Original subtitles

Ah, good morning, Mr. Lynch. Good morning, Mr. French.

Ah, the recent young Bartlow, I presume?

Yes, Anthony Bartlow III.

Flourishing. A handsome young man, indeed.

A suggestion of his mother's chin.

We predict great things.

Twenty -three, twenty -four. Hey, look, they got... a brand new baby.

Yeah, from here it looks like it hasn't even been used.

Where'd they get it? I don't know. They must have found it somewhere.

I happen to know where they found it. Where?

Oh, I'm not telling.

I'm not allowed to talk about it.

Come on, Jody. I bet she doesn't even know where they find babies.

Let's go ask Mr. French.

Oh, would you care to hold him, Mr. French? Oh, dear me, no, no. Infants,

afraid, terrify me. Their fragility and inability to communicate and all that

sort of thing, you know.

What is that supposed to be?

Oh, that is a baby, Jody. He means, is it a girl or a boy, Mr. French?

No, it's a boy.

Anthony Bartlow III.

The third what?

The third Anthony Bartlow.

Where did you get him?

Jody!

That means where do you find babies, Mr. French? I know exactly what he means.

We'll not discuss this matter any further.

Why not?

Because I say we won't.

Okay, that's a good enough reason.

Go, play.

Mr. French? Away with you, Joey.

Oh, excuse me, ladies. I do beg you to accept my humblest apologies.

Oh, quite.

It is a lovely day.

Recall St. James's Park. The lilac and white roses must be very beautiful in

both Kent and Sussex.

I agree.

Yes, not to mention the hyacinths.

I'll tell you if you promise not to tell my mother I told you.

For your information, the stork brings the babies.

The stork?

Well, it was most embarrassing, sir. The children actually introduced the

subject in mixed company.

Before English ladies, sir.

What did you tell the kids?

Well, I took the only possible course open to me, sir. I refused to discuss

subject. Well, that doesn't settle it. You know, they're going to hit you with

it again sooner or later.

Well, then let us only hope that we can make it as late as possible, sir.

Perhaps when we're packing them off to college.

Just a little bit late.

Sir. I feel that as many times as they bring up the subject to us, we should

refuse to discuss it.

Well, I don't know, French. I never even thought about what to tell them, and I

guess you can't shut them up forever, either.

One can try, sir.

Well, we're probably making too much of it.

They probably forgot about the whole thing by now anyway, so let's just hope

the best.

Very good, sir. Oh, I will be serving supper as soon as you're ready, sir.

And as you say, let us hope by then that they will have forgotten the whole

unhappy subject.

We'd like to know if a stork really brings babies.

A stork?

Uncle Bill, do storks really bring babies?

No. Well, sort of.

Oh,

well, sir, by an odd coincidence, I have made studies into the habits of the

stork.

Buffy, Jody, one might say the stork provides a service, a

delivery at all hours, after you've placed an order, of course.

For example...

The new baby we saw in the park this morning, young Anthony Bartlow III,

was told that the stork dropped him off several weeks ago.

Well, what do you know about that?

People must keep storks awful busy.

Sissy, is there a picture of the stork in the encyclopedia?

I guess so.

Excuse us, Uncle Bill.

Jody, let's go look at it.

Well, sir, I believe we can consider the matter closed.

I think so, for now.

Uncle Bill, you don't think people tell children those fairy tales anymore?

Well, honey, it's just to satisfy their curiosity until they get old enough so

they can understand, you know.

But isn't this the important time?

These are the formative years.

Well, child experts say that that stork story's ridiculous.

Honey, if they are happy with the stork explanation, we'll just let it go at

that, and we will face the problem if and when it comes up again, okay?

Golly, that seems like plain cowardice.

Exactly.

a baby and fly at the same time?

How does it know where to deliver the baby?

Besides, a baby would catch cold way up there. The higher you go, the colder it

gets. Yeah, and what if it rains and a stork dropped the baby?

Crash!

And how would the stork get into an apartment building like this? The

wouldn't let him in. Maybe down the chimney.

No, that wouldn't work.

He'd get stuck.

What if somebody had a fire going?

Ow!

Jody, all the time we've lived here, did you ever see one stork?

No, not even one.

An ostrich would make more sense.

At least it's bigger and stronger.

That's not much smarter.

I don't believe that an ostrich brings babies either.

I think we should check it out again with Uncle Bill.

Yeah, you're right about storks. It isn't possible.

Does Mr.

French really believe about storks?

No. Well, yeah, in a way. I mean, like, in the same way he believes what he told

you about the Sandman, you know.

You mean how the Sandman comes into your bedroom at night and throws sand in

your eyes to make you sleep?

Nobody ever threw sand in my eyes except that mean kid in the park.

Well, now, we got it all settled, huh?

Storks do not bring babies.

They bring baby storks.

That makes sense.

Jody?

Absolutely.

Good. And I'll just tell French that you understand. And now I think it's about

time you went to bed, huh?

Okay. Good night, Uncle Bill. Good night, kids.

Well,

that settles that.

Except for one thing.

Uncle Bill?

Yeah? Where do they find babies?

Well, we do know that the storks don't bring them, right?

Right.

Okay. Now, that ought to be enough information right now.

so we can discuss it further on when we have more time, okay?

Okay. Okay.

French!

Yes, Mr. Davis.

It was a nice try, but the stork thing didn't work.

You mean they actually continued to pursue the subject, sir? Yep, right on

nose.

Where do babies come from, Uncle Bill?

Astounding. If you'll excuse the expression, sir.

Yeah.

Well, French, I think we might be in for it.

You see, Jody, all we had to do was ask Uncle Bill. Right.

He always tells us the truth.

It isn't this dark at all.

Right. But then...

Who is it?

We get to ask that next.

Mr. French, this isn't your usual hour.

Aren't the children in school at this time? Oh, quite, quite.

May I sit down, please? Oh, please.

Mr. French, you seem disturbed.

Is something wrong?

Uh, Savisham, may I be frank?

Oh, please.

Well, we are both mature adults, are we not?

Agreed. Well, then, Savisham, you must have noticed Buffy and Jody's

reaction and, well, a certain curiosity about the new

Bartlow baby.

You mean...

Exactly. They're questions.

Just how does one answer?

Well, I feel the important thing, Mr. French, is that the answer be told

in terms of a fairy story.

Yes, well, we tried this talk theory. They destroyed it completely.

Then I would say the cabbage patch story is in order.

Cabbage patch?

That, too, is fantasy, but not nearly as vulnerable to logic.

Their sweet little minds are so enchanted with the possibilities that

don't ask too many questions.

You see, the idea is... They get

babies in a cabbage patch?

That's right.

What's a cabbage patch?

It's a garden where they grow cabbages, of course.

A vegetable garden?

Are we vegetables?

Oh, of course not.

Well, that's being ridiculous.

Why don't the fairies bring the baby right to the house?

Well...

Well, sometimes windows are closed and doors are locked.

Well, you see, fairies can't ring doorbells. So they leave a note telling

mother to go to the cabbage patch and pick up her baby.

Isn't that interesting?

It sure is.

It's a lot more interesting than a storm.

Yes, and much more imaginative, too.

Now, I hope you children will accept my answer in the spirit in which it was

given.

It's a pretty good answer.

Ah, thank you, Jody.

And Uncle Bill says we have to believe you like we believe him.

So we believe you.

How about that, Buffy?

Furries brought us to a cabbage patch.

It's a good thing they found us before harvest time.

That must be Richard. He's coming over to play.

Have we got a story to tell you.

Come on back with us.

How was our golf game, sir? Terrible. Not a catch.

Never better.

What about, you know... Oh, I think you'll find that we've solved that

to everyone's satisfaction, sir.

Yeah? Sir, playing with young master...

Nelson, right now, sir, in fact, I have an idea they're discussing the subject.

I gave them a smashing answer, sir, a courtesy of Miss Fattersham.

Yeah.

You think we could eavesdrop a little?

Of course, sir.

And so, the fairies deposit the baby in a cabbage patch.

And in the morning, the mother comes and picks it up.

Isn't that so? Something?

Wow, that's a better story than the one my mother told me.

What story did your mother tell you?

Oh, some crazy thing about the birds and the bees.

Didn't understand it, but I said I did.

Mr. French and Uncle Bill always tell us the truth.

Except about dragons and that junk.

They always tell us which is true and which isn't.

This one is true.

I've just got to tell my mother about the cabbage patch. She'll be glad to

the real truth. Bye. Bye.

Bye. Bye.

Well, sir, I think we can consider the matter settled.

Cabbage patch.

A delightful tale, sir. And the children seem to accept it without reservation.

It's still fantasy all over again.

Quite so, sir, but Miss Fabersham considered it quite suitable for six

-olds. She does.

Well, Sissy hears about it. She didn't go for the stork story. Well, she hears

about the cabbage patch.

The cabbage patch?

Well, it satisfied Dan.

It was the only possible answer, Miss Sissy. We had the opinion of experts,

Fabersham.

Oh, Ms. Nelson.

How... Yeah.

Well, of course I don't approve of the cabbage patch story.

It's a ridiculous thing.

I said it's a ridiculous notion, yes. Yes, ma 'am.

Well, I'm sorry if it confused Richard after your scientific explanation,

Well, look, I'm sure you can get Richard straightened out, can't you? We can do

the same thing for our children.

Yes.

Well, thank you for calling. Yes.

Goodbye.

Mrs. Nelson doesn't approve.

I'm sorry, sir, but somehow it seemed so wholesome.

Well, I know what you're going through, Uncle Bill, but there must be some

simple, straightforward way to tell them.

That may be very true, but in the meantime, I've got to unlearn them

Richard gets back.

I'm sorry, Miss Sissy, but I find myself at a complete loss.

I had no idea we'd be faced with such problems.

You can't expect two bachelors to know these things.

I'd better get some expert advice.

I'll go talk to my biology teacher.

Buffy and Jody are so young, Miss Pringle.

How will they understand?

Never underestimate the mind of a child.

Approach them on their own level, but honestly.

Okay.

But how do I explain to Uncle Bill?

He freezes when I try to discuss the subject on an adult level.

Be sympathetic, but firm.

Assure him it's entirely biological.

Thank you.

Hi. Hi, Uncle Bill.

Where are Buffy and Jody?

They went down to the park with French.

Oh, good.

Well,

I can help you answer them about babies.

See, it's entirely biological.

Oh, I know that. I just assume we dropped the whole subject, huh?

Now, look here, Uncle Bill. See, if you tell them that birth is just the

process... You know, I just assumed I figured it out for myself.

Now, look.

Birth is the act by which a female... Believe it or not, Sissy, I know all

that.

By which a female brings one of her own species into the world.

See? Now that didn't hurt, did it?

No. Well, then you go on... I took biology in high school, too.

Well, then you know. See? You explain, you give them the definition, then you

on... Sissy.

Well, look, this is only the beginning, Uncle Bill. I've got these other charts.

No, I don't want to see any more charts.

Well, where... They're adults, Uncle Bill. You are a teenage girl.

You mean you're not going to explain the truth to them?

Well, not until I figure out how.

Uncle Bill, you do it just by biology.

Miss Pringle says... Miss Pringle teaches high school, and they're six

-old kids.

Uncle Bill!

Uncle Bill!

Yeah, yeah. Guess what?

Yeah, guess what?

What am I supposed to guess what?

Well...

We heard about another funny place where they find babies.

We had another discussion among the children in the park, sir, before I

stop it.

Yeah, boy.

Grown -ups sure are mixed up about babies.

No, Joey, we're not mixed up. Now, there are just certain things that we don't

want to talk about, and this happens to be one of them. So that's the end of it.

That's all, once and for all.

Oh.

Okay, Jody?

Yes, Uncle Bill.

We understand each other, all right?

You had no other choice, sir. I quite approve.

Well, you can cut off their discussions, but you can't cut off their minds.

Right.

Did you speak to him? Not yet, sir. They're in Buddy's room playing.

Sissy's in bed reading.

Good.

Hi.

Well, you're home early, Uncle Bill.

Well, I wanted to say goodnight to my kids and make sure you weren't angry

me about, uh, you know, what.

It's all right if you get angry.

Because you get angry with love.

And if you don't want to talk about where babies come from, you don't have

Well, Jody, I didn't want to talk about it because I didn't think I knew how.

But now I do, and I can tell you about where babies come from if you want to

know.

A true story this time?

Not storks or cabbages.

Nope, true.

We'd like to hear the true story.

From you, Uncle Dale.

You still remember your mother and father, don't you?

And you remember how much they loved each other and how much they loved you?

When they were married, they loved each other so much that

love just filled up their whole lives.

So out of this love that they had for each other, three babies were born.

Sissy and then you two.

And you became a family.

See?

So that's how babies are born.

The answer to your question is just one word. It's easy.

It's love. See?

Well, what do you know about that?

That's the goodest answer of all.

Okay?

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay. Over to your room, Jody.

Good night, you guys.

Good night.

And you hop into bed, miss.

Good night, Uncle Bill.

Uncle Bill?

I just wanted to tell you.

I think you're the smartest person in the whole world.

Smarter than Miss Pringle?

Much.

Good night.

Good night.

Good night.

Good thinking, sir.

Oh, just one more thing, sir. Yeah. How do we account for rabbits?

What about it?

Well, this little boy in the park, Sir Jody's friend, he's been raising

And, Fred, they've been increasing. In fact, a veritable population explosion.

Would that too be love, sir?

Nightmare.