All language subtitles for fantasy_island_s06e17_king_of_burlesque

Amen.

Good morning, Buck. Good morning,
Gertrude.

Smiles, everyone.

Smiles.

Ah, Mr. Tom Vail, a Wall Street
economist from Montclair, New Jersey.

Sounds pretty glamorous.

Maybe he's looking for a partner.

No, no, Tattoo. Mr. Vail is here because
he wants to experience the world of old

-time burlesque.

Burlesque? You mean like in stripper?

Oh, boss. Like I say, maybe he's looking
for a partner.

Burlesque was much more than a
striptease, the two.

It was a spirited variety show with song
and dance and marvelous comedy.

In fact, Mr. Vail's fantasy is to become
a comic headliner.

Those other aspects of burlesque don't
interest him at all.

Anything you say, boss.

Oh, she's a foxy lady.

Foxy, now read the truth.

But you may be right in more ways than
you can imagine.

What do you mean?

What's her fantasy?

That's Mrs. Vanessa Waldron, an amateur
sportswoman who wants very much to

become a professional.

She says her fantasy is to win the first
annual Fantasy Island Pentathlon being

held here privately this weekend.

That should be easy. That's your
adjudging the competition.

Yes, but while I'm judging the
competition, I'm afraid Mrs. Waldron

judging me.

In fact, before this weekend is over,
she will appoint herself my judge, my

jury, and my executioner.

My dear guests, I am Mr. Rock, your
host.

Welcome to Fantasy Island.

Well, I think our tailor has done an
excellent job. Don't you think so?

I really like it.

It's my kind of outfit.

It really makes a statement.

Don't you think it's a little loud?

I mean, my fantasy is to make people
laugh, not go blind.

Mr. Vale, you are not going to be
performing on Wall Street. You're going

performing in a burlesque revival.

You must start thinking of Broadway
1930.

Boss, I think I know what the real
problem is.

Yeah, so do I.

Stage fright.

You know, I've been a fan of burlesque
for years.

I've seen all the film clips. I've
studied all the routines.

I've imagined what it would be like to
be a comic back then for half my life.

Now here am I with butterflies in my
stomach the size of MX missiles.

That's true.

You know, Mr. Bale, all you lack is self
-confidence. And self -confidence is

all...

In the head.

In this case, it's all on the head.

This straw hat has been worn by some of
the greatest burlesque comedians of all

time. When you put it on, you'll be able
to perform with the same aplomb they

enjoy.

Oh.

Well, if that's true, I guess I'm ready.

Not yet, not yet. Tattoo and I will
drive you to the revival house. Oh,

be taking the place of someone who came
down with the flu at the last moment.

So if you'll come with us, Mr. Vail.

I got it right here.

Right here. I got it right here.

Mr. Rock, where's the replacement you
promised me? Don't worry, Mr. Howard.

here. May I present Mr. Tom Bale?

Well, there's nothing like cutting it
close. Marty Howard, come on. Let's go.

We're on.

Wait a minute. What, right now?

Yeah, the suitcase bit. Come on. We're
on.

I'll tell you one thing, pal.

I'm smarter than you are. Smarter than
you are.

In fact, I'm so smart, I can tell you
what you're going to do before you do

Want me to prove it? Want me to prove
it? I will.

See the suitcase?

See the suitcase?

You see the suitcase?

The hat? The hat?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I see it. Yeah. What
about it?

Good, good, good. Well, I'll bet you
can't pick it up without saying ouch.

Buddy, you've got to bet.

Ten bucks.

Ten bucks. You got to bet. You got to
bet. Don't do it. Don't do it.

Oh, please, Michael.

Give me the strength to do this.

Come in.

Ah, Mr. Rourke. That you?

Sit down.

Thank you.

Well, Mrs. Waldron, I hope you're
prepared for the competition this

It's going to be difficult.

I am.

But I heard there's going to be no
audience, no spectators.

Why? Well, it's a private competition
between the best men and women in the

world. They are interested in sport, not
applause.

Ah. And the five events?

Fencing, martial arts, equestrian
dressage, skydiving, and the friend or

competition.

Well, Miss Walgren, are the conditions
of the pentathlon satisfactory to you?

Yes, very.

In fact, they're perfect.

Good. Then why don't we talk about the
real reason you came to Fantasy Island?

All right.

Let's.

It's my husband, Michael.

He came here a month ago to have a
fantasy.

And died.

Michael Walden?

The tennis ball?

Yes, Mr.

Walden's fantasy was to repeat the
famous Contiki voyage.

I warned him of the dangers of sailing
the high sea on a raft.

You warned him?

What did you do to protect him?

The storm that moved in and destroyed
his raft was unpredictable.

We sent out a rescue party immediately,
of course, but it was too late.

I am deeply sorry.

I don't want apologies.

I want answers.

I wish I could give you some, but I'm
afraid it's impossible.

It was a terrible tragedy.

Tragedy? I think there's a cover -up
going on.

The police won't investigate. I tried
that.

I assure you, you are wrong.

That's all I can say.

Well, then what I came here to do won't
be so difficult after all.

My husband's dead.

As far as I'm concerned, you murdered
him and you're going to pay.

I've put a bounty on your head of a
million dollars.

No, don't, don't.

Mrs. Walgren, I know you feel tremendous
grief and anger.

You obviously love your husband very
much.

But if you could just wait until this
weekend is over.

The bounty is on.

Very well.

I accept thee.

On the condition that, if I am still
alive when the weekend is over, you

to give up any further ideas of revenge
and go home.

Agreed.

Thank you.

Will you excuse me?

The two?

Eduardo Magalvez Jr. knocked him right
out of the seats.

It? What is it, Dora Lee?

The body.

Whose body?

This body.

The greatest body that ever sashayed
down the ramp.

You got two more shows this weekend,
Dora Lee.

You'd better save your energy.

If you think there's something deficient
with my energy, mister, then there's

something deficient with your eyes.

That thing come with batteries?

Hey, you know, you had me worried there
for a while. You know that, don't you?

But once you're loosened up, you're
okay, kid.

I thought you were wonderful.

I'm Abby Boudreaux.

Tom. Tom Vale.

Abby, come on. I'll buy you a drink.

No, I can't.

I'm sorry. I've got plans.

Okay.

See you later.

You got plans, huh?

I was hoping maybe you'd buy me a drink.

How long will it take you to change?

Ten minutes.

I'll be waiting.

Why don't you let me call the police?

Because I can't, Arthur.

Then why don't you leave the island?

Because Mrs.

Waldron's coming here has placed her in
a very vulnerable position. I can't

leave her unprotected.

You're the one who needs the protection.

Well, it's time for the friend of four
competition.

You should be getting out onto the
field.

Boss, let me judge the game.

I know what I'm doing.

If you go out there, you'll be like a
sitting duck.

Don't worry, Tattoo. I'll be very
careful.

Tattoo, please trust me in this.

We've been friends a long time, haven't
we?

Yes. That's why I don't understand why
you're acting this way.

It looks like you have something to hide
about Mr. Walton's death.

I do.

Although, I'm kind of glad that you
don't undress for a living.

A man who doesn't like striptease?

Well, maybe I'm a little weird, but
watching it makes me feel cheap.

And I can't help but feel that it makes
the stripper feel cheap, too.

Not that I'm against nudity, mind you. I
mean, give me the right setting and the

right girl.

Hello, how are you? How's it, folks?
What's new?

I'm great, that's good.

Ha ha, knock wood.

Well, well, what do you say?

How you been? Nice day.

I thought you had plans.

They changed.

Marty, let's go to another table.

No, I like this one.

Janet, this is Tom.

Tom, Janet.

She's a chorus girl, too.

Abby,

you know, you stand out in that chorus
line like a rose in winter.

Abby, I'm going to put you in Dora Lee's
place.

You mean you want me to do the strip
routine?

Yeah.

It'll mean higher pay, bigger billing.

Think of it, Abby. You're naming lights.

She's not interested.

What are you all of a sudden? A
rancering service?

Tom's right.

I wouldn't mind moving up, Marty.

But I'd just rather do it with my
clothes on.

Satisfied?

We'll talk later, Abby.

And somebody wires this guy's jaw shut.

And Marty's somewhat quick to mind.

You're trespassing.

Boss,

they're moving to the third position.

Are you all right?

I'm fine.

Don't worry.

The competition's almost over.

Tattoo, I'm afraid I've lost track of
Mr. Howard.

Get off my island, Mr. Powers.

Now.

Give this up, Mrs. Walgren.

Next time you won't be so lucky.

Be ashamed of yourself.

Why, one of these days, your wife is
going to find out about you.

What do you mean? What do you mean? I
just left the office.

I work late every night supporting that
woman.

Well, if you just came from the office,
where's your shirt?

I've been robbed.

Hey, that was fun.

And easier than I thought it would be,
too.

Hi. You were great. Oh, yeah?

Having a bag of plants for later?

Why don't you ask them?

I'm asking you, Janet.

Want to keep your job?

I'm meeting in Tom's bungalow after the
show.

Stick around after the show. I need you
to help me with a little practical joke

I want to play.

Sure thing, lover.

Coming, Abby, coming.

What message?

Champagne House Geek. How wonderfully
illicit.

Doralee, somehow somebody's got their
wires crossed. Come on. Oh, I can fix

that.

I mean, I can... No, no, no. Listen,
Doralee, no. Come on. Well, yeah, for

heaven's sake. No, no. Come on. No. No,
don't.

No, no, no. No.

No, no, no. Come on. Come on. No, no.
No, no. Come on.

No. Would you stop?

You were great.

Great?

Great.

I was?

And match.

Congratulations, Mrs. Walgren.

You win again.

Mrs. Walgren, excellent match.

Mr. Rourke, I should like a word with
you outside. It's really most urgent.

Will you excuse me?

Join me, please, Mr. Rock.

To your health.

Exactly why did you really want to see
me, Mr. Doucette?

I thought that would have been obvious
by now.

Obvious.

The only thing that is obvious is that
Mrs. Walgreen is no match for you.

You're the world's fencing champion, and
yet you deliberately let her win.

Why?

200 years ago, it would have meant
something to have been the greatest

the world. Today, it's meaningless.

Soon I will be too old for competition.
I have hundreds of medals, but no money.

Forgive me, but I want, I need that
million -dollar bounty, and I'm willing

kill you.

To get it.

I am no mood to play games, Mr.
Doucette.

Rock!

Don't run out on me now.

It will take all the fun out of this.

I'm God.

I'm mort.

Give me a moment.

Make sure he leaves the island right
away. Take him away.

Boss, are you okay?

Please.

Stop this while you still can.

Before it turns on you.

Hurts you.

I've already been hurt.

I don't have any feelings left.

Oh, I believe you have.

Very deep feelings.

Stop acting like a saint.

You're not a saint. You're just a man.

You bleed, Mr. Rourke.

And if you can bleed, you can also die.

Rough night?

How'd you guess?

Oh, stop thinking about it.

What you need to do is get your mind on
the future.

Look, the offer I made you yesterday
still stands, Abby.

Just say the word, kid. Say the word,
you move right into Doralee's spot.

Abby, I've been looking all over for
you. What happened to you last night?

I don't like leftovers.

Especially Doralee's.

Look, let me explain.

What's to explain?

I understand perfectly.

You're just like every other headliner.

Everything and everyone is just one big
dirty joke to you.

No, I take that back.

You're worse.

Because I believed... You made me
believe that you were different.

I am different.

Not according to my dictionary. Wait,
come on, let me explain. Hey, hey, hey.

The lady obviously does not want to talk
to you. Ah, get out of my way.

Come on. Mr. Dale, Mr. Dale, Mr. Dale,
please, please.

Like it or not, Mr. Howard is your
employer for the weekend.

If you punch him out, there goes your
fantasy.

Come on, Marty.

I think maybe I would like to talk about
my future after all.

You're right, Mr. Rourke. I am not going
to let her jeopardize my fantasy.

She and I are history starting right
now.

It's your decision, Mr. Vail.

Will you excuse us?

You were thinking about your husband,
weren't you?

I wanted to come here with him.

But I don't blame myself, Mr. Rourke.

I'm not going to let you off the hook
that easily.

Will revenge bring him back to you?

There wasn't even a body I could bury.

I have to do something.

In that case, may I ask?

How many more of these attempts am I
going to have to face?

Just one.

But I'm going to make it easy on you.

I'm going to offer you a more personal
challenge.

You'll be able to judge the skydiving
event much better from up there.

Jump with us this afternoon.

With me.

Mrs. Waldron, you're one hour early.

Yes, I know. I want to check my suit
before the jump.

Are you all right?

It's awfully hot in here.

Mrs.

Waldron!

Mrs. Waldron!

Woman, get me some water.

Now, let's see him try and open his
chute.

It is water.

What happened?

I guess you found it. Here's your water.
Oh, thank you.

I should have eaten breakfast.

Well, if you don't feel good, maybe you
should call off the job.

No, I'll feel fine.

Back to you.

Marty, hold on, pal. I want to talk to
you.

Sorry, pal.

Either you tell her to forget the strip,
or I don't do the show.

I could still replace you, pal.

Not with me climbing all over you, you
couldn't. Pal, which is exactly what I

intend to do unless you tell Abby she's
back on the line.

That's so.

Wait a minute, Luscious.

What's this about me being out of the
show?

Hey, hey, hey, hey, don't bend the suit.

You've got nothing to worry about.

If Abby doesn't cut it, you go back in.

Consider it a night off.

And what if Abby does cut it?

Consider yourself gone.

It's been a long time coming, Dora Lee.

Try looking in the mirror sometimes.

Get married.

I have to see this through to the end or
two.

For Mrs.

Waldron's sake as well as mine.

Thank you.

Well, Mrs. Waldron, we're at 9 ,000
feet.

Are you ready for your jump?

I'm ready, Mr. Roth.

Mrs. Waldron, are you certain you want
to go through with this?

Do you want the girl, Mr. Roth?

boys.

Thank you, Doctor.

Let me take this. Thank you.

You look like you've all gone warm.

Yes.

Well, Mrs. Walden, I believe
congratulations are in order.

You seem to be indestructible, Mr.
Roark.

Congratulations to you, too.

I think this calls for our own private
toast, don't you?

Then, uh...

It's over.

Not quite.

You see these two glasses?

One of them has been poisoned.

Just to show you I'm still a good sport,
I'll let you choose.

Which is yours?

Neither.

The game is over.

All right.

If you won't play, I will.

Let go of me.

Mrs. Warren, listen to me. Listen to me.
Your husband is alive.

He's alive.

What do you mean?

Michael Waldron only poses as a tennis
pro. His real work is for the government

as an undercover agent.

He used to work for them. He gave it up
years ago.

No.

No.

He tried.

But they came back to him.

They needed him for one more assignment.
He was the only one who had the

connections to carry it through.

Only it blew up on his face.

He knew he'd have to go into hiding,
perhaps for the rest of his life.

Well, he didn't want that for you.

I don't understand that.

Why didn't Michael tell me?

If you had known, he would have put you
in danger.

The opposition could have gotten to you,
used you to get to him.

He thought it would be better if
everyone, yes, even you, thought he was

Why didn't you tell me this before?

I promised Michael never to reveal the
fact that his fantasy here was a sham.

Mr. Rourke, please don't... Also... I
needed time.

You arranged for that.

It's a long story, the two.

Fortunately, it has a very happy ending.

Who gives a damn?

Quit stalling and start dealing.

Mr.

Vail, what's happened?

What's happened?

An absolute disaster, that's what.

My fantasy was to star in a burlesque
show and I end up locked in a storage

room. But the show isn't over yet, Mr.
Vail.

you can still go out there and knock
them dead.

What's the use?

Last thing I feel like doing right now
is to make people laugh.

I blew it, Mr. Rourke.

I fell in love.

Well, then why are you moping around
down here?

Because she's up there spiting me, which
is nothing compared to what she's doing

to herself.

Why don't you stop her?

Because it's too late.

When it comes to matters of the heart,
Mr. Bale,

It's never too late.

Tattoo. Tattoo.

Where's Tom?

Forget Tom. He's through.

Through? Yeah.

And so will you be if you don't get that
cue off.

You're fired.

With pleasure.

Come on, Jake.

What's the matter?

Oh, okay.

A little ad -libbing, and then we'll do
the blackout.

Let's go. Let's go.

Beautiful girls, but you know something?
They dress in the room next to mine,

and the place that the toe joint must be
made out of iron. You ought to see my

knife. You did it.

You really did it. So what if I did?

Yeah, but you did it for all the wrong
reasons.

It just so happens.

I love you.

I saw how much you loved me last night.

What you saw last night, sweetheart, was
a setup.

A Marty Howard special.

Excuse me?

Boy,

they really came up with a great finish
for this act.

Don't even think about it.

Mr. Rourke, I can't find the words to
thank you. I hope you'll forgive me. You

can thank me by staying safe and well.

Excuse me, but where's Mr. Walgren?

I don't know, Tattoo.

But I'll be with him again by tomorrow
morning.

As soon as I get to the mainland,
there'll be someone waiting to take me

When all this is over with, I hope you
and Mr. Walgren will come back and spend

a real vacation with us.

We will, Mr. Rourke. That's a promise.

Goodbye, Mr. Rourke. Goodbye.

Tattoo? Goodbye.

Bye -bye.

Well, Mr. Bale, are you ready to go back
to Wall Street?

No, I still have one performance to
give.

Not as a headliner, surely?

No, as a fiancé.

We're going to stop off in Toledo so I
can meet her parents.

Congratulations.

Mr. Rourke, I want to thank you.

It was my pleasure, Mr. Rourke.

Does that mean you're not going to be
stripping anymore?

Not really. It just means I've got a
smaller audience.

Thank you.

Well,

thank you, Mr. Rourke. You're very
welcome, Mr. Bale. That too. Bye -bye.

thanks again. Yes, sir.

Goodbye.