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1
00:00:07,132 --> 00:00:10,301
-Where'd you guys find this stuff?
-Reenactors gave them to us.
2
00:00:10,802 --> 00:00:13,596
Thankfully, most reenactors
are fat as shit, you know.
3
00:00:13,680 --> 00:00:16,599
-Yeah, I guess they have to be.
-Yeah.
4
00:00:23,940 --> 00:00:26,192
What's this?
You were supposed to be a British soldier.
5
00:00:26,276 --> 00:00:27,986
No, uh, I'm an American soldier.
6
00:00:28,069 --> 00:00:30,030
No, you're someone specific.
7
00:00:30,113 --> 00:00:32,699
Holy fuck, you think you're Mel Gibson
from The Patriot?
8
00:00:32,782 --> 00:00:35,702
-I don't know what you're talking about.
-We can skip this.
9
00:00:35,785 --> 00:00:38,663
I know you had this argument with me
in your shower this morning.
10
00:00:38,747 --> 00:00:40,582
You think you look like sexy Mel Gibson.
11
00:00:40,665 --> 00:00:42,625
There's a lot of overlap
between our characters.
12
00:00:42,709 --> 00:00:43,543
Oh God.
13
00:00:43,626 --> 00:00:45,670
On his own,
no one to help, saves everybody.
14
00:00:45,754 --> 00:00:48,256
You think you're George Washington.
That's crazy!
15
00:00:48,339 --> 00:00:50,717
Talk about overlap. Fuckin' tall, jacked,
16
00:00:51,843 --> 00:00:52,761
Christian, genius.
17
00:00:52,844 --> 00:00:55,013
-Okay.
-You took a selfie in that, didn't you?
18
00:00:56,306 --> 00:00:57,223
I took a selfie too.
19
00:00:57,307 --> 00:00:59,059
-You look good!
-You look good.
20
00:00:59,142 --> 00:01:00,268
-Thank you.
-No, I'm kidding.
21
00:01:00,351 --> 00:01:02,187
You look like fuckin' Eddie Munster.
22
00:01:02,270 --> 00:01:04,689
-I don't know who Eddie Munster is.
-Look it up. He's handsome.
23
00:01:04,773 --> 00:01:08,401
Shane, you don't like to admit that,
from certain angles, 'cause I have…
24
00:01:08,485 --> 00:01:09,319
Shit.
25
00:01:09,402 --> 00:01:11,613
You look more like him
than I thought.
26
00:01:11,696 --> 00:01:14,074
I don't think
Jews fought in the Revolutionary War.
27
00:01:14,157 --> 00:01:16,701
I think they were too busy
selling guns to both sides.
28
00:01:16,785 --> 00:01:18,203
Okay, that's anti-Semitic.
29
00:01:18,286 --> 00:01:21,790
It is. I'm fuckin' George Washington.
I'm racist as fuck.
30
00:01:24,584 --> 00:01:25,543
Sorry, delivery.
31
00:01:26,669 --> 00:01:28,171
Oh, thank you.
32
00:01:28,963 --> 00:01:32,550
-One tire? Where's the rest?
-That's it. Account is frozen.
33
00:01:34,010 --> 00:01:35,970
What? Pete Seidel?
34
00:01:38,598 --> 00:01:41,351
-Fuck, that was terrible.
-I know. Our account's frozen.
35
00:01:41,434 --> 00:01:44,104
No. I'm saying that guy's gonna think
I'm a fuckin' racist now.
36
00:01:44,187 --> 00:01:48,608
Well, Shane, let that be a lesson
to stop talking about Jews all the time.
37
00:01:48,691 --> 00:01:50,735
You'd love that.
You wish people would forget.
38
00:02:21,266 --> 00:02:23,059
This is embarrassing. I'm going to quit.
39
00:02:23,143 --> 00:02:25,103
Don't be dramatic. You're not gonna quit.
40
00:02:26,855 --> 00:02:29,524
Dave, do you know
why True Thread's freezing our account?
41
00:02:30,441 --> 00:02:32,819
-What?
-Pete Seidel said our account's frozen.
42
00:02:32,902 --> 00:02:36,281
Oh. If it's Pete, we're fine.
We probably missed a payment or something.
43
00:02:36,364 --> 00:02:38,616
Doesn't matter, Will, anyway.
Nothing matters.
44
00:02:38,700 --> 00:02:40,451
I mean, life is a farce.
45
00:02:41,661 --> 00:02:43,329
Barb filed for a divorce yesterday.
46
00:02:44,122 --> 00:02:48,251
Oh shit. That's extremely predictable,
given your actions, but--
47
00:02:48,334 --> 00:02:49,377
I had it all, Will.
48
00:02:49,460 --> 00:02:52,881
I was a king amongst you,
and you were nothing but a peasant.
49
00:02:52,964 --> 00:02:55,383
This place depended on me.
50
00:02:55,466 --> 00:02:57,218
But I allowed my hubris
51
00:02:58,011 --> 00:03:00,847
to devour my life.
It became hungry, and I fed it.
52
00:03:00,930 --> 00:03:04,809
Every little piece of pussy
outside my marriage…
53
00:03:04,893 --> 00:03:05,852
Ah, fuck!
54
00:03:07,478 --> 00:03:09,606
Thank God.
55
00:03:16,696 --> 00:03:20,491
Hello there. This is a coupon
for True Thread Tires at cost.
56
00:03:20,575 --> 00:03:23,036
-Welcome to the reopening.
-Welcome to Valley Forge.
57
00:03:23,119 --> 00:03:26,331
Check it out. We got a dunk tank
over there. You can dunk a fat guy.
58
00:03:26,414 --> 00:03:29,250
I love the hat. This is a coupon
for True Thread Tires at cost.
59
00:03:29,334 --> 00:03:32,754
Yo, swagged out. I see it.
Yeah, check it out. Cheapest tires.
60
00:03:37,091 --> 00:03:37,926
Hello.
61
00:03:39,302 --> 00:03:40,136
Hi.
62
00:03:40,220 --> 00:03:43,097
Coupons for cheapest tires.
Check it out. There's a petting zoo.
63
00:03:43,181 --> 00:03:44,599
Not really. It's just my turtle.
64
00:03:44,682 --> 00:03:46,726
There's popcorn, obviously.
It's a little gross,
65
00:03:46,809 --> 00:03:48,561
but there's other food that's not so bad.
66
00:03:51,648 --> 00:03:54,651
What's up, big dog? Yeah.
Get your face painted. Go back to work.
67
00:03:54,734 --> 00:03:56,027
Let 'em know you're a psycho.
68
00:03:59,864 --> 00:04:02,325
Jerome Bettis.
He's kind of my best friend.
69
00:04:04,077 --> 00:04:06,120
He's the only person
I can trust these days.
70
00:04:08,081 --> 00:04:09,415
Do you guys hate your dad?
71
00:04:10,416 --> 00:04:12,252
Feel like I look like
a fuckin' idiot, right?
72
00:04:12,752 --> 00:04:15,546
-No. It looks incredible.
-I definitely look dumb as shit then.
73
00:04:16,464 --> 00:04:17,674
Oh, what the fuck?
74
00:04:18,258 --> 00:04:20,009
What the fuck, indeed, sir.
75
00:04:20,093 --> 00:04:21,970
You're addressing George Washington.
76
00:04:22,053 --> 00:04:23,471
No, I'm George Washington.
77
00:04:23,972 --> 00:04:25,723
I'm afraid you're mistaken, sir.
78
00:04:25,807 --> 00:04:29,936
I am the master of all armies,
George Washington, and I'm in charge.
79
00:04:30,019 --> 00:04:31,980
No, it's my idea, so I'm in charge. I'm…
80
00:04:32,063 --> 00:04:34,357
We can't both be George Washington.
We look like assholes.
81
00:04:34,440 --> 00:04:37,402
The word "asshole"
did not exist in the 1700s.
82
00:04:37,485 --> 00:04:40,989
You had bunghole, you had arsehole,
and you had dumpling hole.
83
00:04:41,906 --> 00:04:43,741
-You're making that up.
-Question.
84
00:04:43,825 --> 00:04:47,328
Is your mistress, Kelly, in fact
still the catering wench for this affair?
85
00:04:47,412 --> 00:04:49,414
Yes, my girlfriend, Kelly,
is gonna cater this.
86
00:04:49,497 --> 00:04:53,459
-She's 15 clicks past the king's hour.
-You don't have to talk like that.
87
00:04:53,543 --> 00:04:56,546
-She's late. Where the fuck is she?
-Why are you being a hard-ass about it?
88
00:04:56,629 --> 00:04:59,257
I'm not. I'm trying to be
a good leader for the troops.
89
00:04:59,340 --> 00:05:02,051
They gotta be well-fed,
well-trained in case we're attacked
90
00:05:02,135 --> 00:05:04,637
so that we're not… scalped by redcoats.
91
00:05:04,721 --> 00:05:07,932
Your troops need to be well-fed?
They need chicken fingers and hot dogs?
92
00:05:08,016 --> 00:05:10,685
In their day, it was,
you know, pork belly and hardtack.
93
00:05:10,768 --> 00:05:13,313
-Oh, my God.
-Pork belly and hardtack, sir.
94
00:05:13,396 --> 00:05:16,274
-It's not that serious.
-Then you should be able to handle it.
95
00:05:17,025 --> 00:05:18,359
And from this day forward,
96
00:05:18,443 --> 00:05:22,238
ye shall be referred to
by the moniker Private Poncywig.
97
00:05:22,322 --> 00:05:23,698
You like that one?
98
00:05:24,907 --> 00:05:26,284
-You like that?
-Right?
99
00:05:26,367 --> 00:05:28,244
-You look actually gay.
-You're mistaken.
100
00:05:28,328 --> 00:05:32,290
Your deficient brain, due to the fact
that you're an inbred knave,
101
00:05:32,373 --> 00:05:35,543
has caused you to make this mistake.
I bid you adieu.
102
00:05:35,626 --> 00:05:37,378
If I'm inbred, you fucked your sister.
103
00:05:37,462 --> 00:05:38,504
You know what?
104
00:05:38,588 --> 00:05:41,758
I'm gonna tell Aunt Barb you said that,
and good luck at Christmas.
105
00:05:41,841 --> 00:05:43,634
Just call Kelly, find out where she is.
106
00:05:43,718 --> 00:05:45,595
He looks way better than you.
107
00:05:46,846 --> 00:05:50,391
Hey, Ryan. I… I know
we've had our troubles in the past.
108
00:05:50,475 --> 00:05:51,684
He's canceling the order.
109
00:05:51,768 --> 00:05:53,519
-He's right.
-What the hell, dude?
110
00:05:53,603 --> 00:05:54,979
But please call me back
111
00:05:55,063 --> 00:05:57,774
because I need to know
why our account's frozen.
112
00:05:57,857 --> 00:06:01,069
Uh, also, I know this is the second time
I'm mentioning it,
113
00:06:01,152 --> 00:06:02,904
but we are about to place
that big tire order,
114
00:06:02,987 --> 00:06:05,073
so, uh, please call me back.
115
00:06:05,865 --> 00:06:09,202
-How you feeling, Will?
-Good, yeah. Just handling a little issue.
116
00:06:09,285 --> 00:06:11,371
Great, 'cause today's gonna be wonderful.
117
00:06:11,871 --> 00:06:13,915
-Today has to be wonderful.
-Yeah.
118
00:06:13,998 --> 00:06:17,001
This is it.
We're all in on this tires at cost.
119
00:06:17,085 --> 00:06:19,587
This is our big marketing push.
There's no retreat.
120
00:06:19,670 --> 00:06:22,090
Well, uh, no, no.
I definitely don't wanna retreat,
121
00:06:22,173 --> 00:06:27,011
but sometimes it is important
to stop under a tree and take a second,
122
00:06:27,095 --> 00:06:29,013
pull out your map
and read it the right way.
123
00:06:29,097 --> 00:06:31,099
Also, I've been looking at new locations.
124
00:06:31,182 --> 00:06:33,017
We are going to explode.
125
00:06:33,101 --> 00:06:35,603
There's no turning back,
and nothing is gonna stop us.
126
00:06:37,939 --> 00:06:40,191
-Wait. Is that the band?
-Yeah.
127
00:06:40,274 --> 00:06:42,235
Jesus Christ, those guys are dorks!
128
00:06:42,318 --> 00:06:44,070
They're gonna play dork music.
129
00:06:44,153 --> 00:06:48,324
You tell them they're taking requests
and they're only playing covers.
130
00:06:48,408 --> 00:06:50,827
I don't wanna hear
any of that crybaby horseshit
131
00:06:50,910 --> 00:06:53,413
that they put on some YouTube video
that never got posted.
132
00:06:53,496 --> 00:06:56,124
Okay, I'll ask politely.
133
00:06:56,207 --> 00:06:57,500
Fuck politely, Will.
134
00:06:57,583 --> 00:07:00,044
They're dorks
because their parents were polite.
135
00:07:00,128 --> 00:07:01,212
You gotta be firm.
136
00:07:01,295 --> 00:07:02,672
Put a boot up somebody's ass.
137
00:07:02,755 --> 00:07:05,550
Okay, you got it. Firm.
Boot up their ass. Requests.
138
00:07:05,633 --> 00:07:07,051
What the fuck is Dave doing?
139
00:07:08,010 --> 00:07:09,887
Oh, he… he… he's fine.
140
00:07:09,971 --> 00:07:11,222
Looks like he's dead.
141
00:07:11,305 --> 00:07:12,140
No.
142
00:07:12,223 --> 00:07:15,435
Jesus Christ, I have to do everything.
I'm gonna go see if Dave's dead.
143
00:07:19,981 --> 00:07:20,815
Okay.
144
00:07:22,817 --> 00:07:25,069
This is pathetic. We look ridiculous.
145
00:07:25,153 --> 00:07:28,030
Could be worse.
I heard Dave's getting a divorce.
146
00:07:29,240 --> 00:07:31,159
I don't wanna get back together.
147
00:07:31,742 --> 00:07:32,660
Well, then, uh…
148
00:07:34,036 --> 00:07:35,037
You wanna go out?
149
00:07:38,833 --> 00:07:39,750
No.
150
00:07:39,834 --> 00:07:42,503
Is there no honor
in the dunk tank?
151
00:07:42,587 --> 00:07:43,504
Hey, what? No!
152
00:07:45,465 --> 00:07:46,966
That is ridiculous!
153
00:07:51,262 --> 00:07:54,140
-Hey, Mr. Washington.
-Hey.
154
00:07:54,223 --> 00:07:56,476
-A little late.
-Oh, you run a tight ship.
155
00:07:56,559 --> 00:07:58,936
Um, my coworker and I,
156
00:07:59,020 --> 00:08:01,856
we had a joint before leaving work
and ended up switching food,
157
00:08:01,939 --> 00:08:04,358
and it was just this hilarious thing.
158
00:08:04,442 --> 00:08:05,568
-Yeah?
-It was just--
159
00:08:05,651 --> 00:08:08,488
I don't care you're late. It's all good.
160
00:08:08,571 --> 00:08:09,947
Don't worry, Kel.
161
00:08:10,448 --> 00:08:11,407
I got the boxes.
162
00:08:11,491 --> 00:08:15,077
Oh, look who's finally working,
huh? Okay, ooh, muscle man.
163
00:08:15,161 --> 00:08:17,413
-Feel that?
-Shane, this is Ollie.
164
00:08:17,497 --> 00:08:21,918
He's my coworker and the dead weight
I carry around.
165
00:08:22,001 --> 00:08:23,878
-Good to meet you, brother.
-What's up, dude?
166
00:08:23,961 --> 00:08:26,839
Not much. Sorry we're late.
Kelly's still learning how to drive.
167
00:08:27,924 --> 00:08:29,592
Stop! Stop it!
168
00:08:29,675 --> 00:08:32,136
Ollie loves working with me
because I'm the only woman
169
00:08:32,220 --> 00:08:34,222
that comes close to you
other than your mother.
170
00:08:34,305 --> 00:08:36,307
-Burn!
-That's hilarious.
171
00:08:36,390 --> 00:08:38,601
It's sad but true.
172
00:08:38,684 --> 00:08:41,229
Shane, Kelly has told me
so much about you, man.
173
00:08:41,312 --> 00:08:43,898
That's crazy 'cause Kelly
hasn't mentioned she works with a guy
174
00:08:43,981 --> 00:08:45,024
she talks to like this.
175
00:08:51,280 --> 00:08:53,074
It's a costume, by the way.
176
00:08:53,157 --> 00:08:55,117
Oh! Yeah. No, yeah. That makes sense.
177
00:08:55,201 --> 00:08:58,037
-It's George Washington.
-Right. From the nickel.
178
00:09:00,039 --> 00:09:01,916
I am gonna go get
the rest of the boxes.
179
00:09:01,999 --> 00:09:03,417
-All right.
-You need anything?
180
00:09:03,501 --> 00:09:05,461
-No. All good. Later.
-All right.
181
00:09:05,545 --> 00:09:07,672
-I was thinking--
-That guy wants to fuck you.
182
00:09:08,256 --> 00:09:10,633
-What? Ollie?
-What do you mean? Yes.
183
00:09:10,716 --> 00:09:12,843
No! You're being weird.
184
00:09:12,927 --> 00:09:15,972
What do you mean, "being weird"?
That guy definitely wants to fuck you.
185
00:09:16,055 --> 00:09:16,889
No, I mean--
186
00:09:16,973 --> 00:09:20,851
You're weird acting like I wouldn't know
when a guy talks to a girl, you know?
187
00:09:21,561 --> 00:09:25,523
I'm too high for this conversation now.
I'm gonna go get the rest of the food.
188
00:09:28,776 --> 00:09:30,861
He definitely wants to fuck her.
189
00:09:30,945 --> 00:09:32,572
-Don't--
-Whoa! Hey. Whoa.
190
00:09:32,655 --> 00:09:34,865
-Yeah, feel those guns?
-Yes.
191
00:09:34,949 --> 00:09:37,660
-Wait, wait, wait. Take requests?
-And play covers, yes.
192
00:09:38,494 --> 00:09:39,328
No.
193
00:09:39,412 --> 00:09:40,830
Listen, I'm trying to be nice,
194
00:09:40,913 --> 00:09:44,333
but we don't wanna hear
any crybaby horseshit.
195
00:09:44,417 --> 00:09:45,751
What does that mean?
196
00:09:45,835 --> 00:09:47,962
I wanna know
you'll play something family-friendly,
197
00:09:48,045 --> 00:09:51,215
so I'm just putting in your head
"Livin' On a Prayer," Beach Boys,
198
00:09:51,299 --> 00:09:54,051
MC Hammer, the USA song by Miley Cyrus.
199
00:09:54,135 --> 00:09:55,636
-Oh yeah. That'd be great.
-Yeah.
200
00:09:55,720 --> 00:09:58,514
Here's what we're really concerned about,
okay, to be frank,
201
00:09:58,598 --> 00:10:00,641
is that you guys
202
00:10:00,725 --> 00:10:02,435
look like dorks.
203
00:10:03,185 --> 00:10:04,520
We look like dorks?
204
00:10:04,604 --> 00:10:06,147
You look like Eddie Munster.
205
00:10:07,064 --> 00:10:10,443
Why is everybody saying…
This is Mel Gibson. Mel Gibson!
206
00:10:10,526 --> 00:10:12,945
We just don't want
anything sad and depressing.
207
00:10:13,029 --> 00:10:14,780
Dork music, you know?
208
00:10:14,864 --> 00:10:16,991
I'm not trying to judge a book
by its cover,
209
00:10:17,074 --> 00:10:19,869
but it looks like you've been dumped
quite a bit. I don't wanna hear it.
210
00:10:19,952 --> 00:10:21,287
-You'll love it.
-All right.
211
00:10:21,370 --> 00:10:23,080
-I'm excited. Gonna be great.
-Okay.
212
00:10:23,164 --> 00:10:24,415
Coming at you, big boy.
213
00:10:25,291 --> 00:10:26,584
-Thank you.
-Yeah.
214
00:10:27,752 --> 00:10:28,753
Fuck this guy.
215
00:10:33,716 --> 00:10:37,303
-Look at that fuckin' guy.
-You might be overthinking it.
216
00:10:37,386 --> 00:10:39,180
No, I know that guy.
217
00:10:39,263 --> 00:10:40,973
He tells your girlfriend she's hilarious,
218
00:10:41,057 --> 00:10:44,435
so when she tells a dumb joke
and you don't laugh, she thinks about him.
219
00:10:44,518 --> 00:10:46,103
Yeah, the orbiter.
220
00:10:46,604 --> 00:10:47,772
I've been that guy.
221
00:10:47,855 --> 00:10:50,858
Don't get too close,
but don't go too far away.
222
00:10:50,941 --> 00:10:55,905
Eventually, the husband fucks up,
she gives you a call, boom.
223
00:10:56,697 --> 00:11:00,493
They are getting along pretty good.
Maybe they're just friends.
224
00:11:01,869 --> 00:11:04,205
No, no, no.
He's the friend. She's the prey.
225
00:11:04,288 --> 00:11:06,749
What is she supposed to do?
Be mean to a guy she works with?
226
00:11:06,832 --> 00:11:09,293
No, but she should be like,
"This guy wants to fuck me,
227
00:11:09,377 --> 00:11:11,295
so I shouldn't be
playing grab-ass with him
228
00:11:11,379 --> 00:11:13,464
while he's carrying
fuckin' pigs in a blanket."
229
00:11:13,547 --> 00:11:15,966
-I'll go talk to him.
-What? What are you gonna say?
230
00:11:16,050 --> 00:11:19,553
I'll be subtle. I'm just gonna find out
if he's sexually active.
231
00:11:19,637 --> 00:11:20,971
Ew, Cal.
232
00:11:21,055 --> 00:11:22,390
-What?
-For real. Yeah, do that.
233
00:11:22,473 --> 00:11:24,392
No, no. That's a good… that's a good plan.
234
00:11:27,728 --> 00:11:28,562
Yeah.
235
00:11:29,438 --> 00:11:31,774
That dude definitely wants to kiss Kelly.
236
00:11:34,318 --> 00:11:36,362
Shane,
he's gonna fuck your girlfriend.
237
00:11:36,445 --> 00:11:37,988
Shut the fuck up, Dave.
238
00:11:38,072 --> 00:11:39,115
Who are you guys?
239
00:11:39,198 --> 00:11:41,492
-I'm Andy Andiamo from--
-Andiamo Auto Sales.
240
00:11:41,575 --> 00:11:43,202
Tommy, I'm talking here.
241
00:11:44,370 --> 00:11:46,747
-Who are you?
-Shane's dad.
242
00:11:47,957 --> 00:11:49,333
His mother was a really big lady.
243
00:11:49,417 --> 00:11:50,960
-Oh!
-Oh! Okay.
244
00:11:52,086 --> 00:11:53,921
Ah! Two-dollar dunk tank?
245
00:11:54,004 --> 00:11:55,464
Just throw it. I don't even care.
246
00:11:55,548 --> 00:11:57,550
Well, it says the money goes to charity.
247
00:11:57,633 --> 00:11:59,969
Probably bullshit.
Everybody here's a fuckin' liar.
248
00:12:00,511 --> 00:12:02,471
God, I feel bad.
249
00:12:02,972 --> 00:12:05,182
I don't wanna throw it
if it's gonna make you sad.
250
00:12:07,435 --> 00:12:08,894
That's really nice.
251
00:12:09,520 --> 00:12:12,231
You're the first person
to be that nice to me in a long time.
252
00:12:14,400 --> 00:12:16,402
So sorry.
253
00:12:20,489 --> 00:12:21,615
Yeah.
254
00:12:27,496 --> 00:12:30,416
You gonna come back in?
It's getting kinda busy.
255
00:12:30,499 --> 00:12:31,584
Nah.
256
00:12:31,667 --> 00:12:33,252
-You good?
-Yeah, I'm good.
257
00:12:33,335 --> 00:12:36,839
Jerome was just telling me it's obvious
Ollie wants to have sex with you,
258
00:12:36,922 --> 00:12:37,757
and I believe him.
259
00:12:38,340 --> 00:12:42,052
Mm-hmm. Okay.
So you're gonna believe a… a turtle?
260
00:12:42,136 --> 00:12:43,721
He's got better instincts than you.
261
00:12:46,724 --> 00:12:48,184
All right. You two have fun.
262
00:12:50,227 --> 00:12:51,729
"She's a bitch, Shane."
263
00:12:51,812 --> 00:12:54,482
Don't say that about my girlfriend,
Jerome Bettis.
264
00:12:55,316 --> 00:12:58,778
I would never raise a fist to you again.
I'm sorry I did that.
265
00:13:00,571 --> 00:13:02,698
The fuck you looking at,
you fuckin' redcoat?
266
00:13:05,367 --> 00:13:07,453
Kevin! What's up, man?
267
00:13:08,287 --> 00:13:09,205
-Good to see you.
-Yeah.
268
00:13:09,288 --> 00:13:10,915
What's up, guys? Thanks for coming down.
269
00:13:15,878 --> 00:13:17,296
I'm ready to die today, man.
270
00:13:17,880 --> 00:13:18,923
Hell yeah, brother.
271
00:13:19,006 --> 00:13:20,174
Let's go!
272
00:13:38,859 --> 00:13:40,361
Hey, dude. I'm Ollie.
273
00:13:40,444 --> 00:13:41,695
Oh, Cal.
274
00:13:49,328 --> 00:13:50,412
You hungry?
275
00:13:51,747 --> 00:13:52,790
Are you hungry?
276
00:13:52,873 --> 00:13:54,542
What?
277
00:13:55,751 --> 00:13:57,002
I don't know.
278
00:13:58,295 --> 00:13:59,129
Okay.
279
00:13:59,213 --> 00:14:03,050
Uh, well, we got chicken fingers,
pigs in a blanket.
280
00:14:03,133 --> 00:14:04,176
You like girls, huh?
281
00:14:06,011 --> 00:14:08,514
-You got a girlfriend?
-Uh, no.
282
00:14:09,390 --> 00:14:10,933
I am… I'm straight, though.
283
00:14:11,016 --> 00:14:13,435
Oh! No, no, me too. Me too.
284
00:14:14,270 --> 00:14:15,271
Me too.
285
00:14:18,399 --> 00:14:19,817
Dude, can I help you?
286
00:14:21,402 --> 00:14:22,236
No.
287
00:14:28,242 --> 00:14:29,577
It's just…
288
00:14:29,660 --> 00:14:30,911
It's crazy.
289
00:14:30,995 --> 00:14:32,037
What's crazy?
290
00:14:32,121 --> 00:14:34,415
-That Shane and Kelly broke up.
-Wait, just now?
291
00:14:34,498 --> 00:14:35,583
Yeah.
292
00:14:35,666 --> 00:14:37,042
She broke up with him.
293
00:14:37,126 --> 00:14:38,294
Oh shit. That's terrible.
294
00:14:38,377 --> 00:14:39,336
Is it?
295
00:14:40,421 --> 00:14:42,756
-Isn't it?
-I don't know, man.
296
00:14:43,340 --> 00:14:45,718
Apparently, she told him
she's got a thing for you.
297
00:14:45,801 --> 00:14:46,635
What?
298
00:14:47,136 --> 00:14:47,970
Yeah.
299
00:14:49,305 --> 00:14:51,557
So you gonna… you gonna go for it?
300
00:14:51,640 --> 00:14:53,475
I'm sorry, dude.
Aren't you friends with Shane?
301
00:14:53,559 --> 00:14:55,060
Wh… what?
302
00:14:55,144 --> 00:14:58,939
Yo, man, what's with all the questions?
I just came here to get some food, man.
303
00:15:15,706 --> 00:15:17,541
Hey, dude, can we start or what?
304
00:15:17,625 --> 00:15:19,960
Okay, relax, Elton John. Give me a sec.
305
00:15:20,044 --> 00:15:22,922
-Hey, guys, what's the deal?
-We need to talk, Will.
306
00:15:23,005 --> 00:15:24,256
Yeah, we need to talk, Will.
307
00:15:25,466 --> 00:15:26,300
I like your hat.
308
00:15:27,217 --> 00:15:28,052
Thanks.
309
00:15:28,719 --> 00:15:30,179
You fuckin' bitch.
310
00:15:31,013 --> 00:15:33,098
Okay, in my office. Let's go.
311
00:15:43,442 --> 00:15:44,735
-Hey.
-Hey.
312
00:15:45,778 --> 00:15:47,655
I just heard about the thing with Shane.
313
00:15:47,738 --> 00:15:50,282
-You did?
-Yeah. His friend Cal just told me.
314
00:15:50,366 --> 00:15:54,328
-Oh, we don't have to talk about it.
-No, um, we do.
315
00:15:54,411 --> 00:15:56,705
He said that
you broke up with Shane for me.
316
00:15:56,789 --> 00:15:58,165
Wait. That's not--
317
00:15:58,248 --> 00:16:02,628
I am so sorry
if I gave you the wrong impression.
318
00:16:02,711 --> 00:16:04,713
-That's not--
-I just want to be friends.
319
00:16:04,797 --> 00:16:07,841
-Stop. That's not what--
-We should start working different shifts.
320
00:16:08,425 --> 00:16:09,259
Okay.
321
00:16:13,931 --> 00:16:15,224
What?
322
00:16:15,307 --> 00:16:17,101
What's so hard to understand, Will?
323
00:16:17,184 --> 00:16:20,479
You cannot advertise True Thread tires
at cost. End of story.
324
00:16:20,562 --> 00:16:24,566
Our entire marketing strategy
is selling tires at cost.
325
00:16:24,650 --> 00:16:26,610
If you wanna do that,
you can't sell our tires.
326
00:16:26,694 --> 00:16:30,155
Customers are taking your coupon
and using it at TireWorld.com.
327
00:16:30,239 --> 00:16:31,949
Tire World has to price match.
328
00:16:32,032 --> 00:16:33,867
They're getting butt-fucked.
329
00:16:33,951 --> 00:16:37,287
Unexpected butt-fuck.
And that's the worst kind of butt-fucking.
330
00:16:37,371 --> 00:16:38,831
The worst kind of butt-fucking.
331
00:16:38,914 --> 00:16:41,917
So, what? You're just gonna come in here
and surprise butt-fuck me?
332
00:16:42,001 --> 00:16:44,128
Tire World's our biggest client, dumbass.
333
00:16:44,211 --> 00:16:47,715
We put… so much money into this.
334
00:16:48,215 --> 00:16:49,258
All of our money.
335
00:16:49,341 --> 00:16:51,969
Well, you should've put
a little more money into the food.
336
00:16:52,052 --> 00:16:54,596
-This shit sucks.
-Yeah, this shit sucks.
337
00:16:54,680 --> 00:16:55,973
-Ryan!
-That's right.
338
00:16:56,056 --> 00:16:58,392
No more Mr. Fuckin' Nice Guy.
339
00:16:58,475 --> 00:17:01,603
You know, I am really disappointed in you.
340
00:17:01,687 --> 00:17:03,772
I'm disappointed in you, motherfucker.
341
00:17:03,856 --> 00:17:07,276
Me? You're coming in here
and destroying my entire business model!
342
00:17:07,359 --> 00:17:10,070
What do you expect?
He's right. You're butt-fucking us,
343
00:17:10,154 --> 00:17:12,656
and I don't like to be butt-fucked.
It hurts. It hurts bad.
344
00:17:12,740 --> 00:17:15,325
We're in here saying "butt-fuck"?
That's not us!
345
00:17:15,409 --> 00:17:17,786
Ryan, who have you become?
346
00:17:17,870 --> 00:17:20,789
You did this to me.
You… you made me a villain.
347
00:17:21,498 --> 00:17:23,917
I'm the Joker. You're Batman.
348
00:17:25,085 --> 00:17:26,837
But I'm, like, the good… I'm the good guy.
349
00:17:30,090 --> 00:17:32,051
What are you guys talking about?
350
00:17:32,676 --> 00:17:34,219
What is wrong with you?
351
00:17:34,303 --> 00:17:36,972
Did you tell your friend
to tell Ollie I wanna be with him?
352
00:17:37,473 --> 00:17:39,183
-No.
-No?
353
00:17:39,266 --> 00:17:40,976
I'm sorry. That… that was my mistake.
354
00:17:41,060 --> 00:17:42,519
It was Cal. He's a dumbass.
355
00:17:42,603 --> 00:17:45,230
-Then we'll go to Michelin!
-Tire World spoke to Michelin.
356
00:17:45,314 --> 00:17:50,235
And Continental and Nexen and Eastwood
and every other distributor on the planet.
357
00:17:50,319 --> 00:17:53,447
Nobody, and I mean nobody,
is gonna let you advertise at cost.
358
00:17:53,530 --> 00:17:56,867
All right. Well, then we're gonna
have to return those tires.
359
00:17:56,950 --> 00:17:59,078
Then you're looking at major restock fees.
360
00:17:59,161 --> 00:18:01,663
And if you return,
we're not gonna sell to you anymore.
361
00:18:04,458 --> 00:18:06,585
There's gotta be something
we can figure out--
362
00:18:06,668 --> 00:18:10,380
Ryan, stop that soft-dick Canadian shit.
You said you were gonna be tough.
363
00:18:10,464 --> 00:18:11,465
Shut the fuck up.
364
00:18:11,965 --> 00:18:13,175
-Hey!
-Hey!
365
00:18:13,258 --> 00:18:15,761
-Pete! What's up, brother?
-Hey, Davey boy. What's good?
366
00:18:15,844 --> 00:18:18,639
They're saying we can't sell their tires
at cost anymore,
367
00:18:18,722 --> 00:18:21,517
and they're not gonna give us
our inventory unless we drop the ads.
368
00:18:21,600 --> 00:18:24,019
What? Come on, Pete. We can discuss this.
369
00:18:24,603 --> 00:18:25,896
Not this time, kemosabe.
370
00:18:25,979 --> 00:18:27,481
Oh my God!
371
00:18:27,564 --> 00:18:30,150
You're fucking my shit up.
I work with Ollie every day.
372
00:18:30,234 --> 00:18:32,569
I'm fucking your shit up?
You're fucking my shit up.
373
00:18:32,653 --> 00:18:35,447
You flirted with a guy
in front of all my friends and my dad.
374
00:18:35,531 --> 00:18:37,950
Flirted in front of you?
You're crazy. I was talking to a guy.
375
00:18:38,033 --> 00:18:41,870
-Touching him. You think he's funny.
-I'm high. I think everything's funny.
376
00:18:41,954 --> 00:18:44,790
This is… this is so fucking immature,
it's crazy.
377
00:18:44,873 --> 00:18:45,916
-This is immature?
-Yes.
378
00:18:45,999 --> 00:18:48,669
It's immature of you
to act like this isn't going on.
379
00:18:48,752 --> 00:18:49,920
Just admit that.
380
00:18:50,587 --> 00:18:53,132
I'm not gonna admit that
'cause it's a normal thing to do
381
00:18:53,215 --> 00:18:54,174
to talk to somebody.
382
00:18:56,135 --> 00:18:58,679
-I guess we're at a standstill.
-I guess.
383
00:18:58,762 --> 00:18:59,596
All right.
384
00:19:01,473 --> 00:19:03,600
Sorry. I'll fix it for you.
385
00:19:04,852 --> 00:19:06,812
Bro, what the fuck did you do?
386
00:19:06,895 --> 00:19:08,897
Intelligence. It's a messy business.
387
00:19:08,981 --> 00:19:10,649
-What?
-I'm sorry. I'll fix it.
388
00:19:10,732 --> 00:19:12,234
Don't fix it, bro.
389
00:19:12,317 --> 00:19:14,736
I can fix it. Don't give it up now.
390
00:19:14,820 --> 00:19:16,363
-Please--
-What would Washington do?
391
00:19:16,446 --> 00:19:18,907
What would George Washington do?
He'd fucking have you hung.
392
00:19:18,991 --> 00:19:21,451
Pete, come on, man.
Don't be a dick. We can figure this out.
393
00:19:21,535 --> 00:19:24,371
Hey, Dave, why don't you go home
and focus on your marriage?
394
00:19:25,622 --> 00:19:27,374
Hey, fuck you, Pete!
395
00:19:27,457 --> 00:19:30,335
Dave's marriage
is in a very sensitive spot right now.
396
00:19:32,254 --> 00:19:33,547
Yeah, fuck you, Pete!
397
00:19:33,630 --> 00:19:34,506
-Fuck me?
-Yeah!
398
00:19:34,590 --> 00:19:35,591
How about fuck you?
399
00:19:35,674 --> 00:19:36,675
-Okay.
-And fuck you!
400
00:19:36,758 --> 00:19:38,135
-Fuck you!
-Fuck you!
401
00:19:38,218 --> 00:19:40,179
Don't say "fuck you" to Will, okay?
402
00:19:40,262 --> 00:19:41,680
Fuck you, and you can forget about
403
00:19:41,763 --> 00:19:44,308
getting any strip club trips
on the company dime from me.
404
00:19:44,391 --> 00:19:48,228
Like I give a shit
about your C-section strip clubs
405
00:19:48,312 --> 00:19:50,063
and skirt steak dinners.
406
00:19:50,147 --> 00:19:51,690
Tire World bought me a gold watch.
407
00:19:51,773 --> 00:19:53,317
This gold watch.
408
00:19:53,400 --> 00:19:56,278
Not to mention all the blow jobs
and rim jobs that I can handle.
409
00:19:56,361 --> 00:19:58,322
I got the cleanest asshole
in six counties.
410
00:19:58,405 --> 00:20:01,366
I tried to buy you pussy.
You'd always bust during the lap dance.
411
00:20:01,450 --> 00:20:03,118
I told you that in confidence, asshole!
412
00:20:03,202 --> 00:20:06,496
So that's it. I just gotta buy you off,
then I can sell tires at cost.
413
00:20:06,580 --> 00:20:07,998
Uh, no, that's illegal.
414
00:20:08,081 --> 00:20:10,167
No, that's the fucking game, baby.
415
00:20:10,250 --> 00:20:12,669
Tire World's got an endless bank account.
416
00:20:12,753 --> 00:20:15,964
You two donkey dicks
couldn't afford a dollar-store hooker.
417
00:20:16,048 --> 00:20:19,092
Let me explain it to you another way.
Tire World is the big fish.
418
00:20:19,176 --> 00:20:22,137
You're the shit
at the bottom of the fucking tank.
419
00:20:22,221 --> 00:20:25,140
What are we even talking about here?
Jesus Christ!
420
00:20:26,058 --> 00:20:28,977
Stop the ads and discontinue the coupons,
421
00:20:29,061 --> 00:20:31,396
or find yourselves
another fucking line of work.
422
00:20:31,480 --> 00:20:32,689
It's up to you.
423
00:20:35,692 --> 00:20:36,526
Sorry, Will.
424
00:20:37,903 --> 00:20:39,321
Sorry about your wife, Dave.
425
00:20:39,404 --> 00:20:40,447
Thank you.
426
00:20:45,827 --> 00:20:49,206
Who in the fuck are those guys?
427
00:20:54,920 --> 00:20:58,882
I just bought Valley Forge.
I just got into the tire industry.
428
00:20:58,966 --> 00:21:00,092
Fuck this.
429
00:21:00,717 --> 00:21:01,593
Let's go.
430
00:21:13,021 --> 00:21:14,189
What's up, bros?
431
00:21:15,816 --> 00:21:16,984
I think we're screwed.
432
00:21:17,985 --> 00:21:20,529
Here's your bill. Gratuity not included.
433
00:21:21,363 --> 00:21:22,364
It isn't?
434
00:21:22,990 --> 00:21:23,991
I think I'm screwed.
435
00:21:32,708 --> 00:21:34,751
-We're the Recess Boys.
-What are you doing?
436
00:21:34,835 --> 00:21:36,670
This first one's called
"Corporate Pig Slop."
437
00:21:37,587 --> 00:21:38,922
This goes out to Will.
438
00:21:39,464 --> 00:21:40,549
One, two, three, four!
439
00:21:43,552 --> 00:21:44,678
Holy shit!
440
00:21:45,971 --> 00:21:48,098
♪ Fuck you! Fuck you! Fuck you! ♪
441
00:21:48,181 --> 00:21:50,225
♪ Fuck you! Fuck you! Fuck you! ♪
442
00:21:50,309 --> 00:21:51,893
♪ Fuck you! Yeah, you… ♪
443
00:21:51,977 --> 00:21:53,353
You hired this band?
444
00:21:53,437 --> 00:21:54,938
♪ Fuck your pig ass… ♪
445
00:21:55,981 --> 00:21:57,858
-They're gonna fuck your pig ass.
-Shane!
446
00:21:57,941 --> 00:21:59,026
In front of all the kids.
447
00:21:59,901 --> 00:22:01,361
♪ In pain we trust… ♪
448
00:22:02,237 --> 00:22:04,573
I think they got
the family-friendly message.
449
00:22:04,656 --> 00:22:06,742
I said
"Livin' On a Prayer"!
450
00:22:06,825 --> 00:22:09,453
I said Beach Boys! Beach Boys!
451
00:22:09,536 --> 00:22:11,455
♪ Corporate pig slop ♪
452
00:22:11,538 --> 00:22:13,457
♪ Fuck you, full stop ♪
453
00:22:13,540 --> 00:22:15,542
♪ Corporate pig slop ♪
454
00:22:15,625 --> 00:22:17,461
♪ Fuck you, full stop ♪
455
00:22:18,045 --> 00:22:20,047
♪ Corporate pig slop ♪
456
00:22:20,130 --> 00:22:21,465
♪ Fuck you, full stop ♪
457
00:22:22,049 --> 00:22:24,468
♪ Corporate pig slop ♪
458
00:22:24,551 --> 00:22:25,469
♪ Fuck you ♪
459
00:22:30,682 --> 00:22:32,059
♪ Line those pigs up ♪
460
00:22:32,559 --> 00:22:34,436
♪ Wrap 'em in a blanket ♪
461
00:22:35,062 --> 00:22:36,980
♪ Toss 'em in a car trunk ♪
462
00:22:37,064 --> 00:22:38,982
♪ Or shove 'em in a casket ♪
463
00:22:39,066 --> 00:22:39,983
♪ Yeah! ♪
464
00:22:48,700 --> 00:22:50,577
♪ Gonna get a pig pen ♪
465
00:22:51,078 --> 00:22:52,579
♪ Poison in the water ♪
466
00:22:53,080 --> 00:22:54,998
♪ Open the barnyard ♪
467
00:22:55,082 --> 00:22:56,500
♪ Lead 'em to the slaughter ♪
468
00:23:04,674 --> 00:23:06,510
♪ Corporate pig slop ♪
469
00:23:06,593 --> 00:23:08,512
♪ Fuck you, full stop ♪
34208
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