Original subtitles

Huh?

Oh.

No, no, it was just somebody else driving by.

I have to ask Abby something important.

Well, why don't you ask me? After all, I'm your father. Who better to ask than

your old father?

Go ahead, ask.

Okay. Remember this morning at breakfast, that history question that I

Abby who he was?

Who who was?

Who who was what?

What you wanted to know.

I wanted to know who, not what.

Who what?

Who he was.

Who who was?

Who was what?

Oh, come on, Nicholas. This is no time to start playing who's on first.

No, Dad.

Who's on second? What's on first?

Get to bed.

Yes, sir.

Good morning, Mrs.

Bradford. Goodbye, Mrs.

Bradford. Tom, wait.

Oh, no, no. I can't wait. I have to get to the office early. I have a special

project. Early?

Early? What time is it?

Oh, no.

Oh, no. I'm late.

Do you think that maybe you're burning the candle at both ends? Oh, no. My

this busy is not that usual.

It'll all let up.

Yeah.

Maybe you should have started last night.

that little ring around your finger could act as a homing device.

You know, a husband with eight children.

Oh, Tom, you're absolutely right, but it's not that simple. I mean, PhDs

that easy to come by, I mean, especially part -time. And when you work part

-time, too, well, we've talked about it. I know, I know, and I want to be fair

about it. It's just that, well, maybe you might need some help in the kitchen.

The kids could handle it. Oh, no, no, no, no.

Remember my homing device?

You didn't do the shopping.

You're right.

I didn't do the shopping. I'm sorry. I just clearly forgot.

You know, I had the list in my purse, and I just... I forgot, but I'll do it

today. I promise. I'll cross my heart, and I hope to starve.

Mm -hmm. Mm -hmm.

Now I remember why we're here. Give the lady a break, okay?

Yeah. Listen, what was that question that Nicholas asked you yesterday

You know, kid number eight.

Kid number eight.

Oh, I should have known it right away. It just slipped my mind. But I did look

it up.

And the answer is... John Quincy Adams, that's who.

Thanks, Dad.

That's who what? Who he was.

Who who was? Oh, please, Nancy.

I'd love to play the game a second time, but I'm late for work. What's the

practice? No, Dad.

What? A second.

It's practically nothing for breakfast, Dad. We're almost out of cereal and

milk. And only three eggs.

Yeah, if Abby doesn't go to the supermarket pretty soon, I'm going to

next door and borrow a cup of dinner. Come on, let's give the lady a break. I

mean, PhDs are not that easy to come by, especially part -time. And when you're

working part -time on top of that, well, the family has discussed it before.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Oh, Mary, please, go borrow a cup of coffee.

Nicholas, who who was?

Can I talk to you a second?

Well, yeah. I mean, it'll have to be in shorthand. I mean, say, 30 seconds.

See, I stayed up late last night ironing your father's shirts, and I overslept.

But it's pretty important, Abby.

Oh, oh. Well, in that case, could we talk later? I shouldn't be too late.

Sure. Okay.

That's good. That's good, because I'll come back here before my evening class,

and then we'll talk then. Scouse honor.

Is there any hot water left? I doubt it.

Gotta be fast around here.

Where is that?

She's in the shower.

Good.

What are you doing?

I'm taking these shirts to the laundry.

Uh, didn't Abby already do them? Yeah, that's the problem.

I have to get them de -starched.

You see, Abby tries very hard, but sometimes she tries too hard. Feel that.

I did. Yeah, don't say anything to anybody, though. I don't want to hurt

feelings. Quiet.

Oh, Mary, listen. Do me a favor.

Smuggle these to the laundry on your way to school. But, Dad, I... No, no, no,

no. Elizabeth will explain. I'm late. I have to go. Oh, and be careful. Don't

cut yourself on the edges. They're very sharp.

Don't ask.

He's just being cute. I won't. I won't.

Listen, you didn't learn that in driver's training. Where do you think

Indy? Well, Dad, you know what this car could really use? A four -barrel

carburetor. Yeah, sure, and headers, too. Goodbye. Thanks a lot.

Well, Dad, Dad, I was just trying to help.

And they did, too. Well, anyway, when her parents found out, they went wild.

You'd think it was 1890.

Well, I just told my mom not to hassle me.

She knows.

She's seen him in my room.

But we just don't talk about it. It's a good idea.

How about you? Do your parents hassle you?

About what?

About what? About the pill.

The pill?

Uh, no. Nobody hassles me. What for? You know, I'm my own person. I mean, why

even discuss it? Oh, I see.

Ronnie!

Hello, little girl. Oh, come on, Ronnie, cut it out. Why do you always call me

that?

Because it's cute.

Because it fits.

I don't know, what do you want me to call you, little woman?

You're impossible.

Oh, um, here's the cassette you said you didn't have.

Out of sight.

You want to hear it on my stereo?

I'll think about it.

Heavy.

Good morning, sir. Good morning.

Calls? Not yet, sir.

Coffee.

No. I wasn't giving an observation, Donna. I was giving an order.

You know, Mr. Bradford, I've been getting your coffee for you for quite a

years now, right?

Well, I no longer feel that...

Sexist coffee making is a part of my job. I was hired as a secretary, not a

waitress. You're absolutely right, Donald. If you would like to remain in

capacity, you would do very well to appease my chauvinistic priorities by

bringing me some coffee.

Yes, sir.

Whatever happened to bra burning? It was so much more meaningful.

Tom, Tom.

Please, no Indian music. It's a bad morning.

Would you like Donna to get you some coffee?

Oh, no, no.

I'm used to getting my own.

Tom, I've got to talk to you.

Oh, I can't this morning. I have a meeting, a special project.

No, I'm the special project.

What are you talking about, you're the special project? Why are you dressed

funny way?

Oh, well, that's the point, see. The point is, I'm going on vacation.

I knew you wouldn't be happy, Tom. It wasn't my idea.

Upstairs, huh?

You're my replacement.

What?

What do you mean? You mean I'm dear Miss Diner?

Miss Diner?

How about some coffee, ma 'am?

Well, I... This is ridiculous.

I mean, I have a column to write. I don't know how to give advice.

You've got eight children. You're married. See, I'm alone, and I do it.

Now, one suggestion, though.

Don't push anybody over the edge.

Over the edge?

Now, look, Folly, I don't want this responsibility.

Oh, come on.

I haven't lost one yet.

I've had some close calls, though.

You'll be fine.

Hey, I'll bring you some fish.

If I catch one.

I don't believe this.

Oh, Mr. Bradford, listen.

Really, I want you to try to think of this as a challenge.

So I like to think of it as a challenge. I think of it as embarrassing.

What, to call you Miss Dinah, Dad?

What? Who's Miss Dinah, Dad? It's somebody that answers questions from

That's not true. It is true, Dad.

It's a real put -down to have to write that kind of stuff.

You know, we all have each other to talk to and to listen to and to give advice

to, but there's a lot of people out there that are not as lucky as we are. I

mean, to them, Miss Dinah is very real, with very real advice.

Besides, it's by rotation. I was next on the list.

I'll get it.

Hello?

Oh, hi, Abby. When are you going to be home?

Oh.

Okay, here's Dad.

Oh, yes, dear.

Oh, that late.

And a film, too.

Oh.

Well... All right, I'll see you when you get here, right.

Bye -bye now.

I'm going to go to the study. I have a lot of work to do. So please, no noise.

No dessert either.

Boy, am I getting jumpy vibes from you.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Hey, we're more than just sisters. We're roommates.

If you've got a problem, Elizabeth, you can tell me.

Well, it's kind of hard to get into.

You see, Abby's not here. Mary's studying.

Well, Joanie and Susan, they're busy.

I just happen to be the only one available, huh?

Thanks a lot, kid. You really know how to hurt a guy.

No, no, it's not that. It's just that, um... You really are uptight,

aren't you?

What's the matter?

I, um... Well, I, uh, I just thought...

I just thought that maybe I should start thinking about, um...

Well, about going on the pill.

Oh.

Who is it, Ronnie?

In a way.

I mean, not yet.

But, you know, I'm not a little girl anymore.

Well, the way you're going about this thing sure makes you sound like one.

Nancy. Mm -hmm.

What do you do?

I mean, are you? Have you?

Come on, Elizabeth.

We're not talking about me.

What does my personal life have to do with you anyway?

Nothing.

It's just that if you were doing it, I thought that maybe, you know... Oh,

Look, Elizabeth, you know the facts of life.

You've seen the health films at school.

I can't tell you more than you already know.

So let's just stay clear of my personal life, okay?

Look, don't get all shook up. You're the one who asked.

Dear Troubled.

18 years of marriage is not a thing to be taken lightly.

Trust. That is the important thing.

Give him a little breathing space and you'll both breathe easier.

Okay, can I help you? Anything special you want to know?

Uh, yeah. Can I ask you something?

Sure, you caught me at a good time. Anything, anything at all. Go ahead.

Well, if almost everybody was doing something and you weren't doing it...

Do you think you'd feel left out?

Oh.

Well, I mean, that depends.

I mean, the thing that you want to do, is it something very important or is it

just a whim or what?

It's pretty important.

Well, why don't you tell me what it is? There were never any walls between us.

Daddy, I want to go on the pill.

You want to go on the pill?

You want me to tell you that it's okay for you

to go on the pill.

It's not okay.

What?

Indisputably, indubitably, irrefragably, it's not okay.

Why do you always use such big words when you're mad? Okay, how about a small

word? No.

I don't want to discuss it because there's nothing left to discuss. I know.

I sure hope you're a better Miss Dinah than you are a father.

Not my love.

All right, good night.

Abby? Yeah?

There's something I want to talk to you about.

Oh. Miss Elizabeth.

Not now, tomorrow, okay?

Oh, boy.

Oh, I forgot I have to get up early in the morning. I've got to shop.

I'll call you, all right?

Hey, would someone go out and get the oranges? I just robbed all the oranges.

Right.

Um, Abby, let me help you here.

Oh, they're heavy. Here, don't get wet.

I told you I was going to shop.

Yeah, well, we're just trying to help, Abby. We knew how busy you are.

I had a lift in my purse. You all knew that.

Yeah, well, we were just getting kind of low on bread and water, you know.

It's nothing to be upset about, Abby.

Yeah, I mean, you didn't know when you were going to shop. You just got to eat.

Yeah.

Oh, Abby, come on.

Don't worry about it. Look, once you come to know us better, you'll find out

can be pretty self -sufficient.

I guess you can be.

Um, Abby, they don't really go in there. Here.

Let's just help us do it, huh?

Hey, everyone.

Hi, David.

Hi, Abby. Hi, David.

I noticed on the way in, your M .G. is leaking oil.

Yeah, a lot or a little?

More than a little.

I was hoping you guys could feed me. I have a late date tonight. I thought I'd

grab a bite.

Feed you? We'll stuff you like a turkey. Yeah, maybe there's a plan.

I suppose I'll have to get you home by midnight, Cinderella.

I can stay out late if I want. You talk to me like I'm a little girl and you're

only a year older than me. A year can make all the difference.

The difference in what?

When you're older, you won't have to ask.

I still haven't played the cassette you gave me.

What are you waiting for?

You. We've still got a date Friday night, right?

Yeah, sure.

I said yes.

Well, maybe we can play the tape then.

We'll have to hang around the house.

My parents will be out of town.

Okay. Bye.

Come in.

Oh, hi, Elizabeth.

You got a minute?

Oh, sure, sure. Come on in.

You're not busy. No, no, no. Sit down.

What can I do for you?

Well, well, I've been wanting to talk to you.

This isn't easy.

Abby, I want to go on the pill.

Well, the fact that you're asking means there are possibilities you might need

it.

I suppose.

Sort of.

Yeah, well, see, the first thing that we've got to do is get you to a good

doctor, a gynecologist, for a checkup.

Do I have to?

Yeah, it's a good idea. See, because the pill might not be the right thing for

you, and you've got to look into the alternatives.

And then after we're absolutely sure that everything's okay medically, then

and I can get together again for another good long talk about the other issues.

What other issues?

Things like commitment,

morality, responsibility, maybe even love.

You know, I feel much better now that I've talked to you.

This is the first time anybody's ever asked me about that.

Especially a new daughter, and... Well, I've got to tell you that I... I really

appreciate your confidence in coming to me.

Thank you.

Well, I hate that you've been going through this all by yourself.

Well, I tried talking to other people, you know, but they just weren't much

help. Yeah, I remember.

Would you like for me to go with you to the doctor?

No, no, I think I better handle this on my own.

Okay. I just wish we could have talked sooner.

I tried, Abby.

But you're just not around that much.

Just routine.

But, Abby, this is Wednesday.

We don't usually do the cleaning until Saturday.

Until today. I just hired myself.

For housework?

Yeah, but I don't do windows.

Oh, and girls, listen, if there's anything you want, anything you need,

I'm going to be around a lot, so any problem, big or small, just call, okay?

Okay, Abby.

Bye. Yeah, thanks.

Bye.

Hey, Nick Luther, is there anything you want to ask me? Because, go ahead, just

ask me. I'm here, ready to listen.

Are we getting a monkey?

Monkey?

All those bananas.

Oh, boy.

By the back door. Oh, I thought I'd pick up a few things. You know, in case Abby

forgot.

What'd you buy, Dad?

Oh, nothing much. Just some eggs and a little coffee and...

I don't believe it.

Elizabeth,

I'm sorry about last night, the way I blew up.

Dad, I wanted to tell you that I... No, don't say anything. Just listen,

because... It's been on my mind all day, and I'm sorry. I overreacted. I should

have treated it all much more delicately.

We understand each other. You know how I feel.

So let's not talk about it anymore, all right?

Unless you want to talk about it. No, I think everybody's talked about it

enough. Good, good. We'll just let it liven for a while, all right?

Where is Abby?

Dining room. Oh.

Beautiful.

Just felt like a little celebration tonight.

What are we celebrating?

Well, um, I've taken a leave of absence from my job.

Why? What's wrong?

Oh, Tom, I just feel I've had my priorities a little messed up, and I

change all that.

Oh, wait a minute. I never asked you to leave your work. I know.

I asked me.

But, I mean, you'd be around the house all day. It's a big change. Are you up

that? Yes, I'm up to that.

From now on, aside from my graduate classes, you're my favorite charity.

All right. All donations gratefully accepted.

Listen, why don't you... Dinner will be ready soon, so why don't you go change

into something more comfortable? I've done all the laundry and the ironing.

Boy, oh, boy. What other surprises are waiting?

Starch in a golf shirt.

Boy, that is a big change.

Hello? Yes, this is the Bradford residence.

Oh, a doctor's appointment. Well, hold on. Let me get a pencil and paper.

Yes, it's all right. I have it right here. Yes, go ahead. What is it?

Appointment changed to Friday at 4 .30.

Very good. Thank you. Wait a minute. Which doctor is this?

Dr. Clark.

That must be Mrs.

Bradford's dentist.

Oh, gynecologist. Excuse me. Well, don't worry. I'll see to it that Mrs.

Bradford gets the message.

Thank... Miss Bradford?

Which Miss Bradford?

Elizabeth.

Elizabeth! Where's Elizabeth?

She's in the shower.

Elizabeth! One chicken!

Yeah, Dad, am I holding up dinner or something?

Why am I always the last one to know?

Huh? Everybody knows what's going on in this place, but not me.

Not I.

Now skip the grammar lesson. If the telephone didn't ring once in a while,

never know anything that was going on. I don't know what you're talking about.

You don't know what I'm talking about?

How could she know what you were talking about? She knew what I was talking

about. Because you pushed her into a corner.

She's in a corner?

I'm surrounded. I mean, if it isn't a crisis about Miss Dinah, it's a crisis

around this house.

No, no. You usurped my position.

I told Elizabeth no, and you told Elizabeth yes. I did no such thing. I

about the doctor so that she would have the opportunity to figure it out for

herself. Ah, you see why you just admitted it. You countermanded my

I'm sorry about that, General. You neglected to tell me you'd ordered her.

neglected to find out your time schedule. I can't tell whether you're

going. Or downstairs, cooking dinner for you. Or falling fast asleep, snoring

pleasantly away while the whole house collapses around you. I never snore. Oh,

come on. Everybody snores. I even snore sometimes.

All the time.

You say you're exaggerating again. Just the way you did about the starch in my

collar. That's a golf shirt, not a guillotine.

I prefer the latter.

You know, you never told me about this. of you before we were married.

How could I if you were too busy trying to trap me?

I heard that. I meant the idiot. Yes, well, I did hear it and I will remember

it. I heard it.

I never snore.

Oh, David, what'd she do, man?

Teresa trans?

I don't know what's wrong yet. I just put her in neutral and hauled her. Oh,

David!

David, thank you so much!

Oh, I can't thank you enough because I can't imagine what it was like being on

the freeway. I've never been so glad to see a cop in my whole life.

Yeah, what happened?

Well, Gwendolyn just died.

I'll leave Doyle with no enough to go to a mechanic before the red light went

on. Tommy, would you please tell your father that anyone who can't even master

learning to drive an old -fashioned flipped -over H should be the last to

Nicholas, you go tell him.

Fine, just get in.

Get out.

You tell her that there's an invention called... The telephone.

Considerate people call when their car breaks down and they're going to be out

half the night. And furthermore, the way she launders shirts could be considered

assault with a deadly weapon.

He said that?

That's what he said?

Well, I heard it through the grapevine.

Uh -huh.

The sour grapevine.

I got you, Dad. Don't got you me. What the heck are those?

Oh, these are dice, and this is a Brody knob.

Oh, you know Steve Brody, the guy who jumped off the Brooklyn Bridge?

Bridge jumping and Brody knobs are both illegal, and they're both very hazardous

to the health.

I read you loud and clear, Dad.

Miss Beth?

It's almost four.

I'm coming.

I'll make it. I've got plenty of time. Okay.

We'll talk when you get back, okay?

Okay. You sure you don't want me to come? Because I'll come.

It's okay. Thanks. Okay.

Go ahead.

Still going?

My appointment's at 4 .30.

Mrs. Rothman?

Hi.

Are you Miss Bradford?

Yes. Go right in.

Miss Bradford?

This is your first visit. Would you mind filling out some forms for me?

Look, he told me it was fixed.

I like you, Elizabeth.

A lot.

But we're just not gonna make it.

I don't know why I did it. I just... Please don't be mad at me, Ronnie. I'm

sorry, little girl.

I gotta get to work.

Catch you later.

Ronnie, what about our date tonight?

Like I said, I'll be home.

If you don't make it, well, then I guess that's just three strikes, you know?

And if it makes any difference, I'll send your cassette back.

Don't sweat it.

Abby will be happy it's only a loose oil pan.

I'll have this out in just a minute.

What? The generator.

No, don't. I checked the brushes. They're okay.

And it's not the regulator?

No. The thermostat?

No. Wait a minute. The mixture's too rich, and she's flooding out.

It's the carburetor, right?

Right. Good boy. Give the man a brass ring. Exactly right.

Here you go.

Oh, no.

Well, don't worry. We'll have it on the road.

Yeah, right to the junkyard.

Tommy, you just turn this little screw. You don't dismantle the whole engine.

Go get me a cold drink, okay?

You thought that I was going to when I went down.

No, no, no, no, no, no. You didn't.

It's the flattest cake I ever saw. It's a garbage cake. What kind of a cake is

it? What was it?

No, no, no, it's not a garbage. No, no, the kids will eat it. The kids will. The

kids will eat anything.

You're a nut.

Did you know that?

I love you.

I gotta get you out of this kitchen.

Somewhere else. It's true. I'm not a baker.

Just the two of us? Just the two of us. Okay.

But first there's something I gotta straighten out.

Amen. Hi, Elizabeth.

I, uh, thought you might like a piece of Abby's cake.

Oh, it tastes a lot better than it looks.

Appearances can be very deceiving.

You sure you won't have some?

Deceiving. Like a father who blows off a lot of steam, but... loves his daughter

very much.

Honey, you know, unless people listen to what the other says deep inside...

I mean, if you don't read between the lines...

Sometimes it's very difficult for a father to deal with certain things.

Perhaps it's because he's afraid that ultimately he's letting go.

It's very hard for a parent to let a child grow up, make her own way,

her own life.

I know what you mean, Daddy.

No, you don't.

But you will.

I know how you feel about this boy.

Believe it or not, I haven't forgotten what it was like to be young.

Impulsive.

But a mature relationship isn't something to be taken lightly.

You have to be ready to...

accept the responsibilities for the freedoms that go with it.

Elizabeth, I trust your value judgments.

But don't let our relationship get to the point where all I do around here is

pay the rent and buy your food.

Those pajamas could keep you awake.

They're supposed to. They're for Elizabeth.

She's going to a slumber party.

Hmm. I'd trade microbiology for a slumber party any day.

Oh, brother.

Hey, Elizabeth, look what I borrowed from...

Is that the new look in slumber party attire?

Ronnie kept calling me little girl.

I'll show him little girl.

Elizabeth! So what if Ronnie said that? He's a jerk. You don't have to prove

anything to jerks. Leave me alone. I know what I'm doing.

Elizabeth, would you please wait? Look, you didn't help when I asked for advice,

so butt out. But I want to talk to you. I have to take care of myself, Nancy.

Elizabeth!

Mary!

Nancy, you know I'm trying to study. What are you doing?

Where can I get a car?

Take the wagon.

Elizabeth just took the wagon, and Dad took the sedan.

Well, Elizabeth's entitled.

She's 16.

She's only 16. That's the problem.

I've got to get a car. I've got to get over there. Get over where?

Mary, I wish I could tell you, but I can't. It's between Elizabeth and me.

Who are you calling?

Hi. Don't you people ever lock your door?

I need your van.

Well, wait.

No, Nancy.

What's that all about? I've got a date. Hey, look, don't look at me. I just live

here.

But I've got a date.

Well, Ronnie knows I'm not a little girl now.

He also knows that a woman is a person and not just an object.

Here's the cassette I borrowed.

He didn't open it.

Right. He doesn't deserve it.

Do you think I did the right thing?

You did the right thing.

I liked him so much. Yeah,

I know, Elizabeth.

I do.

But when the time's right, you won't wonder anymore.

Sorry I yelled at you. Hey, I'm sorry I didn't come through.

But I got an idea. What?

Why don't we go out for pie and ice cream?

I know it's fattening, but it'll be my treat, okay?

Nancy. Yeah?

If I wasn't outside when you drove up...

What were you going to do?

I don't know.

Oh, gosh.

Hey, what time is it?

About nine.

Want to go to a slumber party?

You nuts.

Hey,

Dad, you're really getting with it.

Hey, listen to this.

Dear Cynic, yes, there is a water shortage.

But is the tub half empty or is it half full?

Bathing can be fun together.

Pretty race you did.

Dear Miss Darner, do you think that a woman who's been in a career all her

can make the adjustment to a family with eight children and still go to classes

two nights a week even though it'll take her 20 years to earn her Ph .D.? Oh,

yeah, yeah. Come on, how would you all like to write this column? Oh, yes.

My sentiments exactly.

Dear Miss Steiner, just a brief note.

Thanks for being there when you were needed.

And dear Abby... Oh, wait a minute.

That's my competition.