Original subtitles

He's not only good -looking.

He is, without a doubt, the smartest person I know.

Oh, what a brain.

Hey, what'd you do? Give up football players? Who's your boyfriend with a

Oh, Uncle Bill, I'm talking about you.

Oh, me. I'll call you back, Sherry.

A messenger just brought it a few minutes ago.

You didn't tell us you got such a wonderful award at the banquet last

Yeah, not bad, is it?

Not bad?

Oh, you're too modest.

It's going right over there in place of that Greek sculpture.

Oh, you're not putting that thing over there. I paid a thousand drachmas for

that in Greece.

Well, it's going in the den.

Okay.

Buffy, Jody!

Oh, they're not here. Mr. Finch took them to the Punch and Judy show.

Well, it's his Thursday. It's his day off.

You know the twins.

When they go to work on somebody, who can resist them?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Who?

Hi, Uncle Bill!

Well,

I see they talked you into giving up your Thursday.

Oh, well, there was a slight rearrangement of plans, sir, but Buffy

most persuasive.

So I noticed.

You should have been with us, Uncle Bill.

Punch sure bopped Judy around.

Then the devil bopped Punch around.

Buffy, young ladies of breeding do not say bop.

Hey, let's go watch Captain Hippopotamus in the den.

Come on.

Children, there'll be no television until you've washed thoroughly.

Now, uh...

If you'll excuse me, sir, I'll start dinner. Now, just a minute. I want to

to you about that.

In the first place, don't ever let them talk you into giving up your day off

again. I didn't mind, sir.

I know that, French. That's not the point. The point is that we can't let

start running our lives.

But they're nice children, sir.

Sure they are, and that's just why we shouldn't spoil them.

You may now watch Captain Hippopotamus.

Oh, boy!

Uncle Bill, will you read some more Wizard of Oz to us after dinner?

You do the cowardly lies real good.

Yeah.

No, no, I'm sorry. I can't do it tonight, kids. I'm going to be real

I'm going to be awful busy.

Go on. Go on, Scoop, now.

a dog.

It's the proper thing to do, sir.

Yeah, yeah, that's right.

Had to do it, French.

Hey, you guys, look at the trophy Uncle Bill got.

It's real pretty.

What's a trophy?

Well, it's kind of like an award you get if you're real good at something.

Like in school when the teacher gives you a star for spelling?

Yeah, well, something like that.

Come here and look at this.

The best achievement in construction engineering.

William Davis.

Who gave it to him?

A group of people who wanted to show their appreciation.

Uncle Bill's the best builder, all right.

Jody, why don't you and me give him an award to show our appreciation?

For being the best uncle?

The best there ever was.

Yeah, that'd be neat.

I could borrow some modeling clay.

From Peter Upstairs.

We'll start on it tonight, right after dinner.

We can't make it like a building, Buffy.

What do we make it like?

Is this in Mr.

French?

Nobody will keep it a secret between us.

I'm going to make the card that says...

Sit up here with your sister.

I got something I want to say to both of you.

Yes, sir.

Yes, sir.

It's about what happened this afternoon.

What happened this afternoon?

We went to the puppet show.

I know you went to the puppet show.

And you talked Mr.

French into taking you there on his day off, and that was not a nice thing to

do.

Now, you kids have just got to quit thinking about yourselves all the time.

know, us grown -ups have things we want to do, too.

Like, for instance, next Sunday afternoon, I'm not going to be around

any outings.

I'm going to play golf all afternoon, so taking you to the zoo is out. Is that

clear?

Yes, sir.

Yes, sir.

Okay. I'll be back later to say goodnight.

You don't have to if you're busy.

I'm not going to be that busy.

Me neither.

I thought Uncle Bill liked it.

What are you doing that for?

What?

Scratching.

I feel kind of itchy.

French, I'm going to eat at the club this morning. I got one of those

breakfast things.

I'll see you tonight, kids.

Okay. Mr.

Davis, may we have a word with you, please?

Not that I'm a worrywart, sir, but I'm somewhat concerned about Master Jody's

itch.

How long has he been doing that?

Well, I first noticed it last night, sir, whilst tucking him into bed.

Oh, it's probably nothing. Just to be on the safe side, you better take him to

the pediatrician after school.

Oh, I think that'd be very wise, sir. As my father used to say, never wait till

tomorrow to be sorry for what happened yesterday.

What's that mean exactly?

Well, I'm not quite sure, sir, but it almost sounded most profound the way he

said it.

Ah, good afternoon.

I believe we have an appointment for Dr.

Felsen. Oh, yes, Mr. French.

How are you, Jody?

Buffy, are you here for your booster shots?

We got boosted last month.

Jody, it's just something terrible.

Show her, Jody.

Jody, there's no need for a demonstration.

You may go in now, Mr. French.

Thank you.

Oh, Buffy, you wait here.

It's most baffling, Doctor. He's been scratching incessantly since last night.

How does he describe the itch?

He tells us it's a very itchy itch. I doubt if that's much help medically.

Temperature is perfectly normal.

Jody, would you wait outside for a moment? I want to speak to Mr. French.

Okay.

He's a lollipop.

Can I have one for my sister?

To Buffy with my compliments.

Thank you.

I'll have to make some patch tests on him beginning Monday.

Patch tests?

You may leave, Jody.

Yes, sir.

Your lollipop.

Mmm, strawberry.

Did the doctor give you any medicine?

Uh -uh.

He's just going to test me for patches.

You got patches?

That's what he said.

Well, I'm not too familiar with allergies, doctor, but I understand that

can often be caused by food.

By a multitude of things, food, clothing, often it's a household pet, a

dog. We have neither.

On the other hand, Jody's allergy may have been triggered by an emotional

of some sort.

Even at his age?

Especially at his age.

Envy could have brought it on, or jealousy, or frustration.

Frustration?

Interesting.

Frustration.

Steady words, sir.

I don't go along with that.

If there ever was a healthy, normal, well -adjusted kid, it's Jody. Yes, sir,

but the fact remains he does itch. When is Hitching's start?

Last evening, sir.

Well, I told him I wouldn't read The Wizard of Oz to him.

And after that, I went in the bedroom and told both of them that I wasn't

to take him to the zoo on Sunday.

I guess I did a pretty good job of frustrating that kid.

Yes, sir, I arrived at the same conclusion, but what bothers me is the

Buffy doesn't seem in the least affected.

Oh, well, that's the feminine sex for you. You know, people say they're weak,

but they get their emotions right out of control all the time, every minute.

How'd you like my world so far, Buffy?

put terrificus on it, too.

There's no room.

I'll get a bigger piece of cardboard.

Judy. In the closet.

Hi, Uncle Bill.

I'm just coming out of the closet.

I see.

Now, listen, you two. Remember last night?

I told you I couldn't take you to the zoo.

Uh -huh. Because you were busy.

That's okay if you were busy, Uncle Bill.

No, it isn't. You were counting on going to the zoo, and so we're going to go to

the zoo.

We don't have to go if you don't want to.

Yeah, but I want to, so we're going to go tomorrow afternoon.

Now, it's all set. We're going to spend all Saturday afternoon together, right?

All afternoon?

All afternoon.

This is terrible, Jody. We just got to finish the trophy.

Yeah, by dinner time tomorrow.

Trust the twins were happy with the change of plans.

Oh, sure they were. Of course, they tried not to show it, but I could tell

way they were looking at each other. They were happy.

Well, so you nipped Jody's frustration right in the bud.

Yeah, just in time, too.

Listen, will you see if you can find a copy of Wizard of Oz? I got a bone up on

that cowardly line.

Very good.

Like the sea lions?

Yeah.

Now, this is what I like. I could stand here and watch these chimps all day.

You really like the zoo, don't you, Uncle Bill? Mm -hmm.

Hey, Buffy, here.

Look at some peanuts so we can feed the chimps, huh?

Okay, Uncle Bill.

Well, Jody, uh...

You having a good time?

Yes, sir.

I mean a real good time.

Oh, sure, Uncle Bill.

But we can go home any time you want to.

Yes.

Hey, you have to do that.

Do what?

Scratch like that.

I didn't know I was.

Well, not for me, baby. That's for you. Here.

Here, Jody.

Scratching just like you, Buffy.

Yeah.

Honey, honey, you don't have to imitate the champ.

I'm not.

I'm scratching because I eat.

You too?

Uncle Bill, can we go home now?

Yeah, I guess we might as well.

What gets me is why they were both scratching. There's got to be some

that.

Well, at least you know it's not frustration.

You took them to the zoo.

That's quite right, sir. It's not your fault.

I'll go along with you on that, French, except for one thing. Why were they in

such a hurry to get home?

They could hardly wait to get rid of me, you know.

Well, perhaps it was a food allergy, sir. The strawberry mousse I prepared

them Thursday night.

That's right.

They've never had that before.

Buffy might be having a delayed reaction.

Yeah, that could be.

Oh, good evening, Doctor.

Evening, French. I happen to be in the building and I just stopped by to see

Davis. Is he home? Oh, Doctor. Oh, how do you do?

Mr. Davis, I have some rather interesting information concerning

So have I. Buffy's got it now. Oh, yeah? Well, it's quite likely in view of the

circumstances.

What circumstances?

Well, I have a young patient in this building.

Just about Jody's age, Peter Donaldson.

Oh, yes, Peter and Jody are chums.

I'm fine.

I don't blame you. You see, I've been treating Peter for an allergy that's

similar to Jody's.

And a few hours ago, the patch test reports came through.

And Peter's allergy was caused by modeling clay.

But Jody has no modeling clay, Doctor.

Well, maybe he got hold of some of Peter's clay.

My opinion exactly.

How could get him?

Get Buffy, too.

It'll be finished right in time for dinner, Jody.

Yeah, I never thought we could keep it a secret.

Jody?

Buffy?

Quick, hide it.

Buffy?

Okay, open the door.

against the door?

Oh, just cause.

Cause why?

Cause in case.

In case what?

In case cause.

Come on, Uncle Bill wants to see you.

You sure it wasn't something else that could produce the same symptom?

I'm sure it was modeling clay.

Now, kids, I want to ask you something that's very important.

Have you been playing with Peter's modeling clay?

Playing with it?

No, Uncle Bill.

Okay, that rules that out.

Yes, it does.

We'll have to keep looking.

Buffy, may I see your arm where it itches?

Yours, too, Jody.

Look at this, Mr.

Davis.

Clay.

Got Peter's clay on your hands?

Yes, sir.

Yes, sir.

Buffy Jody.

I'll handle this, you see.

I don't want to keep you from your dinner any longer, Doctor.

Good night.

I'm sorry you're bothered.

Don't mention it.

Good night, kids.

Thank you.

Now, why didn't you tell me you had some of Peter's clay when I asked you?

You don't want to tell me, huh?

Okay, I guess I'm gonna have to punish you. You know why, don't you? When you

said you weren't playing with it, and you were, you were just telling me a

You go on in your rooms.

Stay there.

Okay. Come on.

It's the first time they ever lied to me.

I wouldn't let the twins get you down, Uncle Bill.

After all, sir, they're only six.

I know. It's still a big disappointment.

Uncle Bill?

Can Jody and me come in and talk to you for a minute?

You want to apologize?

No. We want to give you something.

Come on in, Jody.

What's that?

Well, you got a special kind of a trophy for being the world's best builder. So

we made you one, too, for being the world's best uncle.

For Uncle Bill, the bestest, nicest, terrificest

uncle in the world.

Modeling clay.

Yes, sir.

You see, sissy?

We weren't playing.

We were working.

We wouldn't tell you a fib, Uncle Bill.

Are you surprised?

I'm not only surprised, I'm... I'm a whole lot of things.

French, we got a new centerpiece.

I shall remove the flowers, sir.

Well, I don't know about being the world's best uncle, but you sure are the

world's best twins.