Original subtitles

Thank you for making me look good. Sybil, that was a fabulous audition.

You sure?

Am I sure?

Forget about me. I'm just a casting director.

You had Robert De Niro crying in there. And what about Mr. Scorsese?

He loved you.

I knew I had Marty when he put down his hoagie.

Sybil, believe me, you are exactly the perfect face we've been looking for. Oh,

Andy, you have no idea what a break this would be for me. We just have to meet

one more actress that's more of a favor than anything else, and then we'll be

able to close your deal. Thank you, Andy. Thank you so much.

Excuse me. Sorry.

Miss Stone.

It's so good of you to do us this favor.

Miss Stone.

Sharon Stone.

Face in there with a fresh face.

Her face isn't fresh.

Mine is. Mine's fresh as face.

Okay, that's enough.

Hey, I just noticed something. What? You weren't giving me the same pity look I

usually give you.

You're sober, aren't you?

One of us drunk is amusing and colorful, but both of us drunk is just pathetic.

You love me, don't you?

Unconditionally. You dropped everything just to try and cheer me up. You even

let me horn in on lunch with your friend.

Where is she, anyway?

She'll be here.

She isn't your best friend, is she?

I am right.

I am your very best friend in the whole wide world.

Cut her off and bring me a double vodka.

Am I late? Oh, not at all. Claire, this is my friend Sybil.

Her best friend.

Nice to meet you, Sybil.

Oh, I'm sorry.

For what?

I'm getting a very strong sense of loss. You're mourning a loss, aren't you?

Yeah, how'd you know that? Sybil, Claire is one of the finest psychics in

Beverly Hills.

You've lost something with a D. Is it Dan?

Don? Dignity.

De Niro.

Claire predicted my divorce.

Oh, come on, Marianne, that was just common sense.

Can you tell me why my life sucks?

Well, I don't usually do readings in restaurants.

Please, just a quickie.

I suppose we could try a quick reading.

Just relax.

Oh, my, I'm... I'm sensing a very negative energy hovering near you. I

she's my best friend.

Oh, no, Sybil, it's in your house.

It's like a dark cloud blocking the sun from shining on your life.

Oh, you mean Jeff.

Jeff. Her ex -husband. He lives over the garage.

I knew that.

I'm not sure. I'm having trouble focusing.

I am, too.

I will tell you this, though. If this present stays in your house, I don't see

things getting better for you.

Bummer.

Okay, I think that's enough for now.

Would you like to see a menu? Oh, that's okay. I'll just have the red snapper.

I'm sorry. We're out of the snapper.

No, you're not.

Mary Ann, I had a dream about you last night.

Do tell.

I saw you with a very intense, dark -haired man.

I saw this man as your soulmate.

He is the fulfillment of all your hopes and dreams.

He must own a liquor store.

What else? What else? Is he rich?

Is he single? I'm not sure about Rich, but he is definitely single. And this is

the confusing part. I got the sense that he does something with words.

Papers or letters.

Oh, oh, I know, I know.

It's Ira.

Ira's your soulmate. He's my other ex -husband. Don't be ridiculous.

You know him.

He's got dark hair. He's a writer, so he works with paper and letters and words.

And he's neurotic.

Which is Jewish for intense.

Simple, you're drunk.

It's not Ira.

Please tell me it's not Ira.

I don't know.

It could be.

Marianne and Ira sitting in a tree. K -I -M -O -U -S -E.

Wait a minute. That's not right.

We haven't even passed out yet.

Bye, Mom. Bye, Mom.

Oh, wow. Where are you going?

I'm spending the night at Julie's. We're going to do our homework, rent some

movies. Don't worry. Her parents are home. They'll drive us to school in the

morning. Sounds like fun.

Let me just call Julie's mom and make sure she knows about your food

Oh, I'll tell her. No, I'll tell her.

I hate you.

Let me guess. There are no parents at Julie's house.

Close. There's no Julie.

Hey, ladies. Hey, dark cloud.

You're just in time. We're having a little celebration.

Who's we?

I found the champagne glasses, Jeff.

Oh, great, honey. Bring a couple more.

Sybil, Marianne, say hi to Kirsten.

Hi, Kirsten.

Actually, it's Kirsten. It's Swedish, you know, like the meatball.

There's a Kirsten meatball?

Apparently.

You're looking at the new love of my life.

Great, isn't she?

I'm talking terrible.

Sybil, I don't know how you ever put up with him. I didn't. That's why he's

available for you.

Amateur.

Thank you.

Jeff, just so I can fully enjoy the moment, what exactly are we celebrating?

Kirsten got an acting job today.

It was my first audition ever, and I...

Landed a part as Sharon Stone's little sister in Robert De Niro's new movie.

Cheers.

What's next for you?

Frogs, locusts, or boils?

Come on, we've finished celebrating up in my room.

Oh, nice to meet you.

Enjoy your sex.

Are you okay, Cal?

I'm having a bad day, Mary.

Is there anything I can do to make you feel better? I don't know.

When I was a little girl and I had a bad day, my mom used to make me a big stack

of French toast.

If French toast will cheer you up, then French toast you shall have.

You'd do that for me?

I'd do anything for you.

Now,

where do you keep your French toaster?

working.

I'm just curious.

When was the last time you cooked?

This was the last time I cooked.

Hey, Deb, I need to talk to you. I'm not home.

Come on, about Zoe.

What's she done now? She didn't do anything, but this may upset you. Of

it will.

Haven't you heard? I live under a dark cloud.

Come on.

Want to see me get struck by lightning?

Did I miss something?

Here I am!

Give me your bed sheets!

You both get back in here this minute!

Funky had a bad day.

I can't even get hit by lightning.

I'll leave you two alone.

Is that a good idea?

Ira, if you were to pick two words to describe yourself, what would they be?

Excuse me?

Come on, humor me. Two words.

I don't know. Dark and intense.

I'd have to call my psychic.

Believe me, Ira, you don't want to know.

Now, what didn't Zoe do that's going to upset me?

Well, there's no easy way to say this, so I'll just say it.

Zoe's decided she wants to live with me for a while.

What? What in God's name would anybody want to live with you for?

Thanks very much.

Sorry, that came out wrong.

Sybil, it's no big deal.

You two have been at each other's throats, and Zoe wants to breathe her.

All mothers and daughters go through this.

Personally, I think it'll be good for both of you. It'll give Zoe and me a

chance to spend more time together.

Oh, please, Ira.

She sold you a bill of goods.

She just wants to live with you so she can run amok. There is no amok running

my house.

The only thing she does is spend the occasional Saturday night over to her

friend Julie's.

Julie's?

Oh, yeah.

This is a great idea.

If you must know, I was having an audition a couple of days ago, and I

accidentally parked in Jack Nicholson's face.

Now, how much to replace the windshield?

How much?

Just fix it.

Well, Dad's here. Bye.

Wait a minute.

You move out after 16 years, and that's all you can say? Bye?

Um, thanks for the food.

and you were asleep.

You know I don't want you to go.

Do you have any idea how much I'm going to miss you?

You're going to tell me, aren't you?

Just remember, we're doing this on a trial basis. You can come back any time

want. Thanks. See ya.

By the way, I gave your father a list of the names and phone numbers of all your

friends, real and imaginary.

What? Oh, yeah.

We had a nice long talk about Daddy's little girl.

Among other things, he now understands the French club does not have away

Have fun.

but off my daughter just moved out.

What? I got a national commercial?

Hey!

It stopped raining.

Oh, my God!

I told you.

I lost three pounds.

How can that happen?

Maybe the scale was wrong.

have been going really well for me this week.

Did I tell you that Jack Nicholson sent me a check for my windshield?

He even apologized.

He said he was having a bad hair day.

It's almost as if a dark cloud has lifted from your life. What are you

about? That psychic thing? Jeff didn't move out. No, but Zoe did.

Oh, don't be ridiculous.

My daughter is not a dark cloud in my life. As a matter of fact, I miss her a

lot.

But you have to admit your luck has changed.

Yeah, I'll tell you, my luck has changed. Look, there's garlic, Norm.

You can look at me getting on the life cycle next to mine and sweat pesto sauce

while looking down my leotard.

He was a flaming heterosexual.

I'm not listening.

I can't hear you. Your life is obviously turned around since the curse of Zoe

was lifted. Zoe, how I love her, how I love her, my dear old Zoe.

Aren't you supposed to sing that down on one knee?

See, my dark cloud remains and his pet buffalo.

Hey, Viv, you got any plastic garbage bags? Oh, yeah, they're under the sink.

Don't let your Swedish meatball play with them unsupervised.

Be nice to Kirsten. She's my new roommate.

Oh, no, Jeff. That woman is not moving in here.

Oh, keep your powder dry. She's got her own house up in Malibu Canyon. I'm

moving in with her.

You're finally moving out?

Yeah. That's why I need the garbage bags. Got to pack.

My, my. It just keeps getting better and better.

Okay, I've had a little luck, but it has nothing to do with Zoe. Claire is good.

She is one good psychic.

Oh, hey, Sip.

I forgot to give you this.

It's for rent, utilities, groceries, and all the inconvenience I've caused you.

Jeff, this is a lot of money.

You deserve it. Thanks a lot for everything.

Convinced yet?

Convinced of what?

That my daughter's a curse on my life?

Just because since she's left, I've lost weight, got a great job, had my ex

-husband move out and write me a big check?

Uh -huh. Okay, she's a curse. Nobody's kid's perfect.

I miss having her around.

She's smart. She's funny.

She's tall.

Tall?

She's my daughter. I don't need a good reason to miss her.

yell what come here well i don't just yell zoe yell come here come here now

very

nice have you been messing around with my computer no are you sure three

chapters in my book have disappeared oh them i thought they were dry and

pedantic so i erased them

Catch your computer. There's no challenge in hacking a machine protected

nothing but the secret password IRA.

I don't believe it. Two weeks work. God.

Whoa, whoa, whoa. Where are you going?

Out. You have your beeper? Dad.

Here, take your beeper. Forget it. I'm not wearing a beeper. Then you're not

going out.

Daddy, don't you trust me?

Take the beeper. All right.

That can't be good.

Hi, honey.

Great, here come the border guards.

What are you doing out here?

I like to wave at the planes as they go by.

Smart, funny, tall, and sarcastic.

I brought your favorite pizza. I'm not hungry.

That's good because we ate most of it on the way over.

Marianne, would you give us a minute? Absolutely.

This is the first time I've ever been thrown into a house.

You want me to?

No, I'm really enjoying it here.

Oh, God, I'm cursed.

I can see why.

I poured my heart and soul into those 40 pages.

Oh, don't be such a baby. Just write it again.

What dark, satanic force brought you here?

I came with Sybil.

Listen, here's what I want to talk to you about.

I've known each other for a long time.

And you always saw me as Mrs. Richard Thorpe. And I always saw you as Mr.

Sheridan. But now, we're both free agents.

Oh, jeez.

Now, I know this may sound strange, ridiculous, grotesque even.

But have you ever toyed with me?

Possibility?

No. Me neither.

But... But, but, but, but, but... My, my psychic

thinks that you and I are soulmates.

I see.

And do you believe everything your psychic says?

Well, that depends.

How's your luck been lately?

Horrible.

Well, there's your answer.

Answer?

I don't know what the hell we're talking about.

I know I sound like a broken record, but the door is always open.

Well, it is. I really miss you. I even miss arguing with you. I don't argue.

argue. See?

I miss that.

Another beautiful sunny day in Southern California.

Zoe!

Oh, you're up. What's going on?

I'm moving back in.

Oh, God, that's great!

That's so great!

If you get all goopy on me, I'm out the door. I mean it.

You missed me, didn't you?

Just accept the fact that I'm back and move on. Oh, come on, Zoe. Throw me a

bone.

All right, you're slightly less annoying than Dad.

My dirty laundry's in the bag. I'm going up to my room. Leave me alone.

Got it.

Leaving you alone.

I did miss you a little.

my commercial just because the product causes cancer what does it cause cancer

thanks for calling arthur you were in my room while i was gone a minute was not

your hair is in my brush okay i was feeling a little lonely for you and i

your brush oh that is so sick yeah i thought so too i'm not gonna be home for

dinner tonight i'm going to the movies with annie no problem annie is real

Reminds me.

I got you a beeper. A beeper? I can't believe this. What am I, a child? Psych.

Ten bucks?

For the movie.

Good to be home, isn't it?

Yeah, I can be bought.

Major mudslide at Kirsten's.

Sorry, Claire, but I'm canceling my reading.

Why?

Because my furniture has more psychic powers than you do.

You have no idea what a fool I made of myself.

I threw myself at a man because you said he was my soulmate.

I almost killed him.

Certified letter? Signed here, please. You did, too.

You said someone already in my life.

Dark, intense, works with paper and letters.

You're a big fat...

Someday she'll notice me.