Original subtitles

I need some advice.

Okay, what's your problem?

Well, it's not exactly my problem, see.

My friend's problem.

Mm -hmm, go ahead.

Well, see, my friend borrowed his big brother's basketball.

Without asking?

Yeah, and it kind of got flattened by a big truck.

I think I see your problem.

David, well, should my friend tell his big brother now and get hit on, or wait

till his brother finds out and then get hit on?

Could your friend buy his brother a new basketball?

Well, I don't think my friend would want to spend the rest of his life in debt.

Yeah.

My feeling is that honesty is always best, no matter how much it hurts.

Besides, if your friend tells his brother the truth, maybe his brother

on him.

Well, what should he say?

Something like, I was dribbling your basketball and it got away from me. It

bounced into the street and got run over by a big truck, and I'm really sorry.

How's that?

Sounds okay.

Anything else?

David, I was dribbling your new fishing pole and it kind of got away from me.

Hey, Nicholas!

There's a magic in the early morning we found.

When the sunrise miles on everything.

It's a portrait of the happiness that we feel and always

will. Oh, it is enough to fill our lives with

love.

Oh, we spend our days like bright and shiny new dimes.

If we're ever puzzled by the change,

Wishes on the kitchen window sill.

And eight is enough to fill our lives with.

Not anymore.

Oh, I'm sorry.

I can't sleep.

I was thinking maybe... No, Tom, not anymore. 3 a .m. Scrabble games, please.

Oh, yeah. All right, don't worry about it.

Okay.

You know, this has been going on for a week now.

I haven't gotten a good night's sleep since you got insomnia.

Would you please... I repeat, please see Max tomorrow.

If I see Max tomorrow, that's not going to help me sleep tonight.

Abby, if you don't like Scrabble, how about Jim Rummy?

Hmm?

What do you say, Jim Rummy?

All right, what's the verdict?

30 or 40 more years, with more time on for good behavior. Come on, Greg.

Tom, there's nothing physically wrong with you. I know that.

But you do seem a bit edgy.

Of course I'm edgy. Why do you think I'm here? I haven't slept in a week. Now,

come on, please, just give me a prescription for some sleeping pills and

get out of here.

Are you writing prescriptions now? All right, all right, I'm sorry. What do you

recommend for me to do and I'll do it. I think maybe you better sit down for

this. Oh, come on now. Don't start getting melodramatic, Dr. Welby.

Okay, I'll give it to you straight.

I think you should see a psychologist.

That's not funny, Greg.

It was meant to be.

You think that I should go to a psychologist for insomnia?

This insomnia is just a warning signal.

You see, when you worry too much... It puts just as much strain on the body as

any illness.

But I'm not worried about anything. I mean, there hasn't been a major crisis

the Bradford house since last week.

Yes, but you've been worrying a lot over the past few months.

And you've kept it all bottled up inside.

And that's why I want you to see a psychologist.

And as the kids used to say, let it all hang out.

No, no, I don't want to go and see a psychologist. I don't like the idea.

can tell what you're thinking. It's embarrassing.

Uh -uh.

Besides, what am I going to tell Abby and the kids?

You'll have to wait.

I'll be right back. I'm going outside to have my little nervous breakdown. I'll

be right back. Oh,

come on. Now who's being melodramatic?

All I suggested was a few visits.

I'm going to give you a referral.

I know just the person you should see.

Is this Dr. Koenig any good?

Or have you gone into fee splitting?

Do you remember when I was getting the hiccups during our Friday night poker

games? Sure, how can I forget?

I'll see you, and I'll raise you.

I went to see Dr. Koenig.

You went to see a psychologist for the hiccups?

Worked like a charm. It turned out it was all psychosomatic.

Now, does that make you feel any better?

I don't know.

I'll think about it, all right?

But listen, in the meantime, don't say anything to Abby and the kids.

I'll tell them in my own way if I decide to go. In other words, you're going to

go, but you're not going to tell them.

Precisely.

Hey, what happened?

Local Hank Aaron hit a homer.

You want a quick lesson in home repair?

No, thanks. I haven't got time. Got a date.

Two girlfriends?

Yeah, Gretchen and Sherry. Both totally excellent.

Gretchen looks very spiritual.

She's got the most stacked spirit I've ever seen.

To what do you attribute your newfound magnetism?

Maturity. You see, I've learned to be interested in whatever the girl is

interested in. That way I can date them all.

Sort of all things to all girls, right?

Well, that's the general idea.

Diversity. So you've got to keep your options open and your assets liquid.

Tommy. Huh?

Don't say I didn't warn you.

You still haven't told me what Max said.

Oh, have I?

No. Not unless my mind's slipping.

So what did he say?

Oh, he said not to worry. It's nerves. It's nothing.

It'll go away.

Didn't you prescribe anything?

Oh, yes.

Exercise.

He likes that. He wants me to go jogging, racquetball, all those kind of

Anything physical, you know.

Which is... It'll be very pleasant.

But I have my own remedy.

I exercise.

Two chapters of this book will put anybody to sleep.

Oh, see? It's working already.

Oh.

Well, it's gonna be great to get a good night's sleep for a change.

Good night.

Night.

Looks like I'll have to take a double dose.

Mr. Bradford. Me?

Huh?

That's right, I am Bradford. How did you know?

You have an appointment, remember?

Oh, sure, of course.

Have a seat. Dr. Koenig's with a client.

They're almost through.

Okay, Mr. Bradford, you're up.

Hi.

I'm Joyce Coney.

Oh, yes, Tom Bradford. You look surprised.

Oh, really? Well, I didn't expect a woman.

Does it make a difference?

No, no, not at all. Of course not. Good.

Now's the time to find out.

Shall we sit down?

Oh, no couch, huh?

No, no couch.

Well,

this is nice.

You know, Dr.

Koenig, there's one thing I wanted to say. Please, please, why don't you just

call me Joyce and I'll call you Tom, okay?

Oh, all right, fine.

Joyce, you see, let me explain.

This whole thing was Greg Maxwell's idea.

He, well,

personally, I think it's a waste of time.

Don't get me wrong. I mean, I know that you're a wonderful psychologist.

It's just that, well,

I don't know how to put this.

You see, the only reason that I'm here is that I couldn't get to sleep at

Now, when you consider the awful times that I've gone through, when I could

sleep just fine, well, it doesn't make sense.

Being the father of eight children is no picnic.

I mean, the things that have happened to me, I don't know.

You know, there was one time when my eight children got arrested, all of them

together. Imagine that.

My daughter, Joni, she's the actress in the family.

She did a nude scene in her play.

I don't know what to do.

Then my oldest daughter, Mary, she's a very nice girl, but she had this

boyfriend and she moved in with him.

That was a very tough one.

My youngest, Nicholas, he ran away from home.

Of course, the worst thing that ever happened to me was when my first wife

But I met this woman, wonderful woman. You'd like her very much. And I

remarried. And it's just wonderful.

But what I'm trying to get at is that, I mean, if I could go through all that

without a psychologist, well, then, why do I need one now?

Now, just let me make sure I understand this. You have eight, shall we say,

rather adventuresome children.

Your first wife died, you recently remarried, and you're having trouble

sleeping.

Frankly, Tom, I'm...

I'm surprised you've lasted this long.

Really? Are you kidding?

Hey, Primo.

He's been talking to Sherry for the last half hour. Hey, hey, hey, lover boy.

There are other people in this family with a social life. You know.

Yeah, but not for long at this rate.

Oh, tomorrow night?

Yeah, that'd be dino. I'll pick you up about eight.

Okay, bye -bye.

Oh, you.

Oh, hi, Gretchen. Yeah, it's me. Yeah, I just wanted to tell you that that new

wheat germ is really mellow.

Yeah, and I finally made it into a full lotus.

Oh, did you hear that, health food yoga?

Methinks I'm not the only actor in the house.

Tomorrow night?

Uh, can we make it for another night?

No, you can't, huh?

Oh, okay, I can make it tomorrow night, but it'll be late, about 10.

Why, I'm gonna bake some granola bars.

Yeah.

Yeah, good karma to you, too.

Bye -bye.

Good karma to you.

You think that karma stuff's contagious?

Don't know.

Is there something wrong?

That's good.

I'm beginning to get a little worried.

Yeah, so Dr. Max is referring Dad to another doctor.

David, it is not just another doctor.

It's a cardiologist.

Dr. Koenig's on the faculty of my medical school.

Are you sure it's the same one? Yes, I'm sure.

I checked the AMA register, and there's only one Dr. J. Koenig in Sacramento.

Oh.

David, he specializes in serious cases.

Look, if Dad's seeing him, it means only one thing.

Dad's got heart trouble.

David, I still think we ought to tell Dad.

No. Look, David... Mary, if Dad wants to talk about it, he will.

But it's obvious he doesn't want the family to know yet.

Besides, if he thinks we're worried about his condition, it might put extra

strain on his heart.

Okay, I guess you're right, but I feel helpless.

Have you said anything to Abby?

No, I just assumed that she already knew.

I came to you first.

Well, I think we better keep this to ourselves for now, okay?

Okay.

Bye. Bye.

Hello,

Mr. Bradford's office. Hello, Donna.

Oh, hi, Abby. How you doing?

How you doing? Is the giant of journalism in? Oh, no, he just slipped

No destination, no ETA, no signs of struggle.

Of course, you know, when I go to the water cooler, he demands a note from

but... Yeah, well, if you decide to strike for better working conditions,

can count me in for your support, okay?

Ah, thanks, Abby, but it takes time to train a boss.

Besides, you know, I think he's on the verge of male menopause.

Would you like the man of mystery to call you back?

No, that's okay.

I'll catch him at dinner later on. Take care.

Hi, everybody. I'm home.

Hi, Tom. How you doing?

What's the matter? I'm starved.

Some headline.

Newsman starves to death in his own kitchen.

Thanks a lot. You're welcome.

By the way, where were you at lunch today?

Where was I at lunch? I was where I usually am at lunch. I was having lunch.

Well, I called about 11, and Donna didn't know where you were.

Oh, yeah, right, right. Actually, I wasn't in the office, but I was in the

building. What happened was the editor called, and he wanted me to come down

meet this Mr. Sherman, who's the editor's wife's second cousin.

So he's... Hiya, Nicholas.

He's doing this article on columnists, so naturally he wanted to meet me.

Nicholas, I said, hello.

Nicholas, are we playing a game I don't know about?

Whatever the name of the game is, you win.

Nicholas!

Where was I?

You were last seen touring the executive suites.

Oh, yeah, right. Well, anyway, that's what I was doing. I was up at the

executives at their suites.

It works! It works!

What works?

Well, you know my friend Kenny P. Landers? He said the best way to control

parents is to stare them down.

And I did it on Dad, and it worked.

Boy, that Kenny P. Landers is some kind of guy.

Hey, how come you got clothes in your guitar case?

Running away from home or something?

Nope, got a doubleheader tonight.

Baseball? No, girls, two of them, back to back.

Boy.

So I couldn't very well say no to the editor's wife's second cousin, could I?

I just dropped everything and I took Mr. Sherwood on a complete tour of the

newspaper. But I thought his name was Sherman.

Oh, right, right. I'm glad that you remember that. But what I keep getting

confused with the editor's wife's brother, who was a friend of mine, Harry

Sherwood. He was an interesting character.

He and I... I thought she was an only child.

Oh, well, that's true, but her uncle was... Dad, hi. How are you?

About as well as could be expected.

Dad? Can I use the car tonight?

Wait, I have the station wagon, remember?

Yeah, well, it's carpool time because Susan and Elizabeth has some place to go

to. Where are you all taking off to?

I'm going to a movie. I've got a date. I'm going to class.

Sounds like I'll be alone.

No, you won't. I'm not going out.

Hey, Mary, you said you had a date. No, no, not tonight.

I'm going to stay home with Dad. Great.

Dad, Dad, no. Take it easy, please, please. Why don't you just sit right

over here? Oh, really? Okay, and I'll make the salad.

What is this, the Bradford home for the enfeebled?

Sorry, guys, but no dinner for me. I'm going to catch a double feature.

Hi, Dad. Hi, son. Listen, we're going to eat in two minutes. Why don't you wait

and then go to the double feature? Oh, I'd like to, Dad, but you know I hate to

come in in the middle, especially when it's double billed. What are you doing?

What are you doing?

Hey, hey, hey.

All right, I'd really love to hang around and talk with you, but I got to

We better split before his pants do.

So are you going to finish this?

Story? Oh, no, no, no. We'd better eat because that salad is beginning to wilt.

Well, so's your story.

Uh

-huh.

Okay, Mary. It's been bugging me all night.

What do you mean? Come on. Something's going on. I can feel it.

Come on. What's going on with you and Dad? I saw you hugging him. You give him

feed. You stayed home from the day for him. Come on. You're buttering him up or

something, aren't you? I mean, what is it, huh? It's a car.

It's clothes. I bet it's money. I bet you anything. Would you believe?

None of the above.

Come on.

Are you sure you have to go to band practice?

My folks won't be home for a couple of hours.

Sure, you don't know how I could get into that.

No, I really have to go to band practice.

You know you're gonna tell me sometime.

Joni, please, not now. Okay, sister.

Now's your time to sing, otherwise it's the third degree. Joni, put that down.

All right, sit down.

All right.

Well, hi, Tommy.

Come on in.

I'm sorry I'm late. I was throwing the I Ching.

That's some, uh...

Great instance you got there.

You hungry?

I've got some fresh soybean curd.

Mmm, fresh soybean curd.

Come on.

Dad has heart trouble?

I don't believe it.

Don't you think there's some mistake? I mean... Joanie, I wish there was.

Please, it's our secret, okay?

Oh, this insomnia is ridiculous.

Gosh, now I'm talking to myself.

Now I'm answering myself.

Dad, what's wrong with you? Are you okay?

You look a little flushed. No, no, I am not flushed. I am just thirsty. You two

can congregate up here in the hall if you want to. I'm going down to the

to make myself a hot chocolate.

Okay, good. We'll go with you. No, no, you will not go with me. I am perfectly

capable of making my own hot chocolate.

I'm totally, utterly, completely all right. You understand?

Bye.

I think... something is definitely wrong with my family.

Last night, Tommy went out on a date in this outrageous get -up, and he came

home in another one.

I tell you, Joyce, I think he's... I think he's going schizo.

And Mary, she passed up a date to stay home and keep me company.

And yet, all evening, I had the strangest feeling that she was spying on

And Nicholas, oh, he is absolutely catatonic. It's all he does all day long

all night is stare at me. He doesn't say a word.

You know, Tom, sometimes when we're under stress, we tend to project.

or to put our own feelings onto those around us.

Oh. Well, then that means that I'm paranoid, schizo, and catatonic all at

I hate to tell you, but that's impossible.

Not in my house.

Maybe we ought to see each other twice a week.

How about Thursday?

Tom Bradford's office.

No, he's not in right now. Can I take a message?

Okay. Tell Tom you can't see him on Thursday.

Call to make other arrangements.

Joyce.

Yeah, is there anything else? Joyce.

Okay, you're welcome.

Who does Tom know named Joyce?

Joyce.

Nobody I know of. Why?

Oh, I just got this very friendly message from someone named Joyce.

An old girlfriend.

It's not funny.

I'm sorry.

It's okay.

I mean, you don't think it's another woman.

I mean, obviously, Joyce is the name of another woman, but, you know, another

woman in the sense that...

One might whisper, another woman.

What do you think?

I don't know what to think.

But I do know one thing.

If he wants his freedom, he's going about it the right way.

I'll see you.

This is Dad.

Hello?

Hello?

Is this the Bradford house?

Oh, it must be you, Nicholas, of course.

All right, Nicholas, this is Daddy.

Yes, tell Abby that I might be a few minutes late.

All right?

Why me?

I can only give you five minutes, Abby. I'm backed up with appointments. That's

okay. Now, what's the emergency about?

Well, Max, you're Tom's oldest and best friend, right?

I do seem to have that dubious honor.

Yeah, so I figured that, well, you'd understand him better than anybody else,

and maybe you could help me figure out what's going on.

What do you mean?

What's going on?

Well, see, Max, I think...

No, I know.

Tom's been sneaking around, and I think he's seeing somebody that he doesn't

want me to know about.

He got caught, eh?

Yeah, practically red -handed. So why is it the wife is always the last to know,

huh? Look, Abby, before you go jumping to conclusions, let me explain

Now, Tom's been going through an awful lot, and frankly...

I think this was inevitable.

Inevitable. Please hear me out.

You see, this is very common among men Tom's age.

As a matter of fact, I see it all the time.

I've even done it myself.

And believe me, Daisy's support and understanding made a big difference.

Daisy didn't object.

Object? We talked about doing it together.

And that's something I think you should think about, too.

Right.

Sorry,

my beeper.

I don't believe what I'm hearing.

Yeah, I'm sorry. I've been meaning to have it fixed. Not about the beeper. The

beeper about you and Daisy.

I mean, I'm surprised at you.

Times have changed.

I mean, the old prejudices are no longer valid.

Everything is much freer now.

Not that free.

Tom's going to need your support in this.

Trust me.

I've got to go.

Max, I do trust you, and I love Tom, but what am I supposed to do? I mean, am I

supposed to confront him about what I know? Is that it?

That would only make things worse.

How could things be worse?

I wouldn't know.

Why? I thought you were going to surprise him.

Yeah, but the surprise was on me.

He wasn't there.

He obviously had something more important to do.

She really looked bummed out. I'm going to find out what's going on. No, Susan,

I don't think it's the right time right now. Oh, why not?

I'm not supposed to tell.

Come on.

Okay, but look.

Nancy and Elizabeth don't know about this yet, and neither do Tommy and

Nicholas, so don't let on, okay? I want to tell them.

Um, I think you better sit down.

It was nice of you to offer, David, but I don't really mind driving.

I just thought since we were going together anyway.

Hey, can one of you guys go for these for me? Sure.

Let me.

No, come on.

Dad.

Let's eat while I can still lift my own fork.

Well, what's happened to the sharp Bradford repartee tonight?

How's the rehearsal coming?

Oh, fine.

No problem, Dad. Uh -huh.

How is the cadaver business?

It's fine, Dad. It's...

Fine.

Everything around here seems to be just fine.

Well, I have something to talk about.

Oh, thank God.

Well? I saw this really interesting documentary on TV last night.

I'm trying to expand my horizon.

Oh, good. I'm very impressed. What was it about?

Um... It was really kind of weird.

It's about how they're using chimpanzee hearts for human transplants.

You know, you guys should have seen it. They had the actual hearts, and they

looked almost the same.

As a matter of fact, they showed the actual operation. Lindsay, I could use

help in the kitchen.

I haven't finished yet, Susan. Please.

Okay.

It was very interesting.

Is something funny going on around here?

You'd know better than I would.

I would?

So you can see why I couldn't let you just ramble on about heart transplants

operations.

Yeah, of course.

But why didn't he just tell us?

I mean, what if he needs help?

After all, we are part of his family.

Listen, there's nothing we can do until he's ready to confide in us.

That's just stupid.

Well, getting mad isn't going to help. Well, what is?

Look, Nancy, I know how you feel, but for now, just keep it to yourself, hmm?

All right.

But I don't know how Dad could be so selfish in his time of need.

Oh, wait, Tommy, wait a minute. I want to talk to you. Could you hurry, Dad?

I've got to run. Oh, why is it every time I see you these days, you're always

running off someplace?

Track team.

In that outfit with the guitar case?

Well, I can't stop my life to train.

This is wardrobe for a school play I'm doing, and after that I have band

practice. Oh, well, I thought that track was in the spring.

You can't start to train too early. I'll see you then.

Watching another documentary?

No, not exactly.

It's called Twisted Minds. It's that old movie about the loony bin.

Oh.

Listen, there's a better one on Channel 4. Not so heavy. It's a comedy. It's

about this father who dies and leaves all his money to his children and they

fight over it. It's so funny.

Dad, that's awful.

Look at all that stuff.

It's just dripping with cholesterol.

I know, Mary.

It's a heart attack on a plate.

I have an idea.

Did anyone happen to notice?

No,

I guess not.

I'm going stark raving bananas.

I think you're overreacting.

Overreacting? They stole my breakfast!

Tom, do you really mean stole?

All right, so they borrowed it.

I really think an extra day wouldn't hurt.

So, uh, how's Friday?

a vacuum. Abby wants it done before she gets home. No, go ahead.

I'll be right back.

What are you trying to do?

I'm trying to vacuum the carpet. I don't mean that. I mean asking Dad to exert

himself like that.

Well, he isn't exactly over the hill yet.

Elizabeth, he could hurt himself.

Oh, come on, Nancy. Is something wrong?

I'm not supposed to tell, but Dad has seen a heart specialist.

If he lifts too much, he could have a heart attack.

Are you sure it's that serious?

Elizabeth, I'm telling you, he could have a heart attack.

And if... I don't even want to think about it.

Nancy, why didn't anybody tell me?

Don't worry about that now, okay?

Just be careful.

And don't tell anyone else.

Especially Nicholas.

You certainly are popular.

Two girlfriends, I hear. Yeah, well, Dad always said I should play the field.

Uh -huh.

I guess that's the name of the game in this house, only I guess I'm just

learning the rules.

Tom, your date's here.

He's picking you up?

Well, it's called a seller's market.

That big Tommy Bradford. Word gets around.

Especially when that word comes from a big bragging mouth.

Hey, look, I really dig both of you.

Good, because you've got both of us for the evening.

If you're man enough to handle it.

Well, fasten your seatbelts, ladies. We'll find out.

Dad. What?

Nicholas speaks?

Is your heart going to attack you?

Huh? Is your heart really going to attack you?

Do you mean am I going to have a heart attack?

Yeah, that's it.

No, I don't think so.

Then you're not going away like Mom?

Oh, Nicholas.

Come here.

They didn't want me to know.

Are you sure that's what they said?

I'm sure.

I sold my glove and my bat and all my trading cards so you can get one of

chimpanzee heart transmissions.

That means a lot to me, Nicholas.

I'm lucky to have a son like you.

But no, I don't need a chimpanzee heart. This one's just perfect.

Really?

Yeah, I mean it.

Cross my healthy heart.

Gee, now I can buy all my stuff back.

Better than that?

I'm going to buy you a new glove and a bat, all right?

All right.

But listen, one thing before I do, and then I won't bother you anymore.

Why have you been staring at me?

Oh, that.

Yeah, that.

Well, you know my friend Kenny P. Landers, he said the best way to control

parents is to stare at them.

I might have known.

Kenny P. Landis. Every parent's best friend.

Well, I'm sure glad I found out. I was wondering.

Dad, can I still have a new glove?

Yeah, but we'll break it in together.

But right now, I've got to talk to Nancy Elizabeth.

All right. What is all this talk about my impending heart attack?

Come on, now. I want an explanation.

Susan, I want to talk to you. Just let me down. I'm brushing my teeth. This

can't wait, Susan. I want to know where you heard I was going to have a heart

attack.

Please don't be mad, Dad. We knew it was supposed to be a secret.

Who's we?

Me and Mary.

Oh, I cannot believe this. I am always the last person in this house to know

anything, even if it's about my own heart attack.

Where is Mary?

My name I heard it mentioned.

Oh, the fountain of truth. Come in here. Come in.

Please, explain to me.

What is all this talk about my having a heart attack? And it better be good,

too, because there's nobody left to pass the buck to.

Yeah, well, I guess some people just have big mouths.

Oh, Dad, I know about Dr.

Koenig. Oh?

Wait a... What has Dr.

Koenig got to do with my having a heart attack?

Everything.

Dr. Koenig's a cardiologist, isn't he?

He?

The family conference is about to begin.

Now, uh...

Tommy isn't here, but that doesn't worry me. I'm sure that the Bradford

Information Center will fill him in.

I've been keeping a secret from you for the last few weeks, and I'm sorry.

I've put you all through a lot of worry, a lot more than I realized until

tonight, and now I want to tell you all the truth.

Tom, wait a minute. Don't you think we should talk about this first?

No, Abby.

I'm sorry I didn't confide in you, but now I want everyone to hear this because

I... I don't want there to be any misunderstanding.

You kids have to grow up sometime.

I... This is very difficult for me.

The last few weeks, I've... It's embarrassing.

I've been keeping a secret from you. I've been seeing a...

A psychologist.

Seeing a what?

You don't have heart trouble?

Dad,

we all thought you had heart trouble and you were seeing a psychologist.

Dad, why didn't you tell us you didn't have to lie?

Yeah, nowadays everybody sees a head shrinker. A head shrinker?

Oh, I thought something was really wrong with you.

Oh, we were so worried.

I didn't think you'd take it this well. I had no idea.

Dad, I've been in the pits for days thinking Nancy here. Hey, it's not my

It's Susan.

Oh, Joanie told me.

Wait a minute, wait a minute. Mary, how did you find out about Dr. Koenig? Oh,

gosh, you're okay. Dad, I found Dr.

Max's referral in the car, okay? And there's only one Dr. J. Koenig in

Sacramento. I checked the AMA register.

Oh, well, I think I can explain that. Dr. Joyce Koenig is the psychologist

I went to. But she's a Ph .D., not an M .D. So naturally, she's now registered

in the AMA.

I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

What have you been doing?

Everything times two. A disco freak and a granola cupcake must have been some

date. Ah, no wonder.

It's an occupational hazard, Casanova. Yeah, well, I'm going to bed.

You wouldn't believe all the things I did tonight. I tell you, I gotta be

I gotta have my head examined.

Why didn't you tell me?

I would have understood.

Didn't you think I could handle it? No, no, that wasn't it.

It's just that I was embarrassed and ashamed about having to see a

of my age.

There's no age limit.

Oh, I know that. I mean, I found that out.

The worst part was getting over my own prejudice about seeing a psychologist.

I always thought they only saw people who didn't have anyone to talk to.

But it's funny. Even though I have nine people who love me and care about me,

it's still good to talk to somebody that can be objective.

Somebody who's not your wife, right?

Exactly. Exactly.

I have a confession to make.

Oh? That sounds serious.

It's very serious.

I thought you were having an affair with somebody named Joyce.

What?

Me? I didn't know she was your psychologist, and so I just naturally

the wrong conclusion.

Come on, why don't you say something?

Look who's talking.

Touche. Me also interested to know that I was prepared to do anything to win you

back.

Really? Wow.

He just came by to see how his therapy was going. Oh, he's all finished.

Today was his last session.

Obviously, the insomnia is gone.

Well, once he explained all the mix -ups, Dr. Koenig said that for a guy

eight kids, he's just not too bad off at all.

Nicholas, what are you doing?

Well, everybody's been saying that Dad's been going to a head shrinker, so I

wanted to see how much Dad's head shrinked.