All language subtitles for Cybill s01e02 how can i call you my ex husbands if you wont go away

Before you pass, there's something I'd
like to say.

If I'm guilty of a crime, then that
crime is loving too much.

Can you understand that?

I loved my husband more than you'll ever
know.

But when I discovered he was cheating on
me, I went insane. I just went crazy.

I'm so sorry.

Sorry?

Madam, you stabbed your husband 37
times.

I know. I kind of got into it.

Have you anything else to say?

Yes. I wish.

I wish my arm hadn't gotten tired.

Was that okay?

That was incredible.

Just incredible, Stan.

I'm shaking.

try it a different way if you'd like?
More tears?

No, that was perfect.

I don't think there's any question here,
Stan.

Absolutely not.

Sybil, if you want the part, it's yours.

Are you kidding? It's a great part.

Thank you so much.

No, no.

Thank you. Oh, thank you.

I'm so excited.

Congrats.

Your report to the set on Wednesday.

Wednesday, great.

We'll shoot the nude scene first, get it
out of the way. Right, that's so great.

The what?

Um, nude scene? We made a few little
changes in the script.

Oh, just tinkering, really.

How nude?

Well, I think we would be safe in saying
that Brett would be involved, Stan.

Well, yeah, definitely.

Brett?

Is that a problem?

I'm not sure. I guess not. If it's, you
know, motivated.

Not just some kinky shower scene with a
sleazy prison guard.

Stan?

Work if you can get it, and if you get
it, won't you tell me how?

Does the warden know you're here?

Does the warden know you're here?

Does the warden know you're here?

And you wonder why I don't invite my
friends over.

I'd like to accept this Oscar on behalf
of topless women prisoners everywhere.

Oh, Jeff, come on in.

Oh, thanks.

And thanks for storing all this junk.

You are definitely my favorite ex -wife.
And you are definitely one of my ex

-husbands.

That aftershock really trashed your
condo, huh? It could have been worse. I

managed to save all this.

Oh, I'm so sorry.

Yeah, well, it was time to move anyway.

Bathroom was getting kind of gross.

What she did for love. What's this?

It's a cable movie I was offered.

Woman falls from grace and finds
redemption in prison.

Ooh, nude shower scene.

Lesbian or straight?

Straight. Oh, too bad.

You're amazing.

Two men together grosses you out, but
two women turns you on. No, two women

intrigue me. Three women turn me on.

So you gonna do the movie?

Oh, I don't know. Probably not.

How come? You've done nude scenes
before.

Oh, Jeff.

That was 20 years ago.

Things aren't...

Where they used to be.

I don't believe that. The Pointer
Sisters?

Let me see.

Get out of here!

Come on, I'll give you an honest
opinion.

I mean, it's not like I've never seen
them before.

It's not like you'll ever see them
again.

Bye, Jeff.

Wait, wait, I brought you something.

What? Some old home movies of you and
Rachel when she was a baby.

Oh, Jeff.

I had them transferred to videotape.
That's wonderful.

Thoughtful, too, don't you think?

Just turn it on.

Oh, my.

Look at Rachel. Can you believe our baby
is going to have a baby?

Time flies.

She was so beautiful.

Oh, yeah. What about you?

There's the girl I married.

There's the girl who could do a new
shower scene.

Oh, we were a happy little family, huh?

Yes, we were.

Hmm.

Well, darling, I better go find myself a
motel.

Motel? To the uncondemned condo. I got
to stay somewhere.

I was thinking about that little adobe
place in Burbank. You know, the one next

to the freeway under the power lines?

It's not so bad.

Oh, keep the tape. I want you to have
it. Jeff, wait.

You know I have that little efficiency
over the garage. Why don't you just stay

there a few days till you find another
place? Thanks, but I don't want to

impose. Oh, you're not imposing. It's
what, 20 years since I threw you out?

We're like old friends.

You sure?

Yeah, come on. I'll get you some
blankets and towels.

How about that? It worked.

And it would have worked if you just
asked, too.

give you drugs.

Marianne, I don't even know if I'm doing
the movie.

So you're just firming up your bosoms
for me?

You must believe.

I know I could be great in it.

Then do it.

But I'm going to be a grandmother.
Grandmothers don't do nude scenes.

Then don't do it. Of course, I could
think of it as striking a blow for all

middle -aged women to show that mature
bodies are beautiful.

Then do it. I don't know, maybe.

Did I tell you I'll let Jeff move back
in?

Then don't do it.

Did we change the subject?

Forget it! No, no, this sounds
interesting.

You let your ex -husband move back in?
The condo was condemned.

I mean, am I a wonderfully supportive ex
-wife or just a humongous schmuck? A

wonderfully supportive ex -wife.

Schmuck?

When does ex -husband number two move
in? He's not, but we are having dinner

tonight.

Shut up!

I didn't say a word.

We get together once a month to talk
about Zoe.

Yes, very civilized.

Well, at least I get along with my ex
-husband.

I get along great with Dr.

Dick.

Uh -huh. You want to tell me how his
jaguar wound up at the bottom of his

Sybil, the man dumped me after 25 years
of marriage without the courtesy of an

explanation, and out of the goodness of
my heart, I washed his car.

Boob job? No.

Boob job? No.

Boob job? Stop it. I'm just trying to be
helpful.

Steroid?

Really? Zoe told me it was a school
-sponsored, fully chaperoned field trip.

To Tijuana?

I don't know. Social studies?

Ira, wake up. Our daughter is the
Antichrist.

If you're going to share custody, you've
got to understand, she doesn't play

with Barbies anymore. She plays with
mines.

Hey, that's a good line.

Can I use that in my new book?

I didn't know you were writing a new
book. That's great.

What's it about?

Promise not to laugh?

No.

The main character is a woman. I'm
writing the entire book from a

female perspective.

Okay. You're being judgmental. Remember
what the marriage counselor said?

Yes, he said I should leave you. No,
before that, about you being judgmental.

Well, if I was judgmental, it was only
because you were condescending. I wasn't

condescending. Ira, you gave me a summer
reading list. You're right, that was

condescending. I'm sorry.

So what's that supposed to mean? It
means I'm sorry.

It's more important that we communicate
than for me to win an argument.

So I win?

This is not about winning or losing.

But I do win. That's not funny. All
right, you win.

See, I can say that now because in
writing this book, I've discovered a

myself that is nurturing, not
competitive.

That's the part of me I've always
suppressed, the female part.

Welcome to my world.

My point is, if I'd been in touch with
it when we were married, I would have

been a much better husband.

Ira, that is so enlightened.

Oh, unlike you.

I mean it. I'm trying to deal with some
of the issues that got in the way of our

relationship. Destroyed our
relationship.

Another way to say it.

A judgmental way.

You're right.

So, I win?

Nah, through your bones.

Hey.

Are you in a hurry to get home?

Why? Well, I thought we could take a
drive. Maybe talk some more.

Maybe go through the canyon in my new,
yes, I'm having a midlife crisis, German

sports car.

Hmm, I don't know. Can I drive?

Oh, Sybil, I'm not sure you can handle a
300 -horsepower, high -performance

vehicle with a fully condescending
remark like that. I suppose I have to

drive. Good save.

Thank you.

I didn't order the sorbet. It's on me.

Okay, okay, I think I've got it now.
This is fifth, and this is reverse.

Yes, and I wish you'd asked me that
before you hit 70 miles an hour on a

freeway.

That was scary, wasn't it?

Thank God no one was behind us.

You're pretty mad, huh? No, no, I'm
fine.

It's only a car.

My priorities are in order.

Beautiful view, isn't it? How the whole
sky's lit up like that.

Incredible. I just hope they put out the
fire before it reaches Encino.

Yeah.

You know, I've been thinking about it. I
really think you should do the movie.

You have beautiful breasts.

Ira. No, I'm serious. Every movie I see,
the actresses have these artificial

breasts that are about as sexy and
inviting as two Tupperware bowls with

nipples.

So what do I have, Ziploc bags?

No. You have the real thing.

As far as I'm concerned, nothing can
compare with that.

You know, that soft kind of gentle,
Pendulous quality.

And only real breasts can nourish a
child. To me, that's a miracle.

They should be exalted, not altered.

Revered, not revised.

I can't believe you're the same man who
used to gag whenever I had lactate.

Come on, I'm trying here.

I know you are.

Hey, remember this from our wedding?

Our first dance was man in white.

Till your mother cut in. Yeah.

Why don't we finish that dance now?

Dance here?

You're crazy.

No, I'm condescending.

Come on.

I am changing, you know. That waiter
seemed to think so.

I'm more patient.

You're standing.

This last year being alone has really
forced me to reevaluate a lot of things.

Figure out what's important.

I've got you under my skin.

I've got you. Well, that's it.

Let go.

I... What?

Hey! Hey! What are you doing?

Hey!

Come back here!

Right now!

Please.

Oh, God, Ira.

My Porsche.

My brand -new Porsche.

Now, come on.

Remember what you said.

Priorities. It's just a car. Oh, please,
Sybil. Where have you been? It's not

just a car.

It's a $70 ,000 penis.

What a waste of time. The police are no
help at all.

Why? Just because they couldn't spare a
helicopter to look for your car? What am

I paying taxes for?

They're never there when you need them,
but roll through one stop sign... Oh,

come on, Ira. Neither one of us was
hurt. You have insurance.

True. And you probably destroyed the
transmission anyway.

That's the spirit!

You know, aside from my car being stolen
and a two -mile walk through the

canyon, I had a great time tonight.

Don't forget outrunning the coyotes.
That was fun, too.

Yeah.

Well, I should go.

Cab's outside.

Good night.

Good night.

Don't worry, he doesn't bite.

What is that?

That's my dog.

No, that's no dog. I've seen dogs.
That's a very ugly pony.

Excuse me.

What's Jeff doing here? I don't think
it's really any of your business.

I was talking to Sybil.

He's staying?

Just for a few days. My condo got
condemned.

Oh, right. There was no other housing in
the city of Los Angeles.

If you really must know, I'll handle it.
She can speak for herself. Yes, I can.

I know what you're trying to do, pal.

It's not going to work. So why don't you
just take Cujo here and leave?

His name is Duke. I am not your pal. And
why don't you leave, book boy? Book

boy? You're the one who should leave.
No, I think you should leave. I know who

should leave. I think the first one to
leave should be the first one to leave.

Hey, if I hadn't cheated on her, you
wouldn't even be here. Oh, that's

to be proud of.

Huh.

How about that?

You hungry? I made a pot roast.

I could eat.

ex -husbands, but you can't. Hey, that
was mine.

You open your home to them and they
bring Darkzilla.

Can I have my drink, Sam? You try to
cooperate on child -rearing, they start

singing and dancing.

I'm really thirsty.

You have one little conversation about
your breasts. Next thing you know,

somebody rips off their $70 ,000 penis.

Maybe I've had enough.

Did I mention that I kissed Ira?

Uh, give me a second. I'm still stuck on
the $70 ,000 penis.

appraisal on that sort of thing.

You're lucky you and your ex hate each
other the way God intended.

Well, we work at it.

Simple, darling.

Let me ask you a question.

Do you want to reconcile with Ira? No.

Well, why did you kiss him? I don't
know.

Well, you'd better figure it out.

Why? What are you getting at?

I have no idea.

What a shame.

Marianne, that was your ex -husband.
What to?

What to? Okay, you got me.

I just called to say I loathe you.

I cannot believe you're making Frank
call.

find out who she is. Oh, no, you're not.
I bet it's that little blonde toad who

cleaned the teeth.

Mary Ann, you are not going. Oh, yes, I
am. Are you coming with me? No.

All right.

You can watch it on the news.

I'll drive.

Yes, that's right.

Eleven pizzas with anchovies and...

Dr. Richard Thorpe.

Marianne, wherever she is, she's not
coming out. Can we go now? Not yet. I

him. He'll make her answer the door for
the pizza guy.

Hello?

Oh, hello, Richard.

I know I've not been calling you and
hanging up. What kind of a lunatic do

think I am?

Actually, I am right now on a date with
a very potent man.

And you're interrupting.

All right. I accept your apology.

Good night.

Marianne, I can't sit here all night
having an early breakfast meeting with

agent. Oh, then blow it up. I can't. I
have to decide if I'm going to do this

movie. Now, come on. I want you to tell
me the truth.

Do you think if I do it, I'll just
humiliate myself?

Of course not. Come on. I want you to
give me your honest opinion.

Very much.

Let's go, Mitzi.

How very embarrassing for you.

That's it. Leave him. I am not leaving
until I see her.

Mary Ann, this is insane.

Your life still revolves around your ex
-husband.

It's like there's this invisible rope
that ties you to him. And it's time to

sever it once and for all.

Sever it.

I like the sound of that.

To be divorced, you need to be
spiritually divorced.

You know what we could do? We could have
some kind of divorce ceremony.

Something really symbolic. Like what?

Come on, Mitzi.

Hello again.

Good girl, Mitzi.

That was a good one.

You did a big doo -doo for Daddy.

Beautiful ceremony.

Where's the reception?

Your house.

Oh, good.

An open bar.

Sybil, judgmental?

There was plenty of judging when she
found those Polaroids in my toolbox.

I'm guessing they weren't of her.

Well, no.

Put a real crimp in the marriage.

Do you think you and Sybil get back
together?

I don't know.

Every time we start to get along, I make
the mistake of speaking.

Hey, fib.

Hey, pumpkin.

What is wrong with this picture?

Jeff and I are just catching up.

On what?

Ah, you know, ex -husband stuff.

What is this, the I Married Sybil Club?

We were talking about this movie of
yours. Come here, sit down.

We've decided you shouldn't do it.
Definitely not.

You know, I was in favor of it, but Jeff
makes a very valid argument, even

though you still have a beautiful
figure.

Very sexy. No question, but still, a
shower scene in a prison movie? Even a

classy prison movie. Just seems sleazy.

What would Rachel and Zoe think? Can't
forget your mom.

Almost a grandma.

So, my ex -husbands have been sitting
around my house making decisions about

life and my body over beer.

My beer.

You know, I could... easily fly into an
unspeakable rage right now.

But I'm not going to.

Nope.

Instead, I'm just going to take old Duke
here for a little walk.

Come on, boys.

You want us to come with you?

No, no, no. Make yourself at home. Kick
off your shoes.

And if the doorbell rings, make sure you
answer it.

Dibble, you look incredible.

Yeah, just like I remember him.

Thanks. I work hard at it.

When are you going to tell them that's a
body double? When are you going to shut

up?

You said you'd do anything to get out of
longer detail.

You have no idea what I'll do.

Here comes the good part.

This is what justified the nude scene
for me.

I've got a big surprise for you.

You've got to close my eyes.

Oh, no.

You're going to want to see this.