Original subtitles

I think Mr.

French wants us to get our books off the table.

How do you know?

He's yelling at us with his eyes.

Hello, Davis residence here.

Uh, French, listen, I've got a, uh, kind of a... Peculiar favor to ask of you.

Yes, sir?

Yeah, well, it's got to do with this friend of mine.

Well, you know Orson Caldwell, the actor, don't you?

No, sir.

Oh. Well, sure, you must have seen him in the movies. Been a lot of movies.

Oh, I'm afraid not, sir.

My cinema experiences have been limited to Sir Lawrence Olivier in Hamlet.

Looks like your name didn't ring a bell.

Don't worry about it, Bill.

There must be several people who haven't heard of me.

Look,

French, anyway, he wants to observe you, see?

As I do what, sir?

Well, he's going into this play called Gentleman's Gentleman, and he always

likes to explore the character.

Well, sir, I shall feel rather like a pheasant under glass.

However, I admire his thoroughness. I see no objection in the plan.

So I'll bring him home for a late supper.

Thanks, French.

Goodbye, sir.

French says he doesn't mind a bit.

Call him right now.

Hi, Mr. French.

Hello there.

Hello, Mr. French. I'm Wanda Cross.

Of course I remember you well, Miss Wanda. How do you do? I'm quite well,

you. Sissy and I have a favor of grandoise proportions to ask of you.

A favor?

Can Wanda spend the night, Mr. French?

I presume so. Have you called your Uncle Bill? Just now. He said to ask you.

Well, then, it's all settled.

I suppose the occasion has some importance to both you young ladies.

Oh, it sure has.

We're going to call it boys.

Good dinner tonight, French.

Thank you, sir.

It certainly was.

Now, French, you're sure it doesn't bother you to have me watching like

Oh, not in the least, sir. I shall do as you instructed and...

Carry on as if you were not there.

Oh, excuse me, sir. I had a little bit of difficulty with the Langlois sauce

dinner, sir, but I think I eventually triumphed. You certainly did, and your

Langlois was superb.

Thank you, sir.

Want coffee in there?

Good idea.

French, will you kind of fill me in on what's been going on around here?

And every time I come home late for dinner, I feel like I've been left out

things.

Very good, sir. Well, there are two subjects worth mentioning, sir.

Owing to Miss Wanda's visit, the twins are bedding down in Master Jody's

quarters. Yeah, I noticed that. Now, how'd you manage to get Buffy out of her

own room?

Oh, we suggested the fantasy that she regard Master Jody's room as a hotel,

Barring a heated discussion regarding room service, I think the experiment

over rather well.

Grinch, you're a winner.

Now, what are Sissy and Wanda doing?

Oh, they're calling up young gentlemen on the telephone, sir. It appears that

there is a school occasion coming up called Ladies' Tag Day, I believe, in

vernacular.

Oh, yeah, that's where the girls ask the boys to dance.

How very astute of you, sir. I'm afraid it took me considerably longer to arrive

at the same conclusion.

Well, we used to have the same kind of thing when I was a kid, French.

Boy, I used to get picked by every... Anyway, I found out it was better to

a broken leg than to get picked by the wrong girl.

Any injuries, sir?

Beach dancing with a giraffe.

Right so -so.

Uh, should you require anything else, sir, I shall be in the pantry.

Thank you, French.

Pantry?

You have a pantry?

Anything within eight feet of the stove is a pantry to French.

Now, by the way, there's something very extra special about him.

Now, not every gentleman's gentleman gets trapped into taking care of kids,

remember Wanda? Sure, I wonder.

Well, girls, this is Mr.

Caldwell, Orson Caldwell, old friend.

We already know Orson.

I mean, how do you do, Mr. Caldwell?

How do you do, girls?

Mr. Caldwell is here doing a little research for his new play.

Oh, we came to ask you something about something that, well, it sure can wait.

Oh, now, not at all, girls.

You see, part of my research, my method is observing people.

So please, just carry on as if I weren't here.

Will you?

We're having a tag dance this weekend, Uncle Bill, and Wanda already picked her

date, but I'm still trying to decide which boy I want.

Do you think it was opportunistic of me to invite Victor Grange, Mr. Davis?

He's the student body president, and he plays guitar real well, and he has real

strong hair.

Sounds delightful.

Thank you, Mr.

Caldwell.

Well, sissy, you better make up your mind which boy you want to ask, you

Those boys are going to get all picked over by the other girls.

Oh, well, there's still plenty of time, Uncle Bill.

And, well, if I get really stuck, I guess I can always ask Virgil Corkson.

Hey, how do you know so much about tag dances, Uncle Bill?

Oh, we used to have them way back in the olden days.

Every spring, just before the quilting day.

Oh.

Well, I guess that we'd better go.

It's been real nice to have met you, Mr. Caldwell.

Good night, girls.

Night. Night.

forgotten for a minute.

Is Buffy going to stay in my hotel again tonight?

No, I think not.

It's hardly likely that Miss Wonder will stay two nights so nearly contiguous.

Hey, me!

I just can't believe that Christine Holloway would do such a thing after she

said she wouldn't.

Hi, Mr. French.

Hi, Kitty.

Gosh, Wonder.

I don't want to get stuck with Virgil.

You must put Virgil Corson from your mind, sissy.

You must strive for someone like my Victor Grange.

Virgil is nothing but a detrimonious loser.

What is it?

Yes, well, I shall see to it that Miss Sissy and her guests attend to their

books presently.

Do you think when we get bigger, we'll be able to leave our books on the table?

I don't know.

And there's another thing I don't know.

What?

I don't know if I'm staying at your hotel again tonight.

Yeah.

You notice how nobody ever tells us anything, Buffy?

Yeah, Jody.

A crisis, sir.

Oh, French, I don't see we got such a crisis on our hands.

Well, nor did I, sir, but it appears that Miss Sissy is on the verge of

owing to the fact of having to invite one Virgil Coxon to the tag dance.

Oh, yeah, Virgil.

He's the only one left, huh?

Apparently, sir.

It appears that a Miss Christine Holloway broke her word and invited one

Voorhees, thereby disrupting Miss Sissy's plans.

There was considerable vilification of Miss Holloway and of another young lady,

sir, who apparently did the same thing regarding a young gentleman named Pinky

Beauchampin.

Well, I warned her, French.

Twins okay?

Well, sir, because of Miss Sissy's near hysteria, Miss Wonder elected to spend

the night with us again, thereby putting Miss Buffy in Master Jody's quarters.

And judging by the expression on your face, your idea about the hotel isn't

working any longer?

Well, his bedroom is now a castle.

Master Jody is a prince.

But it appears that princes take a dim view of visiting duchesses.

You must forgive my interceding like this, Mr. Davis. But Sissy's just had a

soul -shattering experience.

I think she needs your shoulder.

Very well.

What's the matter? What happened?

Oh, I can't. She says she can't go to the dance.

She called everybody, and they were all booked up. And finally, she called

Virgil. And just now, he called back and said he couldn't go.

Wanda, would you mind? I want to talk to her alone for a minute. Oh, I

understand completely, Mr. Davis.

Joe, you waited too long, then you finally called Virgil, and now he says

can't make it, huh?

Well, why can't he make it?

Well, don't let it get you. He must have some good reason.

I saw him today in school and he was fine.

And tonight he called and said... Said what?

He said he had a broken leg.

Good morning, sissy.

Wanted to go home?

Had your breakfast?

Well, I'll be out on the terrace if you want me for anything.

Well,

things don't seem to have improved much during the night.

No, sir. I'm afraid the...

Prince tried to throw the Duchess out of the castle.

They're playing with the Dillon children in the park at the moment, sir.

That's good.

Now, what are we going to do about Sissy?

I don't know, sir, but when you could find some way of keeping Miss Wanda from

the premises, sir, the child means well, but somehow she always manages to say

the wrong thing in front of Miss Sissy.

Yeah, she's been laying on a little thick about that Victor, whatever his

is.

Well, I guess she kind of brought this on herself, though.

I mean, it is her own fault, wouldn't you say?

Yes, sir.

While one tries to reach for the ripest apple, others pick the crop, as the

poets say.

Um, sir, why don't we offer ourselves as escort?

You? Oh, not I, sir. You, sir. Me.

Well, I guess I'm better than nothing.

I'll ask her after breakfast.

Very well, sir.

Now, if you'll excuse me, sir, I have several chores to do.

Should you require me for anything, I'll be in the vicinity.

French. Yes, sir. Listen, what kind of a stupid, unthinking kid would tell a

nice girl like Sissy that he's got a broken leg just so easy he could get out

this?

Well, don't answer.

say once that you brought this on yourself, but you did, you know. You

think of all those boys sitting around waiting for you girls to call them. I

know, I know.

Wanda called right away.

Look who she got.

What are you gonna do?

Nothing. I'm not going.

Well, I know a guy who'd just love to take you. Of course, he's not much. Who?

Me.

Uncle Bill.

You're wonderful.

But I can't.

Why not? I'll shave and everything.

It's just that... Oh, the kid's old. Oh, yeah, yeah. Showing up with a parent

type, that's kind of an admission of some sort.

I remember a kid in my school who brought his aunt to attract me. It was

horrible. I never lived it down.

Mr. Davis, I came over to cheer Sissy up as long as she can't go to the dance.

May I come in?

Yeah, she's in her room.

Hi!

My dress just came.

What dress?

The one for the dance tonight.

I knew you wouldn't see it there, so I brought it over here.

What would you have worn tonight, if you were going?

Oh, excuse me, sir.

I chance to be passing Miss Sissy's room, and I'm afraid that Miss Wonder is

being somewhat indiscreet about the school's latest tag dance.

Oh, yeah, rubbing it in. She's got a date with the high school hotshot. Well,

it's too bad for Sissy, but we can't do much about it.

She rejected your offer as escort, sir?

Oh, French, you can't show up at a high school dance with your uncle.

Teenagers got taboo about that sort of thing.

Hi,

French. Your butler watcher is here again.

Well, sir, butling is a great and honored profession.

However, a gentleman's gentleman is something distinct and apart.

Oh, I see, French.

Oh, hi, Bill.

Oh. It's you.

I've had warmer welcomes in my day. You were expecting somebody else?

No, just doing a little wishful thinking, I guess.

I was hoping if the best basketball, football, baseball player at Lexi High

would walk through that door and ask Sissy for a date tonight.

Oh, it fell through, huh?

Yeah, tonight of all nights.

You know, the big high school dance and she's stuck at home.

Poor kid.

Same thing happened to Judy Jones.

Yeah.

Who's Judy Jones?

Character in a play I was in.

Life with Judy.

Same plot, same complications.

And I was the happy ending.

Showed up on act three loaded with medals and took her to the military

ball.

Most interesting, sir.

She was 16 and I was 35.

But Judy didn't mind because I was a war hero.

And a celebrity.

Excuse me, Mr. Davis, but Mr.

Caldwell seems to have arrived at the solution to Miss Sissy's dilemma.

Yeah, he sure has.

I mean, if you do it, do you mind?

I'm glad to, Bill.

Sure, I'll take her.

Shall I call Miss Sissy so that you may impart the good news to her, sir?

You do that, French.

Well, Orson, I guarantee you, Sissy's going to start a new fan club just for

you.

It's my own fault.

Well, it's not so bad.

It'll be just like you were there.

Because tomorrow I'll tell you every little thing that went on.

Miss Sissy?

Come in, Mr. French.

Oh, your uncle would like to see you. He's in the living room.

I'll be right back, Wanda.

Well, this ought to shake Sissy out of her doldrums. Morrison, going to a dance

with a big celebrity. I'm glad to help out, Bill.

Hi. Hi.

Hello, Mr. Caldwell. Hello, Sissy.

You wanted to see me, Uncle Bill?

Yeah, I got a little surprise for you, honey.

Surprise?

Oh, well, your uncle tells me that you don't have a date for your high school

dance tonight, sissy, and... Well, I'd like to take you.

You, Mr. Caldwell?

To the dance?

Gosh,

I'm really flattered.

It was nice of Uncle Bill to ask you to take me.

But... I... don't think that it would work out.

She doesn't think it would work out.

That's what I thought she said.

Sure it would work out, Sissy.

Why not?

Well, we're practically different generations.

I mean, oh gosh, now that you're so much older than I am.

Well, I'm so much younger than you are.

I didn't mean to say that.

She's turning it down, Orson.

Cold, man.

What cold?

Oh, I didn't mean anything personal, Mr. Caldwell.

Gosh, when it comes to acting, I think you're just the greatest.

Oh,

I'll get it, Mr. French.

I feel a hundred years old.

How old do you think I feel?

Hi, sissy.

The doctor says I can go to the dance.

If I don't dance... Oh, Virgil.

Your leg is broken.

Oh, I'm so happy.

You'll go with me?

Of course.

Oh, great. I'll go right home and change into my tux.

I'll go get ready, too.

Anyway, Orson.

Don't mention it, Bill.

Wait a minute, Virgil.

I'll drive you home.

We don't want anything to happen to that other leg.

Me too.

Lynn!

Well, don't you look pretty. Thank you, Uncle Bill.

Now, what are you going to do? Go to dance with Virgil and just sit there?

Oh, why not?

He's a very interesting conversationalist.

I'm very proud of you.

Hey, select the boy now.

May I help you, sir? Oh, no thanks.

Hi, Virgil.

Well, there she is.

Sorry you can't dance. I guess you'll have plenty to talk about, though.

Oh, I'll be able to dance a little bit, Mr. Davis.

You will?

Yeah, my bones knit fast.

Oh, Virgil.

It's beautiful.

Thanks.

Well, good night.

Good night.

Have fun. Okay, good night, Mr. French. Good night.

Come on.

You know something, French?

What's that, sir?

I think it's better to have a real broken leg than a fake one.

Look what I missed.