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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:00,080 --> 00:00:01,420 Previously on Bartlett. 2 00:00:29,680 --> 00:00:30,680 Yeah. 3 00:00:38,040 --> 00:00:39,080 A bow tie? 4 00:00:39,680 --> 00:00:42,140 Seriously? Robert, what a surprise. 5 00:00:42,460 --> 00:00:43,319 It shouldn't be. 6 00:00:43,320 --> 00:00:44,320 Why is that? 7 00:00:44,400 --> 00:00:45,680 It's September, Thomas. 8 00:00:46,200 --> 00:00:47,500 This is my month. 9 00:00:47,760 --> 00:00:50,740 You get Lombardi's an alternate month starting in February. 10 00:00:51,100 --> 00:00:52,760 September is mine. 11 00:00:53,060 --> 00:00:55,100 Shit. This is stupid. 12 00:00:55,840 --> 00:00:58,760 Half the restaurants on our list aren't even in business anymore. 13 00:00:59,240 --> 00:01:00,360 Why don't we call it a truce? 14 00:01:02,560 --> 00:01:03,760 You look like a Republican. 15 00:01:04,420 --> 00:01:05,580 And you've put on weight. 16 00:01:05,960 --> 00:01:07,000 Four pounds tops. 17 00:01:07,280 --> 00:01:08,580 I guess it all goes to the face. 18 00:01:09,240 --> 00:01:10,320 Gentlemen, are we being civil? 19 00:01:10,640 --> 00:01:11,740 I know it's been a while. 20 00:01:12,320 --> 00:01:13,320 We'll be fine. 21 00:01:13,480 --> 00:01:15,360 Bob, just so you know, your guests are here. 22 00:01:15,980 --> 00:01:17,260 Look for the one without the jacket. 23 00:01:20,060 --> 00:01:22,940 Fine. A truce. What a delicious couple. 24 00:01:23,220 --> 00:01:24,220 I know. 25 00:01:24,320 --> 00:01:25,420 I introduced them. 26 00:01:25,660 --> 00:01:26,980 Are you playing matchmaker again? 27 00:01:27,440 --> 00:01:28,760 Stick a cannoli in it. 28 00:01:31,050 --> 00:01:32,650 You'll never recreate what we had. 29 00:01:32,970 --> 00:01:33,970 You're right. 30 00:01:34,270 --> 00:01:37,830 I'll create a better team. A fearless team. 31 00:01:38,610 --> 00:01:39,670 Fearless Tomlin. 32 00:01:41,590 --> 00:01:42,850 Maggie. Roger. 33 00:01:43,170 --> 00:01:45,050 Welcome to New York. Bob. 34 00:01:45,430 --> 00:01:46,430 Thank you. 35 00:01:46,530 --> 00:01:49,530 Is the guy in the corner still looking at us? 36 00:01:49,830 --> 00:01:51,710 Uh, I think so. Who's that? 37 00:01:52,110 --> 00:01:53,470 Um, my ex -partner. 38 00:01:54,290 --> 00:01:56,370 Business or biznasty? 39 00:01:57,430 --> 00:01:58,430 Both. 40 00:02:02,860 --> 00:02:04,580 No? What do you mean no? 41 00:02:04,780 --> 00:02:07,520 What do you mean yes? Didn't Caitlin tell you to say no? 42 00:02:07,820 --> 00:02:10,280 No, she gave me the Richard Branson opportunity talk. 43 00:02:11,160 --> 00:02:12,160 Richard Branson. 44 00:02:12,340 --> 00:02:13,780 He's actually very inspirational. 45 00:02:14,100 --> 00:02:14,879 To Roger. 46 00:02:14,880 --> 00:02:19,460 He's no most deaf, but he started Virgin Records. We need a do -over, and this 47 00:02:19,460 --> 00:02:20,500 time you say yes. 48 00:02:22,820 --> 00:02:23,820 No. 49 00:02:24,469 --> 00:02:26,110 You liked the pitch. You said it was clever. 50 00:02:26,470 --> 00:02:27,550 There are bigger issues. 51 00:02:27,930 --> 00:02:32,070 Is the issue the size and shape of Roger? I'm the one who said yes. 52 00:02:32,670 --> 00:02:33,670 Oh, okay. 53 00:02:33,870 --> 00:02:35,110 Let's forget about being a team. 54 00:02:35,530 --> 00:02:36,289 I'm leaving. 55 00:02:36,290 --> 00:02:39,030 I can have him packed up and out of here in five minutes. Good luck with the 56 00:02:39,030 --> 00:02:40,830 pitch. Where are you going? I'll be back in one sec. 57 00:02:47,270 --> 00:02:48,490 Captain, my captain. 58 00:02:49,410 --> 00:02:50,410 Stop. 59 00:02:51,290 --> 00:02:52,430 I know you want this. 60 00:02:52,990 --> 00:02:54,830 Oh, don't say it like that. 61 00:02:55,310 --> 00:02:57,050 Like what? Like you care. 62 00:02:57,870 --> 00:03:00,270 What you're actually saying is you want this. 63 00:03:00,690 --> 00:03:02,870 No, no, our needs are intertwined. 64 00:03:06,490 --> 00:03:07,970 Okay, that didn't work. 65 00:03:08,530 --> 00:03:10,850 Of course it didn't. She hates you. 66 00:03:15,350 --> 00:03:16,850 You having a stroke? 67 00:03:17,610 --> 00:03:21,870 No. You do look a little peaky. Did they feed you on the plane? 68 00:03:22,350 --> 00:03:23,329 A fruit plate. 69 00:03:23,330 --> 00:03:28,170 That's what $5 ,000 buys you these days. Extra leg room and a bowl of melon 70 00:03:28,170 --> 00:03:33,010 chocs. The cafe downstairs has some granola. There's yoga sunrise. 71 00:03:33,650 --> 00:03:35,510 Peaceful temple. Infinite beginning. 72 00:03:35,870 --> 00:03:37,490 That's a good one. I need coffee. 73 00:03:38,090 --> 00:03:39,090 Okay, what would you like? 74 00:03:40,350 --> 00:03:41,690 Uh, coffee. 75 00:03:42,090 --> 00:03:43,090 Come on, Bob. 76 00:03:43,290 --> 00:03:45,350 Espresso, pour over, French press. I don't care. 77 00:03:45,610 --> 00:03:48,390 Do you care about terroir? There's a delightful little Indonesian downstairs. 78 00:03:49,570 --> 00:03:50,570 How about milk? 79 00:03:50,840 --> 00:03:54,740 Yeah, almond, soy. As long as they get my heart rate up. I don't care if it was 80 00:03:54,740 --> 00:03:58,540 grown in the mountains of Shangri -La by three -eyed monks who grinded between 81 00:03:58,540 --> 00:04:00,700 their ass cheeks, okay? Yeah. 82 00:04:01,920 --> 00:04:03,840 I'm going to go with you. Sit down. 83 00:04:04,060 --> 00:04:05,060 I'm going to sit down. 84 00:04:05,920 --> 00:04:07,060 I'll be going then. 85 00:04:10,300 --> 00:04:14,900 So, we've got to find you a team and put some meat on this pitch. 86 00:04:15,720 --> 00:04:16,860 In eight hours? 87 00:04:17,079 --> 00:04:18,079 You'd have to be cray. 88 00:04:18,420 --> 00:04:20,019 Then let's be cray -cray. 89 00:04:22,710 --> 00:04:23,710 Quiet today? 90 00:04:24,010 --> 00:04:25,010 Hmm? 91 00:04:25,230 --> 00:04:26,630 Oh, there's a lot going on. 92 00:04:27,330 --> 00:04:29,310 The way you tell it, there's always a lot going on. 93 00:04:29,750 --> 00:04:33,090 Yeah, but now the ship is sinking and I'm tied to the mast. 94 00:04:33,510 --> 00:04:34,510 Like you live here. 95 00:04:34,670 --> 00:04:35,670 Yeah. 96 00:04:35,930 --> 00:04:38,170 But, you know, without the twig thing. 97 00:04:39,390 --> 00:04:40,810 You know you can always walk away. 98 00:04:41,970 --> 00:04:46,770 I'm going to continue that metaphor. You know, you say you can always swim away 99 00:04:46,770 --> 00:04:48,490 or lifeboat away. 100 00:04:48,850 --> 00:04:50,210 You cut the strings when you left Mother England. 101 00:04:50,950 --> 00:04:52,570 Right? Yeah. 102 00:04:54,110 --> 00:04:55,110 So do it again. 103 00:04:55,550 --> 00:04:57,150 Have a merry secular Christmas. 104 00:04:57,530 --> 00:04:58,530 Thank you. 105 00:05:00,690 --> 00:05:01,910 Who was that? 106 00:05:02,590 --> 00:05:03,750 I have no idea. 107 00:05:04,250 --> 00:05:06,450 She just comes in and pours her heart out. 108 00:05:06,730 --> 00:05:07,910 I love her accent. 109 00:05:08,350 --> 00:05:09,970 It's the only reason I let her keep talking. 110 00:05:20,430 --> 00:05:21,470 Hey, Erin. 111 00:05:21,930 --> 00:05:22,930 Hi, Maggie. 112 00:05:23,370 --> 00:05:24,850 Ooh, what happened to that bear? 113 00:05:25,790 --> 00:05:26,729 Where's Sanjay? 114 00:05:26,730 --> 00:05:28,970 Ugh, it's the Council of War in the womb. 115 00:05:29,390 --> 00:05:31,150 The bear computer pitch is a shit show. 116 00:05:31,590 --> 00:05:33,630 This is what you, this is terrible. 117 00:05:34,110 --> 00:05:35,370 Tell me about that bear. 118 00:05:35,830 --> 00:05:39,350 Um, wrong place at the wrong time. Do we have a sewing kit? 119 00:05:39,730 --> 00:05:40,730 Ew, no. 120 00:05:41,490 --> 00:05:42,890 Okay, I'm going to be in my office. 121 00:06:01,610 --> 00:06:03,250 You guys get glowing recommendations. 122 00:06:07,090 --> 00:06:10,950 Can I be honest? When Caitlin said the Holy Family was coming in, I just 123 00:06:10,950 --> 00:06:15,310 she was using a British euphemism. Like, bollocks. Well, we hope we are the 124 00:06:15,310 --> 00:06:16,310 answer to your prayers. 125 00:06:17,610 --> 00:06:21,050 We're going to the McKenzie -Stoller holiday party after this. Yeah, it's a 126 00:06:21,050 --> 00:06:22,550 bonus drink ticket if you come in costumes. 127 00:06:24,690 --> 00:06:27,750 I always think of a thorn thing as more of an Easter Jesus. 128 00:06:28,320 --> 00:06:31,840 Baby Jesus is really hard to do. Yeah, without the thorns, I'm just a Puerto 129 00:06:31,840 --> 00:06:33,820 Rican dude in a tunic. But I do have this. 130 00:06:35,500 --> 00:06:36,500 Baby Jesus. 131 00:06:36,680 --> 00:06:38,300 Well, sort of all Jesuses. 132 00:06:38,580 --> 00:06:39,800 Yeah, I can see that. 133 00:06:41,620 --> 00:06:44,000 Are they painful? No, they're super comfy. You want to try them? 134 00:06:45,120 --> 00:06:46,120 Sure. 135 00:06:47,980 --> 00:06:49,260 Thought it'd be heavier. 136 00:06:54,680 --> 00:06:56,880 Yeah. You look like a martyr. Yeah. 137 00:06:58,450 --> 00:06:59,450 Really? 138 00:06:59,810 --> 00:07:00,810 Badass martyr. 139 00:07:00,970 --> 00:07:02,370 You're crushing his luck. Renaissance. 140 00:07:03,510 --> 00:07:04,890 Ray's light coming out. 141 00:07:05,170 --> 00:07:06,950 You know what, you guys, the job is yours if you want it. 142 00:07:07,190 --> 00:07:09,050 Thank you. We're so excited. 143 00:07:09,630 --> 00:07:12,590 Honestly, we only have a couple hours, so beggars can't be choosers. 144 00:07:12,830 --> 00:07:15,450 Well, it is the beggars that shall first enter the kingdom of heaven. 145 00:07:22,390 --> 00:07:23,670 What the hell are you doing? 146 00:07:25,710 --> 00:07:27,170 I'm putting your head back on. 147 00:07:27,760 --> 00:07:28,760 Oh, that's my head? 148 00:07:29,620 --> 00:07:30,620 It's you. 149 00:07:30,660 --> 00:07:35,860 Cool. Minus the ego and sweaty armpits. Oh, wow. So this is what I get for 150 00:07:35,860 --> 00:07:36,860 missing our appointment, huh? 151 00:07:38,180 --> 00:07:42,240 Listen, Chad called right after you left, freaking out about the pear pitch. 152 00:07:42,600 --> 00:07:43,820 And you could have called me. 153 00:07:44,100 --> 00:07:48,580 I'm sure I could have. That's a great point, but I didn't. So I'm sorry. Oh, 154 00:07:48,800 --> 00:07:50,820 man. Are we good? 155 00:07:51,100 --> 00:07:52,100 We're okay, right? 156 00:07:52,490 --> 00:07:55,290 We do not work on the same project. That is your rule. 157 00:07:55,570 --> 00:07:59,290 I know, but I'm changing it. I really need your help. 158 00:07:59,870 --> 00:08:00,870 Okay. 159 00:08:04,190 --> 00:08:05,190 I'll be there in a minute. 160 00:08:07,910 --> 00:08:08,910 I will be there. 161 00:08:09,930 --> 00:08:10,930 All right. 162 00:08:10,970 --> 00:08:11,970 Great. 163 00:08:12,890 --> 00:08:15,930 You look beautiful today, by the way. You look so good. 164 00:08:16,450 --> 00:08:18,830 You look sexually frustrated, though. Bye. 165 00:08:47,079 --> 00:08:48,780 Guys, can we check in real quick? 166 00:08:49,700 --> 00:08:53,920 Sorry, I'm intrigued by your creative process. 167 00:08:54,380 --> 00:08:55,760 Well, yeah, it's improv -based. 168 00:08:56,020 --> 00:09:01,160 It seems totally improv -y. Well, we're actually acting refugees from L .A. 169 00:09:01,360 --> 00:09:07,940 I studied at Stella Adler, and Jesus is a trained Shakespearean, but we couldn't 170 00:09:07,940 --> 00:09:08,539 make it work. 171 00:09:08,540 --> 00:09:11,160 Yeah, I mean, you know, Shakespeare in L .A., that should have been the first. 172 00:09:11,740 --> 00:09:15,760 Red flag that work was not forthcoming. Oh, we fell into advertising. 173 00:09:16,640 --> 00:09:19,620 There's nothing to be ashamed of there. I'm a musician. 174 00:09:21,260 --> 00:09:23,240 Attempting to be a musician. 175 00:09:24,120 --> 00:09:26,460 Actually, could I try that oud? 176 00:09:28,420 --> 00:09:29,420 Absolutely. 177 00:09:29,780 --> 00:09:30,780 And? 178 00:09:33,720 --> 00:09:38,140 We come from a proud tradition of men and women who have... fallen from the 179 00:09:38,140 --> 00:09:42,540 great tightrope of the creative arts into the safety net of advertising. 180 00:09:45,400 --> 00:09:47,340 You guys want to workshop something real quick? 181 00:09:49,840 --> 00:09:56,620 If only you believed, my darling, if only you believed. If only you believed, 182 00:09:56,720 --> 00:09:59,080 my darling, if only you believed. 183 00:10:00,240 --> 00:10:04,920 With that sound above our heads, the dreams of yuletide Christmas flares. 184 00:10:05,460 --> 00:10:10,080 Hedging our eclectic cells, to sell gifts off electric shelves. 185 00:10:10,700 --> 00:10:14,740 Holidays on layaway, we're burrowing through borrow time. 186 00:10:15,360 --> 00:10:19,160 There's a ray of light ahead, that suits us jolly well. 187 00:10:20,020 --> 00:10:24,840 If only you believe, my darling, if only you believe, I believe. 188 00:10:25,280 --> 00:10:29,420 If you do believe my darling, then I'll believe it too. 189 00:10:30,480 --> 00:10:36,420 If I do believe it darling, then somehow 190 00:10:36,420 --> 00:10:41,440 we'll make it through. 191 00:10:45,080 --> 00:10:46,200 Mary, are you pumped? 192 00:10:46,420 --> 00:10:47,059 I am. 193 00:10:47,060 --> 00:10:50,100 Hey Zeus, are we going to win this thing? We are going to win this thing. 194 00:10:50,100 --> 00:10:51,640 do it. 195 00:10:52,200 --> 00:10:57,680 Here, computers shall be all right in court, and gentlemen in England now abed 196 00:10:57,680 --> 00:11:02,480 shall think themselves accursed they were not here, and hold their men with 197 00:11:02,480 --> 00:11:06,680 sheep while honey speaks, who fought with us upon St. Crispin's Day. 198 00:11:08,160 --> 00:11:09,280 Is that in the Bible? 199 00:11:09,720 --> 00:11:11,480 Yeah, the actress' Bible. 200 00:11:12,360 --> 00:11:13,360 Shit! 201 00:11:14,080 --> 00:11:15,080 What? 202 00:11:16,720 --> 00:11:19,000 I could really use another coffee. 203 00:11:19,400 --> 00:11:21,460 You know, you should really eat something. 204 00:11:22,080 --> 00:11:26,820 You know, I think I have a sunflower butter sandwich in here somewhere. 205 00:11:27,060 --> 00:11:29,760 What the hell is sunflower butter? 206 00:11:34,180 --> 00:11:35,540 Is that who I think it is? 207 00:11:36,700 --> 00:11:40,820 Five, four, three, two, one. 208 00:11:42,700 --> 00:11:43,700 I'm not here. 209 00:11:46,120 --> 00:11:47,160 Agent PSF? 210 00:11:48,680 --> 00:11:50,860 I'm sorry, Mr. Baker, he's not here right now. 211 00:11:51,840 --> 00:11:53,780 He's out getting some much -needed nourishment. 212 00:11:55,700 --> 00:12:01,540 I don't know, maybe it was stolen because I heard that a quarter of all 213 00:12:01,540 --> 00:12:03,340 San Francisco is mobile phone related. 214 00:12:03,840 --> 00:12:06,460 I don't know what I did if it happened to me. I'd feel so naked. 215 00:12:08,560 --> 00:12:09,560 Mr. Baker? 216 00:12:13,680 --> 00:12:15,080 Oh, you're good. 217 00:12:15,720 --> 00:12:18,340 Why do you put up with that horrible man? 218 00:12:20,250 --> 00:12:21,310 Because he's my boss. 219 00:12:21,670 --> 00:12:25,530 He didn't have to be. From what I heard, you were next in line and you turned it 220 00:12:25,530 --> 00:12:26,890 down. I'm tired. 221 00:12:27,490 --> 00:12:28,770 It's a lot of work being me. 222 00:12:29,230 --> 00:12:30,850 The aging gay black man. 223 00:12:31,350 --> 00:12:32,670 The old borderline adorable. 224 00:12:33,290 --> 00:12:37,510 You know, everyone hates Andy Baker so much. Bet you could have his job if you 225 00:12:37,510 --> 00:12:38,510 wanted it. 226 00:12:39,870 --> 00:12:41,350 You know a lot of stuff, huh? 227 00:12:42,050 --> 00:12:43,470 Comes with wearing a lot of hats. 228 00:12:46,150 --> 00:12:47,530 Like cleaning lady. 229 00:12:48,800 --> 00:12:52,900 All right, so this is the last in our so -easy -even -a -chicken -could -use -it 230 00:12:52,900 --> 00:12:53,900 contest. 231 00:12:54,460 --> 00:12:57,560 Why so many chickens? 232 00:12:58,120 --> 00:13:01,840 Oh, well, hey, Zeus and I both think that chickens are a great advertising 233 00:13:01,840 --> 00:13:05,760 platform because they're funny. They're stupid. And yet infinitely relatable. 234 00:13:06,560 --> 00:13:13,340 And delicious. Anyway, we open on a man wearing a chicken suit. Maybe outside a 235 00:13:13,340 --> 00:13:14,339 fried chicken restaurant. 236 00:13:14,340 --> 00:13:15,800 He looks sad. 237 00:13:16,270 --> 00:13:20,550 Meanwhile, we see a real chicken in a tiny business suit walking down the 238 00:13:20,550 --> 00:13:24,130 sidewalk. They see each other, but they can't communicate. 239 00:13:24,830 --> 00:13:25,830 Hello, chicken. 240 00:13:26,710 --> 00:13:27,710 So, 241 00:13:29,290 --> 00:13:34,790 the man uses the Bartlett to look up real -time chicken translation, and in 242 00:13:34,790 --> 00:13:40,710 final shot, we see the two of them in bed together in a luxurious, beautifully 243 00:13:40,710 --> 00:13:42,190 lit hotel suite. 244 00:13:46,320 --> 00:13:48,700 Did you say real -time chicken translation? 245 00:13:48,980 --> 00:13:51,080 Well, we'd have to check if that's possible, but yes. 246 00:13:53,440 --> 00:13:55,120 What do you think? 247 00:13:59,660 --> 00:14:06,480 Are you 248 00:14:06,480 --> 00:14:07,480 okay, my son? 249 00:14:22,630 --> 00:14:23,630 Roger? 250 00:14:23,970 --> 00:14:27,190 How long has he been under here? Maybe 15 minutes. Five minutes. 251 00:14:27,650 --> 00:14:29,130 Has he said anything? 252 00:14:32,350 --> 00:14:33,870 Maybe he doesn't like our work. 253 00:14:34,070 --> 00:14:34,849 Oh, no. 254 00:14:34,850 --> 00:14:36,850 You know how you people are. 255 00:14:37,990 --> 00:14:39,330 Artists. Right? 256 00:14:41,050 --> 00:14:42,130 What the hell is going on? 257 00:14:42,330 --> 00:14:44,570 Roger won't come out from under the desk. 258 00:14:45,770 --> 00:14:46,890 Is he self -harming? 259 00:14:47,810 --> 00:14:48,810 I don't think so. 260 00:14:51,719 --> 00:14:54,160 Roger, think about Branson, okay? 261 00:14:54,360 --> 00:14:57,180 Think about opportunity and reward. 262 00:15:03,180 --> 00:15:06,040 Next time on Bartlett. I don't think chickens are funny. 263 00:15:06,240 --> 00:15:10,020 It doesn't have to be a chicken. Yes, it does. My dad could write better copy 264 00:15:10,020 --> 00:15:12,360 and he still pokes people on Facebook. 265 00:15:12,660 --> 00:15:14,380 I still poke people on Facebook. 266 00:15:14,600 --> 00:15:18,400 The ship is not going to right itself with Roger at the helm. And you want me 267 00:15:18,400 --> 00:15:19,700 throw you this black jacket? 268 00:15:19,940 --> 00:15:20,940 I want it off. 269 00:15:21,130 --> 00:15:24,450 I fired the best thing that ever happened to me. 270 00:15:24,790 --> 00:15:29,770 Hey there, what do you want from me? Could you give me some love? Get my soul 271 00:15:29,770 --> 00:15:30,770 free? 272 00:15:33,450 --> 00:15:34,450 Yeah. 273 00:15:35,530 --> 00:15:38,050 What's that sound above our heads? 274 00:15:38,330 --> 00:15:40,450 Dream groups like Christmas lights. 275 00:15:40,690 --> 00:15:42,830 And dreams of eclectic cells. 276 00:15:43,190 --> 00:15:45,270 Tales of eclectic shells. 277 00:15:45,930 --> 00:15:50,130 Holidays on a layaway, we'll burrow in, we'll burrow time. 278 00:15:50,570 --> 00:15:54,690 There's a ray of light ahead, it'll shoot the shadow red. 279 00:15:55,150 --> 00:15:59,610 If only we believed, my darling, if only we believed. 280 00:16:00,050 --> 00:16:04,390 If only we believed, my darling, if only we believed. 281 00:16:05,470 --> 00:16:09,470 So tell me you believe, my darling, tell me you believe. 282 00:16:10,070 --> 00:16:14,450 Cause if you do believe, my darling, then I'll believe it too. 283 00:16:15,280 --> 00:16:17,160 Yes, I believe it too. 284 00:16:18,080 --> 00:16:22,480 Oh, I believe it too, my darling. Yes, I believe it too. 285 00:16:23,060 --> 00:16:27,400 And if we don't believe it, darling, I know we'll make it through. 20279