,
it's Fred Penner.

I never knew what that was.

Who did you say that is?
- Oh, it's Fred Penner.

He had a kids' show on CBC.

Sang The Cat Came Back.
You know that one?

Recently was awarded
the Order of Canada.

Wait, why do I know so much
about Fred Penner?

- Maybe because he inspired an
entire generation of Canadians?

Honestly, he was more
of a father to me than Dad was.

He taught wholesome
life lessons; he was fun...

and he was
a pretty snappy dresser.

You know what?

We'll take it.

♪ Proud of the things
that you do ♪

♪ Proud of your dreams ♪

♪ And feelings inside
And never... ♪♪

- Andy, what the hell
is this, man?

- Morning, Mark!
What do you think?

- I think Dad
is gonna be furious

'cause this is
a whole different place.

- Exactly. It's the place where
families can have fun and learn.

And it centres around
a great Canadian icon.

- He means Fred Penner.
The statue.

- Yeah, I sorta pieced that
together on my own,

but thank you, Bryn.
Andy, where is Dad's stuff?

Where's the sarcophagus?
Where's the squirrel?!

- The stuff is in storage.
And as for the squirrel... Bryn?

- The squirrel is safe.
- The squirrel is safe.

It's incredible,
right? Oh, yeah!

Bryn even made some new flyers.
Show him the flyers, Bryn.

- "Come get a Fred-ucation"?
Alright.

Did you do somehow pull
all of this off in one night?

- It's like something
was calling to me, saying,

"You've gotta finish this.
Finish this exhibit".

Right? Oh, and the Fred tribute,
that's just the beginning.

I'm gonna redo this entire
floor. Yeah. Interactive
exhibits, family fun.

Welcome to the fun zone, Mark!
- "The fun zone"?

- That's what I'm gonna
call it. Hey, did you know that

Velcro was invented in Canada?
- I didn't know that.

- Fred-ucational.
- Doesn't apply here, Bryn.
- I'm also gonna get rid

of that stupid UFO
and put it in a ball pit.

- OK, well, kids
like UFOs, Andy,

if that's what you are after.
And you can't just fill

a dirt hole with balls
and call it a ball pit.

- Sure, you can. Get your balls,
get your pit. That's a ball pit.

- That's not--
- Fred-u-tainmment.

- Holy hell, Bryn,
if it's not a Fred-related
thing, you can't use a Fred pun.

Now, I know I'm mad
at Andy and I'm sorta

taking it out on you,
but I got... I gotta know that

that's clear.
- Don't listen to him, Bryn.

You gotta listen to the wise
words of Fred Penner:

"You've got to be proud
of the people around you.
Proud of the things that you do

"Proud of your dreams
and feelings inside

"And never afraid to let them
shine through. No-o.

Never afraid
to make them come true."

- Sure. I understand that

this exhibit and Fred Penner
mean a lot to you--

- Exactly. Great! Just put these
on, we're gonne hand out flyers.

- What? No, man! I don't car--
I don't even have my shoes!

- We'll get some shoes
on the way. Let's go!

- Stop pushing me, man!
- Have Fred out there.

- Come to the Museum
of the Strange and Fantastic

and see our new exhibit,
starring Fred Penner himself!

Just kidding, he's a statue.
Can you imagine if I had

the actual Fred Penner
in the museum? You'd be like,

"Let him go!" And I'd be like,
"No, he's mine!"

- Hey, come on down
to The Museum of the Strange
and Fantastic.

We got a Fred Penner exhibit.
It's Fred-ucational.

- Is this guy bothering you?
Ha-ah! Just kidding.

Come to the museum!
Don't make me follow you home!

I will follow you home.
- Not gonna follow you home.

- I'll follow you
home if you don't come!
And drag you to the museum.

- He's certainly not going to do
that. That's actually illegal,

to say stuff like that,
man. Take it easy.

- It's the A to Ms
of business, Mark.

- The "A to Ms" of business?

- Yes!
- What the hell is that?

"Always Be Calling
Dem Everyones

For Going I Just Know
that's Museum."

- That was impressive.
That was weirdly impressive.

- Yeah, I am locked in, man.
I feel like a whole new person.

Right? I feel... I feel like I
have a purpose, and that purpose

is to make this
exhibit great.

So, let's head down
to the pier. I bet there's

lot of great foot traffic.
- No, no. No, no, no. Alright?

We've been doing this
for too long and we're both

a little bit tired, so let's...
let's take a break. OK, buddy?

- You'll take a break when I say
you can take a break.

- I don't know what the hell
is going on with you today,

but you are acting insane.

- It's called
decisiveness, Mark.

All great captains have it.
- "Captains"?

- Yes. I wasn't sure what
I was gonna do last night,

but then I stared

into that statue's eyes
and, 5 hours later, I had it.

- I'm sorry, you stared at that
statue for 5 hours last night?

- Yeah.
- F-five hours?!

- Five or six, yeah, sure.
- Five or six hours...

No, no. We're taking
a break. Gimme these.

- You know what? Fine.
Take a break, Mark.

I can do this brother
adventure on my own.

And like Fred Penner says:

"I'll do it my way".

- It's a Frank Sinatra song.
- Fred did a cover!

- ♪♪ He don't love you
like I do ♪♪

- What can I get you, hon?

- Uh, just a beer, please.
- Sure.

Thank you. ♪♪♪

OK. Thank you!

Hey, I recognize you, right?
You were at the...

in the posse that helped us
hunt for the beast?

You had the pitchfork,
didn't you?

- Right.
- Oh, you've still got it. Yes.

I got it on spec
from my cousin in Nova Scotia,

traded me for six alternators.

Pretty fine deal
when you break it down.

- OK. Cool.

- Where's your brother at, man?
- My brother? Oh.

He's probably still
handing out flyers

for a stupid museum exhibit.
He's just obsessed

with proving himself to my Dad.
You know what I mean?

- Mm-hmm.
- Just once, I wish I had

a brother who knew how to kick
back and have fun for a change.

- Oh.
- I always... a brother.

We could kick it around, give
'er a test run, give it a shot.

- Sir, are you offering
to be my brother?

Is that what you are offering?
- You got something in your
ears there, bud?

- No. OK! That's... Yeah,
I heard you clearly, I guess.

Somehow. Uh...

Hell yeah! I mean...

It's a strange offer,
but I'll take it.

- Alright.
- Let's be brothers for a day!

- Sounds alright, man.

- Yeah. What do you want our
first brother adventure to be?

- Do a little cab hash. We'll go
down to the mall, the pet shop.

Free 'em up.
Jumanji in the food court.

- OK. Well, let's
start with beer

and then sorta see where it goes
from there. One more beer

- for my brother, please!
- Drink on this.

He says to me, "No, I never!
I wouldn't have it!"

They got the names
of the Renaissance painters!

"So don't put it up! I'll play
the pig, you play the mother."

They're ninjas. To cap it
all out, turtles.

- He'll come for it.
- Oh, I see four of these

little... little guys coming.
I'm like, alright there,

'cause I didn't even
know his name. Next thing
you know, my pants are gone!

Little buddy's scurrying
around. I set a little
trap, a little FBI trap.

And then in the morning,
five, six, seven guys come,

frees him up, scurry him
down the street. I said,

"Come back, you're wearing
my pants! The only pants

I got left!"
- Yeah, that'll... Alright.

- That's why I won't vote
for him. Never again.

- Amen to most of that. Can we
get maybe another couple
of beers here?

You good? Ready for more?
- Oh, yeah.

- Another couple of those? Ah...

Oh, check that out.
It's Andy's stupid flyer.

What do I got left here?

- Buddy, what you got here is
a fine picture of The Cruel.

- You're talking
about Fred Penner?

- That's not
Fred Penner.

That's Christopher The Cruel,
the most feared pirate in
all of Cavendish history.

Legend has it, when he was
being hanged for his crimes

he vowed to return
and exact revenge

on all future generations.

Where did you get this image?

- Uh, well, it's a photo
of a statue that my brother's

been staring at for hours at a
time while he slowly goes mad.

Do we think that's an issue?

Yes, we do.
That's the "yes, we do" look

from both of you.
Alright. Alright...

OK, there it is. Thanks again
for doing this, Felix.

- Oh, I like a brother adventure
as much as the next fellow

when you get down to it.
- Hell yeah, buddy.

You grab that side,
I'll grab this side.

He's too damn heavy!

- It's heavy as hell.
- What are you doing, Mark?

- Oh, my gosh! Oh! Andy.

What are you doing?
- Oh, just some light swabbing.

- You mean mopping?

- Yeah...

- Well, we were just gonna go
clean this thing out back,

Felix has some good
cleaning agents, so...

if you don't mind, we're just--
- I can't let you do that, Mark.

- Geez! Andy, listen, man.
This isn't Fred Penner.

It's some evil pirate
from the past

whose name I can't remember--
- The Cruel.

- The Cruel! It's The Cruel. And
he's... Well, take a look, OK?

Down here. That's
a normal leg. Peg leg!

Peg leg, Andy!
I'm pretty sure Fred Penner

didn't have a peg leg. Not
a 100% sure, but pretty sure.

- Let it go!
- OK. OK, buddy.

Listen, I'm just trying
to help you, alright?

I'm not saying you're possessed
by this statue,

but you are demonstrating a lot
of possessed-like qualities.

So why don't we just play it
safe and do the exhibit

without the statue?
- You don't want me to succeed.

You want me to live
below the decks.

But I have news for you...

I was born for so much

more...

- Don't do that, please.

Listen, Andy. I...

want you to have
everything you want.

But the way you're saying
what you're saying

sound so possessed!

Anyway, I'm getting rid
of this thing. OK!

- No, no, no, no, no!
- Let go of it, buddy. Let go!

- No, he's staying here!
He stays! No, no, no! He stays!

- Let go. Let go. Let go, Andy.
Felix, help me out!

Felix?

He's dead.

One sec, let me see...

I'm not actually sure...

How do you...
Where's the pulse, exactly?

- Not until we open the exhibit.
When it's successful,

and Dad sees I'm right,
then we go to the police.

- Are you kidding me?
Listen to yourself, Andy.

No matter how successful
your exhibit is,

Dad will never admit
you're right!

Oh, but he'll have
to, Mark! It will be undeniable.

Then I will be running
the museum, and you will
be the one digging the graves.

- Nobody should be digging
graves at a museum!

- Hey, guys? Have you seen
the rice cooker?

- Uh... no?
- OK.

I really need to make rice.
- Why?

- I like the way
the squirrel eats it.

- OK, don't feed
that squirrel rice, Bryn.

- I'm gonna feed the squirrel.

- Do you think
she saw the body?

- I don't know. If she did,
I don't think she cared...?

We gotta hide it.

We gotta... Where's the body?!

- What?
- Where's the body, Mark?!

Felix! You're alive!

What are you doing, man? I'm--

Felix!

Come back here!
- Run, Felix! He'll kill you!

- I JUST WANT
TO TALK TO YOU, FELIX!

- ♪♪ Now, old Mr. Johnson had
troubles of his own ♪

♪ He had a yellow cat ♪

♪ Who wouldn't leave his home ♪

♪ He tried and he tried
to give the cat away ♪

♪ He gave it to a man going far,
far away ♪

- Get back here! Oh!
Going through the log, eh?

- ♪ The cat came back
they thought he was a goner ♪♪

- Stay down. Goodnight,
ye scurvy dog!

- Andy, wait! No! Don't do this!

Just drop the shovel man!
This isn't you! This is...

God damn it, what's
that pirate's name?

- The Cruel.
- The Cruel! It's
Christopher the Cruel!

It's not you. You've always been
delusional but not like this!

- Felix is an anchor,
weighing me down!

I've got to unmoor him
from my ship.

- Wait, Andy! What...

What would Fred Penner say?

- Oh, hi, Andy.

- Hi, Fred.

- Thanks for listening
and watching all these years.

You know, there's always been

a common message I've tried
to share with you:

Take good care of each other.

- So I shouldn't murder this guy
with my shovel?

- What? No.

- OK. Hey, Fred?

Did that cat ever come back?

- The very next day.

Bye, Fred.

- Bye.

- Oh, Mark. I'm sorry,
you're right. Fred Penner

would never do this.
I guess I let my obsession

with impressing Dad
cloud my judg--

Oh, what the hell, Felix?!

He was having a change of heart!

Oh!

There he is. My sunshine boy.
How you feeling?

- My head hurts.
- There's actually

two reasons for that.
One is a stone to the noggin,

courtesy of Felix over there.
And number two is, well,

a lot of poison there, fellas.
- Poison?

- We ran some tests
and discovered that you consumed

lethal levels of, well,
organic amphetamines.

Or, as we like to call it,
nature's meth.

- Molly's smoothies.
- How many of those
did you drink, man?

- I don't know. Half?
- Half what? Half a crate?

- Or two thirds? I mean,
they were really good.

- They are really good.
Oh, actually, you know what,

I should probably get out
of here. There's a game

on my phone I wanna
finish playing. Good chat, guys.

- OK. You know,
I'm still not 100% convinced

it was just those health shakes,

unless "nature's meth" makes you
talk like a pirate.

- Pirate?
- Oh, nothing.

I'll explain later. Come on,
let's get home. I wanna get rid

of that statue.
See you later, Felix!

- If you were my actual brother,
I'd go back in time, find father

and lance his balls clean off.
- Are we allowed to leave this?

- Yeah, yeah. You got your
slippers. We'll get your clothes

on the way out. Bye, buddy.

That'll be my rice.

- ♪♪ You can make your life
a misery if you try ♪

♪ You can take a smile
and change it to a sigh ♪

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