Original subtitles

("FOR ME, FORMIDABLE" BY CHARLES AZNAVOUR PLAYING)

♪ You are the one For me, for me ♪

♪ For me, formidable ♪

♪ You are my love Very, very, very, véritable ♪

♪ Et je voudrais pouvoir Un jour enfin te le dire ♪

♪ Te l'écrire ♪

♪ Dans la langue De Shakespeare ♪

♪ My daisy, daisy Daisy, désirable ♪

♪ But how can you see me ♪

♪ See me, see me, si minable ♪

♪ Je ferais mieux ♪

♪ D'aller choisir Mon vocabulaire ♪

♪ Pour te plaire ♪

♪ Dans la langue de Molière ♪

♪ Toi, tes eyes, ton nose Tes lips adorables ♪

♪ Tu n'as pas compris... ♪

(BEEPING)

♪ ...Viens-t'en dans mes bras ♪

♪ Darling, I love you, love you ♪

♪ Darling, I want you ♪

♪ Et puis le reste On s'en fout ♪

♪ You are the one for me ♪

♪ For me, for me, formidable ♪

♪ Je me demande même Pourquoi je t'aime ♪

♪ Toi qui te moques de moi Et de tout ♪

♪ Avec ton air canaille Canaille ♪

♪ Canaille, how can I ♪

GORDON: Voilà!

♪ Love you? ♪

Gordon? Mm-hmm?

Why does it smell like burnt toast?

Because I made you breakfast.

(IN FRENCH)

Yeah, check it out!

(IN ENGLISH) What is it?

What do you mean, "What is it"? It's clearly eggs Benedict.

Oh, wow! Yeah.

I wanted to do something extra special.

Yeah, get in there. SOPHIE: Mm!

Mayonnaise?

Yeah, it said hollandaise in the recipe,

but isn't that just French for "mayonnaise"?

Mayonnaise is French for mayonnaise

Oh. What's hollandaise? Hollandaise.

"Hollandaise." (CHUCKLES) I should have made you cereal. SOPHIE: Stop it!

It did look better in the picture. Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.

Stop it. Come here.

It's perfect. Happy last day of school.

In a few days, we're gonna be in the Adirondacks,

and we're gonna eat amazing food

and we're gonna drink lots of beautiful wine.

And sex.

♪ We got it together Didn't we? ♪

Lots of sex. You're a miracle.

♪ Nobody but you and me ♪

Why not now?

("YOU'RE THE FIRST, THE LAST, MY EVERYTHING"

BY BARRY WHITE PLAYING)

♪ My first, my last ♪

♪ My everything ♪

♪ And the answer to... ♪

(BELL RINGS)

♪ ...All my dreams ♪

♪ You're my sun, my moon ♪

♪ My guiding star ♪

♪ My kind of wonderful... ♪

SOPHIE: Where's my bone broth?

Carrots are fucking perfect, girls!

♪ I know there's only Only one like you... ♪

Good morning, Jerry!

Cool shoes!

TODD: Mr. Kinski! Yeah, buddy. I'm sorry.

Mr. Kinski, thank you for the extension.

You're a lifesaver.

Under the wire, Todd. I knew you had it in you! (SCHOOL BELL RINGING)

♪ Yet I'm lost in a dream ♪

♪ You're the first You're the last ♪

♪ My everything ♪

Whoa! There she is! Hey, Vinny!

Saw that review. So, I guess I won't be able to get a table

no more now that the Times

thinks you're the next Nancy Silverton.

When you have the best heirlooms in town,

you always get a table.

What if you used to work with her?

Ruby... (CHUCKLES) Hi! RUBY: Hello, Sophie.

It's been a while. Yeah, wow. (CHUCKLES)

Almost three years.

You look great. Oh, thank you. My, um, Pretty Woman look.

Oh! How much? (LAUGHS) (SOPHIE LAUGHS)

What are you doing in New York City? RUBY: Actually, looking for you.

(CHUCKLES) Oh, boy.

GORDON: "Doubt thou the stars are fire,

doubt that the sun doth move,

doubt truth to be a liar,

but never doubt I love." Is that Billie Eilish?

Billie Shakespeare. Greatest bard to ever live.

Now, do any of you know why I chose to write much of my work

in what's called iambic pentameter?

STUDENTS: No.

It's because it mimics the beating of the human heart.

Da-dum, da-dum, da-dum.

What better way to express love... and loss

and the brevity of human life

than the very ticking clock that's in all of our chests?

(TAPPING ON GLASS)

(MOUTHING)

Excuse me! My lady doth beckon!

STUDENTS: Ooh!

Um, discuss only Shakespeare. Do I have your word?

STUDENT 1: Definitely. STUDENT 2: It's summer in, like, an hour.

Mm. Twirl a little?

Huh? SOPHIE: Oh!

You know what pantaloons do to me.

Well, guess what? I'm gonna bring

this entire outfit on our vacation.

Um...

What? Why are you not saying anything?

Still not saying anything. Please say something.

I've been asked to interview...

for the executive chef position at the Frontenac.

The Frontenac! That's amazing!

That's the new place in Greenpoint, right?

I don't know what they cook. I know It's fusion.

They fuse something. No,

it's the Château Frontenac in... in Quebec City.

Quebec City, Canada. Yeah.

A little further north. They're opening a new restaurant

with this girl I used to work with.

Ruby Collins. Did I mention her?

No. Not to me. No?

I was her sous-chef, and now she's this huge deal,

with, like, a Michelin star

and cookbooks and her own show and--

So, you'd be moving home.

Oh, my God, no. It's... it's not an offer.

She's just inviting three chefs to, you know, refine her menu,

and then she'll decide who gets the job.

And when... when's all this happening? I haven't said yes yet.

I, um, I wanted to talk to you first

because it would get in the way of our trip upstate.

Well, babe, are you kidding me? Of course you have to say yes!

This is everything you've worked for.

I mean, absolutely!

This is-- This sounds like a very big deal.

What if I get it?

(UPBEAT JAZZ MUSIC PLAYING)

(BEEPS) Dad! Dad, please be home. I'm in a hurry.

I have 17 minutes before my next class.

My life hangs in the balance, Dad. (GROANS)

I swore I wouldn't leave

until I finished writing chapter five.

Which reminds me, I need you to pick up my gout medication.

Enough with the intercom talk. I'm in a hurry. Buzz me in!

(DOOR LOCK BUZZES, UNLOCKS)

I was this close, Gord. Not to riddle you with guilt...

But you will. ...but I was right there.

I was on the cusp of figuring out why Mr. Devereux

is suddenly called to the stand by his paramour.

(SIGHS) But enough about my shitty book.

What's your big emergency? Isn't it a little early for Scotch, Dad?

With your gout also.

Not when you've had writer's block for two months.

Gotta fuel the fire of creativity. Help yourself.

You know, they... they tend to frown on day drinking

when you teach middle school. I want to talk to you...

about Sophie. PETER: Aw!

Well, it was never gonna last. No, we're not breaking up.

When it happens, I'll be here, wasting away on a novel

that won't even make it to an airport kiosk!

Can you listen to me for one second?

She just got offered this huge job interview in Quebec City.

And whether she gets it or not, I realized that she's the one.

I don't wanna be with anyone else ever again.

And... and I'm gonna fly up there with her.

Flying? Yeah.

You haven't been on a plane since you were 13.

You remember how that panic attack went? GORDON: I know.

Luckily for the passengers,

my little arms weren't strong enough

to get the emergency hatch out.

But... (INHALES) ...I'm gonna do it.

And that leaves me to the real reason I'm here...

Mom's ring.

My God! Yeah.

My son is a genius!

How so? Marrying Sophie to get Canadian citizenship.

It's brilliant! No, Dad, I--

It's gotta be a formality to get your old man a passport.

This country has been in a goddamn free fall

since Vietnam! We gotta get up there

and beat the rush. It's not an immigration ploy. She's my soul mate!

Say it just like that to the people at the border.

Dad, where is the ring? The ring. The...

Yes, of course. The ring.

Mr. Devereux left it in Daphne's carriage!

That's how she knew!

That's how I end this God forsaken chapter!

I'm gonna go check your bedroom.

GINETTE: (IN FRENCH) SOPHIE:

GINETTE:

GINETTE:

GINETTE:

GINETTE:

GINETTE:

GINETTE:

Check out this bling. What?

I know. It belonged to my great-grandmother,

Gertrude. She came all the way from Ireland aboard the Titanic.

Isn't that crazy? Against all odds, it survived,

even though she was down in third class,

river dancing with Leo. Isn't she nice?

(RING CLATTERS) Whoa! Whoa, whoa. Okay. Who's got eyes on it?

Don't move an inch. Nobody move an inch!

That is a precious heirloom.

Look down and see if you see sparkle.

I got it! Thank you. Whoo!

You just went from a B to an A, young lady. (CHUCKLES)

Why is it rusty? It's not rusty. It's an antique.

That's not even a diamond.

It's a diamond, trust me.

It's just cloudy from the seawater.

Diamonds are a tool of emotional manipulation

contrived by baby boomers. Okay, Greta Thunberg, thank you.

Show and tell is over. You guys are a bad buzz.

SAMUEL: Mr. Kinski? Yes, Samuel, go for it.

I think he's gonna say yes.

Okay, well, he is a woman. And I hope that she says yes.

I mean, she doesn't care about material wealth,

like some people. She likes simple things.

Then you're her man! GORDON: Hilarious.

Chase, I told you to try out for improv. You chose hockey.

All right, let's get into this.

(SCHOOL BELL RINGS) Oh, man! I really am late.

I'm so sorry. Have a great summer!

And, uh, please read!

The future of humanity depends on it.

Franklin, up high.

FLIGHT ATTENDANT ON PA: Ladies and gentlemen,

if you could please return to your seats and buckle up,

we're going through a little turbulence.

We'll resume drink service momentarily. Thank you.

That's a lot of shaking, huh? I think that's too much shaking. SOPHIE: It's supposed to shake.

It's like a car on a country road. It's fine.

I don't know if you clocked the flight attendant.

Not smiling. And they're trained to smile.

Okay, let me distract myself

by working on the things I memorized.

Your father's name is Alphonse. Your mother's name is Ginette.

They met in high school. Your sister's name is Juliette.

She just had a baby. Yep.

And her baby daddy left her and went back to Romania,

so your brother, Junior, hates him.

But he's gonna love me

if I bring up mixed martial arts.

Do you have any idea how hard

this molecular gastronomy stuff is?

I... I... I really have to focus. Okay, focus, babe.

No more from me. Thank you.

I'll just study the safety card.

These people on here look way too happy.

Who'd be smiling if this happened?

Why are they so happy going down the slide?

Did you watch the safety demonstration?

I don't even know where my raft is. Where's your raft?

Babe, if we crash, there's no swimming or rafting.

There's nothing, except maybe the black box.

Why would you say that? Babe, come on, I gotta focus!

Okay, but wow! Wow, wow! That's not even funny.

Is that a pill? GORDON: Yeah, my father gave it to me.

It's a relaxant. He knows I'm not a great flyer.

He said it'll take the edge off. But you're drinking wine.

Baby I've had only three and a half glasses.

I'm not flying the damn thing.

Ay, ay, ay.

Wow!

All right. Now, I can relax.

ANNOUNCER ON PA: (IN FRENCH) GORDON:

(IN ENGLISH) I don't know, Peter, what color the pill was.

Yellow-ish? It tasted yellow-ish.

PETER: Hang on a second.

Baby, I can't feel my face.

Can you feel your face? Check your face.

PETER: Oh, shit, Sophie!

There's a fifty-fifty I gave him a Quaalude

instead of a Valium.

A Quaalude? PETER: Listen, the '80s were fucking bananas, man.

Well, the '80s is happening to your son's brain right now.

PETER: Well, tell him to have a good time.

It should wear off in a couple hours.

A couple of hours? Do you know how much I love this woman?

I gotta go. I love you!

Gordon, Gordon. You're shouting.

You're shouting. Oh. my God. Get it together, Gordon.

Are you mad at me? I'm sorry, babe. (SOPHIE SIGHS)

My father says you're gonna break up with me.

I'm not gonna break up with you, Gordon.

You should! (SOBS) I don't deserve you. Gordon, look at me.

My parents... Oh!

...are right outside those doors, okay?

I'll explain to them what happened.

You just need to stay in the chair.

Stay in the chair. SOPHIE: Mm. And...

Not going anywhere. SOPHIE: Don't say anything stupid.

I'm not even gonna talk, except to say that I love them.

I really need you right now to get it together.

Can you get it together?

(IN FRENCH)

(LAUGHS)

(SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY IN ENGLISH)

(IN FRENCH)

(IN ENGLISH) Hey! (SOPHIE EXCLAIMS, LAUGHS)

(ALL EXCLAIM)

(IN FRENCH)

(CHUCKLES) SOPHIE:

Gordon?

GORDON: (IN ENGLISH) Honey, I found the bag!

No, Gordon, Gordon, no, no, no, no, no!

You don't... you don't need to do that!

My bag is trying to go back on the plane!

(IN FRENCH)

(DOOR BUZZING) (IN FRENCH)

Hmm.

(SIGHS) (CELLPHONE CHIMES)

(SIGHS)

(DOOR BUZZING) GORDON: Okay, be cool.

Hey, guys, I am so sorry!

I... I hope that she explained to you everything that happened.

My father roofied me. But I'm feeling a lot better.

And the good news is

they're not gonna press any charges

about riding their baggage claim. (SIGHS)

Let's start over.

Ginette, Alphonse, it's so nice to meet you.

(IN FRENCH)

(IN ENGLISH) Let me help you with the bag.

Okay, I'll help her.

Let me help you, please, Ginette.

(IN FRENCH) GORDON: (IN ENGLISH) Thank you.

Okay. Let's start over. Okay? GINETTE: (IN FRENCH)

(IN ENGLISH) We're all friends. Okay.

("DANS LES RUES DE QUÉBEC" BY CHARLES TRENET PLAYING)

(CHURCH BELL TOLLING)

GORDON: Look at this place. Unbelievable.

Four hundred years of history!

Are those the infamous Plains of Abraham

where General Montcalm and General Wolfe

fought to the death?

Mm! Someone did their homework.

Down with the Brits, I say! That's something we Americans

and you French have in common.

There it is, baby. The Frontenac.

GORDON: Oh! You didn't tell me it was an actual castle.

That's where you're gonna work? I mean, we'll see.

(IN FRENCH)

(CHUCKLES)

(IN ENGLISH) Sophie said you hand-built the house

with your father when you were a kid?

Two years of blood and sweat.

Wow! The pictures don't do it justice!

Look at that flagstone, the masonry!

That's a lost art.

You know, I'm a bit of a builder myself.

Not houses like this masterpiece,

but are you familiar with the Lego architectural series?

Yeah, they say 13 and up,

but if you're not in your 20s, forget about it!

(IN FRENCH)

(IN ENGLISH) Yeah. Yeah. I just finished the Taj Mahal.

And this one was particularly hard,

right, babe? 'Cause I bought it on eBay,

and the instructions were in Korean.

SOPHIE: (IN FRENCH)

(IN ENGLISH) Yeah, that's what he wants to hear,

that you play with toys. You fucking idiot. Hey!

(IN FRENCH)

JUNIOR:

SOPHIE:

Laurent!

(LAURENT COOS) (SMOOCHES)

SOPHIE:

(CHUCKLES)

SOPHIE: (IN ENGLISH) Hello! (JUNIOR CHUCKLES)

(IN FRENCH, CHUCKLES) (CHUCKLES)

(IN ENGLISH) Gordon, come, come meet my family.

Hi!

(IN FRENCH)

(IN ENGLISH) No, no, no, I... I understand French,

actually pretty well, thanks to her tutelage.

But my speaking is a little comme ci, comme ça.

Oh, no, your French is great, honey. For real.

Ah! (CHUCKLES) We'll see.

Um. Okay, so, this is my cousin Patrice. Hi!

SOPHIE: My aunt, Claudette, my uncle, Michel... GORDON: So nice to meet you.

SOPHIE: ...my sister, Juliette, and her baby, Laurent...

Laurent! SOPHIE: ...and my brother, Junior.

And last but not least, Mammie Tremblay.

Well, of course I've heard about Mammie!

Gotta kiss the cheek of the matriarch!

(SMOOCHES)

(IN FRENCH)

(IN ENGLISH) No, no, no, I'm so sorry. MAMMIE: Oh, my God!

(IN FRENCH)

(LAURENT COOS)

Oh! GORDON: (IN ENGLISH) I'm so sorry.

She has dementia. Oh, okay. Okay, yeah.

My... my uncle Lester has dementia, so I understand.

I've been there. Is it harder on them or on us? I mean...

(IN FRENCH)

JUNIOR:

(OVERLAPPING CHATTER)

(IN ENGLISH) Of course, I never kissed my uncle Lester,

but... (LAMB BLEATING)

I'll get the bags!

(COUCOU HONKING)

Aw! Hey, little buddy! My majestic, feathered friend.

What's your name? Oh! (HONKS)

Shit! How are you this fast?

("J'T'AIME COMME UN FOU" BY ROBERT CHARLEBOIS PLAYING)

(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

(IN FRENCH) Oh!

(IN ENGLISH) Oh, babe, I'm so sorry. You okay?

Yeah, I got it all, I got it all.

I just got attacked by a white pterodactyl.

Oh, yeah, that's Coucou. She's, uh, our swan.

She's lived on the farm forever. She can be a bit cranky.

I don't think she's a fan yet, but I'm gonna win her over.

(CHUCKLES) This place is so cute. SOPHIE: (CHUCKLES) Thank you.

Where are we staying? Where should I put--

Um, so, my sister and her baby

are going to be sleeping in our old room,

so we'll be taking my brother's,

which is, um, straight up the stairs, second on the left.

You want some help? No, I got it.

Go talk to your family. I'm fine! SOPHIE: You sure?

All right. You okay?

Yeah, I got it. I got it. Go talk to your family.

(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

GORDON: Hello!

(WHIMSICAL MUSIC PLAYING) (GORDON CHUCKLES)

Samurai Kinski, here for the briss.

JUNIOR: (IN FRENCH)

(IN ENGLISH) Oh! I'm so sorry, man.

I've just never seen one of these in real life.

It's so cool.

(IN FRENCH)

(IN ENGLISH) It's awesome.

(CHUCKLES)

It says, "Made in China." Aren't samurai Japanese?

(IN FRENCH)

(IN ENGLISH) But it's still... it's still beautiful

and... and... and very sharp.

So, you didn't get gypped there.

(IN FRENCH)

(IN ENGLISH) Sophie says, uh, that you are an English coach?

Well, I teach, uh, eighth grade English, yeah.

(IN FRENCH)

(IN ENGLISH) You're asking for help? I'll totally help.

(IN FRENCH) (IN ENGLISH) Of course! Of course!

(IN FRENCH)

(IN ENGLISH) Well, let's make that dream come true, bud!

(JUNIOR GRUNTS) (LAUGHS)

Yes! (GRUNTS)

(IN FRENCH)

(IN ENGLISH) I won't.

(LAUGHS) You're good.

(IN FRENCH)

(IN ENGLISH) Okay, thank you. JUNIOR: Hey!

(IN FRENCH)

(SIGHS)

(WATER GURGLES)

(SIGHS)

(IN ENGLISH) Of course.

("UN MUSICIEN PARMI TANT D'AUTRES"

BY HARMONIUM PLAYING)

Hey, toi! Bon...

(IN FRENCH) Oui.

Mm. Hmm...

Voilà!

ALFONSE:

(SNORTS)

(GASPS) Sophie Jeanne Tremblay!

GINETTE:

Oh.

(JULIETTE SPEAKING FRENCH)

Juliette...

(KNIFE SLICING)

(OVERLAPPING CHATTER)

George! (IN ENGLISH) Uh. It's Gordon.

Jordan... Sure.

PATRICE: You're from New York? You're a Rangers fan?

What do you think of Lafrenière?

Oh, I actually don't follow hockey.

(COUGHS) But I... I love figure skating.

Figure skating?

GORDON: Yeah, uh, sure.

You know, Boitano, Yamaguchi, Hamilton, and of course,

I'm not forgetting all the Canadian greats, uh,

Stojko, Browning,

Salé and Pelletier with that incredible performance

in Salt Lake City. Mammie, you remember that?

I mean, to land a quad,

and then to go right into a triple Axel?

Insanity. Who does that?

I'll tell you who. They did.

Also, the costumes...

dazzling.

(DOORBELL RINGS)

A fellow guest. Let me. No, stay. I'll... I'll get it.

This is too... You're...

Voilà! (LAUGHS)

Actually, when I was a kid, I, uh...

(IN FRENCH)

(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

JUNIOR:

Ruby!

Hi! You're here! Wh...

Well, you couldn't join us for drinks,

so, I brought the drinks to you.

Hey, tout le monde, you remember Ruby?

Oh, ben, tabarnak!

(IN FRENCH)

Alphie...

ALPHONSE:

(IN ENGLISH) I brought you your favorite, an '86 Pomerol.

Oh! Birth year of this bombshell.

(SCOFFS) But they only had a magnum, so I hope you're thirsty.

It's too much. Merci beaucoup!

Junior, if I could-- (IN FRENCH)

ALPHONSE:

(IN ENGLISH) So, you're the famous Ruby Collins.

And you must be the one-and-only Gordon.

I never got your family name.

Uh. It's Kinski. But don't worry about that.

I gotta say, when Sophie told me about you,

I... I pictured someone a little more like Julia Childs.

Not someone so...

Dazzling? Dazzling is right!

ALPHONSE: (IN FRENCH) GINETTE:

RUBY: (IN ENGLISH) And you will not believe

what happens that day. The compressor breaks

that morning! (CHUCKLES) That's a nightmare!

And the Secret Service gets there. (SCOFFS) Oh, I remember.

And we have nothing to feed the Obamas.

And then Sophie here confessed

that she had a pound and a half of Japanese bluefin

that she was going to surprise me with

for my birthday dinner.

Oh, you're so sweet, baby.

She runs back to her place, grabs the fish.

We cook them this, oh, incredible meal.

(IN FRENCH)

(IN ENGLISH) And now I have Michelle's number in my phone.

Are you kidding me?

Like, you could text Michelle Obama right now?

Mm. And Sasha and Malia.

We should send them, like, a funny GIF or something.

Babe, you never told me you cooked for POTUS and FLOTUS.

He wasn't even in office anymore.

Oh, it's not a big deal. He wasn't in office.

He's just hanging out with Michelle and, like, Jay-Z.

You gotta be kidding me. That is so cool.

Hey, by the way, cooking for heads of state

should definitely factor into the decision-making process.

Am I right, parents? Right? ALPHONSE: That's right.

It will. GORDON: Good, good.

RUBY: And what about you, Gordon? Mm!

RUBY: I mean, what are you gonna do

while I keep your girlfriend locked away in the castle?

(CHUCKLES) Oh, don't worry about me.

I will be fully booked making sure Junior here

doesn't fail his English exam again.

Right, buddy?

(IN FRENCH)

(CRIES)

(SLAMS DOOR)

(IN ENGLISH) This is delicious, by the way.

Well, this is going really well.

Hey! I think you're doing great. I've been here six hours.

I've been interrogated by the feds.

I made out with your grandma.

I betrayed your brother. It's not going great.

Yeah, but he should have told you not to say anything.

You know what? They fight all the time.

So, don't worry you about it, okay?

On the other hand, that Ruby is amazing, huh?

Yeah, yeah, she's... she's something.

I mean, cooking steaks in a volcano with Bear Grylls?

(CHUCKLES) He's a lucky guy.

Is someone crushing a little?

Uh, I don't think I have a shot, babe. That whole story she told

about Victoria Secret models in Ibiza...

Yeah, wow.

But, hey, you could use it to your advantage.

A little flirting could go a long way.

That's smart. Speaking about flirting...

Go on. I would also like to go a long way.

GORDON: Mm... (MOANS)

(SOFT MUSIC PLAYING)

What's happening?

She can't really see or hear very well,

so if we don't move, she won't even know we're here.

Like a T-Rex. Yeah.

(IN FRENCH) (TOY BEEPS)

(IN ENGLISH) Grammy Mammie, more than meets the eye.

(INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC PLAYING)

SOPHIE: (IN FRENCH)

(CLEARS THROAT)

Okay.

All right.

(IN ENGLISH) All right.

(INSPIRATIONAL MUSIC PLAYING)

(LAMB BLEATS)

(CHUCKLES)

(MELLOW MUSIC PLAYING)

(KNOCKS ON DOOR)

GORDON: Aw! So cute!

Oh, baby!

(CHUCKLES)

Def Leppard, yes!

Hug fest!

Whose dog is that?

What the fuck?

(ELEVATOR BEEPS) (SIGHS)

(IN FRENCH)

MALCOLM:

Oh.

MALCOLM:

(IN ENGLISH) Let's go! (SIGHS)

Chef will be with you momentarily.

(BANGING IN DISTANCE) (IN FRENCH)

(IN ENGLISH) Hi! I'm Sophie.

Frederick. La Shangra, Chicago.

Antoine. Tic Tac Toe, Byron Bay.

Hey, I know your place!

Of course you do. RUBY: Good morning,

my impressionable little cherubs.

Ruby will be the crown jewel of my culinary empire.

When our guests walk through those very expensive doors,

they will be thrust into a gastronomical portal

that will make them shit their pants.

(SOFT MUSIC PLAYING)

(BELL DINGS) Time.

Terrible.

You managed to remove every single atom of flavor.

Nice.

Last and definitely least,

Sophie, I prefer no taste than this culinary genocide.

I couldn't get the foam to rise.

I don't want your excuses, Sophie.

I want you to execute.

Because that's the title, right?

Executive chef. A chef who can execute.

If you're all gonna be this shit,

tell me now so I can find real chefs,

not line cooks who couldn't cut it in a hospital cafeteria.

Start again. CHEFS: Yes, chef!

GORDON: Yeah, she told me she'd been with women before,

but this is her ex.

I always sensed a sapphic energy from her.

Let's not label it, Dad, okay? She's... she's French.

They explore their bodies differently over here.

Doesn't change the fact that she lied to you.

(GRUNTS) She didn't lie.

She just left out some of the specifics

because she loves me and she was protecting

my feelings. How did I raise you to be so naïve?

Word of advice, pop the question before she switches teams again!

There will be no switching of teams, Dad, okay?

She's here in a... in a professional capacity.

So, was Billie Jean King with her secretary.

I have no idea what that means,

but I'm pretty sure it's not helpful.

PETER: I'm just saying, don't waste any time.

By the way,

French Canadians were notoriously Catholics.

So you might want to ask her father first.

Oh, I don't think he likes me very much.

Then do what you mother and I did and get her pregnant.

Then he'll force you to marry her!

This is the worst pep talk you've ever tried to--

Dad, I gotta go.

Morning! ALPHONSE: Already up?

You sure you don't want to sleep an extra 15 minutes?

It's only 9:45.

Oh, I'm just taking in your incredible property.

It's so beautiful. Everything is just blossoming.

Your tomatoes are coming in. Wow! That's a lot of blood.

Come here.

In there?

(BLADE SHARPENING) (LAMB BLEATING)

(BLADE SLASHES) (LAMB BLEATS)

Hey...

this is, uh...

This is nice! What a setup you have here.

(IN FRENCH)

(IN ENGLISH) A lamb? Why am I getting a lamb?

It's our dinner.

Mm!

(LAMB BLEATING) That's gonna be great!

You know what else is great? Is, uh, ratatouille,

or a... or a hearty salad. I love that.

You... you throw some walnuts and some beets,

some... some feta cheese. Everybody loves it.

Everyone will be like, "Alphonse,

how could-- This is--" We're having lamb.

Okay. Uh...

Well, I'll go... check on the little fella,

and see if he's ready...

Mm-hmm.

...to be done with life.

Hey! Hey!

Hey, buddy! Hey!

Hi!

Oh, you're so cute.

I have a sweater just like you.

Hey, come over here.

We need to have a heart-to-heart.

You and I are gonna have to go on a little walk together.

Look, here's the problem, I'm in love, okay?

I have to get this guy to like-- (BLEATS)

I know you understand, okay?

Maybe we can hang out in heaven.

Alphonse, I think she knows!

(SIGHS) There you go.

I hope this is my piece. (CHUCKLES)

You're not a very physical guy, are you?

Me? No. Well, I am.

I just... I guess the brain is... is my muscle.

That's... that's what I use most.

Hmm.

Hey, listen, about the whole tutoring thing,

I...I just wanted to say I never meant

to get between you and your son.

I'm sorry about that. I... I... I should tell you, though,

I feel pretty confident I could get him to pass.

You can waste my son's time as much as you want.

Just as long as you stay out of Sophie's way.

Oh, wow! There's the other leg. You're good at that!

(HONKS)

Not now, Coucou, please! I need, like, five minutes.

Please, Coucou.

Coucou, can we please be friends?

("J'T'AIME COMME UN FOU" BY ROBERT CHARLEBOIS PLAYING)

Stay, Coucou!

I want you to stay!

(METAL SONG PLAYING ON STEREO)

(IN FRENCH)

(IN ENGLISH) Hey, Gordie!

Hey! Hey! I think you won. (IN FRENCH)

(IN ENGLISH) I think you kicked its ass.

(IN FRENCH)

(IN ENGLISH) This is an awesome setup, man.

You got dojo. You got man cave.

You never need to leave! JUNIOR:

(IN ENGLISH) Chicken house. Oh, it was a chicken coop.

Huh. Well, they were living well.

Oh, sure. It's noon somewhere.

Hey, uh, I wanna really apologize

to you about last night, man. I didn't mean to

let the cat out of the bag. (IN FRENCH)

(IN ENGLISH) Yeah, I get it.

My father wanted me to be a dentist, so...

Of course, my father is a whole lot less intimidating

than yours, so it was an easier no.

(IN FRENCH)

(IN ENGLISH) Thank you.

(IN FRENCH)

(IN ENGLISH) No, it's my pleasure, man.

Please. What else am I gonna do?

I'm happy to help.

But I actually wouldn't mind a little intel

on your sister and Ruby.

(IN FRENCH)

(IN ENGLISH) No, it wasn't her.

I stumbled across a picture

where they looked a little, uh...

(IN FRENCH)

(IN ENGLISH) Do you know who broke up with who?

Whom? It's actually "Whom." Who broke up with whom.

(IN FRENCH) (IN ENGLISH) We'll get to "whom." That's advanced.

That's like, double black diamond. Back to Ruby.

(IN FRENCH)

(IN ENGLISH) I didn't get all of that. You speak very fast.

But I think you said it was Ruby who was the heartbreaker.

(IN FRENCH)

(IN ENGLISH) ...boring like you.

Oh. By the way, great pronunciation!

(IN FRENCH)

(IN ENGLISH) The key is just to find a way into the material.

And for you, I think I have the perfect way in.

(FLIES BUZZING)

Huh.

You wanna see some real fighting,

you can see me fight at the kumite.

I'm here, too, for the kumite.

Aren't you a little young for full contact?

Aren't you a little old for video games?

Okay, so in that example,

"aren't" is a contraction of "are" and "not."

"Aren't you a little old for video games?"

That's perfect. You sound just like Van Damme.

(IN FRENCH)

(IN ENGLISH) Actually, that will help us with imperative verbs.

I bet there's plenty in there.

See, that's the thing about a muscadet.

It's arrogant, yet subtle.

A perfect pairing for my mozzarella balloons,

which you killed today.

I didn't come here to fuck spiders.

I hope no one came here to fuck spiders.

Is that, like, an expression

from... (IN AUSTRALIAN ACCENT) ...Down Under?

You know what? Never mind. I don't care.

Malcolm, let's move on to the reds.

(CROWD CHEERING ON TV) (IN FRENCH)

GORDON: (IN ENGLISH) Powder to the eyes?

That doesn't seem fair.

(IN FRENCH)

(IN ENGLISH) That's the thing about the kumite.

There's no rules.

(IN FRENCH)

(IN ENGLISH) Check the kick!

GORDON: Uh-oh! Gunshot!

Oh, ho, ho, ho! Wow!

Boom! GORDON: Triple kick?

(SCREAMS, LAUGHS) (SCREAMS, LAUGHS)

(IN FRENCH) (IN ENGLISH) Yeah!

(SHIP HORN SOUNDING)

RUBY: I'm sorry for being so hard on you.

But I'm not gonna play favorites.

I brought you here because of your talent,

not because of our history.

Thanks for saying that. Anytime.

There's also something else I need to apologize for.

Oh, no, no. You don't need to apologize anymore. No, I do. I do.

I've been talking a lot with Brené Brown

about accountability.

Which I need to own for how things ended between us.

I let my ego get the best of me.

You deserved so much better.

Which you seem to have found in Gordon.

It all worked out for the best.

Like you said, I found Gordon. And you! I mean, you--

Look at everything you've accomplished.

Yeah, I suppose.

You have one of the biggest cooking shows.

You have, what, like, three bestsellers.

And are you actually starting a makeup line? (CHUCKLES)

It's not bad for the daughter of a Filipina immigrant.

Damn right! (CHUCKLES)

So, is it weird being back home after so long?

My dad might have to sell the farm.

Oh, Soph, I'm so sorry.

It's his entire life, you know? Yeah.

But he's stubborn enough. I mean, you know him. He'll...

(CHUCKLES) (SIGHS) ...he'll figure something out.

Let's get you another drink. You look like you need it.

I think I need to get home.

I wasn't asking, babe.

This is work, not play.

Oh. (CHUCKLES) Of course.

Malcolm! MALCOLM: (IN FRENCH)

(IN ENGLISH) Can we taste another? MALCOLM: (IN FRENCH)

(FLOOR CREAKS)

(WATER GURGLING)

(IN ENGLISH) Ahoy!

I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to wake you.

It's okay. I wasn't sleeping.

You were out late. Yeah, I, uh, I should have texted.

Ruby had us trying a bunch of wine pairings.

(YAWNS) How was your day? Oh, my day was great!

I, um, I slaughtered a little baby lamb

with your father, and I tutored your brother.

Oh, and I also found out

that you and Ruby used to be lovers.

So, all in all, a pretty full day.

Okay, I really wanted to tell you.

But I knew you would worry. GORDON: Don't try.

SOPHIE: I didn't want you to worry... GORDON: No, no.

Please. SOPHIE: ...and turn it into something it's not,

because it's really nothing.

Oh, it's definitely something. It's definitely something.

It's a fairly large omission, don't you think?

Working for your ex? (CHUCKLES)

Definitely should have factored into the conversation.

I'm sorry. You're right.

I should have been up front. But it was years ago.

I mean, she was an asshole then. She's an asshole now.

Well, she seemed pretty darn charming the other night.

It's all a show. She's a tyrant.

I don't care that she's my ex.

And you shouldn't either.

Well, it's easier said than done when she looks like

the future of the human race. Hey, come on. Look at me.

I love you.

And I want you. No, don't try.

You're not gonna win me back by trying to have sex with me.

Just make out with me a little.

Come on, love.

I'm not that easily convinced.

Can I convince you with that thing I do to your toes?

Well, that could definitely expedite the healing process.

SOPHIE: Mm.

Wait. Ah, this really hurts my legs.

This is-- No, it'll work, baby. Let me just anchor.

If I anchor my leg... Here.

I'll just put my hand there. I'm like an isosceles triangle.

This is so comfy. Just give me a second, okay?

Yeah, but hold on. Wait.

We're locked and loaded here, babe.

We don't need a second.

If you take too many seconds, you might fall asleep.

Babe?

(BIRDS CHIRPING)

(SOFT MUSIC PLAYING)

Gordon?

Alphonse, bonjour! Café?

I assume you take it black. Hmm.

Gordon, wow! You're up early.

Yeah, I'm just excited. Uh, beautiful day.

Hey, I wanted to ask if I could drive Sophie in to work today,

maybe see some of the sights, and then I'll...

I'll bring her home? Of course! Keys are hanging by the front door.

Great. ALPHONSE: No, that's not a good idea.

It's an old truck, you know. It's hard to handle.

Well, you should try biking in Brooklyn. It's crazy!

And then, Manhattan, that's like, um...

But, uh, truck-wise, as long as it's not manual, I'm good to go.

There's no gas. I'll fill her up.

(IN FRENCH)

Mm.

GORDON: (IN ENGLISH) This is fun,

driving my love along the riverbanks.

Babe... Mm.

Can you please just... just go faster.

As my late mother used to say, "Under 45, you stay alive."

I knew I should have driven.

You are not driving. Are you kidding me?

You probably still have alcohol in your blood. You'd get a DUI.

This is a good pace for us, okay?

I'm not getting in an accident in your father's beloved car.

It's here.

What's here? Here, here.

The exit. You're gonna miss it.

Well, you gotta tell me sooner than that, baby.

Oh, my God, we missed it! Well...

There was a motorcyclist in the lane, babe!

This takes us onto the bridge.

Do you know how late I'm gonna be?

You will not be one second late.

CIVILIAN: (IN FRENCH) SOPHIE:

(IN ENGLISH) Stupid Saint-Laurent.

Sweetheart, I'm sorry, but the GPS did not account

for exhausted Seabiscuit.

(HORN HONKS) Don't honk at a horse!

That's a thing, I'm sure.

You know what? Screw this. I'm gonna run.

No, no, no! Wait, wait, wait.

SOPHIE: Bye. GORDON: Babe!

I'm sorry. I love you!

(SIGHS)

Oh! Well, look who decided to join us.

I'm so sorry, chef.

Come in late again, and you're out.

Hey! Whoa! Look at this place!

It's like the kitchen on the Death Star.

This is incredible! Is this where Vader gets his Pop Tarts?

(CHUCKLES) Can I help you?

Ruby, I am so sorry. I just want to be the one to tell you

that Sophie's tardiness is 100% my fault.

I had to put gas in her father's car.

Can you believe it takes diesel?

I'm about to put regular in the wagon here,

and a guy calls me a câlice de tabarnak,

which I thought was an insult. Turns out, I google it...

Is it bring your boyfriend to work day,

or is he gonna kindly get the fuck out of my kitchen?

Gordon, please. GORDON: I'm so sorry.

Boyfriend reads you loud and clear.

I'll let you coworkers do your thing.

You guys are screwed.

You're gonna win, baby! Team Sophie!

(PLAYFUL MUSIC PLAYING)

Smoked pine needles.

When I got home last night, the air just hit me.

It was almost sweet. It smelled like Christmas.

I thought it would complement your smoked oysters.

Give it a distinct local essence.

That is what I'm talking about, Sophie.

Good work.

(CHUCKLES)

(IN FRENCH) GINETTE:

JULIETTE:

(IN ENGLISH) Not too bored, Gordon?

Oh no. Are you kidding me? I'm having the best time.

I get to hang out with three lovely Tremblay ladies

instead of just one.

Plus I'm sure Sophie will be home soon.

I don't know about that.

What don't you know about? Ah! (CHUCKLES) It's just...

When Sophie and Ruby were together,

it was like Burning Man every night.

So fun. Juliette...

(IN FRENCH)

Mazel tov. Mammie...

MAMMIE: Uno! (IN FRENCH)

(IN ENGLISH) Holy shit! What's wrong?

Um, will you excuse me for just one second?

I have to, uh, use the facilities upstairs.

Oh, but there's a bathroom right there.

Oh, but it's a petit numéro due...

(IN FRENCH) (CHUCKLES)

(DRAMATIC TONE PLAYS)

(IN ENGLISH) No!

(SOFT MUSIC PLAYING)

You and I haven't really had a chance to just chat alone yet,

have we, Mammie?

(IN FRENCH)

(IN ENGLISH) Yeah, well, they're--

They're always doing something up there.

Um...

If we could just chat for a second about the ring.

That's my great-grandmother's.

And I'm... I'm sensitive to your condition, I really am,

so, no hard feelings.

But I'm just gonna reach down and take my ring back, okay?

So I'm gonna just grab it.

Gordie! Hey, man!

(IN FRENCH)

(IN ENGLISH) No, I'm fine. I'm hanging out with the ladies.

I'm having a blast.

(IN FRENCH)

(IN ENGLISH) That's a great idea you should go and have fun.

JUNIOR: (IN FRENCH)

(IN ENGLISH) Okay, well...

To be continued!

RUBY: What are we drinking next?

Shots! Fucking shooters, mate.

Look, quality is everything.

And if that means importing my lamb from New Zealand,

then that's what I'm going to do.

Are you saying that the lamb from my father's farm

is not as good as New Zealand's?

Well. (SCOFFS) I mean, the difference might be slim,

but it is the difference between excellence and perfection.

Yeah, just like the slim difference

between being arrogant and being full of shit?

RUBY: Well, someone is confident.

Yeah, 'cause I... (CHUCKLES)

...I swapped out your lamb today with meat from my father's farm,

and someone didn't seem to notice.

You absolute assassin.

(CROWD CHEERING) (METAL MUSIC PLAYING OVER SPEAKERS)

ONLOOKER: Hey!

Yo! Hey, Jordan, ostie!

It's Gordon. (IN FRENCH)

(BONE CRACKS) (GROANS)

Oh!

(IN ENGLISH) You hear that? That's bone. That's a bone.

ANNOUNCER: (IN FRENCH)

Daphne!

(IN ENGLISH) Is someone gonna help her?

I'm surprised to see you here.

Oh no, I love it. I love it. I love violence of any kind.

Uh, yeah. Pain is my jam.

ANNOUNCER: (IN FRENCH)

(IN ENGLISH) Light change. ANNOUNCER: (IN FRENCH)

GORDON: (IN ENGLISH) Look at the size of that guy!

ANNOUNCER: (IN FRENCH)

(IN ENGLISH) He's pointing at me. I didn't do anything!

ANNOUNCER: (IN FRENCH)

(IN ENGLISH) Come on! You're fighting?

(IN FRENCH)

(IN ENGLISH) Him?

Are you out of your mind? (AUDIENCE CHEERING)

He's like white Shrek!

Let's go!

Fight!

Whoa! That was good, huh? Yeah, yeah, yeah!

Oui!

Oh!

Fuck yes! David beats Goliath!

(ALL CHEER)

(IN FRENCH)

(AIR HORN BLARES)

(IN ENGLISH) He's gonna fight somebody else?

Oh fuck, yes! (LAUGHS)

Last time they fought, they ended up in jail, man.

GORDON: Are you kidding me?

They can't fight. They're family.

(IN FRENCH)

(CROWD CHEERING)

(IN ENGLISH) No, false alarm!

Intermission! Intermission!

Call it off! Call it off, sorry! Sorry, you guys cannot fight.

(IN FRENCH)

(IN ENGLISH) No, this is my fault. I'm sorry. It's my fault.

(IN FRENCH) (IN ENGLISH) Violence is not the answer.

Think of Sophie, of Ginette. It's okay!

It gonna end up in two seconds.

No, no. There's not gonna be a fight. (IN FRENCH)

(IN ENGLISH) Just stop! (CROWD GROANS)

(IN FRENCH)

(IN ENGLISH) No!

Yeah! (LAUGHS) (CROWD CHEERING)

(IN FRENCH)

No. No, no.

(IN ENGLISH) Again, I'm so sorry, Alphonse.

No, no, don't be sorry. It's their fault.

(IN FRENCH)

(IN ENGLISH) But Gordon did knock him out. Very accidentally.

Still, you delivered the blow.

The good news is that father and son

avoided going at it in the kumite.

I have even better news.

I have a surprise

that will certainly get you fixed up in no time.

Drum roll. (BANGING ON TABLE)

It's an expression. You don't...

I have spoken to the network,

and we would be thrilled to shoot an episode

of Ruby in Your Pantry right here on your family farm!

I mean, great exposure for the greatest lamb

in the world. Am I right? I don't know what to say!

Well, say oui, ma chérie!

SOPHIE: Thank you so much! (LAUGHS)

Wow...

Wow! SOPHIE: Thank you so much!

Can I be on TV, too? Oh, but of course, it's your farm!

(LAUGHS) (IN FRENCH)

(IN ENGLISH) I'm excited about it, too.

Of course she drives a Jag.

Bye! Love your pirate's blouse.

Wow!

This turned out to be such a great night, right?

GORDON: Oh, it was fabulous!

You got drunk with your ex-girlfriend,

and I knocked out your father.

And that's my fault? GORDON: Yeah, it is.

Because if you hadn't stood me up again,

I wouldn't have been invited

to family fucking fight club or whatever that was.

Okay, you know what? I don't want to do this tonight.

Well, you know what? I do.

I'm just saying, if you look at things from my point of view,

it feels like I can't do anything right,

unlike Ruby, who can do absolutely no wrong.

I can't believe you're making this about you

when her show can save this farm from going out of business.

Going out of business? What are you talking about?

Going out of business? My dad told me

that they're on the brink of bankruptcy, okay?

Ruby is just trying to help.

So, you told Ruby, but you didn't tell me?

I've been spending more time with her.

I haven't seen you as much, come on.

GORDON: Really? I hadn't noticed. Oh, my God!

(SIGHS) All right, you know what?

It's been a long week. Let's just get some sleep.

You've been reading way too much into this.

You're right, I'm sorry.

I should be happy for you guys. I didn't know that. I'm sorry.

I just miss you.

I miss you too, honey.

I love you. SOPHIE: I love you, too.

MAMMIE: Psst! Hey!

(IN FRENCH)

(IN ENGLISH) All right, I'll- I'll take her back to bed.

No, you know what? Let me, let me.

Are you sure? Yeah, yeah.

Come on, you're tired.

Let me do one thing right in this house.

All right. I got it.

Hey, Mammie.

Let's get you back to bed before the storm hits, okay?

I got you.

All right, Mammie.

There you go.

Time to count some sheep before your son slaughters them all.

(MAMMIE SNORING SOFTLY)

I do need to get my ring back, though, Mammie.

Just while you're dozing...

(MOANS, SNORES)

Farmer knuckles!

Come on...

♪ Dormez-vous, dormez-vous? ♪

Oh, hey! She wandered into our room, sweet old gal.

I think she was probably sleepwalking.

I've been tasked with putting her down again.

♪ Sonnez les matines Sonnez les matines ♪

♪ Ding, dang, dong ♪

You can close it out if you want to.

(IN FRENCH)

(IN ENGLISH) We did it. We did it.

Sweet dreams, Mammie.

I'll just get by you.

Do you want me to sing to your baby?

Oh, I'm good. Okay.

(IN FRENCH)

GINETTE: Oh!

(IN ENGLISH) ...eroticism.

(IN FRENCH)

Mm.

(IN ENGLISH) We gotta talk, Coucou! (COUCOU HONKS)

("J'T'AIME COMME UN FOU" BY ROBERT CHARLEBOIS PLAYING)

JUNIOR: (IN FRENCH)

(IN ENGLISH) It's a rule of thumb, okay?

I before E, except after C

or when sounding as A as in "Neighbor" or "Weigh."

You know what? Forget about it. Can we take a break?

JUNIOR: (IN FRENCH) (IN ENGLISH) I am tired, man.

I'm frankly very tired of my girlfriend

spending every single night

until 2:00 in the morning with Ruby,

drinking and laughing

and doing all the things in my mind

that I pray to God they're not doing.

(IN FRENCH)

(IN ENGLISH) ...smash her legs,

like, you know, like Tonya Harding.

First of all, very well-crafted sentence.

But I am gonna pass.

(CELLPHONE RINGS, VIBRATES)

Hey.

Guess what? Best news ever!

Ruby has to do a reshoot for her show,

which means I have the night off.

GORDON: Are you serious? Yeah, baby!

I'm on my way. Junior, class dismissed.

(IN FRENCH)

(SOFT MUSIC PLAYING) (INDISTINCT CHATTER)

(IN FRENCH)

Anglais. (IN ENGLISH) Okay, um...

would you mind taking my picture?

I, uh, I have to send it to my super-hot boyfriend

who's been desperately lonely.

Why don't you forget about him and fall in love

with a very handsome English teacher from Brooklyn?

Okay! (LAUGHS) (GORDON LAUGHS)

You look amazing. This is so pretty. Thank you,

thank you, thank you. So do you. GORDON: Wow!

Where are we going? I don't know.

(LAUGHS)

It's not the kind of cooking I really ever thought I'd do,

but I'm getting into it. And I mean...

living in this city, with my family,

it really would be amazing.

I think you're gonna get the job.

I don't have it yet. Baby, you're gonna get the job.

(IN FRENCH)

(IN ENGLISH) I have a surprise for you.

I got the Château to comp us a room tonight.

Shut up!

Are you serious? SOPHIE: Mm.

I am gonna miss sleeping in that waterbed, though.

I don't think we'll be doing too much sleeping.

What are we gonna be doing? I don't know.

Bingeing a series? (LAUGHS) (LAUGHS)

(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING)

SOPHIE: You're gonna love her.

Did I ever tell you that she's the first person

to make me a sous-chef? GORDON: No.

SOPHIE: Yeah!

Sophie! Allô!

(IN FRENCH)

SOPHIE: Merci!

Merci! Bon appétit.

(IN ENGLISH) Mm. By the way, you can order anything you want,

because dinner is on the house.

Look at this! What?

Oh, yay! You know what?

No, I'll pour it. You don't have to.

Thank you so much. Merci beaucoup.

SOPHIE: Merci! Look at you!

Baby, come on, free champagne and free dinner, and free hotel.

I'm blown away. You are the queen of Quebec City.

And you are my king, monsieur. GORDON: Oh, thank you, darling.

Um, before we toast to this great night,

I just wanted to let you know

that I see how supportive you've been,

and it's meant so much to me.

There you are! The woman I have been hunting.

SOPHIE: Ruby, I... I thought you were shooting.

Oh, that's why they call me the one-take wonder, darling.

I spoke to your dad, and he told me

you guys were having dinner here.

Oh! Allô, Solange, babe! Hi, Ruby!

I wanted you to meet my good friend, Avi Donaldson.

Good friend? Best friend.

After the reviews I've written for her, Jesus.

RUBY: It's true. I'm sorry. My bestie

and the most important food critic in London.

His wit is as cutting as his reviews.

Mademoiselle. My God!

You are even more stunning than she rhapsodized.

RUBY: Obviously, I've been chatting you up.

Mind if we join you guys for a quick drink?

SOPHIE: Um, it's just that-- It's just that what?

Nothing. I mean, a drink sounds really nice,

right, Gordon?

It does sound nice, but this is a two-top,

and with the fire code,

I'm a little concerned about exiting safely.

Oh, don't worry, Gordie. We won't stay long.

He's got a flight to catch. Carpe diem, as the Latins say.

Carpe fucking diem. Whoo! (CHUCKLES) Ladies!

Excuse my reach. I could have passed it, bro.

What are we drinking to?

Well, not to make tonight about me... Please do.

I'm about to close a five-year deal

with a major streamer who shall remain nameless.

Rhymes with Petflix.

Hulu.

No, it's Netflix. Ah!

Which will put us in over 200 million homes worldwide.

Are you serious? That's... that's fantastic! Mm-hmm.

It's bloody brilliant!

And we are almost out of bubbly.

Well, we had plenty until you poured two thermoses

over there. We're gonna actually order

some appetizers, right, baby? Thank God. I am famished. Mademoiselle!

Right away. I'm not a figment of your imagination.

Uh, 36 oysters.

Don't fob us off with any of that Nova Scotia bullshit.

I want Prince Edward Island. Malpeques, babe.

We can do separate checks, not everyone together.

He's joking, right? Yeah.

Of course he's fucking joking. You are joking?

Yeah, I'm joking.

Hilarious. Cheers! To jokes!

AVI: To jokes.

SOPHIE: Ah, so funny!

So, we hadn't caught anything in hours,

when Ruby suddenly notices something bobbing in the water.

It was a dolphin that was caught in some old fishing net.

The poor thing had been struggling for days,

if not weeks.

Have you ever seen an emaciated dolphin?

No. It's awful.

Like models in the '90s.

I mean, attractive, obviously, but deeply unhealthy.

Anyway, um, without batting an eye,

Aqua Girl over here... RUBY: Oh, stop it.

No, but keep going. It's a great story.

...dove into the frigid Atlantic,

cutting free the majestic cetacean.

It was the right thing to do. Yeah.

Fuck me, it was incredible. (RUBY CHUCKLES)

It swam alongside the boat for hours,

just grateful to be alive 'cause of this goddess.

Well, I think it had more to do

with the mackerel we were feeding it.

Or because the DJ on board was absolutely crushing it.

Oh, they really were. They were really good, yeah.

Anyway, enough of Ruby's heroics.

Gordon, I'm being so rude.

I haven't asked what it is you do.

Oh, um, I'm an academic. Oh, a professor!

Pray tell us, which university's hallowed halls

do you grace with your insights?

I teach eight grade English. SOPHIE: Yeah.

Teacher of the year, two years in a row.

Hey, that's not nothing.

Man, I was a terrible student. Kicked out of high school.

But I think we can all agree

that traditional schooling is a bit antiquated.

Oh, yeah... Oh, Sophie didn't tell me

you were also an expert in education reform.

(CHUCKLES) Come on, Gordon.

I'm not trying to shit on your job.

I'm just saying that there are other ways

to forge a path to success. Exhibit A.

And what an exhibit it is!

Excuse me, I'm gonna go forge a path to the urinal.

Okay.

Is he mad at us?

(AVI SIGHS DEEPLY)

(SOFT JAZZ PLAYING ON PA)

(SIGHS)

(URINATING)

Oh, fucking asparagus!

It must have been in the potage.

What's potage? Soup.

Come on, mate.

Well, it looks like I'm missing my flight.

Yeah, so much for that quick drink, huh?

Free word of advice, friend.

I don't know you very well, but Ruby, I do know.

And let me tell you,

when a woman like that sets her sights on something,

she always gets what she wants.

What is that supposed to mean? Did she say something to you?

A woman like that doesn't need to say much, does she?

That's even more cryptic. Is it? Is it?

He's right.

You gotta do it tonight.

You don't need a ring.

You don't need her father's blessing.

You just need the balls to do it.

Carpe fucking diem. Let's go.

Sophie, there's something I want to ask you.

What's wrong? What happened?

It's Mammie. (SOBS) She's dead.

No!

Oh, my God! GORDON: Oh...

Are we sure?

(IN FRENCH)

(IN ENGLISH) They're coming to get her already?

(SOBS) GORDON: I thought we had more time.

But we don't.

Uh, babe, you look chilly.

Let me just grab you a sweater, okay?

Yeah. Thanks, babe. GORDON: Okay. I love you.

(SOPHIE SNIFFLES)

(IN FRENCH)

(SIGHS)

(IN ENGLISH) This is crazy.

Gotta get the ring.

It's for Sophie, Mammie. I'm so sorry.

Work with me, okay, on this?

(GRUNTS)

(GRUNTS)

(CLATTERING)

Oh! Your lips are so cold.

Yes!

(GRUNTS)

(GRUNTS)

(BONE CRACKS) Oh!

(DOOR HANDLE TURNING)

Hey.

What's going on? GORDON: I'm just paying my respects.

She's been so kind to me ever since I got here, so...

Mm-hmm.

She looks so peaceful, you know?

Yeah, that's how she's been since I've been here, just...

just resting in peace.

It's hard to lose a mother.

I do know that.

(CHURCH BELL RINGS)

PRIEST: (IN FRENCH)

(IN ENGLISH) Oh, I'd like to share something, Father.

Um, I am a woman of few words.

Then just shut up.

It's a little something I wrote last night,

so just bear with me.

(VOCALIZES)

♪ Whoa, yeah ♪

Imagine strings.

(IN FRENCH) ♪ She's standing at the gate ♪

♪ Saint Peter by her side... ♪

(IN ENGLISH) What's happening? She's singing.

I know. I'm just... It's so beautiful.

Right.

♪ Looking down from the skies ♪

♪ She's in heaven ♪

♪ But she ♪

♪ She couldn't wait ♪

♪ To be an angel ♪

(IN FRENCH)

SOPHIE: (IN ENGLISH) Thank you for the song.

It was really gorgeous,

beautiful.

Yeah, anytime. I'm here for you.

Bring it in.

(SOFT MUSIC PLAYING ON STEREO)

Yeah. I've been selling weed, like, since I was a little kid.

Oh, congrats. They called me the Cowboy du Cannabis.

(IN FRENCH)

(IN ENGLISH) But then the government made it legal,

which sucked huge.

(IN FRENCH)

GINETTE: Yes.

(CHUCKLES) (SOBS)

(IN ENGLISH) I'm still in agriculture. Good.

Don't you worry.

I have a small grow-op of coniferous trees.

Oh, cool!

(IN FRENCH)

(IN ENGLISH) Yeah, Christmas is pretty big

in New York City as well.

Oh yeah? You want a tree?

No, thank you. It's July.

Exactly. Give you a good price!

Quite a performance.

Oh, it was a straight from the heart.

It wasn't even rehearsed.

Yeah, I could tell.

Uh, listen, I don't want to overstep any boundaries,

but I do think it's probably a good idea

to go ahead and cancel the shoot.

I think it would give those of us

who are actually in the family

a little... a little space to grieve, you know,

in private, without the circus of a reality television show.

Nah. The show must go on.

That's not really a thing.

That's a saying they use in show business.

It's, uh, not something

that applies to real-world tragedy.

We're in the middle of a...

(SIGHS)

Alphie, you poor man.

I'm sorry to interrupt.

Oh, no.

Um, but I've been giving it a lot of thought,

and maybe we should reschedule.

We'll give your family the appropriate amount of time

to grieve without the circus of reality television.

That is so considerate of you.

Yeah, sounds a bit like what I just said

two seconds ago in the kitchen.

Ruby's right, Dad. We should reschedule.

Yeah, Ruby said it, but I... I said it to Ruby,

and now you know it,

and now she sort of disseminated it to the group.

And now I think we're all on the same page

that the appropriate thing is to have some time to grieve.

No.

(IN FRENCH)

(IN ENGLISH) The show must go on.

It really must!

(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

Hi, Gordie. Mm.

JUNIOR: (IN FRENCH)

(SPEAKING FRENCH)

(IN ENGLISH) Flow like, uh, water. Comme Bruce Lee.

I liked your Tonya Harding idea better.

We're gonna do things a little differently today,

seeing as that our host's pantry is an entire farm.

And not just any plot of land,

but the greatest supplier of organic meats

on this side of the world.

Ladies and gentlemen, I give you the Tremblay family!

Say "bonjour," you French Canadian phenoms.

Bonjour! (IN FRENCH)

We're gonna start things off with a duck hunt

with this gorgeous fam,

followed by a confit I will prepare

with the daughter of these lands,

chef extraordinaire Sophie Tremblay.

That's my girlfriend. (VASE CLATTERS)

RUBY: What do you say, Sophie? SOPHIE: I say let's get out of the pantry

and shoot some birds. Bang, bang!

JUNIOR: Pow, pow, pow!

Oh, boy!

JUNIOR: Oh, no! (GUN COCKS)

Good day for it, huh?

(LAUGHS)

Hey, hey, hey! SOPHIE: What, um...

PATRICE: (IN FRENCH) ....what are you wearing?

(IN ENGLISH) What? Is the hat too much?

SOPHIE: No, no, you just...

look like you're gonna repair a cell tower.

Oh. I spoke to Mr. Bouchard at the hunting shop,

and I just said, "Give me the best money can buy."

He hooked me up with all this. You know,

it's fully reflective, head to toe.

Head to toe, I can see that.

(IN FRENCH) Yes.

(LAUGHS)

Okay, I'm sensing I may have been upsold a bit.

But you know what? Don't laugh at me,

because I come from British stock.

Hunting is in my blood. (CHUCKLES) Oh, yeah?

'Cause I remember you crying

when that pigeon flew into our living-room window and died.

Yeah, 'cause we couldn't eat it. A wasted death.

Or am I misreading this,

and Ruby said this was for the family

and you don't want me to be included, right?

What? Babe, no. No, no, no. You're always included.

You know that, right? Okay. Good. I want to be part of things.

I wanna-- All right, SOPHIE: Yeah. Yeah.

I want to hunt. You're part of all of it. Come here.

Has anyone seen Gordon? Anyone?

(ALL LAUGH) Ha, ha! Very funny.

(BIRDS CHIRPING)

Though duck hunting may seem barbaric,

it's actually very important for our ecosystems.

This is fun, hey, babe?

I'm just so excited to assassinate

something majestic!

(BIRDS CALLING)

PATRICE: Yes!

(IN FRENCH)

(IN ENGLISH) Fuck off. (IN FRENCH)

(CHUCKLES)

(IN ENGLISH) Shooting blanks, Gordo?

I had the, uh, the safety on. But safety first!

I got a fish!

Yeah, great! See? I knew you had it in you!

Oh! So supportive.

It's not a sport, it's a massacre.

(GUNSHOTS IN DISTANCE) Thing just wants to fly.

(SIGHS)

(INDISTINCT SHOUTING) (GUNSHOTS IN DISTANCE)

(BLOWS DUCK CALL)

(PLAYS CHEERFUL MELODY)

(BIRD CALLING)

(GASPS)

(BIRD SQUAWKS)

I got one!

(LAUGHS)

Shooting blanks...

He's huge! He's a biggun!

Oh no! (DRAMATIC ORCHESTRA MUSIC PLAYS)

False alarm! False alarm, guys.

I didn't get anything. Stop being humble, Gordon.

You gotta celebrate your kill!

My kill wants privacy.

Oh, my God, Gordon,

that's not a duck, that's a swan.

SOPHIE: Oh, no, Coucou!

Hey, shit, dude!

I... I got blinded by the sun,

and I... I thought it was a... a large duck.

Also, in my defense,

I think I may have gotten a bad kazoo,

'cause this definitely calls swans.

I think it's time to turn in your gun, Golden Eye.

Let's cut, guys. Okay? Should we cut

for a second, please?

SOPHIE: Our duck has roasted in its fat

for about an hour and a half,

and now, the meat should literally fall off the bone.

Mm! Look at all those juices caressing the thighs.

Nice and moist, just the way I like it.

Perfect. Now I would like to bring out Monsieur Tremblay!

(IN FRENCH)

(SPEAKING FRENCH)

(IN ENGLISH) Come on over, Alphie, you musky hunk!

(SOPHIE SPEAKING FRENCH)

(IN ENGLISH) I would like to announce

that Tremblay Farms will be the sole lamb supplier

for my new restaurant, Ruby, at the Château Frontenac,

opening this summer in gorgeous Quebec City.

(SPEAKING FRENCH)

(IN FRENCH)

(IN ENGLISH) For real?

(IN FRENCH)

(IN ENGLISH) Well, thank you!

And a special shout out to the original gangster,

the Tremblay matriarch, Mammie Tremblay.

May you grace the farmlands of heaven for all of eternity.

Cut! Best show ever!

(ALL CHEER)

(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

ALL: (CHANTING) Ruby! Ruby! Ruby! Ruby! Ruby! Ruby!

Ruby, Ruby, Ruby...

SOPHIE: (IN FRENCH)

(IN ENGLISH) I was freaking out! It did not show on camera?

I felt like I was on, like, this buzz, like my lips were...

my lips were sticking to my teeth. (LAUGHS)

SOPHIE: I was sweating. I couldn't... No.

RUBY: No, shut up, honestly. You were incredible.

I mean, you'll get phone calls for your own show from this.

(MUMBLES) I'm telling you. You're beautiful.

Phone's gonna be ringing. Okay, madame.

ALPHONSE: (IN FRENCH)

(SOPHIE SPEAKING FRENCH)

JULIETTE:

JUNIOR:

JULIETTE:

(IN ENGLISH) So, Ruby, you're a Jag girl, huh?

I would have thought you'd drive, like,

an electric car to set a good example

for your legions of followers.

Well, not to throw my bestie, Elon, under the Hyperloop,

but some experts say that those batteries

are more toxic to the environment

than CO2 emissions.

Well, I think your experts are full of shit.

I think you're jealous I drive a collectible.

Well, you can collect...

Keep working on that.

Everyone! Attention, s'il vous plaît!

Ruby has a speech, everybody!

Gather 'round! Maybe there'll be a song.

(CHUCKLES)

Well, Sophie, it has been an epic two weeks.

Yeah.

RUBY: And in that time, I've seen you

explode out of your chrysalid like a fiery monarch.

(LAUGHS)

RUBY: So I wanted to take this opportunity,

in front of your entire family,

to offer you the executive chef position at the Château.

You won the job! (ALL CHEER)

(GASPS)

(IN FRENCH)

(SPEAKING FRENCH) Hey!

(IN ENGLISH) Surprise!

(IN FRENCH)

(IN ENGLISH) I want to make a speech, too.

I got a speech, too!

(GLASS CLINKS)

I got a... I got a speech, too, everybody.

Uh, thank you for your attention.

All just really beautiful. Babe, I love you so much.

And she's right, you're incredible.

You're incredible, and I love you.

And it's just to me, personally,

it's a shame that you're gonna be wasting your talents

on some poser chef's vanity project.

Gordon... GORDON: No.

I mean, that was a power move,

swooping in and saving the entire farm from bankruptcy.

I mean, hats off to you.

You gotta win over the dad, right?

That's enough.

Yeah, I agree with Alphonse. It's enough.

It's enough with the fucking restaurant and the lip line

and the fucking all this. I've had enough of it.

The girl who can't do wrong.

Whereas everyone thinks I'm the guy who kills fucking swans

and punches fathers in the face.

At this point, you probably all think I killed Mammie!

(ALL GASP) I didn't kill Mammie. I didn't kill Mammie.

(IN FRENCH)

(IN ENGLISH) I'm not going to the chicken house!

You shouldn't be living in a chicken house!

I bet you're really good in bed.

(GASPS) GORDON: Is she good in bed, baby?

Or do you need a refresher,

because I'm sure she'll give you one.

Someone should be using the waterbed.

(IN FRENCH)

(IN ENGLISH) What are you doing?

Fuck!

Sophie, wait, wait, wait!

What the hell is wrong with you?

I'm sorry, I was tryna be funny. Everyone was laughing.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry! SOPHIE: So I only got this job

because she wants to sleep with me?

Is that what you think?

Forget about all the hard work that I've put into this, right?

Well, admit there's a chance I'm right.

Did you ever want me to have this?

Do you want to have it?

Because we have a pretty fucking great life,

where you're cooking food that you love.

But I don't know, Sophie.

Maybe there aren't enough cameras around.

Okay, I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry that I have ambition.

I'm sorry that she believes in me.

Believes in you? She's in love with you!

Are you kidding me? How do you not see that?

You definitely see that, right?

And of course she is, because you're fucking perfect!

But I think you need to admit to yourself

that you're also still in love with her.

She did break your heart, right?

Yeah. Yeah, she broke my heart.

And then I left her.

And I found you.

And then, she came crawling back...

and you thought,

"Maybe I could sleep my way to a Michelin star."

I think you should go.

You heard her.

I did.

(CRIES)

("SAN JUAN" BY DANIEL LANOIS PLAYING)

♪ Make me see a whole new way ♪

♪ Make me see the new day ♪

(MAN TALKING ON TV)

♪ The new day, the new day ♪

And remember, if you can't handle the heat,

throw on some oven mitts,

because everyone belongs in the kitchen.

Till next time!

♪ Make me be a whole new way ♪

Sophie...

(IN FRENCH)

♪ Perfect skin, perfect skin ♪

♪ In San Juan ♪

♪ I don't wanna know ♪

♪ All the reasons why You gotta go ♪

(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

♪ In San Juan... ♪

(IN ENGLISH) Hey!

Thank you so much, man. I really appreciate it.

I couldn't show my face after everything that happened.

JUNIOR: Here you go.

(IN FRENCH)

(IN ENGLISH) So humiliating.

Anyway, how is she?

She was gone before I woke up.

GORDON: Right. It's the big night, huh?

Forget about all that. Are you ready?

Are you ready to crush this test?

(SIGHS) I'm so nervous, I could piss my legs, you know.

"Piss my pants" is the expression,

but I doubt that's gonna come up.

Don't worry.

Thanks for believing in me, Gordon.

You're a good guy.

Go make me proud, okay? Kick ass. Do it for Van Damme.

JUNIOR: Yeah.

Hey...

She still loves you.

Good luck!

("L'AMOUR L'AMOUR L'AMOUR"

BY BON ENTENDEUR AND MOULOUDJI PLAYING)

Can we have someone else come and bring these out?

(SPEAKS FRENCH) Right away!

WAITER: Voilà, chef. Merci!

(SPEAKING FRENCH)

(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

Ah!

(IN FRENCH)

Merci! Merci beaucoup!

VIP! (CHUCKLES) (CHUCKLES)

(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

(IN ENGLISH) Ah, cool.

(IN FRENCH)

Oh! (CHUCKLES)

(IN ENGLISH) I'm flying out on the red eye.

So, that's it?

GORDON: What do you mean? Have you not been listening?

It's over. I lost.

Honey, I love you.

But you've played it safe way too long.

You've never left this neighborhood. I mean,

you teach at the high school that you went to.

And that's a little bit my fault.

When your mother passed away,

I did everything I could to protect you, and I...

I think I turned you into a bit of a pussy.

Are you trying to be helpful?

She's a fighter, Gordon!

It runs in her family.

So, fight back and show her you're not down for the count.

That's what marriage is!

If you get on that plane, son,

you'll be giving up the greatest thing

that's ever happened to you.

And as much as I'd love to keep you close,

I'd rather have you living happily in another country

than be miserable in Brooklyn.

Also, for Christ's sakes,

would you get me a goddamn Canadian passport?

I can't just show up, Dad, okay?

This is the biggest night of her life.

I'm the last person in the world she wants to see.

I'm gonna make an ass of myself.

That's exactly what you have to do!

Holy shit, you're right!

(INSPIRING MUSIC PLAYING)

(ALL CHEERS)

GINETTE: Wow! (IN FRENCH)

(EXCLAIMS)

(IN FRENCH)

Oh!

(IN ENGLISH) Pretty effin delish, am I right?

(IN FRENCH)

Oh! Don't forget to eat the plates.

They're made entirely out of compressed crab.

Oh! So good! Okay, bon appétit! (CHUCKLES)

(IN FRENCH)

No.

(WIND WHISTLNG)

(CHUCKLES)

(IN ENGLISH) Hey, hey! I'm so sorry.

Buh, buh, buh, buh, buh!

I've never done this in my life before, I swear. I-I...

I need to, um... I don't know how to say it en français.

Uh, I need to...

(IN FRENCH)

(IN ENGLISH) Are you on the list? I am on the list.

HOST: Yeah? Well, I was on the list.

It's been a pretty crazy 24 hours,

and I don't know if I'm still on the list.

It really depends on when the list was created and edited.

So, if you look, it's Gordon Kinski.

Kin... With a K? GORDON: Yeah.

Kinski. No, you're not.

But I hear Cirque du Soleil is hiring right now.

Can I just talk to you mano a mano for just one second?

This is one of those times in life

where you can really step up and do the right thing,

because my future, my happiness, my true love is in there,

and I need your help to make things right.

There's a fork in the road.

It's all in your tiny, beautiful little manicured hands.

What do you say? Please, I'm begging you, let me in.

(GRUNTS)

(GRUNTS)

(HORSE SNORTS)

GORDON: Hey, I'm just storming the castle.

How's your night going?

("LAISSE UNE CHANCE À NOTRE AMOUR"

BY CLAUDE FRANÇOIS PLAYING)

Soph. Hey.

RUBY: You know, I just wanna say, I'm sorry

about everything Gordon has put you through.

You're handling yourself like a true pro.

Thanks. It's a little overwhelming, but...

With great success comes a ton of jealousy.

Believe me, I know.

But the sooner you cut those toxic people

out of your life, the higher you can fly.

(IN FRENCH)

ALPHONSE: Gordon. Alphonse.

(IN ENGLISH) You got a lot of nerve coming here.

You're right. Last night I was a complete asshole.

I'm so sorry. I was totally drunk

and insecure. I'm not making excuses.

I... I take full responsibility. But I love your daughter,

and I'm not giving up that easily.

I want to ask you for her hand in marriage.

We're magic together.

And I don't just mean in the kitchen.

(IN FRENCH)

(IN ENGLISH) Why pretend? We both want this.

Oh, my God!

You are the last person I would ever want to be with.

Things change.

Sometimes, for the best.

Don't you know how much I've done for you?

You called me, okay?

So don't act like you're some kind of savior here.

(SCOFFS) Okay, I'm sorry,

but who saved your shitty family farm from bankruptcy?

She deserves to be happy.

Yeah.

I'm sorry I killed your swan.

I want you to remember this moment.

When you could have been something,

but you threw it all away and went back to being nothing.

'Cause that's what you are without me. You're nothing.

And I want you to remember this moment...

when I broke your perfect little nose.

(GRUNTS)

What the fuck?

Oh, not the face! Malcolm!

Hey, hey, hey!

(IN FRENCH)

Huh? Yes.

(SPEAKS FRENCH) Guys... (PANTS)

(IN FRENCH)

SOPHIE:

(IN ENGLISH) You want me out of here, Ruby?

I'm out of here.

As soon as I figure out how to drive manual.

(IN FRENCH)

(IN ENGLISH) Okay, here we go. Here we go!

PASSERBY: Hey! GORDON: Sorry!

(IN FRENCH)

(IN ENGLISH) Come on!

SOPHIE: (IN FRENCH)

Gordon!

(SPEAKING FRENCH)

JUNIOR:

Hey, allô!

(CHUCKLES)

Okay.

(IN ENGLISH) Ease it out. Ease it out. Come on!

In second gear.

You know what, I do need to... Clutch down.

Where are you, two? Is that it?

(IN FRENCH)

Oh! Merci.

(SIREN WAILS) SOPHIE:

(IN ENGLISH) No, no, no! I'm just borrowing it, sir!

Oh, shit!

(IN FRENCH)

(IN ENGLISH) Yes! I am the best at car chases!

(IN FRENCH)

(IN ENGLISH) A lot of grinding...

(SIREN WAILS)

Clutch down.

Yeah, second gear, yes!

Yes! Yes!

Yes! No, no, no!

(SCREAMS) Shit!

(IN FRENCH)

(GASPS)

(BEEPS)

SOPHIE: (IN ENGLISH) Hey!

Hey, sweetie!

I had the most horrible dream, babe.

I saw you kiss Ruby...

and then I drove her car into a building.

That all happened.

But she kissed me, and I punched her in the face.

Really? Yeah.

Oh! That makes me so happy.

(CHUCKLES)

What about your job?

I quit.

Really? SOPHIE: Yeah.

I'm sorry. I'm not.

There's something I wanted to ask you.

Will you marry me?

Where did you get that? When the nurses cut your pantaloons off,

they found it in your pocket.

They destroyed my pantaloons?

They did.

They were rented.

But, babe, I wanted to ask your father's permission first.

It's important to me.

(ALPHONSE CLEARS THROAT) Alphonse?

You have my blessing.

Welcome to the family, Gordie!

(IN FRENCH)

(IN ENGLISH) So?

(IN FRENCH)

(IN ENGLISH) I love you so much.

(IN FRENCH) (CHUCKLES)

(IN ENGLISH) Give me your beautiful finger. SOPHIE: Oh, my God!

(IN FRENCH)

(IN ENGLISH) Ah, baby, my ribs are... Careful, okay.

Ah! Ow!

Oh, babe! Ow! Ow!

As Cassius famously said to Brutus:

"It is not in the stars to hold our destiny...

but in ourselves."

That's not gonna be on the test.

It's just a quote I really like.

(SCHOOL BELL RINGS)

Remember, oral exams are Tuesday.

One minute each! ROBERT: Don't worry.

When I oral, it's always at least one minute.

Double-entendre from Robert, everybody.

(IN FRENCH)

(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING)

Alphonse! Hey, Gordie!

GORDON: (IN FRENCH)

(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

Allô! (CHUCKLES)

Hey!

(IN ENGLISH) So, can you grab these?

(IN FRENCH) Merci.

Hey, everybody!

(ALL EXCLAIM)

(IN FRENCH)

(IN ENGLISH) Amazing! Oh!

(IN FRENCH)

So, Junior, you're a cop, huh? Yes, sir!

You ever shot anyone?

Uh, no.

But my girlfriend and I, we tased a bike thief yesterday.

COP: (IN FRENCH)

(IN ENGLISH) I'm the one who saw him first.

I could have tased him. I don't give a rat's ass,

as long as someone was tased and justice was served.

Dad, can you watch your language?

There's a toddler here. Oh, sorry.

(IN FRENCH)

(IN ENGLISH) Oh, by the way, Peter,

I loved your Widow's Hammock.

My goodness! Thank you, Ginette.

I hope I'm not overstepping. But he will, watch.

PETER: But would you consider being the cover model

for my next book?

(IN FRENCH)

Cover model! GINETTE: Yes.

(CHUCKLES) You wanna take it easy there, l'anglais.

(ALL LAUGH)

JUNIOR: (IN FRENCH)

(IN ENGLISH) She'd be so happy.

GORDON: You know, I never told you,

I have a pretty funny story about her and the ring.

SOPHIE: You do? Really?

No, it wasn't actually that funny.

It was pretty traumatic, so never mind.

SOPHIE: What? (IN FRENCH)

Ben, yes. No.

(IN ENGLISH) What story about my mother?

(IN FRENCH)

(IN ENGLISH) There will be no chou-fleur until you tell us.

No, jamais.

How about a toast to change the subject?

(IN FRENCH)

(ALL CHEERS)

(IN ENGLISH) It's "Familla"? Famille.

À la familla. Famille.

À la famille. À la famille!

("LE DÉBUT D'UN TEMPS NOUVEAU" BY RENÉE CLAUDE PLAYING)