All language subtitles for 50 Central s01e11 Girl Scout Weed Cookies

The curse words in this message have
been approved by 50 Cent.

Bitch. So many beautiful people.

Yeah.

What's up, y 'all? Welcome back to
another episode of Toya's Teachers,

here to get your life all the way
together.

Now, this letter comes from Ian from
Westchester.

Hey, Ian. Okay, he said, Dear Toya.

I need your help. I am a 32 -year -old
white man, and I've been down with this

world all my life.

You better go ahead.

Right choice, right choice. So there's a
beautiful Nubian queen at my job, and I

want to approach her. What should I do
to impress her?

First of all, don't call her no newbie
and queen. Just be cool, calm, and

collective. Tell her she look good.

Tell her that she pretty, she beautiful,
and that her melanin is popping or

something like that.

Tell her her edges is laid. And then she
going to be like, oh, what you know

about edges?

Boom, here go the conversation.

You want to impress her, take her to a
comedy show, the hair store, anything

like that. And if you're going to ask
about her parents, don't ask about her

because she might not know his ass. And
if you do meet her parents and you go

over there and they fix you a plate.

Eat all that shit.

Don't question anything on there. And if
you think it's kale, it's not. It's

collard greens. And if you think the pie
is pumpkin pie, it's not. It's sweet

potato pie. And don't look her grandmama
in the ass.

Because she might have cataracts and she
might not even be looking at your ass.

If you get her to the point where she
might want to sleep the night with you,

you want some Valetio, don't ask her for
shit.

Don't ask her. And if she do do it and
it's getting real good, do not. I

do not.

Put your hand on the back of her head.
Do not touch a black woman's hair,

because it's going to throw her off, and
she might bite your a** off.

And make sure you invite me to the
wedding if it go that far.

Tune in next time for Toya's Teachers,
where I get your life all the way

together. And make sure you hashtag Toya
Turner, hashtag Renton Dew, hashtag

Real Talk, hashtag Black Girl Magic,
hashtag I Kill You If You Leave Me.

Bye!

Okay. I'm

on

something.

That's how it come.

You know what's up.

30 minutes, 30 minutes, 30 minutes.
Yeah, trick him up. Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, trick him up. Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, trick him up.

Every time that you're up in the club
and it's your birthday, you got to

this man's song. He's the host of 50
Central.

Give it up for 50 Cent.

And you say New York City.

Thanks for tuning in to a new episode of
50 Central. And we got Houston's own

DJ, JQ.

Tonight we're pulling all the stops. And
as usual, we start some shit. Kia,

Jasmine.

So, 50, that's actually what we wanted
to talk to you about, starting shit.

Me and Kia decided we want to start some
shit, too. Yep.

It's good for the soul.

We learned. Tell 50 what you did, girl.

All right, well, you know how, like,
companies have new products and they

to launch it. They hold a little focus
group to get feedback and stuff.

I might have had a little focus group
myself before a whole bunch of fake

products. This is the point where the
students surpass the math.

All right, check this out.

How's everybody?

My name is Stacy and I work with the
company 50 and 50 Inc. Hello.

How are you guys doing? Good.

My name is Stacy and I really believe in
all of the products I have for you

today. I really think we have some cool
stuff that's innovative.

So first product, we are converting the
idea of what used to be like telephone

booths into a privacy booth where...

Men can go to relieve stress.

So the window is tinted. No one can see
what's happening in there.

My concern really is, like, people
seeing you go in.

I don't think people would judge.

I don't know. It just feels, like, so
out in the open. Men have no shame.

Men have no shame. None at all.

I would say maybe, like, maybe next to
the men's room.

Even like in not just workplaces, but
gas stations or even churches.

Is this a judgment? Because God forgives
if you think that that's something to

be judged about.

Moving on.

This is a magnified version of what this
is, but it's essentially a chip

the size of a fingernail. What? And it
can be implanted into your

husband or boyfriend or whatever's neck.

And guess what the great part about this
is?

You can track your man.

I'm not that insecure to be tracking my
man. I have enough trust.

Is your man beautiful? Is he fine?

I'm secure in my relationship.

So he's not attractive enough to be
worried about you? He's attractive. I

need to track where he's going.

Like, you.

Like, what man is going to agree to
that?

Now, if you're faithful, you don't
really have anything to worry about.

You want to put that thing on me? You're
going to put one more thing on you

also. Been a little spiteful, Navendu.
Got to put one on me, put one on you,

too.

Somebody's had a heartbreak.

It can be done at home through an
injection while he's asleep. What if it

malfunctions, like technology
malfunctions? If he's cheating, do you

care?

Lots of insecure women will buy this
product. Yes, a lot of insecure women

buy it. You will buy it.

You damn right.

Okay, next.

This is a crib.

As you can see, it has a secure top that
locks.

So kids can't get out. You can feed them
through these bars.

You can give them toys through these
bars. It's like maximum security crib

It's a cage, yeah.

Look at it.

First of all, a cage is...

uh not as secure as this but more
importantly like the reality is a lot of

kids end up behind bars this is kind of
like a preparatory so that it's

not so jarring there's so many single
moms that are out here in the african

-american community you can leave your
child in this Okay, crib for like hours.

Just to tell you, you didn't present it
very well.

No one in my family has ever been to
jail.

Okay, we happen to be in an anomaly of a
room.

Yo, you're being very offensive.

We've just improved the safety and the
security of your child.

I like to see how these children turn
out later.

They'll have one more. Okay.

Sexual offenders can be in certain areas
because they have to be away from

places where children frequent.

So what this app allows them to do is to
be in the park and see the sunshine and

the trees and watch kids play and listen
to them laugh or whatever, but they're

not against any legal.

So it's a win -win for everybody.

Is it about them just living their lives
and just existing and being able to get

some sunshine, or is it for them to go
and, like, look at children?

We're not saying, go look at kids, but
it gives them the ability to take the

edge off.

Just to be clear, John, you are pro
-pedophile.

No. Oh, my God, what? This is just to
kind of cater to their obsession. So it

gives them the access to the kids.

I thought this was just saying, like,
they can go and know where can I legally

be so I can go and go for a run in the
park. I get you. We're on the same page.

I know you need to, like, kind of cover
it up because it feels like, well, I'm

out on a limb, but I got where you were.

I'm misunderstood.

You are for the safety of.

A pedophile so that they can also feel
safe and enjoy the things that make them

happy and turn them on. No, that's not
what I'm saying at all. Elliot, how do

you? I understand that you want the
children not to, you know, not to be in

anything.

Elliot, you are a not pro pedophile.

And John is pro. But it's talking about
safety for the pedophiles to feel safe.

That's still not what I'm saying.

Okay, John, I got what you're saying.

For them to be there and, like, watch
kids, I'm not okay with it.

You're not for pedophiles. Yeah. John
is. Okay, Matt? That's literally what I

said. That's what he was trying to
convey, yeah.

Okay, so not pro -pedophile, pro -pro
-pedophile, pro -pedophile. You said no.

Whatever. Let me clarify. I'm going to
tell you guys what I'm pro.

I'm pro and 50 central on BET and you
are a part of it.

Now, I didn't say you could leave yet.

Clean done.

More 50 cents for the car.

If you are unattractive in a straight
world, 10 times out of 10, you're going

be unattractive in a gay world. So stop
bringing your ugly ass over to our side.

We've got chocolate swirlies,
marshmallow mints, walnut wafers, and we

good shit.

Next up is a special segment where I
give up -and -coming artists a platform

showcase their talent.

I'm all right.

Give it up for Shante Wayne.

What's going on, New York City? How y
'all doing?

Feeling really good right now, man. I
just celebrated two years of being sober

from drinking and drugging.

I know, right?

You ain't really got time for that shit.

I had to stop drinking and drugging
though. I really did because I went to

recently. Got DUI.

Had to serve 10 days in jail, man.
Scared the hell out of me because I've

been to jail before.

I was crying to the officer the whole
time. I'm like, please, officer, don't

take me to jail, please.

Then I got there and I was like, man, y
'all need to come up with a new

punishment for lesbians because this
shit like the all -star game for me

here. I was looking around like I was at
a gay amusement park. I was like, what

is this? This is amazing.

I want to go on every ride.

But jail is crazy, though, because jail
actually had me rethink my lifestyle a

little bit. Because some of these girls
in jail, they so damn hardcore.

Like, they actually think they dudes.

Like, they actually think they go
through dude problems.

I had this one girl come up to me. She
was like, man, I just found out my

girlfriend was pregnant.

I was like, oh, man, I'm sorry. She was
like, I know.

What am I going to do?

Like, I can't take care of no kids right
now. Like, what am I supposed to tell

my mom?

I was like, if you don't tell your mom
that your bitch is a hoe, that is not

your baby, man.

You are not the father.

She was really walking around like she
was struggling with this. She was like,

yo, son, this shit ain't never happened
to me before, kid.

Like, my pull -out game is mad strong,
son.

How could this happen?

But it's weird, man. I don't know.

My motto back in the day used to be to
date the baddest looking chick.

Until I got my heart broken. I was like,
man, forget that.

I'm about to go find me a chick that's
less attractive.

Gotta say, one of the biggest mistakes I
made in my life. Because there's

nothing worse than dating an
unattractive, crazy person.

You can't be ugly and crazy. You gotta
pick one.

Right, because a pretty chick is already
unattractive. So you dating somebody

unattractive, you like, you really going
to be crazy? And I actually looked

inside of you to love you?

Like, this is real love right here. Are
you really going to do this?

Hate that, man. I say that because it's
already hard in this gay community.

And you got a lot of those gargoyles
trying to cross over.

Yes, that's what I said.

But let me tell you something, you
unattractive females.

If you are unattractive in a straight
world, 10 times out of 10, you're going

be unattractive in the gay world.

So stop bringing your ugly ass over to
our side.

We gay, but we see straight.

Ain't this man, right? It'd be chicks
with three kids trying to cross over

bitch, you ain't gay. You just ran out
of options. All right, y 'all. My name

Shante Wayans.

Thank y 'all so much for your time.

And we've got chocolate swirlies,
marshmallow mints, walnut wafers, and

gooey oatmeal chewies.

And we've got that good shit.

Is that what I think it is?

Thank you.

Oh, it's cooking season, huh?

Please tell me you guys haven't run out
of those caramel delights yet.

No, we still got some. And we've got
chocolate swirlies, marshmallow mints,

walnut wafers, and ooey gooey oatmeal
chewies.

And we got that good shit.

Is that what I think it is?

I don't know.

Is it?

Well, I guess I could try some.

Damn,

that really is that good shit.

Wait, what am I doing? I can't buy weed
from a couple of kids. That's crazy.

Wait, wait, wait. Sir, sir, sir.

What's your name?

My name's Mike.

Okay, Mike.

You seem like a reasonable guy, right?

Let's not think of this as buying weed,
all right? Think of it as donating to a

charitable foundation that teaches young
minds to support good salesmanship.

Do your mothers know that you're doing
this? Here you go, sweetie. I was able

move a ton of product at my job.

Looking a little short here, Debbie.

Where's the rest of it? Okay, well,
sweetheart, I just did what you told me.

Okay, I don't want to hear that
sweetheart shit, okay? Do you think that

guys in the suits at your job want that
regular old crusty butt girl troop

cookie? No, they want that good shit.

Take it easy. It's your mom.

Oh, take it easy on my mom. Okay.

Back up.

Beep. Beep. Mike.

Was it? We're not. gonna be taking it
easy on anybody do you think those

tricks over at troop 207 are taking it
easy we gotta

move 100 boxes by friday we're still
sitting at 23 all right everybody let's

just calm down girls i'm sure our
customer mike is a good guy

and didn't mean any disrespect.

And, Mike, if payment is an issue, then
I'm sure the girls would be happy to set

up a payment plan just as long as you
pay on time. Okay, I don't know how I

about this whole thing. It's getting
weird.

You're not one of those little
tattletale -telling snitches, are you?

not a snitch.

I'm personally very uncomfortable with
this whole operation.

Oh, personally uncomfortable.

It's a comfort issue.

I'm sure Judy Depp here could take you
around back and make you feel a lot more

comfortable.

No, not again. Wait, did you just try to
hoe out your own mom to try to sell

some pot cookies? I said you were trying
to bring her out back. You should just

buy us cookies just because you
disrespected me. I don't even know how

at you right now, Mike. Debbie, you
don't have to do this, okay? This is

Mike, please, just don't do that. You
have a choice here. You have a choice.

do not. You do not have a choice.

Okay, I will, but know that I'm doing
this for you, Debbie, not for the

sisters over here.

Yes. Another one. Another one. Whoop,
whoop, whoop, whoo.

And Debbie Upta.

Mom.

God, you're so embarrassing.

Get around back now. We are making
money.

How are you doing the show so far?

It's really good. I love it.

Thank you, gorgeous.

I told you I was going to be lit.

Thank you for tuning in to 50 Central.
Before we go, we got a special treat for

you. Another music video world premiere.

Y 'all saw it here first. 50 Central.
Check it out.

No, you ain't shit, man. You ain't never
gonna be shit.

All right.

Look at you, you little dirty ass. You
ain't shit.

They used to tell me that I wouldn't be
nothing.

Yeah. Now Lamborghinis and Porsches, we
started. Look at me now.

When love gets over, then drop top, we
roll out.

I'm into. When you come up, how I came
up, life's not gentle.

That's it. And my mama, ah, that's what
I'm into.

I prayed on it. God didn't say nothing
back for that cocaine you had. We took

to crack. Had a couple grand to teach
you. We was just trying to make it. A

brass sheet sitting on you. Just trying
to take it. You know the kind of drama

that come with the leather bomber.

You got to stay with the llama.

Get shot, open some nana. If you want
problems, I'm staying, it's no problem.

catch them on the late night and daily
depart them.

Look back, look well.

Then drop top, we roll out. I'm a fish.

Say no act like there ain't no bet. Say
no, no.

I'm up. I remember all the shit you said
to me because you hurt me. Then it

helped me. Then I was down to do the
dirt. See the knots in my pocket, boy. I

to cash route. I see you with your
skinny jeans, punk with your appetite. I

all kind of money now. Look what you
made me. Got a different type of

temperament. I get crazy.

My AP look like I done dipped it in
water hard.

Let me when I done dipped in your
daughter.

I'm playing.