Original subtitles

Bye -bye.

Good morning, Mark. Good morning, Tattoo.

Ah, good morning, Julie.

Mm -hmm. Uh, you know the family that arrived yesterday with the three little

kids? Oh, yes, yes.

Well, I volunteered to babysit while their parents went out for a little

Oh, that was very considerate of you, Julie.

Well, the little walk was to the other side of the island, and now they're

trapped by a cloudburst, and they can't get back till tomorrow.

Uh -uh.

Mr. Rourke, I'm practically a nervous wreck. They put a frog in my bathtub,

that... Then I found worms in the sugar bowl. And who knows what they're up to

right now.

Courage, my dear Julie.

I'm sure Tattoo will assume your duties while you struggle through your noble

deed.

Thank you, Tattoo.

Smiles, everyone.

Smiles.

Oh, who is that good -looking lady?

Miss Laurel Fandel, who operates a gift shop in Torrington, Wyoming.

Her fantasy is to be something she has never been before.

A woman who is the center of all attention, revered, queen -like.

Take it from me, boss. Most of the ladies want to be placed on a...

Pedestal. You're right, Atul.

But in Miss Vandell's particular case, I fear her wish fulfillment may conjure

up certain dark powers that are beyond my control.

That rather shy young man is Mr. Herbert Snyder, a computer systems engineer.

His fantasy is to spend the weekend in a harem.

Boss, let me go with him, in case he needs me.

All his life, Mr. Snyder has been insecure about forming any sort of

relationships, and he hopes that a harem experience will give him the confidence

he lacks.

Boss, you know, lately my confidence is slipping.

Don't be too envious of Mr. Snyder yet, my friend.

His fantasy may be far more unsettling than he imagines.

My dear guest!

I am Mr. Rourke, your host.

Welcome to Fantasy Island.

When does my fantasy start, Mr. Rourke? Oh, I am prepared to grant it now.

But first, there are certain things you should know.

Please have a seat, won't you?

Sure.

Somewhere in your past, oh, hundreds of years ago, a member of your family was a

queen. Queen of the Druids.

The Druids were an ancient people who practiced the art of black magic.

Near here, there is an island where Stonehenge has been resurrected and

they live as they did years ago and where they still practice that art and

they wait for a queen to rule over them as your ancestor did.

I don't think you should go.

It sounds too dangerous.

I really want this fantasy.

Very well.

This way, please.

Tattoo?

There's still time to change your mind, you know.

Nope. I'm ready.

Good luck, Miss Van Dyke.

Your fantasy can be fulfilled only out of what you are.

It is possible to weave your future, but only from the fibers of your own path.

And that of your answer.

That involves many unknowns.

What happened? Is this me?

The crown!

She wears the crown!

Do I look okay, Mr. Rook? I mean, what do you wear to a harem?

Who do you ask? You look very dapper indeed, Mr.

Snyder. Eh, Tattoo?

It's a bit former.

Well, perhaps, but I am sure Mr. Snyder's fantasy will help him to loosen

Now, if you'll get in the car, our driver will take you to the north end of

island where your fantasy will begin.

Tattoo, what are you doing?

My job, boss.

He's too nervous to go alone.

No, no, it's not nerves.

I'm having my first heart attack.

Actually, Mr. Snyder, I think you're going to be... just fine.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

You're okay.

I'll be fine.

Where did you come from?

Girls, look here.

Isn't it cute?

Hello.

My name is Herbert Snyder.

My friends call me Herbie.

Where?

You must be Mr. Snyder, huh?

Yes. My friends call me Herbie.

Herbie.

Herbie. Why, why, why are you so shy?

I just picked it up somewhere.

Oh, well.

Now, I'll just see if I can't put you at your ease, okay?

Okay.

I'm called Contessa.

And I understand that you want to be in the harem, huh?

Well,

are you quite certain that you won't be shocked by what you're going to

encounter? Oh, no. No, no. I've been around the block a couple times. Of

course. But I think I should explain that the experience might prove to be

quite exhausting.

Oh, come on, Herbie. It's on to the harem.

Aren't they coming with us? No, no, love. The harem's not for us. It's for

If they're not in the harem and you're not in the harem, who's in the harem?

Welcome to the Contessa's harem, buddy.

You better start getting in shape.

Yes, I answered.

Yes, I answered.

Etain! Etain!

Say, Bill, you know better than to interrupt. I'm sorry, but she's here.

queen has come.

Look for yourself.

You see?

She wears the crown.

Laurel? Laurel Fandel.

Then it's true.

Laurel, of course, and Fandel.

The corruption of the name Fand.

Was Fand your father's family name?

Yes, it was. That was the old Gaelic spelling.

Tell me, have you a husband?

No.

Why?

Because that is the final sign.

You see, it is written that one day the beautiful daughter of Fan shall appear

and restore your glories.

And she will be crowned your virgin queen.

Hear me, your high priestess.

Hear me, your children of the druids.

Your long wait has finally come to an end.

Behold the daughter of Fan.

Behold Laura, whose very home crowned ancient heroes.

Behold our queen, Laura.

Thank you, Mr. Rourke, wherever you are.

You'd better not let Alvar catch you. He'll be very angry if you avoid your

weight training.

A firing squad couldn't get me to pick this thing up.

Besides, this is all a terrible mistake.

I don't belong here at that motel, macho.

Who, by the way, is Alvar?

Alvar.

The mean -looking one.

Yeah. Come on.

Oh.

Oh, sorry.

That's all right.

It was nice.

Friendly.

What did you mean when you said that there'd been a mistake, that you don't

belong here?

Well, when I came to Fantasy Island, I thought there'd be, you know...

That there'd be girls? Exactly.

I mean, Webster's dictionary clearly defines a harem as a household of...

women.

Not men.

Oh.

I didn't know that.

What's your name?

Herbert.

I'm Lisa.

Hello, Lisa.

It's... It has a... a classic ring.

Actually, we shouldn't be doing this at all. We haven't done anything yet.

Although I get the distinct feeling that I have been tried, found guilty, and am

now being held... prisoner.

I am.

Well, I guess you are, in a sense.

Well, I gotta get out of here.

Will you help me?

Herbert, Alvar has guards posted everywhere.

You better get out of here, Lisa, before you get into bad trouble.

Now, hear me good, pal.

Lisa's off limits. A definite no -no. Understand?

No, I don't understand.

And why do you suppose I'd take orders from you anyway?

Because I'll tear your head off and play soccer with it if you don't.

That makes sense.

Besides which, that's the way the Contessa wants it. And I make sure she

everything. And I mean everything she wants.

Now move it!

Time out. I mean no fantasy. Back to reality.

This is all a mistake. I'm Herb Snyder. And this is not right.

I'm sure it's not your fault, you know?

Now listen, pal.

Before I met the Contessa, my life was one long drag of pumping iron and

gas.

Now I'm living in Fat City, and I don't want anybody making waves.

Get the message?

Move it.

Yes, come in.

Come in.

Mr. Rourke? Mr.

Henley, how are you, sir? I'm here to make a serious complaint.

Oh? As you remember, I came here to do a fantasy based on my favorite book, The

Hunchback of Notre Dame.

I remember quite clearly, Mr. Henley, but didn't we deliver your fantasy?

Well, no. I mean, I found myself a medieval parasaurite.

I did meet the lovely Esmeralda.

And I saw the hunchback up there swinging on the bell rope.

He was so high up there, he looked small to me.

But he was magnificent.

Well? His rope broke.

The rope broke?

The last time I saw him, he was falling to earth like a brick, Mr. Rourke.

Yelling pathetically.

Look, I either want a refund or I want to do a new fantasy.

Oh, certainly, Mr. Henley.

Certainly. If you just step outside, my assistant Julie will make the necessary

arrangements. Is that satisfactory?

Yes. Maybe I could do my next favorite book, Les Miserables.

You can't fall out of a sewer.

But, but, I'll never do the hunchback of Notre Dame fantasy again, ever. Not

until you buy new ropes for all the bells. I promise that, too.

Look, but...

I'm

sorry I'm so dumb about all this.

I always thought the Druids were either ancient sorcerers or modern kooks.

Well, we tried to encourage that image, my queen.

Ever since our ancestors were crushed by the Romans and the groves of Mona

destroyed. I remember reading something about that in Greek literature.

But what interests me is the name Phan. I've never heard it before.

Of course you haven't, darling.

You see, Paul is new among us.

This is his first solstice.

But it won't be his last. He shows great promise.

I'll take that as a compliment.

But it still doesn't explain Phan.

My grandparents never would talk about why they changed the spelling.

There's an old tale, my queen, about a fabled king of Ulster who one day

into a fairy forest and there saw a most beautiful fairy woman named Fand.

She mocked him and tempted him, and he wanted her badly, but he couldn't

her because, you see, he was human, and she was a woodland sprite. It drove him

mad.

And her punishment was to be transformed in a human and to mother a cursed lion.

To mother a cursed lion?

Aha! I suspected something dark and dreadful, my queen, and one so

There is another part of the fable which says that one day the daughter of Fand

will rule as the queen of the druids.

and lift the curse.

In any case, a queen is not for a mere mortal like you.

I'm afraid I don't feel much like a queen yet.

What am I supposed to do? What's expected of me?

All that'll be explained tomorrow at the coronation.

The coronation?

Of course.

Now come with me.

But in the meantime, enjoy the adoration of his subject.

Hail to the Queen!

Hail to the Queen!

Hail to Queen Laurel!

Laurel, Queen of the Druids!

Laurel, Queen of the Druids!

Laurel, Queen of the Druids!

Laurel, Queen of the Druids!

There's no curse attached to a high priest.

Only the promise of great pleasure.

Yes, I can see.

Together you will stand with me as high priest.

And together we will give Queen Laurel to Canute as his bride.

Canute is just a legend.

A mythical creation.

He's given us a sign. He will appear.

Say he does appear.

What happens to her?

She's human.

To be joined to Carnucci, she must die.

Well.

Here he is, Contessa.

Thank you, Alvar. That'll be all.

You may go too, Red.

Hello again.

Oh, I see you've met.

Why didn't you tell me, Lisa?

You're always so busy, Mother. I didn't think you'd be interested.

Mother?

Of course I'm interested.

You'll have to forgive Lisa.

Seems that she doesn't approve of me or my lifestyle.

Having a harem is second and immoral and immature.

Precisely what I had in mind.

The only meaningful relationship is between one man and one woman.

I totally agree.

Oh, really?

Then why did you come here in the first place?

Oh, that was different.

Oh. Well, I certainly didn't expect to find it. That the harem was composed of

men and that the harem keeper was a woman?

Oh, Herbie.

Oh, I'm afraid that you are basically just a male chauvinist.

Any wealthy man.

may keep acres of nubile young women at his disposal without affecting his

public image in the slightest.

I've heard it all before.

Catherine the Great and Elizabeth I had scores of lovers which didn't affect

their capabilities to rule in the slightest.

I believe you like this young man, Lisa.

Yes, I can feel a certain energy.

Why don't you take him?

What a disgusting way to put it.

Look, Lisa is not the sort of person who picks out a lover as if she were

choosing a used car.

Well, if you don't want Herbie, Lisa, I do.

I'll expect you this evening, Herbie, and I know I won't be disappointed.

Come along, Lisa.

Alvar?

Terrible that I am here. I'm terrible.

Don't touch me.

Don't touch me.

Okay, now I'm mad. Put me down.

Put me down!

My queen?

Oh, it's really not necessary.

But you are a queen.

Oh, I'm really someone from Torrington, Wyoming.

He's having a wonderful fantasy.

I see.

Believe me, to these people, this is not a fantasy.

It's very, very real.

Could we talk somewhere alone?

Of course.

I don't know how to tell you this, but you're in real danger.

Danger? For what?

Look, I'm not one of these people. Not really. This is just a research project

for me.

I'm really sorry, but I don't know what you're talking about. Of course you

don't. But you have to trust me.

I think I've heard this line somewhere before.

Please. I'm not playing games. I'm trying to save your life.

So -called coronation tomorrow.

Attain told me what it really is. It's a sacrificial rite, and you're the fatted

calf. Are you trying to tell me these people are murderers?

I'm telling you, they're true believers.

There's no doubt in their mind that some shaggy whore of a god is going to come

out of the jungle tomorrow.

And they're going to give you to him as his bride.

Do you believe this?

Look, I know how it sounds.

But I'm talking about your pretty neck.

This god of theirs may be in their mind. I don't know.

But they'll kill you for him just the same.

Now, you've got to get out of here now.

I think not, Paul.

To try to seduce our queen with wild lies is a contemptible offense that

be dealt with later. Lock him up.

I'm sorry, my queen.

But there are always those who betray the order.

You see, he mistook ritual for reality.

I would have stolen from you the most magnificent experience of any queen.

Her coronation.

And here's the real answer to your doubts.

The veneration of your subject.

so soon, and it's just the shank of the evening.

Look, Contessa, I've already made a fool of myself.

This is all a big mistake. Anyway, I'm not much of a shank man.

Some people may find the rhythm old -fashioned, but I simply adore, I adore

incessant, repetitive bolero.

Oh, it's so erotic and stimulating.

Oh, can you feel it?

It's, uh, actually, I... You know, a little warm.

Warm? Oh.

Well, then perhaps we should just, uh... No, no, no. Don't do that. Look,

Contessa. I mean, you're a beautiful lady, but I'm not interested, you know?

Oh, Herbie.

Oh, Herbie, for someone who's not interested.

That was a very interesting kiss. Yeah.

I find your honest shyness positively thrilling.

Oh, no. Yes. Oh, no. No, no, no. Yes.

Yes. No man

makes a fool of me in my own bedroom.

Alvar!

I warned you once before. This time you're going to pay the price.

Alvar, it's not what it looks like.

We were pulling back and forth, back and forth, one way we went, and Alvar...

Will

there be anything else, my queen?

No, thank you, Sybil.

Then we'll be back in an hour to dress you for the coronation.

I see you find the weight of a queen's crown to be light and pleasant, Miss

Vandell. Mr.

Rourke! Is everything satisfactory?

I don't know that's exactly the right word.

Oh? There's something wrong.

Wrong, Miss Vandell?

It's hard to explain.

Maybe it's just this mood or attitude, but... There ain't something wrong.

There's this young man named Paul.

Ah. I'm afraid I've gotten him into some trouble.

Well, it should be simple for you to correct that. After all, you are the

You're right.

What is wrong with me? I keep forgetting that.

He's under some sort of house arrest.

I'll just order them to let him go.

A queen must test her power to truly savor it.

Is there some special reason you're here, Mr. Rourke?

I was concerned, Miss Vandell, that among those fibers of your past which

woven into your fantasy...

A dark and evil one might have appeared to threaten you.

The dark and evil one?

Then I wasn't just seeing things.

Listen carefully, Miss Randell.

What was he doing?

The great god Pan, down in the reeds by the river, spreading ruin in an evil

shower.

Splashing and trampling with hope. hoofs of a goat, ravaging the golden lilies

afloat, but fleeing the silver acorn's power.

I don't think I understand.

You will, Miss Vandell.

This silver acorn is very, very old.

That is said to have certain powers greatly feared by the forces of

Wear it, Miss Vandell.

Wear it at all times.

If you have great need, I promise you, the silver acorn will not fail you.

I promise, Mr. Wolf.

I won't take it off.

Please.

Please don't.

Mr. Rourke.

Mr. Rourke.

Some of the other jocks around here have been thinking about moving on.

But they'll all fall in line when they see what I do to you later on.

Have a nice day, buddy boy.

Lisa. I heard what you did to Mother.

It's so funny.

But it's also awful.

Because now Alfred is going to make an example of you and I... And you what?

Alvar used to be a professional fighter, and I just don't want to see you get

hurt. I've never been real big on pain myself.

Is there another reason?

What other reason could there possibly be?

That's what I want to find out, but not with Alvar breathing down our necks.

We've got to get out of here. Come on. No, the guards.

We'll take our chances.

You are the symbol, you are the sign.

You are the symbol, you are the sign.

Be with us on thy special day, O Carnute.

Be pleased with thy children and restore our work.

O Carnute, you are the symbol, you are the sign.

You are the symbol, you are the sign.

I want Paul released now.

I'm sorry, but he's not to come out by order of the high priestess.

Queen. Look, I'm just doing what I'm told.

You can go in if you wish.

This is quite an honor, Your Majesty.

What is it?

I just saw them praying.

At least I think they were praying.

We've got to get away.

If what you said is true and I'm to be sacrificed, they can't let you live

either?

Laurel, it's now or never.

I'm ready to leave now.

Take him back.

My queen, I'm sorry for the disturbance.

Sybil, prepare.

Arnott! Arnott!

Arnott! Arnott!

Arnott! Arnott!

Arnott!

Arnott! Arnott!

Arnott! Arnott! Arnott! Arnott! Arnott! Arnott! Arnott!

Arnott!

Arnott! Oh, Herbert, I'm sorry. I thought I knew this place.

Don't be upset.

We're going in circles.

Alvar's dummies are, too.

Let's sit down.

I think you look tired.

You don't like that place much.

Where do you stay?

You know, the Contessa is my mother.

And it's... Not something I'm exactly proud to admit. Lisa, you don't have to

ashamed.

I mean, just because your mother is into... I mean, that doesn't mean

that you have the same... Does it?

Actually, it is just the opposite.

Mother has me watched day and night.

I've never really...

known a man before.

We have a lot in common.

I learn about things from books.

There are no books about women.

And I love ladies. I mean, their beauty, their mystery, they astound me.

But when I get close, I...

I came here to Fantasy Island to...

To experience.

Learn.

To prove to myself.

Herbert.

You don't have anything to prove.

You know how I know?

Because I'm a woman.

Over here!

Oh! Oh, Lord!

My queen, I have a necklace of real acorns for you to wear.

If you have great need, I promise you, a silver acorn will not fail you.

No, I'll wear this one.

Yes, my queen.

It is nearly high twelve.

I'm ready.

I hope Alvar will be harder.

I found this paperweight on Mother's stairs.

Alvar, do you really think this is necessary?

This is my show.

I'd like to handle it.

Anytime you're ready.

How about right now?

Come on now. That's good. Come on. That's it. Oh, that was good. Come on.

on.

Come on.

That's it.

Whoa!

A little coat. Watch out. Watch it now.

Hey,

wait. Don't hit me.

Come on. Put one right here. Come on.

Put one right here. That's it.

Come on.

Hit me right here. That's it.

Are you all right?

Go on without me.

No, no.

We're leaving here together.

Oh,

Mr. Walt must have said it. Who?

Never mind. Just get in the car.

Take us to the cove, would you please? Hurry.

news.

Laurel, queen of the Druids.

Laurel, queen of the Druids.

Laurel, bride to Carnute.

Laurel, bride to Carnute.

Oh, great Carnute, the years of waiting are over.

Your children and your bride bid you welcome.

Kynute.

Kynute.

Kynute. Kynute. Kynute. Kynute.

A silver egg will not save you.

It's over, Miss Vandell.

Your fantasy has ended.

Your Majesty.

I guess I deserve that, Mr. Bush.

Oh, but I'm not mocking you, Miss Van Dale, no.

When you were faced with the ultimate challenge, you were most regal indeed.

Thank you.

Did it all really happen?

Who is to say what is truly real and what is fantasy, Miss Van Dale?

However, some things are very real indeed.

Paul! Laura? Oh!

Paul is a researcher at a university.

He studied the druids.

I have a new research program.

How to woo a queen.

Oh.

I made you this present.

This one, too.

Oh, thank you. Thank you both.

Are you going to wear it?

No way. I'm going to find me a knight's house and I'm going to hang some of this

over every doorway.

Thank you.

Goodbye, Miss Vandell. Goodbye, sir. Bye.

Mr. Rourke, I want to thank you for a wonderful fantasy.

More importantly, for a wonderful wife.

The wedding you arranged was lovely.

It was my pleasure.

My best wishes.

Thank you both. Goodbye, sir. Goodbye.

Well, I bet the contestant is plenty mad.

Why not ask her yourself?

I'm not angry, Tatu, no.

I'm grateful.

I may not be the greatest mother in the world, but I love my daughter.

Indeed.

You see, Tatu, the Contessa also had a fantasy.

To have her daughter meet someone who would love her for herself, not her

Yeah, and now that that's settled, I just might give up my harem.

To spend one evening alone with you.

Perhaps some other time, Contessa.

Some other time.