All language subtitles for Warai no daigaku 2004 1080i HDTV DD 5.1 MPEG-2 rip

AUTUMN, 1940
(15th year of Shōwa era)

ASAKUSA, TOKYO

POLICE HEADQUARTERS

OFFICE OF PUBLIC SECURITY

CENSORSHIP SECTION

"AUTUMN FLOTSAM"

NOT APPROVED

UNIVERSITY OF LAUGHS

NOT APPROVED

THE UNIVERSITY OF LAUGHS THEATRE GROUP

THE UNIVERSITY OF LAUGHS THEATRE

ASAKUSA THEATRE DISTRICT

INTERROGATION ROOM

"Hope" theatre group.

Here.

"They kiss."

MARKED FOR DELETION

APPROVED

"Comrades win their freedom."

It's vital to the play!

MARKED FOR DELETION

A plague on you all!

NOT APPROVED

Next.

APPROVED

NOT APPROVED

APPROVED

"...destroys the imperial capital."

"KING KONG IN JAPAN"

"KING KONG IN JAPAN"
NOT APPROVED

One left.

Next.

Here.

THE FIRST DAY

University of Laughs Troupe.

I've heard of it.

Oh, really?

It must be famous then.

I never watch that kind of thing.

I'm Sakisaka. The new censor, here.

I'm Tsubaki.

I was posted from overseas
to supervise cultural policy.

Excuse me.

Your leader is...

What's-his-name Rokuha.

Furukawa, Roppa.

That's it. A very active gentleman.

My wife watches his moving pictures.

He's with the "Kingdom of Laughs".

We're the "University of Laughs".

Is that different?

Completely.

Such similar names.

We did come first.

But they're more famous.
I hate to say.

And your leader?

'Blue Sky' Kanta.

Never heard of him.

A grassroots kind of actor.
He's been in movies, too.

"Please, ex-squeeze me."

What?

It's his trademark phrase.

You don't know it.

- Once more.
- No.

Please do.

It's embarrassing.

"Please, ex-squeeze me."

You're under contract?

Yes, in-house.

In-house?

In-house playwright.
Under contract, that is.

Are you nervous?

Pardon me.

It's not your first time, right?

I never get used
to this atmosphere.

Relax, please.
We rarely use torture.

Pardon me.

Let's not waste time.
I'll start.

Please do.

One thing... Please...

A small token.

Toasted bean cakes.

Eat them while they're hot.

Mr. Tsubaki.
You'll stop this behaviour.

It's offensive.

It's only bean cake.

My predecessor let standards slip,
but I'm cut from a different cloth.

Don't get me wrong.
They just looked tasty.

Don't try to curry favour.

I absolutely wasn't.

I've no interest in your work,
whatsoever,

nor once partaken
of this comedy nonsense.

I was shocked to be posted here.

Why me, to deal with
the likes of you?

I was told I was the perfect
candidate for censor.

An emotional person
couldn't do the job.

Being frank, I think
the censorship system

is totally unnecessary.

Ban everything!
Lock, stock and barrel!

Citizens should unite
during this crisis.

What use comedy and gaiety?

That's my opinion.

Do I make myself clear?

There is that viewpoint.

This must not be repeated.

I'm very sorry.

It appears I'm your
worst nightmare come true.

Where are they from?

Kaminari Bakery.

A very good choice.

I'll take them back.

Still warm.

I just bought them.

Mother likes that bakery.

In that case, feel free.

Leave them. I may avail myself.

I understand.

You're thinking

"He's going to take them,
after all."

I wasn't.

- It's all over your face.
- It isn't.

- It certainly is.
- Damn.

Be honest.

Just a little.

I'll take them.

I wish I'd never bought them.

- Leave them.
- I'll take them.

I said leave them!

"What a bastard," you're thinking.

I am not.

Be honest.

I am.

It's fine by me.

I am indeed.

You wrote all this?

- Thought of all the lines?
- That's right.

A remarkable talent.

As a layman, I've no idea but

how long to write this?

About two days in all.

Two days?

A lot of thought goes into it.

Two days for this.
Remarkable.

Weeks of preparation.

You're proud of it?

I wonder. In parts, perhaps.

It seemed that way.

I believe it's funny.

I read it three times yesterday

then pondered overnight
whether to permit it.

Might I ask your opinion?

Will it pass or not?

I'd be most happy if it did.

Please observe.

As you know, we censors
read the scripts

and red-flag problem areas.

The more flags, the less chance
of approval.

In your script there's not one flag.

So, it seems.

Not one.

- Which means...
- No problems?

The very opposite!

Too many problems!

So many red flags
I quit halfway through.

I'll cut to the chase.
This script is impermissible.

What's wrong with it?

Let me ask you.
Did this sort of thing pass before?

My predecessor approved it?

With a few corrections.

Dereliction of duty.

Where's the worst part?
I'll soon fix it.

I brought paper.

Did you hear me?

It's all bad. Beyond the pale.

All?

Beyond 'fixing'.

But...

For a start,
the cast are Westerners.

But that's--

On the 2,600th anniversary
of Emperor Jinmu's accession...

Why on earth write a barbarian love story?

It's imprudent to say the least.

But "Enoken"...

he's a famous comedian...
he just did Hamlet.

Because I wasn't in charge.

I cannot approve this.

And what's this?

This title.

Is it a problem?

"The Tragedy of Juleo and Romiet".
What's that?

"What's that?" It's--

Is "Juleo and Romiet" correct?

Yes.

There was an English writer

by the name of "William Shakespeare".

This Shakespeare wrote something
called "Romeo and Juliet".

Did you know?

I knew.

Too close for coincidence...
Romeo and Juliet, Juleo and Romiet.

What can it mean?

It's what we call a "pun".

"Pun"?

A play on words.

I wanted a gag in the title.

- A "gag".
- Yes.

- Hence, Juleo and Romiet?
- Yes.

It's not funny, though.

It's a common technique.

Swapping the first syllables.
For instance...

"Friar Tuck" becomes "Triar Fuck".

Is that funny?

- It's a bad example.
- Do they laugh?

Maybe a different one.

"Friar Tuck."

"Friar Tuck" and...

No, just forget it.

Anyway, it's a parody style

we use all the time.

I can't follow the sense of it.

Nonetheless, a Westerner's work
is impermissible in these times.

Romeo and Juliet were Italians.

We just signed a treaty with Italy.
They're our allies.

Nice try.

Where's the harm in that?

Okay then. Shakespeare's nationality?

He was English.

Do you agree that Britain
is our enemy?

Well, yes.

Let us imagine Churchill
making sushi.

Sushi?

No matter how uniquely Japanese a food

if it were made
by the British Prime Minister

not a single citizen
would put it to his lips, right?

Could you eat Churchill's sushi?

No, I couldn't.

That's my point.

Because Churchill would
be terrible at it.

I wouldn't eat
Mr. Hitler's sushi, either.

- Pedant.
- You or me?

Anyway, it can't be approved.

Another thing. I think this play

is written poorly.

I didn't laugh once.

It's comedy, correct?

A manifest failure.

Why is "ex-squeeze me" everywhere?

My boss's stock phrase.
Folks love it.

I don't get it.

NOT APPROVED

- I won't beg but...
- Try.

I wrote it for the stage.

The humour won't work
unless performed.

It's for actors to say out loud.

Do it, then.

If that's true, read it out.

You mean, me?

Make me laugh.

If I read--

I might glimpse the humour.
Please, make me laugh.

If you do, you'll rethink?

If I do.

"Dear Juleo."

One thing before I begin.

Maybe you noticed
it's a play-within-a-play.

I noticed.

A fictitious theatre group

puts on "Juleo and Romiet".

Enough commentary.

In front of Romiet's villa...

Stage directions.

Above, a balcony.

Just the lines, please.

Romiet appears:

"Dear Juleo,
how can I ever forget you?"

It's not funny yet.
This is the build-up.

Continue.

"Juleo, wherefore art thou, Juleo?"

A famous line from the original.

Too much commentary.

I'll continue.

Suddenly, a priest arrives.

"How terrible. Romiet is dead!"

"What do you mean, Father.
I'm still here!"

"What?"

Out jumps the director:

"Father, you're too early.
You're not until the second act."

"Oh, do ex-squeeze me!"

There it is.

Right there. A big laugh.

There?

A big gag.

I don't get it.

Even though Romiet's still alive

the Priest, my boss, comes on.

Why?

"Why?" Because it's funny.

How?

"How?" Because

he discovers Romiet's body in act two.

His entrance while Romiet lives
throws the whole thing into turmoil.

It's a 'happening'.

But it's already in the script.

Of course.

Isn't it rather artificial?

It's artificial but it won't
seem so with good actors.

How can "ex-squeeze me"
not seem artificial?

Point taken. Let's move on.

"Dear Juleo."

That's enough.

See how funny it is?

It's utterly beyond approval.

Mr. Sakisaka...

In good conscience, not as censor
but as human being.

Please wait.

Sorry but I can't fathom
anyone laughing at this.

There's no atmosphere here.

With an audience there'll be mayhem.

In any case, no approval as is.

Understood.

Sorry to bother you.

One moment.

What will you do?

Go consult my boss.

Consult?

We've no time. If this is out
we must find another play.

Mr. Tsubaki.

You don't listen, do you?

What do you mean?

I just said there'd be
no approval, as is.

You're a writer.
Read between the lines.

Meaning...

I said "as is".

With corrections, perhaps there's hope.

Don't you see?

Thank you so much.

I'm not trying to close you down.

How and where to correct it?

Two main requests.

Set it in Japan.
Make the cast Japanese.

Then I'll approve it.

Impossible.

Why?

The word-play becomes meaningless.

That's your problem.

Please understand,
parody has its own rules.

A rewrite or another play.

Any other script must be submitted.

Even if passed before
don't assume it will now.

What's it to be?

I'll rewrite it.

I look forward to it.

By when?

Tomorrow.

Wait a minute.

If you can't, forget it.

It's persecution.

I'm not here just for you.

Many other awful theatre groups
are waiting.

A one-day rewrite is unrealistic.

You wrote it in two.
One should be plenty.

Bring the Japanese rewrite tomorrow.

I'll decide at that time.

Thank you for today. That is all.

You may leave.

You may leave.

THE SECOND DAY

You worked all night?

I napped at daybreak.

Are you alright?

Don't worry. I'm used to it.

Good.

I'm still reading.

Please, sit.

Excuse me.

This is hopeless.

Hey, wait a minute.

This is banned.

What's wrong with it?

I worked all night.
At least tell me why.

This isn't yours.

I told you, I do have other scripts.

I took time to read yours earlier.

Thank you very much.

What do you think?
You're confident?

I think I did what you asked.

It's changed for sure.

Well done for changing so much,
so quickly.

I would've done more with time.

I'm impressed.

Might we get approval?

May I take another look?

Please.

Yesterday's issues should've
been addressed.

It's now set in Japan.
They're all Japanese.

That much is true.

It'd be a big help
to get approval today.

I'm sure. With rehearsals and all.

When's your opening night?

Beginning of next month.

Two weeks. Can you make it?

If approved today.

I was surprised to see
Kanichi and Omiya.

You did your homework.

I tried many ways to set
Romeo and Juliet in Japan.

Then I hit on the Meiji
melodrama, "Golden Demon".

Parody is best
based on a famous work.

It must've been a relief?

Of course.

Who'd think of Friar Laurence
as a Buddhist priest...

I think that works.
It's funny, right?

Not at all.

Humour is a personal thing.

But a writer's mind
is certainly fruitful.

Actually, I must thank you.

What for?

A Japanese setting
is perhaps funnier.

The play-within-a-play
works better.

How do you mean?

It's about the two layers.

You laugh at the play

and at the chaos backstage
adapting it for Japan.

The comedy's much stronger.

I wouldn't have thought
of it without you.

Honoured to be of service.

Approved for performance?

Not like this, no.

The reason being?

The Japanese setting seems forced.

The cast is from the Meiji classic
but the action hasn't changed.

She takes poison, he commits harakiri.
That's not in the original.

And that's what's funny.

I don't understand.

The director's at wit's end
trying to adapt it.

I can see that.

Look at this part.

The director addresses the audience.

Second page.

"I am the director of this piece."

May I?

Please.

"On the 2,600th anniversary
of Emperor Jinmu's accession,

our stupid playwright created

an awful barbarian love story."

"So I boldly took up my pen

and wrought this tragic drama of love."

He sticks his oar in,
sets it in Japan.

So the forced elements are natural
and they're funny.

I see.

Forced is good.

A most arrogant director.

There aren't many like this.

Is it me?

This man is me.

Heavens, no.

Several things I said
mysteriously reappear.

Page three.

"If Churchill made noodles,
would you eat them?"

You've switched "sushi".
Otherwise they're my words.

Could you tell?

"Tell"? I knew straight away.

Are you making fun of me?

Not at all. It's a very good line.

Okay, I'll rewrite it.

Keep it as it is.

- I'll rewrite it.
- It's fine.

- But...
- It's fine!

Right, I'll leave as is.

"Noodles" is weak.
Please replace "sushi".

I understand.

It makes the director's point.

I'll replace it.

Don't worry, it's much better.

Does the audience allow
these cheap jokes?

They come to laugh.
If it's funny, anything goes.

It's beyond me.

I fixed it.

This should be "sushi", too.

I actually preferred "sushi"

but wasn't sure how you'd take it.

"Noodles" doesn't hit the spot.

It needs Churchill
squeezing that rice.

I fixed it.

Good.

Official approval?

They're all waiting.
I implore you.

There's more.

Where?

I can't approve it.

But I fixed everything you said.

One more request.

You never mentioned
it yesterday.

Your head was already full
so I kept quiet.

But...

I was being considerate.

What more must I do?

Please include
"For the sake of my nation".

- "The sake of my nation"?
- Correct.

Give me a break.

I beg your pardon?

There's no place for that.

I'd like there to be.

Where? Who says it?

I'm not the writer. That's your job.

Impossible.

Then let's double it. "The nation's
sake, the nation's sake."

Where will it fit in the story?

Change the story to make it fit.

But...

A story to stir people's spirits
would be to my liking.

This is a comedy.

We do it to make folks laugh.

It appears you still don't get it.

We've no need for plays
just to make people laugh.

Let's repeat it three times.

"The nation's sake, the nation's sake,
the nation's sake."

I'll think about it.

I'll be here same time tomorrow.

Excuse me.

THE THIRD DAY

Place of birth?

Small talk.

In Morioka.

A nice place.

Famous for noodles.

Very tasty.

All-you-can-eat.

That's right.

How many bowls can you eat?
A thousand?

I'm not sure about that.

Let's begin.

Sorry. I'm no good at small talk.

Not at all.

I read your play.

Are we in the ball-park?

About the new line.

It's in there. I gave it to Kanichi.

It's definitely in there.

- Three times.
- Most strident.

Be so kind as to read.
Page thirty-three.

Kanichi's speech.
Two lines from the top.

Please.

Kanichi:

"Darling, I go to fight
for the sake of my nation."

"I don't mind dying,
for the sake of my nation."

"For my nation's sake,
my soul soars off to battle."

Too over-the-top?

Over-the-top is good.

Enter a young geisha.

"Dear Kanichi."

"Ah, here's Miss Neyshan."

People will take his love of 'nation'
to mean this geisha.

Correct.

Is this on purpose?

Yes.

This is your intent?

That's right.

I set it up with
"sake of my nation."

When Miss Neyshan turns up
they'll go nuts.

You don't seem to understand.
I'm not aiming at laughs.

But if we can score them as well...

My request didn't mean
bring out "Miss Neyshan".

I refer to our
Great Japanese Empire.

I understand that.

Men die for our nation.
Who the hell is Miss Neyshan?!

It's abominable.

I'll rewrite it.

- Rewrite it.
- I'll rewrite it.

Rewrite it now.

I just can't understand you.

My pen got carried away.

You knew I'd hate it,
so why did you write it?

It's my nature.
I can't help going for the laugh.

Who is this woman, anyway?

She's only in this scene.

She's Kanichi's other lover.

It's not my place to say, perhaps

but it's very slipshod plotting.

That's fine.

I put her in just to get a laugh.

You treat human life very lightly.

It's theatre. That's how it is.

Shouldn't you depict real people?

Some theatre's like that.
We do comedy.

I don't understand.

For humanity, you go see drama.
Our punters want laughs.

I'll soon fix it.

You always liked writing?

I wanted to be an artist.

I started painting backdrops.

Backdrops?

Background scenery and stuff.

Before I knew it, I was doing this.

You found your vocation.

Right.

Is theatre that interesting?

Very interesting.

Until last month, I was
supervising workers abroad.

Where?

Occupied China.
Suppressing Anti-Japanese thought.

A very difficult job.

For me, this is harder.

I never imagined
I'd censor theatre.

Let alone this low-brow stuff.

I'm told I'm not receptive to comedy.

That can't be true.

Everyone says so.

I've no grasp of how
to make people laugh.

Don't you make jokes?

I haven't yet.

Witty comments?

I don't have any.

Making people laugh,
doesn't interest me.

To each his own.

Is laughter really that important?

I think so.

I've never really laughed
but I've got this far in life.

We're chalk and cheese,
you and I.

I'm done.

Let's see.

Kanichi: "I go to fight
for the sake of my nation."

"I don't mind dying,
for the sake of my nation."

Kanichi's mother appears.

Mother: "Supper's ready."

"I made your favourite.
Something special from the butcher."

Kanichi:

"I don't mind dying
for the steak of my nation."

Don't tell me...

Yes.

You changed "sake" for "steak"?

That's correct. Sorry.

You make light of the fact...

he'll die, not for his nation's sake,
but "steak"?

Yes.

Is that it?

Yes.

That's not what I meant!

I understand. I do but...

If you do, why write this?

I can't help myself.

I admire your productivity
under time limits.

- But why, if it's certain rejection?
- Forgive me.

You're a strange man.

I'll go think about it.

A good idea.

Anything else I should know?

Fix that then we move to the next.

It can't take forever.
We've no rehearsal time, as is.

That's your problem.

Can't I hear them all?

End of conversation.

Please.

The actors are all over me
wanting to know.

No concern of mine.

Excuse me.

Tsubaki-sensei.

Please address that other thing.

Kindly omit scenes
injurious to public morals.

Which scenes are they?

Kissing.

"Golden Demon" is a love story.
It must have kisses.

If you're set on this play
please remove the kisses.

How about a peck on the cheek?

No good.

What if it's sweet?

No good.

I'll make it chaste.

I don't care.

Please, a peck on the cheek.

I said no.

The forehead, then?

Just one little kiss, please?

Mr. Tsubaki,

please don't invite misunderstanding.

No matter where placed,
I cannot approve kissing.

A love story without kisses...

Tomorrow, then...

for the steak...

"Steak"...

THE FOURTH DAY

Kanichi:

"Darling, I go to fight
for the sake of my nation.

"I don't mind dying,
for the sake of my nation."

"For the sake of my nation..."

Continue.

Sorry, but I had to do it.

Continue, anyway.

Omiya opens her mouth as if to vomit.

Kanichi:
"For the sick of our nation."

It stinks.

It does indeed.

If it's that bad, why write it?

This isn't a school for bad writers.

Frankly, I can't handle this
one after another.

What's the point of "sick"?

"Sick" and "sake"
don't even rhyme.

I know it's terrible.

It's less and less funny.

I much preferred steak.

Did that please you?

Given the choice,
I'd rather it be steak.

I'll change it back.

I didn't mean that.
I meant if I had to compare.

I'll fix it.

...steak...

You're a curious man.

It's back to steak.

It's far superior to sick.

I think so, too.

It's not just comedy, it's a mother's
wish to pamper her son.

Anywhere else?

I believe I already asked
about the kissing.

The lovers stare at one another.

He embraces her. Their lips meet.

Their lips meet?

Please read on.

At that moment, enter a drunkard.

"It's alright for some."
The lovers separate.

Whenever they try to kiss
someone gets in the way.

It says their lips meet.

At the point of no return,
they're interrupted.

That's the gag.

To the contrary, they mustn't kiss.

If they do, it's not funny.

The comedy lies in them
almost being able.

You gave it a lot of thought.

It helps the script.

Thanks to your advice,
it's getting better.

Honoured to be of service.

Anything else to fix?

Not from my side.

Which means...

From my side.

Meaning what?

A request from the chief of police.

Wait a minute...

I shall pass it on.

He'd like a policeman to appear.

A policeman?

Preferably a good part,
a scene stealer.

I can't write more roles.

The chief insists.

No way. It changes the story.

Make his name "Ogawara", please.

It's his real name.

He'll bring his family on opening night.
He's very excited.

But...

Thank you for your hard work.

THE UNIVERSITY OF LAUGHS THEATRE

00:56:47,128
ISHIKAWA MASTER THIEF

WRITER:
HAJIME TSUBAKI

THE FIFTH DAY

What's that?

I was drunk last night.

Don't recall bumping it.

Get well soon.

Thank you.

How's the policeman's part?

It turned out better than I thought.

The chief read it.

He did?

He came by so I showed him.

He was very happy.

That's good news.

He requested we cast a handsome actor.

I'll tell my boss.

How about approval?

Will you give it?

Something else?

About the policeman...

I don't buy it.

Hang on a second.

The chief may be satisfied
but I'm not.

What do you mean?

He's just passing by.

Mr. Sakisaka...

The lovers embrace,
the officer appears...

Read it, please.

The lovers embrace.
A policeman appears.

"Hey, you two. What's going on?"

They break apart.
The officer approaches, smiling.

"Cheeky love-birds."
He exits, grinning.

Where's the problem?

It's too random.

You're telling me?

What?

The role didn't exist yesterday.

It's so artificial.
Like pressure from above

forced you to put it in.
I hate that.

That's the truth, though.

I beg your pardon?

Forgive me.

Can't there be a reason
for him to appear?

There is a reason.

What?

Just as they get in the mood,

their lips almost touch...
knock, knock, someone's there.

"What's going on, here?"
The punters will wet themselves.

They will?

Undoubtedly.

I wonder.

Trust me on this.
Guaranteed hilarity.

So the police officer's
the butt of your joke.

Absolutely not.

That's what you said.

No, I didn't.
The laugh's not at him,

but at the couple's panic.

That's your opinion.

The cop's a dream role.

You think he'll yell, but he just says
"Cheeky love-birds"

and walks away, cool as can be.

It's a plum part.

"Plum"?

There aren't many this fun to play.

Please give us approval.

Otherwise I don't know what
my boss'll say.

Wait. It bothers me.

What does?

I'm imagining how
the officer would feel.

Please, wait a moment.

Rehearsal time's running out.

It'll be too late, soon.

A couple embrace by the curb.

An officer approaches, looks...

What's the line?

"What's going on, here?"
They part.

He approaches. A tap on the shoulder.

"Cheeky love-birds."
Then he turns a blind eye.

Any problem?

What don't you like?

Why not turn a blind eye at the start?

You're meticulous.

I don't like him turning up
only to get a laugh.

It's like he's a peeping tom.

I feel like yelling at him
to leave them alone.

Mr. Sakisaka.

You're the first censor
ever to care this much.

This guy bothers me.

Some actors are like that
"This doesn't make sense".

"My character wouldn't do this".

I can't approve it.

The script's not right.

I never met such a censor.

It's not censorship,
it's story-editing.

Does he have to say,
"What's going on, here?"

Yes, he does.

Otherwise they've no need to separate.

I see.

"What's going on?" They see him.

It's all calculated.

Really...

Can you please give me a break?

But I can't approve it like this.

But the police chief is happy, right?

It's my decision!

Sorry, but give it another night.

A writer of your calibre
will think of something.

Excuse me.

How about this?

No, a layman should keep quiet.

What?

I just had an idea.

Forget it, I'm embarrassed.

Please, it might be useful.

It's just an amateur's idea.

Please tell me.

What if the officer's chasing someone?

Interesting.

He's after a robber. He happens by.

The lovers drop their embrace.

It might work well.

It was just a thought.

No, it might be really good.

I think it's more natural.

Mr. Sakisaka, it's funny.

Let's have him chase a robber.

An officer appears shouting "Halt!"

And he asks them,
"Did anyone just run past?"

But they didn't notice a thing.

That's right.

He leaves, they line up again.

Then he comes back and they part.

"He definitely came this way.
Where is he?"

We really feel his predicament.

The lovers want him to leave
but he won't 'til he finds his man.

This is good.
This is excellent comedy.

Really?

Let's try it out.

What, now?

It's best to walk it through.
It makes you realize things.

Let's do it.

Would you be the cop?

Me?

I'll play the couple.

Wait a minute.

Do his lines, please.

What do you mean?

It's your real job, right?

It's rather sudden.

So, the couple embrace...

Mr. Kanichi.

Ms. Omiya.

Enter Ogawara, the policeman.

If you please.

Mr. Kanichi.

Ms. Omiya.

Quick, I'm embarrassed, too.

Where from?

There.

What do I say?

You're chasing a thief, so, "Halt!"

"Halt!"

Then you glance at them.

Glance.

They jump apart. The cop runs off.

Runs off.

Quickly.

Don't push your luck.

It's just your exit.

From the top, once more.

Mr. Kanichi, Ms. Omiya.

Enter the cop.

Halt!

Glance.

They jump apart. Cop exits.

I like it. I like it a lot.

- Mr. Tsubaki, may I?
- Of course.

Maybe best if he doesn't glance.

If it were me, I'd approach them.

But a look will get a laugh.

No, he wouldn't look. It's not true.

Perfectionist.

I couldn't approve it.

Okay. He doesn't look
just runs past.

It's best.

Mr. Kanichi.

Ms. Omiya.

Enter Ogawara.

Halt!

Then when he leaves,

the couple gets ready again.

Mr. Kanichi, Ms. Omiya.

Ogawara returns.

Your line please.

What is it?

Did a man just run past?

Did a man just run past?

The thief went that way.

Which way's "that way"?

Very nice.

It just came out.

That way's there.

There...

The cop exits.

They embrace again.

Ogawara returns once more.

He does?

Please.

Isn't it too much?

That's comedy.

Damn.

Where did he go?

That's very good.

Over there, Officer.

Over there...

The cop exits.

He comes back again.

Are you sure?

Maybe this way.

This way!

Then again.

No, that's enough.
It's already too much.

One more time.

Three times is over-the-top.
Four is overdone.

If you say so.

I'm sweating.

Please, take a break.

May I say something?
It occurred to me...

When pursuing a thief,
no officer would yell "Halt!"

Is that right?

No thief ever stops as ordered.

What do we do? How about
"You bastard"?

He won't shout if he can't see him.

What'll we do?

How's this?

He's with his men
and yells, "He went that way!"

Mr. Sakisaka.

Superb.

Mr. Kanichi.

Ms. Omiya.

Over there, he went that way!

Mr. Kanichi.

Ms. Omiya.

Did a man just run past?

The thief went that way.

Which way's "that way"?

That way's there.

He went that way!

Mr. Kanichi, Ms. Omiya.

Damn, where'd he go?

Officer, he went there.

Men, that way.

Mr. Kanichi, Ms. Omiya.

Are you sure?

Then, maybe this way.

This way!

Over here.

He went this way.

Men, over here.

That's strange. Over here.

Mr. Sakisaka.

It's wonderful.

Really impressive, Mr. Sakisaka.

If you'd compile that
I'd be grateful.

You've got a writer's gift.

Don't flatter me.

I'll go home and work on it.

Thank you for your help.

It feels strange.

Not like a censor but as if
I'm helping you make it funnier.

For which I'm grateful.

See you tomorrow.

Excuse me.

ADULTS: 50 SEN
CHILDREN: 20 SEN

THE SIXTH DAY

Take thou this vial.
Thy pulse shall halt.

For three hours, sleep as though dead.

For your love to prosper,

this potion is the only way.

Father.

Here's Omiya.

About this sleeping potion.

This is it.

I take it and die once.

In the tomb, I meet Kanichi
and we elope.

Correct.

Does it work?

Worry not. Drink it
and die like the sleeping.

Really? I'm not supposed to die!

My mistake. Sleep like the dying.

Thank you. Are you sure it works?

No need to worry.

No side-effects?

Tested on animals.

On animals?

A frog, a dog and a monkey.

The frog and dog recovered.

That's a relief.
What about the monkey?

It died.

That's no good.

Only the monkey.

But they're the most human.

Do ex-squeeze me.

Did a person try it?

Don't worry. I did last night.

How was it?

No side-effects.

That's a relief.

I should know; I was awake all night.

Some sleeping potion...

Do ex-squeeze me.

It's coming together.

Getting much funnier.

Thanks to you.

Not that I really care.

Fancy a smoke?

Not for me, thanks.

Imperial issue.

Thanks anyway.

Pardon me.

It's thanks to you.

You've got innate comic talent.

Please, stop.

I really think so.

It's just an amateur's luck.

Comedy needs a special sense.

Rewriting with my boss
never goes this smoothly.

Actors only look at their own role

and try to get more lines.

They're exhausting to work with.

This 'Blue Sky' chap, your boss.

Is he really popular?

I guess so. Our headline act.

Be honest with me. Is he funny?

You put me on the spot.

Answer the question.

Sometimes he's funny.

Tons of experience. Great timing.

What about "ex-squeeze me"?

You've got me there...

Honestly, nobody laughs at all.

You're right, but...

Someone should tell him.

It's his trademark phrase.

If he didn't do it, we'd miss it.

I don't understand.

Mr. Sakisaka.

How did you know?

That nobody laughs?

I can just imagine.

You saw the show?

You came by our theatre?

Last night, on my way home.

Did you really?

Not that I was really interested.

You should've come backstage.

Were you there?

I was directing.

Really.

So you actually came...

Did you write that, too?

Yes.

"Ishikawa Master Thief."

A Kabuki classic as samurai slapstick.

Script problems?

Not to speak of.
Just "ex-squeeze me".

It came up eight times.

Did you enjoy it?

Categorizing the audience,

one might say I was
among those amused.

Please admit you had fun.

Your boss ruins it, though.

What a hammy fool.

I know.

He plays Shogun Hideyoshi?

Why does he spin cushions?

Is it in the script?

Your idea?

It's his party trick.

We have to put it in somewhere.

This time...

I don't recall anything
involving cushions.

There is.

Really?

Everything must be in there, by law.

Where is it?

Right here.

"The priest stands playing around."

Does that mean the cushion trick?

I didn't realize.

I kept it vague thinking
you'd rule it improper.

Get rid of it.

But...

It's not a question of proper or not.
It's not funny.

What'll he say?

- Do you like it?
- Not really.

Lose it.

He's our troupe leader,
so he'll do it anyway.

I'll arrest him on the spot.

If he tries it again,
I'll shoot him dead.

It does stick out,

but it's not completely bad.

If it keeps him in good spirits

then there's a point to it.

Is he that important?

If he's in a good mood
the whole theatre relaxes.

The other cast members can all
relax into their roles.

Theatre's a living thing,
these details are important.

If you could let it go
just this once.

If that's what you wish...

Sorry.

It's fixed.

Let's see.

No further problems.

Thank you very much.

Good luck with rehearsals.

Thank you very much.

I'll be there opening night.

I look forward to it.

Yesterday,

I stopped at a nearby bar.

Which one?

By the bridge.

You spoke to the old guy?

He talks a lot.

Yes, he does.

He loves Asakusa theatre.
Sees all the plays.

A walking encyclopedia.
What did he say?

He told me lots.

About our theatre?

Investigation's my forte,
so I got a lot of information

undercover, of course,

about you and the theatre.

Your reputation is terrible.

He's just a guy in a bar.
I don't pay attention.

I asked others, too.

The ticket collector.

The old lady?

She referred to you as a traitor.

Traitor.

Stool pigeon.

Police lapdog.

Traitor.

Stool pigeon.

Police lapdog.

I've heard them all.

I don't care.

Let them talk.
The punters know the truth.

That injury wasn't from a bump.

The actors beat you up.

What's going on?

They hate that I keep rewriting
per your orders.

"Why don't you put up a fight?"

You fought plenty hard.

"If you'd any self-respect,
you wouldn't take it."

But then you'd be shut down.

A proud man would prefer that.

Many theatres choose to close.

I don't care. As long as the play
gets better.

I don't care what others say.

And your boss?

As long as he's got
his best line and his cushions.

I...

should apologize.

I'd no idea it'd lead to that.

It's fine.

I got you into that situation.

I'm not bothered.

To tell the truth...

I intended to shut you down.

I started this work thinking

to place unreasonable demands

and close these unsuitable plays.

I figured as much.

Thus my requests and nit-picking.

I thought you'd give up.

But you held fast,

rewrote to my request

and made a better script.

Even an amateur can see that.

Half the credit is yours.

Not at all. It's your ability.

Thank you for your kind words.

I admire you. Victory is yours.

You're one of the very best.

Disregard the others and keep at it.

There's talk of a commendation.

I put your name forward.

You didn't have to do that.

Allow me that much.

Invite you for lunch with the staff.

Don't please. I'd get even more flak.

Maybe so.

Mr. Sakisaka.

I'll tell you a secret.

This is my struggle.

Struggle?

In what sense?

I don't understand
what our country's doing.

Why is laughter wrong?

Why take away people's pleasures?

I understand how you feel.

But this isn't the place
to mention it.

Sorry.

But I just don't get it.

A world where we can't write freely
is wrong.

Why can't we write what we choose?

We just want to be funny
why submit each line to a censor?

Mr. Tsubaki.

I thought of laying down my pen.

But I'm a comedy writer.

Comedy writers must have their
own way of dissent.

Ignoring the emperor's laws
and withdrawing a script is one way.

Ignoring the censor's input,

staging the play, then awaiting arrest
is another.

But this didn't feel right for me.

It's not in a comedy writer's blood.

What unique way could I employ?

Then I knew.

I'd take whatever they threw at me.

Rewrite everything they asked.

But make it better,

funnier, more interesting than before.

I knew that would be my way.

My way of struggling,

against the authorities.

I understand what you've said.

Thank you.

Let me ask one thing.

Why tell me?

I knew you'd understand me.

At least you understand comedy.

A gross overestimation.

What a pity.

Mr. Sakisaka...

You shouldn't have told me any
of that.

Wait a minute.

Such a shame.

It seems we got carried away

and forgot our places.

I am the face
of the authority you so despise.

You think I can turn a blind eye?

Mr. Sakisaka...

How could you be so naive?

I didn't want to hear it.

Wait a minute.

Did not want to hear it.

What will you do?

Are we shut down?

That would be easy.

So too, detaining you as an agitator.

But let's play fair and square.

You have your way, I have mine.

It'll be a battle of wits.

What do you mean?

I can't approve the script as is.

I forgot one important change.

Can you indulge this request?

Let me hear it.

Remove all elements of humour.

But that's...

As a comedy, it cannot be faulted.

But in these times
comedy itself is inappropriate.

Please excise all comedic parts.

Should one remain,
the play will not be approved.

I'm to stop writing plays?

Interpret it as you will.

How about it?

Are you up to the challenge?

Of course.

Give me a day. I'll rewrite it.

Excuse me.

Mr. Tsubaki.

You did understand me?

I believe so.

Yet you'll rewrite it?

Yes.

I want a comedy with no laughs.

Such a thing is impossible.

How would you know?

You're so confident.

I'm not.

But I've faith in myself.

Something will come to me.

As it has thus far.

Comedy without laughs.

Sounds interesting.

I look forward to it.

Excuse me.

I'll see you tomorrow.

THE SEVENTH DAY

It's the first time you're late.

I'm sorry.

You look tired.

I didn't sleep.

Not at all?

No.

I read your script.

You worked hard. It's changed.

It's a different work altogether.

All done in one night.

I worked flat out.

What were you thinking?

About what?

Remember what I said?

If I laughed once,
there'd be no approval.

So, what's this?

It's funny from page one.

You think so?

Page two. Kanichi and Omiya meet.

Why the regional accent?

Is there one?

"Me-oh-my, it's my Omiya."

It's goofy as hell.

What's the idea?

Tell me. What were you thinking?

I'm honoured you laugh.

What about this...

Kanichi's line,

"This time next year
and the year after that and

the year after,
the y'after, the y'after..."

It's stupid.

It's stupid but it's fun.

You like that, don't you.

What is it?

It's the funniest yet.

Explain yourself.

Enlighten me.

I said not to make me laugh once.

How many times do you think I did?

I counted.

Eighty three times.

Me, who's never laughed in his life.
I laughed eighty three times.

I'm honoured.

I laugh just to think of it.

Fool.

Is it some kind of challenge?

Fair enough.

Your script is a delight.
But a deal is a deal.

I can't approve it.
You may leave.

Excuse me.

Wait.

What's going on?

Forget it.

I don't understand.

Things have changed.

Things?

When I got home, I found this.

ARMY DRAFT ORDERS

Even if the play's approved,
I won't be there to see it.

Mr. Tsubaki.

I report in two days

to an infantry regiment up North.

In that case...

Congratulations.

Thank you.

Just between us,

I wrote the draft board
to defer your call-up.

They crossed in the mail.

You did that...

Thank you for the thought.

Wait a minute.

Does it mean you wrote the script

knowing of your draft?

I was so engrossed, I blocked it out.

Extraordinary.

Mr. Sakisaka.

It contains everything
I learned in Asakusa.

I give it to you.

It'll never be performed.

Share it with someone.

Mr. Tsubaki...

Excuse me.

Please wait.

What of your theatre?

I don't know.

You drove their popularity.

The next play?

Cancelled, I guess.

What a waste. With such a script.

A script's no use without a director.

Can't something be done?

Mr. Sakisaka.

But it's perfect.

What a thing to say.

It's not approved, remember.

You're right.

Thank you for everything.

Mr. Tsubaki.

Bravely,

I'll go to die for my nation.

Excuse me.

Wait.

Don't disturb us.

Don't get killed.

Mr. Sakisaka.

I'll look after the script for you.

Mr. Sakisaka.

One day...

you'll direct this.

But...

So, make it home. Do not die.

Are you allowed to say that?

It's a secret.

I'm grateful to you.

You opened my eyes to a world
I never knew existed.

I've been laughing all week.

Me, who'd never laughed before.

I took it home and reread it.

Laughed at each line.

Imagined the actor's moves.

Then...

Felt grateful to the intelligence
of the man behind it.

I want to read more of your plays.

Make me laugh more.

Who knows if the troupe
will exist on my return.

We'll get new actors.

It's not easy.

Okay. If no-one else, I'll do it.

Impossible.

Kanichi and Omiya.

The cop--I'll play them all.

It's impossible.

I'll do it.

Don't you worry.

Thank you.

Come back safe.

No talk of death
for the nation's sake.

Isn't that what you wrote?

It's only worth dying for steak.

You like that line, don't you?

I love it.

UNIVERSITY OF LAUGHS

YAKUSHO Koji

INAGAKI Goro

Original Story & Screenplay by
MITANI Koki

Music by HONMA Yusuke

Produced by Fuji Television / TOHO / PARCO
In Association with Kyodo Television

Directed by HOSHI Mamoru

©2004 Fuji Television / Toho / Parco

THE END

English subtitles by
Kennedy Taylor & Aya Futami