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1
00:00:07,424 --> 00:00:12,929
As far as I'm concerned,
as of today, the old Valley Forge is dead.
2
00:00:13,430 --> 00:00:15,015
Now, we've done some renovations,
3
00:00:15,515 --> 00:00:19,769
gotten ourselves a new logo,
new swag, and a new attitude.
4
00:00:20,979 --> 00:00:22,564
I'm not fucking wearing this.
5
00:00:22,647 --> 00:00:23,773
Looks nice, huh?
6
00:00:23,857 --> 00:00:25,567
-What do you mean?
-The new sign.
7
00:00:26,067 --> 00:00:28,153
The sign is new? Oh, it's…
8
00:00:28,236 --> 00:00:30,030
-The name is different. New name.
-No!
9
00:00:30,113 --> 00:00:31,197
No, no!
10
00:00:31,281 --> 00:00:33,700
Today is day one
of our marketing blitz.
11
00:00:33,783 --> 00:00:35,618
We need to spread the word far and wide
12
00:00:35,702 --> 00:00:39,247
that not only is Valley Forge
the best place to get your tires,
13
00:00:39,330 --> 00:00:40,749
it's the only place.
14
00:00:40,832 --> 00:00:44,878
We will murder hornet
the competition, guaranteed.
15
00:00:44,961 --> 00:00:48,339
We've revamped the website.
Billboards are going up.
16
00:00:48,423 --> 00:00:50,175
What's that? I'm way in the back.
17
00:00:50,258 --> 00:00:52,218
This is going up on a billboard?
18
00:00:52,302 --> 00:00:54,679
I'm not trying to complain,
but I don't like it.
19
00:00:54,763 --> 00:00:56,181
I look like Beetlejuice.
20
00:00:56,264 --> 00:01:01,227
Right now, coupons are going out
to every house in a ten-mile radius.
21
00:01:01,311 --> 00:01:02,979
We're all in on this idea.
22
00:01:03,063 --> 00:01:07,817
We're gonna make damn sure everyone knows
we sell the best tires in America
23
00:01:07,901 --> 00:01:09,652
at the lowest prices.
24
00:01:11,529 --> 00:01:14,282
Oh wow.
That was an incredible speech, Phil.
25
00:01:14,365 --> 00:01:15,658
Dave, be quiet.
26
00:01:16,451 --> 00:01:19,370
Now, next week is our grand reopening.
27
00:01:19,871 --> 00:01:24,751
This radio ad is gonna play
ten times a day, every day for a month.
28
00:01:24,834 --> 00:01:28,088
Every word has been
carefully crafted and curated,
29
00:01:28,171 --> 00:01:31,758
so I don't want one syllable changed
in the script.
30
00:01:31,841 --> 00:01:34,803
I'll tell you what we should do
for the reopening. It's Valley Forge.
31
00:01:34,886 --> 00:01:36,888
We should make it
Revolutionary War-themed.
32
00:01:36,971 --> 00:01:39,599
Themes are usually tacky.
What do you think, Will?
33
00:01:40,475 --> 00:01:41,726
Uh, well…
34
00:01:41,810 --> 00:01:43,812
Uh, I think you're dead-on, Phil.
35
00:01:43,895 --> 00:01:45,313
Themes are so tacky.
36
00:01:45,396 --> 00:01:47,816
Dave, why are you here?
37
00:01:47,899 --> 00:01:49,526
This is an owners-only meeting.
38
00:01:49,609 --> 00:01:53,822
But since you are here, I'm gonna need you
to run this location today. Can you do it?
39
00:01:53,905 --> 00:01:56,157
Wait, wait.
You don't think I could do Will's job?
40
00:01:56,241 --> 00:01:59,369
Quite frankly,
I'm not sure how you do anything, Dave.
41
00:02:00,036 --> 00:02:02,163
You're gonna be here alone for four hours,
42
00:02:02,247 --> 00:02:04,040
so try not to fuck anything.
43
00:02:04,124 --> 00:02:06,626
Yeah, Dave. Try not to fuck anything
for once in your life!
44
00:02:06,709 --> 00:02:08,086
Yeah, Dave. Disgusting!
45
00:02:08,169 --> 00:02:10,588
Shane,
whenever you read the radio ad,
46
00:02:10,672 --> 00:02:12,715
I need you to read it loud.
47
00:02:13,341 --> 00:02:15,218
Shouting. A lot.
48
00:02:15,301 --> 00:02:17,303
Oh, definitely. I'll definitely do that.
49
00:02:18,012 --> 00:02:20,390
-I can see you making that face.
-What face?
50
00:02:20,473 --> 00:02:23,977
The "I'm not gonna do
what Phil just asked me to do" face.
51
00:02:24,060 --> 00:02:25,520
-You can see that?
-Yeah.
52
00:02:26,020 --> 00:02:29,524
-Come on. Where's my sweet little boy?
-Don't fucking do that.
53
00:02:29,607 --> 00:02:31,860
Where's my sweet little shouty boy?
54
00:02:31,943 --> 00:02:33,528
All right. I'll do it.
55
00:02:34,154 --> 00:02:35,488
-Shane.
-Shane!
56
00:02:35,572 --> 00:02:37,240
-Shane!
-No, no, no, no, no.
57
00:02:37,323 --> 00:02:38,366
Not you.
58
00:02:38,449 --> 00:02:40,368
-Dave, stay off our side.
-I'm sorry.
59
00:03:09,230 --> 00:03:12,442
So we'll have this set up for you
in no time at all. Really.
60
00:03:12,525 --> 00:03:16,696
Well, really, we're just trying to do
something nice for our customers here.
61
00:03:16,779 --> 00:03:19,032
Hey, welcome to Valley Forge.
How can we help you?
62
00:03:21,451 --> 00:03:24,287
Okay, um, anything we can do for you here?
63
00:03:24,996 --> 00:03:28,082
My car's making a weird sound.
I need you to fix it.
64
00:03:28,166 --> 00:03:29,459
Okay. What's it sound like?
65
00:03:29,542 --> 00:03:31,753
I just told you. Weird.
66
00:03:31,836 --> 00:03:35,798
Weird. Uh, yeah, we can handle weird
no problem, actually.
67
00:03:35,882 --> 00:03:37,467
And while we look at that,
68
00:03:37,550 --> 00:03:40,553
why don't you look at
our incredible prices?
69
00:03:40,637 --> 00:03:41,846
We're running a special.
70
00:03:41,930 --> 00:03:44,849
We're selling tires at cost.
71
00:03:45,350 --> 00:03:46,684
Just a… a great bargain.
72
00:03:46,768 --> 00:03:47,894
Fix my car.
73
00:03:48,937 --> 00:03:50,063
Absolutely.
74
00:03:50,146 --> 00:03:53,524
I'll go hand this off to the mechanic now.
Put it right at the top of the list.
75
00:03:53,608 --> 00:03:55,026
Fuck these assholes. Am I right?
76
00:03:57,362 --> 00:04:00,531
So I'm gonna go give the keys
to the mechanic now,
77
00:04:01,032 --> 00:04:02,367
and we'll talk later.
78
00:04:04,702 --> 00:04:05,828
Cal, listen to me, buddy.
79
00:04:05,912 --> 00:04:07,914
There's a threatening ethnic white
out there.
80
00:04:07,997 --> 00:04:10,833
His car's making a noise.
I need you to drive it around,
81
00:04:10,917 --> 00:04:13,211
tell me what it is,
fix it, and get him the fuck out fast.
82
00:04:13,294 --> 00:04:16,047
-I can't drive today.
-Oh! What the fuck happened to you?
83
00:04:16,130 --> 00:04:18,591
-He got stung by a hornet.
-Are you allergic?
84
00:04:18,675 --> 00:04:21,010
-I don't think so.
-He's fine. He looks fine.
85
00:04:21,094 --> 00:04:23,763
-That looks all right to you?
-It was worse earlier.
86
00:04:23,846 --> 00:04:26,140
It's not that bad.
This is just a regular bee sting.
87
00:04:26,224 --> 00:04:28,268
-Dude, it's wet.
-No, that's something else.
88
00:04:28,351 --> 00:04:29,686
No, it's not!
89
00:04:29,769 --> 00:04:31,771
You know what? Fine, Kilah, you drive.
90
00:04:31,854 --> 00:04:34,315
I don't give a fuck about your eye,
is what I just remembered.
91
00:04:34,399 --> 00:04:36,317
-You can drive. Right, Kilah?
-Yes!
92
00:04:36,401 --> 00:04:39,904
You drive, you sit in the passenger seat,
listen, figure it out,
93
00:04:39,988 --> 00:04:43,574
tell me what it is, fix the car,
get that scary motherfucker out of here.
94
00:04:43,658 --> 00:04:45,243
-You're gonna let Kilah drive?
-Yes.
95
00:04:45,326 --> 00:04:47,996
Between you, you got three eyes.
You can figure it out. Here.
96
00:04:48,079 --> 00:04:49,789
Get him gone.
97
00:04:50,373 --> 00:04:52,917
-When's the last time you drove?
-Today!
98
00:04:58,840 --> 00:05:02,427
Greetings. Come on down
to Valley Forge Auto grand reopening
99
00:05:02,510 --> 00:05:03,344
next Saturday.
100
00:05:03,428 --> 00:05:05,388
We have True Thread tires at cost.
101
00:05:05,471 --> 00:05:08,308
That's $99 a piece, lowest prices around.
102
00:05:08,391 --> 00:05:10,601
Your dad said
he wanted you to scream the ad.
103
00:05:10,685 --> 00:05:12,687
I'm not screaming the ad.
We'll look like idiots.
104
00:05:12,770 --> 00:05:15,898
That's what he said he wanted you to do,
and he's paying for it, so…
105
00:05:15,982 --> 00:05:16,983
Phil's a moron.
106
00:05:17,817 --> 00:05:18,860
Hey, whenever you're ready.
107
00:05:21,112 --> 00:05:24,324
Come on down to Valley Forge Auto
grand reopening next Saturday.
108
00:05:24,407 --> 00:05:26,034
-We have True Thread tires--
-Cut.
109
00:05:26,117 --> 00:05:29,662
-That's as loud as I can scream.
-I'm the one that has to answer for this.
110
00:05:29,746 --> 00:05:33,249
He gave me
explicit instructions, okay?
111
00:05:33,333 --> 00:05:35,001
I'm gonna have to look him in the eye.
112
00:05:35,084 --> 00:05:37,962
I can tell you don't care,
but I'm trying to be a team player.
113
00:05:38,046 --> 00:05:40,548
That's all
I'm trying to do here, so…
114
00:05:41,049 --> 00:05:42,050
Fuck!
115
00:05:42,133 --> 00:05:46,387
I have to look him in the eye
and tell him I can't control his son.
116
00:05:46,471 --> 00:05:47,847
Fuck, I'm becoming Dave.
117
00:05:47,930 --> 00:05:50,683
What we should be doing is
trashing our competitors.
118
00:05:50,767 --> 00:05:54,771
Like, "National Tire Center. They forgot
about 9/11. We didn't. Disgusting."
119
00:05:54,854 --> 00:05:55,688
No.
120
00:05:55,772 --> 00:05:58,441
"National Tire Center. I heard they're
owned by a private equity firm
121
00:05:58,524 --> 00:06:00,193
that also dabbles in child trafficking."
122
00:06:00,276 --> 00:06:02,612
Shane, just read the ad
and scream like a banshee.
123
00:06:02,695 --> 00:06:04,489
I'm not gonna scream like a banshee.
124
00:06:04,572 --> 00:06:06,657
Fine. I'll come in there
and scream the ad.
125
00:06:06,741 --> 00:06:09,077
All right, come in. Get in here, big boy.
126
00:06:11,579 --> 00:06:12,830
Do you hear anything?
127
00:06:13,706 --> 00:06:15,666
Not if you keep talking.
128
00:06:16,709 --> 00:06:19,128
No, I can't. I'm not hearing anything.
129
00:06:19,629 --> 00:06:21,172
All right, let's get iced coffee.
130
00:06:21,672 --> 00:06:23,800
Kilah, no. This guy's a psycho.
131
00:06:23,883 --> 00:06:26,219
-Come on! It'll be quick.
-What if you spill it in here?
132
00:06:26,302 --> 00:06:27,929
I know how to drink an iced coffee.
133
00:06:34,102 --> 00:06:37,647
How's that my fault? I said,
"Look out, there's a lady and a stroller."
134
00:06:37,730 --> 00:06:40,233
I just… You didn't say it.
I didn't see her.
135
00:06:40,316 --> 00:06:42,193
And you probably
could have said it sooner.
136
00:06:42,276 --> 00:06:44,987
Kilah, you almost killed a woman
and her child.
137
00:06:45,571 --> 00:06:47,407
The baby thought it was funny.
138
00:06:47,490 --> 00:06:48,533
I think.
139
00:06:48,616 --> 00:06:51,494
-Greetings! Come on down--
-No. Louder.
140
00:06:52,620 --> 00:06:54,914
Greetings!
Come on down to--
141
00:06:54,997 --> 00:06:55,873
You're not yelling.
142
00:06:55,957 --> 00:06:58,751
I am yelling.
You didn't yell. I'm yelling.
143
00:06:58,835 --> 00:07:00,878
You need to really yell.
You gotta feel it.
144
00:07:00,962 --> 00:07:03,297
Pretend somebody recorded over
your lady golf porn.
145
00:07:03,381 --> 00:07:05,800
I don't watch lady golf porn.
It's the LPGA.
146
00:07:05,883 --> 00:07:07,635
You definitely jack off to lady golf.
147
00:07:07,718 --> 00:07:11,347
I'm not jacking off to it!
They have the most relatable yardages…
148
00:07:11,848 --> 00:07:15,393
Greetings! Come on down
to Valley Forge Auto this Saturday--
149
00:07:15,476 --> 00:07:18,062
-No, louder.
-Shane, I'm gonna pass out!
150
00:07:18,146 --> 00:07:19,939
If you pass out,
we'll get you a juice box.
151
00:07:20,022 --> 00:07:23,776
Greetings! Come on down
to Valley Forge Auto this Saturday!
152
00:07:23,860 --> 00:07:26,070
-We've got True Thread tires…
-No way.
153
00:07:28,114 --> 00:07:28,948
What?
154
00:07:29,740 --> 00:07:30,867
That guy
155
00:07:31,909 --> 00:07:34,162
had sex with that girl.
156
00:07:34,245 --> 00:07:36,497
-No.
-W… what's going on in there?
157
00:07:39,584 --> 00:07:40,668
What's going on?
158
00:07:45,965 --> 00:07:47,592
Did you have sex with Miss October?
159
00:07:48,551 --> 00:07:49,844
Oh, yes.
160
00:07:51,554 --> 00:07:52,889
Nah, you're lying, man.
161
00:07:52,972 --> 00:07:55,641
No, I'm not lying.
Can we just focus on the ad?
162
00:07:55,725 --> 00:07:58,144
The Dogman is gonna love this guy.
163
00:07:58,227 --> 00:08:00,730
Can you guys go live on the air right now?
164
00:08:00,813 --> 00:08:01,689
Yeah. Hell yeah.
165
00:08:01,772 --> 00:08:05,234
-Sure. Can we talk about the shop?
-You can talk about whatever you want.
166
00:08:14,660 --> 00:08:16,662
Oh fuck. It's my ex.
167
00:08:16,746 --> 00:08:18,998
-The threesome guy?
-Yeah, he sucks.
168
00:08:19,081 --> 00:08:20,583
-Then don't pick it up.
-What?
169
00:08:20,666 --> 00:08:22,126
Don't put it on speakerphone.
170
00:08:22,210 --> 00:08:23,878
Come pick up your fucking hamster.
171
00:08:23,961 --> 00:08:27,048
Goddamn it. I told you
I'd be over to get it. Get off my ass.
172
00:08:27,131 --> 00:08:29,383
Well, my new girlfriend is allergic.
173
00:08:29,467 --> 00:08:30,593
What's his name?
174
00:08:30,676 --> 00:08:31,636
Who the fuck is that?
175
00:08:31,719 --> 00:08:34,639
Don't worry about it.
I'll be over later. Goodbye.
176
00:08:35,139 --> 00:08:37,183
Be over later?
177
00:08:38,559 --> 00:08:39,894
We gotta make a stop.
178
00:08:39,977 --> 00:08:42,480
Kilah, no. We're not making
any more stops.
179
00:08:42,563 --> 00:08:44,941
There's fuckin' coffee everywhere.
My eye's all fucked up.
180
00:08:45,024 --> 00:08:48,194
The coffee's gone. This will take
two seconds. We're almost there--
181
00:08:48,277 --> 00:08:49,111
It's not gonna--
182
00:08:49,695 --> 00:08:52,281
The swelling's getting in my ear canal.
I can't hear shit.
183
00:08:52,365 --> 00:08:55,243
Oh, great. Good thing
we're listening for sounds here.
184
00:09:08,548 --> 00:09:12,718
That was The Recess Boys,
only on Dogman… Hoo-hoo! …and the Squirt.
185
00:09:13,928 --> 00:09:16,180
Kevin, thank you again so much
for coming in,
186
00:09:16,264 --> 00:09:19,433
and congratulations again to your band,
The Recess Boys,
187
00:09:19,517 --> 00:09:21,185
on winning the Battle of the Bands.
188
00:09:21,269 --> 00:09:22,979
-Well done.
-Indeed!
189
00:09:23,062 --> 00:09:24,313
Well done!
190
00:09:24,397 --> 00:09:26,941
Okay, Squirt, so it came to our attention
during the break
191
00:09:27,024 --> 00:09:29,277
that one of the guys
we have coming in here
192
00:09:29,360 --> 00:09:34,198
may have slept with our very own,
the stunning Miss October, Reagan.
193
00:09:34,282 --> 00:09:35,658
No!
194
00:09:35,741 --> 00:09:39,996
-One of you two slept with her?
-What our producer is telling us!
195
00:09:40,079 --> 00:09:41,038
Oh my God!
196
00:09:41,122 --> 00:09:43,791
Which one was it? Foghorn Leghorn or Bugs?
197
00:09:43,874 --> 00:09:45,668
Oh, uh, me.
198
00:09:46,168 --> 00:09:48,045
Bugs. Will.
199
00:09:48,129 --> 00:09:51,632
-Okay! Well, lucky man.
-Yeah, very lucky!
200
00:09:51,716 --> 00:09:54,885
How about you, big guy? You ever
drag any ladies up to your bell tower?
201
00:09:55,469 --> 00:09:56,304
What?
202
00:09:56,387 --> 00:09:59,515
-"What?"
-I've… I've never been on the radio.
203
00:10:00,641 --> 00:10:02,393
I'm Shane.
204
00:10:02,476 --> 00:10:05,605
Oh, good. I was starting to think
he was one of the nonverbal ones.
205
00:10:05,688 --> 00:10:06,981
He knows his name!
206
00:10:07,064 --> 00:10:09,025
Shane gets a lot of ladies
up in his bell tower.
207
00:10:09,108 --> 00:10:11,402
-Sure. Okay. Okay, fine.
-Okay. Yeah.
208
00:10:11,485 --> 00:10:14,905
-Tell me again, where is it you guys work?
-Uh, Valley Forge Automo… Uh…
209
00:10:16,616 --> 00:10:19,952
Train by day,
Valley Forge Automotive by night, all day.
210
00:10:25,458 --> 00:10:27,501
The Squirt strikes again!
211
00:10:29,337 --> 00:10:31,005
You're in the doghouse now, baby!
212
00:10:31,088 --> 00:10:33,549
Woof, woof! The doghouse!
213
00:10:33,633 --> 00:10:36,385
Dog pound! Yeah!
214
00:10:36,469 --> 00:10:38,471
Tell me about Valley Forge Auto.
215
00:10:38,554 --> 00:10:40,222
Yes, so Valley Forge Auto…
216
00:10:40,306 --> 00:10:41,140
Hey!
217
00:10:41,641 --> 00:10:43,476
Hey, that's my son.
218
00:10:43,559 --> 00:10:45,478
…and we sell the cheapest tires.
219
00:10:45,561 --> 00:10:46,395
Yeah?
220
00:10:46,479 --> 00:10:48,439
So you work in an auto repair chain
221
00:10:48,522 --> 00:10:52,193
and somehow manage to bone a bikini model?
222
00:10:52,276 --> 00:10:54,111
This is not adding up.
223
00:10:54,195 --> 00:10:56,739
Will had sex with her,
and then he cried afterwards.
224
00:10:58,282 --> 00:10:59,283
I didn't cry!
225
00:10:59,367 --> 00:11:01,827
-I didn't cry afterwards.
-Oh, he cried during.
226
00:11:04,080 --> 00:11:07,583
No, listen. L… let's get back
to what we were talking about earlier
227
00:11:07,667 --> 00:11:10,086
with cheap tires
'cause… 'cause that's exciting.
228
00:11:10,169 --> 00:11:12,672
-That's very exciting, to know a place--
-Oh no!
229
00:11:12,755 --> 00:11:15,675
-We're gonna lose the Squirt.
-Wake the Squirt up.
230
00:11:15,758 --> 00:11:17,718
He's narcoleptic.
Bore him, he goes out.
231
00:11:17,802 --> 00:11:19,387
Will likes dirty talk during sex.
232
00:11:19,470 --> 00:11:22,765
-Oh, here we go! We're back!
-Now we're back in the game!
233
00:11:22,848 --> 00:11:24,892
-Get back to work.
-Why'd you say that to them?
234
00:11:24,975 --> 00:11:26,560
It's the morning zoo. It's a zoo.
235
00:11:29,063 --> 00:11:30,189
Here you go, bitch.
236
00:11:32,066 --> 00:11:33,442
Who the fuck is that?
237
00:11:34,151 --> 00:11:35,319
Don't worry about it.
238
00:11:35,903 --> 00:11:38,739
-What's wrong with his eye?
-He sneezed while eating my pussy.
239
00:11:38,823 --> 00:11:41,367
-He's on the mend.
-Is that supposed to make me jealous?
240
00:11:41,450 --> 00:11:42,993
Nah, it just does.
241
00:11:44,578 --> 00:11:45,871
Hey, I'm Cal.
242
00:11:45,955 --> 00:11:47,873
No one is talking to you.
243
00:11:47,957 --> 00:11:51,711
-Then why are you looking right at me?
-You're just gonna roll up your window?
244
00:11:52,878 --> 00:11:53,963
Sorry?
245
00:11:54,046 --> 00:11:54,922
You will be!
246
00:11:55,423 --> 00:11:57,550
Hey, how about a parting gift?
247
00:11:57,633 --> 00:12:00,302
Just one second.
It's gonna be great. You're gonna love it.
248
00:12:00,386 --> 00:12:01,470
Just stay right there!
249
00:12:02,221 --> 00:12:03,556
Got something great for you!
250
00:12:04,056 --> 00:12:05,891
The fuck's going on with this guy?
251
00:12:05,975 --> 00:12:07,810
Oh shit! Oh shit!
Oh shit! Oh shit! Oh shit!
252
00:12:09,478 --> 00:12:11,856
Try rolling up your window now! Try it!
253
00:12:11,939 --> 00:12:13,482
What the fuck was that?
254
00:12:13,566 --> 00:12:17,027
That was a strike!
A fastball right down the middle!
255
00:12:17,111 --> 00:12:18,195
And you're out!
256
00:12:18,279 --> 00:12:19,989
Kilah, get in the car!
257
00:12:20,489 --> 00:12:22,700
Just so you know, I got stung by a hornet!
258
00:12:22,783 --> 00:12:24,118
I wasn't eating her pussy!
259
00:12:24,201 --> 00:12:25,327
Yeah, sure, man!
260
00:12:25,411 --> 00:12:26,871
Can we get back together?
261
00:12:26,954 --> 00:12:28,581
No!
262
00:12:28,664 --> 00:12:29,623
Kilah, can we go?
263
00:12:29,707 --> 00:12:30,583
Please?
264
00:12:30,666 --> 00:12:33,335
-Why? 'Cause I broke a window?
-No!
265
00:12:33,419 --> 00:12:35,045
You're seriously dating this guy?
266
00:12:35,129 --> 00:12:37,590
What's going on? Are you dating?
267
00:12:43,220 --> 00:12:44,388
Oh, there's that sound.
268
00:12:46,140 --> 00:12:49,101
Yeah, it's probably
the belt tensioner.
269
00:12:49,602 --> 00:12:51,520
So, Will, you're into dirty talk?
270
00:12:51,604 --> 00:12:52,813
Okay, sometimes.
271
00:12:52,897 --> 00:12:55,649
But, you know,
dirty talk has a stigma, and--
272
00:12:55,733 --> 00:12:57,651
Tell 'em the things
you like to say to girls.
273
00:12:57,735 --> 00:12:58,652
Absolutely not!
274
00:12:58,736 --> 00:13:00,446
Ooh, nothing wrong
with a little dirty talk.
275
00:13:00,529 --> 00:13:02,990
That's what my mom always says.
276
00:13:03,073 --> 00:13:05,910
-Mama Squirts is always right.
-Yes, she is!
277
00:13:05,993 --> 00:13:07,244
Your mom said that to you?
278
00:13:07,328 --> 00:13:08,496
Uh, yeah, all the time!
279
00:13:08,579 --> 00:13:10,915
How do you think
I got my name, Lil' Squirt?
280
00:13:10,998 --> 00:13:13,167
Oh my God, that's really terrible, man.
281
00:13:13,250 --> 00:13:14,460
Uh, yeah.
282
00:13:14,543 --> 00:13:15,461
Yeah, stop.
283
00:13:15,544 --> 00:13:18,839
Uh, back to Miss Reagan,
the lovely Miss October.
284
00:13:18,923 --> 00:13:21,801
What kind of dirty talk are we talkin'
about? Give me something, please.
285
00:13:21,884 --> 00:13:25,179
-Are you a cuck?
-Are we talking about sensuality, findom?
286
00:13:25,262 --> 00:13:27,097
-Getting pegged?
-Degradation?
287
00:13:27,181 --> 00:13:29,266
Degradation. It's extreme degradation.
288
00:13:29,350 --> 00:13:30,768
Uh, o… okay.
289
00:13:31,435 --> 00:13:34,063
Sometimes it's degrading.
290
00:13:34,146 --> 00:13:36,273
-Oh, ho, ho!
-Oh! Whoa!
291
00:13:37,691 --> 00:13:39,777
No, it's not… Okay?
292
00:13:39,860 --> 00:13:41,320
I don't just do it in a vacuum.
293
00:13:41,403 --> 00:13:43,614
I get a little chatty, I test the waters,
294
00:13:43,697 --> 00:13:45,074
and then I see what lands.
295
00:13:45,157 --> 00:13:49,203
You degraded
our lovely Miss October, Reagan?
296
00:13:49,286 --> 00:13:50,788
That sweet, sweet girl.
297
00:13:50,871 --> 00:13:52,414
How could you degrade her?
298
00:13:52,498 --> 00:13:56,210
She's a great girl. You know, the issue is
that it was a long time ago,
299
00:13:56,293 --> 00:13:59,463
so I don't recall
exactly what was said, you know, or done.
300
00:13:59,547 --> 00:14:01,757
You don't recall?
Let's get her on the phone!
301
00:14:01,841 --> 00:14:04,385
Oh my God, Lyle! Lyle, right now!
302
00:14:04,468 --> 00:14:07,221
-Yes!
-Get our Reagan on the phone right now.
303
00:14:07,304 --> 00:14:09,014
-Wait!
-No, Lyle, get her on.
304
00:14:09,098 --> 00:14:13,185
No, Lyle, take it easy. Go take five.
Go have a cigarette break or somethin'.
305
00:14:13,269 --> 00:14:16,522
My goodness. I wanna talk about tires,
'cause that's--
306
00:14:16,605 --> 00:14:17,690
Reagan!
307
00:14:17,773 --> 00:14:22,361
Reagan! Reagan! Reagan!
308
00:14:22,862 --> 00:14:24,613
Radio is nuts.
309
00:14:24,697 --> 00:14:26,615
What the hell happened here?
310
00:14:26,699 --> 00:14:29,577
-I just spilled coffee in the front seat.
-Coffee?
311
00:14:29,660 --> 00:14:32,872
I did hear that noise, by the way.
That's gonna be an easy fix.
312
00:14:32,955 --> 00:14:36,166
The fucking broken window
isn't gonna be an easy fix, Cal!
313
00:14:36,250 --> 00:14:37,960
It was a mistake. Relax.
314
00:14:38,043 --> 00:14:40,671
A mistake, you fucking dunce?
That's all you have to say?
315
00:14:41,922 --> 00:14:42,840
Yes.
316
00:14:42,923 --> 00:14:44,758
That guy's gonna fucking break my neck.
317
00:14:44,842 --> 00:14:46,135
Lucky.
318
00:14:46,218 --> 00:14:47,845
How the fuck is that lucky?
319
00:14:47,928 --> 00:14:49,346
Workers' comp, hello?
320
00:14:49,430 --> 00:14:52,099
I've been trying to get my ass kicked
at work since I heard about it.
321
00:14:52,600 --> 00:14:53,976
Do you want me to talk to him?
322
00:14:54,059 --> 00:14:56,729
That would be awesome, actually, Cal.
Yes, thank you.
323
00:14:56,812 --> 00:14:58,230
No, I'm not doing that.
324
00:14:59,773 --> 00:15:00,691
You'll be all right.
325
00:15:01,191 --> 00:15:02,443
Yeah, you'll be fine.
326
00:15:03,736 --> 00:15:04,570
Or he'll kill you.
327
00:15:04,653 --> 00:15:07,615
Oh my God. I'll go with you, you baby.
328
00:15:07,698 --> 00:15:08,866
Let's go.
329
00:15:09,658 --> 00:15:12,912
So you leave the bikini car wash,
then what happened?
330
00:15:12,995 --> 00:15:16,624
We go back to my place.
We start ripping each other's clothes off.
331
00:15:16,707 --> 00:15:18,167
We're *******. We're *******.
332
00:15:18,250 --> 00:15:19,376
Oh, oh, oh, oh!
333
00:15:19,460 --> 00:15:21,378
Hey, Reagan, keep it clean, please.
334
00:15:21,462 --> 00:15:23,339
Lyle, keep your finger on that dump button
335
00:15:23,422 --> 00:15:25,758
while we have this dirty little girl
on the line.
336
00:15:25,841 --> 00:15:30,596
-Oh my. Will, you are a lucky, lucky man.
-Lucky.
337
00:15:30,679 --> 00:15:31,972
I was lucky, yeah.
338
00:15:32,056 --> 00:15:34,558
And, uh, Reagan,
if you don't mind me asking,
339
00:15:34,642 --> 00:15:36,060
how was the sex?
340
00:15:36,143 --> 00:15:38,103
Probably, like, top five.
341
00:15:38,187 --> 00:15:39,021
-Oh!
-What?
342
00:15:39,104 --> 00:15:42,399
-I was not expecting that.
-Nobody was. Will!
343
00:15:42,483 --> 00:15:43,817
Out of how many?
344
00:15:43,901 --> 00:15:46,111
-Uh…
-And what made it so good?
345
00:15:46,195 --> 00:15:50,074
I don't know. I just…
I remember it, like, building really well.
346
00:15:50,157 --> 00:15:52,284
-"Building"?
-"I remember it building."
347
00:15:52,368 --> 00:15:54,662
-Okay. Will, Will!
-Explain.
348
00:15:54,745 --> 00:15:56,288
Yes, I… I do
349
00:15:56,372 --> 00:15:57,915
recall moving some furniture around…
350
00:15:57,998 --> 00:15:59,667
-Get back to work, Matt.
-Nice!
351
00:15:59,750 --> 00:16:00,876
Wait. Is that Shane?
352
00:16:00,960 --> 00:16:04,004
-It started off kind of…
-What is he doing on the radio?
353
00:16:04,088 --> 00:16:05,506
Well, you know,
354
00:16:05,589 --> 00:16:08,425
I do a thing where there's a lot of
355
00:16:08,509 --> 00:16:10,970
clitoral focus that, you know,
356
00:16:11,053 --> 00:16:15,683
helps to sort of create the mountain
that we… we climb together.
357
00:16:15,766 --> 00:16:17,893
Listen, I learned recently
358
00:16:17,977 --> 00:16:20,854
the different sides of the clitoris
are sensitive for different women.
359
00:16:20,938 --> 00:16:21,772
Dude.
360
00:16:22,272 --> 00:16:23,148
Stop.
361
00:16:23,941 --> 00:16:25,067
Well, it's true.
362
00:16:25,150 --> 00:16:27,653
I don't know if it's true, but it sounds…
363
00:16:27,736 --> 00:16:29,029
You looked this up.
364
00:16:29,113 --> 00:16:31,115
-It's disgusting.
-No, it's not disgusting.
365
00:16:31,198 --> 00:16:32,700
You look online for tips?
366
00:16:32,783 --> 00:16:35,077
Yeah, of course. Why wouldn't you?
367
00:16:35,160 --> 00:16:40,499
If you're gonna look up
different techniques to play football,
368
00:16:40,582 --> 00:16:43,335
w… why wouldn't you look up
different techniques for oral?
369
00:16:45,546 --> 00:16:47,131
Who ate all the p***y?
370
00:16:48,549 --> 00:16:49,383
The Squirt!
371
00:16:49,466 --> 00:16:52,553
This is not what we're
here to talk about, Shane. Shane. Shane!
372
00:16:52,636 --> 00:16:55,055
-You're the clitoris doctor.
-Do not call me that.
373
00:16:55,139 --> 00:16:56,932
The clit doctor is in session.
374
00:16:57,016 --> 00:16:58,475
Have you seen each other since?
375
00:16:58,559 --> 00:17:00,436
No, my boyfriend's out of prison.
376
00:17:01,520 --> 00:17:02,938
-What?
-Wah-oh!
377
00:17:03,022 --> 00:17:06,233
He'd kill me
and probably Will, too, if he heard this.
378
00:17:06,316 --> 00:17:07,860
What are you doing on air?
379
00:17:07,943 --> 00:17:10,279
Hey, do me a favor. Turn it off.
380
00:17:10,362 --> 00:17:11,447
-Shane!
-Turn it off!
381
00:17:11,530 --> 00:17:12,656
Jesus!
382
00:17:15,534 --> 00:17:19,079
Hey, so, uh, car's almost ready.
383
00:17:19,663 --> 00:17:20,622
Um…
384
00:17:20,706 --> 00:17:25,085
There is a crack
on the driver's side window, though,
385
00:17:25,169 --> 00:17:27,713
and it's actually completely smashed out.
386
00:17:29,298 --> 00:17:30,257
It was my fault.
387
00:17:30,799 --> 00:17:32,509
Actually, it was my ex-boyfriend's fault.
388
00:17:32,593 --> 00:17:35,220
He got mad at me and then threw
a baseball through the window,
389
00:17:35,304 --> 00:17:36,513
and then he went nuts
390
00:17:36,597 --> 00:17:39,058
and threw all these iced coffees
in the front seat.
391
00:17:39,141 --> 00:17:41,852
Like… What the hell, you know?
392
00:17:48,275 --> 00:17:49,401
Where does he live?
393
00:17:51,320 --> 00:17:52,696
Tell him.
394
00:17:54,865 --> 00:17:57,076
Well, I guess let that be a lesson to you.
395
00:17:57,159 --> 00:18:00,204
Whether you're out there
on a construction site or driving trucks
396
00:18:00,287 --> 00:18:02,247
or even working on cars,
397
00:18:02,331 --> 00:18:05,375
you still have a shot
at banging a calendar model.
398
00:18:05,459 --> 00:18:07,961
-Attaboy, Will!
-Attaboy, Will.
399
00:18:08,045 --> 00:18:12,633
Oh, and also, if any ladies out there
are looking for a feeble man
400
00:18:12,716 --> 00:18:15,010
who knows how to hit that spot,
401
00:18:15,094 --> 00:18:19,056
the clitoris doctor
is now accepting new patients.
402
00:18:19,556 --> 00:18:22,184
Matt, it's not fucking funny.
403
00:18:22,267 --> 00:18:24,686
-You're not proud of this?
-I'm 10% proud.
404
00:18:24,770 --> 00:18:27,439
All right, gentlemen.
Thank you so much for coming in,
405
00:18:27,523 --> 00:18:28,982
and we're gonna take a quick--
406
00:18:29,066 --> 00:18:31,151
Actually, we have one more thing.
407
00:18:31,235 --> 00:18:32,986
Uh, this Saturday,
408
00:18:33,070 --> 00:18:35,739
at our West Chester location,
we're having our grand reopening event,
409
00:18:35,823 --> 00:18:37,991
and it is going to be
Revolutionary War-themed.
410
00:18:38,075 --> 00:18:40,410
Wait. Revolutionary War-themed?
411
00:18:40,911 --> 00:18:43,122
Shane, I said that was a shitty id--
412
00:18:43,914 --> 00:18:45,499
There's gonna be reenactors.
413
00:18:45,582 --> 00:18:47,000
There's gonna be a band.
414
00:18:47,084 --> 00:18:50,420
And there's gonna be some ladies
and some booze.
415
00:18:50,504 --> 00:18:53,173
Oh, okay. Now this guy's talking here.
416
00:18:53,257 --> 00:18:56,468
-I wanna be at that. Gonna be a blast.
-Should've led with that!
417
00:18:56,552 --> 00:18:57,594
Who's the band playing?
418
00:18:57,678 --> 00:19:00,681
I'm actually thinking about
asking the guys that were just in here.
419
00:19:00,764 --> 00:19:02,683
-That's a good choice.
-Wow.
420
00:19:02,766 --> 00:19:04,434
Well, you heard it here first.
421
00:19:04,518 --> 00:19:08,647
Valley Forge Automotive Center,
this Saturday, grand reopening.
422
00:19:08,730 --> 00:19:09,648
Be there.
423
00:19:09,731 --> 00:19:12,109
Get back to work.
I don't pay you to listen to the radio.
424
00:19:12,192 --> 00:19:13,026
Thank you.
425
00:19:17,281 --> 00:19:20,242
-What the fuck am I doing with my life?
-Squirt, you all right?
426
00:19:20,325 --> 00:19:24,037
-I went to Penn.
-Sorry about, like, your mom and all that.
427
00:19:24,121 --> 00:19:25,581
-Don't.
-No?
428
00:19:25,664 --> 00:19:27,374
Is there a way to delete all this?
429
00:19:27,457 --> 00:19:30,377
No. No, no, no. This was live.
430
00:19:30,460 --> 00:19:31,837
If you guys wouldn't mind…
431
00:19:32,337 --> 00:19:35,841
Forty, 350, 360, 370,
432
00:19:35,924 --> 00:19:37,718
and 380.
433
00:19:37,801 --> 00:19:39,011
Thank you very much.
434
00:19:44,141 --> 00:19:45,684
Look at the ground.
435
00:19:47,019 --> 00:19:48,228
Can I go now?
436
00:19:50,022 --> 00:19:51,023
Thank you.
437
00:19:52,107 --> 00:19:54,735
Hey, I told you we were gonna be buds.
438
00:19:55,402 --> 00:19:57,738
-Get my car.
-Right away, sir.
439
00:20:02,534 --> 00:20:06,205
Hey, man. You serious about our band
playing at your event on Saturday?
440
00:20:06,288 --> 00:20:08,332
Yeah. What kind of music do you guys play?
441
00:20:08,415 --> 00:20:10,792
-Rock and roll.
-Oh!
442
00:20:14,087 --> 00:20:14,922
Fuck!
443
00:20:16,381 --> 00:20:17,716
Nice to meet you, doctor.
444
00:20:21,720 --> 00:20:24,264
Chill. Chill. Be cool. Be cool.
445
00:20:25,390 --> 00:20:28,018
It's actually really hard
for me when I'm on the road
446
00:20:28,101 --> 00:20:29,770
and have to use the toilet,
447
00:20:29,853 --> 00:20:31,355
but it's called a Tushy.
448
00:20:31,438 --> 00:20:34,483
It's… it's, like, the best.
449
00:20:34,566 --> 00:20:36,818
Let me know if you--
450
00:20:36,902 --> 00:20:38,904
Jeff, fuck off.
451
00:20:40,781 --> 00:20:41,823
Oh!
452
00:20:44,868 --> 00:20:49,081
These, uh, Valley Forge Auto guys…
Still your account?
453
00:20:49,706 --> 00:20:51,250
Unfortunately, yes.
454
00:20:51,333 --> 00:20:54,253
Ryan, I'm your fucking boss now,
455
00:20:55,045 --> 00:20:58,257
so I'm gonna need you to look me
in the eye when I'm talking to you.
456
00:21:00,634 --> 00:21:02,010
Yes, they're still my account.
457
00:21:02,094 --> 00:21:04,346
Good. Now lose the fucking attitude.
458
00:21:04,888 --> 00:21:06,974
They're selling our tires at cost.
459
00:21:08,892 --> 00:21:12,604
Customers are taking their coupons
over to TireWorld.com,
460
00:21:12,688 --> 00:21:15,107
and Tire World is pissed.
461
00:21:16,024 --> 00:21:19,069
So we… gotta shut this shit down.
462
00:21:21,154 --> 00:21:22,239
With pleasure.
463
00:21:22,739 --> 00:21:25,284
♪ It's a struggle every day ♪
464
00:21:27,369 --> 00:21:29,663
♪ It can get ugly ♪
465
00:21:31,748 --> 00:21:34,042
♪ But you get what you pray ♪
466
00:21:36,211 --> 00:21:38,588
♪ I'm so hungry ♪
467
00:21:42,759 --> 00:21:45,679
♪ Is it really real? ♪
468
00:21:47,347 --> 00:21:49,683
♪ Is it really real? ♪
469
00:21:51,768 --> 00:21:54,688
♪ Is it really real? ♪
470
00:21:56,273 --> 00:21:58,775
♪ Is it really real? ♪
471
00:22:00,694 --> 00:22:02,696
♪ Is it really real? ♪
472
00:22:05,115 --> 00:22:07,784
♪ Is it really real? ♪
33890
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