Original subtitles

Good morning, ma 'am. Good morning, the two.

Smile, everyone.

Smile.

Joey Lee and his son, Mitch.

Is he here for the big fight?

He looks like a boxer.

He does indeed, Tattoo. Mr. Lee was once an up -and -coming boxer who many

thought would be the world heavyweight champion.

But an injury ended his dreams. And he now works on the waterfront as a

stevedore. Though he still takes occasional club fights.

In fact, while here on Fantasy Island, he'll be acting as a sparring partner

Mr. Jackson Malone.

A sparring partner for a world champion?

Boss, I bet I know what his fantasy is.

What? Is to stay alive for a weekend.

Mr. Lee doesn't have a fantasy tattoo.

But unbeknownst to him, his son does.

Young Mitch wants to see his father fight for and win the world

His parent -partner win the championship?

Boss, I think this time you blew it.

Miss Brenda Richards owns a very successful catering business in San

California. She looks like she's been getting some of the profit.

Miss Richards does like to eat, that is true. What she doesn't like are the

results, or so she says.

And her fantasy is to be thin and beautiful.

Yes, Miss Richards wishes to be thin and beautiful because her graduation class

is holding its 10th annual reunion here on Fantasy Island. But there is one man

in particular Miss Richards wishes to impress.

His name is Mr. Lance Reynolds.

And she's in love with him?

Quite the contrary, my friend.

Ten years ago, Mr. Reynolds publicly humiliated Miss Richards at the senior

prom.

And now the young lady wants something in return.

Sweet, sweet revenge.

My dear guests, I am Mr. Rourke, your host.

Welcome to Fantasy Island.

You got real class. You know that, Mr. Rourke?

The plane ride, the drinks, the whole enchilada.

I mean, even if for some reason you couldn't fulfill my fantasy.

Oh, I'm happy enough just being here. I am very pleased, Miss Richards.

Now, if you'll allow me.

Your new wardrobe.

Really? All this for me?

Yes.

I've heard you're good, Mr. Rourke, but making my bod fit into this little

number is going to be some kind of challenge.

We are quite prepared for the challenge, as you call it, Miss Richards.

Quite prepared indeed.

Tattoo?

Miss Richards?

Thank you.

Here you are, Miss Richards.

What's this?

A very rare potion which will enable you to fulfill at least part of your

fantasy.

Thank you, Tattoo.

You better drink all of it now so you don't get any side effects.

Side effects?

What kind?

The less questions, the better, Miss Richards.

However, I suggest you sit down first.

This is kind of like the Incredible Hulk in reverse.

Weight watchers of the world, eat your hearts out.

Isn't that what you wanted?

Yes, but I gotta tell you, I did have my doubts.

Miss Richards, I suggest you hurry and change your clothes. The luau, starting

the celebration of your class reunion, starts in about an hour.

A luau. All right.

Oh, one last thing. The effects of the potion

will wear off imprecisely.

48 hours.

Well, that'll give me plenty of time.

Are you still intent on gaining revenge, Miss Richards?

Yes, I am, Mr. Rourke.

Maybe it isn't very admirable, but I can't forget what Lance Reynolds did to

at that prom.

I was just a fat, dumb kid.

So impressed with him and...

So anxious to win his approval, I'd have done anything to please him.

He took advantage of me, Mr. Rourke.

Half undressed me in the high school gym.

Then he turned on all the lights.

And there stood my classmates, all laughing at me.

It was vicious.

Degrading.

Miss Richards, Mr.

Lance Reynolds will be at the luau this afternoon.

Will you excuse us, Tattoo?

How do you do, sports fans? This is Scott Ames speaking to you by satellite

the fabulous Fantasy Island, the site of the upcoming World Heavyweight Boxing

Championship. between Jackson Malone, the champion of the world, and Wally

Raystone, the challenger.

Now, we've been given permission to televise part of Malone's workout today,

if the sparring partner looks familiar to you, it's Joey Lee, once and not too

long ago, a very popular contender in his own right.

Meantime, the champion looks in fine physical condition. Let's watch him for

while. Oh, incidentally, Charlie Darcy, the champ's manager, is very angry that

Wally Ray Stone hasn't yet set foot here on Fantasy Island.

Oh, there's a nice right to the body and left to the body. Right to the... Oh!

Oh, the phone! Oh, the phone, folks! The champion is down. Malone is down.

Now, I don't know whether he slipped or whether Joey Lee got in one of those

well -remembered combinations of his.

Champ?

Look, I'm sorry.

I guess I got carried away.

Yeah.

Just so they'll get punched.

Yeah, sure.

Don't let it happen again.

All right, I'm going for now, champ.

Hold it, will you? Hold it!

Hold it, will you?

Let's hit the showers. That wraps us up here. Charlie Darcy, the champ's

manager, has just called a halt to the affair today.

We will wrap it up here at Fantasy Island. Great going, Dad.

You really showed him how.

Joey.

Don't make a mistake like that ever again if you want to keep your job.

It's important you remember who the champ is around here.

Sorry, Mr. Darcy.

That is the greatest looking chick I've seen since we've been here.

Well, you're not going to believe it, Lance, but that's Brenda Richards.

Brenda Richards?

Brenda Richards?

El Fatso?

Good Lord.

You know something? I never thought in my life I wouldn't hit on that hippo.

But I'm going to now.

She wasn't even worth a mercy trip before.

I wonder how she did it.

Who cares?

She's my style.

Lance, are you forgetting what you did to her at the prom?

Man, that was a long time ago, and you left, too.

Yeah, but I wasn't as hard on her as you were.

She probably forgot all about it.

Brenda, baby.

Huh?

Yeah? Hey, it's me, Lance.

Lance?

Lance.

Lance Reynolds.

Hey, don't I rate a kiss, a handshake, or something?

Careful, or you'll spill my food.

Man, you must have some metabolism.

If I eat half that much, balloon city.

Oh, well, I was just getting this for a friend.

Me, I eat like a bird.

Yeah, well, you got the body to prove it, too. Say, forget your friend. Now,

me buy you a drink.

Thanks.

But no thanks.

At least not for now.

See you.

Well, did she remember you?

Yeah.

This time I'm not going to turn up the lights.

You know what I mean?

Thank you for coming, gentlemen.

I have here in my hand a cablegram stating that...

Mr. Wally Ray Stone has withdrawn from the fight.

Withdrawn? What are you talking about?

An old ring injury has apparently flared up.

Sounds like a shortage of guts to me.

So what do we do now, huh? Cancel?

Are you nuts?

What's that supposed to mean?

You and your free spending. You've already blown most of the million dollar

guarantee the network put up.

We're scheduled for this fight around the world in less than two days. We

cancel, period.

Oh, that's fine.

And who are you going to get to fight, period?

I don't want to seem presumptuous, gentlemen, but perhaps you could find a

substitute. Like who?

Well, I... Perhaps Mr. Malone's sparring partner.

What, Joey Lee?

That'd never work.

But I am told that Mr.

Lee was once ranked number six. And I am also told that he knocked you down, Mr.

Malone, during today's sparring session.

Is this true?

Lucky punch.

Besides, it's been a long time since Joy was a contender.

Well, then, gentlemen, I suppose you will have to cancel the fight and eat

losses.

Wait, wait. Listen.

You know...

Joy was pretty popular when he was in his prime. Number six, as you said.

And I still feel that the fight fans of this world will remember him.

What do you think, Mr. Ames? Would the network approve Joy Lee as a substitute?

With your skill and resources, I would imagine you could publicize him into a

creditable contender, don't you think?

Well, let's get on the horn to New York and find out.

By all means.

Oh, and...

If I may suggest, tell them you have all the possibilities of another Rocky

here.

A down and outer rising to the ultimate heights.

That's a great idea, Mr. Rourke. And you know, it just might work.

Yeah, you know.

Bernie? Bernie Drexel.

Drexel.

Frank Thomas.

We took social studies together. Right. Frank, Frank, how are you? Oh, what you

been up to, Bernie baby?

Huh? Married?

Uh, no.

Never found the right one, huh?

Well, don't you worry. Let me tell you, there's plenty of action around here.

Speaking of which,

have you seen your old pal Brenda Richards?

Oh, uh, no. I was kind of hoping she'd be here.

Take a look for yourself.

Isn't she something?

I got everybody in this group buzzing, let me tell you.

Hey, what are you waiting for? Go do it.

Everybody else is trying to hit on her.

Oh, no, I don't think Brenda would be interested in me.

Are you kidding?

I saw the way you guys were in high school.

Well, we were just friends then.

Ah, well, time to renew old friendships.

Because here she comes.

Bernie. Brenda.

Yeah?

It's really good to see you. Well, it's really good to see you. Gosh.

What are you doing up?

Say, I hear you're in the catering business.

Yep.

Keeps me close to the eats.

Well, I don't know how you do it. You're just skinny as a rail.

I fast a lot.

What have you been doing to make a buck these days?

Stockbroker. Oh.

Yeah, futures mainly.

Brenda?

Oh, Bernie, let's get out of here.

So many people.

Oh, uh, okie doke.

A great -grandfather figured. You know, the type

who amassed three fortunes by the time he was 25. But lost each overnight.

Yeah.

Yeah.

What's up?

When you hit Mr. Malone today...

You know, it's a combination.

Is it just a lucky punch?

No, no. You know, it was kind of, I guess, half and half. That was all. What

you mean, half and half?

Mitch, why don't you go swimming, okay?

I'd rather talk.

I know you'd rather talk.

But listen, pal, if I'm going to get off the docks, I got to study, okay?

Hi, Mitch.

Joey. Oh, hi. We'd like to talk to you.

Yeah, sure.

What's up? Your bank account, Joey.

if you agree to fight my man for the championship.

Oh, come on. You're kidding. What do you mean?

You heard me.

Wally Ray Stone pulled out.

Wait a minute.

You want my dad to fight for the championship of the world?

That's right, kid.

No, no deal. I mean, I'm not ready for that kind of a fight. Dad, what are you

talking about?

I'm talking about your old man being a bit past his prime.

Dad, this is our chance.

The fight we've always wanted.

You can't just turn it down.

You just can't.

The kid's right, Joey.

Please, Dad.

Please.

You really want this?

Okay. All right, I'll fight him.

Good. That's more like it.

We'll meet later, work out the details.

Yeah, okay.

Take care, Joey. Bye, Mitch. Thanks.

Now you don't have to study anymore.

You're going to be champion of the whole wide world.

Okay.

That's good.

Joey.

Huh? Joey, can I see you a minute?

Thanks.

Yeah. What's up?

Look, I just thought I'd let you know how things stand.

Now, look, as you know, this fight is a big media event.

The network's planning a crash program to build you up.

They'll be working around the clock trying to get angles on you and your

personal life.

And speaking of angles, I got one of my own.

Like what?

Like how we're going to divide up the purse.

Come on, Darcy. I mean, it's your package. You tell me how we divide it.

Look, you know Malone is kind of lazy and he could be in better shape.

Look, after all, we're just putting on a show here, so...

So on the third round,

you hit the canvas and you stay there.

Okay?

Why don't you give me a typewritten script so I don't blow it?

Joey, you do what I say and you'll collect $50 ,000.

You don't do what I say and you'll wind up with $5 ,000, sparring partner wages.

Now, how about it?

What difference does it make?

All right, we got a deal?

In other words, we got a deal, right?

Yeah, I take a dive in the third.

Excuse me, I'm going to go wash this scum off.

Nothing more than feeling Trying to

forget my Feelings of love Well,

mind if I cut in?

Uh, Brando?

Uh, I guess it's all right.

As long as you don't mind.

Heck no, yeah. Not at all.

Trying to forget my feelings of

love. You smell nice.

So do you.

You know, I think you're in better shape than you were when we were in high

school.

You know, Brenda, you're a real turn on.

When I saw you today, I knew I had to have you.

Me too.

Oh, I've always admired you, Lance.

Football hero, senior class president.

This may sound corny, but the truth is, you were my idol.

And you never even noticed me, chubby little Brenda.

Sure I did.

How could I miss you then?

But what a change, huh?

All I ever thought about was you.

And then came the day you asked me to the prom.

I was so thrilled.

All those pretty girls you could have asked, only you chose me.

On top of the world, that's where I was.

You could have had me then if you'd wanted.

But... I guess I should have known something was up when you showed up at

house drunk.

Brenda, I... Tell me.

Do I look like an oversized mackerel now?

Believe me, Brenda, I'm really sorry.

I do believe you, Len.

What's more, I'm right back where I was ten years ago.

Yeah, where's that?

Can't you guess?

I've still got a thing for you, Len.

Well, then what are we waiting for, baby? Let's get it on.

In a minute.

I have to explain things to Bernie.

After all, he did bring me.

Get everybody and we'll meet in my bungalow in an hour.

Hey, what's wrong?

Let's just say I hate to waste time.

Oh, boy, a woman after my own heart.

Why don't you go into the bedroom and slip into something more comfortable?

I thought the girl was supposed to do that.

In the bottom drawer of the dresser, there's a pair of men's pajamas.

Black silk.

Nothing turns me on more than a man in black silk pajamas.

Wait, you carry them with you on trips?

Never hurts to be prepared.

Besides, they send me crawling up the wall.

I just hope you won't have to peel me off the ceiling.

This is going to be a reunion into all reunions.

How are you doing?

Just great. Just great.

Oh, boy, you really don't waste time, do you?

I've already wasted ten years where you and I are concerned.

For the longest time, I didn't know if I could forgive you, Lance.

But after one look at you today, something happened.

I can only describe it as animal magnetism.

You've got that magnetism, Lance.

More than any other man I've ever met.

Yeah, well, you're not so bad yourself, Brenda.

You know, it's really hard for me to believe that you're the same chick.

So when are you going to come in here and visit me?

I'm not.

You have to come and get me.

Being chased, that's what turns you on?

That's it.

Well, ready or not, here I come.

No, not yet.

There's one more thing I really get off on.

What? What's that?

Bald -headed men.

Oh, if only you were a skinhead like Yul Brynner.

Talk about a woman going wild.

Well, I'm bald. I'm a bald guy. Look. Check it out, baby. Look.

Surprise!

Surprise! Look at old Lance.

Hey, Lance. Hey, old boy.

All right.

I know. I look like a little brother.

Believe it?

Bernie,

what are you doing out here? I've been looking all over for you.

What is it? What's wrong?

Well, it's what you did to Lance, that's what.

Oh, I see.

And you don't think it was very nice of me, is that it?

Look, Lance is... He's a turkey.

But he's... Well, he's still a human being, Brenda.

I don't believe this. You're defending him.

What about what he did to me at the senior prom? You said yourself...

all you accomplished tonight was to lower yourself to his level. Don't you

that?

Lance hurt me.

He really hurt me. I just wanted to pay him back.

So you conned him.

And you let him on with good looks and everything.

Even used me to help pull it off.

Well, I don't know, Brenda, but to me that's just, that's being a phony.

And a phony is something I thought you could never be.

I'm sorry things turned out like this.

Something to eat.

Bernie!

I say we do it.

I know you can beat Joey with one hand right behind your back, but I'm not

taking any chances on blowing the championship. I can take him. You don't

to pay Joey to go in the tank.

I say we do.

Joey takes the dive in the third round.

He gave me his word on it.

You liar.

It's not true.

Hey, wait a minute. What's the matter? What's the matter with this kid?

Hey.

Hey.

What's going on?

He says we're going to take a dive in the third round.

Explain the facts of life to him, Darcy.

It's not true, Dad.

It's not true.

Look, tell him anything but shut him up, will you? Or we're all in hot water.

Dad, it's not true. Say it.

Dad, please say it.

Mitch, I...

It just came out of left field.

Fifty thousand bucks.

You don't have any idea what kind of money that is.

I mean, I could work those docks until I drop and I'd never be able to save that

kind of money.

And I was thinking that... Hey.

I was thinking... We'd buy the boat.

Huh? And we go right down to Florida.

Just like we always wanted to.

You finally get your second chance, and you quit in the third round.

Look, I'd give anything if I could beat Malone, but I can't.

I'm over the hill, Mitch.

Don't you understand that?

Your old man can't cut it anymore.

If I'd have known you were going to take a dive, I wouldn't have even saved up

for my fantasy.

What do you mean, what fantasy?

To have you win the championship?

What do you mean? You set this thing up?

No, that's impossible.

Mr. Rourke can do anything. It is so possible.

I tell you, you knocked down Jackson Malone at the sparring practice.

But why?

Why is it so important for me to fight for the championship?

I thought it was because I love you.

Now I'm not so sure anymore.

Mitch!

Hi, Mr. Roth.

It's almost three o 'clock, Miss Richards.

The witching hour.

When I turn back into an oversized mackerel.

Is everything all right?

Not really.

But there's nothing you can do about it.

I'll be along in just a minute.

I know.

Not a second past three.

Bye.

Hello? Hi.

Thought you'd be gone by now.

Oh, well, I decided to take an afternoon plane.

Can I come in?

Just for a minute.

Okay.

What's with your clothes?

It's a long story.

Say, I heard about what you did last night after I left the dance.

Making a public apology to Lance and resigning as alumni queen.

Took guts.

Revenge isn't sweet, Bernie.

It stinks.

Well, I know I was rough on you. Oh, Bernie, please.

Everything you said was true.

No.

No, I called you a phony, Brenda, and that's not true.

Tell you something else, too.

To me, you're still the most beautiful girl in the world.

No, I'm not.

I'm not beautiful at all.

Bernie, this body you see here, it isn't mine.

Mr. Rourke just loaned it to me.

That's right. What you see here is my fantasy.

I just wanted to be thin and beautiful so I could zap poor Lance.

But no matter how it seemed last night, I really did want to go to the dance

with you.

Ernie, you can't see me. Get out of here.

No, no. No, I'm staying. It took me too long to get the courage to come here,

and I'm going to stay here.

Quick, quick, quick, quick.

Why do you think you're most beautiful girl now?

I think she's fantastic.

Brenda, wait a minute.

Just... Just listen to me.

You want to talk about phonies?

I'm no stockbroker.

I'm an English teacher.

I was just pretending to be something I wasn't because of the way you looked on

the outside.

I've always loved you, Brenda.

Pat. Ben doesn't make any difference to me.

You really mean that?

Here.

I'm going to give this to you.

Oh, Bernie, a book of poetry.

I added an inscription.

May we live every verse and rhyme together now and throughout time.

Thank you.

Well, here we go, sports fans. This could be the Donnybrook of the decade.

To the center of the ring, and here's Jimmy Lennon. Ladies and gentlemen,

Fantasy Island presents 15 rounds of boxing for the heavyweight championship

of the world.

Opie, have you seen Mitch yet?

No, Joey, I haven't. You sure?

Yes, I'm sure.

Okay.

Okay.

At 194 pounds, the challenge is...

Connors with a right to the body. A left to the head by the champion. A left to

the body.

Mitch?

Hi, Mr. Rourke.

Why aren't you at the fight?

I don't want to see it.

Why not?

It isn't going to turn out right.

But you wanted your father to win the championship, and it's happening this

moment.

Mr. Rourke, the fight's fixed.

I believe your father loves you more than anything.

And I also believe that you can stop him from throwing the fight.

How? By being there.

Joey Lee could never throw a fight with you there looking on.

He's too decent and honorable a man.

Do you really mean that, Mr. Orton?

Oh, I really mean it, Mitch.

I have a car waiting. We could be there within minutes.

Then let's go.

Malone fires another shot to the head. Another, another, another. Four in a row

to the head.

Lee comes back with one to the body. However, the champion is really setting

up. He's toying with him.

A left that missed by Lee to the body. The champion comes back with two more

lefts to the head. Another left to the head. The right above is in the corner.

Lee tries to get in some body shots. Next round. You go.

Stay down.

Park lefts the fight to the stomach. Ford coming back in again.

And there's the bell ending round two. We'll be right back after this word from

our sponsor.

Hi, Dad.

Mr. Rourke, why'd you bring my kid down to see this?

See what?

Exactly what will your son be seeing?

We're back at Fantasy Island, fight fans, just awaiting the bell for, there

is, for round three in this great fight.

Both fighters come out to the center of the ring now.

And Joey Lee has started it right off the bat. He's got lefts and rights to

champion. He's got him in the corner right above us. Hard lefts and rights.

Lee is a different fighter this round.

He's all over that champion.

Joey Lee is really bringing the fight to Malone. He's got him on the ropes. And

there's a hard left and a right combination fight. Hey, come here. What

trying to do?

You're supposed to go down here.

And now they break.

They come back to the left by Joey Lee. A right. There's Lee again. A left and a

right. He's got him back in the corner and the champion.

crossing us.

Cream him. Wave him out. Give him the beating of his life. Take him apart.

I do this to you, Joey.

What a topsy -turvy.

He's coming back out there, but there is Lee.

But the champion starts right in on him, just like the last round. A left to the

head, another left to the head, a right to the body.

I wanted to see your father fight the champion.

I don't want that anymore.

All right, Mitch.

Your fantasy is canceled.

You're out.

And that's all she wrote.

This crowd is going absolutely wild.

Jimmy Lennon stepping into the ring.

Winning would have meant more fights, and I don't want to ever see you

again.

Network is also pleased with the impression you made during those pre

interviews. They want to sign you to work with Mr. Ames here, providing

background and color for future fights.

Yeah, it's going to be a sports announcer on TV.

If it pleases him.

Sure.

But you've got to be kidding.

No, the contract's already been drawn up. My agent's negotiating it for you.

believe me, he's going to get you some very good numbers.

what to say.

Why don't you say goodbye? Oh, you missed the plan.

Oh, yeah, yeah. Come on, Dad.

Thank you, Mr. Ford. Yes, Mitch.

Mr. O 'Rourke, thank you for everything. Good luck. Bye -bye. Thanks. O 'Rourke,

here's to today. Bye -bye. Bye.

Thank you both so very much.

I think I learned more about myself these past two days than I did my whole

life. Well, that does sound exciting.

Would you share some of your discoveries with us?

Well, I discovered I really like me, just the way I am.

What's more, I found out I can be me.

Still be loved.

May I ask what your plans are now?

Well, first of all, we're going to take a tour of Europe.

A gourmet tour.

It's being sponsored by a group called Fat is Fantastic.

By the end of it, we're going to be the two most fantastic people going.

Thank you.

Bye -bye. Bye -bye.

Well,

Tattoo, it just goes to show that beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

What does that mean?

It means that to me, you are six feet two inches tall.