Original subtitles

Smiles, everyone.

Smiles.

Oh, I recognize her.

She's the Santa for Chick of the Year of Rooster Magazine.

I see you know the publication.

Sure. I buy the magazine all the time.

You read the articles.

If you had read at least the captions on some of the pictures, you would know

that the young lady is Miss Erica Clark and that she's just retired from her

career as a centerfold model, which is what makes her fantasy so intriguing.

But she don't need a fantasy.

She is a fantasy.

To men, yes, she was precisely that. A sex object to be...

pursued and possessed for her beauty, regardless of who or what she was as a

human being. That is why she now wants to reverse the procedure.

Reverse the procedure?

Yes, Miss Clark's fantasy is to be able to treat men as sex objects for a

change.

Boss, every man will line up for her for that fantasy.

No, even on Fantasy Island, sexual attraction is a mysterious and

commodity. Fulfilling her fantasy may be far more difficult than it sounds, my

friend.

That's Mr.

Jason Smith, a rancher from Oregon.

What is fantasy?

Mr. Smith has always romanticized being a war hero.

He wishes to lead a valiant group of men on a daring commando raid.

But... We are not going to start a war for him, are we?

No, that's true. I think we can manage without that.

But his fantasy does pose certain tactical problems.

I know what you mean. Like getting killed.

There is always that danger, of course.

But there is also the risk of disillusionment.

You mean his fantasy won't turn out like he wishes?

There is that distinct possibility, my friend, yes.

And now...

My dear guests, I am Mr. Rourke, your host.

Welcome to Fantasy Island.

Ah, Miss Clark.

Oh, Mr. Rourke, have a seat. Thank you.

Well, I must admit, you've aroused my curiosity.

Why did you ask me to meet you here before the beginning of your fantasy?

Because I'd like for you to understand why I asked for my fantasy, Mr. Rourke,

and why I need it so badly.

Oh?

Please watch.

Baby, do you remember me?

No. Sure you do, big Earl Sanderson.

I introduced myself at the Rooster Mag's big business bash.

I'm still a little angry at you for not going to Acapulco with me, though.

I don't work for Rooster Magazine anymore, Mr. Sanderson.

Goodbye. No, you've got to be kidding.

I'm not going to let you out of my sight.

I'm going to have a little private party for the guys in my tire

distributorship, and I want you to stop by and hit a few poses. You know what I

mean? Obviously, you weren't paying attention, Mr. Sanderson. Miss Clark is

longer in that line of work.

The girl pays big bucks, sweetheart.

Think it over.

Well, if that gentleman is typical of the admirers you attracted as a

centerfold, your modeling career must have been quite an ordeal, huh?

Mr. Rourke, working for Rooster Magazine paid for my college education.

And... Most of what you call my admirers are just plain ordinary guys that like

to look at pretty girls.

Actually, it's kind of flattery, but... But gentlemen like Mr. Sanderson are

another matter.

They assume you are a stereotype.

Beautiful, but dumb, cheap, and available.

An impression they perhaps got from your centerfolds, huh?

Yes. Yes.

And I've made a promise to myself that I'm never going to do this kind of work

again, ever.

But I'm beginning to feel a little bit ashamed of myself, Mr. Roark. Am I being

wrong or mean to want this fantasy?

I try not to make moralistic judgments of my clients' desires, but I imagine

your fantasy is harbored by many ladies.

Only you can determine if it's right or wrong.

Then we can get started right away.

Of course.

Since you are going to become what some would call a female chauvinist, You will

need some of the weapons employed by successful male chauvinists.

Money.

And an expensive old book.

Oh, fabulous.

I have also made a reservation for you at a very special club on the other side

of the island.

If you hurry, you can still make the matinee performance.

Good luck, and I hope your fantasy doesn't prove...

Unsatisfactory. Oh, don't worry, Mr. Rourke. I expect to love every minute of

this.

Every little minute.

Oh, I'm sorry to have kept you waiting, Mr. Smith. No problem, Mr. Rourke.

Please, kind of seat, won't you? May we offer you something to drink? Thank you,

but I'm very anxious to get this thing moving.

Mr. Rourke, Fantasy Island is my last hope for becoming the kind of soldier I

always wanted to be.

And yet you served in the United States Marine Corps. Oh, yeah. One full hitch.

Did you make it to the shores of Tripoli?

I'll make that career tattoo.

But just after they signed the peace treaty, I never saw combat.

I see.

Please do sit down, won't you, Mr. Smith?

I understand you are a married man, huh? Yeah.

Does your wife approve of this little adventure?

Well, she doesn't like it, but she knows that I have to do it.

Look, I'm like an actor who prepared for an opening night that never came.

I've got to taste what it's like to be under fire. I have to find out whether I

can cut it. Can you understand that?

Once, just once, I want to feel what it's like to be responsible for a

responsible for its success.

Or it's a failure.

Yes? Are there any hostages aboard?

Yes. Yes, yes, of course.

Keep me informed.

I have just permitted a hijacked aircraft to land at a remote landing

the other side of the island.

Well, Mr. Smith, you wanted a fantasy involving combat against a dangerous and

determined enemy for very high stakes.

I hope saving eight innocent lives fits that purpose because your fantasy has

just begun.

Come on.

Kick it in!

Come on, lady, move, let's go!

Come on, move it!

to the Jack Rabbit Club.

I'm Jackie Flynn, the owner. Have you a reservation?

Oh, I think Mr. Rourke made one for me.

Oh, yes.

Erica Clark.

Well, have I got a table for you right this way, my dear.

and they're trying to look ladylike, you know. Only you don't have to worry

about that here because here we're number one. Us. The women. You know.

Hey, baby!

Show me something!

It's kind of a reversal of roles.

You know it. Back home, I'm a bartender in one of these hard hat bars. And let

me tell you something. I mean, every hard hat is a hard hat full of crude

remarks. And turning the tables like this is heaven.

Woo!

This is the basic layout.

As you can see, extreme caution must be used.

There is no safe approach to the area.

This man that you sent for, Bouvier, what's his background?

Mr. Emile Bouvier has enviable credentials for your purpose.

Indeed, he is the kind of man a great many men would like to be.

Adventurer, French foreign legion, commando, spy, agent provocateur. All

adult life, a soldier of fortune.

In other words, a mercenary.

Yes, and a very successful one, who since World War II has fought under many

flags and banners.

Boss, if you need a volunteer for your head, count on me.

Thank you, Tattoo.

But if it's not too great an imposition, you might make certain that our lady

guests are having a good time.

Oh, I do my best, boss.

Good luck, gentlemen.

Mr. Bouvier, this is Mr. Jason Smith.

The man will be in charge of the operation.

Mr. Smith will fill you in on the details.

Mr. Smith, in order to fulfill your mission, you'll need a small but expert

of trained men.

Penner.

Captain Buck Penner, one of the biggest heroes we had in Korea.

Demolition expert.

He now runs a salvage operation on the other side of the island.

Who's this one?

Mr. Harry Forbes, Army Intelligence, CIA, specialist in surveillance

I know I'm a dirty little man for dirty little jobs.

They call him Weedle.

Do we need him? He and Tanner are all we got.

Right, Mark?

I made arrangements for you to meet Mr. Forbes and Mr. Tanner at the salvage

yard. Mr. Beaubier will supply you with whatever equipment you may need.

Let's get to it

Sailor

gear

more drinks because we're gonna start the next show!

I'll treat you right.

Thank you, but that's for the dancers. I deserve drinks here.

What do you have? Oh, come on, honey punch.

Don't play hard to get.

Look, we want you to have a good time here, but take it easy, all right? I'll

get it for you. Thank you. The show's just starting, so enjoy yourself and

touch. Don't you think you ought to take it easy?

Look, sweetie, don't give me that. I think you're cute, and I want you.

Well, sweetie, it's not for sale.

I think your friend needs some fresh air.

Yeah, straight jacket would be better.

Oh, may I have another screwdriver, please?

Oh, yeah, right there.

Hey!

It is not okay with me.

Come on, Marlene, don't start a scene.

I can do anything I want.

I didn't come in here to get a turn off.

in their enclosures to create a diversionary tactic.

Captain Tanner, that's where you come in.

Everything depends on your blowing this fuel storage dump to cover the action.

Yeah, okay, okay.

I just want to know how many terrorists there are going to be.

Well, that's what Forbes is going to tell us.

As soon as we get close enough to the site, he and I will go in and take a

look, get a head count, find out exactly what we're up against.

Mr. Forbes, you with us?

Oh. Yeah, sure.

I'll get him back to the raid.

Why not take a couple of armored cars and go in there and blast them out of

there?

Mr. Bouvier, the idea is to save the hostages, not to kill them.

As soon as you set off this explosion, the two of you get to the building as

fast as you can in order to back up Bouvier and me.

I don't like it.

Any other ideas?

And get your stuff together.

Your hero captain has a big problem, Smith.

What makes you say that?

Just a hunch, my friend.

Just a hunch.

No, no, no. I won't press charges. It's bad for business.

Look, just see that she gets back to her hotel and, for goodness sakes, make

sure she sobers up.

Geez, I just wanted to have a good time.

Oh, Lori.

And now, for you two.

You, my dear, just pay your bill and leave.

And you, Walter, you can go along with your girlfriend because you're fired.

Girlfriend? She's not my girlfriend. I don't even know. Oh, come on. Knock it

off.

Look, only a girlfriend would mix it up with a bombed -out broad who was lousing

up a sweetie. So save me the excuses, will you?

Now, look, Walter, you knew my rules when you took this job. No getting

with the customers, okay?

I wasn't getting chummy. I was getting grabbed by the other one.

Oh, and your girlfriend here didn't like it.

Couldn't you handle without starting a brawl?

Look, Jackie, that other woman was way out of line. I do my job. My job isn't

get grabbed by a drunk broad.

Jackie, will you listen to me?

I heard about your altercation, Miss Clark. I am sorry your fantasy has

you distress.

My fantasy is not the problem. It's that hard -nosed Jackie Flynn.

She thinks I'm some sort of a stage door Johnny messing around with her waiters.

Have you ever heard of anything so ludicrous?

Oh, yes, but customarily a stage door Johnny is a Johnny, not a Jane.

And the waiter is a lady who may not precisely be a lady all the time, but

certainly not a gentleman.

Do you find this confusing?

No. Yes, and irritating.

I cost Walter his job, and I didn't mean to do it.

Oh, and I feel terrible about it. He's a nice guy.

Oh, Mr. Rourke, what can I do?

I really don't know.

However, your fantasy was for a role reversal situation.

And if this situation were reversed, a gentleman who had gotten a lady fired

would certainly try to find her and apologize.

Certainly you don't expect me to chase him all over town. He's a total

You don't want me to apologize for something that wasn't my fault in the

place, do you?

In a sense, your fantasy was to compete in the Battle of the Sexes as a member

of the enemy camp.

How far you wish to carry this, only you can determine.

And I'm sure you will.

You can't drown your ghosts with that stuff, my brave captain.

All you accomplish in the end is blowing us all to hell.

I mean it. Knock it off.

Both of you. Both of you. Knock it off.

Both of you better damn well save your energies for what's coming tomorrow.

Whatever you got going between you, you can settle it later.

You understand that?

Ain't this fun?

One, two guards out front.

Three, four, all with automatic weapons.

Six.

There's six of them, including the two guards outside.

Oh, hey, one of them's a woman.

Huh.

She's cute.

Well, you know why?

Linda, that's my wife inside.

Miss Clark, this is Mr.

Walter Wilde's apartment.

He's been in death and he's been fired.

Thanks, Tattoo.

I couldn't have found it without you.

Thank you.

I didn't realize anyone might have done this before.

Sure. Pushy ladies aren't unique around here. Dinah, I think that's enough,

okay?

I don't think every visitor wants a chapter out of the Wild Family soap

Why don't you go see how the spaghetti's doing, okay? Okay, Pop.

Look, I don't want to seem rude, but this is my home, and, well, I like

time alone with my daughter, and getting fired always kind of wipes me out, so I

know you'll excuse me.

Please, I'm really sorry about what happened.

I mean, getting you fired and everything.

Why don't you forget it? It really wasn't your fault anyway.

Thanks for coming by, okay?

Look, I don't want to seem pushy or anything, but I'm sure you must have to

watch your budget. I mean, with your daughter growing up and everything.

And I just happen to be temporarily loaded.

With money, not booze. And I'd love to buy you both the best steak dinner in

town.

I'm not very good at this.

No, you're not.

But, you know, I think I caught a glimmer of sincerity under all those

phrases, and, well, I can respond to that.

Only a glimmer?

All right, maybe two glimmers.

If Daddy didn't throw you out by now, he's probably going to ask you to stay

dinner. And you were listening, weren't you?

No, but if we are going out to dinner, I'd like a big steak.

But I'd buy the wine, and it's got to be burgundy and it's got to be cheap.

Deal.

I'll pick you up at 8, okay? Sure. Okay, bye.

Bye -bye.

Daddy, do you like her?

Beginning to.

Should have heard something by now.

They're not going to make the trade.

So what do you suggest?

Get the hostages back in the plane. Land somewhere else and start new

negotiations. Things are too quiet here.

They could have a whole army around this place by now. Big deal.

They just try one move and they got a room full of dead hostages.

If they haven't released our comrades by 6 a .m., we give them their first

sacrifice.

Just like I promised.

Beautiful example of a decadent society.

It's only right that she should die first.

Brooke, I want to call off my fantasy. Cancel the whole damn thing.

Oh, I'm sorry, Mr. Smith, but I can't oblige you.

Oh, yes, you can.

My wife's a prisoner of those loonies. That wasn't part of the deal.

What you must understand, Mr. Smith, is that the hijacking is very real indeed.

I can't change the fact that your wife happened to be a passenger on that

flight. You mean that's not part of the fantasy?

In no way.

This whole thing stinks.

I don't like any of it.

Including those three misfits, those nuts you got me hooked up with.

Nuts? Yeah.

Those guys are supposed to be commandos.

Two of them trying to kill each other, the other one a peeping tom.

These are the hotshot raiders that are supposed to back me up and go in against

those terrorists?

Perhaps they will surprise you.

Well, I don't want any surprises.

Not with Linda's life on the line.

Look, Roy.

Doing this ego trip for fun, that's one thing. But with my wife inside there,

that's something else.

Such unexpected obstacles are often the real test of a hero, Mr. Smith.

That's the best meal I've had in months.

I'm going to remember it during all the spaghetti to come.

Do you foresee a lot of spaghetti in your future?

Dad and I had things under control, but now that he's out of work, we're really

going to have to cut back.

Tuition costs an arm and a leg.

Tuition? For my last semester in medical school.

It's due tomorrow at registration.

I was going to get a salary advance from Jackie at the club, but that's out now.

You mean you were working at the club to pay for your education?

Working my way through college, it sounds like a gag, doesn't it?

But it's true.

The pay was great, the hours were short, so I could spend enough time with Dinah

and the books. But it's no big deal. It's been on and off again for ten

I'll just drop out again and I'll get another job, build up enough cash, and

then I'll go back.

But it seems so unfair.

I mean, there was absolutely no reason for you to be fired.

I feel like it's all my fault.

Look, it's nobody's fault.

That's just the way things are.

I think Dinah's had it.

All that steak pooped her out.

Look, I want to thank you, and I mean it.

Come on, darling.

Walter, I wish there was something I could do.

Well, just don't worry, okay? And finish your coffee.

Dinah and I are pretty tough cookies.

It's an easy walk home.

Wait. Mr.

Rourke, unless Walter gets his job back, he's going to have to drop out of

medical school.

Can't you talk to Jackie Flynn for him?

Oh, I'm sorry, Miss Clark, but I have no influence with a lady. And since

fraternizing with a customer is strictly against Jack Rabbit Club rules, any

chance there might have been for his reinstatement is over.

But you can't just stand back and let that happen to him.

Miss Clark, may I remind you that your fantasy was to assume the role of a,

shall we say, a dominant female in a situation where males were passive?

Well, you have done that, and what has happened as a result is solely your

responsibility. I'm sorry. I wish I could help you.

Will you excuse me?

Tattoo, can't you think of anything?

Well, maybe that I'm not too worried about it.

There is a man who has been asking to talk to you about a soft job.

He said that Big Earl pays big bucks.

But I swore I'd never get into that costume again.

Well, I'm sure your friend Walter will understand that.

Well, maybe just once more.

If I could just handle Big Earl right, I could help Walter without getting

myself into big trouble.

Maybe.

17 -45 Tanner.

We need that explosion. Don't lose your nerve, Captain.

Let's move.

Let's move.

Wait a minute. I heard something.

You alert them inside.

I'll check it out.

Which time? Where the hell is that explosion?

Win some, lose some.

Mr. Rourke, why'd you send for me?

I thought perhaps you should see this, Mr. Wiles.

I swore I'd never do this again.

If you don't want to go through with it.

I can always tell him that the deal is off.

But I'm not doing it for myself this time, Tachi. That's the difference.

Erica, baby!

Right on time, too.

Let me look at you.

You won't be needing this.

Now you... won't be needing that at all. You know what I mean, sweetheart?

Here she is, guys.

What's she doing?

She's doing something she detests in order to help a friend.

You, Mr. Wilde.

I don't understand.

I'll be happy to explain.

We sold Tanner. Where the hell are they?

They're not going to make it, Smith. We're on our own.

I'll give them a couple of more minutes.

And then what?

Then my friend will go in alone.

I'll duck behind the jeep.

One minute.

Copy me.

I got it. Your shots.

You better take up a different line of work, pal.

Ooh -wee.

All right.

Hit it.

Hit it.

All right.

Ooh -wee.

All right. Hit it.

Take it all off, honey.

This is all you get. A few pictures in the costume, and that was our deal.

Look, fellas, save some of your film for something really worthwhile.

You took my money, doll.

A big earl always gets his money's worth.

Big earls love to get a fat lip if he doesn't back off fast.

It's all right. Look, I'll handle it. Look, I appreciate what you're trying to

do. This is not the way I want to finish medical school.

Oh, medical school, huh?

Well, that's just perfect.

Because I'm going to put you in the hospital.

Look, sex symbol.

You and me ought to stick together, huh?

I mean, that is if you don't mind being treated just like an ordinary woman by

an ordinary man.

I thought you'd never ask.

Take it easy.

Emil.

You saved my life.

See, look there.

Who was he, Jason?

Thank you very, very much, Mr. Rourke. You're very welcome, Miss Flagg.

Thank you. Bye -bye. Bye.

Thanks for

making my fantasy come true, Mr. Rourke.

It's great to have a whole family again.

I was getting sick of eating Daddy's spaghetti.

Very satisfactory conclusion, my friend.

Miss Clark and Mr. Weil have demonstrated that no one can make a sex

another without becoming less of a person in the process.

Mr. and Mrs. Smith.

What do you think of my husband, Mr. Rohr? Oh, a good man to have around in

emergency. I see.

I'll admit, I've always made fun of that macho hero business, you know? But boy,

are they useful when you need them.

When those terrorists took over, I was scared to death.

How did you arrange the rescue?

How did you get it all together so fast?

And how did you know I was on that particular plane?

Well, it wasn't easy.

Honey, why don't you...

Go on ahead. I want to talk to Mr. Roy.

Thank you.

What about Emil?

Mr. Bouvier was a warrior out of time and place, dying slowly from an

disease.

To die in battle for a worthy cause, that was his fantasy.

Yeah.

Well, like he said, c 'est la guerre.

Mr. Ork?

Smith.