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1
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Hi, I'm Michael.
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Paul.
3
00:01:16,540 --> 00:01:18,840
I hear you're having some trouble.
4
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It's okay.
5
00:01:25,210 --> 00:01:26,680
It's okay.
6
00:01:28,220 --> 00:01:30,380
I just...
7
00:01:30,380 --> 00:01:33,390
don't understand...
8
00:01:33,390 --> 00:01:36,660
why God made me like this.
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He didn't.
10
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Trust me.
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00:01:42,400 --> 00:01:44,200
Let me tell you something.
12
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You should never define yourself
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00:01:46,200 --> 00:01:49,070
by your choices or your desires.
14
00:01:49,070 --> 00:01:54,540
Gay doesn't exist.
It's a false identity.
15
00:01:54,540 --> 00:01:58,240
This isn't my choice.
Why would I choose this?
16
00:01:58,250 --> 00:02:00,250
You always have a choice.
17
00:02:03,080 --> 00:02:05,450
You wanna go to Heaven, right?
18
00:02:05,450 --> 00:02:07,120
Yes.
19
00:02:07,120 --> 00:02:08,950
If you're a moral person,
20
00:02:08,960 --> 00:02:11,920
then you'll choose heterosexuality
21
00:02:11,930 --> 00:02:14,130
in order to be with God.
22
00:02:49,260 --> 00:02:50,260
Hey.
23
00:02:50,260 --> 00:02:51,330
Hey. Hey.
24
00:02:51,330 --> 00:02:52,670
Where you going?
25
00:02:52,670 --> 00:02:54,570
I'm gonna make us breakfast.
26
00:02:54,570 --> 00:02:55,370
No.
27
00:02:55,370 --> 00:02:56,870
Yeah, come on.
28
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Breakfast is the most
important part of the day.
29
00:02:59,570 --> 00:03:01,640
I'll have muffins at my meeting.
30
00:03:01,640 --> 00:03:03,310
Muffins?
31
00:03:03,310 --> 00:03:05,310
Yeah, muffins.
32
00:03:05,310 --> 00:03:06,750
Blueberry.
33
00:03:06,750 --> 00:03:09,420
Mmm, blueberry.
34
00:03:09,420 --> 00:03:12,120
Okay, then we'll do lunch, okay?
35
00:03:12,120 --> 00:03:14,290
Mmm, morning breath.
36
00:03:14,290 --> 00:03:18,290
Oh, stop it! Get off!
37
00:03:58,700 --> 00:04:00,900
It's so cool that you work at XY.
38
00:04:00,900 --> 00:04:02,570
Yeah. Yeah, it's rad.
39
00:04:02,570 --> 00:04:05,840
You guys are like the only cool
gay magazine out there right now.
40
00:04:05,840 --> 00:04:07,440
Oh, yeah, sort of.
41
00:04:34,700 --> 00:04:36,240
Hey, listen up, queens.
42
00:04:36,240 --> 00:04:39,140
XY magazine’s taking over!
43
00:04:39,140 --> 00:04:41,170
It's our time to shine!
44
00:05:09,600 --> 00:05:12,100
Matthew Shepard was an openly gay man.
45
00:05:12,110 --> 00:05:15,380
When he went to a Laramie,
Wyoming bar last week,
46
00:05:15,380 --> 00:05:17,380
these two suspects lured him outside,
47
00:05:17,380 --> 00:05:18,980
pretending to be gay.
48
00:05:18,980 --> 00:05:21,210
Now they're charged
with a vicious attack
49
00:05:21,210 --> 00:05:22,950
that left Shepard hanging on this fence
50
00:05:22,950 --> 00:05:25,590
for 18 hours in freezing temperatures.
51
00:05:25,590 --> 00:05:28,120
Shepard remained on
life support until this morning
52
00:05:28,120 --> 00:05:29,620
when he passed away.
53
00:05:29,620 --> 00:05:31,960
Shepard's family is grateful for support
54
00:05:31,960 --> 00:05:33,390
from around the world.
55
00:05:44,640 --> 00:05:46,810
They killed him
because they were afraid,
56
00:05:46,810 --> 00:05:49,810
and they were afraid because of
what their churches tell them
57
00:05:49,810 --> 00:05:52,240
and because of what they see in movies.
58
00:05:52,250 --> 00:05:53,750
It's fucking ridiculous.
59
00:05:53,750 --> 00:05:55,420
I hope they get the death penalty.
60
00:05:55,420 --> 00:05:57,820
You're against the death penalty.
Not in this case.
61
00:05:57,820 --> 00:05:59,250
That's like being for free speech
62
00:05:59,250 --> 00:06:01,350
until someone tells you
something that pisses you off.
63
00:06:01,350 --> 00:06:02,720
He died a slow death
64
00:06:02,720 --> 00:06:04,990
after being tied to a fence
and tortured.
65
00:06:04,990 --> 00:06:06,860
Exactly, a slow death
is way more painful.
66
00:06:06,860 --> 00:06:08,730
They should spend the rest
of their lives in prison.
67
00:06:08,730 --> 00:06:11,800
Okay, look, we need
to move away from labels
68
00:06:11,800 --> 00:06:14,870
because they segment
and they lead to persecution.
69
00:06:14,870 --> 00:06:19,040
People don't wanna be
perceived as gay because...
70
00:06:19,040 --> 00:06:21,570
they're afraid
they'll end up like Matthew.
71
00:06:21,580 --> 00:06:23,740
But we are a gay magazine.
72
00:06:23,740 --> 00:06:25,810
Identifying as gay
is being part of a community.
73
00:06:25,810 --> 00:06:27,780
It's recognition, it's progress...
74
00:06:27,780 --> 00:06:30,850
We've been telling the kids in the magazine
to come out, to be proud to be gay.
75
00:06:30,850 --> 00:06:32,620
They should be proud to be themselves.
76
00:06:32,620 --> 00:06:36,120
Gay and straight
are just social constructs.
77
00:06:36,120 --> 00:06:38,360
Ugh. God,
you and your queer theory.
78
00:06:38,360 --> 00:06:41,190
Class is in session
with Professor Michael Glatze.
79
00:06:41,190 --> 00:06:42,330
Shut up.
80
00:06:42,330 --> 00:06:43,760
Okay, okay, look.
81
00:06:43,760 --> 00:06:45,300
We need to put out the message
82
00:06:45,300 --> 00:06:47,630
that being attracted to the same sex
83
00:06:47,630 --> 00:06:50,540
doesn't define who you are.
84
00:07:00,750 --> 00:07:01,550
Hey.
85
00:07:02,550 --> 00:07:04,920
Have you been smoking?
86
00:07:05,990 --> 00:07:06,990
Just one.
87
00:07:06,990 --> 00:07:08,320
Small one.
88
00:07:08,320 --> 00:07:10,320
It was a small cigarette.
89
00:07:10,320 --> 00:07:13,790
Busted.
90
00:07:16,560 --> 00:07:18,330
Letters to the editor.
91
00:07:18,330 --> 00:07:22,200
Ninety percent are some poor
teen with religious parents.
92
00:07:22,200 --> 00:07:25,870
Fucking Christian Fundamentalists
should burn in hell.
93
00:07:27,110 --> 00:07:28,940
Uh, okay.
94
00:07:28,940 --> 00:07:33,150
In the meantime,
there is a design competition
95
00:07:33,150 --> 00:07:36,020
for the Halifax International Airport.
96
00:07:36,020 --> 00:07:38,020
I don't wanna move to Halifax.
97
00:07:38,020 --> 00:07:40,550
I know, but my father wants me
to head up the bid committee.
98
00:07:40,550 --> 00:07:41,550
It's huge.
99
00:07:41,560 --> 00:07:43,420
Halifax is so boring.
100
00:07:43,420 --> 00:07:45,190
Your hometown is boring.
101
00:07:45,190 --> 00:07:46,190
It's not.
102
00:07:46,190 --> 00:07:47,530
Olympia?
Yeah.
103
00:07:47,530 --> 00:07:51,530
It's all trees and fog and coffee.
104
00:07:51,530 --> 00:07:53,200
And the birthplace
of the Riot Grrrl movement
105
00:07:53,200 --> 00:07:56,800
and where Kurt Cobain
wrote most of Nevermind.
106
00:07:56,800 --> 00:07:58,540
Oh, well...
107
00:07:58,540 --> 00:08:00,540
Yeah.
In that case...
108
00:08:00,540 --> 00:08:02,340
But it's unsustainable here,
109
00:08:02,340 --> 00:08:04,210
unless you're in
the dot-com movement,
110
00:08:04,210 --> 00:08:08,310
and I don't wanna live
in a studio on Mission Street
111
00:08:08,310 --> 00:08:09,450
when we're 50.
112
00:08:09,450 --> 00:08:10,750
Well, we won't be.
113
00:08:10,750 --> 00:08:14,320
We'll be in a big mansion
on a hill. Duh.
114
00:08:16,820 --> 00:08:19,690
May 21st, 2000.
115
00:08:19,690 --> 00:08:22,090
I used to imagine myself growing old
116
00:08:22,100 --> 00:08:25,030
while living in a house
atop a hill in the Castro,
117
00:08:25,030 --> 00:08:26,730
but what's more important to me
118
00:08:26,730 --> 00:08:29,370
is growing old with the love of my life,
119
00:08:29,370 --> 00:08:30,540
Bennett.
120
00:08:30,540 --> 00:08:32,540
So I'm leaving San Francisco
121
00:08:32,540 --> 00:08:35,040
to live in Halifax, Canada.
122
00:08:35,040 --> 00:08:37,910
Although I'm sad to leave XY magazine,
123
00:08:37,910 --> 00:08:40,780
I'm excited to finally accept
the speaking offers
124
00:08:40,780 --> 00:08:42,480
I've been receiving this past year,
125
00:08:42,480 --> 00:08:45,690
thanks to my work
as a writer and activist.
126
00:08:45,690 --> 00:08:47,850
What a lot of people aren't aware of
127
00:08:47,850 --> 00:08:50,860
is that the terms "heterosexual"
and "homosexual"
128
00:08:50,860 --> 00:08:54,190
were only introduced
about a hundred years ago.
129
00:08:54,190 --> 00:08:57,260
As my mother used to always say,
130
00:08:57,260 --> 00:08:58,860
"When you help others,
131
00:08:58,870 --> 00:09:00,200
you're helping yourself
as well."
132
00:09:00,200 --> 00:09:02,670
We often read about more sexually...
133
00:09:02,670 --> 00:09:04,670
My goal is to thread a needle
134
00:09:04,670 --> 00:09:06,840
through the fabric of this country
135
00:09:06,840 --> 00:09:10,710
and stitch together the lives
of gay kids everywhere.
136
00:09:10,710 --> 00:09:11,980
I know a lot of you
137
00:09:11,980 --> 00:09:14,510
are balancing religion and sexuality,
138
00:09:14,510 --> 00:09:16,180
but I mean, come on,
139
00:09:16,180 --> 00:09:20,620
what God would punish you
for finding love?
140
00:10:12,740 --> 00:10:15,380
This is where I spread my Mom's ashes.
141
00:10:31,120 --> 00:10:32,790
Oh, my God.
142
00:10:32,790 --> 00:10:34,930
She's still here.
143
00:10:50,210 --> 00:10:51,740
Mom, I'm gonna stay here with you.
144
00:10:51,750 --> 00:10:52,810
No.
145
00:10:52,810 --> 00:10:54,250
Don't be stubborn.
146
00:10:54,250 --> 00:10:57,380
You are not skipping
a semester to be with me.
147
00:10:57,380 --> 00:10:59,180
I can help you through this.
148
00:10:59,190 --> 00:11:02,720
I'm gonna be fine.
I told you.
149
00:11:02,720 --> 00:11:05,260
I feel better.
150
00:11:05,260 --> 00:11:07,360
Really, Michael.
151
00:11:09,860 --> 00:11:12,400
I am so proud of you.
152
00:11:12,400 --> 00:11:15,370
I love you so much.
153
00:11:15,370 --> 00:11:17,840
Hmm. I love you.
154
00:11:26,810 --> 00:11:29,210
I should've stayed.
155
00:11:30,880 --> 00:11:32,720
Everyone kept saying,
156
00:11:32,720 --> 00:11:36,890
"Don't worry, we're praying
for her, don't worry."
157
00:11:40,490 --> 00:11:42,130
Everyone's gonna die.
158
00:11:44,630 --> 00:11:47,830
No amount of praying
is ever gonna change that.
159
00:12:08,490 --> 00:12:11,160
You're not getting up yet.
Five minutes more.
160
00:12:11,160 --> 00:12:14,330
I can't believe I'm approaching
my one-year anniversary
161
00:12:14,330 --> 00:12:17,300
here in Halifax, Nova Scotia, Canada.
162
00:12:17,300 --> 00:12:21,370
The food is amazing,
especially the sushi.
163
00:12:21,370 --> 00:12:26,370
The people are friendly
and although the gay community
164
00:12:26,370 --> 00:12:28,170
is much smaller than San Francisco,
165
00:12:28,170 --> 00:12:31,850
I have some big plans
to really make an impact.
166
00:12:43,890 --> 00:12:46,090
What's wrong with you?
167
00:12:46,090 --> 00:12:47,190
Nothing.
168
00:12:50,430 --> 00:12:52,130
Look, I have to find
something else to do.
169
00:12:52,130 --> 00:12:55,470
I'm just not cut out
for administrative work.
170
00:12:55,470 --> 00:12:57,600
Give it some time?
171
00:12:57,600 --> 00:12:59,440
I have things I wanna do.
172
00:12:59,440 --> 00:13:01,970
I want my own magazine.
I want something bigger.
173
00:13:01,980 --> 00:13:03,980
I want...
I want to influence people.
174
00:13:03,980 --> 00:13:06,150
I can't do that here.
You're being such a shit.
175
00:13:06,150 --> 00:13:07,910
We made the decision
to leave San Francisco together.
176
00:13:07,910 --> 00:13:09,150
No, we didn't.
177
00:13:09,150 --> 00:13:11,020
I mean, you had to take this job.
178
00:13:11,020 --> 00:13:13,390
Just like you had to take the job
that took us to San Francisco.
179
00:13:13,390 --> 00:13:17,390
Which is how you got your job at
XY, so you should be thanking me.
180
00:13:19,590 --> 00:13:20,930
Is this...
181
00:13:20,930 --> 00:13:23,430
This is supposed to be Mexican food?
182
00:13:23,430 --> 00:13:25,500
Why don't you go to the store
and make your own food?
183
00:13:25,500 --> 00:13:26,700
Maybe I will.
184
00:13:26,700 --> 00:13:28,330
You'll have to ask me for money, though,
185
00:13:28,330 --> 00:13:30,470
'cause you don't have any, remember?
186
00:13:45,320 --> 00:13:46,250
Thanks.
187
00:14:14,510 --> 00:14:15,450
Hey.
188
00:14:17,520 --> 00:14:18,850
Hey.
189
00:14:18,850 --> 00:14:20,490
You're Mike, right?
190
00:14:21,650 --> 00:14:23,420
Uh, yeah.
191
00:14:23,420 --> 00:14:27,230
The XY Survivor Guide
really helped me out.
192
00:14:28,330 --> 00:14:29,860
Are you stalking me or something?
193
00:14:31,330 --> 00:14:32,930
Tyler.
194
00:14:32,930 --> 00:14:35,030
Hi.
195
00:14:35,040 --> 00:14:37,740
I just...
I wanted you to know
196
00:14:37,740 --> 00:14:39,440
I agree with everything that you say
197
00:14:39,440 --> 00:14:42,640
about gay identity and sexuality.
198
00:14:42,640 --> 00:14:46,850
I don't wanna be put into a
box just because I'm gay.
199
00:14:46,850 --> 00:14:48,850
You don't wanna be in a box?
200
00:14:48,850 --> 00:14:50,850
No, I don't wanna be in a box.
201
00:14:52,350 --> 00:14:55,220
You're so fucking cute.
202
00:14:55,220 --> 00:14:57,190
Can I buy you a drink?
203
00:14:57,190 --> 00:14:59,860
Don't you have a boyfriend?
204
00:14:59,860 --> 00:15:03,530
Hmm...
He'll think you're cute, too.
205
00:15:52,250 --> 00:15:54,210
It's a galaxy.
206
00:15:54,210 --> 00:15:56,550
Uh, actually it's a spiral.
207
00:15:56,550 --> 00:15:58,920
It's the only symbol
that means anything.
208
00:15:58,920 --> 00:16:01,650
It's infinite, no beginning, no end.
209
00:16:01,650 --> 00:16:03,820
There's a beginning and there's an end.
210
00:16:03,820 --> 00:16:05,460
All right, well, there's
a more complicated one
211
00:16:05,460 --> 00:16:06,960
that has no beginning and no end,
212
00:16:06,960 --> 00:16:09,130
but I can't do it on my pancakes, okay?
213
00:16:12,770 --> 00:16:14,400
How did you guys meet?
214
00:16:15,740 --> 00:16:16,900
How did we meet?
215
00:16:16,900 --> 00:16:18,670
Uh, San Francisco.
216
00:16:18,670 --> 00:16:21,540
We volunteered at this
AIDS prevention organization.
217
00:16:21,540 --> 00:16:25,540
And we both got arrested protesting
this Christian Coalition event.
218
00:16:25,550 --> 00:16:28,880
Which is how I knew it was true love.
219
00:16:28,880 --> 00:16:31,380
Awesome.
220
00:16:31,380 --> 00:16:35,090
How about you?
What's your deal?
221
00:16:35,090 --> 00:16:36,960
Who are you?
222
00:16:36,960 --> 00:16:38,290
Uh...
223
00:16:38,290 --> 00:16:40,160
I'm a physics student.
224
00:16:40,160 --> 00:16:41,990
Really?
Yeah.
225
00:16:41,990 --> 00:16:43,660
Physics.
Science.
226
00:16:43,660 --> 00:16:48,530
Yeah. I wanna be an astronaut,
but that's probably a long shot.
227
00:16:48,530 --> 00:16:52,740
Oh, God. I'd be terrified
to go into space.
228
00:16:52,740 --> 00:16:54,940
It's just, to me,
229
00:16:54,940 --> 00:16:58,840
Earth is just this, like,
tiny speck in the universe.
230
00:16:58,840 --> 00:17:02,850
And humans have only been around
for just a speck of that timeline.
231
00:17:02,850 --> 00:17:04,750
So it's just...
232
00:17:04,750 --> 00:17:09,620
There has to be more to life
than just this, don't you think?
233
00:17:12,430 --> 00:17:14,230
Totally.
234
00:17:16,100 --> 00:17:18,630
Totally.
235
00:17:19,830 --> 00:17:22,270
So Tyler was really cute, huh?
236
00:17:23,840 --> 00:17:25,500
Interesting.
Mm-hmm.
237
00:17:25,510 --> 00:17:27,540
It is interesting, isn't it?
238
00:17:27,540 --> 00:17:28,470
Very interesting.
239
00:17:28,470 --> 00:17:30,780
You know why?
240
00:17:30,780 --> 00:17:33,280
Because I love you so much.
241
00:17:35,150 --> 00:17:37,350
And I really feel like we're
at a place in our relationship
242
00:17:37,350 --> 00:17:39,550
where there's more
than enough love to go around.
243
00:17:40,720 --> 00:17:42,550
And I know that I'm not afraid of that
244
00:17:42,560 --> 00:17:44,060
and I don't think that you are either.
245
00:17:44,060 --> 00:17:47,260
Mm-mm. Maybe I am afraid.
246
00:17:47,260 --> 00:17:48,590
Well, you shouldn't be afraid
247
00:17:48,590 --> 00:17:51,660
because I'm here to protect you. Why?
248
00:17:59,040 --> 00:18:00,270
Carrot thief.
249
00:18:01,540 --> 00:18:06,750
Here's our very uncool soccer mom van.
250
00:18:06,750 --> 00:18:08,380
Whoo!
251
00:18:08,380 --> 00:18:11,380
Who are these guys?
252
00:18:11,380 --> 00:18:14,090
July 23rd, 2002.
253
00:18:14,090 --> 00:18:15,720
Road trip.
Road trip.
254
00:18:15,720 --> 00:18:19,060
I'm driving across America
with Bennett and Tyler
255
00:18:19,060 --> 00:18:23,160
for an exciting new project
I'm working on.
256
00:18:23,160 --> 00:18:24,600
I guess both beds are taken.
257
00:18:24,600 --> 00:18:26,900
I don't know where you're gonna sleep.
258
00:18:26,900 --> 00:18:30,770
Eenie, meenie, miney, moe.
259
00:18:33,640 --> 00:18:36,740
This is the most fun
I've ever had in my whole life.
260
00:18:36,740 --> 00:18:38,780
Really?
No.
261
00:18:39,650 --> 00:18:41,580
We are making a documentary
262
00:18:41,580 --> 00:18:43,380
about queer youth in America,
263
00:18:43,380 --> 00:18:47,020
because discrimination
against LGBT youth
264
00:18:47,020 --> 00:18:49,290
must be eliminated.
265
00:18:49,290 --> 00:18:53,560
I just wish people could see
that these kids have faces,
266
00:18:53,560 --> 00:18:57,760
names, and voices that need to be heard.
267
00:18:57,760 --> 00:19:01,970
Growing up in the church
and realizing that you're gay
268
00:19:01,970 --> 00:19:04,040
is very difficult.
269
00:19:04,040 --> 00:19:07,410
You know, your family
has never talked about it.
270
00:19:07,410 --> 00:19:09,070
I mean, I'm 13
271
00:19:09,070 --> 00:19:10,740
and it's the first time
I've heard the word.
272
00:19:10,740 --> 00:19:14,710
And when I heard the word
and knew what it was,
273
00:19:14,710 --> 00:19:18,250
then it was like, "Hey, I know that.
274
00:19:18,250 --> 00:19:21,620
I understand that.
That's me."
275
00:19:21,620 --> 00:19:23,520
My mom, she's trying.
276
00:19:23,520 --> 00:19:25,120
She's like really in the closet
about it.
277
00:19:25,120 --> 00:19:26,830
She won't mention it to anybody
or anything like that.
278
00:19:26,830 --> 00:19:28,990
Like, she tries to still act
like I'm straight
279
00:19:28,990 --> 00:19:31,600
and expects me to act like
I'm straight along with her
280
00:19:31,600 --> 00:19:33,000
when I'm not like that.
281
00:19:33,000 --> 00:19:35,430
And this was probably more overwhelming
282
00:19:35,440 --> 00:19:38,840
when I tried to kill myself, uh...
283
00:19:38,840 --> 00:19:43,510
But I felt so invisible
284
00:19:43,510 --> 00:19:46,250
to everyone around me who was straight.
285
00:19:46,250 --> 00:19:50,180
There are times when I realize
286
00:19:50,180 --> 00:19:55,620
that I'm just as much a creation
of God as everyone else.
287
00:19:58,120 --> 00:20:01,090
Olympia, Washington.
288
00:20:01,090 --> 00:20:02,630
This is kind of somber.
289
00:20:02,630 --> 00:20:06,970
But even though I grew up here,
290
00:20:06,970 --> 00:20:12,500
because both my parents
don't live anymore,
291
00:20:12,510 --> 00:20:14,670
it feels like this place
is a part of a past
292
00:20:14,670 --> 00:20:16,680
that doesn't exist anymore.
293
00:20:16,680 --> 00:20:20,010
And I wasn't gay here.
294
00:20:20,010 --> 00:20:21,510
I mean, you couldn't be.
295
00:20:21,510 --> 00:20:24,180
There was this kid that everyone
just thought was gay
296
00:20:24,180 --> 00:20:29,120
and he had to leave school
'cause he got picked on so much.
297
00:20:38,530 --> 00:20:40,400
What's it like here?
298
00:20:40,400 --> 00:20:42,200
Liberty is Falwell territory.
299
00:20:42,200 --> 00:20:46,370
So as you can imagine,
it's not very gay-friendly.
300
00:20:49,240 --> 00:20:51,940
So why do you stay?
301
00:20:51,940 --> 00:20:52,950
Uh...
302
00:20:56,220 --> 00:20:57,380
Well, I...
303
00:20:57,380 --> 00:20:59,020
I don't know. I, um...
304
00:20:59,020 --> 00:21:00,950
I didn't come out to friends and family
305
00:21:00,950 --> 00:21:02,750
until last year.
306
00:21:02,760 --> 00:21:07,130
And I have another year
before I graduate.
307
00:21:07,130 --> 00:21:08,860
I'm a Christian.
308
00:21:08,860 --> 00:21:10,660
So...
309
00:21:10,660 --> 00:21:12,930
Which a lot of people
think is impossible,
310
00:21:12,930 --> 00:21:14,630
but I think that's just as ridiculous
311
00:21:14,630 --> 00:21:17,840
as the anti-gay right, so...
312
00:21:20,240 --> 00:21:21,610
Just a second.
313
00:21:23,410 --> 00:21:24,780
Hey, Sof.
314
00:21:24,780 --> 00:21:26,980
Do you want us to call them for you?
315
00:21:29,080 --> 00:21:31,580
We're just gonna... We're gonna
wait with you until he comes, okay?
316
00:21:31,580 --> 00:21:36,290
Her mother just passed.
Do you mind not filming us?
317
00:21:36,290 --> 00:21:37,920
So awful.
318
00:21:37,920 --> 00:21:40,090
Here, let's pray.
Let's pray for her, okay?
319
00:21:40,090 --> 00:21:41,430
All right, turn it off.
320
00:21:41,430 --> 00:21:42,760
We just wanna ask, Father,
321
00:21:42,760 --> 00:21:44,230
that you would
just give her the strength
322
00:21:44,230 --> 00:21:47,830
to get through this
incredibly difficult time
323
00:21:47,830 --> 00:21:50,970
and we pray that you
would just fill us all
324
00:21:50,970 --> 00:21:53,300
with the compassion to know
what she must be going through
325
00:21:53,310 --> 00:21:56,680
because it would be impossible
for us to fully comprehend.
326
00:21:56,680 --> 00:21:59,010
Just show her yourself, Father,
during this time
327
00:21:59,010 --> 00:22:01,880
and look to you right now, Father...
328
00:22:22,000 --> 00:22:22,940
Hey.
329
00:22:24,340 --> 00:22:26,440
Babe.
330
00:22:26,440 --> 00:22:28,640
We gotta go. We gotta be there at 9:30.
You ready?
331
00:22:28,640 --> 00:22:30,780
Yeah. All right. See you in the car.
332
00:22:35,950 --> 00:22:38,020
I didn't come out to friends and family
333
00:22:38,020 --> 00:22:40,020
until last year.
334
00:22:40,020 --> 00:22:41,350
I'm a Christian.
335
00:22:41,350 --> 00:22:43,220
So...
336
00:22:43,220 --> 00:22:45,590
Which a lot of people
think is impossible,
337
00:22:45,590 --> 00:22:47,430
but I think that's just as ridiculous
338
00:22:47,430 --> 00:22:50,600
as the anti-gay right, so...
339
00:22:52,260 --> 00:22:58,070
When I was young, I didn't know
that there were people like me.
340
00:22:58,070 --> 00:23:02,410
I felt lost, alone, and confused.
341
00:23:02,410 --> 00:23:06,780
I never even told my mother,
my best friend, that I was gay
342
00:23:06,780 --> 00:23:09,250
because I was afraid
she wouldn't accept me.
343
00:23:09,250 --> 00:23:11,750
That's why we're on this journey.
344
00:23:11,750 --> 00:23:15,920
To let gay kids know
that they are not alone.
345
00:23:15,920 --> 00:23:19,420
And you know what?
I learned a lot as well.
346
00:23:19,430 --> 00:23:22,160
Because we met so many amazing people
347
00:23:22,160 --> 00:23:24,160
who've heard their parents or pastors
348
00:23:24,160 --> 00:23:27,030
tell them they're wrong
and yet they've come
349
00:23:27,030 --> 00:23:29,900
to the realization
that they're beautiful,
350
00:23:29,900 --> 00:23:34,410
blessed, and that God
loves them just as they are.
351
00:23:34,410 --> 00:23:38,940
I mean, people who believe
that homosexuality is wrong
352
00:23:38,940 --> 00:23:44,020
are gonna change their minds
thanks to this next generation.
353
00:24:47,310 --> 00:24:51,350
The sky is fucking beautiful.
354
00:24:53,950 --> 00:24:56,590
What is this, babe?
355
00:24:56,590 --> 00:24:57,760
Hmm?
356
00:24:59,420 --> 00:25:00,790
Oh, it's stupid.
357
00:25:00,790 --> 00:25:02,790
Just somebody gave it to me
on the street.
358
00:25:02,800 --> 00:25:06,160
"Where Will We Go
When We Die?"
359
00:25:06,170 --> 00:25:09,130
Baby.
360
00:25:09,130 --> 00:25:11,800
You guys, where will we go when we die?
361
00:25:11,800 --> 00:25:15,340
In 2012, the world is supposed to end.
362
00:25:15,340 --> 00:25:17,140
Is that a real thing?
363
00:25:17,140 --> 00:25:18,840
I hope not.
364
00:25:18,840 --> 00:25:21,010
Everyone knows this.
365
00:25:21,010 --> 00:25:24,020
It's what they drew
on the Mayan calendar.
366
00:25:24,020 --> 00:25:26,850
You know, the Mayan calendar thing.
367
00:25:26,850 --> 00:25:29,550
That's what they drew.
It was the moon and the sun.
368
00:26:22,640 --> 00:26:25,940
What? I'm curious.
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
369
00:26:25,950 --> 00:26:29,280
We wanna know. Please.
We wanna know. Please.
370
00:26:29,280 --> 00:26:31,280
I don't think they wanna know.
371
00:26:48,730 --> 00:26:49,900
Mike.
372
00:26:53,210 --> 00:26:55,170
You guys go on.
I'll meet you at home.
373
00:26:55,170 --> 00:26:57,240
You okay?
374
00:26:57,240 --> 00:26:58,480
Yeah, I'm fine.
375
00:26:58,480 --> 00:27:00,540
Where are you going?
376
00:27:00,550 --> 00:27:02,680
Michael?
377
00:27:04,320 --> 00:27:08,320
What's that about? I have
absolutely no earthly idea.
378
00:27:50,430 --> 00:27:51,830
Baby.
379
00:27:53,430 --> 00:27:57,500
I was worried about you today.
What's going on?
380
00:28:02,370 --> 00:28:05,040
It's stupid.
381
00:28:05,040 --> 00:28:07,710
Baby, nothing's stupid.
Tell me what.
382
00:28:10,980 --> 00:28:16,990
Do you think when we die,
383
00:28:16,990 --> 00:28:21,130
we just disappear like we never existed?
384
00:28:25,500 --> 00:28:27,300
No, I don't think that.
385
00:28:29,000 --> 00:28:31,470
Because I know that
we'll always be together.
386
00:28:34,210 --> 00:28:35,310
Baby.
387
00:28:42,710 --> 00:28:44,380
Baby.
388
00:28:44,380 --> 00:28:47,050
Baby, you're okay.
I'm here.
389
00:29:05,140 --> 00:29:07,840
Let's pray for her.
Let's pray.
390
00:29:20,550 --> 00:29:21,850
Bennett!
391
00:29:23,260 --> 00:29:24,460
Bennett!
392
00:29:27,590 --> 00:29:29,860
I'm really lightheaded.
393
00:29:29,860 --> 00:29:33,930
It's okay. It's okay. We're
almost there. We're almost there.
394
00:29:47,910 --> 00:29:49,680
Okay.
395
00:29:49,680 --> 00:29:54,420
Your heartrate seems to have
returned back to normal.
396
00:29:54,420 --> 00:29:56,350
Can you check again?
397
00:29:56,360 --> 00:29:59,590
Just because your father had HCM
does not mean that you have it.
398
00:29:59,590 --> 00:30:04,130
We followed our chest pain protocol
and there's nothing abnormal.
399
00:30:04,130 --> 00:30:07,130
You had a panic attack. Okay?
400
00:30:09,770 --> 00:30:11,640
Where's Bennett?
401
00:30:11,640 --> 00:30:13,170
He's in the lobby.
402
00:30:13,170 --> 00:30:16,010
As soon as you're checked out,
you can see him.
403
00:30:16,980 --> 00:30:17,980
All right?
404
00:30:17,980 --> 00:30:19,110
Thank you.
405
00:30:24,780 --> 00:30:26,120
I was 13 years old,
406
00:30:26,120 --> 00:30:28,290
walking along the beach with my father,
407
00:30:28,290 --> 00:30:30,290
when he suddenly collapsed and died
408
00:30:30,290 --> 00:30:32,590
from an unexpected heart condition.
409
00:30:36,300 --> 00:30:38,300
If I've inherited his disease,
410
00:30:38,300 --> 00:30:40,600
the same thing could happen to me.
411
00:30:42,300 --> 00:30:44,440
What's wrong, baby?
412
00:30:44,440 --> 00:30:47,310
It's happening again.
I can feel it.
413
00:30:47,310 --> 00:30:50,670
The tests confirmed that...
They don't know.
414
00:30:50,680 --> 00:30:52,510
They don't care.
415
00:30:54,350 --> 00:30:57,750
Now I'm having heart
palpitations all the time.
416
00:30:57,750 --> 00:31:01,050
And contrary to what
the doctors keep saying,
417
00:31:01,050 --> 00:31:03,960
I just know they aren't panic attacks.
418
00:31:05,320 --> 00:31:07,160
After months of fighting
with my insurance,
419
00:31:07,160 --> 00:31:09,390
I was finally allowed
to see a specialist
420
00:31:09,390 --> 00:31:11,560
who could definitively test
whether or not
421
00:31:11,560 --> 00:31:14,070
I inherited my father's condition.
422
00:31:15,370 --> 00:31:18,470
Now I have to wait for the results.
423
00:31:18,470 --> 00:31:21,770
- Michael, just calm down.
- Calm down!
424
00:31:21,770 --> 00:31:23,370
Do you know what this disease means?
425
00:31:23,380 --> 00:31:26,580
It means I could die any
minute, just drop dead!
426
00:31:26,580 --> 00:31:28,050
You calm down!
427
00:34:07,010 --> 00:34:08,540
Dr. Williams?
428
00:34:08,540 --> 00:34:09,910
Hi.
429
00:34:32,560 --> 00:34:33,830
Thank you, God.
430
00:34:38,570 --> 00:34:39,840
Thank you, God.
431
00:34:43,740 --> 00:34:45,380
The test confirmed
432
00:34:45,380 --> 00:34:48,510
that I did not inherit
my father's heart condition.
433
00:34:48,510 --> 00:34:52,220
Although it's a massive sigh of relief,
434
00:34:52,220 --> 00:34:54,620
I keep thinking to myself...
435
00:34:54,620 --> 00:34:58,320
if I was really
just having panic attacks,
436
00:34:58,320 --> 00:35:00,490
then what's wrong with me?
437
00:35:00,490 --> 00:35:02,660
What am I afraid of?
438
00:35:08,400 --> 00:35:11,270
All I know is that when
faced with your own death,
439
00:35:11,270 --> 00:35:13,940
it reminds you
of what's important in life.
440
00:35:13,940 --> 00:35:17,610
And for me, that's helping other people.
441
00:35:18,980 --> 00:35:20,480
Okay.
442
00:35:20,480 --> 00:35:23,850
So I've decided
to start my own magazine.
443
00:35:23,850 --> 00:35:26,850
I'm calling it YGA.
444
00:35:26,850 --> 00:35:28,650
Young Gay Americans.
445
00:35:28,650 --> 00:35:32,360
It's gonna be the biggest
and most sophisticated magazine
446
00:35:32,360 --> 00:35:36,530
aimed at improving the lives
of LGBT youth.
447
00:36:22,970 --> 00:36:24,440
Hmm.
448
00:36:52,340 --> 00:36:56,210
What is this?
449
00:36:56,210 --> 00:36:59,810
Oh, my God! Hi!
450
00:36:59,810 --> 00:37:01,610
You didn't.
451
00:37:01,610 --> 00:37:03,010
I know you wanted one, baby.
452
00:37:03,010 --> 00:37:04,780
Oh, my God!
453
00:37:11,560 --> 00:37:13,690
Ooh.
454
00:37:13,690 --> 00:37:18,100
What are we gonna call you?
455
00:37:19,700 --> 00:37:21,900
Olly. Olly, heel.
456
00:37:23,700 --> 00:37:26,700
I've been thinking
about the next issue of YGA.
457
00:37:26,710 --> 00:37:29,540
I think we need to address
this whole Christianity thing.
458
00:37:29,540 --> 00:37:31,010
What do you mean?
459
00:37:31,010 --> 00:37:34,810
Well, people think that gays
and Christians are enemies.
460
00:37:34,810 --> 00:37:39,880
We've met so many people who've managed
to balance their faith and their sexuality.
461
00:37:39,880 --> 00:37:42,950
But we've also met
so many people whose parents
462
00:37:42,950 --> 00:37:45,490
and churches tell them
they're gonna burn in hell.
463
00:37:45,490 --> 00:37:48,660
Yeah, which is why we should
address it in the magazine.
464
00:37:48,660 --> 00:37:52,330
I mean, the whole "you're gay,
you're going to hell" myth
465
00:37:52,330 --> 00:37:57,200
was started by mistranslations and
misinterpretations of the Bible.
466
00:37:57,200 --> 00:38:01,770
I mean, God doesn't care
what your sexual orientation is.
467
00:38:01,770 --> 00:38:05,980
And the one thing that the gay
movement doesn't understand
468
00:38:05,980 --> 00:38:07,710
that I think Christianity does
469
00:38:07,710 --> 00:38:13,390
is that not everyone wants to
be a part of the subculture.
470
00:38:14,850 --> 00:38:17,460
I'm sorry, what did you
do with my boyfriend?
471
00:38:17,460 --> 00:38:19,220
Shut up.
472
00:38:19,220 --> 00:38:21,360
I'm not gonna write like...
473
00:38:23,900 --> 00:38:27,100
Gospel according to Michael
or something.
474
00:38:30,600 --> 00:38:33,600
It might seem strange
for a gay youth magazine
475
00:38:33,610 --> 00:38:37,310
to dedicate an entire issue to religion,
476
00:38:37,310 --> 00:38:39,780
but it's too important to ignore.
477
00:38:41,450 --> 00:38:44,980
When my parents died, I blamed God.
478
00:38:44,980 --> 00:38:46,480
When I came out,
479
00:38:46,490 --> 00:38:50,650
I distanced myself even further
from religion.
480
00:38:50,660 --> 00:38:55,360
You see, I thought I was
too smart to believe in God,
481
00:38:55,360 --> 00:38:57,660
that he was only for the needy.
482
00:38:58,930 --> 00:39:00,800
But after a recent health scare,
483
00:39:00,800 --> 00:39:05,500
I felt this nudging
in the back of my mind,
484
00:39:05,500 --> 00:39:08,510
The presence of God.
485
00:39:08,510 --> 00:39:10,510
And you know what?
486
00:39:10,510 --> 00:39:13,340
I was no longer afraid.
487
00:39:14,350 --> 00:39:15,810
Aah!
488
00:39:15,810 --> 00:39:18,680
Some religious figures
spout hateful rhetoric
489
00:39:18,680 --> 00:39:22,220
and try to force
a monopoly on the truth.
490
00:39:22,220 --> 00:39:25,720
But the only truth is love.
491
00:39:25,720 --> 00:39:29,930
The only sin is denying love.
492
00:39:29,930 --> 00:39:32,260
Stop hating.
493
00:39:32,260 --> 00:39:35,070
Start loving.
494
00:39:44,980 --> 00:39:46,780
You gonna join us?
495
00:39:46,780 --> 00:39:48,780
Uh, yeah, just one second.
496
00:39:54,850 --> 00:39:57,020
What?
497
00:39:57,020 --> 00:40:00,020
Uh, you're really combing
through that thing, aren't you?
498
00:40:00,020 --> 00:40:04,390
Look, my whole life, I thought
the Bible was full of hate...
499
00:40:04,400 --> 00:40:05,900
and it's not.
500
00:40:05,900 --> 00:40:08,230
There's a lot of love in here.
501
00:40:08,230 --> 00:40:12,940
So your interest in the Bible
is more than just research?
502
00:40:12,940 --> 00:40:16,970
Well, there's a lot of
Christian roots in my family,
503
00:40:16,980 --> 00:40:19,480
my mom, my aunt and...
504
00:40:19,480 --> 00:40:20,880
Just curious.
505
00:40:20,880 --> 00:40:24,080
Your aunts disowned you
when you came out.
506
00:40:24,080 --> 00:40:25,850
That's not family.
507
00:40:25,850 --> 00:40:27,850
I'm all for curiosity but...
508
00:40:27,850 --> 00:40:31,720
I-I just feel like
something saved me,
509
00:40:31,720 --> 00:40:34,130
shook me and woke me up.
510
00:40:35,390 --> 00:40:38,500
And that someone is God?
511
00:40:40,400 --> 00:40:45,600
Mike, he didn't save you
because you were never dying.
512
00:40:48,240 --> 00:40:50,170
Okay.
513
00:40:53,650 --> 00:40:55,810
"Whoever finds their life will lose it,
514
00:40:55,810 --> 00:40:58,820
and whoever loses their life
for my sake will find it."
515
00:41:01,750 --> 00:41:05,090
"Whoever finds their life will lose it,
516
00:41:05,090 --> 00:41:09,660
and whoever loses their life
for my sake will find it."
517
00:41:10,860 --> 00:41:13,200
"Whoever finds their life will lose it,
518
00:41:13,200 --> 00:41:16,540
and whoever loses their life
for my sake will find it."
519
00:41:23,410 --> 00:41:26,440
Don't see many people
flaunting that out in the open.
520
00:41:26,440 --> 00:41:28,250
Oh.
521
00:41:28,250 --> 00:41:30,780
I've seen you reading out here before
522
00:41:30,780 --> 00:41:34,050
and I thought maybe you'd
wanna come to my church.
523
00:41:34,050 --> 00:41:38,590
Any Sunday, just to check it out.
524
00:41:38,590 --> 00:41:41,230
See what the Mormon religion
has to offer.
525
00:41:42,790 --> 00:41:48,300
The gospel teaches us
that we are the spirit children
526
00:41:48,300 --> 00:41:50,330
of heavenly parents.
527
00:41:50,330 --> 00:41:56,540
Now, many people ask,
are we like other Christians?
528
00:41:56,540 --> 00:41:58,710
Why of course we are.
529
00:41:58,710 --> 00:42:01,040
We believe in Jesus Christ
530
00:42:01,050 --> 00:42:04,550
and we believe in life after death.
531
00:42:04,550 --> 00:42:09,690
And everyone is welcome
at the LDS Church.
532
00:42:09,690 --> 00:42:13,320
Christ's atonement allows mankind
to be saved from their sins...
533
00:42:13,320 --> 00:42:17,630
and to return to live with God
and their loved ones in Heaven.
534
00:42:17,630 --> 00:42:20,330
Did you grow up with any kind of faith?
535
00:42:20,330 --> 00:42:21,670
Not really.
536
00:42:21,670 --> 00:42:23,330
My mother was Christian,
537
00:42:23,330 --> 00:42:26,770
but she didn't really take
me or my sister to church,
538
00:42:26,770 --> 00:42:29,940
and my father was a Berkeley hippie,
539
00:42:29,940 --> 00:42:33,280
kind of agnostic or even atheist.
540
00:42:33,280 --> 00:42:35,150
They were very good people
541
00:42:35,150 --> 00:42:39,350
and I know
I'll see them again in Heaven.
542
00:42:39,350 --> 00:42:42,220
My mom passed away as well.
543
00:42:42,220 --> 00:42:44,190
So I know how hard that is.
544
00:42:44,190 --> 00:42:48,790
I was so afraid and angry, you know?
545
00:42:48,790 --> 00:42:50,790
Yeah, me, too.
546
00:42:50,800 --> 00:42:52,960
It's really hard to deal with death
547
00:42:52,960 --> 00:42:55,030
when you don't know where you're going.
548
00:42:56,530 --> 00:42:59,340
But once you do, then you have peace
549
00:42:59,340 --> 00:43:02,410
and you realize that God's not to blame.
550
00:43:02,410 --> 00:43:04,840
Right.
Yeah.
551
00:43:06,240 --> 00:43:07,180
Catherine.
552
00:43:09,880 --> 00:43:11,310
It was nice to meet you.
553
00:43:11,320 --> 00:43:12,250
You, too.
554
00:43:15,550 --> 00:43:18,460
She's single, FYI.
555
00:43:18,460 --> 00:43:20,790
FYI?
556
00:43:20,790 --> 00:43:22,430
What, you think she likes me?
557
00:43:22,430 --> 00:43:25,630
Yeah. Yeah,
it seemed like it.
558
00:43:25,630 --> 00:43:30,630
But I mean, don't worry. There's plenty
of single ladies looking for a husband.
559
00:43:30,640 --> 00:43:34,640
I wasn't even thinking
about that kind of thing.
560
00:43:34,640 --> 00:43:38,040
Oh, well, maybe it's something
you should start thinking about.
561
00:43:38,040 --> 00:43:40,980
I can get you in touch with her
if you want.
562
00:43:42,280 --> 00:43:43,750
Oh, um...
563
00:43:43,750 --> 00:43:45,680
If you're interested.
564
00:43:48,290 --> 00:43:49,790
Sure. I don't know.
565
00:43:49,790 --> 00:43:52,120
Yeah? Okay. Whatever. Yeah, okay.
566
00:43:52,120 --> 00:43:53,890
All right.
Okay, thanks.
567
00:43:53,890 --> 00:43:56,030
Embarrassing me a little bit.
568
00:44:21,690 --> 00:44:23,450
Welcome back to New Beginnings
569
00:44:23,450 --> 00:44:25,990
and thank you for listening
to our continued conversation
570
00:44:25,990 --> 00:44:28,160
about the truth path to Heaven.
571
00:44:28,160 --> 00:44:31,700
Doctor, how would you respond
to other Christians
572
00:44:31,700 --> 00:44:33,500
who disagree with your angle?
573
00:44:33,500 --> 00:44:37,200
Look, all I'm trying
to do is help people.
574
00:44:37,200 --> 00:44:40,900
It just pains me so much when
I hear so-called Christians
575
00:44:40,910 --> 00:44:44,070
side with the left on issues
such as homosexuality.
576
00:44:44,080 --> 00:44:47,080
Now, I'm not condoning hate.
577
00:44:47,080 --> 00:44:49,750
In fact, this is about love.
578
00:44:49,750 --> 00:44:51,920
Choosing a gay identity will condemn you
579
00:44:51,920 --> 00:44:53,950
to an eternity of suffering.
580
00:44:53,950 --> 00:44:56,450
And I wanna save people from that.
581
00:44:56,450 --> 00:44:59,290
Whether it's abortion or adultery
582
00:44:59,290 --> 00:45:02,830
or accepting religions
other than Christianity,
583
00:45:02,830 --> 00:45:05,000
you must obey God's law
584
00:45:05,000 --> 00:45:08,000
or you will not be allowed
into his kingdom.
585
00:45:47,840 --> 00:45:50,640
I'm not saying that. I'm not
saying that it's wrong.
586
00:45:50,640 --> 00:45:53,810
I'm just saying that over the
course of thousands of years,
587
00:45:53,810 --> 00:45:57,350
people with an agenda have made
Christianity what it is today.
588
00:45:57,350 --> 00:46:02,350
Yeah, but the original message is
still the same, it's about love.
589
00:46:05,220 --> 00:46:08,130
You know, I would've never
pegged you as a Buddhist.
590
00:46:08,130 --> 00:46:09,430
Why?
591
00:46:09,430 --> 00:46:11,660
What, 'cause I don't look a certain way?
592
00:46:11,660 --> 00:46:13,460
No, I...
593
00:46:13,460 --> 00:46:15,630
I don't know why I just said that.
594
00:46:15,630 --> 00:46:17,370
I'm just kidding you.
595
00:46:17,370 --> 00:46:18,640
Meditation.
596
00:46:18,640 --> 00:46:20,840
People get weird in their head
about meditation.
597
00:46:20,840 --> 00:46:22,440
They think it's weird or hippie.
598
00:46:22,440 --> 00:46:26,310
I think it's about
developing mindfulness.
599
00:46:26,310 --> 00:46:28,310
You know, it's about
living moment to moment.
600
00:46:28,310 --> 00:46:32,650
And in a deeper level,
it's about knowing yourself.
601
00:46:32,650 --> 00:46:36,020
That's why I started volunteering
at the Buddhist center.
602
00:46:36,020 --> 00:46:38,490
They have classes on Friday.
You should come.
603
00:46:38,490 --> 00:46:43,030
Oh, I have to go out of town
for this speaking thing.
604
00:46:43,030 --> 00:46:45,200
What kind of speaking thing?
605
00:46:45,200 --> 00:46:48,070
It's about gay youth in America.
606
00:46:48,070 --> 00:46:50,200
No way. That's awesome.
607
00:47:31,810 --> 00:47:33,540
Welcome to our very first panel
608
00:47:33,540 --> 00:47:35,880
on being young and gay in America.
609
00:47:35,880 --> 00:47:38,220
Joining us is Judy Shepard,
610
00:47:38,220 --> 00:47:41,120
president of
the Matthew Shepard Foundation,
611
00:47:41,120 --> 00:47:43,290
dedicated to working towards causes
612
00:47:43,290 --> 00:47:46,560
championed by her son Matthew
during his life.
613
00:47:46,560 --> 00:47:47,720
Thank you for joining us.
614
00:47:53,330 --> 00:47:56,930
Michael Glatze,
former editor of XY magazine,
615
00:47:56,940 --> 00:48:01,240
recipient of Equality Forum's
National Role Model Award
616
00:48:01,240 --> 00:48:03,870
as well as Lambda's Literary Award
617
00:48:03,870 --> 00:48:05,610
for XY's Survival Guide,
618
00:48:05,610 --> 00:48:09,080
participant in the
award-winning documentary
619
00:48:09,080 --> 00:48:10,410
Jim in Bold,
620
00:48:10,410 --> 00:48:12,280
and co-founder
of Young Gay Americans,
621
00:48:12,280 --> 00:48:14,480
which is now
a full-fledged magazine.
622
00:48:20,660 --> 00:48:22,990
What does being gay mean to you?
623
00:48:24,660 --> 00:48:29,730
Gay doesn't mean the same thing
that it meant 20 years ago.
624
00:48:29,730 --> 00:48:33,100
And it's more important now than ever
625
00:48:33,100 --> 00:48:36,510
to make allies and make alliances
626
00:48:36,510 --> 00:48:40,580
both inside
and outside the gay community.
627
00:48:44,820 --> 00:48:49,820
Gay doesn't mean the same thing
that it meant 20 years ago.
628
00:48:49,820 --> 00:48:51,620
It's not about...
629
00:49:25,620 --> 00:49:26,720
Hey.
630
00:49:29,460 --> 00:49:30,560
No.
631
00:49:33,100 --> 00:49:34,730
I have to walk the dog.
632
00:50:13,340 --> 00:50:15,140
Hey.
633
00:50:18,980 --> 00:50:21,280
What are you doing?
634
00:50:21,280 --> 00:50:25,020
I need some space.
635
00:50:26,480 --> 00:50:28,190
Mike...
Look, I just...
636
00:50:28,190 --> 00:50:29,820
I need some time to figure this out,
637
00:50:29,820 --> 00:50:31,620
to see where this is taking me.
638
00:50:33,620 --> 00:50:36,390
Why can't you come to me for help?
639
00:50:36,390 --> 00:50:38,260
We have to talk about this before...
640
00:50:38,260 --> 00:50:40,260
Look, I just...
641
00:50:40,260 --> 00:50:42,530
I need to get away from this life.
642
00:50:43,400 --> 00:50:45,370
Our life?
Yes.
643
00:50:47,140 --> 00:50:50,340
And what exactly is it about our life that
you need to get away from, being gay?
644
00:50:50,340 --> 00:50:51,910
I don't know.
645
00:50:51,910 --> 00:50:53,410
I don't know!
646
00:50:53,410 --> 00:50:58,520
Okay, uh, are you attracted to women?
647
00:50:58,520 --> 00:51:00,820
Because if that's the case,
then fine, go explore.
648
00:51:00,820 --> 00:51:04,190
I just wanna be with my parents in
Heaven. Is that so hard to understand?
649
00:51:04,190 --> 00:51:06,390
Can you even hear yourself right now?
650
00:51:06,390 --> 00:51:08,560
What happened to the
misinterpretation of the Bible?
651
00:51:08,560 --> 00:51:10,330
It's a fucking book, Mike!
652
00:51:10,330 --> 00:51:12,760
I read the Bible the same way
I read anything else,
653
00:51:12,760 --> 00:51:14,000
with an open mind and an open heart.
654
00:51:14,000 --> 00:51:16,100
Oh, is that what you call this?
655
00:51:16,100 --> 00:51:19,640
'Cause the way you're talking doesn't
exactly sound very fucking open-minded.
656
00:51:19,640 --> 00:51:25,040
This relationship has just developed
into something unhealthy.
657
00:51:25,040 --> 00:51:27,180
What does that even mean?
658
00:51:28,580 --> 00:51:30,380
Tyler?
659
00:51:30,380 --> 00:51:32,880
You were just as
interested in that as I was.
660
00:51:32,880 --> 00:51:34,220
No.
661
00:51:34,220 --> 00:51:35,590
I just wanted you to be happy
662
00:51:35,590 --> 00:51:37,190
because I was afraid
you were gonna leave.
663
00:51:37,190 --> 00:51:38,760
I was never gonna leave, Mike.
664
00:51:38,760 --> 00:51:40,220
I've stood by you.
665
00:51:40,220 --> 00:51:42,590
I've held your hand while you
were so terrified of dying
666
00:51:42,590 --> 00:51:45,760
that you created illnesses
that didn't even exist.
667
00:51:45,760 --> 00:51:49,700
The truth is that I was living a lie.
668
00:51:50,930 --> 00:51:54,610
The truth is that God loves us...
Shut the fuck up!
669
00:51:58,910 --> 00:52:00,240
Okay.
670
00:52:00,240 --> 00:52:01,450
Wait.
671
00:52:10,250 --> 00:52:12,390
Please don't go.
672
00:52:17,800 --> 00:52:20,430
Where are you going?
673
00:52:27,610 --> 00:52:32,480
The thing that will really kill you...
674
00:52:32,480 --> 00:52:36,450
is repressing who you truly are.
675
00:52:37,650 --> 00:52:40,320
That's what you
should really be afraid of.
676
00:53:49,990 --> 00:53:53,720
So he just left this here
out in the open?
677
00:54:41,200 --> 00:54:45,110
I have come to a decision
that will be shocking
678
00:54:45,110 --> 00:54:47,880
to anyone I used to relate to.
679
00:54:49,750 --> 00:54:54,420
The presence of God
has grown strong in my life.
680
00:54:54,420 --> 00:54:57,720
He told me that my panic attacks
681
00:54:57,720 --> 00:55:02,120
were caused by my shallow,
sinful lifestyle.
682
00:55:03,790 --> 00:55:08,800
I've come to the realization
that identifying as gay
683
00:55:08,800 --> 00:55:12,800
prevents you from finding
your true self within.
684
00:55:12,800 --> 00:55:15,340
And we must be our true selves
685
00:55:15,340 --> 00:55:18,340
in order to join God in his kingdom.
686
00:55:19,710 --> 00:55:23,250
Therefore, I, Michael Glatze,
687
00:55:23,250 --> 00:55:26,080
no longer identify as gay.
688
00:57:40,250 --> 00:57:42,220
Why did you do it?
689
00:57:45,760 --> 00:57:48,390
"Gay activist goes straight"?
690
00:57:48,390 --> 00:57:51,530
You gave the anti-gay right
the story of their dreams.
691
00:57:51,530 --> 00:57:53,400
I don't know why.
692
00:57:53,400 --> 00:57:55,400
I don't know.
693
00:57:55,400 --> 00:57:57,130
Who pushed you?
694
00:57:57,130 --> 00:57:58,640
No one.
695
00:57:58,640 --> 00:58:01,500
I just wanted to tell my story.
696
00:58:01,510 --> 00:58:03,640
Look, I think this all happened
697
00:58:03,640 --> 00:58:05,910
because God needed to teach me a lesson.
698
00:58:05,910 --> 00:58:09,480
That's why I'm here, to make it better.
699
00:58:15,450 --> 00:58:18,520
Meditation is a way of slowing down
700
00:58:18,520 --> 00:58:22,060
and developing kindness
towards yourself.
701
00:58:22,060 --> 00:58:27,600
Through mindfulness practice,
we develop strength of mind.
702
00:58:27,600 --> 00:58:29,930
We become more present
703
00:58:29,930 --> 00:58:33,070
and we learn to appreciate our world.
704
00:58:38,480 --> 00:58:41,980
God works in mysterious ways.
705
00:58:41,980 --> 00:58:43,980
He has sent me to a place
706
00:58:43,980 --> 00:58:46,780
where I can get away
from the physical world
707
00:58:46,780 --> 00:58:49,650
so that I can focus on my true self...
708
00:58:49,650 --> 00:58:52,660
A happier, healthier man,
709
00:58:52,660 --> 00:58:55,290
free of unnatural desires.
710
00:59:03,470 --> 00:59:07,840
At first, I didn't understand
why God would send a Christian
711
00:59:07,840 --> 00:59:10,710
to a Buddhist retreat.
712
00:59:10,710 --> 00:59:13,710
But I have faith in his plan for me.
713
00:59:20,850 --> 00:59:22,850
Desire is powerful.
714
00:59:22,850 --> 00:59:26,220
And God is testing me.
715
00:59:26,220 --> 00:59:30,730
But I refuse to give in to temptation.
716
00:59:36,030 --> 00:59:37,900
I've come to the realization
717
00:59:37,900 --> 00:59:40,900
that God wants me to use meditation
718
00:59:40,900 --> 00:59:44,910
to rid myself of abnormal desires.
719
00:59:46,010 --> 00:59:49,280
God gave Buddha the light to be Buddha.
720
00:59:49,280 --> 00:59:50,350
He did.
721
00:59:50,350 --> 00:59:52,880
Michael, what are you talking about?
722
00:59:52,880 --> 00:59:57,550
I just want us to be on the
right path for our future,
723
00:59:57,550 --> 01:00:00,360
for our health, for the afterlife.
724
01:00:00,360 --> 01:00:04,330
I am on the right path, okay?
My path.
725
01:00:14,070 --> 01:00:16,210
Michael, I...
I'm sorry.
726
01:00:18,910 --> 01:00:20,740
I'm sorry, Nico.
727
01:00:39,760 --> 01:00:41,060
It's the same kind of strength
728
01:00:41,060 --> 01:00:44,200
that you need
to-to clear your mind.
729
01:00:44,200 --> 01:00:48,040
You know, we just, we need
to find that strength
730
01:00:48,040 --> 01:00:52,470
to fight what we both know
in our hearts is wrong.
731
01:00:52,480 --> 01:00:53,780
We just have to fight it.
732
01:00:53,780 --> 01:00:55,380
Stop, Michael. Stop.
733
01:00:55,380 --> 01:00:57,250
No, I mean...
734
01:01:06,460 --> 01:01:08,120
Michael, you're confused.
735
01:01:08,130 --> 01:01:11,900
You're very confused
and it's at my expense.
736
01:01:38,820 --> 01:01:41,490
People have been asking how I am.
737
01:01:41,490 --> 01:01:43,830
Some out of support.
738
01:01:43,830 --> 01:01:46,630
Others who think I've reconsidered.
739
01:01:46,630 --> 01:01:51,430
I've come to the realization
that Bennett represents soul,
740
01:01:51,430 --> 01:01:56,570
Tyler represents body,
Nico represents mind.
741
01:01:56,570 --> 01:02:00,240
Father, Son, Holy Ghost.
742
01:02:00,240 --> 01:02:02,950
I guess God need me
to complete the Trinity
743
01:02:02,950 --> 01:02:05,950
in order to move on.
744
01:02:05,950 --> 01:02:08,120
So I'm ready to set the record straight.
745
01:02:08,120 --> 01:02:12,820
I was a heterosexual person
with a homosexual problem,
746
01:02:12,820 --> 01:02:15,160
and I took care of that problem.
747
01:02:15,160 --> 01:02:18,060
I have not reconsidered.
748
01:02:19,200 --> 01:02:22,560
A good number of people
have come forward
749
01:02:22,570 --> 01:02:24,070
and expressed their concern
750
01:02:24,070 --> 01:02:26,070
about your being involved
with this organization.
751
01:02:26,070 --> 01:02:29,440
This center is supposed
to accept everyone.
752
01:02:29,440 --> 01:02:31,240
Yes, and we do.
753
01:02:31,240 --> 01:02:33,580
We welcome people of all beliefs,
754
01:02:33,580 --> 01:02:36,450
but we don't tolerate hate.
755
01:02:36,450 --> 01:02:39,250
I don't hate anybody.
756
01:02:39,250 --> 01:02:43,450
Michael, you've written what some
would call very hateful things.
757
01:02:43,450 --> 01:02:46,960
Those are my beliefs.
758
01:02:48,260 --> 01:02:49,760
Are you okay?
759
01:02:49,760 --> 01:02:51,760
Yeah.
760
01:02:51,760 --> 01:02:54,630
Are you okay?
761
01:02:56,330 --> 01:02:57,570
I don't know...
762
01:02:57,570 --> 01:03:01,770
I don't understand
what has changed, but I, uh...
763
01:03:01,770 --> 01:03:04,570
Here we practice compassion.
764
01:03:04,570 --> 01:03:09,250
And I'm just, I'm afraid
this isn't gonna work out.
765
01:03:09,250 --> 01:03:14,320
So, because I'm Christian
and I express my opinions...
766
01:03:14,320 --> 01:03:16,820
I have to leave.
767
01:03:16,820 --> 01:03:20,420
That's so messed up.
768
01:03:57,730 --> 01:03:59,400
That's really everything?
769
01:03:59,400 --> 01:04:01,930
Your whole life is in that one bag?
770
01:04:01,930 --> 01:04:04,270
Yeah.
771
01:04:07,440 --> 01:04:09,940
Do you think you'll stay here?
772
01:04:09,940 --> 01:04:15,480
I mean, San Francisco can't
be the best place for an...
773
01:04:15,480 --> 01:04:17,280
ex-gay.
774
01:04:17,280 --> 01:04:23,250
I'm not an ex-gay.
I'm just me.
775
01:04:23,250 --> 01:04:26,260
Honestly, I thought you'd be happy.
776
01:04:26,260 --> 01:04:28,460
I mean, you never really approved.
777
01:04:28,460 --> 01:04:30,260
That's not true.
778
01:04:30,260 --> 01:04:33,800
Then why haven't we been close?
779
01:04:33,800 --> 01:04:35,600
I mean, you're my sister.
780
01:04:35,600 --> 01:04:38,600
We're supposed to be there
for each other.
781
01:04:40,170 --> 01:04:43,040
We can be close now.
782
01:04:43,040 --> 01:04:45,370
I'm glad you're here.
783
01:04:45,380 --> 01:04:51,380
And I want you to be happy...
Loving whomever.
784
01:04:52,850 --> 01:04:53,850
Yeah?
785
01:04:53,850 --> 01:04:55,550
Yeah.
786
01:06:40,960 --> 01:06:42,960
I'm sorry.
787
01:06:42,960 --> 01:06:44,290
No, I can't.
What?
788
01:06:44,290 --> 01:06:46,300
No, I'm sorry. Uh...
789
01:06:46,300 --> 01:06:48,800
What happened?
I can't. Um...
790
01:06:48,800 --> 01:06:52,140
It's not you, it's...
I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.
791
01:07:38,750 --> 01:07:43,090
Olly, it's okay.
It's okay. It's okay.
792
01:07:49,160 --> 01:07:50,460
Hello?
793
01:07:58,870 --> 01:08:00,740
Michael?
794
01:08:00,740 --> 01:08:02,670
Bennett.
795
01:08:06,740 --> 01:08:08,310
Where are you?
796
01:08:09,380 --> 01:08:10,850
Are you okay?
797
01:08:14,220 --> 01:08:15,220
Michael?
798
01:08:15,220 --> 01:08:17,220
I have to go.
799
01:08:17,220 --> 01:08:19,690
Wait, why did you call me, Michael?
800
01:08:30,730 --> 01:08:34,940
To my friends who are trapped
in homosexuality,
801
01:08:34,940 --> 01:08:37,570
I wanna thank you for your kind comments
802
01:08:37,570 --> 01:08:41,010
and keen observations regarding my story
803
01:08:41,010 --> 01:08:45,380
and my revelation that
I am no longer homosexual
804
01:08:45,380 --> 01:08:47,720
and am now heterosexual.
805
01:08:47,720 --> 01:08:52,420
The gay identity has been
packaged and fed to you,
806
01:08:52,420 --> 01:08:56,590
and if you identify as gay
then you have eaten it,
807
01:08:56,590 --> 01:08:59,130
preventing you from further growth
808
01:08:59,130 --> 01:09:02,030
and understanding of your true self.
809
01:09:02,030 --> 01:09:05,930
But it's not too late to save yourself.
810
01:09:05,940 --> 01:09:08,440
If you follow my lead.
811
01:09:08,440 --> 01:09:12,970
I am confident.
I am blessed.
812
01:09:12,980 --> 01:09:14,940
I am strong.
813
01:09:14,940 --> 01:09:20,150
I am ready to give up my life for Christ
814
01:09:20,150 --> 01:09:23,620
in order to find my true self.
815
01:10:32,520 --> 01:10:34,690
You sure you don't want a coffee?
816
01:10:34,690 --> 01:10:37,630
I don't drink coffee anymore.
817
01:10:42,900 --> 01:10:44,230
You're well?
818
01:10:44,230 --> 01:10:46,100
Yeah. Why?
819
01:10:46,100 --> 01:10:48,610
Just asking.
820
01:10:49,710 --> 01:10:54,840
I'm great.
I've never been better.
821
01:10:57,550 --> 01:11:00,550
Well, I just wanted to see
how you're doing.
822
01:11:02,750 --> 01:11:04,850
So does Bennett.
823
01:11:05,920 --> 01:11:07,360
Hmm.
824
01:11:07,360 --> 01:11:09,860
I wish I could understand
what you're going through.
825
01:11:12,400 --> 01:11:15,330
I just don't want to be perceived as gay
826
01:11:15,330 --> 01:11:18,100
for the rest of my experiences.
827
01:11:18,100 --> 01:11:20,800
It's that simple.
828
01:11:23,410 --> 01:11:26,540
Are you still with Bennett?
829
01:11:26,540 --> 01:11:28,140
No.
830
01:11:28,140 --> 01:11:34,350
I'm, uh, going to Europe
to study space science.
831
01:11:34,350 --> 01:11:36,390
That's great.
832
01:11:36,390 --> 01:11:38,550
I'm going to Bible school.
833
01:11:38,560 --> 01:11:41,020
God told me to become a pastor.
834
01:11:50,900 --> 01:11:55,070
I don't want to open
old wounds or anything,
835
01:11:55,070 --> 01:12:00,940
but I also don't know when
I'll ever see you again.
836
01:12:02,910 --> 01:12:05,420
I want you to know
how much you meant to me.
837
01:12:11,790 --> 01:12:15,490
I know you don't care anymore.
838
01:12:15,490 --> 01:12:19,030
But I needed to say it.
839
01:12:19,030 --> 01:12:22,030
For closure.
840
01:12:26,470 --> 01:12:29,200
This whole thing...
841
01:12:29,210 --> 01:12:32,510
it broke my heart.
842
01:12:34,310 --> 01:12:36,850
Tyler...
843
01:12:36,850 --> 01:12:40,520
I'm sorry.
844
01:12:40,520 --> 01:12:43,790
But I need to live for myself now.
845
01:12:47,020 --> 01:12:47,960
Okay.
846
01:12:53,260 --> 01:12:54,400
Okay.
847
01:12:56,170 --> 01:12:57,470
Take care.
848
01:13:48,020 --> 01:13:51,320
Now, sometimes somebody's
gonna ask you what you believe.
849
01:13:51,320 --> 01:13:53,560
They're gonna say, "You're a Christian,
850
01:13:53,560 --> 01:13:55,720
all right,
what do you believe?"
851
01:13:55,730 --> 01:13:59,730
Maybe they're an atheist
or a agnostic or a Muslim
852
01:13:59,730 --> 01:14:02,930
or a Buddha, you know,
who knows what they are?
853
01:14:02,930 --> 01:14:05,930
And you better be ready to tell 'em.
854
01:14:05,940 --> 01:14:09,100
We believe the Bible is the Word of God,
855
01:14:09,110 --> 01:14:14,840
the supreme, final authority
in life and in our faith.
856
01:14:14,840 --> 01:14:18,180
We believe in one God,
857
01:14:18,180 --> 01:14:21,180
eternally existing in three persons,
858
01:14:21,180 --> 01:14:23,750
the Father, the Son,
and the Holy Spirit.
859
01:14:23,750 --> 01:14:27,290
And we believe the sole condition
860
01:14:27,290 --> 01:14:30,090
for receiving everlasting life
861
01:14:30,090 --> 01:14:36,930
is belief and faith alone
in the Lord Jesus Christ.
862
01:15:22,180 --> 01:15:23,110
Thank you.
863
01:15:23,110 --> 01:15:24,950
I'll have one of those, please.
864
01:15:38,660 --> 01:15:39,830
Hi, I'm Michael.
865
01:15:39,830 --> 01:15:42,130
Uh, hi, I'm Rebekah.
866
01:15:44,130 --> 01:15:47,340
Guess we like all the same things.
867
01:15:49,670 --> 01:15:51,840
I love it here.
868
01:15:51,840 --> 01:15:54,010
I mean, I never though
I'd end up in Wyoming,
869
01:15:54,010 --> 01:15:57,750
but I feel like I've
finally found my niche.
870
01:15:57,750 --> 01:15:59,980
Where'd you think you'd end up?
871
01:16:02,150 --> 01:16:05,020
That's a good question.
I don't know.
872
01:16:05,020 --> 01:16:08,660
All I know is that I've
always wanted to help people,
873
01:16:08,660 --> 01:16:12,590
because some people struggle so much
874
01:16:12,600 --> 01:16:15,960
when the solution
is actually very simple.
875
01:16:15,970 --> 01:16:18,470
It's right there in Matthew 10,
876
01:16:18,470 --> 01:16:22,700
the road may not be easy,
but if we give up our lives
877
01:16:22,710 --> 01:16:28,210
for Christ, then we'll find
our true selves.
878
01:16:35,380 --> 01:16:37,550
Where did you go to college?
879
01:16:37,550 --> 01:16:38,920
Dartmouth.
880
01:16:38,920 --> 01:16:40,260
Wow.
881
01:16:40,260 --> 01:16:42,090
And you majored in music?
882
01:16:42,090 --> 01:16:45,260
In creative writing
and English literature,
883
01:16:45,260 --> 01:16:48,800
but I minored in music
theory and composition.
884
01:16:48,800 --> 01:16:52,500
That must've kept you busy.
885
01:16:52,500 --> 01:16:54,470
What kind of stuff did you write?
886
01:16:54,470 --> 01:16:58,670
Well, my thesis
was all poetry, actually.
887
01:16:58,680 --> 01:17:01,540
Can I read some?
888
01:17:01,540 --> 01:17:03,340
Oh, I don't have it anymore.
889
01:17:03,350 --> 01:17:07,250
My poetry is from a different life.
890
01:17:07,250 --> 01:17:08,850
But I, um...
891
01:17:08,850 --> 01:17:13,720
I'm so interested in music now
because it transcends language.
892
01:17:13,720 --> 01:17:17,260
You know, it's like people
don't have to argue about it
893
01:17:17,260 --> 01:17:19,460
or judge it or misinterpret it.
894
01:17:19,460 --> 01:17:21,260
They can just listen.
895
01:17:21,260 --> 01:17:24,200
You know, I just play
and they just listen.
896
01:17:24,200 --> 01:17:25,330
You know?
897
01:17:25,330 --> 01:17:27,640
I don't know if I do, to be honest,
898
01:17:27,640 --> 01:17:30,970
but the way you say it, I want to.
899
01:17:30,970 --> 01:17:33,310
I'm sorry, I'm just blabbing.
What about you?
900
01:17:33,310 --> 01:17:36,910
No, don't be sorry!
You're not blabbing. Um...
901
01:17:36,910 --> 01:17:38,610
I majored in theater.
902
01:17:38,610 --> 01:17:40,420
Theater? Really?
Yeah.
903
01:17:40,420 --> 01:17:44,950
Yeah, it was really fun, but
it's not like it's a real job.
904
01:17:44,950 --> 01:17:48,120
I actually stage managed
a little bit after college,
905
01:17:48,120 --> 01:17:52,130
but I don't know, I felt adrift.
906
01:17:52,130 --> 01:17:57,200
So I came here,
hoping to figure out my path.
907
01:17:57,200 --> 01:17:59,530
Me, too.
908
01:18:50,090 --> 01:18:52,420
I can't believe you've never had sushi.
909
01:18:52,420 --> 01:18:55,420
Who hasn't had sushi?
It's crazy.
910
01:18:55,420 --> 01:18:57,430
Mm.
911
01:18:57,430 --> 01:18:58,660
Oh, no.
912
01:18:59,660 --> 01:19:00,660
You don't like it.
913
01:19:00,660 --> 01:19:01,660
I'm sorry.
914
01:19:01,660 --> 01:19:03,930
Oh, I'm so sorry.
915
01:19:03,930 --> 01:19:05,930
Oh...
I'm sorry.
916
01:19:05,940 --> 01:19:08,800
No, I used to hate it
when my ex did that.
917
01:19:08,810 --> 01:19:11,140
Always making decisions.
918
01:19:11,140 --> 01:19:13,780
We can go somewhere else.
No.
919
01:19:13,780 --> 01:19:15,640
No, no, no.
No, it's okay.
920
01:19:15,640 --> 01:19:16,980
Are you sure?
921
01:19:16,980 --> 01:19:20,980
Yes. Yeah.
You like it. It's fine.
922
01:19:24,890 --> 01:19:30,560
Uh, how, um, how long ago
was the ex you mentioned?
923
01:19:30,560 --> 01:19:34,030
Oh. It was a long time ago.
It was, uh...
924
01:19:34,030 --> 01:19:36,030
I don't know why I brought that up.
925
01:19:36,030 --> 01:19:37,900
It was stupid.
926
01:19:37,900 --> 01:19:40,600
Well, um, was it serious?
927
01:19:40,600 --> 01:19:43,040
Were you gonna marry her?
928
01:19:45,070 --> 01:19:49,550
It was serious,
but, um, no, not marriage.
929
01:19:51,580 --> 01:19:53,920
What about you?
930
01:19:53,920 --> 01:19:55,880
Oh, no, I've...
931
01:19:55,890 --> 01:19:58,390
I've never been in
a serious relationship.
932
01:19:58,390 --> 01:20:03,260
My parents are very, very conservative.
933
01:20:03,260 --> 01:20:05,590
Do you think they'd approve of me?
934
01:20:05,590 --> 01:20:09,300
The future pastor I met at Bible school?
935
01:20:09,300 --> 01:20:11,870
Yes, I think they'd approve.
936
01:20:47,970 --> 01:20:49,210
Rebekah.
937
01:20:50,270 --> 01:20:53,280
Hi.
938
01:20:54,640 --> 01:20:56,610
What?
939
01:20:56,610 --> 01:20:58,410
I just...
940
01:20:58,410 --> 01:21:01,580
Since when do you wear shirts like that?
941
01:21:01,580 --> 01:21:05,590
What? It's not inappropriate
and it's hot out.
942
01:21:05,590 --> 01:21:10,330
You're here to serve our Lord,
not distract our men.
943
01:21:11,560 --> 01:21:15,100
I don't think I'm distracting anyone.
944
01:21:15,100 --> 01:21:17,270
Is this about Michael?
945
01:21:17,270 --> 01:21:21,270
We are not letting what we have
get in the way of our studies.
946
01:21:21,270 --> 01:21:24,210
Besides, the Lord brought us together.
947
01:21:25,140 --> 01:21:27,680
It's about his past.
948
01:21:27,680 --> 01:21:29,150
What about it?
949
01:21:30,680 --> 01:21:33,120
You really don't know?
950
01:21:34,550 --> 01:21:36,950
Know what?
951
01:21:57,870 --> 01:21:59,040
Rebekah.
952
01:21:59,040 --> 01:22:00,610
Oh. Hi.
953
01:22:00,610 --> 01:22:02,540
Are we still meeting?
954
01:22:02,540 --> 01:22:05,880
Yeah, just let me
finish this. I'll be right there.
955
01:22:05,880 --> 01:22:08,950
Okay.
I'll be in the cafeteria.
956
01:22:08,950 --> 01:22:10,420
Okay.
957
01:22:30,240 --> 01:22:32,540
I have something I have to tell you.
958
01:22:36,750 --> 01:22:39,080
You already know, don't you?
959
01:22:43,090 --> 01:22:45,750
Are you still attracted to men?
960
01:22:45,750 --> 01:22:48,160
No.
961
01:22:48,160 --> 01:22:51,360
It's in the past.
962
01:22:51,360 --> 01:22:52,690
Okay, I...
963
01:22:52,690 --> 01:22:54,200
God showed me the light.
964
01:22:54,200 --> 01:22:56,700
He showed me the truth.
965
01:22:56,700 --> 01:23:00,770
A lot of people have pasts
they're not proud of,
966
01:23:00,770 --> 01:23:04,510
but God forgives, right?
967
01:23:06,110 --> 01:23:09,440
My life has changed so much
since I've met you.
968
01:23:09,450 --> 01:23:12,610
And my feelings for you are real.
969
01:23:12,610 --> 01:23:17,120
My feelings for you are real, too.
970
01:23:17,120 --> 01:23:23,120
But I feel like we should just keep
hanging out and see what happens.
971
01:23:23,130 --> 01:23:27,130
Maybe not settle on
anything too specific.
972
01:23:27,130 --> 01:23:29,400
If that's okay.
973
01:23:30,800 --> 01:23:32,730
Okay.
974
01:24:00,000 --> 01:24:03,200
Hi, I'm Michael.
975
01:24:38,670 --> 01:24:44,540
Now, I wanna tell you a little secret
976
01:24:44,540 --> 01:24:48,810
about a great gift from God.
977
01:24:50,380 --> 01:24:52,710
This gift is a human emotion
978
01:24:52,710 --> 01:24:56,850
and considered destructive
by the enemies of God.
979
01:25:01,220 --> 01:25:03,220
Fear.
980
01:25:03,230 --> 01:25:08,930
You can never, never, never stop
981
01:25:08,930 --> 01:25:11,970
fearing yourself.
982
01:25:11,970 --> 01:25:16,640
We are our own worst enemies.
983
01:25:16,640 --> 01:25:22,640
And we must fear ourselves till
the day we meet God himself.
984
01:25:24,610 --> 01:25:29,820
God didn't put us here to live
our lives in constant fear.
985
01:25:29,820 --> 01:25:31,150
No, of course not.
986
01:25:31,150 --> 01:25:35,020
And then he scolded me
for asking questions.
987
01:25:35,020 --> 01:25:36,220
Well, that's not fair.
988
01:25:36,230 --> 01:25:37,430
We're here to learn
989
01:25:37,430 --> 01:25:38,830
and we learn in part
by asking questions.
990
01:25:38,830 --> 01:25:42,400
No, we're here to serve God,
not to identify
991
01:25:42,400 --> 01:25:46,400
as the exact kind of Christians
they want us to be.
992
01:25:47,940 --> 01:25:49,370
I'm sorry.
993
01:25:49,370 --> 01:25:51,170
Don't be.
994
01:25:51,170 --> 01:25:55,180
You know what's best because
that's God speaking through you.
995
01:26:02,280 --> 01:26:04,750
You wanted to see me?
996
01:26:06,460 --> 01:26:09,260
Now, you've been rallying
the students against us
997
01:26:09,260 --> 01:26:12,830
as though you're being
controlled by the devil himself.
998
01:26:15,460 --> 01:26:18,470
I've learned a lot about the Bible here,
999
01:26:18,470 --> 01:26:20,470
and for that I thank you.
1000
01:26:20,470 --> 01:26:26,070
But I refuse to be controlled
by anyone other than God.
1001
01:26:26,070 --> 01:26:27,880
I follow my own path.
1002
01:26:27,880 --> 01:26:30,550
Yeah, and you want others to follow you.
1003
01:26:32,480 --> 01:26:34,980
Perhaps it's best
if we mail you your diploma
1004
01:26:34,980 --> 01:26:37,820
and that you not attend the ceremony.
1005
01:26:43,330 --> 01:26:46,030
I don't know if I can stay here anymore.
1006
01:26:46,030 --> 01:26:47,960
Oh. Where will we go?
1007
01:26:50,000 --> 01:26:51,470
We?
1008
01:26:53,500 --> 01:26:57,840
Uh, I've been praying about it.
1009
01:26:57,840 --> 01:27:01,110
About us.
1010
01:27:01,110 --> 01:27:07,850
I told God how I feel about you
and how much you mean to me.
1011
01:27:07,850 --> 01:27:09,720
And you know what?
1012
01:27:12,220 --> 01:27:15,320
I was consumed with nothing but peace.
1013
01:27:15,320 --> 01:27:18,690
Pure peace.
1014
01:27:21,860 --> 01:27:24,270
I love you.
1015
01:27:24,270 --> 01:27:26,400
I love you, too.
1016
01:28:00,240 --> 01:28:02,740
And be not conformed to this world.
1017
01:28:02,740 --> 01:28:06,740
But be you transformed
by the renewing of your mind,
1018
01:28:06,740 --> 01:28:12,110
that you may prove that good, glorious,
1019
01:28:12,110 --> 01:28:14,980
and perfect will of God.
1020
01:28:16,790 --> 01:28:20,490
That you may know that good, acceptable,
1021
01:28:20,490 --> 01:28:22,620
and perfect will of God.
1022
01:28:52,920 --> 01:28:59,330
Which would you prefer to have?
Frosted Flakes or Fruit Loops?
1023
01:28:59,330 --> 01:29:01,030
Well, obviously Fruit Loops.
1024
01:29:01,030 --> 01:29:02,500
Why? Why obviously?
1025
01:29:02,500 --> 01:29:04,500
Well, you're a Fruit Loop.
1026
01:29:24,490 --> 01:29:26,350
There you are.
1027
01:29:26,350 --> 01:29:27,990
Are you okay?
1028
01:29:29,220 --> 01:29:31,530
Yeah, I'm fine.
1029
01:29:36,670 --> 01:29:38,030
Okay, got 'em.
1030
01:29:41,500 --> 01:29:43,040
You get everything?
1031
01:29:43,040 --> 01:29:44,070
Mm-hmm.
1032
01:29:47,340 --> 01:29:49,850
These are going to storage.
1033
01:29:57,150 --> 01:30:00,520
Well, so you can have a little
more room for your shoes?
1034
01:30:00,520 --> 01:30:02,020
Shut up.
1035
01:30:02,020 --> 01:30:04,660
I have never seen anyone
with more shoes than you.
1036
01:30:04,660 --> 01:30:06,800
You can never have too many shoes.
1037
01:30:19,070 --> 01:30:20,710
Get those out of here.
1038
01:30:40,230 --> 01:30:41,400
Hello?
1039
01:30:41,400 --> 01:30:42,700
Hi.
1040
01:30:47,470 --> 01:30:49,640
Hi.
1041
01:30:51,940 --> 01:30:53,270
How are you?
1042
01:30:53,270 --> 01:30:55,610
Good.
1043
01:30:55,610 --> 01:30:58,110
I finished school.
1044
01:30:58,110 --> 01:31:00,950
But I'm no longer on their path.
1045
01:31:02,750 --> 01:31:06,450
So what path are you on now?
1046
01:31:06,450 --> 01:31:08,360
My own.
1047
01:31:08,360 --> 01:31:11,560
I'm going to be the pastor
of my own church.
1048
01:31:16,260 --> 01:31:18,870
Why are you calling?
1049
01:31:18,870 --> 01:31:19,800
Um...
1050
01:31:21,440 --> 01:31:23,770
I, uh...
1051
01:31:23,770 --> 01:31:26,440
I got the picture you sent of Olly.
1052
01:31:26,440 --> 01:31:28,640
I know it was months ago,
but I didn't respond.
1053
01:31:28,640 --> 01:31:31,510
So how is she?
1054
01:31:32,850 --> 01:31:35,050
Oh, she's getting old.
1055
01:31:35,050 --> 01:31:36,320
But she's okay.
1056
01:31:36,320 --> 01:31:37,920
She has this
1057
01:31:37,920 --> 01:31:40,720
stuffed animal that she
carries around with her now
1058
01:31:40,720 --> 01:31:43,060
everywhere she goes like it's her baby.
1059
01:31:49,000 --> 01:31:50,800
Bennett...
1060
01:31:50,800 --> 01:31:54,330
I should tell you
before someone else does.
1061
01:31:54,340 --> 01:31:55,800
I'm engaged.
1062
01:31:57,010 --> 01:32:00,680
To a...
really amazing woman.
1063
01:32:02,110 --> 01:32:04,410
Now, I know what you're thinking because
1064
01:32:04,410 --> 01:32:06,850
I asked myself the same thing...
1065
01:32:06,850 --> 01:32:08,850
Am I really in love with her
1066
01:32:08,850 --> 01:32:13,350
or am I only doing this
to be right in God's eyes?
1067
01:32:13,350 --> 01:32:17,690
And I'm truly in love with her, Bennett.
1068
01:32:19,760 --> 01:32:22,930
God went to the root
of my same sex desires
1069
01:32:22,930 --> 01:32:24,930
and he uprooted them.
1070
01:32:24,930 --> 01:32:28,470
He demonstrated that they were abnormal.
1071
01:32:28,470 --> 01:32:29,940
Michael...
1072
01:32:29,940 --> 01:32:33,640
I'm really glad you think you're happy.
1073
01:32:35,840 --> 01:32:37,710
And I wish you all the best.
1074
01:32:37,710 --> 01:32:40,480
I really do.
I think you know that.
1075
01:32:40,480 --> 01:32:44,690
But I have no idea
why you would call me up
1076
01:32:44,690 --> 01:32:46,820
and use words like "abnormal."
1077
01:32:49,160 --> 01:32:53,360
I'm so sorry for the way
that things went down.
1078
01:32:53,360 --> 01:32:56,400
But just because we don't
1079
01:32:56,400 --> 01:32:58,030
share certain beliefs,
1080
01:32:58,030 --> 01:33:01,870
it doesn't mean that
we can't still be friends.
1081
01:33:04,870 --> 01:33:07,010
I'll always be your friend.
1082
01:33:09,540 --> 01:33:13,050
And I really hope that this path
1083
01:33:13,050 --> 01:33:15,350
takes you where you wanna go.
1084
01:33:17,320 --> 01:33:20,990
But I also hope that...
1085
01:33:20,990 --> 01:33:24,090
as you're setting out
to help other people...
1086
01:33:24,090 --> 01:33:27,600
that you really take some time
to help yourself.
1087
01:33:30,800 --> 01:33:34,300
I-I am. I...
1088
01:33:34,300 --> 01:33:37,840
I'm not gonna sit here
and say that I know
1089
01:33:37,840 --> 01:33:41,040
I'll be this way
for the rest of my life.
1090
01:33:41,040 --> 01:33:44,580
We're always changing, evolving.
1091
01:33:44,580 --> 01:33:47,250
And I'm open to that.
1092
01:33:52,420 --> 01:33:55,220
Then...
1093
01:33:55,220 --> 01:33:59,130
I guess nothing's really changed.
1094
01:33:59,130 --> 01:34:01,930
Yeah.
1095
01:34:03,130 --> 01:34:05,400
You take care of yourself, okay?
1096
01:34:08,440 --> 01:34:10,710
Goodbye, Michael.
1097
01:34:14,310 --> 01:34:15,440
Bye.
1098
01:35:00,760 --> 01:35:02,760
Here they come.
1099
01:36:13,530 --> 01:36:19,270
♪ Every finger in the room
is pointing at me ♪
1100
01:36:19,270 --> 01:36:22,140
♪ I wanna spit in their faces
1101
01:36:22,140 --> 01:36:25,010
♪ Then I get afraid
of what that could bring ♪
1102
01:36:25,010 --> 01:36:27,880
♪ I got a bowling ball in my stomach ♪
1103
01:36:27,880 --> 01:36:30,540
♪ I got a desert in my mouth
1104
01:36:30,550 --> 01:36:36,280
♪ Figures that my courage
would choose to sell out now ♪
1105
01:36:36,280 --> 01:36:41,820
♪ I've been looking for a savior
in these dirty streets ♪
1106
01:36:41,820 --> 01:36:47,560
♪ Looking for a savior
beneath these dirty sheets ♪
1107
01:36:47,560 --> 01:36:50,630
♪ I've been raising up my hands ♪
1108
01:36:50,630 --> 01:36:53,500
♪ Drive another nail in
1109
01:36:53,500 --> 01:36:56,140
♪ Just what God needs
1110
01:36:56,140 --> 01:36:59,010
♪ One more victim
1111
01:36:59,010 --> 01:37:04,740
♪ Why do we crucify ourselves?
1112
01:37:04,750 --> 01:37:07,610
♪ Every day
1113
01:37:07,620 --> 01:37:09,880
♪ I crucify myself
1114
01:37:09,890 --> 01:37:12,890
♪ Nothing I do is good enough for you ♪
1115
01:37:12,890 --> 01:37:15,620
♪ Crucify myself
1116
01:37:15,620 --> 01:37:18,460
♪ Every day
1117
01:37:18,460 --> 01:37:21,300
♪ I crucify myself
1118
01:37:21,300 --> 01:37:24,160
♪ My heart is sick of being
1119
01:37:24,170 --> 01:37:31,340
♪ I said my heart
is sick of being in chains ♪
1120
01:37:31,340 --> 01:37:32,770
♪ Oh, oh
1121
01:37:32,770 --> 01:37:36,840
♪ Chains
1122
01:37:36,840 --> 01:37:39,110
♪ Oh, oh
1123
01:37:39,110 --> 01:37:41,180
♪ Got a kick for a dog
1124
01:37:41,180 --> 01:37:44,250
♪ Beggin' for love ♪
1125
01:37:44,250 --> 01:37:47,120
♪ I gotta have my suffering
1126
01:37:47,120 --> 01:37:49,990
♪ So that I can have my cross
1127
01:37:49,990 --> 01:37:52,490
♪ I know a cat named Easter
1128
01:37:52,490 --> 01:37:55,500
♪ He says,
"Will you ever learn?" ♪
1129
01:37:55,500 --> 01:37:58,700
♪ You're just an empty cage, girl ♪
1130
01:37:58,700 --> 01:38:01,370
♪ If you kill the bird
1131
01:38:01,370 --> 01:38:07,540
♪ I've been looking for a savior
in these dirty streets ♪
1132
01:38:07,540 --> 01:38:12,910
♪ Looking for a savior
beneath these dirty sheets ♪
1133
01:38:12,910 --> 01:38:15,920
♪ I've been raising up my hands ♪
1134
01:38:15,920 --> 01:38:18,590
♪ Drive another nail in
1135
01:38:18,590 --> 01:38:24,120
♪ Got enough guilt
to start my own religion ♪
1136
01:38:24,130 --> 01:38:29,130
♪ Why do we crucify ourselves?
1137
01:38:29,130 --> 01:38:32,000
♪ Every day
1138
01:38:32,000 --> 01:38:35,000
♪ I crucify myself
1139
01:38:35,000 --> 01:38:38,170
♪ Nothing I do is good enough for you ♪
1140
01:38:38,170 --> 01:38:40,840
♪ Crucify myself
1141
01:38:40,840 --> 01:38:43,840
♪ Every day
1142
01:38:43,840 --> 01:38:46,410
♪ I crucify myself
1143
01:38:46,410 --> 01:38:49,280
♪ My heart is sick of being
1144
01:38:49,280 --> 01:38:56,460
♪ I said my heart
is sick of being in chains ♪
1145
01:38:56,460 --> 01:38:58,460
♪ Oh, oh
1146
01:38:58,460 --> 01:39:02,460
♪ Chains
1147
01:39:02,460 --> 01:39:04,460
♪ Oh, oh
1148
01:39:04,470 --> 01:39:10,470
♪ Please be
1149
01:39:10,470 --> 01:39:15,980
♪ Save me
1150
01:39:15,980 --> 01:39:23,080
♪ I cry
1151
01:39:24,090 --> 01:39:27,420
♪ Ah, ah
1152
01:39:27,420 --> 01:39:32,930
♪ Looking for a savior
in these dirty streets ♪
1153
01:39:32,930 --> 01:39:38,130
♪ Looking for a savior
beneath these dirty sheets ♪
1154
01:39:38,130 --> 01:39:41,140
♪ I've been raising up my hands ♪
1155
01:39:41,140 --> 01:39:43,800
♪ Drive another nail in
1156
01:39:43,800 --> 01:39:50,010
♪ Where are those angels
when you need them? ♪
1157
01:39:50,010 --> 01:39:54,550
♪ Why do we crucify ourselves?
1158
01:39:54,550 --> 01:39:57,620
♪ Every day
1159
01:39:57,620 --> 01:40:00,190
♪ I crucify myself
1160
01:40:00,190 --> 01:40:03,560
♪ And nothing I do
is good enough for you ♪
1161
01:40:03,560 --> 01:40:06,060
♪ Crucify myself
1162
01:40:06,060 --> 01:40:09,060
♪ Every day
1163
01:40:09,060 --> 01:40:11,930
♪ I crucify myself
1164
01:40:11,930 --> 01:40:14,730
♪ My heart is sick of being
1165
01:40:14,740 --> 01:40:21,910
♪ I said my heart
is sick of being in chains ♪
1166
01:40:21,910 --> 01:40:23,910
♪ Oh, oh
1167
01:40:23,910 --> 01:40:27,410
♪ Chains
1168
01:40:27,420 --> 01:40:33,950
♪ Why do we crucify ourselves?
1169
01:40:33,950 --> 01:40:36,660
♪ Every day
1170
01:40:36,660 --> 01:40:39,460
♪ Crucify ourselves
1171
01:40:39,460 --> 01:40:50,800
♪ Why do we crucify ourselves?
1172
01:40:50,810 --> 01:40:57,510
♪ Never going back again
to crucify myself again ♪
1173
01:40:57,510 --> 01:41:03,050
♪ You know never going
back again to crucify myself ♪
1174
01:41:03,050 --> 01:41:07,050
♪ Every day
78743
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