Original subtitles

Timmy, do you know what you found?

This jewel is the sacred eye of Moabba.

Someone must get this back to the Zendure Temple or we're all doomed.

Dylan, it's your line.

But, uh, nobody likes a bossy director.

Hal, we really need to rehearse this scene, okay?

Yeah, well, I don't give a rat's ass about the scene. People watch my movies

because I'm lovable. You got that?

So, Dylan, what game are you playing?

Oh, just one where an old blonde lady asks you a bunch of stupid questions and

you get to hack her to death.

Sounds fun. Can I see it? Hey, hands off the hair, you old witch!

Bitch!

Well, I better get back to the coven.

Those cats aren't going to skin themselves.

monster, huh?

The soda's warm. Give me a cold one, Barbara.

Yes, sir.

They say you should never work with kids or animals. I'd say he qualifies as

both.

Uh -huh. And his parents.

You see them here teaching him any values?

No, they're too busy cashing his paychecks.

People like that make me sick. How do you stand it?

I'm his mother.

Since he fired his dad, I've really got to watch my step.

Cute kid.

Love him.

Really lovable.

Yesterday. Sybil, I have fabulous news.

My prodigal son is returning.

Justin is coming home for Thanksgiving.

That's wonderful.

I knew he'd come back. It's been three years, Sybil, without a word.

You remember the night he left?

I'd just come back from that Save Our Furs benefit.

He told me he hated my entire pampered materialistic existence.

Then he asked for $2 ,000 and left for Peru.

Maybe being away three years changed his mind.

Maybe the money ran out.

Sybil, I don't want to celebrate another 40th birthday without him.

I want to prove to him that I'm not something he has to run away from. And

going to start by showing him the best old -fashioned Thanksgiving we've ever

had. Well, except for that one in Aruba with Ivana Trump and Richard Simmons.

Hey, I've got an idea.

Why don't you bring Justin to my house?

Everyone's in town.

So I'm going to make a good old -fashioned Memphis Thanksgiving.

I'm going to use all four Southern food groups.

Sugar, salt, grease, and alcohol.

It sounds tempting, but I can't. Oh, come on. The whole family's going to be

there, and you're part of my family. Did I mention there'll be alcohol?

I'd love to, darling, but I want Justin all to myself this weekend.

I'm even going to cook.

All his favorite health foods.

Oh, one question. Is it still correct to call it brown rice, or is it rice of

color?

Hey, Mom.

Hey, Zoe. I didn't expect to see you here today.

Well, I missed you.

Really? Yeah, right.

I came to visit Sean.

Oh, too bad. I was going to take you shopping for a car today.

I love you, mommy.

Yeah, right.

Listen, since you're here, I need to tell you something, and please don't

me any grief.

Justin used to talk to me with veiled contempt.

Cherish these moments, Sybil.

Sean and I want to spend Thanksgiving together.

Well, that's no problem. I'd love to have Sean.

At his house with his family eating their food.

But, Zoe, the whole family was going to be there. It wouldn't be the same

without you.

Thanks, Mom. I knew you'd understand.

Hey, Sean, Mom said okay.

Okay, you can spend Thanksgiving with Sean.

But I owe you on Columbus Day, Missy.

Oh, hi, Sid.

Camping equipment?

Ira, you hate camping. You don't even like eating out on the patio.

Those days are over. I just had a deep fear of the primal feelings the outdoors

stirred in me. That's funny. It always came out eek, a bee.

Hey, I happen to be allergic. One sting, I swell up like Marlon Brando.

Did this camping trip have something to do with your writer's block?

Sybil, I don't have writer's block.

I'm having a complete mental, emotional, and spiritual breakdown.

Well, at least you're writing again.

even close.

But I did read Iron John this weekend, and I decided what I need to do is

release the wild man within.

Release him?

Ira, this is your wild man we're talking about.

Poor little guy's probably afraid to come out.

Hey, Sim, thanks for letting me store this stuff. Whoa, you too?

Yep, me and my buddy Ira. We're gonna head up to Big Bear tonight, smear some

mud on our chest, howl at the moon, and cook a turkey in the earth.

you go on this trip, you've released your wild man in every cheap motel in

Southern California.

He said he'd buy the beer.

You guys, you said you were coming and I bought all the food and everything and

Terry was going to bring the baby.

Terry's taking the kid on a business trip with her to Prague.

She says she wants him to see Eastern Europe.

He's two months old. He doesn't even know he has feet.

Hi, Mom.

Dad. Dad. Hey, Rach. Oh, there's Grandma's itty -bitty little pumpkin

There you go. Already you're suppressing his wild boy within.

That's the problem. Kids today don't have strong adult males around to

counterbalance all that pumpkin bunny stuff.

Hey, Billy boy, how are your booties hanging, huh?

Mom, make them stop.

Go.

Smear mud.

Be men.

Wild men.

And beer.

Mom, um, I need to talk to you about Thanksgiving.

Don't tell me you're not coming. Okay, but then you're going to be even more

disappointed if I don't show up.

What? It's Kevin's parents. They're insisting that we go to Boston.

Well, happy Thanksgiving to me!

You know, these things are hard to find.

I could have settled for some cheap pilgrim cutouts, but I wanted the best

my family. And this is the thanks I get?

Here. Why don't you give this horn of plenty to Kevin's mother?

I just sit here with my pathetic horn of nothing.

I'm sorry, Mom, but at least you'll have the rest of the family.

Wrong. You mean you're going to be all alone?

Don't worry about me. I'll be fine.

This is a good dry run for the nursing home years.

I'll just take out my teeth and gum some stuffing.

Oh, that little William just gets cuter every day.

I can't let Justin see me like this.

Everything in my wardrobe screams Rodeo Drive. I need something that says I'm

not special. So I thought I'd see what you have.

Oh, Marianne. They're the nicest things.

But not to me.

Here, let's try these for a start.

Oh, they're nice. They're like shoes, only someone sawed the heels off.

Yeah, that was my great -grandma's idea.

Mama's heels just kept getting stuck in the mud when she was plowing.

Now you're taller than I remember.

Do you know what you found here?

This jewel is the sacred eye of Moabah.

Someone must return this to the temple of Vandoria or we'll all be doomed.

I'll go. No.

You're just a boy. It's too dangerous.

Cut! Hey, I told you never to touch the hair, lady.

Killing children is wrong. Killing children is wrong.

Okay, okay. Okay, let's take it back to, uh, but you're just a boy.

Okay? And action.

But you're just a boy. It's too dangerous.

Remember, you're not out there alone.

Your father is watching you. Your mother is... Get your hand off my ass.

You know you liked it, babe. You're asking for it, you sawed -off little

packwood. Who do you think you're talking to?

You, you arrogant little punk.

You know, someday you're gonna get pimples and your voice is gonna change,

then what are you gonna do, huh? Huh?

Hey, look, I don't take this crap from a nobody like you.

You know, that kid on the Wonder Years used to be real cute, too.

Oh, jeez. Dylan!

Dylan!

I worship you.

Yeah, yeah, get in line.

Hey, everybody, let's hear it for Sybil.

Now, now.

You know, when you've been in the business as long as I have, you don't

anybody push you around, especially if they're three feet shorter than you.

I remember one time I was on The Partridge Family. Okay, everyone, that's

wrap. Dylan says he's done for the day.

What do you mean? We still have two scenes to shoot. We'll shoot them

Everyone be here at 9 a .m. Hey, tomorrow is Thanksgiving.

And this movie has to wrap tomorrow. It goes on the air in three weeks. You got

a problem with that? Talk to Sybil. It's her fault.

Come on. What's so great about Thanksgiving?

It's just a celebration of how we screwed the Native Americans.

hard enough playing out a desperate charade for my son without you mocking

i'm sorry i'm just cranky first my family bailed on me now i have to work

thanksgiving oh you poor dear would you like a glass of burdock root tea it's a

natural diuretic no i'm trying to retain water

tragedy was happening there.

Sybil, what exactly is happening there?

It's a long story. You see, the rainforests are the lungs of our planet,

we cut them down... Well, you'll tell me over dinner.

Oh, is that what that is?

Dinner? Mmm.

Smells.

Smells.

Say, tell me if you think Justin will like this. I'm making all of his

macrobiotic foods for Thanksgiving.

Then you finally found the kitchen.

Don't be silly. I've been there before.

It's the room with the ice machine.

So I'm the first person to actually sample your cooking. I feel deeply

And deeply afraid.

I should warn you. What? Warn me what?

They say if this food is cooked correctly, the first few bites taste

Well,

you did a good job.

That's squash with hijiki.

What's hijiki? Aquatic vegetables.

It tastes like something Flipper coughed up.

That's the beauty of it.

Oh, and I have acorn cake sweetened with semi -permented brown rice for dessert.

Oh, and it's not even my birthday.

Oh, God.

My cake fell.

How can you tell?

I said, well, I'm just not good at this.

Justin's going to see right through me.

I don't live like this. I don't eat like this.

And God, these clothes.

I look positively Baltic.

Marianne, all you have to do is be yourself.

When I was young, I chose to make my family my career.

What a joke that was.

Dr. Dick doesn't want anything to do with me.

If the restraining order is any indication.

I want my son back.

Marianne, he's coming for you. He's coming to see his mother.

I'm not the mother you want.

if I became a Buddhist.

They're deep, right?

Marianne, you're good enough just the way you are.

I guess we could serve the acorn cake to the pigeons.

Just shoot them. It's more humane.

I'm really sorry. I never would have yelled at that kid if I'd known we'd

to work on Thanksgiving.

That's okay. I can visit my dying grandmother in Vermont anytime.

Ow!

You know, we do get paid double for working the holiday. That's got to come

handy with a dying grandmother and all.

Ow, ow, ow!

Ah, the perfect Thanksgiving.

Empty house, sushi, and the director's cut of Blade Runner.

And I didn't even have to lie. I just said I was having dinner at your house.

You sure no one's going to be home? Yeah, my mother's working, and Dad and

went off in search of their manhood, so they won't be back anytime soon.

Mom?

Zoe?

Rachel?

Here.

Burp him.

So, we're on the plane, and Kevin says he wants to sit by the window. And it

hits me, it's always about what he wants. We're flying to see his parents

my mom sits home with a broken heart.

P .S. I just grabbed a cab and the baby came straight here because I didn't want

my mom sitting home alone on Thanksgiving.

Where in the hell is she anyway?

Hey, we're back.

Is there any turkey left?

Oh, Lee, tell me that's actual food.

So at first... There goes the sushi.

I'm starving. Jeff lost our turkey in the woods.

It wasn't my idea to bury it in the first place. I distinctly told you to

a stake in the grass so we wouldn't forget where it was.

You said you were going to stay right by it.

Of course that was before that chipmunk drove you screaming into the night.

It wasn't a chipmunk.

It was a squirrel.

He had big patches of fur missing. I don't think he was well.

Hello, Mother Sheridan?

Kevin? Oh, great, another half -person.

Hello, Rachel. Hello, Kevin.

Why aren't you in Boston?

I think it's obvious that I decided not to go, not that you left me much choice.

I'm sorry, Kevin, but I felt it was very important to be here for my mother.

Well, I can understand that feeling, especially having just gotten off the

with my mother, who is regretful in the extreme.

Well, Kevin, I guess we have a different opinion.

Rachel, if you're going to lose control like that, I think we should talk in

private.

All right.

I hope you'll excuse the outburst, but marriage isn't all please and thank you.

Wow.

Sybil really went all out this year. Turkey, sweet potatoes, cranberries. We

would have had a much better day if we just let her cook for it. She hardly

loses a turkey.

You know, this might not be such a bad Thanksgiving after all. If Sybil got

by six, she could have the turkey ready by ten.

Yeah, and while it's a -cookin', she'll still have time to do the cleanin' and

the mendin'. I suppose we could cook it.

Yeah, it'd be just like my home ec class, except I won't be the only boy.

Dylan suggested a few changes.

I'll bet. What do I do next? Fall off a cliff?

Ha! I knew it.

She lands next to a large, venomous snake, rolls away into a pit of

and dies. Oh, come on. It's Thanksgiving.

Haven't I suffered enough?

Okay. Ready to rehearse.

Two giblets from inside cavity.

Well, Jeff, what are you waiting for?

I can't believe I'm about to stick my hand up some turkey's butt.

Well, try giving it a name. It'll make it more personal.

Hey, look at the stuff I gathered from the centerpiece.

Two pine cones that symbolize the fall.

A crab apple to commemorate the harvest.

And is there a freshener from the car just to make it smell nice in here?

Isn't it festive?

Oh, Kevin.

You've been a bad, bad quarterback.

This isn't Zoe's room.

Let's do lunch sometime.

Really?

Hi,

Dylan.

Somebody must have put mare in his shampoo.

Who would do such a thing?

It was in his conditioner.

It wouldn't be the Cowboys without those cheerleaders.

I'm telling you, that Cunningham is a bad, bad quarterback.

It's all just a big joke to you, isn't it?

Well, let me tell you something. If two married people want to play the frisky

cheerleader and the bashful quarterback, it's their own damn business.

You didn't tell them, did you?

Food, let's eat. Come on.

Hey, let's eat.

Shouldn't we wait for your mother? She wouldn't wait for us.

She'd probably eat at the set anyway.

Dear Heavenly Father, we'd like to thank you for this deal.

Touchdown. I can't believe this.

Hi, how are you?

You're all here. I thought you had other plans.

Oh, I get it.

It's a surprise.

Thanks.

story.

And that wild man thing, Earth to Sybil.

Gotcha.

Zoe, I know that look. I bet you were behind this whole thing. Maybe we will

you that car.

I just can't wait to dig in.

I'll get it. Y 'all have been slaving in the kitchen all day. Thanks.

Didn't somebody tell her? Blow that car and you're a dead man.

Justin.

That's kind of a cute holiday tale.

On his way to the airport in Portland, he decided to stop at a poultry farm and

liberate all the turkeys.

To make a long story short, he was arrested, and he used his one phone call

let me know and apologize.

Oh, Marianne, I'm sorry.

Why do we have to have these wretched holidays? It's all so pagan.

The hot toddies, the mulled wine, the endless champagne toasts.

Who am I kidding? I love this time of year.

Are you gonna be okay?

I'm never gonna spend another holiday with Justin.

There's always gonna be some cause more important than his mother.

The only way I can get his attention is to turn up on the endangered species

list.

Your family's here. I'm gonna go. No, I'm not gonna let you wallow in this

alone. Wait here.

Everybody?

I know you went to a lot of trouble, and you have made this the best

Thanksgiving ever, but there's something I've got to do.

So, bye.

So long, Stephanie. Are

you

sure we should be doing this?

Maybe Justin has other plans.

Like what? Making bail?

I'd like to let you back out of this.

Thanks, pal.

Well, you'd do the same for me.

Maria, do you realize we are the only passengers on this plane?

Hmm. Yeah, I have an idea.

Why don't we take a couple of these bottles to the cockpit?

Get the pilot liquored up and see if we can get him to do a loop.