Original subtitles

This is wrong.

We both know this is wrong.

Why?

It'll never work.

I'm old enough to be your older sister.

I don't care.

I love you.

How long have they been rehearsing? About an hour.

Same scene over and over?

Not even the whole scene, just that part.

You and Sib going out tonight?

Yeah, romantic dinner, dancing, the whole smear.

Guy's got a strong back.

Well, he's young.

I think it's great that you two are trying to reconcile.

Yeah, well, we both realize how much we still mean to each other.

So this must be tough for you to watch.

You know, Jeff, a couple of years ago it would have driven me crazy, but that's

because I was insecure.

Now I'm much more comfortable with who I am.

I'm not threatened by a kid like that.

Did you see my new Jaguar?

Yeah, nice.

Man, I remember when I was his age. I could go all night.

Yeah.

Got the big engine.

Twelve cylinders.

Sweet.

They say a woman fibs age and a guy his age both in their sexual prime.

Uh -huh.

But your peak earning years are 45 to 50.

Still, when you get out of the shower and look in the mirror, would you rather

see somebody that looks like you? Hey, has he written any award -winning

Does he own his own home? Does he have any mutual funds? There you go. That's a

nerve I was poking around for.

Ira, how long have you been here?

Long enough to brag about his mutual funds.

Aren't you late for a tractor pull or something?

Let me introduce Rick.

This is Jeff, my ex -husband who lives out of the garage.

And this is Ira, my ex -husband whom I'm dating.

It's a long story.

These are for you.

Oh, thank you so much, Ira.

So, how's the play going?

Well, pretty good. Hard work, though.

It's only a little home wall theater production, but I'm still scared to

Of what?

You're magnificent.

On stage.

Acting on stage.

Acting magnificent.

Well, I'd better get going. I'm working the dinner, chef. You're a waiter.

I gotta pay the rent.

No shame in that.

What do you drive?

Uh, Don's Cold.

Economical.

Yeah. Well, it was, um, good to meet you.

See you, Ray.

Adios. Bye. Okay, I'll go get ready. Thanks.

in Brentwood. Everyone lives behind gates.

No one invites you over for coffee. In fact, you never even know who your

neighbors are until they're accused of murder.

Isn't that always the way?

But I'm going to change all that.

I bought a telescope.

For what, she asked, fearing the answer.

Don't worry.

I checked with my attorney.

I am within my legal rights as long as my telescope is pointed at the stars.

So far I've seen Orion, the Big Dipper, and William Shatner.

Her fears were confirmed.

Did you know he let this cat feed off his stomach?

You're kidding. Could I make that up?

Oh, hey.

How was your little rendezvous with Ira last night?

Actually, it was very romantic.

We went to Malibu and had lobster, and then we took off our shoes and walked on

the beach.

Off his stomach?

And not the dry cat food, either.

Especially Ira walked barefoot on the beach.

Well... He left his socks on, and we only got about 20 feet before he saw a

homeless man and ran back to the car. But for him, that's progress.

Was there any other progress?

No, we're still taking it slow.

Define slow.

Just kissing.

Just kissing what?

You're a pig.

Hey, Pebble. Rick, I didn't know you belonged to this gym.

I don't. I'm just here playing racquetball with a friend.

Oh, this is Marianne. Rick and I are doing that play together.

Hi.

Sybil's told me a lot about you.

Are we still rehearsing tonight?

Six o 'clock. Great. I'll see you then. Okay. Bye.

Bye -bye.

I bow to you.

Marianne, nothing's going on. Does Ira know? There's nothing to know.

I'm doing a play with Ira and I'm dating Rick.

Excuse me? I mean, I'm dating Ira and I want to do Rick. I mean, I want to play

with Rick.

You'll be back in a minute. You sure I can't get you anything?

Oh, no, thanks. I'm fine.

Here.

Houston, we have touchdown.

You know, believe it or not, I'm usually a teeny -weeny size one.

Well, I think you look great the way you are.

You think so?

Pregnant women are beautiful.

You're glowing.

Oh, thank you.

So, how long have you been married? What makes you think I'm married?

Maybe the wedding ring gave you away?

Just kidding, peanut.

Yes, I'm married. We live over in Northridge. He's out of town right now,

staying here for a couple of days.

I'm divorced.

I'm just living here until I find my own place.

Oh, Zoe.

Teenagers, what are you going to do?

Okay, Rach.

Snack time.

Need some help?

No, no, I'm fine. Sorry I'm late. I had to restock the pantry before our little

mommy started hitting the dog biscuits.

Mother.

I ate a Gainesburger.

Be right with you, Rick.

Well, excuse me. I'm going to go get a little something to wash down these

chips. How about a bucket of gravy?

Here, let me.

Wow, glad you're here, Rick. Usually it takes two of us.

Thank you.

I know we both have a lot of baggage.

I've been hurt. You've been hurt.

But we're both young.

We can make this work.

Huh? Zoe!

Go do your homework.

Later.

I love you.

I'm sorry. I have to stop.

What's wrong?

I'm having a problem with the kith. Oh, no. Did I bite you again?

Nothing like that.

Sybil, we've got to talk.

Knock, knock.

There I am.

Hello, Rick.

Excuse me.

What are you doing here?

Well, I was on my way to a party.

A party which I have on good authority will also be attended by my ex -husband.

So I was thinking, what could I wear that would fill him with regret for

me? And then it hit me. Marianne, you cannot wear Rick to the party.

Come on, it's the perfect accessory.

No, Rick is not a handbag, he's an actor. Sometimes there's a difference.

All right, I'll just go home and watch TV.

Maybe Dustin Hoffman's TV.

Good idea. I bet he's got a satellite dish.

Sorry about that.

Is everything okay?

With Marianne? No, definitely not.

Now, what were you saying?

Well, when we kiss in the scene... Boy, this is kind of embarrassing.

I'm not acting.

I'm really kissing you.

I could see how that could be a problem.

I can't stop thinking about you, Sybil. Can I say something? I'm an idiot,

right? No, not at all.

This happens to all actors.

You're tapping into some very intimate emotions to make the scene work, and

easy for the line between fiction and reality to get confused.

See? Isn't that confusing?

Still waiting, huh?

Yeah, well, you know women.

Theoretically.

You know Teresa, the waitress who usually covers this station?

Uh, no. Big girl. Bad dye job.

Anyway, I can't begin to tell you how many times she has come in late.

Boyfriend problems, car problems, hair problems, and who has to cover her

You do. Ding, ding, ding.

Thibault, over here. But does she show up in time to pick up her tips?

Oh!

Excuse me, could you, uh... Oh!

Glad you could make it.

Sorry I'm late. I got stuck in traffic.

Sure.

No, really.

Why am I apologizing to the waiter?

Well, he did take his chair.

So, how was rehearsal?

Rehearsal? Fine.

Rehearsal didn't make me late. It was traffic. Horrible traffic. Bumper to

bumper traffic.

Really? Which way did you come?

What difference does it make?

There was traffic. I was late. Can we drop it? Okay.

Hey, it's dropped. Hey!

I read the play. Pretty good. Nice part for you.

You read the play?

Yeah. Why did you read the play?

Uh, to be supportive and take an interest in what you're doing. Yeah,

You would have been counting how many times Rick kisses me. No.

You really want to know?

Eleven times.

Boy, you haven't changed at all.

You still can't deal with the fact that I'm an actor. And yet, sometimes I have

to have love scenes with other men.

Look, I was just... I was just... I was just... Just... Because I have to kiss

another man on stage doesn't mean I enjoy it, and it certainly doesn't mean

attracted to him and wonder what it'd be like to have sex with him.

What? And furthermore, Ira, I resent these childish accusations.

Okay. I said, how was rehearsal?

She said she was stuck in traffic.

I said, which way did you come?

Peek -a -boo, I see you standing at the door.

Peek -a -boo, I see you lying on the floor.

It's open, Sybil.

How'd you know it was me?

I saw you pulling off the freeway.

Hey, you want to watch Elliot Gould cook dinner?

Absolutely not.

He's nude. Maybe a peek.

That man has the biggest... Wait, that's an oven mitt.

This is such a wonderful hobby.

Last night, I saw Kirstie Alley eat an entire pie with no utensils.

My turn.

I'm a terrible person, Marianne. Oh, come on. Anybody would have looked.

No, not that. I had a date with Ira tonight. I practically tore his head

And the problem is? He didn't deserve it.

I guess I was feeling guilty about what happened with Rick.

Something happened with Rick?

He kissed me. I mean, he really kissed me, and I sort of really kissed him

Uh -huh. And then?

Then I sent him home.

Oh.

Marianne, it's not fair.

I've been single over a year, dating nothing but boring middle -aged men.

The second I start seeing my ex -husband, bang, in walks Rick.

And it's not just physical. He's smart and sensitive.

Okay, it's a little physical.

I understand.

You care for Ira, but you're attracted to Rick.

I feel like I'm being tested.

I hate tests.

Hell suck.

Sybil, we've known each other a long time.

You know me better than anyone.

Yes, I do.

But you don't need my advice.

In your heart of hearts, you know the right thing to do.

Yeah, I guess.

Jump that boy and use him until there's nothing left but an empty hospital.

There's me right.

Trust me on this.

Go. Enjoy.

Breed a master race.

Hey, nosy lady, you like to peek? Here, take a picture. It'll last longer.

kissing, embracing thing on the counter.

We just look at each other really intensely.

I don't understand. It says here they kissed passionately.

That's only a suggestion from the writer. You can ignore that.

I get it.

This is about yesterday, isn't it?

Well, sort of.

Rick, listen.

Hey, I gotta talk to you. Not now, Jeff. We're rehearsing.

Yeah, right.

Rehearsing.

This is important.

I'll be right back.

Sorry to drag you away from Rick the Barbarian.

What's so important?

Where's Rachel?

She went out for pizza.

And yogurt. And corn dogs. Why?

Our son -in -law called.

She's not staying here because he's out of town. They had a fight. She walked

out on him.

I should have known.

She's been acting really strange lately.

I couldn't tell if she was weeping because her marriage was in trouble or

because we're out of pudding pops.

Rick, hi.

What are you doing here?

Oh, that's right. You were working with my mother. Filly me. I completely forgot

you were coming over.

Oh.

What do you think?

About?

You did something different with your hair? Oh, you noticed.

Yeah, I tried something new. Actually, I was thinking of cutting it. Oh, don't

you dare.

It's beautiful the way it frames your face. No, stop.

I gotta look under condition to feel it.

Obviously, I'm gonna have to talk to her.

Why do you always do that? Do what?

Cut me out of the parenting.

I'm her father, you know. I could talk to her, too.

Jeff, she's having marital problems.

All you know about marital problems is how to cause them.

Oh. God, Rick, that feels so good.

My sister's pregnant. I did this for her all the time.

Hey, hey, hey, what's going on here?

Daddy, Rick, what's wrong with my shoulders?

Yeah, yeah, I know that game. Start with the shoulders and who knows where it

ends up. Right, actor boy?

I know.

You know what? Rick has to leave now.

I hope I haven't caused a problem. No, you're not the problem. Well, not that

problem. Can we get together later? That's another problem. Whole different

problem. I don't understand.

Let's talk out here.

Jeff, I'll be right back.

Get... Rachel, a cupcake.

Quick!

Your daughter is really sweet.

As long as we keep her fed.

Rick, you know I like you. A lot.

That's good, because you know how I feel.

Yes, I do.

Please don't.

You and I can't have this relationship.

Because? Because, well, first of all, there's the age thing.

What age thing?

Boy, I really do like you.

The truth is, I'm dating my ex -husband. Not the big one in the air that wants

to kill you. The small, nervous one you met the other night.

You know, Rach, if you're having trouble with Kevin, it really might help to

talk about it. To you?

Why not to me?

Geez, what is it with everybody? I'm a person. I can listen.

I can advise.

Come on.

Tell Daddy all about it.

Okay. The other day, I came home with six samples of wallpaper.

You know, for the baby's room. Mm -hmm.

So I go in, show Kevin, he says, you two, they're all nice.

Can you believe that? It's like he just doesn't care. But why should he? I'm

nothing but a big fat, so he thinks I'm disgusting.

Rachel,

Rachel, I know how to hang wallpaper.

We can at least work together, right?

No, I'm going to quit the play.

Oh, no, don't do that.

Trust me, it's for the best. And there's plenty of time to replace me.

Nobody could replace you.

I know.

is really not about the wallpaper.

Oh,

great.

Simple talk, would you?

Rachel, calm down, honey.

Honey, Mommy's here.

I think I know what's going on.

Kevin's not paying enough attention to you, is he? Right? Right.

And you don't feel attractive to him anymore, right?

And flirting with Rick made you feel desirable and guilty at the same time?

thinks I'm beautiful.

Because you are beautiful.

Kevin, I'm sure thinks so, too.

He never says so.

Okay, here's what we're going to do. We're going to go upstairs to my room.

And get all comfy. I'm going to rub your neck and tell you about how horrible

your father was when I was pregnant with you.

Really?

What's the difference?

Call me petty, but I think there's a distinction.

Okay, I was wrong last night.

But I was reacting to the old Ira, the one who used to be jealous and

condescending about my career. But you've changed.

You've become supportive and understanding. I appreciate that.

Wait, wait. Let's go back to you were wrong.

I value our relationship.

And I want you to know I'm committed to giving it a chance.

Yeah, yeah, but you were wrong.

Yes, I was wrong.

I didn't screw up this time. I didn't blow it. I'm blameless and innocent.

You're really going to milk this dry, aren't you? Oh, you better believe it. I

spent half the night wondering what I did wrong. The answer is nothing. I did

nothing wrong.

Hey, world, I'm not guilty.

All right, all right.

Can we move on?

Certainly. I believe next on the agenda we'll be begging for forgiveness.

Or remember how we used to make up after a fight?

Oh, I get it.

After all these weeks of let's take it slow, Ira, sleeping together would be a

mistake, Ira, now you want to hop in this sack just so you can get off the

Well, it's not going to be that easy. If you want me, you're going to have to

woo me.

Woo you?

Yes, woo me.

Call me up, ask me out, wine me, dine me, then maybe you can have your way

me.

Okay, Ira, if that's what you want, I'll call you.

Fine, maybe I'll be home.

I'm the stupidest man in the entire world.

Oh, Rachel, that's great.

A few days in Palm Springs is just what you and Kevin need.

What? I can't understand what you're saying. Put down the chicken leg.

Oh, honey, don't cry. I didn't mean you were fat.

Okay. Have fun. Call me when you get back.

I love you, too. Bye.

Poor Kevin.

Oh, they'll work things out.

Two kids in love about to become parents.

Oh, look, she left a potato chip.

So, heard from young Rick lately?

No, they recast the older woman part, so I guess he's busy rehearsing.

How busy?

Forget it. Rick's a sweet person.

He just got a little confused.

I only hope it doesn't take him too long to get over me.

You know, I really am attracted to you.

I just... Hope we're not letting the emotions from the place spill over into

personal lives.

Who cares?

Something dies out.