All language subtitles for Eight Is Enough s05e09 Bradfordgate

I accepted this appointment for one
reason, to help improve the public

system in this state. I'm doing a
feature article on your dad. Mind if I

a few questions?

I guess it couldn't hurt. We need men
like you in state government Bradford.

Thank you, Senator, and I won't let you
down. It was all a big mix -up.

Porno theater?

Bradford linked to porno theater.

What do you want, Bradford? I want you
to stop trying to crucify me. I think I

can do a good job.

Yeah, for who?

The public or your ego?

We feel and always will.

Oh, it is enough to fill our lives with
love.

Always spend our days like bright and
shiny new dawn.

If we're ever puzzled by the change.

What's wrong with you?

I hate life.

I think it's bad now. Why do you hate
puberty? What a mess.

At least they don't call you cute. I'm
sick and tired of being called cute,

adorable, impressive. Oh, some problem.

Well, you don't know what it's like
being patted on the head like a

Come on.

I'm serious. And then they talk to you
like you're a chihuahua. I think you're

making a bigger deal out of this than
there is.

I'll keep that in mind next time Dad's
boss comes over, pinches my cheek and

says, How's little whippersnapper today?

Makes me want to barf.

I guess that could get on your nerves.

You kidding?

I'm going to have a breakdown.

Well, look, if I make you feel any
better, I don't think you're cute.

Good. As a matter of fact, I find you
pretty disgusting sometimes.

Really?

Hey, you gross me out a lot.

Thanks. No sweat.

What about the rest of the world?

I don't know.

Change your image, maybe.

How do I do that?

Well, it won't be easy. You've got a lot
to overcome, and you'll also risk the

chance of getting punished.

I don't care. I'll do anything.

Okay. Here's what you've got to do.

Well, did you find it? It's not on the
front page, Dad. It's not in the feature

section, either. I can't find it
anywhere. Gee, Elliot said he was going

it in a well -read section.

Well, maybe it's next to sports.

I hardly think that an article about a
state board of education appointee would

be next to the football scores.

Why not? When the governor first picked
you, it showed up next to the

obituaries, remember?

I remember.

People thought you were dead.

I remember, but that was weeks ago. I
mean, people don't really get interested

in these things until there's a
confirmation hearing. Then it's really

Oh, yeah, somebody coming back from the
grave to do a job. Now, that's human

interest.

Well, I can't find it, Dad, but I'm sure
you will. I got to go. Jeffrey had a

surprise story for me. Oh, yes, maybe
it's my press conference. The governor's

going to be there.

Oh, no, I don't think so, Dad. He said
it was something real big.

Bye. Nicholas, you better hurry up.
You're going to be late.

Nicholas, just drink your milk and get
ready for school.

I am ready for school. I'm not drinking
my milk, and I'm going to read the

comics. Listen, young man, don't you
ever talk back to me like that. Now, I

to see that glass of milk empty in short
order.

Okay.

Nicholas! I found your article.

Oh, where?

Right next to the comics.

Jeff, what's the story? Look, I've been
giving it a lot of thought. I'm not sure

you're ready for an assignment like
this. What do you mean? Of course I'm

I got another one here. Elman had it,
got sick. Oh, no, no, no, no. Forget it,

Jeff. I know your tactics. I don't want
the Elman story. I want the other one.

Okay. You're in safe.

Yeah, thank you.

Mr. Video Dating Center.

You go through the program... No, no,
no, no. You go through the program like

regular client, but undercover.

Only the manager will know you're a
reporter. You conned me.

It could be a very interesting piece.
Video dating services are getting to be

very popular.

You know, you're going to be really
sorry if I fall in love.

Good luck, Bradford.

You know, I'm known to get very wrapped
up in my work.

Very, very wrapped up. Mm -hmm. Mm -hmm.

Uh, Jeff?

What was Alan's story?

This is an interview.

Oh.

With the Vice President of the United
States.

Well, you know, Elliot, I am a little
hurt. My own newspaper puts me next to

Captain Crunch and the Space Cookies.
Well, but it happens to be a very

comic strip, Tom. You've probably got a
lot of exposure.

Sure, with ten -year -olds. Well, I
don't know, Tom. I happen to read

Crunch myself.

Why doesn't that surprise me?

Oh, Tom, you're a newsman. You know the
bigger the story, the better the

position it gets.

Front page?

Chimpanzee escapes from zoo?

That's a big story?

There's more to it than that, Tom. He
was captured in a lady's hot tub.

Oh, well, I can hardly wait to hear
about it. Did the monkey have his

on? Tom, it shows papers. Your
appointment doesn't. Thanks. Well, I

to be callous, Tom, but after all, you
have been walking around here the past

couple of weeks as if you were boarding
Air Force One.

I happen to be very honored. And so you
should be. I just don't want you to be

naive about it, that's all.

Wait a minute. What are you talking
about? Tom, let's just look at the

reality of this. The governor's been
under a lot of fire recently because of

couple of key appointments, right?

I suppose. Well, the last thing in the
world he wants is a scandal, right?

Okay. And in the middle of all of this,
someone on the Board of Education

resigns. What would you do?

Well, hire someone safe, I guess.

Tom Bradford, an inexperienced but
popular columnist who incidentally has

recently published a series of columns
on the importance of education.

Now, it isn't important why I got the
appointment. Now I'll be able to do some

of the things I've been writing about. I
mean, a public education is important

enough to warrant the attention of the
press.

I agree, Tom, but don't expect so much
of it. of Watergate.

Yeah, but you are planning to cover my
press conference today, aren't you? Of

course. Thank you.

After all, the governor will be there.

I'm telling you, Joanie, Mr. Video can
find a date for anybody.

Nerds, klutzes, lowlife, even normal
people.

Encouraging. All we've done is to take
the techniques of computer dating and

the advantages of videotape. People can
now see what they're getting.

Like a meat market.

Meat market is unfair, Joanie. We do
much more than that here.

Like a deli, then.

Look, I know you're skeptical, but we've
been responsible for some very

successful relationships. Oh, really?

You know, Joanie, one of our couples is
celebrating their six -week anniversary.

Do you call that successful?

This is California, Joanie.

California.

Pardon me.

Tom, Barry Hopper, assistant press
liaison to the governor. I'm sorry I'm

but we are running way behind schedule.
Oh, I'm sure the governor has. Very

good. Now, as soon as the governor gets
here, I'll introduce him. He'll make a

brief statement and introduce you.
You'll make a brief statement and

me. Make your answers vague, accurate,
and most importantly, brief. Brief.

Very good. Very good.

Oh, thank you.

Oh. Good news, Tom. The governor can't
make it.

This could just put us right back on
schedule.

Excuse me.

Could I have your attention, please?

Attention, please.

Unfortunately, the governor was called
into a meeting at the last minute and

won't be able to join us today.

However, he wanted me to pass on to you
how pleased he is to have Tom Bradford

as his appointee to the Board of
Education and is confident that the

Rules Committee will recommend unanimous
confirmation after tomorrow's hearing.

I've said enough. Now it's time for you
to find out for yourself a little more

about Tom and what he stands for. Tom?

And I enjoy men who are compassionate
and dedicated and who are sensitive

to the needs of others.

I think it sounds like I want to go out
with Cardinal Cushing.

Nonsense. That's a great tape.

Well, what happens next?

We put your tape in the new materials
section of our computer date bank.

That's the first place our regulars look
when they come in here.

Well, do they come in often?

Are you kidding?

By this time tomorrow, 40 or 50 of our
clients will have seen your tape. How

many? Yeah.

Meanwhile, you can be doing a little
looking on your own. Okay.

Now, here's a list of names the
computers determined you to be

Right here.

Henry had a wine tromb.

This is California, Joanie.

California.

What sort of reading material do you
feel the student should be exposed to at

the grade school level?

Well, all kinds, really.

But only if they're wholesome and have
value, of course.

Including those of an entertainment
nature?

Yeah, I don't see why not.

But only in addition to their regular
textbooks.

It's like a newspaper.

I don't mind my 11 -year -old son
reading the comics just so long as he

look at the front page.

Oh, well put, Tom. Well put.

I'm afraid we're out of time. Thank you
all for coming.

Hi. Hi.

How'd it go?

Well, it was interesting.

Interesting how?

Like the same way it's interesting to
watch the judge's face when he sentences

you to the electric chair. You're
exaggerating. Me and one reporter is not

exaggeration. The worst part is it was
the reporter from the evening tribute.

Well, maybe he'll give you a good write
-up.

Here's the paper, Mr. Bradford. Oh, yes,
thank you. Nicholas, I want to talk to

you about your behavior this morning.
Yeah, you made the front page. Jeremy,

that's wonderful, but I want to talk to
Nick. What? The front page? Yeah, the

front page. The front page!

Oh, no.

Tom, if the Register printed an article
defending you against the trip, it would

just look like favoritism. But it would
clear up the facts.

I don't know about that. It might
acquaint more people with a misquote.

All right, you may be right. But let me
just point out one thing. If the

Register reporter had stuck around long
enough to digest his free donuts, this

whole thing might never have happened.
Tom, I'm sorry. It was a very busy news

day. Oh, let me guess. The chimpanzee
was so happy with his hot tub that he

opened up his own spa.

Grand openings are very newsworthy, Tom.

I promised to cover your confirmation,
and I'm going to do it. But you also

promised to have a seasoned reporter, no
rookies.

A seasoned reporter, Tom.

Thank you.

None of them wanted to go out with me?

None? Hey, relax, Joanie. You only
picked seven names.

But there were only eight on the list.

Look, Joanie, don't take this so
personally.

I mean, four of these guys are already
involved with somebody.

One will only go out with girls with
tattoos.

Another's in the hospital with a
ruptured lip.

Well, that's only six. What about the
other one?

He's got his heart set on Henrietta.

Look, Joanie, don't be discouraged. The
compatibility list is only the starting

point. We have over 300 male clients
here, Mr. Video.

Okay. That's my girl.

Why don't you check back with me around
1 o 'clock?

A lot of the regulars stop in during
their lunch hour to check out the new

material. Okay. Around 1.

You're bound to have something by then.

I just know it.

Tom. Tom, I'm sorry I'm late, but we're
running way behind schedule.

Very good.

Tom, before the hearing begins, there's
something I think we need to talk about.

Yes, last night's paper.

Tom, this appointment is very important
to the governor. We'd like to see it go

smoothly. Now, you know as well as I do
that the Tribune distorted what I said.

Yes, they did, but you have to be aware
of that possibility every time you open

your mouth. Look, I always say what's on
my mind. I do it in my columns, and I

will continue to do it on the Board of
Education.

I'm not asking you to compromise
yourself, but there are several

to say the same thing. Some ways are
safer than others, right?

Very good. Let me remind you of one
thing. I am not a politician.

I don't care about the governor's
political problems. I accepted this

appointment for one reason, to help
improve the public school system in this

state. And all I ask is you do not blow
the opportunity.

Any trace of scandal, any minor slip of
the tongue has the potential of

mushrooming. We better get going. The
schedule, you know.

Oh, you have the schedule. Yes, let's
go.

Sit down, Nicholas.

You know why you were sent to my office?

Because you were lonely?

Think hard.

Because I told Mrs. Rogers to sit on it?

That was very good, Nicholas.

Very good.

Thanks.

Now maybe you can answer another
question.

What do you think I should do about this
situation?

Let bygones be bygones.

Nicholas, for the last two days, your
behavior has been deplorable.

The only reason you haven't been sent
here earlier is because of your clean

record.

So what's the problem?

Overcrowding.

That's it.

Too many people make me tense.

I see.

You're sure now. That is the problem.

Well, I think I can help you out,
Nicholas.

How would you like me to fix it so that
you can be away from all those other

kids once in a while?

That'd be great.

Then it's settled.

For the next month, you will stay inside
during recess.

Then while everyone else is outside
playing ball and getting on each other's

nerves, you can really have a chance to
be alone.

On second thought, I think the problem
is a little more deeper than just

overgrowth.

But see, you don't understand.

I don't want it. Nicholas, sit on it.

Now, you won't have to worry about
Senator Thiel. He'll just ask a lot of

questions like, have you ever been a
member of the Nazi party?

You haven't, have you?

Of course not.

All right, now, Senator Braff is another
story. You'll think he's in a coma, but

don't let that fool you. Well, I've
never been fooled by a comatose person

life. Very good. Excuse me.

Excuse me.

Oh, Cal.

Cal Fitzpatrick.

Hi, Tom Bradford. We worked together
years ago.

Don't remember you.

It was on the old Gazette. I was just a
cub reporter and you were... Don't want

to remember you. Tell him we're going to
be late. Oh, gosh, I thought you were

retired. Just doing Elliot Randolph a
favor.

Elliot? Got called shorthanded.

Needed a man to cover some hearing.

We really are going to be late.

Well, not this hearing. Yeah.

Some joker named Tom... Tom... Tom
Bronson!

Told you, I don't remember yet.

Come on, let's go. But, no, it could be
worse. At least I heard the guy from the

trip isn't here.

Johnny? Huh? How's the story coming?

Oh, it's great, Jeff. It's great. I
think you were right. It's going to be a

really interesting piece.

You still don't have a date, huh?

Yeah, that's what makes it so
interesting.

Hey, come on. Cheer up.

I'm sure someone will go out with you.

There's a lot of hard -up guys out
there.

Thanks a lot, Jeff. I feel better
already.

Mr. Bradford, um...

Are you now or have you ever been a
member of the Nazi party?

No.

Would you like to be?

No.

Have you ever seen Hogan's Heroes?

Begging the senator's pardon, but I
don't see how this has any bearing on my

appointment.

But obviously the senator is more
experienced in these matters, so I will

to your good judgment.

Mr. Bradford, what was this garbage all
about in last night's paper?

Comics in school.

Oh, yes. I'm glad you brought that up,
Senator.

And I'm especially happy that there is a
representative of the press here to see

that the record is straight.

Oh, for God's sake.

Hi. Hi. I'm Bruce Taylor. I'm with the
Tribune.

I'm doing a feature article on your dad.
Mind if I ask you a few questions?

What kind of questions?

Just biographical stuff, when he was
born, where he grew up, things like

Well... I'd really appreciate it.

See, if I go back to my editor empty
-handed, he's going to come down on me

pretty hard.

Oh, I guess it couldn't hurt. Come on
in. Thanks.

Thanks a lot.

Well, Mr. Bradford, I think that covers
everything.

You'll know our recommendation in a few
days.

Fine. However... Yes, Senator?

I, for one, am going to vote that we
recommend unanimous confirmation.

You are?

We need men like you and State
Government Bradford, people who will set

moral example to the youth of today.

Thank you, Senator, and I won't let you
down.

This committee is now adjourned until 3
p .m. tomorrow.

It went well, huh?

It went better than well. Raph is the
chairman. He carries a lot of weight.

You're practically a shoe -in.

Congratulations, Tom. Thanks. Nice to
laugh.

So that's it? That's it.

That wasn't so hard, was it?

Ah, I have, uh... Just one more
question, Elizabeth.

What kind of a father would you say your
dad is?

I don't know.

He's kind and he's patient.

You know, he's a good father.

And he's always set a good example for
us kids.

Always? Yeah, always.

Not according to my sources.

I don't know what you're talking about.

I think you do.

No, I don't.

Okay, I'm just going to have to write
the article with the information I have.

Unfortunately, it's going to make him
look sort of bad.

Well, thank you for your time,
Elizabeth.

Wait a minute.

You wouldn't be talking about that
ridiculous stock merger, would you? I

that's the only possible thing. That's
exactly what I'm talking about. But

according to my sources, it wasn't so
ridiculous.

Oh, come on. He didn't even know that he
owned it. It was all a big mix -up.

You don't believe that, do you?

Of course I do. You should have heard
him scream when he found out that the

place was a... Porno theater?

Porno theater?

Dad, wait a minute.

I can't believe this.

Daddy, you're tricking me. Porno
theater.

Daddy, you didn't do anything wrong.

Well, try explaining that to all the
people that read the Evening Tribune.

Bradford linked to porno theater.

Do you have any idea what this could
mean to my appointment?

I'm sure if Elizabeth had known that
this could possibly have happened, she

would never have talked to the guy.

Yeah, well, now they know. Now she
knows. Everybody knows.

You know, this appointment really meant
a lot to me.

Look, kids, in the future, please, don't
talk to the press. Just tell them no

comment. But, Dad, wouldn't that look
like we're trying to cover something up?

Maybe, but it would be a whole lot
better than uncovering something like

How much longer do I have to keep this
up?

So you permanently change everybody's
opinion of you.

Stop now and I just think it was a
stage.

But it's a lot of hard work getting
everyone disgusted.

You think I don't know?

Sometimes I feel like chucking it all
myself.

Really? Yeah, but then I think of the
alternative.

I'd be nice.

Jeremy, I don't think that's possible.

That's easy for you to say. You like me.
What about the others? Before you know

it, they'll be petting me like a
chihuahua.

People can be cruel.

Hey, well, Nicholas, don't stop.
Anything worth doing is worth doing

right? Right.

Now, when's the last time you took a
shower?

Two days ago.

Good. You should start to smell soon,
which will help.

I think you're just feeling sorry for
yourself. Well, how would you feel?

I'm sure there's a very simple
explanation why you haven't been able to

date. Yeah, I'm sure there is. A kind of
boring personality, unattractive

features, big pores.

That's ridiculous.

Oh, I didn't expect you to understand,
Jeffrey.

You have six tiny, cute little pores.

Are you forgetting something?

Are you forgetting that I, the tiny,
poor trout, happen to have a very big

on you? Doesn't that say something?

Yeah. What?

You had to settle. Oh, come on. This is
crazy.

Crazy? Then can you explain why 300
klutzes, nerds, and lowlifes have passed

by? Yes.

You're too sophisticated for those
people. They see your tape, they get

scared.

Scared? No, I don't mean scared like
that. I mean frightened.

No. No, frightened's not what I meant at
all.

Horrible. No.

Disgusting. No, Joanie, come on. Look,
why do you say we just can the whole

story, chalk it up to a fluke, and let
it go at that?

Repulse. No.

I'll get a thesaurus.

Tom, are you going to talk to Nicholas?

Tonight. Right now I'm going to have a
little talk with our Tribune reporter.

You know, I think you were a little
rough on the kids last night.

Yeah, I guess I was. But they've got to
realize the implications of something

like that. If these things keep
happening, it's going to put the

jeopardy.

Hello?

Yes, just a minute.

It's Barry Hopper.

Barry, I guess you heard.

You could say that. Half the reporters
in Sacramento are outside my office.

It's a distortion, Barry, a big
distortion.

You can check the facts yourself.

I already did.

Now, look, I think I can smooth things
over this time, but you have got to put

lid on this kind of junk.

I know.

All right.

Now, look, I did some research on that
reporter from the Trib.

And I came up with something very
interesting.

My column isn't up to its usual
standards today.

But then, of course, I've been under a
lot of pressure lately.

Mind if I sit down?

Thank you.

You know, a friend of mine from the trip
told me that I might find you here.

You'll understand, of course, if I don't
mention his name.

What do you want, Proctor?

Oh, well, I'm glad you asked.

Generally, I would like you to live up
to your responsibility as a writer.

Specifically, I want you to stop trying
to crucify me. Look, I don't have

anything against you.

They send me out on a story, I cover it.

By the time the rewrite man, the editor,
get through with it, I don't know how

it's going to come out myself.

Oh, I think you have a pretty good idea.

Listen, Taylor, this appointment means a
lot to me.

I think I can do a good job. Yeah, for
who?

The public or your ego?

I'm trying to reason with you. I'm
trying to hold on to my job. For some of

that means a lot too.

Especially since you were fired from
your last job because of incompetence.

You don't know all the facts about that.

Welcome to the club.

This discussion is finished, Mr.
Bradford.

That all depends.

It could be just the beginning.

My column is on page one.

Sometimes it can prove very lively
reading.

It's playing pretty dirty for you,
Bradford.

I agree.

But that seems to be the only kind of
play that you respond to, Mr. Taylor.

This guy really wants to go out with me.
He really wants to go out with you.

Okay.

Hi.

My name's Bill Kendall.

I'm afraid there's not a lot to tell
about myself.

I graduated Harvard Law last year.

Barely. And my job with a local law firm
keeps me pretty busy now.

Maybe that's because I haven't found the
right girl to tear me away.

Anyway, I do enjoy the movies, and
especially the theater.

The theater?

You're sure?

This guy wants to go out with me?

As soon as possible.

I'm pretty athletic.

I like to ski a lot. I'm just learning.
I play a pretty good game of tennis.

Is something wrong?

No, no.

What's the matter? Did the truth print
another story again?

As a matter of fact, they don't even
mention my name.

No news story, no follow -up story,
nothing.

Well, that's good. So your talk with the
reporter helped.

Yeah, I guess it did.

Well, you don't seem very happy about
it. Why the long face? No, no, I am

It's just, well, you know, it wasn't a
very pleasant talk.

Hmm.

I mean, all the things you want to do,
the changes you want to make.

You've always said that if it's
important enough to believe in, it's

enough to fight for.

You're right.

The important thing is getting the
appointment.

And I am getting the appointment.

It means a lot to you, doesn't it?

I always felt cheated about my
schooling.

Eight grades in one room.

No college.

For someone like me to be given this
opportunity, I can't let it get away

me.

I just couldn't hold it in anymore. Oh,
don't worry about it.

I usually don't shriek like that. Did I
embarrass you?

No, but I think it gave Juliet a heart
attack. I know.

Why was such an old woman playing
Juliet?

I don't know. What was Juliet doing in
hell?

I had a good time tonight, Joanie. Oh,
I'm glad.

So did I.

You know, Joanie, before tonight, I
didn't think I'd be able to find

Oh, I know what you mean.

I could get dates, sure, but no one I
could really be comfortable with.

Like you.

Really?

Then a friend suggested I try Mr.

Video. I was skeptical, of course. Of
course.

I was so lonely, Joanie, I was ready to
try anything.

And it all paid off tonight, in a big
way.

Um... Billy, there was something I was
going to tell you later that

I think is better said now.

I know exactly what you mean, Joanie. I
think we're both feeling the same thing.

No, no, what I mean is why I'm here.

Why I came to Mr. Video. You see,
actually... Joanie, it's nothing to be

embarrassed about. Mr.

Video brought us together.

And that's all that really counts.

For the first time in my life, I am
really happy.

Nicholas, I think that we should have
one of our little talks.

I'm really not in the mood, Dad.

Oh, well, now, that is unfortunate,
isn't it?

Nicholas,

whatever happened to the nice, well
-mannered, clean young man who used to

himself my son?

I don't know what you're talking about.

Oh.

Well, then let me express myself more
clearly.

You are disrespectful, sarcastic, rude,
fresh,

lazy, dirty, unkempt, poorly dressed,
and furthermore, you smell.

Dad, I have my faults.

That's all you have to say for yourself?

Nicholas, tomorrow morning...

Either my old son comes down those
stairs, or your new father comes up.

new, not -so -lenient father.

Do you understand?

I don't care what you do to me. I'm not
going back to being cute. Never, no

matter what.

What?

Cute?

Oh.

So that's what this is all about.

Oh, Nicholas, that's so silly.

Yeah. Then so is your newspaper stuff.

What are you talking about?

It's the same thing, Dad.

People are trying to make you something
you're not.

You don't like it, do you?

No, I don't.

Then you know how I feel.

Dad?

Mr. Hopper's downstairs. I think it's
important.

into the study. We'll have a... Uh,
thanks. I can't stay.

Is something wrong?

Uh, the porno story was hotter than I
thought, Tom. Yeah, but you straightened

it out. Well, this time.

But we might not be as lucky the next
time something like this comes up. Why

it have to be the next time? We took
care of Taylor. My family knows... Tom,

ever since that story broke, my phone
has been ringing off the hook. Every

reporter in town wants a Tom Bradford
story now. Well, then now is the time to

tell them what I stand for, the things
that I want to do. Tom, be realistic.

You're not a knight in shining armor.

In the media's eyes, you are a
questionable public figure, someone to

Well, then let's change that opinion.
We'll have another press conference.

It's too late for that.

You're an issue now.

That's exactly what the governor wanted
to avoid.

He wants me to withdraw.

Doesn't he?

Doesn't he?

I'm sorry, Tom.

Yes, Governor, I do understand the
political realities, but when you

this position, you said that you felt as
strongly about education as I felt.

Well, look, if that's still the case,
isn't it worth taking a chance?

Governor... I know I can win those
reporters over if you'll just let me

please.

Oh, thank you, Governor. Right.

Bye.

Now, you realize the Governor is putting
himself on the line for you.

I realize it. Now, the next step is a
press conference at your house today.

Today? The sooner we turn this thing
around, the better. But it's Saturday. I

mean... Tom, this is still a long shot.

Changing people's minds isn't easy.

We'll, uh...

We'll portray you as the innocent
victim.

I am the innocent victim.

Well, good. That'll help.

Now, Tom, listen.

You have got to follow my instructions
to the letter.

I understand.

This is our last chance. We can't afford
one little slip -up from you or your

family. Are you sure this is the right
time? Maybe he needs to be alone. No, he

needs to know what's behind him. Oh,
good, you're here. The governor has

reconsidered. Tom, this is great. We're
going to have a press conference here

today, and Mr. Hopper is coming over to
give you all instructions.

Instructions? Well, you know, on your
behavior and all.

Is Mr. Hopper concerned about our
behavior? Yes, and so am I. We have to

our very best. We have to act our best
and look our best. And you can't say

anything that's going to embarrass your
father.

Tom, what would we say that... Come on,
Abby, get the house ready. Let's go,

kid.

No, I do love them.

All of them.

Yeah.

No, it's just that I can't talk right
now, Bill, okay?

And listen, would you try not to call as
often?

Right, the receptionist is getting a
little irritated.

No.

Disguising your voice will not help,
Bill.

Goodbye.

Oh, gee.

If Ronald Reagan calls, I'm not in. I
can't believe you told this guy you were

just his secretary.

Oh. Jeffrey, he said he was so lonely
before he met me.

I was afraid the truth would hurt him.

I can't understand how he could be this
much in love anyway.

Well, thanks a lot.

Johnny, he only had one date with you.

So?

What happened?

Tell him you're a reporter doing a story
and get it over with. The longer you

wait, the worse it's going to be.

You're right.

Poor guy.

That's talking about me.

You're jealous.

Just tell it. You're jealous. Just tell
it.

He's jealous.

Now, at exactly 3 p .m., the caterer
will deliver the deli plates.

I've already selected three strategic
locations for food placement, so you

have to worry about that.

Gee, thanks. What a load off my mind.

At 4 p .m., you should all be down here
and ready for inspection. Just a word of

warning, no T -shirts, no jeans, no cut
-offs, and no cleavage.

Cleavage? Exactly.

Now, at 4 .30, the Mike Sullivan
Orchestra will start setting up their

about over in here, I think. We're going
to have an orchestra?

Well, actually, it's just a quartet, but
they have a very big sound.

Now, at five, the press will begin to
show up. Greet them with a smile and a

firm handshake.

No curtsy?

No, it might look too proper.

Remember, you're just an ordinary,
normal family.

Be friendly, cheerful, courteous, but
above all, act natural.

Otherwise, you'll seem phony and it'll
look like we staged the whole thing.

See you at four.

Now, Tom, what about the small one?

The one who called me a moron?

I'm sorry about that, Barry. It's just
that, well, Nicholas has been having a

few problems.

But what are we going to do about him?

I'm sure he'll stay in his room.

Well, what if he doesn't? What if he
decides to come down and spit on people?

Insult them? Who knows what?

Well, I think that Nicholas realizes how
important this is to me.

Just as I realize how important this
situation is to him.

I think that he realizes that you don't
solve your problem by creating another

problem for someone else.

I sure hope you're right, Tom.

Yeah, so do I.

So do I.

Mr. Hopper already called, Dad.

Yes. I know how important it is, Dad.

Death.

Family unity.

No cleavage.

Dad, I promised I would be there, and
I'll be there, okay?

See you later. Bye.

Bill, what are you doing here?

I tried to call, but couldn't get
through.

Do you realize that operator hung up on
Ronald Reagan, Gerald Ford, and Richard

Nixon?

She's a Democrat.

I need to talk to you, Joanie.

I need to talk to you, too.

Is there someplace where we can be
alone?

Joanie, I want... Oh, Bill, before you
say anything...

There's a confession that I need to
make. Joanie, I know.

What? I've known from the beginning.
That's what I came here to tell you.

Well, what exactly do you know?

That you're a reporter, not a secretary,
and you're doing a piece on video

dating services.

You know.

I've known all along.

Mr. Roth told me before we went out.

In fact, he hired me to go out with you.

He hired you? Why?

You couldn't get a date.

That's not very good press for a
business that claims it can find dates

anyone.

And he told me to pretend that I... That
you're crazy about me. But I do like

you, Joanie. That's why I couldn't keep
putting you on like this. This is so

humiliating. I really am fond of you. I
couldn't get a date.

So do we have to pay somebody to go out
with me?

You're not...

This is good. Very good.

We're on the seventh day. He riffed.

Hey, Tom.

This is it.

Oh, well, I want to tell everybody how
much I appreciate it. Better to save it,

Tom. You might peak emotionally and have
nothing left for the press.

Oh, the places!

Places, everyone.

All right.

Take a breath.

Smile.

Here we go.

Hi there.

Hi. My name is Tom Rocker. Where is the
dip? I'm talking about mine.

Hi.

You're here to see me.

I want something to drink.

You're too upset to go anywhere.

I promised my father. Your father will
understand.

Let me take you out for lunch and
convince you how ridiculous all this is.

got to get home. It's very important to
him that I be there. Listen to me.

I guarantee you a date any time.

I don't even need to see your tape.

Thanks,

Jeff.

Oh, look, would you take a message for
me? I'm late.

Hello?

No, she's not here, but I can... Look, I
gotta tell her. It was all a mistake. A

computer error.

Computer error?

All right.

I'll have her call you.

No, thank you, honey.

Tom, Tom, meet Bill Stahl, K -U -R -D,
Kurd Radio.

He's a jogging freak, you know, just
like you. No kidding, just like me?

Yes, I say, maybe the two of you could
run tomorrow, get to know each other.

Bill's a friend of the governor, you
know.

That's a good idea. I'm up to 15 miles
now. No kidding, 15 miles.

Would you like some more cheese balls?

But you see, I've decided to go to
college now.

See, Dad has taught me the value of a
good education.

And what about you, young man?

What do you want to be when you grow up?

Well, gee, mister, I think I'd like to
be a... writer, just like Mr. Bradford.

Get a little lonesome sometimes, do you?
No, no, actually, I keep very busy,

and, well, whenever we're both at work,
Tom and I, well, we keep very close in

spirit. Yes, well, if you ever decide to
give up the ghost...

It was very nice talking to you. I have
to go.

There's some in the kitchen.

Excuse me. I don't think we've met. I'm
Mary Bradford, Tom Bradford's daughter.

Who? Tom Bradford. I think he's going to
make a great member of the Board of

Education. Tom Bradford. The name sounds
familiar.

This is Tom Bradford right here.

Say, I think I... Forget it.

Now, this is the way to throw a press
conference, Tom. You're learning.

Kayla.

Being here wasn't my idea. Don't worry.
I just want to hold on to my job.

Nothing more.

Joanie, where have you been? I'm sorry,
Dad. I mean, everybody else manages to

get here on time. Why can't you? I'm
sorry, Dad. I'm sorry.

Wait, is anything wrong?

No.

Joanie, if you don't want to mingle, you
don't have to.

No, this is much more important, Dad.

Really, I'll be fine.

Tom? Oh, yes. Tom, where are you going?
Well, Nicholas has been up in his room

all day. I just want to see if he's
still there. Yeah, later, Tom. It's time

make a statement and take some
questions. This won't take long. Tom,

running out of cheese balls and the
scotch is almost shot. We'd better do it

before we lose our audience.

I think you're forgetting how important
this is, Tom.

We have them right where we want them.

Let's not blow it now.

Ladies and gentlemen, may I have your
attention, please? Quiet, please. Quiet,

quiet.

Ladies and gentlemen of the press, Tom
Bradford.

In case any of you have any plans about
leaving, well, you're in trouble because

I've bolted all the doors.

You're all trapped.

I know I've had a lot of problems with
the press in the past, but...

I think that today has cleared that up.

We should all work... What

an adorable

little boy.

Isn't he just the cutest thing you've
ever seen?

I would like you all to meet my son,
Nicholas.

He made a very big sacrifice tonight.

In fact, he compromised a principle that
was very important to him.

I'm not sure exactly why he did it,
except that he knew how important this

conference was to me.

The fact is, I've been doing a lot of
compromising myself lately.

Only, not because of someone I loved.

Because of something I wanted.

You see, somewhere down the line,
something happened to me.

I started wanting this appointment a
little too much.

At the expense of everything else.

A seat on the board of education is a
wonderful thing.

but it's not as wonderful as my
principles or my family.

The education of children is a great
responsibility, one that I hope that

all pay more attention to in the future.

But for me, the responsibility of my
family is something that I have to pay

attention to right now.

For these reasons.

I'm announcing my intentions to withdraw
my name from consideration as the

governor's appointee to the State Board
of Education.

I, uh, I just have one more thing to
say, and I'm afraid this is going to be

even a bigger shock to all of you.

We're out of cheese balls.

No!

We love you!

Listen, buddy, I don't want to have to
say it again. My sister doesn't want to

go out with you.

Yeah, well, same to you, too.

A blank tape?

Yeah, the computer got all screwed up.
Every time somebody punched my number,

all they got was a blank screen.

Oh, how good.

Oh, thanks, Nicholas.

Funny thing was, one guy saw my tape,
and he almost asked me out. No, she's

interested. Mr.

Ross said he was looking for a real low
-key kind of girl.

Oh.

Joanie, it's another one.

Well, you know what to do.

Right.

Another one?

Yeah. Ever since they put the real tape
back in, all kinds of guys have been

calling here.

Well, I thought they couldn't call you
until you looked at their tape.

Yeah, usually.

Bill Kendall thinks he's doing me a
favor. He posts it on the bulletin

Johnny.

Get rid of him?

No, he's still on the phone.

Well, didn't you tell him I don't want
to go out?

Yeah. Well, what does he want?

He wants to know if you have Henrietta's
number.