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1
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- Some would say
when it comes to the potato,
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00:00:03,704 --> 00:00:06,705
beauty is in the eye
of the beholder.
3
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Oh, that's good.
4
00:00:08,842 --> 00:00:10,509
I'm gonna write that down.
- Hey, man! Hey, hey,
5
00:00:10,577 --> 00:00:12,944
hey, hey, hey! Check this out.
What the hell do you think
6
00:00:13,013 --> 00:00:15,247
that's supposed to be?
- I don't know. Read
the description.
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00:00:15,315 --> 00:00:17,649
- I did. It just says
"rare ancient bird".
8
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Have you seen this over here?
Look at this!
9
00:00:20,788 --> 00:00:23,955
Mark, can you
10
00:00:24,024 --> 00:00:25,924
please stop talking?
I'm trying to write down ideas
11
00:00:25,993 --> 00:00:28,627
for this article
that I'm pitching.
- Oh no, man! Don't do that.
12
00:00:28,695 --> 00:00:30,596
No, that's so boring.
Let's go have fun!
13
00:00:30,664 --> 00:00:32,631
- It's not boring! It's about
the cultural significance
14
00:00:32,699 --> 00:00:35,000
of the PEI potato.
- That's not boring?
15
00:00:35,002 --> 00:00:38,437
- Which title do you like
better? You Say Potato,I Say Identity?
16
00:00:38,505 --> 00:00:40,138
- Oh...
- Or... or...
17
00:00:40,141 --> 00:00:42,608
One Potato, Two Potatoes,Three Potatoes... Us?
18
00:00:42,676 --> 00:00:44,810
- Neither of those.
19
00:00:44,878 --> 00:00:47,212
Those are both terrible,
terrible titles!
20
00:00:47,281 --> 00:00:49,481
Bad titles!
- OK... uh...
21
00:00:49,549 --> 00:00:53,085
Bryn, which one do you like?
- My middle name is potato.
22
00:00:53,153 --> 00:00:56,088
- What?
- What? What did you say?
23
00:00:56,156 --> 00:00:58,657
- My middle name is potato.
24
00:00:58,725 --> 00:01:01,359
- No, it's not.
- It's definitely not potato.
25
00:01:01,428 --> 00:01:04,129
- Gotcha.
26
00:01:04,197 --> 00:01:06,298
- No, you didn't.
- You... You didn't get us.
27
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We said it's not.
- My middle name is actually...
28
00:01:08,368 --> 00:01:11,136
Big Tony.
- Is this the first time
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you've ever tried a prank?
- Gotcha.
30
00:01:14,007 --> 00:01:17,609
- You didn't get us, Bryn!
- That's what I thought she...
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00:01:17,677 --> 00:01:19,445
Yeah. We're not gotten.
- You gotta work on pranks.
32
00:01:19,513 --> 00:01:22,448
- OK.
- OK. Come on,
let's go have fun, man!
33
00:01:22,516 --> 00:01:24,516
It's such a nice day!
- Mark, I can't go.
34
00:01:24,518 --> 00:01:27,919
I have to work. Alright? Some
of us have to earn a living.
- I earn a living, Andy.
35
00:01:27,922 --> 00:01:29,955
- How do you earn a living?
- I pick up odd jobs
36
00:01:30,023 --> 00:01:32,124
here and there. For instance,
I recently drew a cover
37
00:01:32,192 --> 00:01:34,159
for my buddy Dave's
young adult fantasy novel.
38
00:01:34,227 --> 00:01:36,161
You know, like, that genre,
like Twilight,
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00:01:36,229 --> 00:01:38,130
how it's about teen werewolves
and teen vampires
40
00:01:38,198 --> 00:01:41,133
kinda rubbing
and porking, and f---
and sucking on each other?
41
00:01:41,135 --> 00:01:42,935
- I don't think that's
what it's about.
42
00:01:43,003 --> 00:01:44,903
- That's what it's about.
Bryn, is that what it's about?
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- That's what it's about.
- That's what it's about.
44
00:01:46,907 --> 00:01:48,807
So, anyway, Dave's novel
is like that, except it's
45
00:01:48,809 --> 00:01:50,676
about teen swamp things.
It's called Swamp Academy.
46
00:01:50,744 --> 00:01:52,611
- Hmm. Yeah.
- And there's the cover I drew.
47
00:01:52,613 --> 00:01:55,481
- Oh, my God, Mark...
that is actual porn!
- I know!
48
00:01:55,549 --> 00:01:57,149
I kept waiting for them
to give me notes but they just
49
00:01:57,151 --> 00:01:59,151
signed off on the whole thing!
- Don't zoom in. Don't...
50
00:01:59,153 --> 00:02:00,919
Don't zoom! Oh, my God...
- Look at that guy in the back.
51
00:02:00,987 --> 00:02:02,921
That's... that's the neighbour.
- There's so many fluids! Wow!
52
00:02:02,989 --> 00:02:04,890
- Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Hey,
yeah, Bryn, you wanna see that?
53
00:02:04,958 --> 00:02:06,791
Oh, actually, I'm gonna...
54
00:02:06,860 --> 00:02:10,496
Alright. That's her phone now.
That's OK. That's her phone.
55
00:02:15,502 --> 00:02:18,136
- I-I just don't understand
why everything
56
00:02:18,205 --> 00:02:20,138
works out for you
and nothing works out for me.
57
00:02:20,207 --> 00:02:22,107
- You want to know why that is?
It's because I open myself up
58
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to the universe and I say "yes".
We are taught to say "no".
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00:02:25,179 --> 00:02:28,113
I'm serious. Don't do drugs.
Don't talk to strangers.
60
00:02:28,182 --> 00:02:30,815
Stranger Danger. You know
what I call Stranger Danger?
61
00:02:30,884 --> 00:02:33,818
Stranger Opportunity.
- Those Stranger Danger videos
62
00:02:33,887 --> 00:02:35,820
are meant to keep kids
from getting kidnapped.
63
00:02:35,889 --> 00:02:37,789
- Yeah, well, I say
let yourself be kidnapped!
64
00:02:37,858 --> 00:02:39,824
See the world! Hey!
Here's something we can do.
65
00:02:39,893 --> 00:02:41,826
You wanna go swim
with the lobsters?
66
00:02:41,895 --> 00:02:43,795
- I don't think that's
what lobster tours means.
67
00:02:43,864 --> 00:02:45,830
- But who knows what it means?
That's a mystery.
68
00:02:45,899 --> 00:02:47,832
- Mark, no. I just want
to go to the hospital,
69
00:02:47,901 --> 00:02:49,801
give Dad his clothes
and finish my article.
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00:02:49,870 --> 00:02:51,836
Ouh! I've got a great idea.
I'm writing it
71
00:02:51,905 --> 00:02:53,838
from the perspective
of the potato. So it's...
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00:02:53,907 --> 00:02:55,774
- No. No!
- You... you said to say yes!
73
00:02:55,842 --> 00:02:59,077
- Not to your own crappy ideas,
Andy. To the universe!
74
00:02:59,146 --> 00:03:01,112
To swimming with the lobsters
75
00:03:01,181 --> 00:03:03,615
or zip-lining or...
Two Anne of Green Gables
76
00:03:03,684 --> 00:03:06,084
walking right at us.
- Oh, my God.
77
00:03:06,086 --> 00:03:08,486
- Is this... Can we escape
from this or are we kinda
78
00:03:08,489 --> 00:03:10,088
locked in?
- Yeah, we're locked in.
79
00:03:10,156 --> 00:03:12,557
- Hello, gentlemen.
- Hi.
80
00:03:12,626 --> 00:03:15,293
- You're new here.
- I'm sorry?
81
00:03:15,296 --> 00:03:17,129
- I'm Beverley Clinch,
the artistic director
82
00:03:17,197 --> 00:03:19,431
of the Cavendish
Theatre Company.
83
00:03:19,499 --> 00:03:22,167
And these...
These are my Annes.
84
00:03:22,236 --> 00:03:24,102
- Your Annes, yes.
Your Annes.
85
00:03:24,171 --> 00:03:26,471
- Well... Two of them, at least.
86
00:03:26,539 --> 00:03:29,841
This titan of the stage
played Anne from 1965 to 1980.
87
00:03:29,909 --> 00:03:33,778
And... Linda over here
is our current Anne.
88
00:03:33,781 --> 00:03:35,948
- You direct the local
Anne Of Green Gables play?
89
00:03:36,016 --> 00:03:38,650
- Indeed. My Annes and I
have been watching you
90
00:03:38,718 --> 00:03:41,519
ever since you arrived
in town. In fact...
91
00:03:41,588 --> 00:03:44,623
Many of us
are watching you still.
92
00:03:50,530 --> 00:03:53,498
- Oh, my goodness!
- Woah, woah, woah!
93
00:03:53,566 --> 00:03:56,334
- Oh! Yeah. Alright.
94
00:03:56,403 --> 00:03:58,937
- Simply put,
Cavendish is the home
95
00:03:59,005 --> 00:04:01,172
of Anne Of Green Gables
and it is...
96
00:04:01,241 --> 00:04:04,943
my job every year to put on
a theatrical experience
97
00:04:05,011 --> 00:04:08,813
that honours that heritage.
And I am currently casting
98
00:04:08,816 --> 00:04:11,283
peripheral roles
for the play.
99
00:04:11,351 --> 00:04:13,518
You, sir...
100
00:04:13,520 --> 00:04:16,688
are Gilbert Blythe.
101
00:04:16,756 --> 00:04:18,823
- Me?
102
00:04:18,826 --> 00:04:21,359
Gilbert... Blythe?
103
00:04:21,362 --> 00:04:24,429
- Anne's love interest!
You've got that handsome face,
104
00:04:24,431 --> 00:04:27,632
that lean build,
that popularity with women
105
00:04:27,701 --> 00:04:29,701
that... I mean,
I assume you have.
106
00:04:29,770 --> 00:04:31,903
- More or less, yeah!
- Yes.
107
00:04:31,972 --> 00:04:35,140
And you... You are...
108
00:04:35,208 --> 00:04:38,043
Creepy Ted.
109
00:04:38,111 --> 00:04:41,046
- I'm sorry,
Creepy Ted?
110
00:04:41,114 --> 00:04:43,115
- He's a lesser-known character
in the books,
111
00:04:43,183 --> 00:04:46,484
a terrible old man
whose only job is to make sure
112
00:04:46,553 --> 00:04:48,586
that horses are excited,
you know, before breeding.
113
00:04:48,589 --> 00:04:50,489
He's a total creep,
114
00:04:50,557 --> 00:04:52,857
but he does have
the opportunity to change
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00:04:52,926 --> 00:04:55,427
at the end of the play.
He, of course, you know,
116
00:04:55,495 --> 00:04:57,429
rejects that opportunity,
somehow becoming more creepy
117
00:04:57,497 --> 00:05:00,098
than he was to begin with
and ultimately dying
118
00:05:00,166 --> 00:05:04,069
at the noble hands
of Gilbert Blythe while
an aroused Clydesdale looks on.
119
00:05:04,137 --> 00:05:06,738
- We will take it.
We're in! Say no more.
120
00:05:06,807 --> 00:05:08,874
- No! What? No, no, no!
- Sounds like a wonderful play.
121
00:05:08,942 --> 00:05:10,909
I can't wait for the climax.
- Hold on. Yeah, hold on.
122
00:05:10,977 --> 00:05:12,878
Yeah, hold on. We're not...
we're not going to take it.
123
00:05:12,946 --> 00:05:14,412
Um, for one thing, I have
a writer's deadline.
124
00:05:14,415 --> 00:05:16,614
Self-imposed, but still...
- Self-imposed.
125
00:05:16,683 --> 00:05:19,784
- Yeah. And secondly,
you haven't seen us act.
126
00:05:19,853 --> 00:05:22,287
- Ha! Ha! Acting, um...
127
00:05:22,289 --> 00:05:25,423
Acting comes from in here.
- Oh, wow. That's...
128
00:05:25,426 --> 00:05:28,126
I... Yeah, I feel it.
I feel it. Oh, yeah, you were...
129
00:05:28,194 --> 00:05:30,362
That really hurt.
- Well, I've seen
130
00:05:30,430 --> 00:05:32,497
all I need to see
from you two.
131
00:05:32,499 --> 00:05:34,966
The smug, handsome affability
of a young Gilbert
132
00:05:35,035 --> 00:05:38,303
and the... creepiness
of Creepy Ted.
133
00:05:40,340 --> 00:05:42,974
Think on my offer,
gentlemen. Rehearsals...
134
00:05:43,042 --> 00:05:45,210
begin tomorrow. OK.
135
00:05:45,278 --> 00:05:47,846
Annes...
136
00:05:53,053 --> 00:05:56,321
No!
137
00:05:56,389 --> 00:05:59,124
No.
- Why not, man? This is exactly
138
00:05:59,126 --> 00:06:00,992
what I meant about saying
"yes" to the universe!
139
00:06:01,060 --> 00:06:03,728
- Yeah, it's easy to say "yes"
to the universe when it
gives you a juicy role
140
00:06:03,797 --> 00:06:05,931
like Gilbert Blythe.
Which is insane, by the way!
141
00:06:05,999 --> 00:06:07,966
You are nothing like Gilbert.
- How could you say that to me?
142
00:06:08,034 --> 00:06:10,802
- You don't even know
what I'm talking about!
You haven't read the books!
143
00:06:10,870 --> 00:06:12,737
- I don't need to read the
books. Gilbert never read books.
144
00:06:12,806 --> 00:06:14,739
- You don't know that.
You didn't read the books!
145
00:06:14,808 --> 00:06:16,574
- That's a good point.
Hey, do you think dad wanted
146
00:06:16,643 --> 00:06:18,543
clean underwear as well?
- I don't know.
147
00:06:18,612 --> 00:06:21,746
- Rollie? Wake up!
- OK. I'm gonna hit him
148
00:06:21,815 --> 00:06:24,115
with the paddles.
Give me some space here!
- Oh! Oh no...
149
00:06:24,184 --> 00:06:26,151
- Alright. Clear!
- What's going on?
150
00:06:26,219 --> 00:06:29,921
OK. Your father had
another cardiac event...
151
00:06:29,989 --> 00:06:32,056
- Come on, Rollie!
Oh, my gosh! Rollie!
152
00:06:32,125 --> 00:06:34,826
Is he OK?
153
00:06:34,894 --> 00:06:36,962
- Um... I'm sorry, everybody...
154
00:06:37,030 --> 00:06:40,165
- He's gone.
- No!
155
00:06:40,233 --> 00:06:42,500
What?
156
00:06:42,503 --> 00:06:44,502
He was fine this morning!
157
00:06:44,505 --> 00:06:48,907
- Yes, well, medical situations
can change very quickly.
158
00:06:52,145 --> 00:06:54,679
- My God! That was a prank?
159
00:06:54,747 --> 00:06:58,516
- What?
- That was incredible!
160
00:06:58,519 --> 00:07:00,986
- What?!
- Oh, God! Oh, wow!
161
00:07:01,054 --> 00:07:03,155
- Your faces! Your faces!
162
00:07:03,223 --> 00:07:05,590
- Bryn should take notes
on how to do pranks
163
00:07:05,659 --> 00:07:07,725
from you guys.
That was top notch!
164
00:07:07,794 --> 00:07:09,794
- How was my acting?
I really thought
165
00:07:09,863 --> 00:07:12,130
I was gonna give it away,
but I... That was so much fun!
166
00:07:12,132 --> 00:07:14,399
- That was incredible.
- You were a triumph, Ruth.
167
00:07:14,467 --> 00:07:16,634
Oh, my goodness. We could talk
about your acting all day,
168
00:07:16,703 --> 00:07:19,070
but actually, somebody actually
really need this, so...
169
00:07:19,138 --> 00:07:21,506
- Oh boy... See you, Dr Green!
- Cheers, doc!
170
00:07:21,574 --> 00:07:24,476
You know, this hospital
is refreshingly chill.
- Yeah!
171
00:07:24,544 --> 00:07:26,544
- So, how are you two boys
settling in?
172
00:07:26,613 --> 00:07:28,813
- Oh, great! Andy and I
just got offered roles
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00:07:28,816 --> 00:07:30,815
in the upcoming
Anne of Green Gables play.
174
00:07:30,884 --> 00:07:32,817
- Oh!
- That's wonderful!
175
00:07:32,820 --> 00:07:34,953
Let me guess...
176
00:07:34,955 --> 00:07:37,489
Gilbert?
- Yes! That's right.
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00:07:37,557 --> 00:07:40,258
- Of course! Well,
with your handsome face
178
00:07:40,326 --> 00:07:42,961
and your lean build and
your popularity with the women,
179
00:07:43,029 --> 00:07:45,630
which I assume you have.
- More or less!
180
00:07:45,699 --> 00:07:49,000
- And you... are... Creepy Ted!
181
00:07:49,068 --> 00:07:51,069
- How on Earth
did you know that?
182
00:07:51,137 --> 00:07:54,539
- Oh, that's great!
That's a terrific role.
Who's playing the horse?
183
00:07:54,607 --> 00:07:56,174
- I don't know
and I'm not doing it.
184
00:07:56,176 --> 00:07:58,443
- Why not?
- Because I don't want
185
00:07:58,445 --> 00:08:00,445
to be a creep in the background
while this guy does
186
00:08:00,447 --> 00:08:02,447
a character he knows
nothing about!
187
00:08:02,515 --> 00:08:04,983
Look out,
Anne! Here come the gables!
188
00:08:05,051 --> 00:08:07,418
- Wonderful!
- That's quite a good accent.
189
00:08:07,487 --> 00:08:10,589
- Gilbert isn't British.
- What does that have to do
190
00:08:10,657 --> 00:08:13,958
with anything?
You are going to be in a play
191
00:08:14,027 --> 00:08:17,595
without even auditioning for it.
That's fate!
192
00:08:17,598 --> 00:08:20,265
That's the... that's the
universe giving you a gift.
193
00:08:20,267 --> 00:08:22,267
- That is exactly
what I said, Ruth.
194
00:08:22,335 --> 00:08:24,435
- Yeah. The universe doesn't
give gifts. OK? So...
195
00:08:24,504 --> 00:08:26,638
- Woah! The universe
doesn't give gifts?
196
00:08:26,706 --> 00:08:30,275
Andy, it is the universe!
Hello?
197
00:08:30,343 --> 00:08:32,644
- Hello!
- You know, if nothing else,
198
00:08:32,712 --> 00:08:34,746
the experience might make
a neat article.
199
00:08:34,814 --> 00:08:37,616
- That is a good point.
Andy, that's a good point.
200
00:08:37,684 --> 00:08:40,485
- Yeah, it is a good point.
201
00:08:40,487 --> 00:08:42,621
- That's the spirit!
- He's coming around!
202
00:08:42,689 --> 00:08:44,656
Alright!
- Great to hear! And you know,
203
00:08:44,724 --> 00:08:46,991
after my little performance,
I sort of think
204
00:08:47,060 --> 00:08:49,994
that I could be an actor!
Could you see me in movies?
205
00:08:50,063 --> 00:08:52,363
- Uh...
- Oh, uh...
206
00:08:52,366 --> 00:08:54,966
"You're out of order!
You're out of order!
207
00:08:55,035 --> 00:08:57,335
This whole courtroom's
out of order!"
208
00:08:57,403 --> 00:09:00,605
- Yeah!
- Not bad.
- She's a natural. A natural.
209
00:09:00,673 --> 00:09:04,742
- Um... "I'm Bond. James Bond.
Nice to meet ya."
210
00:09:04,811 --> 00:09:07,112
- That's nice.
- That's pretty good.
211
00:09:07,180 --> 00:09:09,347
- "Did you f--- my wife?
212
00:09:09,415 --> 00:09:11,983
Did you f--- my wife?
Tell me if you did!"
213
00:09:12,052 --> 00:09:14,452
- Raging Bull. I like it.
- Yeah! "I'm gonna beat the s---
214
00:09:14,520 --> 00:09:17,055
out of you!"
- That's enough, Ruth.
- OK. Yeah.
215
00:09:17,123 --> 00:09:19,391
- Oh, if that's enough...
OK, Rollie.
216
00:09:23,196 --> 00:09:25,330
- Where the hell are we?
- I know, right?
217
00:09:25,398 --> 00:09:27,465
Yeah, I think this is gonna be
a lot of fun, man.
218
00:09:27,467 --> 00:09:30,401
We're gonna have a good time.
- Yeah, well, if this gets
weird at any moment,
219
00:09:30,404 --> 00:09:32,904
we are out of here, alright?
- Of course, yeah. Say no more.
220
00:09:40,747 --> 00:09:43,648
Well, looks OK to me. Hi, guys!
221
00:09:43,716 --> 00:09:45,684
A lot of you, uh?
222
00:09:51,924 --> 00:09:53,925
That's very exciting.
- Oh, yeah.
223
00:09:53,994 --> 00:09:56,861
Are you the new Anne?
- Oh! Ha! Ha! Goodness, no.
224
00:09:56,929 --> 00:09:59,197
It's been almost 10 years
since I last played her.
225
00:09:59,265 --> 00:10:01,532
- Oh. Well, you haven't aged
a day. Or maybe you have,
226
00:10:01,601 --> 00:10:03,368
but you looked
like a little kid back then.
227
00:10:08,375 --> 00:10:10,541
You like that one, uh? Yeah.
228
00:10:10,610 --> 00:10:13,178
Pretty good one. Yeah.
- So, this is the house.
229
00:10:13,246 --> 00:10:16,014
And you two will be
rooming with Travis,
230
00:10:16,082 --> 00:10:19,150
who we've cast
as Matthew Cuthbert.
231
00:10:19,218 --> 00:10:22,320
- Ah yes, Matthew Cuthbert.
From the books.
232
00:10:22,389 --> 00:10:24,522
- I'm sorry,
is this an overnight thing?
233
00:10:24,590 --> 00:10:26,924
Because we didn't pack
any bags.
234
00:10:26,927 --> 00:10:30,829
- Don't worry.
All will be provided.
235
00:10:33,766 --> 00:10:35,900
- Sort of a haunting way
to say that.
236
00:10:35,968 --> 00:10:38,003
Yeah, it is.
237
00:10:38,071 --> 00:10:40,105
Mark...
238
00:10:47,447 --> 00:10:50,214
No service. That's great.
- Stop worrying, man!
239
00:10:50,283 --> 00:10:52,150
Sure, we're in the middle
of nowhere
240
00:10:52,218 --> 00:10:54,152
and all the ladies
are dressed the same
241
00:10:54,220 --> 00:10:56,154
like a very on the nose
horror movie, but...
242
00:10:56,156 --> 00:10:58,489
those ladies are pretty nice.
Did you meet Grace?
243
00:10:58,492 --> 00:11:00,591
- Which one's Grace?
- She was the Anne
244
00:11:00,660 --> 00:11:03,761
in her 40s
with the really focused stare.
245
00:11:03,830 --> 00:11:06,631
I never saw her blink.
You should find out
if she's single.
246
00:11:06,699 --> 00:11:08,633
- I'm not here to pick up, Mark!
I'm here because you
247
00:11:08,701 --> 00:11:11,169
convinced me this is some sort
of cosmic good idea or whatever.
248
00:11:11,171 --> 00:11:13,805
- But you could still pick up
while you're here. You know?
249
00:11:13,873 --> 00:11:16,908
I bet if you sleep
with one Anne, all the
other Annes know. A bit.
250
00:11:16,976 --> 00:11:19,343
I bet that's true.
I bet they're all a bit, like...
251
00:11:19,412 --> 00:11:21,379
Ouh! That was good.
- Look, Mark,
252
00:11:21,447 --> 00:11:23,448
you promised me
we could leave if it got weird.
253
00:11:23,450 --> 00:11:26,484
It's weird.
- It's not weird!
254
00:11:26,553 --> 00:11:29,020
Man, it's good!
You just need to get acclimated.
255
00:11:29,088 --> 00:11:31,222
Trust me, this is gonna be
a really fun time.
256
00:11:31,290 --> 00:11:34,926
Right, Travis?
- We're all gonna die here.
257
00:11:34,994 --> 00:11:36,961
- For f---'s sake! Thank you!
- Come on, Travis!
258
00:11:37,029 --> 00:11:38,930
- Thank you, Travis! Thank you!
- No, not "thank you"!
259
00:11:38,998 --> 00:11:41,699
No! Travis is an idiot.
I gave him too much credit.
260
00:11:41,768 --> 00:11:44,869
- Travis, why do you say that?
- I had a dream.
- Oh, jeez!
261
00:11:44,871 --> 00:11:46,537
- Let him finish!
- I had a dream
262
00:11:46,540 --> 00:11:49,874
where all these women
were torturing me.
263
00:11:49,942 --> 00:11:52,944
They wanted what only I,
as a man, could give them:
264
00:11:53,012 --> 00:11:55,079
my seed.
265
00:11:55,148 --> 00:11:58,283
I begged them to stop,
266
00:11:58,351 --> 00:12:00,285
but they wouldn't.
267
00:12:00,353 --> 00:12:02,553
And then, they took my member
in their hands--
268
00:12:02,622 --> 00:12:04,422
- Yeah, OK, enough. Enough!
- And then, they...
269
00:12:04,491 --> 00:12:06,424
they began to take...
- No. Travis, no more. Let's...
270
00:12:06,493 --> 00:12:08,459
let's clam that up, OK?
- Yeah, no, I think... I think
271
00:12:08,528 --> 00:12:10,962
I'm with Mark on that one. That
sounds more like a sex dream
272
00:12:11,030 --> 00:12:12,830
than a premonition, Travis.
- It was a little of both.
273
00:12:12,899 --> 00:12:15,299
- Cool.
- OK...
274
00:12:15,302 --> 00:12:17,602
not that I wanna hear
anything more from you, but...
275
00:12:17,670 --> 00:12:20,338
If you had that dream
and you're convinced it's real,
276
00:12:20,406 --> 00:12:22,406
why would you still come here?
277
00:12:22,475 --> 00:12:26,244
- I really want to be an actor.
278
00:12:26,246 --> 00:12:28,179
- Holy hell!
279
00:12:28,181 --> 00:12:30,181
That's the most pathetic thing
I've ever heard in my life.
280
00:12:30,250 --> 00:12:32,050
- Why isn't he Creepy Ted?
281
00:12:36,389 --> 00:12:38,756
Idea for an article.
"Isolation."
282
00:12:38,825 --> 00:12:42,026
"Boredom."
We are currently in an old...
283
00:12:42,094 --> 00:12:45,196
I want to say... Georgian house.
284
00:12:45,198 --> 00:12:47,198
It is the middle of nowhere.
285
00:12:47,266 --> 00:12:51,202
My feelings so far:
286
00:12:51,204 --> 00:12:53,137
nervousness...
287
00:12:53,140 --> 00:12:56,474
and a penetrating dread...
288
00:12:56,542 --> 00:12:58,610
plus some hunger
that was staved off
289
00:12:58,678 --> 00:13:00,712
because Mark thought
to bring peaches.
290
00:13:04,383 --> 00:13:07,318
My sisters and I want your seed.
291
00:13:09,489 --> 00:13:11,823
Oh, my God!
292
00:13:11,825 --> 00:13:13,825
Oh, Andy! Look!
293
00:13:13,893 --> 00:13:15,960
Look what's happening
to the crotch of his pants.
294
00:13:15,962 --> 00:13:17,995
- I know what you want me
to look at, Mark,
295
00:13:18,064 --> 00:13:20,398
and I am not looking.
296
00:13:20,466 --> 00:13:23,968
- Gentlemen, it's time.
297
00:13:24,037 --> 00:13:26,838
Oh no!
298
00:13:29,108 --> 00:13:32,510
Please, gentlemen,
come join us in the circle.
299
00:13:32,578 --> 00:13:34,512
Anne... Hello, Anne.
300
00:13:34,514 --> 00:13:37,448
- Hi. Hello, everyone.
301
00:13:37,516 --> 00:13:41,018
Nice to see you all again.
- Here in the presence
302
00:13:41,087 --> 00:13:44,956
of Vivian,
the oldest living Anne,
303
00:13:45,024 --> 00:13:48,860
and in the name
of Lucy Maud Montgomery,
304
00:13:48,928 --> 00:13:50,995
the "Creator",
305
00:13:51,064 --> 00:13:53,030
from whose pen sprung a world,
306
00:13:53,099 --> 00:13:55,934
we move into this new year
307
00:13:56,002 --> 00:13:59,804
with a ritual
that we do every year:
308
00:13:59,872 --> 00:14:04,642
the twisting of the tongues.
309
00:14:08,247 --> 00:14:12,150
- Unique New York.
- Unique New York.
310
00:14:12,218 --> 00:14:14,986
- P-E-I, pizza pie.
311
00:14:15,054 --> 00:14:17,088
P-E-I, pizza pie.
312
00:14:17,156 --> 00:14:19,824
- And Anne had a plan
313
00:14:19,826 --> 00:14:22,660
to flummox the man!
314
00:14:22,728 --> 00:14:24,996
Anne had a plan
315
00:14:25,064 --> 00:14:27,298
to flummox the man!
316
00:14:27,367 --> 00:14:31,402
Inhale, Anne!
317
00:14:31,470 --> 00:14:36,307
A-a-a-a-anne.
318
00:14:36,376 --> 00:14:40,645
A-a-a-a-a-anne.
319
00:14:40,713 --> 00:14:43,014
- Anne, be honest.
Do you ever think
320
00:14:43,082 --> 00:14:45,149
about leaving Green Gables?
321
00:14:45,217 --> 00:14:47,518
- Oh, I don't know, Gilbert.
322
00:14:47,520 --> 00:14:49,820
I maybe had a thought
like that once. But then,
323
00:14:49,889 --> 00:14:51,956
I looked around
at all the green,
324
00:14:52,024 --> 00:14:54,325
all the gables
325
00:14:54,394 --> 00:14:57,061
and I remembered.
326
00:14:57,063 --> 00:15:00,331
This is home.
327
00:15:02,535 --> 00:15:04,702
- Andy! Andy!
328
00:15:12,145 --> 00:15:14,812
- Why don't you two kiss
so I can watch?
329
00:15:14,881 --> 00:15:18,482
Get out of here, Creepy Ted!
330
00:15:18,485 --> 00:15:20,818
Can't you see
we don't want you?
331
00:15:20,887 --> 00:15:22,887
- Why don't you make me,
Gilbert?
332
00:15:22,889 --> 00:15:26,090
- Mayhaps I shall!
- Hey!
333
00:15:26,092 --> 00:15:27,758
- No, no, this is good.
Use the fear, use the fear.
334
00:15:27,827 --> 00:15:30,094
Clearly, Gilbert is a stronger
man than you but you,
335
00:15:30,163 --> 00:15:33,231
you're a proud old creep,
aren't you? Aren't you, Ted?
336
00:15:33,299 --> 00:15:35,300
- That's right,
you proud old creep!
337
00:15:35,368 --> 00:15:37,702
Fight me, you old bastard!
- It's not in the script.
338
00:15:37,770 --> 00:15:39,570
- Forget the script!
Use the moment!
339
00:15:39,638 --> 00:15:42,673
- Come at me, Creepy Ted, you
old bastard! Poor, old bastard!
340
00:15:42,742 --> 00:15:44,842
- OK! Alright!
Uh... Screw you, Gilbert!
341
00:15:44,844 --> 00:15:46,911
Anne deserves
better than you!
342
00:15:46,980 --> 00:15:49,914
- Better than me? Like who,
Creepy Ted? Like you?
343
00:15:49,916 --> 00:15:52,250
- Yes! Yes, like me!
- With your receding hairline
344
00:15:52,318 --> 00:15:55,653
and your litany of magazine
rejection letters?
345
00:15:55,655 --> 00:15:58,089
- Hey!
- Oh, he doesn't like that!
346
00:15:58,157 --> 00:16:00,158
Creepy Ted
doesn't like it!
347
00:16:00,226 --> 00:16:02,126
- No, Creepy Ted
doesn't like that!
348
00:16:02,194 --> 00:16:04,895
- Well, come at me, Creepy Ted!
Show me what you got!
349
00:16:04,964 --> 00:16:08,799
- Motherf---!
- Oh, yeah! Yeah!
350
00:16:11,004 --> 00:16:13,471
Get off of me!
351
00:16:13,539 --> 00:16:15,473
Get off of me!
352
00:16:17,376 --> 00:16:20,077
- How was that?
353
00:16:20,080 --> 00:16:22,480
- That felt really good.
354
00:16:24,550 --> 00:16:26,584
- What's this?
355
00:16:26,652 --> 00:16:29,487
- Oh, sorry. I'm just using it
to take some notes.
356
00:16:29,489 --> 00:16:32,823
- Notes. You are...
357
00:16:32,892 --> 00:16:37,161
You're a spy?
- What? No! I'm a writer.
358
00:16:37,163 --> 00:16:39,230
- What rival theatre company
are you writing for?
359
00:16:39,298 --> 00:16:43,701
The Eastern Front?
Charlottetown Players?
360
00:16:43,703 --> 00:16:46,103
- Uh...It's just for
a magazine article or--
361
00:16:46,172 --> 00:16:48,039
- LIAR!
- Woah! Woah! Woah! OK!
362
00:16:48,041 --> 00:16:51,108
- OK! OK! Ladies, I feel like
there's been some sort
363
00:16:51,177 --> 00:16:53,611
of a misunderstanding here.
Andy's not a spy
364
00:16:53,679 --> 00:16:56,247
or anything interesting
like that. He's just a
very boring writer
365
00:16:56,315 --> 00:16:58,783
who documents the history
of potatoes, for instance.
366
00:16:58,851 --> 00:17:00,951
- And I'm also writing
a semi-autobiographical novel.
367
00:17:01,020 --> 00:17:02,953
- Like I said, very boring.
368
00:17:02,956 --> 00:17:05,122
Holy moly!
- It's my member you want.
369
00:17:05,125 --> 00:17:07,158
My member!
- OK, Travis,
370
00:17:07,226 --> 00:17:09,193
I feel like you're misreading
this situation, pal.
371
00:17:09,262 --> 00:17:11,562
Maybe not! Maybe not! OK!
372
00:17:11,630 --> 00:17:13,798
- I think
Travis wanted that to happen!
373
00:17:13,866 --> 00:17:15,800
- Oh! Jesus...
OK! Let's go! Go, go!
374
00:17:15,868 --> 00:17:17,935
Go, go, go!
- Come one! Come on!
375
00:17:18,004 --> 00:17:20,271
Lock the door!
- OK! OK!
376
00:17:22,475 --> 00:17:24,475
Do you think
they heard us come down?
377
00:17:24,477 --> 00:17:26,811
- I don't think so.
- This is it. This is how I die.
378
00:17:26,813 --> 00:17:28,813
Yeah. Alone in a backwoods
farmhouse murdered
379
00:17:28,881 --> 00:17:31,015
by a bunch of Anne Shirleys.
- Who the hell is Shirley?
380
00:17:31,083 --> 00:17:33,484
- That's Anne's last name.
You still haven't read the book?
381
00:17:33,553 --> 00:17:35,519
- When would I have read
the book?
382
00:17:35,588 --> 00:17:37,488
- I don't know! Browse
a Wikipedia article!
383
00:17:37,557 --> 00:17:40,624
- It's gonna be fine.
- They don't know where we are.
384
00:17:40,627 --> 00:17:43,628
Let's just wait till they go to
bed and then sneak out the back.
385
00:17:43,696 --> 00:17:46,564
OK. They might know
where we are.
386
00:17:54,040 --> 00:17:56,807
What happens when your life
is a toilet and the universe
takes a big old dump?
387
00:17:56,876 --> 00:17:59,510
- Oh, that's good. You should
write that one down, actually.
388
00:17:59,512 --> 00:18:01,645
- Travis was right, Mark.
We are going to die here.
389
00:18:01,648 --> 00:18:03,648
- No, Andy,
Travis was wrong
390
00:18:03,716 --> 00:18:06,183
in every respect.
And I'm not dying tonight.
391
00:18:06,252 --> 00:18:08,986
I can promise you that.
392
00:18:08,988 --> 00:18:11,289
- Storm doors!
- Are there storm doors?
393
00:18:11,357 --> 00:18:14,291
- There are storm doors.
- Oh, thank God! I was not
ready to use this. Let's go!
394
00:18:14,360 --> 00:18:16,794
Oh, God...
395
00:18:16,796 --> 00:18:18,896
- Aaaah!
- Oh! OK...
396
00:18:18,964 --> 00:18:21,732
- Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait!
- What?
- The car keys
397
00:18:21,800 --> 00:18:23,734
are in the house! Yes,
the car keys are in the house!
398
00:18:23,736 --> 00:18:25,636
- I got this.
- What are you doing?
399
00:18:27,473 --> 00:18:31,041
What are you doing? Stop it!
Stop it! Stop it! Stop it!
400
00:18:31,110 --> 00:18:33,010
- I'm gonna break it so we can
get in and we can drive away!
401
00:18:33,079 --> 00:18:35,346
- I can't drive the car, OK?
I don't have the car keys!
402
00:18:35,348 --> 00:18:37,348
- Oh, you need them
for the ignition.
403
00:18:37,416 --> 00:18:39,717
- Yes, I need them
for the ignition, Mark!
- OK, I'm sorry, I forgot
404
00:18:39,785 --> 00:18:42,420
about that part. Woah! Just
hotwire it! Hotwire the car!
- Hotwire it?
405
00:18:42,488 --> 00:18:44,755
I don't know how to hotwire a
car! Touch the what? The wires?
- Touch the... Touch the...
406
00:18:44,757 --> 00:18:46,790
- The wires together. Touch
the wires together!
- The wires?
407
00:18:46,859 --> 00:18:48,426
- Like they do in the movies?
Like carjackers do in movies?
408
00:18:48,494 --> 00:18:50,494
- Yeah, yeah!
- That's a movie, Mark!
409
00:18:50,563 --> 00:18:52,697
- OK, well, I don't know
what's movie and what's real!
410
00:18:52,765 --> 00:18:54,599
- Oh, my God! Why didn't you
think before you go around
411
00:18:54,667 --> 00:18:56,667
smashing things with
the heel of a sword?!
- You say that like that's
412
00:18:56,735 --> 00:18:59,069
a thing I do. I did that once.
- Oh, my--
413
00:18:59,138 --> 00:19:03,307
- Gentlemen!
- Should... sh-sh-should we run?
414
00:19:03,309 --> 00:19:07,411
- Uh... No.
415
00:19:07,479 --> 00:19:09,513
Don't worry, pal.
- What?
416
00:19:09,582 --> 00:19:11,516
- I got this.
- What are you doing?
417
00:19:11,584 --> 00:19:15,519
- Annes, it's time for you
to meet your...
418
00:19:15,588 --> 00:19:18,689
Oh, crap, it's decorative!
It's a decorative sword, Andy!
419
00:19:18,691 --> 00:19:21,592
- OK... Hi! Here's the thing--
- Andrew...
420
00:19:21,660 --> 00:19:24,061
You've broken a sacred trust
here tonight.
421
00:19:24,063 --> 00:19:28,332
We invited you into the fold
and you repaid us with deceit.
422
00:19:28,401 --> 00:19:30,701
This is your final warning:
423
00:19:30,769 --> 00:19:33,337
either tell us
who you're working for
424
00:19:33,406 --> 00:19:35,406
or we will be forced...
425
00:19:37,410 --> 00:19:40,844
...to fire you from the play.
426
00:19:40,913 --> 00:19:43,247
- Is that it?
427
00:19:43,315 --> 00:19:45,216
- Was that all
that's gonna happen?
428
00:19:45,284 --> 00:19:47,885
Creepy Ted!
429
00:19:47,953 --> 00:19:49,853
Creepy Ted!
430
00:19:49,922 --> 00:19:52,256
Vivian!
431
00:19:52,325 --> 00:19:54,692
- I will not kiss
in front of you,
432
00:19:54,760 --> 00:19:57,761
you creepy horse-tugger!
433
00:19:57,764 --> 00:20:00,932
- I was standing there, like,
what the hell is going on?
434
00:20:01,000 --> 00:20:03,601
And Andy starts screaming:
"I'm not Creepy Ted!"
435
00:20:03,669 --> 00:20:07,771
"I'm not Creepy Ted!"
436
00:20:07,774 --> 00:20:10,574
"Please, I'm not Creepy Ted!"
437
00:20:10,643 --> 00:20:14,645
- That is so adorable!
- I'm gonna piss my pants!
438
00:20:14,713 --> 00:20:16,647
- I'm telling you, it's
really good to laugh again.
439
00:20:16,649 --> 00:20:20,050
- Shut up, Dr. Green.
This is why I don't open myself
440
00:20:20,053 --> 00:20:22,253
to the universe!
Because nothing means anything!
441
00:20:22,321 --> 00:20:24,221
Travis opened himself up
to the universe
442
00:20:24,290 --> 00:20:26,590
and he got trampled to death!
- Well, medically speaking,
443
00:20:26,593 --> 00:20:29,126
that's nearly to death.
How are you doing, partner?
444
00:20:29,194 --> 00:20:32,730
- Better. And at least,
it took a whole pack of
them to take me down.
445
00:20:35,602 --> 00:20:37,768
- Hell yeah, Travis!
That's my man!
446
00:20:37,836 --> 00:20:39,937
- You like Travis, now?
- I'm coming around to him.
447
00:20:39,939 --> 00:20:41,939
- Oh... Anyway, it looks
like everything worked out
448
00:20:42,007 --> 00:20:44,075
in the end. You guys will have
to excuse me, though.
449
00:20:44,143 --> 00:20:46,077
I have to inform a family
that a loved one
450
00:20:46,145 --> 00:20:50,214
didn't make it, so...
Excuse me.
451
00:20:50,283 --> 00:20:52,883
- Hey! You guys wanna
see some photos of that
old lady taking out Andy?
452
00:20:52,951 --> 00:20:54,785
- Yeah!
- You got photos?
453
00:20:54,854 --> 00:20:56,754
Ow!
454
00:20:56,756 --> 00:20:59,556
That... that's it! Oh, woah!
- Come on, man!
455
00:20:59,625 --> 00:21:01,558
That's...
That's his phone anyway.
456
00:21:01,561 --> 00:21:05,029
Bryn's got mine.
457
00:21:05,097 --> 00:21:09,033
- ♪♪ You can make your life
a misery if you try ♪
458
00:21:09,101 --> 00:21:13,671
♪ You can take a smile
and change it to a sigh ♪
459
00:21:13,739 --> 00:21:38,295
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