Original subtitles

- This toxic refinery will never get big.

They say this site is cursed by demons.

Can you believe that?

Everything has been cursed

from this site by the Toxic Avenger.

- In the beginning, it was just Mitch and Mark,

completely exposed to all that toxic waste.

- In 1984, Troma Entertainment

did the unthinkable.

Lloyd Kaufman peed into the marshlands of New Jersey,

and the Toxic Avenger was born.

This gave rise to the legendary, if not mythic,

Melvin the Mop Boy, Mark Torgl,

who came into contact

with contaminants that transformed him

into a superhuman hero.

At the peak of the success of the cult classic movie,

the Mop Boy disappeared.

30 years later, he made this call.

- Call from Torgl, Mark.

- Joe.

It's Torgl.

I know you weren't expecting to hear from me,

maybe ever again,

but I have something I need to tell you.

It's something I need to tell a lot of people.

Can you call me?

- Mark!

- Oh my God.

- I was on that set.

- It's like somebody knew

something was about to happen.

- Where have you been?

- It's a long story.

- Jeez, Mark, are you okay?

- Yeah, sort of.

I need your help.

- For what? - I was invited

to a horror convention in this house,

called the Mad Monster Party.

- A horror convention? - Organizers tracked me down,

asked if I would appear

as their celebrity guest for a weekend.

- Mark, why would you call me about this?

- You're the only one I can trust.

- Are you in some kind of trouble?

- It may be the only chance I get to explain

what really happened-- - Huh?

- ...On the set of The Toxic Avenger.

- On set, what do you mean?

- I want you to be there to videotape everything.

Something I didn't understand was happening to me.

- What? - I needed to be somewhere

alone to figure this out.

- For 30 years?

Mark, what's this have to do with The Toxic Avenger?

- Joe, I can't go into it now,

but I have something very important to tell my fans,

and I want you to be there when I tell them.

- Mark-- - Please, just be there.

Melvin's entire life,

in fact, entire being,

was changed by toxic chemical waste.

- There's been whispers that he's coming out.

- I mean, no one's seen this guy for, like, forever!

I'm on the hunt.

I'm on the hunt for Melvin.

- I heard this guy was fucking dead!

- He's always got that shit-eating grin on his face.

- He's stressing me, truly, he is stressing me!

- I'd really like to get my hands on that tutu.

- I remember those days.

- The Mop Boy.

- I always thought that he was, like,

hideously scarred from it.

- God knows what Lloyd Kaufman did to him.

- Well, we've seen the documentaries

about how Troma has made their movies,

but I've never gotten to see how Toxic Avenger was made.

- Mark Torgl helped me overcome all my fears.

- Probably would've ended up being

our generation's Hamlet.

- And he was an inspiration to me.

- But, the fool kept talking about,

"The Toxic Avenger is here.

"The Toxic Avenger is here."

- Melvin the Mop Boy. - Did you get that?

- I just ran into the guy who did The Toxic Avenger!

- You look great.

- Melvin the Mop Boy changed my life.

- Melvin's here, dude.

- It's almost like that Holy Grail kinda thing.

- There was a lot of that Melvin inside me.

- He was sorta, like, my hero when I was in high school.

- That, like, totally became this Toxic Avenger.

- We need you, Melvin.

We need you.

- You were a big part of my growing up.

- Well, good. - I probably watched

Toxic Avenger about a million times.

- That's how you became the bad guy.

- Probably.

- The Toxic Avenger,

it's the only movie that has a young boy's

head being squashed by the wheel of an automobile,

that was then made into a children's

environmentally-correct television cartoon show.

Convention News Source

is the pulse of everything dead.

- Some of the emails I'm getting,

it's really interesting what they think.

I mean, they equate him with being, like, a rock star,

or even like a Kennedy, like the new Camelot.

- Especially when you haven't seen somebody for so long

and then, all of a sudden, they make a resurgence,

I know on the convention set,

like here at the Mad Monster Party,

I mean, people are gonna go nuts when they see him.

- It's almost like Elvis came back to life.

- Exactly. - You know,

in the horror community. - Unlike Elvis,

he hasn't really changed a day.

When you look at him, it's like, wow, there's Melvin.

- Please welcome...

Mark Torgl.

- You'll have the fans out here, man!

We still love you!

We'll support you forever!

- Unexpected appearance of Mark Torgl

from Toxic Avenger.

- He's gonna be making some big announcement or something.

I'm really excited.

Like, he's Melvin Junko, Melvin fucking Junko.

- I defy you, in the history of cinema, to

identify a funnier scene,

and he made it happen.

Mark Torgl made it happen.

How did you get that part, Mark Torgl?

- If you remember,

I was going to NYU film school at the time,

and you guys put up a notice on our job board, saying,

"Come and work on a real film.

"We won't pay you like you would on a real film,

"but you'll get great experience,"

so I came down.

Lloyd, I interviewed with you and Michael Herz,

and you said, "Okay, you go to NYU.

"What do you wanna do on this film?"

And I said, "Well,

"I'd like to be the script supervisor,

"'cause I get to work with the director,"

and Lloyd was like, "Yes, done.

What else do you wanna do on this film?"

I said, "Well, I enjoy writing."

"Great, you can write some additional scenes.

"What else do you wanna do?"

And I was like...

I should have said, "Oh, can I direct?"

- Hi, I'm Cheyenne.

I heard that there's this urban rumor

that is going around that some actual toxic waste

was used on The Toxic Avenger?

Is that true?

- I'm not sure I can answer that properly,

because it's...

I don't know what else I can tell you.

- Toxic waste on set?

I mean, what is this, I mean come on.

- Maybe he has some problems

with his health that he doesn't wanna reveal.

- Lloyd Kaufman hasn't talked, much,

about what happened to Mark Torgl, but

something happened.

- He can't tell us.

There's a reason he can't tell us.

- There's a danger

involved

in the glory.

- Hm.

Glory of celebrity?

- Not the glory of celebrity.

- People ask, why has Troma been able to prosper,

or at least survive, as an independent movie studio

for 40 years, making movies that nobody sees.

How is that possible?

The secret weapon we have is our fans.

Our fans are incredibly loyal.

- Thank you very much.

I can't believe this is your first convention.

- Yeah. - What got you out to a

convention? - They really

sold it to me.

- Was Lloyd Kaufman

as crazy and manic and...

- Oh, yeah. - Stuff as he seems

in the most recent film documentaries?

- Oh, yeah, he never changes.

- One, two, three.

- There's nothing about toxic substances in this book.

Gangs of New Dork.

Why hasn't Mark done a convention with Lloyd

after all these years?

He'd have a blast doing this stuff.

- Will the convention world

deal its blows to the infamous Mop Boy?

- It was Lloyd Kaufman.

I was afraid of him.

He was...

I mean, I'd never made a movie before,

and when he said close up,

I didn't know you weren't supposed to move.

Is anything the matter?

But the lunches were nice

if you could eat at the Jersey city dump.

I felt sorry for that young production assistant

who had the thankless job of bringing that

smelly stuff from New Jersey.

Her name was Nicki or Mikki or something.

- That can't be her. - You know, I remember,

she said she climbed through some barbed wire fence

to get to the river that was

off-limits because that water was so disgusting.

- This girl was in the airport with Mark.

- Do I know you?

- What? - You look familiar.

- No, I don't think you know me.

- You know, some years later,

that same area in New Jersey

became a remediation site for toxic chemicals.

- This is a production still.

How could she be in this?

- Shh!

- This photo is over 30 years old.

It actually is her.

- Just when you contacted me

to do this interview...

- Get him, get him!

- Slug told me Bozo just called him out of the blue.

- Hm, Slug was supposed to

meet Mark at the convention.

Do you have idea why he never showed up?

- Slug was upset about something.

I could tell in his voice.

- Mark told me Slug had something to give him.

- He didn't tell me what it was.

All I know is

Slug told me

Bozo had anger issues.

- Next time you fuck with me,

I'm gonna take this mop and shove it down your throat!

He's stressin' me, Julie, he is stressin' me!

- Stupid me, like,

swallowed a huge amount of this stuff.

I don't know, you know.

I don't know where they got it,

but

I swallowed it.

I came out choking,

thought I was gonna die.

- I heard Mark's back.

That's interesting.

He disappears for 30 years,

and now, out of the blue,

he's making convention appearances?

- Oh, fuck!

- Get outta here, ya pervert!

- It's a setup.

- I had, like, excuse me, hey.

You know, I just wanna come say hello

to Mark and all of them.

Just a huge fan, he was so gracious

and all this other stuff, man.

I really wanted to give him this book,

but I want to send it to him so I have his address.

Appreciate that.

Thanks for comin'

- Yeah, yeah.

I grew up in New Jersey, in Bergen County,

and I went to school

at what we called Tromaville High School,

which was really

Northern Valley Regional High School of Old Tappan,

and Sarabel Levinson, Toxic's mom,

was my

teacher.

So, I'm not kiddin' around, man.

I wrote...

- Wow!

- Oh Sarabel Levinson and Other Toxic Love Poems.

- Did you have, like, a love affair with her?

- A love affair? - Yeah.

- Is it true that she has...

- Sorry.

- ...One of the original tutus from the set?

I've heard that somewhere.

Just meeting Mark before was amazing.

Toxic!

Woo!

- I was never able to find that original tutu,

which meant a lot to me.

In fact, it was one of the only things

that gave me the comfort

of feeling connected.

The tutu actually became part of my identity,

and then, suddenly, it went missing.

- We have, like, releases to sign,

if you're into it.

I don't know if you would be, but...

And then, we could stay in touch with you

and tell you, like, what's happening--

- So... - If you wanna know

when things are-- - My name, Ginger Lafferty,

will be in this production you're doing?

- Yeah.

- Really? - Yeah.

Yeah, of course.

I mean, we'd be happy to do that.

It's the least we could do if you let us, you know,

put this information in our film.

- I mean, it'll be

in this documentary you're doing for Mark.

It'll be in the same...

- Yeah.

I mean, we're cool with that, if you are, I mean.

- Mark Torgl, Melvin the Mop Boy

from The Toxic Avenger...

- Yeah.

- You look really upset. - Thank you.

No, I'm happy.

- Okay. - I'm very happy.

- ...Will be signing photos for the first time.

- I took my grandson, Jonny,

who loves the movie

to a monster convention in Florida.

- Hey, Grandma, are you okay?

Hey, it's Jonny.

- Never been to one before.

There I am, telling him how famous I am,

and how the people who made the movie

would be so delighted to see me.

- Grandma Fairplay, you okay?

- But, no,

didn't happen that way.

They couldn't have cared less.

- Jonny.

Jonny Fairplay.

- I am Jonny Fairplay.

- I heard you know Mark Torgl.

- See ya, Angel.

- Mark Torgl, sure, yeah, I know him.

- So, you're friends.

- He's, like, my best friend, yeah.

- I have an offer for you.

- An offer? - Let's talk.

- I love offers, hmm.

- I worked with Lloyd on Return to Nuke 'Em High,

volumes one and two,

and you know, he's like your

psychotic grandfather on dopamine.

Yeah, 'cause he's driven

and scary, at times,

very scary,

and quite the storyteller.

You never know what's real and what's fiction.

One thing I heard, you know, as

you are immersed in the cloak and dagger politics

in the Troma office--

- Look at this, look at these balls!

- Okay, quiet, quiet!

- You start to hear crazier things,

and one thing I heard was that,

on the set of the original Toxic Avenger,

guy who supplied the toxic waste,

apparently, he'd show up with his two daughters and

he'd have the older one

drink this substance,

and

he'd kinda say, "All right," you know,

"Show 'em what you got."

- Jonny.

I will get what I need.

- Who is this woman?

Does Mark know her?

- It's Jonny.

- Are we ready, Jonny?

- Hey, I just wanted to let you know I'm here and

just settling in.

- You'll do your very best for me, won't you, Jonny?

- No, you have my full attention.

- Once you have the jar in your hands,

you'll call me, okay?

- Hey, are you sure this Mecca girl's gonna show up?

- Where're you going?

- Shh!

- She'll be there, I promise.

Just turn on the charm.

- Let's see if Jonny comes through.

I gotta go.

- Mark was lucky enough to land the role of Melvin

in the original Toxic Avenger.

- I saw him

as an underdog,

very socially awkward,

nerdy,

kid that, you know, was happy-go-lucky,

but got picked on and bullied.

- They always made jokes

about conditions on the set.

Girls with big tits.

I was kind of embarrassed.

I never told anybody this,

but I lost my virginity on set.

You did?

- Slug got one of the

PAs to do it with me.

- Wooey!

- Hey, Mark Torgl, it's Jonny Fairplay!

- Jonny, I remember you.

- Catch up on old times.

- See you, I got a line of people here.

- Anyway-- - Good to see ya.

I'd like to see 'em lose it.

- Okay, all right, cool.

Well, I'll just be around.

- Yeah, see ya later.

- Hi, Mark. - Hi there.

- It's a pleasure to meet you.

- Would you like a picture-- - You don't know me,

but I don't know if you remember Mikki?

- Mikki?

- Anyway, she left something for you,

and it's really important

and I need to give it to you.

- All right.

What is it? - So...

Well, it needs to be in private.

- Oh. - So if you can

meet me in my room later?

- Meet you in your room?

- It's room 1102.

Will you meet me? - 1102?

- 1102, thank you. - I'll be there.

1102?

- Thanks.

- Hey.

Yeah.

Gotta go.

Hey.

Mecca?

You're friends with Mikki?

- Yeah.

- I knew Mikki.

- Oh.

- She's a really cool chick.

- Uh-huh. - Like,

we hung out here last year.

- Yeah.

That's cool.

- Wanna chat?

- Sure, come on, let's talk about it.

- Nice room.

- Thanks.

- You have anything to drink?

- Beer?

- Love one.

Thanks.

- You're welcome.

- So...

Yeah, I was here...

Last year, with Mikki,

and it was a pretty fun time.

I mean, you know, we were hanging out with Mark, you know?

I mean, like,

what happened?

- No one really knows what happened to her.

When they found her, it was just...

- I can make things better.

I mean, Mikki and I were...

Friends.

You wanna be friends?

Me and Mikki, we had a lot of fun here.

A lot of fun.

- I'm really uncomfortable right now.

- Mikki wasn't.

- Look, I have to tell you,

Mikki and I were lovers.

Yeah.

- That's really too bad.

Yeah.

I think you like that.

I think you like that a lot.

Yeah, yeah.

You're into that, aren't you?

Why don't you join Mikki?

Join Mikki.

Finally.

- Mecca?

Are you in there?

- Oh my God, it's Melvin!

- No, not you guys again! - I love you!

- I need to be moved to another room,

on a different floor.

- Mark Torgl.

You know, the star of The Toxic Avenger,

was asked some weird questions today.

- I have, you know, spent my life

being known for being a Toxic Avenger star.

- Yeah, except where was he?

- One was regarding

the toxic waste that was on the set.

- What's all this about toxic waste?

- All I know is

I wanna get my hands on some.

- You'd love to get your hands on a lot of things.

- Well, that just made me a little wetter.

- I'll make you wetter!

♪ Toxic substance

♪ This is so magical

- With Melvin, anything could happen at any moment.

That excites me.

- May I say hello?

I'm Ginger.

What do you have here?

- Whoa, whoa.

No, no, no.

No! - What is he doing?

- You can share a little bit.

- Hey, no, no, no, no!

That's not-- - Just let it be shared.

- That's not really for...

You don't want...

No, that's mine, I need that.

You don't...

- Woo!

- It's gone.

The jar is gone!

She told me that the toxic waste

is spreading into the rivers of New Jersey

and that we have to do something

before it contaminates the water supply.

What is this stuff?

- The fuck?

- Do you know, Mark?

Do you know?

- My name's Mikki.

Nice to meet you.

- Someone is trying to kill me.

Call from Torgl, Mark.

I've been livin' a lie.

If people found out

about this stuff,

our world as we know it would cease to exist.

- You got people sorta, like, freaked out here.

- And that's why I've been hiding.

Joe, you're my best friend,

and I've been meaning to tell you this

for a really long time, and I haven't,

and I wanna show you something.

- I heard rumors that something from that toxic waste

is thick with him.

- But the camera can't see it,

so take the camera away.

- No, I think-- - Yeah, Joe,

take the camera away.

- Wait a minute!

Look who's in the back.

It's Mark Torgl, ladies and gentlemen!

Little Melvin, original Toxic Avenger!

Come on up, Mark.

What a surprise, who knew?

- Mark?

- Sorry, Joe. - Mark, what is going on?

- That's what's going on. - What is that, Mark?

Mark what are you drinking?

- I'm sorry.

- Well hey, this is big.

This is big, it's the first time it's even happened.

Mark will be at the booth tomorrow, signing.

- He's got fans who want his autograph.

- I was so excited.

Mark Torgl was coming, they put up the posters.

- Ask if you would sign my body.

- There you go.

- I like that.

Melvin lives, dude!

Fuckin' Melvin lives, he's back!

- To me, it was like another Spiderman story.

You know how Spiderman came from nothing,

became this dude-- - Yeah.

- You know, Melvin-- - Basically.

- Came from nothing, became The Toxic Avenger.

- And people are lining up, over here,

to see Mark Torgl, and-- - Lloyd!

Lloyd!

- Yay, it's Mark Torgl!

Mark Torgl, everybody! - The dark era of him not

appearing in person is over.

He's obviously here to stay now,

and I think it's fantastic.

- Bystanders think, you know, stuff happens.

They think it's, like, an event.

I felt like that was happening.

- Ladies and gentlemen,

great news at the Troma booth.

- We were just kinda lookin' from afar,

and it was just causing this commotion.

It was just this

toxic thing, you could even say.

- Mark Torgl, the original Melvin from The Toxic Avenger.

- You have the original Toxie,

ready to meet everyone,

with the creator right next to him.

This is like a reunion.

- Thank you, Lloyd.

It's been 30 years.

I have something so important that I need to tell you.

That-- - We know who you are!

- No, wait, wait. - You need to come with us!

- No, wait!

Wait, why... - Turn the camera off!

Turn the camera off!

- One minute, we're sittin' there,

watching this thing go down,

and we're thinkin', "Oh, okay,

"it's just a big gag, you know, ha ha ha,"

and then it turns out to be frickin' real.

- Just the idea of somebody

taking someone so famous or...

Or so, so close to you.

- We've learned that Mark Torgl,

the star of The Toxic Avenger,

has been abducted from a convention.

- We want Mark!

We want Mark!

- Where are you taking me?

What're you gonna do with me?

- Get in and shut up.

- Everyone loves superhero movies,

and you know, Toxic Avenger's about a regular,

you know, skinny guy who becomes a superhero,

and that's what people like.

- There's really nothing to compare it to,

I mean, not since the Lindbergh baby, really,

has a kidnapping story captured the nation's

imagination like this one.

- It's become like a movement with people,

and it's snowballing and

it's just rolling-- - It strikes a chord,

that film.

It is a, you know,

a maniacally farcical vision of America.

- Everyone's talking about it.

I mean, there's people out there

that I think have just discovered Mark, you know,

because of this happening to him.

You know, that may not have known about him.

- I see you're taking direct action.

- Yes.

- Joe, have you heard from Mark?

- They said it's looking shaky.

- Can I ask you something?

- Yeah, what?

- I know you knew Mark for a long time.

Who's trying to get this stuff?

- Carrie, I don't know anything about this stuff.

I can't even believe you asked me that.

- Here he comes!

- There are rumors spreading through Tinseltown

that the toxic wastes used on the set of The Toxic Avenger

were real and contained contaminants.

- That was not toxic waste.

That was the lunch served to the crew.

- So, you're saying they're not rumors.

- Now, leave me alone!

- Do you know where the toxic waste came from?

- People are asking why you didn't

mobilize fans to help Mark.

- Mr. Kaufman.

There's at least one death in connection

with Mark's rescue. - It's the death of my career.

- Mr. Kaufman,

we understand that you're finally being considered

for a Lifetime Achievement Award.

If you're nominated, will you accept?

- Now, get me to my car.

Come on, ladies, come on--

- So, Mark and I knew each for,

you know, quite a few years.

I shot his films at NYU, and

there were a couple of movies that were very dark,

very cerebral.

You know, I often wondered

what was going on, in his head,

and this was around the time that he,

you know, took this work with Troma

and was working on The Toxic Avenger.

- I found

a prop girl

after The Toxic Avenger was done

and I was like, "What was that

"that you guys used?"

And she said, "I'm really embarrassed to tell you.

"It was just something we found

"in a rotting can

"in Bayonne, by the waste site."

It was really waste.

I hope it wasn't toxic,

but it was perfect for what we needed.

We were kinda drugged.

It's almost like something that I crave,

and she said,

"Well,

"that's weird,

"but, if you want it,

"I know where to get it."

It's you!

- You can tell me, can't you?

Tell me what's in that drink.

- Why do you want this so bad?

- If you tell me what's in this drink,

I can make you a very happy man.

- I don't know what you're talking about.

- Tell me what's in this drink!

- I don't know what's in the drink.

- Everything all right?

- Yes. - No, it's not.

Let me outta here.

- Then, what's the significance of this?

- Oh, my magic tutu.

If you put it on, you could float away.

- Don't play games with me.

I'll deal with you later.

- Okay, folks.

So, you can see the crowd is gathering.

Tutu Solidarity Movement has just launched.

- We interviewed Slug for the Toxic Avenger Blu-ray.

He told me that there was some sort of animosity

between the two sisters, that

the younger one grew up resenting the older one

for allowing the father to have done all this.

Lloyd got quite a few laughs out of that,

but he got a little nervous when Mark said

there was something he wanted to tell his fans.

I wonder if Mark knows about all this.

It wouldn't surprise me

if his abduction was linked to those two sisters.

- You abducted Melvin?

- Yes, I did.

- And the toxic substance?

- I don't know yet.

- That shit is dangerous.

- Have you tried it yet?

- It's toxic waste that daddy dredged from a river

and took to some set of a horror movie--

- Some horror movie?

The Toxic Avenger isn't some horror movie,

it's a cult classic film!

I've waited all my life for this,

and I'm not gonna let you stand between me

and a fucking gold mine.

- That shit killed daddy.

- Yeah, but it gave me orgasms.

But then, what would you know about orgasms, little sister?

- You're the reason he drank this stuff!

- Yeah, but it made his member swell,

and he let me drink all I wanted,

because he knew it made my pussy throb!

That was invigorating, huh sis?

- You're a slut.

- Yeah.

First come, first served.

Aren't you glad Melvin is back after all these years?

- Get out of here.

- Sure, little sister.

- Get out of here!

- This isn't the last of me.

- Row, dance! - Honey?

- Do you think

you can remember that? - Sweet heart!

Daddy's back. - Let's rap, Picasso.

- Little girlie!

There's something new I wanna show you.

It's about time you graduated to the real McCoy,

learn something in life that can actually help you.

'Cause I don't want you to end up like your mama did.

Are you listenin' to me?

Huh, are you listening?

Are you listenin', are you listenin' to me?

Huh?

That stuff's no good for you.

They're brainwashing you!

They're ruining your mind.

Hey.

I'm gonna change this DVD.

You watching this stuff.

Too old for that other stuff.

This is what you need.

This is what you outta watch.

This is gonna help you.

- Oops!

Oops.

Sorry.

- Mark.

We want you back, man.

We need you.

- I'm taking up for the little man,

just as he took up for the little man.

He got up there with his mop

and just cleaned up.

- We came all this way just to see Mark Torgl.

- And the Toxic Avenger-- - This is like

the first appearance he's ever made.

- My favorite part of the film

is where he just changes his voice.

He's just this wimpy guy.

- I can't let you in here! - Jonny, come on!

- Open up!

- Jonny Fairplay was

holed up up here, and...

You know, supposedly he killed his grandmother.

- Why'd you kill her?

- He beat up on Mecca, my friend,

and, basically, I've came down here to see if he knows

what's the connection with this toxic substance.

- No, no, no, no, no!

I need that!

They can't take that!

They can't take that!

I need that!

I need that! - Okay, stop it!

- I need that!

- Just get in there, it'll be all right.

- And to have a few words with him.

There's something in this toxic waste.

We don't know what it is, do you?

- I'm not sayin' anything.

- You really messed up, Jonny.

This ain't no reality TV show.

- What's gonna happen to me?

- Conditionally,

seeing as the murder

of your grandma wasn't intentional--

- What do you mean, murder?

I mean, I didn't murder my grandma.

I fuckin' tried to save her!

- So, to get you off the hook,

I'm gonna arrange some local community service.

- I'm not doing community service.

- You ever feel 500 volts

running across your nervous system?

Your tongue swells up like a balloon.

You start to burn, real hot,

and then your dick gets hard and explodes!

- What kind of community service?

- Any time

that you use this

in a match,

what we are all doing

is honoring

the great Jake "The Snake" Roberts.

- She didn't know what she was doing.

- Who are you talking about?

- Mikki, my little honey bee, Mikki, the PA.

- You knew her?

- She was bringin' in vats of toxic waste.

They weren't making that stuff in the Prop Department.

This was real toxic waste!

It looked great in the movie, and Mark knew it!

He didn't stay away.

He was playin' with real toxic waste.

- Wait a minute, Slug.

Are you sure this is the same girl?

- Could you help us find someone?

- Who are you looking for?

- His name is Mark Torgl.

He was abducted from the convention.

- Hm-- - He isn't dead, is he?

- Shut up, Eve.

- Oh my God.

- These women with big tits are coming

in and out of this place all day long.

That doesn't bother me at all.

- Harvey, we can't give Relativity

the rights to The Toxic Avenger remake,

because Relativity is bankrupt!

Joe Nardelli, who let you in?

- Hey, Lloyd.

Mark didn't want me to bring you into this, but

he told me there was something up with the toxic substance

on the set of The Toxic Avenger.

Do you know anything about that?

- Harvey, hold on, I'm sorry.

What do you want?

What is it?

- Did you ever drink it?

- What are you talkin' about, it was 30 years ago.

- Come on, Lloyd, you're not leveling with me.

I mean-- - All right.

That's it, that's it.

Julio, can you show Mr. Nardelli the door, please?

- Out. - Hey, no, no!

Lloyd!

You know something-- - And make some,

like, peanut butter and Nardelli out of him,

if you don't mind.

- Out. - No, no.

Lloyd! - Out!

- Listen, Mark's my best friend!

I mean, this isn't something you're trying to hide, is it?

Come on, tell me!

Lloyd!

- There was a situation on The Toxic Avenger,

a PA who claimed

to have a source to a toxic waste that was free.

- My tutu!

- I have to tell you something.

- She drove us out to this marsh in New Jersey.

We fill up this barrel, toxic waste,

and then, she tries to get me to drink this stuff,

and she guzzles it right there,

and she goes berserk, and she comes at me

and I'm trying to fight her off,

and I'm twice the size of her,

and I can't defend myself against her.

- Mark Torgl!

Are you out there?

- Carrie, there's a toxic oasis.

- Can you believe what is going on

over this toxic ooze?

- They took Mark.

They took Mark!

- No, let me get to my car, please.

- Toxic waste, was it--

- You're all delusional!

- Toxic waste could cure me.

- Free Mark!

Free Mark!

- Please come through for me.

- And Mark Stanz heard him say

that if he didn't get to it first, something could happen.

- The cult classic star

Melvin the Mop Boy... - Some say could be dangerous.

- Something about he got abducted

on a convention floor.

Like, who would do that?

- Are you kidding me, dog?

People will be killing each other all over this.

- And if this toxic substance

proves to be a cure-all potion?

- That's why I come here,

'cause, like, New Yorkers already found this stuff.

- I hear you got this toxic substance?

Will it increase my sperm count?

- Yeah, in Russia are a lot of fans

who are supporting Melvin's rescue.

- So, there is a global concern.

- Where's Mark? - We're gonna find you, Mark!

- Gather around, please!

I heard Mark talking about a toxic oasis.

- For we're being told that this substance

is spreading in local communities.

Is that actually happening, Tom?

- Gotta scratch your head.

Why would anyone want this stuff

if people are dying from it?

- This brigade is forming everywhere.

Some people are like mercenaries.

- Hope you had a nice time with your fans.

- Who are you?

- Oh, you don't need to worry about that.

- What are you doing?

- Now, it's time to go visit little sister.

- What are you doing?

- Listen to this.

- Hey, that's my drink, I need that!

- Good time, my little precious.

In good time. - Give me my drink.

- Why don't you stand up?

- I need my drink.

- We're gonna do just fine. - Where are you taking me?

- Don't worry about it, just be a good sport.

- You have my mop, my mop!

- Fine, you can have your mop.

Come on, little precious. - Where are you taking me?

- This is it?

- I appreciate that you made the arrangements,

with the Snake, to take care of Jonny for me.

- Wow.

Life...

Can be a nightmare,

but for some darn reason,

we're all obsessed...

With prolonging it.

- When I heard about Mark being kidnapped,

I knew I had to be a part of it.

- You know, I swallowed a bunch of that stuff.

Am I gonna be okay?

And they were just kind of like, "Hope so."

I was like, "Well, what is it?"

They were like,

"Well, it's something...

"We put together.

"I don't think it's anything to be concerned about."

They didn't seem to have an answer,

and then I kind of forgot about it,

but I knew I had that taste in my mouth.

What are you doing to me?

- Oh boy!

Ready for a dose of sibling rivalry?

- No.

- Nobody knows you're here.

Take a step up.

- Where am I?

Get away.

What am I here for?

- If your mopping was half as good as your whining,

you wouldn't be in this mess!

Tutu go bye-bye!

- Why am I here? - Whine, whine, whine!

- I wanna know.

I wanna know what's goin' on.

Tell me what's goin' on.

Tell me.

Tell me, tell me, tell me, tell me, tell me, tell me--

- Shut up!

- Who are you?

And where's my ooze?

- This is who I am.

- I don't even know you.

Why am I here, what did I do?

- You're here because you ruined my childhood.

- I don't even know you.

I don't know you!

- This is my father's death veil.

Now it's yours.

- I don't like that.

What are you doing with that?

What're you gonna do with that?

- What's in this?

- I don't know what's in that.

- Where did you get it?

- I had a barrel of it,

but that's all that's left.

I don't have a source.

- When I find the source, I'm gonna destroy it.

- Give it to me.

Let me have a drink.

- Gonna end all the pain

and suffering that it causes.

- No.

Let me have a sip, please.

- No. - Little sip?

- No.

- Please? - No.

- What are you gonna do with it?

- I'm gonna destroy it. - No!

- Why is it so important to you?

- It just is.

It just is, I need it.

I need it.

I need-- - Daddy was addicted, too.

- He was?

- He seemed to have an endless supply.

- Where'd he get it?

- What do you mean, where'd he get it?

It was your source, your set.

- The movie.

The Toxic Avenger, yes, you're right.

- It smells disgusting.

- Can I have a sip, please?

A little sip?

- You want some?

- Thank you.

Thank you so much.

I really appreciate it.

- Melvin?

Dorky little Melvin.

Do you know how many nights my father sat watching you?

Screaming, "Julie, Julie, Julie!"

You and that lice-infested sheep?

- You're mean.

- You want this stuff?

- I need it.

I told you, I need it.

Where are you going with that?

- This killed my father.

- No, but I've heard, though,

that some of the toxic waste survived.

You know, I would think, you know,

Lloyd Kaufman, who directed the film, might have some of it

and maybe, you know, he thought

that he was gonna turn his grandma

into a Toxic Avenger.

- I don't see why you'd even wanna

turn your grandmother into Toxic--

- If you would just let me explain...

I know you guys have heard rumors

about what happened to my grandmother.

Listen, it's not what you think!

Or the Toxic Avenger?

He drank it!

There's something different about him.

He knows all about this!

- That was in a river in New Jersey.

- Hey!

Who the hell do you fit in with here, huh?

- Listen... - Hard of hearing?

Oh, I can fix that.

- Hell, yeah!

- Oof!

- Sorry, Jonny.

You got exactly what you deserved.

- Oh, Jonny, Jonny, Jonny.

Sometimes karma bites one in the ass.

- Oh no.

- No.

- Kick his ass!

- No.

Sorry, Jonny.

- No!

No, no, no!

- So, which one of you is Doe?

- Who are you?

- Hey!

- I'm really sorry,

but it looks like you guys'll be on your own tonight.

- Are you guys the Tutu Brigade?

- Yes! - We sure are.

- Nice. - Okay, one more person!

- Hey! - Yoohoo!

- Where you from?

- I'm from over there.

Where are you guys from?

- From Paris.

- New Orleans. - Nice.

Well, what you got in there?

- Hm.

This is for you.

Do you want these?

- What is that? - What is it?

- It's an IVE,

an inter-vaginal explosive.

They come in so handy.

- Yeah.

- Yay.

- Yeah!

Yeah!

- Where you going?

- My work here is done.

- Done?

- You're not coming with us?

- No,

but I will see you guys in Charlotte.

- All right.

- Okay. - Bye, good luck.

- Thanks. - Bye.

- So, what are we gonna do?

We don't have a plan.

- Well, I guess we do what we have to do.

- We go get Melvin.

Good luck. - Good luck.

- You know that Troma introduced Hayao Miyazaki

to the American public with My Neighbor Totoro,

long before you had Spirited Away

and got the Oscar for it.

Yes, Fiba?

- Lloyd?

Joe keeps calling.

- What does Joe want?

- Excuse me, gentlemen.

Think you could maybe help me out?

I might be a little lost.

♪ You pull me down

♪ Have got a lot to learn about me ♪

- Hi there.

- Where'd you come from?

- I could use a little help...

With these.

- Mm, baby, I think I can help you with those.

♪ I will help you feed your madness ♪

- Check out the chariot back room.

- My pleasure.

- Thanks for squeezing the pimple, Maco.

You know, whenever peanut butter and Nardelli

gets under my skin,

things get very pussy around Troma.

- He is a pesky git.

- Pesky?

He's a canker sore, if you know what I mean.

- Oh, yes.

- Well, avoid dark allies, Maco.

- I will, Mr. Kaufman.

See you tomorrow.

- Where did I put that stuff?

Where did I put that damn stuff?

No, no!

- All I get from a childhood filled with

Melvin-this and Melvin-that is a

daddy who ended up as a pile of shit and debris

from drinking this stuff,

and a sister who believes that you're a part of it.

Are you?

- I'm not a part of anything.

- Why do you want this?

- It makes me feel like me.

- Would you know the difference?

- No.

Did your daddy know the difference?

- Hey, baby.

These look like they're gonna be fun.

- You're in for a surprise.

- Mm.

Mm.

- Hey, please don't do that.

When your daddy drank that, it did something special to him.

You saw that, right?

- Come on, come on.

Come on, let's go watch the match, come on!

Look at it, look at it!

- Spend time with me.

- There you go, come on, you got him.

Come on!

Love you.

Hey. - Stop it!

- That's what I want.

- Was your daddy a good person?

- It's none of your business.

- Okay.

Did he ever let you have a sip of that?

Listen, I never turned into a pile of shit and debris, so...

Why don't you take a sip of it and see what happens?

That's all that's left.

It'll be gone after that.

Take a sip, see what happens.

You might like it.

Yes.

Yeah.

There you go.

Yeah.

- Hey, guys.

I'm a little lost.

Can you give me a little bit of help?

That way?

- Fuck yeah, man.

To protect and serve, right?

- Hey.

She was right.

- Do you not remember me at all?

- Who's there?

- Just think.

- This is a fucking haunted basement.

The toxic waste has to be here somewhere.

Oh my God.

This is a director's cut of The Toxic Avenger.

Shit!

Well, whatever.

Oh my God.

The toxic substance.

Fuck.

- Toxic waste, it's retained my youth.

- Huh?

- I was on that set.

I was the PA that was in charge of the toxic waste.

- What's wrong with your face?

- What's happening to me?

What did you do to me?

- I didn't do anything.

- What was that?

- The fuck is that?

- Who are you?

- Are you the villainess?

- What?

- Mark.

He's here, you guys.

I can't believe we found you.

- Mark!

- Oh, can you untie me? - Let's get you untied.

- Your fans are going to be so excited.

- Oh my God.

- Are you all right? - Look at you!

- You guys are human?

- Yes.

- Has anyone seen my ooze?

The green bottle of ooze? - You're what?

- Oh, the green bot...

Uh oh.

Green ooze - Oh, oh, mm-mm.

No, that went down the...

Sorry.

- Let's get outta here. - Okay.

- Okay. - Oh, my mop!

- Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh!

- Oh, the mop, okay. - Here we go.

- Okay.

- I wish I could be with you in Charlotte.

- Everyone's gonna wanna see you.

- Come on, let's go. - Mark,

you gotta stay with us. - Let's go.

Mark, we gotta go.

We gotta get you out of here.

You can't be here. - Okay, okay.

- I can't believe it.

I wasn't sure if we were gonna make it.

Come on, Mark.

Let's get you out of here.

♪ I feel intoxicated

- It started with this abduction several days ago

at a convention, thought to be a cosplay event.

It turns out, a toxic substance now linked to Torgl

comes from somewhere in New Jersey,

and is either killing people or causing them,

and I know this is going to sound like science fiction,

to gain unusual strength.

Authorities have confirmed this toxic substance is linked to

unusual behaviors, and possibly deaths

that are still being investigated.

- If the source is in New Jersey,

then all eyes are on us,

which could lead to the kind of chaos

we're already seeing reported in the south.

- Yes!

I'm so happy Mark's back!

I could kiss you.

- What we're hearing at this hour, and I quote,

"The scene is a bloodbath." - Toxic substances have been

found by Hazmat officials. - Authorities can't determine

if the substances found are linked

to the classic film-- - Oh my God!

- Tutus found on the scene-- - Tutus found on the scene

suggest a larger network

of fans... - There is widespread concern

that tutus found on the scene

suggest a larger network of fans

who may be organizing for similar attacks.

- Hey.

Hey, look at what I found.

I don't know what it is.

- Where we found the body?

- Yeah.

- It had pubic hair in its teeth

and choked down his throat?

- Yeah.

This was next to it.

I don't...

- Whoa, whoa, what the hell you got there?

- I have no clue what it is.

I found it back there. - Where'd you get that?

- I found it lying over there.

- Man, get that shit away from me.

You shouldn't be touching that.

Get that to the Hazmat crew.

- Hey guys, look what I found.

- Don't touch it like that!

- Where's your gloves, you jackass?

- What's going on here?

- Well, we are in the process of an active crime scene.

We have Hazmat crew dealing with

some type of unusual substance, so

right now, it's just all about containment.

- Cool. - We got Hazmat crew,

there is a fluid substance that...

Whoa, whoa, wait a minute.

You can't do that.

- I have to get in somehow, don't I?

- Okay, fine.

You've got a point.

- Oh God!

What is that smell?

It smells like...

Vaginal secretions.

- So, you were walking this morning, 7 AM?

Why would you do that?

Why would a young, very pretty girl like you

be walking by herself at 7 in the morning?

- Jesus.

What is this?

Hazmat!

What is this?

- Don't touch that.

You shouldn't be touching anything.

That's why we're here.

- Where the hell are your gloves?

- I don't know, I left 'em in the truck, Jesus.

- Ah, you jackass.

- What are you doing this Friday night?

Everything all right--

- We're good, we're good.

Everything's fine.

Making a little progress with the lady, here,

so I'm good.

We're almost done here.

So, back to Friday night.

- Hey, can I get a few questions real quick?

CNS.

- Yeah, sure.

- What are we looking at here?

- Looks like a murder.

- Yeah, okay.

What's that, right there?

- What? - That stuff, right there?

The red stuff?

- Blood.

What do you think?

- Oh, okay.

- You were alone, is that right?

I mean, was your boyfriend with you?

Your husband, was your husband with you?

Are you single?

You're single?

- Hey, hey, hey, hey.

Back off, back off! - I'm not done

questioning the lady here.

- Can't you see she's been traumatized?

You can ask her later.

Back off, you jackass.

- Today, a search begins for Melvin the Mop Boy,

Mark Torgl, best known for his role in The Toxic Avenger.

Sources say that his rescue has caused an unusual reaction

of fan chaos in the streets,

and the search for a toxic oasis

somewhere in the marshlands of New Jersey.

- We're reporting live from the gruesome crime scene...

- Jogger found a dead body in the car,

and another thing that was found was a pink fiber.

- It's under investigation. - People gotta know!

- It's under investigation.

We got a public information office

that're behind the scenes-- - There's some type of

toxic goo-- - We can't say nothin'

right now-- - I think the people

in our community-- - We can't say anything.

need to know what's going on their neighborhood.

- At the scene, we found evidence of

some kind of toxic substance.

We're not sure what it is,

but officials have collected it

and they are running tests to find out

what the substance could be.

So, should neighbors be worried?

- We think it's more like

an act of violence.

- CNS has learned Mark Torgl,

Melvin the Mop Boy,

is expected to-- - Shut up, will you!

This is the guy that got abducted!

- Who is he?

- Are you kidding me?

That's the Toxic Avenger!

- What's with all the tutus?

- And just judging by the way the fans have been here today,

waiting, yeah, I'm sure there's an audience for it.

- There's a lot of people here, so,

this is definitely a whole group, it looks like,

a tutu brigade out there, or something.

- Melvin the Mop Boy is here today.

- I love you! - Please make room, everybody,

for Mark Torgl!

- That 98 pound weakling?

- Yeah, that guy.

- What, dude, he's smaller than I am!

- I know, right?

- Fandom is strong for Troma and Melvin.

Here we go!

- Thank you, Tutu Brigade, I love you.

You brought me to my people!

- Love you, Melvin!

- You ever come to the Mad Monster Party?

- Where is he?

Where is he?

- People tell me stories about how you were bullied,

and how you were taken advantage of

and how people beat you up and humiliated you,

and I'm here to say today is a new day.

Today the humiliation stops!

Well, I'm saying today ends all of that.

Today is the day that we are together in solidarity.

Are you with me?

Today is a new day, but I'm just passing through.

I'm not...

I am the Melvin you know, but I'm not the Melvin you know.

I know

you think I'm Melvin, and I am Melvin,

but I'm not really Melvin.

I mean, I am Melvin...

I didn't want to say it.

I...

- We know who you are.

- We love you, Melvin.

- Say it, man.

- What is that?

- No, no, no, no!

- Who killed my mommy?

Oh!

- Oh!

Get out of the way!

Look out, look out!

- Mm!

- Guys, wrong movie.

- We're on the first floor.

- Oh!

Bye, Mark!

- Hey, Mark.

- Mark. - Mark.

- What?

Guys.

Thank you so much.

- We got you.

- You got your mop. - Yeah.

- We got something else for you, too.

Your tutu.

I've been holding onto it all this time.

- Oh my God. - It's for you.

- Thank you.

- You're welcome.

Good to have you back.

- All right, man, take care.

- Thanks, guys.

Thanks so much for everything.

- You bet.

- I wonder what Mark wanted to tell his fans.

- Julie.

Julie, where are you going?

You can't leave me, too.

- Well,

it's gonna be okay.

- Okay, but, first of all,

I want to show you something, okay?

Here, would you hold my hat, please?

- Okay.

- Okay.

What do you think now?

- That is frickin' amazing.

- I'm embarrassed.

Do you like me now?

- I like you an awful lot,

but my name's not Julie.

- Everyone was gettin' older, but I wasn't.

- I think I need to go now.

- Julie, wait.

- I think you're just a little bit too young for me.

- My hat.

I just had to tell somebody.

- I know you did.

But now you need to go.

You've got legions of fans out there, waiting for you.

Go be with them.

- You're sweet.

Will I see you again?

- Absolutely.

- Maybe in another 30 years.

- We can only hope.

- Bye, Julie.

- Bye.

But I'm not Julie.

We do know this.

The producer of The Toxic Avenger is reported missing.

The parallels to this abduction

are causing unrest in the south.

- Governor.

I need your help, sir.

The local authorities can no longer handle this situation.

- Today, CNS has learned that Lloyd Kaufman,

creator of cult classic film The Toxic Avenger,

is reported missing.

- You don't just make great movies for 40 years

and then up and disappear.

- Today, I feel devastated.

A great man has departed.

- Fans, as you can see, are starting to gather.

Some believe it's not looking good.

- And this is just heartbreaking for me.

I mean, if there is a Heaven...

- He's been a good neighbor

for years. - Grandpa, come on, it's okay.

- He's done nothing wrong as far as I'm concerned.

- They're doing their job, they're doing their job--

- You should just leave well enough alone!

- Grandpa, it's okay.

- Obviously, people loved this man.

- Hello?

- Mark!

- Who is this?

- Do you remember me?

It's Skippy.

- Skippy? - Yeah.

- Oh my God.

- What's all this talk about the toxic waste--

- Are you meeting me?

- Yeah.

I have something to give you.

- I don't know how much longer I can last.

- I steered clear,

but Rob didn't.

He got sucked into the high in this goo,

and then it ended.

- I can't take it, I cannot take this, Slug!

She's not even with the car, and I gotta--

- All right, all right already, will you chill out?

- She stopped taking him down to the river,

and didn't tell him why.

It drove him crazy.

- What happened to you?

This is what's killed ya.

This is what's killing everyone.

- Skippy.

- Melvin!

- I made it.

Oh my God.

- Oh, wow. - 30 years, man!

- Oh my God. - 30 years.

- It's Slug. - What?

- Slug, it's Slug.

- Slug? - What is this

toxic waste?

- Oh my God.

- Oh my God. - The jar is broken.

What am I gonna do?

Skippy, is that the last of it?

- I loved you, man.

You saved me on my track, man--

- Oh God. - Oh God.

- Slug must've known

the whole time.

- Slug.

Oh my God!

- Oh, this is it!

This is it!

Oh, that smell.

This is really it.

I found it.

- You messed up, Melvin.

You shied away from your true destiny.

- Lloyd.

I found it.

It's the oasis.

- It's time you joined the others

who have taken of the toxic substance.

- No.

- The essence of toxicity.

It's time to remove the mask.

No need to beguile the masses any longer.

- But, Lloyd,

what about our fans?

We've gotta warn them.

- Nonsense.

We just have to fix everything that's wrong

with this big blue marble we call Earth.

Our fans will understand, Melvin.

You remember Harry Balls, doncha,

from Tromeo and Juliet, and Poultrygeist?

Well, he's back.

- Is that it?

Is that...

Is that-- - Yes, my dear Melvin.

- Oh!

The deity.

It's the source!

- Congratulations, Melvin.

You are now immortal.

Yes, yes, and you, Melvin, have been chosen

to lead the legions of Tromites

who have been created

by this special

penis substance.

- What do you mean?

Me, with my mop?

Your leader?

- Melvin, Melvin, Boogala.

You are a product of my loins! - Yay!

- Rise up, Melvin.

Rise up.

Slug and so many others have already arisen.

Come to Deity Lloyd.

No more masks.

I'll be waiting for you.

I'll be waiting for you.

- Where are you, Mark?

Mark!

Mark.

Mark.

Oh my God.

- The hell did you do with Mark?

What did you do with him?

- What about the toxic waste?

- Let me get to my car, please.

Toxic waste?

There's plenty of toxic waste.

- The toxic waste, was it real?

- I'm glad we're doing this, Joe, because...

If something happens to me,

I want them to know.

I want my fans to know.

- And I never did hear from my good buddy,

Mark Torgl, again.

- Hey, bad boy.

I won't be late for the ground-breaking ceremony.

- But he did find the toxic oasis.

♪ Though socially departed

♪ Not socially retarded

♪ I'm back again to prove I am worth the time ♪

♪ I'm socially departed

♪ Not socially retarded

♪ I'm back again

♪ Intoxify

♪ We're toxic

- No, no, no, no!

Put it in the bag.

Now bring me the mop!

♪ Intoxify

♪ I'm toxic

♪ I'm toxic

♪ I'm toxic

♪ I'm toxic

- Now what'd you do with my Mark?

What'd you do with him?

Forgive me.

Is there anything else we could've forgotten?

No demon can intoxify the future

without Melvin.

Sarabel, Sarabel.

Wherefore art Melv?

Does his soul

hang in limbo

in the debris

of this water?

Melvin.

Melvin!

- Oh, look.

Oh, look, oh!

That'll make me all together, finally.

Let's drink up!

- The older he gets, the more you learn.

The more you appreciate things,

the more you appreciate your life.

'Cause I realized, walkin' in here today,

to the Boogie Woogie Man's camp.

Seein' all of this has made it all worth it.

- Hey! - Hey, it's--

- The Toxic Avenger!

- Wait!

I don't wanna hurt you.

You can't hit a little girl, can you?

- You're a cute little girl.

- Aw, thanks.

- Whore!

- Get her!

- Well, I guess it would be

okay to introduce yourself.

- I'm Gary Schneider,

Bozo, from Toxic Avenger.

No way, huh?

No way?

I'll fucking show you no way!

- Okay, I'll be right there!

- Let me tell you who holds the roads!

- Oh, whaddaya mean, I mean it's just a mop.

It doesn't stink or anything-- - Oh my God,

it's the same voice.

- So, it's true.

They set you free?

- Hey.

- How about some ego-healing special attention?

- Sure.

- Glad your back, Jonny.

- You're the cream in my donut.

- Can I have a nibble?

- Get your own!

- Ooh, what's this?

- You found it.

What are you doing?

Penis!

- Hello?

Hello?

- I'm the kind of girl

who gets whatever she wants.

- All right, now.

- Did you get what I wanted?

- Nice.