Original subtitles

Hi. What is it, Nicholas? I need a book. Oh, really? A book?

Well, that pleases me. Finally, one of my children is eschewing television for

book. Let's see now.

A book for Nicholas. What would be good for you now?

Oh, uh... Oh, oh, oh, this is perfect.

Perfect. Go of his travels. You'll love this. I read it when I was your age, all

about these little people.

This isn't what I want.

Oh, no?

Hmm. I like it.

Well, all right, hold on, hold on. We'll get you something.

Oh, oh, oh.

This is it. This is it. The Adventures of Tom Sawyer. This is so exciting. It's

about this boy that grows up in the south in Missouri 100 years ago.

It's too old.

What do you mean, too old? Great literature is timeless.

Ah, now this is what I want.

What's that?

The Valley of the Dolls.

Oh, no.

It's perfect.

Oh, no, Nicholas. You don't even know what it's about.

Sure I do. I saw the movie on television at Kenny P. Lander's house.

Well, then why would you want to read it?

Read it? I'm not going to read it. I need the book to leave my tracing paper

against.

Just don't trace anything from Chapter 11.

There's a magic in the early morning we found

When the sunrise smiles on everything

around It's a portrait of

the happiness that we feel and know it will

Oh, it is enough to fill our

We'd spend our days like bright and shiny new dimes

If we're ever puzzled by the changing

times There's a plate of homemade

wishes On the kitchen window sill And

eight is enough to fill our lives

Listen, Debbie, why don't you come over to our house and study? It's really

pretty quiet.

Oh, yes, I know it used to be like a zoo, but not anymore. See, three of the

animals escaped. I've even got my own cage now.

Elizabeth!

All right, all right.

Hey, listen, I've got to go now, but I'll see you in about an hour, okay?

Okay, bye -bye.

What's up?

KP.

You did the dishes last night. Yes, you did, and you'll probably do them

tomorrow night and the night after that.

Keep in mind, there are three less dishwashers around here. Ah, but look on

bright side. More telephone time, bathroom time. And more manual labor.

more piece of pie. Where's the dish towel? Right here.

Boy, I sure envy Joanie, Susan, and Nancy.

Having their own place, doing what they want, when they want, not being

accountable to anyone.

Namely, Tom Bradford.

How'd you guess?

You can't even make a move in this house without getting a third degree.

Dad would have made a great cop.

Can you see him?

All right.

Where were you on the night of July 15th? What do you mean you had a date?

who was this guy?

I mean, we don't even have the right to remain silent.

Well, there are people in the house. It was so quiet, I was beginning to wonder.

I mean, I never knew that three less bodies could make such a big difference.

Well, you could always adopt, Dan.

Are you kidding and go back to that racket? I never knew how nice Peace and

Quiet was.

Oh, and guess what? There's nobody in the living room watching TV. For the

time in my life, I will be able to see what I want to see.

Well, you won't get any competition from me. Me neither.

Oh, really? Why? What are you two up to?

Friends coming over to study.

I'm going to the library to meet someone.

Really? Who?

Marty. Oh, Marty.

Who's Marty?

Dad, we just met in school.

What does he like?

Dad, we just share a cadaver.

Maybe you should just go on and watch a TV show, otherwise you won't have a

chance to. Oh, how I envy Joni, Susan and Nancy.

Free from the Grand Inquisitor.

Independent.

Happy.

Hi, Joni. Hi, Joni.

Maybe she didn't hear us.

Hi, Joni.

Where have you guys been?

Oh, I was at the daycare center. We're off. Yeah, and I was going door to door

trying to get people to use Madam Song's frozen Chinese dinners for the

marketing research survey I'm taking.

You can see she wasn't too successful.

Let me help you. Thanks.

You guys know what time it is?

I mean, if you knew you were going to be late, at least you could call.

I didn't hear that, did I?

She must be taking courses at the Tom Bradford School of Keeping Tabs. No, I'm

not keeping tabs. It's just that you were over an hour late. You could have

lying in the gutter somewhere.

I think she's going to graduate with honors.

Really, Joanie, we appreciate your concern, but we are big girls now. If we

wanted to report in every minute, we could have stayed at home. It would have

been a lot cheaper.

Remember, we took this apartment as mature, responsible peers. We agreed

one would be in charge.

Oh, yeah.

I guess you're right.

I'm kind of being a mother hen, huh?

I'm sorry.

It's okay.

Now go wash your hands. Hey! I'm only kidding, I'm only kidding.

Why are you up so late?

Oh, we were just studying, Dad. Dad, this is my friend Marty Schur. Marty,

is my father, Tom Bradford.

How do you do, sir?

Look, Mary, it's getting late. I think I'd better leave.

Okay. Thanks for coming over, Marty. I'll see you in class tomorrow.

Yeah.

Nice meeting you, sir.

Mary. Bye, Marty.

You should know how to clear a room.

Mary, I shouldn't have to be clearing a room at 1 .30 in the morning,

particularly when it's a member of the opposite sex.

Dad, we were just studying.

With the door closed?

We didn't want to disturb anyone.

Listen, Dad, I think it's time that you and I had a little talk, okay?

About the facts of life. Sit down, please.

About the facts of my life.

Dad, I'm 22 years old.

I'm not a child anymore.

And I can take care of myself.

Yes, but I mean, you're still living under my roof.

I live under your roof because I can't afford my own roof.

Look, uh... Dad, you of all people have got to understand that there comes a

time when children grow up and they don't appreciate that constant policing.

Look, three of your children just moved out, and if you're not careful, you're

going to alienate the rest of them. Now, what are you saying, that I'm driving

my children out of the house?

No, I'm trying to tell you that your children aren't all children anymore.

We're growing up.

Dad, I'm trying to help you, not hurt you.

I know.

I know, Mary.

Do you know it's an hour and a half past your curfew, young man?

Listen, Dad, I... No, no, no. We'll discuss it in the morning.

Boy, I bet you never thought I'd have my own room.

It's pretty neat, huh?

You know, maybe tomorrow night I'll invite Irving J. Moore over. He can

Tommy's old bed.

You know, I wonder if Tommy likes having his own room.

Maybe I'd better check on him, just to see if he's lonely.

You know, he's not used to sleeping alone.

Oh, Nicholas, not again. This has been going on for over a week.

Well, I just wanted to make sure you weren't lonely.

Yeah, I guess I am a little bit lonely.

Maybe you better hang around a while, huh?

Sure, anything to help you out.

Yeah, okay. Hey, just don't let this get around, all right?

Gotcha.

Life forms right there. Yeah, okay.

Boy, there must be some way to get her to move faster. Who could yell fire?

I think you'd get better results if you yelled men.

Men!

See what I told you? The bathroom is all yours.

Oh, thanks.

Except there's no hot water left. Oh, what?

Oh, Nancy!

Nancy, you know, if you wouldn't hog the bathroom all the time... Hog the

bathroom? I was hardly even in there a minute before Susan started pounding on

the door.

A person can't get any privacy around here.

Nancy, I heard you in there an hour ago.

I was just leaving.

The closet door is fixed, but obviously you have some other problems like

organization.

Really?

You know, maybe David's right. Organization might be what we need.

We can not only use the schedule for this bathroom, we could use one for the

phone, for the kitchen, for the whole apartment, for dates.

As I said, I was just leaving.

Uh, David, um...

There's no hot water left.

Call the landlady.

The only word she understands is rent.

David, could you just have a look at it, please?

Okay, okay. Where's the hot water heater?

Could you give me a hint?

I told you what he said.

Quote, we'll discuss it in the morning. End quote.

I can't believe he came in a whole hour and a half late.

I bet Tommy's going to really get it this time.

Nicholas, your father is not to get anyone.

Did I miss him?

No, he's still upstairs.

Oh, well, little curfew breaker, maybe if you eat real fast, you can disappear

before the axe falls.

Maybe if you eat real fast, you'll disappear altogether.

Oh, isn't that fun?

Will you two knock it off, please?

Mary's right. You know your father is very serious about curfew.

Tell me about it.

I bet you're going to get it. Thanks, Nicholas.

Dad, I'm really sorry about what happened last night, and it'll never

again. Tommy, I've decided not to punish you. We're all entitled to a mistake

now and then.

Listen, I'm going to have breakfast at the office. I've got to run. Goodbye,

little family.

How come Tommy didn't get it?

Trust me.

Just trust me.

Well, five o 'clock.

Yeah, all President accounted for except Dad.

Abby, do you know what this is about?

I haven't got a clue.

Maybe he's changed his mind about Tommy. I mean, Tommy's going to get it after

all.

Nicholas, come on. If Dad was going to give it to Tommy, why would he ask all

us here?

Who knows? All I do know is that he's definitely not a well man. I mean, when

Tom Bradford says it's okay for us to make a mistake now and then, you know

something's wrong. Hi,

everybody. Hi.

I suppose you wonder why I've asked you all here this evening.

Well, I've given some thought about what happened last night, and I think I've

come up with a way to avoid that in the future.

Because if you were probably all confined to the house.

I have decided to lift the curfew.

That is, everyone is on their own discretion except Abby. She still has to

by midnight.

Oh, great. Thanks, Dad.

Thanks, Dad.

Glad to see a little talk helped.

Mm -hmm.

a curfew you you've never had a curfew to begin with i know that's how long oh

well i don't see why not all right every night you have to be in by 9 31 and a

half wow all right so what are you doing now i know what you're thinking and i'm

telling you right now to just trust me yes but lifting the curfew seems a

radical to me you're not trusting me

Your garbage disposal is fixed.

Thanks, David. Put it on our tab.

Sorry, there will be no more tab.

As of this minute, your friendly local repairman is quitting.

Oh, was it something we said?

No, it's the hour. Oh, David, what if something else breaks down?

Yeah. Hunt.

Oh.

Thanks a lot.

Really.

Hi, David.

Hi, David.

What is with him?

Throwing in his toolbox.

Yeah, from now on, if something doesn't work around here, it probably never

will.

Terrific. Hey, did you work out a schedule for me from the apartment yet?

I'm right here.

Tell me what you think.

It's very fair, very fair.

Hey. What? I thought we were equal partners in this place.

We are. Well, why do you have Friday nights and you have Saturday nights?

Seniority, my dear, seniority.

No, no, no. See, this just represents this weekend.

I mean, if you look further down, you see it's on a rotating basis.

I mean, you look down here, eventually you get the place on a weekend night.

Until then, eat your heart out.

Oh, God, look, it's almost 20 after 9. I gotta go, you guys. Susan, will you do

the dishes? I'll pay you back. Bye.

I better finish getting ready before the rest of the bathroom goes.

Do the dishes. I'll pay you back.

Yeah, the offer's still open.

Sure, I'd love to cook you dinner.

You're only free on Friday night?

No, no, there's no problem at all.

Okay, I'll see you then.

Bye.

Oh, Susan!

Marvin! It's, uh, Marty, sir. Oh, Marty, of course. How could I forget?

Listen, you're not leaving, are you?

Well... Oh, why, it's early.

Please, why don't you stay for dinner?

I wouldn't want to put anyone out. You're not putting anyone out. There's

room for one more.

Any friend of one of my kids is always a friend of mine.

So tell me something, Milton. How do you know Mary?

Human anatomy class.

That was a delicious meal.

My compliments to the show.

Oh, Abby gets the credit for this one.

Your compliments accept it.

You know, I've heard so much about your large family. Well, where is everybody?

I've been asking myself the same question all evening.

Well, I know that Nicholas is at Irving J. Moore's for dinner, but I don't know

where Tommy and Elizabeth are. Oh, please. I'm sure they're all out having

good time.

Don't you think we should know where they're having a good time?

You'll have to excuse Abby. She hasn't had the experience that I've had as a

parent. And if there's one thing I've learned in raising eight kids is that

cannot keep constant tabs on them. You've got to trust them. And believe

trust my children.

I'm learning all the time that you've got to let them have freedom. Freedom is

very important to young people. You've got to let them fend for themselves,

their own decisions, be independent.

I've always said that freedom is the road to responsibility.

How come I always run into the roadblocks?

Would you like some more pie, uh, uh, Marty?

You remember it, sir.

Of course.

Nicholas. Nicholas, what are you doing in here?

Where am I? You're in my room.

How'd I get in here?

I must have walked to my sleep.

Well, now that you're awake, why don't you walk right out, okay?

I'm sorry. I'm trying to be quiet.

Well, you're not doing a very good job of it. Boy, you woke up on the wrong

of the bed, didn't you?

Couch. Living room couch.

You know, I don't think it's fair that you and Susan each get your own room and

I have to sleep out there.

Well, Nancy, you know why.

Yeah, I know.

I know.

Seniority.

Do you realize that I'm making more money than any of you? Yeah, well, you

be the richest, but you're also the youngest.

And, as in the Bradford household, seniority rules.

Thank you, Tom Bradford.

Hey, hey, if you're thinking of using the bathroom, you're too late.

You'll just have to wait. Susan's in there.

You missed your turn.

What? I can't even use the bathroom when I have to?

We must be the only people in the world who have put nature on a schedule.

Hi, Abby.

Oh, Elizabeth, boy, am I glad to see you. I could sure use a hand with

Oh, I'd love to, Abby, but see, I've got to shower, change clothes, and be

downtown in an hour, you know? Oh, but if it'll help you any, you don't have to

bother with dinner for me. Bye.

Oh, hi, guys. Hey, I could sure use a hand with dinner.

Sorry, Abby, but I've got a basketball game tonight.

Nicholas?

Oh, I'm eating dinner at Irving J. Moore's again.

Why doesn't Irving J. Moore ever come here for dinner?

He doesn't like the food here.

Hi, everybody. I'm home. Oh, that's just great.

Well, hello. How are you? It would be nice. I don't have time to get dinner

ready. Oh, why isn't one of the kids helping you? Because they have better

things to do with their time. Because kitchen duty and cleaning detail are no

longer a part of their busy schedules. Remember the new deal? So we'll eat out.

I don't have time. I have a class in 40 minutes. Why do you think I am running

around until frantically? It's all right. Don't worry. You go to your

I'll fend for myself. I'll call Max, and we'll do something together tonight.

Oh,

hi, Max. It's me, Tom.

Listen, how would you like to have dinner tonight?

You know, a little chili, a couple of beers over the Jalisco hot dog pit?

night out?

Oh. Yeah. Oh, no, no, that's all right. Don't worry. I mean, I didn't give you

much notice.

No, it's okay. We'll do it some other time.

Yeah, I might just stay home here alone.

I'd have the whole house to myself.

It might be nice.

In fact, it sounds like a great idea.

Just great.

Bye -bye.

This is an unexpected pleasure.

Well, I just dropped by to return your drip.

Thanks.

It's so quiet. Where is everybody? Yeah, well, everybody's out doing their own

thing. Hey, lucky you.

Yeah, it's great.

Just great.

Do you want to go to the movies tonight, just you and me, the two of us?

Oh, no, and ruin your chances for a night of solitude. I wouldn't do that to

you, Dan.

Besides, Janet's waiting for me.

Here.

I'll see you later.

Oh, yeah, all right. Thanks.

If I never see another plate of chow mein, it won't be too soon.

They don't knock it. That's free food. You got a point there, kid.

Oh, you know, you guys.

I think I'm just going to stretch out.

I'm going to TV tonight. I'm exhausted.

Come on.

The TV is in my room. Don't you think you should get my permission to use it?

Hey. Cute, but give her a break.

Hey.

I bought your favorite food, Chinese.

You know, I bet you don't remember that you used to wear braces on your feet.

That's right.

You had this metal bar, and it was attached to both your shoes. And every

your mother and I would try to put them on you. Every night, you would cry and

cry.

Well,

I hate to break up the party, Dad, but it's really getting late.

Oh, yeah?

No, it isn't. It's only 9 .30.

I don't know about Joanie or Susan, but I'm bushed. Well, I won't be insulted if

you go to sleep.

You're in my bedroom.

Dad, I've got a lot of studying to do.

Besides, aren't they going to be missing you back at the house?

Oh, yeah, that's right. Gee, they'll have the police out looking for me any

second now.

Well, you know, we ought to do this more often.

Oh, yeah.

Anytime you want, Dad, really.

Good.

Well, sleep tight and don't let the bedbugs bite you. Okay. You too, Dad.

I'll see you. Bye.

Anybody

home?

Well, I'll see what I can do, Eric. Hold on.

Joanie, you're just the person that I'm looking for. Look, Susan, I'm looking

for my term paper notes on Sarah Bernard. Have you seen them?

Joanie, I need the apartment Saturday night. Look, Nancy traded in her Sunday

for my Friday. Now I need your Saturday for her old Sunday, okay? No! No, it is

not okay. My entire grade depends on this paper. Susan, will you help me find

it? Sure, Joanie, I'll help you. Oh, thank you, Susan.

If you'll help me.

Oh, I really appreciate it. Okay, my pleasure. A deal is a deal.

Yeah, look over there.

Could you have looked at the library?

What? Joanie, could you have looked at the library? Because you've left your

term paper at the library.

The library.

Yeah, maybe it's a... It is!

I remember when I took the books and I put the O's right in courses! And you're

a genius!

Oh, how can I ever... Thank you. You already have. Okay, see you. Yeah, I'll

you. Okay.

Oh, my purse. Here's your purse. Oh, thank you. All right, I'll see you

See you later.

Eric, I did it.

Saturday night.

My place.

Bye.

Oh, so you got any big plans for Saturday night?

Nope, not yet.

But I think I can think of something to keep me out until 3 a .m.

How about you?

Oh, it's ridiculous.

Now that I can stay out till noon Sunday, I don't even have a date.

No date?

Elizabeth Bradford? Oh, great. Now you'll go blab it all over Sacramento.

Hey, why not? Maybe some guy will hear about it and ask you out on a date.

Over your dead body?

This is our secret, okay, Tommy? A girl has pride.

Hey, what do you want, pride or a date? Now, look, if a guy doesn't call you,

just discreetly call a guy.

I tried discreetly calling a guy or two.

And? Would you believe they all have curfews?

Did

we

have a hurricane while I wasn't looking? No, I trusted you.

Do you remember when you didn't punish Tommy and you told me to trust you? And

do you remember when you dropped curfew and you told me to trust you? Well, I

trusted you, and trust equals dust.

Well, I don't see what lifting a curfew has to do with bad housekeeping.

Because ever since you dropped curfew, every other rule and regulation in this

house has just fallen by the wayside. Nobody knows where anybody else is. None

of the chores ever get done.

In short, Tom Bradford, the inmates have taken over the asylum.

And the warden doesn't even care.

Well, now I've been accused of a lot of things in my life, but I have never been

accused of not caring.

Then how else would you explain what's going on around here?

It's two simple words.

Mother's rule.

Mother's rule?

Yes, that was the philosophy that my mother taught me when I was a little

It's very simple and quite effective.

Want me to explain it to you?

Let's say there's a book that you do not want your children to read. Here's what

you do. You take that book and you place it in the center of the bookcase.

within easy reach of the little children. They will ignore it

Now, let's say there's a book that you do want them to read. Aha, you take that

book, and you place it way up on the top of the bookshelf, way over at the end,

out of reach. They'll get to it, and they'll read it. It's reverse

Anything that is easily accessible is less desirable.

And that's mother's rule?

Oh, yes.

Oh, okay, then let me see if I have this straight.

You drop the curfew, you give the kids their freedom, and they won't want it.

Gee, you're a very quick study.

I'm also a skeptic.

Tom, the kids are using their freedom like it's going out of style.

That's because it's new to them. Don't worry. Things will go back to normal as

soon as the newness wears off.

Oh, we wear out.

I am not sure that mother's rule is applicable in situations of real

We are not dealing with books here. We are talking about how a family survives.

Boy, you know, you act like I'm a newcomer in the child -rearing business.

Children do need discipline.

Really? Did discipline keep Joanie and Nancy and Susan from moving out? Please,

give Mother's Rule a chance before I lose the rest of my children.

Oh,

hi, Nicholas.

What are you doing up? Are you sleepwalking again?

I must be.

Nicholas,

this is Marty.

Marty, this is Nicholas, our resident sleepwalker.

Hi, Nicholas.

Hi. If I knew you had company, I would have sleepwalked someplace else.

That's all right.

Do you want me to walk you back to your room?

Can I stay?

Sorry, champ.

I've got to study.

I guess so.

Okay. I'll be right back, Marty.

Bye, Nicholas.

Bye. I'd like to meet you sometime when I'm awake.

Johnny, do you have a minute? No.

How about 30 seconds?

No. Look, would you please go away, Nancy? I have to retype my entire term

paper. I can't even read the notes. But, Johnny, I need the apartment Saturday

night. What?

Look, I traded Susan my Sunday for her Friday, but Scott has to work on Friday,

and I need your Saturday.

Oh, look.

Nancy, I'm not sure, but I vaguely remember there's some reason that I

give you Saturday night. Well, why not?

I don't know. I don't remember.

Well, if you can't remember, then it can't be that important.

And to me, believe me, Saturday is life ago.

Well, okay, whatever. Look, I'll be too exhausted anyway.

Oh, thank you.

Oh, Nancy, look, you may be erasing the only word I typed. I'm sorry.

Scott?

Nancy. Yeah, we're all set.

Saturday.

My place.

Tommy, who's the lucky girl?

Well, I haven't decided yet.

In other words, you don't have a date either?

No, let me put it this way. It's Saturday night, and there are hundreds

lonely foxes out there, and I figured, hey, now, why should I ignore my freedom

and hoard my availability?

Would you like to come along? Are you crazy?

Be seen on Saturday night with my little brother? I'd rather get this.

Hey, well, don't say I wasn't a gentleman.

Well, it's a historical Saturday night. Elizabeth is home.

See? Mother's rule is working.

Oh, I don't think Elizabeth is home just to please her poor old lonely father.

Hmm. You think she's changing her lifestyle?

Hardly.

Well, then what is it?

I just don't think she has a date.

Oh.

May I speak to Elizabeth?

What about?

Would you tell her that Brandon Symington is here to see her?

Who?

Brandon Symington? That creep.

Come on in.

She'll be glad to see someone. She doesn't even have a date.

So I heard.

Oh, oh, there she is.

Elizabeth, you got rescued.

Elizabeth, remember me?

Hello, Brandon.

How could I forget?

Tom, he's at least five years older than Elizabeth.

No, no, no. He looks harmless to me.

No college man is ever harmless to a high school girl.

And as long as you're not busy, I thought we could take in the second show

the art theater.

And then there's a fantastic new poet giving all -night readings at the Lonely

Unicorn. He's a harmless intellectual.

I hate to tell you this, but some of the most aggressive dates I ever fought off

were harmless intellectuals. Brandon, I'd love to see the film and hear the

and everything, but I can't. I know you don't have another date, Elizabeth.

Oh, I know.

But I have a curfew. No, she hasn't!

We're a modern family. No curfews, no restrictions, no third degree. I'm

Elizabeth's father, and I've written a few poems myself.

How do you do, sir?

Then it's all right with you if Elizabeth comes with me?

Oh, yes, of course. I mean, it's Elizabeth's life. She can do what she

Thanks, Dad. That's a very refreshing viewpoint, Mr. Bradford.

Well, I like to try to keep up with the times. My children are mature,

responsible individuals.

Mr. Bradford, you're an enlightened father.

Oh, Mr.

Bradford, you're a disaster.

Hi. How about a little TV? There's a great fight on Channel 9. Oh, there's

to be a much better fight right here in this living room. Tom, Elizabeth, didn't

you see, did not want to go out with that pompous bore.

Far be it for me to interfere in Elizabeth's social life. But you are

interfering. What?

How can you say that? Did I ask him any embarrassing questions?

Did I say, how old are you, young man? Did I say, what does your father do?

you ever a Boy Scout? May I see your bank references?

Maybe you shouldn't. Oh, no, no. I have already had three daughters move out of

my house because I was too nosy and overprotected. Believe me, it's not

happen again. You're going to regret this. Abby, let me tell you something.

only way to survive in the parent business is not to worry.

If you say so.

I probably would have gotten more out of it if I understood Japanese.

Couldn't you read the French subtitles?

Only when a geisha girl said we.

Oh, I should have interpreted for you. Would you like to go back and see it

again? No, thanks. This is one of those movies you prefer to see only once or

even less, you know? Besides, I have a headache, and you should probably take

home. Oh, a headache's no problem.

Arnold Ashworth is into holistic healing.

Arnold who?

The all -night poet. Come on, if we hurry, we can still catch his opening

stanza.

Dinner was terrific, Nancy.

Thanks, Scott.

Would you like some dessert?

I'd love some.

That's not what I meant.

I thought you said we'd have this place to ourselves.

That's what I thought.

Let me straighten this out.

Susan!

Scott Crandall.

Eric Richards.

What are you doing here? This isn't your night. What am I doing here? What are

you doing here? You were at the place last night. I know. I traded with you.

Yeah, and I traded with Joanie for tonight.

I traded with Joanie for tonight.

Who's Joanie? Beats me.

Who's Susan?

It's her apartment.

Oh, no, no. This is Nancy's apartment.

Wait till I get a hold of her.

Yeah, well, until we get a hold of her, what are we going to do in the meantime?

Well, I say we go with an old Bradford tradition.

Seniority rules. Bye, Nancy.

And I say we go with a new Bradford tradition.

Murder.

Purple scarlet fears cantalouped in the plastic plexi.

Street urchins grapefruited in the screaming night.

Hobos squashed in the jungle.

Speak up, Joan of Arc.

How is your headache?

It's moved to my stomach.

Hey, what's going on here? A convention?

Something wrong?

Think that's Joanie?

Must be.

Two spades.

Looks the type.

Two -note Trump.

Something's definitely wrong, huh?

Maybe I better go outside and come in again.

Hi, Dan. Hi, Tommy.

I, uh, I didn't think you'd be up. Oh, really?

Why not? The evening's just begun.

Yeah, don't rub it in, Dan.

I just thought I'd come home early and get some rest and I could be out later

tomorrow night. I don't want to hear about it, Tommy.

That's your business.

Nicholas, what are you doing here?

I didn't want you to get lonely.

Hey, squirt, I think it's about time that you and I spent one night in

rooms, okay? I can handle it alone.

Are you sure?

Yeah, I'm sure.

You say so.

Okay.

Hey, bud.

Yeah? Thanks for worrying about me, okay?

Things are really bananas around here, and it helps a lot.

Don't mention it.

It looks like Tommy's grown up, and I finally get to sleep in my own room, by

myself.

I better just leave the light on in case Tommy wants to come in in the middle of

the night.

But Sark denied the existence of God.

He also denied the existence of any set pattern of human behavior.

Exactly.

Man becomes what he wills himself to be.

But... As he perceives the futility of his effort to perceive the

paradoxes of the universe, he sees himself alone

in the world as absurd.

And only in this absurdity is there beauty.

How profound.

Yeah.

I've got a great song on that at my 3 a .m. reading.

Susan, I am telling you, I don't remember trading nights with you.

can you not remember? It was that day you were running around here looking for

your term paper on Elmer Bernstein.

It was Sarah Bernhardt.

See, you can have a lapse of memory, too. Now, don't you go trying to get out

this. You're guilty.

All right, I'm guilty.

I'm guilty. I'm guilty.

I'm sorry.

It was my mistake.

Yeah, it was our mistake for letting you put us on a schedule in the first

place. Nancy, you're the one that asked for a dating schedule.

It's definitely one of the weirder dates I've been on.

Really?

Manny?

Tom, it's 3 o 'clock in the morning. I just checked Elizabeth's room and she's

not home yet. I know. You know.

Oh.

Oh, yes. You don't want to meddle in your kid's life. I know that. But 3 o

'clock in the morning is a safe time to start being concerned, don't you think?

Abby, you don't have to worry. Look at me. I'm not worried. I'm calm and cool.

Not a sign of anxiety.

Just because it's 3 o 'clock in the morning is no reason to cause alarm.

But he's a college senior.

A testimony to his diligence and maturity.

Maybe he didn't even take Elizabeth to the poetry reading. Maybe he has his own

apartment.

Why do you say that?

Because he leered at Elizabeth.

Come on, he didn't leer.

He leered. He leered? Oh, I'm worried.

Where are you going?

I'm going back to Father's Rule. You stay by the phone.

And one day I'm going to find an image to carry the 20th century beyond

to the rebirth of despair. Okay, where is she? I beg your pardon? Elizabeth

Bradford, where is she? She's gone.

What do you mean she's gone? You don't know. How could you not know?

Well, Arnold and I were having a discussion on the parameters of

verse, and I sort of remember seeing her sitting in that chair. Listen, if

anything happened to her, I... Anyway,

let's see, where was I?

Oh, yeah.

Operator, get me the police, please.

Tom, did you say the police?

Abby, that college man has lost Elizabeth. No, Tom, wait. After I call

police, we'll drive over to the girls' apartment. Then we'll drive over to

David's apartment. Then all the whole family will call in the streets.

We've got to find him. I always told you, you cannot trust those college

The line is disconnected.

Oh, it's you. Why did you do that?

Because, look.

What's going on?

Elizabeth. Thank God, it's you. Are you all right?

Yeah, Dad, considering I had to walk all the way from that dumb coffee house.

She arrived just about two minutes after you left.

Why didn't you call me to come and pick you up? I didn't think you wanted to be

bothered.

Bothered? I went way past bothered. I was getting up to frantic. Well, then

didn't you say something?

Why did you let me go with that creep Brandon without even a curfew to help

Mother's rule.

What was that, Dad?

Mother's rule.

What's mother's rule?

It's the worst natural disaster since termites. Oh, never mind. It only works

with things that you don't care about.

And you, Elizabeth, I care about very much.

Are you sure, Daddy?

Yeah. I've never been more sure of anything in my whole life. Oh, that's

know, Dad.

That's so good to know.

Hey, Tom Bradford, welcome home.

See you guys later. Oh, hey, Tommy. I know, be in by midnight. I wouldn't want

to turn into a pumpkin now, would I?

Bye. Bye.

We're going to be taking the station wagon, okay? Yeah.

Leave me some gas. Oh, and girls.

Dad, we're only going to the movies.

Just a reminder.

Bye. Bye.

Well, so much for mother's rule.

I don't know, it worked for my mother. Yes, but things were much simpler back

then.

favor why sure certainly nicholas well it's about my curfew see do you want to

stay out all night uh -uh well then what do you want well dad i'm kind of tired

tonight see and i wanted to ask you do i have to stay up all the way to 9 31 and

a half