All language subtitles for fantasy_island_s06e08_kleptomaniac

you

Good morning, Clark. Good morning,
Tattoo.

Smile, everyone.

Smile.

Boss, who's that man?

His name is Mr. Fred Simpson.

Him? No, never.

Perhaps because he's suffering from a
very distressing affliction. You see,

Tattoo, Mr. Simpson is a kleptomaniac.

Hey, Cook.

Boss, are you sure you lock up the step
in the office?

Perhaps I should explain something to
you, Tattoo. With Mr. Simpson, as with

kleptomaniacs, the urge to steal is not
because of personal desire or monetary

rewards. It's simply an obsession with
them. A psychological disorder, really.

What is fantasy?

His fantasy is to be free forever of
this compulsion to steal, which I

would require a great deal of ingenuity
on our part to accomplish.

Ready lady with Mr. Simpson?

No, not a two. The young lady is Miss
Emily Carlyle. She's a courier from a

high -priced New York jewelry company.

She's come to Fantasy Island to make a
delivery.

She was on a plane with a thief?

I thought I just explained that to you,
Tattoo.

Boss, that's Loretta, the waitress,
who's slinging hash at the large

at their home.

That's right, her two. However, for the
next two days, you will refer to her as

Mrs. Loretta Wentworth of Wentworth
Mansion.

But, boss, that's crazy.

Yesterday, she served me a hillbilly
hamburger with onions.

Nevertheless, today, she is Mrs.
Wentworth, an elegant lady of wealth and

position.

is to be the opposite of a hash slinger.

Her fantasy tattoo is to be the fine
lady of social status she believes her

daughter Lorraine wants her to be.

But boss, her daughter will know the
truth about her.

No, no tattoo.

You see, Mrs. Wentworth and her child
haven't seen each other since the little

girl was given up for adoption when only
nine months old.

My dear guests, I am Mr. Rorsch, your
host.

Welcome to Fantasy Island.

It's just so embarrassing, Mr. Brooke.

Even my best friends don't want me
around.

You mean you steal from your friends?

I can't help it.

Naturally, when I realize what I've
done, I return this stuff.

If it's valuable, I give them cash, too.
I mean, double the amount of whatever I

thought it was worth.

But my friends are getting a little
tired of my habit.

So am I. Now, tell me, Mr. Simpson, just
what happens when this urge to steal

overcomes you?

Well, first of all, I only steal things
that are shiny.

Shiny?

Yeah, I see something shiny and then I
freeze up for a second.

And then this boing sound goes around in
my head.

Boing sounds?

Next thing I know, I've stolen something
again.

I've tried everything.

Nothing works.

You've got to help me.

I can't guarantee that I can cure you,
Mr. Simpson, but I will do everything in

my power to help you cure yourself.

That's all I'm asking.

Very well. In the meantime, I will
assign Tattoo to stay with you and,

say, keep him out of trouble.

Oh, Mr.

Simpson, my pen, please.

I'm sorry.

I couldn't help myself.

Thank you.

Have a nice day.

Am I really going to fool anybody in
this fancy? Get up, Mr. Roy.

Well, you look absolutely charming, Mrs.
Wentworth.

Doesn't she, Tattoo?

Yes, boss. And the dog, too.

Well, to tell you the truth, I prefer
animals that walk on their own legs.

Ah, but for the impression you wish to
create, I assure you the lapdog is most

appropriate. Which is what you meant,
isn't it?

I thought so.

Well, I just hope I haven't been off
more than I can chew.

Why do you say that?

Well, I want more than anything in this
world for Lorraine to be proud of me

when she sees me.

And you know yourself, I'm just a plain
old country girl.

You may be a country girl, Mrs.
Wentworth, but you are also a lady.

who gave up her dream to become a
professional country singer years ago.

Instead, you worked hard your entire
life to give your daughter every social

advantage and a fine education.

And I'm proud I did, too.

She's with every blue plate special and
every tray of beer I serve. My

daughter's a beautiful young lady now.

But I thought you said that you didn't
see her.

Oh, uh, Joe and Nancy Ogden...

The couple that adopted Lorraine sends
me a picture of her every year.

But your daughter has never seen a
photograph of you, even though you sent

money all these years, supported her.

Well, she accidentally found out a few
months ago that she was adopted.

And she kind of wanted to see what a
real mama looked like before she got

married. I see.

Excuse me, boss.

I think she lives here.

And your daughter, Lauren, is going to
be here soon.

Oh, she mustn't see me yet. That was for
everything.

Go meet them for two, will you, please?

No problem.

Now.

Well, it seems to me that without
planning a fancy wedding here on Fantasy

Island, the least Mr. Roy can do is to
be here when we arrive.

Don't worry, Mrs. Alden.

Everything's under control.

Oh, Nancy had a rough trip over on the
steamer.

Motion... Thickness, you know. I'm
sorry.

More likely all that rich food and
champagne day and night. Oh, I was just

making sure you had a good time, dear.
It was wonderful. Thank you, Nancy and

Joe. It was like a beautiful four -day
party.

Hey, give me a little credit, too. All
that dancing and all that romancing. Oh,

Errol, you know how wonderful you are.

Yeah. When do I get to see my mother
tattoo?

Mrs.

Wentworth is preparing a wonderful
reception in your honor tomorrow.

That's wonderful, isn't it? Great. In
the meantime, my driver will drive you

your bungalow, and then you can do some
sightseeing.

I've got to go now. You too.

Is what you call not moving?

If you'll excuse me, I have to powder my
nose.

My wrist!

My brooch! My God!

Somebody stole my brooch! It's gone!
Somebody stole it!

I've got it. Here it is.

You! You stole my brooch!

Don't touch me, you pervert!

Don't touch me!

I've been lost in smaller places than
this, Mr. Roy. I'm delighted you are

pleased. Scared to death what I am.

Do you think I'm going to be able to
pull this thing off? You know,

I'm something I'm not?

With the help of some close friends,
Mrs. Wentworth, I myself will act as

butler, madame.

Oh, boy.

And may I present your associates?

Miss Doris Lee, your personal maid.

Mr. Otis McAllister, butler's assistant
and chef.

And Mr. Beaufort, Joe Scoggins,
chauffeur and general factotum.

Handyman.

Oh, boy, thank you.

We're with you all the way.

Mr.

Rourke, I hope you know what you're
doing, because I don't know if I'm going

have enough money left over after
bringing Lorraine and all of them over

boat to pay you for all this.

I've never heard you perform, Mrs.
Wentworth.

I'll consider myself amply paid if
you'll sing something for me now, will

I'd love to, Mr. Roark, but I didn't
bring... Thanks, Mr. Roark.

I guess maybe this song will set off for
me.

was born to be country but my little

girl doesn't see she wants me to be

somebody else but I just want to

be me everybody's

got a dream

But most dreams don't come true They

all dream the same old way I must have

dreamed something

I, uh, I hate to drop a weasel in a
chicken yard, but, uh, we're all due

work for the next shift, and... Oh, I'm
gonna go with you. Uh, the party ain't

till tomorrow, and, frankly, Mr. Rourke,
I could really use the money.

I understand.

Let's get out of these Sunday -go -meat
clothes and get to work.

Hey, look at all this poker, too.

Yeah, and pretty girls, too.

Thank you.

Is this the office?

Yes, I'm Emily Carlisle. I was wondering
when Mrs.

Vanderclap was due in.

No.

It's just that I'm carrying something
very valuable in my purse that I'm

supposed to deliver to her. She wants to
wear it to Prince Rudolph's coronation

ball when she returns to Europe.

Can't you at least give me an idea when
you're expecting her?

Then I think I'll just drop it off with
Mr. Roth for safekeeping until she gets

here.

Thanks.

Look, I've got to check the dinner menu
for tonight.

I want you to stay here and don't get in
trouble.

Now. Stay put.

I'll be a minute. Okay? Okay.

Did you see that? Yeah.

The thing is, nobody else did.

Come on.

You may go to the coronation ball
myself.

That dumb guy.

My bag.

It's gone.

Somebody stole my bag.

Oh, no.

I've got to find it. If I don't, I'll
lose my job.

I might even go to prison.

You know, Loretta, you really should
have taken the bail.

Tomorrow's so important for you.

I'll just whip a tip with you.

Well, thanks, Doris, but to stay in that
big country club with a house for

myself? No way.

A girl with a house like that wouldn't
have to be by herself very long. You

what I mean?

Oh, honey.

Go put something on that.

Right now. And I'll take care of the
table.

It's an ordinary cup of coffee. It's not
going to permanently injure you.

Besides, I think this place is kind of
quaint.

I had plans to drive off around the
island with a little champagne on the

swim in the warm surf, and... And I know
all the rest.

Can I help it if you're here?

Which is more than I can say for this
joint.

Well, my instinct says their coffee is
out of this world.

Oh, yeah?

Oh, miss.

No, thank you. Just two coffees with
cream and sugar.

Oh, that's my little girl.

Not bad for a hashling.

Errol, you are a snob.

Is that why I love you?

Probably.

Probably. Yeah.

You're all right, Loretta. You look like
you've seen a ghost or something.

That's her.

Don't look.

Now look.

Over at the table by the door, the girl.
Okay.

That's her, huh? That's her.

Wow.

She's some kind of person.

Who's her?

That's Lorraine, my daughter.

That must be her fiancé.

Don't look. I think I busted something.

Oh, I'm sorry.

That's all right.

But we can't let them get a good look at
any of us, or they'll recognize us

tomorrow.

What are we going to do?

You go one, Doris, and Odie.

God, ain't she pretty?

Loretta was telling me all about it, and
all the plans are set. She told me to

come back and talk to you, too. Don't
look.

That little girl of mine is not going to
marry that wandering hand, Romeo. I

don't care what kind of fancy pedigree
he's got.

Cover for me, honey. I've got something
real important to do.

Wow.

Eww.

Boy, am I in trouble now.

You mean you stole the purse and then
someone stole it from you?

Even Ripley wouldn't believe this one.
Well, as I mentioned to Tattoo, the lady

from whom you stole the purse is a
courier.

The necklace inside the purse was worth
$50 ,000.

$50 ,000?

Do you know what that means, Mr.
Simpson?

It's worth.

Oh, indeed it does.

It means that Miss Carlisle's employer
has ordered an immediate investigation

the theft.

Pending its results, he had it placed in
jail.

However, in light of your confession,
Miss Carlisle can now be released and

real thief will take her place.

You. Me?

But, Mr. Rourke, I saw the guy that
really stole the necklace.

You did?

Well, kind of. I was upside down.

What is fine to say? You only saw his
shoes.

His shoes?

Yeah, I got a hell of a good look at
them.

Well, I regret to say this, Mr. Simpson,
but I'll have to notify the island

police.

Don't worry.

I'll get you out on bail.

Oh, I'm sorry, Tattoo.

But since you've admitted being with Mr.
Simpson at the time the purse and the

necklace inside were stolen, that makes
you an accomplice.

Oh, I do hate to see you go to jail,
too.

But, uh, my hands are tied.

Boss, do I really have to go to jail?

Well, how will you handle it if you were
in my place?

Well, you know, I... You see what I
mean?

Now, look up.

I just want to say I'm really sorry
about this tattoo.

Thanks.

All I'm asking is will you please
postpone the wedding?

Just give my daughter a little more time
to get to know this Errol What's -His

-Name a little better, and she'll catch
on to what kind of a bum he really is.

What he really is is a young man who was
heir to the Brookfield oil fortune.

This is the thanks we get for seeing
that Lorraine meets the right young men.

This Errol is not the right young man.
He's a leg -grabbing skirt -chaser.

He'd make my daughter's life miserable.
Believe me, I know the type.

I can imagine.

Yeah, but maybe you don't hear too good.

Errol is a rich young man, and he's
promised to take good care of all of us.

Now it comes out.

Your little bird's leaving its nest.

That cuts off my money supply, don't it?

All you all care about is a bigger and a
better meal ticket.

We've never given a thought to our own
future.

Oh, quit whining, Joe.

We've got a right to think of ourselves
a little.

After all, we adopted Lorraine, we
brought her up, and we don't need any

suggestions from any outsiders now.

The good Lord made me her mother, and
there's nothing anybody can do about it.

All I want is what's best for Lorraine.
What's best for her is what we think is

best for her. And that's Errol
Brookfield III.

And I'm not going to let that happen.

We only agreed to this farce because
Lorraine wanted it.

Well, you open your mouth to spoil our
chances and let me tell you something.

I'll ruin this whole rich lady charade
of yours and I'll tell Lorraine what a

phony you really are, sweetheart.

Now get out of here and let us alone.

Mrs. Wentworth?

Sorry, I just can't help myself.

Well, what do you mean you can't help
yourself?

He's a sickie.

Well, what tattoo means is I'm a
kleptomaniac.

Oh, well, I'm sorry.

But do you know that I'll probably lose
my job because of you?

Look, Miss Carla, I didn't mean to get
you in trouble.

Look, we're going to get your necklace
back for you just as soon as we get out

of here.

In 20 years, I probably won't even care.

No, no, the bail's boss, and he's on his
way over here now.

And we got a clue.

A clue?

I sure am.

Shoes? Yeah, the guy that grabbed me and
took the necklace away. I got a look at

his shoes.

Now all I have to do is find out who was
wearing those shoes.

Oh, Fred.

You mean you really think we might get
the necklace back?

Well... Oh, Fred!

Oh.

I'll be with you shortly.

I've never been so nervous in my life.

Relax, sweetheart.

And one thing I'll say for her, your
mother has tape, a lot of clad, and

Lots of it.

Yeah.

Hasn't she?

Excellent, excellent.

You all look absolutely perfect.

I'm the best short order cook south of
the Mason Dixon, Mr. Roark.

But I'm lost in the swamp when it comes
to this uptown grub. All has been

prepared for you, Mr. McAllister.

Just like the fires under the pots. And
don't learn anything.

Now, you two just carry the odour trays
from the kitchen and pass them around.

And don't worry, I'll keep an eye on
things.

Better keep an eye on me too, Mr. Roark.

I feel like Mrs. Astor's pet horse.

You are stunning, Swartworth. Stunning.

Your daughter should be very proud of
you.

Now, go in and meet her.

Go again.

Mother?

Baby?

Next to the day you were born, this is
the happiest day of my life.

If I find the shoes, I can find the guy.

This is the life, huh, Vic?

I think the only thing to do is hit the
restaurants again.

Is that okay with you, friend?

Hold it.

There they are.

That's it?

That's it.

Now, the question is, who's going to be
the one who finds out who's missing?

Get dressed. We might have a problem.

Do you know who he is?

Yes. It's Mr. Rizzi.

He's staying at the Lilac Bangalow with
the other man.

Oh, that's probably where they're
keeping the necklace.

What do we do now?

I don't know. I better ask the boss.

Don't leave him out of your sight for a
minute.

You should be very happy, Mrs.
Wentworth.

I would be if it wasn't for that snake
in the grass.

Oh? Which snake is that?

Arrow of Brookville III.

Well, it's not actually the biggest
yacht in the world, but it's about 161.

daddy always told me, when you buy
something, make sure it's big.

He can't keep his eyes or his hands off
of anything that's got a skirt on.

I'm not going to let my daughter marry
into that kind of trouble.

Well, assuming what you say is true...

What can you do about it?

I've been thinking about that.

Just give me a few minutes, and then
bring Lorene out on the porch, okay?

Of course, if you are certain you know
what you're doing.

A charming party, Mrs. Wentworth.

Oh, Loretta, please.

Oh, Loretta, of course.

To our charming, gracious, and beautiful
hostess.

We haven't had too much of a chance to
get acquainted, have we, Earl? No, but

that can always be, shall we say,
remedied. Just what kind of remedy do

in mind?

Oh, I was thinking about lesson number
one. The Brookfield technique of instant

and rewarding romance.

He said yes.

You're pretty much of a mystery to
everyone, you know.

That is...

As much a mystery as any woman can be.

Earl, you're a nice young man, but what
about Lorraine? You're getting married.

She's everything you'd want your
daughter to be. She's dear, sweet,

but very, very immature.

Quit. Earl!

You.

You!

And you.

I don't ever want to see either one of
you again.

Ever!

We think we know who stole the necklace.

What we don't have is proof.

Then there's only one logical solution.

You've got to steal the necklace back
from me. What? I've never stolen

on purpose in my life. I'm afraid to.

Then I'll just have to get it back
myself.

Now, those two men are in the
restaurant. I saw them go in.

I'll just take my chances that they stay
there while I search their bungalow.

Wait a minute. I'm going with you.

Oh, you don't have to do that.

Look, I got you into this, remember?

Emily, look, I've never gone out on a
limb for anybody in my life.

I've always been too busy trying to get
ahead, trying to run my business.

Well, now's my chance.

I want to be your limb.

I'm starting to have this real special
feeling for you.

You are?

Mm -hmm.

I've been looking all over for you,
Lorraine.

I don't think you got the message.

I don't want anything to do with you.

I know.

And I'll go.

But first, honey, I want you to listen.

Why should I?

Because you deserve to know the truth,
that's why.

I saw that, didn't I? No.

You saw a mother trying to save her only
daughter from a life of pain.

I had to show you what kind of a man you
were going to marry.

You see, honey, I've seen a lot of
arrowbrook villa thirds.

Your father was one of them.

Without the money or the name.

I made a mistake.

And before you were born, he was long
gone chasing after some other woman.

And where we lived is coal mining
country.

And there were times we didn't have food
for the table or a roof over our head.

And I did the best thing I thought for
you.

I gave you up for adoption.

And that's been the saddest mistake I
ever made in my life.

Well, that's all very touching, Mother.

But times aren't nearly so bad for you
now, are they?

Oh, you mean these...

Fine clothes and jewels and big uptown
country house.

This is fantasy Holland, baby.

Mr. Rourke set all this up.

Ask him.

I only get to wear this binary for the
weekend.

What are you saying?

I made a mistake.

But I gave up my chance to bend
somebody.

And all the years it takes to be a
country singer.

Instead, I slung hash and served beer in
every honky -tonk bar from Houston,

Texas to Tallahassee.

And I sent you the money so you'd have
nice clothes, a good education, and a

real shot at life.

Are you saying that you sent the money?

You supported me?

All these years it was you?

Joe and Nancy deserve a lot of credit,
honey.

But I served a lifetime of beers and
sent the money to you.

I have a trunkload of canceled checks to
prove it.

Joe and Nancy never mentioned your help,
ever.

I may never forgive them for that.

But they were there, every day.

Changed my diapers, they wiped my nose.

They raised me.

You understand what I'm saying?

More than you'll ever know, baby.

More than you'll ever know.

Thank you for telling the truth.

I knew the necklace would have got to be
in here.

It wasn't in the living room, so it's
got to be in here somewhere.

I'll check these floors.

Oh, what is this?

Oh, Emily.

Oh, Freddy.

You did it. We found it.

That's what you think. You found nothing
but trouble.

Uh -oh.

You take care of that one, Fred. I'll
get this one.

That'll take you to steal from me.

Come on out of there.

I want that necklace, sweetheart.

Please don't hurt us.

We'll do anything you say.

Ah! Oh!

It worked!

It worked!

Oh, we got the necklace.

We got the two of them.

We even got my gun back. A gun? He was
pointing a gun at you? Oh, my gun, Fred.

The one they stole along with the
necklace.

Hey, it's okay.

It's never loaded, see?

Never loaded, huh?

Fred.

you, Mr. Roark, before I go back to
work.

I guess I messed things up good and
proper, didn't I?

Placing the happiness of your daughter
ahead of your own is hardly messing

things up, Mrs. Wentworth.

We are very proud of you, Loretta. I
mean, Mrs. Wentworth.

Loretta will do tattoo. Thank you.

Thank you both.

Uh, Mrs. Wentworth, there is one more
thing.

Oh, I almost forgot. The money for the
fantasy, right?

Wrong. Quite wrong, indeed.

No, I am talking about your future, Mrs.
Wentworth.

Your lifelong dream to be a country
singing star.

That part of my future is in the past.

You know that.

Perhaps not, Mrs. Wentworth.

Perhaps not.

If you'll change into the costume you'll
find in the next room over there,

Tattoo and I will be ready to escort you
in about ten minutes.

Escort me? Yes. Where?

Into the future, Mrs. Wentworth.

Into the future.

Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to a very
special event.

For tonight is the very first
professional appearance of a very

And I want to especially thank Mr. and
Mrs. Joe Ogden and their lovely daughter

Lorraine for accepting my invitation to
attend.

The lady you are about to hear sing, up
to tonight...

has totally devoted her career to her
other talents, such as unselfishness,

cheerfulness, and love.

Tonight, she begins her new career.

And now, ladies and gentlemen, if you
will, please welcome Miss Loretta

Wentworth.

Sit down, Nancy. Thank you, Mr. Rourke,
and thank you, friends.

One time in my life, I tried to be
something that I wasn't, and I was a

flop.

And I'd like to say tonight that I'm
just me.

So what you see is what you get.

I'd like to say, thank God I'm a country
girl.

Thank God I'm a country girl.

Well, a simple kind of life never did me
no harm. Raised my family working on

the farm. My days were spent with a
country charm.

Thank God I'm a country girl.

Well, I got a fine man and I got an old
fiddle. When the sun comes up, I got a

pick on the griddle. Life ain't nothing
but a funny, funny riddle.

Thank God I'm a country girl.

When the work's all done and the sun
sets low.

Thank God I'm a country girl.

Thank

God

I'm a country girl.

This country girl came half early to
rise early in her life. Thank God I'm a

country girl.

What a simple kind of life never did me
no harm. Raised his family working on

the farm. The days were spent with a
country charm.

Thank God I'm a country girl.

Well, I got a fine man and he got an old
fiddle. And the blinds on the glove got

a pick on the griddle. Life ain't
nothing but a funny, funny riddle.

Thank God I'm a country girl.

Life ain't nothing but a funny, funny
riddle.

Oh mother, I love you.

I love you too, baby.

Thank you, Mr. Roar. You did what I
thought nobody could have it.

Does that mean that you're... Why,
Tattoo, Mr. Simpson helped put two

criminals behind bars.

If he was strong enough to do that, I'm
sure he's strong enough to kick his

former habit.

Especially since he has a new habit to
worry about now.

Me. Congratulations, Mr. Simpson.

Goodbye, Mr. Roar. Goodbye, Mr. Lyle.

So long, Tattoo.

Oh, yeah, um...

Here's your watch, that's it.

Sorry.

Well, it probably just fell off your
wrist.

Or something.

How many times have I recommended the
practice of patience to build up your

character, sir? Huh?

Ah, there she is now.

Hey, what do you think, Mr. Wentworth?
Exactly the right touch, Mrs. Wentworth.

May you both be a magic carpet to a new
and wonderful career for both you and

your daughter.

I'd like you to put it in a plant.

We're going to put it on the big steamer
instead, Tattoo.

I don't know what kind of booking agent
I'm going to make, but I'm going to find

out. You'll do just fine.

With Lorraine and Otis and Doris and
Buford, how can we miss?

We're heading for the deep south, and
we're going to hit every joint from

to Baton Rouge.

You go. Nice meal.

Yeah, watch out. Nice meal. Here we
come.

Bye -bye. Thank you. Thank you for
everything.

Bye.

Thank God I'm a country girl.