Original subtitles

There was nothing else in the fridge

Vaulonen called from Kouvola and threatened to quit the whole project

Well, the text was good, don't you agree

The text is not the issue. Come here

Tell him to call again in ten minutes

Now you'll go with Miettinen to Kouvola and clear up the case

From there on you can drive to Laatunen in Jyv�skyl� early tomorrow morning

Now don't get angry, but you're starting to fall off a bit

That's how it is

We're old friends and I don't have to beat around the bush

The old folk are driving by, man!

Can't you, or -

don't you want to, for fucks sake, take action according to industry's terms

When we were preparing our career, the real competition hadn't even started

You can't use the new technique

You better close in on the lead if you're going to hang on

It's a hard game

Well you're going fast

You know, these horsepower are so expensive, that there's no use wasting them

It's two thousand, straight out of the salary

In five years I'll have everything paid, house included

Good for you

Then I'll switch the house for a bigger one

And I'm not going to keep the car for another year either

The gas propellant in these destroy the atmosphere's ozone layer

It's hazardous for the whole creation

Bullshit

We should get straight to the point

Economist Bergstr�m and account Lankinen are in a hurry

For starters I'd like to point out -

that a lot of effort has been put into the development of this deodorant

The campaign is not allowed to fail

It's a good idea to emphasize this

There should probably be more content. Lankinen, take a look at this

Do you want to hand out the budget proposition?

The meaning is to sell this to citizens

Yes, the nature's here too

But it's like far from the idea

The emphasis is on freshness

Romantic, too romantic, Vatanen

Those containers would look quite dull on a shelf next to each other

We won't make it to Jyv�skyl� before midnight

We can stay overnight in Heinola. You can enjoy your evening beer in peace

I won't be staying in Heinola

I've got this great chick in Jyv�skyl�

Fuck!

A leveret went under

Damn animal

Good thing it didn't hit the windshield

Can you see it?

Get back here already!

We'll never make it to Jyv�skyl� -

or even to Heinola if you keep running in some woods here

Stay there if you want then!

I'm going to Heinola!

Good bye then!

I lost a friend into the woods

The woods...

Yes, a lot of men have vanished in the forests of Finland

Where's the gentleman headed?

We'll drive there towards Nastola... Along the forest road

I'll tell you later when to stop

But there's no settlement here?

That's the bad thing

Vatanen! Come back here!

Vatanen!

Shall I wait?

Vatanen! Vatanen!

Fuck!

Hello!

Ye-es

It doesn't seem like he's here

in Jyv�skyl�

Oh, really?

In the forest?

He just went into the woods and never came back

I yelled for him, but he didn't answer

Are you a criminal? - Why? Are you scared?

No. I was just thinking, when you came out of the woods -

that you could be an escaped convict

Hey, you have a rabbit!

That's not a rabbit. It's a hare. I found it

Poor little thing. I'll fetch some carrots for it

They don't seem to appeal. - It's a bit sick

Hey, it has hurt its foot. Poor little thing

Is there a veterinarian in this town? - Yes, his reception -

is behind that point, in the municipality building

It's in a mild shock

It has to rest for a while, but it will get better

What can it be fed with?

Grass, salad, - water of course,

and milk, when it's this small

Vatanen here, hello. I could sell that boat to you now

Well, back then I didn't sell, but now I do

Let's say 11000. Yes

Send the money as urgent referral to Heinola

And later, a fresh salad for this creature

Oh, animals can't be on the table

It's not dangerous

You're welcome. - Thanks

Well, eat salad now too. Like this

It's Vatanen here, hello. I'm in the society building

What came over you? The article was good

Well, we won't keep a grudge between old friends

If you happen to say something once in a while...

Well that's more like it. Got you there, bastard

If you have some woman there, get rid of her

We have your wife with us

10500, 11000...

Well? What do you eat?

Right... A male

Yes, barely a month old

What might a chap like that eat?

It surely drinks milk, but salad doesn't seem to be adequate

No, but try with young clover

And besides clover, grass might do. And regrown grain

The nature reserve law states it's forbidden to have wild animals as pets

This hare has to be officially declared

I'll write you a permission

Certification

I hereby certify, that the one in possession of the certificate, Vatanen, -

has the right to keep and feed a wild field hare, -

because it has an injured back leg -

and might have died

Mikkeli, today

U. K�rkk�inen

The wilderness care district in Southern Savonia

And it likes meadow vetchling and all sorts of vetch

Meadow vetchling? What sort of plant is that?

Meadow vetchling looks pretty much like vetch

I'll show you, so that you're sure to recognize it

Hey! Don't fetch any from the verge of the road, it may contain led!

Come here!

I've always been interested in plants

If only I could have afforded to go to school, then...

I would have started studying these

Lathyrus pratensis

The leaves, in pairs and kinda lance-like

What might an animal like that be thinking of?

Probably more than we could ever imagine

Yes, I'm from the countryside

Here you learn, that if it's hard -

or one would like to get something of your chest -

I would speak to the dog or the horse -

when I couldn't stand the humans

Often you got a feeling -

that an animal can understand feelings better

and won't run along and gossip behind your back

Vatanen! Hey! -Laaksonen, hey

Are you on a vacation? - Just going through

You have to come visit us. Today I'm going to Iisalmi, -

but we'll see tomorrow

Tomorrow morning, at lunch time

Vatanen?

For a tenner!

Lottery tickets! An east finnish car is the first price -

then there's a stereo and a travel radio and dolls...

Everything from a car to soap

What's in your basket?

I don't believe it

Is it a hare or?

Wouldn't you sell it? - No, I'm not selling it

If you're not selling, I'll give you hundred tickets, we'll switch

I'm not selling my buddy

Then buy one ticket at least

Well, if one for the hare

Now we'll go to the woods for a few days -

and learn some hunter skills

You can't imagine how the nerves are at rest there

All my life I've been working my ass off

Running from there to here, morning to night, sweating

You can't believe what it was like

But now it's over

We'll push through some bushes now, don't be scared

You're still with me

Then from here directly to to the mountain crest -

then it's over. Everything is right

Just the two of us -

without women nagging and shouting

At least we have enough provisions with us

A sack of hay for you -

and a damn heavy back pack for me

Oh, lots of blueberry growth

Two journeymen once upon a time

In the country side into the woods they went

They were dressed like gentlemen

And with a cigar in the mouth

Don't tremble, motherland, though your son sways

Here and there uneven

That you would win these stereos...

That's what happens when animals buy lottery tickets

I should have sold these in Kuopio already -

but you don't that quickly do business with the Savonian people -

and I'm too much of a Savonian to give anything for free too

What do you think of my Savonian dialect by the way?

Are you listening?

Ears just wagging

Hey! Hare!

Hey, look at this

We won't do anything with it

We'll put it there

You're a silent buddy

Quite different from home

So, here between us -

my wife is a horrible hag

It's like too nice of a car:

First you have to get it and then you don't need it

I guess she would have switched me for someone else as well-

if the house wasn't still unpaid

Though she probably first assumed that I was different -

when I myself was trying to be different

Do you understand?

Classy Vatanen, trend maker Vatanen, -

confident, active, highly streamlined Vatanen

And here we are now. Finally

Come here beside me

Good day

Wouldn't you like to buy stereos? - No

I could sell. They're only getting wet. - I don't want to

I see. Who are you? - Vatanen

I see, Vatanen? And selling stereos

Yes, these are the hare's

It won it in the lottery. - The hare's?

I have a hare. - Yea right.

10400 mark

Where have you gotten all this cash from?

I've sold my boat in Helsinki

Show the receipt

If it's not in the pile, I don't have it

There's nothing here

I have never afforded -

to carry this much money in my wallet. - Me neither

Is that so, an advertising man

We've got reports, that you've been trying to sell stereos -

and are talking to yourself

Where did you get the stereos?

I won them in a lottery at the fair in Kuopio, like I said

Or rather, the hare won

What should one do here?

They called from Kuopio -

and said that this hare man seems to have won these stereos

In our case they would have locked him in over night -

seeing as he's a drifter and has this much money

Well, what's the deal then. Into the clink already!

Where do we put the hare?

God damn. That thing can't be put into the clink

It's not even a human

But if we confiscate the hare and let it out into the woods

Take a closer look at my papers

This hare is my property

Proof that Vatanen has the right to keep -

and feed a wild, aha, hare

Suddenly this got very complicated

I think he could leave -

and come back tomorrow for questioning at ten o'clock

Take it easy now. What do we know about this man?

Take a look at the money. Is this guy even Vatanen at all?

Might have forged papers

Yes, bloody hell, don't go just yet

Have to think about this

Does Vatanen want any? - Thanks

We don't have anything against you, but the police too has to follow the law

How could we know if in Helsinki, you haven't done -

a murder robbery, when you've got this much money?

And then you've gone crazy -

and walked around Finland with a hare

You could be one of those unpredictable people

Don't babble, there's been no murder here

If we do it like this -

that you'd nevertheless stay here -

when not even your clothes are dry

You don't have to be locked in the clink, just stay here

We'll make some coffee and wait for the county sheriff

Yes, I don't mind staying here

Would you sell me the stereos?

I'll trade them for those boots

Alright

Hey!

I'm county sheriff Savolainen

It's a clear cut case, -

the papers seems to be in order

I told you he didn't need to be jailed

I'm going night fishing on the lake

We put out the nets in the evening

Wouldn't you come and sleep over in the fishing sauna?

Night shelter is just what I need

I've got a fishing buddy Hannikainen here

Retired because of heart problems

Former county sheriff in Kiuruvesi

I'm leaving for work in the morning

You can stay here if you like

Yes, why not

Even if Kekkonen himself came here, you could offer this

From here you can see your fatherland, and the whole world -

in one glance

In these cares Kekkonen too found his line

Water is clear

In the Finnish bay they fish for eyeless herring

It's horrible, just the thought of it

Imagine, Hannikainen

Anybody could live like this

If one could only understand

Like this...

Like this exactly

This should do as warming for Kekkonen himself

He said once in an interview, that he only takes for joy, -

never for grief. - A good guy

He's the best. - If only the would find a successor

He already exists... The successor

Found already?

Serving already

Listen here, Vatanen

You got to promise, that you keep this to yourself -

what I'm about to tell you

It'll never leave my mouth

Look now

I'VE DONE MY BEST

NEW OUTLOOK

Do you see the difference?

They look the same?

Here's Kekkonen's head from the year 1945

Here from the year 1972

Do you see now, that the pictures are different

Under here, a head shot from 1945 and above here...

From 1964. Completely identical!

But here's a head shot from 1969

Completely different. The difference is radical

Seems like it, yea

But what does that prove?

I'm saying this straight out: -

in these head shots, is not at all the same person

The alteration has occurred some time around 1968

This old Kekkonen either died or was murdered -

or stood down voluntarily from his leading position, -

and the new Kekkonen replaced him

An almost identical man -

even by voice

But I've revealed the switch

Do you see, Vatanen, you can't change the shape of the head

Here I've got Kekkonen's height growth diagram

Over the year 1968 a significant change

On the time of Paasikivi's burial -

Kekkonen was 179cm tall

But after 68, 181cm

Surprising growth in the old days, right?

This new Kekkonen is also more quick-witted than the old one

Here I've got a list of his vocabulary

I DON'T HAVE TO BECOME YOUNGER

"Citizens, we live in the history of humanity" -

"in a big time of unrest and upheaval", -

"when everywhere it is explored, what exactly is happening in the world" -

"and what should be done to resolve the problems"

"The ever so rapid, simply revolutionary development" -

"has brought forth certain questions" -

"that last of all is about man" -

"and its society."

After the year 1968 Kekkonen had -

a more youthful way of thinking than before

His standpoint became more friendly to progress -

and his consistency became much better

He sort of became more boyish -

and his sense of humour became much better

Not surprising when the actual person itself has been switched

But it's not like they can endlessly switch out the old Kekkonen to a younger one!

Consider this: 90 years, 100 years, and the guy just gets better

If only you make 20-30 years go by...

Vatanen! Vatanen hey!

Vatanen, hey!

There's a big forest fire in Vehmasj�rvi!

I'm flying around like a messenger all around the towns, we leave shortly

Should I come too?

You stay here and take care of the hare, there's no need for you to come

Take this instead

Come now, Vatanen

Stay calm, I'll send the hare after you

There, just by the right edge!

Use the third nozzle, not the fourth!

Good, keep it in check there!

Turn over the spray!

Don't leave, it'll start burning soon

More! Just a bit more!

Hush, hush!

Hush, hush!

Just let it be!

Hey ho!

Hey, wake up!

I'm Salosensaari, who are you? - Vatanen

My factory burned down

That was it for everything, there's nothing left

How much can a man bear

How much can a man weigh

What the hell are we going to do? Back to the brook

You take some too

You, Salosensaari, you're a good moonshiner

Without an excuse, you don't boast to the man

Even the village chief praised. We sat one on one

Sure it was the village chief? - Well, some police anyway

Isn't it good?

Yes, very good

Look at satan, so it comes

Two fierce against each other, when man and nature strike together

Emperor Nero is watching Rome burning together with Brutus

This is almost like nature

It didn't spread here though

Well, it was a close call

It was bad, when this...

A big damage occurred, and how's the work place?

Surely it's closed for 3 days... - Yes

It was that kind of job, where you were dying of thirst

Is it coming on?

What an outrageous man! Driving like that

Straight into people

And from a common pot!

Is there anyone here that has a hare as a pet?

Here we are then, together again

I should get the name and social security number, -

so we could send the fee

Miikkulainen, Kaarlo, from Punkalaidun

Yes, now it's loose

It didn't hurt now did it?

And then you'll come back in two weeks and present it

By all means. Now try jumping on that foot -

so I can see if it holds up

Just go ahead

Doesn't look too good

Shut up! What is it now?

God damn. What if there's someone in our cottage?

Look at that shit, living there like it's his own!

Should we call someone?

We don't need the officials to do this, let's go and kick ass

God day, I spent the night there -

and thought I'd chop some woods as a thank you

Hare, hey

He's got a hare, let's make some roast of it

Hey, I need a shot

Grab hold!

There is our hero

Let the hare go, so we don't have to shoot it in your arms

It's not hunting season now

Don't come here with your paragraphs, we've fought with those -

all winter and now we're on vacation

Give me the gun. - This is going to be difficult

You can tell how Karlsson shot a hare in the tree -

and a thief too with the same shot

I'm not a thief

Thief or bum, if the hare doesn't come down, you both go down

Shoot, shoot, for fucks sake!

We'll leave the shit in the tree, he's crying already

You, boy, you live on your urges, but a human being -

has lost its instinct of self preservation -

which he had in the beginning of time

I knew this before I even knew how to read

Yes, now let's go straight forward

Or what do you say?

There it is then

THE CABIN BY THE FUCKING DRAIN

Well now, here we are

Here we can be left alone

Or what do you say, buddy?

"Moshe Dayan's quickly arranged visit -

happens while the king or Jordan, -

Hussein, is currently in London.

Dayan has however denied the presumptions, -

that himself and Hussein were going to meet

King Hussein arrives in London on Thursday

His visit is said to be strictly private

End of news"

"A message for advertising editor Kaarlo Oskari Vatanen -

born 30. November 1939 in Virrat, -

on a journey somewhere in Finland

A message for advertising editor Kaarlo Oskari Vatanen -

born 30. November 1939 in Virrat, -

Contact your wife via telephone Area code 90 -

number 6 52...

Contact your wife via telephone

Area code 90 652158

And now music to everyone's taste

The women of the commercial college totally turn my head around

The women of the commercial college totally turn my head around

The women of the commercial... "

What the hell... in the middle of the night?

My name's Toropainen

Vatanen

What are you doing here?

Just living here

Come here for a second

Could you act as a host?

It's really a home cottage, -

this wilderness here

These guests came up with the idea tonight in Rovaniemi -

that they wanted to meet a real genuine -

man from the wilderness, like yourself

You'd get some money as well

What should I do?

Just be yourself. Do you yoik?

This is a real Finnish hermit

A reindeer breeder

As you can see we have still people -

who live i constant contact with nature in the wilderness

Now, turn around so that everyone can take a look at you

Lift up the hare so everyone can see

You're now advertisement for Finland

Tell me, hermit, what's the name of this here cabin?

It's the Cabin by the Fucking Drain

This place is called...

Doesn't it have any prettier name?

Never mind. Lets go inside, everybody

This way

lt's beautiful

We're you born in these woods?

She asks if you're born here in the wilderness?

Tell her to stop with the spraying

It only hurts the mosquito

It hurts the ozone layer in the atmosphere -

and among other things causes skin cancer

What sort of man are you really? - Please, translate

He was fed with reindeer milk until he got his first teeth

How come the heard left you here all by yourself?

She's asking why you live here alone

Tell her to stop or else... I won't say another word

He's nervous, don't you see? Do you mind leaving us, Mr Toro?

You're handsome man Mr Hermit

Hi. baby, you haven't seen a woman for some time

We fish?

And l throw...

Please, help yourselves

Vatanen, try to eat with some manners

I'll never give up this pretty little beast

Please, translate, Mr Toro

She said that she wants to keep the animal

We'll compensate you for the price of the animal

I won't hand it over

Of course you can keep him

Mr Vatanen will give him to you with pleasure

As we say in Finnish, Cheers to that!

Hold the beast down

Hare! Over here, quickly!

Vatanen!

l'm out of my mind. Can l have another soup?

l'm going to take Mr Vatanen with me to ltaly

You're starting to become a nuisance

She wants to take you with her to Italy

I'm not going anywhere

His roots are here in these wilds

Mr Vatanen, l'm going to show you the wonders of the world

I know your world alright

Please, translate, Mr Toro, please

He says he' s been around... - How interesting

ls he an ex-sailor? - No

I am ex-deodorant agent

actually ex advertising agent -

and I've had enough

the great great fucking world of yours

Go away... -

to hell

Fuck it

Hare, hey!

Thanks

Poor boy, you seem to be sick

What are we going to do now

Is there any room here?

Well, how does it look?

My name is Vatanen, just came from the Cabin by the Fucking Drain

From Vihkim�selk�

I did not ask

This hare is sick, doesn't eat nor -

leave any droppings, only sulks

I figured I'd take him to the veterinary in Sodankyl�

To the veterinary?

Yes, the veterinary

An animal belongs to the nature

I noticed an impressive cliff rock by the trail

Is it perhaps an old sacrificial site?

What were you doing over there?

It's just a tourist trap

If even that

You take some too

Well, not then, not then. Did you find a better friend?

They sacrificed animals before the site

put them to sleep or tied down to die by themselves

For the heavenly God a white animal -

and for Mother Earth a brown one

Do people still believe that

One believes who believes

Myself brought the war

The brothers in arms were deployed then -

on order by friends

During the dangerous years I started to study, -

The Finnish tribe's heritage, -

then I came here to pick up a doctor's hat and stayed

I live there in the wilds... -

somewhere

Hey... hare!

Hare!

The sample has been found to contain an unknown virus

Has it eaten any foreign food lately?

Well, it should be healthy again

Look now and you'll understand

You haven't taken care of the down payment on the mortgage

Here's the latest electrical bill, telephone bill, insurance, -

the member fees, tv-license

I haven't even lived here. It doesn't concern me

Then here's the population register's annotation -

about an unfinished notification of changed address

Then you were called in for reserve practice in the end of August

Since you didn't show up, you're a deserter, -

hiding away and not taking care of your affairs

Couldn't you have cancelled my bills?

They can't be cancelled just like that. They are on computers

Is it possible for a man to become that twisted

A human being can't fly anywhere

No. We're trapped in a card index

Even if I were to shred all receipts and bills, -

the computer will keep on sending new ones over and over -

until the end of the world

With these computers you can compute thousands upon thousands of data

in the fraction of a second

There's information about all of us

something about everyone and this information exist -

on these magnetic tapes with electronic impulses

My name's Vatanen

Is my information here?

How long is this information kept on the tape?

Extensively as long as you don't push that button

Rovaniemi, single. Thanks

Now, should we put it on. For the freedom

I didn't have the energy to pull you over to the bed

I had a hare. One of those... Tame ones.

It's over there by the bookshelf

In a cage

It became completely impossible when you offered it booze, -

though you should be put in jail too even though you're this big

Drink this, it helps

Thanks

You're so friendly

Why are you being so formal my good man?

Who are you?

Leila, that much you could have remembered

Yes, probably...

Where in Helsinki are we?

We're in Turku. - What?

We're in Turku

But we have to catch the 12 o'clock train to Helsinki

To Helsinki?

Police questioning. Maybe they'll put you in jail

Ah, you... You know?

I know everything about you, after listening to you for five days

You don't know just how well I know you

Sorry

Hey, how did we come about ending up in Turku?

Because I live here

We met in Helsinki where you had been drinking -

a whole day and night already

We were in Hyvink�� and Janakkala -

where we visited my parents

And in Hanko we rode bikes

And here we've been for two days

I'm on vacation now, darling

Hey, what kind of darling am I? Anyway, you're engaged

Guess who. - With some economist

No, guess again. - You guess, who I'm with

I know, but you guess who I'm with

It can't be that important, I'm tired

I'll tell you. You're engaged to me

No, fucking hell

I'm married

Sweetie, it'll work out, after all I'm a lawyer

This is a bit unusual. A choice has been made after all

Since there haven't been an indictment towards the tame hare, -

that belongs to the all too quickly judged Vatanen, -

and that there's no reason to believe that it has

committed any crime, that could lead to an arrest or imprisonment

and since the hare... therefore can't be placed -

in custody together with Vatanen, -

the Helsinki high council has deemed it necessary

to authorize a request for him to have his hare

together with him in custody and also decide to leave the hare -

in attorney Heikkinen supervision until further notice

And only for the time of Vatanen's search in custody

The decision can be appealed -

to the Helsinki court of appeal within 30 days

What's the name of the hare?

It's a wild animal. It doesn't have a name

Well, then the prosecutor, here you go

Mister chairman, -

I consider it clear that advertising editor Kaarlo Oskari Vatanen

has as an able-bodied worker -

being idle and without enough residence permits

strolling from state to state without seeking employment, -

neglected to file a change of address

For misleading the government by signing with phony names

in the lodge books -

failed to appear for the reserve practice

carried a shotgun without a license

and shooting ducks without a hunting license

deliberately throwing rocks -

to destroy deodorant ads and with violence trying to stop

the mobilized officer -

from doing his assignment -

and deliberately destroyed -

not only himself, but 25000 other people -

regarding data information

very well knowing that they're important for the safety of Finland

Mister chairman

That's why I demand that Vatanen is required to -

attend a job institution and that he's convicted for -

continued misleading of the government, damage to property -

for violent resistance against a police officer -

and for destroying important parts of the security of Finland

Furthermore... - You're accusing me for -

not wanting to live with you

and for being in your books and statistics

I say, -

that a worthy human life is possible only in special circumstances

and I've found it

You're accusing me for throwing rocks at deodorant ads while drunk, -

but can't yourselves comprehend even while sober,

the crimes that are committed every day towards the next generation

Already, the waste from the nuclear power plants

should be able to be stored very carefully

It should be able to stored for the next 200000 years -

for the continuation of life

Did you hear me?

200000 years

From our calendar's start -

it's only been 2000 years and already what does that contain?

Stop, that does not belong to the case

Can anyone guarantee that in 200000 years -

there won't be any wars, natural disasters, -

anything that could release nuclear waste? Can you guarantee...

Mister chairman, the defendant files for acquittal

In our society there are certain standards

for defacement and destroying property of others

It's not like we live in the woods

Your divorce is ready then. Now you can wear this ring

I paid your part of the mortgage

Sign here

Here are some other papers too, when you fully have to -

register with society again

You didn't know what kind of woman you fooled

I've gotten your old work place secured

At start Huuhtanen was unkind, but when I explained, -

how the sabbatical year has renewed you and what kind of fresh ideas

you have about environmental issues, he became very eager

They're starting on a big project for the Minister of Environment

and your ideas will be awesome

You lead the project and with it a significantly higher salary

The project is buried before I get out of here

You underestimate me

The mental examination report looked good -

and your exceptional speech -

was very perplexing

But I'm not mad

A little boy grown up is what you are

And now stops the playing, dear Vatanen

ATTORNEY AGENCY HEIKKINEN- KETTUNEN-SJ�BLOM

Hare!

English translation by yuuyami