Original subtitles

Hey, what's wrong, pal? You look like you just lost your best friend.

I did.

What do you mean?

Well, Irving J. Moore doesn't have time for me anymore.

But I thought you two used to be real close.

That was before he started hanging around with Patty Roth.

Ah, so she's the fifth grade fox, huh?

Well, Nicholas...

Let me tell you a little something about life in the fast lane.

A guy may stray from the pack when he's chasing a fox, but sooner or later,

he'll give it up and he'll come on back to his friends.

You think so?

Yep, they always come back.

Well, I hope he does so I can punch him in the nose.

Why would you want to do that?

Because last week, Patty Roth was hanging around with me.

There's a magic in the early morning we found.

Oh, we spend our days like bright and shiny new dimes.

If we're ever puzzled by the changing time.

There's a plate of homemade wishes on the kitchen window

sill.

And it is enough to fill our...

What do you want to see tomorrow?

If there's a matinee at the plaza.

Screams from beyond the layer.

Hey, look what's playing at the mainland.

All right.

Wild Summer Nights starring Audrey Gilmite.

Marvin, that's rated O.

Your brother Tommy can get us in. He's 17, isn't he?

Forget it.

You can't go?

A couple of candy bars and a box of Cracker Jacks wipe me out. How much do

get a week?

$1 .50.

My five -year -old sister gets out much, and she doesn't even collect football

cards.

Anybody home?

Oh, yeah, sit here, Mary.

Hey, what do you think of this weather?

Just the word I was looking for. They say it's a record low for Sacramento. I

hear it may go down below freezing tonight.

Oh, I think it already has in here.

Well, you better get used to it, because we have to keep the thermostat set at

65 degrees.

Tom, you turned the heat on over an hour ago, and I don't feel a thing yet. Oh,

well, that's because it takes a while for the warm air to circulate. Don't

about it.

I'll say it hasn't even made it to the vent yet. I think something's broken.

to tell my wife your secret. She never gets our sheets this bright.

Will you quit trying to be funny and just tell me the story? I told you.

Baltimore wants to take a look at me in the Winter League.

When did you find out?

Coach Gravis called me yesterday.

I fly to Puerto Rico this Sunday.

I guess I can forget about the big leagues next year.

What are you talking about? You had a great season.

Then how come they didn't ask me to play?

Come on, they know what you can do. Now a guy like me, I gotta go down there. I

gotta show them.

Get off, chapper.

You know as well as I do, if they want you to play winter ball, you got a good

shot at making it in the majors. Come on, buddy.

Come next spring, you and me both gonna be major leaguers. I don't know what

you're getting so worked up about.

Now, what do you say? Let's get down to business.

You got anything to eat around here?

Take whatever you want.

What is all this stuff?

Sprouts, squash, avocado.

Haven't you got any bologna?

You eat this stuff?

Don't you have any Twinkies?

Susan doesn't like them in the house. What, you got something against real

Hey, come on, Pearl. What do you say? Let's go get a burger.

No, you go ahead. I still got to do the grocery shopping.

Hey, Joanie. Hey.

Been waiting long?

Oh, no. Actually, I got here early on purpose.

Thought I'd allow myself a little nostalgia.

It's pretty nippy out here.

Oh, yeah. Come, let's get to the car. Come on.

What are you going to tell me you're smiling about, huh?

Well, yeah.

Remember that research project I did on children from broken homes? You got an A

on it.

Congratulations!

Well, actually, I got an A-, but my professor said it was the most thorough

paper he got, and he offered me an internship at a state agency next

Susan, that's fantastic!

Wow! Do you realize this means I can actually get a job in my field when I

graduate?

Oh, that is really fantastic.

Hey, why don't you go over for dinner and help me celebrate?

Oh, I'm sorry. I got a dinner date. Oh.

Well, let's go get a glass of wine.

Unless you're in a hurry to get home and celebrate with Merle. Are you kidding?

Merle doesn't even know what I'm majoring in.

You used to kiss me when I came home.

So, how was your day?

Swell. Oh, what'd you do?

You know what I did.

I did the wash, the shopping, the bathrooms.

The least you could do is make it home on time.

Merle, I was just with Joanie. You've been out playing with your sister while

I've been waiting for my dinner?

All right, all right.

I'll cook you dinner.

I beg your pardon?

That's right.

If I'm going to do the grocery shopping, I'm going to get what I want. Well,

Merle, if you want to eat meat, let's go out to a restaurant. No way.

Why should I have to go out? This is my house, and you're my wife.

Merle, what's gotten into you? You know I'm a vegetarian.

Well, Susan, I happen to be sick and tired of vegetables. I want some meat,

I fix it. Forget it, Merle. Listen here, Susan. I am through doing everything

your way.

It's gotten to the point where I don't even have a say on how to run my own

house. Is that what you think?

That's what I know.

Then you know what you can do with your steak.

You can eat it raw.

It's been dropping at the rate of seven degrees an hour.

I can't get a repairman. He'll come before Monday.

Looks like it's going to be a brisk weekend.

All right, well, I guess it's just time to call David.

I did. There's no answer. Well, we've got to keep trying to reach him. And

if we don't?

Don't look at me. I'm no good with heaters.

Well, why don't you let me give it a try?

You?

Come on. It's too cold to joke.

No, no. We'll just break out the blankets, start a fire, and bundle up

calling David.

Nicholas, aren't you cold in just a shirt?

I'll survive.

Nicholas, what's the matter?

Well, it's I want to go to the movies tomorrow with Marvin, and I don't have

money. Did you lose your allowance again?

No, I just spent it. A dollar fifty a week lasts about three and a half days.

Is that all Dad's giving you? A dollar fifty?

Boy, that's what he gave me when I was ten years old.

Yeah, well, that's what he gave everybody.

It's his system.

Well, that's not fair.

According to an article I read in Businessweek, inflation has caused the

price level to more than double in the last ten years.

What does that mean?

It means, compared to the $1 .50 I got, yours is only worth 75 cents.

Hey, look, I just want that steak.

Forget the steak.

That's not what's bugging me.

What is, sweetheart?

Nothing.

I know I might have been insensitive to your needs.

I apologize.

It's just I don't think we'd fight like this if you... Trying to respect my

feelings a little bit more.

What do you think I've been doing?

I've made more sacrifices and compromises for you in the past four

I've made in my entire life.

Not what I mean.

I'm talking about the way you treat me.

Oh?

And how do I treat you?

Like an 1890s housewife.

That's a laugh. I'm the one who's been wearing the apron around here.

Earl, you're not even listening to me.

That's the problem. We never really talk.

I mean, do you even know what kind of a person I am?

Do you know what I want out of life?

I just don't think we relate as people.

Relate as people?

Oh, don't give me any of that psychology stuff.

Whatever happened to plain old living together as husband and wife?

You mean like Tarzan and Jane?

Well, it sure beats the way we're living.

Is that the way you feel about it? That's right.

Okay, fine.

Where the heck do you think you're going?

Well, thanks very much, Bob. It was an interesting evening. Really, good night.

I'm going to Pecan's.

Oh, Pecan's.

Yes, well, good night.

Joanie, have I told you how refreshing it is to find a chick who is both

beautiful... And smart?

Ah, yes, three times.

And you still don't want to come to my place?

Well, you know how it is with the smart chicks.

Right.

fight about a steak?

Well, it wasn't really a fight. It was more of a difference of opinion.

But the difference was great enough that you had to spend the night here, right?

Yeah, where else could I go?

I mean, look, Johnny, it was really, it wasn't a big deal. I just needed to get

away and give things time to get back to normal. You know what I mean.

Oh, yeah.

I know.

Good.

I mean, everything's okay between you and Marlo, isn't it? Oh, yeah.

I don't know, though. Sometimes it really hits me. We're just such

people.

There's something keeping us together. I just don't know what it is.

Oh, I don't know.

Well, what are you going to do today? Hang around the house?

Yeah. Ow. Oh, sorry.

I just need a little time to get away from him, you know.

Yeah. Well, Dad's always saying how much he misses you.

Joni, um, one more thing.

Nobody saw me come in last night, so let's just pretend I got here this

and came right up to your room.

I don't want anybody to get uptight.

Will you cover for me?

Sure.

Dad, I think it's absurd to spend one more night in this icebox. I know, but

David is tied up all day at the job site.

I told you, I think I can fix it.

Oh, Mary, what do you know about heaters? When you think about it, what's

difference between a heart that pumps blood throughout a body and a heater

sends warm air throughout a house?

Oh, well, in that case, I better call Dr. Max.

Dad, essentially, they're both machines.

I mean, the way that they work is based on simple logic.

Look... All you need to get that heater fixed is a logical mind, which I have,

and a repair guide, which I can get.

Oh, look, Mary.

You see, what you're trying to do, you're just trying to prove a point.

look, I'm not a chauvinist. I know that you can fix the heater, but I'd just

rather have David do it. Well, David won't be here till tomorrow.

So what's wrong with waiting until tomorrow?

Because it's going down to the low 20s tonight.

So she ran back home on you, huh? Yeah.

I checked over there this morning, sure enough.

I don't know how you put up with it.

That's what I told her.

I'd had it up to here with her nonsense.

Man's got to have some pride.

I hear you, old buddy. You've got to lay down the law.

And if she thinks I'm going over there to get her, she's got another thing

coming.

Right on.

Well, pal, I beat you three games to zip. Say, let me buy you a beer.

Hello. You always drown your sorrows in suds. Hey, Pearl, get a phone call.

Tell her I'm not here.

What her? Said he grabbed us.

He grabbed us?

Hey, Coach, what can I do for you?

No fooling?

The plane leaves tomorrow?

Thanks a lot, Coach.

I'll show him what I got. Don't worry about me.

So long.

Coach, thanks for everything.

Hey, Carl.

What happened? Where are you going?

To find my sweet wife and tell her the good news.

Audrey Gilmore.

They wouldn't let me in.

You gonna be done soon?

No, I just started.

I can't believe you gotta do all these crummy chores and all you get's a buck

fifty. Yeah, well, my dad won't budge till I'm eleven.

Sounds like there's only one thing left to do.

What's that?

Go on strike.

Huh? Stop doing your work until your dad gives in.

What if he doesn't give in?

You think he wants to do all this crud work himself?

Hey, and no one else in your family wants to rake leaves.

You really think it'll work?

Hey, how do you think I got more money?

Hooray! Yeah!

Jim, I wish you'd stay home more. I'm having trouble with the twins.

I've got to go.

They told me I was right in the middle of a movie.

You weren't even watching. I was, too.

Susan, you've been sitting in front of the TV all day. Can't you do it at your

place? Look, Tommy, don't give me a hard time, all right?

All I want to do is watch a football game.

Why don't? Nice attitude.

All right. Now, why are you two acting like children?

Good question.

Susan, are you all right?

I mean, is everything okay?

I'm just fine, Dad. Really.

Gee, I can't remember the last time I was at a weenie roast.

Oh, I can. I was a Girl Scout and all my merit badges went up in smoke. Hi. Does

anybody know what Susan is doing out there?

What do you mean, Hatt?

Why is she hanging around here all day?

Tom, you're the one who's always complaining that she's never around

I know that, but she was so cross with Tommy, I think maybe something is wrong.

No, no, she's fine.

Where's Merle?

Um, Merle had things to do, and so Susan decided to spend the day with us.

if that's the case.

It is.

Oh, I better get that.

Yeah.

Merle. Hi, Joanie. Can I see Susan?

Um, yeah, she's in there watching television, I think.

Thanks.

Susan.

Merle.

Honey, I'm not the best apologizer in the whole world, but I want you to know

I'm real sorry.

Heck, it was all my fault. I know that. I was just frustrated.

As far as I'm concerned, last night is history.

From now on, it's going to be different, I promise.

Really, Merle?

I know it is, because we're going to Puerto Rico.

Puerto Rico?

That's where I'm going to play winter ball. Then, with any luck at all, it'll

right on to spring training with Baltimore.

Susan, I'm going to pitch in the big leagues.

Wait a minute, Merle. Back up.

Don't you see? This is the big break. I can feel it.

Come on. Let's get home and pack.

Merle.

Oh, sorry to interrupt you.

That's okay.

Everybody should hear the good news.

Susan and I are going to Puerto Rico.

Puerto Rico?

That's right. To pitch in the winter league.

Oh, that's wonderful.

Well... Well, at least you'll be going someplace where it's warm.

Yeah. The league starts next week, and I got a report in a couple of days, so

we'll be taking off tomorrow.

Not we, Merle.

If you want to go to Puerto Rico, you can go by yourself.

Susan.

Okay, Susan.

What is really going on with you and Merle? I don't want to talk about it,

Joanie. Susan, come on. Now, I stood by you.

It's time you told me the truth.

I'm not going with him. That's all there is to it.

I mean, I just can't believe him. He comes over here all smiles and

and then he brings it on me. Hey, honey, we're going to Puerto Rico.

Susan, you must have known that Merle's career might mean you'd move around.

Yes, I did, Joanie. I guess I just didn't expect it to happen so soon.

I mean, Joanie, I only have a semester and a half till I graduate.

What about my career?

Okay, say you don't go with him. Where does that leave you?

Look, Joanie, it hasn't been all champagne and roses with Merle and me.

this is what we needed.

What?

What, a separation?

Look, I might not be the one to give you advice on this, but you can't hide in

your old room.

No, Susan, really.

Well, you just stay here until you cool off.

And then go home.

And when you've really thought about it, talk to me, okay?

Will you?

Please.

I always

knew the day would come when one of my children would

have to move away.

You're sure going to miss Susan.

How do you know she's leaving?

Well, because she loves Merle and Merle is her husband.

What about what just happened?

Oh, no, no. They're just going through the process of settling into their first

year of marriage. Don't worry. They'll work it out.

I don't know, Tom. Maybe you should talk to her.

Oh, absolutely not. The one thing parents should not put their nose into

their children's marital squabbles. I know, but... Abby, do you remember when

Susan wanted to move out of the house and I told her to wait until she could

afford it? What did she do?

She moved out.

Exactly. And how about the time I calmly told her to maybe reconsider rushing

into marriage?

What happened?

She and Merle ran away to Elope.

See my point?

Yeah.

Oh, for Pete's sake! Who was supposed to empty this?

Nicholas, before you take one bite, young man, I want you to come in the

and take out your garbage.

I can't. And why can't you?

Well, I'm on strike.

What? I don't leave another finger around here until I get more allowance.

Attaboy.

All right.

Okay, Nicholas.

No work, no hot dog.

Here you go, honey. You sure it's not too cold for ice cream?

Oh, heck no. It'll even out the body heat.

Besides, the flavor of the month is zucchini.

Hey, now that's a nice outfit, huh?

Susan, we have to talk.

Not now, Merle. I need more time to think.

What is there to think about?

Everything. My job, my diploma, my family, my life.

Well, my life is you and baseball.

And since baseball's in Puerto Rico, that's where you should be. And what if

don't want to go to Puerto Rico, Mel?

I don't care. You are going. You understand that?

I have made sacrifice after sacrifice for you. Now it's your turn to make one

for me.

And if I don't, are you going to break my arm?

Of course I am, Merle.

But I'm more than that. I'm a person, too.

I have a right to make my own decisions about my life.

If you loved me, you'd understand that.

If you loved me, you'd make the sacrifice.

Maybe we just don't love each other enough.

You think Susan will go with Merle?

I don't know.

You know, it's weird. I mean, I'm rooting for them to work things out, but

they do, that means our sister will spend the winter 3 ,000 miles away.

You know something?

At times like this, I'm glad I'm single.

Here.

On the other hand, if we were married, our husbands would be fixing the heat.

It's a long road to liberation, Elizabeth.

Oh, it's just spiders.

Spider webs.

All right, webs.

Well, there it is.

Broken furnace.

Pay an observation.

Now, how do we fix it? Ah, never fear.

Everything we need to know is right here in the handyman's guide to simple

household repairs.

Yeah, but what we need is the household repair guide for the simple handyman.

Pessimist.

Okay, chapter 12.

Fixing your furnace.

Step one, locate the unit.

We mastered step one easy enough. Bring on number two.

Okay, step number two.

Locate and check the pilot light.

You have any idea where that might be?

Susan. Things always look better in the morning, don't they?

I mean, I'm real happy to see you packing.

This does mean you're going with me, doesn't it?

No, it doesn't, Merle.

It means I've decided to move back home.

Okay, Susan, if that's the way you want it, fine with me. I'm through.

It's over.

Okay.

And don't you try to come crawling back to me when you realize how stupid you're

being. I won't.

Meet it, girl.

It's over.

Oh, Nicholas, how can you stand to be in this filthy room?

Looks fine to me.

Well, it doesn't to me, so will you kindly clean it up?

Dad, you know I can't do that.

What do you mean you can't?

Oh, no. Don't tell me you're still carrying on that silly strike.

I am, and it's not silly.

Okay, two can play the game.

If labor is going to strike, then management will just have to flex its

What does that mean?

That means that as long as your silly strike continues, then your allegedly

inadequate allowance will just have to be completely cut off.

and your old bedtime is going to be lowered to 7 o 'clock.

7 o 'clock?

That's before prime time.

Okay, then just cut out the strike.

No way.

Okay, then you're just going to have to miss your favorite TV shows.

Dad? Yes, Nicholas?

When do I get my bread and water?

Susan! Hi, Dad.

What's the suitcase for?

Thought I'd move back home.

What?

Dad, I've left Merle.

Look, Dad, I'm not going to uproot my life and move to Puerto Rico just so he

can play baseball.

Susan, I don't think that you're fully aware of what marriage is all about.

You made a vow.

It's your responsibility to try and live up to that vow.

I tried, Dad.

Four months? That's nothing.

Four months is a long time when you're miserable.

I'm sorry.

All I can see is an immature little girl trying to run away from it all.

I happen to think that marriage is not something that you can just run away

when things don't go the way you think they should.

You know, I wasn't completely overjoyed when you rushed into matrimony.

But now you're married.

And you have an obligation to give it a chance.

Dad, my mind is made up.

No matter where Merle and I live, we won't be happy with each other.

Susan, you've made yourself a new life.

If it's not right,

you've got to go back and make it right.

Are you saying I can't come home?

What I'm saying is, this is not your home anymore.

Your home is with Merle.

come up for warmth or affection?

Neither.

What I need is a sympathetic ear.

Take your pick.

Abby.

I just did the hardest thing I've ever had to do.

I turned away my own daughter.

She just stood there with her suitcase looking up the stairs.

I guess she just wanted to run up to her bedroom.

She figured everything would be okay then.

Then I wanted to carry her suitcase up for her.

But I had to take a stand, Abby.

I couldn't let her just run back to us like that. I figured that she and Meryl

would never get back together again.

So I had to say something that would shock her into realizing that she's not

little girl anymore. She can't just come running back every time things don't go

right.

She's a married adult.

She has grown up responsibilities to herself and to her husband.

a no -win situation, and you did what you thought was right.

Well, if I did what I thought was right, why do I feel so rotten?

What a time for the heater to be broken, Mom. Really?

Oh.

Either there's been a cave -in in the mines or they're joining a minstrel

Go ahead. Make fun.

Oh, I'm sorry. I know how frustrating it must be.

But have no fear. Big Brother is here. Now step aside and I'll have it fixed

before you can set your hair. Just forget it, He -Man. The heater has now

officially repaired.

Way to go!

Impossible.

Check the vents.

Oh, I'm very proud of you two.

Now all I want to do is take a nice hot bath, get this stuff off my face.

and look as feminine as I can before I gloat all over Dad.

Yeah, we really showed him what two determined women can do. I can't listen

any more of this. Come on, Janet.

Don't mind David. He always behaves this way when he feels threatened.

Something wrong?

Yeah, Madeline's muscles are too big.

Nicholas, you want to explain that statement?

Yeah, well, I needed more allowance.

Yeah? Dad said I didn't.

Oh. But Nancy says I should get it because of inflation.

Right. Dad says I shouldn't.

Figures. But Marvin said if I weren't on strike, I could get it.

Okay.

And I did, but I haven't.

Ah.

So now I'm eating leftovers, watching daytime television, and getting no

allowance at all.

Nicholas, what you need is someone familiar with labor litigation to help

reach a settlement with your father.

And since that happens to be Janet's field of expertise, I think you just got

lucky. You mean you'll talk to Dad for me?

I think I could effectively plead your case.

Great! Now, exactly what are your demands?

Well, $3 a week and no lights out until after the good shows.

Nothing excessive there.

Okay, Nicholas.

Now, the first thing you have to do is call up and strike.

a sign of good faith while I negotiate.

Now trust me, Nicholas, just let me do the bargaining and everything will work

out fine.

I haven't let a client down yet.

Susan? I just came back to pick up a few things.

Oh.

That's the chapper and his wife.

Well, then, I guess you're ready to go.

Yeah, I guess I am.

Take care of yourself and keep your arm warm.

Susan, forget what I said about not coming.

If you change your mind, there's plenty of money in the checking account for a

plane ticket.

I mean, if you change your mind, you just take the first... Merle, I don't

I'll be changing my mind.

Okay.

Well, then, I guess...

I guess this is goodbye.

Yeah.

Goodbye.

Can you believe how hot it is?

I think I've got prickly heat.

I keep getting the urge to go to the beach.

No, no.

How about a nice midnight swim in the lake? That would be great, but it's 40

degrees outside.

I know, but it's 90 degrees in here.

I think I liked it better when the heater wouldn't go on.

Well, it's trying to make up for lost time.

Guys, there's still no answer at her apartment.

And her supervisor said she didn't show up at the daycare center today.

Maybe something's wrong.

Maybe she went with Merle.

Dad, she's not going to do that without calling first to say goodbye.

She's probably waiting to get settled in before calling.

I hope he's right.

Elizabeth, these things are... I don't know, but this isn't... Well, you girls

have done a great job with the heater. I haven't sweated this much since Korea.

Dad, look, we figured out how to turn it on. Now we can figure out how to turn

it off. I have no doubt about that, but once you get it off, will you get it

back on when it gets cold again?

Of course we will. Look, the problem is all right here, right here in the

thermostat. Oh, no, no. The problem was letting you girls try to fix it in the

first place.

Susan?

Susan?

He left, didn't he?

Susan. How long have you been in bed like this?

Why haven't you been answering the phone?

I didn't feel like answering the phone.

I need time to be alone.

I think you need to be with your family.

Come on.

Get dressed and come home with us.

Nancy, that isn't my home anymore.

What do you mean? Of course it is.

Well, can't you see that I just want to be left alone?

I just want to be by myself.

Yes?

Dad, can I talk to you?

Sure, come on in.

Dad, Susan's still at her apartment.

What?

You mean she didn't go with Merle?

No, she's not going to either.

I'm worried about her.

She is really hurting. She won't get out of bed.

She won't even answer the telephone.

Nancy and I asked her to come home with us, and you know what she said?

She said this wasn't her home anymore.

Now, why would she say something like that?

That's because... because I told her that her home was with her husband now.

You always used to say that home was wherever you knew you'd be taken in,

remember?

I mean, we didn't stop being Susan's family just because she got married, did

we?

I just wanted her to give it another chance.

I know, I know. Believe me, so did I.

But it's too late now, Dad.

It really is.

What's wrong, Dad? You don't look very happy.

Oh, no, no, I'm okay, Nicholas.

Just got a lot on my mind.

Would it make you feel better if I went off my strike?

You would do that just to make me feel better?

Well, I kind of went off already because Janet told me to.

But I would have went off sooner if I knew it was bothering me like this.

What for?

Just come here.

Hi. Dad.

I went by your apartment, but there was no answer, so... I took a chance that

maybe I could find you here.

Guess you know Merle left.

Yeah.

I'm sorry I let you down, Dad.

Oh, no, you didn't let me down.

It's just...

and I got married, I was so sure it was right.

I just can't understand how it went so wrong.

Yesterday, when I wanted to come back home, I felt like I'd failed.

I was so ashamed.

Susan, about yesterday... No, Dad. You were right not to let me come back.

I was running away from my problems.

But, Dad, I just couldn't try anymore. I didn't have anything left.

I hope you're not giving up completely. I hope there's still a chance.

I'm not sure.

I still love Merle, Dad.

I don't know.

I don't know right now.

Okay.

Let's go home.

My home or your home?

Our home.

Well, Janet, you certainly drive a hard bargain. Well, you weren't exactly

pliable, Dad.

Well, what happened? We got the $3 a week.

All right!

Plus an extra hour before your bedtime.

Really? Tell him what the extra hour is for.

Yes, well, to get the increase in allowance, I had to make a few

But that's what negotiating is all about, give and take. Tell him,

You might need the extra hour to do a few extra duties.

Extra duties?

Yes, extra duties like helping with the dinner dishes, mopping the kitchen

floor, vacuuming the upstairs hallway, and on Saturdays, washing the family

cars.

Twice as much allowance and half the time we spend it.

Hiya, girls. Listen, you did a great job with the heater. Better late than

never. Here, Dad. What is this?

A bill. A bill?

Why? Your brother David never gave me a bill. He just did his manly duties

around the house and that was it. Yeah, well, we women prefer to get paid.

Oh, really?

Well, in that case, there's a few bills that I would like to discuss with you.

Like what?

Like your share of the fuel for this month and the bills for the food

that you two eat.

And we might even consider your tuition.

If you don't like it, you can take it up with my attorney.