All language subtitles for 50_central_s01e12_jb_central

The curse words in this message have
been approved by 50 Cent.

Date.

Welcome back to the 152nd Annual
Struggle Game. That's right. This year's

competition promises to be filled with
many opportunities to display the true

American struggle in the workplace. Boy,
it sure does, Jim. Let's check in with

our workplace struggle games.

A lot has happened. We see Todd White in
his 50s speaking to a room full of

employees. Todd is telling everyone he's
about to promote someone.

They're all listening intently.

And boom, he picks Andy, the youngest
white employee in the office. This is a

true shock, Brad, but wait a second.
Look at that Latina.

She is pissed.

Now, for those of you at home, we drew a
big circle around her face so you could

see her notice the bullshit.

With that being said, let's look at the
workplace struggle leaderboard.

Well, it's definitely a tight race.

Let's check in on the action.

Did you hear?

After I did all of the research, did the
presentation, presented it to the

board, guess who gets the account?

Craig. Craig?

It's like, why?

Why try?

Ooh, slick move, Carrie. Notice how
Carrie complained about her workplace

struggle to a minority.

Rule number one, folks, minorities don't
really care to hear about white

people's problems. Let's see if Tashina
notices the move.

Did I ever tell you that I have a
master's degree in mechanical

you know that? The car, car dealer?

No, I don't think you did. How about
that I graduated summa cum laude from

Howard University?

Yeah? Nice, Tashina. Hit her with those
facts, sister.

But you went to college online, though,
right?

Yep. Ooh, she went there. Ooh, she is
college shaming right now, Brett. If she

keeps this up, her struggle just might
win her this conversation. It just

I have applied to countless jobs within
this organization.

Yet, despite my superior qualifications,
I cannot seem to move up from the

receptionist. Ooh, right in her face.

Let's see that again in an instant
replay.

From the receptionist.

Now, the level of education and
experience being completely dismissed is

something we've seen before here. But
for some reason tonight, Tashina is

us all actually listen.

And it looks like the final scores are
in. And the African -American women's

team wins the gold in the workplace
struggle.

Let's check in with Chad, who's live
with Tashina right now.

Thank you, Josh. Tashina, that was a
hell of a game. How did it feel to steal

the gold?

Steal?

My brother, I didn't steal shit, okay? I
hit that white bitch with some cold,

hard facts is what I did.

You see, black women are now the most
educated group of women in the United

States, yet I'm working the phones up in
here.

I can tell you one thing. They better
hope that hedge fund company does not

respond to the application I put in,
because if they do, I'm out this bitch.

And y 'all can start answering.

She's still going to be working here,
but that's what we call passion here at

the Struggle Games. Back to you guys at
the studio.

Unbelievable, Brett.

Historic. More from the Struggle Games
when we return.

All right, all right.

Okay. These be on some.

around it and told some these thirsty
pros gonna stole some she's working for

you now those some of them people come i
don't know none officer i don't know

none i'm the one these pros want i've
been keeping that dope

Yeah, trick him up. Yeah.

Yeah, trick him up.

You're up for the minute hour. Your
host, hold up, JB Smooth.

That's what I'm talking about. What up,
DJ Ace? What's up, Playboy?

to JB Central, where it always goes
down. Because you know how JB Smooth do

I bring the rock.

Hey, what up, y 'all?

I do want professional comedians to come
to the show, but I didn't want you to

start the show without me, man. I'm
sitting in the back. I watch this shit

take off. Y 'all all right with this
shit? I mean, it's JB Smooth.

Hey, man. He knows my name.

Hey, man, it ain't my fault you pee that
long. That's a long pee, brother.

Well, don't blame that on me, okay? We
have a team here of fabulous sketch

performers and one professional comedian
standing up here at the helm about to

drive this goddamn train.

Next stop, JB Cedro!

Hey!

No,

no, no, no.

We're going to get a chance. I'm glad
you're out here tonight because I'm

looking for a whole new cast, right?

Wait a minute.

Check out this next video while I try to
figure out what's going on around here.

What's up, everybody? It's your boy
Justin Hires for 50 Central.

And right now, we're about to play The
Price Is High.

This is the cheapest piece of crap I've
ever seen.

What students y 'all stole this from?

How they gonna present now? Come on,
like.

So what you gonna do is spin the wheel
and guess the prices of these hoods.

All right.

Let's go.

Dominoes. How much do y 'all think
dominoes cost?

It's 2017, so I'm going for $4 .99.

$10. They can have them damn dominoes.
And what's so?

Because in the project, you know.

Dwayne Reed.

Understood, Dwayne. Yeah. Understood.

Let's do it again.

This cheap -ass wheel. How much is a
mixtape going for?

A download?

A real mixtape from an unknown artist.

Oh, that's... That sound like me. Spit
it out. Bitch, I'm young, hot, big a T,

knee waterfront. On the be honest, y
'all gonna have to hear the rest.

Good Lord. How much would your mixtape
go for? Like 90.

Gonna have to say you're overpricing
yourself.

99 cents. Like $6, $7.

$6, $7, and you're saying?

I'm saying $8 .50.

$5. You were close. You were wrong.

It's got 50 cents.

Oh, he doesn't mean that.

Look at the dog so happy. Hey, how you
doing?

You gonna kiss me?

Oh, my God.

for any caucasian people tuning in right
now this is indeed a bundle of hair uh

weed in case you were wondering exactly
what this product was now you know i

don't be buying that hair i'm going bald
anyway oh good god you got the lebron

god damn it the cheap packet would
probably be like under 30 and then the

expensive one would be like a over 100
you are absolutely correct

And good is $100.

Synthetic. Shit, well, I pay $20 for...
I don't wear synthetic hair. It was only

one time.

That'll probably be, you know, like $20
-something for that real, real, that

real deal. You dig what I'm saying?

Good, good. $100.

Bam! There you go.

Stay strong, brother. You and your hair
gonna overcome.

Shit.

So I still don't win nothing?

Well, no.

No, you don't. But I'll tell you what
you do win. You can tell all your

that you're going to be on 50 Central.
Oh, y 'all better check me out because

this is a one of my kind of situation in
New Orleans.

All right, y 'all. I want you to heard a
hip out here. Shout out to Adam and his

dog, Morty.

I see why you're mad. Your name is
Morty. I'd be mad too if my name was

What name is that? Shout out to...

Better stick around because we're just
getting started.

It was nice meeting you.

Goodbye.

Dude, ain't nothing worse than that.

I'm all right.

Next up is a special segment where I
give up -and -coming artists a platform

showcase their talents. I said, dang.

I'm from Chicago.

Give it up for Rip Michaels.

There we go.

I like this. Got some classy ladies in
here. I like this. All my thin girls

noise.

What you don't do. I see some more thin
women that do. Let that skinny bitch

intimidate you.

It's your season. It's getting cold
outside.

Matter of fact, if you a thick girl
sitting next to a skinny girl, punch

the throat. You hear me?

You tell a sex ain't good unless it's
got a pouch in front of it. That's how

it's supposed to be, sir.

Because the pouch, keep it warm. All you
got to do is lift up the pouch.

Hot pocket. I love hot pockets.

And I like this crowd. We got some
classy ladies in here. See that?

Couple ratchet women sprinkled in the
bank.

We got a couple women that's both.
That's right here with the little bun

there. I see you.

With the buns and no bra. That's
clatchet right there.

That's like classy and ratchet at the
same time. You clatchet.

A lot of women in here clatchet. Like
you love church music, but you f*** with

future. That's clatchet.

Like your nails done, but your toes
ain't because it's cold outside. That's

clatchet.

Like you put on a brand new dress with
an old bra because it make your breasts

look good.

That's clatchet, huh?

It's weird. I'm a single parent. I don't
know how many parents we got here. I'm

a single father. I got full custody of
my daughter for the last 10 years of her

life. And I love my daughter to death,
but she's getting a little older now.

Like, my daughter just turned 12.

She's got a cycle for the first time.
That's the young age to get your cycle,

ain't you?

Nah, 12 is young. You're supposed to be
like 15, 16 when you get an age.

Nah, my 12 is young. I don't care what
you say. My daughter's still peeing in

the bed, okay? It's weird, okay?

And I read on the internet that my
daughter is becoming a woman. Is this

She's going to have emotional hormones,
ups and downs. Chemical ambassadors are

going to cause her to act out, and
that's not how she feels. That's her

hormones?

Fellas, that's crap. Don't no little
girl talk to her daddy like that. Like,

teacher called, and I was like, look,
you got to go to bed early. The teacher

called. Your grades are slim. She was
like, first of all, understand

Michael. I'm going to go to bed early,
but you need to respect me in this

I asked to be born. I have a choice to
be here, so respect me so we can get

along.

I looked at my daughter. I was like,
well, first of all, I gave your mother

350. It ain't my fault she ain't go
through with it.

She kept you and the money. She clapped
you.

I'm going to get out of here, but one
thing I will tell you, fellas, if you

don't learn nothing else from Rip
Michaels, learn that women run the

hear me?

This whole world is geared toward women.

No matter what you do, you'll never be
smarter than a woman. You understand

that? Think about it. Women are the only
creatures that can go to the club with

no money and leave drunk.

That's right. Women will go to the club
with no money and leave drunk. Women

will even start a conversation with you
just to get a free drink. They'll be

like, oh, my God, you're a bus driver?
That is so nice. Thank you.

It was nice meeting you.

Goodbye.

Dude, ain't nothing worth it.

Oh.

I'm all right.

Did you see that shit right there?

The back of my neck hurt.

I got a G -Hoodie check coming. Did you
see the hole?

Hey, y 'all motherfucking shit. Y 'all
just let me fall and ain't seen shit.

I can't be falling like this, 50.

It's a slick -ass stage.

I ain't got enough money to get hurt. I
ain't got no insurance.

I get hurt, I just got to wait to heal.
What kind of shit is that?

No, because 50 can get hurt. 50 got
money. You see, pal, you can get shot,

burned. I ain't got money like that.

I'm going to tell you a true story. It
was me, 50 Cent.

and Nick Cannon, all right? We was at
this place called, I think it was Aces.

'all ever been to Aces?

Y 'all know it's like a strip club, but
it's not like any strip club. It's like

the strip club of strip clubs, right?

Y 'all know what making it rain is,
right?

That's where you take money, throw it in
the air, let it fall down, and then

walk away.

This dude take $30 ,000, pick it up, and
throw it in the air.

Now, $10 ,000 hit me in the face.

And you saw me fall. I'm a real man. I
deal with any real man. this room would

do when somebody smack you in the face
with $10 ,000 and it's $20 ,000 at your

feet. What you gonna do, fella?

Pick it up.

That's what I thought, right? So I'm
picking the money up doing what God is

telling me to do.

Do you know these heifers got an
attitude with me? They was like, that's

money. I was like, he was looking at me.

Why you think you're going R .I .P.? I
was like, R .I .P. Just hear the clip.

Yo, my name is Rip Michaels. Thank you
very much.

I'm just happy you got up.

We are going to have to inspect your
carry -on luggage.

It's already been randomly searched by
TSA.

Twice. Well, third time's a charm, isn't
it?

Knowing in it.

And welcome back to the 152nd annual
Struggle Games. That's right. These

are getting tighter than young thugs'
pants.

Now, with the current administration,
Brad, each marginalized group has upped.

their struggle they absolutely have and
as usual we're expecting a solid

performance from the african -americans
this year that's right and i've been

shocked to see an upswing with the white
women this year shocking indeed but we

also can't discount those muslim
americans they have been making power

this year brad which brings us to our
next struggle games event domestic air

travel i have an inkling that the
muslims have what it takes you're

right brad i mean this is the muslim
strong suit let's check in on the action

will messenger muhammad

Please come to the United Desk. Hey
there, I was just paged. Mohammed Ahmed.

Ah, Mr. Ahmed.

How are you today?

I'm fine.

I'm so sorry to inconvenience you, but
we are going to have to inspect your

carry -on luggage.

I just came from TSA. They just checked
it. We're fine.

Okay, sir, I'm going to need you to calm
down just a little bit. I understand

you're frustrated, but airport
regulations do require that we perform

searches.

Already been randomly thirst by TSA.

What? Well, third time's a charm, isn't
it?

Knowing in it.

Okay, I think it's time for me to call
airport security. No, no, no, that's not

necessary. You can check my bag. Here,
here you go. And with precision plays

like this, Jim, I have a feeling the
Muslims have all but wrapped up this

domestic air travel gold. I completely
agree, but I'm not surprised. You see,

these Muslims have been owning this
category since 2001.

This is absolutely absurd.

Did you get these from the ISIS store?

I want to go home!

And a yowza! Out of nowhere!

Oh me, oh my. The Asians just did an
audible and stole the gold for domestic

travel bread. And for those watching at
home, let's see that again in an instant

replay.

The Asians secure the victory with a
last -minute buzzer -beating beatdown.

Break out that sake and soy sauce,
because there's going to be a

tonight. I hope I get invited, because I
like sushi.

Yeah, yeah, yo, stay right there. We'll
be right back with more 50 Central.

Thanks for tuning in to the Hottest
Comedy Show.

And again, thank my man J .B. Smoove for
stopping through.

It is now called J .B. Central.

We're back with another episode. Keep an
eye out. Check us with another new

music video exclusive premiere right
here on 50 Central.

Look at you you little dirty

We'll be right

back.

Had a couple grand of thieves, so we was
just trying to make it. A brass

sheepskin on, we was just trying to take
it. You know the kind of drama that

come with the leather bomber.

Try to jump, you got to stay with the
llama.

Suck a shoe, get shot over from Nana. If
you want problems, I'm saying it's no

problem. I catch them on the late night
and daily depart them.

Look back, look where we started from.

It's all been again, they, they ain't
tell me.

You said to me, cause you hurt me. Then
it helped me. Cause then I was down to

do the dirt. See the knots in my pocket.
Boy, I go to Cash Sprout. See you with

your skinny jeans. Punk with your ass
out. I got all kind of money now. Look

what you made me. Got a different type
of temperament. And get crazy. My AP

like I done dipped it in water.

Like me when I done dipped in your
daughter's car.

I'm playing with high wheels and
collecting cars.

That's when the DuPont registry's in my
yard.

Somehow the bullshit.

shifted now mother calling me gifted and
i'll be like